non-lucid

Journal Entry non-lucid #25 Dream, non-dream (Comments)
Background: My cousin was telling me about his first LD. I was happy for his fast success, btw he did it with WILD. He doesn't have to do reality checks. For some reason he has SP with imagery at the beginning of sleep. I wish somebody told me about LD when I was a kid.

Dream fragment 1, 5:01am-6:10am."": Me, another girl and another boy were trying to change the school system. We confronted one teacher. We changed the thermostat. We walked up or down these stairs. It was the weirdest stairs ever. It was an illusion of going up but we were actually going down. As we were going through the stairs, an Asian kid pops up and starts telling me about the mistreatment of black people along time ago. As he was telling me this I thought yes that is true but the mistreatment of fellow Asian is unspoken of. The kid started changing back and forth between Asian and black. We tried to navigate around the weird school. We saw stairs that led to more stairs, particularly smaller stairs. I saw stairs coming out of the wall. I lost the two other people with me, but I finally came outside of the school. I saw this guy throwing food at these workers. I warned him if he throws something at me we will have problems. I walked up to a table and I saw really old friends from middle school. I said, whats up and named them. I was spot on in the dream.

Dream fragment 2, 5:01am-6:10am I was playing some music on my computer. Their was some white kid in my house. Well their was two but I met one of them first. I wast telling him about LD. I told him how it is much easier to master if you are a child. One child seemed very interested and wanted to learn more the other one started rolling his eyes. I told him about how my cousin, after me badgering him to try LD, tried it and had a LD in a day's time. I then searched something on the internet and found a Russian cat video. The cat was about 5 ft in the video. I then had a cat in my house and I was trying to give it a bath. It got scared and hid under my bed.

February 2, 2014

Review: dreamt rude guests prevent me from falling asleep. I finally 'fall asleep' and dream within a dream. About an evil salesman.

Rude Guests
Two random dudes are staying over, mom's treat. I'm trying to go to sleep, but its now past 3am and the two dudes are still being loud and annoying in the living room. I interupt their gaming several times but I was never able to tell them to just shut up and go to sleep.

It seems like a couple of more hours pass, meanadering through the house, waiting for some peace and quiet. Finally, its past 5am, the sun is rising and the two go to sleep. And when I went to the kitchen to grab some water they acted like I was now the rude one preventing their sleep.

I use the restroom and my little cousin harrasses me. And then finally, I crawl into bed and fall asleep.

Evil Salesman
A naive salesman is being shown the ropes. He's shown that he's really serious about this new gig, which looks like a pyramid scheme to me. His managers show him, or rather, pitch to him, how awesome this reward is if he makes all of his sales.

A brand new car! His managers must have repeated this lame ass pitch a hundred times before. I'm checking out this car reward. It's a total fake. Viewed from another angle you can see the car is a wreck. But whatever, the idiot is sold on his new sales gig.

The boss shows up and shows the new guy the other rewards and merchandise, just right behind the car. Some of this merchandise were perscription drugs being sold for a quarter of the price. But they were left outside to the elements and have spoiled rotten.

Finally I get pissed off and say "You can't sell these meds! They've gone bad! You'll kill someone!"

The boss didn't like me questioning him. But since I wasn't one of his lackies he just asks me to leave this private affair. Fine, whatever.

I walking away when my friend, Kitd, pulls me aside. She got into this business and but needs help getting out, it's a total mafia she explains. For talking to me in private like this, the big boss threatens her.

He curses and curses and threatens to kill her!

"Hey, you can't talk to my friend like that!"

But before I could fight the boss my friend insists we should make a run for it. Is she fast! I couldn't keep up. I try flying instead. We run/fly to an elevator. The boss was right behind us and catches the next elevator. The two elevators had a window so we can see each other. His eyes were murderous.

I slam on the window and threaten him back "If you lay a finger on her, I will kill you!"

From the elevator we make way to an airport. This was a futuristic airport, only the size of a room. The security here is fierce. My friend had an instant pass and I just flew over the security guards heads. But the boss couldn't get through so easily and the guards stopped him at the gates to see some proper ID. It bought us a few minutes.

We sit down at a strange terminal. My friend types in an address. Rather than a plane, this machine teleports you. In an instant, we are teleported to safety.

I go out the house door. I see my niece running around screaming and crying and I see my family and neighbors crowding around something across the street. So I walk over there to see what the fucks happening. I walk passed people and see new born kittens and two adult kittens. I hear someone say it's dying. I automatically think kittens are dying, but then I see the mother lying there motionless. My grandma picks up the mother cat and blood is shooting out of its chest like a squirt gun. The blood hit a few of my family members and they bitch. My grandma takes the cat all the way back to in front my door, my uncle tells her to just throw it away as it's already losing too much blood. She almost does but I get pissed and grab the cat from her hands and put my palm over the little hole on her chest and apply great pressure. Then I give them one final dirty look before I take her into the house and take her to my sisters room. I sit on my sisters bed and my sister watches. I now have a wet napkin and I clean the blood off her, and apply pressure with the wet napkin. I see that the hole has blood clotted a bit, and that relieves me. And the cats seems to be more lively and she even walks about on my sisters bed, but then I accidentally knocked the scab off the cats chest and blood starts shooting out the cats chest again full force, So I grab the cat and apply pressure again and yell at my self. I feel bad that I hurt the cat. Then I walk with the cat in my arms out my sisters room and the hole in the cats chest is scabbed again and I let the cat walk around the entirety of the house and when my family try to touch her I smack their hands away. They wanted to throw her away anyways.

Dream Fragment: Me my sister and grandma are on my brown couch and we all can't get comfortable, so we're basically rotating stiffly all angles. I end up upside down, my sister sideways head towards me and my grandma on the other side of me sideways head towards me and we complain the whole time and the damn middle couch thing pops out and inconveniences us.

2/3/14

Nap around 3pm :6:15pm

DR1:

I made plans with omkar to go to the movies. We buy tickets, but can't go that day for some reason. But we can go on Thursday. I llok at a clock, and it x:15, and movie starts at x:30. We gonna miss the movies. I'm thinkin how it will be to meet another lder in waking life.

DR2:

I'm falling asleep and someone is waking me or trying to make me to something. I whisper to her: I'm WILDing right now, get off. Another person comes and lays accross my legs, and I whispershout at her the same thing.

So before this one I had another non lucid dream that I got up and took notes on around 4. Went back to bed, had this and woke up 3 minutes before my alarm at 5.

It started as me watching a gun fight out side, there was green grass around and it was a little hilly. Somehow it morphed into me in a gun fight and the background was now a convenience store. I had a hand gun and was taking people out left and right. I wound up getting an uzi from one of them and took some more out. Again I had a hand gun and there was a guy with a plastic badge hanging from his pocket with glasses. He was suspicious so I took him out. It didn't seem like my bullets were doing much to him but they took him down regardless. I got a box of ammunition off of him and was going to reload my gun. I ejected the clip and looked at it. It was a strange clip that went from small to big and back to small to big again. I wasn't sure how to get the bigger bullets past the smaller opening. I realized that if I put the clip back in my gun and pulled it out again that I could will it to the size of the bullet that I had in the box. I had to find out what size the bullet was in the box so I looked at the box to read the size. As I was focusing on the letters on the box (which were very out of focus), instantly I was in a bed reading a tag on a pillow I believe. This was a sort of false awakening but I already knew it was a dream at this point. I did a RC (hand check) here and realized it was a dream. LUCID: It was very dark in the room and trying to stabilize on my hand was pretty hard. I felt kind of stable in the dream. I got up out of bed after some fighting with the darn covers. To the right was a small window and I contemplated going out that but decided to explore the house to see what house I was in. I went toward the door and opened it. I looked at my hand again to try to get more stable but it was still really dark. There was a hallway to my right and a banister in front of me. I tried to go right but was frozen in place, I couldn't move. After a little stress I woke up. This has happened to me before while I was flying in the dark I couldn't control where I was going. I think that I wasn't stable enough. I totally spaced out on using vocal commands and tactile stabilization techniques. Pretty sucky for my first lucid in about 10 days.

I'm flying down the center of a stairwell.

At the bottom of the stairs, I switch to 3rd person. This is a college, and classes are letting out. There's this incredibly beautiful androgynous person who stops a guy in the hall and talks to him, then s/he gives him this piece of paper with a small square smear of something dark green on it. This color will alter the guy's personality. The guy takes it, and he refers to them as boss and generally acts friendly and cheerful, but he's careful not to actually touch the color. S/he tells him to find a place without any people.

The guy heads up the stairs to the second floor, and I switch to his POV. Most of the classrooms have a few people in them even though they're between classes, but I find one where the chairs have been stacked up on the tables, I figure no one's going to be using this classroom for the rest of the night, and I call the boss over. S/he gives me some more of those papers, with different colors on them and labels giving an idea of their effects, and tells me to distribute them to some of the other students here. I go to do so, but then realize I've mixed up the one s/he gave me with the others. It was clear when s/he was talking to me in the empty classroom that s/he expected me to have already taken it, and now I'm worried about making them mad. When I can't find it again, I wind up taking a different one instead, a slightly lighter colored green, the closest match I could find. Immediately after, I find the one I was looking for, and I wonder whether it's safe to take two. I take it anyway.

I'm talking to someone against the boss's wishes. I consider myself loyal to the boss, but s/he's got a self-destructive streak that I have no problem acting against. Those papers would have prevented me from doing so, but taking two of them sort of cancelled each other out, the changes they caused didn't stick. This guy I'm talking to is a detective or something similar, and I'm telling him a woman's name. He has others working for him and he has them ask after the woman.

I'm a different character in that same college setting. There are police or military or something surrounding an angel - which looks nothing at all like a human, I mostly have an impression of a vast white face like a mask or a doll, twice the height of a man, alien and hostile. I'm thinking to myself that I can't die, it's impossible, like I'm trying to convince myself, but seeing that angel shook me - something about seeing something that old, something that existed before I was created. The disembodied observer side of me is thinking that although the character side of me isn't aware of it, there's some connection between me-the-character and that angel.

As the same character, I'm talking to a woman, and ask her to lend me some money. I don't need a lot, just something to get me into a game, I'm confident as long as I have some money to start with I can easily multiply it. She's disgusted, says it's always the same with me. She gave me a business (I have some mental association here with both religion and gambling) and she expected me to run it, so why am I still doing this? I find this ridiculous of her. I had absolutely no interest in the business she gave me.

I'm talking to someone about characters from Buffy - but all but one of us here are aware that I'm just using them as metaphors to talk about us. The one who isn't aware, who thinks I'm just talking about fictional characters, gets bored and leaves, but I keep using the metaphor. I'm saying, no, Giles's problem was that he knew exactly what his - and more importantly, Buffy's - destiny was supposed to be, and he knew it wasn't going to happen. Hence his downward spiral; he knew what they should be doing, and yet there was nothing he could do. I'm looking at a woman who I equate with Buffy as I say this.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

I've just driven to my IRL mother's house from a lake, and decided I'm too tired to drive back to the lake tonight, I'll spend the night. Mom gets me a coffee, there's chunks of chocolate floating on the top, I'm thinking about how much I appreciate her thinking to provide comfort food like that. The coffee's too bitter for my taste. I'm thinking that's odd, since I usually drink black coffee. We talk about how tired I've been, and she says it's due to the work I've been doing. I think that's strange, since the job I've been doing is easy, but she says anything you're not used to will tire you out, and relates it to her own similar experience.

Regina is surrounded by people she resents and is saying "Get me my advisor. Now!" As a disembodied observer, I'm pleased to hear this - the advisor she's referring to is Rumpelstiltskin, and earlier someone used a similar phrasing and tone to ask for their father, so I take this parallel as an indication that she's viewing Rumpelstiltskin as a father figure, which was something I wanted.

As Rumpelstiltskin, I've been recently de-cursed but have made sure no one else realizes that. I'm looking through a cabinet for an object related to the situation Regina's currently in. I find it: a small statue of a man in armor standing beside a stone pillar with what looks like Chinese characters on it. I pick up the pillar, removing it from the rest of the statue. I'm talking to myself as I do this, saying "You're here, but are-" I hear Regina's soldiers arriving outside, come to fetch me. I've been expecting them. I immediately pocket the pillar and statue and adopt a pose appropriate for my old cursed self, irritating my bad knee for a moment but making sure no one else will be able to tell it's bothering me, adopting a mindset and mannerisms as if I were putting on a costume and mask, though it takes effort to mimic what used to come naturally - that manic delight and curiosity and energy and attention focused in a million different directions at once. I'm getting used to faking this, though, and am more worried about whether that trinket I'm carrying will work.

I was with S and H. We were at a theme park and were going to ride some roller coaster. Supposedly it was a roller coaster that H had designed. Because... my high school friend can design a roller coaster I guess.
Anyways, the thing is, I don't really like roller coasters, not because I am scared of them, but because I tend to get sick on them. and usually after just one ride, I am a crabby, headache ridden motion sick wreck or a person. But S and H talked me into it and we get on the coaster.
Anyways we are the only ones riding, S and H are together in the front car, and I am in the second car. The roller coaster starts pulling us uphill and I notice that the roller coaster goes up quite a ways into the air, at least a few hundred feet. It has a red and orange metal track. But other than that doesn't have any design features that are that spectacular. I start to have second thoughts when I notice that I cannot even see the top because it is obscured by some fog. (The dream was overcast.-ish.)
We peak the hill and drop off. But I get none of the uncomfortable feelings that I usually associate with roller coasters, but instead a thrilling free fall followed by an exhilarating turn. (The way a roller coaster should feel.)
I then thought about how I should try to "absorb" the experience and replicate it in a lucid dream. Little did I realize that I was already in a dream, so having that sort of thinking was actually somewhat funny.
I decided to simulate flying in a lucid dream. I tried to imagine what this location would look like without the roller coaster and I put my hands out in front of me in the form of fists, trying to pretend that I was flying like Superman. But, because I was already in a dream, the roller coaster track faded from existence, along with the other cars and my friends. The only thing that didn't fade was the second roller coaster car. Also, the fog cleared and it became sunny out.
I was flying, but I was still strapped in. I was the one keeping the car aloft. And sure, the thing was practically weightless. But I still felt cumbersome. So I broke the latch that was keeping me strapped into my seat, and dropped the coaster car into a nearby lake.
Then the man who built the coaster/ran the theme park came over and started complaining to me. I was just floating there over the lake. He said that he wanted the coaster car recovered from the lake. So I kindly hovered down into the water, and lifted the car up with one arm. I deposited the car on the shore of the lake and the man thanked me.
Something was up, I had to reality check. Even though I was pretty much full lucid. So I decided to land. Next to [where the coaster was] was an open parkland area with some trees. I landed and did a nose pinch RC for a really long time, like ten seconds. It failed, but I was still thoroughly convinced that I was dreaming.
Now I'm going to skip what happened in the dream after this because a.) it's personal. b.) some could find it offensive. c.) it's BORING AS HECK!
So I had a false awakening in my own bedroom. Lost lucidity and woke up not long after that.

Just had a double dream.

Was laying in bed half asleep, then heard my parents in the other room, figured I was in the process of waking up. My dog Rambo wanted out so I got up and went to the door and opened it so he could get out then laid back down in bed. I looked at my desk and laptop from my perch in bed and saw that there was some sort of game being played on the screen. A shooter. And it was playing itself. So I slid back out of bed over to the desk (at the foot of my bed), grabbed the mouse and started taking over for the game. It was a first person shooter, and had pretty decent graphics if you ask me. Stylized, digitized, almost anime. I clicked and fired my gun at the person on screen twice. Then suddenly the screen panned, as if it was a camera mounted on the shoulder of the avatar of the player. The face of the avatar turned from the side of the screen, looked directly at me, and said "I am Glenn Hill Inovar, Conviction Expert." I woke up right after seeing that! Now I am still laying in bed, the room is identical to the previous scene, except the laptop on the desk is closed. I forgot that I only dreamed I let the dog out (he is tiny a teacup yorkie and inside the sleeping bag with me). Since I forgot I didn't actually let him out, I roll over slightly and then "YEARRRRP!" He barks in a high pitch tone. Oops I squashed him, but not hard, he is fine.

Then my dad comes in my room and gives me a cross necklace and I am very happy! Thanks Dad!


Elevator ride for the morning.

This is my first dream about water in a long time.

I had a dream that I had turned on the water to wash my hands, but when I turned it off the water still kept pouring as if the faucet was still on. The sink was filling up quickly and soon water was overflowing onto the floor. When I looked at the floor - it was the floor of my bedroom - all the water was soaking into the carpet. I was in the process of writing the owner of the house about the problem when my mother woke me up.

02.03.2014

Magica (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Note: I have been watching "Puella Magi Madoka Magica," a magical girl anime with a ridiculously dark plot. My dream is based on this.

An evil witch has trapped my friends and I in a large castle. Within the castle are metal giants that are systematically hunting us down. No matter where we hide, the giants always find us. One of my powers as a magical girl is increased intuition, which allows me to discover that the witch is somehow seeing through our eyes to alert the giants of our location.

Squeezing my eyes shut so that I (and the witch) can no longer see where I am, I stumble blindly through the castle. I manage to avoid the giants and confront the witch.

However, our leader Homura has been using the entire situation as a distraction so that she could get to Kyubey, the being who turned us into magical girls. She kills Kyubey, ensuring that no other innocent girls get pulled into this madness. Unfortunately, our own contracts are still active so we must continue our fight. The witch escapes in the aftermath.

*time lapse*
Some time passes. I have recieved a burst of intuition involving something known as the "Black Fox." I try to get in touch with Homura, but she is nowhere to be found. I have a terrible feeling that something big is about to happen.

Currently, I'm visiting my dad on a farm that he seems to own. He is working on one of his cars and tells me that he needs a new brake system for it. "Would you call Advanced Auto and see what kind of system I need for this car?" he asks me.

"You know more about it than I do, why can't you call them?" Before he can answer, someone pulls up nearby in a van. A silver-haired woman in a wheelchair rolls out to meet us. To my supreme irritation, I realize it is the most annoying reporter in the world (who I have actually dreamed about before, a long time ago). She is a retired magical girl, whose wish upon making her contract with Kyubey was to be a famous news reporter. She clearly wants an interview with me, for some reason.

"I have nothing to say to you," I snap before she can speak.

Ignoring me, she begins filming. Her camera is a laptop that she has set up on her wheelchair. "Woah, I did NOT give you permission to film me!" I exclaim. I don't need my enemies knowing anything about where I am. I immediately turn around and back into the camera, so she is filming nothing but my rear. She continues trying to question me, so I walk backwards, pushing her wheelchair as I go. She screams in protest the entire time until I finally push her off down a hill.

Laughing triumphantly, I return to my dad. "I figured out what kind of brake system I need," he tells me. "Will you help me buy it online? It's called the Black Fox."

I freeze at the name. The Black Fox? What could my father's brake system have to do with my vision? Deciding to find out, I tell him I'll help. He pulls the product up almost instantly on ebay, under a seller that is CLEARLY my roommate. "Um, I have to make a phone call."

I leave the room to call Alex, asking her about the Black Fox. "I found the brake system in my house this morning," she tells me. "Whoever put it there must have also hacked into my Ebay account. I don't know, it sounds like something Homura might do. You should ask her."

I call Homura, who finally answers. She only gives me really cryptic information that doesn't answer any of my questions.

1.3.14 Monday

Last night bed 2am -8:20am

Had a very long and interesting dream, that is an amazing reflection and insight into my late night conversation with a friend. After waking up, I keep retelling it and discovering new details, while I pet my cat that just decided to lay on me and purr. My other cat lays by my side. I'm boxed in.

DR:

I think I'm a guy. I'm walking downslope on an asphalt sidewalk. About 40 feet below me, on the right side, on the bottom of the slope, is a slow, wide, dirty water river. Some large boats on it. To the left, narrow grass area, just 3-4 feet wide, and a chain link fence behind it.

I'm walking very slowly. My head is down, I'm lost in my thoughts, sad. I'm an owner of a theme park. Lots of people on the sidewalk, as you would expect. They are all walking in opposing direction then I am. I can feel their disapproving thought and looks. A young woman with long hair, holding hand with a boy, lookes at me and then lowers her head.

Something just got loaded on a large transport ship and I see the straps are being tightened for the safety. Somebody close to me ordered the load, even if it's against my wishes. They are hoping to finish fast, so I can't say no.

Part 2:

Different setting. Some city high up in the clouds. Clean shapes, tall walls are beige and other matching shades. There are platforms we are on, but many, if not all building reach all the way to the bottom. You can also reach the bottom via the platforms.

From now on till the end of a dream, I'm being chased and I'm running. I'm not scared, only sad and surprised.

I'm on a platform. It has open walls, or windows in some places. Few people close to me are there to talk with me. I sense they want to capture me and I'm surprised, but not too surprised. When they approach me, I jump and fly to the ground very fast. They have guns and they are shooting at me. I zig-zag. But I also think, that it would be ok to get shot. Nobody else can fly, only me.

I;m on the ground. Huge noise, I look up and Sukhoi fighter jets are maneuvering overhead. They are flying low, in demonstration of power.

I jump to a low roof, and from there to a higher one and another higher one. On the run again.

Back up on a platform. Being approached and I jump again. I see a large, man-made lake below me. Some swimers in the water in swimming competition. I dive in the water, head first, at huge speed. I know I have to hide fast, before they find me with instruments. I'm thinking if to just sit still on the botom. I figure I should dig a hole and burry myself.

I'm in a narrow corridor, that's thousands of feet high. There are small wooden platforms on the walls. (Like a cat perches they sell for window sills.) I fly up to a very high one. Good choice, because as I look down, below me is someone looking down, looking for me.

Another escape from a platform. I'm flying by a train in the trainstation. Train is moving and I bang on the window to be let in. There are people sleeping in sleeping compartments. One of them opens the door and i climb into an empty cot.

Another fast dive from very high platform into water. I find a submarine and bang on the door again. A female opens a door. It's clear I woke her up. I don't remember how she reacts, if she is a friend or a foe.

After an unforgettable party where I was overall having a good time and; (gulp) forgot, I was in the passenger seat of a car being driven by a thirteen year old freind of mine on a road with a speed limit of 180. Anyways only bikes by the other party-ers past us despite that speed. Around a 150 degree turn the speed dropped to 135, and my friend really drove that fast. After about four turns that merged onto a highway I realized they all looked the same.

We arrived at about 6:25. (close to reality I think) My freind parked, got out of the car, and started aimlessly walking. However this is a car that slowly inches forward if the parking brake is off. So I shift into park on a sideways stick (not actually a stick but what do you call that thing you shift with). And the police realizes my underaged friend was driving. driving age is sixteen in my area. I suppose its his job to sort all of that out. He also parked in front of a store door on the sidewalk. Also I leave that to him. The party starts and after about twenty seconds he says it is over and we all have to leave. I claim "it has been only ten minutes". My watch said that."Well I'll at least take this pie to go."

After being bored in a black room waiting to go outside with no way home, I leave. I figured where I came from and went over there. Some monster out of epic mickey crushes my car in front of my eyes. From weird camera angles I see some green superheroes talk about them being out of my league and bla bla bla. Now I am watching from a 2nd person perspective my car driving itself along a snowed on tube. The track looked like that tube fire field course from fzero gx. Run away from all of the game references. This dream ends here.

1. [Non-Lucid]
I'm working on a secret project on my server when all of a sudden one of our admins (Lee) decided It would be a great idea to disregard me saying I don't want anyone seeing it until its done.

So Lee comes online, teleports to me and starts exploring my project, I ask him to leave and he did not, I'm becoming increasingly anxious and angry, at this point I'm pleading at him to leave.

He then destroys a wall to gain access to another secret area, I have had enough and type the ban command.

I wake up saddened by what I just did...then extremely relieved that it was a dream.

2. [Non-Lucid]
Watching some sort of I'm unsure what the documentary about dolphins/killer whales raping and/or murdering people.

This was so graphic, the dolphins where literally ripping these people to shreds, we were all quite shocked, at 1 point a dolphin jumped out of the water at great speed dive-bombing through the air and pile-driving into this guy laying on the beech just obliterating him.

I got a call on Skype and accidentally accepted the call so I rush over to a pc that just so happens is a few feet behind me to find the call failed anyway.

Fragments:
Two big screens on the wall, one is playing the documentary, I'm unsure what is happening on the other screen.
Being carried around, the ceiling was ridiculously low.
In a changing room, there are these girls across from me who want me to look away, so I do while trying to cover my crotch with my hand (I'm naked) and it seems to be "growing" probably because of the thought of seeing the girls naked .


3. [Non-Lucid]
Something crazy happened with me and my cousin Chris in which he hated me for it.

Possible dream signs:
Skype, Minecraft, Lee, Cousin Chris

I remember that instead of my husband in this dream fragment my five year old son was the one loosing hair.

Upon waking up I remembered another fragment, but by now All I remember is that it was also disturbing and tense.