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#428 - DEILD - 6:28AM

I intended to have G + Menthol during WBTB but I just could not get out of bed. Luckily, I pulled off a late morning DEILD. I was slightly disappointed that I got my dream goals all wrong, but I was super stoked to get lucid regardless.

I am watching YouTube through my TV and I see that CanisLucidus has his own lucid dreaming channel now. There's a lot of how-to talk and then does some funny skits and songs like some variety show. At first I think Wurlman and I need to step up out podcast game, but I quickly decide that we have our own thing going and shouldn't try to one-up CL. I find his show very entertaining and I am amused that we now have a really cool lucid dreaming TV show. I notice my father next to me on the couch and I expect him to say something about how he dislikes what I am watching, but he remains very quiet. I wake up.

At first I am pissed that galantamine didn't do much for me but then I realize I passed right back out when my alarm went off. I move a bit and get comfortable and settle right into meditation. Instead of focusing on breath I use body awareness in my hand and arms as my anchor. I hit heavy HI really quickly and my daughter says something about my hands feeling numb. at the same time, I realize they are very tingly like I had my circulation cut off. I say to her, "As soon as my hands start feeling different [normal] you let me know. OK?" I wonder, Will that really work? If I lose lucidity will my subconscious tell me when I am fully in the dream? Right after this thought, I notice I have vibrations. I decide now is the time to shift my awareness to something external — the center of the room. I start to feel some tendency to separate, so I try sitting up. It takes a lot of effort to move only a few inches and I hear a voice, "You've got to work those astral muscles. It's been awhile so it's going to feel tough at first, but the more you exercise the better..." I accept what my inner-self is telling me and make I several efforts to get up; each getting easier. Once I sit up completely, I visualize the motion of running and a scene quickly comes to view.

I am in a kitchen in a different house. I spot a back door and run to it. As I step into the back yard, I notice the numbness in my hands still, so I shift my awareness from body once more to the dream environment and quickly forget the hand sensation. I try to think of my goals, but my mind feel slightly jumbled. Flying. I was supposed to fly. I look up at the day time sky and begin to make swimming motions allowing me to slowly rise up. There is something about the swimming motion that brings my focus back to my body and the dream darkens, threatening to crash. I stay calm and simply shift my focus back to something more visually external. I see that I am tangled in a tree and I use it to pull my weightless body up higher then, jump onto the roof of the house. Now I think maybe my goal was to make music with random objects in the dream. I look around and, on the house, I see some sort of wooden structure with many different types of roof vents lined up. I decide these will make great drums and I begin to strike them with my hands. At first It is just a dull flat sound with no real rhythm. I try harder to have some sort of pattern, but my visuals won't match the sound. I decide it's better to just look away and I quickly get some sort of drum beat with realistic sounds. A song quickly forms and I sing the first words that some to my mind in a jazz tone, "Well, my little baby... she's a real sexy lady now.... Yeeaahhh." I am slightly startled how different my voice sounds, but I don't let it distract me. Organ music begins play a little tune now as I see movement in the corner of my eye. A black cat is walking along the road out front and I feel a strong desire to go after it, but I can't decide if I want to stop the music now or play a little more. I am torn between the two and sit there undecided as I suddenly wake up.

April 5, 2015: I am at my office in M*****. There is a yellow “caution” tape across the entrance to my office in the shape of an “X”. The contents of all my desk drawers and files are in boxes outside the door. Anthony B. tells me my stuff is being moved to our new office. He won’t let me help. He tells me “Let THEM do it” in a way that indicates that packing and moving my stuff is too menial for me to be involved with. I reach into one of the cardboard boxes and remove a silver water pitcher.

I wander outside the building with the pitcher in hand. I walk along a concrete path with a large body of water like a great lake or bay on my right side. The water is even with the concrete surface I am walking on. I begin to pour water out of the pitcher into the water on my right. It pours and pours and pours in a volume far in excess of the pitcher, as if it belonged to a magician. Something about this strikes me as very odd...and then I realize...I’m dreaming! This is a dream. My body is laying in bed and I’m having a lucid dream!

It occurs to me I need to test this to be sure, so I take a modest leap into the air...not a huge one, since I’ve made that mistake before and gone rocketing off with no control. I ascend smoothly on a vertical trajectory to a height of around 200 yards and come to a stop...and I couldn’t be more delighted! As I ascend I catch a glimpse of my body reflected in the mirror-like glass windows of the adjacent building as I fly up. I momentarily see myself, apparently dressed in jeans, moving upward with legs stretched quite a bit like in a fun-house mirror due to the distortion caused by waviness of the glass windows. From the vantage point of the altitude that I reach I can see houses and buildings across the water and all around me in the immediate neighborhood. Initially they are out of focus and poorly detailed, then snap inexplicably into sharp focus with no effort on my part. I love the colors of the sky and the buildings! They are so rich and saturated!

While I’m admiring the scenery, turning on axis looking from house to building to water, a bird or something bird-like flies past me at high speed. It occurs to me that if I fly after it, maybe I can transform it into an attractive woman for a romantic encounter. I try to fly in pursuit, but I’m powerless to move since I have nothing but air to push against. I try to will myself to fly, but it doesn’t help a bit. Without warning the scene fades to black and I wake up.

I'm out front pulling weeds and pulling pretty big sticks out of the yard with a rake and there are three long big ones that I pull and then realize it was a tree. I think, "oh well, there's not much of a root system there" and drag it to the curb with the rest of the stuff.

There was snow in the yard and I was throwing snowballs (one of my cat's name in WL is Snowball) at the kids. There's snow on the ground but I'm not cold. Too bad that didn't make me wonder and go lucid!!

I'm in an upstairs window watching all of the kids in costume from the play go by. They're going to dinner. I'm alone in my robe. I see one of the girls notice me but I continue to look beyond her. I have a semi-smile on my face and don't want her to feel badly because I'm alone. They all look so pretty. I think it's a lot of Disney characters like Snow White and Cinderella.

I'm going to a car at the bottom of the hill covered with snow. I take a few steps and then lean back on my heels and ski the rest of the way - it was fun. Now I'm going to tell my husband because I'm proud I could ski.

There are girls waiting saying the teacher left without them. I ask them what time they were supposed to meet him and they say, "7:10". I look at my watch and it says 7:15 and I think to myself, hmmm five minutes is five minutes.

A family is staying with us and I see the father grab and pull the boy's (10 -12 y/o) hair and then the boy grabs the baby's (1 y/o) hair and I say sternly to both of them, "let go!" They do. I tell them that this is unacceptable behavior. I ground one of them and I forget what I do to the other and then I tell them we have to get family counseling for them.

All NLs: I'm watching a tractor start to pull a house (a high school friend's house) and a guy from the paper I used to work with is there. There are men sitting in rockers on the 2nd story of this house and I ask what in the world they are doing. George says they're watching the animals (opossums sp? and raccoons) come out from under the house and then try to hit them with the house and when they do, the men hoot and holler. (Good gracious, where do I come up with this stuff?) I see several swinging chairs on the 2nd floor balcony which I think I'd like to have before they demolish this house. I go running towards the house to stop them from hurting the animals that are starting to come out from under the house. That's all I remember from that one.

Recall: 1/10. Another night of shitty recall. It looks like 3/26 was the last day where I would say my recall was up to par, so this has been going on for a little over a week now. I was sure it had been a lot longer before I checked my DJ... being cut off from my dreams night after night like this is unpleasant to say the least.

I've tried variations on bedtimes, alcohol, caffeine, and supplements, with no effect on dream recall either way. It's starting to look like stress might be a critical factor, though, and not the way you might think. I've heard some people say that stress kills their dream recall, but for me it seems to be just the opposite. In the past I've noticed that my dreams become intensely vivid at times when I'm under a lot of daytime stress—and some of my most amazing lucid streaks have occurred on nights when I had absolutely no time or intention to practice because I was under so much pressure WL. Conversely, during periods when I'm under very little stress and I think I'll be able to devote my full attention to dream practice, I tend to end up in a dryspell.

This pattern holds true for my dream experiences over the past month. Early in March I was under unbearable stress at work, and yet I had my best lucid streak ever, with ten distinct lucid incidents in the first half of the month. The last night I dreamed vividly was March 26, an extremely stressful night due to daytime anxieties. Since then, WL pressures have eased and I've been much more relaxed and mellow... and at the same time my dreams have become wan and elusive, despite firm waking intentions to remember them.

Last night the terrible recall was made even more obtrusive and aggravating by the inexplicable failure of my attempts to counter it. I went to bed and set a strong intention to remember my dreams, and here's the kicker: I actually do recall a point before I was actually awake, where I still remembered the dream I'd just had and was going over the details to fix them in memory... and then somehow on the transition to waking all the details dissolved anyway.

Lucid: No

Dreams Recalled: 1

Dream:
I'm at some sort of juice shop, and i choose something completely out of place: hot cocoa. Unlike the other juices, this one has the chuao logo on it. The others have concepts of their own fruit. They all appear to be covered, Styrofoam cups, like coffee cups. I pay for the coco, and the cup is light brown. I am served by a short, half bald man with large clumps of curly gray hair over his ears. The man has a gray waistcoat, and i walk towards a massive white dome-like marble building with pillars.

Goals:

- Meditation before bed every day
- Week-long list of PM targets

Code:

Monday
- see a red car
- feed cat
- read a comic

Tuesday
- go into the laundry
- drink water
- hear a loud noise 

Wednesday
- notice a strong smell
- open door for cat
- stop at a red light

Thursday
- watch a TV show
- get txt
- see a bicycle

Friday
- charge phone
- eat something sweet
- talk to someone

Saturday
- play a game
- feel something metallic
- practice anything taichi related

Sunday
- get an email
- shower
- be in a dream

Ride bike with adrie near playground at home. Make a wheelie by accidant, in the back of the truck. Gain instructions to hold it on. let loose. hold it in. suprisingly accurate to handle the accelarator!

Girl insists on letting me hug her. hold her. etc. feels good at some point she turns to kiss and I feel like it's the kiss of the dementor and my soul is sucked body while I wake up from a false awakening and realize something is still happening and resist by finding energy to go supersaying mode and I feel the leeches unnatach when I finally use my strength of voice.

Something about games. Accidantil sexy time. Wake up. Take galantamine+CDP choline. hard time sleeping. but experience some dreams and accidantal WILDs without being Lucid.

People outside. A little war thing people on the roofs. I hang out with them. GO to the top. Make friends. Become Lucid.

One of them is a big bloke.
He tells me of a dream he had of Darth Vader. I tell him of the dream symbolism involved and that I had a similar dream. I suspect this is an aspect of my unconscious.
Find something akin to what feels like meeting The Oracle in the Matrix. There's an old man in a chair. I walk on walls and practice dream control by walking on the ceiling. I wake up in that room. I felt like I could control the entire dream but didn't

The turtles from TMNT and I went into the city, we were on our way to sneak into Shredder's layer. I cannot remember if it was to attack him or to simply find out what he was up to. Probably the second one. We split up soon after parking the van we had come in (because it sure didn't resemble the SHell Razor). For breif second it showed where and what each of us were doing, I cannot very well remember what I was doing or Mikey or even Raph. I remember though, seeing Donnie sneaking down a long dark corridoor. From there it went to where Leo was, he was in a dark hallway, when some Foot soliders were coming Leo suddenly became a shadowy and snuck right past them. Unfortunently when he returned to normal he was caught and had to flee.

He was the first one to make it to the van, at first it seemed like he hadn't been followed. It was so quiet, Leo opened up the back and looked inside he dropped keys into a large turtle shell that was in the back. That's when I noticed Leo didn't have his shell. If I was lucid I would've been extremely weirded out and confused.

When he turned around three foot soldiers were there with Rahzar. Leo pulled out his katana and was prepared to fight but Rahzar said something making him stop. The others arrived but they were stopped as I will, whatever Rahzar had said must've been bad enough to keep them from defending themselves. That is when I jumped off the top of the van, the point of view of the dream back in first person. I grabbed Leo's katana from the ground and ran at them, after all Rahzar didn't threaten me technically, he on;y threatened the turtles. I easily sliced the first attack of two of the foot soldiers, they were still the first footbot version that the Kranng made. I ran at Rahzar with the swords, he broke them and threw them behind me; I jumped back when he tried to attack me.

I threw one of the broken peices at one of the soldiers that had appeared in front of Rahzar, the soldier sparked a bit and fell. I did the same to the other, only the blade was able to slice it's head off. April showed up when I threw another peice of broken katana at Rahzar, it peirced him but he didn't go down. So I ran at him, now fighting with no weapons. April was by my side to help.

When we beat Rahzar I saw the turtles were just standing there wide-eyed in shock either at both April and me or just me. Either way I smirked triumphantly.

When I woke up I didn't feel like writing the whole dream down (it was like the middle of the night) so I had original only written that we snuck into Shredder's base and that in the end April and I defeated Rahzar. Who knew just those two things could bring back the whole dream? It's so cool.

Somebody sends me one of my pictures, and I notice that hidden in the layers is a bunch of top secret information. I accidentally post that image online with the secret files, then wonder if that was a bad idea. The people who sent it to me chastise me, and I counter with a "Don't worry, it's well hidden".

So I was just having a zombie apocalpse , driving a car around with some people ,
They were shooting the zombies sometimes a buddy took the wheel and I went to search for my "friends"
They were all abducted for a minute I was able to talk to them normally but then they tried to kill me
I jump out of the building, parkour scene, lazer shootings , a lotta modern shite is being used , chaos.
Somehow we manage to go back to our base, my workplace . Theres some people. they have weird equipment . Some of them is anime (WTF) characters.

I was riding my bike with C down the main road in our town. It was foggy and all of the plants looked green and alive. (If this keeps happening, I'm gonna call it a dream sign.) The other thing that I remember was that we were riding down the middle of the road in the town, not the sidewalk. The road must have been closed or something.

It was hot in the dream as well as humid.

There was a funny bit of broken logic here where I said that I had predicted that I would see her riding my bike with me on the main road in a dream. (Without realizing that I was in fact dreaming right then and there.) I remember her having a green bandanna tied around her waist. (Not sure how you would tie a bandanna to fit around your waist, mine barely fits around my head.) I told her that every detail of how she looked was accurate right down to that bandanna.

We turned onto a trail and started heading through the park. (IWL this would lead you to my house.) We started getting chased by this pair of rich twin kids driving old fashioned cars that were trying to run us over. (Man a lot of similarities to last night.) We thought we could lose them by going down the woods path since there are concrete posts to prevent people from driving motor vehicles down there. But their old fashioned cars were narrow and therefore easily fit between them.

At some point I was able to take control of one of the kids driving the cars and make him crash. But they were twins, and the other twin was still following us.

There was some important plot-line playing out here that I cannot fully recall. C had something in her bike bag (a book of some sort I think.) that we were trying to keep anyone else from getting their hands on.

The whole dream was a little bit lucid, but I had the strangest deja vu like this had happened before.

...

Rocket standing by to launch at an inland launch facility on the plains. Farmland all around. Facility is on a bit of a hill. The rocket is set to launch mid-day and rendezvous with a space station. It is a clear day, no clouds. But there are 3 or 4 moons in the sky. The rocket has four external boosters and a central shaft leading up to one of those space capsules.

(Here we go with that space travel dream sign again. Come on, I stopped playing KSP months ago now...) I am 3rd person spectating. I think I was filming the launch for a news station while flying in a helicopter or something.

Count down and lift off. The rocket lifts off and begins to turn over. There is a timer showing how long the flight has been in progress, and at about 40 seconds something goes wrong. One of the booster rockets is bending up into the main rocket body. It begins malfunctioning and shooting off a trail of fire and explosions pushing it sideways.

The launch escape system (LES) activated and pulled the pod with the astronauts away from the rocket. The parachutes opened and everyone cheered since the astronauts came on the radio and said that everything was just fine. The rocket broke apart and the boosters kept going upward.

The dream faded out here.

Well that was pointless and went nowhere.

-WBTB- only about 3:50 am. Had to pee really badly.

Some kind of hunger games or battle royale situation here. It was fairly late in the game and most of the contestants had already been killed. I was hiding in a cave (giving a Minecraft vibe). I even had wooden treasure chests full of supplies that I was guarding. I spotted another player. I recognized her as one of my OC's.

"...Satri?"

She realized that she had been spotted and started running away from me. (I guess she was looking to steal my supplies.) The dream went semi lucid again. I pulled out my Fang Jian and chased after her.

Spoiler for What is a Fang Jian:

Fictional weapon of my own design. Fang Jian is Chinese for 'Spinning Sword'. Even if google translate is wrong. (And it usually is.) I don't care. I like that for the name of the weapon.

I've actually been trying to get the one you see in the picture here to appear in my dreams for some time.

I started to run after her. Since she was my character, I knew what to expect. She was a fast runner. She was stealthy and might try to steal my resources. I kept following her and trying to hook her and pull her back. But she was too fast.

We got to a lava lake that had all of these stepping stones across it. She cleared it pretty fast, and I followed right after her. I the cave was getting narrow and darker with all of these twists and turns. I knew I might be able to corner her.

But then, there was a door with a women's restroom sign on it in the depths of the cave and she ran inside. There was also a men's restroom and a unisex restroom. I yelled out that that was unfair.

I tried to figure out what to do. I said that this was a dream, but that I wished that I knew I was dreaming so that I could change myself into a female and follow her into the bathroom. (Yeah, That is some of my most broken logic yet.)

I came up with a new strategy. There was a little ledge above the bathroom door that I would climb up on. When she came out, I would jump down and assassinate her. I climbed up and got ready. Just a few moments after I got ready, she came out. She had a giant black pair of scissors. She started slicing at me with them but I blocked.

She then kicked me in the chest. It was so fast that it actually took me half a second to realize that the blow I felt was in fact a kick. I anchored myself using my weapon and moved in, putting her on the defensive. I tried to slash at her, but she jumped out of the way. I cut a couple of stalagmites and saw that I had cut them smooth like polished stone.

She disappeared from the dream (or just ran off.) and I started cutting stone with my weapon because I liked the pretty patterns that would come up and the feel of the stone. I began thinking that feeling the stone was like dream stabilization and that I should become lucid. I was also thinking that I was lost. The dream faded out and I woke up.

I was in school. I had maths lesson with my teacher from previous school. Slim, tall, brunette woman with dark complexion, and ugly face. She was mad at students. She was shouting and taunting them. I feared that she'll check my homework, which I haven't made.

Later that day, when I was in home I tried to do the maths homework. I had to create a symmetric copy of a shape, and use trigonometry to count something. I surfed the web and asked my sister, but it wasn't of any help.

Next day, during the maths lesson the teacher asked if we done our homework. Suddenly I realised how to do this, and started to write. She was mad, and I couldn't finish the homework on time. The teacher wanted to give everyone a 1 because of it. Then she told that I won't get 1, because I've made an orc head 3d model. Suddenly my mother appeared in the classroom and told something to the teacher.

Morning of April 5, 2015. Sunday.



I already knew this many years ago, but once again a “popular” dream myth is exposed as just that - a myth - this being the one where you supposedly only dream about vivid sexual encounters if they are not presently occurring in reality. (Besides, common sense would dictate that the Tetris effect would render that idea as ludicrous.) Not only that, the level of conscious dream creation and control is almost a hundred percent save for one unusual distortion.

In my (first) dream, I am, for some reason, focused on a room on Loomis Street, the one with the second refrigerator and which was used both mainly for storage boxes and my last sleeping place before moving to Australia (as well as where I read all the letters from my wife before we met). Though I was last there in early 1994, I recall how my older sister still had at least a couple quarter-filled bottles of shampoo from as far back as the 1950s as well as a stack of old “Dig” magazines from the 1950s. My sister called it the “junk room”. In my dream, this room is far more cluttered than it ever was in reality - so much so, it is impossible to walk through it on the floor. It begins to dawn on me that I am dreaming. Oddly, instead of stabilizing and enhancing my dream and taking control as I often have in the past (even as a toddler), I decide to wake up and look around (without moving in reality), which I do.

During this short wakeful period, I start to make my next dream, which will start in the same location but then change to our present address on W street. After a short time, I am back in the “same” dream, more lucid and with more vividness than ever. This time it is raining indoors. The rain is extraordinarily refreshing and I revel in the sensations for a time as I climb up onto a stack of cardboard boxes on my way through the room. Eventually, I leave this room through a fictional door, either teleporting or simply going into the front room of this house by way of a typical dream composite.

From here, I “summon” my wife, who appears automatically at about the age she was when we first started writing or a few years younger. We indulge in passionate kissing and embracing, the sense of touch “accelerated” (in the manner that all senses are in dreams at times, including internally glowing enriched imagery, augmented “impossibly loud” audio, blissful “smells as simultaneous breathing”, and other perceptions not possible in waking life). The only distortion is, when I am holding her from behind, a “hollow pocket” appears within my dream’s rendering; sometimes in her upper back, sometimes in the air - though this does not distract me from reaching my peak. This seems to represent the tiny degree of control that is lacking in my dream creation and continuity. However, I keep “sealing” it (in an automatic mental sense), whereby it fills itself in somewhat like fluid, like a three-dimensional holographic dynamic recess (spherically inverted) sealing itself up from some sort of minor “glitch” of consciousness - like a “blind spot”, perhaps, but more in line with my view and not always on the periphery. I see this as an environmental “flaw”, not related to the form of my wife - more like a superimposed partial “mini-portal” that I do not place my hand near at any point. Still, it may also be a vague association with “hollow of the back” or even the phrase “holler back” (as a typical in-dream orphaned pun).

Even though we had indulged in making love in reality just a few hours prior, my dream seems to increase my desire and awareness and even seems to “reignite” and increase my physical stamina (almost to a point of disbelief considering I was already just fulfilled), something I cannot help but puzzle over other than my dream self consciousness (in some incarnations) being more viable than the conscious in some ways (certainly not in logic, critical thinking, or even common sense, but more relative to bodily control, physical capability, and cellular function).

Affirmation forms, including “Thank you for telling me when I am dreaming”, “Thank you for making me aware of when I am in a dream”, and hundreds of similar phrases, seem to have almost fully integrated into my normal thinking processes, although I still like to experience non-altered or “unscripted” dreams.