side notes

Talking with a girl bout bisexuality. She has a girlfriend i know that . And i asked her if she's a lesbian or if she goes both ways. She answered something but i forgot. I got kind of comfortable with her and i sat close to her so we touched a little bit. (i mean we touched out arms !! i do . ) i liked ^^, as close as im gonna get with her, cus she's lesbian and all.
She said something about the sex being difficult. Because one is doing all the work while the other one is just lying down. That's always so unfair and we fight about who'se turn it is now. haha.

I almost forgot to write notes down about this dream but i'm glad i did. I just can not for the life of me imagine i'm talking to a lifeless dream character in dreams like this. Such a personality and cleverness in her just like she is normally, she has to be more than just a DC. She is a recurring character in my dreams and i like having her in my dreams. I think these are either shared dreams or she is a VERY GOOD representation of herself in real life. Since i don't really talk to her that much i've gotten to know her real well just by dreaming of her. More than i could ever know....

About forty-five minutes after falling asleep I woke up after having a little dream. I'm not sure if it was a hallucination because I was trying a WILD, but in the dream I was going to bed. T was sitting in our chair and he was playing video games, I think. But the chair was sitting diagonally in front of the door. I went to say goodnight, and I kissed him. Then I thought he had said, do you want to dance? I was like what. And he said do you want to live or die? I realized that I had mistaken dance for die. Then I laughed because he seemed so serious, like I had irritated him somehow. I said don't fuck with me right now I'm drunk. I ran to the bedroom but it was kind of like bouncing, I was scared but laughing hoping it was a joke. When I got to the bedroom, I jumped in the air to land on the bed on my belly, but I didn't land. I started falling through the bed and I think I had made myself wake up. Like I was somehow conscious but I never thought about it. Then I had a false awakening, but that's all I remember about that.

After I had a long dream, but by now I only remember parts. I was with an old friend and something about a dress she didn't want anymore that I wanted to give away. But she wanted me to hold on to it so that she could wear it again sometime. I went to what I had called in the dream JC Penney and I went it but it was kind of like a small town DMV office. So I was waiting and I was on the phone and lit a cigarette. There was a guy trying to tell me to not smoke and finally I realized they had changed the smoking policy. So I apologized and was going to go outside but I didn't want to so I finished the cigarette real quck. Then I was sitting in a chair and I remember telling someone something and I was very direct about it but I can't remembe what I was saying. There was a guy sitting next to that person who I had went to school with a long time ago but he looked older. I could tell he was trying to picture this new me and that's what I had been thinking about when I was talking. Very confusing. I'll just end it here.

NORMAL DREAM - Please forgive the cap on almost every word, my computer did it and will take a long time to undo

I was in my Dads houses Bathroom Where I Brushed My Teeth with Toothpaste That I noticed Contains Sodium Fluoride Then the scene Changed To At my Mums house and It Was Dark and the Cats Were About and one was sitting on a cupboard. I had to help my sisters get Into the Attic. I Had to Let Light into the House without letting light Get outside by Putting Blankets Up. I Also Has To Pull a Bed Sheet around a certain entire house Then Take It Back to Our House, the bed sheet was huge and orange. Then One Time I Went Around The Wrong House And There Was Barbed Wire Over The Floor And This Child Came And Stood On The Wires And Complained About Something. I Took Him off The Floor, I also Took A Piece of Wire and Went to the Gym.

I Went Through The Double Doors And Talked To People I Met At Enrolment Day. We Walked Down By a River (which looked quite calm but not dry) and I Finally Decided to Discard It (the barbed wire). As It Will "Do More Harm Than Good". But I Did Not Want It To Ping Back So I Looped It Into A Fence And Told Nobody To Get It. Then We Were On A Rollercoaster By The River And I Kept Looking Into The River, there was grass growing in the river and around it. Then We Went up Big Hills (on the rollercoaster) Then arrived At a flat Platform Were We Played a rhythmic Clapping Game. To See If Clapping At The Same Time Would Do Something To The Track And Kart. We Then Went To This Other Rollercoaster Which Was Further Away But When We Went On It, Appeared To Be In The Same Place. But It Had No Bumps and At the End and Had A Different Game. The Rollercoaster Fell Off The Track Twice. Went Back And Forth.

We Then Got Given Cards like a thank you card at The End with Drawings Inside as gifts/certificates. One Got A Picture Of A Fat Man. Some Others Seemed Upset By Theirs. One Guy Got A Great Shaded Drawing And He Appeared To Have Others Just Like It But Two People Fishing As The First. We Were Then On Some Staircase Where The Rollercoaster Man Gave Me A Card After Me Just Talking About The Other Rollercoaster. He Thought I Was Complaining. The Card Was a Picture of a Person Crying and something along the Lines Of, “I Liked the Fairy Ride Better” written on the card. The quote was meant to be insulting. I Saw A Guy Crying And He Said To This Other Person He Got About 3 Stars, 7 A Stars And a U.

Then I Looked up and the Setting Changed Into my brothers Bedroom at my mother’s house, Two French teachers were in my brothers bed Marking English Coursework. When I Got My Report I Planned Not To Read It Until A Later Time. Then one of the teachers took something from the Bedpost Where It Said the Number38 in a Ball Type Font, She Then Said 38 As If It Was Significant.
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INTERPRETATION - (from the internet (Dreammoods) and might not be accurate )

Brushing teeth - "Your struggles and your aggressiveness. You need to look out for yourself and your own interest. Perhaps, you feel that your position is shaky."

Blanket + House - Adding security to self, or covering up true self.

Roller coaster - Ups and downs

Well, last night was certainly interesting. I had one lucid dream, (that dragged on and may have been followed by a second dream with moments of lucidity -- I'm not sure if there was a split or the two were the same dream). I had another dream which was not lucid, but had a strong emotional impact on me, one of the stronger ones I've felt in what dreams I can think of.


#1004:
Date: June 20th, 2011
Length: 8 minutes

I was downstairs in my house. It was dark, very early morning (say, 2 AM or so). I was near the kitchen, and my mom was also there, though I don't recall what she was doing really. After a few moments of idling about, I recognized one of my strong dream signs -- darkness. This caused me to do the ever-reliable nose plugging reality check: as usual, I was able to breathe through my nose even though it was plugged.

It took me a few moments to realize that I could actually breathe and that it meant I must be dreaming, but I became lucid. I had intended the day before to have dream sex, so I won't go into the details, but needless to say it happened: I don't quite remember how I got to the place where I found the person I was looking for, something with a phonecall.

After the sex I did not wake up, but instead went along with another woman to some strange room which slowly morphed into a movie theater. Before entering, she shot out a camera on the ceiling with a gun.

(Lucidity around this point was tenuous, kind of came and went as far as I recall, so I'm switching colors) A bunch of people walked into the room, apparently to see the movie. The woman I was with suddenly turned hostile, and tried to stab me with a bizarre syringe that contained a sort of liquefied or powdered metal alloy. I pushed her away, and left the theater.

Here the dream, and my recall, becomes blurry. I think everything went black, but eventually I found myself outside in a dark, snowy place. I think I was lucid at this point, and I tried to stabilize the dream. Eventually a sort of city formed around me. I remember trying to experience the whole environment, focusing on things like trees and the snow to really make the dream as vivid as possible. Soon people were gathering around me, and my brother was also there. I think a sort of plaza with a statue was created around me, or at least I ended up there. I unfortunately don't recall much more than that, I think I woke up around that point.


#1005:
Date: June 20th, 2011
Length: 6 minutes

I was at a party which was basically a meeting of a lot of old friends of mine. At the beginning of the dream I was sitting on some kind of bench, looking in the distance as most of my old friends were getting food at a barbeque and caught up. I was, for some reason or another, anxious to actually go see them and say hello after a long time of not having seen them.

Finally everyone sort of dispersed, and I went to the barbeque to get a hot dog. There was a girl there, and at first I thought she was someone I vaguely knew as a freshman in high school. Looking fairly neutral at first, she offered me a hot dog, and I took it. After a few moments, though, I sat down and we began an intense conversation. I was apprehensive and unsure of myself, while she seemed fairly upset, at least at first.

She told me that she had only two questions for me. The first was why I had never really reached out to her after we went our separate ways. She was obviously hurt and a little angry about this. Trying to be compassionate but also puzzled by how she was acting, I explained to her that I didn't feel like I ever really knew her that well, and so I didn't feel the need to continue talking when we weren't in the same school anymore. She seemed really surprised by my response, and I suddenly realized that she was not the person I thought she was (I think her appearance in fact changed between the two people as the dream went on).

She was not some vague acquaintance from high school, but a good friend from before that. I felt terrible, apologized and explained that I had confused her for someone else. I then tried to explain, and figure out for myself, why I hadn't tried to get back into contact with her. The conversation continued like this for quite a while, and over time we seemed to rekindle that old friendship and I started feeling true compassion for her, and regretted not having talked with her for this long. On her side, she seemed less angry than before, and more understanding.

Finally, with most bridges mended, she reached her second question: something along the lines of "Would you consider going out with me?" This sort of blew me out of the water. It was unexpected and surprising, especially with how the conversation had started and how we didn't "really" know each other anymore. But I realized we were actually quite similar, she attracted me, and I felt a connection with her. At the same time, this was all really sudden, and feelings aside, did we really know each other anymore?

She sensed my hesitation, but I didn't want her to think I was rejecting her, because I didn't want to. I think I said something along the lines of: "Well, I would definitely not say 'no.'" This was my way of saying that I definitely felt something between us, but was sort of confused at the whole situation and how quickly it all happened. She seemed pretty satisfied with the response, and we continued talking until it was clear we would at least give a shot at some sort of relationship. I took her hand and my mind raced as I thought of what was happening, and how she somehow seemed to be the perfect fit for me. It seemed too good to be true, but I was firmly decided on at least giving it a shot. Despite my few doubts, I felt an overall sense of immense peace and hopefulness.


What it all means I suppose is for me to decide: I think I will remember this dream for a long time though. It is really sort of a plain/mundane dream in content or plot and may seem kind of cheesy on the surface, but I felt so many strong, genuine and varied emotions throughout it. Truly amazing what the dreaming mind can do.

Been pretty sick lately and my dream recall hasn't been very good.
I had quite a few dreams, some lucid, but the lack of details made them feel unworthy of posting.

I'm walking on the promenade in Haven on Teraluna.
Enjoying the fresh air, I walk towards one of the main streets on my way to Yuya's place.
On the main street I go up a level, ending up one level below the topmost one, with all the houses and apartments.
This level features mostly shops and restaurants, I sometimes come here with Yuya for dinner.
It's dusk, so the city is quite lively.

I pass a shop that sells flowers and I wonder if I should buy some for Yuya.
They're all on display outside, so I wander a bit around having a look at the different kinds of flowers.
Some don't look like flowers at all, and some are clearly alive.
They're all very beautiful and they have a distinct smell.
I suddenly realize that I have no money, how am I going to pay for these?

Wait, what? WTF! I'm on Teraluna! How did I not notice that I'm dreaming?
This surprises me quite a bit and it takes me a few seconds to settle down.
The dream feels very stable and vivid, but I still rub my hands and try to feel the presence of my surroundings to make
that the dream remains perfectly stable.

Looking back at the flowers I see one that is immensely beautiful.
The colors somewhat match those of Yuya's eyes, I feel they would be an appropriate gift.
I ask the lady selling the flowers:

"Would you be willing to trade something for these flowers?"
"Haha, of course young man, what did you have in mind?"

I summon my phoenix wings on my left arm and remove one of the smaller colorful feathers from it.
They fall out occasionally, it'll grow back.
I hand it to the lady.

"How beautiful! Please, take the flowers, thank you!"

That went well.
I take the flowers and continue walking towards Yuya's place.
I think about how this dream started on Teraluna, even though I was non-lucid.
Then I realize I'm wasting time.
I can see a bridge crossing from this street to another one on the level above me, I'll be able to see Yuya's place from there.
I blink on top of it, and from there I blink to Yuya's place.

Yuya greets me, telling me that I'm right on time. Did we set a meeting?
I hand her the flowers.

"They're for you."

She seems extremely happy. I am yet again surprised by the way she shows her emotions.
She simply doesn't hold back at all. It feels so pure, I've never seen anyone with such a happy expression in waking life.
Yuya puts the flowers in some sort of vase.
I notice that the dream doesn't feel as stable anymore, and I attempt to re-stabilize which succeeds.

"Alright, I promised you we'd visit the library, let's go!"

The library? Did we talk about this in a previous dream?
Maybe a dream that I cannot remember?
Clearly, I can't recall such a dream, but I am convinced that we did indeed decide to visit a library somewhere on Teraluna.
It must have been a lucid dream I do not remember.
I get ready to draw my wings but Yuya interrupts me.

"Let's fly there! We shouldn't teleport into the library, we might disturb someone."
"Sure, lead the way!"

I take off and fly next to Yuya, trying to keep up.
She's accelerating fast, I can't keep up without summoning my wings.
I remember that in my last big fight I managed to summon my phoenix wings on my back, in full size.
I wonder if I can do that again and use them for fast flight, just the way I've been using my dragon fire wings until now.

I try to accumulate some of that pure energy and manage to draw the wings on my back.
They're very beautiful and very large. They feel somewhat oversized for my body.
It is VERY easy to fly at high speed with them, much easier than with the dragon wings.
We quickly break the sound barrier and everything becomes very calm.

This is the first time I'm really exploring other parts of Teraluna, usually I just stay in Haven.
It is beautiful!
There are very high and complex trees growing directly out of the sea.
They must be over a kilometer high each.
We slow down and fly down, through the crowns of the trees.
It is difficult to navigate them due to their complexity.

There are waterfalls in the crowns as well, I wonder where they come from, are the trees emitting water?
We go lower and lower and finally fly through a maze of waterfalls leading to a spectacular entrance.
The entrance is absolutely huge. Fortunately it opens by itself.
Inside there are the same angel statues as in the entrance to Haven.
As I pass under them I feel myself passing through a forcefield.
Makes sense, the library must be protected as well.

I enter the library in amazement, the bookshelves reach into all eternity.
There is literally no end to them. Even zooming in they seem to go on forever.
The library is very well lit, everything is very bright and white.
The shelves are mostly made out of glass.
Materials feel very modern, but some shapes remind me of the Victorian era.

Yuya explains what the different kinds of books are and we wander around a bit.
She shows me quite a few things which I unfortunately cannot quite remember.
Then we come to a rather special shelf.
Yuya tells me there's 1001 books in this shelf.
They all seem very old, and they are huge.
Nearly 1 meter high and very thick, probably 1000 pages each.

They feel very special, there's is something about them that really intrigues me.

"Are we allowed to touch them?"
"Of course, just be gentle, they are very old."

I pick the first of them, it's very heavy.
I gently deposit it on a reading table and open the first page.
The pages are so old... they feel like papyrus, and you can actually see how the paper was weaved.
Everything in them is hand written and hand drawn. They are not printed copies.
It feels sort of amazing touching such an old book, plus the smell is very nice.
The title of the first page is in a language I do not know.
The letters are formed by geometric shapes, but somehow I am able to understand it.

This book is about the beginning... the beginning of... everything?
They all are! Those 1001 books, is this the story of this universe?
The story of the dream plane?

"Yes, they are, are you able to read it?"
"I'm not sure. I cannot understand the individual words or letters, but somehow I understand some of it."

I randomly try to read the first few lines at the beginning of some chapters.
The first one talks about there being nothing but energy.
Some chapters further they talk about the first gods.
I honestly have no idea how I'm understanding any of this.
The numerous images and illustrations help though.

The language used to write these is very powerful though.
A single word carries much more meaning than any languages in waking life.
Considering this, needing 1001 books to describe the history of the dream plane...
it just feels impossible like any single person could ever know the whole story.

"True, but it's not finished yet."
"Not all books have been written yet, after all we're still living the story written in these books."
"Then why are there exactly 1001 books?"
"Because exactly 1001 books are needed to tell the story."
"But, does that mean the dream plane will end once you reach the 1001st book?"
"Not only the dream plane, the planes cannot exist on their own, they all exist together."

I'm very surprised, it is known when existence will end?

"Hyu... the dream plane has existed for eternities, long before Earth was created, long before your universe was formed."
"That being said, we've barely filled 400 books."
"We cannot even comprehend for how long things have existed until now, so there is no reason to worry about any ending."
"True..."

I browse through some more pages in amazement.
Somehow I understand that this language is very ancient and was meant to be universal.
I think I am able to interpret some of it due to the divine phoenix powers, but I'm not sure.
I end up getting lost in thoughts and wake up...

NORMAL DREAM
LUCIDITY
NOT VERY VIVID
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At the beginning my mother was around and her car I think was there. Then I was in a petrol station and was stroking a horse’s fur; Horsepower , there were these other people there too, one of the women looked at me as I was stroking the horse’s fur. I would not really go near a horse in real life and to add that it was in a petrol station.

I then woke up lucidly so I decided to go outside. I went out the back door at dad’s house and outstretched my arms and started to fly. I did not need to flap my wings or anything; I did move my arms flexibly around however. I saw the sun and it was huge, there were massive sun spots too. The sun was at least 8 times the size of the moon.

I thought about it and then decided to teleport to the sun, I said "take me to the sun". I was almost immediately in the orbit of the sun. I got a bit excited and decided to get back on earth but I only got in its orbit looking down on it. The earth looked slightly electronic with glowing hexagons on the surface.

In between teleports it was like travelling through a wormhole with the dream space/time whipping around into a vortex. I decided to go on a mission, my lucidity faded here.

Other dream characters were telling me not to go. I came to a conclusion there was something wrong with the planet (earth) so I decided to teleport to another one that did not belong to humans. I took note that I could teleport into trouble. As in in-front of a being that would not friendly towards me. I decided to go to a lab as a spy, to change something I felt was needed. I affirmed, along the lines of: 'take me to the lab hidden from personnel with access to equipment.’ As if i was an infiltrator on a secret mission.

There were loads of people running around in this building with loads of stairs leading up and down. I decided to go down, because of other peoples opinions. People where running in both directions. The stairs were made of metal and there was lots of wire fencing so the people could not escape. The atmosphere was quite Eerie. The people had mixed opinions saying they were coming from the top or the bottom. A grenade appeared flying from apparently nowhere and destroyed some of the stair case. Loads of vermin where inside the stair case and a green wriggly tentacle were also there and were now visible as the grenade blew a hole in the stairs. I still decided to go down as the explosion exploded the adjacent wall so the aliens were no coming from below. I got to the bottom of the staircase and I saw a room with vermin and loads of pigeons, there were cages and wooden structures like shelves, it was very dark down there. A pigeon occasionally pooped, it's as if nobody really went there.
The scene changed, it was as if I was in a video game because I missed a ramp and my 6% below average turned to 12% below average, the percentage was shown on my dream like a HUD display on a video game. I was not in a car. It was kind of like monsters Inc. PS-one game. I thought I had to average well again to get my score back up.
My brother was around. My Brother/someone else commented and said that I have been dreaming for about 3 hours, I said I should wake up now. I looked at the time and decided to end my dream and wake up (it seems my lucidity fluidly came back). The hand positions on the clock read about 5 minutes to 11:00, but the numbers were messed up, the time numbers showed the time at around 2:00.

I falsely woke up and saw the time and the hands were positioned further anticlockwise, but each hand was the same distance from each other (I failed to notice the sign however). The clock was about 2 feet diameter and was outside by the way, to add to that, it was light outside and not dark. I then talked about how dream time must be faster than real life and I got people to help me write, I got a person to write whatever I say down, I was going to write key words. I said "right” (as in ‘Right, let’s get going’) and my scribe quickly jotted down a note.
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Symbols (http:\\dreammoods.com) :

Petrol Station - "You need to reenergize and revitalize yourself. You may be running low on energy and need to take time out to refuel. Your ability to convert outside resources and use it for your own needs. Alternatively, you need to reach out to others and offer your help."

Horse - "Strength, power, endurance, virility and sexual prowess. It also represents a strong, physical energy. You need to tame the wild forces within. You may also be "horsing around". Alternatively,you need to be less arrogant and "get off your high horse". "

Woman - "Nurturance, passivity, caring nature, and love."

Flying - "A sense of freedom where you had initially felt restricted and limited."

Sun - "Peace of mind, enlightenment, tranquility, fortune, goodwill, and insight. Radiant energy and divine power. Abnormalities and peculiarities to the sun's appearance represents some sort of pain or chaos occurring in your waking life.
+ Spots - imperfections, but OK.

Vortex - (I Don't know)

Electronic earth - "You need to be "grounded" and realistic. Perhaps your sense of stability and security is lacking. Consider the consistency of the earth for additional significance on how you are feeling (electronic - robustness). Wholeness and global consciousness. You are interconnected with the world."

Teleportation - "Your desires to escape your current situation or to move more faster and easier through it. You may be expressing some frustrations with how your waking life is proceeding and the slow speed that it is moving at."

Spy - "Your mistrust of others and your tendency to be in everyone's business and affairs. Perhaps you have recently stumbled upon some information that was not meant for your eyes."

Going down stairs - "Your repressed thoughts. You are regressing back into your unconscious. setbacks that you are experiencing in your life."

explosion - "Your repressed anger. The rage that you have been holding in has come to the surface in a forceful and violent manner."

vermin - "sickness and trouble. You will be faced with many disappointments and obstacles. Alternatively, the dream refers to some dirty situation."

Darkness - "Failure in some work that you are attempting. Darkness is synonymous with ignorance, the unconscious, evil, death, and fear of the unknown."
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Interpretation:
You need to reenergize and revitalize yourself. You may be running low on energy and need to take time out to refuel. You need to reach out to others and offer your help and stop "Horsing around" and be less arrogant. You need to tame the wild forces within to become Strength, power, endurance, virility and sexual prowess and have a strong, physical energy, Nurturance, passivity, caring nature, and love, and to have a sense of freedom where you had initially felt restricted and limited.

Imperfections are covering the great Peace of mind, enlightenment, tranquility, fortune, goodwill, insight, Radiant energy and divine power. Perhaps your sense of stability and security is lacking. You are interconnected with a world which is modern and high tech Wholeness and global consciousness.. You need to be "grounded" and realistic. This is shown in Your desires to escape your current situation or to move more faster and easier through it. You may be expressing some frustrations with how your waking life is proceeding and the slow speed that it is moving at. Your mistrust of others and your tendency to be in everyone's business and affairs. Perhaps you have recently stumbled upon some information that was not meant for your eyes.

Your repressed thoughts and setbacks that you are experiencing in your life, and your repressed anger. The rage that you have been holding in has come to the surface in a forceful and violent manner. Which will cause sickness and trouble. You will be faced with many disappointments and obstacles or another dirty situation which could lead to Failure in some work that you are attempting, or ignorance, the unconscious, evil, and death.

Very assuring Hope you liked this. If you've got any improvements regarding the structure of my journal I will be willing to accept. Thanks.

Vague memory of dream fragments. I remember sitting with my father. He wanted to wear my socks. I thought it was weird cus my socks are dirty but he did take them on.

*fuzzy*

We have arrived at our grandmother's house with the car. There's some kind of party, we go inside and my granddad is sitting in his chair. The furniture was moved tho, the whole building looked different. it wasn't the real house. I kissed my granddad in the cheek and as i did that i realized... My grandfather is dead. This can't be, it's a dream. I try to pinch my nose not really sure if i could breathe. I COULD BREATHE!. Holy cow this is a dream. My heart starts pounding. I say to myself relax, don't get too excited just do what you have to do.
I want to go outside and i mentioned this. My neace wanted to go with me so i took her with me. We walked down the street and i thought i'd try to fly. I take a sprint and i lift off. I can barely fly, i floated a little but fell to the ground. My neace and passer-by's didn't seem at all suprised that i was able to fly. (barely)
We are riding a bike. My memory is vague but we arrived in my own town. There where loads of people going around their normal business. It was a busy street near the mall. I remember looking around and thinking. This is so real. This looks exactly like it does when awake. I wasn't even sure if i was really dreaming , nothing was really different than when i'm awake.
I remember i wanted to go to the moon. So i decided to try and draw a portal on the floor. I moved my nails and tried to make a circle. I was a little bit embaressed doing this in a public area because goddammit this was so real. All those peope that pass by must think i'm a lunatic. Well... no portal ever appeared. There was a drain in the middle of the circle. The one u find in cities. I thought maybe i can push it like a button and a portal will appear. Nothing. In retrospect maybe i should have opened it and went inside . how dumb.
I thought about my body lying in bed. I was suprised to be still dreaming. But i woke up.

Jumped out of my freaking bed to write this shit down. Loads to learn. But this was exactly what i needed. It was actually my birthday yesterday so i suppose this was the best birthday gift i could ever have. Saw my granddad AND i went lucid. WINNING!

I am having those strong ass feelings again. Like a magnetic pull, I know what it is. I just don't understand who it is. this guy keeps coming into my dreams. I can't help being drawn to him. I feel deep down inside that I should know him, very well! He is trying to explain things to me, why I feel the things that I do. what he says makes perfect sense to me, I can not REMEMBER what he tells me after I wake up. However, I feel part of me does remember. Almost like when I am asleep...I'm still me but I am surrounded by people my soul knows, I can't recall them after waking. The whole ordeal makes me feel incredibly homesick. I am getting frustrated...I don't understand why I am feeling so homesick when I am at home! Hopefully I can make some sense of all of this soon. peace

16.06.2011

Lost and Very Naked (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

This was my third, final and most well-remembered dream of the three that I had last night. It's taking me so long to get to writing this one because I went out with some friends today. Sorry. D:

I was living with my family again and this time, I was living with my -entire- extended family which was sort of trippy. My dad's office was connected to the building (he's now retired). I'll get back to that. I also spent the entirety of this dream wearing nothing but my panties and I tried to cover my nudity with my hands and hair as best I could.

Anyway. In the apartment that we were all living in, one of the women was cooking in the kitchen when the gas went wild and fire started spewing out of the gas valve. It didn't take long to put it out (or much effort, really) but I did run to my sister's room to wake her up and the entire time, the fire was letting out a deafening roar. It sort of sounded like I was in a wind tunnel. I ran back into the kitchen to see that the fire was being put out and that nothing was damaged and no one hurt. I slept(?) in my dream, woke up and walked to the back window only to run into a cousin on my dad's side of the family (who doesn't really exist) and he confessed to being the reason that the fire happened. He said he tried to fix the valve after fixing it but he couldn't do it, and when he couldn't, he decided to save himself the embarassment by not telling anyone. I kept walking with him for a while and ended up walking downstairs to a beach. Here, I realized that I was naked the entire time and decided to run back to get some clothes because I didn't want to be arrested for indecent exposure. So I started to run back inside but nothing was the same. There were no stairs leading upstairs, back to the apartment. Now, it was all Air Force offices, Family rooms and an airport.

The first area I had to run through was the airport but this section was short. I only remember coming to some escalators with signs above them that said things like "Only use this escalator if you're a loud prick" or "Jump up and down like a kid if you want to break this escalator". I didn't want to go up it but decided to anyway since I might get some help here. Luckily, I did and a man who was standing off to one side gave me an old cellphone with my dad's office number on speed dial. I called him and asked him to give me directions back to the apartment but he was busy talking to someone else who was in his office.

Here, I found an Airmen who had fallen from the floor above him in a stairwell. He was surrounded by large burlap bags of soil that he was apparently carrying. I called for help and two more airmen came up. They said the guy was only hungover and gave him a hard time about it. There was blood on the back of his head and he seemed like he had alcohol poisoning.

Just then, I had a strange image flash before me of Marines in sharp uniforms, at attention. The only thing was, they were upside down, balancing on their heads and using an extra pair of boots each to support their heads. Their faces were beaten and bloody but their eyes were closed and they were smiling. This and the bloodied, dirty Airmen were both very disturbing images for me.

Afterwards, I ended up in the "Family Center" part of the building, stole an Oreo milkshake from the table at a kid's party, made it back to the beach where I started somehow (it was now noonish. Before it was early in the morning) and gave up trying to make it back to the apartment.

Out of nowhere I was wearing purple clothes that was made out of grapes and I was singing with another woman in the bushes. The singing was so terrible that I decided that I didn't want to be there anymore and then I woke up.

Well yet again no dream remembered, very unusual for me to have such a dry spell but hey, we all have um!, will edit and re-write if anything pops into this mind of mine but very unlikley...was reading a thread last night about that bracelet you wear and there were alot of positives on it so think i'll give that a try tonight and will update any dreams tomorrow..sorry

[This is both a catch-up post and a repost. Apparently, there was a server crash recently that ate this entry after I posted it the first time.]

Awake, Non-lucid, Lucid, [Commentary made while awake]

Some events unfold that I'm not a part of. [I don't remember what they were now, but there was definitely a plotline involved, and I was definitely just an outside observer.] When these events are over, I find myself sitting in a movie theater, watching the end credits of a movie. I realize that all of the preceding events were a movie.

I walk out into the theater lobby, which is long, narrow, and wedge-shaped, growing slightly wider as I approach the entrance. I walk out through the theater's glass front doors onto the sidewalk. There, I meet up with my parents again.

My parents and I are in a strange, [possibly?] open-air, car-like vehicle with a hired driver. I'm showing them around the quaint, seaside downtown of Lake Worth [which, as usual for me in my dreams, looks absolutely nothing like it does in real life; it looks more urban]. We marvel at the awesomely cheesy anti-drug mural painted on the wall of one building.

[Different dream.] I'm flying above M. Road, traveling north, but facing south. I'm being pulled backward by that unknown, unseen force that so often does that in my flying dreams. I realize that I'm dreaming and take control of the situation by concentrating on the details of the scenery around me, as if I were going to stop to admire them. It works as intended: my backward motion slows, then stops. Then, I start flying forward under my own willpower, heading toward home (i.e., south). As I fly, I admire the rich detail of the scene around me and how much like reality it is.

[Dreamskip.] I'm now in a quiet, peaceful, suburban residential neighborhood, on a concrete walking path separated from the backyards on either side of it by fences. I hop along the sidewalk like an astronaut on the moon, making slow jumps that carry me several feet into the air, then slowly floating back down in an arc. I'm enjoying the fun of being in a low-gravity environment, which my dream environments often are.

I get up onto one of the fences and perform several floating glide-leaps from one parallel fence to another, combining jumping with flying. Then, I decide to try to change the dream environment to a different one by closing my eyes and spinning. I think, If I'm going to do that, I'd better start from a standing start. I jump off the fence I'm on and float gently down to the sidewalk. Once I'm standing on it, I think, Neopia, and close my eyes, but forget to spin around.

When I open my eyes, I'm in a much different suburban neighborhood. I'm standing in the middle of a straight street, looking down its length. It's lined on both sides with brightly colored, two-story houses with lush, green trees in their front yards. It doesn't look much like any of the official artwork of Neopia, but nonetheless, I become aware that this is Neopia, and that I've succeeded in my goal of changing the scene and getting there. I'm so excited about this that the scene winks out of existence after about two seconds, and I wake up. [Sigh.]

[Later, different dream.] I'm attending some special event at a theme park on behalf of [the company I've been teaching with]. I'm with SH and TS [two of my fellow teachers]. We're all wearing our white lab coats, and we're walking across a plaza that has a circular concrete beam running overhead, around the perimeter. I see some friends of mine wearing full rubberhead Sesame Street character costumes, also walking across the plaza in the opposite direction. I say to the young man in the Elmo costume who is carrying the head and looking sweaty and tired, “Hi, Mark. Go get some water.”

There are many other people there, changing into or out of costumes. Many of them are hanging their hangers on the concrete ring. TS suggests that we hang our lab coats from it, but I prefer to go back to the trailer, which [only in the dream, not in real life] has sides with panels that open to reveal closets [like my band trailer did in high school]. I want to put my lab coat there because I can make sure that trailer is locked.

--------------------------------------------
Side notes:

That first scene, where I realized that everything that had preceded it had just been a movie I was watching, was a particularly cool example of day residue. I had just been to the movies the evening before I had this dream. The recent article about how dreaming and watching movies produce very similar patterns of brain activity has informed the way I watch movies now; I always mentally compare the two experiences. In the movie I watched on this evening (Limitless), the ending felt exactly like being suddenly, rudely awakened by an alarm clock when you're still right in the middle of a dream. It's not surprising that that experience gave rise to an actual dream in which a movie ended and I suddenly realized, “oh, yeah, that didn't actually happen, I'm just watching a movie.” Both within the dream and in retrospect, that realization felt very similar to the realization, “oh, yeah, that was just a dream” that I've often had just after both false and real awakenings. Therefore, that moment of realization within that dream felt very much like a false awakening.

It belatedly occurs to me that Neopia is an entire planet. If I chose only one specific locale on that planet and made that the focus of my intentions, I'd probably have better success getting there.

Still half asleep, but I need to write this out. I cannot forget this one, there was too much.

It began by me moving in with my parents, or thinking about it. The house was really strange, there was a bar that seemed to sit underneath the house, but it was still outside. I was excited that me and my son were going to live with them. I remember talking to my mom about how I'd stay and help out until I found my own house. I invited some friends over, someone I had just met and a few others I knew. My aunt and uncle had shown up too. I was on a bed in a bedroom with one of my girl-friends and we were listening to the wind howling. It started to sound like voices and we started to freak out. Then I realized what it might be. It started to sound REALLY creepy. I told my friend to hold on and got close to the window and was looking out, it was daylight. My suspicion was confirmed when my uncle and dad came out and started laughing at us.

Then we're back in the living room and my uncle and dad are sitting at the table with my friends and they're all laughing playing cards and having a good time. I'm standing off to the side with my mom and my aunt. My aunt starts to tell me how f'ed up I was as a child. She told me I would try eating and selling ants when I was FIVE years old. My reaction, I was super pissed, because I knew this was a lie. I could remember being five. I told her that was fucked up and that she didn't know the truth. She and my mom were shaking their heads at me. I couldn't believe they thought of me this way. I started to get really angry about it, practically yelling at them for lying. My friends had all stopped and stared. I told my aunt that she was ALWAYS trying to prove that I was a fucked up person/druggie/what not. (Semi True. She has checked my wrists for shooting up one time just because I was wearing a beanie...) I got too worked up and decided to calm down. I told them to forget it and I'd stop talking about it.

Then I walked over to the table and everyone was having a good time again. I looked up at the stereo and there was some crappy oldies playing, maybe from the seventies or eighties. I asked my dad if it would be ok if I changed it. One girl agreed with me. My dad firmly said NO. I couldn't believe he wouldn't let me change the music. I told him that wasn't fair and the girl agreed. He told me no again.

At this point, my mom, my dad, we were all fighting. I stopped in the middle and politely asked my friends if they would leave or come back later. They all got up and left. I started to run around and get my things because I realized I COULD go home to my husband. I was having troubles getting all my things together. My son was sleeping in his chair. Me and my mom were fighting, and I can hardly remember what about, but it was intense, and very realistic to how we used to fight. I needed to get the carseat for my son which I realized was in her bedroom. I went to go get it and she followed me. I saw the lock on the door and stopped, because I knew she was going to lock me in to get me to stay. I kept trying to get her away from the door but she just wouldn't go. I went into the living room and picked up my son and held him on my lap. It was late at night now. I was going to wait til she fell asleep. I'm sitting there with my son on my lap, he's awake now. I'm staring at the clock above the TV and suddenly it's like time just passed without me even noticing. The clock read 1:57 PM. I looked at my mom and said no way. I haven't seriously been sitting here this whole time, awake, staring, along with my kid being awake on my lap. My mom nodded at me yes, that I was. I almost became lucid, because I couldn't believe it, but I ended up accepting it.

I got up and left finally. I took my kid home to my husband and was telling him some of what happened. Then I needed to go to the store for something and I go. I see my parents in the store and am trying to avoid them, so I slip in and grab a whole clothing rack of baby clothes. I took them to the register, and I accidently went behind the register coming around. In the area where employees are supposed to be only. They thought I was strange, but I got to the register and realized there were baby girl clothes in the mix that I didnt need. So I started pulling out the ones I didn't like as I walked back over to where I had gotten the clothes. My sister was with my parents, they were all shopping and seemed fine. They saw me but they didnt' speak to me. I went up to the shampoo and conditioner and wanted to try it out. It was strange looking, they were both in seperate, short, orange cylinder-looking jars. My mom said something about me coming back to the house and I nodded. I went back.

My friends were all there again. I was telling one how I was going to try this shampoo and I opened it. They laughed and asked if they should go get me a towel. I was like, OH, shit, maybe I can make it home in time to rinse it out. They laughed again. I put it in my hair and somehow must've rinsed it because I started putting the conditioner in my hair too. I suddenly realized I took too long and T, my husband, would be worried about me. I told J, my friend that I had to run but I'd be back. He shrugged. I also saw the guy I had just met, his name was Ian, I don't know any Ians. Anyway. I got distracted again with movies, J was watching a movie. I can't remember what it was, but I looked down at the dvds and saw "What Dreams May Come" and said, heyyy, this was the movie you told me to watch right? He looked at me questionably. I said nvm and got up to leave. I went outside and realized Ian had a split personality, that there HAD been two people here before and I realized it was the same guy, IAN. Idk.. I figured it out.

I leave and go home and T is gone. I had just gotten there and was putting my things away. Then he comes in asking where the hell was I. I told him that I had been at my parents and had taken more time then I thought I would. He didn't believe me at all. He started to accuse me of doing something else, but I interuppted, and told him to call J because I had JUST been with him not five minutes ago. He started to laugh, I knew we didn't have a cell phone. I told him to go to his moms and borrow her cell. He laughed again and said he had a device that allowed ppl to TEXT him. He said his daughter texted him all the time. I was like wtf... you have a DAUGHTER?? He laughed like he was just fucking with me. I'm holding the device and see a text from a girl I used to babysit. I thought it was weird. I start to feel weary because I hadn't slept. I think me and T started to fight, but everything after this gets hazy.

I think I woke up, thought about taking notes down because it was a very long dream... and I didn't want to forget it. I fell asleep again though and I went back in the dream I think... but then I was with someone who had a bunch of kids on her lap laying down. They had something wrong with them and she had chopped their heads in half surgically, they were still alive. They started to collapse in on eachother and the little boy's brain was pressed together so hard that it started to ooze. It was really gross. I told her and she popped the little girl on the side, rolling her eyes. She said the little girl was putting too much pressure on him...

I'm not sure, I remembered more earlier, now I don't... The strange thing about this all is that I went to bed only less than three hours ago. And I know this sounds weird, but sometimes I pray... and it is my birthday. I prayed that I would have vivid, meaningful, long, and possibly lucid dreams. And I'm kind of freaked out. I don't pray religiously really... I'm not a christian, I just pray for positive reinforcement, but I DO pray to God. It's how I was raised, so it's the guru in my head. Anyway, I just think it's really strange and that this dream MEANS somethng... I couldn't even go to back to sleep without typing it. I started taking notes and it took up too much room, so I had to come in here and type it. I'm still half asleep and the wind IS howling, it's creepy. I had to turn on Modest Mouse. I'm a little freaked out from what I experienced in the dream... hopefully I can go back to sleep...

There ARE things I missed, but I have to get up early and I don't want to go back and put the pieces in. Maybe I'll remember when I wake up, who knows... if I can even sleep. Goodnight...

06/10/11

There was a plague of some sort and everyone was getting sick. A lot of people were gathered together in this hospital type place, it was huge. Like an airport, it had restaraunts and what not. I believe it was my 21st birthday and I had two people with me, they were people I knew, but I cannot think of who they were. We went inside a restaraunt because we were hungry and I wanted to celebrate.

After this, I'm walking through one of the hallways and start coughing up blood. I knew I had it. So I found a room that I could slowly die in. Strange enough, I seemed to have accepted my upcoming death, even though I knew it would be slow and painful.

06/11/11

Took a nap, fell asleep watching the X-Files.

Soo, needless to say, my dream was a little creepy. It was nighttime and I forgot to shut my window. I heard someone mowing our lawn with headlights and it was really scary. I was crouched down on the floor with my son, hoping they wouldn't look in the window.

Also remember alien ghosts and JUST remembered I did become lucid. There was FBI everywhere and it was daylight again. I jumped off the ground hoping to fly, but I came back down and woke up.

06/12/11

I was in a large building and there was a room with a curtain and inside there were two showers across from eachother. I wanted to shower and had no towel, so I walked across to another room just like it where there were a couple people. I can't remember if they were showering or not. I recognized a towel that we have in WL and as I went to grab it I asked to make sure nobody was using it. They told me that some girl was. I was slightly annoyed because I knew it was my towel. I walked back to the other room and began to undress. I left the curtain open and it didn't seem to matter to me. It felt alright, nobody cared. Like a Co-Ed locker room or something...

I'm in the shower and notice my grandpa walks in. (somewhere between that last sentence and this next one I changed clothes.) He was talking to me about a game, like he was my coach. He wanted me to exercise but he said something like, "Ohh, you might not want to spend THIS time training." I didn't really feel like working out but I didn't want to disappoint him. I told him I didn't mind. I can't remember anything else.

(This is a re-up after the site crash :-(

I'm definitely not going to take the time to post all of my dreams on here, but I will use this DJ to post a chosen few interesting or well written ones. A lot of them are just rough notes or outlines, but occasionally I have the time and inclination to flesh them out more.

Just a note that most of my DJ entries will be coming from my phone and have a sort of self-imposed format, which makes it easier for me to enter and manipulate. (If anyone is really that interested, heh.)

They look something like this:
6/11/2011.GLD.joelsKitchen.birdBall

Date
G - means a Galantamine attempt
LD - means Lucid Dream (duh!)
and then the key elements of the dream separated by periods
<entries in here are my thoughts in the dream>
... means a significant break in the narrative / memory or a switch of scenes

Dream on!

There was a dream that kept repeating so I thought I was dreaming because I thought that I just saw it. So there was this one guy who was supposed to run up the hill and kick my ass, but since I was lucid this time, he didn't. I threw a bag over his head and went ninja on his ass non-stop. But he still didn't die.