All DJ Entries

Dream:

I was a some kind of fitness bootcamp with Jillian Michaels. I remember being very angry. I was telling someone that even though my size 6/8 wasn't really huge, I just felt fat and wasn't having any luck doing anything about it. Later I left the group and just sat somewhere being mad.

Later Jillian came and talked to me. She was calm and wanted me to talk to her about why I was so upset. She made me feel so comfortable that I opened up to her and told her that I still hadn't gotten over my sister's death. That it was something that I thought about every day. And that it was affecting my health. And I started crying and couldn't stop.

She let me cry, then talked to me about how it was okay to be upset, but that now I needed to take care of myself.

I must have felt better because I then suddenly wanted to take some pictures of Jillian and I together. I pulled out the camera and took some pictures. But they were too close and overexposed.

January 27, 2012

Synopsis: Lightly lucid, I help the dream characters learn to fly. Later, I witness birth life and death in a single horrifying moment.

Lucidity and Total Life in a Moment
I was at school, in a large open format classroom. There isnt a class in session but there's lots of students hanging around. After what felt like a long time, I get the idea that I can fly. I look down at my feet and imagine myself getting lighter, light enough to float. It takes a moment but gravity gives way and I'm airborne!

Excited I start to dance in the air and fly over the classmates. Some of the students started to fly to. "Its a dream! You can fly!"

My friend was having trouble, she told me "Its been so long since I've flown in a dream I dont remember how. I feel stuck to the floor"

So I stand next to her and show her slowly, one foot at a time off the ground. After everyone gets their taste of flight inside school, the professor walks in and starts a different class. So we head to the backroom to continue our lucid exploration.

"Lets try walking on water"

The back room was dark, dank, dirty, old and it had a huge sink. So we filled a bucket with water. "Okay, you first". The water was oily and slimy.

"Hell no" I said "I dont care if its a dream, im not touching that dirty water". So we dump it and try to clean the bucket real quick. But nothing we did worked. The water was still dirty and greasy.

"Lets try walking on water another time, at this rate I'll wake up"

I also remember talking to the other students while in that room and I remember saying "We spoke about dreams for hours" which I don't remember "And after flying, all in all it feels like ive been dreaming for five hours"

We left the back room, I felt I could wake up any time now. I went back into the main classroom which was now empty except for a small group of students.

The next moment was so vivid and horrifying, I forgot half of the dream.

A group of students sat around a creature, moaning in agony. His mother was in tears. They held his hand, caressed his head and remained in sympathetic silence.

He had white fur and blue eyes. He bellowed in pain as he swelled up and mutated and grew some more. I realized he was born just an instant ago.

"Whats going on? Rapid development?"

His mother continued to cry as he continued to grow, mutate and age. He cries out "why, why". His eyes were deep. There was anger, as life was stolen from him in an instant and he begins to die, fear as he dies, and gratitude that he lived at all.

As one creature died another was rapidly born from the mutated mass. But I didn't want to witness what I just witnessed again. I altered the dream and now these rapid development creatures were just mutants, but their life cycles were stabilized. Still they looked in the mirror and asked why.

I woke up soon after, but that single moment of birth life and death stayed with me the whole day.

Dream - Lucid

I was in a room, I think I was asleep, or supposed to be. I think it was pretty messy. In the room with me was a very old woman, probably in her late 80’s to early 90’s, and she was very sad. She had a small pallet on the floor to sleep on, just a bunch of blankets and such. When I talked to her, she barely had any life in her. She was so old and weary, she just wanted to die. At the same time, I think she was afraid to die. Mostly though, she just wanted to be done on this Earth.

I went somewhere and came back, and she was talked to a younger man; a doctor. She seemed to perk up a little bit as they talked.

When I approached her again after the doctor had left, she seemed much happier; there was more life in her eyes now, and she was smiling. She explained to me what the doctor had told her; it had something to do with her not living much longer, but it was ok that she was still alive now. He had somehow gotten through to her. I was glad to see her happy.

So this is a dream I had from last night <3

I was at the church with the guy I like. I was sitting on the stairs near the stage area in the front of the sanctuary. I was sitting on the right side where the drums are. After a while I stood up and we walked around the sanctuary, it was just the two of us. For some reason, he randomly was outside and I could see him out the window. It was overcast, and there was a slight drizzle of rain. He came back in and we stood on the stage, this time over to the left in the back of the stage. He held me close to him and...(I'm not sure how to explain this) put his forehead on mine and touched the end of my nose with his. He looked into my eyes and I saw my own emotions reflecting back at me. He just stared into my eyes for a long time, until, slowly, the dream faded into darkness and I woke up, my heart beating quickly in my chest.


What I find weird, is that when I dream about him, everything feels real, like it should happen. When I wake up, I'm surprised that it was only a dream. I don't understand why I dream about him so much, and why we're always at church when I dream about him.

I wonder if he likes me just as I like him, because in this dream, I felt so close to him, and we realized just how strong the bond was between us. He acts like he likes me, but I can't be sure. It's just, I wish these dreams would come true, but I don't know... Maybe there's no chance of me and him ever being more than friends, but well... I won't go on and on...

Please comment, thank you.

My dream begins with me feeling incredible emotions of jealousy because it is my birthday I think my boyfriend is expressing his attraction to one of my roommates. I become angry and leave everyone behind and find myself with another girl I've never seen before. At first I have negative feelings for her and I want to leave, but before I do she grabs me by the ankles and asks me not to go but to help her fly. So I take off, and this is when I become lucid, and I begin flying with her flying behind me holding onto my feet. At some point she detaches and I am only aware of my own flight. I'm going over a sunny outdoor cafe with bright green trees before me, and then I am flying over a river or large canal. I know in my mind that this is Paris, and after a while longer of flying I lose my lucidity. Strangely I did not awaken with any sense of euphoria, nor did I experience elation the past few times I had lucid dreams.

I wake up after about 9 hours of sleep. (weekends ftw)
I remember a mess of short and unstable dream fragments, but none of them seem interesting...
For some reason I feel like if I try to fall back asleep I might have an awesome dream though,
plus I'm not in the mood to get up yet whatsoever.
It doesn't take long until I fall asleep.


I'm at some kind of hotel, searching for my room, but I'm a bit lost.
I wander around hoping to randomly find it. I cannot even seem to recall what it looks like. (This is a recurring dream scenario)
The only way to a new corridor is to walk through a gym shower room which I find a bit odd.
I enter it but accidentally hit a lever on one of the walls.
All the showers turn on at once... oops?
I turn the lever back down but it won't stop... shit.

I start to become confused and slightly scared, why does this not work? Why can't I turn it off?
I try other levers at random, but it just makes things worse.
A few people are starting to notice, and are staring at me from the corridor.
There's that scary sensation you get when a nightmare is about to start...

But this gets me thinking. Lost in a hotel... searching for my room, this is a dream sign!
I RC and sure enough, I'm dreaming.
I casually walk out of the room, not really caring about it or the looks on the DC's faces anymore.
They all look very confused at what they're seeing, except for one girl.
She seems happy, even excited? Like she's about to engage me in conversation?
But she doesn't, and I walk right past her... weird...

... I'm outside of the hotel. I sit down at the last free table to have dinner.
I look at the menu and order something.
Whilst I hand the menu back to the waiter, I see that it was hiding the fact that another person had joined me at the table.
It's the girl I've seen earlier when I was exiting the showers.

"Can I join you?"

Her having seen the shower thing makes me uncomfortable, but there's something about her that intrigues me...

"Sure... I'm Hyu, nice to meet you."

Wait... Hyu? Did I just tell her I'm called Hyu? ...
Oh well, let's just leave it at that.
But then suddenly the realization comes that I was lucid at the end of the shower scene.
I'm still at the same hotel, which means I must still be dreaming.

I look at the girl carefully, trying to find... something out of the ordinary I guess?
But the scene is darkening... shit. Stabilize!
It's too late, the scene vanishes...


... I'm at my hotel room with 3 friends. We want to go out.
I open the door to leave the room but I am greeted by a... grizzly bear?
I casually close the door again, seeing as I must still be dreaming...
A bear? ... Seriously?
My friends are freaking out screaming things like: "It's a bear!!! We're all going to die!!!"
How annoying... I unsummon them with a wave of my hand.
Much better!

The room is quite dark... not good.
I start rubbing my hands, hoping to stabilize the dream, but it's not working.
I rub them more vigorously, but then they nearly catch fire and I burn myself.
What the heck? Well... this is obviously not working.
I try to summon the small phoenix wings on my left arm to teleport myself to Teraluna...
... But all I get are a few sparkles shooting out of my arm, like the wing summoning procedure is sort of broken.
I've had this happen before, I can't teleport if my dreams are unstable...
I don't know what to do and I'm afraid I'm going to loose the dream.

"Booh!"

That startled me. I turn around. It's the same girl yet again.

"Who are you?"

Maybe it's Faye playing another of her pranks?
I probe her aura... nope... there's no way this is Faye.
But it's not the aura of a DC either, it's way too strong and vibrant for that.

She holds out her hand to me.
I feel adventurous and grab it.
I look into her eyes and I am dragged into them...

Suddenly I'm blinded by intense light.
As my vision normalizes I see that I'm in... a rather special room?
It's a very big apartment room, with glass walls.
I must be in a skyscraper considering how high I am.
It's night outside, I can overlook a rather big city.

The room itself is very weird. It's like an insanely huge bath/pool room?
There are pools, everywhere, connected by small waterfalls.
Water is flowing pretty much from everywhere, showers integrated in the walls / ceiling, waterfalls somehow starting at the top of the room.

"You like it?"
"Yeah..."

The girl is now wearing a white bikini with a red flower drawn on it.
She's beautiful... She has brown curly hair and bright white eyes. She's about my age.
I'm still holding her hand and she's dragging me towards one of the smaller waterfalls.
It smells great in here, and that watery breeze is just amazing.
She takes a quick dive under the waterfall and comes back out.
She clearly enjoys the water, you can easily see the passion in her eyes.

"You haven't answered my question..."
"I won't... I thought you had a thing for mysterious women?"
"I do... but that doesn't change the fact that my curiosity is endless. But how would you know that?"
"Hmm... isn't it obvious? I read about it."

Hold on... did she read my DJ? Is she real?
I'm not going to ask her, that would just be awkward, clearly she knows exactly what's going on.

"I'm assuming your name is top secret as well?"
"Haha, it totally is!"

She runs one of her hands up my arm.
Suddenly I get goose bumps. The feeling is EXTREME.
What is this? It feels so insanely good.
I brush over her cheek with two of my fingers and I see arcs of electricity moving between my fingers and her cheek.
It feels so good, and I can clearly see that she's enjoying it was well.
I can hear music playing... something electronic, ambient and calm.

(something a bit like this)


She hugs me and starts running her fingers down my back.
I get a complete sensory overload.
I can feel her fingers with every single skin cell in my back.
I can see every single fiber in the iris of her eyes.
The colors are so strong and vivid that they would burn out my eyes in a split second in waking life.
It's like looking straight into the sun, except you are not blinded.
I can hear every single drop of water in the room, I could pinpoint where exactly each one is, even if I was blind.
I can even hear both of our heartbeats, our breathing, even her hair brushing over her shoulders.

I have no idea what's happening, but I don't care. I'm enjoying this way too much.
I can clearly feel the arcs of lightning everywhere our bodies touch.
I mimic what she's doing and run my fingers down her back.
She shivers with pleasure. It really turns me on.
This is so intense... I can't believe we're doing nothing but touch each other.

She's moving in for a kiss.
I wonder what it's going to feel like...
We're really close now...

But then of course... I wake up... -_-

This was rather overwhelming...

As any astute follower of this journal would notice, I haven't quite followed through on my recent resolution to resume dream documentation, however I do like to come back to this journal time to time to document particularly notable dreams (eg the previous post). The following is actually a dream I had a few nights ago and have been toying with the idea of writing down; it was a very haunting, powerful experience that I keep thinking about again and again.

The overarching premise of the dream was that I was dead somehow and in heaven. I want to say that the earliest part of the sequence was me living ordinarily in an area that seemed to be a common room with a bunch of offshoot dwelling rooms adjacent to a hallway that led directly to a hospital where I worked (I'll get into more detail in describing both later on), but I also suspect these may be memories within the dream (I'll clarify this later as well). Anyways, the earliest clear part of this dream took place as I somehow came to be outside the gates of heaven. I was apparently well aware of a conspiracy to keep people out of heaven, and that the primary methodology of this conspiracy was a complex maze system outside heaven's gate with a long line of people that were queued to enter heaven, and it was so constructed so as to keep people trapped, slowly moving nowhere in circles. I was at first able to see a narrative overview of this maze; people in single file line, slowly shuffling forward, many branches and loops ensuring that the people (who seemed completely ignorant of their situation and complacently moved along) were trapped. There were "employees" who seemed to be party to the conspiracy directing the flow of the lines so as to maintain things. As it were, I was just near what I knew to be the actual, true entrance to heaven, which was blocked off and guarded by a line of "employees". As I stood there trying to determine how I was going to get back in, I by chance noticed a bellboy carrying a platter of dirty dishes (I seemed to understand they delivered food to people in line). I watched as he entered an adjacent hallway marked employees only. It was unguarded, so I looked down the hallway; it was tall and wide and reminiscent of the grand hallways at a hotel convention center. The hallway went a long ways back before ending in a group of employee rooms (I assumed one of them must be a kitchen), but I also noticed a hallway branched off to the right some distance down. I looked to my right now towards the entrance to heaven and noticed another hallway opened on the other side of the line of sentries, so I decided I'd try to sneak through that way. I happened to have my messenger bag with me, so I decided I'd pretend to be a writer. I began to walk quickly down the hallway, repeating the phrase, "I'm a writer" constantly in my head as though I thought it would somehow prevent me from being caught. As I turned the corner to the right, I found that the hallway continued for some time before coming to another hallway parallel to the first. I turned another right and headed towards the exit. As I continued down this hallway I came upon a black man in a suit who waved at me in a friendly way and offered to shake my hand. As I shook his hand I only said, "I'm a writer" and then kept walking; as I passed him I could see the look of confusion on his face. I seemed to understand that he wasn't a guard, but that his job was to simply stand there and greet people. I exited the hallway into the hospital area (note this was not the area I'd seen from the other side of heaven's gate previously), which was comprised of square rooms, all hallways, some of which resembled normal hospital hallways and some of which resembled patient rooms with through paths. I knew my way back from here by memory; from the hallway square at the exit of the hallway I turned right into a room square, then left through three more squares and then right to the exit of the hospital area into my living area I'd mentioned previously. As I arrived, I slowly walked further into the room, examining my surroundings. Like the hospital area, the room was familiar to me as though I'd been living there for some time. There was a dining table in the middle of the room along one wall that was cluttered with papers and there was a television suspended on a thick pillar adjacent to the table. It occurred to me later that the layout of the main common room very vaguely resembled the living room at my grandma Isabel's old house in Halstad, and to that theme everything seemed dusty and slightly old as though the furniture, paint on the wall, decorations, and even the television were from the 80's. There were a number of people intently going about there business in the room also. As I examined my surroundings I became increasingly distressed with my disposition. I then lashed out verbally, asking if this was all I had left now in heaven, that I'd spend eternity trapped in this dusty room with some other people from the 1990's (a woman nearby in earshot glanced at me and rolled her eyes as she continued doing something), complaining that there wasn't even much of a proper internet yet. I continued, suddenly realizing that I was due to take the MPJE tomorrow but now couldn't because I was dead, meaning that I'd never been successfully licensed as a pharmacist and thus the last several years of my life spent training to that end was wasted. This angry diatribe was cut short by the realization that I'd left Laura behind and could not be sure when she would arrive or if she'd arrive at all (at least we'd already returned to her hometown, I hoped she'd find happiness again, etc.). In this strong emotional mix of anger and sadness I realized that my situation could not be real, but I could only think of ending the dream quickly instead of allowing it to continue post reality check and instantly managed to wake myself up.

When I fell asleep again I had a short continuation of this dream where I went to a buffet for food (I was aware I was still in heaven). The restaurant had many people but wasn't too crowded. It reminded me of the restaurant at Bill's gambling hall.

As I mentioned at the start of this entry I mentioned how haunting this dream has been the last few days. The reason for that is that afterwards I've been left with the haunting thought that I may have peered into the real heaven (a chilling thought given the "conspiracy", how drab the environment was, and my emotional observations towards the end). I don't genuinely believe this now (the fact that heaven is historically described as more paradise in nature, consideration that this may represent hell rather than heaven, and my ultimate awareness that this was a dream all heavily discount this notion), however I believe it does represent a phenomenon I referred to previously as "dream bleeding", where elements of the dream have remained strong in my consciousness long after the dream has ended.

*I am somewhere around highway or motorway. There are several train lines and I can see many trains staying as if there was some train traffic jam. I can recognize one of the trains, it is Pendolino with its typical white, blue and yellow colours.

**I am walking down a long street at night (dream sign). It looks like a motorway with two lines in each direction. I notice green lane for cyclists. As the cars pass in both directions it creates the lines as when one takes picture with long exposure. I notice that the lights reflect on the street, it must have been raining recently. Then I notice that along the road, cyclist lane and pedestrian lane are light slopes everywhere, with colourful rings as the light sources. I am amazed (not realizing it’s a dream). !!!I think to myself, that they should turn down the intensity of the lightning because it burns too much energy (as it hurts my eyes), but then I think to myself, “This is just the way it is these days.”
By my right hand side is a large garden surrounded by forest. It has precise rectangular shape and there is a large mason like house at the far end. Then I get this (as if) message from my mom and my brother to go home, to that house, where I apparently live. (I am not sure I can see them though). I realize that it’s the 12th of March. It’s my birthday!!
Next I am in one of the room of the house. There are two large sofas, one of which is facing away from me and the other facing along...on which my mom and my brother sits. I look at them and then I notice that behind the of the sofas are some presents. I can recognize foldable green bike and a big box of LEGO and some other things. I feel touched. I feel like crying out of happiness or being loved. My mom asks me what’s up. I only shake my head to give her a sign that I am fine, because I feel that if I start speaking I would cry.

non dream - lucid - non lucid

I play starcraft2. I'm quite a bit better at it than most of my friends, but I'm nowhere near as good as to play in a tournament.
I do watch some casts though, follow some of the tournaments, so I guess that I have some idea of how these things work...
After waking up I noticed that this dream lasted for a really long time and there were a ton of false memories.
The gameplay mechanics were also spot on as far as I can recall, although the maps were quite weird.


False memories:
After getting my masters degree I moved to California, LA to follow my career as a game designer.
I suddenly had a lot of free time on my hands, so I started to play sc2 quite intensely.
I got to know a few people, and after some time I ended up in the pro-gaming team "ROOT". (Probably because I watch Destiny's stream who's in root?)
Some worldwide tournament is happening in LA, the biggest one in the history of gaming, with an insane prize pool.
I not only managed to qualify, but I actually got into the semi-finals.


I'm sitting in a glass cabin, in front of thousands of people. I'm wearing sound canceling headphones, I can't really hear anything besides
the sounds of the game and my own breathing.
I played really well in this tournament so far, I'm quite proud of myself.
I somehow managed to stay quite calm, even though I'm playing in front of a crowd, but things have taken a different turn now.

I have to play one of my teammates. It's currently 3-3 ZvZ, the next game will decide who's going to the finals.
I want to win, but I don't want to knock my teammate out.
Without my team I'd still be a random master league player, but thanks to them I'm playing here, in this huge tournament.
They taught me to play this game at a competitive level, I'm this good only thanks to them.

We're 20 minutes into the game. We're both maxed on roach infestor.
The map is quite open and huge. This game will probably be decided within a split second.
If anyone is caught out of position he'll probably loose right away.

I can't take it... the pressure is just too much. My heart is pounding, sweat is dribbling onto my keyboard.
My hands are shivering... I'm loosing it. I have to get my hands under control or I won't be able to micro properly.
My emotions are burning me on the inside.
I don't want to knock him out. I don't want to give him an easy win either, or we'll all feel bad.
I take a glimpse past my monitor. I can't see well due to the spotlights, but there's so many people cheering.
I don't want to disappoint them either.

I see his army approaching. I have to pull myself together, now!
I take my hands off the keyboard and close my eyes, just for one second, in the hopes that it'll calm me down.
And for some reason it does.
We're fighting. Any mistake can cost the game now.
None of us makes one, we trade army's pretty evenly, but then I can see it.
His reinforcements are running into the fight, but they somehow balled up.
I barely manage to catch them with a fungal growth.
He fucked up, I push forward, hard and relentless.
A few seconds later he gg's out. I won.
I can feel the pressure suddenly disappearing. I take a few deep breaths. I'm in the finals...


... I'm at the hotel. The finals are tomorrow.
My whole team is staying on the same floor. Everyone is offering me practice matches.
But I don't want to play, I want to chill so I'll have a clear head tomorrow...

It's the next day.
My finals are against a Terran player... It's my worst matchup.
He's very popular, I doubt I'll be able to win against him.
But knowing that I made it into the finals in my first big tournament makes me stay calm.
Even if I get steamrolled in the finals... I still accomplished a lot.

... He's leading 3-2. I have to win 2 games in a row to take it. I doubt I'll be able to.
But somehow in the 6th game, I manage to pull off some insane nydus play and barely manage to win the game.
3-3 again, well fuck me...
Suddenly I feel a chance of winning again, and the pressure is back.
I'm so nervous, my hands are shivering again and the final match hasn't even started yet.
Then I see the map he's chosen. I'm fucked.
The map is extremely terran favored in TvZ. Unless he makes a massive mistake there is no way to win this, and he won't
make any stupid mistakes...

I can't take it, I have to leave my box to catch some fresh air.
The organization decides that there is a 20 minute break before the final match due to some technical issues.
Well lucky me, 20 minutes to calm down... I feel like throwing up.
The crowd is cheering... I wonder how they would react if I threw up on stage.
I see my team mates waving me over. I walk to them, I can really use some encouraging words.
I notice my girlfriend is with them... huh? did I have a girlfriend?
Of course I do... silly me. (No, you don't...)

She immediately says "come with me!"
My team mates are a bit confused as she drags me away to the restrooms.
She's probably gonna give me a pep talk. The crowd is too loud, we can't have a conversation in the main room.
But she has something different in mind...
She explains that she knows the best way to calm down. I only know what she's on about once she starts undressing.
Right... this couldn't end up badly at all.
But I am way too nervous about my next match to think about this.

We have sex... in the restrooms, just minutes before my final match.
I can't believe I'm doing this. But it really does make me forget about the match for a bit...

... It's time... I'm coming out of the restrooms. The crowd is cheering.
I walk onto the main stage facing my opponent.
I'm calm... perfectly calm. I'm ready!
I shake my opponents hand "Good luck!"
I say this with absolute confidence.
He knows the map is strongly in his favor, he knows that he's the better player, me being so confident is probably fucking with his mind.
He doesn't know what to say and goes into his box.

I sit down in mine and stretch. I'm so ready, I got this.
I look at the map, and suddenly, I know exactly what I'm going to do.
There is one completely insane tactic I came up with recently, which may actually work on this map.
He's probably never seen it before, and I just broke his calm.

I smile... I got this!

02/21/11

Door after door leading to white hallway after white hallway. "You must remember the way," he says, "For you will return alone."

The next room is an airy loft, warm lights illuminating hardwood floors and brick walls, black leather furniture and red accents. Light streams in from the windows, but I don't look outside. My focus is on the jewelry box which sits on the black coffee table.

Dark stained oak, cheap brass clasp. Approximately six inches across, four inches tall, five inches deep. I flick open the cheap brass clasp. Red velvet? Darker. Not black, too repetitive. Inside the box is an onyx pendant, oval-shaped, set in silver.



My mind filters the details automatically, but I'm focused on the brief spark of red energy, invisible threads latching onto my energy reserves and trailing through another level of the dream-world. A horcrux, then.

Dark. Underground. Cavernous. Walls drip with slime and... blood, yes. No smell, no sensory input other than sight. Area is large, but confining. Can feel the thing trapped here, straining against its bonds.

Sharp movement. Living, shapeless mass of flesh and grinding bone. Something claws its way from inside, tears the creature open from the inside. A humanoid figure steps out of the bloody, writhing thing. This is the monster.

"Run," I say to the other man. "You need to get as far away from me–"

Too late. The room goes pure white in an instant, powered by the horcrux's parasitic bond. A cloaked figure unfurls itself across the room, stands up straight and I make a sharp gesture with my ebony wand, shouting and pulling on the emotions that I need to fuel the spell.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

White noise is deafening and the room gets brighter than should be possible and - nothing.






He sits poised on the far end of the couch, staring disapprovingly at his cup of tea. Earl Grey in delicate white china, set in a saucer that he holds in his left hand. I'm on the other end of the couch, looking straight at him. I probably have a cup of tea, or maybe it's sitting on the coffee table.

"So," I say casually, "From one dark wizard to another..."

He smirks at that. "A dark wizard, Harry? You?"

"This time around, it's different." I say with a scowl, "What was the first curse I cast at you, again?"

"As I recall," he says, taking a sip of the tea, "You attempted to cast the killing curse."

Attempted–?

"You lack the hatred required to fuel the spell." He explains, and he meets my eyes. "This version of you does not love, Harry. All you have is apathy."

Trinkets. Scare Factor: 3.

This dream may or may not have been longer, but here are the parts that I can remember.

I was living with my family again at our old house on Broadway, only there was also this other guy living with us who kind of looked like Gabriel Iglesias only shorter and not quite as fluffy. Anyways, I was in what must have been my brother's room (because A) it was really heavily cluttered and B) there was a scene coming up where I was in my room, which was different) and my brother was there too when Gabriel Iglesias guy came in and demanded something. We were both blew him off so he took out an uzi and sprayed the room; he didn't hit me at all but it killed my brother. Shortly, it cut to a courtroom where I was watching the verdict in the murder trial; GI guy was somehow found not guilty. So I wake up in my bed some morning after but I'm all depressed so I just lay there for a while. When I finally got up, I found my dad and GI guy in the kitchen packing up my brother's stuff. I asked if I could look through it for anything I could use (there was kind of a neat looking fan, and a lot of our old Nintendo hardware). As I started looking through his stuff, I said, "I know we didn't get along, but now that he's gone I kind of miss him." Then I broke down in tears.

Now here's the kind of weird part: I sensed something was weird, I guess probably from the emotional breakdown so I thought, "AM I DREAMING? REALITY CHECK!" But instead of doing a proper reality check I ended up just waking myself up.

Oops.

There was a little bit of dream bleeding with this one too. I woke up into reality trying to figure out how I could sneak some concentrated potassium chloride into GI guy's bloodstream.

So it seems the new mantra has a bit of a gaping flaw, and I suspect I know why. Namely that I haven't associated it with an actual reality check. I'll maybe fix this in the future, but for now this'll go on the back burner.

I don't remember all the deails, I waited awhile to type it up. A good dream (because of wildly distorted emotions) but a seemingly unimportant one.

Last Day at Work (non-lucid)

Everybody was rushing around trying to finish building and shipping the last few products. The building is shutting down. A whole bunch of people from different shifts were there. My parents were off to Cambodia because D got a job fixing boats there.

I wasn't doing much but sitting around watching everyone and thinking about what is going to happen next. It felt like a monumental shift in my life. The emotions in the dream were wild and distorted. There was excitement, I thought about traveling or finding a new job but I was all alone and just sort of confused, not knowing what to do with nobody to talk to.

The dream sort of parallels waking life events. A good friend/co-worker just left and future employment is uncertain.