non-lucid

So interestingly enough my renewed efforts are already paying off! Better awareness, more vivid/consistent dreams, and something odd happened where I almost spotted a dreamsign but my dream was like OH, NO THAT ISN'T WHAT YOU THINK IT IS, HAHA and changed it. You can't fool me forever, dreams.

Dream: Being a Good Person
So first of all, this dream seemed to be set in the past when I was still attending church (good dreamsign, I've dreamed about that church a few times now). I was friends with a girl who was disabled in some way and needed to drink lots of sugarwater, and she'd been assigned to read three verses in front of the whole church, but didn't think she'd be able to do it. So I figured the right thing to do was to offer to read two of the verses for her so she only had to do one. But truthfully I was quite anxious about reading in front of the whole church, and the majority of the dream consisted of me worrying about it. Then my sister pitched in and offered to read one of the verses for me, which I gratefully accepted.

There were other, more confusing and less straightforward parts of the dream, but I'm not going to write down things that don't translate into real life because it always ends up not being true to the nature of the dream. And maybe if I only write down the parts that make sense, my dreams will start to make more sense?

Dream: Family Reunion
So this was a long, fairly consistent and realistic dream with a theme of something like, "traveling." There was a lot of time spent on canoes, in cars, and on metro trains (which children kept falling out of), and my mother, sister, and extended family on my mother's side all made an appearance, as well as my boyfriend. That said, I don't really consider any of them to be a dreamsign even though seeing them in person is abnormal, and this might be because I want to see them.

I think there's a part of me that is motivated to become lucid by the wish to change the dream and avoid unpleasant things. For instance, seeing my dead grandmother alive again is actually rather unpleasant because I don't know why it keeps happening, and there might be something I'm trying to avoid (thoughts like, could I have saved her from her dementia, or what does it really mean that she's dead ... maybe I blame myself for something, or maybe I miss her, I don't know what it is). So, for that reason it makes perfect sense to make her a dreamsign, because it serves the dual purpose of getting me lucid and allowing me to recognize what's happening and escape it. In the same way, seeing my father in the dream is a dreamsign because I try to avoid him in real life as much as possible, and naturally I would prefer to avoid him in dreams as well.

At any rate, after a somewhat unrealistic visit from my boyfriend (I left without saying goodbye to him, probably represents my anxiety over doing something similar in real life and being thoughtless in some way) and a half-remembered canoe outing with my mother, I was in a car in Virginia on my way to a famous vacation spot to meet up with my mother's side of the family. On the way there, we passed something I'd never seen before: a theme park or museum or attraction of some kind that featured massive inflatable ships and things floating on the water outside, and enormous recreations of Lego figures. They may even have been moving. I noticed one of the huge inflatable ships looked a little deflated, as though it were a natural result of the thing being on display for so long with no means of refilling it. I thought about how nice it would be to go there with Alex, and figured he'd probably be able to afford whatever the (probably crazy) entry price was, and together we could have the time of our lives in ... whatever this place was.

Then I was on a train, and children kept getting confused because the train would stop and the doors would open, but sometimes it wasn't the right place to get off and the platform would actually be dangerously receded. So throughout the train ride, children kept falling onto the tracks and their family would have to fish them out. A couple times I thought a kid was going to get crushed, but the dream never acted like one was (there were no freaked-out reactions from the family, for instance), so it seemed like things were... "okay" for whatever reason.

Adam Sandler (or so my brain called him) and his son were also on the train, going to the same vacation spot as I was. I seriously don't know much about him, but my brain was like "white comedian man" and I figured "yeah he's probably one of the ones that says fuck a lot." I was thinking about how well-behaved his child was in that he wasn't trying to throw himself onto the train tracks like the other kids had been, and then I might've accidentally taught the kid the f-word. I said to Sandler that the kid had probably already learned that word from him anyway, and Sandler just sort of smiled like that was the kind of thing he would expect someone like me to say. He really had a reserved feel about him in that moment, as though he'd completely removed his comedian persona and was just trying to relax and be himself with his son. This got me thinking that I'd made a mistake in assuming that real-life Sandler and comedian Sandler were the same person, and I was chastising myself a little bit because I don't like to make mistakes like that.

At any rate, the vacation spot was some set of cabins and things next to a bay, and there were a bunch of friendly squirrels running around in one area because there were so many oversized acorns on the ground. You could pick the acorns up and hold them over the squirrels, and the squirrels would beg for them as though the acorns weren't right there on the ground to begin with. And I distinctly remember eating two of these acorns for... for some reason. Both times the outer shell was a bit pliable and tasted awful, while the inside was perfectly nice, and both times I failed to even try to shell the acorn and suffered the consequences. So... not really the high point of my intellect, there.

Then, the most interesting moment. I heard and saw my grandmother nearby, and as I observed I realized that her dementia was entirely gone. Somehow she had made a full recovery. And then, the first inkling came that this was important and odd, and perhaps... and the dream reacted. In an instant, Granny had vanished, and one of my older aunt-in-laws was in her place, sounding (though not looking), quite a lot like her. It really had the same feel as thinking you see something, and then looking closer and realizing it's actually something else entirely. Then I overheard someone say (or perhaps it was simply the dream straight-up narrating), that there was an older man who constantly got this aunt-in-law confused with Granny, and it was so sad because he'd been so close to Granny before and missed her quite a lot. Hm. Not much else interesting happened after that.

I guess I need to figure out why I want to be lucid. I think there's a huge part of my motivation that simply wants to escape bad dreams and images, because this was what originally got me into lucid dreaming in the first place. I used to have nightmares as a kid, and realized pretty quickly that these were dreams and that killing myself would wake me up. For some reason I'm now remembering one particularly memorable time this happened when I was quite young: I dreamed that I was being forced into a marriage with an alligator by my foreign royal family, and that soon I would have to climb into bed with this literal animal and be eaten and torn apart by it. Instead, I locked myself in the bathroom and stabbed myself in the stomach with a fancy pair of scissors. This didn't hurt or feel like anything, but it was apparent that I would soon die from this... when my family broke down the door, all of them crying as they realized what I'd done. They pointed to the alligator in the bed, now slain, and said that they'd killed it, and I didn't have to get married to it and there was no need for me to die. I was crying a little too at this point, if only because they were so sad, because I was quite ready to leave the dream at this point and didn't really want to stay with this odd, sacrificing-people-to-alligators family. Regardless, it was too late. I died and woke up soon after.

One way to interpret this would be to say that my dream somehow regretted my leaving. But that might be me personifying the dream when I shouldn't be, again. Perhaps I was trying to teach myself that dying to wake up wasn't necessary, and that there were other solutions? Man I'm really not sure what it all means, I need to think about this more.

My dream recall had been in the shithouse lately, so here are just some things I remember:

There was something about Pearl from Steven Universe not taking her meds.

I was Barry B. Benson from Bee Movie, other people with me were... human? I think? Maybe some of them were Gems from Steven Universe. I flew up and tried to land back on the ground.

I was able to spawn objects from a floating meu.

Finally! My dreams have come back!


I am searching around a building looking for a large '27' bird. The number is bizarrely associated with it. Eventually I go outside and an earthquake occurs. Tall buildings are falling over everywhere.
I survive though. After the calamity, I am in a classroom, and I dearly want to buy a racehorse.
I can buy one, however it is not allowed. The teacher attempts to stop me and others, however she will be fired if the students do not like her. Soon I am crossing a road...
I wake up.

I have honestly done an atrocious job of keeping up the meditation and bedtime routine I set for myself, but last night still afforded me a lot of lucidity. The last time I did meditate, (was a very long meditation, three or four days ago now.) I was meditating on the idea of dream control. (Though the meditation was mostly focused on matter in waking life.)

I got the idea that dream control could potentially be executed in a sort of three-pronged approach. Where one would use a verbal command, a body motion and an expectation. This gives you three different mediums in which your dream control has influence so even if one of or two of them is undermined in some way, your dream control still has a chance of working, and when all three of them work in tandem, your control becomes very precise and powerful.

In fact, I've already had the opportunity to practice some of this control, but both of the dreams devolved into sexual fantasies rather quickly, hence the reason I didn't post earlier.

The dream started off nonlucidly. I am playing Basketball with a group of kids in what feels like my high school gymnasium. The dream's interpretation Gymnasium is very barren, however. Most of the exits, the folded up bleachers and the banners on the walls and plaques are absent. The game is five verses five and we are losing. Jack is on the opposing team, and my crush from high school is on my team.

At some point I sit down on the court. I have two right legs that are rather small, feminine and thin, and a large, muscular, left leg and am having complications taking my shoes and socks on and off and getting them on the correct feet. One of my teammates yells at me and tells me to get back into the game. I end up with one of the smaller legs being barefoot and having to focus constantly on keeping it bent upwards so that I can run lopsidedly with the remaining two legs.

Someone tells me to play the "Wizard's Center Position" and I have no idea what they mean. I just kind of stand in the middle of the court as the rest of the game plays out. Nobody else seems to be yelling at me so I must have done it right.

Somehow or other I manage to get rid of the third leg and even out the two remaining legs. The basketball game ends in a draw after I jump into the air and find myself unable to come back under the influence of gravity. I float over to the corner of the gymnasium as another game starts with someone else taking my place on the team. There are a group of parents and two other children. These children are explained to be 'Specials', because they have special powers. There is a young oriental girl who's left eye is a milky middle gray and she can see the future with that eye.

There is also an older boy (late high school) who can ignite his body hair and is immune to his own flames. Rather humorously, upon demonstrating his power, he not only ignited the hair on his head, his developing stubble and armpit hair, but his pubic hair, burning a hole in his pants and showing his "glory" to the world. Apparently they suspect me being a Special because I am out of the influence of gravity.

I suddenly realize that it is because I am dreaming. Though I was already hovering, I turn my fire jets on and fly upwards toward the metal rafters of the gym, weaving in and out of them. I find myself in my house, near the open patio. (There is a big glass wall here.) I try to open the door but it is stuck. I try to phase through the glass but just end up breaking it. The sensation of the glass breaking is unusual, I feel the bits hitting me but their sharpness is seemingly deflected by a shield I have around my own body.

I rocket off the back patio and immediately find myself tumbling through darkness and gasping for breath. I try to refocus, to see something that I can anchor the dream and ensure that I do not lose it. Stars become visible, I am in deep space, and tumbling around uncontrollably. I manage to stop myself spinning and see the crescent of a planet or moon nearby. I look at the destination and attempt to rocket closer. Nothing happens. I decide to make use of voice commands.

"Fly!"

Nothing.

"Accelerate!"

Nothing.

"I am a rocket ship!"

Nothing.

"GOD F**KING DAMMIT MOVE!"

I half expect this to happen because it's happened before but I get jerked forward at an absurd speed and smack into the moon with such speed and force the entire moon disintegrates into molten slag and mountain-sized boulders. Turns out that planetary body I saw was the earth's moon.

The dream gets narrated by Marcus explaining that the moon's destruction radically altered the earth's climate, creating a ring of debris around the earth. There is a (rather humorous considering the implications) visualization of several large asteroid hitting the earth near Australia and India. Marcus says "Lighting might never strike the same place twice, but Six pieces of the moon hit the same spot in Australia, what do you make of that, hmm? It will take a million years for the earth to recover from such a travesty."

"Regenerate!"

I am outside the derelict facade of a grocery store in my town. Looks long abandoned and there are jungle trees growing out of holes in the roof and parking lot. The dream has suddenly taken on an absurd amount of atmosphere. It is raining and the dream is very realistic. I feel as though the implications of my brash dream control are being rubbed in my face by my subconscious, but I don't mind. Looking in the sky, through a hole in the raincloud, I see the ring of debris and shattered crescent of the moon. I know I should feel bad but this world I have entered is so intriguing.

I have no body. I look down and see that I am a tiny "marble". It looked more like a miniature sun the size of a marble floating six or so feet above the pavement. I got to look at it very closely in swooping motions that pass over the surface, showing the detail. It does look like a star, with miniature solar flares and sunspots and everything. The star contorts and limbs stretch from it and with a sudden "pop" I'm back into my dream-body. My feet splash into a muddy puddle by the root of a large mangrove tree.

The first thing I notice is that I have regenerated nude. But I feel much more confident in my ability to control the dream now. Time to try out some more commands.

"Vestimente"

Sweeping gray robes hug me from behind and pass around my body, hugging it tightly. I was hoping for clothing with more pzazz but this will do. It's setting a positive trend for this control.

"Semper Stabelem"

I clap my hands together and then grab two of the tree roots. A shock-wave goes out, rustling the leaves and disrupting the rain momentarily into a mist. When it clears, the visuals remain the same, but I get more sound information from the dream. I can hear the rain falling now and hear a frog croaking. I decide to go inside the derelict supermarket.

Inside I am immediately ambushed by these both horridly disgusting and intriguing mutated cyborg plant zombies. They all have several rows of sharp wooden teeth and seem to be made of knotted bark and wood. They have some kind of breathing tubes and a chestpeice with a grid of square blinking lights as well. Reacting quickly I resort to a dragonborn shout.

"Fus RoDah!"

This seems largely ineffective. For some reason the effect it has on the zombies is to turn them passive rather than blast them away. I make a note of the effect using 'gibberish' commands seems to have randomized effects though it's hardly scientific experimentation, given that I only used one command.

I decide to exit through the back wall of the supermarket. I know I can't phase through. I decide to simply destroy the wall. Though I never meditated on a command for this so I have to make one up on the fly. I raise my hand to the wall to better indicate my target and visualize the wall breaking.

"Crumblem"

Nothing.

"Crumblem Maximum"

Still no effect. I try to go with it and figure that maybe the spell weakened the wall. I run and jump into the air and sort of kick the wall with both legs, going straight through it. The dream shows in slow motion the wall disintegrating in extremely vivid detail. I could count several dozen bricks all breaking from their positions and accurately following the laws of physics as a broke through the wall.

I was now in some kind of meadow or park. It seemed as though we had abandoned the post - apocalyptic earth scenario now. I spot Manei and decide to interact with her but as soon as she sees me she giggles starts running away. She hasn't done this in years, but she used to do it all the time when I was just starting out, and it has always been very annoying. She never offers any explanation why and refuses to stop when I tell her.

I run after her, but I pull my fire jets from my hands to increase my speed. We transition back to the overgrown abandoned jungle world and we are in my neighborhood. She sees I'm gaining on her quickly and telekenetically bends some vines and branches to block my path. As they lower, I slide underneath them just before her barrier can reach ground level. Somehow she covers a lot of ground, and runs through an overgrown frame of a house. I would follow but things are collapsing in my path.

I start getting frustrated. In my first year or so of LD I wasted countless dreams chasing after her like it was some stupid game, mostly because I needed help getting even rudimentary control to work, that or dreams would turn up empty with her being the only other character, and if I didn't chase her down, I'd be left alone without dream control in a barren world. I figured this had long since been absolved. I quickly invented another command on the fly.

"Acrobatos"

I then jumped and in one leap cleared the entire house. While in the air I was able to preform various flips and twirls. I landed and she was still ahead of me but losing ground. I ran after her but she made to run through a burnt out, rusted, moss covered bus, throwing up more obstacles, this time a number of small quicksand pools. I leaped over that as well. It still seemed like she was getting away, so before I landed.

"Coherte Bombad"

I threw out a small fire missile, aiming in front of where she was going to be. This surprised her enough and made her stumble over onto a patch of moss and ferns. I landed in front of her.

"I always hated it when you did that - Still hate it."

She got up, but gave me this defeated sideways glance and almost humorous look, like somebody who had just been beaten at their favorite game. She then proceeded to explain to me that I would have to wait for the next dream to talk to her, but I cannot remember what her reasoning was. (Though I think her clothes had gotten covered with mud when I tripped her and now she needed to get them cleaned, or that was atleast part of it.) Whatever it was I took it as reasonable and understood if we couldn't talk now, but wasn't quite ready to forgive her for running off like that and thought that it would only be fair if she stayed for the rest of this dream. But she had to go.

The remainder of the dream was me in another park or playground like area. I was impressing some random dream characters with the "Acrobatos" command, preforming impossible jumps and gymnastics, and leaping over trees and playground equipment. I was thinking I wanted to try some new ones I came up with, like possibly an animal transformation or sex change, or if I was feeling brave, make another attempt at teleportation. The dream destabilized and ended with me shouting "Semper Stabelem" over and over while tearing up handfuls of grass.

-WBTB-

I somehow managed reentry right into a lucid. I was with Manei once more. We were on the wall of a large castle. (Not a proper fortification castle, more like a magical fairy tale Disney castle.) I knew there was no reason to try and pin the running away thing, better to just forget that ever happened and not let the mental schema of it squirm back into my mind at all.

I had fallen asleep with this troubling idea in my mind that lucid dreaming seemed to have lost its magic. When I started, I was so motivated to LD and it seemed so cool and mysterious and now the happenings of lucid dreams surprise me less and less as I've gotten more familiar with it. I'd foreseen this problem for some time, starting around when the fantasy of having kids and a dream family was a big thing with her. It was then that I realized that my dreams are sort of becoming too anchored to themes and ideas that are already there and not leaving enough new avenues of exploration open. (It's honestly in a similar vein as that post by Spellbee2 about mundane dream environments becoming annoying.)

But funnily enough I was able to drop this idea pretty quickly when I considered the previous lucid dream. Manei went ahead without my prompting and explained that was why she ran away in the previous dream. Sure in one way it was a very stale, pointless and frustrating schema from a long time ago, but there was a new twist; I had caught up to her. But she agreed with me that maybe it wasn't the best choice to make in the end, recalling how early on our relationship wasn't that good as a whole, and modern references to that should probably be avoided. She still kind of seemed in a daze and mumbled something back to me but was obviously distracted.

I replied by saying that I still feel like I've lost something over the years, some kind of "magic" to lucid dreaming. Though she grossly misinterpreted what I meant by "the 'magic' in lucid dreaming." and dissolved her clothing.

I decided to excuse myself at once saying that I had to wake up and go to the toilet. My lucidity level dropped significantly remainder of this dream but it involved me semi lucidly passing about three dozen large amethyst crystal balls and managing to clog the toilet of one of the bathrooms of the castle. Manei came in (still naked) to see what the problem was and saw what was in the toilet. When she saw it she pinched her nose and reeled back like there was a bad smell.

"Gross! What did you eat?"

The dream faded out with her trying to unclog the toilet with an oversized conjuring of her malachite sword and me trying to sneak up behind her with "vestimente Manei" and get some clothes on her.

I had one dream before this but I didn't log it because my journal was moved accidentally. But then I awoke from this dream. I was in a body painting contest that felt like it went on forever. I had as much skill as I do in real life which is none yet I was in this contest. The category was camouflage. The backdrop was an ocean & we were to paint our models so that they blended into a moving ocean while laying partly on the wet part of the beach where it meets the water & they had to also be partly in the very clear water. Another contestant kept sabotaging me by by moving my things & replacing them w/ things that couldn't possibly work. The last straw was that when you do body painting the women have nude colored patches that cover there areolas & genitals. But I was only giving this weird big patch of black faux hair to cover her genitals. It was insane & I knew I could not make this work. This dream seemed to go on forever so when I got to this point in the dream & realized I was in a dream, I just woke up out of frustration.

So I'm reading Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming by Stephen LaBerge, Ph.D. and Howard Rheingold, and now my interest in lucid dreaming is somewhat renewed. The issue is that currently (and for a long time) I've been lacking awareness of my surroundings in some odd sense that makes it very hard to notice when I'm lucid, even though my dreams are generally completely unrealistic and, on top of that, have a constant "dreamlike" feel. This means that if I happen to wonder if I'm dreaming, just that is enough for me to go "Oh yes, duh, of course I am," and start doing lucid things... but it's rare for me to have enough awareness even for that.

I was thinking that my dreamsigns could be things like "a change in context," since that happens almost every time in my dreams, but on the other hand I think my mind simply accepts changes in context without thinking about them at all, and maybe I should pick something a bit more specific that I tend to notice more, such as my dead grandmother, having fully recovered from dementia, making an appearance.

Dream: Castle Shenanigans

So at first it was me, my dad, and my sister, all exploring some sort of enormous castle. And I was trying to get away from my dad (because I hate even being in the same room as him), which turned into me sprinting through the castle at night, down long hallways and up stairs, hoping to eventually lose him. But I don't think I ever did. I distinctly remember turning a corner and sprinting down a long hallway, trying to put the full length of the enormous castle between us, and trying to make it to the end and turn the corner before he could see me. I failed.

A bit later in the dream, I was exploring the castle with him (and it was daytime). It had the feel of him showing me a university that he wanted me to attend, and trying to point out to me what a cool place it was. We visited the castle library (complete with studying students), which had stacks of books against one wall, comprising about three levels of balconies that overlooked the main study space, and with an elevator that somewhat dwarfed its surroundings. I think it may have been for wheelchair accessibility. I think I explored the stacks a bit.

Then the dream changed. Still castle-themed, but now it had the feel of a movie. There was some sort of plucky main character (me) who wanted to get into the castle and join the ranks of the powerful servants of the king, but his approach was to climb in through one of the upper-level windows and try to avoid the wrath of the servants until he'd proved himself enough to be accepted. Or something like that.

Before that, there was a segment where a similarly plucky group was trying not to get killed by lackey-type knights in red who were hunting them with all the personality of machines. One of their solutions was to escape to a church, where, surely, the knights would not be able to perform violent acts. However, upon arrival in the church, they found the pews draped with the bloodstained bodies of several lackey-type knights in white, and through the window spotted the knights in red marching towards the church entrance. So, we all ran down the stairs to the basement, guided by one of us who knew this particular secret, and then crawled through a rather tight, upwards-sloping tunnel in the wall that made an uncomfortable right turn. I hated crawling through this thing because it was such a tight fit, but we made it, and on the other side was a better, safer church. And for whatever reason, my dream repeated this same scenario another few times.

Then, back to the story of the person (lizard?) trying to join the ranks of the castle servants. This time, he was exploring a tower placed just outside the castle, which he hoped to use to jump through into the castle through a window. And this is where things get confusing, because the dream just kind of made up concepts and they made sense to me at the time, and now that I'm awake I'm not sure what was going on. First of all, the main character was a sort of humanoid lizard. And the servants were also animal-themed, I believe, and quite powerful. The lizardman (me) met some of them in the tower and might have been captured by them? And then they might have started putting him through the various tasks that one must pass in order to be one of the castle servants. I'M NOT SURE. IT'S ALL SO HARD TO EXPLAIN. WHATEVER.

--

None of this gave my brain any kind of pause or made me think, "Hey now, all this is sort of unrealistic." And I know this is normal for dreams, but if I were to just have that thought for even a moment, I would realize that I was dreaming.

Instead it feels like my brain locks into some kind of "tell me a story" mode and rolls with whatever the dream does. It kind of has an automatic feel to it. Also, my dreams haven't been that vivid lately. Or it feels like even if they were vivid, I wouldn't be aware enough to notice. Uuuuugghhhhh.

Morning of December 3, 2016. Saturday.



In the hour before dawn, I find myself in an unfamiliar setting. It is a parking lot of which may be that of a restaurant. A 1969 bronze green Land Rover Series IIA Station Wagon is the only vehicle present in the semi-darkness. Areas beyond the parking lot and building remain indiscernible.

Two unknown Caucasian males of about forty, wearing sage safari jackets, are attempting to coax two male lions into the back of their Land Rover. My dream self does not consider how foolhardy or unlikely this is, including the probable lack of space for the lions inside their vehicle. I do not feel threatened by the presence of the lions.

Over time, one of the men somehow manages to get one of the lions into the Land Rover and onto the back seat. A short time passes and I no longer see the man. The other lion is eventually behind the Land Rover. I begin to get the impression that a lion will swallow the remaining man, which may have been the fate of the other man. I begin to feel somewhat wary but not in immediate danger. The other man is standing near the back of the Land Rover and I am viewing the scene from the front of the Land Rover, to its right side.

Just as the lion that is still outside the Land Rover seems to consider perhaps killing or swallowing the man, non-lucid dream control begins…

The male lion transforms into my wife Zsuzsanna. She is wearing a long white flowing gown. The man seems to disappear as Zsuzsanna approaches me to give me a hug. Joyful coalescence is the waking factor.

---

My dream is clearly explained here in a more detailed resupplementation (rewritten on Friday, 22 June 2018):

The outcome of this dream is that the reticular activating system modulation factor (the lion) transforms into the emergent consciousness factor (my wife Zsuzsanna) because of non-lucid dream control (because of my advanced understanding of the dream state since early childhood). A lion’s essence in the dream state is an autosymbolic composite of two factors. The main factor is coalescence. (This means that I see a lion as having the potential to swallow my illusory dream self back into whole consciousness). The lesser factor, as with a domestic cat, is being “witness” to the dream state and the nature of liminal space. You will see the same autosymbolic processing factors in hundreds of my online entries, but always unique.

The parking lot setting is a common form of autosymbolism for a specific level of consciousness during the waking transition as a result of subliminal association with the physical body being inactive while asleep. (In contrast, moving vehicles represent a liminal awareness of vestibular system correlation concerning the physical body while asleep.) The Land Rover is an autosymbolic association with my physical body, as most singular vehicles are in dreams. Ultimately, the parking lot’s autosymbolic nature lacks the more defined anticipatory factor of the waking process and suggests a subliminal desire for returning to deeper sleep (and as such, serves as ultradian rhythm autosymbolism).

---

These are the layered causes of this dream:

The television series “Daktari”, which originally aired from 1966 to 1969.

Clarence, the Cross-Eyed Lion, from the aforementioned “Daktari” series. (I was sometimes called “Clarence, the Cross-Eyed Lion” in elementary school. This was solely because my middle name is Clarence.)

Early childhood dreams of my dream girl in a flowing white gown, originally influenced by “Isle of the Dead”, a 1945 Boris Karloff horror film, certain scenes of which fascinated me in a romantic sense, rather than frightening me, at age four.

Erin Moran, as in the aforementioned “Daktari” series, resembled my real-life schoolmate, friend, and neighbor, Brenda. My first known euphoric waking transition, also the result of a hug, featured Brenda in the final scene. This astounded me and, because I was only eight at the time, I did not know what it was biologically until a few years later. Brenda was also validated as the prescient stand-in for my wife Zsuzsanna when my dream girl was not more efficiently rendered (that is, looking and sounding exactly like Zsuzsanna before we knew of each other in waking life).

“The Sleeping Gypsy”, an 1897 oil painting by French Naïve artist Henri Rousseau. Rousseau described his painting as follows: “A wandering Negress, a mandolin player, lies with her jar beside her (a vase with drinking water), overcome by fatigue in a deep sleep. A lion chances to pass by, picks up her scent yet does not devour her. There is a moonlight effect, very poetic.”

---

In decoding my dream, the autosymbolic dreaming and waking processes reveal the following sequence: Brief contemplation of “Daktari”, my childhood dream of hugging Brenda, subliminal awareness of being asleep, emerging awareness of my conscious self identity and that I am sleeping with Zsuzsanna, liminal recall of “The Sleeping Gypsy” mixed with romantic non-lucid dream modulation related to “Isle of the Dead” (and its analogy to being in the dream state), liminal perception of my wife as a “sleeping gypsy” (as she is Hungarian Romani), and finally, transmutation of the lion of coalescence (being “swallowed” into waking consciousness) to euphoric coalescence (being hugged, which is a more positive analogy of being “swallowed”), which is otherwise of the same autosymbolic foundation.

---

I'm literally listening to sad music right now and it's making me want to cry because of this dream.
NOTE: I don't have a brother and never have had one.

I was in my old house with my mom, dad, and sis. We got the news that my brother had passed away, in something like a boating accident or military accident. I completely broke down and cried. I went into his room(his room was in the basement), looking around at his things. I wanted to find a shirt of his to wear, to smell of him and remember him, but I could not find one. I looked through all his drawers and I couldn't find a single shirt. I was desperate to find something, anything that reminded me of him, all while I was sobbing and falling apart.

This is the second dream I've had of my "brother" dying. Makes me think... did I have a brother in a past life or something? Why would I keep dreaming of him passing away?

<3 love you, brother.

I was in control of a herd of crabs, and had to direct them around the sea, avoiding predators. That was it. Hahaha.

It started out at my local church, (which i thought was quite normal since I was there the night before) my friends were wearing suits and dresses confused I asked my friend what was going on, she told me it was Amy's wedding, however for some reason I felt bad or jealous, still I proceeded to meet her and congratulate her, as I was walking to the church and her parents (which I haven't met in real life) saw me, her father told me to go away as he said he has found a suitable guy for her and ordered the mother not to let me in the wedding, he went away after saying that then the mother looking concerned told me that the guy is really old and an abusive person and I am the only one that can save her, this really confused like why me? Why was the father annoyed with me? I entered the church like I normally did, however my church wasn't the same it had many floors (my church has a ground floor) and the setting looked like corridors from a school. I walked around getting weird stares from the people inside, then an older man saw me (I assumed it was Amy's fiance), he said something and chased me around the building angrily. The dream finally ended with me finding Amy's room where she was getting ready with my other friends helping her, she was in her wedding dress and she came really close to me, like as if she was about to kiss me and gazed at me, the dream ended when the fiance entered the room.


(The girl (Amy) who is in my dream is a classmate, more of a friend sometimes we walk home together but I have never thought about her from crush point of view nor I had any sexual feelings for her, however I've always thought she quite beautiful and kinda cute also she is really introverted. I feel sometimes she has a thing for me because I catch her looking at me and she looks away embarrassed or smiles really awkwardly.)

3-Dec-2016 - 1ND + Long WILD Space station, Fairies' secret, Mad Scientist fight

ND: I am looking at some ugly video on the PC, my wife comes in, I try to close it, it doesn't work well (!!).
She speaks to me, I am not focused on her so get up, turn off the monitor and walk away.
There is also a bad sound, like a buzzing, coming out of speakers. We move to another room (!! doesn't look like our house), then she explains me something about a special offer, she's got a very colorful depliant in her hands.


WILD
6:15AM, ~45 min
Visualization includes discussion with some colleagues, then i invite V to join me. I reach the orbital space station of a previous dream, walk through the small warehouse, we reach the canteen. We look for a free table and sit down. I summon lasagne for her, a chicken leg for me.

Dream looks stable. I look for the ring of mushrooms. First I am in a tropical jungle, no mushrooms, but I find a small ruined temple. I open some hidden doors but it's all empty, pillaged since long time. I think about the J1kM task of pressure plates, but don't feel like doing it now, so I move on.
I reach the office again, and look in a nearby area with some high canes, no mushrooms.
I go to my tower, walk in the direction of some trees, and I feel this time I'm going to find them.
After some walking, I pull out of my jacket the magic book of yesterday dream, it's incredibly vivid and stable. I find a spell to find the mushroom ring, and when I look up, there is a circle of mushrooms of various colors among some oak-ish trees.

The next page contains a spell to summon the fairies: I take some grass and crumble it over the mushrooms. Then I take a blue bird feather and drop it at the center of the circle. The fairies appear, floating above the mushrooms. Their skins are different colors, pink, brown, white; their wings too, one has orange wings, another violet, red, pink; the wings are slightly transparent. I decide it's worth to call my daughter to show her the faries, I turn to my back she's there, I take her hand, she comes closer, and hugs a fairy.

Then I gently ask the fairies to uncover me one of their secrets. They tell me a secret is they live there. I ask for a more interesting secret, something that can help me in my dreams perhaps. They tell they can summon various woods animals, I tell if they can reveal me how to summon a wolf, that would be great. They tell me the spell words "Lupalbis Arenario" (?!?) I ask if I need any special item, answer no, but I can only summon it in the wilds. Hm, fair(y) enough
The fairy in my daughter's arms has become an Ikea fairy plush she owns. I wave the fairies goodbye, before I go they give me a crown of leaves and daisies. I take my daughter's hand and we move on.
I summon my tower, drop the crown and the plush there. I notice the room looks messy, need to do some tidy up, but not now...

I go to a city, thinking that after this peaceful encounter, I don't feel like fighting (DHL).
However, while walking, I notice a small personal "hover-plane" in the air. It drops a bomb on a street, which explodes; people scream and run.
Then it drops some small, ugly, colored gummy monsters; one grabs my face, blinding me, I remove it and crush it down. Others run through the city, I shoot some fireballs and kill some.
I understand it has to be the mad scientist. I shoot some arrows, but fail to hit him because of distance. I tell the spell and summon the wolf: it's dark grey and massive.
Another bomb hits a tall building close to me, which starts collapsing towards me. I move under it, and sustain it with my body, then raise it back at its place.
I am now angry at the scientist. I mount the wolf and chase the flying ship, shooting arrows and fireballs. I don't know why I decide not to fly up.
The wolf jumps on a tall building, and keeps jumping on roofs. The scientist drops more bombs on the city.
One of my shots hits the scientist saucer, which smokes and falls down in the street below.

The wolf jumps down the building and we reach the crash site. I see the mad scientist, of course he's wearing a white coat.
Somehow he summons a giant robot behind him, as tall as buildings around. I tell the wolf to protect some nearby children, he runs to them and accompanies the kids far away, I see sight of it.
I score some hit to the robot, to no effect though. The scientist enters a building to my left, through the door. The robot shuts the entrance closed with its massive arm. I try melting it with my fire hands, it may work but feels too slow. I switch to stronger dream powers.
I shoot out a fire/wind tornado from my hands, pushing the robot's arm out of the way, and enter the building.

Inside the small lobby, I use X-ray sight to locate the scientist, it's on the stairway, up two floors. I fly up, crushing the floors, hugging and blocking him. It seems at this stage I gave up using only DHL selected dream powers.
The scientist uses some strange power which makes himself very heavy and frees himself by dropping down. I fall down too and grab him again. Then I use a fire rope to tie him. I dare him to free himself now, if he can. The fire rope looks truly amazing !

I hand the package to some cops, they take him inside a police car. This reminds me of the "lift car" task
I try lifting the one holding the scientist, but the dream looks confusing at this point.
I try again with a different car, a dar red sedan. I pick the car from left rear wheel, I lift it, but the wheel folds under the car. I grab it from the front hood, lift it, then move my hands on the bottom, and walk a bit with the car suspended above my head.

Now I am kinda tired, I return control to my body, wake up, check clock, ~7AM, return to sleep.

More dreaming activity later, but nothing really noteworthy.

I didn't recall much today except that in my dream I watched a Youtube video of the LPer Muselk playing TF2 on Upward.

Bathroom hunt
I'm in a long, fairly narrow room. The walls and floor are all tiled a light green, and a doctor is with me. We walk from one end of the room to somewhere near the middle, and I realize I really need a bathroom. Sheepishly, I ask her where one is, and she vaguely gestures to one side while giving instructions that I don't follow. I head off in the direction she waved in.

Now I'm walking through a large area. In front of me, off to the right, I see a doorway labeled as a single-seat bathroom. It seems odd for such a large place, but whatever. Now I'm inside the bathroom. It's a large room, at least 20'x20'. I don't understand why a single-seater would be so large, but whatever. In the middle of the wall on my right is a door, and I realize it's a second entrance. I look to see how to lock it and see a long bar - as long as the wall - which can be rotated to block the door. I rotate it into the 'locked' position and latch it. I assume that the person who works on the other side of the door must use a wheelchair.

I turn back around to lock the main door and find that a whole crowd of people is coming in. A few people are already seated on the couches, and a couple more are still standing. I kick myself for not locking the main door first, but it's too late now. I can't kick out a whole crowd, especially not when they're here for a meeting. I leave, intending to look for another bathroom.

Now I'm in a kind of food court area. All of the tables are on a giant raised platform. I make the connection that food courts always have a bathroom nearby, so I find some stairs that lead onto the platform and take them.

Now I'm walking along a wide hallway with stores on each side, looking for a sign for bathrooms. This is a mall, so one can't be too far away, though it'll probably be down an inconspicuous side hallway. Now I'm running, and I can hear my pursuers as they talk to each other. They're confused by my running style - somehow I'm using my hands as well as my feet - and amazed by my speed. They admit to each other that there's no way they'll catch me, and I thrill in my speed.


Raising the sun
I'm in my bedroom with my wife. I start talking about the book we're reading (IRL) and something I didn't agree with in the last chapter. Now I'm in the hallway outside our bedroom, and I notice that the lights are off and the light-up light switches are dark. I realize that the breaker must have blown and start to head downstairs to flip it. Now I'm in the pantry, at the breaker box. The lights are off, and I reach for my cell phone to turn on its flashlight. As soon as I touch it, the flashlight turns on, which surprises me. I don't think about it too hard, since it's what I needed anyway. I hold it up and scan the panel, looking for a flipped breaker, and find it. I turn it off, then back on. It immediately flips back off, and my other hand feels warm and goopy. I worry that the breaker might have a short and start feeling the panel for heat, but the panel is fine. I decide to go back upstairs to see if I can find what's tripping the breaker.

Now I'm walking through our entryway on the way to the stairs. I see a bright orange flash and fear that there's a fire upstairs; then I realize that the explosion was outside, across the street. I walk over to the window to look out. It's dark, and I can only vaguely make out the shapes of children playing nearby. I have a vague thought along the lines of "I can't believe how bad everything is; this must be a dream" and something clicks. I don't yet believe I'm dreaming, but I do a nose-pinch to make sure. I can still breathe, and I realize I'm dreaming.

My daytime daydream practice kicks in, and I remember what I'm supposed to do. 1) Remember and hold onto the sure knowledge that I'm dreaming. 2) Slowly rub my hands and feel the friction between them. 3) Look around myself, study my environment, and affirm that everything I'm seeing is created by my own mind. 4) Find a way outside. 5) Fly. I quickly go through steps 1-3, and I keep telling myself "This is a dream" for the rest of my dream. I'm in my entryway, so all I have to do to get outside is to open the front door. Curiously, the whole wall rotates as if it's a secret passage, but I don't really care - it opens the path to my front porch, and I go outside. It's still night, and I don't want to fly around in the dark, so I decide to pull a Truman Show and make it day. I stretch out my hands towards the horizon (I know it's not east, but I don't care), command "Sun, rise!" and lift my arms. The sun comes shooting over the horizon and disappears over my head. I turn around to see where it went, but I can't see it.

I turn back around and try again. I stretch my arms to the horizon and slowly lift them. The sun comes up with them, and I "stick" the sun to about 10 o'clock. Over the next few seconds, the sky fades from a starry black to a beautiful blue. I'm excited it worked, and I wake up. I try for a DEILD, then do another nose pinch, but I'm awake.


Fragment: My van is at the top of a driveway, and I'm doing something with the cargo in the back.

2-Dec-2016 - ND Go to the space colony + WILD/DILD - Supermarket, Rift

ND: I am on a spaceship, travelling to a space colony (!!!). There is someone with me, may be an advanced AI instead than a person (!!!). I know that the person that was already at the colony died there, and we have to do stuff there with this dead body around (!!!). I discuss with the AI on how to retrieve some 'bozo' (?), a drug, that would help in keeping this situation manageable

I wake up 5:30 AM, attempt WILD starting from above dream, it works
WILD: I reach the space colony, looks like some DooM environment. I do stuff in there, unfortunately poor recall, dream fades

ND:I am with my son, in a supermarket inside a bigger mall. My wife, past the cash desk, passes me some cooking oil, I question the choice. Me and my son walk on, I recognize a song by Metallica, we walk over a conveyor and reach another cash desk.
DILD: I say to myself: "But since this is a dream, why do I keep doing this stupid and boring stuff ?
I should be doing something exciting and dangerous."

I also mention that since this is a dream, I don't have to worry about leaving my son unattended or abandoning my wife.
I walk outside the mall, which is now empty.

I summon a rift; I am on a tiny ledge by a vertical rock wall, below me a very deep chasm. I walk the ledge for some time. Then I summon a decently large stone walkway in front of me, which gradually appears block by block
After I walk for some time on the walkway, I levitate down, reaching the bottom of the rift.
I notice it's brighter than I expected. Dream quickly fades

I wake up 6AM

Gojek gone wrong
I’m in a shop, together with the gojek driver that took me here. He’s asking me to pay for my ride. What? No, I’m using go-pay, so it’s handled automatically. He informs me that there’s an issue and shows me his phone. The ride was only supposed to be Rp. 4.000, but somehow the price changed to around Rp. 70.000 and I'm now significantly in the minus. I'm discussing the matter with the driver, though I'm not certain whether it's in English or in Indonesian. I use my phone as well to check up on my account. My battery is nearly empty though and I don't have a charger with me. Perhaps I could borrow one from this store without actually having to buy it? I'm in the Hema. I realise that I have a cable from this store myself.

Uber
I'm with Caro and I believe Cam. We enter a car. Caro is the one driving. We're driving on the left side of the road. Considering that she is not used to this, I think Caro is doing a pretty good job. She is working for Uber right now, performing the same function as Rei. She says she is filling in for.. Emily(?) today. She also has a laptop with her in the car. She is wearing something of a vest that has Uber written on it. She decides to take it off, because Uber might not be allowed here. She makes a u-turn to take us back to our starting point. After going straight for a while, she overshoots and needs to make another u-turn. I tell her she did a great job driving. Just make less u-turns. She doesn't look very pleased at me.

Mall chase
The feeling of this dream is very unpleasant. I'm in a mall in Kuala Lumpur. I'm buying something from a food vendor, but he rips me off. I don't get what I paid for. I try to get my money back, but that's not happening. I end up using physical force. I think I give the guy a shove. I quickly realise my mistake and make a run for it. A girl comes after me. She's not chasing me very fast, but she is following me everywhere I go. It's intimidating and I need to get away from her. At the end I consider that my only option is to get out of this mall. Take the LRT to Chinatown.