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Ritual: WTB 1am, WBTB 4:45 to 6:15, woke 6:45 am with first dream, 8:30am with second.

DILD, "Canceled Movie": Theater, lights go down to start movie, then come up again, we all have to move, no clear reason. I lose track of my mom and brother. General confusion. I wonder if it is a dream. I feel convinced it is though I can't be sure. How to figure out? Reason, if it's a dream then in WL I should have already seen the movie and be able to recall it (dream logic!) I think back and can't remember what movie I watched today. Still not sure, need more substantive proof: levitate something. Point to stairs and levitate small random object; decide I need a barrette for my hair and it is one by the time it hits my palm. Pin back my hair. Okay, pretty sure I'm dreaming, that's good. Distracted by all the confusion around me still, people trying to figure out what is going on, don't think of tasks, wake up.

Note: I wrote the notes above hastily because I hadn't gotten much sleep yet and wanted to get back to bed as soon as possible. One detail I left out because it seemed too insignificant to mention was that in the dream, when I first got up and was gathering my things to leave the theater, I put two large jars in my purse and was surprised that they fit. I don't remember now what they contained, but I have the impression that at least one was a beverage. This is only relevant now because of what happened later.

I had made coffee late at night because I still had a lot of work to get done before the next day, but realizing I was too tired to simply stay up late, I decided to go to bed and get up to work after a few hours of sleep. I left the coffee to cool on the counter in the large mason jar that I always use to make it, hipster pour-over style. During my WBTB I again decided not to drink the coffee since I was planning to return to bed, and transferred it to a smaller mason jar with a lid that put in the fridge. The next morning, the coffee was still there and I was feeling groggy, so I brought it to work with me. At the end of a long day, as I was gathering my things to go home, I tried stowing the now-empty mason jar in my purse for lack of a better place to put it, and was surprised that it fit. I had a sudden flashback to the same thing happening in the dream that morning. The parallel felt eerily similar, though I had to reflect with amusement that if this was an example of dream precog, it only seems to happen for me with the most wildly trivial and insignificant events.

NLD, "Mountains, Goblins, Geisha": I'm part of a group that is planning to take a trip to a town high up a mountain. I show my friend a picture of the mountain, which is alarmingly tall and sheer, and point to the location of the little town three-quarters of the way up. I've been there before and am nervous about the drive because the roads are so dangerous. I'm convinced that when I remembered the drive I was actually drawing on memories from a different dream long ago.

On the mountain, we become the playthings of some goblins. I don't recall what they are doing to the boys, but the girls all have to make themselves up and dress like geisha. The goblins are telepathic, so we have to moderate our thoughts. We end up with psychological conflicts because we are obliged to maintain conscious thought patterns that are at variance with what we "really" think.

We are being housed in some dingy rooms with cheap blue carpets. I wonder if they were originally designed as dorm rooms, and that question makes me wonder where all of this is actually taking place. I sense the unreality of my situation, but I attribute it to the idea that we're being filmed.

I look out the window to see if there are any clues about our real location. In the window of the building next door I see a neon "Michelob" sign—it must be a bar! I look for more clues, and see a sign attached the building with the word "Make." That must be the name of the bar... later I'll have to google to see if I can figure out where such a place is located. My suspicions are that we're somewhere in the Catskills or Adirondacks.

I'm standing in a cave with a group of people, discussing a man who came through here just ahead of us, someone we need to seal away - this is something he'd requested but now he's running. Our time is limited. A woman is suggesting that we use a certain box - it fits in the palm of your hand - that her husband had originally designed to seal himself in case of an emergency. She believes that her husband is no longer a threat so the box can be turned to a different purpose, and I can see her joy in that. But I refuse. No matter how safe her husband seems now, we need to save that option for him.

Following the man we need to seal, we come out of the cave into the open. There's a group of people living here who view him as a god; we avoid encountering them directly. Two of us get into a discussion on the nature of worship, talking about projecting the way your own perspective works onto a macro level, with a powerful leader to control things and a drastically overvalued role of consciousness. I make a comparison to a machine that can feel every impact of cogs and gears.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

Fragmentary scenes with that woman who led the pilgrimage through the mountains earlier:

I'm sitting at a large round wooden table, eating a snack, while she's saying to me something about "would you bear hope" or would I be "a bearer of hope." I'm a little taken off-guard by this conversation, and I'm annoying her by not giving what she's saying serious consideration.

I'm surrounded by wolves, or something like wolves - they've got faces that seem built for snarling, I think of them as someone's nightmare of wolves. I can feel them as they each brush against me, rubbing closely against my legs. They're mine now apparently. I can't believe that worked, this is wonderful. I look over to that woman, standing a short distance away - I want to see her reaction. She has this sort of "you have got to be kidding me" expression. The wolves had started out attacking us, and she seems more exasperated by this turn of events than anything else.

We're standing on a snow-covered mountain, the ground here at a steep angle, with some threat above us, and I'm saying to her, "-here. I would rather stand and fight being a single person. And you, we'll-"

A woman and I have been tracking some thieves who stole the animals that her people raise - creatures like elephants but smaller, and with a sort of moss-like fur that grows on their backs and the top of their heads. Now the trail I've been leading her through ends at a beach. We're too late. Their ship is gone. But I'm able to pick up a mental impression of it and relay it to her - the tigers that they stole are in cages, but those other creatures have already been killed. The thieves only wanted their pelts. She sits down in the sand and starts to cry.

As we make our way back the way we came, over a mountain path, I'm attacked by some creature - it happens fairly often in this region and I take care of it easily, hitting it over the head with my staff and expecting it to run off again. She'd been hanging back before, but when she sees this she comes rushing over, though I don't think of that as necessary; she starts beating the creature, far beyond what's necessary. I stand back and watch.

I'm a demon - the long sharp teeth and writhing cloud of darkness make it hard to miss - but as we make our way down the other side of the mountain, I'm watching her and thinking that the people who tell stories about today will take one look at her and assume that two demons came down from this mountain.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

I'm traveling through a dream with her, but at the moment we've come across an image of myself in the distant past, before I became a demon. I'd been speaking to a man dressed in armor standing in front of a sacred building, and that past version of me is saying something to the effect of, yes, I'd very much like to learn more about our people. It had been a rare opportunity - it was rare enough to meet another of my kind at all, but this was far beyond that, I'd jumped at the chance. I watch that past version of me follow the man in armor into the building.

This isn't what I brought her here to show her, it's just one of my memories intruding on the dream. I intend to continue down the road we're on, to take her to our actual goal here - but she wants to see more of this memory. So that's what we do. We follow that past version of me into the building.

Inside we're in a stone corridor; there's no sign of that past version of me or the man in armor. While the outside of the building had looked the way it had when it was new, the inside is a ruin from much later in my memories. But there's a few objects out of place, things that had been looted by the time it got to this point. I kneel down before one of them, a mirror made of bronze. I say to her, "It's a gate-"

FMA. I/Mustang left the military a while ago; right now I'm looking out a door at the rain. I see a memory of similarly looking out another doorway at the rain, standing at the door to a balcony on a tall tower, and then retreating back inside to adjust my plans. In the present, I put on a hat with a wide, floppy brim and head out into the rain.

As I'm walking up a mountain road in that rain, I pass an old man driving his truck down the road. We wave to each other like we do every day. I'm thinking, as a soldier who was for all intents and purposes an embodiment of fire, I was useless in the rain, so it held a different significance. But as a person - I'm thinking of both me and the old man in the truck - you just put on a hat and go to work, rain or not.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

I'm in the same mountain range from yesterday, traveling alone at the moment, standing just inside the entrance to a cave. I've come to a very old friend to ask him for his help. He's not happy to see me. He's sitting in a sort of stone throne and saying slowly, emphasizing every word, "I am not well."

I can see that. He wears this silver circlet that sort of glows, a contrast to his dark hair and coat; looking at how faint that glow is, I'm thinking that there's barely anything left of him. Nonetheless, there's enough of him left to do what I need done.

I'm traveling with a woman who most recently has been climbing these giant stairs cut into the mountains, leading a very large group of people, guided by her visions and signs. Now she's reached an old shrine that's of great personal importance to her. But that's not what she was looking for - she thought her visions were guiding her to a place where all these people could be safe. Now it seems it was just something personal. She believes she's led them all this way for nothing.

I'm extremely frustrated by all this, because the place I've been trying to guide her to with those visions I've sent her is still further on - I wanted her to see this shrine first for personal reasons, because I like her and I thought she deserved to know this part of her past, but it's not our final destination. Unfortunately, the stairs end here; there's no easy path after this point. How am I going to convince her to keep going now that she's doubting the visions? I'm almost tempted to just suggest scouting ahead myself and then conveniently 'finding' the place - but I need her to be the one to discover it, not me. I'll think of something, but I need to talk to her privately, and there haven't been many opportunities for that on this pilgrimage.

Right now she's busy talking with a priest I dislike - I'm not fond of priests on general principle, but this one in particular irritates me. She's apologizing. She's saying she shouldn't have rejected the idea of divine guidance - maybe if she'd believed, she wouldn't have gotten them lost like this. The priest reassures her, saying, "You delivered what would not be prayerful."

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

Still in that same mountain range, but this time I'm working separately from the main group, it's just me and a couple of her soldiers. I'm talking with a slave trader - he's got a group of people I've been looking for and I need him to release them. He says he can't possibly do that, they're an extremely sought-after species. He shows me a cage with a human man and woman instead, and a falcon that comes with the woman, and says that he'll give me one of them as a sign of good faith - he'll even trade me all three, the two humans and the falcon, if I'd be willing to give him one of my soldiers. He has a buyer who likes that specific shade of skin. Incredulous, I tell him this isn't a negotiation. He's going to release the people I came for, I'm not going to give him anything, and I don't care about his humans or whatever else he's selling.

But then he takes the hood off the human woman - white hair and a young face. I know her. I'm shocked, and she looks just as shocked to see me - I'd thought she was dead. Last time I saw her, she'd sacrificed me to her people's gods. It didn't work obviously, I can't die that way, but there was no way she could have known that. When my 'death' didn't stick, her people reacted very badly. I'd seen them holding a funeral for her later, but I'd been watching from a distance - they must have held the ceremony without a body. I'd just assumed they'd killed her. I'd liked her a great deal, sacrifice aside.

I'd been accused of a crime I didn't commit. The charges have been dropped now, but people have formed their own opinions about my guilt or innocence. On the sidewalk I'm confronted by a group of men in dress uniform, most of them middle-aged. They call me monster, and disgusting, and one of them says, "He saw what you did," indicating a younger member of their group.

A liar, that's interesting. I wonder at first whether this is the actual criminal and if he'd been trying to frame me, or whether he's just someone who heard about the case and was trying to get in on the limelight. But he looks genuinely afraid of me, to such a degree that I realize what must have happened - he must have seen me eating. But in this era, accusing me of being a vampire would be too ridiculous, he wouldn't be taken seriously. So he came up with something more believable to accuse me of, to get me locked up. It wasn't a bad idea, I've been considering burning this identity since this mess started.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

I'm running along a mountain path, mentally shouting Nadja's name. She came to us under a false identity, and then she disappeared in order to avoid being found out. But there was no need for her to disappear like that. I've tracked her to these mountains based on rumors of "the witch of the crags," and once I sensed traces of her, I started calling first the assumed name we knew her by, then her real one, Nadja. Following her mental trail, I reach a cliff. Without hesitating, I jump over the edge.

Snow-covered mountain peaks far below me, as far as the eye can see. I pause to check if I'm still asleep enough to take control of the flight for a while - yes, I am. Forgetting about Nadja, I turn upward, enjoying the view for as long as it lasts.

Dream one - Floating through the landscape:

[I'm sure there was more dream before I got lucid, but I can't remember what happened.]

I'm in a field of various wild grasses, reminiscent of a wheat field but not as uniform, with different heights and shapes of grass. Judging by the flowering it's mid summer.

For no obvious reason I suddenly suspect I'm dreaming and confirm it by floating off the ground and GET LUCID!

I try to remember my dream goals and remember that one of them was to incubate a mountain in China complete with distinctive flora and geology. I look up and see that there are snowcapped mountains in the distance. I decide to try to fly toward them. I rise up higher until in a few hundred metres above the ground figuring that being close to the ground would make the movement seem greater and therefore harder to go a long distance. I look down and see some suburban streets and notice that I appear to be flying backwards, away from the mountains.

I fly higher still until the ground begins to fade away behind clouds, then focus on looking intently at the mountains hoping that the scenery between me and them will fade out leaving me with only the mountains. As I'm doing this I try to picture some more authentically Chinese looking mountains. The mountains get greener and steeper and start to look more like the mountains I wanted, but as I'm doing this I'm realising that the Chinese mountains task was *incubation* and actually I need alpine mountains for my "fly through a snowy apine valley" task. I start heading up the valley reasoning that there will be not snow higher up and I can transform the mountains back to alpine style as I go.

Unfortunately I wake up decisively moments later :-(



Dream two - Rescue mission:
[I wish I'd written more notes on this one when I first woke up as it's faded somewhat now]

I'm inside some kind of vessel that could be a submarine or perhaps some a space craft, there's chaos going on with alarms and flashing lights and loud crashing noises and people rushing around reacting to whatever it is that's going on.

The scene flashes forward to some time later when the emergency is over and everyone has settled into the realisation that we are trapped underground. I'm reminded of a story I read of recently of some German soldiers accidentally trapped for several years in a supply depot when it was sealed to keep it from the allies.

The scene changes again, now I'm involved in some kind of rescue/salvage mission.

I'm looking at a map or perhaps an overhead photograph of terrain showing what looks like impact marks in sandy silt at the bottom of a body of water. I can hear a woman's voice explaining that these marks indicate where a vessel hit the ground hard. At one end of the elongated scar there is a dark smudge that it is explained is the craft itself showing dimly through the silt. It turns out that is has come to rest barely below the surface. There is a painful irony that if the crew has realised they were so close to the surface they probably could have found their way out. Indeed, the female voice goolies on to explain that one ends of the vessel is just fractionally protruding above the surface.

On closer inspection, I can see a corner of the craft, an incongruent hard straight line among a vague blurry picture. As we watch, we can even see a little movement and realise that the vessel rocks slightly as crew members within move from one end to the other and we realise that the crew, presumed dead, must still be alive!


Rescue mission for a buried sub cum spaceship

Wow. I've really let myself slide here... I won't post every single dream from January, but I will post the more meaningful/impressive ones. I've been trying Calea Z recently, so I'll mark the ones I had with CZ.

January 01, 2015

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Poor Donna

There was a really surreal moment in one of my dreams this night. I had been with Zukin, planning to go up north. We were driving, and then I sort of blacked out, and then I am in the water, doing a backflip through an innertube, or something. It was all slow motion and when I surfaced, I am in a lake. I swim up to the shore, where Zukin is waiting for me. We were apparently part-way to the property. We had stopped for a break, and now had to get back on the road again. There was a random young man at the beach who told us where we were out of the blue (we knew, and hadn't asked him), and wished us well on our way out. Flash Forward five years, and this man is dating Donna Noble, but was about to break up with her.

January 05, 2015 (With CZ)

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Utter Forgiveness

I was in the woods, running from some kind of wild animal. It caught up to me and was going to attack me, so I tried to strangle it... But then it turned into a human woman (who was now unconscious) and we were suddenly in my Oma's house. I was suddenly very worried. There were others with me now, and I feared (I was almost frenzied) that they would hate me and cast me out if they found out what I'd done.

When someone came into the room and saw the woman, they calmly came to her and picked her up, carried her to the couch and set her down, and began caring for her. They didn't show any signs of being mad at me, and said no words of loathing, scolding, etc. They just understood. It was suddenly very calm and peaceful.



Monsters and Climbing Naked

I was in some sort of apartment building in what I think was my hometown. I was with a group of refugees, and we were watching for signs of the giants that were after us. They were a bit like Titans. We began making plans for how we would be able to get to a checkpoint of some kind, and then enacted the plan. After checking for an all clear, I watched the team zigzag across the lawn of the apartment building. The route was completely counter intuitive and it would have made MUCH more sense to just shoot right for the spot they ended up in... But oh well.

I ran to where they were now, and we ran down the road for a distance. I ducked down an alley, which ended with a blank wall save for a door. I opened the door to find it was a door on the side of a 6th-or-so-floor of a building. And I realized I had nothing but a towel on now. There were stairs leading to the ground, and I had to go down them. I knew I had to, but I didn't know why. I started climbing down the ladder in my towel, and at some point I had to swap hand-holds completely, and it terrified me so much.

January 6, 2015 (With CZ)

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Forbidden(?) Love

I was at a fancy party, but had gotten there with a friend very early. There was no body in the round ballroom yet, so I went to the bathroom, which was for some reason crowded. I was in a huge black dress, and there was a rack for women's skirt cinches. Like, you took it off, put it on the rack, went to piss, and then got it back. I remember the bathroom being a bit steampunk (this whole dream was, really) and claustrophobic. When I got out of the bathroom, the ballroom was packed, and I could no longer find my friend. We were part of a secret rebel group, actually. We were here on a mission. The mission didn't require me to be with my friend, so I wandered about and mingled with the gentry, trying to get information from them. Then, I met a young man in a dashing steampunk-ish suit that looked like it was made to be with my dress. He was a soldier, or a security agent for the government, so we were supposed to be enemies, but I found myself so attracted to him. It was like electricity (yay, Clichés!) He almost literally swept me off my feet on the dance floor, and I was so worried about whether my friend/co-rebel was watching, for fear of being punished by the higherups... But at the end it turned out this man was also a rebel under cover. So it was alright that I had wild sex with him that night :D



Forgot my Shoes...?
For some reason this was a really striking dream. I went to a movie with my little brother and his friends, but realized as I got out of the car that I'd left the house without my shoes, or my wallet, and so he had to pay for me. After the movie, I got back home by walking through parts of the hospital in town. Like, I crossed town inside the hospital. It was like using the Nether to travel longer distances in the Overworld... The hospital is the Nether...

January 07, 2015 (With CZ)

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Home for the Holidays

I was working at some large, private Christian school (which, for the record, is SO not where I would want to teach) and it was the last day before the winter break. There were four or five classes that were normally held right in this huge hallway in the middle of the school, but my class was in a room down one of the side wings. I was walking out of the building and saw some old students and their Christmas projects at their tables in the hallways, and waved at them. I exited the building through the freight entrance thing, where someone was dragging a huge Christmas tree into the building... I wished them all a merry Christmas, and then saw my current mentor teacher in the parking lot. She wished me a merry Christmas, gave me a big hug, and then for some reason offered to wash my windshield for me. It smudged.

I picked up my little brother, brought him to my place, and then our parents came and picked us both us. While in the car, my mom was telling a story of something I had done as a child. Apparently I had gone up to a boy in my class and told him we were going to pair up and do lots of shit together. I had used a specific phrase often, but I can't remember now what that was. During the story, I was showing my [b]MoonMoon[b] in the car; my head was like on the car seat and my feet were hanging over my face? We pulled up to the house I grew up in and my brother and I were fascinated by the renovations my parents had made; the retaining wall to the right of the driveway was now made of lots of petrified logs with the rings facing outwards. They were rainbow as fuck and shiny. The driveway itself was also different. It was now a sort of red brick cobblestone type pavement. There was an ultra hard and transparent bordering on translucent coat over it all so that it would not wear away ever. But there weren't enough bricks apparently, and so there was a huge gap in the driveway where they had dug out the space of the bricks but hadn't had enough. It was like a small trench, and the car had a rough time going over it. I got out of the car and inspected the bricks, really liking the way they sort of shimmered. My neighbor came out, and complimented me on my shirt (I don't remember which one I was wearing).

January 08, 2015 (With CZ)

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Rich and Weird as FUCK

I was a member of a very rich but EXTREMELY eccentric family. We had lots of cuddle sessions with some large animal (I think they were Alpacas) and at some point I was flunking a class because I had a secret poor boyfriend, and so my parents docked one cuddle session per day for a whole month, and I was so sad. But I was really falling in love with who ever this low-class boy was, so I was okay with it all. We thought we had to keep it secret from my family because they would want me to date a rich man's son, but when they ended up finding out, the family was actually very okay with it. They even gave me back that cuddle session when they figured out I was only failing that class because of love.

My family invited him to come on our HUGE yacht (it was more like a personal cruise-ship) to play with the whales. We went to visit the whales at least once a week and they knew us well. they would do tricks and shit when ever they saw us coming. But this time they were all skittish and ended up swimming away from the yacht. We were confused but then a HUGE whale loomed out of the water and floated above the yacht. It had a shit ton of packed snow on its back somehow, and started slowly tilting sideways. I saw the snow start to fall onto the yacht, and panicked because it was enough to seriously harm us. I got knocked over the edge somehow but had hold of the railing, and managed to miss all the snow because of that. I apparently took a snap-video of the whole thing and sent it to my whole contacts list.

I ended up having to go to the bathroom at some point but accidentally went into the men's restroom. And I found out I was pregnant I think. That, or I was on my period and didn't have any supplies... Either way, I was REALLY embarrassed when I found out I was in the men's room. :D

January 13, 2015 (With CZ)

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Fuzzy Cars

I had driven to a clinic for my dad, who was there. I went inside but got scared of something, so I waited outside, where I noticed that there were lots of cars that were fuzzy and blue with brown hoods. Like, almost every other car was like that. It was weird. As if they were living things... A nurse came out of the clinic and offered me some candy to make me feel better since she'd seen me being uncomfortable before.


Sleepover

I was at home, and was having a sleepover in the hot-tub room so we could see a special comet that night. We saw the comet, and then also a double shooting star that arched all the way to the horizon, and stayed lit up for a few whole minutes. It was kinda beautiful!

All that SEAWEED

I was on a trip to Austria with my cohort. Apparently I had driven my car across the ocean, because when I got to the checkpoint, there was a bunch of seaweed all over my car and up in the rims. I remember driving through vivid, beautiful mountains, too.

New City?!

I was in Pokemon Omega Ruby, and was diving next to a cliff or something, and discovered a tunnel I had never seen before. I followed it and surfaced in a new city. I was ready to explore EVERYTHING like I always do in those games, and started talking to people. I ended up signing up for some sort of drawing, but knocked something over on top of someone right away and got disqualified, I think. I went into a store at the other end of this large town square, and talked to some cat-boy thing that had a piece of paper. He kept saying it said something, but every time I looked at it, it said something different. After three different paper messages, I got lucid for a very short time, and wandered around the town a bit. It was low-level lucidity and another of those ones where I just didn't feel the need to try to control anything and just watched what happened.

January 14, 2015 (With CZ)

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August Meals

I was on my way back home from a trip with my little brother, and two of my big brother's best friends, and one of my students who has Autism and his TA. (An odd mix of people)

We stopped at a McDonald's near home because my student. who was in my car in the passenger's seat, was saying he needed a break. He and his TA nearly opened the door before I stopped the car and got out to walk around and screamed a little. I went to the counter (it was like a food truck, but it was a real Micky D's... kinda weird) to order a double cheeseburger meal. I called it by the number, but the lady at the counter was a little confused, and then said, "Ooooh, you mean the August Meal?" I was confused, and she showed me the menu above the counter. Apparently they had started calling their meals by months instead of numbers. What I wanted was now the August Meal. I got a huge rubber car insert that would hold a burger as well as a rubber car drink holder, for free? It was some promotion they were having.

January 17, 2015

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Zuke's Acting Weird

I was at Zukin's place but she was talking to some other guy, ignoring me completely. I was a little upset by this, so I left and went down the road to a different co-op. There was some sort of small-scale party going on, so at first I was held up at the door, but then they let me in and took me upstairs. Zukin is there, in a room that was right above the porch I'd had to wait on. The floor was a really interesting pattern of black metal supports with sturdy glass bricks in them. So you could see down to the porch. It was pretty cool! I find out Zukin is also HERE, with the same guy. She is still talking to him, and it's looking like he is being way too flirty. Knowing that Zukin had her eyes on someone else, I tried to sit with them and deflect this guy's attention away from Zukin. I sat in a triangle with the two of them, so not in between them but not letting them in their own world, either. They started to cuddle, and Zukin was like, "It's all good Kestrel, we're just sharing warms." I said, "I can share warms, too..." But she ignored me and he like crawled over her and started kissing her neck. I sort of glared at Zukin, and she looked at me with this look that said "get lost."

I was so dejected by this that I just sort of wandered away wanting to cry. I looked around the room and had a strange feeling about the room... it seemed like something I had seen before, maybe in a dream... I had the inkling of something being off, especially with how Zukin had acted. She would never do that to me. I continued along the edge of the room and came to the entry to a stairwell with lots of stuff stored in it, and I tried to move stuff so I could go down these stairs... And realized I was completely naked. I tried to remember where my clothes had gone, because I had JUST been wearing them, and that feeling of things being off grew. I panicked, and rand own a different set of stairs to the bathroom. I was facing the door, wondering how I was going to get some clothes, when it hit me that I must be dreaming, which is why everything felt so strange. I looked at my hands and they were all nubby and gross looking.

I left the bathroom not really caring about what I was or wasn't wearing, and left the building and this weird anti-Zukin, to go flying. I had remembered the "go backwards" task just after taking a step forward, which was a little disappointing, but I jumped to fly in search of a crystal ball, instead. It took a few attempts to fly, which is weird because usually I can just do it easily. As soon as I was in the air, something shifted and cracked and the dream ended. I was back in my bed at home. This was either as False Awakening or I actually had woken up. I didn't RC so I don't know.



How Does It FEEL?

I was on a bus in some city with a river running through it. The bus was under a bridge hen there was a siren. It was an air-raid test, apparently, and people started getting off the bus, even though the bus driver was telling them not to, because it as safer in here. About 6 people, including me, stayed on the bus, and the bus driver started driving us around the city more, not letting us off. He said the idea was to look natural, but that we shouldn't be outside at all. Inside the bus was slightly safer, especially if it looked like it was on its normal rounds.

We got to the ocean shore, where there were some docks. He let us off here, saying we should be safe at this point. I looked up and noticed that the clouds were ALL animals. Like, giant sea turtles and eagles flying through the air, or giraffes or lions roaring. Some clouds were pretty patterns when I looked more carefully. I was now only with the bus driver and a kid, who looked a lot like one of my students but didn't quite feel like him. Then shit went down. Three drones of some sort were flying in formation above us, from my left to the right. Then another zoomed past, but stopped, and turned back to us. The bus driver told us to run for the buildings, which we did. The kid and I ran to the nearest building, which happened to be a public restroom. The women's one was locked though, and the men's one had lots of weird stuff stored in it, like a large plastic horse head... We kept going, trying to find places to get indoors while the drones were hovering above people, threatening them.

Things seemed to be over shortly after the kid and I found shelter, and then we walked on a bridge over the river that went through the city. I told him that if we walked down a path by the water, we would get back to where the bus had been when all this had started.

Somehow I ended up at home. For some reason I was laying down on the driveway, perhaps just glad that the "test" air raid was done. My eyes were closed, and when I opened them, there was one of the drones right above me. Like it was hovering less than a foot above my body, covering me completely. It tilted so that the end of it was touching my inner thigh, and it as saying things like "how does it feel to be violated? you space is penetrated, how does that feel, eh?" I was so scared but thankfully I woke up.

I walk through a portal that takes me up to this stone island floating in the air. Mostly it's this pillar of rough stone but the top, where I'm standing, is level. I walk around the tree in the center and through a second portal - this one takes me back down to the surface, just a few feet away from where I started. Superficially, it doesn't really seem like I'm doing anything aside from walking around - but the act of someone passing through the portals in sequence is leaving a mark, setting something up. I think of stitching a thread through fabric.

To get to the next portal I have to swim across a river. As I'm swimming, I think briefly about growing gills and just walking across the bottom, it might have been more pleasant. I decide to stick with what I've got.

The next portal takes me to an almost identical stone island, except this time there are five portals up here. I step through the first one, and it takes me only a few feet away, in front of the next portal. I'm exasperated by this setup, but I go with it, passing through each portal in sequence. But before I step through the last portal that should take me back to the surface, I step to the edge of the rock and look down, curious about where I am exactly.

Far below, I can see a mountain range. There are two rows cut into the side of the mountain, one on top of the other, with closely-spaced openings for doorways carved into the side of the rock. There are rooms inside - I walked along those paths on my way here. I remember looking up and seeing these two floating islands, and wondering how to get up there. But something occurs to me - I look around for the other floating island, the one I was on just before, and confirm it. Yes - it's still floating upside-down, with the flat surface and the tree on the bottom instead of the top, like an Escher sketch. When I was standing over there, I must have also been standing upside down, at least relative to here. I feel dizzy.

As Hemlock Grove's Roman, me and Peter have just entered this old abandoned tower, and I'm showing off some of the tricks I've picked up since the last time we saw each other. I turn myself into a cloud of bats, thinking of this as something I'd learned from that one previous dream, and I come out of it high on the wall, looking down at Peter watching me, able to hold myself up against the vertical wall just by gripping with my hands - it's not completely effortless, but it's still easy. It's a rush. I'm having so much fun showing off with Peter, I want to laugh. This makes me start thinking something about connections with people, and then there's a memory gap.

The next scene I remember is in a different part of the same building, the memory gap only lasted for about one or two changes of scene. I'd climbed up into the metal rafters and I've been heading up in a spiral, and I've just come across a closed door; but I'm not playing around anymore, I'm in a hurry, either chasing or being chased by something. The door has no handle on this side, so I hammer on it and shout, "Open the door. Open the door, mom!" (I was thinking of someone specific by 'mom', but whoever she was, it wasn't my IRL mother or the mother of the character I'd started the scene as - I'm not sure I'm still playing his role by this point.) Door still doesn't open, and I'm not surprised. I step back and look at it. There's no way to open it from this side, just a keyhole big enough to look through - I can see some light through it, and I have the feeling I'm meant to look through it, and that thought pisses me off. I grip the side of the door, forcing my fingers into the gap between the door and the frame, and I wrench it open.

The other side of the door leads to somewhere else completely, unconnected to the building I was just in. It's incredibly vivid, nothing like the dream I'd been having up until this point - which hadn't seemed un-vivid in any way, but I'm thinking of this as a completely different way of seeing things. I'm in a stone hallway, brownish-yellowish stones, filled with many doors, all of them wooden, arched, narrow, dull red. I still have that sense of being in a hurry, and I immediately go to open the first door to my left. But as I do, I hear a woman's voice - the mother I'd referred to before - shouting this strangled "No!" and I hear the sound of a door closing, and footsteps in a hurry. And then I'm awake.

(Really awake, none of the usual transition, just footsteps and "No!" and suddenly in my bed with my eyes open. Was convinced I'd been woken up by the actual front door and actual footsteps - which is not unusual, I sleep while other people are up - but no, just the dream. Back to sleep.)

As Constantine (rhymes with turpentine), I've been in a police interrogation room for a while now when they let in this elegant older woman to see me, calling her "Mrs. Constantine." She's supposed to be my mother, which is a lie of course, my mother being long dead, but I instantly play along with the act. Memory gap, and then I'm being put in a holding cell, and I try to convince someone I pass along the way to have the police find that woman and pick her up, quick. Not sure I made myself clear, though, I'd been passing out, having a hard time staying conscious. I can see the brown smoke of her spell wrapping around me. Blacked out.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

I had a classroom scene, so I went lucid and walked out. I didn't have any particular destination in mind aside from getting out of the school, and the first door that I reached for took me into the kitchens - still meant to be part of the school. The next door I can find is a refrigerator door, and I give that a shot - no good, I open it and find food inside. I think to myself that this is probably too strong an association to bother trying again, so I remove the refrigerator from the wall. There's a white wooden door behind it. This one opens onto a satisfyingly different scene - rolling green hills and a mountain in the distance that I mentally compare to Mt. Fuji from its size and the way it dominates the landscape, though otherwise they don't look alike.

I walk along a paved road leading towards that mountain. At one point I come across a house, and the road divides so that one path leads up a slope to that building and down again to rejoin the main road on the other side, and I'm admiring the organic shape of both the road and the house. It's a white one-story building composed of several rounded rooms, with a reddish-brown shingled roof with little spires over each rounded room. There were quite a few plants that I was admiring, and gardening tools, but I knew this was going to be too much detail for me to remember, and a lot of it didn't have any IRL comparisons I could easily make, to make it easier to remember. I focus on a couple woven baskets lying on a bench, with lids with little spires like the ones on the roof, the last thing I focus on as the path leads me back down to the main road.

The path leads me into a town, or a small city maybe, starting in a little square with two clocks standing on black iron poles. Both of them show the same time, 3:00, with the second hand pointing down at the 6; a bell tolls, and then they both run backwards, until every hand points to the top, midnight exactly.

The path leads on to another square, this one with a big brass bell. There are a fair number of people in the streets around me now, but I'm only paying attention to one - a man standing beneath that bell. He calls me over. He's this older man, and I mentally compare him to Mister Rogers, that sort of friendly and wise and harmless impression. His speech is slurred and very deliberate, as if he has a hard time forming English words. He says quite a few things about me heading for the mountain, and preparing for that, and he mentions K., an old IRL friend who I haven't gotten in touch with for a long time. I'm a little frustrated by knowing I'm not going to be able to remember all these details when I wake up, and I'm having a hard time picking and choosing which parts to focus on, but I hold up a hand to stop him and ask about K., ask him to clarify - is he saying I need K. with me at the mountain, that I can't do it alone? He's surprised by the question. He says, no, you can go on alone. And he compares me to "a dry martini: high in the hand, but hard to keep it." Okay, that's suitably convoluted phrasing that I'm definitely not going to remember that unless I wake up now. I choose to wake up so I can remember at least some of what he's said. I regret this decision almost instantly.

I was driving on a highway with Desirae thinking of why people have been saying I've gotten buffer. I thought maybe it was from the boxes of coin I carry around. I noticed the snow covered mountains in the distance and the river below me. The further I went, the colder I knew the water was. I said "The water is so cold here." I was suddenly swimming in it and doing some underwater obstacle course with Valery. I had trouble going through one and when I did, Valery was blocking the way to the surface. I woke up gasping for air.

December 07, 2014

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Minecraft Meets AoT

I was in Minecraft, and there were HUGE pigs and whatnot. Like... HUGE. The size of mountains. They took a lot of hits to kill, even with a diamond sword with enchantments. But when I finally did get one of them to fall, I got a shit-ton of porkchops. I also killed a giant chicken, and it dropped one massive chicken, already cooked. I was sitting there, eating it, when I encountered a massive pair of siblings. I was in a hammock over the door in a kitchen, right next to a fridge. I was having trouble getting the meat off the tendons for some reason, when the children came. They were so big. I think they were trying to kill me, becaue the next thing I knew, one of their fists was coming down on me.

I flew up higher than the Titan children could reach, but they seemed to be getting all the larger. I was flying through a mountainous landscape, looking at the huge chickens and pigs and cos below me.




Ruins Fee

I was on a large boat with my brothers, and we were headed for an island in Thailand, or just off the coast, or something. It had ancient ruins on it, and we wanted to go see them. I parked the boat rather sloppily, and then had to redo it a few times because the person who was supposed to catch the rope I threw wasn't there and I kept missing.

When I finally did get us docked, the dock master asked for the parking payment and entrance fee to the island. It was the Thai equivalent of $35. Or it was 35 bot, which is like one US dollar, I believe. Anyways, I didn't have any money, so I asked my big brother if I could borrow some money from him. But just as I was paying the dock-master, our mom came up on a jet ski and told us we had to leave here at 3:00 because our grandparents had just gotten into town. It was already 2:53, so we basically had to leave right then.

December 01, 2014

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I was a new resident/member of a co-op that doubled as a comedy theater troup... I was going to be in a skit with two others for the next show, so I was trailing them to get used to the place. It turns out basically the whole troup is involved in some kind of scandalous murder, even though they didn't know it. There was a group of them that was orchestrating it all, using the other members as pawns in their schemes. The two I was with were the only ones who knew about it and tried to stop the baddies. We went to the leader of the troup, who we believed to be unaware of what was going on. We told him about it all, and he was really worried and told us to keep on our toes and watch out for ourselves.

Our assignment for chores that day was to clean downstairs, so the two of them and I went downstairs to clean. We ended up near the boiler room, and we heard the voices of the baddies, and scattered. I ended up in the boiler room, alone. It was pitch dark, and hot. Suddenly there was a faint red light from across the room. There were stairs there, and someone was coming down. It was the leader. He came up to a spot in the pipes and there was the REAL leader, hanging in the pipes. He had overgrown facial hair and looked really ragged. The Fake Leader said something like, "There you are, you little fool. You want your food, eh? Here you are. You little fool." He talked to the real leader like an animal in a cage. The real leader was like a savage now. His eyes were like an animal's and he was tearing at the food. The Fake Leader was patting him on the head and grinning.

Then I heard screams from upstairs, and left in a panic, but unseen and unheard by the Fake Leader, who stayed with the real leader. When I got upstairs, everything was fine. Turns out, it was because of the skit at dinner. Apparently that's what they did there; there was a skit during dinner every day. The crowd was screaming/laughing at it, but I had only heard the screaming from downstairs. I met my two friends who were alright and already at the table. They had been worried about me but were glad to see I was alright. I told them I had to talk to them later, and went to get some food.

All the food was in a bus for some reason. The buffet was set up along the back wall of the bus. I was trying to get specific kinds of lettuce from the bowl of salad, but they kept falling to the floor when I did. I gave up on it and decided to just get some pizza squares and a piece of the cake. Just as I was putting the last bit of food on my plate, the bus started moving. Apparently we were going on a field trip in the mountains. I was trying to make sure my food didn't spill, and apparently I was sitting in the "adult seat," which was undesirable. It was higher up and the table in front of it was too low. Oh well. I set down my food and looked out the window to watch the scenery go by. The bus was on a high bridge over a valley with lots of buffalo in it. I took my spoon and pretended to scoop up the buffalo. Like, every time I scooped them, the buffalo there scattered. It was like I was controlling them from my seat in the bus.

Then, I was flying over the heard. In another valley, there was a heard of humans, too. I flew over them as well, along a river gorge. The landscape was green and grassy and at the same time somehow red-dirt desert-y. It's hard to explain.

I flew closer to the ground now, and saw a group of people at the top of the next hill. There were lots of children and some people I know, so I landed there and milled amongst the people... I saw a small elephant being tackled by some kids. It was actually a little disturbing, as it reminded me of that picture of the little elephant being attacked by some lionesses. I watched this elephant go by me, and then walked up to the ledge of the river gorge, where there were a line of children sitting down. I looked over the ledge; it was very high up. I saw my mom's high school friend, H, nearby. I called her over, and asked her when the bus would be back, and where it would pick us up. She shrugged. She told me that the bus driver would call her when they got there and tell her where to meet them. She handed me her phone and asked if I wanted to keep it so I would know when and where to go. I shook my head and gave it back to her, wondering if I should just make my way back down to the road and wait there. But I didn't know if the bus would come right up to the cliff to pick us up, so I stayed there for the time being.

I walked through some scattered trees to a little plaza with a fountain. I sat on a stone bench that circled the fountain. There was an annoying mascot thing with a huge hunk of cheese trying to get me to take a selfie with it. I turned around to face the rest of the mountain above us (we were about half-way up the mountain here). It was beautiful; the mountain side was all bare except for these tall, skinny, wooden animal figures. They were made with different colors of wood and stood along the mountainside, all looking as if they were walking in the same direction (to my right). There was a vast landscape of them, and something about them was tribal, though I can't pinpoint what it was. I took out my phone to take a picture of it so I would be able to see it forever, but every time I hit the button to take a picture, the view would switch to front-facing and take a selfie. The stupid mascot thing was in all of them, too. It was getting in my way, and I was convinced it was the one making my camera do that. I elbowed it in the stomach to make it go away, and turned back to the mountain above us. But it was different. There were large, almost junglish trees scattered instead of the animal figures.

I said, "WHAT GIVES. It's different!" And then I realized, and said, "WAIT. Haha! I'm dreaming!" I looked down at my hands and confirmed that I was dreaming. I grinned. There were so many children around, and I wanted to try the task from last month about telling a kid they were in a dream. It was too late for that one, but I still wanted to try it.

I walked up to a kid who was sitting on the crest of the grassy hill, and said, "Hi! My name is Ms. Kestrel. What's your name?"
"Nathan..."
"Hi Nathan! Where are you from?"
"I'm from BC. Where are you from?"
"Oh, I'm from around there! I'm from K."
"Oh, nice." Nathan smiled.
"Actually. Do you wanna know something?"
"What?"

I said, "You know how sometimes you are dreaming, and you realize you're dreaming, while you dream?"
Nathan brightened up and nodded. "Yeah, I've heard of that!"
"It's called lucid dreaming. This is my lucid dream right now. That means you're from my subC, actually."

I watched for his reaction. At first he was just blank, but then he says, "Maaannn. Oh that's just TERRIBLE."

He sounded dejected but also detached, like he didn't actually care. I patted his back and stood up. Now, I wanted to do at least one of the December tasks. The one that came to mind first was to throw a snowball at a DC.

I looked around. No snow here... But I was on a mountain, and snow was normal on a mountain. All I had to do was go higher up and I was sure I'd find snow. I jumped up to hover a foot above the ground. Once I was sure of my stability, I flew close to the ground up the mountain until I hit the road above us. I turned to my right, where the road curved over a bridge surrounded by trees. The trees created a sort of tunnel around the road. I hovered through this tunnel and on the other side, I heard a different stream. It sounded cold somehow, and I was happy to see some snow on the railings at the side of the road. I scooped it up with my hand, but it was all powdery, not good for a snowball. It actually felt more like fake snow. I kept taking samples, getting closer to the river, which was mostly frozen over. I kept getting powdery, fake-ish snow. I turned to the trees, and saw a clump of snow gathered in the branches. Powdery snow wouldn't clump like that, so I was hopeful for this patch. I scooped it up, and packed it into a nice snowball. Perfect. Now I turned back up to the road, and turned back to the direction I had come from. I flew back through the tunnel of trees, and then left back to the plaza. There were stone stairs downward. The fountain thing was to my right, and there was a stone tunnel ahead of me, where I saw all the kids leaving.

I called out, "HEY KIDS!" And Nathan and a few others turned right as I threw the snowball. They were looking at it like I had thrown an angry, venomous snake at them, not a simple snowball. They shrieked and some of them cried. Until they realized it was a snowball, and it missed them. It landed on the ground between Nathan and another kid, and powdered them all with snow, rolling along the ground with un-dampened velocity as far as I could see, leaving a line of snow where it rolled and showering the kids with snow as it passed.

The kids all started laughing and cheering, and said "THAT WAS AMAZING!!" And started playing in the snow.

I was pretty satisfied with that, and decided to just fly upwards until I lost the dream (I could already feel it was ending soon). I didn't make it very far before I woke up.

November 11, 2014

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UGh. This was NOT a fun dream. This is the first time I've had a lucid nightmare...



I was walking in the mountains outside my Big City, with Zukin and my brothers. We had decided to go camping or whatever near the top of one of the peaks. (I think it was to the northeast of the city, based on the general feeling I had, though I'm not positive)

The place was weird. It had a jungle-gym-like entrance (it was either a rope tunnel upwards to the second floor, or something), but there was also a normal entrance near a picnic table. The house thing went into the rock-wall behind it, which was way cool. I was sitting on this picnic bench with the others, and looking around. There was a balcony-type veranda thing behind me and to the right, which I liked to sit on. To my right, which was downhill, the driveway thing slip like a wishbone to make a sort of turn-around where it met the road. To my left, which was further up the hill, there were other houses or something. It went around a left-turn and we couldn't see what was past this area.

We acquired some guests, and there was a point where I could see a parking lot in the city, where I knew one of the people we were expecting was leaving from. So I knew when they left. None of us had cars apparently, so we were kinda stuck (I iguess we could walk there, but we could only drive away). This guy came leaping past us (like in John Carter) and he was about to leap right over the house and onwards, but we convinced him to stay. It was here that I sort of had the feeling I was dreaming, but I didn't do a reality check.

Then , the person we were expecting arrived; it was my ex. Then I knew I must be dreaming, because A) we don't talk much anymore and B) he's living on the other side of the country haha. I looked at my hands, and realized I was dreaming.

But it really wasn't a very high level of awareness.

That's when I started getting a bad feeling about the place. There was a beautiful sunset, and good company, and an amazing house to stay in for the night, but I couldn't shake this slightly bad feeling. It got worse as the sun set more (and, knowing my dreams, sunsets/darkening of the world in general are beautiful but a bad sign)

It seemed to be in a perpetual state of sunset, though for the most part. Then a car drove past, coming down from the mountain. When I looked in the windows, I could have sworn I saw creepy-ass ghoul faces staring at me. I blinked, and there was a lone man in the driver's seat. The car went down to the rode, and ended up turning around to come back up. The driver unrolled his window and asked the guests we'd gathered if they wanted rides down the mountain. They all readily agreed.

Watching them leave, packed into that little sedan, was like watching my own death or something, for some reason. I was suddenly vary anxious, and said to my brothers, ex and Zukin, "Let's go inside... like now."

They all nodded and got up to go inside, but I had a little makeup bag filled with various kinds of sweets, mostly chocolate. As I picked it up, my hands were shaking so much that I dropped it and the sweets rolled all over the place. I grew even more frantic, and told them all to wait for me. The only one who wasn't inside yet was my big brother, who was stepping inside the door. I stammered, "Wait B don't leave me out here you need to WAIT!!!!" (the last word was shrill, cracked, hysterical)

I was on my hands and knees trying to gather up the dispersed sweets, barely able to put them back into the bag. My brother stopped, turned, and came to help me. He asked me what was wrong, but all I could get out was, "I don't know. I'm scared and I don't know why but I'm so scared!" I was still shaking so much I couldn't even pick up chocolates anymore. He picked them up and helped me put them back in the little makeup pouch, but at this point I was covering my ears and rocking back and forth, and my eyes were shut so tight it hurt. He asked what was so important about the sweets and what was wrong, again.

I didn't even know. "I DON'T KNOW. I'm just so scared. I don't know why and I hate it I hate it I really, really hate it..!"

There was a swooshing sound and I screamed at the top of my voice.

Then I woke up... I RC'd about 15 times, using various of the methods to be sure I was awake
It was only 1:40 am. For the next hour at least, I was just laying there, still very edgy. I was convinced my room was haunted, that there was something looming over me. Every time I closed my eyes I could see it; It was wrapped in some sort of cloth, almost like a mummy mixed with a zombie, but it had no face, and didn't move an inch, ever. I could sense it and hear it, in a really weird, disconnected way.
There were also some noises. There was a scratching once, and a clang another time, and then a thump around half an hour after I woke up... Could have been anything, but I was convinced there was something evil in my room, and so it was very hard to fall back asleep.

November 02, 2014

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I was interning in a new classroom, at a new school... it was right next to a strip mall of sorts. During the lunch break on my second or third day there, I realized I'd forgotten to pack a lunch, and so I went to the strip mall to try and find some food. I decided to stop by a clothing store since I needed a new shirt, but when I asked the floor helper about a simple shirt, she just pointed at my stomach and chin and scoffed that there would be NOTHING in my size in this store. I left that place, but first I looked around the bottom floor and passive-aggressively fucked with some stuff.

I couldn't find a fast food place, but there did end up being a little steampunk-y Japanese place inside the Target or something. I went there, and ordered something called a Haru Dish (hah, one of my students' names is Haru). The chef who was putting my dish on the tray was messing with me, pretending "that was all" with each little added ingredient. I was in a hurry to get back to class because my break was almost over, but the guy did make me feel better about what had happened at the clothing store, because he was trying to make me smile.

By the time I did have my food and was able to start walking back to the school, apparently not only was lunch break over, but the bell was ringing for everyone to go home; I'd missed the entire afternoon... I tried to find someone to tell that I was sorry, but no one was there. I did find a bike, though. I got on the bike and rode it far down the main street the school was on. I rode the bike all the way out of town (apparently most of the town was in that strip mall) and into a sprawling, flat desert-like place. It got dark, and I met my little brother, who had my car. I put the bike in the trunk, and we both started driving back to the small town. Apparently I had sunglasses on that was making my vision all wonky; I could only see in a horizontal line and I couldn't drive this way, so I asked my brother to find my normal glasses and give them to me.

I stopped the car at the side of the road still a few miles out of the town, and we decided to walk the rest of the way. There were mountains with shrubs and trees to our right, and a bike trail led out into those mountains. I decided to take that trail (and apparently it was somehow sunset again, not night like it had been a little bit ago).

I rode the bike through the mountains for what seemed like a long time, and hope I wouldn't get lost... eventually I came out of the mountains and came back to that main street just outside of town. My brother was at the trail-head with my car again, and we drove back to the school.