non-lucid

Morning of September 13, 2016. Tuesday.



This dream was extremely long (as is often the case with me), shifting and sifting in and out of different levels of consciousness (only partial semi-lucidity in one segment), and which contained too many scenes to feasibly document (let alone provide the meaning for), but I will include some of the clearer events.

The main event relates to my wife Zsuzsanna and I living in the northeast apartment in the King Street boarding house. Of course, the room has to be rendered much bigger than in reality in order for everyone to fit. Not only that, the room is easterly duplicated at least two more times (which, as usual, I pay no notice to).

The Jordanaires are visiting us. However, these “Jordanaires” (by which I probably confused with The Andrews Sisters, though there were only three in that group) are actually four dark-haired Caucasian girls sitting at a rectangular table with Zsuzsanna. My sister Carol (August 4, 1943-December 10, 2009; half-sister on my mother’s side) is also present, appearing as she did in the 1980s. For a time, the four girls sing Elvis Presley’s song “Teddy Bear”. Even though it sounds very harmonious and in perfect unison, I eventually tell them to shut up or leave (though I guess I really do not feel that imposed upon). (In a way, this could possibly be considered as a secondary dream sign due to the fact that children sometimes sleep with teddy bears.)

“I don’t really like that hooga hooga music,” I explain to Carol (describing the blend of gospel and rockabilly as “hooga hooga” in mocking Elvis’s singing style in songs like “Teddy Bear” and “Don’t Be Cruel”). I then tell her that it is okay to listen to at times and that I sometimes enjoy his music, but I do not feel like listening to it right now.

There was another long segment prior to this one which involved looking at a hexadecimal dump of a series of science fiction novels. At one point (as a normal display) I see a listing of three columns with two to three titles listed in each column. The first two columns have asterisks at the beginning of each title which means that they can be read for free. The third column has a price listing at the top which I think is $29.95 for each. I am aware that the writer is a young female. I do not recall the titles as I do not really focus on them that much. I look at the hexadecimal dump and see that there is executable code at the beginning in addition to each story. Although the formatting is not directly executable there are indeed subroutines in the code. I see the string “this story is not available for reading in Australia”. Very curiously, this does not trigger any present real-life status memory and I still perceive that we are living on King Street. Still, I consider reversing the logic of the sequence (“jump if” to “jump if not”) to display the message in America (to then prevent access) and to allow it to unlock in Australia just to be funny. As I am reflecting upon this with a cheerful nostalgia, I look at the rest of the formatting of the story but do not actually read it. I do notice that the margin code seems to be unrealistically wide but I do not puzzle over it that much.

I hear Zsuzsanna ask our youngest son “Did you burn your hand?” and I expect that he did and I am concerned. I actually wake up while asking her if she had said this (and she had not but had been talking to him), but only briefly and I immediately fall asleep again.

In another scene, I go into one of the duplicated rooms and notice that there are small paper sacks everywhere, some on tables and many more on the floor. At the bottom of each sack is a jelly roll, but most of boysenberry or blueberry filling. I take one out and find it delicious. (In the back of my mind, I even recall the oral sex symbolism without becoming lucid.)

In another scene, I have the apartment door open. My (King Street) landlady comes up the steps and holds her hand out as if in expectation for me to give her the money I owe her. I tell her that I will pay her later and she looks annoyed and walks off to Leonard’s apartment. Meanwhile, I had been ready to hand her a green tambourine, except that I soon notice that the membrane is split along one side and coming off around the edge. I throw it onto a huge pile of various toys and junk that comes up almost to my waist. It looks like we have some cleaning to do as the pile fills about half of our apartment.

Near the last part, I pick up large oblong pieces of dust from under a table, with my bare hand, which contains hairs and at least one dead grasshopper (a rather odd return flight waking transition, more specifically “failed flight”, with the loose hairs symbolizing the end of the dream state and the fictional “head” of the dream self).

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1) The dream starts off in white. I'm walking through a town that has been bombed in the past. Some of the buildings are in ruins. The street has been re-layed around all the old rubble and metalwork which juts out awkwardly. Then I'm in a modern shopping centre, and inside a dark restaurant. There's a man sitting at a table, I'm in a spy film of some sort, I show something to him. Then I spot a lady that is involved with the spy film in the distance through a window, I let my accomplice know and she watches her. I go out of the other door and decide that I should fly over to the woman.
I'm flying high in the wide open space of a shopping mall. I see a girl drinking something sitting in a corner and fly down towards her, someone says "he must like you!", and I realise it's not the woman I was looking for and veer off to the left and up again. I was doing aerobatics swooping high up in the air then down again quite enjoying it.
Suddenly the dream changed. I was in a car driving along a cold dark busy road. I could feel snow landing on my face. I looked around to find where it was coming from but couldn't see anything open so just accepted it, I felt freezing cold.
Then I was walking through a tube station, someone asked me to put money in a collecting bucket. I saw someone collapse out of a lift door, everyone ignored him so I went over to help. He was having a fit. I held him to protect his head as he fitted, I looked at my watch, he had been fitting for 6 minutes, so I thought give it another few minutes before needing to call an ambulance. He was coming around and pointed to his arm which was at a funny angle, so I straightened it for him. There was a group of medical students coming over I hoped they weren't going to start taking over. A man came over to me and asked if this was my bag, I looked in and saw it was my wife's, she was there and I told her that mine had been stolen whilst I was helping the man and all my money, credit cards and phone had been stolen.

2) Doing the walk I used to do between my flat and medical school in London. At the first set of traffic lights I start turning left then remember that I have to go straight ahead. It's dark and I find myself on the wrong path, looking down I can see the correct path. Then on a downhill path it's all a bit surreal a racing car pulls up beside me but it's stuck on a track and turns at a funny angle and gets stuck, I'm pleased as I walk past it.

Oh ow
I’m in my room, texting a girl called Mel. I think it’s my room at my mom’s house. I’m not sure whose idea it is, but we want to meet up. I tell her she can come by. I chill for a moment, knowing fully well that I will regret chilling, as I still have a lot of cleaning up to do before she arrives. She suddenly texts me that she is already on the way and will be there in a few minutes. Fuck. See! I gotta make this room presentable. I dash all over the place to make it happen. Meanwhile she also texts me that she has had a beer or 2 and not to take advantage of it. Ok.

I’m standing in an elevator with a girl that went to the same elementary school as me. I kinda pretend I don’t recognise her so I don’t have to talk. She strikes up a conversation about how much we have (not) changed. I’m casually leaning against the wall, facing the door. I turn around to look into the mirror to have a look at us both. The door opens. I let her get out first. (Interesting intermezzo?)

The setting is different. I’m at a university building. It’s more of a bar type of setting though. This is supposed to be (or look like) one of the buildings of the uni of Amsterdam. Mel texts me to ask for the location. I tell her something, though I can’t remember what. I assume to tell her where I am. After a bit my ex girlfriend shows up, looking a bit sad. Fuck! What’s she doing here? She should be halfway around the world. I feel an urge to talk to her to check how she’s doing, but I fear I’m the last person she wants to talk to right now. I try to avoid her, make it so she doesn’t see me. Then Mel shows up. Really?! This close to each other. Come on man. Mel tells me that she came here by riding my ex girlfriend’s bicycle. The two of them know each other? Just perfect. Eventually my ex does spot me. I’m not entirely sure what happened anymore, but I do remember that I imagine doing something to her. Driving her into a corner and.. slapping her with my shoe? Not sure anymore.

Damn son
I’m watching a police stop go down. It’s inside the porch of a building. There’s a suspect in the left corner on the ground, whom I can barely see. There’s a male police officer (black guy I think) and one or two more other people. There’s an animal that’s supposed to help the police, sorta like a police dog, but more like a police.. rat? The main cop, which is the black guy, picks it up and orders another younger white guy to take care of it. The animal is way too vicious towards the suspect, can’t have that. The suspect starts heading towards the opening of the porch slowly under some false pretence and eventually makes a run for it towards his car 20 metres down and gets in on the right side. He does something with the dashboard, don’t remember what. Whatever he did, me and someone else are cheering him on. Well played. Whatever charge the cops had has just become invalid and they now need another reason to arrest him. His car was already neatly parked but for some reason he re-parks it, actually doing a shitty job now. He’s partially parked on a spot where you’re not allowed to park. Also his car is much bigger now. Like he went from a Volkswagen to a SUV. Both black models. The cop is now Ice Cube. I’m a neutral bystander, but we give each other a smirk cause we both know the guy is fucked once he exits.. which he does. Ice Cube immediately attempts to arrest him, but the guy resists. Eventually the suspect is Ice Cube’s son. There’s some shooting. Ice Cube gets on the driver side of a white truck to get some cover. He gets shot at from inside the truck it seems.. though it also seems fake. He takes a lot of shots without getting hurt. This happens two times. By now his son thinks we’re messing with him. Eventually his son gets into a police or ambulance car and drives off. I run along the passenger side and manage to open the rear door. Just barely, as the vehicle was speeding up and getting away from me. It’s ‘miracle’ that I managed to get it. I lean over. I consider pulling the handbrake but that seems foolish. I pull out the key instead. The suspect gets out a gun and I feel like I’m fucked. A few seconds later he’s got his hands on the roof of a car cause he’s getting arrested by Ice Cube and.. Kevin Hart? The gun is also on the roof though and he’s getting close. I stab him through the arm, just off his hand, with the key, while quoting a Cube lyric. I get a “damn son” look. I just turned from nerdy to having proven myself, in the same way that a nerdy white character proves himself to black gangsters in a comedy.

Keyboard motorcycle
I’m riding a motorcycle. The controls are pretty messed up. It’s a manual and instead of kicking up, I switch gears by pressing buttons on a sort of keyboard. I have to hold control and another button. I think at least, cause I’m not sure what I’m doing. I also have to then type the number of the gear I want to go into, meaning I have to remember which gear I’m in at all times. I pull up at a traffic light.

Lately I've been changing up my sleeping routine and just not setting my alarm. It seems to be helping with recall...so far.
I was in a little house that rested on top of the clouds. The house wasn't any that I recognized, but the sight outside was beautiful. Strangely, our house was the only one like this; no others were in sight, just an endless sea of clouds.
In the house with me were my dad and my aunt. We were all gearing up to ride on some airships to this festival that would be taking place down on the surface, beneath the clouds. While we were preparing, multiple people I knew IRL also came to visit, popping up through the clouds on their own airships. The airships themselves looked like motorcycles without wheels. One guy who I didn't recognize popped up and laughed loudly, cupping his hands around his mouth and shouting towards us, "ARE YOU GUYS READY YET??"
Eventually my grandpa appeared on his own airship, parking it on the house's balcony and coming in to chat with the lot of us. Unfortunately, if we did go to that festival, I certainly don't remember it.
The next dream recalled was much smaller, and I think I had it after going back to sleep when I woke up to write the previous one.
Me and my friend AJ were in this strange place that looked like a combination between my high school and a shopping mall. /for some reason, quite a few of my dreams feature warped or weird versions of shopping centers or my high school. I don't recall much from this dream, just that AJ was trying to lead me to some place, but I ignored him, as I had a bad feeling about it. Instead, I went upstairs to check the lockers, for some reason expecting to find something in them that was apparently very important.

Dream that involved a train or subway station. It was a long and creepy dream, but I recall no details.

Another faux-lucid dream. I was restrained by a former colleague (don't recall which one), who had put chains around my wrists. He knew I could easily break them if he used just one normal chain, so he used several, made from very thick metal. So, he was aware of my lucid powers, and so was I, even though I don't think I was lucid! I was keen on showing the bastard he couldn't stop me, the dreamer, and tried to break the chains. The first time, I couldn't. Then I focused, convincing my mind the chains aren't real (there is no spoon!) - and this time they broke. I remember menacingly walking after an older man who worked there as well, scaring the hell out of him. He fled in terror, and I felt somewhat bad for him. I yelled after him that he should retire (???). I also (for the umpteenth time) learned to levitate and then fly, which I used during my attempts to terrorize my ex-colleagues.

1) Walked into reception and started looking through some papers looking for death certificates I commented that I had 3 today but could only find 2, and I had just seen the body of the third. Walked out of the office, a group of young girls was in my way I pushed through them. Outside there was another group of girls and they seemed to be being taught something. I saw one of my cats stood with them and went to give it some attention.

2) A watched a farmer plough a field. He was also planting some seeds. At the edge of the field I saw him cut a branch of a tree back becasue it was in the way.

Writing this down a few hours later. Think it would've made a memorable dream if I had written it down immediately.


I'm in a room. It's the studio of an artist. A painter of sorts I think. He is... eccentric. He also runs a weed business from within this room. He has just hired his girlfriend to help him, but he's complaining about everything she does. He's giving her instructions: this joint you light before handing it over, this one you just hand over, this particular weed you give this much of, and so on. He's complaining that his previous employee was great. I feel bad for his girlfriend.

This artist has made an art work on a canvas for me. Not entirely sure if everything was painted on. He just finished and is now taking a break, relaxing on some beanie bag type of thing. The artist can still edit the art work, but he's put so much effort into it that I feel bad about it. He's also hinting strongly that it would be a lot of work. I'm not really satisfied with the work though. A second painting will come after his break. I show the first one (or the second one?) to my non-existent girlfriend. I think it's a painting of her, but she doesn't recognise it and I'm kinda shy to tell her for some reason. Not sure what happened, but I think she got mad and it was the final straw. We broke up on the spot. She stayed inside with the artist and I went outside. The girlfriend also went outside. Outside the door is the first time I really take a look at her. She's wearing short heels and something with bare legs. She's pasty white. Somewhere along the dream some chemistry starts evolving between us.

I'm talking with mismagius. There are lines of text appearing, like in chat. We are discussing something.

DR 2:
I am walking with few others outside. There is nothing there, just some fields and trees. But that path was leading somewhere. It was getting dark and I realized we left too late and we need a flashlight. I was a bit mad at myself how come I don't have one on me. I look back and we already walked a good distance, so going back for a flashlight was not really possible. I pulled out some small gadget that had a small very bright light on it. It was not enough to light the way, but at least alerted others not to bump into us.

My dream was about getting married. I was apparently getting married but it wasn't any traditional type of wedding scene. It was more like a before thing like food & entertainment. Some of it was like a bachelor/bachelorette party. I was looking through a bin of supposed party favors but they were like bits & pieces from children's toys. You know the kind that has a million little pieces & cardboard backgrounds. Then I was up at the counter where food was being served behind the glass & there were kinds of fish & really big crabs & I asked if they had lobster. The guy laughed & said Lobster?! He thinks this is really funny & opens a curtain up next to the food bar. He says, if it's lobster you want, you ought to be in here! There were men stripping w/ a full audience & stage. This wasn't your low rate strip show, there were very muscular talented dancers that weren't ugly! I knew this was most certainly a dream at this point & tried to become lucid but I had had more than enough sleep & started to wake up. I tried really hard to lay back down but it just wasn't meant to be.

More radio silence for an entirely different reason this time around. These past handful of days, I've been recalling little fragments. Although they were little, however, they held important significance. Each one dealt with a pretty symbolic subject matter corresponding to stuff that's been going on in my life lately. A shame more detail for them wasn't recalled.
Which leads me to how things have been IRL these past few days. Lately, I've been undergoing a change in attitude. It was a busy week for me and my family, as we had my aunt and cousin over and we never see them since we moved, so we did a lot of stuff. One thing of note we did was go to the beach.
The beach holds a lot of meaning to me, when it comes to lucid dreaming anyways. First and foremost, it's a relaxing place. Everything about it; the sounds, the breeze, the vastness of it all. It helps that we went at dusk. It also holds meaning due to my use of it in my lucid dreaming story Dream Gazers, as a meet-up place for the protagonists' shared lucid dreams. I find myself thinking about lucid dreaming a lot whenever I go to the beach anymore, and sometimes it can bring on strong, vivid dreams. In this case, it didn't, but that's okay.
Since that night at the beach, I've sort of been re-analyzing my path in life and what I'm doing, where I'm going, what I want to do now. My life got turned upside down last year, and I've been scrambling to piece it together since then, barely able to grasp hold of something concrete. It's just difficult, sometimes, figuring yourself out, y'know? I've had to re-adjust all my expectations, all my feelings, all my views after losing someone special, and now, I think I'm starting to gain a foothold.
Multiple plans of action have been laid out before me, and in thinking hard about these things, I've felt a lot more happy and clear headed these past few days than I have in a while. I've been doing my standard LDing practices in the course of that time, but I haven't been 100% going at it, as I've busied my mind so much with the future. In any case, that's done nothing to throw me off the track, and I'm thankful for it. To cap all of these thoughts up, I remembered (and wrote down) a non-lucid this morning, with moderate detail. ^^
I was visiting my friend's house (call him A) and hanging out with the girl (K) from my prior dream (I'm starting to think she may be a dream sign) where she asked me to that dance. IRL this girl is A's niece, and I'm good friends with both of them. Strangely, A appeared to be absent. K said he was upstairs, but while we hung out down in the kitchen eating breakfast, he was no where to be seen, and we certainly couldn't hear him upstairs. What was strange about the setting of this dream was that it was shot like a movie. I could see myself in third person, and multiple dramatic effects and music scores would play when certain things happened. At one point later in the dream, I rushed back into the house, my mom and aunt following closely behind me. We were running from something outside, but I don't recall what it was, or if we even knew what it was.
Also later on in the dream, K appeared on the news. Nothing bad had happened, thankfully, but I don't remember why she was on the news or what they were talking about, yet she was sitting right across from me still. She looked at the TV with an amused expression, and we resumed our daily activities.
So that's been me these past few days. Life's just being life.

I was trying to find Final Fantasy XV at a store I apparently visit regularly. It wasn't there of course but only because it was sold out. Outside the place there was this guy who was firing a BB gun wildly, nearly hitting me a few times. The person that ran the shop was a woman who was in her late 20's or early 30's with orange hair and wears a lot of jewelry. She and I were on friendly terms because I visited her shop so often. Eventually the police came to arrest the gun firing guy and came into the shop to investigate something. They must of found something they shouldn't have as the woman killed all of the cops and everyone else in the area except for me for some reason.

It was a really dark early morning. It was during a winter, there were snowdrifts on the roadsides and there was some ice on the road. I left my house, but I wasn't wearing any jacket - I only had a gray shirt, black trousers and black shoes. I went towards my old school, there was something important I had to do. I had troubles with walking and breathing, I scrambled towards the school. On the way I saw some people going there too, I thought "Last year in technical, and now I have to get back to previous one for a year!". I finally reached the school and immediately saw some people I know that shouldn't be there.

This made me realize that it's a dream. I left the building for a while and saw my car standing at the parking lot. I went to it and inside I found some paper sheet with strange calculations written on it. The handwriting was identical to mine. I got back to school and looked around. I thought about meeting with someone, but that wasn't enough to summon her. Instead I chosen to talk with someone else - a tall blonde haired woman wearing a white dress. I said that I have something to deliver to her and we went outside. As we were going to car, she got scared of me and ran away to school. I tried to chase her but I slipped on the ice. I got up and went back to the building, in search of that woman. I searched on the hallway, in toilets and then I found her on the corridor. I told her that I don't have time for such fooling around and I have to deliver that package. We got to my car, I showed her the paper sheet, folding it before so she wouldn't see calculations. I told her to sign it with an x and go Roth me towards warehouses. As we moved on, I noticed someone following us. I thought about removing that dude from my dream, but somehow he was resistant to my powers. However, he wasn't resistant to telekinesis. I gestured and thrown him far far away. Then we entered the warehouses. Instead of giving her that package, I persuaded her to make it out with me. I didn't knew that it was a military warehouse, and as we were doing it, soldiers appeared and surrounded us. Then a loading screen with warehouse appeared. I found myself in some corridor going to warehouse. Instead of entering I went through doorway that was behind me. A map appeared, there was some sunny valley. I chosen it and got teleported to some dark grove. I summoned that woman. She was a bit different, as she had brown hair this time. I saw myself from third . She was scared of me and the grove and started running away. I chased her, throwing fat monsters with long horns away using telekinesis. I got her and after a while oh talking we made it out again. I have lost lucidity.

I found myself in my house with younger sister and that woman. We took out rc cars and drove around my room.

1) Something to do with work and writing a protocol for cardiology.

2) I'm at university with an old friend. I go out and then I'm at a religious building walking through an outdoor religious meeting of some sort. I walk through to the back and someone goes to get a wafer (I'm not religious but have attended services where wafers have been given out). I'm waiting for mine but it never comes, so I step through further to the back, and find myself a small round white wafer. I see there is a man dressed up like a preist next to me sitting in a chair. He tells me to sit down on the floor. Then we are playing a game. We are rolling apples on the floor and marking where they land with playing cards, the ground is very uneven and the game seems a bit silly but I'm stuck playing it and it's all rather formal so I can't leave. I find a couple of £10 notes in my pack of cards and put them to one side to give bck ot the priest. He spots then and grabs them from me as if I was about to steal them. I make an excuse to leave.

3) At the surgery. I'm wheeling my bike into a room, it's full of bike parts and obviously a room entirely devoted to cycling, a whole wall is full of racks of bike parts. I comment that I am really impressed with it and no other surgery would look after its staff this well. Then I'm with a patient in the room next door. She is sitting in a chair covered in a blanket asking about her investigations. I say I don't know what she has had done and I wil lgo next door to get her notes out, I need to know what has happened for the ward round on Monday. I go next door expecting to find her notes but there are no notes there, I look around and there are videos lined up on one wall, and I think wow what an amazing surgery there are even videos for the staff to borrow!

Morning of September 10, 2016. Saturday.



My wife Zsuzsanna and our children and I are living back at Stadcor Street in Brisbane. It seems to be early afternoon and we have to go shopping for groceries. I am going out the back way, through our kitchen, but the layout is a bit different. The small square area that one needs to go through to get to the back porch is much bigger and there are additional doors, one directly into our backyard and another one onto our back porch.

I notice what I first think is our pet black cat in the small room with me but it has no eye, nose, or mouth detail. It is like a three-dimensional shadow and I sense puzzlement radiating from it. I am slightly wary (but not fearful in any way) as the creature jumps up and somehow goes through the area between the central top part of the door and the door frame (and would have to be as thin as a sheet of paper to do this). This would be the door that goes to our back porch (liminal space).

I go to the lounge room to talk to Zsuzsanna about this strange event and she calls the animal something I do not seem to be able to hear properly. After I ask her to repeat it a few times, it still sounds something like “wolf-roosh”. My hearing ability seems to become too distorted each time to hear the final part of the term. What I grasp from the term seems odd to me as it was seemingly a cat shadow, without any wolf associations at all.

After we do our shopping, the unfamiliar balding male cashier (of about forty years of age) cannot seem to get the cash register to work properly. Apparently he has to press his thumb on a pad to acknowledge he has the authority to use the cash register, but it is not recognizing him. I am thinking that maybe his thumb needs to have a small amount of yellow ink on it to get it to work. I am getting annoyed and I am not sure how we will complete the transaction if the cash register will not work.

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The checkout area of a store is a waking transition metaphor symbolizing leaving the dream state. In this case, the lack of “yellow thumb” is associated with not being fully conscious. The cash register symbolizes the potential increments of critical thinking during the waking transition as conscious self identity emerges.

The threshold event (here an atypical precursor rather than my dream’s final scene) concerning the door, featured a cat shadow in liminal space as the emergent consciousness factor. Curiously, this was borrowed from the ending of “The Flintstones” (which I had seen so many times as a child). Even the essence of the movement (comparative to the sabre-toothed tiger jumping up in the cartoon) was the same. I found that fascinating, especially as the ending theme’s line “…cat will stay out for the night” could be interpreted as remaining unconscious (asleep) throughout the sleep cycle.

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Fragment

It was an evening, I was at my backyard with some brunette, long haired woman. We entered a tractor that had two trailer's linked in. I let the woman drive, giving her some advices as we drove around backyard.

Dream

I was in some ruins. I had a sword and light armor, this place was a hideout of bandits. After a long run through this maze I finally found my way to surface. There was some building, bandits were coming out of it. I slashed them all to death. Suddenly I found myself in school, taking a seat . After a while I left it with one of classmates, we drove to city. I left his car and took a walk, but then I realized that I forgot my backpack. I decided to load some game state and get back in time.