non-lucid

Last night I had a lot of non lucid dreams, but I can't recall a lot of them, I remember being at some small Alien spaceship. I was trying to reach earth again, and A LOt of aliens were near the moon. My spaceship was kinda like a floater (you know, one of those pool toys for the kids). When I reached earth I started fighting the aliens and then woke up, that was weird.
Damn... I think I forgot the other one... I'll try to remember and edit this post later

There is so much to write - I will do it in chunks over the day.
Even more than the below - but I leave it at a dream and a fragment - forgot what I had dictated.

An earlier dream:
I was in a lecture on dream-content and real life connections.
It was possible to watch other persons dreams - also my own ones.
But in the end it was about a supposedly very famous case of - on the one hand mental disorder - on the other hand manifesting things from his dreams in the real world.
Funny, now I got to think about Mylynes tutorial..
But he calls it hallucination - in my dream it was manifestation.

An earlier fragment:
Sitting with a friend of mine in a café she knows the owner of and eating lots of delicious cakes with cream.
There is a beautiful girl next table over - but somehow we know, her boyfriend will not come - leave her like that altogether - and we talked about that.


The dream:
I did a WBTB after 7+ hours of falling asleep - trying WILD a la Sageous.
Almost worked - at one point I felt myself slipping in some weird bodily way and saw maybe 10 light-points on the back of my eye-lids - and that startled me awake.
Aha!
Got to tell Sageous - fell into the trap he so much tries people to warn of..
Naja - after it was clear I was too awake - also with frustration - I rolled over and slept.

The following dream had me - luckily! - at that house of my first boyfriend´s parents again.
The usual business - if you want to look for the non-lucid part of it - just read back some nights - and you get the picture.
I came to hate these weird dreams lately.
This time the thought popped into my mind - like hm - I dream of this sometimes.
Then it almost went like my last posted miss in the "most stupid way.." - I "concluded" - but it must be real - I am here after all!

This time I RCed anyway.
I had lucids, where it was obvious from the onset - but this again was one, where I did about 5 RCs before believing it.
I keep suspecting that I cheat on the nose-plug - but the finger-counting seems very reliable.
Yepp - lucid!

I hovered a bit and looked at things - trying to change objects for the competition.
But it didn´t work at all - what I looked at fiercely - just got more detailed and clear and more beautiful - but didn´t change.
That was a bit frustrating - I also tried it on the younger brother - but that ended up otherwise.
No dream-sex as such, not even touching each other - but lets say - we were on about it on our owns.
But didn´t work completely - rather I felt excited for a while afterwards - sort of didn´t get rid of it.
Maybe I edit this out later - but why actually not write it.
What I keep out of here are rather conflicts or situations too close to my personality/real life concerns.

Naja - I made fun of everybody without feeling guilty (the mother, the brother, some visitor) - or maybe it is better to say - I made a joke out of myself with "outrageous behaviour".

Then I left the flat - I didn´t think of TOTMs the whole dream - but I did think about the comp.
Maybe because I didn´t manage that change-stuff - and this was the next and such only goal.
Outside I started flying about normally - and came down on the roof of an abandoned train-wagon.

Then it came to my mind to try flying superwoman style.
Took my right arm up and at a steep angle - well - and wasn´t prepared at all for what I "expected".
I shot up at that angle in an absolutely mind-boggling speed - in one blink - I was so high, I almost couldn´t discern features on the ground any more.
I believe I squealed and wailed and was absolutely terrified..
Even worse almost - having to decide and take that arm down and expecting not to fall - in less than a second - but I managed to float down.

I met a friend of mine then - in front of her door - we went up into her room, talked a bit - I forgot to tell her I was dreaming and see what she says - I just pretended to be normal.
When she left the room for some reason - I tried to change her jewellery on a shelf - again - stuff got more sparkly and intricate - but didn´t change.

After quite a lot of effort - I thought - ah well - I do it with looking away and expecting sweets instead of a pendant - this worked!
It was chocolate with metallic-looking wrapping - I unwrapped it and ate it.
Even tasted like chocolate - but not very intensely - and again - it was a bit difficult to feel it in my mouth. Forgot counting eating for the comp..

I was again outside after that, from where I woke up - but I can´t remember any thing at the moment about what that was.

I remember being out on a trip or staying the night somewhere with friends and relatives. Matt was there and we were talking about a shared dream we had. People looked on in amazement and disbelief.

Matt would describe something and I would relate and finish it. The content of the dream we were talking about is interesting, it was like it was another dream I had earlier that night and now here I am in this dream talking about it.

I remember only part of it. There was a tree with lots of blocks hanging down like fruit. And I accidentally hit one with my head and a tree popped out of it a lot like Mario games. It grew into a tree itself. Funny.

--

Another piece i remember is being in some sort of hall or auditorium, or church. My wife was there but not sitting by me. I said something about my journey being important…. And she flipped out, “oh, your journey is the most Woo Woo thing ever!” I started defending, but then I realized I cannot argue with her. And that’s her story. Wow my wife who I thought was supportive all along has now exploded with disdain for my spiritual journey.

I looked at the dude in front of her. He was familiar, like an uncle, but I don’t remember who. He shrugged and agreed with me. And said he can’t say anything because he’s an entertainer. Ok?

I see 13 arcade cabinets from the back, all in a row, showing how the wood of each one has been repaired and refinished.

I was in my car and leaving a town which I belatedly realized was under quarantine, and I should not have left. I do not know whether due to this, but my car suddenly got flat tires. I decided to turn around and return to this town I had left. First I tried driving on flat tires, but when that did not work well, I started propelling my car with my feet sticking out the bottom. I was also not feeling well. When I reached the town, I got informed that the emergency room was too busy. I asked if it would make a difference if I walked into emergency room, and they said it was worth a try. There was no mention of fixing the car's tires - unless that was what I expected from the emergency room?

Morning of December 18, 2013. Wednesday.



In one dream, we appear to be visiting an (unknown) person on the right side of a T-section dock in a larger boathouse (seemingly part of a strange composite using the Salton Sea, California, the Mississippi near La Crosse, and an area near the Florida Keys). There is another boathouse mirrored almost exactly to the opposite side of the T-section dock. The owner we know in my dream is probably about forty years old. There is an area for a small motorboat near the right-front that is almost like a connected garage (at water level) so that the boat comes up almost to the front door of the boathouse. The man seems to be sharing a story based on a recent event where he thought that a visitor was very unintelligent because they asked why he did not have an additional place for the boat near the back of the boathouse so that when he travels from a trip in the other direction, it would supposedly be “easier” to moor (even though the only door is on the front of the boathouse). Apparently the person was also looking at the far-right area for another potential spot to moor (in case the boat had been traveling from that direction as well). It seems very amusing for him. Apparently, he also seems to indicate that the other person thought that if a person is traveling from the left of the T-section, he would reach the other boathouse and never get to his (not having enough intelligence to know that you can just go around). This was rather odd and impersonal for a dream. It could possibly relate more to persistent stubbornness rather than a lack of intelligence. For example, a person may stop near you as if you are “in their way”, when they could just walk around you with little effort or difficulty. There was, however, a person in real life that we used to see who would actually stop when there was anything in front of him, even a division of the sidewalk or a particularly dark line on the floor of a store’s aisle (as if it were a “wall”). This relates to some sort of condition, but I do not presently recall the name. It was unusual seeing someone do this. He acted as if he could not get past implied two-dimensional “barriers”. I never really watched or stared, so I do not know what he eventually did as I left the scene. He also stopped near our baby pram once even though it was to the right of him and nowhere near being in his way, so I just turned around and went the other direction.

In the other dream, we are living in the same house as a person who lives near us on the same street in one direction (but across an alleyway - we live in a corner house) in real life, but whom we do not see very often (he rarely seems to be actually living there over longer time periods) and do not know very well. I am walking around in a seemingly shared living area, yet there also seems to be features of a very large, but partly divided bedroom. I am hearing sound from an adjoining room which seems a bit too loud (as I do not want the other people in the house to complain) - although I am not sure if it is that late at night. I thought it might be some sort of anechoic chamber in part - it seems to be a very large television (false memory) on the other side of the wall, and apparently it is an old monster movie or something similar, so I go to tell a family member to turn the volume down while in the doorway, the other room with the television being mostly dark. I am not sure what the movie is. It seems to be a fictional variation of “Village of the Giants” from 1965 based on what the other man says.

The other man is also walking near the same area, but does not seem to mind the television’s volume level (he may have been planning to get something from the refrigerator to take back to his area). He even watches the movie that is on for about three minutes or so although I actually never face or see the screen of the television, as I remain mostly in the implied larger bedroom area. He says with a sort of odd curious interest (perhaps nostalgia), “Oh…there are TWO giant women in this movie, and this one is dancing, look at that stomach…”

Meanwhile, I am going back to get some pens and pencils. Some of the pens are felt markers of a larger variety of colors as well as normal ballpoints. I seem to have permission from the other man for some reason to use one of his pens. The large group of pens is mine, yet when I place them on someone’s bed temporarily (as there are a bit too many and it is a clumsy effort to get them to the desk on my side), they get mixed up with other people’s pens. I am annoyed, as I do not want to be accused of “stealing pens”, so I finally manage to get them separated before the other man walks back to his apparent living area. In real life, we assume his wife had died, as we have not seen her for a long time, but when he comes back into this room, he is making strange comments about her (I guess she is in a different adjoining room than the other). I then notice funny toy heads hanging from the wall (which I had not noticed before), similar to the toy shrunken heads of years ago, one with bright orange hair sticking out from each side (but bald otherwise), which seems to represent his wife, as if displayed as some sort of nostalgic gift.

The third dream was fairly short and somewhat distorted. There was another boathouse-related scene, but as if from a movie. There is a creature that looks much like the one from “The Monster That Challenged the World” (1957), but is much smaller, only about the size of a person. It is apparently a male creature. He moves his head up from the water that is filled with smaller debris (of mostly greenish and yellowish hues) and starts going “Yerp, yerp, yerp”. Apparently the movie is called “The Yerper”…rather senseless. He does not seem like a threat and the “yerp” sound is not really imposing.

While typing up my memories from the OBE I just had, I remembered something from the dream I had right before it.

I was in the backyard at my Grandma’s house and I was mowing the lawn. Except it was weird, there was other stuff going on for sure. I can’t remember what. The lawn seemed like it was being mowed automatically by the tractor. I remember parts of the grass being long and it was cutting it down and it was getting close to the end. I knew my Dad was there and someone else.

12/16/13

A Fool and His Grenade Launcher
It is dark outside. I am leaning up against an old broken down car. I realize I have fallen asleep. That's not good since I am supposed to be on watch. The city we're in is teaming with zombies and strange mutant creatures that would kill us without hesitation. My boyfriend Josh is lying in a sleeping bag right near me sleeping peacefully. I am completely non-lucid and unaware of my waking life. My name is Isabell. I watch Josh as he sleeps. I wonder if I should tell him the full truth about what I am, what is inside of me. No. I can't. He would leave me alone. Alone and cold, I can't face the idea of being left alone.

I hear a sound from the other side of the car. I peek out of our hiding place. The moonlight is enough to reveal there is a man standing in the street beyond our hiding place. I am even able to identify who it is. It's Alex Mercer. Josh and I have actually been making a point of staying in the relative vicinity of Alex Mercer. He tends to keep the number of zombies and mutants in the area to a minimum, and if he has noticed us staying near him, he has ignored us. I sit back down, I figure this doesn't require me to bother Josh. Alex will surely continue to not notice us or ignore us. But it seems my movements have awakened Josh anyhow. He sits up and looks at me he asks what is up. I tell him it's nothing. I just heard something and it is Alex Mercer. He still has two more hours before his turn. He lies back down and I lean back against the wrecked car, gazing at the stars. The sky is clear, the only sounds are the quiet movements of Alex out in the street.

I jump a little when Josh suddenly sits up. He says he has it! I ask what. I don't really want to hear his answer. Usually when he says that when he has a notably stupid idea. Of course I can't really complain since it was one of these stupid ideas for him to come with me when the Outsiders had started hunting me. I wish he was back home and safe, though that would mean I would be alone now and I desperately need Josh to keep my heart safe. Without Josh I would be nothing more than a... no... I'm not going to think about that. Josh says he has a great idea. I ask what. He says we'll get rich and then get some really secluded place to stay hidden, a safe and comfortable place. I tell him good luck with that. He looks through the window of the wrecked car towards where I saw Alex. He says Alex will make us rich. I tell him to go back to sleep... he's clearly not thinking straight. He says Blackwatch has offered a huge reward to whoever can kill Alex Mercer. I face palm. I tell him sure, just sit there and give Alex a dirty look for a while until Alex dies of boredom. Now go back to sleep.

I look back to the stars again, not paying attention to Josh rummaging in a pile of stuff we've collected. He pulls out a grenade launcher. He says he has this covered. Get the reward, set up a defendable hideaway with everything we could need. He says he will be able to provide a better life for me then, when we don't have to keep moving and running from the Outsiders. Now I'm a bit alarmed. I tell him to put that thing down, adding that he must be crazy. He says no, I saw what it did to that mutant... the grenade penetrated the mutant's armor and exploded on the inside, tearing the thing apart. I tell him to put that thing away now, I'll not have him running off on some suicide mission. Besides, it's safer with Alex around... as long as no one does something stupid and pisses him off. Something stupid like firing a grenade at him. Josh says it will work. He starts to go around the car and into the open. I grab him and pull him back. I tell him to not try it. Seriously. Don't do it. He looks into my eye for a bit and then goes back to his sleeping bag. He says if I feel that strongly, he'll think of something else. He sets the weapon on the pile of stuff and lies back down. I watch him for a bit longer. He shifts uneasily and then gets up again. He says he has to take a piss. He sounds annoyed at me. Oh, well. Better he be annoyed than have him run off and get killed by Alex Mercer. He disappears between two buildings to do his business behind a dumpster.

I look back to the sky. All is quiet. But Josh is taking too long... could something have happened? Zombies or mutants this close to Alex? It would be unexpected, but not impossible. I am about to follow him into the alley. I ready my energy. I am loathe to use it, dark energy. I hate the way it makes me feel, and it adversely affects the area. But if Josh needs me to use it to save him, I will. I start towards the alley when there is an explosion behind me, out in the street where I saw Alex. A Blackwatch attack? They're always trying to blow Alex up, always failing. I peek out into the street. Now it is silent. Blackwatch has never tried just one attack... Something inside of me feels cold, it's dread.

I look from my hiding place and see what I feared. Josh is out in the street waving at me. He yells at me that I should have believed in him. Alex Mercer is history. He comes towards me slowly. The moonlight reveals his I-told-you-so grin. There is movement behind him. I look beyond Josh and I see something surprising. Alex Mercer is in two pieces! His top half is about three feet from his bottom half. Then there's more movement. The two halves are moving, coming slowly together. I motion to Josh to hurry. He goes even slower, spreading his arms out like he's some kind of victorious hero. I point at Alex, who is now merging back into one piece. He looks and seems to freeze for a bit, unable to believe what he's seeing. I motion to him to hurry. He starts running towards me. He's too far away! He circled around a building to sneak past me and my objections. But he is almost here! He has almost reached our hiding place when a taloned tendril pierces his chest. I have a split second to see the stunned look on his face before he gets pulled back the other direction. Pulled back to a seriously pissed off Alex Mercer. I have no choice but to use the dark energy to get him back. I call on the energy, I feel it rising inside me. I stand up to get Josh back... but he's already gone. Alex has already consumed him. But so fast?

I drop back out of sight, collapsing to the ground beside the wrecked car. The dark energy subsides, replaced by an icy coldness. It's so cold. Josh is gone... why did he have to be such a fucking idiot?! Why couldn't he have just listened to me?! What the fuck was he thinking?! Blackwatch has hit Alex with volleys of missiles and grenades and rockets and it has done nothing! What is one stupid explosive going to do?! I'll tell you what it'll do! It'll PISS HIM OFF! It'll just piss him off... Damn it, Josh... you IDIOT! I'm not really angry at Alex... what else would be expected after Josh... that damn idiot... had literally blasted Alex into two pieces? Of course Alex is going to fight back. Nothing else would be logical. Why did Josh have to be so stupid? I am angry at Josh for leaving me to go on what he should've known was a suicide mission. He was really all I had. What would I do without him? My mind continues like that, I find I am crying. I am relieved that I still can cry. The darkness wouldn't take over immediately. Maybe it won't. Maybe I can resist it. Maybe I can...

I am distracted from my thoughts by movement right in front of me. I look up and see Alex is standing right in front of me, looking down at me. Shit... I curse at myself. I was so caught up with Josh being gone that I had forgotten something really important. When Alex consumes someone he gets the memories of the person he consumed. Josh knew where I was hiding... so of course Alex would know that now. I had needed to depart from the hiding place immediately and disappear into the night. Easily done in the night, but I hadn't moved an inch. And now it's too late. Well, at least I don't have to worry about the darkness consuming me, Alex will take care of that... I just lean back against the wrecked car, close my eyes, and wait. I don't really care what happens. Not a good sign. I find myself hoping Alex will hurry up and kill me before darkness fills my heart. Then I will never have to feel the cold. But nothing happens. I open my eyes and he is still there looking at me. Um... what happened? Is the darkness somehow visible and making me look like an oddity? Now I am just staring back at him. The moonlight is reflecting off of his eyes in a hypnotic way. Just look at those eyes... I shake my head quickly... what the fuck am I thinking?!

I am clearing my head when Alex finally does something. He puts his arms around me and lifts me up. I wonder what he is doing. I keep my eyes closed, but I feel us moving quickly, sometimes it feels like flying. This goes on for a short while and then it seems we are inside someplace. We go through a couple more doors and then Alex carefully lies me down on what feels like a bed. This is very confusing. He would know I was with Josh, so why am I still alive? I hear Alex speaking. He says since Josh isn't here to watch me he had brought me someplace that should be safe from the infected. Infected? Does he mean zombies and mutants? They had seemed like monsters. I'd never considered maybe they were sick or infected with something... Alex says he knows I tried to keep Josh from attacking, and he had assumed Josh was Blackwatch. Josh wasn't Blackwatch... though he had been dumb enough to think they would honor their reward even if he had succeeded. So Alex doesn't plan on killing me after all. It's cold, and I shiver. My sleeping bag is back at the hiding place. I feel Alex lie down beside me, close to me. Close enough that I feel his body heat. I feel him put his arms around me... all six of them?! No... four of those "arms" are tendrils, but those are warm, too. I am feeling warmer. I want to ask Alex why he seems to be helping me after what happened with Josh. But I am also very tired. Before I can manage to ask I fall asleep, a nice and peaceful sleep, and wake up in bed.

12/11/13

A Father's Death
I wake up lying in a comfortable bed that I know right away is not my own. I am Amelia. The first thought that returns to my mind is my father turning his back on me, not caring if I live or die. I bury my head in the pillow wishing I could just fall back asleep and maybe next time I wake up all of this will be just a bad dream. I am getting close to falling asleep when I hear someone enter the room with me. A man beside the bed whispers my name quietly. "Amelia? Amelia, wake up… we have to go." Go? Go where? And who was in my room? I open my eyes and look at the man beside my bed. It's Alex Mercer. Alex Mercer! For just an instant I am alarmed and I sit up quickly, wondering if there is any quick path to escape. But then the sleep clears out of my mind. I have nothing to fear from Alex. He has made it very clear he has no interest in hurting me. And he certainly wouldn't hurt me after I helped him get the formula for the serum he needed to cure his sister Dana. He steps back a bit and says he's sorry he startled me. He says Dana is awake, so he wants to go to the hospital and see her. He says it's not safe for me to stay here alone, there has been too much activity among the infected here recently. So he wants to take me with him. For some reason his show of concern for my safety makes me want to go give him a big hug. It's not really something I am accustomed to… my sorry excuse for a father sure hadn't showed any concern for my safety…

I get out of bed and follow Alex back into the room with the computers. I ask if the infected would really come into the apartment. He points at the hole and says that's where a supreme hunter grabbed Dana right out of her computer chair and took her to Elizabeth Greene for who-knows-what malevolent purpose. He'd gotten Dana back before Greene had finished what she was doing, but that was why Dana had needed the serum. He crouches down so I can get on his back and ride piggy-back again. This time I hold on as tight as I can without him saying anything. And then he is off like a flash, into the air, over buildings, up walls, then he glides in for a landing in an alley behind a hospital. He sets me down and motions for me to follow him inside. I look around. I don't see any sign of infected around there, but I follow Alex anyway. I follow him through several halls and we finally get to a room. The room looks disturbingly like a morgue… I see a sign on the door that says that's exactly what it is. For an instant I am afraid Dana died after all, but no… Alex had said she is awake. I follow Alex into the room and close the door behind me.

In the morgue I see there are a couple dead bodies on tables. I make a point of ignoring those. Alex is with two other people talking. One of the two people is a black man in doctor's garb, and the other is a red-haired woman dressed casually, though her clothes are a bit dirty and ripped. That must be Dana. Alex motions to me to come over where he introduces me to the other two. The doctor is Dr. Ragland, one of the few people Alex feels he can trust, and the woman is Dana Mercer, which I had already guessed. Alex introduces me to them as Amelia, and says I'm the one that managed to get the formula for the serum. Dr. Ragland tells me I did a great thing, that formula saved Dana's life. I force a smile at them, though I don't feel like smiling. I can still hear my father's voice in my mind saying I am of no use to him. Kill her, eat her, fuck her… I don't care… I try to push the voice from my mind before I start crying. Alex asks if I am ok. I lie to him and say I am fine. I'm sure he doesn't want to hear about my problems.

As Alex, Dana, and Dr. Ragland are talking I just kind of move away from them. I feel uncomfortable and out of place. I feel like I don't belong there. So since no one has noticed me move away from the group I continue and leave the morgue. I find my way to the front of the hospital and look outside. There are people out there, regular people, uninfected people. None of them seem alarmed about anything, so I reason it must be relatively safe here. I go outside into the sun. It feels nice. I look around at the people walking and talking and I realize I have never felt so alone. I just walk to the stairs that lead to the front door of the hospital where I sit down, not sure where to go, not sure what to do. I spend a short time crying silently, which no one seems to notice. Or maybe just no one cares. My tears finally dry up but I still don't know where to go so I stay there.

I am still sitting there when a uniformed soldier approaches me, looking at me like he is seeing a ghost. He asks if I am Amelia. I say yes. He is stunned beyond belief. He says everyone at the base is certain I must be dead. He helps me to my feet. He continues talking. He asks how I managed to get away from Mercer. He says that ever since Mercer broke his end of the deal by refusing to release me, everyone had assumed he had probably consumed me to see if I knew anything about… I interrupt him. I ask him exactly what he thinks happened that night. He says an arrangement was made to trade some serum to Mercer for my safe return. The serum had been delivered, but Mercer had refused to let me go, and had instead taken me with him when he left. He said people had searched… I interrupt him again. The serum was delivered? No way! That bastard that calls himself my father had flat out refused to hand over the serum, he'd flat out refused to even consider it! I am so upset that I am on the verge of tears again, but this time there is a fair amount of anger mixed with my grief. That bastard is making himself out to be a victim! I tell the soldier that Alex never did anything to hurt me, in fact he had let me go. My story is not quite true, rather I snuck away while Alex had been talking to Dana and Dr. Ragland, but I have no doubt in my mind he would have let me go even if he had seen me leaving. The soldier doesn't seem to know what to say. He asks if Mercer really let me go, but doesn't wait for an answer. He said we should get back to the base, then leads me to his vehicle and we leave.

I actually have thoughts that I don't want to go back to the base. There's nothing there for me. But I don't say anything, and we drive in through the heavy gates that protect the entrance. I get out of the vehicle and walk towards the residence section. And there he is. The bastard that claims to be my father. The bastard that refused to trade a failed experiment for my safe return. That bastard… He comes over to me with his arms spread wide, saying over and over how happy he is to see that I am ok. He says he's been afraid he would never see me again. He keeps talking and I walk right over to him. Without a moment's hesitation I pull my right fist back and punch him in the face as hard as I can. SMACK! I hurt my hand when I do that. I also feel my father's nose bend unnaturally to the side. Blood spurts from the nose and all over my hand. I start yelling at him, letting the anger out. "A failed experiment? You were willing to give me up for a FAILED EXPERIMENT?! YOU ASSHOLE! YOU ROTTEN PIECE OF SHIT!"

My father takes a towel from a man who hands it to him. He holds the towel to his nose to stem the bleeding. He has the nerve to be getting mad at me. He says I shouldn't talk about what I don't understand. He says he had everything under control until Mercer grabbed me and left. I ask what part of his plan involved riddling my body with bullets as his thugs tried to shoot Alex. He says they are good enough with their weapons, they weren't going to hit me. He hesitates, then asks me how I know what serum Mercer had been after. I tell him Alex pointed out which one he needed… when I hacked into his computer. I speak plenty loud enough so anyone in the area can hear that he has what is no doubt an unauthorized copy of classified information on his personal computer. He asks if I want to get him in trouble. I say the answer is the same as his answer to, "Do you want to watch your daughter die?" He repeats that he had everything under control. He asks how I could hand classified information over to Mercer. I ask him how he was so willing to turn ME over to Alex? He says I shouldn't talk to my father like that. I tell him I'm not. My father is dead. He hesitates, not seeming to know what to say. Neither does anyone else. The room is dead silent. I tell the man who once was my father that he is nothing to me now. He is shit.

I turn and walk away from the asshole. He grabs my arm. I feel like kicking him in the balls. He says I can't just walk away, I aided and abetted the enemy. He wants to know where Mercer is right now, what he is up to, where he took me, how I managed to escape. I tell him I have no idea where Alex is right now, I can't say where he took me because it was not through a route I am used to traveling, and I didn't escape… he let me go. He asks where I last saw Mercer. I tell him I wouldn't tell him where Alex was if Alex was sneaking up right behind him! He glares at me and then speaks to a man beside him. He says I was picked up by the hospital, and that is too far away for me to have gotten on foot. So Mercer must have taken me there. Go there and make sure Mercer doesn't leave there alive! Level the entire area if you have to, but don't let Mercer escape! Someone asks what about the civilians seeking medical help there. The asshole says they don't matter, all of them are infected and just haven't shown symptoms yet. They're already dead! I tell the thing that claims to be my father that he is the absolute lowest form of life I have ever seen. The reports are all right… there is a monster running around the city. But it's not Alex, it's him. He tells one of the soldiers to escort me to my quarters and make sure I stay there. In my current state of mind I might run off and warn Mercer.

One of the soldiers takes my arm gently and uncertainly. He is clearly not comfortable with the situation. He leads me from the room. He stops once we're out of sight. His name is Steve. He says I know my father better than he does… would he really kill everyone in that hospital just on the slim chance they might be able to take Mercer with it? I tell him I would have said 'no' just last week, but now I would have to say 'yes' definitely. He says someone has to warn the hospital so they can evacuate the patients. We go into a room with some computers. He tries to open communications to the hospital but all communications are shut down. He curses, then says all the computers are on lock down since a hacker was detected… He says he will have to go to the hospital. He says I should go to my quarters where it's safe. I tell him I don't think that's safe considering how crazy my father is acting and that he seems to think I have teamed up with Alex.

Steve hesitates, then says I can go with him. We hurry to the area where the vehicles are parked and get into a Jeep and take off out the door. Speeding down the empty streets makes the trip go pretty fast, but it still seems to take forever. Questions go through my mind. How long will it take to organize a massive attack on the hospital? Is Alex still there? How about Dana? Dr. Ragland is surely still there… We finally arrive at the hospital and Steve jumps right out and runs inside. I am right behind him. While he heads for security, however, I head for the morgue. I run all the way there and I am rather winded when I get there. I go inside and find it is empty. No one is there. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I go into the next room, which is a lab. Dana is in there sleeping on a couch. Dr. Ragland and Alex are facing the other way and talking. I am trying to catch my breath. Alex looks over and sees me there. He asks where I went off to. I tell him that's a long story, but Blackwatch is attacking the hospital any minute now, so he'll want to get Dana and Dr. Ragland out of there. Alex changes form into a soldier and leaves the room.

I follow Alex back to the front of the hospital. I can already hear helicopters in the distance approaching. And the engines of tanks. It's too late to evacuate… Alex asks Steve what is going on. Steve says the commander has gone mad… he's going to bomb the shit out of the hospital. He said we need to get as many people out as possible. Alex says there isn't time. He runs out towards the approaching enemies. I see several helicopters in the air, but I can't see the ground forces yet. Then I see Alex launch into the sky right in the middle of the group of helicopters. He explodes in a huge mass of what look like tendrils (tendril barrage devastator) that punch right through the choppers as if they are paper. The choppers explode and Alex drops back to the ground. Steve looks at me in shock… he says that other soldier was Alex Mercer! He looks around and exclaims that he was face-to-face with Alex Mercer and he's still alive! I am too far away to see any details, but I hear a lot of explosions and I can tell there is a big fight going on out there. That goes on for a while longer and then everything goes silent. Smoke is rising out there, everyone waits to see if anyone emerges.

A single soldier finally emerges from the smoke and destruction. A single soldier that does not even look injured. He gets a bit closer and looks around the area. Everyone has stopped whatever they were doing to watch what was happening. Some civilians are coming from the general direction of the smoke. They all have different descriptions of what they saw. There is only one thing that everyone agrees on. A huge Blackwatch attack force had been closing in on the hospital for unknown reasons when Alex Mercer had single handedly put a stop to the attack. The single soldier comes over near me. Steve backs away from the single soldier, who I have no doubt is Alex. The conversations around me are all about Blackwatch attacking a civilian hospital and Alex Mercer defending it, it seems a lot of people are expressing disbelief about that happening but none are really denying it. The conversation shifts to Blackwatch lying and Blackwatch cover-ups. Alex asks if I am ok. I say I am fine.

A jeep drives up to the front of the hospital. I see the asshole who was once my father in it. He gets out and glares right at me. He says he should have known. He looks at Steve and says he is in a lot of trouble. Because of him I got out and warned Mercer, and now Mercer has disappeared again. Steve glances over at Alex but says nothing. My former father turns to me and says even Steve isn't in as much trouble as I am. He says he has never been so ashamed of his own daughter. I remind him that my father is dead, I am no daughter of his. He says I am under arrest. Alex comes over beside me and tells my former father to leave me alone. My former father looks at Alex's name tag and refers to him as Brandon, telling him to mind his own business. Steve asks if my former father really ordered an attack on a civilian hospital. He says this was a rare chance to eliminate Alex Mercer, but thanks to me, the bastard got away. Steve glances at Alex again but still says nothing. Alex walks right up to my former father and says again to leave me alone. My former father says maybe he should take "Brandon" in with me, and Steve, too, if we all insist on siding with Mercer. Steve says he's not siding with anyone. Alex says my former father won't be ordering any more attacks on civilian targets. The asshole tells Alex he'll order whatever attacks he wants whenever he… Alex interrupts him by consuming him right on the spot.

Alex takes the form of my former father. Steve moves farther away, he pretends to have not noticed anything out of the ordinary. It seems no one else noticed at all, everyone is too occupied by talking amongst themselves. I am just staring. I was so very angry at that asshole who called himself my father… but I'm still not sure what to think of the fact Alex just killed him. In fact, I feel rather light headed. Maybe too much has happened just recently. Too much stress. The world is spinning. There are now three Steves and three Alexes looking at me. I feel like I am falling over. Alex gets closer and catches me before I can fall to the ground. Steve is just watching as Alex catches me before I can fall. He also seems unsure of what to say or do, and he ends up saying and doing nothing. Alex looks around, then back at me… all five of him. Alex says he will get me someplace safe. He says he won't let anything happen to me. He lies me on the back seat of the Jeep and drives away from the hospital, probably to avoid attracting any attention. We are driving along when everything fades to black and I wake up in my own bed.

There's a woman who's turning, and a guy I know is driving her somewhere in a white VW bug, just pulling out of the parking lot. We weren't expecting it to happen this soon; turning happens after a few blood exchanges, and the amount of times it takes varies from person to person, but she's only had two, so this is taking us off guard. I - a guy in a suit, in the parking lot, running alongside the car as they're starting to drive off - am saying to him, "let me in!", but he's in too much of a hurry to stop and tells me to just get in. So I go incorporeal (lost all visuals in the process) and as he drives through me, I resolidify (and visuals came back) in the back seat, where she's curled up on her side. I cradle her head in my lap.

Date: 12-17-13
Time: 8:54 P.M. - 2:16 A.M.
Technique(s) Used: Binatural Beats
_______________________
I was on a raft, gently floating towards a large island.

The raft hit the dock, and I jumped off. I was not human - my arms were much too long. Nonetheless, I began to explore the island.

I climbed up what looked like oddly-colored bamboo shoots with speed and ease. I climbed and climbed, not caring to stop.

Eventually, as the dream willed it, I did stop, and was near a dark cave. The ocean was to the left, for waves were splashing up near the entrance. I was human now - my arms were as they looked in the waking world. There were more shoots around, which were prompting me to climb and see what else there was. However, something else had caught my eye, and apparently a DCs as well.

Just below the entrance, inside a small crevice, was a tiny, golden egg. I lift it up, only to feel a powerful hand shove me away. There were two other DCs there - both tall, strong men. They wanted the egg.

The egg flew out of my hands towards the ocean when I was shoved. My arm suddenly flew out and hit one of the men smack in the head. He staggered backwards, and I guess I hit him pretty hard - he didn't know what he was doing here. I told him that he was checking out something else on the other side of the island. He seemed to have a revelation then - he made his way there, the other following suit.

I grab the egg before it can be washed out to see, and in that moment, it hatched. Inside was a small, dark blue bird (Now that I think about it, it looked like a very small version of the flut-flut from Jak and Daxter). I held it close, gently stroking it - I didn't want it to fall back into the ocean.

As I held the creature, loud bangs echoed from the other side of the island. Handing the bird to a DC that was close by, I went to investigate. While I walked, I noticed a few other caves, some holdin old remains, one even holding an archaic-looking chest.

I made it to where the other two DCs had gone, and sure enough, they were digging a pathway through the island. They were just about finished - I could see the other side.

On the other side lay a cul-de-sac.

I woke up soon after entering.
_______________________
From 2:20 - 5:51 A.M., there were only a few fragments, of which I cannot remember.

Date: 12/17/2013
Method: MILD & WBTB (Fail )
Total Sleep Time: 8 (ish) hours

Welp...I tried to duplicate my success from yesterday by planning all day with intent to WILD and doing my WBTB for at least 45 minutes. So would someone please tell me why the hell my job called telling me they needed something emailed to them within the hour (and the job would take me 2 hours to do) ???!!! By the time I got finish with the work there was no way in hell that I was able to go back to sleep. Oh well, there is always tomorrow...

Dream 1

I was surrounded by alligators and I decided that I would eat them so I started skinning their hide and removing their guts to make a soup. There were all sizes and shapes of alligators, but I wasn't afraid. I told myself the more the merrier for my alligator soup .

Dream 2

I saw a baby in a woman's uterus and I was able to see this with my naked eye. It was so vivid...his facial features were so clear to me. I saw that the baby was holding a miniature sword in his hand and smiling...like he was going to be a knight. Even though this was a very short dream I must admit, I believe this one was one of my favorites because the baby looked so confident and brave .

I decided last night that I would write down every dream I had right as I wake up (as inspired by the fryingman). When I got up, I had 5 different dreams written down, but I only remembered writing 2

fragment 1:
I was on someone's driveway and I belonged to a family of people that I have never met in my life. I was their daughter that had died not too long ago, I was also a very powerful witch, coincidentally. They had just resurrected me and I told them that they had to kill me because this would come back to them all, before it was too late. So I took out a wand and gave it to them to plunge through my heart, they refused. Then one guy tried and I smacked the wand away, laughed like a villain at him and said, "MUAhahahaaha!! I'm not really your daughter, I'm her evil grandmother and now I'm going to murder you all ". Then the daughter's mother (my now daughter, since I was evil grandmother) came up and stabbed me in the back with the wand and I melted. At this point, I was confused as to how I wasn't dead since I saw a pile of goo in front of me. I realized I was dreaming, became lucid. I immediately ran down the street and took off flying like a jet plane. I could hear the sounds a jet plane makes and feel the wind blowing past me at extreme speeds. I sped off faster and faster until I was in space, looking down on the Earth. I tried to make it turn into a million little earths so I could eat one and find out what it tasted like, but I woke up instead.

dream 1:
I finally fell asleep again after tossing and turning for awhile, I had woken up to arm numbness and then that killer pain (anything that comes back to life is gonna hurt). So I remember I was studying for a final, and my sister was there bothering me. She wouldn't leave me alone, she kept putting some pasty goo on my textbook. I went into a room and tried to barricade the door but all the stuff turned into...I guess I would describe it as being a bandoneon, it all compressed but it was still the barricade and not a musical instrument. I don't know. But yea it all compressed when my sister tried to open the door. At this point, I knew I was dreaming again. I shoved my DC sister aside and walked through a glass windowpane to get outside. I tried to turn the sun into a million little suns so that I could eat one or have them fall down on the earth and run away in horror. One of the two. Wouldn't work. So I said to the dream, "Okay, I'm ready to meet you now Mr. God". I looked around for a little bit until I saw two figures standing on a lawn. One was my grandpa and one was this nice looking guy that was wearing jeans, one of those puffy vests that have feathers in them, and a trucker hat. I walked up to my grandpa and asked him, "Are you Mr. God?" He told me, "No, but I'm going to be with you as you meet him". I thought that sounded nice. I gave him a big hug because he died almost 10 years ago. We were walking over to Mr. God and I had the single thought, what if this dream falls apart right now. Instantly, the dream starts to fall apart and I tried to stabilize, but the deed had already been done. I woke up. *sigh* doubt sucks

I was in a medium sized shack in a forest, my girlfriend also was there I remember though she didn't play any part in anything whatsoever. The shack was made of old, somewhat rotten looking wood with many smaller holes, letting the daylight in. There wasn't much in there, just a few uninteresting tools. There was some kind of nest there which apparently was harboring some kind of dangerous flying ticks (thank god our nature didn't really have this stupid idea. The ticks (all looking very different) swarmed out and I wanted to get away from these things (no panic though) so I opened the door and started running uphill for about 100m or so.
It was a forest during a beautiful day, fresh air and pleasant light. The trees were relatively normal and the ways were only small trails. I remember something or something saying to get away from these things fast before they eat me, and that I should go downhill, not uphill. On this trail I then turned left and there it went downhill, some 500m or something and it was designed like a cliff where trees still grow out of the sides. I jumped and grabbed onto some vines and branches here and there, swinging myself down there at suicidal breakneck speeds, it was quite a lot of fun. Due to me being always invincible in dreams neither the ticks nor the fall were any actual danger to me though.
Down there was the entrance of a small city or village and a big street which was mainly blue, also think there was a big water stream there, probably artificially created, maybe I even jumped in there for a moment, I'm not sure.
It was also somewhere here that I became lucid, I just realized that I was dreaming (most likely because I was listening to music while sleeping and my lucidity track turned on, after I woke up I checked the playlist and there it was so I had a EILD here).
Somehow I knew how the dream was supposed to continue so out of some mood I decided to stick with it and see how the effect on my stability is, I walked over to the village and into what's supposed to be a super market, to be precise it had the logo of PLUS (orange-blue). Somehow I remember 2 possibilities for how it looked inside, I think one of them is a fragment from another dream though.
The inside (which I think belongs here alone) was actually very small and only very few products were there, I was talking with the shop lady about something but I don't remember about what and then the dream ended. In conclusion I can say that going with the plot made the dream last a felt 2-3 minutes longer, but probably wasn't worth it.

After 8 h WBTB - maybe 10 min. SSILD-activities - these made me tired and want to roll over.


First dream:
What resulted was a very vivid dream - started nicely with being hiking in the summer with a group of friends - we made a pause at a cottage to eat and drink something. But first I was missing my cigarettes - then also mobile phone and purse.

We suspected a woman, who had behaved weirdly and turned her eyes away when looked at.
So a friend of mine helped me nail her down - like managed against her will to look into her bag - and there the cigarettes were.
And I saw something, which looked like another purse of mine than the one, I was looking for.

I left it be - but later, considering the cell-phone - I wanted to catch up with her, to look again.
I knew at that point, that she lived in the same house where I lived - just one story below.
There was only her kid - telling me, his parents would be at the gynaecologist.

So I went there - confronted her - and against even physical hassling from her husband - I got my phone and purse back, and left the practice.
This was all in front of the other patients/their partners.

On returning home - the story had seemingly gone on without me - and the janitor of the house had called the police about it.
This husband would have been violent again and was shot dead - lying on a stretcher - with a law medical examiner - who by the way had made an x-ray (in our flat - wtf??) - he showed it to me - and again there was a fixateure interne in his spine (like in mine some dreams back).
This whole thing somehow lead to a general police alert all over the city - and throngs of police were holding a meeting in a big railway-station hall - really huge.

Second dream:
Like so often I was in search for a flat - and was with several other interested people looking at a weird longish flat with glass roof.
It looked like some train-department with 70s-style rounded windows rimmed in red etc.
But then the real-estate-guy took a remote control - and the roof folded away - so you could make the whole flat open to the sky.

Later I was test- sitting on a high-bench maybe 50 cm deep but around 4-5 meters up.
Now comes the mad part - I got lucid from the fact, that I was afraid of that height.
Even sitting there safe and all - I had such a visceral fear - and I couldn´t overcome it - looking at the side of that bench, and considering climbing down made me almost sick.

Now in real life - I have almost no fear of any heights - going rock-climbing in the mountains sometimes.

So - I went for nose-plug - questioning this reaction - yepp - I was able to breathe.
But like once before - I had the feeling, I might subconsciously be cheating - like not really holding the nose completely closed or whatever.

So I took my hands up to look - and again - they looked all right at first - just a bit blurry - but that didn´t convince me - when I started counting fingers, though - it seemed my hand was sprouting fingers as I went - they even bifurcated.
But somehow, I wasn´t as lucid as I used to be two weeks back with easy fearless flying.
I climbed down that thing..

Unfortunately - I didn´t first change something or somebody - but did basic summoning then.
My comp tasks are first object/DC change - and then summoning.
I was sitting on the ground - and expecting somebody coming round the corner.
Instantly something dark moved about there - but I willed a guy to come around because I was in a certain mood ..ähämmm.
He did come around the corner - was naked and inspiring - but we didn´t touch.
Mixing stuff up - I stupidly first asked for a present - and got a cat-reaction (when I asked a cat last month, what she was thankful for - she looked disdainfully and stalked off).
He shook his head and went back around that corner.

I woke up shortly - and right back into a lucid dream - so DEILD.

Third dream:
I was standing outside at the border of a meadow with many trees.
And I had to RC several times again - not high lucidity, but high realism.
After that - I had nicely stabilized by hand rubbing and inspecting things closely.

So I thought - meanwhile pretty clearly - lets make that snowman.
I saw a birch or otherwise white-branched tree - and convinced myself of that being snow - and it snowing back there.
I think, I get the hang of that firmly expecting stuff.
Instantly it started snowing everywhere and strongly, and there was snow on the ground, which didn´t first have to pile up like last time.
This second time around was so much faster and better.
I am really surprised how much practice seems to really help with specific things.
So I knelt down - felt the snow very realistic again - and made a small ball - maybe 20 cm diameter only.
It didn´t really easily want to stick together, by the way.
And then the damnated real life doorbell rang!!

Now I get angry at this quite a bit - but I took it unusually mellow and didn´t rip anybody´s head off, when it happened.


Fragment one:
There was a physics experiment with a complicated installation and it was about, if my emotional state could influence the flow of electricity - and there was something, to make the flow visible.
And I could change that - what it read/showed.
But later it was found out, that I didn´t really change the flow - only what we all saw as a read-out.


Fragment two:
I was listening with a group to somebody recommending vacations, and what you could do there and there.
Strangely - it was also about lying in the sun - and the recommendation was to do sunbathing at a lake - but when at the sea - he said, one could then at least sun-bath in the forests close to the sea..??