non-lucid

Yesterday evening I had a go at some much more involved RCs, questioning lots of things in my surroundings like a detective as was suggested on this site, which is something different to the shorter, simpler almost rote RCs I had usually done previously.

This morning when I first woke up I couldn't remember any dreams at all but after about 30 minutes all the dream scenes started flooding into my head. No lucidity, but the following scenes were of interest:

I was an undergrad at a university (Educational institutions are a big dream sign) and was having to move all my stuff out which included clearing a room in a science department that they had strangely let me fill up with cheap paperback books unrelated to the subject (I questioned this but my brain explained it away as them having plenty of empty space in the building--for whatever reason I didn't dig further).

I was in an urban backstreet and a street vendor was offering to sell some kind of coffee flavoured snacks, but for him to make the snack I was required to carry an enormous cup of coffee across the road to him, which must have been about 4 feet tall and didn't look like a real cup of coffee at all--more like a giant plastic model of a latte you might see on the outside of a coffee shop (Bizarrely I did not question this in any way, so the logical parts of my brain must've been quite switched off at this point--surreal or what?), and ISTR I had to repeat this ritual twice, once on each side of the road!

Later I was sitting at a table, apparently in a restaurant, aware of lots of space around the table, quite a high ceiling, with another family eating at the right hand end of the table who had left a plate of fish shaped biscuits by an empty chair so I ate some but then the man who may have had a shaved head came back to the chair and wanted to fight me for taking them so I explained that I had washed my hands many times very thoroughly with soap before touching them, because of the pandemic!

Here's my first post in this dream journal. I don't know how consistent I'll be posting on here as I'm always so busy or low on energy. I do keep my own notes of dreams. But I'll try and write something for the most interesting ones.

At the end of a long dream that involved my mother driving around with me and at one point my grandmother ISTR, I ended up apparently waking up in a bedroom which actually looked like the room of one of my school friends from my childhood. I was looking at my watch as I knew I needed to get up early for an appointment today (as I did in my waking life) but it turned out to be a false awakening. When I looked at the analogue watch it was hard to make out the time, as I couldn't make out what numbers the hands were pointing to, and when I looked harder I noticed a second smaller clock face in the middle of the watch but it didn't have its own hands so the little hand was pointing to numbers on that smaller face. A bit like a chronograph watch but making much less sense.

I probably missed another chance to get lucid here as looking at your watch a couple of times and looking for changes or oddities is a classic reality check!

The stuff about my mother I think is to do with my brain processing a desire to help her, to see her again (it's been a bit too long), and I get the sense that all this driving around might be stressful or tiring for her and I wanted to drive the car for her but wasn't insured to do it and wished I was. She never let me drive her car so I guess my subconscious wanted me to feel more respected and empowered, even a control thing. Wow. Freud would have a field day.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

I was having some kind of revelatory dream, something that was making me feel amazing and then I felt a strong burning and radiating pain on my left side of my stomach, as if stabbed by a knife. I woke up in agony with a pain I couldn't identify. I feared my spleen may have burst or something, but I grabbed a cold water bottle I had on my nightstand to put against my skin and it eased the pain after a couple minutes. I still don't know what happened.

I am outside my house, combing my hair after having had a shower, observing someone on the other hill. The person looks like my teacher but it is a woman. I feel sad and wish that he actually comes, then I look at the road leading to my house and I see him walking down the road followed by an Indian band playing music behind him. I smile and wait
to see what will happen. My teacher goes sit on a chair that's at the end of the path close to me without saying a word and just looks at the landscape. I ask him how did he find me and he says it was hard because my address leads nowhere. I explain my address is correct but does not yet appear on the maps. I realize the cardigan I am wearing is wide open and exposing my breasts, so I cover myself up embarassed, but he is totally unfazed. I say I knew he would find me anyway and that I had been waiting anxiously. Then we stretch our arms to hold each other's hands and as we touch hands I wake up feeling blissful.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Sleeping in my bedroom with a friend who's staying over. We're at my old parents house, in my parent's bed, because it's bigger for the two of us. My mom is sleeping in the couch or not at all. Then I wake up very early morning and my dad is laying behind me, I have no panties and he is penetrating my anus. I feel totally disgusted and get up in a jolt and punch him, saying that it was the last drop. My friend wakes up spooked. I make a scene dropping all my anger on him and saying I am no longer treating him as my dad and that I lost the last ounce of respect I had for him. I go to the bathroom to wash myself. Meanwhile my mom heard some noise and woke up and came to see what's up. I hide in the bathroom and don't want to tell her. My friend doesn't know what to say and my father comes up with some excuse. Anyway, the dawn comes, so I pretend I just woke up early and I am preparing for school normally. After I get dressed, I go to the kitchen to have some breakfast and through the open window enters a raven. At first I try not to scare it away but then he makes sounds as if he wants some help, so I grab some food and approach to see if he wants. Then I notice he has a broken jaw and a broken beak and looks awfully thin. Was probably hit by a car and is in pain. I pick him up and take him to my bedrooms' balcony. I look for some box to put him in but all I find is some pillow. I drop him on it and tell him I will be back soon to care for him. I think about calling the wildlife protection services when I cross paths with my mom in the hallway and she is with three male and a couple female brazilian teens from her evangelical church (when she attended church). The guys come from the bathroom where they were washing hands and the girls have a tiny kitten in their hands and they are all saying they adopted him and she begs them not to abandon him when he grows up. They seem a bit overwhelmed with the long term commitment. I see my dad again coming out of the kitchen and wanting to make amends with me and I yell that I'll never allow him to touch me again and he may stop expecting us to have any sort of relationship. My mom hears this and she doesn't understand what's going on. Thinks I am being harsh with him and makes a sympathethic look towards him. I still don't wanna tell her what happened, just say this is how it's going to be from now on.
[Note: my dad was always a bit of a creep, but I have no conscious memory of him abusing/raping me, despite my dreams about it]

I'm watching Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid movie. At the end, when I think they died I get the message that they actually never die and that there are multiple films after this one in which they always come back miraculously from their apparent death at the end of every film. I am surprised and happy to know it. The I am actually the lady who is their lover in the film and I am at home waiting for them. I casually tidy up the house which has some active fires from some small explosions that took place earlier in the movie and then I start putting food in a fridge. When they return, I scold them but I really feeling happy that they are alive.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At my paternal grandma's house, fighting with the front door that I think is locked but at the minimum touch just falls out of place. My aunt Ana comes by, very distressed and says I should try again to close it, but only after she goes outside for a bit. She goes outside and warns me about my cousin Cris who is apparently causing mayhem inside, with threats to her parents and whatnot. Then some shadowy figure passes by me and I think it's her, but it is actually Duarte. He doesn't even say hi to me, just seems to want to avoid our family altogether and also heads outside in the semi darkness of dusk, to stand alone and quiet. Then my uncle is in the kitchen, quietly avoiding talking about it when Cris erupts from inside the house and heads outside to lash out on my aunt. I try to rationalize what is going on and say to myself they just need to talk. Then I go to the living room to meet my mom. The corridor light is off and the living room is also in total darkness. I feel goosebumps because of the ghost at the end of the corridor, but knowing my mom is in there calms me down. I enter the room touching around blindly, and hear my grandma's voice. She is clearly hallucinating, talking about some past job and arguing that she can do some task. I am not sure if I should tell her the truth or play along, then my mom suggests that I should pretend, so I sit down on the floor besides the sofa where she is laying down and I put a hand on her body, and play along with her story, making up replies to whatever she says.

I'm in a world where people of different tribes are ruled by fear of some thugs who took control. Every month or so they select one tribe and ask them to offer a bunch of people to sacrifice. From that group they usually only kill two, but it depends. If people volunteer, then maybe they don't pick others. This time is my tribe's turn and I am part of the group who volunteered to go. I have managed to convince them to actually start an uprise. All of us are willing to die for it, but we want to succeed, so we contact the leaders of other tribes before going. We don't manage to get even one to join us, but I am convinced they will if we start something and show them we can win. When we're there, we're almost caught conspiring but we manage to pretend we're just preparing for our sacrifice. The guy who almost caught us, has a huge crush on me and I know he will not let me be chosen, but he hints that in exchange he will probably be able to keep me as a slave for himself. I wonder how I can use that to our advantage on the day of our revolt, but it isn't clear. For now, it allows me to get closer to him and he takes me to see the location and stage of the sacrifice event, so I use the chance to study details that might be useful. One thing I notice is that a big storm is coming and might wreak havoc the next day, helping us. On the day of the sacrifice, our leader decides to offer himself and he leads the way. Then he kills the guards and starts the fight. The storm had happened at night and left damages in a dam nearby. So we sent someone to blow it up and it breaks apart. The water floods the district where the dominant tribe lives, killing and scattering them. These images are broadcasted to everyone else who then joins us in the fight. We win at the end.

With my mom attending some conference in a big tent in some exotic place. People from all over the world and it is all in english. I ask if she understands what is being said, and she says it's ok, but I can see she is making a big effort to follow. It is supposed to be about facing climate change and adapting as a society but soon I recognize the speakers and realize it will be a bunch of disinformation and new age BS about changing consciousness and moving to other dimensions. I tell her that, but I think she knows and doesn't care. I cope with the first session, but at the break, I go outside to breathe deep and I am amused at the kind of people who are there. There is a group sitting on top of a wall focusing down on a rock trying to make it levitate. Just for fun I tell them "try me" and then I start levitating. Unlike what happens in other dreams, they actually gasp and are shocked. They immediately know it wasn't their powers that did it, so it could only be my own. Soon I am surrounded by every attendee, begging me to share my secrets and how I developed my powers. But it doesn't happen, because we're attecked by some white planes that look more like disks. People say they are chinese planes but look more like spaceships. They drop some kind of bombs that bury in the ground and implode colapsing everything on top. The ground seems to dissolve in big pixels that and then dematerializes. People run in all directions and just nearby is the city limits. It also gets attacked and entire streets and the subway system collapses pixel by pixel, as if it is a simulated reality being deleted. I am getting tired of running and remember again that I can fly, so I shoot up and land in some other city area by the sea where people seem unaware of what is happening on the other part of town. I need to know where I am, so I pick up a map from some tourists and see a bunch of islands with Tenerife marked in one of them.

BT ~22:45
final waking: ~05:30
out of bed ~06:30

No recall instantly on my mind, it took some delving/digging, but the memories then came

+ arrive at an orchestra rehearsal late, other players wonder why I've come at all because my part is really boring, just holding a bunch of whole notes

+ my [deceased 1st] wife is playing <instrument related to mine> in the orchestra, she's young and attractive, she's sitting in her spot in the orchestra group and is holding the instrument in her hand. I think how these instruments are closely related and one person who plays one can at least get a sound out of the other

+ flood on the bathroom floor. I'm looking down and at the intersection of the floor and wall I see a large amount of water, and a bunched up pile of rubber gasket. This was a deva vu as I'm pretty sure I saw the same scene earlier in the night. This time I reach down and pull out the rubber gasket, which unblocks thet water and it seeps into the floor. I think this is also bad as the water in the floor will still damage the house. I'm looking down the row of where the water was before and see (white PVC pipes?)

+ Yogurt/burger joint. I'm standing at the counter of an increasingly crowded frozen yogurt place where you can also order burgers. I'm waiting for my chance to order from the worker and more and more people arrive, some of which stand in front of me, and I say "there's a line!" Some people are ordering burgers. I consider doing that but think that that will take longer. I eventually get my frozen yogurt (white/vanilla) and take it to a table. I see all the gaming (pool) tables all around me are occupied, then I notice that my table is a tiny/toy version, and I think my [current] wife will not be impressed with this toy version of the game. Then I'm playing a sort of fantasy hockey game with a lot of very colorful moving pieces, and where the rules are that I have to keep bringing back my puck back over the half-way line before moving it back into the opponent side. I take a number of shots on the goal. I recall a shiny purple color. [to be continued]
[continued] My wife arrives. Then a guy comes up to our table and wants to take some chairs. He's very aggressive. I think my wife doesn't want me to give him anything, but I decide that it's better to give him a couple chairs. "here, you can take these two, we're not using them" I say, look down, and see that actually our stuff (backpacks/coats) are draped over them.

+ [earlier, vague] with a bunch of guys who are aggressive towards homosexuals, including signs that read "no effeminate sitting [on the toilet]"

+ View a team of young people standing under a canopy about 40 yards away, they are working on a solution to some problem. then one of the team members is standing fairly close to me, I think I may recognize him

Dream Eleven (10.12.2022)

I had a dream that I was looking at a map of Russia. It didn't look like real life. Russia was divided into multiple parts that other countries were now ruling. I distinctly remember there was one part that was super tiny. Russia had retreated to a small section around Moscow. I got a weird sensation when I realized that was what that map represented. The dream glitched. My mom was sending me to the grocery store for her. I ended up in the theme park district but all the rollercoasters were by the road and impossibly tall. I was like "oops" and went inside SeaWorld. I promptly forgot what I was supposed to be doing and got in line for Mako.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Meeting Nighthawk at some party at a friends' place. We end up alone in a room and when I am sure no one is coming and the ice isn't breaking, I approach him and decidedly show him my desire to kiss him. He resists, saying he can't or mustn't, but I insist. He clearly wants it to, but he claims that if he caves in, his desire will become violent and uncontrollable and it won't be possible to turn around. I say I don't care, so we start kissing and unzipping our pants and we... fuck. It is very detailed and graphic, like at some point we talk about how deep he is in and I say he could be more. So, NSFW content... Then some nosy kid enters the room accidentally and sees us. We ask him not to say a word to anyone and he swears he won't, but we know he is going right away to tell everyone and soon a bunch of people will barge in this room, so we quickly zip our pants back and we run out of the room to avoid that embarassment.

I was in a dream location that felt something like the front of my old subdivision. There is no road leading into it though, just a grass clearing through trees where the road should be and maybe a paved walking path. I am walking around in the woods non-lucid collecting sets of glittering silver feathered wings. They flap slowly while remaining stationary in the air and sparkle while colorful wisps of glowing energy circle around them. I am collecting them as they are "elytra" or something. Items which are supposed to help with in-dream flight but also a reference to the dreamviews practice of getting "wings" for completing tasks.

I become semi lucid and set out to do a task. I have two tasks, one of them is a falsely-remembered DV task to seek out a nightmare and confront it. The other is (for whatever reason) to try and find DawnEye11 and ask her why she left DV. I fly to the front yard of my old house though this location is not an exact replica. It is much bigger and there are more plants in it. I ask the dream to show me a nightmare and it shows me a strange version of Toothless from HTTYD. Though he continuously gets more and more eyes and his body and posture become larger and more menacing. Even in its deformed state the creature still looks cute and harmless but I in my semi-lucid state decided to punch it anyway (old habits die hard, I guess). I remember i uppercut the beast on its jaw in a very cartoony fashion.

I then had a false awakening where i gleefully woke up and reported my "lucid" findings to dreamviews. DawnEye11 came back on the site. She showed me a comic about Jak's past, apparently shed had a semi-shared dreaming experience with my. In it the monster that i had just fought ended up seriously wounding him by cutting his stomach open. He, Jak, was depicted laying on a hospital bed with his father next to him. I thought it weird as she did not seem like the kind of person to draw a gorey scene, and though it was drawn in what sort of looked like her art style it had only flat colors and most of the gore was replaced with spaghetti with meat sauce and parmesan cheese. Though I think there was an actual intestine in there.

Jack at the property marker with Erik cutting

Found a gas line exposed in the middle of the driveway
no gas to property was a good RC moment but missed it.

Felt a sense of sadness as my father was sick and Jack was present.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Blown by a strong wind, get KO and when I wake up I am in a parallell universe. I am with the same partner but all my pets are different: the cats are dogs, yet I recognize them all and I have quite a few more than the ones I know.

Kidnapped and forced to detonate a bomb. Several people caught in the same situation refused to do it and blew the bombs elsewhere, hurting their plans. I want to do something similar, but I also want to survive it. At the last minute the bad guys realize my plan, so they send me with a handler to control me. I still manage to find the right spot, where blowing the bomb won't harm others and I manage to jump and throw the bomb away, so it blows while I escape it. I watch the bad guy being projected and his head smashing against a wall. I am only hurt but people find me and care for me. They know what I did and they celebrate. I get acquainted with the locals and I meet some autistic kid that I become fond of. We become friends and he loves to hug me and I love covering him in kisses.

I encounter my uncle Filipe under the bridge in Alhandra. I throw a cup of nuts to his head and then try to hit him, but then he looks like my cousin João and I feel pity of him. He also looks scared and I tell him I want to forgive him. He burst into tears and we hug, but he still says he can't let go of my mom's betrayals, so I yell at him that he is insane and all my mom did was being a saint and done nothing but favors to him and her siblings by caring for their parents. He understands I am serious. Still he is not entirely sure I am saying the truth. I then leave to meet mom who is calling me on the phone, worried. But as we speak, I find myself in Vila Franca, looking for a bus to get back to Alhandra. The town is full of highschoolers and college kids all tanned in bathing suits and party clothes, but there is also a bunch of nerds dressed as Halloween characters. For some reason I end up fighting with the nerds with a bat while they brandish fake swords.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At some place that looks like Monchique, where I am attending teachings. I meet some old friends, like Berna. One of these acquaintances sees me on a street when we're in the town centre and decides to be playful, so she invites me for a dance down the street. People find it funny and artistic. Then we all head to the tent where we have the teachings, and it is on top of the hill where the city ends and the forest starts. For some reason the tent is also very steep and people have to hold on to poles and other structures to stay in place. At some point people are grabbing each other and packed as sardines in a can, to be able to stay inside the tent. Amidst the chaos, my teacher emerges in the middle of the crowd to be right by my side. He holds my hand and kisses my cheek and whispers something to my ear, like he is so happy to see me again.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At my mom's place and there is a big event going on. There are groups from several disciplines, from chemistry to politics. I am going around ensuring people have what they need. In the political group, there's this awful fascist guy who seems to have an interest in me. I hate him, but I am enjoying his attention and wondering how I can use it against him. I am picking up some of my personal documents from the dining room table by the window when the chemistry group barges in with lots of large posters and rolls of paper with formulas and in a frenzy about something urgent. I leave them be and I go around meeting other groups, when something bad in the chemistry group happens and some chemical or biological sample is released. It drives some people out of their minds and they start attacking others. Then it spreads and I realize it is a zombie attack. There is no escape from this full house, so I open the window behind me and use the rope from the shutters to rappel down the building. I enter through the window of some other house where apparently I have family or friends. They are just enjoying their rest and I tell them to gather food and prepare to leave because there is a zombie attack just starting. They don't believe me, so I go look outside and indeed many have already reached the streets and are climbing peoples' windows and balconies and going inside their houses. First we close all windows but one has some problem and I am unable to close it before having to fight off some zombies trying to come in. Finally we put some heavy furniture blocking it to gain some time and I tell the others that our best chance is to go up onto the attic and stay there with food and water for some time until the first wave attack is over. Some of them agree with me, some don't, and some girl starts making a lot of noise with her insistence in going out and I worry she'll attract more zombies. When we open the door to go upstairs we listen first if there is any agitation. There isn't, but then a couple ladies who don't look like zombies, attack us in a different way. They drop two ladybugs' bombs on us. Basically it's like two bombs full of ladybugs that release thousands of ladybug which immediately stick to our skin and orifices. I have my ears clogged. This is just a distraction, because soon after we start getting attacked by the zombies. Predicting this, I run to the kitchen to get a sharp knife and hand other knifes to the rest of the group. Then a couple zombies also bring knifes and try to get close to slash me. I fight them both and manage to stick the knife on the brain and neck of the first one. He makes some comment when he realizes I got him, like not believing I got him. The other one I think is his brother, so obviously he gets pissed. We fight and I win, but then I am overwhelmed by a constant flow of anime characters with katanas and other weapons and I don't understand why they are so intent on killing me. At some point I am fighting maybe ten at the same time but already managed to steal at least one katana from the arm I cut off of someone. On one hand the katana on the other still the kitchen knife. Then I start levitating to fight them in the air and only a couple of the have the same ability, greatly increasing my odds.

Dream Ten (10.11.2022)

I was at Busch Gardens again in front of SheiKra. Then I went into a vast bathroom that was completely empty. All the stalls were blue and only went up to my shoulders. I went into a stall. What's weird is even though it was completely empty, I said "everyone raise your hands" and felt the presence of hundreds of hands being raised despite no one actually being there. Then there was some "story" of a boy and a girl. I was watching the dream in third person. The girl wanted to go back in time to the 18th century. At the end of this "story", she finally made it there. There was epic music playing (a mixture of rock and choir). The boy was smiling. The girl in the 18th century was also smiling as she walked through a fancy church and disappeared into a crowd outside. Then I woke up.

Also, do you guys ever ever have indescribable or near indescribable dreams? Because there's this dream I had years ago that still spooks my mind because its hard to describe. I just remember being in a computer lab and suddenly there was this strange shot of a unnamed girl on a boat. She was in some sort of... sea that could be compared to a chunky, synthwave grid but the colors were white and the grid lines were bright yellow. A texture, almost (that undulated and shook). I got the feeling this girl was sad and literally drifting through different realities on a spacetime grid. It's so weird. And it was weird because it had nothing to do with me, I was just seeing this girl briefly for some reason. My fiancé has had these sort of dreams before too. The most notable being one where he was a speck of dust floating near the moons of Jupiter. He said it's stuck with him since. The feelings the memory of these sort of dreams give off is also indescribable. A warm, melting feeling in my chest. Not happiness nor contentment. But not a negative feeling either. Almost a "how is our minds coming up with these images and stories?"

Another dream I had like this was many years ago when I was in middle school. There were beehives made of light nestled in a storm above my house. I would love to hear everyone's thoughts!

prelude: for those interested in the synchronicity between what is going on in the solar system & our dream lives, the planets of the unconscious are the three outer ones. right now pluto is stationary direct. pluto represents the deepest collective unconscious, death & rebirth, transformation, & volcanic emotion from the depths, as in social revolution. it can mean treachery & betrayal, deep resentment & hatred, jealous scheming. it is the worst of corporate politics: the plutocrats. it also represents the true survivor, the one who has been through the fire & back & lived to tell the tale. it can represent nightmare hell. don't be surprised if this kind of symbolism turns up in your current dreams.

i had two nightmares last night. ho-hum. in one that seemed to last all night, i was an actor in a movie that was being made up as it went along. the plot involved me being stalked. i would confront my stalkers & taunt them, coming very close to violence, but usually ended up having to run. the actors playing my stalkers seemed to have genuine animosity towards me. it was decided that the movie would end with the stalkers catching up with me & doing me in, which disgusted me. as the killer closed in on me, i wadded up a big bunch of paper money & threw it in her face, hard. then i woke up.

later in the night i found myself hurtling down a narrow freeway extremely fast. i started passing through a city & was getting to the edge of control, so i went for the brake, but the car had no brake. i woke up with my foot tangled in the blanket, trying to stomp the brake.