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The past two nights I've had complicated lucid dreams, that I only remember in fragments. I'm not remembering to remain motionless when I wake up, and every move I make weakens my memory of the dreams. They are very weirdly disjointed dreams that possibly mark different brain modes and rhythms. Or possibly just minor adjustments of my head while asleep?

I was in a multi-storied apartment building crossed with a community center. It had vibrant red checkered floors and lots of friendly people. I was with ex-girlfriends off and on. And I was also with a group of friends and family. At some point I was lucid and started to fly. I vaguely remember a flying Disneyland style tea cup! I was using it to fly others around with me. I also remember passing through "a rip in the dreamscape."

To my horror, I remember very little about the events leading up to the fantastic conclusion:

I was standing in front of my Mother and Ex-girlfriend. I was holding a cylindrical rod in my hands. I asked them in a somewhat smug tone: "Do you like how I merged the dream world with the real world, permanently?"

I remember they were reclined with drinks, looking very comfortable in the luxury high rise apartment I was standing in. I remember reviewing in my mind the portals that merged the "two worlds." The rod was about 1-ft long, made of fine grain wood, and had two silvery caps on each end. Similar in shape to a pipe bomb.

Got a lucid dream for my birthday. Just wish it would have been a more pleasant one. Usually, I will count false awakenings as separate dreams, but since this is all so continuous, and had such a "dreams within dreams" feeling, I will count it as one.

11/15/2010
"Arachnoception"

(I had just gotten a copy of Inception, and decided to watch it, last night, while going to bed, to try to induce something Inception-related. I got more than I bargained for...)

I can barely remember the early parts of this dream, but I was driving through DeLand, with Josh. We were taking the road that passes the landfill, on the way back over to my side of town. For some reason, we had to take a detour through the landfill. While driving through it, we apparently stumbled onto some kind of criminal(?) element, and were dragged out of the car, at gunpoint. We were taken inside, and the only thing I remember here, is that I was in what I think was a bathroom, and I got attacked by some creature. It was about the size of a rat, and I believe its body wasn't actually organic. It seemed to be something of a shell, made out of what I think was a child's toy. From within the object, spider-leg-like tendrils protruded, which served as both legs and powerful pincers. It reminded me a lot of the creeping coffins, from Lords of Shadow (which I have been playing, lately). I had to fight like hell, to keep this thing off of me, but eventually got away from it. Not much longer, after that, the cops showed up and raided the compound, starting a huge firefight. In the fray, we were able to escape, and I vaguely remember a small dog being killed, in the fight.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up, in my bed. It was still night out, and Inception was still playing, on my computer. After a moment, I stepped out of bed, and I was immediately ambushed by the "creeping toy" creature, from the dream. It came from out of nowhere, and ran up my leg, biting and scratching with its pincher/legs. This thing fought with all the ferocity of a rabid squirrel, and I could not get it off of me. My leg was getting mangled by the little creature, and it hurt like Hell.

Once again, though, I woke up in my bed. The pest from the dream was nowhere in sight. However, this time, I got out of bed and was met with a dull pain in my leg. Switching on the light, I saw that my leg had bruises in like 6 different places, and it was throbbing. My muscles were progressively tightening, and I could instantly tell that there was venom running through it. I was so confused, though. I knew it had to have been a dream. Right? Hobbling out of bed, I made my way over to my mom's side of the house, surprised to see that she was up this early. My leg was growing worse, when I showed her, dark black spots showing up, and the skin tightening, to where you could start to see the shapes of the tendons. She kind of shrugged it off, and said it would be ok if I just didn't mess with it. More bewildered about the whole thing, than anything else, I just walked back to my room and went back to bed.

And, once again, I awoke in my bed. The pain in my leg was gone, as was any sign of the bruises. So, naturally, I assumed that it had all just been a dream. But, again, just as I stepped out of bed, I was attacked by the creature from the "previous dream." It scurried up through my robe, and around my back. It never bit me, this time, but its steps were like thousands of thick, fingernail jabs, themselves, scrambling all around the upper part of my body. I was able to get a hold of the thing and grab its "legs," holding them open so that they couldn't form the pincers that they had, before. This thing was strong, like a tiny bear trap, but I held the tendrils open, again making my way to show it to my mom. By this time, I didn't know WTF was going on, and I just wanted to know that I wasn't going crazy. On my way out of my room, I passed my pet dog...oblivious to the fact that I don't actually have a pet dog. I did, however, think that it was strange that I recognized the dog as the little dog who'd gotten killed, in the "first dream." Unfortunately, I already had my hands full, and I didn't stop long enough to realize this as a dream sign. Instead, I took the creature over to my mom's room to show her. She looked down at my hands, then back up at me, then back down at my hands. She said..."that's just dead skin," with a confused look of concern on her face. I looked down, and saw that she was right. I was just holding a handful of what looked like gator hide.

By this time, I thought I'd completely lost my mind. Apparently, my mom did, too. She cocked an eyebrow at me and said "Uhh...I have some pills or something...if you need them?" implying that she was afraid I'd completely cracked. Puzzled beyond all hope, I just turned around and walked back to my room. I kept thinking about Inception, and maybe that the idea had somehow been planted into my mind that this spider-thing existed, when it really didn't. I just felt really defeated by my lack of understanding of the whole thing, and just went back to sleep.

The next thing I knew, it was the middle of the day. I was talkin with some guys I was unfamiliar with, who my mom had let into the house. Throughout the time they were here, we'd gotten into smoking and they informed me that they sold. We pretty much just hung around the house for a while, and I tried telling them about the dreams I'd been having lately, about the crazy little monster thing. Nobody seemed all that interested, though. Later, those guys and I were heading out somewhere. We'd gotten into the car, when one of them said he left something inside the house, tossing a huge bag of weed into the car, before walking back to get whatever it was. I kept yelling at him to hurry up, because I didn't want to be just sitting here, with the huge sack in the car. He was just taking his sweet time, and it was annoying the hell out of me.

Of course, just as I was beginning to suspect there might be cops nearby, I heard "WOOP-WOOP," a siren barking at us from behind. I actually can't remember if I was driving or not, but we sped off, down the road, the cops chasing us. We were driving in a slick sports car, and just hauling ass, but they were catching up. (Been playing a bit of Grand Theft Auto, also. Haha.) The guy next to me started freaking out, and dumping all kinds of contraband out the window - everything from weed to small bags of cocaine, which I didn't even know were in the car. In a quick, 3rd-person view, I saw the white powder blowing all over the people on the sides of the road. It was actually pretty hilarious. Suddenly, back in first-person, I got an idea. We pulled over, and I waited for the cops to come within a stone's-throw from our tail, before chucking a bag of coke at their windshield, at the last moment. It blotted out most of the glass, and they ended up swerving to miss our car, and crashing into some nearby pedestrians. Then, for the first time, after all of this chaos, I realized just how absurd all of this actually was. I realized that this had to be a dream.

The other guy in the car was still freaking out, telling me that we had to get the hell out of here. I just laughed and told him to relax, stepping over to the crashed police SUV. Gathering all my strength, I reached a fist up over my head and swung it downward, trying to destroy the engine block, like I'd done to other cars, while lucid. This time, though, I was only able to dent the hood. It was a little more superhuman than waking life, but not what I expected. I tried a few more times, swinging heavy punches at the hood and grille, but I couldn't get anymore damage than about what a baseball bat might have done. Needless to say, I wasn't very happy with this. I was determined, though. I kept thinking that the cops might try to shoot me, through the windshield, but I was already prepared to either dodge the bullets, or just let them hit me. Thinking that there had to be some other way to get through to the engine, the idea just kind of struck me: A light-saber! I had never created one, while lucid, so I figured that this would be a good time to try. Holding my hands up, beside me, as if gripping a sword, I tried to materialize the weapon out of thin air, imaging it growing to length. Nothing happened, though. The dream was very vivid, and I was having a hard time controlling it.

As if by my cue, the cop in the passenger seat held up a blue light-saber of his own, grinning behind the powder-covered windshield. Now even more determined to have one, I made a motion as if it was already in my hand, stabbing directly at the grille, while trying hard to visualize the weapon coming into existence. Finally, I saw the orange glow. The tip of the blazing saber burned into the grill like it was paper, eating through the metal and sinking further into the engine block. I gave a quick tug of my arms, drawing the blade sideways and widening the hole, completely putting the truck out of commission. My accomplice and I then hopped back in the car and prepared to take off again, but instead, I simply woke up, for real.

After a few reality checks - which I should have done, the first few times I 'woke up' - I got up and started jotting notes down.

(This felt like a B6-enhanced dream - very vivid and chaotic - but I didn't take any B6 before bed. Most likely, it was the Reese's Cups I ate, late last night. It would have been nice to just have had a bad-ass lucid, but all that shit with the spider-creature-thing just made the whole thing unpleasant. It was still early as hell, but I didn't bother going back to sleep, after this one.)

DJ Log: September 21, 2010 – Morning, 2:00AM (USA Eastern)
Text color legend: · NON-DREAM · NOTES · DREAM · LUCID ·

(Note: I have not attempted to WILD yet in waking life.)

I am preparing to sleep on the floor at a friend's house. The room is a small living room with a couple of couches, a table, and a TV. There are several other DCs preparing to sleep on the couches and other areas of the floor. My laptop is sitting on a small table near where I am laying on the floor. The screen of the laptop is illuminated bright blue, but I cannot read anything on it. I get up and walk outside a sliding glass door onto a dimly lit patio. The air is calm and it is very cool outside. There are a couple of pill bottles sitting on the table. I reach up and pull a shower curtain closed around the table. I open the first bottle and take a tablet out. While holding the first tablet, I open the second bottle and take a large capsule out. I put both of them in my mouth and pick up a glass of water. While tipping the glass to my mouth, I notice that there are more than two capsules in my mouth. I reach in my mouth and remove a couple of partially dissolved capsules and lay them on the table. I think to myself that I'll just save these for later.

After swallowing the pills, I walk back to the area on the floor which I previously prepared to sleep. I lay down and adjust my pillow, then pull a small blanket over myself. I close my eyes and after a brief moment, my vision begins to flash and my body starts to vibrate. I got excited for a moment when I realized I was having my first WILD. I experienced a FA, placing me back on the floor at the friend's house. I sit up on the floor and become lucid. I realize that I am dreaming, and nearly just had my first WILD inside of a dream. I was lucid at this point, but had no control. Everything begins to fade as I jump up and look around. I try to look at the floor and stabilize the dream, but it's too late. I am already back in my own bed with my eyes closed, staring at the back of my eyelids. This was the dream's exit.

(Note: I was trying to decide whether to attempt re-entry, or get up and write my journal. I chose the latter.)

DJ Log: September 13, 2010 – Morning, 5:00AM (USA Eastern)
Text color legend: · NON-DREAM · NOTES · DREAM · LUCID ·

(Note: I forgot to take my B6, Ginkgo, and fish oil with my dinner, so I took them at about 9:30PM, which caused me to have many issues falling asleep. I stayed up for a few more hours that I would usually stay up, reading a few articles on DV before my eyelids became heavy. I crawled into bed around 4:00AM)

I am standing in a a house trailer that belongs to my grandmother. I am quite familiar with the layout of the rooms and everything inside. I immediately became lucid, as I know my grandmother had passed away many years ago and her trailer is no longer a place I would visit. My mom was in the living room, and I was standing in front of the breakfast bar in the kitchen. I talk with my mom for a bit about why we are here. She explains that my grandmother was in the hospital and we were here for a visit. After talking a bit more, she walks back into the bedroom. I walk out into the living room and lay down on the couch to watch some TV, but the remote control will not work. I put the remote down and got up to push the buttons on the TV. The buttons do not work. I check the power cord to make sure it's plugged in, and everything looks like it's connected. After staring at the blank screen for a bit, trying to make it do something, I gave up. No TV! I lay back down on the couch and drift off to sleep. (Note: dream within dream.) I was having a short lucid dream, of which I cannot recall any details, when my mom came in the room yelling about something. I don't recall what she was yelling about. I woke up from the embedded dream, sort of irritated, and yelled back at my mom. I said, “You ruined a perfectly good lucid dream, please stop yelling and leave me alone for a little while.” While I was yelling, I raised my hands to make gestures and saw that my fingers didn't look quite right. After yelling, my mom went back into the bedroom, grumbling under her breath. I look at my hands again and count 7 fingers on the left hand and 8 on my right. My fingers were quite deformed. They were skinny and bent around, some of them crossing over each other. I began rubbing my hands together briskly while I stand up and walk toward the bathroom. The first thought on my mind was, “Find a mirror! I have a definite mission to complete."

I enter the bathroom and look into the vanity mirror, while rubbing my hands together to help keep things stable. I am trying to remain calm and collected while my face quickly melts down and my eyes fall down below my nose. I observe for a few seconds before looking away from the mirror to look at my hands. I stop rubbing my hands and look back into the mirror. My face is moving in and out as I breathe, gaining more depth in the third dimension with each breath. I slowly raise my right hand in front of my face and my fingers flew off and go into my right eye socket. There are a couple of very long skinny fingers still attached that are trying to go up my nose. I lower my hand slightly and all of my fingers come out of my eye socket and reattach to my hand. When I raise my hand slightly, my fingers go into my eye socket again. The repeatable transition point seems to be once the fingers raise past the nose in the mirror. I raise my hand higher and my whole hand goes into my right eye socket, all the way to the elbow. All of my fingers begin falling out of my nose, bounce off the sink and go into my left eye socket. I lower my hand slowly and all of my fingers reattach themselves.

I continue to stare in the mirror, watching my eyes stretch so wide my eyeballs almost fall out. Suddenly, I hear someone call my name from outside the bathroom. I look at the door, and notice that I had forgot to close it completely. I run to the door and push it shut the rest of the way. I walk back to the vanity mirror and decide to stretch it all the way down to the floor so I can walk through it. Feeling a bit rushed because I know someone is walking toward the bathroom, I grab the bottom of the mirror frame and pull it firmly towards the floor. The mirror offers some resistance, but complies with the stretch. While pulling the mirror down, the sink and cabinet disappear into the floor. As soon as I finish stretching the mirror, an older guy walks into and through the bathroom, into a connecting room. He is giving me the “death look” as he walks by. I stare back at him with a very defensive, angry glare while he passes. I look back at the mirror and touch the glass. My fingers pass through the glass without any resistance. It is very cold on the other side of the glass. I take a step back and walk into the mirror, only to bounce off of the glass. The surface would no longer give way and let me through.

I am getting frustrated with the mirror, and decide to abandon it and walk out of the bathroom. I walk outside, through the kitchen window and climb along a chain-link fence on top of a narrow concrete retaining wall. I came upon some bushes along the fence which are scratching my legs on the way by. The feeling of the scratches sent waves of chills through my body and caused me to nearly lose my grip on the fence. I looked at my hands for a brief moment and my fingers were thoroughly wrapped around the top of the fence. The wall leads me into a very small, one room house. The walls are blue-gray and so was the floor. There is a small window on each side of the room, but no doors. I can see a close neighbor cooking food on the stove from one side, and someone talking on the phone to the other side. The third window is as black as outer space. The room was entirely empty, except for a small wooden chair in the corner. There seems to be nothing of interest in here, so I exit through the same window which I came. I climb up and walk along the fence and return to the trailer I came from before. There is very little detail on the return journey along the fence.

I climb in the kitchen window and find a huge pile of rare-cooked steak laying all over the stove top. It smells freshly cooked, and has a pile of fresh blood puddling under the steaks. I pick up a piece of steak and try to eat it. It was as heavy as a rock, tough as leather, and tasted like rotting flesh. I throw the steak on the floor and try to eat another piece. It is also tough as leather, but has no taste. I throw the second piece of steak on the floor also. A puddle of blood begins to form around the steaks on the floor. I look at my hands, counting 8-9 fingers on each hand that are very long and skinny. There is a lot of blood dripping from my fingers. I rub my hands together and I can feel the slimy blood smearing around all over them. The smell of rotting flesh begins to fill the air. I rub my hands on my pants to clean them off.

The layout of the trailer has completely changed during my outside excursion. There is no longer a bathroom in the hallway next to the kitchen. The living room is now a large dining room with a formal setting. There are candles in the center of the table and all of the places are set. I cannot find an exterior door, anywhere. A mirror is visible through a doorway in a different bathroom. I walk into the bathroom and find a mirrored shower door. I back up and run as fast as I can into the mirror, passing through it with no resistance. This was the dream's exit.

regular dreams: 7-19-10


Let's Have a Lucid!

(this is not the one that the title is referring too)

Me and my cousin Em and her dad were all in my basement, attempting to have lucid dreams. We had mats rolled out on the floor underneath the pool table and we were discussing how to have lucids. I think I fell asleep at one point, and may have had a dream within a dream. I don't know why I never bothered to do a reality check since we were talking about dreams and attempting to have a lucid one. I also remember my cousin wetting her pants for some reason..



The Killer Teenager Out to Get Me and The Death of An Innocent Teen

This dream was extremely long and vivid. Several times during the dream I woke up and fell back asleep.


I was at my house with my parents when some kids came over to my house. They were all teenagers, and I only got a good look at one of them. He had long black hair that went down to his shoulders and a black baseball cap on(He looked kind of what Criss Angel looks like now, only younger). I don’t know why, but they wanted to hurt me for some reason.

They came into my house and I told my parents to stop them. I can’t remember much from this part, but I do remember that they beat me up and my parents finally stopped them and they ran away. Those filthy scumbags.

Then, my parents told me that they were going to do some grocery shopping or something. I couldn’t believe that they were just going to leave me after all that had happened. The teenagers were still out there and they knew where I lived. I went into my dad’s room and tried locking the doors but one of the doors wouldn’t work. My mom tried to help me fix it but it didn’t work. They left anyway, and I started freaking out. I locked all the doors in the house and then locked myself in my room(even though in RL there’s no lock on the door). After awhile of sitting in my room, I decided to come out for some reason, I think I wanted to get something. I went into the living room and turned around to look out the kitchen door. The black haired kid was standing right at that door, looking in through the glass.

I started to freak out. I double checked all the doors to make sure they were locked, grabbed my phone, and ran into my room. I hoped that the guy didn’t see me grab my phone so that he wouldn’t know I was about to call the cops.

Then I woke up. I thought about trying to have a lucid dream, but I really wanted to continue on with this dream (even though it was scaring the hell out of me) and watch that stupid kid and his friends get arrested. But it didn’t exactly work like that.

“911 what's your emergency?,” some lady said on the other side of the phone. For some reason, she was so quiet that I couldn’t hear her. I had to ask her to repeat herself several times before I could finally make out the words. I wanted to be sure that I was calling the right number. “There’s this kid trying to get inside my house! He beat me up yesterday. Please send someone over now!” The lady replied “Okay, we’ll send someone over.”

I don’t remember a lot that happened next. I think the teenager and his friends came back, and some of my friends came over. We played this long game of cat and mouse. Sometime, we appeared to be at the park instead of by my house. I just remember running for a long time. He would occasionally catch up to me and grab me, but then he just sort of let me get away again. I was wondering why the police didn’t show up yet so I called them again and told them to send a police car immediately.

There was a huge group of people now. I didn’t know most of them or where they came from. We were on this balcony type thing in the park and the police still weren’t showing up. The black haired guy caught me again and I turned around to see a crowd of people, some sitting in bath tubs. My friend was one of them, just sitting there with a gun in her hand. I wondered if she was going to kill the guy who was after me. There was this guy in a bathtub across from her who was one of her friends. I don’t know why, but she held the gun up and just shot him in cold blood. I was in shock now. I watched the water in the bath tub turn red. Where the hell were the cops??? I looked for any sign of a police car. The park was right by a police station, so you would think that they would be here by now. I finally saw a police car come by and park by the scene and below the balcony. There was a policewoman and a policeman. They shouted “Everybody get down here!” or something like that.

I followed everyone down the stairs until we came to this circle of chairs. There were around 20 or so people sitting. “You could have gotten here sooner!” I shouted at the policewoman, who looked annoyed. Then I took a spot next to my friend who shot the guy. Everyone had blue cups in their hand with some kind of liquid and a tablet. The policewoman said something like “It will help with your headache.” I chewed and swallowed mine, and was relieved that it didn’t taste like anything. After everyone finished their drinks, we started talking about the accident. I think the policewoman said something like “Okay, raise your hand if you think Ali killed this man.” Everyone but Ali raised their hand, including me. Ali looked sad and kind of guilty. I don’t remember anything else we discussed in that little circle thing.

After that, everyone went home. I don’t know how I got home, but I appeared to walk in the door and my cell phone rang right away. It was Ali. “Did you tell your parents?” I asked her. She told me no. I walked into my room and my mom followed me. I was still in shock from what had happened. My mom said that I needed to wrap gifts for someone’s party. I told her no. I started crying on the phone with Ali and said to my mom “I can’t, I just can’t.”

Then I woke up.

In this dream I am living back at my mom and dad's house,I am in my old bedroom and it is the morning of my birthday. My dad and brother wake me up like it's the first day of school. Dad says that it is his last day off before he has to go back to work (even though he is retired in real life). For some reasons he says this twice.

My brother give me some music CDs and three DVD versions of the same movie, which is a back to school comedy. He puts one of the DVDs on and turns the volume up loud to wake me up. They leave and I groggily get up and notice, against one of the walls in my room, neatly wrapped presents are stacked in a big pile to the ceiling.

I try to turn off the t.v my but instead of shutting it off, the power button only turns the volume up louder. None of the buttons on the t.v seem to work properly and I am tired and frustrated but I eventually figure out to turn off the DVD player instead. Somehow, this fixes the t.v. and I can finally turn it off.

I crawl back into bed and have a dream with a dream where the cartoon character Little Bear and his father are walking through a forest. They are both carring hunting rifles and dressed in hunting vests and hats. They talk about morality and ethics in mainstream religion (specifically Christianity, I think) but from a "bear's point of view" until they come upon a clearing and see a human male chopping down a large, healthy looking tree. Father Bear shoots the man dead and Little Bear makes a remark about all the blood. Father Bear tells his son (cub?) that the killing was justified on religious grounds because the man was defiling the forest, or something like that.

I wake up from the dream within a dream finally get out of bed. I look out the window and see the neighbour (with whom my father has a real life feud) tearing up the front lawn with his car. He is driving in big circles and leaving deep muddy marks.

I get dressed and head outside. The neighbour and his car are gone, but the lawn is still ruined. My dad is outside standing in front of three fold out table upon which are many short sleeved t-shirts. The make and style of the shirts are all the same, but each shirt is a different colour. The entire spectrum of the rainbow is represented. My dad's attention is drawn to the shirts, though he does acknowledge me when I first come outside, but he doesn't seem to notice the sorry state of our front lawn.

Dad starts to talk to me about something but I can no longer remember what and I woke up soon afterwards anyway.

Most of the general items and fashions in this dream appear to be from the mid to late 1800s, though most of the transportation machines that appear look like they came from the 1930s-40s.


I am a Gypsy and travelling but do not know my destination. I appear to be in my late teens and have nothing with me except for the ragged brown dress and light blue handknit sweater I am wearing. My meager worldy possessions are in a faded green corderoy bag. I am alone and very pregnant. I do not know where the father is as he is never mentioned in the dream. I feel mistrustful of most of the people that appear in this dream, as well as unfairly judged by them because of my youth and pregnancy.

At the beginning of this dream I am sitting in a glass bus terminal on a deserted road in the middle of nowhere. It is night time and raining hard. The only nearby lighting is old fashioned oil burning street lamp which really does not supply a lot of light. Beyond the immaediate area around the lamp and a little bit inside the terminal everything is utterly, pitch black. I can see faint yellow and red lights flickering in the distance, but I have no idea what they are. I am waiting for a bus that will take me to a nearby port. There lies a ship that I know I am supposed to board but I do not know how because I have neither money nor a ticket.

After a while of sitting a bus does come along and it appears that it came from the 1950s or early 60s. There are several unsavory looking men taking up most of the seats at the front of the bus so I head to the empty seats at the back. They all stop talking and leer at me as I walk by which makes me feel nervous and fearful. The bus is well lit and clean and I stare out the window as it travels, though I can still see nothing through the darkness outside. I am uncomfortably aware of the men at the front talking quietly amongst themselves then shooting leering glances in my direction and laughing coarsely.

The bus arrives at the port and all of the passengers disembark. It then turns around and drives back the way it came, eventually disappearing into the darkness. The lighting of the port is dim but much better than at the bus stop. The only ship in the port is docked beside the only building, which is multistoried, made of concrete and painted white. I am not sure exactly where to go so I cautiously follow the group of men who also disembarked from the bus, but they do not head towards the ship like I hope and instead go to a pickup truck parked on the far side of port and drive off.

There is a large group of people outside a set of glass doors and they appear to also be Gypsies seeking passage on the ship. A man with a goatee and dressed in a black navy uniform stands between the people and the door and is telling everyone that they cannot board the ship. Many of the Gypsies hand the man wads of cash or jewelry and he quickly waves them inside. It is not long before most of the people are inside and the few who were rejected linger around the port. The rain no longer pours and slows down to a gentle trickle. An elderly Gypsy couple arrive late and convince the man at the door to let me in along with them. He accepts only when they produce an acceptable bribe.

Once on the ship we join with the rest of the Gypsies and are told that there is no rooms available and the only space available is on the floor in secluded halls and storage rooms or out on the deck. Everyone scrambles to find space inside and the few unlucky ones who have to go out onto the deck try to find spots out of the wind and rain. Because we are the last ones to board, the elderly couple and I try to make ourselves comfortable undernearth a lifeboat, but it is hard to crawl under for them because of their age, and for me becuase of my bulging belly.

I do not know how much time passes, but the ship is far out at sea and though it is still dark, the ambient lighting of the scene allows me to see practically everything. The rain has stopped but the temperature drops drastically, almost to the point where I can see my breath. I am laying on the open deck looking up at the sky. It is overcast with thick, dark grey and maroon coloured clouds. I stand up and look over the rail. The water is choppy and dark, and I can see icebergs in the distance all around the ship. An old man who looks like the captain of the Titanic (as portrayed by Bernard Hill in James Cameron's film) dressed in a white and blue navy uniform comes out and asks me if I would like to sleep inside. When I say yes he takes me to a room with eight cots in it. The small beds look like hospital gurneys and have lime green burlap blankets on them. The room is devoid of people but seven of the beds look like they have been slept in and have bags and coats thrown around nearby I recognize the possessions as Gypsy in origin. There is one bed left and it is in the far corner of the room against the wall. I lay down upon it, using my corderoy bag as a pillow, and fall asleep almost immediately.

I have a dream within a dream.

I am sitting on a bench outside of the white building back at the port when an old fashioned pickup truck drives up and stops in front of me. The leering men on the bus are in the truck and they try to convince me to get in with them. I say no and try to ignore them, but two jump out of the back of the truck and grab me by the arms and try to force me into the vehicle. I kick and scream and out of nowhere a police officer with short black hair and dressed in a modern uniform appears and tells the men to let me go. He then warns them to leave and not come back. The leering men get back into their truck and mumble angrily as they drive off. The police officer encourages me to keep going on my journey before disappearing as mysteriously as he appeared.

I wake up to a room filled with people. The other Gypsies have returned and most of them are not happy to see me as they paid heavily in bribes to get into that room and I was given a bed for free. Some of them also vocalize their disapproval of the shame of me being a single unwed mother, especially one travelling alone, but they speak to each other and not address me directly. I ignore their jeers and go out to visit the kind elderly couple on the deck, but they are nowhere to be found. It is still dark and icebergs still surround the ship but there are more of them and they are much closer. The ship seems to be heading for a large featureless landscape in the distance that looks like either a beach with cliffs or a glacier.

Dream takes place in a city that is half subterranean (half above ground and half below ground). Most of the shops and recreational areas are above ground, while the living quarters of the civilians are mostly below ground. There is a vast tunnel system that connects the entire subterranean area to the above ground city. The main character of this dream is Vincent Valentine from the Final Fantasy 7 franchise.


The dream starts off in Vincent's living quarters. Unlike most other homes, his residence is above ground. He is laying down on something (I can no longer remember if is was a bed or a sofa) and having a dream or vision:

He is exploring the subterranean area when he stumbles across a woman being brutally murdered by a knife wielding man in a remote area of the tunnels. The murderer, who was wearing a green shirt and black pants, takes off and disappears around a corner. Vincent tries to give chase by he cannot find the culprit. Soon, Vincent finds himself in the tunnels underneath a tea shop in the center of town and he sees another woman being murdered by the man in the green shirt.

The vision or dream ends there and Vincent believes that he has seen a vision of the future. He spends the next few days patrolling the areas where he saw the murders occur but comes across nothing suspicious. He goes into the tea shop one night and finds that it is devoid of people. In the tunnels below the shop, it is unnatually quiet. Vincent checks out the living quarters in the area but all of the homes are mysteriously empty of people and furniture. There is a commotion above ground and when he goes up to investigate, Vincent finds that there is a group of people fighting in the street outside of the tea shop. Amidst the group of people who are fighting is the green shirt man that Vincent had seen in his vision. Rather than become involved in the steet brawl, or even find out why it started, Vincent just watches from the side lines until it dies down. When Greenshirt breaks away from the fight and enters the underground tunnel system, Vincent follows close behind.

Greenshirt seems to wander the tunnels aimlessly for a while but he does nothing suspicious. After wandering around for a while, they end up in the tunnels below the tea shop and it is there that Vincent is confronted by the man, who demands to know why he is being followed. Vincent tells him of the vision he had a few days before where he saw Greenshirt murder two women with a knife. The man seems a bit perplexed but then laughs and invites Vincent to his residence. When they get there Vincent sees that the man's home is actually one very small room with only one chair, a television, and shelves on each wall, cluttered with various random stuff.

Greenshirt puts in a horror movie that depicts the deaths of two characters in the same manner that Vincent had seen in his vision, and says that he had just watched that film a few days before. When the movie is over, the man pulls out an old videogame system that looks like an old Atari, except that it has "Azure" written on it instead, and starts to play old-school Tetris. Vincent sees thrity-one cents in change on one of the shelves, takes it and leaves.

(There is a "trigger warning" on the content of this dream.)

This dream is so long and detailed that I cannot believe that I have remembered so much of it. It takes place in a large castle that sit in the middle of a huge field. The landscape is mostly flat plains with a few hilly areas and small forests scattered about. There is a shallow river that runs behind the castle and a dirt road that runs almost parallel to the river, but in front of the castle instead of behind. The castle is also surround by huge stone walls (which in turn sorround a small moat) and has some areas within the yard that are "forbidden" and closed off for some reason.


When the dream starts I am the King's youngest child and only daughter. I have long flaxen colored hair and wear a white and blue dress and a dark blue cape. I am betrothed to be married to a prince and he short with medium length black hair and a fierce temperment. Prince Rolgan, as I think he was called, was living with us in the castle until we marry, but he all but ignores me and kisses ass to my father. As the princess I was not allowed to venture outside the castle walls alone (as it is "dangerous" in the outside world) so I spent a portion of my time trying to figure out ways to break into the sealed off "forbidden" areas, as I was curious to see what they contain before I have to leave when I marry.

As I am crossing the main bridge that goes over the moat in the front of the castle when I run into some children from a nearby village. They beg me to teach them how to paint. They each give me a small bundle of fine-quality paint brushes and I accept these modest gifts happily. I spend a few hours with the children teaching brushstroke techniques (something I have been practicing myslef in waking life), until the sun hangs low in the sky. Before it starts to get dark I call for my personal carriage and tell the driver to take the children home. As the carriage leaves there is a window of opportunity for me to climb over the fence of one of the forbidden areas. The guards were busy seeing the carriage out the front gate and did not notice me jump onto a vine and climb over.

The small closed off area on the inside was strewn with garbage and debris. Part of the moat went through the area but there was no bridge leading to the other side where I could see some sort of fort or hut made out of sticks and peices of fabric. The water was very cold and dirty, but shallow enough for me to walk across. As I walked through the water my dress caught on something. At first I though was a caught on a stick but when I yanked hard enough to free my dress, a long white bone floated to surface. I stared at it in shock for a moment, before I quickly ran to the other side. It was only then that I noticed there were bones and skulls all over the place as well as garbage. The inside of the little hut had skeletons piled upon each other and most of them were skewered with weapons that the King's soldiers used.

I had seen enough and wanted to leave, but I could not get back over by way of the vine as it seemed to have disappeared. It was getting dark now and the only way out was by slipping under the fence where it went over the moat - but first I had to move garbage and bones out of the way. On the other side the water was warm and clean and dipped down a little in a mini waterfall sort of thing. I was almost directly underneath the main castle bridge that went over the moat. At the edge of the small waterwall, standing waist deep in the moat was a young girl who seemed to be looking for something.

As I approached the young girl she looked up at me. It was then that I saw a man with a long flowing cloak standing against the side of the main bridge, looking in my direction. I ignored him and asked the young girl who she was. She said her name was "Galia" (or something like that) and I asked if she had a sister, as the named seemed somewhat familiar to me. The young girl said yes, that her sister's name was "Egalia" (or something like that. I am not sure if I am remembering the exact names but I do know that they rhymed) and that she had been at the castle earlier. Galia then lifted something out of the water and offered it to me. It was a bundle of paint brushes, but unlike the brushes the other children gave me they were not fine-quality. Instead they seemed very old and worn, but I accepted them anyway as the young girl had a very hopeful look on her face. The man leaning against the bridge called out that the brushes were not any good, but I just ignored him because I was annoyed that he was eavedropping. Galia said that she knew the brushes were not good but they were the only things she had to offer. I tell her that I can reuse the handles and make new brushes from them, which seems to make her happy.

I take Galia by the hand and we wade to the shore. The man with the cloak approaches and helps us out of the water. Even though it is almost dark I can see his face now and he is very handsome. He has long blond hair, deep blue eyes and elf ears. (He looks exactly like Legolas as protrayed by Orlando Bloom from Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings films.) He tells me that every guard in the castle is looking for me. I blush and hurriedly thank him for his help and take off towards the main castle gate, with poor Galia in bewildered tow. I am rushed to the throne room where my father, the King, lectures me about going off on my own and how worried he was about me, all the while I am still holding onto Galia for some reason. My fiance, Prince Rolgan, and my brothers all stand beside the throne and glare at me disapprovingly, but I am unnaffected because I do not care what they think. Just then a guard comes in and announces the arrival of an elf prince. While the king and princes recieve the Legolas clone I stalk off to my private chamber, promising Galia that I would take her home tomorrow and that she could sleep in my room for the night.

Later that night there is some sort of dinner reception going on and I have to attend, which would not bother me except that I have to face the elf-prince again. I try to ignore him and fawn over my fiance but as usual he is ignoring me and kissing ass to the king. I do care for Rolgan at this point in the dream, but only because it seems so far that I have no choice because marrying him is my only option for the future. At some point during the socializing, the elf prince corners me and asks me what I was doing in the moat and what I think of my future husband. Before I can answer (but not before I blush again) Prince Rolgan comes over and says that we are retiring for the night, before leading me to my chamber. He doesn't say a word to me (or even look at me), drops me off at my chamber door and heads to his own.

When he dissapears I hear a smash from down the hall. I run towards the sound and I find that a servant has broken something in the dinning room. There is broken glass all over the floor underneath a small table with a yellow tablecloth. I kneel down to assist the servant cleaning up the mess, but something I cannot see pushes me from behind and I fall forward onto the pile of broken glass. I put my arms out in front of me to break my fall but I cut my hands severely. I panic and run to Prince Rolgan's chamber, crying and covered in blood, but when he opens the door he just scoffs at me and calls for the castle doctor. He lets it be known that his is not pleased that I have interupted him and shows no concern what-so-ever for my well-being. When he is speaking with a guard I glance into his room and see a woman I do not know laying naked on his bed. She just sneers at me and stretches out, flaunting how confortable she is on my future husbands bed.

The doctors come and take me to the windowless medical room where they remove the glass and bandage my hands. Rolgan just goes back into his room, not knowing that I have seen his secret lover. No one comes to visit me in the room and I am told to stay there even when the doctors leave. Overwhelmed by everything that has happened that day (finding the skeletons in the forbidden place, cutting up my hands, and realizing that Rolgan doesn't care for me) I start sobbing uncontrollably. I hear the door open and someone wraps there arms around me. At first I though it was Galia or the King but when I open my eyes in turns out to be the elf prince. He doesn't say anything but just lets me cry on his shoulder. At some point I fall asleep on the lone, small cot in the medical room.

I have a dream (a dream within a dream!) of sneaking out of the castle and riding a horse along the river that runs behind the castle. It's a beautiful clear blue day and I run into the elf prince. He finds my "escape" amusing and calls me daring and brave. There is a bit more to this dream-within-a-dream but I cannot recall anymore at this time.

The next day I find out that the elf prince has gone home. I tell the King about Rolgan's apathy towards me and the woman I saw in his room and, to my surprise, the King breaks off the engagement and throws Rolgan out of the castle. I am somewhat relieved that I do not have to marry anymore, but new anxieties about my future arise. I pass the day trying to show Galia how to reuse paint brush handles and make new brushes, but it is all but impossible with my bandaged hands. Later in the day I call for my personal carriage and go with Galia to take her home. I am hoping that getting off of the castle grounds will help alleviate some of my anxieties.

After seeing Galia home my carriage is surround by heavily armoured men on black horses on the road back to the castle. They kill the driver and my guards and drag me to a black carriage that has stopped just behind mine. I get thrown in and land at the feet of Rolgan, who sexually abuses me while on route back to his castle. I get thrown into a tower cell that is empty except for a small narrow window and an old dirty matress on the floor. Left without food and water for what seemed like a forever I was crying when Prince Rolgan returned and raped me and I cannot defend myself at all because of my disabled hands. He eventually leaves and drops a small morsel of food on the floor.

I don't eat, I just cry and give into despair. I do not know how long I am trapped in the tower when I feel someone lift me up and begin to carry me. In my half-unconscious, half-starved daze I cannot tell who it is. There are the bodies of the heavily amoured men laying all about and I snap to full consciousness when whoever is carrying me passes the bloodied body of Prince Rolgan. He is so freshly dead that his blood is still steaming. When we finally exist the castle I can get a clear look at my rescuer - it's the elf prince! Woo hoo! He just smiles softly at me.

The dream becomes fuzzy here as I struggle against consciousness but alas I fail and awaken. And I was hoping for some steamy elven sexual healing, dammit.