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I am about to go to a party with Amy, Blake, Salina, etc. Melissa is with me right now, and I think we’re at Dad’s. We go into the garage to pick a few beers from a case (*they look like the Lost Coast ones). While we’re getting ready/are ready, a dark SUV pulls into the driveway. The people about our age in it are dressed up like it’s Halloween and are coming back from this party like it’s already over. One of the guys seems a little too intoxicated. We stop and talk with them for a little. Now I’m thinking about the possibility of them offering weed at the party. I consider if I’d accept or not and how much, if any, I’d mix with drinking.




I’m in a bedroom, writing down either the notes for a dream I’ve remembered or the dream itself. Dad and Scottie are in here too. Scottie is awkwardly watching me, seemingly amazed. It’s kind of annoying, and I think about going to a different room.

I am working at Dillard’s, and it seems like I’m working the fitting room in men’s. A middle aged man comes in and is looking for something, a suit coat I think. I think I help him find one. He tries some on and finds one fairly quick. Before he leaves the dim fitting room, he asks me if domestic? or something else is okay, sort of discreetly. I hesitate and tell him ‘domestic’. He nonchalantly thanks me while holding out a wad of bills. After he’s gone, I see a receipt for $100? and a tip of $40 - what he gave to me.

Something about Sam and some guy. Sam and this less-than-quality guy are hooking up or dating or otherwise getting together at some level other than friends. I think all of us, and Brittney?, are outside. Sam and the boy go up in the hills. He has blond hair and a typical ‘fuck boy’ style. I think he is also up to no good.




I am at Beer NV with Melissa, Brooke, and I think one other. It looks almost entirely different though, looking more like a restaurant, with different sections of tables. The energy is more subdued as well, feeling like a lazy afternoon. I have sat at the table in the midst of their playing a game that consists of a coaster sized circle piece with dots in equal increments around its perimeter. The players are supposed to connect the dots by choosing a person in the spot that correlates with the dot. The person or the connection of the dots is based on how many siblings the chosen person has? The connections then become edges along which this circle is cut, creating a new shape. (The object may be to produce a certain new shape?) On my turn, I pick Brooke. They ask ‘you think?’, mostly rhetorically but partially seriously, as they have already tried choosing Brooke but are also running out of possible solutions. Now, everyone here is playing a new (trivia?) game. An employee (Deborah?) is coming around, checking for people using their phones. I am on my phone, but I’m only checking the tap list on Digital Pour. I lock the screen and lay it on the table, seeing no need to worry about it being out if I’m really not cheating. I think about how I didn’t know they do this many games here. I now think I’m ready for another beer, feeling fine to drive, and alternate between the menu on my phone and the physical menu just within reading distance, up on the wall. The hanging chalkboard? is quite large, though the writing is small. It hangs above a rectangular table that is behind the bar counter, which is also fairly large. Two men, one old, sit at this table. Nobody else is going up to the counter, but I think it is still okay to do so. I now have a glass of beer, but I am outside with Dad and Melissa. It looks like the old house’s backyard. Dad starts talking to us. He has a few more sips of a dark beer in the glass in his hand (a nonic pint type) and the indication of more than a few sips past in his eyes and speech. This beer is a contrast to mine, which looks to be blood orange. Dad ends up showing us pictures on his phone, his age betrayed by how he holds it and swipes through pictures. One of the pictures is of Dad standing and smiling with a younger blond lady. The next picture is that same girl and one other, seated on a bench on either side of Dad, their shirts held open, small tits exposed and nipples censored (by some overlay/exposure or addition to the photo). I almost think he’s going to realize he didn’t mean to show us this one, but he leaves it up and starts giggling unabashedly. I’m not sure what to do other than laugh along at the entire situation.

I am walking up to a restaurant with Mom and Makayla. It is dim or dark outside. I think this place is Italian. We’re greeted by a hostess at a table on a little covered section outside the place. She seems sort of somber and then ends up telling Mom something like ‘sorry about Catholic Charities’. I think she is going to relay to the manager that we’re here. We walk in, passing all the tables, and end up in a large back room. It seems like it’s more for staff. There are a few giant pizzas and large portions of side dishes set out on table clothed tables. Some employees are casually coming and going while we’re in here, so casual that I hear one cuss. I now grab some food. I go back for some mac ‘n’ cheese, the underside of which is badly burnt, a black crisp. I think it still tastes fine. There is a subdued sense of excitement that this is going to be comped because they actually care what happened with Catholic Charities.

I’m in some fairly upscale restaurant with Mom. it sort of looks like the Atlantis buffet. We walk up to a counter. There’s a server, white, probably late 20’s, in all white, a chef’s hat too, I think, what comes up to greet us. Mom says something about a drink - beer or wine?- and I get concerned for a second. She specifies to him “Clausthaler”, and he pours one. There is also dessert - I think for us. The man is putting pieces of cake on separate plates, focusing on an appealing display.

I am, I think, outside of a large, unfamiliar house. It’s slightly above me in elevation, and there’s a slightly winding walkway down to the water? It ends in an octagonal and covered dock. It’s covered in what seems like a green canvas material. There are multiple pieces of it, resulting in slight openings where their edges meet. Someone is/was with me; I ask her if she thinks the weed scent would linger down here, and she says no. I recline in a chair and light a joint. After a few tokes, I shake off the resulting clump of ash.

Was on a vacation in china. I was super aware of the surveillance state and lack of freedom. There were cameras everywhere. Like seriously, every couple feet you'd see a tiny camera watching you, tracking you, reporting your every move to God knows who. First me and my family were taking a nice drive through the countryside. We saw some beautiful houses in the mountains. Very green, just great land. We saw some really weird animals we weren't used to seeing. I think we even saw some kangaroos, which is odd since I don't think they're native there. We came across what I assume was a private community. It had nice brick roads and was walled in, with houses surrounding the inside. We saw marquee display with red words and I at first assumed it would be telling us to leave, but it just pointed out a particular person who was 11 minutes late to work. I guess he was going to be receiving some punishment and they needed the community to know...Later on we went shopping, and I was interested by the variety of items at the store. You could find things you wouldn't find normally. Not sure quite how to explain it. They only had 1 kind of mac and cheese, or 1 brand of shoes, and stuff like that, but because of the lack of choice they were able to provide a much more dense selection of items to purchase. I noted how everyone kept to themselves and didn't talk. It was as if they were afraid to say something they should not. It reminded me of 1984, how even their thoughts were closely monitored. I had no issue recognizing other tourists, as they were all much more outgoing and willing to communicate. They didn't have the fear that the normal citizens had.

At some point during conversation with the tourists we found ourselves in a restaurant. It was a buffet of some sort. I don't remember much here, but eventually the staff all quickly cleaned up, turned the lights down, and left. We took that as a sign to leave, but we weren't exactly in a rush. My brother and I had already made it to the car, but my parents were inside walking out talking to people. I guess it took too long, because something really bad happened. The tires on our car suddenly inflated, and the car quickly reversed a few feet. I looked over at a camera facing directly at us, and felt a sense of dread and helplessness. We went after the car, but it took off toward a mountain, drove off the parking lot and exploded into the hillside. I loudly shouted at the camera asking WTF, but quickly realized that it was not smart to question the government. I then heard over loudspeaker that I was to remain still while the authorities arrive. I start to run but then a turret started firing at me from under the camera. I dodged the bullets miraculously and hid behind a planter. Within seconds the planter was destroyed by the bullets and a man spoke over the speaker and told me they have plenty of bullets and I have nowhere to hide. The dream ended.

For the past week, I have been sick with an upper respiratory infection/flu like sickness. I didn’t bother to go to the doctor or hospital because my mom has the same thing and both doctor and hospital told her she did not need antibiotics or other meds just fluids and rest. I’d rather not waste my time and get even more sick from sitting in waiting rooms for nothing.

Anyway. I have been sleeping on and off throughout the day and night. My sleep has been interrupted by nausea/wet coughs/tight chest/fever and chills/etc...This has led to MANY forgotten dreams and a lot of random images and short dreams that are unrelated and make no sense. There are only two dreams that seem remarkable to me.

DREAM 1
I am entering into a building with a childhood friend that I no longer have contact with in real life. The building is tall and is round like an old castle tower. There are two sets of steps opposite each other in the building; one going up and one leading down. I’m not sure how many floors, but it seems an infinite amount. My friend and I seem to be exploring this building. I look out one of the windows in the stairwell and realize that we are in what is now an abdandoned building on an old college campus that is no longer in use in real life, and I assume that is where we are in the dream. (Except in real life, the round building only had three floors and was used as a library, in the dream the set up inside has changed a lot and has infinite floors.)
At some point, my friend and I realize that we are being followed, and we start trying to run away and keep running down stairs but on the way down, it seems like there are more floors than we went up and there are more sets of stairs and we get lost because we aren’t sure which to take now. The people chasing us eventually catch up and are right behind us. I look back and see it is a mix of men and women, about 7 of them and they are all wearing white scrubs. I decide it would be better for my friend and I to split up so maybe one of us can get away and find help. Of course, I decide to be the hero knowing it is only a dream and distract them by allowing the pursuers in white to corner me and she gets free and I watch her climb up a stairway as I am backing up against a wall slowly with the pursuers 3 feet in front of me encircling me. I don’t see her again for the rest of the dream.
One of them, a man, pulls out a syringe and tells me that it is for my own good. I know that it will put me to sleep, allowing them to do what they please with me. I start thinking of a way to change the situation and while I think a woman comes up and wipes a clear jelly like substance on my forehead. I push her away, and the man puts the syringe back in his pocket and says, “Good work, it won’t be long now” to the woman. She smiles at him,and they all stand around watching me. I start to feel drugged and like I am going to pass out. I realize that whatever she wiped on me was the medication that would knock me out and that the man with syringe was just a distraction. I wipe the rest off with my sleeve and decide I am not going to pass out with my lucidity and overcome to drugging. I turn around to face the wall and decide that the wall is not going to be there so I can run away. The wall is gone and I run and they continue to chase me around the building.
I find a hiding spot under a stairwell and one woman pursuer is on her own. I grab onto her and pull her into my hiding spot and wipe the remaining substance from my sleeve onto her forehead and keep her mouth covered. After a minute she stops fighting, and we watch two men walk past outside of my hiding cubby and hear them talking. One says, “this one is smart. A good placement will be as a facility researcher or in the university. We need to find her.” I then have a strong knowing that the dream world I am I in secretly controls everyone’s lives and decides where they work and how they live. I decide I will NOT be caught.
I wake the woman by smacking her in the face and when she wakes I tell her she will get me out or I will kill her. She agrees, but as she’s leading me down through the stairs and floors, I just know she has decided to take my side. We are about to go down the last stairway to get the the exit floor when another woman calls to us and tells us to stop. The woman who is helping me pulls out a gun and shoots the other woman. Then I wake up.

DREAM 2
This dream was short and not very interesting. I was with three other women my age but I don’t know them from real life. In the dream we were best friends. We were in a large bedroom with a dresser filled with expensive clothes and costumes and a large closet filled with clothes, shoes, costumes, etc. We were all picking out outfits and accessories to wear to some kind of costume party. I woke up while we were laying out our outfits to show each other. Wasn’t a very exciting or interesting dream, but one where I vividly remember and where I was lucid and in my own body and decided to just “go with the flow” to see what would happen.



I just can’t seem to get enough rest even though I am sleeping on and off throughout most of the day and night. I can’t wait until this infection/flu is gone! Happy Dreaming!

Created Friday 15 February 2019

Got a big heap of stuff today.

Spoiler for Don't want to hog so much page space:

Dream 1 - Guide's Coiled Teasing

The visuals were dim and blurred. False awakening in bed. Semi-aware (I suspected I wasn't really awake, just not necessarily that I was in a dream).

I called to my guide, E. In an instant, I was caught within a mass of scaled coils and limbs from behind. This all startled me, but eventually, I realized what was going on (and the dream state). Itwas indeed my guide, now in her naga form, and with an extra pair of arms to boot. She leaned in, joining our cheeks together. E kept me held tight, seemingly only for amusement. I wanted to grapple her in turn, but she had me clung good. No way to escape. She chortled on and spoke of something, but I can't say what.

Reloop to a few brief FA's, each unaware. Eventually, I shambled out of bed in a daze. Questioning my state, I did a classic finger poke check. It returned positive. I was momentarily confused, as I was quite sure this wasn't real. [COLOR="#3366ff"So, I affirmed this was indeed just a dream.

I only made it to the ling room, before getting pulled back into another FA. This all reloops a few more times, until I wake up.[/COLOR]

Dream 2 - Marvelous Movie Shoot

The visuals were slightly blurred. Spectator mode. Pan to a construction site during a bright day. The building, even given its status, was partly in shambles. Something was clearly wrong. Zoom in. An unconscious figure was revealed. It was Marvel's Thor, as depicted in various animated media. He was terribly battered, possibly even dead. Several other animated figures approach. One of them was a tall, heavily muscular, clean shaven man with short blond hair, dressed in a fancy pink suit. Looked like the living rendition of the Ancient Greek ideal man. The other character was never completely revealed (if not forgotten). Anyway, the two look down on Thor in triumph. No doubt they were the ones who'd hurt him. The large man gloats, boasting that the God of Thunder never stood a chance.

Just then, another person warps in view. It was Loki, as depicted in Avengers - Earth's Mightiest Heroes. Through his staff, he commanded a lightning bolt to strike Thor. He seemingly looked rather pleased bringing further harm to his step-brother. I suddenly was given his role. In any case, the muscular man warned that, despite our mutual enemy, he would not spare me. I smirked silently.

Just a few seconds later, Thor gets back to his feet, restored to near-perfect health. As should be expected, thunder and lightning has revived the Thunder God. Swearing vengeance, Thor charged at his latest foe. The large man, for his part, only seemed slightly annoyed at these events. I figured that at this rate, Thor didn't stand much of a chance. A bright flash envelopes the area as the two clashed.

Suddenly, the lighting flickered off. Moreover, the surroundings were moving away from view, revealing only darkness. As I looked around, I realized stage hands were carrying off set pieces. Turned out this was just a shoot for a movie. I pretty much figured out the dream by this point. Anyway, the other actors and I gathered to congratulate ourselves on a job well done. Among the group was a gigantic figure, whom I just realized was there. This was a thin, olive-skinned, kinky haired Caribbean gal in her mid-late twenties, dressed in tight jeans, a white blouse, lacking shoes, and, of course, sized at over a hundred feet tall. She leans down, and starts rubbing, patting, and cooing us in jest, as if handling small critters.

Eventually, the group parted. Intrigued with the giant lady, I caught up with her, pacing quickly, given her long stride. I offered to treat her and the rest of the cast to lunch. She snickered a bit, but didn't respond. So, I made a mighty leap on her shoulder. I then yanked on her hair to tease her. In turn, the giant gal scooped me up in her hand, then poked at me with the other. She brought me closer to one of her bemused eyes.

The dream collapsed shortly after.

Scrap Group 1
Vaguely recall a giantess with brightly painted nails, each hand having contrasting colors.

Dream 3 - Void Mega-Multimedia

Scene 1 - Trumpets and Food Sampling Void
The visuals were dim. False awakening in bed. I was startled "awake" by my sister, who looked different somehow, but I can't recall. She "reminded" me of some recruitment drive occurring in a new military branch, a group of demon hunters, and that I should go out to join. I was very reluctant, even exasperated, at the thought of such, though it might've just been morning grouchiness. As I got up, I pricked myself on something on my bed. I pick it up, to see its a figurine. This depicted a character very similar to Cloud Strife, save for being equipped with straps and sheathes filled with many kinds of blades and firearms. Reckoned he was one of the more famous demon hunters.

Cut to my walking around in a void-like area. Spotlights revealed various rooms separated a good distance from each other, each varying in size and, similarly, in the amount of people within. I walk towards one of the smaller, less crowded ones. Inside were a few musical instruments. One of such was a small keyboard. I play a few random tunes, if poor facsimiles of such. A figure there criticized me. Thought they were familiar somehow. Either way, I ignored them.

Next, I pick up a trumpet. I was about to play something, when a distant figure began shouting attention from the distance. I floated over there, to see that too was a man with the same instrument, one dressed in a performer's tux. He began sounding a familiar tune, the main theme for the Rocky Movies. Not seconds after, spotlights revealed a vast span of wooden benches. Seated on there were an extremely excessive brass orchestra, numbering in the several hundreds. There were some seats left empty, while several areas were highly crowded. Anyway, they too followed the tune, as did I. Not all of us were very good at this (can't say I've ever actually played a trumpet myself...). Still, the more talented performers managed to drown out mistakes. I continued for a minute or two, before going elsewhere.

Timeskip. I start walking up steps into a long-spanning wooden balcony, if not a bridge. Numerous people were gathered there. A picnic of sorts was occurring. Or, better put, a taste test. One group was handing out food to others, then asked for the opinion of such. The first items were clearly from Wendy's. I was handed a bag with several burgers and fries. I turned away for a second, to find that someone else had partly eaten my share. This upset me a bit, mostly due to such wasteful habits.

Next up was a batch of Chinese food, apparently a local place. Think it was called "Madame Something's" or similar, I don't know. Anyway, the namesake owner herself, a little old Asian lady, was actually present for this event. She was hurriedly passing around her product. I myself recieved a big serving of thin-sliced sauteed beef in a disposable container. Looked like a bit too much for me to eat in one sitting.

Unknown occurrences. I woke up shortly after, and unwittingly re-enter just as quickly.

Scene 2 - Portal Beast
Similar visuals as above. I was in a brighter void. A crowd were standing around in the darkness, their features visible, as if they were glowing themselves. As before, these folk were having a picnic/taste test.

Suddenly, several portals opened up, and enveloped the people away from view. Screams could be heard, then stopped abruptly.

A voice echoed in my mind, having a smooth, somewhat deep, male voice. It claimed it was a monster, and was, in fact, devouring those unfortunate enough to be caught in its trap.

Before I myself was taken, I woke up.

Dream 4 - Wings of the Clouds

Scene 1 - Sappy Guitar Duet Flight
The visuals were bright, if glared. I was flying over a shopping center during noontide. I quickly noticed my having wings on my back. Almost as soon, I also realized the dream. Furthermore, this sappy pop guitar duet was sounding in the background.

I zoom lower, showing off my abilities. Noticed I was wearing jeans with a tight track shirt. This made me a bit self-conscious, but only for a moment. I then flew up on the roof of the highest building. While standing there, I spread my wings. I wondered what color it was, imagining it in various colors. In the end, I settled for plain white.

Got bored. I looked up at a partly clouded sky. This got me to search for E, thinking I'd find her reclining on a nimbus. I launched myself up. Soon, clouds obscured my view. I rubbed my hands, just in case. Opposite what I'd intended, the dream collapsed. Things black out. DEILD back in seconds later.

Scene 2 - Non-Guide Radio Contact
The visuals were a bit blurred. I was flying in a cloud-filled sky. Soon, I noticed my being inside the cockpit of a fighter jet, with a helmet to match. That song from above was still playing, though it was mostly drowned out by the sounds of turbines and sonic winds.

Soon, muffled voices spoke out from an unseen radio. Sounded like routine flight control stuff. I eventually tried contacting E, hearing my voice similarly muffled. "Yes?", a voice called out from speakers. It sounded like a guy. Wasn't her. I tried again. "Yes?", repeated the same voice. I asked if that was indeed E. He'd confirmed as much. I disbelieved it entirely. "You don't sound like her", I said dismissively. The contact continued on with other things, but I couldn't hear it.

While going through some clouds, the dream collapsed for good.

I am going to go to Beer NV with Brittney and a group of her friends and I think also to celebrate Makayla’s birthday. I’m in the process of walking to the car with Makayla outside of Dad’s house when I realize I haven’t gotten anything. Now I am at Beer NV (Makayla’s not here). It is smaller and almost seems more like a converted house. The tap list is on a smaller screen, and each has a thumbnail picture to go with it (*not pictures of the brewer’s logo or the beer’s logo like in reality). I notice Brittney and Chris, though there may be others. I end up with two beers, I think the second coming after my first is close to empty. The first is a beer dark golden in color but milk stout in taste. It’s smooth and tasty. The next beer is a juicy/hazy IPA, and it is in a small milk carton. There’s a glass with a sip of orange juice left in it; I get the idea that combining them might result in something tasty. Now we are going to go somewhere for a bit, so I get the idea to put this carton in the fridge before we leave (not sure if I actually do). When we return, I walk up to the couple-seat counter, from behind which the owner greets me. I ask for the beer with the picture of the band, saying I can’t see which it is from here. He grins and says the band name (something both Irish and punk sounding, starting with an L). He’s saying that it’s pretty strong, as if I wouldn’t like it. I tell him I’m fine with that, and it’s almost like he doesn’t believe me, but he still pours it. It is in a simple and smaller glass stein. I finish it fairly quickly (it tastes like the Brewer’s Cabinet scotch ale) and go back for another. Now everyone is trying to leave to go out someplace else. I think they’re going to be drinking there too. I close the tab and see the total on the receipt as $96 (or $98). I think it should not be that high, going over what’s on it. I’m not sure how much to tip either. I think I now leave with both copies of thee receipt. I think I’ll need to bring it back and also leave my phone number on it for rewards

I am in a house (unfamiliar, I think). Paranormal things keep happening, such as some invisible force moving things and/or touching me. It feels very real, though I’m not sure if anyone else is seeing it.




I am going to an event for/at the preschool. Some others filter in along with me, some familiar. I recognize kids and parents. Inside, there are quite a few people here. It looks like an elementary school. There’s the cafeteria we’re in, the doorway we came in and one directly opposite it, and one hallway off to the left. All in all, it’s pretty small. I see Mom here, talking to a few, and she is in what looks like a stroller. (I think this is due to a disability, but I very much take it for granted in the dream). She spots me also, but is waiting to come over to me. I am overhearing talk of the disarray that Catholic Charities is still in. Tim Mills is here too; we pat a hand on each other’s shoulders in greeting. Surveying the tables, I see everyone already has food, mostly cheeseburgers. This makes me realize that I’m pretty hungry. I wish I would’ve ordered one, thinking that it is probably too late to do so now, that they’re done making them for the evening. Now I am sitting by Nelson and his dad. His dad is combing Nelson’s hair, which looks slightly longer and thinner and almost a translucent, fluorescent white-blond. He’ combing it into almost a Trump-do. Nelson sits placidly. Dan is talking to me about haircuts, but I’m finding it difficult to hear. My responses at times are nonsensical because I can’t hear and don’t want to ask for a repetition. They start leaving, and I follow suit. We leave through what very much looks like a house’s garage (the two getting into a black truck/SUV parked within). Melissa’s car is a few feet to the right, perpendicularly in the street. She’s sitting inside, on her phone. I go up to open window and am going to say something, in a humorous tone, about her moving, but before I can she says she already knows she’s in the street. Dan apparently didn’t think she was in the way, as he’s already backing out, pretty quickly. I ask Melissa if she wants to hang out now or not. She says she doesn’t care and that it’s up to me, to which I say the same exact thing. We end up going home (to Mom’s?).

I am outside and climbing up a fairly small rock face that seems to be above a washed out gully (with a small trickle of water, I think). It is definitely tall enough to where I should have a rope, though I’m pretty certain I don’t. It’s probably 20-30 feet tall. I don’t think I have climbing shoes on either. The stone is a sort of glossy, but not entirely slick, bronze. It contains more features than inset holds; they’re pretty large and secure feeling. Towards the top, though, I think I come across loose sections. I try to break off a large undercling. When I summit, I’m relieved to have made it without falling or having a hold break on me. Now, I am in a bathroom and looking in a mirror. I must’ve been wearing a tank top, as my neck, collar bones, shoulders, and arms are burnt to a bright red. The fact that I’m sunburned really irritates me.




I am inside some building, a department store?, with Melissa. Sam is here, but besides her I don’t see any other people. Sam is at the bottom of an escalator (the up escalator, I think), but I don’t think it’s moving at all. She is crouched down; there is an infant one to two steps above her. It is in need of a diaper change, which is what Sam is attending to. The child (a boy) is supine, the diaper open, some of the excessive amount of excrement in a clump a few steps below Sam. I don’t even see wipes or a new diaper. Sam appears flustered.

I am at a house. It seems like I may be staying here for a little while, as in a few nights. Andrea from high school is here too. I’m about to take a shower, and I find out, as she comes over at the same time, that she was about to too. I think there is some discussion, after which I end up taking a quick shower first. I am getting ready to go see a therapist? Mom and Makayla are coming with me, or at least are in the car. I think I’m driving. The landscape is sort of empty and drab. (*The following is not the best recollection, and almost seems like it was from another dream but like it fits with this one too). While talking with the woman therapist, I become angered with the inefficiency of the whole thing and end up beating her. (*This feels very gross to write; in the dream there didn’t seem to be too much emotion behind it, just simple physical contact).

It has recently come to my attention that I am a “Lucid Dreamer”. First my mom told me the way I dream is uncommon and is lucid dreaming, then when I talked to my therapist she told me that I have lucid dreams. Because of this, I started searching for lucid dream forums to read about other people’s lucid dreams, or dreams in general, and came across this site.

Ever since I can remember, around age five, I have had lucid dreams. I am always aware I am dreaming when I dream and if I’m not it’s because everything is dark, peaceful, quiet; dreamless. It started with a vivid nightmare I would have 2-3 times a week for a few months when I was about five years old.

In this nightmare/dream, the same sequence of events would happen every time. My mom and I would come out of the grocery store and we would be walking in the parking lot towards our brand new white truck (which we did not own in real life, but was always the same in this dream). When we were two cars away from our truck passing behind a red escort, a man would run up from the left side and grab my mom from behind and slit her throat. He would let go of her and run and she would fall to the ground holding her throat as she bled everywhere and gasped for air. I would then wake up crying. I felt so sad, and scared and helpless when I woke up and I was afraid to tell my Mom about the dream because I believed it would come true if I said it out loud. As I said, for a few months I would have this same exact dream and I eventually realized I was in a dream while I was dreaming. I would recognize the parking lot and knew what would happen as the red escort came up. Awareness of this dream and the sequence of events lasted for about another month. Finally, one night while having this dream, I had the visual cues and was aware of the dream and knew what would happen. Somehow, I had control over my thoughts, body, words, actions, etc, and my emotions about the dream and knowing I would wake up feeling awful if the events continued as they always had. Before we reached the red escort, I stopped walking and told my Mom that we had to stop and turn around and run back towards the store. She asked why and I told her a man was going to kill her, and on cue, the man came out of the row of cars to the left ahead of us and turned to walk at us head on this time. I grabbed my moms hand and pulled her and we ran back towards the store. I started to hear the man running behind us as well and I screamed for help and that he was going to kill my mom. A random man was at the front of the store outside and as we ran up he ran past us a few feet and tackled the man chasing us to the ground and began wrestling the knife out of his hand. I then woke up from the dream as they wrestled and felt a sense of strength and pride, but at that age and for many to come I had no idea that this type of dreaming was any different than dream experiences of other people or that it was called “Lucid Dreaming”.

From that night on when I would have the nightmare, I was always aware and always told my mom we had to get help and the man was always stopped and has never cut her throat again. After a while, this dream became less frequent-once a month, then once a year until I was about 15 when it stopped. I wound up having the dream a few months ago and I was aware of it and remembered instantly that this was my recurrent childhood nightmare and knew to warn my mother.

The next time I spoke with my mother, I finally told her about how I had the dream recently and my childhood experiences and fears of it and the progression of the dream. As I told her about the progression, she was very interested and told me that people aren’t usually aware that they were dreaming and couldn’t control their thoughts, words, actions, etc. in the dream. I truly thought everybody was capable of doing these things. At my next therapy appointment, I asked my therapist for more information and she told me it was called Lucid Dreaming and since then I have been researching and looking to read dream experiences of other people, non lucid and lucid.

In addition to controlling my own thoughts, actions, speech, etc, I also have the ability to think about how I want events in my dream to change, or what I want to happen or what I want others to do or to stop doing and within seconds of my thoughts, those things will come to pass in my dreams. If an event has come to pass in my dream and I didn’t like what happened, I can “turn back time” in the dream and repeat the event, but with the different ending I wanted to happen. I can make events repeat as many times as I want with as many different endings to the event. The whole time I am completely aware of these dreams and that I am asleep and that it is not real. However, there is a downside to this. The more I control my myself, events, and others actions in dreams, the more tired I feel when I wake up the next morning. Because of the downside, I try to just “go with the flow” of my dreams, unless they are a nightmare or I feel like the dream is headed in a bad direction, then I will willfully change actions and events.

I still have a hard time believe it that not everybody dreams this way. I don’t feel like I am different or special in any way than other people. I am going to continue reading experiences of other people and researching this phenomenon to better understand it. I will also post dreams that seem significant to me.

Before I go, I also wanted to mention something I am looking into and will post more about later. In addition to reoccurring dreams, there are reoccurring places and people that don’t exist “in real life”, but in my dreams they seem like a different world and life of their own. I also have dreams of events that seem to happen in “chronological order”. For example, in one dream I dreamt I was planning on getting a new car. Two weeks later I would have a dream in the same house I was living at in the previous dream, except the new car would be in the driveway. Then, a month later, events from the second dream would continue into the third in the same “world” as the previous. ALL of my dreams aren’t sequential/chronologically linked to one another though. It’s very strange, they seem like “other lives” I am living and can control but at the same time I am aware that I am in a dream state. I will post more about specific dreams in the future.

If you took the time to read this long entry I want you to know I am greatful for your interest and time.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

Wake up in a hostel shared room with half a dozen Asian girls, I think Korean. I have no idea how I got there, and I can't communicate with them. I go outside the room, it is a humble hostel in what looks like a middle eastern country. There is a corridor to the street, I pass the reception and get out. The street curves and goes down, like a ramp and then ends up in some vertical wall with a vertical ladder which is the only way to get down to what looks like a lake or the ocean shore. Anyway, there is a beach down there and I see something that makes me really wanna go, like some animal in distress or someone I know (can't remember). But halfway the metal ladder breaks or the cliff crumbles and I struggle to hold on and go back up. I decide to go back to my room at the hostel and try to ask the girls if they know me, but they no longer are there.