non-lucid

I am driving a large truck. We stop at a rest stop and I talk with a mechanic about repairs on the truck.

I am walking on the prairie out at my parent's house. I get lost at some point and I find familiar looking structures. There's a barn, a farm house, and a shed and I walk closer to the buildings. A woman sitting in a chair points to me and says not to come any closer.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

With mom inside some big building with a glass façade. Looks like an airport in the 50s or 60s, but I think we are waiting for some doctor appointment. A noisy fighter jet flies over the building, narrowly missing it. It's clearly not from our country. Then we see lots of smoke and everybody wonders if it crashed nearby. Then an helicopter lands right outside and some military come out of it. People rush out to ask stuff, but they are elusive. Rumors spread that the jet was russian. Nobody knows if the pilot died or was caught. The military then tell people to go home and that war was declared. I guess they mean WW3 is official. We go inside the waiting room, because we wanna know more and there are 3 tvs, so we expect to see something in the news.
Some idiot distract us all with a silly stunt in the lobby, climbing on top of the staircase rails and threathening to jump like 2 floors. Security guards come from all directions to grab him and people applaud, but he gives up and jumps to safety. In the waiting room again, some black lady instructs me to put on channel 95 where supposedly is CNN. I try, but the channel doesn't match with what she says. I finally find it and one reporter is clearly in distress while another is in sheer terror, sweating profusely. They say the news is absolutely shockcing and scary. And end of the world scenario. But then it has nothing to do with WW3. Instead they mention some earthquake swarm and volcanos erupting in Brazil and that due to the tectonic plate movements, all the energy from the movements there is expected to be transmitted and affect the whole of Europe. They show a map with volcanos popping up all throughout Central Europe and fires everywhere. They say it is unpredictable where it will hit, but Switzerland will be the worst hit. My mom asks me if it is dangerous to us. I say we can't be sure, since it is likely that a huge quake hits Lisbon and the Tagus faultline. I tell her from now on we need to be alert at all times, study our surroundings and check if there are any safer places around us if we are hit by a quake.
Then we are at a very old café in an old town and I see cracks all over the walls. I tell her it isn't safe to stay here, so we go outside as soon as we can and tell her to also look for open spaces outside. Then I recall I need to go back inside and pay for our drinks. Meanwhile she is looking at a street market and she is really interested in something, but I tell her not to go there until I come back.

Watching some story like a movie. A lady who is dying with a terminal cancer wants to sing one last time to an audience, so she goes see her former agent, accompanied by her lover. Her agent had stopped working with her because she meant troubles and his company was going through financial difficulties. Her lover advocates for her. Makes some promise to bring lots of people for some jazz nights at his derelict building, if he allows her to sing. He agrees.

Then I am her and I am leaving the place. I am walking the streets of Lisbon and doing some artistic performance as I walk. I stamp red flowers on my skirt and also on walls and roads for some reason. The kids enjoy and are curious, but the adults not so much. Some woman makes a comment that I am vandalized a house. I don't care. I am on my way to the botanical garden, but I am a bit lost. I look for the closest metro station to check where I am and maybe take a ride. I find one, but not sure how to gro from here to the garden, so I check a map on my phone. At least I know now where I am. On my way there, I meet an older guy, a very tall slender guy, and for some reason we start talking about miracles and odd stuff. He asks me about my beliefs and I try to explain I don't believe as much as I accept possibilities. I explain my view on how we interpret the outliers of reality and we call it paranormal when they are just outliers within the curve of possibilities of reality. Then tell him about how my brain could not recognize the sounds of foxes the first time I heard it on a camping trip and therefore my brain filled in the blanks and made it sound like dolphins. Therefore hearing dolphins around me on a mountain could only be supernatural, but turns out it was my perception which wasn't equiped to see the natural phenomena for what it was. He agrees and tells me a story of how he was blind for many many years and for no apparent reason one day symply regained his sight and everyone considered it a miracle. He believes it was a natural recovery of his organism, which appears as a miracle because it is a rare event. We get out of the subway and we continue walking towards the garden.

K and I are in a cityscape environment with tall buildings. My view of the city around me is odd. When I look at something below me, my vision seems to "zoom in" and it's like my consciousness and dream body shifts to that location in the dream. We are on top of a tall building and there are large levitating platforms adjacent to other tall buildings. They are very far off and apart, impossible to be able to jump to by normal means. We leap through the air and land on these levitating platforms that look like they are made up of large white cubes, like video game platforms.

I feel the sensations vividly of leaping through the air, impossibly high compared to jumping in waking life (WL). I land on the platforms with ease and don't feel significant shock from the impacts.

Analysis/Interpretation:
I remember incubating Matrix-like jumping months ago and last year in 2021. After reading some articles on flying in dreams and LDs, I visualized jumping between rooftops and tall elevated platforms like in this dream. Very thrilling and fun. I've continued to listen to a dream incubation podcast episode on a Jungian analyst podcast that's talked about incubation. Maybe consciously thinking about incubation has brought forward a lot of past incubations. Very neat.

I am in a bathtub with K. We are intimate together.

Spoiler for Adult Content:

She is performing oral sex on me and I then perform oral sex on her. We are in shallow water in the bath. She climbs on top of me while I am lying flat on my back. She begins thrusting back and forth and up and down. The water is splashing and I am conscious of the noise. I feel that family members are outside the bathroom and might here us. The sensations are pleasurable.

Dream Signs:
Sexual content
Feeling embarrassed, overly self-conscious about affection and intimacy
Water

Analysis/Interpretation
I went to bed last night incubating and thinking about sexual content. I believe water in my dreams is often a symbolism of my emotional state, if it is not a literal indicator that I drank water close to bed time and feel that I need to wake up and urinate. Water often represents my emotional state in that it can be tranquil, deep, shallow, crashing, overwhelming. The water being shallow and me being in it, lying on my back and engaging in sexual content with my partner indicates a sense of purity or cleanliness.

I did not feel guilt in the dream engaging in intimacy with my partner as I often have with other dream figures. I often feel overly self-conscious in non-lucids that I am receiving attention from dream figures that are not my partner. I feel that the water symbolizes that our actions together are in a clean state and the water is something that we are in together. It responds to our actions but is not threatening, i.e. being deep, crashing, something that we could drown in.

I often feel very self-conscious about public displays of affection (PDA) (an embarrassing and shaming remnant from middle school where I received disciplinary action in school for my girlfriend and I hugging in the hallway before classes). This feeling of embarrassment and shame around PDA seems to be deeply rooted in my unconscious and even causes me to feel avoidant about PDA.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP


I know a bunch of Hollywood actors and I am thinking that in the future when someone writes about our relationships, they'll portray it entirely wrong, because it is not glamorous at all, just all very goofy.
Right now I am with a young and fit Russel Crowe and we are very good friends, or actually more than friends. He is married and his wife knows we meet, but has allowed it because so far we'd just been friends. But the truth is we are showering together in his house, although nothing else happened between us, which is odd. His wife comes right after we get dressed and she seems fed up with our weird intimacy, as she bluntly says it is time for me to go. He looks at me like "she is the boss", so I must obey. I tell her it doesn't have to be like this. We could all be together with each other. But she doesn't want to, she already hates that I am so close to him like a lover.
I go stay at a hostel with mixed dorms. I have to share a room with two guys. They clearly flirt with me, but I show no interest, just ask for their help to turn on the tv but they keep trying to be friendly.
Later I take a bus trip to somewhere, but when exiting the bus I wonder if I was carrying any luggage and left it in the bus. So I go back and ask the driver to wait while I look for my stuff in my seat. Turns out it's a lot of stuff. First I grab a bag, a coat and a sleeping bag, but only to reveal 3 more bags with books and food and drinks among other things. I am freaking out, wondering how am I gonna carry al that. I start stuffing as much stuff as I can in plastic bags. Meanwhile I find a 20€ bill on the floor. Then finally decide to leave some things behind which elicits complaints from fellow passengers who wanted the seats and floor cleared.

Watching a scene from a show about vampires that I used to watch as a teen. Vlad has bought an abandoned church to live there unnoticed, while preparing his comeback. Some fellow vampires who work for some governing body overseeing vampire activity come to confront him about his plans for the world. They mention a symbol he painted on the façade which has some meaning, but he denies it. They demand to go inside. I then am physically there with them. I am also a vampire and sort of Vlad's assistant or protegé. Sunlight doens't harm us. We enter the church abut somehow he makes us go back in time to when the church is being attended by regular people. There is a mass going on, apparently a funeral and Vlad goes pay respects to the dead person, forcing us to follow him into the middle of the church. Some attendees start whispering and pointing at us, and soon I hear the word vampires and feel threathened. They've figured out what we are, because of our paleness, beauty and peculiar taste in fashion. I try to get out, but they turn on us, effectively surrounding and isolating the youngest among us. I rescue the kid and only then I leave.

Later I am at the cinema and I have a huge fruit bat which I keep as a pet (I guess as my ESA). He is nice but I need to be very gentle or he'll bite. Some kid in the seat in front notices it and asks to pet him. But I say no, saying he will regret it. He gets angry, says he can pet whomever he wants, starting an argument with me. Some employees take us outside to discuss what's going on and I explain what happened and that I am trying to teach the kid some manners and protect him from being bitten. I also don't want a lawsuit from his parents if he gets a zoonosis. They agree with me and kick the kid out. They issue a refund for me.

Driving through some neighborhood with Riverstone, when I spot my uncle Filipe in his car at a parking lot. I stop nearby to confront him. I think he sees us but pretends not to, then gets on board of a truck parked there and drives off. Riverstone thinks he didn't see us, I know he did and he ran away, which means he is afraid of us. I decide that now that I know where he parks his working vehicle, I'll give him a taste of what he does to my mom and stalk him, leave notes on his windshield, make threats, to see if he likes it. Riverstone doesn't think is a good idea, so he leaves. I do some recon of the area and find a small prefab house where workers like him have a toilet and a locker to leave their personal belongings. But it is actually much bigger inside than what seems on the outside. There is also a locker room for kids that have gym classes in the neighborhood. And soon enough some 20 kids with an adult come rushing in to use the toilet and get their coats. Followed by a huge group of teens that look like they came from regular school lessons. The last ones are three japanese girls and one asks in English if I am such and such person. The name she mentions sounds very much like mine despite her accent, so I say yes, even if I am not sure. But then some other lady who seems Russian, says no, they don't mean me. I apologize and leave. But decide to follow the girls. They lead me to a town that looks like Vegas meets Spring Break. Lots of young folks, college students, drinking outside bars, sitting on cafés, loud music, lots of neon signs. I go around to explore and then it turns into Tokyo. I admire the diversity of fashion looks of the young people and crack up laughing at some guy with a kind of scarf around his neck that has a built-in smartphone holder and he is recording himself talk as he walks hands-free through in the crowd.
I go down to a subway station, but everyone seems to be getting out of it scared with something. I don't see anything suspicious, so I sit on a ledge for a bit to eat a snacl. I then spot a black scorpion passing under my feet. Not a dangerous one but still I don't want to be stung. Then I spot a red scorpion with dozens of tiny babies around. I fear the little ones cause they are more deadly. I drop some food on the floor and then another scorpion, beige, comes to sniff it also surrounded by dozens of babies. She encounters the red one and they fight over the food. The dark one also comes and both groups attack and devour the black one. Then the reds win the beiges and devour them. Some cleaning ladies come by and tell me to come down and not be afraid. They say unfortunately there is an infeststion of scorpions and roaches, but they claim they are not dangerous to people and that I just need to go around them. I come down and head for a ramp to the subway platforms. It's covered in roaches. I jump from place to place trying to avoid stepping ont the bugs but as I go deeper into the station, they seem to be more and more..

Yesterday in WL I listened to part of a Jungian Podcast on dream incubation. While at the gym, I thought about incubating a dream that I am at the gym. I had pretty good sleep hygiene last night; I went to bed early and didn't drink too much alcohol. I didn't have that much caffeine late in the day and found going to bed early was easy. Before going to bed, I did some stretching and massage work so that I could sleep all the way through the night without back pain or stiffness. I woke up around 2:30 AM and was awake for about an hour. I had a bowl of cereal and watched a YouTube video. I woke up and had great dream recall of my semi-incubated dream:

I am in the gym locker room and I am trying to find an available locker for my gym bag. I've changed out already into my gym clothes. The lockers are very dysmorphic, like they are on shelves and different heights and lengths and depths on the wall. I look for an open locker and some lockers are very high, above head height that I can barely reach. Others have zipper bags like duffel bags to place my gym bag into. Once I find my locker for my bag, I see that my GF is sitting on one of the wooden benches in the locker room as well. There are both men and women in the same locker room changing and storing their clothes.

I feel that she is mad or upset with me and she has two friends next to her that she is talking to. I feel jealous and she seems much more preoccupied and interested in spending time and talking with them. One of them is a thin Asian young man with long black hair. The other friend is blurry and I am unsure of any specific details other than medium height.

I exit the locker room and find myself in a large open field. There are dozens of people exercising. There is a large soccer field where people are playing. I walk south of the soccer field and see very strange looking gym equipment. There are large tables with gym padding like large machines you lay on your side to use. I walk alongside the soccer field and a group of players chasing after the ball are coming towards me. I see my girlfriend and her friends walking out to a workout station and I chase after the ball to interrupt the game to get attention. I feel childish doing this. I only act like I'm chasing after the ball then stop and continuing walking to my workout equipment destination.

23:49 bedtime
08:50 final waking

long BTS after 6am shock wake from wife's crying out in nightmare

3-4 major periods of dreams

first waking (time unsure?)

+ really looking closely at a large, triangular (two triangular faces that meet in an angle in the front), "motorcycle" ( / airplane / house/thing). I'm inspecting the grills and features it has. I think about how it takes off and lands

+ [mostly forgotten] (young?) people in a classroom setting in rows of desks

middle waking (shock awake?)

+ dragons are blocking the parking garage entrance. Some huge/really powerful scary dragons have settled in front of an underground parking garage entrance. I'm given the task of getting them to move out of the way. I approach from ground level a bit to the right of the entrance. At first there is one dragon but as I approach I see there are at least two more. They are large and very menacing. One is to my left of the main big one blocking the entrance, and I see its head with very long sharp teeth, it looks like a mix between a dragon head and a T-rex head. I'm really quite nervous, and I'm thinking that I need to be very very polite as I address the dragons trying to convince them to move.

+ flying the fighter jet. I'm following a leader jet. I'm not sure if I should follow using instrumentation or just visuals. The leader is making a lot of maneuvers, (down below me?) I don't follow them all. I decide to follow visually, I see the bright blue engine glow from his jet and plan just to follow using that visual. There was a narrative (voice over?) that the leaders trust me with the plane because I'm older (and less impulsive?).

Visual of a very large triangular Soviet-style fighter or ship, it has an open deck with a lot of tables with instruments/circuitry on them.

+ video game [DO] top-down fuzzy/vague view of the top of a tower where players of a game are battling, the experienced players are easily pushing the newbies off of the top of the tower and getting a lot of points doing this. I manipulate some vague controls and manage to push a few of the better players off. (I fall off the top of the tower, but manage to grab on to a lower level ledge as I'm falling by and say "hey look I made it do this level."

+ buffet at work. Walking along a work lunch buffet, filling my plate, the piles of food are so high that it's hard to take a serving without toppling the pile. I realize I've missed waffles (with bacon?) so I go back and get a waffle (it's hard to take one without upsetting the pile).

Farther along there is a meeting about to be held. I think Chr Ch. (company "3", "B", "N") is there at the podium along with someone else, there are a lot of chairs laid out in an assembly format (rows).


last waking:

+ S1's birthday in PTL home. In kitchen with S1. We're celebrating and I say/think "Yeah! Let's get some beers!" There is an elevated (2nd floor?) separate room I see from ground floor, I see/think it is filled with graffiti written on the inside walls. I say "we have to make sure that we lock the windows" [DS] or "that the windows can lock." S1 says that he thinks that this is not possible because of a hole through which people can open the window mechanism.
A car in the distance is backing up with red/blue police backup lights, I think this is S2 going off to (7-11?) to get (some beer?).
Something gets spilled up onto a vaulted ceiling?

+ talking to guy about <my instrument> vs. trombone embouchure, he's making circular "sea anemone" style round lips and I'm showing him how mine is more of an overbite, I use both my lips and my hand to show the position of my jaw. Other than hand (HAND VISUAL) I have no body awareness, he's standing about 2 meters away.

Early, fairly weak recall, just a few short scenes. Very tired from day practice, need to dial it back a bit. No sleep after 5 hr waking, missed the best recall periods, darn.
Woke with nothing at first, but a bit of delving resulted in the following -- so sort of a success!

bedtime ~ 23:45
waking about 05:00
room kind of hot and stuffy, turned on fan
Starting to think of waking life issues despite trying to put them off for later in the dah
still not sleeping or making progress towards sleep at about 05:20-:30, so got out of bed to sit in other room for about 30-45 mins, came back to bed a bit tired and the room is cooler so the bed is comfortable, but can't fall asleep

got up around 07:20

+ inside corridors, trying to sneak past robots?

+ entering (passing through) some large (outdoors?) competition grounds with lots of ushers/guards, I boldly strut right past entrance posts like I belong here, if they stop me I plan to say "I just to measure something"

+ outdoors looking at distant vistas, there's a castle/tower in the distance where I think they can (already have?) shot at this place where I am

+ outdoors, on a road (chute/slide?), need to get past the guard stations

+ image of some guy who has managed to tape a large pile of thick scotch packing tape in a sloping line across his lower back and up to his right shoulder, I think this was a very difficult taping job

+ ideal (no visuals?) of going for tacos with Mond. Sal. from T5

I should have written this down when I first woke up because I've lost some of it even though I was thinking about it. I was myself in the dream, so far as I know. But what I'll call the main character was a man I'll call C, because he's a real person and I don't want to use anyone's names. And in the dream I think C had powers, but wasn't good at controlling them and so he was actually somewhat dangerous. And this had drawn a government facility's attention. They wanted C, either to study and try and use as a weapon.
I remember that I was with a group that included C, and one person in that group was a part of a facility but on our side, as we as a group were against giving up C to the facility. At some point we lost C to them and we were in the facility with the guy who was on our side, I'll call him Bob even though he never had a name. Bob was trying to play it cool, they're with me, etc., but he had coworkers around and was very nervous. He walked us over to an unused part of that floor where we could be left alone. I needed to pee and asked where the bathroom was. Bob got a little frustrated and said in the next room(he pointed to a door) were some containers and to just pee in one of them.
I went into the room to find an empty lab. And while there were many beakers and containers I instantly knew which one Bob meant, and went ahead and peed. Then I tried to find somewhere to empty it, rather than just leave that on a table. But there wasn't a sink so I deliberately dumped in into a beaker that already had liquid in it, to ruin someone's experiment. I didn't like these people, I wanted C back unharmed.
And then Bob had arranged for us to reunite with C, but only because we were ostensibly going along with their plans and would figure out what to do when the pilot landed again. I asked the pilot how long the flight would be. She said fifty-five minutes. Not roughly an hour, fifty-five minutes.
I was in the middle row of the plane's seating, and we were cramped three to a row. I was on the far right and the plane had no doors. I could also find no seatbelt. Meaning that when we were in the air I would have to constantly press toward the person in the middle seat to avoid falling from the plane. I didn't like that. Also at this point C was somewhere in the back row. Between losing him earlier and reuniting now, he'd undergone some type of training that was supposed to heighten the powers but also made him more dangerous. The people from the facility were careful around, sort of a Winter Solider vibe. The powers were either harder to control now or he was just literally more aggressive for some reason. I was happy that when the plane started to taxi a door appeared, and so did a seatbelt.
The only other thing I remembered was the plane landing for some reason on an abandoned country seat and taking off again. And someone commented that they were surprised that C was in the back and not beside the pilot. Another person replied something about being careful with him.

This dream was very interesting and I'd like to see it continued.

2022 June 30th

Very disjointed. Left recall too late. Would like to make some proper side notes for this one too at some point.

Dream (DFLN):

I'm in a car in a town with mom. She's driving me around in a large and modern Nissan, trying to get me to a local airport I think. There are roadworks just about every way she thinks of taking. I try to suggest some routes she can take but she doesn't seem to want to listen to them and possibly mentions something about the fact that she's driven here for X many years and so on.

(recall gap)

I'm at some kind of palatial building, here for a fancy party or ball. I'm in what is my guest room at one point. I'm a woman, except for my private areas. Someone I met just earlier (forget who) left me a dress here in the room and I think about putting it on. It's a very simple dress and is a cream colour, slightly darker than my skin tone. I have wavy hair, possibly fake blonde. Putting the dress on in bed, I think about how a dress will still be revealing of male private parts. I feel uncomfortable with this but don't see what I can do about it and reason to myself that people generally don't look to that sort of area and that I can to do things like sit down and such to possibly not make it as noticeable.

A bit later I'm at a dinner at a long table. The fancy palatial theme remains. This theme seems to feature primarily white, cream/pink and gold as colours. Somewhat plain while still being lavish.

(recall gap)

I'm still a woman. I'm with Hilary. (from DV, i.e., here!)

We're talking about dreams and artwork. I am supposed to have made three artwork commissions for her but I haven't made them yet and feel guilty. We're somewhere outside and it's night time. It's grassy and open, I'm not sure there's anything taller in the horizon that I can see.

In the sky I see the three commission ideas fading in and out as stars. The first one is a crescent moon, the second a side portrait of a woman with hair tied back, and finally something else which I've lost recall of. Hilary doesn't seem upset with me for not having finished these commissions yet, but I still feel disappointed with myself.

We talk a bit more and then she takes me to some physical threshold, maybe a door. I think she wants me to come with her to a dream?

(recall gap)

I'm my usual self again and at a bulk buy super market. Possibly a Makro (which I don't think I've ever been to). I am unfamiliar with the layout but I look around for things with confidence.

I find some frozen chips and think about the price. I see they cost 2.1 for 2.5 and I reason that at 1.5 for 1.5 normally, this is slightly better and I grab a bag. Then, I wander the shop trying to think what else I want and as I feel like I actually didn't want much more, the shop also gets noticeably smaller and is more like a convenience store now.

I look around again and see some socks, making me think that H might like some but I don't know the size and I don't want any for myself because they look too loose. I see a basement stairs bit and there's a bunch of plushies in a large metal cage basket thing next to the stairs. I think about getting some. They feel fluffy. They cost 60 each though and I think to myself that I really can't afford to pay this for a plushie and feel a little sad. At this point I also start to feel self-conscious and don't check out downstairs, which seemed to have Lego and more toys. So I leave to go the tills. At some point a fat man near me is coughing and I think I comment that I just had COVID and don't really want to get it again so soon.

(recall gap)

I'm in a rural area. It's late afternoon. I'm with two men, dream characters I think. They are messing around a bit and one has a mini bike thing (7D2D intrusion?). I am on a field side of a wooden fence and they're on the road. As I walk along, I come to a tan coloured cow. She's on the floor and at first I think she's asleep, but then I see the side of her muzzle and see it looks to be rotting, with a hole about the size of a gold ball and with some tendons showing through or something. Difficult to describe. I feel somewhat unsettled and I'm also worried for the farmer now. But I think we should get out of here before we get mistaken for having done something to the cow.

We go up a small hill road and we come to a building with a store or something. Then there are four of us and we decide something about super powers. Then inside a building it's a bit like a factory or foundry.

(rest of recall was too vague)

2022 June 27th

Some bracketed in-line notes. I need to return to this dream and make some fuller notes when I feel able to, hopefully soon.

Fragment:

Something about a (dream) country relating to the Iberian peninsula. This small country is located just over the north east of the USA at where a tip of Canada would be and seems to be in-between these two countries. I see some statistic or just know that there are less than 1.5 million inhabitants. (Oddly enough, on one of the weeks after this dream, I was looking at this general region with satellite views, based on some conversations I was having with LF)

(recall gap?)

Then I'm in my native country but I'm a character that's not me exactly. I need to get to the embassy on one side of a plaza, something about a passport? It's night time and there's a large government building on one side of the plaza with a few prominent uplighting spots. Neo-classical or classical-revivalist architecture. There are police officers in the area, probably due to this building. I think one of them comes over to me when I wander more to the middle near the government-y building. The officer turns out to be a woman and I ask where the embassy is. She tries to help me but after a while of her taking me through some streets and construction sites I start to wonder if my interests are at heart.

At one point I notice some workers at a construction site giving me/us a funny look or something? Some part of me thinks that it's odd that there's construction work going on at night.

(recall gap)

Then I'm at a fancy house place. Lots of detailed cornicing and mirrors on the walls and ceilings which have some kind of abstract Greek themed theatrical show going on, it looks like it's projected but I don't see any projector and may assume that the surface is able to display something like a screen would, despite its curved contours. There's a largely classical theme. The walls and cornicing are all white and it's fairly bright in here, though there's something of a mood light thing going on, mostly cool tones.

I'm here with my cousin T and H. T's wearing some kind of cream or pink silk pyjamas and I rest my head on her crotch and I close my eyes and she pets and strokes my head. I think about how it'd be inappropriate if I became aroused and I also think about how I might not be able to help it. I hold on to or hug her leg. (Similarities to having been awake and holding H, possibly partly awake as this dream segment was happening)

Then we show her to her bed, in size it's somewhere between a single and a double and she gets upset notably upset about this. I think the room is dark/we didn't switch the lights on?



Notes:
- I'm not sure what would have been the source for the first segment in this fragment, but I can recall some years ago I had a discussion with a friend (K) on the subject of countries with lower populations.

- I feel that for some weeks now I've been having dreams that are on parallel to schemas like that of the second segment here. Dreams in which I'm not strictly speaking my normal "self" as a character and in which I have all the same type of agency, decisions and worries as I normally would. Sort of related, today (16th of July) I wrote a bit on another journal about the somewhat lengthy absence of any other inner voices or personalities and a general absence of visual imagination among other things.
-- In reality I'm not sure how frequently I've been having these dreams (of "not myself" exactly) because I haven't thought of a tag or way of categorising them, and right now I'm thinking that I should go back through my DJ a bit at some point and find out how many instances there really are and how far back do they go; it's possible that at the moment I'm just paying more attention to this particular type of schema.

- As hinted towards, I have recently had some worries/thoughts about passport renewal and sort of by extension also about travelling. Specifically, to my old home.

- T's presence in this dream follows common patterns that the rest of her appearances in have in my dreams, but I can't remember any time specifically in which she got as upset as in this dream, about the bed. As I recall, I understood in the dream that she was upset that the bed wasn't big enough. Even in the dream, the way she stroked my head reminded me of what it was like to be a child.
-- I think segments like this one in dreams call me to create a different journal with a different complexity from what I've been doing. This type of DJ simply cannot fit into it the type of analysis that some of these dreams practically seem to be demanding of me.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

In a crowd gathered for some teachings. I see my teacher at a distance. He gets up with a book on his hand and calls my name, says it is for me. I get up and raise my hand. We walk towards each other and I feel awkward because I wanna hug him and I just can't. He says something like congratulations for winning that prize and everyone wonders what was the contest and when. I bow down with my hands folded and I receive the book while trying desperately to touch his hands briefly. We look at each other cumplicitly. After that he goes back to his seat and proceeds talking and I try to get a place closer to him better. Strangely a lot of people just get up and leave so I have lots of free space now in the front.

I was going to rent a house with 2 other women which I was not really "hang out" friends just people I knew from working in the PTO and youth cheer group. We were sitting out side in a carport visiting. We had looked at the house earlier like a day or so ago, I do remember looking at the house but that part wasn't in my dream. (if that makes sense). My part of the house was going to be $600 for the deposit and the first months rent. the girls went into the house or something and I was there alone with one of the girls husbands. We were just chatting and the other girls husband was listening to us talk. The girls came back with the land lord of the property to get the money from me. I was trying to check my account balances in my phone to see which account I needed to use to pay them. I knew I had gone shopping for my daughter's school clothes and spent some money out of one of the accounts making it no enough money to cover it. (I just went shopping in non dream life for my daughter the day before). I was trying so hard to read my phone. I couldn't see it. I couldn't open the apps for my accounts. I was getting frustrated because I needed to know what account to use. I finally just told them I would pay 1/2 out of one account and 1/2 out of the other account and that should cover the amount needed....... when I woke up I was like dang it I should have know I was dreaming because I couldn't read my phone or get it to work like I needed it to. So I now have both of my screens to say are you dreaming on them so that when I use my phone I will ask myself if I am dreaming. Maybe then I will realize I am dreaming when I can't read my phone. I always try to read my phone in dreams and still can't figure out that I am dreaming when I can't read it.

I had another dream last night where I was riding in the middle of the front seat of my granddads old Tan Plymouth Reliant between my mom and younger sister and me and my sister got stuck in the car during a rainstorm.

When this dream started, I was riding bikes with my mom and sister on a trail we used to go and ride on when I was growing up. It was a hot and humid summer day, but the trail we were riding on was in the woods so we were in the shade and spared from the worse of the heat. As we rode along on the trail, I saw landmarks I remember used to like such as the bridge over the creek near a waterfall, a large tree that had a unique shape due to being struck by lightning, and a hill where you could see the tops of the buildings in downtown.

When we got to the end of the trail, I saw granddads reliant in the parking lot. It was really clean like it used to look when he drove it. When we got to the car, mom unlocked and opened the front passenger side door and reminded me I was sitting in the middle and needed to get in and buckle-up. I got in and scooted across the tan vinyl bench set to the middle and fastened the tan lap belt around my waist and then my sister sat down in the passenger seat to my right and fastened the tan shoulder belt as mom closed us into the car and then spent a while loading our 3 bikes into the back seat. It was hot in the car so I rolled down the driver side window and my sister rolled down the passenger side window to cool things off.

Once mom got our bikes loaded in the back seat, she closed the back door and then walked around the car and unlocked and opened the driver side door and then sat down in the driver seat to my left. When she put the key and turned it, the car started right up which never happened in any of the earlier dreams I had. She then puit the car in gear and headed towards our house. I felt squished riding between then since both were pressed-up against me.

When we were on the way home, mom turned into the parking lot of the bank she used to go to when I was growing-up and then parked the car and told us she needed to go in and take care of something and for us to stay buckled in the car. She then cut the car off and got out and went into the bank branch.

Me and my sister then spent a while waiting in the car, and I was focused on the doors to the bank and every time I saw them open, I hoped it was mom coming out but is was always someone else.

After we had been waiting for a while, I started hearing claps of thunder and then it started to pour down rain. I had to quickly lean over and roll up the driver side window while my sister rolled up the passenger side window as the rain came down harder and harder. As me and my sister waited in the car, the rain kept coming down and showed no signs of letting up. As we continued to just sit and wait for the rain to stop and mom to come out and get in the car, both me and my sister noticed the car really stunk. My sister said it smelled like poo to her and then looked at her shoes and mine and told there was something on my shoe. I woke up from this dream while me and my sister were still waiting in the car for the rain to let-up and having to listen to my sister complain about how bad the poo stunk and how gross it was that I had stepped in poo and got it in the car.