non-lucid

Had another lucid today so I thought I'd post. Don't remember all the details. Although for parts of the dream I was lucid, I just continued to let the dream guide me.


I was going somewhere in the car with my mom, dad, and sister, not sure where. We stopped at a car wash for some reason to get food.. or wash our car.. or something. I went outside for some reason, and walked past a little girl and her mother in the back of a parking lot. As I approached her, I rubbed my hand on top of my head in a circle so that she knew who I was. They were homeless, and the little girl said she was hungry.This made me feel really bad so I decided to go to the store and buy a little something for her. I tried to fly on the way to the store by jumping in the air, but couldn't seem to stay up, like usual. It was still fun though. At this point I was thinking "Oh, I know I'm dreaming but I don't care. I never want to wake up." Anyway, I went to what I thought was a grocery store but when I went inside, I saw that it was the same car wash place that I was in before. My parents and sister were there again. I picked out a bag of pretzel-like snacks and started tasting them for some reason. I then picked out a bag of cheese filled pretzels for the little girl and put them on the checkout counter, telling my mom and I was hungry even though the food wasn't for me. I realized that she would also have to buy the other pretzel-like snacks that I had tasted because I had opened the bad. Oh well, I thought. More for the little girl and her mom. I went back to them, flying on the way, but I don't think I ever got to give it to them..

Real life Dream Lucid Dream sign
For me to remember, dreams are 067300, lucid dreams are the color below blue, #4169e1, and dream signs are the light purple, which is up one and left one from blue, #483d8b.

Rocket screen dream
Interesting dream from a scientific perspective.

I was at a Boy Scout camp. It was the largest Boy Scout event ever in history. It was night time. There was a lake at the camp- Cub Scouts were on the other side. They were cheering very loud, and so were we. I walked around and saw lots of people. Two people I saw had stands set up that had lots of violin bows that looked very badly made. They were really fat, like an inch thick, but had weak points where they was only a centimeter thick. They had no finish. There were no violins there. I asked one stand's owner if she knew how to play. She replied, "No, I only know how to bow." I heard a kid yell something cute really loudly at the other side of the lake and commented about it to someone I don't know very well from school, who was a girl but had a boy scout uniform on. She replied something insignificant.

Then, the fireworks started.

It was the most amazing show I had ever seen, one probably impossible in real life. Huge fireworks went off. By huge, I mean HUGE. I mean a quarter of the entire sky was covered in dazzling orange. I remember popping, sparkling, and vivid colors all across the sky. It was just amazing. It was beautiful. Just awesome in it's huge scale, and amazingly beautiful. But every so often, I'd see a small rocket, maybe a little larger than my thumbnail when I extend my arm all the way. (But they may as well been the size of a house; who knows how far away they were.) They were faintly glowing, and looked a little like this:

They had a weird, faint cyan trail which you can't see in the picture. They had a brighter cyan exhaust, which you can see. They'd dance around very randomly in all directions, even down, and fade away. I was curious as to what they were, since they didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the show. After a while, the show ended. Everyone cheered and clapped very loudly. We all thought it was amazing! But then we all gasped...

The rockets didn't fit in for a reason. They lit up again... All of them. They were arranged in a grid. It was a massive screen, going across a third of the sky, made completely out of floating rockets. They made pictures, with some of them lit up, and others not lit up, showing letters, words and symbols, such as BSA (Boy Scouts of America). It was the coolest thing ever!

Dreamskip.

I was in the control room for the BSA camp. I asked people questions about the rockets.

July 4, 2008

I was at a high school that had the theme of Hogwart's (kind of) and I was trying to find my brother to give him a book. The high school was built out of amber colored stone with big pillars and bridges. I then went to a big majestic building that looked like the Taj Mahal. The sky was bright, sunny, and blue. A man with a long white beard then just said out of nowhere, "Spin the Stones." What then happened, was that the big building started rotating very slowly. Just imagine the Taj Mahal on a sunny day and it is tilting slowly like the leaning tower of Pisa. Here is a picture to best describe the scenery. The weird thing is that I had this dream in 2008 and had no idea what the Taj Mahal was at the time. And this picture looks exactly how it did in my dream. Also, just imagine a humongous glass dome above this palace.
Anyways, after the man said, "Spin the stones," it sounded like a bunch of gigantic rotating gears like in a clock were turning. I looked up and there was a boy chained to the top of the dome by his wrists just hanging there. I could not see his face because his long brown hair was covering it. He started to clench and fidget like he was in pain, for he was, and shed one tear. The tear rolled down his face and dropped on the tip of the big building. The tear quickly rolled down the smooth stone and kept going until it slid frictionless on the white stone floor and into the water. (My dream camera angle changed to underwater still watching the droplet at this point.) The droplet turned into a water fish and swam until it went inside a black hole in the wall. Then the water burst out and turned into little tiny colored creatures. They looked like they were made up of little geometric 3-d shapes and they had little faces on them. They formed a stairway with air supporting them. This phenomenon that just happened stuck in my mind as what is called a Mackinaw. I have no idea what it means but that's what it was called in my dream. So yeah. After that its foggy.

October 26, 2005

A dart came flying towards me so in a frantic attempt to not get hit by it I smacked it down to the floor. It was filled with a liquid that was silvery like mercury. I broke the dart open, and touched the silvery liquid. I then decided to taste it for some reason. When it touched my tongue my whole body went numb and limp and dropped to the floor. Might I also mention that when my body went numb, a really strong vibration took over my body. I saw my dad standing there and he was just looking at me. I then proceeded to tell him, "This stuff is cool." Then it faded.

October 19, 2005

I dreamed that I was the new Avatar (The Last Airbender). I was showing off to all of my friends that I could levitate on a ball of air. The technique to it was to jump up in the air and cross your legs and the ball of air would support me. I floated around the rocky ground. Then one of my DCs said they could do it too. He tried but failed epically because all he did was sit there. Then I said, "Watch me," and I crossed my legs and floated around even more having a blast, while kicking up some nearby stones with the wind I floated on. I then stopped and remembered that I could control all four elements, so I tried fire. It shot out of my hands in a red flame. I tried to propel myself upward but it didn't work very well.

October 4, 2005

I was in a school, not the one I go to but I was supposedly writing insults about the principal. I didn't even know him or what he looked like. So everyone was after me. I quickly ran to the nearest elevator, and usually when you get off an elevator in real life it leads to a hallway. This one went smack-dab right in the middle of the library. It was a pretty big library with a ton of computers. There were people at the desk of every computer there and the principal was after me now. (I don't even know how I knew that) So I crawled under all the desks of the computer until someone spotted me and shouted, "Hey! You're the one who was writing insults about the principal!" Then everyone's head turned and looked at me. I ran to the door to get out but it was locked. Then I woke up.

(Backdating this entry because this is a dream that's been on my mind for several weeks now. Originally posted in my private blog November 13, 2010.)

Okay, this sucker is way too weird not to journal about. And I've just awoken from it, so retention should be pretty good - although it was too detailed and involved to easily forget. I'll follow the usual practice of dream recall and work backwards.

The dream ends with me losing my temper at Aidan right after he finds me hiding in his apartment. I'm yelling at him about everything. In fact, true to Clonazepam's side effects, I'm still yelling at him in my head as I'm getting up from my bed after waking up, or rather hearing him yell that this is all a dream now and I'm awake anyway....

He has just discovered me hiding there in a closet in an empty room that he obviously never uses, sitting on a portable potty he's got in there. (Marker of my dreams: there are lots of these fake potties not connected to any plumbing.) I've managed to evade discovery up to now because Aidan's been in the next room (which has a slightly ajar door connecting to this one) writing/singing a song about how much hate is in him bursting to get free, and a variation on the usual bait line about longing for the right woman, this one about how he'll know her because she will see and discover that hate and know what to do with it.

This is after I've just left some other girl, part of Aidan's circle, sleeping in his spare room - we'd been there because Aidan had given me a key and we were stopping there to get ready to go to the party. I'd left her, found a little alcove with a bed, and found this closet and pulled my laptop into it to blog, with the AC cord plugged in around the corner. I was reading a book that the other girl had written. She said she was from Madison, Wisconsin and four of her five sisters were nurses, while the other was a lawyer and she named the firm (I can't remember, but I think one of the names sounded like Blast). I had read a book that was chronicling what had happened in my life five minutes ago. I was making notes all over it. It was fine when I confronted Aidan and R, a well-known Canadian actor, playwright and activist, together and said, "Obviously I'm well known among your friends. How am I known?" (A waking-life concern for several years now.) Whereupon both of them sort of hem and haw and Aidan finally takes it: "Well, the usual comment is when they see you walk into a place, 'That's your stalker? Wow - I'll take her off your hands, man!'"

(In real life, not to be obnoxious about this, but everyone tells me how beautiful I am and how I don't look my age, and I have to say bluntly that I generally agree. But not once - not once - has it meant my romantic feelings for a specific person have ever been returned in kind. So it's a great compliment, and I always appreciate it because I usually forget it as real-life experience doesn't support it, but I do wish it would lead to better results.)

So I'm reading further into this manuscript - which has an advising professors's name on the front page - and it goes on to describe how other girls at the party say things like, "We've all been taken in by crocodile scrips like Colm." (???) I've finished the book and finished arguing with the girl about how non-roadworthy my car is, and obviously the party's over by this time so she goes to bed. I look for a bathroom to use and notice noises indicating that Aidan's home. It'll look like I'm stalking him if I've stayed there.

Cut to before the apartment: It's 4:00 in the morning, and a wafer-thin African-descent hooker named Lola (word in a crossword puzzle three days ago), with blonded Afro hair and a skin-tight micromini sheath, is following me, saying no one cares about her. The other girl with me from the party is getting exasperated, and she turns into Bree from Desperate Housewives. Cut to a moment before: Lola has been eyeing me as if I'm encroaching on her turf, but then she just says, "You done for the night?" "Yeah." "Good night!" "You're beautiful!" Then she follows me, saying no one ever calls her beautiful. My Bree-like friend looks exasperated. "This is Melissa," I say, "and she already knows she's beautiful!" Melissa gives Lola a strained smile. We get to Aidan's building and I say, "This isn't my apartment, so I can't invite you in - but I'll help you find a homeless shelter for the night." Then the details get lost in how I'm using my iPhone to look up hostels online, but that turns out to be a bad idea because they'll ask for a credit card from Lola.

Cut to: My old parking lot in a suburb of Toronto. The Lada is there that my parents gave me in 1989. That thing was ten years old and never worked properly. It was broken into once just for the radio I'd put into it. It doesn't stop on snow unless you press the brake at least five car lengths ahead of time - the brakes are ground almost to nothing. I'm nearly out of gas. Repeatedly, I impress upon Melissa that perhaps driving this thing to a party in North Hollywood, where I would almost certainly be drinking, wouldn't be the sharpest move. She just goes, "Uh-huh," and does up her seatbelt. I sigh and continue to drive, making a mental note to stop at the store near my parents' house, 1500 miles away, for gas before going on the half-hour drive from Toronto to North Hollywood for this geographical confusion of a party.

Cut to R's (said Canadian famous person) estate in LA. I've met a bunch of girls from various parts of the US that are there for a fan convention. Most of Aidan's crowd has left, but some are straggling around passing around the address where the party will be. I don't have it, so I hook up with a bunch of girls who know the address and have GPS in their cars.

Cut to previously mentioned conversation in which R and Aidan reassure me that I'm okay. But this time it's about stalking R!! We also talk about the fact that I'm usually unaware of sex, but when confronted by R's full-frontal naked body, I feel a strange, oddly familiar, and unbidden full-body sensation of pleasure. It's commented, I think by R himself, that this is natural and biological. It occurs to me that pure, plain sex is something I rarely, if ever, think about these days. (And it's true. If I'm ever turned on - and I don't think I am - I don't know it. I'm not certain, but I think it's a side effect of my antidepressants. Possibly when Jeff claps me on the shoulder the way he usually does. What I think of as a "rush of endorphins" when he hugs me might actually be a rush of reproductive hormones, for all I'm aware. I just know I enjoy it.) R is very nice and logical about it, kind of as if he's trying to explain this to a 12-year-old kid entering puberty. (And I think I noticed him favourably in a movie when I was about 16.) But by the end of this conversation, I somehow just want to be around Aidan some more - as if he's raw masculine sexuality, without the complication of actually liking or having any feelings of friendship for him. It's an intriguing feeling.

Prior to this, R is smiling at me and telling me he's sorry he didn't tell me that the pool was a self-contained pool, not a pond connected to the earth. I in turn tell him I was about to apologize for peeing in his pool. And then I'm inside the main house where everyone is drying off, and I'm looking for a place to get to a bathroom and change. The only place avaliable is off R's bedroom, where I walk in to discover him lying naked - only he looks like a giant burnt squid. I still avert my eyes and stick my hand out to block my vision, and I manage to get past him and get to the stall. Meanwhile he wakes up and discovers me there. There's a definite you-are-a-disgusting-stalker colour to being discovered uninvited in a room where an attractive and sought-out man is lying naked.

Before this, I go down to a pond. It's just after dawn, calm and idyllic. I strip down. I'm in the pond, and I decide to relieve my bladder. Then others arrive - all people from Aidan's crowd. It's a closed-off pool. I'm certain the yellow cloud of social-ostracism flag surrounding me is obvious to everyone.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, R and I are doing a scene from MacBeth in which we have to kiss. I'm trying my best not to be obviously attracted to him. He is attracted to me as his character, but when the scene ends, he's an acting teacher. He's even coldly analyzing my kissing technique.

That's pretty much the bulk of what I remember. A few things are obvious in writing this dream down. 1) I must have had to go to the bathroom pretty badly. 2) It's all about my fear of being considered a stalker if I get too familiar and informal around celebrities. 3) There's a slight possibility that I may be feeling the lack of a current boyfriend who is actually in the same city with me.

And 4) It's probably these drugs I'm on that are making my dreams this detailed, complex, convoluted and weird.

Regardless, I know for sure that I'm not an obsessed fan of R in real life, though I do have a good deal of respect for him as an actor and as an activist and teacher. I'm just not the obsessed-fan/stalker type. Getting into that would be just plain dumb. Perhaps he is an attractive man, but that has no relevance to me in waking life and I simply never think about it. I guess I must have seen him on a rerun recently and thought about the romance between his character, a painfully shy scientist, and one of the main characters on the show, and I must have thought of a painfully shy man to whom I've found myself involuntarily attracted lately. Plus, Aidan is still normally not at all attractive to me or even someone I'd normally hang out with. What are either of these two gentlemen doing in my dreams?

Dreams have been pretty repetitive for the past couple of days. MSN conversations, and fragmented sexual escapades. Last night, I had a dream about being on a school bus again. We went to another school, and we were walking through it in a single file line. On that note, it's time to get back into it.

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Good morning! Was super tired last night, and slept for a long time. Woke up at 4.00 and did a WBTB, but not a very long one. Although it was enough for me to become lucid!

Sleep: 11.00

04.00: Fragments
*I'm at this big white house. I take a look inside and it's enormous. The ceiling is very high and there are several doors, leading to rooms just in the huge hallway. I close the door and tell some guy I'm with how amazing it is. We walk for a while and end up at a cool sheet of glass, acting as an elevator. My co-worker Snusknicke is there, and he's riding it to the top, only to fall off it. He isn't hurt, and tells me it's so cool. I try to stand under it, and I don't get crushed! But when I jump on it, it's solid. Like in a game.

*A large tanker is standing at a gas station, and it has been cleaned. Some guy is complaining about the way it has been done, and tells me they have no right to do it.

04.00: WBTB: 10 minutes or less.

10.00: Nice control MILD
I'm at work and we're laying down sewage pipes. There's a big block of concrete which the pipes are going in to. I walk away for a while and come back. Everything's almost complete, but I spot something about one of the pipes. "How are we supposed to bend that pipe without breaking it?" I ask. "Well, you can just push down on it, but we do need tennis balls" Björn tells me. I don't think much about it, but figure it's for some kind of hole in need of plugging. I walk away towards the large tennis arena.

Two guys are just about to close the metallic gates. "Wait! Don't close it yet!" I yell at them and they stop. "Hey, I need a few tennis balls. Can I have some? It's work related" They shake their heads. "Sorry... It's closed, and you can't have them for free anyways, if it's work related, you could rent them for around 10k" one of them says. I look around and spot several balls in a fence and up in a tree. I slowly become lucid and reach out towards them with my hand. Six of them comes rushing at me at once, and the guys get nervous.

I make them spin around all of us for a while, and then line them up on the ground infront of us. I start wondering if I could do telekinesis without using my hands. The balls start bouncing around and move at my will. I forget about the guys and focus on a piece of scrap metal on the ground. I grab it with telekinesis and make it fly towards a few cars parked at a wall. I totally destroy one car with the metal, but there is absolutely no sound. I decide to try out what I've been wanting to do lately, just walking around.

I take a good look at my hand, and I notice atleast 4-5 small fingers branching off the larger ones. I then turn around to check how stable the dream is. I appear to be at some kind of dock, and it's pretty grey outside. It must have been dusk. I can see very far over the water, alot further than I can IRL and it's all very clear and vivid. I start walking down the road, with absolutely nothing in mind but keeping the dream stable. I got a very nice buzzing feeling going through my whole body. Every second I stay lucid and the dream is stable is so cool! My head starts to hurt a bit from all the concentrating but I don't mind. I walk on.

"Perhaps it's so stable because I've just taken Calea?" I wonder. There are dumpsters on each side and I feel the texture of one of them as I walk. A homeles pair appear to the right and smiles at me, but I ignore them. After a few more seconds, I must have gotten bored with just walking, and suddenly the gravity gets weaker with each step I take. Each step makes me float more and more, and soon I'm flying through the air. I spot a construction company's name but I forgot about it. I also spot a school and the name is Jach something.

I fly for a while and end up ontop of a roof. The weather is still very grey and quiet. "Haha I bet I will wake up soon" BAM! I start to feel my body, and try to L-DEILD. My hands are feeling very numb, and I'm afraid I am cutting off the blood flow. I get a bit more awake and the feeling goes away. I concentrate for a while, and I get the same feeling back. But I never succeed in going back... I wake up with a headache. Perhaps from sleeping so much, but perhaps from the Calea. I had a headache last time I took it aswell.

Wake up: 10.00

Amount of sleep: 11 hours

Food before bed: 2 x Omega-3, Applejuice
WBTB food: 1 x Calea extract pill

That's it! Feels awesome to have another lucid, and one with great control, and thinking ability! I would say it was the longest I've had in a long time, perhaps 3 minutes or more. But still awesome! I'm not sure, but I think I will do the same thing next time I have a lucid. Just walk around and keep the dream stabilized!

Keep on dreaming, HARE BRA!

(Good morning, everybody. This is a really long entry. Sorry.

I remember three dreams from last night. The first two dreams happened sometime between midnight and 5 AM. The third dream was between about 5:30 AM and 7 AM.

I became lucid in the third dream, and sustained my lucidity for quite a while. But I think it was mainly because I “conserved my energy” and didn’t really try anything out of my normal range of dream-activity.)

Dream #1

I was coming back to “my apartment.” I was walking through a building that itself was as big as a small neighborhood. I walked through one area, a huge room with tall ceilings and wood walls.

As I walked through the area, I went past a young man and woman who were possibly standing outside the door to the woman’s apartment. The door may have been pale blue.

The woman was very pretty, with copper-colored skin and long, straight, black hair. The man was handsome, white, tall, with blonde hair about down to his shoulders. He wore a grey, wool cap and some winter clothes.

The man was telling the woman that he would make sure her move went smoothly. She was apparently moving to another place, and she was nervous about it. I gathered, from the man’s speech to the woman, that the man would make sure she didn’t experience the same harassment she’d experienced at her present apartment.

But as I was walking past the couple (I didn’t actually get very close to them, and I had to exit via another door into another room in order to get to “my building”), the man and woman expressed some kind of concern that I was going to get them in trouble. It was as if, as well as the woman experiencing harassment from some group of people, the man and the woman had themselves been accused of causing trouble in their neighborhood. They thought I was the kind of person who would get them in trouble again.

I walked softly and quickly through the door, trying my best to give an impression to the man and woman that I was nice, that I wouldn’t harass the woman, and that I wouldn’t get the man and woman in trouble – in other words, that I would just mind my own business.

I walked into the next area, which was like a mix between some completely forgotten room or corridor in an enormous mansion and a back alley. A light shone from high above, and at the heights of the room, it was dark as night, though it was light enough near the floor. The walls were wood, and the floor had a pale, blue-grey carpeting. But there was junk everywhere, like tattered cardboard boxes, wadded up pieces of wrapping plastic, and other garbage. There seemed to be turns and staircases here and there, leading up to other “apartment buildings.”

I walked toward my building, which didn’t even have a front door, just a staircase leading up to a winding ramp into darkness. My landlord, an older, black man or woman, stood at the top of or on one of the curves in the ramp. He/she apparently knew I was coming home, so he/she was waiting to welcome me back. I may have been away for a few days, doing something like visiting my family.

I didn’t realize, but the young man had followed me all the way here. My “building,” it turned out, was the building that the young woman would be staying in. I thought that for sure the man would now be panicked. He and the woman had been so afraid to begin with that I would get them in trouble. And now it looked like I had “reverse followed” him all the way to the woman’s new residence.

I tried to act natural and cool, to make the man understand I wasn’t going to do anything mean to him or the woman. I spoke a little bit with the landlord, in a kind of easy, happy tone. I then said I was going to head on in to my room and get a little rest.

As I headed toward my room, through a door along a dim balcony facing at an odd angle to the ramps and the long alley-corridor, I heard the landlord now speaking with the young man. I thought, Why not prove that I’m a good guy, and let the young man see inside my room? Once he sees how lived-in my place is, he’ll know I’ve been here a few years, I’m a decent guy, and that I won’t do anything rude or mean to the woman or him?

So I called attention to the landlord and the young man. I had them come over to my room. I opened the door to my room. The room was humongous and dim. But I could tell, just by glancing inside, that the room was a complete mess – a disaster! Plus, the place just let out a horrendous smell, like tons and tons of socks that hadn’t been washed for months!

I quickly closed the door and told the landlord and young man nevermind, that I must have forgotten what I wanted to tell them. They walked away, kind of disappeared.

I suddenly felt suspicious of the young man. I felt that, now that he’d seen even just a little into my room, and he’d seen where I live, that he’d try to break into my room. I closed my door. I walked slowly away, as if I was trying to put on some kind of show that I didn’t really live in this apartment.

I suddenly recognized that, just beyond my door, the wall to my room only went up to about the middle of my chest. You could see inside the room just by standing out on the balcony. I looked inside, hoping that nothing of value would be easily spotted, prompting the young man to break into my house and steal things.

All I could see, though, anywhere, was a bunch of clutter and garbage. I felt like there was no way I could have left my place this way when I’d left. Had I been that neglectful of things? Or had I been gone so long that my place just kind of dissolved into these shambles of itself?

I walked around the corner of the balcony, now facing some dim corner of the alley-corridor directly, but still having a good view into my room.

Down below, in my room, I saw a huge, pale-blue, L-shaped couch. It was completely torn up. The stuffing of the couch was bloating out of the cushions, and a black, metal frame jutted out the edges.

Suddenly, my mother burst out from the inside of the couch. She scrambled out of the couch cushions. She then rabidly twitched and scratched against the couch, tearing it even more to pieces. She looked terrible, like she’d become some kind of wild animal.

I was terrified by this. But I quickly became indignant. Who had allowed my mother into my apartment? I ran down the balcony to find someone to complain to.

I ended up on some dark hilltop, under a small tree. It was pitch black night, but I could see, as if a car from somewhere were shining its lights on the scene. There were a few people wandering around, possibly Hispanic.

I found my father, who was almost cartoonishly wide. He was also dressed somewhat like a clown, in red clothes with pink and orange polka-dots. He may even have worn a clown-nose.

I yelled at my dad, “Why did you let my mom into my apartment?”

My dad gave me some kind of excuse that sounded half-hearted but official, so that I couldn’t really argue against it.

Dream #2

I was in a subway station, waiting for the train to come. I was in a far-off, unfamiliar neighborhood, and I had been doing some kind of activity that made me tired and ready to go back somewhere familiar.

The subway station was more like the lobby for a building like a hospital. I sat at a table in an area that looked like a makeshift café. The serving counter may have been in a small room, off to my right. Behind me, there may have been the main lobby area, large and bright, with a lot of sunlight flowing through the window-walls.

To my left was a wide doorway, through which I could see one subway platform. Through a kind of dim, plasticky window at the opposite end of the room and in front of me, I could see another subway platform.

I pulled out a book, crossed my legs, slumped in my chair, and started reading. A couple of teenage boys sat down a couple of tables away from me. They were making jokes with each other, pretty relaxed. They seemed cool. But for some reason, I didn’t want them to notice me. I thought they might start trouble.

Suddenly I could see, from some kind of reflection, that the train on the platform to my left was coming. It seemed to be coming without warning and very quickly. In a rush, the boys and I stood up from our tables and ran to the platform.

But I didn’t want the boys to know I got on this train. I felt that if they knew this about me they could hurt me somehow. So I tried to act like I wasn’t getting onto this train.

But when I got out to the platform (which was huge, wide, with tall ceilings, nothing like in NYC), the train wasn’t there. I heard the rushing of a train to my left. I looked and saw, down the platform, and up at the top of a tall staircase, a different train arriving at another platform. Was it just that train I’d heard? But I could have sworn I’d seen the train arrive on this platform, as well as heard it.

I looked down into the well for the train and tracks for my platform – and was terribly shocked! Instead of tracks, the floor was completely empty, trackless, and painted a bright yellow. There were no tracks! No train could ever have arrived here! But I was sure this was where the train was supposed to be – where I had actually seen it arrive!

I felt terribly foggy all of the sudden, as if I had fallen into a different world.

I heard the train on the second platform, off to my right, arriving. I thought I’d take that train. But I knew it wouldn’t get me anywhere close to where I wanted to go. I knew I’d just have to take this train, at this platform, whenever it came, no matter how long it took.

So I went back into the café area to go back to reading my book.

Dream #3

I was in my great-grandmother’s house. I had apparently been there for a long time. The place looked nothing like it had looked while my great-grandmother was alive: it was dim, grey-blue, and strewn garbage, household items, and even streams of toilet paper.

I walked around in the kitchen and dining room, possibly picking up and eating and drinking pieces of food and drink that had been left out for a long time on dirty plates and in dirty, grimy cups. There may also have been dirty, rusty knives, or something like that, somewhere.

I walked back into the living room. I felt like I had isolated myself in my great-grandmother’s house for so long. It had been days. Here I’d been, back home all this time, and I hadn’t visited my mother once!

I thought I’d give her a call and let her know I was at my great-grandma’s house, and that she could come visit me or maybe even pick me up so we could go somewhere to visit with each other. But I hesitated – I now felt so guilty having neglected my mother for all these days, that I knew just calling her would cause me a lot of heart-breaking pain.

I was suddenly in “my bedroom” at “my house.” The room was clean, a little barren. Nice sunlight flowed in through the window. It was cheerful enough. But it felt somehow lonely – not just lonely, but sterile, padded.

Something about this feeling made me realize I was dreaming. I realized I was now lucid. I told myself to keep calm and just go exploring this place as if it were a real environment.

(Oddly enough, when I became lucid, I may have “transformed” into a tallish, white, young man with tanned skin, blue eyes, and short-shaved, blonde hair. I have no idea why.)

I walked out of the bedroom and into “my living room.” I was in a suburban house. The house looked small and nice. But it was completely empty. It had thick, brown carpet.

I walked very slowly, to keep my emotions calm. I was heading for the front door. This was a kind of challenge for me, and I knew (even in my dream-state), that I had to keep calm in order to do this. I knew, I remembered (the truth, not a false memory – I mean, insofar as etc., etc.) that when I’d become lucid indoors in the past, my lucidity would end as soon as I walked outside, as if I hadn’t believed my imagination could “create” an outdoor space.

I got to the door. It had a strange bolt-lock on it, which I thought was kind of over-doing things. I worked the lock out and pulled open the door.

It was a bright, sunshiny day in a suburban neighborhood. I told myself to remain calm, remember this was all a dream, and just explore the place like it was a real environment.

My front yard was a tangle of flowery vegetation and rough, dark shrubs. There was a driveway off to my right, with a big, brown, 1970s-style car.

A blonde man, very tan, with a long tangle of hair and beard, was messing around near “my car.” He looked crazy, and I was afraid of him. But I was also pissed that he was messing around my car. So I yelled at him, “Hey! Hey! What are you doing?”

The crazy man hunched up (he never really stood) and turned toward me. He shouted and growled and barked all kinds of weird things at me and started rambling toward me violently. For some reason, he was holding a Panini and a paper plate in his hands, as if he had been eating a Panini when he’d seen my car and decided to vandalize it or rip it off.

It seemed as if the crazy man were going to try to invade my home. So I yelled at him, “Don’t you come near!”

The neighbor from the house to my left, an Asian man, in his late 30s or early 40s, wearing glasses, a pink-red polo shirt, and khaki shorts, walked out of his house and into my yard. He’d heard the commotion and was coming to help me.

I yelled again at the crazy man to back off and not to come anywhere near my home. But I also tried to make it seem to my neighbor like I had the situation under control. I felt like this crazy man was somehow important to whatever I was supposed to learn from this lucid dream. So I had to keep him at a distance without scaring him away entirely. I also wanted to make sure my neighbor didn’t scare away the crazy man.

Off to my right, in my garden, I saw a strange plant that looked like a Cleome topped with a cabbage. The cabbage was pink and white, like Cleome flowers.

Somehow, either my yelling my neighbor’s yelling had finally scared away the crazy man. He ran off. I, and possibly my neighbor, ran after him.

He ran down toward a chain link fence that ran along the crest of a kind of tall, kind of steep, cliff-like hill. I was calling to the crazy man to stop. I wasn’t trying to do him harm. But my neighbor was running faster than me, and he was chasing the crazy man quite violently.

The crazy man found a bent-up part of chain-link fence and crawled under it. I followed. I saw the crazy man run down the steep, brown hill-face, jumping into a shallow, muddy river or creek at the bottom.

My neighbor was still ahead of me, intent on capturing the crazy man. But once the crazy man was in the water, he did something to himself so that my neighbor could no longer see him. He had changed his wild, blonde hair into a weird, pink, green, and white, spiky flower style, looking like a hairdo-mix of a Cleome and a lotus. He ducked down low in the creek so that only his head was above water.

But I could still see that it was the crazy man. I wondered why my neighbor couldn’t. Nothing was different about the crazy man’s face: it was just his hair that looked like a lotus floating on the water.

I could see that the crazy man was drifting toward a group of copper-skinned, black haired children who were playing and splashing about near the creek’s banks. I thought that it might be a good idea to get the crazy man away from the children. He had gone over to them to blend in with them until we left. But I had a feeling that if he suddenly went crazy again, he could hurt the kids.

But now the crazy man and my neighbor were gone. I stood in some rocky area, looking down to the kids playing in the creek. At some point I looked over to my right and saw that there was a subway station, just jutting in a platform out of the hill, as if it were half-finished, forgotten. But it also looked new, clean, modern, even futuristic. And it was functional.

I saw some kids, maybe pre-teen or teenage, playing around near the platform, waiting for the train. I was up near the top of the hill now (which, instead of being muddy or earthy, was now rocky). I was at a pretty level view with the platform and with the kids. I hoped they wouldn’t notice me, because I didn’t want them to start trouble with me.

My emotions got so unstable that I felt my lucidity fading away.

But instead of the dream continuing, not lucid, everything blacked out. I told myself, you’re losing your lucidity. You’re waking up altogether. Go back to being in the dream, and being lucid.

So now I was back in the dream, lucid. I lay, stomach down, over some ledge of rock, looking down to some of the kids playing in the creek. They may have been a boy and a girl. They noticed me and started handing me toys to play with with them. One of the toys was a plastic horse.

I played around with the horse a little bit, then handed it back to the kids, who went back into the water.

I walked into the subway station. Inside, it seemed like it had become night. The station was lit gently with a kind of street-quality, greenish, fluorescent flood-lamp. The walls were a brownish stone, and the floors were some kind of granite-like grey. There was a downward staircase in the center of the lobby-area, and there were a few different corridors leading off from the main lobby-area.

I walked down one of the corridors off to my right. I heard a bunch of teenage kids who sounded like they were joking and having a good time. I decided that I should probably talk with the kids instead of being nervous and shy around them. This was a dream, and I was here to explore whatever I ran into.

So I saw the kids. They were a group of white boys and girls, dressed in kind of loose baggy sweaters and wool caps. They were making a bunch of jokes which struck me as intelligent and funny. I thought I’d talk to them. But they really didn’t pay any attention to me. So, rather than trying to hard to get their attention and getting hostile attention, I walked down another corridor.

But now I heard somebody calling for me. I wound around through the corridors, back to the area where the kids had been. It had definitely sounded like one of the boys, calling me back to be part of the group.

But when I got back to the area – something like a lobby, with a long, wooden counter at the front of the room, and a tall, nice painting on the cinder-block wall to my left – there were no kids, only two women. The women were both naked. They walked toward me, side by side.

The woman on the right was very tall, maybe a foot taller than I (or “I” in the dream). She was naked, but she wore a dark-blue plume of feathers as a headdress and a spray of dark blue feathers around her waist and back. She looked like a burlesque performer.

The woman on the left was still taller than I, maybe by an inch or two. She was pale, with long, curly, light-red hair. The women were both offering themselves to me for sex. I chose the shorter woman.

The woman stood right in front of me, almost to the point of pressing up to me. I asked her a question, and she replied. Satisfied, I began kissing her body.

We had sex in two or three different positions. But in one position I realized I was just doing a terrible job, and that I must just be making a weird situation for the woman, even though she did at least appear to be having fun. Regardless, I got so ashamed of what I perceived as being my stupid clumsiness that I woke up.

I was inside of Ezio's estate, and I knew the assassin well. He was having a metting of various people inside of his estate, and I gladly invited myself to it - although I didn't really know anything of the tactics they were planning. Instead I found myself heading upstairs with some other girls, though I kind of wish I hadn't. Instantly I found they were Courtesans, and there to keep another assassin occupied.

When he saw me, though, he asked the Courtesans to leave. What ensued was a short conversation, followed shortly by what was - essentially - him asking my permission to have sex with me. I don't know whether I said yes or no, but I probably said no. This didn't stop him from doing "other things."

This part of the dream was kind of blurred, except for the basics. I understood we both took "turns" as a kind of way to explore each other's bodies and see what we liked to do and what it did to the other person. When he started to go for my neck, I readily enjoyed it.

Then I was waking up and getting dressed again - I don't know how far we went in the dream - I paused, because something felt wrong. The assassin was still sleeping in the bed, but it was raining outside. There was a flashlight on the ground, and I picked it up on instinct. Not a moment too soon, either. The lights suddenly turned off with an audible snapping noise, and since we were located on a hillside, I found that half of the city below us had lost power, too.

The television in the room flicked on, and I found myself freezing as fear flooded through me. Voices and whispers originated from the television, and with an audible shout of fear, I found myself sprinting down the staircase and downstairs. I wanted Ezio. He would be able to protect me. I tried to hide inside of a room, but its features were distorting and changing. I threw a hoodie and pants on as fast as I could and then I was sprinting outside, into the pouring rain.

It switched to Ezio's point of view, then, with the assassin feeling a kind of dread. He had remembered hearing me shout, and had gotten up to investigate, only to find me not in his estate at all. He went upstairs, and found nothing. Then double backed and followed the trail leading out to the front door. Getting a Courtesan with him, Ezio got a carriage together and began to investigate the town.

The first stopped turned up empty. As did the second. And the third. With every stop, the assassin got worse and worse, more anxious to find me. . . And eventually, he noticed a tightly-curled little ball of a person underneath a lamplight.

He jumped off of the carriage and sprinted to me, dropping to his knees beside me. He began to touch me, asking me what was wrong, but I was quiet. I felt like I was drugged, like I was another person entirely, and the world just felt wrong.

I woke up before I could tilt my head to look up at him.

I was on the subway with MA and KA. We were supposed to go to MA's house or something. When we were about to board the bus, we had trouble deciding which one to go on. KA said she wanted to go on one that was a 2 hour long bus ride to go to the airport or something like that. We got on it but then I said it was ridiculous. We then got on another bus.

I think eventually we were at the subway again, debating over whose house to go to. MA said we could go to her house, and I really wanted to (at one point in the dream I did slightly wonder why I would even bother hanging out with her) for some reason. But KA kept saying that we should go to her house. Eventually we got on a bus but it ended up being the one to KA's house; I got annoyed and made us switch directions.

---

I was eating popcorn, and was about to get the cheese flavoring. The dream then faded.

Fragments: Dream Share
In the dream, I've just had a shared dream with my brother and William Shatner. I compare notes with my brother, and he tells me the details of his version. My recall of that dream is somewhat poor, but all the main elements are there.

I think I was in a church? And I had to walk through it, and I did so with my middle fingers up in the air? lol? The people in there were looking, staring me down as I did it.

Some kind of creature person that looked like 'she' was from a scary movie. I know there is more to that part but I can't think of any of it.

CJ and I... and something more to do with the creature girl.

Dream 1-- Home Training with Ninjas and Cats

This dream starts out in a miscellaneous location that I cannot recall off the top of my head. What's happening is that me and the other "ninjas" in Ninjitsu are doing drills by lining up and then all completing the same technique, then running to the back of the line. I don't remember actually completing any technique, but I remember looking at the line, and watching people do it. I remember looking at Sensei, standing with his arms crossed and not looking particularly impressed by anything that was going on.

Suddenly, the drills are still going on, but now they are in my house-back-in-Dallas's kitchen. I think there was this white ladder-like thing that people had to climb before they could perform the technique. I sat down in a chair, eating some chips while they all did the technique because I didn't want to stand in the line, but I was still prepared to have my turn I think.

After a while, the scene changes again, and all the people are gone, it ends up being night time, and there is black cat rubbing up against me. Now, I have a cat in my house, but she is orange and white striped. When this black cat starts touching me, I turn into what I have deemed "passive observer." This state is a crucial dream sign for me and is basically where I no longer identify with a body or actually do much of anything. Instead, I am just thinking about what is going on and watching the dream as if it were a movie that I have no control over or stake in.

So, this cat rubs up against my leg, and I use my hand to pet its head. I get this thought that's like I wonder if cats like to be handled this way and what would be the best way for someone to pet me if I were a cat. So I stop petting the cat and it rubs up against my leg again, presumably to get pet again. I am thinking now about why I would rub up against someone's leg if I were a cat (my dreams can be super-analytical sometimes because that's who I am in real life). I don't do anything and the cat remains unmoving, while still contacting my leg, for about 4 seconds, realizes it won't get pet, and then walks away.

Then, it comes back with two other cats in tow. This part of the dream is really confusing, because I was semi-playing with the cats, and they randomly became kind of hostile. I think this dream brought me back to my childhood where I would mess around with and abuse my cat.

I try to incorporate my dreams into my real life because I think they are intimately connected. I try to find those connections within my dreams and see what my subconscious is trying to get me to remember or do in the future.

Anyway, I'm still in my kitchen and these three cats are just walking around. I have a blanket and I playfully throw it over one so that it is completely covered. I have done this to my cat many times, and it would freak out, and sprint up the staircase to hide under a bed. I found this really funny at the time but looking back it was pretty abusive and silly.

So in the dream, the cat doesn't really find that amusing. I take a hold of the blanket again, and the cat starts walking toward me. For some reason I have this thought that the cat is being hostile, so I start backing up until I back up into a wall. The cat continues to approach me so I raise the blanket up to my neck to protect myself. The cat, who looks like a male version of my cat at home, starts to get up on his hind legs and climb the blanket with his front paws. I start to get scared about what would happen and that this cat could potentially claw the shit out of my face.

I think at this point I wake up.

Dream 2-- Detention in the College Kitchen

This dream was rather long, but I can only remember bits and pieces of it.

The general setting is that I am in a cafeteria, and I am serving detention for I don't know what. There are DCs that all seem to me to be relatively dumb but also surprisingly cool. As in, I become a passive observer by analytically assessing the situation and determining that I am not as cool as everyone around me and I'm trying to notice their movements/gestures/words so that I can copy them in the future. I don't really DO much of anything in this dream except observe while the action happens all around me. In my opinion, it's not awful because I'm really interested in figuring how I see the world, but at the same time it serves as a constant reminder about who I am in real life because I will totally zone out during conversations or parties just because I'm so caught up in my head.

Anyway, enough about my problems this is a DJ. So, I am in this large cafeteria with brown tables and yellow walls. It doesn't remind me of any place in particular, but definitely looks like a cafeteria. The first DC I run into is this guy with a buzz cut and a moustache. He reminds me of a thin version of Ryan from my Spanish class, who I don't really talk to except this one time where he brought up that he really likes to smoke weed. I guess it stuck with me.

Thinking about it, this dream is really scattered and fuzzy. The event that stands out to me the most is that there was this poster that someone gave to either me or my friend as a gift in the dream. It was a green poster board with magnets in the shape of dicks placed on it. There were three dick-magnets on the green posterboard, and the guy said that combined they managed to accurately point north or something.

There were marking on the posterboard and I wanted to measure it and figure out if it was legit. I took out a six inch ruler, which I apparently had in my hands, and starts to measure to angle of the distance between the dick-magnets or something. As I got more and more into it, I forgot what I was doing, and I would be blinking and seeing that more pencil would appear on the board even though I wasn't actually drawing anything. I thought the dick-magnets were really funny when I first saw them.

Dream 3-- Tim Jang and Frat Guys Make me Sleepy

This dream was short. It was night time and I was hanging out with Tim Jang, from my high school, and frat guys from college. I always feel out of place in these kind of dreams, where there is partying and alcohol and drugs just because I have abstained from them for the sake of trying to meditate and find my higher self.

So, they are smoking weed and are probably cross-faded at this point, we all walk into an apartment. I am totally passive observer at this point, and I am tired. I can recognize that I am tired because my thoughts feel really heavy and incoherent, my eyes are only 75% open. So I decide to lay down on the bed even though everyone else is still having a party and doing their own thing. I have regrets about doing this even in the dream but I feel like I have no choice because I am so tired and am not conversing with anyone anyways.

When I wake up, all the frat guys are gone but Tim Jang is there. I don't really understand where we are and I look down to see my Halloween costume, which was a large white board acting as my Fbook wall, totally covered in the marks from the guys. The board in my dream didn't really resemble the board of real life because it had two actual status updates from me, which I couldn't read. Something I've found interesting, though, is that text in my dreams is usually legible and will actually keep stable when I look away and look back if I am paying enough attention to notice.

So, I get a little sad/pissed off knowing that my board just got ruining and that I fell asleep when everyone else was having fun. Tim and I decide to walk back to the dorms, but I don't know where we are. We discuss it for a little bit, and then start to walk. Then I wake up.