side notes

Afternoon of August 4, 2015. Tuesday.



I will open this entry with a recent very vivid and somewhat disturbing dream (on some levels).

“Spaghetti Brain”

Morning of August 2, 2015. Sunday.

I am in my present home on W Street and I notice my youngest son sleeping on his left side on the floor. His head is encased in a glass aquarium filled with water. As I look more closely, I notice that the area where his hair would normally be is fleshy (though somewhat hollow) and that there are strands of (cooked) “living spaghetti” moving about in the water (somewhat worm-like) as if related to some sort of breathing function. At times, though, the “spaghetti” is much sparser and this seems cause for concern. I also see a small piece of macaroni at times (mostly above where his ears would otherwise be), which vaguely reminds me of some sort of tiny worm. He does not seem to be in distress though I still worry about whether or not this is normal. I seem more concerned when there is the least spaghetti “swimming” about and moving down and through some sort of organic structure near his neck. As vivid and surreal (and bizarre) this imagery is, I do not become lucid at any point. I continue to have deep concern about his well-being, but there does not seem to actually be anything wrong. I get the impression that there is not as much active “spaghetti” because he is in a deep sleep.

My above dream probably relates to seeing myself in the form of my son and puzzling about the nature of consciousness and still not becoming lucid in this case. It also correctly shows the nature of my consciousness in sleep (spaghetti becoming sparser in there being less critical thinking on hand).

“‘Eat me…eat me…’ and animated birds” (July 6, 1985) caught me in sleep paralysis which is normally pleasant, though this was not. A box of Kraft macaroni and cheese “dances” and rattles in the air near my head and screams “eat me eat me eat me” as I try to cover my head with my pillow. I have updated this entry with my interpretation, so am linking this particular one in this entry.

“Tornado Encounter” (November 24, 2014) has the tornado turning my old neighborhood in La Crosse into large strands of cooked spaghetti (rather than the expected debris of wood and glass and such). It also replaces the one block of Loomis Street with a bridge (not that elevated), the only time a dream has created this alteration of the setting. There is an additional concept that ties in with the Disney animated movie “Lady and the Tramp”. Even though I had updated “Tornado Encounter” fairly recently, there is still more in the decoding. The scene causes me to think of when the two dogs end up kissing accidentally due to both picking up and sucking in the same strand of spaghetti (a scene I saw numerous times as a child in television commercials). So, in knowing that a tornado is the bottom half of the Merkaba and that spaghetti is related to extensions of mental energies, this dream is showing me that I need to “pick up the strand of spaghetti” and wake up to be with my soulmate (as the “old neighborhood” is gone) so I can kiss her and not wander about in dreams so much other than when becoming lucid and seeking higher states and real knowledge (rather than conjecture). Now that I know what spaghetti lying about anywhere means, I am thus prepared.

“The Legend of Tony Karoni” (June 27, 1976), though not related to a pasta theme, does include the surname “Karoni”, naturally causing me to think of macaroni (as well as “mac” being another word for a man whose name is unknown). There also seems to be some sort of play on the idea of a “spaghetti western” (though in fact, it is supposedly called a “macaroni western” primarily in Japan). “Needle’s cell” in fact, may be a deliberate play on brain cells, this dream being about a month before my surgery on my right thumb and wrist, which is related to much of how I interpreted it at the time.

“As the Worm Turns” (May 17, 2014), which was “dream of the day” on one site on Monday, August 3, 2015, also had implications of macaroni being close to the head (and even inside the brain - taking me back to someone who was making jokes about “brain worms” regarding raisins in muffins at my father’s wake and where I just sat gasping and giggling foolishly at his audacity). In this case, the supposed “killer worms”, in dying, fall out of my hair as seemingly uncooked elbow macaroni (in a very vivid perspective). This also relates to my own conscious energy not being in my dream as I am not lucid. The potential though unacknowledged and uncontrolled “mental energies” are the worms in this case and become macaroni prior to my waking since I had not used the energies for apex lucidity. The likely play on “showing your feathers” in this dream is probably sarcasm from the Source (or a wayward orphaned tulpa) based on the line "stuck a feather in his cap and called it macaroni”.

Additionally, the “Tornadopillar” dream (April 3, 1982) brings to mind a dream, “The Great 'God’ Worm” (April 4, 1992) where the Merkaba is huge (appearing, in fact, as the total essence of god) and appears as a giant albino glass-like earthworm, “spinning” into my forehead like a tornado force after spending time with my wife-to-be at the top of a truncated staircase (which also seemed to be in a “divine” portmanteau setting including restaurant and observatory).

In conclusion, macaroni and spaghetti represent the energies of the human brain. The link to caterpillars and earthworms is also relevant due to their visual similarities. The difference is that caterpillars “ascend” in becoming butterflies (“lower” mental energies into ascension with soulmate union) and in contrast, the earthworm can be either microcosm or macrocosm (in either digging deep or “digging as high as possible” in the “god-like” Palouse earthworm form - or great white worm, which unfortunately is associated with the devil in some schools of thought).

There. I am glad I got this all sorted out. Thank you for reading.

Night of August 3, 2015. Monday.



As promised in my last entry, here are five dreams that I have managed to include simple sheet music with online. With the equipment and technology we have presently, I could probably even duplicate each theme fairly faithfully, though we are working on other projects presently.

In this dream (“Never Go to Waikiki Again” from July 5, 1969), the music is more in the background almost like an in-dream afterthought for the most part and coming during the waking process itself (at least in the first version of my dream).

In this dream (“War of the Serpents” from September 11, 1969) the music seems to mostly be performed with a saxophone, xylophone, and an almost inaudible background orchestra that fades in and out unrealistically (that is, for a real-life commercial production).

In this dream (“Things…From Outer Space” from November 7, 1970), the music is somewhat light and “distant” (in this case I made a recording as a child but am not sure where it is located; possibly at a relative’s house).

In this dream (“Them ol’ Glass Jars” from July 12, 1975), the theme is more musical and sung by a girl’s chorus though the glass jar effect gets louder as I get closer to the waking process.

In this dream (“The Legend of Tony Karoni” from June 27, 1976) the included sheet music represents a very limited rendering of the otherwise layered musical speaking (by the bandits) at the end of my dream (which was very vivid to the point of almost being startling). The harmonics are not included here, thus it is only slightly faithful to my dream. In this case, I am also reminded of how “Yellow Submarine” by the Beatles is off-key in the chorus harmonics (where oddly most people do not notice unless they listen more closely) whereas most sheet music versions I have seen (except for one version that is faithful to what is actually sung) utilize only relevant harmonics to the chord, giving it a completely different sound and mood in most cover versions with not a single change in the notes, which makes me automatically cringe after being used to the Beatles version (even though it is off-key).

Original date: Night of April 10, 1994. Sunday.



As I cannot really relate music heard in a dream to text, I have decided to include an old video of some work we did years ago. The video itself was random scenes mostly from April 8th to April 9th (1994). It used to be linked to another entry years ago, but this has been uploaded to a different site.

In another entry, I will link five descriptive dreams (including from childhood) where I have made a simple sheet music format for them with the entry (although in this case, the music would be secondary, and also had only been ineffectively described previously).

It mostly related to a longer imagery-based dream that featured a variety of elaborate wedding cakes and ceremonies, including Hathor representations. The video mostly came from VHS (except for the boys at the end), hence the “striped” rendering from some copies (and not redone).

If listening on headphones (especially studio-quality monitors), make sure my Daion bass does not bust your eardrums. Thanks. Appreciated. (The track is unmastered though originally was on the old DMusic site when it was still up.) Sparse vocals by wife Zsuzsanna.

Hold in the light when the sun goes down

Defending family on solid ground…

I noticed the carpet was wet in my granddaughters room. At first i was like "huh....why is this so wet?". Then I realized we had another flood coming through the foundation of the house. I told my husband that the pipes had broke again and we went outside to find the source. It was coming from the same spot on the hillside behind our house. In the dream, my landlord owned the house on the hill behind us and i was furious that his pipes had caused us yet another inconvenience! (IRL, he does not live near us but we have had a few plumbing problems with the house and flooding on the back patio with heavy rains.)
I was furious and called the landlord outside so he could see what a mess his crappy plumbing had done to our belongings. He was in his pajamas and robe and was almost cowering because I was so angry and justifiably so.
As he was leaving and promising to fix it, a neighbor who had an upstairs apartment attached to the side of our house was making snide comments and laughing at our hardship with the flood. I looked up at him and noted his behavior, then just went inside to start tearing up the soaking wet carpet and trying to save my granddaughters clotbet, toys and furniture while waiting for a clean up crew to arrive. I went out the back door to take a cigarette break and noticed our other neighbor that lived in the attached apartment below the jerk that made fun of us go to the jerks stairway and blew a huge puff of marijuana smoke toward his window. Lola I had to laugh because she was basically saying to him to mellow out, relax. I knew it would puss the guy off, but I figured turn about was fair play. So just as I was going back inside the jerk comes out and starts screaming at me and saying some horrible things about my family and we deserve for our things to be ruined etc etc.( in real life i have no apartments attached to my house so I'm trying to figure out who this guy is supposed to represent.)
Anyway, I was so devastated from what he was saying and the frustration of everything that was already going on that I grabbed the guy and did a judo throw over my hip and once he was on the ground I started stabbing him all over the place with the eraser end of a pencil.??? I was partly lucid during much of this dream. Enough to realize that I had had this same dream a few months ago. Just before I woke up, I became full lucid and realized that stabbing him with the dull end of the pencil wasent actually penetrating his skin. I was really stabbing him with all my might in the back of the head, on his back and neck since I was basically sitting on him as he was face down. I started seeing all there little circle marks from the impacts, but no blood. Then I just started laughing in my sleep at the ludicrousness of the situation. Then the guy started laughing and telling me he gets my point and he's sorry. *Gets my point* lol
I work us both disturbed by my violence in the dream and curious to figure out its meaning.
There is a girl at work that is starting drama and even borderline sabotaging me, so I kind of figure it has something to do with it.

Any thoughts are welcome.

Now that my extensive travels (Paris, Rome, Montreal, Montana) of this month have ended, and I'm back home and gradually returning to my normal sleep patterns, I find that dream awareness is stirring again, though so far it falls short of full lucidity. I had no trace of it while on my journeys, and I didn't even have any dreams I judged worth writing down. This was not overly disappointing because I was not actively engaged in any kind of dream practice and too busy to spend an hour updating my dream journal every day, so it felt okay to take a break.

A couple days ago I had a dream that was atmospheric but not very interesting plotwise, so I didn't write it down at the time. However, one detail is notable: there was a giant white USB cord on the ground, at least twenty feet long, and arbitrarily I found myself wondering if I could bring it to life. I focused my attention on it and sure enough, it raised its "head" (the USB plug) and began to slither and writhe like a snake. This gave me an eerie sensation, because I found myself thinking, "This better not be happening in real life!" I decided I'd better check to see if I was dreaming. I levitated and was relieved to conclude that yes, indeed I was. However, true lucidity did not emerge because even though I now knew that I was dreaming, I did not stop and think what I could do with the dream state but unreflectively continued to go along with the dream events, which largely involved trying to take a good photograph of a distant landscape. It was a classic case of awareness without agency.

Last night's dreaming included one of my classic dream signs, a public restroom of questionable functionality. Although I did not recognize the dream sign, I did find myself wondering if the facilities would be clean enough to use. Then I remembered, "I can keep them clean and functional by maintaining the right mental attitude." Though I fell short of actual dream awareness, I still recognized the causal link between my will and the surrounding environment.

I find it interesting that, though I have still not done any sort of LD practice since early in the month when I left on my travels, simply returning home and restoring my ordinary sleep schedule has been enough to reawaken the potential for dream awareness that felt very distant while I was on the road.

I couldn't recall anything this time.

Another mega recall night: no lucids but dayum the detail. Lost the early (considerable) recall due to laziness (didn't record), and a late morning multiple waking continuous epic occupied almost all my dream memory space apparently, clobbering the earlier recall.

Another two Opti-Men day: one in afternoon, one an hour or so before bed. Lots of wakings, and lots of recall. Sort of a day off at the lake.

earlier:

(so much more forgotten, damn!)

+ who's that guy wearing the full-body "Coke" advertising outfit and baseball cap? The letters C-o-k-e are huge and spreads sideways from his shirt down to his pants. The letters are gold and the outfit is red. The same gold "Coke" is on the front of his red cap. Oh, it's my cousin P, I guess he's moonlighting as a pizza delivery guy, there's the boxes of pizza right there with my family to the right at the table (took a bite)

+ tennis date: started playing on the court with with Na (clarinet from the childhood neighborhood), she makes a shot which lands near the baseline, I get down and watch it hit the ground. There are two lines there very close together: one is the singles baseline, and one is the doubles baseline. The ball landed right between these two lines. I tell Na "your shot was out for singles, but in for doubles" (I repeat this again?). I think about hitting back a zippy forehand with lots of topspin.

To my right a crowd has entered the court: I see a middle-aged Chris Evert has come and she's giving a master class on tennis serving. She tosses, swings, and follows through, commenting on what she's doing. At one point she "glitches" and fast repeats a movement several times. I'm glad we got to the courts before this or we may not have gotten a court.

Na is now O, my wife's student (the goofy/cute/hot/sweet one) and we're on a date here playing tennis, now watching Chris Evert's class. We're getting closer and more and more cuddly with each other, more touchy, it's really exciting. Chris Evert at one point says something meant for the "couples" in the crowd and O jabs me that I didn't respond, but I was lost in thought about her (O) and say so. I'm standing slightly to her right and behind her, and lean around to her face and kiss her, I'm semi-hard and pressed up against her leg and I imagine she can feel that.

I'm wondering what my wife will think of me marrying O? I "remember" my wife's said before that I'm free to go, but with O may be too much.

O lies down in pain, she says "Oh, it hurts!" and she puts her right hand (I'm on her right side) on to her lower abdomen/lady parts area. I think she may be having female cramps. I'm saying (in various languages) "What is it? What's wrong? etc" Her legs are spread (she's wearing black leggings) and I massage the tendons of her inner thighs at the pelvis (pretty much right on top of her (ahem) but this is not sexual), and say to her she probably strained these running while playing tennis.

late:

+ multiple-waking epic: we've returned to our California adult home

Why are we here? Where are the new owners (the house is empty)? Why can't I remembe this? How long can we be here? Did we buy it back? If so, that would be awesome, I really miss this place. I'm standing in the kitchen and see the beautiful malachite-colored counter tops and the pale maple cabinets. I walk down into the living room and see two colorful Christmas trees there: one just a bit to the left of its normal position, and one smaller one over by the entertainment center.

Brief scene with son S1 as a young boy. Something about playing/rewinding a VCR tape?

Huge doctor bill:
At the dentist/doctor's, when we moved away before, we left a huge (10's of 1000's of $) unpaid bill, for what, look at the itemized list with huge costs for each procedure (what could be so expensive?), what should we do (I say ditch it!)? It would take us years of saving to pay this. I say (and think if I should say this out loud) that "we only manage to net $2000 per month" (I think what's the right word, net or gross?). The people around us in the waiting room turn and look at us in pity for only clearing such a small amount.

Christmas:
Emotional scene with young song S2. I say we should go shopping and buy and wrap the Christmas presents, don't you want to do that? He is sad and says no. I think "oops have I ruined the magic of Christmas?" I struggle with what should I answer if he asks me about Santa Claus: should I be truthful or maintain the magic? I weep/sob hysterically while looking at a couch and thinking about my son and my own lost Christmas innocence.

Cleaning out the yard:
I want to just hang out but my wife wants to get rid of the big old cabinet standing there in the side yard under the tarp. We carry a long piece of it into the garage, I want to place it right next to the garage door so that when I bring the van it's convenient to load up after opening the garage door, my wife disagrees, I'm frustrated at her disagreement. In the garage, I spot a vicious stray dog squatting there, he's large and looks like pit bull. I see a small dirty thick mattress that he sleeps on under a set of shelves.

Spiders:
In room blasting spider nests and a daddy-longlegs off the wall with a water gun (I think it's actually shooting bullets?) while son S2 watches. Through a opening in the wall between the kitchen and the garage I see a lot of spiders in a space behind the drywall: we'll have to remove this and clean them out.

Standing between the kitchen and the garage, I look into the kitchen and notice an area with missing/peeling decorative red-shiny-reflective tape. We'll have to replace this. There are also what looks like very sooty white fuses on the wall, we'll have to clean these. Are we preparing this place to sell again?

The dog:
My wife is down in the garage and I'm at the door to the kitchen, and I see the stray dog crouching below some shelves, I yell to my wife "come here now!" she comes, and the dog lunges. I block the dog with something, I'm holding a barrier up at the dog's neck the dog is extended up on its hind legs. I make friends with the dog, petting it and talking to it soothingly, it gets very friendly, I take it to show my family, it's more like a curly-haired big poodle now, it lies on its back and we rub its tummy, it looks more like a bigger version of our old dog now. It gets up and walks and I see that someone has painted a heart-shaped big purplish drawing around it's butt based on "My Little Pony."

The daughters / will:
I see a picture/video/live scene of two cute young girls dressed up in frilly dresses, about 4 and 6 years old. Are these my daughters? Did we have two girls and I can't remember it? Such a major life event, why can't I clearly remember this? I go ask my wife about this, are these daughters hers from her previous marriage? She indicates yes, but they're both degenerates now (as adults), one is a vegetable in the hospital, and the other is a useless low-life. I do not want these girls messing with my sons' inheritance. I consult an expert about this, can I write a will that clearly gives everything 50/50 to my two sons that will withstand any late challenge? People tend to come out of the woodwork at probate/inheritance, they may somehow hear about it and show up to claim something. The guy says it's important to get an official copy stored with a trustworthy person in case someone presents a forgery. I think who would work for this, who's the right age, and decide on my sister. "She's totally trustworthy" I say. Mmm Hmm he says.

The party: (this is like a sub-dream within the "returned home" dream, many scenes):

Cup throwing game: I'm tossing plastic clear drinking cups to (girls) across the room. I'm spinning the cups with both hands and they're flying like tube-frisbees. One cup is crushed and I try to unwrinkle it. It doesn't have a cut out bottom, it won't fly well I think, I try tossing it and indeed it does not fly straight. I toss to a girl across, she tosses back to me, I toss to another girl, she tosses back to someone else? My wife says no, I must be the one to get the cup and re-throw it.

In a group of people at the table the M's (british schooling former friends with the annoying chidren) are there. KM and RM. They look very old, gray hair, old faces, grayish like covered in a layer of flour. KM reaches a hand and I shake it. Them RM and I shake hands I have to lean really far forwards in order to do this. RM has a big deep chunk missing from her nose around her left nostril, it's very red. The M's say "but what about the property?" referring to the daughters/will situation. I get upset and say they shouldn't talk about such things.

At the table, we need to put away the glasses, I say the ladies should do this (they object a bit?) my sister puts a glass into the display case, some (green?) liquid oozes out and I catch it cupping my hands together, it wasn't washed properly.

The party is moving to the park across the street! A few people are walking but most (seemingly all girls?) have piled into one of the two cars. They're really packed in sitting on top of one another. There is a clean place left for me in the driver's seat. I get in and we take off. This is in the middle of a large city at a hexagonal roundabout at the top of a hill. There are two exiits I could take to get out of the parking lot onto the street, but the one on the right is crowded with cars so I take the left one. I need to turn right, but the direction signs painted on the ground only indicate left-turn allowed. I ignore this and turn right. For several turns I move my way around to the left of each of the exit roads of the roundabout. I enter a (tunnel?) inside. Then we're walking in a mall near a movie theater and I'm looking for someone who works here to ask directions to how to get out of here.

In a boat on the water by the pier. I'm looking down into the murky water, trying to see something. The sunlight is streaming down into the water and then I can see it is revealing the ground, this is the first time I've ever seen the ground here it's about 20 feet deep (day residue from the day at the lake, observing the pattern of the sun through the water and on the sand). I imagine one can see fishes, and then I see them: the water is thick with them, medium sized. What about sharks? Yes there are some larger fish clearly sharks. A second boat has a boy/girl leaning too far over the side I shout to get back in, I think he/she might fall in and get eaten by a shark. He/she throws something like a sock into the water which lands on the head of one of the fish, I yell not to throw stuff.

At an ice cream stand high above the water, my father chastises the kid for not listening to me in the boat.

Really? I haven't posted here in 4 days? Wow I'm slipping! A fairly great night, finally, both LDs and fairly good recall.

00:00 (approximate) bedtime

02:00? (unknown) get up to pee
takes a while (10-15 minutes?) going back to sleep, I repeat "the next time I'm dreaming, I realize that I'm dreaming" to myself while falling asleep

04:16

+ LD #129 (first recalled dream of the night is a lucid, that is a first for me I think!) I'm in an international airport connecting flight area/border control, some of our group is down the long (curving?) hallway at the border control. I see my other travelling mates with their suitcases, I don't have mine, I realize I've left my suitcase on the previous airplane. I panic, what will I do, there is only 15 (25?) minutes for the connection, and I'd have to re-cross border controls/customs, they may not let me through. I decide I must go back for it, and start running fast. I think without the suitcase I'll have (no clothing?) for the (camp?) we're going to. I'm running really fast and am really concerned, when I get the notion that maybe there's no reason to worry if this is a dream, I do a nose pinch while running and it clearly indicates dream. I'm lucid and still running, part of what got me lucid perhaps was the fast speed I was running, completely effortlessly, and I'm amazed for a moment at this.

Spoiler for sexually explicit:

Pretty much all caveman all the rest of the dream. The first few encounters I don't recall. Then I see some women standing among a line of trees/border in between rows of a parking lot (outdors, night). One of them I "remember" having the hots for, she's middle-aged but hot so I go up to her and present myself for a BJ, she says "with what, all your two inches!?" I'm sort of annoyed but ignore it and get a BJ for a while. Then she takes off her top and her bra and she has an odd flat chest. I move on. I meet a young man with glasses and he takes off his shirt (and bra?) and also has an odd looking chest, I move on since I'm not into guys.

I come upon a car full of Asian (Japanese?) people, there is a Japanese couple (man & woman) right there and I grab the woman by the shoulders and say "excuse me, I'll just take her" and pull her to the side and get going on a BJ, she kneels down in front of me and I think "yes this is a very good position, I should do this more!" and she gets going really well, really fast, it feels great, (a smartphone is involved somehow?), I think I may be able to climax soon. Then I look up and see some women standing nearby (I'm kneeling now?) and choose an Indian woman and reach up under her shirt and squeeze and pull one of her boobs (she has a slightly exasperated expression on her face) and

the dream ends/transitions.

+ LD #130 FA in bed (false dream home), on a high bed-stand next to us I see a white sleep/lucid dreaming mask with little LED lights on stalks, my wife reaches for and is handling/talking about this her "favorite" of my sleep masks, I'm concerned that she'll see it's more than just a sleep mask. I'm starting to suspect, then when I see my wife, who's still looking down at me, is floating up to the ceiling and bouncing around there I get lucid and a clear nose pinch confirms it. She's really bright, clear, shining, and beautiful. I notice/say "Hey you're young and hot, let's (get it on) like we used to" and I

Spoiler for sexually explicit:

reach up and massage her breasts through her top, and pull her down and lay her on her back on the bed, and (pull down our pants?) and begin intercourse (it's a vague sensation).

About this time I notice out the window on the street below (we're about the 3rd floor) across the street a military/security vehicle, white and cube-like and open like a jeep with some triangular insignia on the driver door (facing me) is pulling up and stops, I look away so that this will not distract me from the sex. During the sex I look down again and see there's a man and young woman in the jeep, I meet the eyes of the young woman and decide to show off, I point to my sexual activity and give the woman two thumbs up, she nods and returns a gesture and makes a kind of humping motion to indicate she understands.

My "wife" at this point seems like some sort of mechanical construction and the sex is unsatisfying, and then another of my wife enters the room with some things in her hands and indicates we need to choose some poster to put in to the plastic folder hanging off of the bed (it's somehow to please our cat?).

+(f) kissing a DC (redacted)

(later)
+ semi-epic multi-scene long: at the basketball level of childhood neighborhood park:
1) watching fencing competition, I'm standing on the sloping road leading down to that level looking down. I admire the performance of a friend of mine, the fancy thrusts he makes. Afterwards, I go down and want to meet him and imagine holding his foils in my hand and what sort of grip they have (there are two of them). I then move to the far side of the level and want to enter the hot tubs with the other competitors, at first there is force/gravity/wind that blows me a bit to the exit road leading down to the street but I recover and enter the hot tubs and have an animated chat about something.

2) a vicious angry dog is gripping the back of my pants on the belt, I'm trying to placate/distract it to get away. I reach around to pet it (nervous about getting bitten), pet it, speak soothingly towards it, I'm walking up the path to the middle level. Back down on the basketball level there are containers of (breakfast cereals?) on the retainer wall and I scatter some treats down on the ground and this distracts the dog.

3) I'm walking back towards the road to the middle level and see along the right a table of free cookies and other things, I think how great it is to work here to have these treats all the time. I'm looking at the cookies and take some into my hand, some look like big round really dark chocolate brownies, they're soft. Across the table I see a chocolate and red velvet muffin that looks awesome and I go around to get it, but some guy reaches for it as soon as I get there. Next to it is a full chocolate/red velvet cake so I quickly pick it up and put it on my (dirty with chocolate crumbs/sauce) plate to cut a piece before anybody can grab it, and I push it round a bit with my finger to get it in to the right position. The red velvet dude chastises me for touching the cake with my fingers which I thought I wouldn't have had to do if he hadn't have grabbed the muffin I wanted in the first place.

+ I'm moving down S avenue towards HC childhood home, the house on the left at the big right turn is being demolished and I'm surprised to see only the brick skeleton remaining among the ruins. On HC facing my childhood home, I see both the L's house to the left and the G's house to the right have new construction on them (new dreamsign, 3rd, 4th time this has happened recently). The L's house has new levels and some towers added on top, and the G's house is not much higher but the front has been completely redone and is has a lot of fancy details and decorations on the exterior walls. I'm looking carefully to see if new levels have been added and it seems like about 1/2 of a level has been added on the left wing. I'm amazed at how fast that appeared because this is the first time I'm seeing it, I ask my parents when did that happen, how did it change so quickly?

08:45

+(f) with financial advisers and parents, tell dad he should sell some stocks or other investments, he's hesitant

+(f) stuck in some stairway exiting a parking garage at a security station, there's a flat wide locked metal barrier (sort of like an ironing board but rectangular) a guy helps me out, a small lift lowers down I put a foot on it and ride it up, he says I stood on the wrong part of the lift, I don't care

+(f) (vague) (DO?) guy says to parent "you're the one who's going to kill him, so go you go first" (gesturing to the Tribes inventory station)

All of this actually took place in a Wake Back To Bed. I had another non-lucid dream before this, but all of its content is lost to me now. I only vaguely remember something having to do with Marcus saying something about math. I recall waking up at around 6:30. I woke up from this dream at 8:00 so I guess that was my last sleep cycle.

I was at a country resturant, eating out with an old guy in a ship captain outfit. He was really short with this big beard and all of these curls coming out of it. I remember thinking, even as I was talking to him that he reminded me of the captian crunch mascot. He even had the big hat.

I remember he had this monocle or sighter device over one eye, kind of like an eye-patch with three lenses that would rotate depending upon what distance whatever he was looking at was.

I can't remembered what we had ordered/were eating. The food was fairly good though.

I held the expectation that he would be an unpleasant character, but he was actually extremely nice and had interesting stories to tell involving giant space monsters and the likes. (Yeah, giant space monsters. Turned out he wasn't a boat captian, but rather he had a spaceship that looked like a boat like the ships from Treasure Planet.) He had his quirks though. I told him some of my stories too.

I remember I told him I had to leave because I had to go to my taekwondo class. I walked out of the restaurant and found I was in the hardware store near my friend S's house. But the one big hardware store had been replaced with several smaller stores. One of them being the country restaurant.

I went to the taekwondo studio that turned out to be in a grocery store. We decided to practice by the freezer section since there was a lot of open space, and the freezers would help to keep us cool if we got too hot and sweaty.

Everyone lined up. Right before my taekwondo master started class, he decided instead that I should teach. (Something that happens quite often in real life). He then told me that when I taught I had to remember something:

"When is a number just a number, and when does it mean more? What does the number 9 mean to you? Also, try the fried chicken. It's good."

I had a false memory of him saying this before and it being some kind of trick question. I tried to remember what the correct answer was.

He then opened the freezer door and walked into a big pile of boxes of frozen fried chicken and disappeared. I tried to follow him in. I thought I found him but all I found was his disembodied floating head. He smiled at me then receded behind some boxes.

...

I had finished teaching class without anything interesting or memorable happening. I had to head home. It was a beautiful summer night. I started to walk toward my friend S's house. In the dream, I was living in his house because my house had met with some kind of disaster.

I walked a good distance and remembered that I had left my wallet at the country restaurant. I turned and started to walk back. I walked into a flickering streetlight and saw something move. I wished I'd had my hidden blade gauntlets because I thought it might be a criminal or something. I then looked at my wrists and realized I DID. Knowing it was a dream, I locked the blades out and advanced on the threat ready for a fight.

It came into the picture. It was just a small, skinny, feral black cat. It hissed at me. I locked the blades back in and realized it was no threat. The cat calmed down and walked into the light, where it proceeded to begin rolling on the concrete and purring loudly. I gently petted the cat for a minute then (partial lucidity talking here.) realized I still needed to go back and get my wallet.

I headed back into the hardware store. I opened the door to the country restaurant and...

Spoiler for NSFW:

People having sex. Everywhere. Everyone had blue eyes, blonde hair and pale skin though. But there were people of a wide spectrum of ages and sizes all getting it on in this restaurant. Mostly girls, but there were some men too.

Since there was a shortage of men, some of the girls approached me and asked me if I wanted to join in. I remember I was approached by three of them. Though the one in the middle who was tall, thin and very busty was easily the most attractive. I told them no but they kept trying to seduce me.

I didn't want this to end as a lowly sex dream. I willed the woman's breasts to shrink and they did, all the way down to a completely flat chest. She looked down and screamed. Her limbs flailed around randomly kind of like a cartoon or a garry's mod animation and she floated in the air screaming in terror. She spun around the room two or three and flew out a window. The other girls ran away too.

I found my wallet right on a table next to three people humping each other.

I tried to go back outside but instead find myself in another room. The entire room looks like a large square sauna with mats all along the edges. There are four big square pots filled with bamboo in each corner. There is a step or terrace all along the wall with mats layed out it. There is a back door that is well hidden in the motif of the wall, but I can see it there.

Three more girls approach me in the same kind of formation, but they're actually wearing clothes this time. What they are wearing actually looked like a version of Manei's tribe outfit, only white with blue details. Or at least two of them were. She too had blonde hair and blue eyes and looked like a younger version of the girl who's boobs I had removed a minute ago.

The one on the right was very short and had buzz-cut hair. She couldn't have been more than 13 or 14. The one on the left was short, but she looked much different. She had black hair and green eyes.

"Hi, we're your fan club. I'm the president." Said the tall one.

"What are all those other people out there?"

"They're your other fan club. We are better because we celebrate you for your philosophy and beliefs. They only celebrate you for... well... other reasons. "

The black haired girl got cheery and said she wanted to show me something. She pulled out these paintings she had made of me on parchment. They were really good. All of them had chinese/japanese/koren characters on them. I asked myself for a moment why dreams seem to associate me so closely with oriental culture.

I then rememeber while we were along the back wall someone opened the not-so-secret door. It was another blonde haired blue eyed girl. She had some black hair in her hand.

"I have some of your hair." *giggles*

She slowly receded back into the shadowy room that lay beyond and slowly closed the door.

"Okay, you're not creepy at all..."

The short haired girl came over to me and started tugging on my arm. She was much shorter than me, to the point where I had to get down on my knee to look her in the face.

"If eyes are windows into the soul, then what do I see in yours?" She asked.

I was about to say something back and I woke up.

Spoiler for Long Side Notes:

So I've been thinking a lot about lucid dreaming lately. Though I didn't expect to actually have a lucid dream last night. (much less recall anything.) I did not go to bed until around 1:00 in the morning. (So a pleasant surprise to wake up to something like this.) I've been trying to get in the habit of both meditating and practicing Taekwondo every day.

That considered, maybe this is why dreams choose to represent me as an oriental? It makes sense in the regard.

Additionally I consider the fact that I began Taekwondo lessons at right around the same time that I first began learning lucid dreaming techniques. When I was in that early phase of heavy learning, I might have made an unconscious association with the two. This may explain why other aspects of my personality are not as often represented in dreams.

It could also be more representative of my philosophy, since I don't abide by any one religion or philosophy, though most of my principles were founded on Buddhist ideas. I remember last night my friend S spent the night, he was talking about how upset he was at the thought that we might one day never be friends. I told him that from the day I met him, I had accepted the fact that one day we would not be close anymore. I allowed myself to be attached to him, but never to the point that the loss would seriously hurt me. He apparently hadn't done the same thing, but was understanding of me, as good friends should be.

I explained to him how everything in life is just a phase. Nothing lasts forever. One day, I will stop coming on Dreamviews. One day, I will move to a new home. One day, my parents will pass away. Etc. Even when I was a young child, I simply accepted the fact that I would one day die.

When I was meditating, I thought for some unusual reason, about Jonathan. I was asking myself about what he was meant to represent in my dreams. I'm not sure why I was putting so much thought into a dream character who is no longer really around. I guess I figured that just because a phase of your life is over, doesn't mean you cant still learn from it.

I couldn't figure out of he was just a dream nemesis or a dark dream guide with a sort of tough love philosophy. I figured the idea was that some dream guides can be like very close supportive friends who are at your back while others push you and challenge you by opposing you. But how is that helpful to someone like me who often very frustrated with their own underpreformance and is always pushing themselves? People like me don't need that kind of support, it just frustrates us more.

Regardless of what role he was meant to play, it never seemed like Jonathan 'clicked' into it. If he was a dream nemesis, he didn't do a very good job of making me dislike him or afraid of him. If anything, I was intrigued by him. I wanted to know why he did what he did. If he was meant to push me, then his purpose was undermined for the reason stated above.

Jonathan was, if I recall correctly, some kind of vampire or demon. He was meant to represent something evil or unlikeable.

I always judged the rate and memorability of a dream characters' appearances as a gauge of their importance. It only makes sense that a dream that shows you a character more often must mean the character is more important. This is why I spend so much time on Manei and comparatively less on the other characters. (I probably spend more time considering her actions than those of all other characters combined.)

Though if we use the rate of appearance to judge how important a character is in a dream, then I am neglecting one very critical fact. I am a character in these dreams as well.

Anyways, at this point, I feel like I am just rambling in the sake of rambling, and other activities are calling to me. If you can find a point in everything I just said, then that's better than I could have hoped for.

1. Pulling out Plants (HI)
I was in my garden pulling out weeds. At one point, mom was pulling out a desirable plant (which doesn't exist IRL and had straight roots) on the left edge on the left bed, shaking off some of the dirt, and was going to put in in a plastic bag.

2. Speeding
I was in the van with mom. We were in an unknown area, apparently on a shopping trip, and possibly going home. Even though we were driving on store streets, a few times, mom accelerated to a very fast pace. I grabbed onto things because of the extremely fast acceleration (more than the van accelerates in real life). At one time, mom actually managed to max out the speedometer. I didn't feel the acceleration, though. It also didn't look like we were going 100+ at the times the speedometer said so. Mom never got onto the main road in the dream. Some car details were different.

I had other dreams, but lost them.

Lots of pee wakings, drank a full cup of water before bed, but it was actually probably the two cups of green tea a few hours before bed that caused me to wake up a lot.

earlier, about 5 hrs.

+ night baseball: I observe some fielding, (the 2nd baseman ran all the way to left field?). I'm heading out to the pitcher's mound, I'm taking 3 (softballs?) with me to the mound. I think I should give the other team one of the balls so they can practice, I hold it up and gesture towards them, and toss it to them.

I pick up a bat (I'm still on the pitcher's mound?) and prepare to swing at the pitch, I feel weak like I can't swing strong, I hit the ball but it's a weak line drive, I run for first base and just barely beat the throw but it's not clear where first base is, the lines are not clean and there's no bag there. I may in fact be off the base. The firstbaseman and a coach (sounds like Kyle Chandler?) are discussing this but I just ignore them and nobody tells me I'm out so I prepare to run for second. I think that I should be running as soon as the pitch is thrown. (I'm thrown out at second?)

+ doing an app with "wife" (not waking life wife): we're in a small office, wife's upset because the app is not going so well, I think it was probably a bad idea to go into the app business together with my wife. I speak in a reassuring manner and try to calm her down.

+ LD #128: childhood home, start in sister's room?, walk to parent's room, I think my dad is sleeping here by himself while my mom is sick, I notice he's moved the TV and other things to block off the deck-side of the room, I walk back in to my sister's room, my mother says that (some person's name) went to the Soviet Union and didn't like it, and her tone of voice suggests it was a stupid thing to do. I ask her what year he went, she answers 1987, and I say "well of course, if he had gone later he probably would have liked it a lot better."

I see spread out on the bed for me is my old GoodWill cheesy disco shiny/rayon fish shirt and a bright red patterned tie. I think I do not want to be wearing this shirt when I hear of my mother's passing away, if I'm at work when I hear the news I'll have to take it off and wonder what my coworkers will think of that.

(Entering the room again?) my mom tells me that she wants me to listen to a recording. I know it's a recording she made at night and probably shows ghost sounds. It begins with a loud sound and this is shocking. Then Then I hear a voice say something like "take this stack of books" and I get full-body goosebumps: I think I've heard this somewhere before and it must be a ghost talking! I get a vague impression of a ghostly transparent stack of books floating at me and I think I may have tried to take a book from the stack.

Then the recording becomes too quiet/unclear, and I ask my mother to turn it up, she doesn't answer, and I sit up on the bed and I keep practically screaming for her to turn it up, that I can't hear it. I notice my mom is not in the room. I start to stand up and suddenly stop and get the idea I may be dreaming. I'm pretty sure I am. I do a slow, methodical nose pinch and I can breath easily.

Now fully lucid I leave behind the whole ghost recording scenario, giving it a final fleeting thought as I leave the room and start to plan what I want to do. As in most dreams I immediately head down the stairs. As I walk down the stairs I think of trying more TOTM, then I suddenly remember my long-term LD goal: narrate the dream ala ~Dreamer~. I'm so happy that I've finally remembered to narrate the dream! Then I forget all about doing it haha. I'm more concerned about stabilization and engaging the dream. I rub my hands and look down to see them rubbing but there's not a strong sensation.

I get down almost to the bottom of the stairs where I can see into the living room. It's quite dark, like early morning, about 30% light. I think about using dream control to brighten the dream but don't. I decide to engage the environment and reach out and place my hands on the stair railing, and it comes into a clearer focus and I start to look at it closely and experience the feeling of it and then I have a slow fade to awake. Argh!

Awake for a while. Trying to sleep for about an hour, not making any progress, go online for about an hour. The cat is jumping around my room in a frenzy because it sees birds flying outside the window, so I banish it to the porch and try to get back to sleep. I'm doing a slight bit of SSILD, mostly just relaxing breaths going deeper each breath, and soon I fall asleep again for between one and two more sleep cycles! BTS success, yay yay yay!

later:

A really odd series of situations. They went on for a while but memory is mostly fragmented. Almost all happen in some vague large open room.

+(f) I'm looking at a magazine. It's not NSFW . But some girls come in to the room and giggle at me, thinking it is a NSFW magazine because I'm turning it sideways some of the time. I think they're annoying.

+(f) I wake up in bed(?) in this room and my (wife?), a few friends, and my best friend MR is there. I'm really surprised to see MR, what's he doing here? It's my birthday?

+(f) I'm trying to crawl back to this room, I'm in a house's attic crawlspace. There is construction material piled in places around. I'm holding on to the rafters pulling myself along. I think the room's been blocked but I manage to make my way back.

+(f) bunch more stuff going on in this room, forgot...

I have some lingering fragments of being able to fly, and Claire being hurt - so I had to carry her.

Side note: this was my first night on huperzine.

Where do I start?

It's been over six months since the last time I've been fully active on this forum, and I actually have my reasons for it.
You probably won't have noticed this, atleast I hope so cause if you did then that would mean you're stalking me or something, but anyways! The last six months was a period spanning from my midterm exams to my last exams at high school, I succeeded in all these wonderfully, nearly catching the award for physics but eventually ending on the second place. (still hurts but I can live with it...:tongue:)

While for most students that meant the end of the school year and looking forward to university, I was... well let's say my education course has some EXTRA criteria in order to be allowed into university.
The education I'm talking about is for people who want to become doctor or dentist, here in Belgium there's a special entry exam for that, kinda like you have these special universities in America and Great Britain you're not Always allowed into them.

So what have I been doing for the last 4 weeks after High school ended?
You guessed it, I spend nearly 24/7 studying like a lunatic and in the end I passed the exam... BARELY, like my score was 30/60 which is JUST enough to pass.

Of the 5000 participants, 500 passed which shows how difficult it was and I'm glad I don't have to spend the remainder of the vacation studying for the second chance you get in August when you didn't pass in July.


And now I'm here, with more than 3 months ahead of just free time until university comes up I think this is the period in which I'l become a fricking lucid god! The last lucid dream I had is I think still recorded in my DJ on the forum so you can see that it has been a long time since I've had one.
I've learned being optimistic too often is not Always the best strategy to solving things so I'll just go into this with the mindset that I've lost ALL OF MY ABILITIES and my skill at lucid dreaming is like that of a noob.
Some might be dissapointed with such a fall back, but I'm actually quite excited as this means I can once again embark on adventure!

The end this message before it gets too long I want to say that my DR hasn't actually been that sh*t lately, I haven't noted them down but every morning I can remember about 3 of them so I'm not too worried about that.
Anyway, see you tomorrow with fresh dreams and for those curious as to which profession I'd like to learn at university, I'm learning to become a dentist!:chuckle:

Black: non-dream
Blue: non-lucid
Red: lucid

Dream 1 (2 nights ago) - Hangin' out with Aaron
I seem to be in an apartment with my friend Aaron, we're camped out with tents inside the living room behind the couch, the whole thing was pretty chill and fun.

Dream 2 - Almost a WILD
This isn't a dream, but it's worth mentioning, had another random moment where I just kind of felt myself falling into a dream like the previous night, I must have been too focused on it or just not tired enough because I somehow shooed it away.

Dream 3 - Deep shiz
The kind of dream that makes you sit and think for a while about what it means... I don't usually care for dream meanings as it's an effort and usually just random shiz, but this one struck home...
I was in a living room with my girlfriend and our families, the room was dark and everyone was watching the TV which was the only thing providing light. The weird thing is that there were 2 versions of my girlfriend... one on my left, one on my right. The one on my right was the more realistic version, the one on my left was a more ideal version. The left version was quite affectionate to me and had a 10/10 body, she pushed me to the side and pashed me - I could feel the jealousy emanating from the real version of my girlfriend nearby. It felt like I was cheating on her or something.

So I've interpreted this a little, everyone wants perfection and affection..

A cat jumped on my bed in the morning and woke me up. I couldn't recall anything.