Recent DJ Posts

This was a good one. I slept a ton and that helped a LOT. I’m gonna have to list everything out. This journal is also going to be a bit censored compared to my private one.

1) Shortly after descending into hypnagogia, I started getting some sleep paralysis vibrations and a feeling of rising into the air. I saw a flash of cool-looking patterns, but my eyes were shut, so I saw them internally. Lots of colors and swirls and dots, very technicolor, very cool. I saw a flash of a video game character's face for a moment, which I somewhat willed to be there. It really felt like I was opening another pair of eyes. I then woke up and had to get a drink of water. I had only been asleep for a few minutes. I was essentially lucid, but at a low level of awareness.

2) nsfw and censored.

3) I woke up and went into vibrations again! I had a creepy sleep paralysis dream where all these huge eyes were floating above me. But a white tiger showed up, a character from my fantasy world, and he rescued me with a mighty roar. Everything frightening disappeared. Unfortunately, I either woke up or fell completely asleep after that.

4) I had a brief non-lucid dream which was also nsfw. Man. xD

5) I heard a faint scream in the middle of the night. Was definitely from sleep paralysis and not real.

6) I might’ve had a dream of taking a freezing cold shower, or it might’ve actually happened a few days ago when I was showering during a laundry cycle. Can’t remember. Maybe both.

7) This one is going to be fun. It started with a dream that I was on a tropical island. I was running with some middle aged dudes and one of their wives who was pretty, flirty, tan with dark hair and thin, and was (nsfw and censored actions are here lol). At some point she was (nsfw actions again, holy CRAP subconscious what is WITH you lmao). Lots of moms with strollers at the beach etc. We then were at a high point somehow, just me and her at first, looking down at the whole island at the height of a descending plane. I could see rainforest, rivers, white sand, the ocean and waves, and super fancy resort huts. I then realized that my tulpa was there as well, holding my right hand while the dream character woman held my left. We engaged our hovershoes which we suddenly had, and DROPPED! Then we engaged the fuel and stopped just before hitting the ocean! I believe I thought “I’m in my fantasy world right now!” which is why I thought to engage my hovershoes. The feeling of freefall was amazing. So was it lucid -- no, but it wasn't normal either. I didn't believe I was on earth. I believed I was in a real fantasy/magical world, which allowed me to summon hovershoes at will, so there was probably some faint degree of awareness there.

8) Next: Straight out of dream 7, I woke up, but I was sleep-paralyzed. It was powerful enough that I tried to move my dream hand separate from my physical hand. Believe it or not, it worked. I wanted to open my eyes and lift my whole dream body out of my main one for an OBE but a) I had the feeling that I’d wake up if I tried, and b) I could tell that I was gonna project myself directly into my room instead of the universe I wanted to go to. I tried to see the white tiger again and he was definitely there, but then my hand started to feel weird and uncomfortable (it was curled funny when I fell asleep). Then I woke up fully.

9) I tried to AP again one more time, at like 8:15 AM when I should’ve been awake. I was trying this method where my tiger friend was going to yank me out of my physical body and ascend straight into another universe. Well I felt him biting me on my neck, not hard or painful at all, just like a mom picking up her baby kitten. Unfortunately, the sensation was strong enough that I woke up. It was really cool though. Actually my neck still kind of feels it which is weird because I've been awake for around 90 minutes now. :O

Ritual: I haven't let myself get bothered by my dry spell of the last few weeks, since it was easily attributable to lack of motivation and practice. My work life has been much more relaxed, so I think dreaming has been less psychologically necessary. I'm starting to observe a consistent pattern where I get lucid more frequently and intensely at times when I am under the most stress in waking life. I always think I'll have more time to work on dreaming when that stress disappears, but usually I find my motivation disappears along with it. I think this is because when I have more free time, I indulge in other kinds of experiences that satisfy my mind in a way similar to dreaming: films, books, and especially computer games.

Recently I started getting irritated with the bad dream recall and lack of lucidity, and decided to put more work into it. I did a few WILD attempts where my inability to count much higher than ten revealed my lack of mental focus and clarity, and they went nowhere. Today I found myself wide awake after sleeping four hours, a perfect WBTB, so I decided to try again. I didn't want to take any active supplements (alpha-gpc, galantamine, or piracetam), but I also didn't want to miss out on the placebo effect and reifying of intentions that might be gained from swallowing something, so I took a few tablets of bacopa and one of NAC. For good measure I also strapped on my MotivAider, set to 45 minutes, then lay down to do some counting. My focus was still crap.

I was not fully asleep yet when I felt the first pulse of the MotivAider, however it roused me enough that I noticed I was seeing some really amazing hypnagogic patterns. This is the first time I've experienced such distinctly geometric and symmetrical patterns in the hypnagogic state. I got up to use the bathroom and was amazed at the way the patterns persisted every time I closed my eyes, moving and transforming. I was tempted to wake up more fully to sketch them, but realized I could make better use of this state, so I preserved it and kept watching the imagery as I lay back down in bed.

I decided to skip the counting this time and work directly on tactile sensations. I concentrated on trying to move the dream body without activating my real one, and there was that inevitable ambiguity at first, but then I reached up to touch my face and I was pretty sure it was my dream arm that did it. I felt around my mouth with my tongue and was sure of it: the taste in my mouth felt too flat, too muted, to even be the normal background mouth-taste that we typically overlook. When I was confident that I had integrated into the dream body, I got up into my bedroom.

WILD, "Reflections / Zznvogayi": It is my first time getting lucid this month, so I decide to try a TOTM. The mirror task is convenient, since there are large mirrored sliding closet doors only steps away from my bed. I walk over and stand in front of one. At first I think the reflection bears a close resemblance to me, only with fuller cheeks and smaller eyes. But rapidly these features grow more exaggerated until they no longer look like me at all: the face is horribly bloated and the eyes have all but vanished beneath the puffy surrounding tissue. I recognize this as DR: I've been reading Gyo, a horror manga by Junji Ito, and it's full of faces like this. I force myself to keep watching as the image becomes more and more hideous, as though it is deliberately trying to unnerve me, but I remain calm and at last it vanishes.

It seems like the show is over, but the TOTM instructions were to keep looking as long as you can, so I continue watching the mirror. For a while it shows no reflection at all, just an empty dark space. Then a new reflection appears. This woman is beautiful, elegantly dressed in an archaic ballgown. I note that the bottom of her dress expands into almost a full half-sphere, and recall that this style was characteristic of the 1850s. I look up toward her face, but even though the expansive bottom of her dress is brightly illuminated, her entire upper body is in deep shadow and I can make out nothing but the silhouette of an appealingly slender torso. I keep staring until finally a tinge of light illuminates the lower curve of a shapely breast. I never do see the rest of her. As I continue watching, she is replaced by a male figure. I have the impression of a hairy man in rough clothing or primitive furs, but already the dream is deconstructing itself around me and when it stabilizes I am in another place entirely.

I find myself at the top of stairs leading down through water and rockery, landscaping that reminds me of a Chinese garden, though the buildings on all sides look contemporary. I wander down the stairs wondering what to do next. In late May I finally started playing Dragon Age: Inquisition, and was delighted to discover that one of the core characters is a lucid dreamer. This gives me the idea to try to summon him. Summoning people, historical or fictional (I rarely attempt it with WL people because I feel like it would be rude to deal with their doppelgangers), has always been my weakest area of dream control, but I'm determined to make it work. At first I hope to recognize the character among random DCs passing by, but don't see any likely candidates. Then I notice that at the bottom of the stairs is a large cafe, with a number of tables clustered in a semi-interior space with no front wall. This gives me an idea.

The cafe is organized enough to have a hostess desk, so I approach the two women working there and tell them, "There's someone waiting for me." When they ask his name, I say "Solas." One of the women acknowledges that he is here, and tells me to follow her. Oh my, is my trick actually working? I worry that I might get too excited over the prospect of success and destabilize the dream, and of course even that thought comes dangerously close to doing so, but I quell it and force myself to keep going along with the events I've set in motion, despite my impatience. So I follow the hostess, who leads me among the small circular tables toward one where a man is sitting by himself. I squint at him, trying to figure out if he really looks like Solas. Not so much: his face is thin enough but the features aren't right, and his skin has an odd greenish cast. I do my best to will his appearance into a better fit with my expectations, but this doesn't work. Oh well, appearances aren't everything. Maybe at least he'll identify as the character?

I sit down at the table and say, "Are you Solas?" He confirms that he is not. I don't remember our conversation clearly, but I recall being impressed with this DC's confidence and sense of his own identity. He seemed to find my questions foolish or nonsensical whenever I attempted to steer him toward my own ideas of how the scene should play out. For instance, when I asked something like "Are you from Thedas?" he replied emphatically, "I am from here." Still trying to keep up with the DA:I theme, I asked, "Is this the Fade?" I seem to recall he had an interesting answer to that, but I've unfortunately forgotten it.

At some point either I ask for his name or he volunteers it... and it is both odd and unfamiliar. I repeat what I think I've heard: "Vinyogi?" He shakes his head and says it again. This time I can make out that there are four syllables, with the emphasis on the second. "Zunvogayi?" I have to try several times before he's happy with my pronunciation, but it sounded something like that. I ask how to spell it, thinking this will help me remember it better, and he explains that the first syllable is spelled 'Zzn', but clarifies that the second 'z' functions as a 'u'. He gets up to leave and I follow, badgering him about how to spell the rest of it. He asks why I want to know, which I realize is a reasonable suspicion. I try to come up with an explanation that will sound bland and plausible without mentioning that I'm dreaming this, so I say something lame along the lines of, "I like to keep records of my activities."

Outside the cafe we head left down a path and then turn to the right, where some DCs are gathered looking at a long thin object resembling a small oar that is attached to a wall with a number on the paddle end. From their conversation I gather that it is a house number, and possibly they are trying to figure out if they should proceed with some kind of heist. Zznvogayi pulls out some cards and lays down four of them as though doing a divination. There are words and pictures on the cards, but they don't make sense to me. From what I can tell, the cards suggest that "if you have guts you get ice cream." I tentatively interpret that to mean that bravery will yield rewards... a favorable oracle? The DCs discuss the matter among themselves. Meanwhile I'm still pestering Zznvogayi to tell me how to spell the rest of his name, which he finally does. Of course it was just as complicated as the first syllable, and all I remember now is him explaining: "The 'v' and the 'd' are the same." "That makes sense," I reply, thinking how easily the two letters could merge based on linguistic similarity, and the fact that in some languages, like Sanskrit, they commonly occur in the compound phoneme 'dv'.

I want to make another attempt at summoning Solas, but this environment is too modern and urban to be suitable, so I decide to find somewhere better. Since there are a lot of DCs around I offer to make a show of it, announcing, "I'm going to make a portal!" Sure enough, this gets their attention and a small audience gathers behind me. I realize that with so many people watching I ought to give them a good visual spectacle. I begin by establishing, a few feet above the ground, a smudge of light colored deep cobalt blue. Then I wave my hand in a circle to rotate the light, spinning it into a flat vertical disk. I recall the beautiful hypnagogic patterns I was watching earlier as I fell asleep, and decorate the disk similarly. When I feel that the portal is well-established, I step through, trying to fix my thoughts on an environment appropriate to DA:I. However, at the spur of the moment I have trouble remembering any setting in particular, and for a while I find myself floating in unconstructed dream space. I focus on staying in the dream and finally a new environment forms around me. Across well-groomed lawns are large buildings whose style is unmistakably contemporary. There are no windows on the side wall of the building that I'm facing, just a four-digit number to identify it. This place looks like an expensive corporate campus: very far from what I was hoping for!

FA: It was probably the disappointment that woke me, but I had so much to write that I immediately went into "preserve and recall" mode, grabbing the notebook next to my bed and jotting down as many notes as I could before the memories faded, starting with the name 'Zznvogayi'. At one point I noticed that the pen wasn't making any marks on the paper, and remembered that earlier I had covered part of that page with an oval of wax. I tried to remember why and thought it must have had something to do with portals. I flipped over to a new page and continued taking notes, until I woke up more fully and realized that I was not actually writing, it had been an FA, and I would need to pick up my notebook for real and do it properly.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

I'm at some airport, but not a conventional one, either it's interplanetary or interdimensional. I was with some girl friends, but I loose them in the crowd. I end up in the restauration area and from there I walk out into an open area that I recognize from another dream I had some day. There's a stage and a girl is rehearsing for a concert later on. I keep walking up a dirt road because nature looks alien: there's a tree with raspberries the size of big apples and the soil looks like a creamy chocolate cake. As I watch the trees, their roots and branches and the river to my left, I notice patterns overlapping. The branches of a certain tree fit precisely against certain stars in the sky.
A guy appears behind me and says "Can you see the patterns, repeated and interconnected?".
"Yes, but if I move to a new position, I stop seeing this overlapping pattern, so it's just coincidental."
"Look again, you'll just see new patterns emerging. No matter what angle you look at things, you will always find repeating and overlapping patterns, just different ones, infinite numbers."
As we keep walking, I know I am dreaming, but it requires no reality check to confirm it or stabilize it. It holds very naturally and very clear. I actually feel that I can stay there forever. I realize how much I could learn if I decide to stay. I am decided to stay and unravel all the secrets of all the universes.
But then I wonder what will happen to the girl body I have left sleeping on a bed... Will "I" enter a coma? Sleep for the rest of "my life"? What about my family and loved ones? I don't worry that I'll miss them, I worry that they'll suffer not understanding what is happening to "me". I feel obliged to come back. (Damn!)
But for now I keep walking with this guy and he takes me to a really nice hostel in the mountain. My room faces a terrace over the river, that connects to other rooms. All is well on this peaceful place, I'm just contemplating nature, when a couple of men in black come out of another room, dragging my friend. When I approach to ask what they're doing, they tell me to go away or they'll take me to. One of them has some kind of weapon that points at me and I wake up.

I was taking a nap. I tried to lucid dream, but I ended up not getting a nap at all. However, this was still quite interesting.

Whenever I close my eyes, I see patterns of blue light. I see waves of glowing blue all moving around freely, with some occasional orange thrown into the mix.

This time it was very vivid. At one point it was so clear I could see the rough edges instead of blurriness.

The strangest part is, at one point my heart started pounding for no reason. It quickly went back to normal, though.

I also remember feeling vibrations in my feet at one point, but it went away after a few seconds.

Spoiler for Picture:

So pretty!

I woke up in my dorm room. I felt as if I had woken up too late. I wanted to look over to see if my room mate was still sleeping.

I turned my head over and tried to open my eyes but I was having a lot of difficulty. They felt glued together or something!

I managed to look down finally for a brief moment and saw that my room mate's bed was empty.

I looked up and suddenly she was screaming in my face!

Startled, I jumped out of bed and did a reality check.

Six fingers - Dreaming.

I looked around the room and wondered what to do in this lucid dream.

I thought about flying, but considered that I should do something else.

I realized that I really should have came up with some more lucid goals while I was still awake. Perhaps I could visit the MDRC as I had been planning to months ago, before I got distracted by something else?

I just wasn't really too sure. So I stood there for a moment just thinking about how I should spend this dream.

I thought about jumping out the window and flying off, but then I also thought about how this MIGHT not be a dream, though I was pretty sure it was. I looked out the window. I was pretty high up.

I turned back around and noticed that there were strange pajamas hanging on our door. They were silk and had bat wings on them. I didn't remember my room mate having these.

Swimming also crossed my mind. It would be pretty cool to do that too.

And then, I got a good idea.

Dream drugs!

I decided to drop dream acid.

The room around me expanded outwards like a fun house mirror.

I walked to the mirror and looked at my reflection. I looked really weird. I stared into one of my eyes.

Slowly, my reflection began to twist around. Everything but the eye I was staring into began to swirl and orbit this single eye until it morphed into intricate circular patterns.

Title: A Shout in the Night Date: 9/15/2010
Category: Color Patterns Lucidity: Not Lucid

Keywords: Heavy, Lead, Vibrations, Colors, Patterns


Description: This morning I woke up at 03:30. While returning from the bathroom I felt very hungry...starving. I ignored this feeling because I felt if I ate anything I would not be able to go back asleep.

I did a guided meditation before returning to sleep...Silvia Method & the Ultimate Psychic Guide...About 30 min. I kept still in bed relaxing my eyes until I entered waking sleep paralysis. My arms and legs felt like lead. I felt vibrations on my face and chest. Colors and shapes danced before my eyes. A high pitch cry was heard...DAD, DAD, DAD! Pain in my left arm and hip grew (the rollover signal), I ignored it for as long as I could, about 3 hours. With exception to the pain, I felt like I was in a very deep meditative state. I felt like I was barely breathing.


Mental or Emotional State: Disappointed - I was relaxed, I entered waking sleep paralysis, and then.....NOTHING!!!


Interpretation or Meaning: Hearing voices within your dream--if the source of the voices is unknown--may represent messages from your unconscious mind, or may represent many sides of an inner conflict.