non-lucid

So last night I had a dream that someone got into my car and was trying to mug me I was aggressive at first and came at him like I was going to attack him then he pulled out a knife I then acted as if I was giving in and then I grabbed his knife and pulled out one of my own that was sitting in my center console and proceeded to stab him in the neck over and over again... I pushed him out of my car and he bled out and died on the ground...very violent dream, any ideas on what this dream could have possibly meant? oh and I thought this was real for at least 30 minutes after I woke up, it was a very realistic feeling dream!

Sale at Home Depot
I'm shopping at Home Depot, looking at what's left of the sale items. A lot of the good sales are either over or have sod out. I overhear a nearby employee talking about the $1000 bonus that all the Home Depot employees will be receiving after their shift is over. Listening further, it turns out that this is the second half of their Christmas bonus, so they're actually all getting a total of $2000. I try not to be jealous, but I think how nice it would be to have an extra couple thousand dollars to spend. I remind myself that I got a good bonus earlier in the year, and that it was welcome, even if it did have to go to home repairs and not to anything fun.

Now I'm sitting at a table near the cash registers, talking with my in-laws. A cashier is talking about taking spicy peas (like wasabi peas, but not called that) on vacation, because when they're dropped into the water they "bloom" and make amazing, beautiful patterns, showing what the underwater currents are doing. I think this sounds neat, but unfortunately it wouldn't work at our normal vacation spot, where the water is always cloudy. The cashier says he(?) vacations in Colorado, where the water is always clear. I think the water there must also always be cold, but I don't say anything. The cashier goes on to say that something similar can be done with a certain kind of peanut, but it's hard to find. Someone at my table says that they're easy to make. Now, we have a tray filled with peanuts, ketchup, mustard, and some kind of spice powder. Something has gone wrong; the peanuts are supposed to end up dry, but this batch is completely drowned in the ketchup and mustard. It's really pretty disgusting. A couple of peanuts get knocked on the floor; as I reach over to pick them up, I hear the cashier muttering something about this not being right.

Now I'm wandering the aisles looking for something or someone. The shelving units are too high for me to see the tops. Now I'm talking with another employee, asking him about the thing I need to buy. I tell him I'm interested in a particular color; he says he's not sure where they are, but he'll go get another guy who's more familiar with this product, and they'll find some and bring them out to me so I can pick the one with the color I like. As he goes through an employees-only door, he seems to wave for me to follow. I don't want to get in trouble for going somewhere I shouldn't, but he's now rounded a corner so I can't ask if he really meant for me to follow. I poke my head through the door and look around and see that I'm very close to another customer area. I take a quick shortcut through the employees area back to the other customer area, hoping this is what he meant.


MacGyver and tribal people
I'm watching MacGyver as he sneaks around some kind of hi-tech facility. Everything is brightly lit and very white, and the hallways are lightly curved. He comes across a room with what look like odd stones (long and narrow rectangles with the corners cut off) across the threshold of the doorway. He uses a piece of some kind of card to touch the stones, shoving the card down into the stones' frame. Something shorts out, and he steps into the room, explaining that his card made out of ???? was able to short out the force field generators (the stones). A man and a woman, dressed in lab coats, are huddling in the room. They're very glad to see Mac, but they say that a third guy was recently taken to become some kind of slave. They're glad Mac has saved them from the same fate, but they'd like him to go rescue their friend. I have a vision of a man stripped to his underclothes, hands tied behind his back, kneeling in a shallow rocky creek.

Now I'm standing at the back of a large group of tribal people. We're in the middle of an open field with a light scattering of tall, skinny apple trees. Some of the taller men in the group are picking apples off of nearby trees to give to others around them. I'm tempted to ask for an apple myself, but I'm too shy to go up to them. A rather large middle-aged woman is standing near an apple tree, telling some kind of story she thinks is both highly amusing and also very informative, though to my ears it's neither. She says she was talking to someone and pointed out "There's an apple." When her companion agreed, she said it again, and again, until he was very confused as to why she was talking about it - isn't it obvious that there are apples on the tree? She goes on to explain that when she said "There's an apple," what she really meant was what an amazing process it was for an apple to fall into the ground, a new tree to grow up, and an apple to form on the new tree. I look more closely at her and realize that her clothes don't cover as much as they should. I move behind a taller man in the group to block my view, not wanting to make it obvious that I don't want to look at her.

Now I'm around a nearby bend in the terrain. I know the other group is near, but I can't see or hear them. There's another group, this one not tribal, all very well dressed and proper. I see a well-groomed, well-dressed tribal man near a young girl. He sidles up to me and whispers that she may be the apple or the tree, then returns to her side. I realize he was the third man in the room who was taken to be a slave. He seems to be her caretaker, and he seems very content in his role and very fond of her. Now I'm back with the tribal group. I pull aside a guy I know and give him the other guy's message. He looks confused, so I tell him I think it means the girl is going to turn out alright. The tribal people hate the other group, so he scoffs at the idea that any of them could ever turn out to be all right.

Now I'm back to watching MacGyver, watching the third part of a three part episode. I think it's strange that the third part is only half the length of the other two parts. I see an SUV that's fallen into a deep pool, though it hasn't yet sunk because it caught on the rocks just right. There's something about a contestant nearly dying because he tried to be flashy, attaching a distraction explosive to the car instead of doing it the simple way. I see someone attach a rounded red cylinder to the SUV's handle, shaking it, almost making it sink. Now I see something about a large alien ship. It's sending out a slowly rotating laser beam, a solid "plane" of light going out along the long axis of the ship. It makes a complete rotation around the ship every few hours, and anyone in its way has to take shelter. I realize that if I only watch the first one and a half episodes of this three parter, the laser won't have reached me, and I can do that as often as I want; but it seems a shame not to finish the story, so I may have to brave the laser.

and im procrastinating.
but my dreams have tended to be absolutely bizarre and slightly negative lately.
i have had a number of "trying to wake up really hard but i can't" dreams. and false awakenings.
i also am really aggressive in a lot of dreams, like the one i had with matt when he randomly visited me and i was all pissed bc he shouldnt break our vow to not talk, but then after i felt really bad about it bc i was a bitch. and also the one where i was pissed at alex for prompting me to go to AA. OH SHIT and i had this marathon dream where i was literally a homeless boy and i was like ... ok it's way too complicated to even begin to describe but it involved this surreal video game type car thing like the rainbow infinity level in mario where u drive that little cart around on the rainbow lane and its so easy to fall off and if u do u fall in space, which is all in the background. basically i was pissed at amanda in that dream too, she's still in my dreams often and still as weird as ever in them

i am lovin the surreality (which is the art i'm studying in art history, probably prompting it) bc its fukin bizarre and interesting and outta this worldddd yo

barely lucid lately. slight moments mainly with flying.

i really should not be writing this bc of my final in several hours but this ones pretty damn weird....

so me alex mom and mom's whole side of the family were on vacation in hawaii. alex me and the clot boys were playing a super smash bros type game or some videogame. they were drinking and alex had straight up vodka and was drunk, which never happens in real life so it was weird. anyway so jeff was drunk too and he was like trying to do something weird with this box of wine that involved carrying it and throwing it really hard. to make it easier for the person who had to complete that task, he shook the box and broke all the bottles n i guess that made it better i dont fukin know. so then alex goes to grab the box and throw it, but i was like "wait but theres broken glass sticking out of that!!!" but he didnt care bc he was drunk and then he picked it up and then it fell on top of his hand.

alex looked with a horrified look at this forearm- it was broken off, his hand was gone, and there was this little plastic knob like barbies have when u break off their head. i thought that was weird but nonetheless we all were horrified for a moment and didnt know what to do and mom was screaming oh and joanie was there and then i was like WE NEED TO GO TO THE ER!! NOW and i randomly just pulled this fire alarm and i guess we happened to be in a hospital, such a subtle convenient dream switch, and rushed him over.

in the end he was fine but idk if his arm was broken off. dad told him he needs to go to AA. i was pissed bc Dad forced me to go bc mom and dad thought it would be "inevitable" so i might as well go with him. i was pissed at alex for doing that to me. they gave me an AA schedule for the week and said i need to go once a week. i freaked out and was like "IM NOT GONNA LEARN ANYTHING I HAVENT ALREADY LEARNED IV BEEN TO THOUSANDS OF FUCKIN MTGS!" and basically just went off on this tirade about how i dont need it and blablabla.

i think i lost that fight. then there was this whole portion of the dream where i wanted ranch and ketchup for this mass in n out fries order for the whole fam. i found ranch in the kitchen and was worried about the expiration date bc it looked gross but it said "expires 2064" on it so i was like damn i guess its new n fresh. i was mad that i didnt think to ask the person that ordered in n out for extra sauce... but in the end i made it work.

ari was also in the dream and she was trying to find me a swimsuit from her collection or something.

I woke up at a classroom where it was time to go to my next class, which was Biology.
I went to the bathroom to do no.2 and there was no stalls so I just went ahead and did it anyways I don't know why. I looked around for a bit and saw some of my classmates come into the bathroom to chat with me. I thought to myself "Is this normal?" but I never got Lucid
When I was done, I went out and saw my friend waiting at the door for me and we just went to Biology class.
On the way, I met these two people i've never seen before ask me if They could ditch their class to stay with us in Bio class. I said sure .
When we got there, the class wasn't open, There was no one in the classroom. Our P.E. teacher then came out of nowhere and said some thing like "Our Bio teacher isn't here because she already left to a different school so for this class period, You can just walk around and do whatever you want for an hour and then go to your next class." In the dream, somehow I knew that our teacher was leaving, but when I woke up, It sounded pretty weird. So we just went and walked around and then I woke up.

My friend and I were going to this one spot to do something I forgot.
When we reached there, we were just enjoying ourselves, swimming, eating, etc.
In a little while, I think it was that my friend wanted to live there forever, but I didn't want to so I stole his boat to get back to civilization.
Next thing I know, when I came back, He was trying to find me and kill me for some reason. I had to hide anywhere I can to hide from him.
In a little bit I woke up.

non lucid
*I attended some strange hindu festival. I was given advice that when you are worried chant your mantra.
*I stood on a house built on a river. I thought this could break any second then it did.
*I dreamt in anime style mixed with the realism of reality.

I parkour in an empty field with random floating objects with my friends. The objective is to arrive at the flat shape object few meters away. I finished in the 5th place

12/08/13

Night Hero
I am walking home late at night. I am again completely non-lucid. My name is Rebecca. I am walking home from my job at a local diner. I am a waitress there. I really hate my job but I won't be able to get anything better until I finish school. I am in college studying Computer Science. I will soon be a Network Administrator. That will be much better. Right now I am tired and anxious to get home to bed. I had to work late because Gracie, the girl who was supposed to take over after my shift at the 24 hour diner, had been late. An hour late. So I am tired, I am pissed. Some people have no consideration for others.

I am passing an alley that could easily serve as a shortcut to get home. It would cut a good 15 minutes off of my walk. But it is a dark and creepy alley... It looks like bad things could happen there. No... I'm just being paranoid. This is a nice neighborhood. Nothing happens here. I decide I'm sure I can take the shortcut just this once and be safe. I'm 27 years old... I can manage to get home on my own! After briefly considering, I go down the alley at a fast walk. If I hurry I can shave even more than 15 minutes off of my time.

I am about halfway through the alley when I get the feeling I am being watched. I try to brush it off, I'm just being paranoid again. Still, I walk a bit faster. I am just passing an alley that branches off to the left when a dark figure emerges. A rather large and dirty man. He smells bad. He speaks as if he is talking to himself, he says, "Look what we have here!" I go to continue on my way. The man cuts me off and asks where I'm going, the fun has just started. I tell him I'm not interested. He moves faster than I thought he could and grabs my arm roughly. He pulls out a large knife and holds it at my neck. He pushes me down beside a dumpster and then the next thing I know he is on top of me. He is laughing and he smells horrible. He holds the knife at my neck again and says if I resist he'll kill me. He is holding both my wrists in one of his huge hands as he undoes his belt and zipper with the other. I fight to get free but he's too strong and he just laughs. I call for help, but there is no one to hear... no one to help me. I feel cold inside, I am about to get raped and there's nothing I can do about it. I scream and he tells me to shut up or he'll see how loud I can scream with a slit throat. He is ripping my shirt open and my skirt off...

And then he is off me. Someone has grabbed him and pulled him right off me. He curses loudly and grabs his knife as he is grabbed. He turns around and stabs the person that grabbed him. NO! This is worse than getting raped! Someone came to help me and now he might get killed for it! I try to scramble to my feet to do anything I can to keep my rescuer from being killed but I slip and fall back on my butt. My attacker is stabbing my rescuer over and over and over again, cursing loudly. "What the FUCK?! Why aren't you DYING?!" Then I realize my attacker is actually being held almost a foot off of the ground by the man who came to help me. He is stabbing violently and desperately but it doesn't seem to be doing anything. Then something skewers the man. Three razor sharp claws cut through my attacker like paper. The man's cursing changes to pained gurgles. The claws cut the man practically in two. Strange tendrils come from the other man and surround my attacker, ripping into him and literally EATING him until there's nothing left. The would-be rapist lets out some gargled screams as he is being eaten and then goes silent.

There is now just one figure standing over me. And he is not human. He is mostly human in appearance, but both of his hands are taloned claws that are still dripping with my attacker's blood. I realize who it is. I have seen news reports about this, warnings to stay away at all costs. The only sightings of this... man, if he can be called a man, was on the opposite side of New York, but here he is. I find I am looking at Alex Mercer himself, he just killed my would-be rapist, and I am next. I scramble backward, away from him, though I'm sure there is no way I can escape. His claws transform back into hands and he takes a step towards me. I am desperate to escape, I am wishing I could fit under the dumpster... but of course that's impossible. He stops and glares down at me. He looks pissed off. Great... I just met the infamous Alex Mercer and he's in a bad mood. He calls me pathetic and then turns and walks away down the alley my attacker had emerged from.

I stare after Alex, at first I am just shocked that he is leaving me alive. He didn't lay a hand... or claw... on me. That doesn't fit what I've heard at all. The news reports, the warnings, all of them describing Alex Mercer as a psychopathic madman who would happily rip apart and consume anyone he comes across... This doesn't fit at all. Then I start feeling bad. Maybe the news reports and warnings aren't true. And if they aren't, that means Alex just showed up in the nick of time and saved me from being raped and possibly murdered, and I respond like he's some kind of monster. No... I won't let that stand. It's just not right. I get up, pulling my skirt back up quickly. I call after Alex, calling his name. I see him in the alley, silhouetted against the distant street lights. He doesn't respond. I feel the need to not let this go that way. I chase after Alex. As I approach him from behind he suddenly turns, probably because he hears me approaching. As he turns he forms his claws again as if he is expecting an attack. I'm almost to him, and he has his claws spread wide away from his body, so I keep going and put my arms around him, hugging him, thanking him, trying to make up for my strange behavior earlier with a show of gratitude now.

At first it seems Alex doesn't know how to respond. Then finally I feel his arms close around me, and it is his hands rather than his claws that I feel on my back. He finally asks if I am ok, am I hurt? I tell him I'm fine, thanks to him. He lets go of me and pushes me away a couple feet. He asks what happened to me being scared of him? He adds sarcastically that I'd better run away quick before the monster kills me. He still looks annoyed. I put my arms around him again and say I'm not worried about any monster. "You killed the monster back there. He won't hurt anyone ever again." I look into Alex's blue eyes. I am overcome with the thought, "Wow... He's hot! None of those news reports said he kills rapists, saves foolish young women, and he is sooooo hot!" I tell him I want to thank him properly... then I kiss him. He doesn't really respond. Ok, now I just feel awkward.

I want to disappear into a wall or the ground again, but for a totally different reason now. Of course I would be rescued by a hot guy and then make a fool of myself in multiple ways. I take a couple steps away from Alex, calling myself stupid under my breath. I stammer that I'm sorry and turn to run back down the alley. This crazy night can't end soon enough for my liking. As I am running away a strange tendril wraps around me just under my arms like a harness. It lifts me off my feet and pulls me back to Alex. My first thought is, "Oh, shit... I pissed him off!" But I know immediately when I look at him that he is not angry. He is smiling pleasantly. Maybe even amused by my awkwardness.

Alex carefully sets me down in front of him. He says there's nothing I have to be sorry for. And then he kisses me. We kiss for a bit and then separate. After a brief silence Alex says he'll walk me home, make sure nothing else happens to me. I am perfectly happy to have Alex walk me the rest of the way home.

We talk on the way home. It turns out that since the viral outbreak was stopped Alex had been using his abilities to help those in danger. But it seemed whenever he helped someone they always acted like I had initially, like he was some kind of monster. I tell him that's because of the news reports, which I am now seeing are full of lies. He says they're no doubt sponsored by Blackwatch. They haven't given up their obsession to track him down and kill him. But without the virus spreading they have lost their excuse to maintain a military presence in the city. They must be using civilians to try to track him. Making sure they would report him and not even consider trying to talk to him and hear his side of what's happened and is still happening.

We reach my house. I am again embarrassed that am living at home with my mother at my age. But I have an agreement with my mother that I can stay there rent free as long as I am attending classes and keeping my grades up. My job at the diner is enough for other expenses. My mother meets me at the door and is shocked by my appearance. I realize I'd forgotten that my shirt was torn in the attack. She asks what happened to me. Am I ok? She looks suspiciously at Alex and asks who he is. I don't want to tell her I almost got raped, she worries enough about me walking home at night. I tell her I'm fine. I just had a little accident on the way home. Alex here stopped to see that I was ok and walked me home. My mother looks at Alex for a bit and I worry that she'll recognize him as Alex Mercer. I silently curse at myself for calling him Alex instead of making a name up. She just thanks him for seeing me safely home. Alex asks me if I work tomorrow. I say yes. He says if I don't mind, maybe he'll see me later. He smiles and walks away. My mother says he seems nice... I am tired, so I excuse myself to go to bed. I undress and lie down, surprisingly falling asleep almost right away. I wake in my own bed.

Unedited straight from the iPod
Disturbing content. Discretion advised.


We were at Cathys house. Denise(glencliff) was asking how to post pictures on some website. We showed her how and she posted picture of her breasts. I went to her website and admired them lol. Everyone went to bed except me. I walked towards the stairs and laid down on the floor. I was chanting 6,6,6 and crawling slowly. I don’t know why I was doing this by the way. As I continued to crawl towards the stairs. I noticed fire in my peripheral and I started burning. I pushed on through the pain and started crawling upstairs. It became more intense as I progressed. Eventually it maxed out and I was on fire and my vision had fiery tracers distorting my view. It felt like I was floating around and I went into Denise’s room. She was naked and asleep. I touched her and she screamed. In response I ran to my room. The fire had stopped as well as the tracers. I laid sat down in worry. Jonah came running to her room. I left my room and went to investigate. She told Jonah a demon had “raped” her. I acted as if I knew nothing. Jonah said she had burns down her back. I started to mumble to myself, “I knew that shit was real, the devil is real.” I was frightened by what I had done. I went into Denise’s room and comforted her. Afterwards we started having sex for some reason. We used a bunch of condoms. Then she started to bleed and wanted to stop. Denise suggested I eat her out, which was disgusting under the circumstances. I declined and then a machine came in and opened her vagina. Her vagina enlarged into a flower. I sat in amazement. The machine became a sex toy and it was inviting me to give it a try. I declined lol. Then another machine connects to it and unopened tuna cans slide in. the machine opens the tuna cans one by one. It continues to do this and prepares food for us. We follow the shute and we end up in some foreign mayan land. We begin to eat as someone joins us. He pours soup in his “section” it starts spilling and leaking towards me. I start making remarks about my superiority over him. saying “if that soup spills in my river I will kill you” I then realize he is above my position and I ask for forgiveness. He laughs and the land starts to elevate vertically. My hands become covered in soup which turns in to paint. I start sliding down the patterned floor. I paint it as I slide down. It is beautiful. At the end I have painted a historic landmark. I tell denise how cool is it that I have done this and i am your boyfriend. She agrees and kisses me. I then fall further into a lake. I wake up at grandmas house at the bottom of the stairs. I see a different version of my masterpiece replacing the stairs. I walk towards the kitchen and sit down. the tv is on. It is a commercial advertising gaming. showing 3 handheld consoles that play old games. It shows grand theft auto and It becomes reality. In the game this girl is running really fast swinging num chucks. She’s beating innocent pedestrians. She approaches a cliff and starts pushing people into the water. some of them cant swim. It turns out the girl is denise. she then jumps in and begins to save these old people drowning. She saves some but most drown. As she starts searching for bodies she finds me tangled in seaweed. she pulls me up and i have rotted underwater. she pulls me up on a mayan style area. she screams and runs. i become very bloody and fill the area with blood. My “spirit” comes out of my body and I go after denise. she continues to run. I then start crawling again. I call this the anti crawl because this time I am praising god. I am burning at first but it gets less intense. Everything becomes filled with light and joy. I reach an ending that looks like a fireplace. but it is filled with light and holiness. I then start to float vertically into heaven. I was at peace and was very happy. But I never reached heaven. I instead reached a black void. I reasoned God did not allow me in due to the first evil crawl. As i was in this void a voice spoke to me. It sounded like Seth Rogen. The voices name was Sid. He explained i was in a vast consciousness. I looked through this circular window and saw stars everywhere. The voice explained I could do whatever I wanted. I tried flying around but was entangled in something with this floating Conscious voice. He started telling me that my name was Frank now. I wanted to see denise. that was my goal. I started to fall in this space like void back to earth. My spirit joined an old mans body in my grandparents house in my old room. I laid in bed in the dark looking around wondering what was going on. I started to edge my way out of the bed and hit the floor hard. I tried climbing back up but had a lot of trouble. I saw a hospital wristband on my right arm and read it. It said i was frank and i was 95 years old. I couldnt get back in bed. I looked to my right and there was Jane elmore. she stood up from her wheel chair and went to get help. nurses arrived and put me back in bed. they were all around me attaching things to me. There was this huge cylinder stuck to my chest filled with yellow fluids. They told me I was going to die. I asked to see jerichos girlfriend. they knew who i was talking about and went to get her. the doctors continued to poke at me and talk when a nurse brought denise in. My eyes were closing slowly until I saw her. My eyes jolted wide open and i died. Denise was frightened and confused. the nurse escorted her out. I started to ascend into heaven again but was not let in. I was back in the conscious void. I started to reason to myself heaven and hell were not real. nor was the demon. I reasoned that consciousness was the source of everything. i continued to float around forever conscious at peace.

I was in a supermarket, and the terminatrix from T3: Rise of the Machines was on my case. There was an exchange of gunfire (did I have allies/friends?) as I ran away through the aisles. Much to my surprise, on the other side of the supermarket, people were still shopping, despite the very obvious sound of gunfire in the store. I urged them to flee, as I did the same.

I was driving around Manhattan island, following a judge (wearing that funny wig some US judges have to wear). Just for fun. I think I had a fake gun (toy), or a taser. Not sure anymore. He drove around the block, and I realized this is a common trick people use to see if they're being tailed. Anyway, at one point, I figured he'd spotted me. He started driving fast and erratically (running a red light, even). I gave chase, until he pulled into a parking lot (possibly a police station). I realized the joke had to end there, or he might jump me and shoot me in self-defense, or have me arrested.

12.08.13

Last night bed 11:50 - 8:15

DR upon awakening

I'm walking someplace outdoors. A field of grass, near some small, overgrown pond. I'm with my brother. At the edge of the water we find a large piece of plastic. About 7 feet wide, more angular than round. It has low sides, lower than 1 inch. It gently slopes to the middle. There are a few tiny opening on the sides and the middle. It's off-white. It is full of small baby ducklings and baby chicken. I realize the plastic tray is there to trap them. Once they step into it, the slope doesn't allow them to get out, because it's slipery.

We start looking around for an owner of the ducklings. We check one farmhouse that's nearby. Then we see someone working in the huge yard at the other farmhouse. We walk inside and talk to the guy, then to the lady. They think we are there for a job. In fact, we are looking for a job for a friend of ours. We walk around the house for a while. Guy is putting on shoes and he thinks I'm there to get a car repair job, or some woodworking thing.

Suddenly my brother tells me to leave. I ask him why and he tells me, that he has a funny feeling about the people there. He says, that the woman gave him a 100 year stare. And he showed me, how was she staring at him, not blinking. So we left.

Side-note Lucid

Talking about lucid dreams
I'm standing on my driveway talking with my pastor and MB. The kids are sitting in camping chairs on my side of the garage; my car is nowhere to be seen. All of us are talking about lucid dreaming. I say something about WILDing and I'm surprised when my pastor knows what it is, saying that he'd once done it himself many years ago. I mention that one of my long-term goals is to learn to have WILDs quickly, on demand. My pastor asks how long it usually takes to get into a WILD. I explain that a skilled WILDer can do it in under twenty minutes, but that newbies can often take more than an hour. I confess that I haven't managed it at all, yet, but that I'm determined to succeed. The conversation continues for a little while longer.

Now I'm in one of the kids' bedrooms doing something. Now I'm downstairs. Bethany is unhappy with the kids - she'd told them they could be outside barefooted or in shoes but not just in socks, since the socks would get dirty. All of the kids wore just socks while outside, so now they're covered in leaves (from the driveway) and oil (from the garage floor). Even though I was wearing both socks and shoes, I check my socks anyway. They're damp from being sweaty but are otherwise fine. I take my socks off and put them in a nearby cabinet which seems to be a make-shift clothes hamper, as it has a small (but growing) pile of colored laundry. My wife tells me that if my socks are dirty like the kids are then I need to put them in the separate "dirty sock pile," but I tell her they're just sweaty.


Gift of a hymnal
After a failed WILD, I'm trying to sleep. I'm laying in bed and remember that I just had a conversation with friends (JB and BJ) in my kitchen. I realize that that can't have happened, that I must have dreamed it. Something feels off, and I do a nose pinch RC. I can easily breath through my pinched nose, so I know I'm dreaming, experiencing a false awakening (my first!). It's pitch black. I decide to try voice commands and try to command LIGHT, but my voice is hoarse and I can barely hear myself. I try again with STABILITY, but again, it barely comes out. I realize that, even though I'm convinced this is a dream, I'm still hesitant to shout in case I'm wrong and I woke up my wife. I decide that this really is a dream, so it doesn't matter, and even if it's not a dream we'll just laugh about it and go back to sleep. I really don't want to lose the dream, so I keep my nose pinched and keep focused on the strange feeling of breathing through it. I keep trying my voice commands, and eventually the light in the room (especially near the door) "dims" up. It's dim, but it's enough to see by. I shout STABILITY and LIGHTS again for good measure, and I find that I can actually shout now.

I'd just been listening to the podcast where they were talking about extending the dream, and CanisLucidus talked about just looking at all the detail the mind comes up with. I look around my bedroom, trying to take it all in. I notice that it's larger than life, but it's decorated pretty much how my real room is. The doors, windows, bed, and dresser are all in the right place, and I think the walls and floor looked right, though I'm not positive. I notice a small shelf on one wall that's not there IWL, with some very small framed pictures of people. I walk over, pick one up, and look at it. It shows couple of people, including a woman in a purple dress. I don't recognize them, and I realize the danger of putting too much attention into the picture, so I put it down. For some reason, it ends up on face down on the shelf. I kneel down and run my hands through the carpet - it looks and feels exactly like my real carpet. I think about what to do and realize that one of my simple goals was to try the "internal nose pinch" and see if it was reliable. I tried it, and alas, I couldn't breathe while doing it. So much for that RC. I consider phasing through the wall and flying off, but I decide that that's a little too advanced for right now: I want something I know I can accomplish so that I can boost my confidence.

I remember I want to do the basic TOTM be given a gift by a DC, so I walk towards the hallway. The stairs are in the right place, though the hallway layout is odd. I remember that, to get something to appear, I need to not just casually think "It'll be there" but to really strongly picture it, almost as if I can already see it. I start trying to imagine in detail that my wife is around the corner in the hallway; but as I'm doing it, she comes up the stairs. She says something and goes back down; I follow her.

Now I'm near the bottom of the stairs. I feel like I'm in a mansion. Downstairs is a huge area, well furnished, with a very high ceiling. I'm on a grand staircase, at least 10 feet wide, flaring at the bottom, going straight up behind me to the second story. My wife is a couple of steps below me. I ask my wife if she has anything for me. She says she does, but she wants a quick kiss first. I kiss her, and she walks off towards the kitchen to get whatever it is. I realize that I shouldn't let her out of my sight, since she might disappear if I do. I go after her, following her into the kitchen (which is outfitted with lots of shiny black appliances). I don't see her in the kitchen, and I get worried. I shout a dream command WIFE, but nothing happens. I walk through the kitchen, though the dining room, and back into the living area. I pass an older, well-dressed man carrying a Psalter; I completely ignored him, but I think he was the butler. As I'm walking into the living area, my wife comes out of the kitchen carrying one of our old hymnals. She gives it to me, saying it'll go well with the hamburger.

Often, when I wake out of a dream, I'm aware of it fading first. Not this time. Poof I was awake. I tried to DEILD, but nothing happened; I was probably hampered by a strong desire not to lose the dream memory.


Fragments
I'm looking at pictures of different people. I have a program(?) that lets me alter reality by altering pictures of the reality. I'm trying to copy an aspect of a person from one picture and paste it onto a different person in a different picture, but it's not going well. The perspectives of the pictures are different, and the pasted image isn't lining up right.

I'm outside, in a park-like setting, watching people. There are nine people who have successfully done ... something ... but they need ten to fully win. They're pleased at having come in first again, yet disappointed that, once again, they failed to get the full ten.

I'm looking at Gunnerkrigg Court. Annie is watching two forest dwellers talking to / examining a boy from the Court. He's strong and somewhat puffed up, and the forest dwellers (a youth and an old man) are pondering over him. His muscles should only be about half the size they are, and they want to know how he made himself strong, if he used some kind of magic or trickery or what. The old man especially is throwing out more and more strange theories about the boy's strength. I (or Annie?) starts to wonder if there's something to it, and if this is how Eglamore gets some of his abilities.

I'm driving on a 4 lane road in the right lane. A tan van is to my left and starts to come into my lane. I stand my ground, but she keeps coming, eventually scraping against me. Now I'm in the left lane and she's in the right, ahead of me. I can see a silver line running along her driver's side where she scraped me. Somehow I see the driver's side of my car, and I see a long scuff mark but no scraped paint. I'd been trying to decide if I should chase her down and get her insurance information, but since my car isn't actually damaged I decide just to let her go.

these dreams started when i was 13, i don't know how or why but they feel familiar. they don't feel like dreams, they feel like memories. and for some reason they scare me. its like a story in my head that i cant get out. but for some reason i fell in love with these dreams and I'm writing them down so other will know.

my dreams starts by a blinding white light, so bright i put my hand to shield my face. then all of the sudden its gone and replaced by a warm yellow glow. it makes me feel safe, it feels like home. I'm dressed in a long dark blue dress that has long flowy sleeves and a sliver belt with a beautiful design on it, my hair which is a dark brown, so dark it looks like black is beautifully curly and flowing down my back. i am a young girl, maybe 4 or 5. i don't know, but i know I'm very young compared to all the people that surround me. they're all tall, beautiful, graceful, charming, intelligent and most of all they are the most kind hearted beings in the universe. they are not all humans, there were other beings some with different colour skin, some with really different body shape, some i cannot even try to describe. it doesn't matter who they are, but i know all of them and all of them know me. they smile down at me and twirl me on my toes. i love it, i feel bliss, i feel joy, i feel like nothing can ever come between me and this happiness. i absolutely love this place, it was home i knew it.
looking around i saw golden pillars that twisted like vines and looked like a tree bark, they were tall and the branches intersected with the other trees they made a huge circle that surrounded the entire hall. it was a big hall, with the golden twisted pillars all around me and a huge glass dome above. through the glass dome, it was not stars that shined down upon us. it was the universe ! so splendid and vast. with all its colour shining down on us, it felt like a fairytale. i cannot even to begin to describe it to you. words cannot explain its beauty.
"hello princess" i turned around and looked up. and beautiful man stood before me. he was tall (obviously ! i was a child) with dark golden hair like a setting sun, eyes so intensely blue and shined like to universe (to me) a chiseled jaw and a very sculpted body. he was beautiful. he knelt down before me and asked me to dance. i liked him so i said yes. he stood up and took my small hands and twirled me around the dance floor, there was a lot of music in the air, and i do mean the air. sounds of flutes, harps, violins, cellos and pianos. they blended beautifully together.
then it stops, not abruptly but i feel like i need to go to someone. the man smiles down at me and bows. i smile and turn, running into the arms of a women. she is my mother i can feel it. she is beautiful. long hair thats like sunshine running down her back, she's not thin but a real women figure, one that is pleasing. a fine fair face that has two blue eyes. not as blue or intense as the mans but still beautiful that hold a motherly love for me and all things. she whispers something to me but i cannot remember what it is. then a man is standing next to her, and i know he's my father. his hair reached just a bit after his shoulders, its a chocolate brown. he has green eyes which are intense and loving yet at the same time fierce and strong. he has a strong build and is a soul match for my mother. they are the definition of a man and women. to me and everyone else with us.
my father then says something i don't remember but then he says "give this star to our beloved daughter, our lovely luanna" he then opens his hand to revel a beautiful light small and beaming. I'm still in mothers arms, she is sitting on the floor with her arms around me. she gets up and nudges me towards my father. he bends down and holds the star in his hand. hesitatingly i put my hands together and wait for my father to put it in my hands. he kneels down and gently passes it to me.
it was warm and soft. i didn't know stars felt like that. it had a beating pulse like it was alive. it enchanted me. my mother then knelt down beside me. i asked her "what should i do with it ?" she smiled a soft humorous smile and told me "you can do anything you want with it, you can put it up with the universe to bring new life. you can put it in your room to have a light or you can keep it safe with you or someone else" i looked at the star wondering what should i do, everyone was looking at me, all smiling at me. there were not more than 300 of us, i looked around the room till i saw the face i was looking for. he was standing near the back, with a crowd of people surrounding him. i walked towards him as fast as my small legs could carry me, they parted to make room for me. when i reached him, he was surprised as to why i came to him. he knelt down and i smiled at him. i said "will you keep my light safe for me?" he looked shocked as i think everyone else was, but then he smiled a small sweet smile and said "Id be honoured,...princess". he held his hands out like i did "carful its warm" i said as i slid the star into his hands. he then stood up, bowed and walked away while i was running back into my mothers arms. i thought though i saw my fathers face slightly frown as i was running back, but i didn't really mind it.
and hugging my mom is when i wake up. it tormented me for weeks after i had this dream. it felt so real, so distant, like i wasn't home. and i knew this wasn't going to be the first.

Again a DILD - this time without any prep at all - went to bed when the morning wasn´t even early any more again.
And this time - the realization came from one of my most persistent dream-signs: the house, I grew up in, and which is not standing anymore.
This time, I realized this, when I was there once more - but again - without WBTB and earnest WILD activities - it was low lucidity and only a short episode - ending not in waking up, but dreaming on non-lucidly.

So - definitively I will go for the extensive preparations next couple of nights - wondering, if I might not go into upper league of the competition after all.
If I get somewhere control-wise and have a longer LD then - I will.
Well - at least, if I get a TOTM done, I will.

This short LD had me almost without day-time-memory again - so I went exploring the surroundings a bit by flying about - and that was it.


The following dream is in my memory to a greater extent, than I will write it out here - since there were some weird censoring worthy things going on as well.

Too lazy now to put it all down - just the memorable bit for now:

I sat at a table - it was supposedly Christmas eve - but I was there with a friend of mine - having a festive dinner.

There was a bit of back and forth with what to wear - and since it was summer at the same time as x-mas - I had opted for a neon-yellow bathing-suit as my top under some blazer - to later go swimming in the lake.

Then along came a guy, I know from school with a friend - and started out making fun of that - how that would be totally out of fashion, neon-yellow, and how otherwise he would have maybe found me attractive..

I felt totally un-embarrassed - rather a bit superior to his fixation on such an unimportant detail - and started teasing him.
Drew him in more and more and sort of hypnotized him with doing some this and that.
He started singing - and me back - like a cheesy musical - but then - it came:

We switched perspective - I saw myself in that outfit singing at newly male me - and once I sang back - him/me had suddenly a full force opera-tenor voice.
He had only sung normally before.

So I blasted the place with this amazing voice of mine - but after the duet - or within it - I changed back into myself.
Oh yeah - and I wasn´t interested in the guy any more then, but had an interesting conversation with my friend at that table.

With all the bad to non-existent dream-recall over the last years - maybe I often was male - but not to my knowledge - this was a first for me as far as I am aware of it.
Not being lucid - of course I didn´t explore the new possibilities for making the dream even more censor-worthy - shame that..