side notes

I noticed the carpet was wet in my granddaughters room. At first i was like "huh....why is this so wet?". Then I realized we had another flood coming through the foundation of the house. I told my husband that the pipes had broke again and we went outside to find the source. It was coming from the same spot on the hillside behind our house. In the dream, my landlord owned the house on the hill behind us and i was furious that his pipes had caused us yet another inconvenience! (IRL, he does not live near us but we have had a few plumbing problems with the house and flooding on the back patio with heavy rains.)
I was furious and called the landlord outside so he could see what a mess his crappy plumbing had done to our belongings. He was in his pajamas and robe and was almost cowering because I was so angry and justifiably so.
As he was leaving and promising to fix it, a neighbor who had an upstairs apartment attached to the side of our house was making snide comments and laughing at our hardship with the flood. I looked up at him and noted his behavior, then just went inside to start tearing up the soaking wet carpet and trying to save my granddaughters clotbet, toys and furniture while waiting for a clean up crew to arrive. I went out the back door to take a cigarette break and noticed our other neighbor that lived in the attached apartment below the jerk that made fun of us go to the jerks stairway and blew a huge puff of marijuana smoke toward his window. Lola I had to laugh because she was basically saying to him to mellow out, relax. I knew it would puss the guy off, but I figured turn about was fair play. So just as I was going back inside the jerk comes out and starts screaming at me and saying some horrible things about my family and we deserve for our things to be ruined etc etc.( in real life i have no apartments attached to my house so I'm trying to figure out who this guy is supposed to represent.)
Anyway, I was so devastated from what he was saying and the frustration of everything that was already going on that I grabbed the guy and did a judo throw over my hip and once he was on the ground I started stabbing him all over the place with the eraser end of a pencil.??? I was partly lucid during much of this dream. Enough to realize that I had had this same dream a few months ago. Just before I woke up, I became full lucid and realized that stabbing him with the dull end of the pencil wasent actually penetrating his skin. I was really stabbing him with all my might in the back of the head, on his back and neck since I was basically sitting on him as he was face down. I started seeing all there little circle marks from the impacts, but no blood. Then I just started laughing in my sleep at the ludicrousness of the situation. Then the guy started laughing and telling me he gets my point and he's sorry. *Gets my point* lol
I work us both disturbed by my violence in the dream and curious to figure out its meaning.
There is a girl at work that is starting drama and even borderline sabotaging me, so I kind of figure it has something to do with it.

Any thoughts are welcome.

Now that my extensive travels (Paris, Rome, Montreal, Montana) of this month have ended, and I'm back home and gradually returning to my normal sleep patterns, I find that dream awareness is stirring again, though so far it falls short of full lucidity. I had no trace of it while on my journeys, and I didn't even have any dreams I judged worth writing down. This was not overly disappointing because I was not actively engaged in any kind of dream practice and too busy to spend an hour updating my dream journal every day, so it felt okay to take a break.

A couple days ago I had a dream that was atmospheric but not very interesting plotwise, so I didn't write it down at the time. However, one detail is notable: there was a giant white USB cord on the ground, at least twenty feet long, and arbitrarily I found myself wondering if I could bring it to life. I focused my attention on it and sure enough, it raised its "head" (the USB plug) and began to slither and writhe like a snake. This gave me an eerie sensation, because I found myself thinking, "This better not be happening in real life!" I decided I'd better check to see if I was dreaming. I levitated and was relieved to conclude that yes, indeed I was. However, true lucidity did not emerge because even though I now knew that I was dreaming, I did not stop and think what I could do with the dream state but unreflectively continued to go along with the dream events, which largely involved trying to take a good photograph of a distant landscape. It was a classic case of awareness without agency.

Last night's dreaming included one of my classic dream signs, a public restroom of questionable functionality. Although I did not recognize the dream sign, I did find myself wondering if the facilities would be clean enough to use. Then I remembered, "I can keep them clean and functional by maintaining the right mental attitude." Though I fell short of actual dream awareness, I still recognized the causal link between my will and the surrounding environment.

I find it interesting that, though I have still not done any sort of LD practice since early in the month when I left on my travels, simply returning home and restoring my ordinary sleep schedule has been enough to reawaken the potential for dream awareness that felt very distant while I was on the road.

I couldn't recall anything this time.

Another mega recall night: no lucids but dayum the detail. Lost the early (considerable) recall due to laziness (didn't record), and a late morning multiple waking continuous epic occupied almost all my dream memory space apparently, clobbering the earlier recall.

Another two Opti-Men day: one in afternoon, one an hour or so before bed. Lots of wakings, and lots of recall. Sort of a day off at the lake.

earlier:

(so much more forgotten, damn!)

+ who's that guy wearing the full-body "Coke" advertising outfit and baseball cap? The letters C-o-k-e are huge and spreads sideways from his shirt down to his pants. The letters are gold and the outfit is red. The same gold "Coke" is on the front of his red cap. Oh, it's my cousin P, I guess he's moonlighting as a pizza delivery guy, there's the boxes of pizza right there with my family to the right at the table (took a bite)

+ tennis date: started playing on the court with with Na (clarinet from the childhood neighborhood), she makes a shot which lands near the baseline, I get down and watch it hit the ground. There are two lines there very close together: one is the singles baseline, and one is the doubles baseline. The ball landed right between these two lines. I tell Na "your shot was out for singles, but in for doubles" (I repeat this again?). I think about hitting back a zippy forehand with lots of topspin.

To my right a crowd has entered the court: I see a middle-aged Chris Evert has come and she's giving a master class on tennis serving. She tosses, swings, and follows through, commenting on what she's doing. At one point she "glitches" and fast repeats a movement several times. I'm glad we got to the courts before this or we may not have gotten a court.

Na is now O, my wife's student (the goofy/cute/hot/sweet one) and we're on a date here playing tennis, now watching Chris Evert's class. We're getting closer and more and more cuddly with each other, more touchy, it's really exciting. Chris Evert at one point says something meant for the "couples" in the crowd and O jabs me that I didn't respond, but I was lost in thought about her (O) and say so. I'm standing slightly to her right and behind her, and lean around to her face and kiss her, I'm semi-hard and pressed up against her leg and I imagine she can feel that.

I'm wondering what my wife will think of me marrying O? I "remember" my wife's said before that I'm free to go, but with O may be too much.

O lies down in pain, she says "Oh, it hurts!" and she puts her right hand (I'm on her right side) on to her lower abdomen/lady parts area. I think she may be having female cramps. I'm saying (in various languages) "What is it? What's wrong? etc" Her legs are spread (she's wearing black leggings) and I massage the tendons of her inner thighs at the pelvis (pretty much right on top of her (ahem) but this is not sexual), and say to her she probably strained these running while playing tennis.

late:

+ multiple-waking epic: we've returned to our California adult home

Why are we here? Where are the new owners (the house is empty)? Why can't I remembe this? How long can we be here? Did we buy it back? If so, that would be awesome, I really miss this place. I'm standing in the kitchen and see the beautiful malachite-colored counter tops and the pale maple cabinets. I walk down into the living room and see two colorful Christmas trees there: one just a bit to the left of its normal position, and one smaller one over by the entertainment center.

Brief scene with son S1 as a young boy. Something about playing/rewinding a VCR tape?

Huge doctor bill:
At the dentist/doctor's, when we moved away before, we left a huge (10's of 1000's of $) unpaid bill, for what, look at the itemized list with huge costs for each procedure (what could be so expensive?), what should we do (I say ditch it!)? It would take us years of saving to pay this. I say (and think if I should say this out loud) that "we only manage to net $2000 per month" (I think what's the right word, net or gross?). The people around us in the waiting room turn and look at us in pity for only clearing such a small amount.

Christmas:
Emotional scene with young song S2. I say we should go shopping and buy and wrap the Christmas presents, don't you want to do that? He is sad and says no. I think "oops have I ruined the magic of Christmas?" I struggle with what should I answer if he asks me about Santa Claus: should I be truthful or maintain the magic? I weep/sob hysterically while looking at a couch and thinking about my son and my own lost Christmas innocence.

Cleaning out the yard:
I want to just hang out but my wife wants to get rid of the big old cabinet standing there in the side yard under the tarp. We carry a long piece of it into the garage, I want to place it right next to the garage door so that when I bring the van it's convenient to load up after opening the garage door, my wife disagrees, I'm frustrated at her disagreement. In the garage, I spot a vicious stray dog squatting there, he's large and looks like pit bull. I see a small dirty thick mattress that he sleeps on under a set of shelves.

Spiders:
In room blasting spider nests and a daddy-longlegs off the wall with a water gun (I think it's actually shooting bullets?) while son S2 watches. Through a opening in the wall between the kitchen and the garage I see a lot of spiders in a space behind the drywall: we'll have to remove this and clean them out.

Standing between the kitchen and the garage, I look into the kitchen and notice an area with missing/peeling decorative red-shiny-reflective tape. We'll have to replace this. There are also what looks like very sooty white fuses on the wall, we'll have to clean these. Are we preparing this place to sell again?

The dog:
My wife is down in the garage and I'm at the door to the kitchen, and I see the stray dog crouching below some shelves, I yell to my wife "come here now!" she comes, and the dog lunges. I block the dog with something, I'm holding a barrier up at the dog's neck the dog is extended up on its hind legs. I make friends with the dog, petting it and talking to it soothingly, it gets very friendly, I take it to show my family, it's more like a curly-haired big poodle now, it lies on its back and we rub its tummy, it looks more like a bigger version of our old dog now. It gets up and walks and I see that someone has painted a heart-shaped big purplish drawing around it's butt based on "My Little Pony."

The daughters / will:
I see a picture/video/live scene of two cute young girls dressed up in frilly dresses, about 4 and 6 years old. Are these my daughters? Did we have two girls and I can't remember it? Such a major life event, why can't I clearly remember this? I go ask my wife about this, are these daughters hers from her previous marriage? She indicates yes, but they're both degenerates now (as adults), one is a vegetable in the hospital, and the other is a useless low-life. I do not want these girls messing with my sons' inheritance. I consult an expert about this, can I write a will that clearly gives everything 50/50 to my two sons that will withstand any late challenge? People tend to come out of the woodwork at probate/inheritance, they may somehow hear about it and show up to claim something. The guy says it's important to get an official copy stored with a trustworthy person in case someone presents a forgery. I think who would work for this, who's the right age, and decide on my sister. "She's totally trustworthy" I say. Mmm Hmm he says.

The party: (this is like a sub-dream within the "returned home" dream, many scenes):

Cup throwing game: I'm tossing plastic clear drinking cups to (girls) across the room. I'm spinning the cups with both hands and they're flying like tube-frisbees. One cup is crushed and I try to unwrinkle it. It doesn't have a cut out bottom, it won't fly well I think, I try tossing it and indeed it does not fly straight. I toss to a girl across, she tosses back to me, I toss to another girl, she tosses back to someone else? My wife says no, I must be the one to get the cup and re-throw it.

In a group of people at the table the M's (british schooling former friends with the annoying chidren) are there. KM and RM. They look very old, gray hair, old faces, grayish like covered in a layer of flour. KM reaches a hand and I shake it. Them RM and I shake hands I have to lean really far forwards in order to do this. RM has a big deep chunk missing from her nose around her left nostril, it's very red. The M's say "but what about the property?" referring to the daughters/will situation. I get upset and say they shouldn't talk about such things.

At the table, we need to put away the glasses, I say the ladies should do this (they object a bit?) my sister puts a glass into the display case, some (green?) liquid oozes out and I catch it cupping my hands together, it wasn't washed properly.

The party is moving to the park across the street! A few people are walking but most (seemingly all girls?) have piled into one of the two cars. They're really packed in sitting on top of one another. There is a clean place left for me in the driver's seat. I get in and we take off. This is in the middle of a large city at a hexagonal roundabout at the top of a hill. There are two exiits I could take to get out of the parking lot onto the street, but the one on the right is crowded with cars so I take the left one. I need to turn right, but the direction signs painted on the ground only indicate left-turn allowed. I ignore this and turn right. For several turns I move my way around to the left of each of the exit roads of the roundabout. I enter a (tunnel?) inside. Then we're walking in a mall near a movie theater and I'm looking for someone who works here to ask directions to how to get out of here.

In a boat on the water by the pier. I'm looking down into the murky water, trying to see something. The sunlight is streaming down into the water and then I can see it is revealing the ground, this is the first time I've ever seen the ground here it's about 20 feet deep (day residue from the day at the lake, observing the pattern of the sun through the water and on the sand). I imagine one can see fishes, and then I see them: the water is thick with them, medium sized. What about sharks? Yes there are some larger fish clearly sharks. A second boat has a boy/girl leaning too far over the side I shout to get back in, I think he/she might fall in and get eaten by a shark. He/she throws something like a sock into the water which lands on the head of one of the fish, I yell not to throw stuff.

At an ice cream stand high above the water, my father chastises the kid for not listening to me in the boat.

Really? I haven't posted here in 4 days? Wow I'm slipping! A fairly great night, finally, both LDs and fairly good recall.

00:00 (approximate) bedtime

02:00? (unknown) get up to pee
takes a while (10-15 minutes?) going back to sleep, I repeat "the next time I'm dreaming, I realize that I'm dreaming" to myself while falling asleep

04:16

+ LD #129 (first recalled dream of the night is a lucid, that is a first for me I think!) I'm in an international airport connecting flight area/border control, some of our group is down the long (curving?) hallway at the border control. I see my other travelling mates with their suitcases, I don't have mine, I realize I've left my suitcase on the previous airplane. I panic, what will I do, there is only 15 (25?) minutes for the connection, and I'd have to re-cross border controls/customs, they may not let me through. I decide I must go back for it, and start running fast. I think without the suitcase I'll have (no clothing?) for the (camp?) we're going to. I'm running really fast and am really concerned, when I get the notion that maybe there's no reason to worry if this is a dream, I do a nose pinch while running and it clearly indicates dream. I'm lucid and still running, part of what got me lucid perhaps was the fast speed I was running, completely effortlessly, and I'm amazed for a moment at this.

Spoiler for sexually explicit:

Pretty much all caveman all the rest of the dream. The first few encounters I don't recall. Then I see some women standing among a line of trees/border in between rows of a parking lot (outdors, night). One of them I "remember" having the hots for, she's middle-aged but hot so I go up to her and present myself for a BJ, she says "with what, all your two inches!?" I'm sort of annoyed but ignore it and get a BJ for a while. Then she takes off her top and her bra and she has an odd flat chest. I move on. I meet a young man with glasses and he takes off his shirt (and bra?) and also has an odd looking chest, I move on since I'm not into guys.

I come upon a car full of Asian (Japanese?) people, there is a Japanese couple (man & woman) right there and I grab the woman by the shoulders and say "excuse me, I'll just take her" and pull her to the side and get going on a BJ, she kneels down in front of me and I think "yes this is a very good position, I should do this more!" and she gets going really well, really fast, it feels great, (a smartphone is involved somehow?), I think I may be able to climax soon. Then I look up and see some women standing nearby (I'm kneeling now?) and choose an Indian woman and reach up under her shirt and squeeze and pull one of her boobs (she has a slightly exasperated expression on her face) and

the dream ends/transitions.

+ LD #130 FA in bed (false dream home), on a high bed-stand next to us I see a white sleep/lucid dreaming mask with little LED lights on stalks, my wife reaches for and is handling/talking about this her "favorite" of my sleep masks, I'm concerned that she'll see it's more than just a sleep mask. I'm starting to suspect, then when I see my wife, who's still looking down at me, is floating up to the ceiling and bouncing around there I get lucid and a clear nose pinch confirms it. She's really bright, clear, shining, and beautiful. I notice/say "Hey you're young and hot, let's (get it on) like we used to" and I

Spoiler for sexually explicit:

reach up and massage her breasts through her top, and pull her down and lay her on her back on the bed, and (pull down our pants?) and begin intercourse (it's a vague sensation).

About this time I notice out the window on the street below (we're about the 3rd floor) across the street a military/security vehicle, white and cube-like and open like a jeep with some triangular insignia on the driver door (facing me) is pulling up and stops, I look away so that this will not distract me from the sex. During the sex I look down again and see there's a man and young woman in the jeep, I meet the eyes of the young woman and decide to show off, I point to my sexual activity and give the woman two thumbs up, she nods and returns a gesture and makes a kind of humping motion to indicate she understands.

My "wife" at this point seems like some sort of mechanical construction and the sex is unsatisfying, and then another of my wife enters the room with some things in her hands and indicates we need to choose some poster to put in to the plastic folder hanging off of the bed (it's somehow to please our cat?).

+(f) kissing a DC (redacted)

(later)
+ semi-epic multi-scene long: at the basketball level of childhood neighborhood park:
1) watching fencing competition, I'm standing on the sloping road leading down to that level looking down. I admire the performance of a friend of mine, the fancy thrusts he makes. Afterwards, I go down and want to meet him and imagine holding his foils in my hand and what sort of grip they have (there are two of them). I then move to the far side of the level and want to enter the hot tubs with the other competitors, at first there is force/gravity/wind that blows me a bit to the exit road leading down to the street but I recover and enter the hot tubs and have an animated chat about something.

2) a vicious angry dog is gripping the back of my pants on the belt, I'm trying to placate/distract it to get away. I reach around to pet it (nervous about getting bitten), pet it, speak soothingly towards it, I'm walking up the path to the middle level. Back down on the basketball level there are containers of (breakfast cereals?) on the retainer wall and I scatter some treats down on the ground and this distracts the dog.

3) I'm walking back towards the road to the middle level and see along the right a table of free cookies and other things, I think how great it is to work here to have these treats all the time. I'm looking at the cookies and take some into my hand, some look like big round really dark chocolate brownies, they're soft. Across the table I see a chocolate and red velvet muffin that looks awesome and I go around to get it, but some guy reaches for it as soon as I get there. Next to it is a full chocolate/red velvet cake so I quickly pick it up and put it on my (dirty with chocolate crumbs/sauce) plate to cut a piece before anybody can grab it, and I push it round a bit with my finger to get it in to the right position. The red velvet dude chastises me for touching the cake with my fingers which I thought I wouldn't have had to do if he hadn't have grabbed the muffin I wanted in the first place.

+ I'm moving down S avenue towards HC childhood home, the house on the left at the big right turn is being demolished and I'm surprised to see only the brick skeleton remaining among the ruins. On HC facing my childhood home, I see both the L's house to the left and the G's house to the right have new construction on them (new dreamsign, 3rd, 4th time this has happened recently). The L's house has new levels and some towers added on top, and the G's house is not much higher but the front has been completely redone and is has a lot of fancy details and decorations on the exterior walls. I'm looking carefully to see if new levels have been added and it seems like about 1/2 of a level has been added on the left wing. I'm amazed at how fast that appeared because this is the first time I'm seeing it, I ask my parents when did that happen, how did it change so quickly?

08:45

+(f) with financial advisers and parents, tell dad he should sell some stocks or other investments, he's hesitant

+(f) stuck in some stairway exiting a parking garage at a security station, there's a flat wide locked metal barrier (sort of like an ironing board but rectangular) a guy helps me out, a small lift lowers down I put a foot on it and ride it up, he says I stood on the wrong part of the lift, I don't care

+(f) (vague) (DO?) guy says to parent "you're the one who's going to kill him, so go you go first" (gesturing to the Tribes inventory station)

All of this actually took place in a Wake Back To Bed. I had another non-lucid dream before this, but all of its content is lost to me now. I only vaguely remember something having to do with Marcus saying something about math. I recall waking up at around 6:30. I woke up from this dream at 8:00 so I guess that was my last sleep cycle.

I was at a country resturant, eating out with an old guy in a ship captain outfit. He was really short with this big beard and all of these curls coming out of it. I remember thinking, even as I was talking to him that he reminded me of the captian crunch mascot. He even had the big hat.

I remember he had this monocle or sighter device over one eye, kind of like an eye-patch with three lenses that would rotate depending upon what distance whatever he was looking at was.

I can't remembered what we had ordered/were eating. The food was fairly good though.

I held the expectation that he would be an unpleasant character, but he was actually extremely nice and had interesting stories to tell involving giant space monsters and the likes. (Yeah, giant space monsters. Turned out he wasn't a boat captian, but rather he had a spaceship that looked like a boat like the ships from Treasure Planet.) He had his quirks though. I told him some of my stories too.

I remember I told him I had to leave because I had to go to my taekwondo class. I walked out of the restaurant and found I was in the hardware store near my friend S's house. But the one big hardware store had been replaced with several smaller stores. One of them being the country restaurant.

I went to the taekwondo studio that turned out to be in a grocery store. We decided to practice by the freezer section since there was a lot of open space, and the freezers would help to keep us cool if we got too hot and sweaty.

Everyone lined up. Right before my taekwondo master started class, he decided instead that I should teach. (Something that happens quite often in real life). He then told me that when I taught I had to remember something:

"When is a number just a number, and when does it mean more? What does the number 9 mean to you? Also, try the fried chicken. It's good."

I had a false memory of him saying this before and it being some kind of trick question. I tried to remember what the correct answer was.

He then opened the freezer door and walked into a big pile of boxes of frozen fried chicken and disappeared. I tried to follow him in. I thought I found him but all I found was his disembodied floating head. He smiled at me then receded behind some boxes.

...

I had finished teaching class without anything interesting or memorable happening. I had to head home. It was a beautiful summer night. I started to walk toward my friend S's house. In the dream, I was living in his house because my house had met with some kind of disaster.

I walked a good distance and remembered that I had left my wallet at the country restaurant. I turned and started to walk back. I walked into a flickering streetlight and saw something move. I wished I'd had my hidden blade gauntlets because I thought it might be a criminal or something. I then looked at my wrists and realized I DID. Knowing it was a dream, I locked the blades out and advanced on the threat ready for a fight.

It came into the picture. It was just a small, skinny, feral black cat. It hissed at me. I locked the blades back in and realized it was no threat. The cat calmed down and walked into the light, where it proceeded to begin rolling on the concrete and purring loudly. I gently petted the cat for a minute then (partial lucidity talking here.) realized I still needed to go back and get my wallet.

I headed back into the hardware store. I opened the door to the country restaurant and...

Spoiler for NSFW:

People having sex. Everywhere. Everyone had blue eyes, blonde hair and pale skin though. But there were people of a wide spectrum of ages and sizes all getting it on in this restaurant. Mostly girls, but there were some men too.

Since there was a shortage of men, some of the girls approached me and asked me if I wanted to join in. I remember I was approached by three of them. Though the one in the middle who was tall, thin and very busty was easily the most attractive. I told them no but they kept trying to seduce me.

I didn't want this to end as a lowly sex dream. I willed the woman's breasts to shrink and they did, all the way down to a completely flat chest. She looked down and screamed. Her limbs flailed around randomly kind of like a cartoon or a garry's mod animation and she floated in the air screaming in terror. She spun around the room two or three and flew out a window. The other girls ran away too.

I found my wallet right on a table next to three people humping each other.

I tried to go back outside but instead find myself in another room. The entire room looks like a large square sauna with mats all along the edges. There are four big square pots filled with bamboo in each corner. There is a step or terrace all along the wall with mats layed out it. There is a back door that is well hidden in the motif of the wall, but I can see it there.

Three more girls approach me in the same kind of formation, but they're actually wearing clothes this time. What they are wearing actually looked like a version of Manei's tribe outfit, only white with blue details. Or at least two of them were. She too had blonde hair and blue eyes and looked like a younger version of the girl who's boobs I had removed a minute ago.

The one on the right was very short and had buzz-cut hair. She couldn't have been more than 13 or 14. The one on the left was short, but she looked much different. She had black hair and green eyes.

"Hi, we're your fan club. I'm the president." Said the tall one.

"What are all those other people out there?"

"They're your other fan club. We are better because we celebrate you for your philosophy and beliefs. They only celebrate you for... well... other reasons. "

The black haired girl got cheery and said she wanted to show me something. She pulled out these paintings she had made of me on parchment. They were really good. All of them had chinese/japanese/koren characters on them. I asked myself for a moment why dreams seem to associate me so closely with oriental culture.

I then rememeber while we were along the back wall someone opened the not-so-secret door. It was another blonde haired blue eyed girl. She had some black hair in her hand.

"I have some of your hair." *giggles*

She slowly receded back into the shadowy room that lay beyond and slowly closed the door.

"Okay, you're not creepy at all..."

The short haired girl came over to me and started tugging on my arm. She was much shorter than me, to the point where I had to get down on my knee to look her in the face.

"If eyes are windows into the soul, then what do I see in yours?" She asked.

I was about to say something back and I woke up.

Spoiler for Long Side Notes:

So I've been thinking a lot about lucid dreaming lately. Though I didn't expect to actually have a lucid dream last night. (much less recall anything.) I did not go to bed until around 1:00 in the morning. (So a pleasant surprise to wake up to something like this.) I've been trying to get in the habit of both meditating and practicing Taekwondo every day.

That considered, maybe this is why dreams choose to represent me as an oriental? It makes sense in the regard.

Additionally I consider the fact that I began Taekwondo lessons at right around the same time that I first began learning lucid dreaming techniques. When I was in that early phase of heavy learning, I might have made an unconscious association with the two. This may explain why other aspects of my personality are not as often represented in dreams.

It could also be more representative of my philosophy, since I don't abide by any one religion or philosophy, though most of my principles were founded on Buddhist ideas. I remember last night my friend S spent the night, he was talking about how upset he was at the thought that we might one day never be friends. I told him that from the day I met him, I had accepted the fact that one day we would not be close anymore. I allowed myself to be attached to him, but never to the point that the loss would seriously hurt me. He apparently hadn't done the same thing, but was understanding of me, as good friends should be.

I explained to him how everything in life is just a phase. Nothing lasts forever. One day, I will stop coming on Dreamviews. One day, I will move to a new home. One day, my parents will pass away. Etc. Even when I was a young child, I simply accepted the fact that I would one day die.

When I was meditating, I thought for some unusual reason, about Jonathan. I was asking myself about what he was meant to represent in my dreams. I'm not sure why I was putting so much thought into a dream character who is no longer really around. I guess I figured that just because a phase of your life is over, doesn't mean you cant still learn from it.

I couldn't figure out of he was just a dream nemesis or a dark dream guide with a sort of tough love philosophy. I figured the idea was that some dream guides can be like very close supportive friends who are at your back while others push you and challenge you by opposing you. But how is that helpful to someone like me who often very frustrated with their own underpreformance and is always pushing themselves? People like me don't need that kind of support, it just frustrates us more.

Regardless of what role he was meant to play, it never seemed like Jonathan 'clicked' into it. If he was a dream nemesis, he didn't do a very good job of making me dislike him or afraid of him. If anything, I was intrigued by him. I wanted to know why he did what he did. If he was meant to push me, then his purpose was undermined for the reason stated above.

Jonathan was, if I recall correctly, some kind of vampire or demon. He was meant to represent something evil or unlikeable.

I always judged the rate and memorability of a dream characters' appearances as a gauge of their importance. It only makes sense that a dream that shows you a character more often must mean the character is more important. This is why I spend so much time on Manei and comparatively less on the other characters. (I probably spend more time considering her actions than those of all other characters combined.)

Though if we use the rate of appearance to judge how important a character is in a dream, then I am neglecting one very critical fact. I am a character in these dreams as well.

Anyways, at this point, I feel like I am just rambling in the sake of rambling, and other activities are calling to me. If you can find a point in everything I just said, then that's better than I could have hoped for.

1. Pulling out Plants (HI)
I was in my garden pulling out weeds. At one point, mom was pulling out a desirable plant (which doesn't exist IRL and had straight roots) on the left edge on the left bed, shaking off some of the dirt, and was going to put in in a plastic bag.

2. Speeding
I was in the van with mom. We were in an unknown area, apparently on a shopping trip, and possibly going home. Even though we were driving on store streets, a few times, mom accelerated to a very fast pace. I grabbed onto things because of the extremely fast acceleration (more than the van accelerates in real life). At one time, mom actually managed to max out the speedometer. I didn't feel the acceleration, though. It also didn't look like we were going 100+ at the times the speedometer said so. Mom never got onto the main road in the dream. Some car details were different.

I had other dreams, but lost them.

Lots of pee wakings, drank a full cup of water before bed, but it was actually probably the two cups of green tea a few hours before bed that caused me to wake up a lot.

earlier, about 5 hrs.

+ night baseball: I observe some fielding, (the 2nd baseman ran all the way to left field?). I'm heading out to the pitcher's mound, I'm taking 3 (softballs?) with me to the mound. I think I should give the other team one of the balls so they can practice, I hold it up and gesture towards them, and toss it to them.

I pick up a bat (I'm still on the pitcher's mound?) and prepare to swing at the pitch, I feel weak like I can't swing strong, I hit the ball but it's a weak line drive, I run for first base and just barely beat the throw but it's not clear where first base is, the lines are not clean and there's no bag there. I may in fact be off the base. The firstbaseman and a coach (sounds like Kyle Chandler?) are discussing this but I just ignore them and nobody tells me I'm out so I prepare to run for second. I think that I should be running as soon as the pitch is thrown. (I'm thrown out at second?)

+ doing an app with "wife" (not waking life wife): we're in a small office, wife's upset because the app is not going so well, I think it was probably a bad idea to go into the app business together with my wife. I speak in a reassuring manner and try to calm her down.

+ LD #128: childhood home, start in sister's room?, walk to parent's room, I think my dad is sleeping here by himself while my mom is sick, I notice he's moved the TV and other things to block off the deck-side of the room, I walk back in to my sister's room, my mother says that (some person's name) went to the Soviet Union and didn't like it, and her tone of voice suggests it was a stupid thing to do. I ask her what year he went, she answers 1987, and I say "well of course, if he had gone later he probably would have liked it a lot better."

I see spread out on the bed for me is my old GoodWill cheesy disco shiny/rayon fish shirt and a bright red patterned tie. I think I do not want to be wearing this shirt when I hear of my mother's passing away, if I'm at work when I hear the news I'll have to take it off and wonder what my coworkers will think of that.

(Entering the room again?) my mom tells me that she wants me to listen to a recording. I know it's a recording she made at night and probably shows ghost sounds. It begins with a loud sound and this is shocking. Then Then I hear a voice say something like "take this stack of books" and I get full-body goosebumps: I think I've heard this somewhere before and it must be a ghost talking! I get a vague impression of a ghostly transparent stack of books floating at me and I think I may have tried to take a book from the stack.

Then the recording becomes too quiet/unclear, and I ask my mother to turn it up, she doesn't answer, and I sit up on the bed and I keep practically screaming for her to turn it up, that I can't hear it. I notice my mom is not in the room. I start to stand up and suddenly stop and get the idea I may be dreaming. I'm pretty sure I am. I do a slow, methodical nose pinch and I can breath easily.

Now fully lucid I leave behind the whole ghost recording scenario, giving it a final fleeting thought as I leave the room and start to plan what I want to do. As in most dreams I immediately head down the stairs. As I walk down the stairs I think of trying more TOTM, then I suddenly remember my long-term LD goal: narrate the dream ala ~Dreamer~. I'm so happy that I've finally remembered to narrate the dream! Then I forget all about doing it haha. I'm more concerned about stabilization and engaging the dream. I rub my hands and look down to see them rubbing but there's not a strong sensation.

I get down almost to the bottom of the stairs where I can see into the living room. It's quite dark, like early morning, about 30% light. I think about using dream control to brighten the dream but don't. I decide to engage the environment and reach out and place my hands on the stair railing, and it comes into a clearer focus and I start to look at it closely and experience the feeling of it and then I have a slow fade to awake. Argh!

Awake for a while. Trying to sleep for about an hour, not making any progress, go online for about an hour. The cat is jumping around my room in a frenzy because it sees birds flying outside the window, so I banish it to the porch and try to get back to sleep. I'm doing a slight bit of SSILD, mostly just relaxing breaths going deeper each breath, and soon I fall asleep again for between one and two more sleep cycles! BTS success, yay yay yay!

later:

A really odd series of situations. They went on for a while but memory is mostly fragmented. Almost all happen in some vague large open room.

+(f) I'm looking at a magazine. It's not NSFW . But some girls come in to the room and giggle at me, thinking it is a NSFW magazine because I'm turning it sideways some of the time. I think they're annoying.

+(f) I wake up in bed(?) in this room and my (wife?), a few friends, and my best friend MR is there. I'm really surprised to see MR, what's he doing here? It's my birthday?

+(f) I'm trying to crawl back to this room, I'm in a house's attic crawlspace. There is construction material piled in places around. I'm holding on to the rafters pulling myself along. I think the room's been blocked but I manage to make my way back.

+(f) bunch more stuff going on in this room, forgot...

I have some lingering fragments of being able to fly, and Claire being hurt - so I had to carry her.

Side note: this was my first night on huperzine.

Where do I start?

It's been over six months since the last time I've been fully active on this forum, and I actually have my reasons for it.
You probably won't have noticed this, atleast I hope so cause if you did then that would mean you're stalking me or something, but anyways! The last six months was a period spanning from my midterm exams to my last exams at high school, I succeeded in all these wonderfully, nearly catching the award for physics but eventually ending on the second place. (still hurts but I can live with it...:tongue:)

While for most students that meant the end of the school year and looking forward to university, I was... well let's say my education course has some EXTRA criteria in order to be allowed into university.
The education I'm talking about is for people who want to become doctor or dentist, here in Belgium there's a special entry exam for that, kinda like you have these special universities in America and Great Britain you're not Always allowed into them.

So what have I been doing for the last 4 weeks after High school ended?
You guessed it, I spend nearly 24/7 studying like a lunatic and in the end I passed the exam... BARELY, like my score was 30/60 which is JUST enough to pass.

Of the 5000 participants, 500 passed which shows how difficult it was and I'm glad I don't have to spend the remainder of the vacation studying for the second chance you get in August when you didn't pass in July.


And now I'm here, with more than 3 months ahead of just free time until university comes up I think this is the period in which I'l become a fricking lucid god! The last lucid dream I had is I think still recorded in my DJ on the forum so you can see that it has been a long time since I've had one.
I've learned being optimistic too often is not Always the best strategy to solving things so I'll just go into this with the mindset that I've lost ALL OF MY ABILITIES and my skill at lucid dreaming is like that of a noob.
Some might be dissapointed with such a fall back, but I'm actually quite excited as this means I can once again embark on adventure!

The end this message before it gets too long I want to say that my DR hasn't actually been that sh*t lately, I haven't noted them down but every morning I can remember about 3 of them so I'm not too worried about that.
Anyway, see you tomorrow with fresh dreams and for those curious as to which profession I'd like to learn at university, I'm learning to become a dentist!:chuckle:

Black: non-dream
Blue: non-lucid
Red: lucid

Dream 1 (2 nights ago) - Hangin' out with Aaron
I seem to be in an apartment with my friend Aaron, we're camped out with tents inside the living room behind the couch, the whole thing was pretty chill and fun.

Dream 2 - Almost a WILD
This isn't a dream, but it's worth mentioning, had another random moment where I just kind of felt myself falling into a dream like the previous night, I must have been too focused on it or just not tired enough because I somehow shooed it away.

Dream 3 - Deep shiz
The kind of dream that makes you sit and think for a while about what it means... I don't usually care for dream meanings as it's an effort and usually just random shiz, but this one struck home...
I was in a living room with my girlfriend and our families, the room was dark and everyone was watching the TV which was the only thing providing light. The weird thing is that there were 2 versions of my girlfriend... one on my left, one on my right. The one on my right was the more realistic version, the one on my left was a more ideal version. The left version was quite affectionate to me and had a 10/10 body, she pushed me to the side and pashed me - I could feel the jealousy emanating from the real version of my girlfriend nearby. It felt like I was cheating on her or something.

So I've interpreted this a little, everyone wants perfection and affection..

A cat jumped on my bed in the morning and woke me up. I couldn't recall anything.

Padded Platform
I'm in a room with Connor McGregor and others. I see a beautiful girl. She looks like Connors girlfriend, but I don't think they're together in the dream. I'm running and jumping up onto a padded platform. It's a bit of a challenge but my fitness is great. I'm trying to impress this girl. The platform is now harder to get up onto. It's as if it's been deflated, which is making it a lot softer. We're all sitting up on the platform. Theres a table up there with chairs. I'm seated next to the girl and I'm a little nervous. I think she's keen on me.

Side Notes: I remembered another dream but i deleted it by accident.

That's A lot of Cake
I'm lining up somewhere with a couple guys. One of them is Andrew gaze. We're intending to buy 2 cakes, and will eat a quarter each. It's our turn to be served and one of us orders. I laugh as he orders, cause it's going to look odd walking off eating a quarter of cake. The lady hands us the plate and its a pretty big slice. Not only is a got a lot of width, it's got height too. We take the cake into another room to taste it. One of the guys is having a hard time eating it. He is trying the sauce, mixing one with the other. It seems sour or acidic to him. I reckon eating the cake itself would be more ideal. It would mix all the flavors together and could compliment each other.

Big Ben Bucks Headache
I'm with Ben and I ask him how the engagement went, but correct myself and say bucks. He says he fucked up a bit with the pool cleaners. He explains that he had them going in the wrong direction. He points out a ventilation system for the shower fan. He says this is the most simple and less effective system. I explain its use to him. I walk inside with him but have dirty feet. He offers me his thongs, so I slip them on. They're dirty too, so I have to walk in them funny, like on my soles. I picture Ben being a big black guy for a moment.
I'm back at blaxland and I see Kayley at the door. I hug her and kiss her on the cheek a few times. I think she is with Ben.

I'm looking at someone with a small growth hanging from their nostril. They're able to hide it if they please. A dr is having a look at it and says there's some good news about it. He's getting at that he will be able to burn it off. He also checks another of the persons issues, which is a long latex looking material that's stuck down their throat.

That's Not My Car
I'm out the front of a house. I may have driven there because I'm looking around for stuff in 2 of he guys. It's night so it's hard to tell. I mistaken one car for the another. I see a man walk towards me and soon realize it's Gary Craig, founder of EFT. I say "Hi Gary, how are ya?". I feel a little odd saying that because he doesn't know me from a bar of soap. He mentions a few things to me. Eventually he leaves and I say bye. I felt great that I met Gary. I begin looking through one of the cars thinking it's mine. I soon realize it's not the right car. It looks like an expensive car. It has a nice look to it, and long. I quickly get out of the car in case the owner sees me going through it. I would find it hard to explain what I was doing. Shortly after getting out of the car, I see it beginning to roll. I don't think quickly enough to jump in and stop it. It rolls into a house at slow pace. I don't think it damages anything, but would have got the attention of who was inside. I walk up to the house to see if I can see anyone. I see a person move off their chair which makes me a bit nervous. I realize that the car has disappeared, finding this odd I decide to do a RC. I count 6 fingers, instantly knowing I'm dreaming. I walk up to the door of the house to see if I can find someone. I see A girl walk towards me and I grab her. She is all for being man handled. First off I do some EFF on myself but seem to be just rushing it and not putting any thought into it. I'm too distracted by this girl. I hold onto her and do as I please. I feel her body and move her next to the wall where I pull down her pants. She has a nice Ass, which promotes me to eat her pussy from behind. It tastes like I remember it. The dream begins to fade due to body clock.

I have this girl in the bed with me and I'm treating her a helpless innocent girl. I think she likes this. I'm sitting on top of her and move closer to her face. I begin slapping my dick on her face, teasing her and getting her worked up. This may be the girl from lucid dream.

My 2 Second KO of Shonnie Carter
I'm in the UFC as one of the fighters. I think I'm Ricardo Lamas. I'm standing across from UFC vet Shonnie Carter. The fight starts and I knock Shonnie out within a couple seconds of the fight. I decide to perform a RC and realize I'm dreaming. I notice that the fight is about to replay itself again. I try to rush the process and knock Shonnie out before the fight even starts. I do this and rock Shonnie. It doesn't feel right so I let the dream run its course. As soon as the bell goes I run towards Shonnie and KO him in the same fashion. I couldn't really feel the punch connect. I jump up onto the octogen and look into the crowd. It's not the biggest of venues. It is only a single level seating. In my view I could see around 200 people. I decide to jump off the octogen and fly, but the dream fades. I brace myself for a DEILD. I wait in the blackness and try and bring on another scene. Now that I think of it, I felt like I was laying in bed at my old house in blaxland. Possible FA.

Side Notes: EFT doing it's work for me. Reality checking upon awakening without an issue.

05/07/2015

non-lucid - Notes - lucid

“Consulting on the Nuclear Power plant – picking up my new car – TotM”

I am sat in a meeting with my new work-group, or rather I am sat with them and I am suspecting we have a meeting sometime shortly. It is at the beginning of the day and I am just hovering around really, I have other places I need to be in connection with my other project – which concerns youth and alcohol use (which is an actual IRL project I am working on) . However I have a feeling that I need to stick around for a bit as if I am expected to stay there.

Eventually the leader of the project comes around, she is a darkish haired short woman, who is pretty and American or English I believe. I tell her that I am excited to be connected with the project (though I frequently experience a sense of weirdness for participating in a project for constructing a nuclear power plant, which is never really fully conscious and I don't verbalise it) . She smiles at me and asks if I know how to handle Sheila (a IRL colleague of mine, who is apparently also on this project) . At this point we are walking outside the office in a courtyard of grey concrete in the early hours of the day, there is a lot of columns around forming small walkways – it reminds me of the style of construction associated with my old primary school. As she is asking about Sheila we sort of move into the office, without really moving, but rather being moved, or the building starts encompassing us.

Inside I see Maria has appeared (an old colleague from my time in England) who is also on the project. She is saying that she is excited to be on a project where “patriarchalism” (the meaning is feminism/social constructionism in the dream) is employed and that she sees that rarely. I replay “oh really? - I haven't been on anything else but these approaches, maybe it is because people preparing to become clinicians never really take this road?” She concurs a bit and throw me a smile, showing a lot of gingiva and then looks away towards either Caidee or the project leader.

While she does this I get a lot of spreadsheets appearing in front of my eyes. They are interview questions and are getting closed down one by one. The first being closed is the most recent and contains a lot of questions and the more that gets closed down the more questions disappear. I can't really see the questions, but there is a picture of a black female student in the top right hand corner and I see her name is Caidee. I instantaneously know that she is a student helper and she has been involved with constructing the interview guide from the start.

When these spreadsheets are all closed down we are starting to sit down by the table. I am getting anxious at this point because I think we are getting ready for the meeting and I thought the meeting wouldn't be till this afternoon. I take off my trousers under the table and look down at my blueish boxer shorts. I am briefly aware of the embarrassing nature of showing legs and start looking for my sweat pants – I don't know if I ever find them, but I start wearing them regardless – I then look under the table and see my red shorts lying under there. I am surprised as I don't remember wearing these, but I pick them up nonetheless and stand up and look at the table. I see now that Sheila has appeared so I go and sit next to her. I don't know if I will be able to persuade her in anyway or get to know her position in the project as the leader has told me about – in fact I am not even sure what I am supposed to do, but I sit down anyway.

I ask about whether we have a meeting already now and I am told that we do indeed and that it is a weekly thing as well. I mull this over a bit until from behind me Christina appears (Old school/class mate) and tell me that she has received the keys from Saab and that they will be here with my car shortly. It surprise me a little seeing as I am not yet in a financially stable position and I don't know why I have already bought a car, but I think little else of it as it was part of the plan. So I grab the keys, which is a massive bundle, with a couple of car keys and 8-10 other keys and I wonder why there are so many.

I start walking down the hallway towards the entrance and Bjarne (Old friend from childhood/adolescence) and Rasmus (Old school/class mate) appear along the way and talk to me, I can't recall exactly what they say, but it seems taunting or mocking. I get to the end of the hall and enter the lift I notice the button (yes there is only one and that isn't weird! ) is slightly broken, but I press it anyway and I soon find myself outside in the school car park, that is vast and fenced in with wire mesh – and seems more like a car park belonging to a large shopping centre than a school and there is a lot of traffic.

I stand around looking at the cars driving in. There seems to be a lot of black mega trucks or hummers and I know that this probably isn't mine. I can't remember which kind of car I bought, though when a couple of silver grey smaller station cars and smart type cars start entering I get a feeling that my car is definitely silver grey, though I am still unsure about the type, but having a feeling that it isn't one of the completely little ones. A couple of grey cars enter the car park and turn towards me and park. After this a massive black hummer truck pulls in (which I think look a bit weird, but after googling “hummer truck” this morning I found a picture that looks exactly like the one)

hummer truck Photo #06

I start getting bored so I decide to jump on the bonnet of the cars parked making a neat little run/jumping course – and I am thoroughly satisfied with the sounds and feel of pressing down the metal as I jump. I start out with just common SUVs but I eventually land on a Porsche – which for some reason is covered in a fine layer of snow – and the car following that just before the massive hummer truck as a black Lamborghini, which stops me in my tracks as it is so low that I can't possibly get up on the truck – also I am quite surprised to see 2 such expensive cars parked next to each other as Denmark isn't a cheap place to buy a car.

I move around and jump maybe 3-4 cars more before I think to myself “This is something I would do if I were dreaming”. So I look up and it all seems pretty normal, but I decide to do a reality check nonetheless. So I move my hands slightly to the sides and let myself hover above the rooftops of the cars.

Realising I am lucid I start taking to the skys, which is a habitual thought and I quickly realise that I have more important stuff to do than goof around. So I let myself drop out of flight and land on the ground again and when I do I find myself on the side walk outside the wire mesh.

I start walking up the side walk and start looking at my hands. The first basic task is my mission and I have already planned how this one is to unfold. I am somewhat excited though as I have never actually made something appear before my eyes. But I recall the visualisation of making a seed of light appear in my hand – a seed of love and light which I intend to plant in my chest and watch how it grows inside my body – while watching my hands (It is fascinating to think that within the dream world a mental visualisation appears phenomenologically similar to how it would in the waking world, as a sort of translucent image appearing in a distinct mental space – which one could easily hypothesise being occupied by running the “world simulation” that is the dream) To start out with not much is happening in my palm which is outstretched palms towards the sky. I see my fingers in a somewhat illuminated light and start focusing. Eventually I see a bright, but tiny dot of light in the middle of my palm and as I am watching it, it grows to the size of a water drop that is perfectly spherical. As I look at it it continues to grow and spikes and sparks start appearing around it leaving a distinct burning sensation in my hand as tiny specks of fire and ice are bombarding the surface of my skin.

Soon a gust of wind appears and rips the seed from my hands and I panic and jumps after it. It lands in a corner where there is some grass, but I manage to find it rather quickly. I then go all the way into the corner to avoid getting disturbed by the wind again. I take a look at the seed, my hand still being illuminated by light that reminds me of dawn. There is no pain any longer and I think of the seed representing compassion and love, as I press it into my chest. I don't feel it entering and nothing abrupt happens. I turn my focus and visual capacity towards the inside of my body and I get a view of the inside of my shoulder, but not much more, and the bright lines of light I expected aren't really there. What is worse is as I am focusing my attention like this I sense the dream world destabilising – so I start focusing outwards. At this point the dream is gone, but I am armed with patience – I have experienced this before, I maintain my focus directed outwards – although I am also aware that it would be irritating only starting half of the TotM task and not see it to fruition (literally . (In previous dreams over the years experiencing this sensation would normally have led me to feeling disappointed and accepting the disappearance of the dream. However in one of the first lucid experiences since Ayahuasca the same thing happened – the visuals faded and I was left with nothing but internal and auditory stimuli – but here I just decided to wait instead of waking up and soon after I was pulled back into the dream world, albeit in a different spot than when I left)

I get flashes of a white rugged wall, it is plastered and I reach out to touch it and I sense it with my fingertips, but only very briefly. I start sensing the light of dawn characteristic of the dream world I was just in and I feel myself pulled back in. SWEET! I am back on the side walk and I decide to not focus more on the seed, I had already thought about the fact that it might take longer to grow than within a single dream – planting compassion and love in my own heart will still be an interesting theme to watch unfold over time.

So I start walking up the side walk to find a tree. I am however conscious that I would prefer finding a tree surrounded by nature, but looking around and having no experience with teleportation or portals I think I will have to settle for one of the trees by the side of the road.

I find a tree not far away, it is a very short tree and the trunk of it is very strange in that it narrows a lot towards the top, almost needle shaped. I place my hand on the tree and it feels chilly, not cold to the touch and I can feel the texture of the bark against my fingers, very authentic. I notice a curved line heading diagonally up from bottom left to top right on a point on the trunk. There is some dark green slime around the line and I wonder if the tree is forming a mouth. The slime should look unpleasant, but it doesn't – in fact it seems rather natural. I look away and at the tree again and the line has widened, though also thinned out a bit. The point is the changes to the line isn't gradual but jolty.

I think I look at the tree a couple of times more watching the line change, but it still isn't speaking to me and as I am about to give up hope and look away I hear a deep bassy rumble emanating from the tree.

“You cannot, help me – even with your flatter and good intentions.”
Astonished I turn around and face it.
“but I can help you” it says.
“How?” I ask as respectfully as I can muster, which isn't difficult as I feel very humble even towards this young tree standing amidst the concrete.
“We trees see things humans aren't equipped to see” it continues.
“Amongst our roots we keep closed the gates of hell”
“Humans aren't prepared to see this – they would freak out – but we trees have watched this for ever.”
(I have taken some artistic liberties with the sentences, for which I don't recall all of them exactly, though they were perfectly linguistic, which excited me – though the meaning of the words is represented exactly as they should be. I felt it more important to convey the intelligence, wisdom and almost all encompassing and physical presence of the tree's intentions directed at me)

I thank the tree and wonder exactly how that is a help to me, not negating it – the message felt important to me, but I think I might not be able to fully grasp it yet. (upon awakening I got the feeling that the tree was trying to help me with one of the TotY – visiting the underworld, though I am unsure if there isn't a deeper more personal/spiritual message enclosed within as well). I take off into flight thinking I have done enough tasks for now, wanting to relax a little – after briefly considering doing the painting task, but giving up cause I don't feel like finding a painting at this point. However I then again think I might not have completed the basic seed task as I haven't seen anything grow yet – I quickly glance inside my body again, but don't really see anything – more a sort of translucent view of my shoulder again. And look outwards. The skies are tuning dark and I land on a rooftop covered with old roof platings. There is a lot of moss growing on the platings and I think it might be a good idea to conjure up more of aforementioned seeds so I start doing that.

The seeds seem more vigorous and self determined than before and start flying out of my hand spinning, when they have reached an appropriate size. I still feel the burns of the sparks and ice shards. One of the seeds actually jump up the slope of the roof and enter a crack between one of the platings under a ventilation hood.

I stop producing seeds and just look at the crack and wonder if there is enough soil and nutrients for the seed to grow. After a little while slowly a thin rolled up green leaf appears from under the crack and as I continue to observe the growth I see a sort of elongated cabbage shape take form along with branches with leaves growing out of the new little plant. It also starts forming a flower and end up looking like a mixture between an orchid and a cabbage. As I watch this unfold the dream starts fading and I wake up.