side notes

Introductory Note

Today is June 21, so a month ago I started trying to have lucid dreams and so far improved a lot, I am motivated because I recently had 4 lucid dreams (5 with the dream that I describe here today), DV helped me a lot to achieve results and for that i say thank you.

Today i went to bet at 22:30 , so i naturally wake up for the WBTB at 2:50 as usual i right down my dream
, i go to the bathroom and I was really thirsty so i went to the kitchen to have a glass of water then i went to bed to try WILDing.

I do my usual routine , i layed on my back and started counting my breaths as i visualize the numbers for some reason was being really hard for me to focus . That position was getting really uncomfortable so i roll over to my side. At this point i was focussing in my breathing only , a little while later i fell asleep, in my opinion this happened because i was to tired .

Dream

I'm in the back of a big truck, is like a parade truck so i can see the street , the buildings and people watching . I feel the presence of someone on my side but i don't remember who it was ... suddenly a man appears from nowhere in the middle of the street and gets hit by the truck.

I look back and i see the man in the floor full of blood, i jump of the truck but when i do I'm already to far away... i start getting back but I lost myself and without knowing i went to a friends house , i borrow his car so i can go look for the guy who was hit by the truck (i was very motivated on finding him), i start driving and i end up in a gasoline station.

Suddenly i get lucid ,my awareness hits me in the face like a punch, i think about doing a RC but the dream starts fading...I'm very quick , i start rubbing my hands and screaming " DREEEEAM GET VIVID!!!".

It works perfectly , the dream gets really stable so i look around and i see i pretty girl ... i go talk to her but she panics and a lot of people starts attacking me, the dream starts fading again and i wake up.

After this i try to DEILD but i'm to green at it so i failed .

Didn't recalled anything from a nap, i guess bad timing or something.

A major recurring theme in my early teenage years was of being in school but also being hidden inside a large cardboard box (I was not a shy person in real life, though, but in my dreams these were grades that were still a few years off yet, such as grades nine or ten in the high school). Sometimes the box had a small rectangular window (perhaps inspired by the “Don’t Open Till Doomsday” episode of “The Outer Limits” I saw at a very early age), but other times, no way to see out.

Some recurring events were:

Being a “hero” by somehow stopping a crime in the school but still being inside the box the whole time - and no one knowing what I looked like. In some cases, this was a bully, in other cases, an adult robber (but why would anyone rob a school - with no larger amounts of money in a safe, as a robber claimed in one version of my dream).

Playing harmless practical jokes on the teacher by acts such as taking a stapler from her desk and her not knowing there was someone inside the box, which, I think in most cases, was for a large air conditioner or some such.

Somehow kissing a girl (including on the legs) without her understanding that there was a person inside the box.

Falling out a second or third-floor window yet not getting hurt. In most cases, the box somehow kept its rectangular shape even though it was not that thick.

These dreams mostly stopped when I actually was in the higher grades at school.

Date: 20 June

Pre bed: 200 mg valerian, 100mg B6, podcast

Atmosphere: guest, heat, noises

Total sleep time: 6 hrs

DILD1: I am in our old neighborhood with my mom and a truck driver discussing something. I don't like him. The next moment the three of us are in a public restroom and it looks like he used it just before we did. I get obsessed about not wanting to touch the toiler paper after him, I notice there is something on the paper, plus it is all soaked. My mom comes up with some napkins from her bag that I also don't want to use.

The scene changes and we find ourselves in a movie theater. A fake memory forms that we just watched some movie, went to the restroom, and now mom is sneaking in to watch the next movie for free. One thing that looks unusual is that there is only one single long row of seats, but at the time, I conclude that this is normal. My mom sits while I try to leave the place. I spend some time waiting for her, and in the meantime she is looking for 3D glasses. I notice lots of sunglasses on the floor, that I identify as mine as start putting them in my bag. I head towards the exit, but the door is locked, there is no handle too. I get a fake memory that this is normal during movies. I think I use some form of dream control and the door opens, but behind it is another door which I open the normal way.

I find myself in a long somewhat creepy corridor with strangely colored walls, that reminds of dreams I had. And sure enough, I become lucid. I stare at the walls for a while, wondering if I should go ahead and plunge in them, but based on gut feeling decide against it. I move forward a bit but suddenly I get a sensation that my hair band is falling and my head feels kind of uncomfortable, up to the point where it is so distracting I cannot continue walking? I wonder if I should waste time to try and fix a ponytail but know this is a bad idea to do during an ld, so just remove the hair band and my hair feels fine. (talk about vanity )

I keep walking down the corridor that dynamically changes and become a bit like an inside balcony, and I can see part of the floor below. As I reach the end of the corridor/now balcony and look to my left the light downstairs goes off. Downstairs looks a bit creepy and I say something like "Oh, come on", but then hear some kind of a click sound and the light is on again. Then off again and finally on. What the hell is going on, I think. I turn around and something like a room is beginning to form. There are many DCs here, mostly children and a guy, they all look pretty much the same, very blond with red cheeks. I find this strange and the guy is not quite finished in the face, some of his features are not there so he is not very pleasant to look at. I decide I don't need to concentrate that much on him. I think about some of my goals. The first one that comes to mind is "assign a lucidity DC", so I start shouting at these strange blond DCs something about them and lucidity. Most of them don't pay me any attention, but my voice is so loud, I wonder if I am doing this irl too.

Then I look around, have a moment of aha realization as I remember the naked task. Of course, with so many DCs in the room, it is perfect for the task. So I first try to memorize the place and DCs a bit more (to be able to describe in detail, the way I do it, it is really bad for stability!) In front of me is a strange looking desk and three kids, one of them has silver sparkle decorations on his face. This time I am wearing only underwear with my casual type of bra. Just as I figure an easy way to take it off, the dream abruptly ends and I find myself back in bed.

I am very aware of body and need to go to the restroom. As I get back to bed I struggle with the heat, and am interrupted by the alarm of the guest, who always sets it hours earlier than he needs to wake up and leave. I really don't understand this. Insomnia...and then finally asleep for a bit.

DILD2: The dream begins as I am concentrating on my hands, trying to hold them still as possible, I get this floating feeling, expecting to transition. I then look around and understand that I am already in the dream. It is a small room, I start rubbing my hands vigorously, paying attention to the effect. The dream stabilizes for a while. I remember "the task" and search for DC audience. There are two male DCs on the bed, one on top of the other (doing nothing and with clothes on), and the other is asleep. They look very lifeless and I wonder if I should leave the room - door is just in front of me, but I get the feeling that might throw the dream out of balance and decide to wait. "Let me first get naked, then I'll see about the audience". I check my clothes - jeans (that later turn to shorts), socks, and a T-shirt. I start with the T-shirt but as it covers my eyes, it gets a bit entangled around my head, and I as get it off I lose my sight and end up in the void.

This annoys me but my anger turns into podcast inspired stubbornness and I keep trying to resume with the dream taking my shorts off and one sock while in the void. A moment later the dream picks up from exactly the same place. I expect at this point not to be wearing shorts anymore, but as I look down I have two pairs of shorts one on each leg. It's funny and reminds me of OB and her blankets. I go and sit on the bed which is now on the opposite side of the room, or is it another bed? I contemplate a bit of whether I really need to be sitting to more easily get rid of my shorts and remaining sock, but conclude it feels more comfortable that way. The dream fades and I wake.

The guest finally wakes up too, so that was it for today.

I have had very good recall the last couple of days. Even if the napping technique isn't procuding lucids quite as well as the first try, it still seems to give me excellent recall, and I can usually remember around 6 dreams per night. Recently all mine have been rather personal so I don't want to log them here, but it is still going well.

See ya

Comment: Stuff has been piling up and I just don't have enough time to properly journal, so here is a summary of the notable things during the last few days.

Sleep quality: I guess the caffeine frenzy of last week is taking it's toll and as I have been very sleepy in the last few days, to the point where I just can't do a proper WBTB

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Date: 16 June

pre bed: brain multivits

The key words never made it to a proper journal entry. This is the second time I take those multivits, they have increased vividness, and added some unpleasant dreams and aggressive DC behavior, similar to last time I took them but a bit less emotional. I also had a guest related FA with unpleasant contents, after I was woken up by guest that came for the weekend.

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Date: 17 June

pre bed: SJW

WBTB: p.oil capsules, 1/2 latte

Pre wbtb dream1: From the notes "Obe" and some other word I can't read. I checked with my feelings, and I get nothing. It is very unlikely that this was Obe/lucid, so this doesn't qualify even as suspicious.

Fragment2: I am looking through the HI lights but they are in the dream. I am able to see some events form in the lights/fog and conclude that I have developed special abilities irl.

WBTB: I was very sleepy and spent less that the desired time out of bed, so couldn't quite wake myself up. Fell asleep too fast.

Dream3: This dream was very long and vivid. I am first in some kind of bar talking to an interesting (in a non-sexual way) DC, that resembles a friend of mine, but he turns out gay and doesn't want to pay me any attention after the truth about him comes out? It is the middle of the night so I head home in some unknown city, have a difficult time finding my way back, but conclude it is because I am drunk.

I keep on roaming these unfamiliar streets, trying to find some transportation when I run into an old friend of mine. We have a very realistic conversation, and it feels like I am talking to the real person. It is quite late but he invites me to join them in another place where we can continue drinking. I look at my phone, that looks quite normal to see what time it is. Me and old friend are going to someplace but end up instead in the house of a female DC that starts seducing my friend. I try to leave the place and get my friend out of there.

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Date: 18 June

Comments: I was sleeping very heavily again, got short-ld that I count as micro ld just before final wake

Mini-ld: I find myself in a room attracted to an unpleasant male DC. This looks very suspicious and I realize this is a dream. Unfortunately my impulses are stronger than me and I still decide to go ahead after doing a RC and taking some precautionary measures.

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Date: 19 June

Comments: decided to take a break from journaling, WBTB, etc.

Dream quality and recall: vivid, recall of the last dreams was good

Dream1 micro -ld: I am on the street and lucid. Something that I hold in my hand draws my attention, it is a spherical object, the size of a tenis-ball. Didn't have much chance to look at it because this thing although a hard object is actually alive and somewhat aggressive, so I grasp with with all force, trying to move my hand and just throw it away. This is not possible because the object is very strong and has gravitational heaviness. I think I wake up after some struggle, then fall back to sleep.

Dream2: interesting story about some girl

Dream3: long vivid dream of me in some city

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Progress with goals as the 19th morning:

- Do 100 RCs (23/100)
- notice real life DS 100 times and RC (19/100)
- 10 proper WBTB attempts -> days (8/10)
- 10 morning RCs (6/10)
- 2 proper WILD attempts (1/2)
- task flexibility
- journal flexibility

LDs: 12 (official count)
micro-lds: 7 (not counted)
suspicious events: 3 (not counted)

As the first post, I suppose I should note, for myself and anyone reading this that this online/digital journal is temporary. Eventually I'll create my own private dream journal to illustrate any of my dreams... lucid or otherwise (I'll get the dream lingo down eventually) but for now treat this online journal not only as a place to at least start, but a place of incentive to be consistent with listing my dreams.

But enough talk. DREAM AT YOU.

...I'm still working on it.

No recall from today's nap, i think i had bad timing with it...

Bedtime: 1:30
Bedtime snack: a cup of hot chocolate with a large marshmallow
WBTB: 4:45
Aids (during WBTB): Mugwort tea (1 tsp. mugwort, 1 tsp. chamomile, a pinch of cinnamon)
Recall: Medium
Vividness: High
Awesome factor: Medium


Dream 1 (fragment): I was walking through an art gallery, looking at pieces that were for sale.

Post-WBTB:

Couldn't fall asleep for a long time, but remained relaxed enough for lots of hypnogogic images/sounds. One was really strange. I was looking at some kind of scene from right to left, but it was choppy, kind of like playing an online game with lag. I had another vision that is part of a series of visions I've been having for almost a year, which seem like they could be (oh please, can they be?) prophetic. Interestingly, mugwort is believed to induce prophetic dreams/visions (though I wasn't under its influence during any of the past visions).

Dream 2 (fragment): My sister had connected her laptop to a large widescreen TV to conduct her online classes.

Dream 3: I was K's house (didn't look like it does in real life). W, I, D, and Aunt J were there. They were telling me about a large green parrot they had seen on TV. They wanted to know what it was called. Someone there had a type of Amazon, so I said that if it looked like that, it might also have been one. But if it was bigger -- everyone agreed that it had been bigger -- it could have been an Eclectus, at which point W had something to say about Eclectuses.

K was in the kitchen, doing something by the sink. At this point, I spontaneously realized I was dreaming. NO RCs or anything memory-induced. I just suddenly became aware that I was dreaming (like I did a few times during a nightmare as a kid, at which point I would force my eyes open). So what did I do now that I realized I was dreaming? Told myself I had to wake up, of course!

I don't know why I decided the best course of action was to wake myself up, even though it wasn't a bad dream. Maybe it's just hardwired into my brain because that's what I always did when becoming lucid during a nightmare as a kid. I thought I was smarter than this!

Key emotions: none, really

Date: 13 June

Not very funny FA and LD chain

Total sleep time: 4 hrs

Comments: Tonight definitely was a bad time to go for a lucid. We had a sleep over guest and I was nervous I had to wake up the same time as our guest and no idea when that would be. I repeated the same combo as yesterday (but had different results?), did SSILD to help with sleep and induce ld. I got into a rather nasty FA chain. The resulting lucidity was not to be envied either.

Pre bed: Gingko

WBTB: I was woken up, had 1/2 RB about half an hour later. Trouble falling asleep.

Fragment: A DC that looks like my father shows aggressive attitude

FA1: I am in bed and guest is knocking on the door, saying he is leaving now. I hear him and partially see him, but I also see some other layer with my reflection on it. I decide that I am dreaming the second layer, while he is trying awake me irl. I tell him to leave me alone and come back later because I am just either lucid or missing a FA.

FA2: I am in bed, and there is trash, food leftovers and other stuff on the bedsheets. I find it a bit strange but swipe it aside and continue sleeping.

FA3: I wake up and go to the toilet. I look myself in the mirror. I look terrible, my face is swollen. I think "What have I done, this is probably because of the supps/RB". As if that isn't enough, I feel a very strong pressure in my head. Ahhhh

FA4 and DILD: I wake up and go to pee. Some nonexistent pipe breaks down and starts rhythmically pumping out water. I think this is too bad to be real life, and question the nature of reality. The pipe keeps pumping water, flooding the place, so I run into the room where our guest is sleeping to ask for help. He comes in the bathroom but it is not him at all, but a strange looking DC that has something not very human in his posture? I finally conclude that this can only be a dream. I go to the corridor, the strange DC next to me and an older lady. The dream gets distorted, images from other places appear in my mind, while I am thinking of an efficient way to leave our place. The dream disintegrates.

DILD2: I renter some place but the DCs there keep getting in my way so I cannot go as I would like to. the dream fades

DILD3: I am in another apartment, a geeky looking DC is trying to get my attention. I don't want to be here. I notice a large cupboard and am tempted to try passing through it. I am mostly wondering if I will be able to overcome the solidity and also see what will happen once I get in there. The cupboard is initially solid, but I push myself forward and it suddenly swallows me into the darkness with a strange gulp like sound. There is something very watery to that ex cupboard space, and I feel as if I am underwater. Very interesting, I think to myself. I swim forward ending in the void, the underwater sensations fading away. Back to my physical body, I may have even moved my real hands a bit while in the void.

DILD4: Another dream starts and I am in an apartment again. A number of daring DCs are here as well. I try to go on my way, but this DC woman gets in front of me holding a bread knife. I notice that we are in the kitchen, and try to make her engage in slicing the bread that is there, instead of behaving menacingly. I meet resistance and am unable to control her much. I am adjusting my mood as not to expect her to do anything to me, trying to be as non-reactionary as possible. She has the knife in one hand and gets a cleaver in the other. I struggle with her hand, also attempting to grab the knife from time to time, while being careful not to cut myself. I know this is dream and I don't care so much, but I am annoyed that things aren't going my way. There is someone else pushing me, causing me discomfort and mild pain. I move away a bit, feeling exhausted and desperate.

Since the dream is going nowhere, I allow the DC woman to get me, but now she has other intentions. I organize a pleasurable indecent scene and wake up shortly after.

I wake up and go to the restroom and check out my reflection in the mirror. I look terrible. I RC. Tired, nervous and annoyed I consider if I want to go back to sleep. Shortly journal, then try to fall asleep but it is too late.

This nightmare approximates to official count of 2 Lds? and 2 micro lds.

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Date: 14 June

Total sleep time: 8 hrs

Sleep quality and recall: Deep restorative sleep, below average recall

Pre bed: Gingko

Bedtime dreamlet: There is a discussion about the advantages of living in China vs living in France. It seems that living in China is much better. I am entering China, zooming in trying to determine my location. Very hard to describe I see the land and plants as if I am on the ground yet it is in the shape of the map of China. There are blackberries that represent each city in China, and are very close together which means very crowded.

I realize that I am falling asleep and pull back from the dream, trying to commit it to memory.

WBTB: very tired after yesterday's lack of sleep, so I just couldn't do it

Dream1: I am on the street and there is a house to my left. Xanous comes from there. We talk about something. A friend of mine comes, I can't remember now if Xanous knows him.

Xanous is now gone somewhere. Me and my friend are trying to have a shared dream via DV but actually don't know that we are having a shared dream with each other. What are the odds? I tell this realization to my friend and we are happy. He invites me to his place where I have been in dreams. I check out the furniture. He leads me through the corridor, but I insist on having a look at the bedroom. There is a sliding door, double bed with white bed sheets, and a wardrobe with a mirror to the left.

Fragment2: My class meets again, this time boys only. I don't know why I am here and they behave like idiots. I look at them and have a strange feeling that something is not quite right here (as in this is a dream!) but continue being involved in the scene.

Progress with goals as the 14th morning:

- Do 100 RCs (15/100) *
- notice real life DS 100 times and RC (17/100)
- 10 proper WBTB attempts -> days (6/10)
- 10 morning RCs (3/10)
- 2 proper WILD attempts (0/2)
- task flexibility
- journal flexibility

*I am also practicing some ADA, so it is not as bad as it seems, although I need to increase the RCs

LDs: 12 (official count)
micro-lds: 4 (not counted)
suspicious events: 2 (not counted)

Samadhi Raja Sutra

Know all things to be like this:
A mirage, a cloud castle,
A dream, an apparition,
Without essence, but with qualities that can be seen.

Know all things to be like this:
As the moon in a bright sky
In some clear lake reflected,
Though to that lake the moon has never moved.

Know all things to be like this:
As an echo that derives
From music, sounds, and weeping,
Yet in that echo is no melody.

Know all things to be like this:
As a magician makes illusions
Of horses, oxen, carts and other things,
Nothing is as it appears.

The Buddha

Session 27 on the Procyon AVS, linked in with a WILD and using anchors such as RT linked with finger pressure and MILD intentions.

I think pushing forward with the WILD will make a large impact on the other methods as they link in.

The deep session on the Procyon will help me get into the right state as well and help train my brain to slow down while using the WILD method which is the opposite of what was happening originally.

Bedtime: 11:45
WBTB: 5:30
Bedtime snack: cinnamon & sugar rice pudding
Aids: None
Recall: Very Low
Vividness: Low
Awesome factor: Medium

Dream (fragment): I checked my the DreamZ app (was inspired to start using it again IWL) upon waking up, and it listed symbols I had dreamed of. One of them was a bunch of grapes (I had to find grapes in a scene in Gardens of Time right before bed IWL).

Key emotion: excitement

My recall continues to be dismal. I'm starting to think that maybe the vividness and recall I enjoyed early this month was caused by SSRI withdrawal.

On a more positive note, a lot of the fragments I recall are false awakenings. Guess the SSILD is working its magic.

- Teamwork
- Adventure
- Hanging out with friends
- Comic book/Fictional characters
- False Awakenings

Well, I am finally back from the big ol' family reunion, which took a few more days than I thought it would. Honestly I am quite glad to be back to normal so I can focus on dreaming. However, I did end up having a lucid dream last night.

This dream started out as a false awakening. I actually had a couple of my friends spending the night so I had crashed backwards on my bed after a long day of boating. I think this unfamiliar position is what caused my false awakening. Anyways, when it first began I remember that I dreamt of waking up at 3:30... PM! I was appalled, and immediately got my friends up. I remember then sitting on the floor looking at my watch (which I don't normally wear), and seeing the numbers growing harder and harder to read. At this point I was pretty certain I was dreaming, and did a quick breathing test by pinching my nose and inhaling. I was pleased to see this return a positive result for being in dream land. However, during this entire I dream I was very tired, and really was just focusing on staying in the dream. Pretty much all I did was go sit in my chair with my nose plugged to keep myself re-assured I was in a dream. This seemed to go on for quite some time actually, and I was hoping I would wake up more, but I never really did. I then felt my actual body waking up from some noise coming from downstairs (breakfast I believe) and then I let myself wake up, cause I personally don't enjoy SP.

This dream while nothing special was still exciting because it was lucid, and I found a way to keep myself quite aware really, despite being tired in the dream. I guess now when I have my next lucid I will be able to just plug my nose for a minute to stay in the dream, and hopefully I won't be as tired since I won't have been wakeboarding for 3 hours the previous day

See ya