non-lucid

11.05.13

Last night bed around 1am. Want to wake up early, like yesterday, and WILD again, like yesterday.

DR1
I'm walking through a pedestrian bridge over Danube, on the Slovak/Hungarian border. This bridge is not there in WL. The railing is metal bars, and it looks like the walkway is metal too, with some gaps and holes, as if from lack of maintanace.

Lots of people walking on it. I see this very old a frail woman, holding onto the bars from the outside of the bridge, thrying to cross it that way. Old man is doing the same thing, right next to her. I sense, they are somehow different, than others on the bridge.

I ask her why, and she says "so when I lose grip, wind will blow me against the bridge and I won't fall". I grab both her wrists and pull her to the walkway, before she has a chance to fall or realize, what I'm doing. I'm surprised, how light she is. I start to explain to her in fluent Hungarian, that if she loses her grip ooutside of the walkway, where is she gonna fall? She says "water". And I ask: "and if you lose your grip while on the walkway? Where will you fall then?" She says "to the walkway". I'm happy that she gets it and she is no longer in danger. I'm also surprised a bit, how long of time did I spend on talking to her and explaining to her in a way, so she would understand.

DR2
I'm on a sidewalk in my hometown. There is something about a broken part on some machine. So I go the another machine and take some part from it and try to make it fit to make repairs. I think I succeed.

I was in High school in my ceramics class just waiting for class to start.
When class started, everything was the same as usual, everyone sits down and starts working on their thingy.
But then I saw a wrist band on my wrist which gave me a complete walkthrough of a game that i dont think exists.
I someone found the game inside the room and was able to play it. It started off as a 2d RPG horror game I guess.
I followed the walkthrough until i got to the very end of the game and met some people in the game.
they were all classmates in the dream in the class.
I think what happened was, what ever happened to the character in the game, they would be affected by it to.
For example, If this character in the game was cut, a dream character would also be cut.
I finally reached the final boss and i guess it would be a Martian Manhunter.
He could change forms depending on the area he is in like air, water, rock etc..
First time I faced him, he was an air type so he could go through walls I think.
I beat him and I for some reason, needed to face him again, this time, he was a rock type boss
I beat him again but when I defeated him, I needed to destroy his parts so he wouldn't be able to regenerate.
I beat him again, but this time, I decided to let everyone in the game die.
After everyone died, I beat him and got a different ending.
I was at the beach visiting graves of friends and the he came up behind me and tried to kill me.
Dodged right on time and had to fight him again. Again!?
This time he was water type, and he could appear anywhere all of a sudden.
I couldn't beat him, He got me and then I woke up.

at some place like the utc just wandering around. went through 24 h fitness and my legs were hurting in the dream and when i woke up my legs were kinda sore.

also i dreampt i was in some game store and i finally gota copy of the original mario. he also had al sorts of the original poikemons which i was jazzed about. then earlier in the dream i was with my old pal matt jajeh adn andrew ahern in his old rooml. andrew was being mean from the start so i punched him in the stomache. then i tried to play this version of super smash bros but it was freaking weird like all the caracters were carton version and i wasa thinken. this is not the Super smash bros i no

non lucid
*I keep trying to get my brother and my girlfriend to smoke ganga with me. My girlfriend doesn't want to but me and my brother smoke two bowls to start are day. I said dude let's wake and bake to have an awesome day. I actually in real life haven't smoked in a long time. After we smoke some good stuff, I say sorry to brother for getting mad at him earlier.

Dreaming kids
The kids and I are all sleeping in the same bedroom. We've woken up in the middle of the night, and I want all my kids to go back to sleep. They're anxious to try all the various lucid dreaming induction techniques, but I put my foot down and tell each child to choose one technique, try it, then sleep. I see a list of techniques, with many of them grayed out. I'm particularly worried that the younger ones will fail over and over, start talking about it, and create a big blob of failure that will affect all of us.

Dreamsigns:
Context: Situation
- All of us sleeping in the same bedroom


Strange vacation
I'm on vacation with friends. I'm looking through a magazine and run across an article on making the author's favorite beer. The ingredients are very strange, calling for the specialty grains, then lots and lots of hard liqueur. I show it to Jeff, asking what he thinks the author is trying to do and if there's any possible way this could work - wouldn't the alcohol kill off the yeast before it could make beer? Now I'm looking at the candles on the table. They all have a lot of molten wax in them with only a thin ring of solid wax around the rim. One of them finally melts through the last of the solid wax and the molten wax starts pouring out. There's a small tool that's been left with the candles, and it ends up acting as a straw, sucking molten wax from other candles into the pouring one, pouring all the molten wax from all the candles out the one "spout." I point it out to the kids and try to explain what's happening. We like the candles, and I decide that I'll make some for home. I think some homemade candles would be a good Christmas gift for my wife.

Now I'm in a small bathroom talking to a real estate agent on the phone. He's been very, very persistent. I keep trying to get rid of him; but then I realize that it's Wednesday, that my friends have already gone home, and I'll be here until Friday, so I have an entire day to kill. I briefly consider looking at houses with the agent, but I decide against it.

Dreamsigns:
Context: Character place
- Vacationing with these friends
Object: Form
- Strange beer recipe
- Wax "straw"
Action: Character
- Annoying real estate agent
Action: Ego
- Talking on the phone in the bathroom

Star Trek makeup
I'm looking at a site talking about Star Trek. It has a post describing the makeup and lighting conditions shows are filmed in, along with what they have to do to get them broadcast ready. I see a group of people in Next Generation uniforms talking and walking around. Their makeup looks terrible, especially the huge amounts of eyeliner under the eyes, and the lighting is bad, reflecting off of their foreheads and casting harsh shadows. I know this is what they have to do to make it look right on film, but it's still unpleasant to look at. A transition "wipes" across the video, comparing what it looks like in real life to what it looks like when it's actually on TV, and it's amazing to see the difference. On the left, the horrible makeup and lighting. On the right, perfect skin tone and lighting, with no sign of anything artificial.

Dreamsigns:
Star Trek


Graduation problem
I'm watching a video of a graduation. People are in a long, long line, winding through a building, waiting to get their diplomas. One guy points to a railing going up some shallow steps, pointing out a spot that's weak and giving a plan to fix it. The videographer is interested, also looking at the spot on the railing and wanting to give the plan a chance. Now I'm with Peter, moving furniture so we can get a large black leather sofa out from its nook. Once we get it out, we carry it to a bedroom so it can be used in the solution to the railing. Once we're there, I see Peter's wife and realize I don't have any pants on; I duck out of sight so as not to offend her.

Dreamsigns:
Context: Situation
- Sofas as a fix to bad railings
Form: Ego
- Missing pants


Lawn danger
I'm on my front lawn, walking up towards the street. I see what looks like a peeled carrot sticking out of the ground, moving around a little. I use a pair of tongs to try to grab it, but it's strong and manages to move away. Now there's a large hole in the ground, revealing the monster beneath. The carrot stick is meant to lure prey towards it. Uncovered, though, it's not much threat. There are other strange creatures on my lawn, including dwarves; all of them are completely harmless.

Now I'm in the front corner of my yard talking with three guys. Something comes up about betrayal. Suddenly, one of them lunges for me, trying to kill me. Neither of us has any fighting training, so we roll around for a while, occasionally delivering a blow. He gets a knife from somewhere and comes very close to slashing me. Somehow I get it away from him and drive it into his chest. I'm glad the fight is over, but I'm devastated that I had to kill someone.

Dreamsigns:
Context: Situation
- The carrot monster and other strange creatures
- The fight

Fragments
Something about a parking deck.

I'm in a house with some people.

I'm in a room with some other folks and we're having what seems to be a really wierd party. Everybody including me is super high and we can barely see each other from all the smoke. All of them are playing with some wierd fireworks, like they put them in a mug of water and they start emitting different colors and smoke.
After a while someone's dad came in the room and asked about all the smoke, but we blamed it on the fireworks and he went away, but he turned of the lights in the room, which is really strange, because lights never worked before in my dreams. Anyways, after that everybody except me and a girl fell asleep.
She asked me if i wanted to lights some fireworks and i agreed, so we went to the balcony and put those wierd sticks in two mugs of water. Mine didn't light, so after calling me stupid for not knowing how these things work she showed me and we both lighted them. Mine was red and hers was green.

Next thing i'm in a gym with a longboard. People are watching some kind of fighting tutorial on a smartphone, so i decide to watch too. And suddenly i find myself in that video, only it's not a tutorial but the real thing. I'm in a forest on a main road and infront of me there is a sign, on the sign there is a bow and arrows, i take them. After walking for a while i see two roads, one that goes up and left and the other right and a bit down. I stop and find myself knee deep in a pond, i still have to choose a road though, my mind is racing. Next thing i know some kids are throwing rocks at me from a tree, so i try to hit them with the bow, but i didn't manage to do that. I have no arrows left and it seems like those kids are gonna kill me. I quickly start practicing a fireball spell and manage to do it, but before i could use it on them i teleported back to the gym.. I was sitting and i stood up for a second a girl and a baby took my spot so i got my longboard and tried to keep a one foot balance on it. I got bored at one point and a man came to me, he told me
"You see those roads? Well by sunset you have to take the right road where it says fire and you're gonna be cool"
Excited i rushed to the roads, there was a sunset already and i had a wooden stick which i was holding like a spear. It was like a videogame, but instead of choosing the right road i went with the left one. After running like a ninja for a while i saw a bunch of abandoned buildings and an abandoned football(soccer) field. I then remembered that someone told me about a party at some abandoned house, but all i could se was tall buildings. I looked around for a while and i reached a security booth, i went to the side of it and inside i saw an Owl with armour and it was playing Worl of Warcraft on a laptop. It saw me look at it and started flapping it's wings. I then started laughing loudly which i guess managed to wake me up IRL

I will edit in a bit from the normal dreams later, too - buut - first:


Something happened!!


The same way, the other two longer episodes came to pass - WILD-try induced DILD.

WBTB after 6h with alarm - I got up and stayed out of bed for about almost half an hour.
I think, this helped me with not being lazy and impatient.
So when I went back to bed to try WILD - I had some persistence - but couldn´t fall asleep.


I went at is less than optimally though - with a mixed up approach throwing together breath-counting and mantras and a bit of SSILD - still unsure how to really go about it.
For a while after the actual efforts - I ended up in a weird state of mind - half-sleeping, but awake and thinking about things.
I sort of enjoyed this - thinking over some real-life stuff in a rather detached manner.
Then came another normal dream, I woke up from that - went to the loo - thought - ah - sleep a little more, which I did.

I was instantly lucid, when the dream started.
No need for nose-plug or anything - I knew it for sure - and almost automatically started hovering.

I felt, the dream was quite unstable - not throughout vivid - only on what I directly concentrated.
I came down on a meadow with some trees and started my remembered stabilizing repertoire.
Hand-looking and rubbing - foot-stomping and going on my knees and smell at the grass - I smelled that.
There was also a bit of clover - so I ate some of it - but it did not taste of anything.

I also shouted "more clarity" and such - didn´t seem to work a lot in this first episode - the shouting something.
I also wasn´t feeling my body except my hands - and those not really either.
The whole thing maybe was only a minute.
I guess it was too late already and I had slept enough.

Woke up - but - was able to immediately fall asleep again and found myself back in lucidity.
It felt like the same dream - but the meadow was out of sight - I hovered over a road.


I thought - okay - take your chances as they come - and tried for the snowman-task:

It was summer - I hovered over a street and then flew on a bit - shouting as loud as I could "snow" "I want it to snow" for a little while.
This - and the little one before - were the first LDs where I tried shouting something, by the way.
And with summoning snow it worked a treat.
Started snowing and more and more and some snow lay on the ground finally too.
So - down I went to a place where there was a bit more of it.
When I grabbed some of this snow - it was really cold and felt like snow!

Funny thing is - there were two children sitting close by - and they had snow on their heads and faces.
As if they had just sat there in the quite thick snowing for half an hour or so.
It was a bit more snow than I first saw covering the ground.
So - I took this snow from their heads to start building - they were looking a bit weird at me - but didn´t complain.
Meanwhile - there was more snow everywhere and I built a snowman - good size - but only snow.
I was feeling the dream collapse - there was no time to decorate it or give it a face or anything - but I stood a bit in front of it - visuals fading - and tried willing him alive before I wake up again.
But no - it started melting a bit, only..
Next time!!



Sooo - very happy - and I feel this WBTB DILD inducing is going to work better, the better I manage the timing - and maybe finally a WILD too.
Time for a little bliss:

I am at a Rolling Stones concert!Only it's at a pub and they're not really the Rolling Stones, but a bunch of kids i've never even seen before.There are like 10 of them 6 boys and 4 girls. And for some odd reason i really believe that they are the real thing. They are playing on the second floor, and there is like a big square hole in the middle of it and through it you can see the first floor which is also full of fans. But anyways i'm standing behind this hot chick and having the time of my life, at one point they played a song twice and actually started explaining why they did, but i didn't care, because while this was happening i was hugging with that cute girl, nothing else, just hugging, but it felt so damn good.It's amazing how nobody managed to fall through the hole, given the fact they were all drunk...

Now I'm at my friend Maxi's house and we are looking at the top of his garage. It's very different though it's in the middle of the forrest and looks nothing like his house, not to mention that there is a basement that's not even in the house but rather to the right of the house. He tells me that we should put a kicker up there and try to skate it. Without any hesitation i agree and we then head down the basement, which looks exactly like every basement you see in those movies about the american suburbs.

Next thing I'm in my home town... well not really it's a completely different place, but i just have the feeling i'm in my town. It's divided in sectors, much like the hunger games, between each one there is a deep forest with no path through it. I'm in the western sector and i'm looking for my neighbours' house, the western sector is much higher than the rest and that provided a spectacular view. Anyways after walking through the small and narrow streets for a while i encountered two football(soccer) hooligans, and they started asking me questions about my neighbours' house in a really unfriendly tone. At this point i remember i had a memory about their house being in the eastern sector, but i still didn't know how to get there. The mean guys asked me for a cigar and then left.

I'm back at Maxi's house again, only this time there is a kicker on the roof of his garage, but... it's put on the wrong side.. which makes it pretty much useless... then his mom came out of the house and started explaining to me why the kicker was put up like that, i didn't really care so i didn't listen, after she finished the long and boring explanation, she said "Follow me" So i did and we ended up in that basement again...
Then i woke up.

My family is going to have a get together to celebrate my little sister's pending new child. I am in charge of bringing some nice plates. I have ordered them online and they have just arrived. I take the cardboard box with me to my mother's house where the party will be held. She isn't expecting me so soon, so I sneak into the house to surprise her. I don't see her. I open the cardboard box. Instead of the fancy porcelain dinner plates I had ordered, they sent me cheap paper plates with flowers around the raised edge. I worry what my family will think. I decide to show them to my mother to see if she can suggest somewhere nearby I can buy replacements. As I walk into her bedroom, I see a newly assembled crib for the baby. There's a large cardboard box on the bed that the crib parts must have come in. Her big brown dog Hoover yawns at me from across the foot of the bed, and I see my mother's feet peeking out from behind the far side of the crib box.

i think I had two dreams. One of which was with my friend from middle school, T, and another guy from middle school who I forget, I think he was E, and we were in a combination of my school's library and Computer class. In the first part, I was recommending them both to read Worm, but T already knew what it was. Then we went to the computers.

In the other dream, (I forgot which one came first) I had someone break into my house. They came in a black van. I booked it to my neighbor's bringing my dog with me.

I was in some sort of class, but it was outside. We did a few things, but I can only remember the details of the ending: we filled a big container with Mountain Dew. The container's sides touched the walls. Then, there was some problem with a wall and water was flowing into our yard that we were in. The class attempted to fix the issue by pushing on the side of the building. As my friends and I were wandering and talking, we heard a sound. We immediately realize that the Mountain Dew container had broken and that the class's pushing had squeezed it until it broke. We saw the rushing river of soda and ran to warn the class, but it was too late. As the two fluids were about to hit...

The dream ended.

I was going to write about another longer dream I had, but I'll post that one next. For some reason I feel I should write about a dream fragment I had some years ago.

Other things happened before and after this fragment, but it was more clear to me than the others. I was standing on the edge of a large lake surrounded by mountains. A forest grew from near the banks of the lake to the base of the mountains. It was beautiful. The water was a bright blue, the leaves of the trees a spring green. The sand and dirt beneath my feet were even a nice shade of yellow and light brown. Out of nowhere my peaceful environment went crazy. The wind started to pick up, blowing the tops of the trees. A large fire started in the forest on the opposite bank of the lake from where I was. The harsh wind fueled it and the flames grew. The water level of the lake started to rise until my ankles were wet. I scrambled up the bank to get away from the rising water. That's the end of that fragment.

Yesterday I started reading about dream yoga and tried basic skill #1 (http://www.dreamviews.com/dream-yoga...esson-1-a.html) all day, later that night went to bed kinda late, like 3.00 AM and woke up 9.50 and later at 10.45.

First I dreamed that i was in a pool (again) but this was really calm, I was there with my brother and my cousins, I remember i told them about a something that happened to a kid I know IRL. When he was 4 he shat himself in a public pool. I remember my cousins laughing. After a few seconds water started desappearing, I started looking and touching a column mad of stone and thought that i knew i was dreaming (that night I was thinking about looking at my hands when I achieve lucidity, but i didnt do it in the dream). For some reason i felt like the dream was not formed, i dont know how to explain it, i wouldn't say it was a LD. Then I remember a couch in front of a TV with someone watching, i dont know who. He changed channels with his phone, weird. Then I saw my brother again, he was talking about some project he had and my grandpa was telling him that he wants to support this project. My grandpa said something like he had some money and he wanted to buy a house for us or something like that, I started thinking that he knew he was going to die soon. than i Woke up

Later at 7 PM I went to sleep while my brother started playing League of Legends in the other room. I dreamed that I played a character of the game that looked pretty much like Haunter (a pokemon that looks like a ghost). Anyway the funny thing is I hate that game, it is boring to me, but still i was there fighting other champions, in fact i remember feeling i was pressing the keys of my keyboard. I didn't remembered this dream until one hour or two after i woke up.

I have only a rough idea when I had these dreams, but they've been on my mind and I want to document them.

Hang Gliding

Probably just a few days ago.

I was in this very dreamlike area. It was a large grassy meadow with one huge oak tree and a small, single story school looking building in it. I recall a couple of paved pathways crisscrossing the area. There was some playground equipment; swings, slides and such.
Off in the distance, the meadow gave way to pine forests and lakes. Then those gave way to huge purple and grey mountains. The sky was orange around the mountains but more black overhead. Also the mountains were somewhat surrounded by beautiful orange and purple clouds.
I recall having a large device that resembled a hang glider, but rather than being triangular, it was made square, like the body of a miniature airplane, with wings and a tail. It was made out of aluminum pipes and the wings were given surface by a blue canvas.
Early on in the dream, I was flying easily, and I seemed to be able to control the glider and cause myself to go higher at will, despite the glider's lack of an engine. But slowly, the glider began to lose its properties and going higher began to be difficult. I landed, and tried to take off again, with limited success.
Some DC approached me and told me that the more I believed that the glider would allow me to fly, the better it would work.
I attempted to convince myself that the glider would work. But it didn't. I decided instead to go on one of the swing-sets, but just as I got on, The dream ended.

Race Car Customization

Few months/1 year ago.

I was in some kind of odd futuristic city. It was very bright and colorful but also not very big. I specifically recall this red and grey monorail track. And I was sort of in a back alley park type area. The park was on a steep hill, and there were concrete walls built attempting to contain the hill, and prevent erosion and the likes.
Some dream character approached me, and we entered this game about customizing and racing cars. The cars looked like drag racers with very narrow bodies and large back wheels. But they were holograms floating above us. My car was frustratingly hard to customize. Every time I picked an "option" the car would randomly change to a completely different setting.
Eventually, I ran out of "money" in the game and the other dream character told me that I would have to wait two days until I could get more.

12/03/13

A Father's Betrayal
I am standing out in a parking lot at night. I am not myself, and I am completely non-lucid. My name is Amelia. I keep thinking about mistakes I made. I shouldn't have gone outside the safety of the walls of the military base. But I'd just felt so cooped up. I'd longed to feel the ocean breeze instead of smelling the stagnant exhaust of the military vehicles. And the zombie infestation had been cleared from the area. So what could be the danger? I'd forgotten about the biggest threat of all... Alex Mercer. But even if I had thought of that, what interest would he have in a 25 year old college student? I was supposed to be off at school, but I'd gotten stuck here when I had been visiting my father at the time of the outbreak. Yet here I was, in the middle of a parking lot with a strange tendril wrapped around my waist like a tether, waiting for my father's response to Alex's terms for my safe release. Alex just wanted some dumb serum. Of course my father would turn it over, I was the most important thing in his life. Sure, he had been preoccupied with his work lately, but nothing would come between us. Wow... if Alex keeps his word and releases me I will get hell for leaving the base. I'll never hear the end of it. I am mindlessly playing with the tendril on my waist, secure but not uncomfortable, interesting texture, wondering what is taking so long. What if they don't have the serum Alex wants?

Then I hear my father responding, I'm sure not much time has really passed, it just feels like that. My father is saying someone will be right out with the serum... but that's not what he said! Did he just tell Alex to go fuck himself? For a bit there is no response from Alex. My father must have a plan. That must be it. I can tell Alex isn't happy with the response. The tendril around my waist tightens uncomfortably, but only briefly, then it relaxes again like it was just a reaction to Alex being annoyed. Alex asks my father if he really wants to watch his daughter die. My father responds that Alex can do whatever he wants with me. Kill me… eat me… fuck me if that's what he wants. Alex would get nothing from him. He wouldn't turn over last week's shopping list. I am in shock… did my father just say he doesn't care if Alex kills me?

I feel like my knees are about to give out, but before I collapse I feel the tendril around my waist pulling at me, pulling gently, though. Soon I am standing beside Alex. Somewhere in my mind I am thinking he's probably going to kill me now, hoping he will at least make it quick, but the foremost thought in my mind is how could my own father betray me like that. I am silently crying, my knees give out completely, but I don't collapse. Alex is holding me up. The tendril around my waist is withdrawn, now I feel Alex's arms around me. Is he hugging me? No… he must be consuming me, that's how he's going to kill me. But nothing happens. I am crying on Alex Mercer's shoulder. I hear his voice in my ear, but it sounds distant and I don't understand what he is saying. What I do realize is that he is speaking in a comforting tone. Maybe he's not going to hurt me? Then I hear him talking to my father again, saying maybe my father would reconsider when Alex started sending me back to him piece by piece. So much for not hurting me… Immediately after he finishes saying that, however, it's back to the comforting whispers again. I strain to hear what he's saying. He doesn't mean it. He'll keep me safe. He promises. He keeps repeating that while he holds me close. I hear him mutter something about sending my father pieces of a dead body, but that won't hold up if they test DNA. Damn, he'll have to get the serum some other way.

Then my father's voice drowns out Alex's whispers. He repeats that he doesn't give a shit what Alex does to me. He says I am of no use to him. Maybe he thinks if he convinces Alex I am worthless to him that Alex will just release me and go away? That seems like an awfully risky thing to assume… My father is yelling at his own people now. He asks them what they're just standing around for? Mercer is right there in the open! Kill him! There are some voices that aren't loud enough for me to understand what is being said, then my father yelling again. What part of "she is of no use to me" did you not understand?! Open fire! I feel a quick movement as Alex turns away from my father and the base, bending both of us over and standing hunched over me. I look and see a shield has formed on his back that looks a bit like a spiked turtle shell. Bullets are ricocheting off of the shield. There is a lull in the gunfire, they are probably reloading… or preparing larger weapons. Alex is muttering some expletives and I think they are about my father. He tightens his hold on me and tells me to hold on to him as tight as I can. I wrap my arms around behind his neck. He seems to be tensed up as if about to spring, but he says to hold on tighter, as tight as I can manage. So I do, holding on so tightly that I would think it would be hurting him. But he doesn't seem to notice. Then he launches into the air, practically flying up the side of a building as I hear more gunfire and explosions around us. A couple more jumps and we are well out of range of any weapons at the base.

Alex has stopped running and jumping, so I let go of him. I try to pull away from Alex, I really just want to get away from him and find someplace I can be alone. Alex holds on to me. Of course. What had made me think he was going to just let me go? My father had failed to meet his terms… flat out refused to even consider it. I try a bit harder to pull free, but it's clear I won't be able to do it. Alex holds me closer and says to just relax, he's not going to hurt me. He says the things he told my father he would do to me was all talk, trying to shock the bastard into cooperating. It hadn't worked. He says not to worry, though, he is not going to hurt me. He says I had better stick around, though… there have been some zombies moving back into the area, but they won't get anywhere near me as long as he is there. He lets go of me now, and then paces around the roof we are on for a few minutes. He seems to be thinking about something very hard. He stops and looks over at me. I don't like the look on his face. But he quickly looks away, shaking his head and muttering something, I hear him say there has to be another way. He seems very upset about something.

I can't help it any longer and I ask what the serum he wanted is for. He looks over at me as if surprised I'm still there. He then says he needs it to cure his sister Dana. He says without the serum she will die. He goes back to pacing around the roof. Oh… his sister is sick… I guess maybe a lot of people would do whatever it takes to save a loved one. I stand there in silence for a bit. So it looks like both Alex and I will be losing someone we love. Without the serum Dana would die, and I as I feel right now my father is dead to me. I hear his voice in my mind again saying I am of no use to him. I think about it a bit longer and then something occurs to me. My father has always been a bit paranoid that someone would steal or sabotage his work. To prevent that, he has always kept a backup copy of all his data on a hidden hard drive on his home computer. Surely he has the data on the serum Alex needs. I ask Alex if the chemical formula for the serum would be helpful. My father has always said as long as he has the chemical formula, the samples are just extra insurance. Alex stops pacing and looks over at me again. He asks if I have that formula, I see a glimmering of hope in his eyes. I tell him I don't have it, but I can get it. I just need a computer with wireless capability. Alex says he knows a place and comes over to me. He crouches down and says I should get on his back and hold on at tight as I can. I put my arms around his neck and hold on. He is holding onto my legs so I am riding piggy-back. He says to hold on tighter. I hold on a little tighter, but after all I have my arms around his neck… He asks if I am actually concerned about holding on too tight… because if I am, don't be. It would take someone much stronger than me to choke him. Ok… so I hold on as tight as I can, and he launches into the air for what turns out to be a very exhilarating ride.

A short time later Alex lands on top of what looks like an apartment building. There is a hole ripped in the wall of one of the apartments and we go in through there. There are several computers along one wall along with bulletin boards filled with notes and maps. The notes and maps mean nothing to me. I sit down at the computer and turn it on. It boots quickly since it had been in standby mode. Whoever had used it last had left it on when they left. Once online I go to the wireless connection. I wonder at first if I'll be able to access the network. But I needn't have worried, Blackwatch has turned all of New York into a wi-fi zone so they can communicate. And there aren't many civilians left who would know how to access it. Once on the network I have no problems navigating to my father's personal computer. As long as he isn't in the office, he won't notice the computer receive the remote power-on command. And he is surely still on duty. There is a password to get into his computer. I think about it for a bit and then use my mother's name. Access denied. I enter my mother's name and birthday. Access denied. No, he wouldn't make it that easy. So I enter my mother's name backwards and then her birthday. Access granted. Yes! Now to access his hidden drive. Finding the drive is easy, but it has another password. I use the same password… access denied. I guess it couldn't have been that easy. Then I realize it is just looking for a number. I use my mother's birthday. Access denied. Her birthday backwards. Access denied. Shit! It says one more failed attempt results in the system being locked down. Gotta make this one count. I am a bit too aware of Alex looking over my shoulder. Even though he hasn't done anything to hurt me and it doesn't look like he will it makes me uneasy. And I need that password…

I fiddle around on the computer. I find a C# compiler. I fiddle around with code. Too bad I haven't studied code… But I find I know it anyhow! Somehow the information is just there, in my mind, like I've known it all along. (I know programming in my waking life, so that is probably where the knowledge came from.) I write some code quickly to sequentially search through numbers to identify a password. It then compares the number with the password in the database to determine if it is correct without submitting it and counting it as an attempt. I run the program, keeping my fingers crossed that it'll work. After a pause that is too long for my liking the computer finally flashes up the Access granted message. There is a list of directories that I don't understand. Alex points at one that says Batch 250 and says that's the one. I click that and he points at one that says 256b. I click on that and it opens up a list of files containing all sorts of information from the chemical composition of serum 256b to the results of experiments done with serum 256b. There is a final note on the bottom that said 256b was being terminated as a failed experiment. I stare at that word for a bit. Failed. Alex says something but I don't hear what. Right now I am thinking how my own father was willing to give up my life to protect a failed experiment. A fucking FAILED experiment! Alex carefully rolls my chair to the side and pulls another chair up to the computer. He types a quick email to a Dr. Ragland and sends off a couple of the files.

Alex leans back in his chair and sighs. He says he hopes that will allow Dr. Ragland to create an antidote for Dana. I tell him I hope she is ok. An email comes back from Dr. Ragland. It says that the files Alex sent are exactly what he needs, he will create and administer the serum right away. He says he will send another email when she is awake. I look through the broken wall into the night, which is now brightening into dawn. Now that the action of hacking into my dad's computer has passed, I am just depressed again at the way he betrayed me. I slump down in my chair, feeling like crying but no tears actually come. Alex moves his chair closer and says if it means anything, he'd never had any intention of hurting me. It doesn't mean much… I say there's no way my sperm donor could have known that. I don't want to call him my father. He gave up that title when he told Alex to go ahead and kill me. I look over at Alex, right into his blue eyes which look a lot more caring than I would have expected after the horrible things I have heard about him. But it's looking like maybe I can't believe everything I hear, especially from sources such as Blackwatch and Gentek. Alex puts his arms around me and holds me close, trying to comfort me in my depression over my father's betrayal. And it is helping. It feels nice to be held. I somehow feel safe here, and suddenly very tired. I drift off to sleep in Alex's arms and wake up in my own bed.