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The first snippet that i remember was, my pharmacist (D) and I were stuck (I think at work) during a nuclear fall out. People had instructed us to stay inside but he did't agree with it. I trusted him and we started to make our way outside as the bombs dropped. He was leading me frantically through the congested roads on foot when the explosion happened. It was loud as hell and it sounded close even if it wasn't. The hilarious part I realize now is that the geiger counter sound from the Fallout games started to fill my ears. And it wasn't a good feeling at the time. But I remember it increasing in tone rapidly then suddenly stopping few times. I think my fear had something to do with that, I kind of willed it to stop periodically because it was getting to be too terrifying, but I wasn't necessarily lucid.

Another snippet I remember was driving my old Ford Explorer up nearly vertical terrain.

Then at one point my husband had made me an elaborate (and heavy--painfully heavy) diamond ring. I don't even like diamond rings. Apparently a diamond in that ring had been someone's family heirloom melted down to be part of a new ring and they weren't happy with me when they found out. Didn't recognize that dream character but he was very cross with me.

I briefly remember my cat running out my apartment door and into a neighbors apartment. We (random dream characters) spent a long time looking for her and that for a one bedroom apartment, it sure had a lot of fancy corridors etc.

The weirdest dream I had is now vague in my mind. I know I was in the country side. My boss was there as well as my supervisor. I remember standing at some sort of makeshift counter working on God only knows what when someone hugged me from behind. I realized that my friend K had returned from her vacation. It was kinda weird because she isn't really the hugging type. And I enjoyed it far too much. She didn't let go for a solid minute. It was a really good feeling, a wholesome hug. And then at some point in the dream I had fallen victim to some sort of porcupine creature because I distinctly remember my supervisor (S) having to pull out quills all over my arms and face and legs with tweezers.

I just remembered another fragment: I was in a diner where the servers *ice* skated across the floors. Except the ice wasn't like real ice, it was like the surface of a waterbed and covered in rubber. Very bouncy and weird. Apparently I had just started working there and couldn't skate. Whoever my boss was had been teaching my how to skate. I remember him making me sit on his lap at one point and I felt really weird and kept trying to escape. He was a total creep.

Morning of January 2, 2019. Wednesday.

Dream #: 19,007-02. Reading time (optimized): 1 min.



My dream self is involved in fictitious associations with Cubitis (where I have not lived since 1978). Dennis (a half-brother on my mother’s side whom I have not seen in real life since 1994) is present. Several random people are present. It may be a vague association with New Year’s Eve.

My dream’s location eventually changes to being that of the backyard of the Loomis Street house. I am behind what seems to be a fence, looking west, in the southwest area of the yard. I am also vaguely aware that the “fence” is the foot of a bed that I am “sleeping” in, though I am sitting on my knees and leaning against it. It is metal and oversized, with vertical bars. Dennis walks on the other side, at least six feet away, walking to the left in my view. (This orientation is atypical, as waking orientation is most often to the right, though I am probably mediating his direction to prevent his presence from being an emergence factor.)

---

A fence is a factor of reticular activating system mediation that concurrently defines the distinction between the imaginary dream self and the emerging conscious self identity. Here, it additionally correlates with the subliminal perception that I am sleeping and directly represents my dream self peering into the enigmatic space of preconscious activity.

In addition to [fence as RAS mediation], there is a factor of one of the “crucial three” [literal bed space emergence]. There is also the [preconscious simulacrum mode two] as Dennis.

---

1.1

LD 111 - One-eyed Cat
I approach the front yard of my grandma's house. It's a warm summer day and there is a cat sleeping outside, in front of the house. It's a black cat with two large brown areas on both sides of the body, the colors change gradually, no stripes. The cat also has only one massive eye that is completely black, which I see as the cat wakes up on my arrival. I need no further proof that I'm dreaming, thanks cat.

I walk past the house and towards the forest behind it. The cat follows behind me. There is a fence and a gate that I try to phase through a few times, but no luck, seems solid. I open it instead and dream kindly lets me pass, even though I was doubting it for a moment. On the other side of the gate there's a small dirt path that goes around the forest a bit, not really used for anything. I walk into the pine forest and focus on what I feel. I feel a warm breeze. I pick up a pine cone and focus on it's texture for a moment before deciding to taste it. I thought that I hadn't really tasted much of anything in my dreams lately so it was high time for that. The pine cone tasted horrible, close to what it would taste in waking life I assume, very earthy taste. I snap awake.

Dreamed of⚘ wanting a bath ⚘
big enough foor a 6ft man to laydown in.

I told the woman
where I last had a bath (24 years ago)
that I was going to buy my own long bath.

She, showed me the Table tennis shed.
Maybe put the big bath in there.
I said
I will boil 4 steel-buckets of water
on the 4 burner stove
and use those buckets
to fill my long bath when I get it.

Behind that table tenis shed
there was an old man in a caravan
with extended awning blue. (Eod)

Just realised
that my new Gym's swimming pool
is that big bath.
So
I will go to that gym
just to enjoy soaking
and playing in that heated pool.

I am by a bouldering wall. It looks just like the cave wall at Basecamp, even though I am not in Basecamp. I can’t quite tell what the setting is, maybe a large room with a padded gym floor? For some reason, it almost feels like a barn or something similar. I walk up to the wall and start checking out a white taped problem. There’s a word or phrase written on the tape, signifying its difficulty level. I think it’s a V10. It doesn’t look quite that hard to me. I squat down and grip the starting edge, a chalky white hold. I then move up to an edge that is not that bad when you get your fingers perfectly in its little divets. I make short moves through a few of these. This brings me to the roof, where I have to look around for where to go. I then find it and move up. I seem to be at or above the lip now and the holds seem to be made of something else, like some other object bolted to the wall. The next move is a reach out to a wall (not even a bouldering wall) right by a door frame. The hold is some type of hook or protrusion that one is supposed to grasp with an ice climbing pick or something similar. I think this has gotten pretty ridiculous, so I come back down. I notice a fairly large group seated on the floor; one of them gets up to climb. I think they may have been watching or judging me, as I was taking my time, but choose not to occupy myself with the thoughts, positive, negative, or neutral.

I have gone into a building for some sort of surprise party for me. It seems like a restaurant that has been reserved, just one big room. There is a man guiding proceedings as people show up. Melissa and Makayla are here, seated at the long, wood tables, their coats draped over the back of their chairs. Now, about ten people are here, and everything has been moved back against the walls. At the front of the room is a smaller wooden stage. It is very plain. Everyone stands in a circle in the floor space in front of it. I get the impression that we’re going to be running in a circle and jumping/doing tricks off the stage, but we don’t. I think we’ve been waiting for food too, but it never came. The group now moves down a hallway, and the place looks like an elementary school. I pass inlets in the wall that have some windows and rows of desks. There are pictures and things on the hallway walls that are all Hawaiian themed, i.e. Hawaiian history, that makes me think this may be in Hawaii. We end up in a computer lab and seated again. I think we’re waiting for food, and again it never comes. A guy with light brown skin comments that this event is only a few hours and ending soon, not giving us time for everything. In my head I envision a three hour block? starting at 7pm and us being a majority of the way through it. I now go over to a sink in a counter against the wall (like high school science classrooms). There is a chunk of ice protruding from it. The ice doesn’t seem solid, but more so shaved but still compacted together. I run some water over the section under the faucet, inciting it to start to melt. I think Bird Song is playing from my phone during this. It then occurs to me that I’m pretty sure that this is our food thawing out. This room has now transitioned into an unfamiliar kitchen in a house. It looks pretty nice and clean, marbled earth tone counters, stainless steel, and darker wood cabinets, I think. (As I write this, it reminds me of Scott and Kelly’s old kitchen). Renee and Kelly are here, one seated and one milling around, and they tell me happy birthday. Renee says she can now get me a glass of wine (as if it’s my 21st). I nicely say “Oh… you don’t have to”, but I’m willing to let her just to be polite. I start looking for white wine (as if it’s my place) and look all over but do not find any. I’m thinking that they might also want to have some. I end up in a different room of the same house, by Linda, who’s seated at a dark wood table. She starts asking about my favorite red wine, isn’t it a blend? I recall what she’s talking about, another get together/celebration where I had/brought different wines. I offer a non committal reply of either ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I don’t remember’. I think that if my favorite was a blend that it isn’t now. I see she has a personal bottle - the dark label says it’s a Lodi Zinfandel. She’s now asking didn’t I throw up at that event, but phrasing it more gently. Dad is here and inquiring the same thing. I again offer a dismissive reply, though I do remember throwing up then (*This event/scenario did not happen in real life). I pass some people what don’t have drinks and think that I should go to the store really quick for some wine. In another room now, there is a record playing on a smaller turntable on the brown-carpeted ground in the corner. The song sounds familiar. It then ends, and I go over to put it away, even though I think that was just side one. I think it’s the Cranberries or Zombies? (*Though I wake up with Heartbreaker by Pat Benatar stuck in my head). The cover is a dark green with the band name in large letters taking up a good amount of space. It’s at an angle. I think there’s a band photo on the back. I take the record off the platter; it’s a marbled dark green and very flimsy. I slip it into its anti-static sleeve. I now leave, driving to wherever I’m going. I end up at an elementary school that I think is right by another elementary school. I park and walk in the fairly large entry way. The foyer is filled with the black retractable crowd controllers that lead up to metal detectors. There’s a darker skinned younger lady at a counter beside the detectors. Two guys about my age are turning around willingly. I see they both are casually carrying handguns. One has slightly long and stringy dirty blond hair with a messy middle part and thin-rimmed glasses. I think his shirt is tucked, revealing a black holster on his belt. He is not attractive but not completely unattractive. He somehow seems genuine, yet aloof. He honestly looks the type to get unfairly made fun of. Seeing this causes me to pat my pockets. I feel some hard objects in the jean pockets, but nothing I’d get in trouble for. I continue on, past the metal detectors. The enormity of this place is revealed as I walk through this hallway. There is no way it can be a school it’s so big. I can’t see an end to the hallway. Besides the size, the appearance is not of a school either. Everything is ornate and looks more like an upscale shopping mall. The walls appear to be white marble or something similar, with subtle niches and rococo. There are vendor carts set up in the middle of the walkway as well. Even they seem classy and opulent. I think the places set into the walls are shops and restaurants. There are quite a few others walking through here. The place has now transitioned into outdoors. I am following a slight grassy ravine with surrounding grassy hills. There are smaller, wispy trees and grasses, all very green. There’s possibly a trickle of water running through here. Dad calls me now and asks where I went, his tone suggesting it rude that I just left. I tell him I’m picking something up from the store and will be right back. His tone then changes as he tells me that there’s some light or other activity going on in the night sky. I look up and can see it. I’m not sure if it’s exactly what he’s referencing, but I see brighter circles of light that are close together and moving. There’s also a splotch of a green hue higher up in the sky. I also notice the Milky Way, probably the densest I have ever seen it appear, and it is absolutely awe inspiring. I have to spend a few moments just staring. It’s so bright that it seems to illuminate the night sky. It’s also currently parallel with this ravine. Off to the right, there’s a group or two of people sitting on a taller hill, also looking to the sky. I start walking back now, and it’s daylight again. Dad is with me. I think a dog is with us as well, because I throw a toy. The toy hits and knocks over a small statue of a boy on a slightly overgrown pedestal. The 1-2 foot tall statue was in a row of other statue children, all in antiquated clothing.

I am outside, I think by the river walk. I am walking along and above the river as quite a few people float down it. I know a few of the people floating. The river has been fairly mellow, but I see that just ahead it becomes turbulent, steep, and rocky. The water is violently sucked through narrow openings in the dark rock, and I get really scared for a moment, thinking its too late for them to get out of the water and so they’ll be swept away. I then see some sort of tube that they are able to crawl down. It’s not as steep as I thought either, so they can make it safely. I am now down by the water. A portion of it is covered by a bridge or some other wood that’s only a foot or to above the surface. I get into the water and the resulting cool shade. There are some school aged kids in here. There’s a slight rapid and they’re jumping/doing tricks down it. I make my way closer to the edge, moving a fishing line or string of some sort out of the way. Suspended on it is a small creature or two, or the remnants thereof. It’s slightly uncomforting. I don’t jump, but I slide down the rapid. I’m now in a flat section that I think is the end of the river. I think it is the end because in a few yards it seems to start to drain into the ground below. Water coming from the other direction meets it and drains too, in a slight whirlpool. There are two guys (in red shirts?) standing by it.



I have been asleep and dreaming when I briefly awaken. I’m just awake enough to be conscious of it, though my eyes are still closed and I’m still lying still. The image I’m remembering of the dream is of an older, bearded man’s face (older, but not too old, long hair and beard coarse and mostly brown, but with some gray). I recall this image and try to make it seem real, and it starts to pull me back into the dream state. My body starts to tingle and feel like it’s floating. I hear some sort of static/whooshing sound. I see a hypnagogic montage of whitish and wispy outlines of faces against black. It feels like I might be out to enter back into the dream, but I never do, the awareness returning to my body.

I am with Melissa inside somewhere that feels like either a hotel or a house. I tell Melissa that I’ve taken one (psilocybin) mushroom and one tab of acid. There is a ceiling light in this hallway; I am staring at it when the psychedelics seem to take effect. The light is either square or circular to begin with, but it swells in size and becomes ovular in shape. It takes on more dimensionality. The light is a soft white. There are shapes on the surface, amorphous and possibly moving and changing slowly. The more I stare, the more prominent it all becomes. When I look away, the psychedelic visual is gone and the light is back to normal. I tell Melissa what I just saw. She seems like she’s paying attention, but not completely interested. Now we are outside. The building is plain and white, two stories, possibly with a stairwell on the outside. It’s surrounded by a large grassy area. The sky is baby blue, and it seems like a very pleasant day. There’s a smaller dog out here; we throw a bone for it. There are two bones, and we start throwing them at/towards each other, pretty hard. I end up leaving (because of how hard we’re throwing them).

I have started a job at Whole Foods. I’m pretty sure I’m still training, but right now I’m just sitting in the break room with the employees in here what are eating. There are a few rows of cafeteria style tables and a fridge or two. I notice that what everyone is eating looks pretty healthy. I think that what I eat isn’t all that healthy and think that I might be self conscious bringing it for lunch. Skye is one of the people in here. I’m pretty sure a few people have a beer, like it is acceptable here. Now, it seems like it’s almost time to be going back. A guy probably in his mid 20s with a beanie and shorter but dense, darker beard stands in the room and starts telling everyone it’s time to get some fresh air. It seems like he doesn’t have that much control over anyone right now. Everyone slowly starts to listen, and they start spreading out to all the corners and walls. Someone tells me I want to give myself some space. Now the guy is directing us, though it seems like everyone already knows what to do. The first thing we’re doing is running to the opposite wall. I think they do these group exercises/activities every day before they go back. Now I’m by some girls who are doing an activity that involves different colored counters/pieces. I think you need to guess the order they need to be in, because behind the chair of the girl who seems to be guiding everything is a row of small, colored car counters. I start moving them, and a girl laughs with me because I’m not supposed to mess up the order of them.

It is dark outside and I am downtown. I am entering one of the casinos along with some others coming off the street, with a sense of mild fervor. There is some type of show starting, and I think I’m meeting Mom (and possibly also Makayla) here, inside. Everyone is climbing stairs, dispersing at random intervals. I’m not entirely sure how high to go, so I keep going. I catch glimpse of the seating, auditorium-like, dim. The theater is much taller than it is wide or long, the seating seemingly defying logical proportions. The stage seems to be at least 50+ feet above the floor. I am now just above level with the stage and walk out into the seating. It is like a platform of what could be tan marble with raised (hexagonal?) sections that nicely dressed people are sitting on. I notice one couple in particular - darker skin that suggests an Asian ethnicity as well as darker hues - I’m pretty sure the girl is wearing a longer dress. It is sleek like her longer, dark hair. I continue out to the edge of this platform and take a seat at a corner edge so that my legs can dangle off the edge. Sitting here and looking down through the vast empty space below and around while some show is about to start gives me a sort of ethereal exuberant feeling.


I am outside, at a sport climbing granite wall that seems familiar. I’m with Dad and 1-2 other guys my age. I think they’ve been climbing, and now I’m going to go last. It seems that there are already too ropes set up here or something, and I comment on how you used to have to set up a top rope yourself if you wanted one. I start climbing, and I’ve been out of it for so long that this easier route becomes fatiguing for me. I do end up making it to the top though. I call down to take the slack and lower, which the belayer does right away. He then starts lowering me very quickly. I feel the sick jolt in my stomach and brace myself, but then relax and accept and enjoy the feeling. In a few moments I am back on the ground.

I am outside somewhere - the slight incline, soil composition, array of granite stones, and surrounding pines suggest Lake Tahoe. I follow a trail down a moderately steep hill. It is not long at all before I reach the bottom and the sandy beach. The best beach spots are some yards away to my left and right. They both are filled with people. I’m looking for a space to pee, but this seems too close to the people, so I start back up. I’m now inside, walking up an enclosed stairway. It is carpeted in a maroon or similar color. I think the walls are wooden, making the place seem older. I still need to use a bathroom and, as I’m coming up another flight, I see one built into the wall right off the staircase. I step in and it’s very small, with just enough room for a toilet and sink. I think I use it and then continue on my way. The stairs end at the entrance to a fairly large room. The room is dim and home to a large, square, wooden dining table that takes up a fair amount of it’s space. Melissa’s family is seated around it, seemingly most of the way through a meal, as I join them. Melissa is across the table from me, but her mom is at the corner right next to me. I notice a few assorted, empty/near empty wine bottles. I also notice everyone, including myself, has a glass with about ¾ of an inch of red wine in it. I wonder why they’re all filled similarly.

I am outside, on some seaside cliff. It is dark out, but there is enough moonlight to sense the colors of things and to see the sea gently churning below. I can see the dark mass of shapes floating atop, swaying with the waves. I assume that they are sea turtles. Now, I am in the water, swimming alongside a girl about my age or a little older who seems familiar. These creatures are close, larger than I thought, and seem to have thinner bodies and longer limbs than turtles. The current seems to keep me right close to this girl and the creatures. It is now made known to me that these are not turtles but some kind of frog. For whatever reason, I do not like this. I express this and try to swim away. We end up standing on the fine sand beach.

I am outside of Dad’s house sometime in the earlier morning. There is still some light, but no color in the sky, and the colors all around are still all subdued. I am getting dressed out here, getting ready for school? I’m in the back, but it seems like the house is higher up on a hill with more of a view of the surrounding neighborhood than it really has. I am watching for the school bus, when I hear the dogs a little ways down the street, at another house. I pull my clothes on and start walking over there. I hear a man talking to them, saying he’s going to give them ‘stupid sugar’. His tone is mockingly high pitched and sweet, and I don’t like it. I think he’s in a shed or something else open to the outside, and I see the dogs sitting by him, looking up at him. The guy looks younger-middle aged and clean cut, wearing jeans and a flannel. I tell him I’m really sorry about the dogs coming over, etc. He seems much more normal now as he tells me that it’s no problem.

Melissa and I are having a child. We are somewhere, and this baby is being born not from her but from me. I feel something inside and know it is ready to come out. I let Melissa, who is standing by me, know this. I then give a small push and watch the child appear. It is small and wet, very clearly newborn. The next time I see him, he seems to be at least three years old. He looks very similar to a three year old me. I think that he looks like a combination of the two of us, though without very much Melissa. I see most of her addition in the color of his hair.

I was on vacation with what I think were a bunch of classmates. It must have been over ten years ago. It was at the farm we used to stay at with my family. Suddenly, I noticed a bizarre ray of light on the horizon. It stretched from the ground all the way into the sky. I was like 'oh, no' as ran closer to have a better look. I thought it was a nuclear attack. But then, someone behind me yelled that it was a nuclear meltdown of a power plant. The alarm sirens went off, loud enough to be heard for miles. Everyone got into a panic and ran for their cars to get as far away from the site as possible. So did I. Oddly, I was driving the purple Opel Astra Break my family used to drive in the late 90s/early '00s.