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Morning of January 14, 2019. Monday.

Dream #: 19,019-02. Reading time (optimized): 2 min.



Zsuzsanna and I are on the back porch of our present home on W Street seemingly before dawn though there is enough light to discern images. My perception is extraordinarily vivid though I am not aware I am dreaming. She is to my left (our sleeping orientation). We are sitting and facing south toward our backyard. There is a big table (that does not exist in reality) that fills most of the space of our porch to the right of the back door (when facing the back of our house).

I notice two features, both of which are yellow and black and about two feet apart, their heads facing toward the backyard. The closest to me looks like a soft toy. It is an elongated bee. The other one has a similar appearance but changes over time. I ask Zsuzsanna if it is an animal.

“That’s just fuzz,” she says.

Making an effort to discern the farthest feature more clearly, I see it is a big yellow and black caterpillar as long as my forearm and with long hairs. I gaze at it in wonder and soon realize I am dreaming, but I eventually wake without attempting to take control.

---

One of the only statements I have ever read in any public source that held any truth regarding dreams is: “Similarly, he (Herbert Silberer) has shown that the conclusions of some dreams or some divisions in their content merely signify the dreamer’s own perception of his sleeping and waking.” (This is one of the only factors of dreams with established validity.) It goes on to say, “in persons who are gifted philosophically and accustomed to introspection it may become very evident.” (It was evident to me when I was very young, yet many people never realize it and consequently, pursue “interpretation.”)

This dream renders the same processes in the same order as tens of thousands of previous examples since early childhood (and it is very similar in content to many others) but holds the interconsciousness thread that features Zsuzsanna, an additional emerging consciousness precursor. “That’s just fuzz” means I am not yet fully discerning enigmatic space (and aware I am dreaming). Porches are “bridges” in enigmatic space and represent liminal space in waking life as being a “bridge” between one’s house and the outside.

The final emerging consciousness factor is the big yellow caterpillar. It correlates with vestibular system dynamics. Yellow is only discernible in a dream in becoming more aware of my dream self and simultaneously closer to my conscious self identity. A caterpillar is a precursor to flight as a butterfly. The bee is a soft toy here (a pillow association and thus a dream state indicator). Bees typically represent the increased neural activity of the waking process.

The soft toy and the caterpillar are dual autosymbolism. (Dreams are not symbolic in the conventional sense.) They are on my left because they are precursors rather than active anticipation of the process. (I most often sleep on my left side.)

---

A dream of mind focused on a romantic couple, and both of them are some of the strangest creatures I've ever seen in a dream.

The female of the pair had the head of a cat, and the body of a gigantic bumblebee. The species further had five eyes and needle-sharp teeth. The fur of this creature's head was crimson in color, and where yellow stripes would normally be on a bee, the stripes of the thorax and abdomen were instead crimson.

The male of the pair was mostly just a large, brown colored water buffalo, except for the creature's face, which was disturbingly human, complete with facial hair, and specifically looked to be Spanish in ethnicity. His face was constantly locked in a grimace of mild discomfort and he wore a chef hat. When this creature died it was furthermore allowed to come back to life in it's "true form", which appeared as a disappointingly normal anthropomorphic dog.

The two were in love, though the female had qualms about dating a herbivore, though this issue was solved when the male was suddenly killed and subsequently reincarnated.

Morning of November 19, 2017. Sunday.



There is a dream scenario related to John-Boy Walton, though it is too modern to relate directly to “The Waltons” in a logical sense. It has something to do with him having a book on bondage and other adult content.

In an unrelated offset sequence, I have to get a bee out of my left ear. I tilt my head to the left while in bed and even tap the right side of my head and shake my head a little (even though, of course, the dream self does not have a physical head). Over time, the bee eventually comes out and I wake as soon as it does. It does not bother me that much as I know the process of getting it out is working.

---

The first part of my dream likely relates to our oldest son (although John-Boy has appeared in a number of my dreams since I first saw “The Homecoming”). The “adult content” and “bondage” is likely more about him now being an adult and working as there were no clearer graphic adult implications.

The rest of my dream is typical waking autosymbolism though unique as always and more defined than usual. There is the usual flight symbol that represents the return to wakefulness after being unconscious (vestibular system correlation). A buzzing insect typically relates to increasing neural energy upon becoming more aware of the return to consciousness. This all relates more specifically to inner ear dynamics (and that which causes partial unconsciousness or dizziness in some cases, though I do not have that problem) and RAS (Reticular Activating System). Another dream, “Ear or Wing?”, from July 5, 2016, had the same meaning (as do the majority of my dreams since childhood), though in that dream, a sketchy image of a left ear becomes more like the sketchy image of a bird’s wing.

---

Better recall last night. I tried WBTB, but it didn't work. I had a regular non-lucid dream that I don't remember much.

I'm hanging out in the living room with some relative. A small bee somehow gets in, and I try to capture it to take it outside (most of my relatives are the kind of people who kill any insect inside their homes). The bee stings me on the thumb and I give a little shout. One of my relatives laugh and say that's what I get for trying to be nice and take it outside. Anyways I get up to take the bee out and I notice that the floor is all covered with bees, who are grouping together in small swarms that look like fuzzy yellow and black hillocks. They are turning our house into their hive. Everybody in the house gets up and starts stomping around, trying to kill the bees. I run outside, though, because I can't bear to kill living things and I didn't want to watch them do it. While I'm outside, however, these bees attack me and sort of form up into balls and roll down my ear canal to sting out my ear drum. I can feel them buzzing in my ear canal and it is not a very pleasant sensation. I dig in my ear and throw the bees onto the pavement, where they lay still like fuzzy yellow and black balls. I then decide to go back into the house to get some earplugs and some bug spray. I head around the back of the house where there is this detached shed. I go in and the thing is full of gardening tools, power equipment and ladders. I meet my mother inside, who is sweeping bees into the shed and killing them with a rolled up damp towel (that takes skill). She says something like: "There's something you don't want to see." I ask her if there was any bug spray I could use, and she said yes. I tell her about the bees getting into my ear, and she says it'd be best if I didn't bleed through a perforated ear drum. I pick up a large set of orange ear protectors. My uncle must be in the shed as well because he asks why I want headphones to listen to music when we had a bee attack on our hands.

This dream was my subconscious being mean, basically asking: "Ok, Mr. Gandhi, I know you don't like killing insects, but what if bees invaded your home?" It was doubly mean because my favorite insect is the bee.

Also remember two snippets from other dreams I had last night:

Flying from San Fransisco to Cleveland

Being yelled at because I emptied the compost digester on the garden and dug it in, thus making the soil acidic (you are supposed to place it on top and let it go through an aerobic phase first before digging it in).

19.01.2015

Teleporting to uncharted islands. (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

There was a friend who had the ability to teleport with a machine. He was teaching me how to build the machine and we took a few attempts. We appeared at a gym and there was a big bee also. The guy told me to ignore the bee and he started to tell me that he could also travel in time and to places that were not yet discovered.

He told me about some tiny islands that were uncharted. I wanted to teleport there and I could see that I appeared in some tiny islands, they were below the Earth crust and there were creatures that are unknow to this world. Also, there was no light and the island was no longer than a foot long. I could not fit and I teleported back to the old gym.

From here, I went to a festival related to arcade games.







There were a ton of weird arcades that I have never seen in my life. I stopped by one arcade and some dude pushed me to the site in order for him to play it. I sat on an arcade next to him trying to figure what was going on. The arcade had no screen and I wondered how it could be played.

There was also a big and darker room where people were playing Word of Warcraft. I told myself that I never played that game and never will. I also realized they were giving away Nintendo 3DS XL if you played the game. I figure it would be addicting so I passed.

I went to a campsite, it was night and there were some strange animals. They looked like Pokemon, but like real life and making weird noises.

I was standing in front of the doors to my home. Its warm, sunny morning. I can feel refreshing, cold west breeze. As I'm about to enter my home, a bee flies across the garden. Somehow I can hear it whistling and singing about the spring. I enter my home, take my jacket off and enter the room. I seat near the table with mother and siblings, and we start to play scrabble. I can recall some of the letters i had. I think it was o, u, i, z, c, h and s. I can't recall who won the game.

15.08.2014

Blue colored fist sized bee! (DILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

This dream started out in what would be my parents home, but the house was totally different from what it is in reality, since what was my room by then, it's tiny, but in the dream it was huge.

There was a king size bed with white sheets and green curtains with a couple of rugs on each side of the bed. There were some frames with photos, but these photos were from random people and no one from my family. The night tables, were like the ones I have at home in my waking life, even with all the crystals and everything I have. On the other wall, there was an old school wardrobe.

It seemed that this room had humidity problems and it felt cold in the dream. I saw on one of the corners a huge blue cocoon and I felt to feel uncomfortable. It was attached on the corner and it looked something like this:







But instead of green, it was blue and more realistic bug-alike thing, not cartoonish. I started to feel uncomfortable and I did not want to sleep in there because I knew something flying was going to hatch from that thing.

This is when I realize that way too much nonsense was going on, that such blue cocoon did not exist and felt happy I was dreaming. I was about to leave this place and go to space, but I remembered I was to dared to make a lucid task, so I visualized that a bee would hatch out from the cocoon, even though that bees do not hatch from cocoons, in a dream it could.

I then started to see the cocoon shake and I started to hear a buzzing. I felt a little uncomfortable and fear started to build up, but I reminded my self that it was a dream. I was more peaceful but still a bit uncomfortable, as I a terrified of bees in waking life. Suddenly, the cocoon fell to the ground and a huge bee came out from it. The bee was fist sized at least, maybe a little bigger and it started to fly around the room. The buzzing was very strong and the bee was blue colored. Something like this:







(I had no idea that blue bees existed, lol.)I knew I had to be friends with it. So I asked the bee that I wanted to be her friend and if she could just stop flying and stay on the bed.

The bee flew around me a few times and then stayed on the bed. I was not afraid anymore and I felt that the bee wanted to be my friend. She was not buzzing and that is something that I appreciated a lot. I felt it would be right to pet her.

As I approached my hands to the bee, she felt somehow like a metallic sensation and also like a vibrating cell phone, when I felt that vibration it was because it was buzzing, even though the wings were not moving.

I went through a walk and the bee was flying next to me. I was happy because I felt that other bees would not bother me and also I was happy because completed Dreamer's dare

A little after this, I said good bye to the bee and welcomed her to visit me in further dreams. I was going to take off to fly to space but I woke up and it was already morning.

I had a dream before this one, but I woke up and soon forgot it, I think it was a more exciting one, but I don't know.

But when I went back to sleep, I had a dream where I went back to school, except it wasn't my high school, it was a completely different school and the classrooms were primary school-like. The rest of that part of the dream was a blur because it was so boring.

Next I was in the bedroom of my old house, but still in my current house (I wish I took notice and became lucid) and I began tidying up my room. Apparently I had tubs of medicine that I had stored because apparently I loved the taste (I don't).

I picked up a bunch of wrappers and uncovered a dead fly which I soon ignored and it must've disappeared or something. I picked more wrappers and a bee/wasp came flying out of it, I somehow teleported to my bed room door (of my current house) and the bee/wasp flew into my neck and had some kind of spasm (I hate things touching my neck) and thought I was going to get stung and woke up with my neck clamped to my shoulder and began cringing because I thought I could still feel it touching my neck.

Dream recall from today's WBTB/naps. Apparently i keep having dreams about competition, haha.

Dream 1(fragments):

There was something about a professor researching HH in some lab.

Dream 2(fragments):

I was updating competition and noticed dream in which dragonmaster got dragon wings, then suddenly there were various dragon images in every post in thread.

Dream 3(fragment):

I was in bed and random bee was distracting me.

Dream 4(fragments):

There was some discussion about the cost of something.

We are sitting in a living room of sorts. I catch what I believe is a large bee or bug. Upon further inspection I see that it is a kitten-like creature with tiny wings.

Joe, Joe's friend, Joe's Mom - At old house track in Midway City, but streets going wrong way. Brought baseball stuff, and monofins in trashcan, but couldn't find mom's mit.

Big bugs - getting stung by large wasp/bee. Trying to go to emergency room because of dad's allergies to bees - didn't know if I would be allergic.

I was lying on the strand, just enjoying the good weather, when one of my friends come over, he asks me if I wanna go have a milkshake, so we head up the wooden stairs to the bar, where we sit and turn around against the ocean, suddenly a bee comes for my milkshake, I wave it off, and hit it. It flies off. Then it comes back, and I start waving it off again, and the bee gets more and more furious and I go more and more into panic, fearing it will sting me, so I start waving my arms, and apperantly I did so in the waking life, as I hit myself in the head -.-

I have a bee and a fly doing something for me. Every time I give them some sort of signal, they fly into my cage which is outside my old house. The cage is made of a net. It seems to be suspended in the air. It is dark outside and I can't see anything out.

PART 1 - DAY9

Starcraft 2 Day9 commentary, something about Mutalisks... real life story behind it...

ANALYSIS

Triggered by a comment on the DV forums about Day9 that I made shortly before bed.

- - -

PART 2 - ZEN FOR BROTHER

My brother sees a commercial on TV for a Zen meditation program. It advertises increased productivity, he seems interested.

ANALYSIS

A manifestation of my feeling that my brother doesn't spend his time productively. I don't think it would catch his attention IRL.

- - -

PART 3 - HARNESSES IN THE SKY

With mom and brother... high in the sky, like "top of a mountain" height... in harnesses suspended by cables. Sin (internet personality) teaches how use them properly. Scary and unpleasant.

ANALYSIS

A metaphor for a sense of risk... possibly some sort of preparation leading into "taking the fearful way" below.

- - -

PART 4 - THE IMPENETRABLE PYRAMID

Playing Starcraft, losing to Zerg... there is a pyramid on the map, it's out of place, doesn't belong in the game... it's glowing a neon light purple, possibly pink. It's supposedly "impenetrable."

I hit it (suddenly I'm physically "inside" the game), and a wall caves in. I enter, it's dark, like a tomb to explore.

A giant skeleton statue lifts me off the ground ("telekinetically"), and pulls me flying up toward it.

Next there is a small bedroom... there are old clothes. The previous occupants are long gone, years and years ago.

To get to a narrow closet in the corner, I have to go around behind the bed - and giant sheets which take up half the room - which would be a difficult position to escape from if I had to... but I take the fearful way at each point.

The closet has 2 doors, one leads to next room. There are more clothes left behind, hanging on the closet hook. I look through them, check each one out, the colors.

Suspenders? Old country clothes, possibly farmer clothes...

ANALYSIS

Impenetrable pyramid - represents lucid dreaming, seems almost impossible, a glass wall, trapped in routine. The neon purple/pink represents excitement, emotional stimulation of going outside the norm.

Telekinetic statue - key factor is the sense of flight, reminds me of old childhood dreams.

Old bedroom, old country clothes - a return to my roots, re-experiencing familiar dream sensations from childhood. I remember dreams involving clothes coming to life from back then... this is the reason for the clothes, their oldness is an expression of how long ago I experienced these things.

Fearful way at each point - beginnings of lucidity, semi-conscious decision making!

- - -

PART 5 - JEE AND KEE

Driving with Jee and Kee afterward, I tell them about the whole experience of breaking in and exploring super enthusiastically. I end with "yeah, it was quite a dream"... they don't respond, silent, then they start talking about something else.

Later, walking with them through a jungle area, I see this big (4-5 feet tall) colorful (mainly red, with others mixed) bird with shaggy feathers trying to jump upside down and catch a branch with its feet from the ground.

I say that I like the colors, Kee says the name of bird.

ANALYSIS

Ignored - probably just literal.

Jungle and bird - an expression of my focus on color earlier.

- - -

PART 6 - TEACHER EMAILS

Class, teacher (50s, grey hair and beard, glasses, like "Durant") asks the class for their emails. He hands out sheets of paper for each student to write them on. I'm conscious that the girl sitting beside me might see mine.

One more seat over, "bioking" (email) guy who is obsessed w/chemistry. Mine has "king" in it as well, possibly also something to do w/bio...

ANALYSIS

Was "bioking" another dreamer? Everyone in the class? Have I been enrolled in some sort of "dream school"?

Taking my email - perhaps this part of my mind wanting to "keep in contact"...

Debating, in the analysis portion of these entries, whether to leave ambiguity ("this is possibly an expression of that") or to be more firm ("this means that, period.") Tried more firmness this time, will continue to experiment.

Also, with so much more remembered, it's necessary to write more in point form.

I used the voice recorder for the first time last night, and WOW. HUGE impact. This thing is KEY. Very interested to see how its use will develop over time...

PART 1 - SKATING AND MAGAZINE WITH FAMILY

In car, driving with mom. I think we're going to a skating rink.

Later, my little brother, B, looks through a magazine in which every page is an advertisement for other magazines. He gets upset because he wants a fitness magazine. I say in a casual way that it's on the way because I've ordered it myself, he calms down. I think he also says something to the effect of finding the women in the ad attractive.

Something about "taking over," a business...

ANALYSIS

No metaphorical meanings for skating jump out at me. Perhaps it's simply a generic symbol for leisure activity, a message to spend more time doing things with my mother.

The subject of B and fitness in general may have been triggered by an event that occurred several days earlier: B went for a run, said it felt great, and was in the middle of preparing some green beans to eat... when mom calls and asks if B wants anything from McDonald's. He gets his usual, counteracting all the good he did. I was upset with mom for this at the time.

B has been making some effort to eat healthier and exercise now and then, would explain his desire for the fitness magazine.

I'm more fit than I've been in years, could explain that I've "already ordered it," my fitness goals are on the way for me.

The attractive women comment seems literal, B often tends to make such remarks.