All DJ Entries

I recalled nothing, but right around the time I finished reading this post a little fragment surfaced. Reading the word "shadow" reminded me of a dream scene I had right before waking in which I was kind of arguing with my dad. I think I was trying to express how I could feel so many feels, maybe even all of them so that when I told him or someone I understood something that I truly did. He was pretty mad with me for claiming that and bitterly said it didn't count or matter anyway because "You're nothing but shadows" or "You're nothing but a shadow." In the dream, I was pretty taken aback because the comment was so unexpected, not to mention the magnitude of spite I felt coming from him.

Bad feel if I ever knew one.

Papa and I sit and compare how different the new and old Windows operating systems are. He shows me the position of the old delete key compared to the new one. He seems very amused by this.

Note: This is the first dream I remember having in my life. I must have been three or four years old.

I'm in the living room of our first house on twenty-sixth and Alberta in Portland, Oregon. I'm not sure of my age but I can see my skinny little girl legs dangling down from my dad's lap. So I figure I'm three or four. We're in his light blue reclining chair. The sun sheds light on the chair and on me and on dad. I feel safe. Then it is dark. Not completely dark but the dark of a dense cloud covering sun. I am in the lap of Beetleguise. His black and white striped pants in place of my dad's blue jeans.

Dad and I are talking and at the foot of his bed is a huge scorpion. I fear it but he is just curious.



FRAGMENT:
I am in the school, at the end of the long hallway. I reach down and when my finger comes back there is blood on it.

Driving past I could see a great tall mountain. The mountain opens up and there are many hovering, flying crafts in it. More were coming. A great crowd of people were at the base of the mountain. I know my feeling were that of panic and an “end” of something. We continue driving home. In the house with a hidden room, my immediate family is present. My mother and Maya are in the long living room. My dad and I travel up the steps. I realize that my room in the house is up one level from the way I had originally recalled. My dad and I want to be in a position to view the “Event” that was the “end” or the “beginning”. My dad stopped to go into the room that is below my own. I told him he didn't have to stay there, he could see better from my room. As I focused on the room in front of me, the room he chose, I see that it is perfect for him, much better suited and the bed is large and comfortable. I knew he would be happier in this room. So I continued to my room to view the “Event” from my window.


Note: My father has passed on

Just woke up from this dream, so here it is... I was outside in like a forest type place with my dad, and I'm not sure what I was doing entirely but I remember that I did cut a pine tree down with sandpaper. lol... My dad said he was looking for metal, and he told me to help him find some. So I started looking around outside, but strangely found nothing. There was garbage, including plastic and maybe some metal on the ground almost everywhere. And there was even kind of a warehouse outside too. It was like half outside, half inside. I went inside a room in there, and saw stacks of thick metal plates, so I brought one to my dad. He said "This isn't metal." And then I looked at it and realized that it was not metal, but rather a porcelain plate (Not an actual dinner plate lol) that when I first picked it up, it shone in a bright silver, which made it look like metal. But when I showed it to my dad, it looked rather orange. Then I remember saying "It looked like metal at first, ok?!" I still wonder what my dad could have been looking for metal for... Odd...

I rate this dream 4/5 awesome dances.

Dad

Yesterday I dreamed that I was with my dad. I told him how happy I was that he was alive. I told him I must have dreamed he had died, and there was so much I had wanted to tell him, and now I had the chance.

I told him about what I've been studying in nutrition. IWL, I often think about how I wish I could have shared diet tips with him to fight his prostate cancer. He was into diet and would have listened.

Today I dreamed of him again. I told him I had dreamed of him the night before. I don't remember more, but I feel as though I hugged him and told him about the dream the night before, and that it turned out he really did die, so I was glad that he was alive.

Oct. 8, 2012
4:30-6:00

I was in Jy's house. I was talking to her about many things that I can't remember. I was glad that I was finally able to hang out with her. I also might have gone upstate to my family's property up there with her. I was also working out a lot more. My dad acted very much like a trailer trash redneck.

At my house, I remember Jy coming over, just sitting on the couch, and talking. My dad also brought up a lot of topics. Some very weird and awkward. Jy seemed very attracted to me, even though in real life she currently has a boyfriend that she says she's in love with. We'd tease each other, play around with each other, and flirt. We also went to a lot of parties. She said I didn't have her now as my girlfriend because I was too passive in middle school and didn't have enough courage to ask her out. We also went to many parties.

We were especially talking a lot in this dream. I can't emphasize that enough. I love her. More in the dream, but also a bit in real life. Maybe my unconscious mind is trying to tell me that I actually do love her.

[Sunday, September 30th, 2012]
I'm with my Dad and my little brother Casey- and possibly Nathan too. We're standing outside, at the bottom of our
old house's driveway... there's furnature everywhere as if we're inside. He explains that the band Primus is the best
thing ever- so I start hearing Primus songs in my head and they apparently start playing to everyone else too. I start
drumming with metal clothes hangers on anything I can find. I drum pretty close to the beat of the songs like My
Name Is Mud, Jerry Was A Racecar Driver, and Kalamazoo but I get extremely tired fast. I switch to plastic hangers
and continue and its a lot easier. I drum the intro to Kalamazoo and then start singing the part that comes in and it
sounds pretty good. I can stay on beat very easily. (I would never be able to do this in real life.)

At another time, I'm also at Nathan's house. It's late and I shouldn't be there or something- but I just use the excuse
that I need to grab something. I don't remember what it was that I "had to grab" but it got me inside for a second. It
probably had to do with WoW.

Before all of this- I was driving east on Wickenburg Way and looking for a certain white/blue building on the left. (It
was very unvivid and unspecific of a dream.)

(Recall escapes me. I'm gonna go read up on recall techniques soon.)

This is one of my weirdest dreams.... I was in my house and my dad was holding a box in front of me that had 3 cats in it.
All 3 of the cats looked like one of my cats. Like this. (Obviously not 100% accurate)

And no they weren't kittens, they were 3 cats sleeping in a box together, and they all looked exactly the same.

Next part of the dream, I was with a few friends in my school and we had guns and we were just running around looking for enemies or whatever. Then I remember like dropping my gun or something, then having to go back and get it. The gun looked mostly like this.

This was a pretty weird dream... I never actually got to shoot anything though... :/
I'm not even a violent person and have never gotten in trouble with the law or anything... Why do so many of my dreams involve me having a gun...??? Or that there's random police officers???

I rate this dream 3/5 awesome dances.

Sleep - 11:30pm
Awake - 6:00am

I was in my car with some friends. I think it was Matt.B, Will.N, Tom.R and Ryan.B, although I can't be sure. It was cloudy but it wasn't raining. I think I had just been driving. We were parked randomly in the middle of the motorway, and my friends were jumping out of the car. They ran to the side of the road and escaped through some bushes. There was a motorway bridge about 20 yards in front of me up high. I was really annoyed and upset that my friends had ditched me and my car. I don't even know why we stopped, or why I was driving in the first place considering I haven't passed my test yet and have never driven on a motorway! The motorway was dead, and I didn't seem to be worried about other cars coming along and hitting the car. It was about 3pm.

I think I jumped out of the car and walked the same way as my friends did, before randomly appearing at some sort of family gathering that my Dad was at. I knew I had to explain myself to my Dad, but I didn't know what to say. I told him very clumsily, beating around the bush, and he got extremely angry and emotional. However, I remember being confused that he was so upset. This makes me think that maybe it was Matt's car, not mine. I'm not sure, it was all a bit hazey. He went mental at me, screaming at me in front of various other people that were on the drive way of this house. I flipped out, out of sadness and anger and all sorts of mixed emotions, and hit these thick china plates that my dad was for some reason holding, up so that they flew in the air and smashed on the ground quickly. I cried harder than I have ever cried before. It felt like the most emotionally raw moment of my life.

Suddenly, it was a website, possibly facebook. The dream turned out to be a short-film that my friend Charlotte.C had made for a series of films with her friends acting for media!! This was very odd as I thought the film was a dream, and this was reality - kind of like a false awakening! The website had a list of about 10 short films that she had made, each with a cast list of about 5, all of which I knew. I starred in a few of them, and most cast members were recurring. I thought the film was incredibly put together and captured the emotion perfectly.

[Thursday, September 13th, 2012]
<dream fragment>
I'm in a darkened city street. The sky is a confused, smoky watercolor. Fire's litter the city, buildings burn like candles. What I'd like to call "the apocalypse" has hit- a tank is driving past. The military is exterminating a threat... It's hard to tell who they feel is a threat... so I hide myself from sight atop of a ruined building's wall. They drive past and that's the end of them for now. There is still a society here, just not as open as before. I climb down from my perch and notice a few other's like me. I flow down the street, in a haze, and with no sure goal in mind. After awhile of walking, I fade to another dream-

+

My (Dad) is helping Alex practice her driving test with me and my brothers in the back seat. We're driving around a Mall/Walmart's parking lot as she does her rounds, and practices parking. The sky is a normal white-ish blue. My brothers are extremely impatient towards Alex, unlike me... but they don't have the same relationship as I do. I'm sitting in the very right back seat, and we finally park somewhere. We all get out and go inside and... <memory skips>

I'm sitting with my brothers, some annoying old lady, and Alex and Juan on a couch in the mall by the entrance. My Dad walks up and sees Juan and misunderstands what's going on and says with a testing grin- "Oh hey there little man, you should come with me, I got somethin' to show you." I'm glad my Dad has a problem with Alex's ex, I guess, but it's embarrassing in a Alex's Mom kind of way (can't explain this, you'll just have to KNOW). Then he walks away and Juan gets up and walks to the door. Alex chases after Juan and I watch this, confused as shit. I get up and follow and Alex tells me that that was extremely rude of Dad. She looks very... attatched to Juan. I looked down at a piece of paper on the ground and it said, "Forever my red highs on your blue skies." There was another line that I can't recall. I sat there for a second and tried to remember all the words so I could walk up to Alex and Juan and recite it to judge their reaction. When I got their my dream vanished and I awoke.

(What the paper said was beautiful and sweet... and at first I figured it came from Juan, but it expressed how I felt about Alex. It also may have been a reference to "Hot Air Balloon" by Owl City.)

Color legend: Non-dream Dream Lucid

Lucid #13: Dad's Dream Journal

My dad has started a dream journal and he's looking for my advice on lucid dreaming. For some reason, he secretly dead drops the journal to me in the back of a car. I have to pick it up late at night to make sure that nobody finds out that he's keeping a dream journal.

His journal describes a dream that he had falling asleep in a chair. I read through it and conclude that he was very close to a WILD. I'm very happy for him and attempt to place a rah-rah green check mark in the margin of his DJ. To my astonishment, it comes out as a boldfaced "left 2". I wonder what the hell is going on and decide to reality check "just in case". I use the nose pinch RC and instantly become lucid.

My sudden lucidity shocks me into a false awakening in the hotel room I am sharing with Wife. I know that it's a false awakening because I still have the nose pinch clamped down and I'm still breathing freely. I get up out of bed but the sheets are wrapped tightly around me. I flail and struggle to free myself from the sheets and finally fling them across the room.

The room's incredibly dark and I can barely see anything. I feel on the wall, expecting to find a light switch. I flick it on and rather than illuminating the room it causes a very dim light to come on outside. I feel for another switch and this one seems to turn on a dim bathroom light behind me, but this soon goes out. I'm looking for another switch when the room's air conditioning suddenly roars to life and I awaken to the sound of the (very loud) hotel room A/C.

These dark rooms can be tricky! Next time I may try just walking through doors as quickly as I can. I saw that OpheliaBlue had some success using that to escape darkness. If that doesn't work, perhaps I'll just hurl myself off of an imaginary cliff again and try my luck.

[Friday, August 31st, 2012]
I'm now a member of an underground club (that I can't help but relate to WoW guilds) that meets online sometimes... but this is just a ruse/disguise. The real club is located just outside of town, off the out-of-town highway. I go in the first time and I'm pretty awkward. I ask for a cigarette and someone gives me a halfie. I have trouble lighting it but do it a strange way... it impresses someone. (By the way, we are inside a strange warehouse-hideout with ramps and rails like an indoor skatepark. There is a control room elevated on a platform in the center of the warehouse.) Suddenly it's time to go, so we all slowly make for the exit. I notice a blonde hair girl walking way ahead of me and say something to one of the members beside me. The dream fades.

+

Now I'm at school. I'm broke and lost, and I'm trying to find my way through a hallway filled with countless kids I know. I come to a fork and follow Jessie Brumley to the right. It leads outside with a sign that has 4 numbers, some of them double digit. These must be room/class numbers. I realize this is the wrong way because of how few classes are that way. I return to the left to find Malakie, she's standing by a set-up table and making sure that kids get food tickets for lunch. Apparently, it is lunch time right now. I approach and am next, but 3-4 girls cut me off by making a line and take my place. I make it obvious I'm annoyed but get back in line. This time when I get to Malakie, she hands me a $5 bill and then a $20 bill. I'm surprised, but thrilled. She notices my confused face, "You have no money! Take it." she insists. I'm grateful, "Thank you." I say politely. I walk out the door behind her.

+

[Dream memory first starts to become clear here]
I'm with my Dad, and he's unhappy about something. We make our way through the same dirt road from the same out-of-town highway. We walk in silence and he slowly morphs into the leader of the Underground Club. We reach our hideout and he takes me to the center room and (memory is kind of foggy here again) he talks to me for awhile. Very slowly and calmly, he turns into a ghost. He's dying right in front of me. When he's dead, he makes me leader for some reason. I only understand that he's dead and he gives no apparent sign of being dead, other than now being very quiet. He doesn't vanish or fall over... I ask him, "Can you at least walk with me?" I'm referring to outside. He stares at me and nods...

Once we're outside, we meet an RM member outside who is unaware of the ex-leader's condition. He must be early to a meeting. I take a closer look at him and he has a Renji/Excelzior feel to him, as if he's important and experienced within the Club. The ex-leader speaks to him, "I'm done and gone. I'm out of here." Renji casually nods, "Okay." and waves us off. I start to walk a little prouder. I am the new leader after all.

My memory skips a bit. We're still just outside, but now I'm in front of a fenced off area. To the left beyond the fence is a hole in the earth. It's enourmous. There's one on the right too. Suddenly, I'm with the club, or at least with some of them. I'm extremely different, I have my personality back: I'm Moki, and I talk cute, but with an aire of confidence and knowledge, and a hint of mischief. (Like the Cheshire Cat, or ___ from Tiger/Dragon) In front of eveeryone, I'm so happy I could fly. So I do. I flap my arms and hover face-foward to the ground for a moment before slowly/surely lifting up higher. Except for one Galkan-looking man, the rest of the club is sitting on a platform next to the fence. I try to fly up but the big Galka man snatches me out of the air and sets me up on the platform with the rest of the members before I can make it myself. I wake up.

+ [I record the first half of this on paper, then fall asleep again after failing to WILD.]

Now I'm back on the dirt road, but this time with Alex, Nathan, Casey, and two other RM's, and it's dusk. I'm going to show them the hideout and the holes. We make our way down the road which seems to take longer than usual. It's different. We finally make it to where the club house is and there's only a... shack. It's not here now. I turn to the holes behind the fences, and instead of finding what I remember, I see a cemetary. We approach the cemetary anyways; I'm not giving up yet. The others stoop down to read the stones while I enter and walk through the gate. Once inside, we don't find what we were looking for... but a normal looking man walks in front of me and says something ironic. (I wish I could remember.)

(I can't believe I didn't become lucid in the last dream. I had JUST recorded this dream in my journal... )

Wow, it has been a few days since I remembered any dreams, but this one was fun, it lasted about a half an hour to an hour.

So in Mexico, I don't know how/why we were there, I get caught by this man, he says Christians can't talk about the bible there. I get sort of mad, and start talking to him for a long time about why I believe what I believe, hearing his background, giving my background. I do not remember the details of the conversation. He told me the reason he hated Christians was because of a few years ago, when Obama was a Senator, he was told a verse from Ezekiel that sounded hypocritical. He then backed it up saying that "it says similarly at this spot in the bible about this." I responded he was quoting from the old testament out of context, and that he should first read those verses in context, then read the new testament before the old. I remember thinking I had been there a long time, then my dad comes in from downstairs, which is weird because I know we were outside, on some benches. Anyway, he starts reading off some Doonesbury comic to me, I listen, but then tell him I gotta go, I say that I hope what I had said meant anything to him, he said he would read the new testament, or at least part of it, but he doesn't expect any change. I take one last look at his face as the dream ends, and I swear to God he looked just like Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction.

It was interesting to me just how long the conversation went on. I recited 3 full bible verses throughout the conversation, none of which I have memorized. I wish I could recall what I had said in the dream. I'd like to reference those and see if my subconscious recalled the correct verses or if it was just spewing gibberish.