I’m with either Julia or Jessica or both in some unfamiliar room. It seems more like a motel than a house. Someone (the maintenance guy that lives in the building next to us) starts coming over and I know he’s going to get in, in a threatening way. I go around to lock all the doors (the locks look like that on the side door at work). He’s here now and saying something threatening as he tries to force open the locked handle. I watch it bend from the force. He’s inside this room now, facing Jessica and Julia, me facing his back. I watch as he shoots at something (not them) with a tiny black pistol. I think I now run to get a gun, shooting him when I return. He lies face down and I kneel on top to restrain his arms, as he’s still struggling. I call out for them to get a gun (I guess I’m not aware that I just had one) so I can finish it. It takes a while, but I think they finally do. I think I shoot him in the head, looking down at the resulting carnage. His body is moved now and I see indentations in the carpet and the spherical silver bullets about the circumference of a quarter within. *I can’t recall many emotions during the last part of this dream. It seems that what I was doing did not feel wrong, though it’s obviously disturbing to write down now.
I’m in a large house on the ocean shore. It is Dad’s birthday, but Makayla and I jokingly run away from him when he shows up. He takes it personally and the look on his face says so. I’m going to try to find him a book here to make up for it. This room looks like a large foyer, books lining the top of every wall on a high shelf. They all look like Franklin Library or similar. Some are more ornate than I’ve ever seen. There are a couple of thick Dostoevskys, the binding looking like his portrait in stained glass. I think about getting these for myself. I know that Dad wants [a certain title] that has to do with maritime, so I search for it. I do find the title, but it’s combined in one volume with The Red and the Black by Stendhal. I open it to find it’s in a weird font that is pre highlighted, I think each character in a different color. I don’t like it. I find one more pre highlighted and spiral bound. Again, I don’t like it. Al shows up now and offers to help. Looking to the shelves, I tell her I’ve looked through every single title. She hands me a book on the old west as a recommendation. I flip through it and see some familiar figures in the illustrations/photographs, such as Judy Garland as Dorothy. Appreciative, I tell her I will take this one. Now, through a window or open door I see Dad walking along the beach with a beer bottle in hand and talking to himself. It is dark out. He’s sad about us abandoning him and, staggering and slurring, says he is going to see [someone]. I feel really bad about this. Now, Julia is here and it feels late at night. She says something and I say “these shrooms are starting to feel good” (I must’ve taken them a bit ago). I go into a room here, hers?, that has a nicely made bed with a fuzzy gray color theme. The rest of the room has the same aesthetic. *Melissa asked last night what I’m getting Dad for Father’s Day and I told her I didn’t know. She then brought up Carlos’ birthday. I commented on the Franklin Library copy of Ulysses I’m reading and grabbed a Franklin Library copy of Crime and Punishment at work. The things in brackets are specific details present in the dream that I’ve since forgotten.
I’m walking Stella somewhere outside, a fairly wide dirt path, when I pass an older man with his dog, what looks like a retriever. Stella does well with being able to pass the dog without meeting it. There is a culvert off to the side, maybe 8+ feet long. It’s almost filled completely with running water and Stella decides to get into it. In an instant, she’s completely submerged and I can only feel by the pull of the long leash how far into it she is. I initially remain calm, hoping I’ll be able to remain calm, hoping I’ll be able to hold onto the leash until I can just run and grab her on the other side. This then does not feel possible, so I call for help from Dad who is now here. Stella is somehow still being swept down this stream that only seems a few inches deep. It is rocky as well and feels like it’s underground, as I run to catch up with her. With all of my might, I eventually do. I’m going into a Dead and Company concert with Melissa. The indoor venue seems like something comparable in size to the Reno Events Center. There’s a simple white folding table in the foyer and some hassle with the middle aged white man in getting our tickets. I succeed in getting them and we go in. It’s close to empty, so we hurry toward the front. There’s no GA, only seats. When I ask, Melissa says she doesn’t care where we sit, which kind of irritates me. At first we go up too high, so we try lower. There are now some people here and we have to squeeze by them in their seats. The band is on the stage now, all unfamiliar except for Bob Weir, the rest seeming much younger. I notice the drummer playing but don’t hear any music. Bob is wearing a black cloth face mask which he removes and gives to one of the younger band members to wear. This makes no sense to me but I try to let it go.
+ escape the firestorm from CH, bank cards, passports I'm in CH and I (hear explosions?) and I see a massive firestorm approaching up the hill towards the house. There is no time to take any belongings, I must escape immediately. I run out of the house and higher up in to the hills, hoping that the higher ground will be safe. Walking far away from CH along GPB + See CrLe (WFP)'s workspace with a pile of TTL chip boards +[f] going somewhere in a large van with a group, I'm in the back seat with tons of room in front of me before the front seats later: + in a group (at work? seems like a relaxed social situation), we're going out to celebrate my and (my sons? colleague?) birthday together. I'm 40 and he's 25. [Deceased] wife EW makes funny comment about what about when I'm 80? +[f] sitting (at desk?) Indian coworker AS ("S") comes up and leans over my garbage can to my left (near my head), I think he's spitting out my gum final: + sitting along the banks of a river, shallow completely transparent water [DS], some young boy is playing in the water near the shore, he's submerged and holding himself in place against the current with his hands. Then I see a sort of padded construction (like the face rest on a massage table) in front of him that I think allows him to stay in place by letting the current press his face against the pad, this frees his hands. I note my younger son S2 is sitting in the highest position on the steeply sloping bank (eating lunch?), sitting higher up than any other the other people around us. I (write?) a note on white paper and take it in to the river with older son S2, I want to show it to him, I'm closer to the center of the river than the earlier mentioned boy, and position myself alongside him, son S2 is with me and I open up the paper and I want S2 to read it.
Earlier dreams: vague, forgotten, something with my two kids in their younger years, in a place, something to do with their clothing? next to last waking, tried a brief Raduga-style DEILD entrance disassociation, didn't work so went back to sleep with the intent to get lucid. + in St. house (central valley) of cousins, key moments: my (deceased wife EW?) tells me she wants to show me something (?), if I wanted to follow and see, I say yes, I go and in the next room a guy (who lives there?) presents me with a basket of odd berries. It's a fairly large basket, the color is dark blue almost black like blueberries, and they are shaped like flat triangles or little hat shapes. Some of them are wet, and there are little berry-sized dark blue woolen caps in the basket, I notice this and mention it. go out front door to entrance area there are two suitcases there I want to bring them in to avoid them being stolen as this covered porch area only has a flimsy screen door protecting it, and I'm wondering about crime in the St. area. It's very hot outside and I don't want to spend a long time outside so as not to let out all the cool air inside the main house from the A/C. In the background I hear the A/C running. Looking at the screen door on the main door to the house, I see it's bent in a number of places with large gaps between the screen and the door frame. It's Sunday and I think my cousin and her husband will probably be going to church, I'm not sure though, I wonder if they'll ask me to come. inside the house I walk by a door next to a window and I see that a distant laser turret is firing at the door (part of a game I decide?). The laser blast hits the door with a weak "splat" and slightly opens the door by an inch or so. I watch through the window as a couple more laser shots arrive and hit the door. They're orange colored bolts. I'm explaining to my hosts (young/early middle aged), a woman and man, about the game: that there's a target like a darts target (like the one there hanging on your wall over there, I point out) hanging on the inside of the door, and the turret is firing at it. The woman is asking me about my (dream?) experiences with those older women, I "remember" them being grandmother aged and completely not a romantic interest and say so. The woman comes up to me (I'm lying on the carpet at this point) and wraps a paper darts target around my feet and binds it to me with tape. I tell her "you realize that by reinforcing my dream subjects like this [with me here being awake], it will likely promote having a lucid dream!" At this point (or just after the nose pinch) Sensei walks by and into the next room and makes a comment like "I'm not going to let positive expectation rule my life." I disagree with him, I think that's not at all what LDing is about. I decide to nose pinch since the subject of dreaming has come up an awful lot in the last few moments, and I get a very firm grasp and still a bit of air leaks, so I keep grasping harder and harder until no air moves at all. I also think that I could try levitating since my legs are bound and I'm lying on the floor. .... Then I awake and realize I've just missed a chance for an LD!
It has been nearly a month since I have last updated my online dream diary. Many things in my life get in the way. It is so stressful dealing with Freudsters lol. Anyways though, here's all I can remember from my latest dream: I woke up (in the dream) in a sort of disheveled van. There was a bag over my head, I could sense it, but I could still see everything as if there was none at all. Dreams are weird like that. I wriggled around for a while without actually saying anything and I hit a recall gap here. I ended up back in my old high school, a near exact image of what it looked like, but as I walked closer some people (staff I assume) ambushed me and forced me into the school, where it took on the looks of a prison more than anything. They took me outside where I was put in those striped scrubs type clothing and told to do dig a large hole in a gated part of the land. Another recall gap and I've gone inside the school. Here's where things turn weird. It's not a prison anymore; it's a massive torture chamber. There is a pit piled high with bodies and on the walls hang people splayed open with their organs on full display. Some were still alive and breathing, not screaming or anything but alive. I could hear screams from another room over, though. I never actually got to see what was in there, because upon wandering in the torture halls I was being rushed by the staff again. I suspected I was next to be in the body pit. I ran past them and made it to a shower room, a window was miraculously open and I jumped through it wet and naked for some reason. The exterior once again became my high school and I ran out to one of the cars in its parking lot and drove off. As you can tell I had a lot of recall gaps during this dream lol. It's okay though it's still pretty interesting.
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Updated 09-01-2024 at 10:21 PM by 99032
Updated 09-02-2024 at 03:20 AM by 99032
It started with a normal dream of going to work, me and me dad and his friend got off of a train, it was some kind of futuristic train station, we were going to work Then went downstairs where the stairs were empty at times But I was always lucid somewhat When we got down there things were different it was like a scene from my old school life blended in That's when I started to dig down into my negative feelings, mostly of how I didn't get a girlfriend in school in high school etc. I started to hear and see alternate stories of the same things, I became my alternate selves, re living their bitterness, or that was my dream memories, and just got deeper and deeper until I accepted death wholly or something similar to that And then I was at home , or at least at some kind of level, with no hope and kind of consumed by hopelessness, I went out and the sky was covered in storm clouds, like multiple thick layers of cumulo nimbi only lighted by a light source high up in the sky, it was like a painting, it was beautiful, Then I was ready, for the unknown, usually I don't engage with scenes like that in a dream or so that's what I thought, but this time I didn't give a damn I knew there was something there, the place represented my mind my whole being I think I'm not sure, So then I said hello? Come on take me. My voice was weak but it echoed everywhere. And as I embraced the sky I rose up into the sky and started spinning slowly , and my whole body was overcome with this feeling of healing and comfort, and I heard an upbeat kind of ambient music and I started to have some kind of monologue about the death of the suffering, and how I set it off and someone named mark The sky cleaned up and it was a warm blue sky and I floated there, marinating in healing energy And then I heard my mom's voice, but it wasn't real because she is still sleeping side note: my feet need cold water, they heat up a lot and causes me to wake up, but some cold water calms my nerves down like nothing else in the world and then I sleep like a baby
I'm usually reaching for recall after moving and getting up while walking to the bathroom. Need to set intent and re-train to delve a bit before moving after waking. + [f] I'm with a group laying pipes in an underground cement service area + in a group of people walking around carrying little kids + interrupt Fr. Brown in the middle of a church service, I'm bringing terrible apocalyptic news that can't wait, both he and the parishoners attending are very upset at the interruption + in a group of young people in a large U-shaped rectangular padded booth. Some more adults are coming and I don't want to lose my desired spot next to the cute girls so I lunge to the seat very close to them and turn around and sit down + [f] something about cucumbers
Date: 11/06/2022 Bedtime: 2.40am Awakening: 7am Return to bed: 7.20am Method of entry: indirect Attempt: successful Awakening: 8.55am DEILD: The Anesthesia Experiment DREAMING I'm a doctor with my own private clinic and patients are happy to see me save but one who proves to be very difficult and tests my patience to its limits. I end up battering him till he's unconscious and worry that I might have killed him. I check him with my stethoscope. Scene shift: I'm watching the British soap opera EastEnders and it feels like I'm in the scene as an observer. The setting is a pub, which is radically different from The Vic, and I witness Zack Hudson (played by James Farrar) losing the plot. The actor produces a broom and uses it to smash up the bottles of booze on display across the bar. The bartender, who happens to be the actor Peter Stormare, dashes around the wooden counter to hit Zack but this one is quite agile and ends up beating the former to a pulp. I am happy that Zack wins the fight because I remember Peter Stormare playing a wife beater in the film Chocolat. WAKING I scribble what I remember and note the identity anomaly (I'm not a doctor in real life), the inexplicable scene shift, the strong emotions of worry and excitement, the close-ups of celebrities and the impossibility of being inside a soap opera. After using the loo, I return to bed with a strong intention to enter the phase. DREAMING I believe I wake up to an empty bed and figure that my wife is already up and pottering about. I can hear crying coming from my youngest son's bedroom and find a strange tot there. I take it the little girl before me belongs to the neighbours who live above us and assume that my wife must have agreed to babysit for them but now she must be busy with chores. I pick up the child and tap her on the back. She stops crying after I hand her a teddy bear and carry her back to my bedroom to keep her entertained. After a short while she cries for her mum and I take her to see the view from my balcony but I have trouble opening its door. I hear noises outside and music followed by a propagandistic voice, making me think that the Labour Party have gone bonkers in trying to persuade people to vote for them. Scene shift: My eyes are shut and I feel rested on a mattress under a thick cover. LUCID DREAMING I'm in bed and it occurs to me that I could be dreaming of waking up. As I get up and start rubbing my hands for clarity (realism: 90%), I find that I am not wrong when I glance at the curtains covering the balcony door; they are chartreuse instead of a greyish colour as is the case in the real world. As I move around the bed, sight declines to a blurrier state and my eyes feel crusty. (Realism: 50%) Rubbing them whilst wishing for clarity restores realism to an even greater decree than previously and the inaccurate bedroom replica becomes clear. (Realism: 100%) I exit the room into the hallway and look at my reflection in the mirror on the wall at the top of the staircase. I'm wearing a grey hoodie and shorts and my face is quite realistic. I feel slightly excited at the colourful detail of my surroundings and start dancing in front of my reflection, which mimicks my movements. An apt, funky beat comes on—as though someone turned up the volume on a stereo—and then I hear a voice behind me: 'What are you doing, dad?' I turn to see another bedroom adjacent to mine, which doesn't exist in real life, and a perplexed eldest son is standing in the doorway. I smile at him and say as a means to reinforce to myself the nature of what's happening to me: 'I'm having a lucid dream!' He turns around and mutters, 'Okay, dad!' I pat him on the back and tell him I love him, apparently causing him to shrink back to his pre-teen phase, before he utters in a childlike voice: 'Love you too, dad!' I run downstairs and find that all the lights in the house appear to be on. I enter the loo expecting to find an astronomy-themed mural on black walls but instead encounter a comical poster depicting cartooned police officers resembling Chief Wiggum from The Simpsons having gay sex. I find it hilarious but at the same time disappointed that my mind did not produce what I was looking for. I remember the anesthesia experiment and think of getting a syringe from my right pocket. As I reach to check the pocket, I feel a pinprick on my leg as though the object is already there and piercing my skin. I pull out an empty syringe with a long needle and go to the kitchen in order to find an anaesthetic to fill it with. I approach the fridge-freezer's water dispenser and imagine that it might produce a numbing drug in liquid form but quickly change my mind and instead open the refrigerator to find a plastic bottle filled with a colourless analgesic. I pierce the bottle with the needle inside the fridge and draw the fluid into the tube, subsequently stabbing my right leg with the syringe, noticing that the pinprick is not as painful as the one I experienced earlier. I inject the fluid into my leg, believing its anaesthetic properties to be immediately effective. The leg goes numb as I wished and there is no sensation when I pinch it. I immediately force myself to wake up. WAKING Now awake, I quickly pinch my right leg but find that there is feeling there as normal in the real world, contrary to what was experienced (not felt) in the phase state. Also, I made the mistake of not performing the experiment as the first task of my plan of action. If required, I shall execute this task again.
Date: 04/06/2022 Bedtime: 3.30am Awakening: 8am Return to bed: 8.30am Method: dream consciousness Attempt: successful Final awakening: 11.30am Phase experience: No Murals To Be Found DREAM STATE I'm a member of a boarding school and meet up with a group of boffins in the woods at night in order to converse with them. It's our secret rendezvous to eat what we are reputedly not allowed: chocolate muffins. Suddenly, our indulgence is interrupted by a lorry driving through the forest towards our social circle, causing my uniformed friends to disperse. Subsequently, I explain to someone that I had been given the opportunity to devour a delicious chocolate muffin and that one of the other lads had a caramel one which I tasted vicariously, an amazingly advantageous ability which is deemed to be completely normal. Scene shift: I'm on a small island which is the stage for a reality TV show, having somehow landed there and immediately regarded as a mystery guest by eminent contestants. Ulrika Jonsson asks me why I'm so short, making me feel inadequate and a little self-conscious. I do my best to speak graciously and politely—partly to make up for a perceived, physical shortcoming. However, no matter what I do, I feel like an alien or an outsider. I spot Xavier Bardem aboard a luxury boat sailing on a moat surrounding the villa and, feeling starstruck, I tell the others I'm quite fond of the actor. I am ushered into their residence and Ulrika shows me around. I clock a screen displaying a picture of me as a new contestant and notice that my face resembles that of Christopher Hitchens'—making me think that I am unconsciously emulating the public intellectual's expressions due to having watched him debate Robert Wright on YouTube. Scene shift: I meet up with Anne-Marie as it's her birthday and she gives me a lift in a convertible from the close to a strange underground workshop. She is dressed up like a dog's dinner, all in leather and curiously a lot shorter than in real life. I give her a big hug, a kiss and wish her a happy birthday. WAKING STATE I realise that Anne-Marie does not drive and her height was inconsistent with reality (the impossibility of my former neighbour being considerably shorter than I remember is dismissed by a focus on, and delight in, an inflated ego towering over her when we embrace). The uncritical assumption that it was her birthday betrays a mnemonic failure because her birthday has already been and I messaged her on Facebook wishing her a happy one. Then there is an ID anomaly that also makes me considerably younger than I am in real life: I thought I was part of a coterie of boarding school boffins; on a separate oneiric occasion, my countenance resembles that of Christopher Hitchens' beyond just an emotional expression. Unusual situations to look out for are exemplified in the dream scene where a lorry interrupts a 'muffin rendezvous'. Flawed logic that tasting a muffin vicariously through another boffin's taste buds is perfectly natural, when it is an impossibility, was present in the dream state. Scene shifts are common, too: I was on a reality TV show and suddenly, it is Anne-Marie's birthday. I have also been dreaming about celebrities every night: Xavier Bardem and Ulrika Jonsson. After using the loo, I return to bed with the intention to induce a lucid dream. I try the wake-initiated approach but fail to relax sufficiently on my back for about ten minutes, deciding afterwards to turn on my side and fall asleep. DREAM STATE During the day, a mustachioed food vendor is offering quiche to my family through the kitchen window of a radically different house. Inconsistently, he regales us with cheese sandwiches and charges after his so-called samples. I point out to my family that what we are getting is not quiche, but they say it's good and worth buying. Scene shift: at night, in my bedroom with Alfie and he tells me someone is outside. I open the balcony door to discover an architectural anomaly—there is no balcony; instead, a porch with two approaching teenagers wielding toy guns, and playfully pretending to be burglars, is manifestly before me. To my right, a staircase leads to the street below and next to it I make out strange neighbours arriving before entering the house next door. Dwelling on the structural inaccuracy, I conclude that I'm dreaming. PHASE STATE I rub my hands to stabilise the dream world. Returning to the bedroom replica, I decide to glide downstairs—encountering strange globular objects floating in the air at the bottom of the staircase—and head towards the loo whilst expecting to encounter a mural displayed on black walls for artistic inspiration but never reach my goal. I believe I wake up but still test the bedroom environment just to make sure. At the foot of the bed my fist goes through the carpeted floor and I know for sure that my surroundings are oneiric in nature. I sink into the floor in order to land in the loo imagined to be directly below so that I may find a mural in another attempt to seek artistic inspiration, but I descend into a dark space filled with some kind of pressure that almost feels like gelatine restricting my movements. Spinning causes the surrounding darkness to be replaced by an upstairs environment more congruous with my former address at Lea Close than the current one at Gardner House. Jumping out of one of the windows of an oneiric version of my former abode lands me on a fire engine parked right outside the front door. Upon seeing a party taking place in the opposite house with some people outside beckoning to me, I descend from the large vehicle to take a gander. Amongst the dream characters inviting me in are Poca and Andy Waters, who call out my name. Inside the house I find a lot of confusing but colourful decorations but no murals to be found. I lose lucidity at the party. DREAM STATE The party is characterised by debauchery and overall hedonism, including a butch lesbian pursuing me whilst declaring her lust for 'little boys'. Scene shift: I walk away from Lea Close with my mum, who complains incessantly about my former neighbour from hell, Helen, pointing out how conniving the woman can be. My mother wants me to go with her to confront our awful neighbours who are apparently near the local shops. I look back at my former house and see Stacey's silhouette behind a glazed front door and can tell she is wearing colourful summer clothes. PHASE STATE I'm back in bed and my head is hissing—a clear indication that I am in the hybrid phase state that makes lucid dreaming possible., I get up to what I recognise to be an inaccurate bedroom replica and therefore an oneiric environment. I search the house for murals, gliding faster than anybody could run, but find nothing, eventually flying out of the window of Melody's room to encounter a rustic vista radically different from Crane Park in the real world. The grassy field is missing and I'm flying over a muddy, tree-lined track with houses on either side (instead of a block of flats on the left as viewed from Mel's room in the real world). The houses are beautiful—some of them wooden and reminding me of the Old West—and curiosity gets the better of me. Descending to check out these properties, I expect that they also hide murals. I find empty rooms everywhere, finally coming upon a room with two beds ostensibly hiding sleeping people under their covers. The first bed I uncover is empty; the other turns out to hide a soft toy resembling a little dog that gradually morphs into a teddy bear. I wake up. WAKING STATE Scene shifts are quite frequent from daytime to nighttime scenes. The abodes are never quite right and there is a sense of traveling back in time to old addresses or neighbours that don't exist (nobody lives to our left). Unusual situations also come in the form of hedonistic parties and social contradictions, such as Poca and Andy Waters in the same room, often occur. It is a shame I couldn't find oneiric inspiration for a mural—I guess I must be more insistent in the dream world next time.
Some vivid moments last night, last couple dreams especially. earlier: + breaking up into teams to play water polo, views of some (men?) dressed up in women's one-piece swim suits. + walking through a house with a woman close to me, I'm trying to plan our path to avoid being detected by a small robot which is tracking us, woman screams "I HATE YOU" at me, I'm stunned and speechless. mid: + in my sister's room in CH, holding at looking at an opened racy magazine, guy comes in I try to hide it under her bed, then move to my room and think to hide it in closet or under my bed later: + my son has rented out one of my properties to a group of party-goers without my permission, I'm outraged and complain loudly to the people I find there, but in the end allow it to continue and wish them to "have a good time" + I'm staring in to the eyes of an attractive woman. I feel a twinge of sexual excitement, I may be able to "reach completion" just by continuing this gazing. I look closely at her features, and she is staring back at me, I realize she reminds me of somebody I know. + driving in a car on a disintegrating, slightly elevated sandy, narrow country road flanked by a stream on either side, my way is blocked by a huge pile of recently cut fir branches, I try to reverse/go around, the pile vanishes, I walk through a crowd of people mulling around a local dairy vendor
I have had these dreams on and off for 30 years, They involve taking part in Shinto rituals and becoming lucid somewhere mid ceremony. In this one when I became lucid I decided to try and show off how evolved I was by floating up off the ground while meditating. In real life I have been actively trying to stay quiet and humble and go as close to unnoticed in the temple. I think it is good for me to not show off my skills or knowledge to the general attendees for my own growth and training. This dream seems to show that my human ego would love to be acknowledged as wise or skillful.
Idk if I even dreamt it , or maybe it was a nap dream?? but anyways, I think I dreamt of one of those language demonstrating youtube videos all I remember is that the word for "what" was "aš" and I tought to myself "how strange" and left the video
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