All DJ Entries

Original journal entry dated May 22, 2002:

It didn't really start out as a nightmare, it started out as a dream that I was playing Dungeons and Dragons like my friends, and it was a normal session except for the fact that we would literally become our characters. And the fact that the campaign took place on the actual campus, not in a far off fantasy world. This was a whole dream in and of itself.

It then phased into the next dream in this manner:
When we were done playing, we cleaned our stuff up, packed it away, etc. I asked for a ride home but nobody wanted to give me one, although M offered to drop me off at the closest bus-stop. Unfortunately, it wasn't the bus-stop that I needed to be at, which was a mile down and across the freeway. So I started walking down the side of the freeway, which wasn't there at first, but then there were walls along the edge of the road and I had to walk IN the road, inching along with my back pressed to the wall, while tons of cars barreled by. I managed to get across the freeway when I realized that I had miscalculated and overshot the place where the bus-stop was, so I had to go back. As I was going back, I found myself stumbling along a gravel embankment at the edge of the road, and the way that the wall and embankment were arranged, I had to walk away from the actual road and into a sort of hollow near the freeway pillars and supporting structures... all of the sudden, it got way too foggy for me to see, and I wandered blindly until I suddenly felt incredibly cold, clammy hands all over me, and then I passed out...

...when I woke up, I was blind, but I was in a warm bed and a house, and people were talking to me. There were 3 voices - one was a fatherly voice, conjuring up in my head the image of a man smoking a pipe. The second was a daughter-ish voice, that of a young girl. She spent a lot of time talking to me and stuff. The last one scared me, it was a mother-ish voice, but instead of conjuring up a motherly image in my head it conjured up the image of something rather like a medusa (I'm talking mythology, not squid, here). They took care of me and talked to me, but they never touched me. In my dream I think I was an orphan so I guess I finally had a family. I always refered to the fatherly figure as "father", the sisterly one as "sister", but didn't refer to the motherly figure as anything at all. I kept asking them when I would be well, when any important events would happen, when I would be able to go back... they told me, one day, that in a day they were going to go somewhere, and asked me whether or not I wanted to go with - I could go tomorrow, or in a week. I told them tomorrow, and asked them where we were going to go and what we were going to do. They responded, "Tomorrow they will uncover us." As I vaguely began to wonder if my caretakers were something other than... well, alive or human... back in real life, D knocked on my door, and the dream abruptly ended.

So then I managed to get back to sleep, but this time my dream was different, it was about the dorms only the design had changed (for one, they were nicer and the foliage was more lush, the landscape was prettier). There were some design flaws in the dorms, one of them was that in order to reach their own patio the next-door dorm had to cross ours. So there was a debate as to whether or not they also got to use and put their stuff on the half of our patio that they had to cross to get to their own. Then there was some stuff about mom and screen-names, and a bunch of random stuff, one thing of which included a mural with different descriptive name-bubbles that you could choose to put next to the objects depicted in the mural. The Mural of the Week was one with dinosaurs, and for some reason they didn't look sad but they were crying, and some of the word bubbles were pretty silly.

This is what i remember:

- We were throwing a surprise party for one of my friends
- I remember there were cupcakes with frosting
- It was at some place near the sea
- One of my friends told me " I left a space to eat something sweet that you made" (I bake a lot)
- One of my friends told me she hates Paris and when i asked her why she told me it was a secret and she wouldn't tell me
.

I don't recall my dreams from last night. I kept waking up because my hip hurt, and I have a vague impression that they were related to the pain in my hip, but that's it. I only got ~5 and a half hours of sleep because of a shitty work schedule. My alarm went off and I kept hitting snooze, which I think destroyed my dream recall.

Monday: Forced into playing some game in order to save my father's life, using mandrake led to victory. People raiding a house, breaking things or stripping things from the walls and carrying them away. The words "los soños del amos." A dance performance featuring various actors - Biehn, Paxton, Goldstein (as Diamondback), Henriksen showing up later offstage - arranged by a woman trying to use this performance to prove her worth; an old money type applauds the performance, technically a success, but succeeding here just means she's got the chance to fork over even more money than she already has, she's being used.

Tuesday: A young girl who'd been in some kind of trouble runs into a reporter named Nicholas who promises to help her, but when she sees him in sunlight his eyes resemble a snake's. He tells her that if she succeeds in becoming human, he'll lose interest in her struggles, and then he'd probably kill her. A religion based on Alice 19th. A woman arrives from another world; I've seen this play out before, but in that version of events there was a man with her, this time she's alone; knowing what's coming, I kneel before her, ask her to spare my life, which doesn't seem likely to work until I point out how little she knows about this world, and promise to guide her to the halls of power; she relents and accepts. Elijah speaking to Rebekah, telling her he has plans to meet someone in a dream at sun-up, which amuses him since he's just now become capable of walking in the light and yet is going to spend the time sleeping anyway.

Wednesday: A large wolf in the woods, my cat cuddling up to it. A very small man is sent to pick a fight with a woman at a bar. He fails miserably. She talks to him about his daughter, says she couldn't believe what had happened, when the girl had turned out to be a witch after all and was snatched away by her mother - a 'good witch', who uses a different variety of magic than these two at the bar. It's implied the daughter's been taken to be used as a tool. She offers her help for a rescue mission, but he suspects she'd like to use his daughter as a tool, too.

Thursday: A young woman and a friend, trapped in a maze of rooms cluttered with objects - statues, tapestries, things you'd expect in a museum - searching for one that holds a specific design which is her only means of escape, but it's a needle in a haystack situation. She picks up a statue and reminisces about when her mother used to fill her home with things like this - as she thinks that, she finally spots the design she's looking for, a tile set into the floor. The mirror above it ripples, and she's aware that she'll be leaving her friend behind here, but she doesn't have time to wait for him, she escapes through the mirror, back into the real world. Once on the other side, the mirror breaks. She says to someone on the other side that her friend is still trapped there, but this person tells her "Abby, all your life there's been no one there" - no one else in the real world has any memories of that person she believed to have been her lifelong friend.

Friday: Meeting Olivia Atta Clemens for the first time at a party in Rome. NBC's version of Dracula is having an argument with someone referred to as his master, regarding the use of the phrase "your majesty," and people going missing.

Saturday: Nightmare in which some creature embodying darkness is crouched above me, dispelled with Apollo trick, after which the dream ceased being a nightmare but I become concerned that the creature had simply moved on to the nearest target. I'm chasing someone and run into a cop along the way, and at first ask for his help but then decide there's no point, we're in a country where cops don't carry guns. A guy explaining Kaballah annoys me by making cryptic comments about me and fallen angels.

Today:

I'm stowing some papers in a hiding place on the roof; I'm thinking that Lydia (mental connotations of an odd mentor/student relationship with her) will pass through here later, and I'm positioning the papers where she'll be sure to see them, but trapping them in such a way that she won't be able to retrieve them in the little time she'll have up here. A scene with Lydia and I entering a small room where I've been holding Boone, her husband, captive; I sit down while she talks to him, take off my hat and smooth down my hair - I've got blond hair here. A scene with Lydia in a room crowded with empty picture frames, which used to hold pictures of her - she's aware they belong to (either my character or her husband, I can't remember which).

A setting based on ancient Rome, I've been having a dispute with someone over a slave, one of my charioteers, and I'm thinking about this dispute as I watch the race. Something about one of the chariots or racers catches my eye, seems odd - then there's an 'accident.' Afterwards, I'm standing over a slave who broke several bones in that accident.

A series of underground tunnels, and a group of vampire hunters. I've found a dead-end tunnel directly underneath their current camp, and I'm crouching on the ceiling, listening to them. One, I believe he's the leader, has been threatening one of the others, but the one being threatened has just walked away from the argument, and from the camp, saying he's going off to eat. I'm slightly concerned that he'll come down into this tunnel - since it's a dead end, there would be no way to avoid meeting him - but I don't think it's very likely. The ones who stayed are still talking about him, and from what they're saying I realize that he also eats people, but that he's in some sense still human. The others are concerned that they may have to kill him one day.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

I'm going to catch the subway, but the tunnel to get there keeps going deeper and deeper. It turns left and right several times, it gets tighter and increasingly more rough on the floor and walls. I end up at a subterranean cave where I find a secret cathedral. It is not a holly place, it emanates some dark vibes, but I get close to check it out. It's all decorated in black and red. I don't see a soul, so I go inside. There are two aisles of seats on the left and right, big black curtains everywhere, red candles and a creepy altar at the end of the aisles.
I hear footsteps, I feel I am in danger, but there's no time to reach the doors. I go up a tower to the right. I hide for a while, but they eventually find me. They are like black knights in black armours. They capture me and force me to undress and wear a white gown. I'm taken to the altar and told not to be afraid and just wait.
I wait for some time, I'm not afraid. A guy comes in speaking italian. He notices me, but seems more worried about secondary stuff on the room. Although he looks like a normal guy, I am certain that he is the devil. I know he is looking for a bride. He hardly talks to me, but when he does, I realize he has read me already and likes what he sees. Then I realize he is my shrink.

Original entry dated May 10, 2002:

I dreamt I was paddling a rowboat through a sea of kittens.

Original journal entry dated May 19th, 2002:

I had a dream that I was a skater-type person, in a forest with REALLY huge trees, and there was one tree that had an incredible long ramp up into its boughs... the ramp was extremely steep, to the point that one could not walk up it.

I was skating around on the ground, and then these gangster type people drove up in a low-rider and started to threaten me because it was very dark and I was alone... in this one, though, I was male, looked blonde and surfer-dude-ish, and VERY 80s in a bad teenie flick sort of way. So I got scared and pulled a rolled-up rainbow out of my pocket (it was a very narrow rainbow, maybe a foot across) and threw it toward the ramp. It unrolled and created a glowy rainbowy escalator thing, and I jumped on it and started riding up the ramp into the tree. I was holding little metal bars in my hand that made ringing noises, and the pitch of the ringing changed as I got higher, so I would know how safe it was. But I had to hold them very straight and level and parallel, or else they wouldn't ring correctly. It was very dark and humid and exotic up in the treetop, and the sky was a pretty color of deep blue, lapis blue. The foliage was all dewy, and there was a tribal type of llady up in the treetops, and she made sure that I got up and down correctly. So I rode up and down the rainbow...

Somehow, my ex-boyfriend was in on the whole "rainbow" thing and had been watching... so after all was said and done, I wound up hanging out with him at night, God only knows why, and it was around Christmas. He and his mom were looking at various miniature Christmas trees and trying to decide which one to put in the kitchen (which is even more unusual because they're Jewish), they all looked pretty beaten up, one of them spun around and lit up, but they couldn't agree and were arguing with each other, then his mother asked me what my opinion was and I just shrugged and tentatively suggested the spinny one. I thought his mother was being unusually nice to me, considering, but didn't overly dwell on it. For a split second I turn around and he is several inches taller than me, I'm astonished and do a double-take and he's back to his regular (diminutive) height.

He seemed to know more about my life than he should, as usual criticizes me on a number of points and is somewhat caustic. I take it too hard because, well, I always take things too personally. Turns out Joe's been rooming with a female friend of his, I felt a tinge of jealousy but it turns out that they're just roomies in a conversation I have with him, we talk about "old times", then the conversation and dream cut off indefinitely.

Then it changes to a movie set. My friends and I, as our Independent Study Project, are making a movie, but our budget sucks because it doesn't exist, and somehow the rainbow is still here. So we all wind up riding around on it and it tends to defy the laws of physics, and somehow we get stuck in an alternate dimension, where we turn into different sorts of RPG characters, and all still VERY 80s, and one of our characters is a prissy bitch but she's the mage so we've got to put up with her. Even though she sucks at being a mage. But she winds up being REALLY badass later on. Then, I'm swimming down the river because we lost track of the rainbow, and get attacked by these little pygmy people who are shooting arrows - ineffectively - at me. So I laugh at them until the tribal African lady, who has somehow become my guide, informs me that the poison on the arrows was so potent that had one just barely nicked my skin I would have died instantly. So then I got all upset and scared and nauseous...

Anyway, it ended with us successfully completing the ISP with the footage from our adventure, everybody thought that a "documentary" approach to fantasy was really neat-o. We held a screening of it in a tiny theatre-type room that doesn't exist at New College - but in the dream, we went to a big university, not New College - and the professor who evaluated it was very old and sort of doddering.

(color function for denoting lucid parts not working so use bold instead, sorry) 11/17** 1045 4am fragment about placeholders 1 long the other consisting of couple of smaller brackets but placeholders all the same(meaning unclear). Wbtb dream sign mantra then ssild. I have realized lately that the cycles allow me to not focus on the HI's but when I get a flurry of them I can't help but try to interact and jump into the dream. I'm in a home and there were two sets of keys that belong somewhere else laying on a bed and I grab them to put them back or hide them. I start to think where were they from trying to remember and I cannot so I think I must just hide them so I get ready to take them out to my car and a woman comes out of one of the rooms she looks nothing like my mom but in the dream she is my mom and it's like I'm visiting her she goes to the bathroom to pee or something and I tell her that I have to go and go out to my car and I see that her husband is pulling in but her husband does not seem like my father . She comes out to a balcony above where I'm
parked and she has a little boy she introduces the boy and her husband to me. The boy is wearing loose shorts and it looks like he is not wearing anything underneath the shorts so I look away, akward. Next dream I'm in a bedroom sitting on a bed next to a couple, a married couple and there's a woman laying on the floor who looks attractive at first. The couple starts talking about having a threesome with the woman on the floor but her face starts changing it looks a little odd it looks like she's wearing too much makeup especially red rouge. I start to become lucid slowly during this scene but the big aha moment was later. Since the couple was not making a move the woman on the floor made her move and straddled the wife started kissing her and at first it look like the wife was a little uncomfortable but then they all three got into it while I watched. It felt like the couple was my friends so it didn't occur to me to join especially since my idea of
multiple partners does not involve a man. As I'm watching, a woman caresses me from behind and knowing that there was no one else in the room it really locked in the idea that I was dreaming but as she aggressively grabbed me from behind it woke me up into vibrations where I try to reenter the dream or any dream but it fades into a false awakening or a non lucid dream. At some point I'm out in front of the house on M Boulevard and I'm acting silly with a portable folding table on my head running around and a car pulls up a small blue sporty car maybe like Fiat. I continue acting silly towards people in the car and I guess I pissed them off because they get out of the car and a couple of them have guns with very small narrow barrels not really like many guns you would see. I apologize and tell them I'm just acting crazy and they say okay well we're going to take inside the house as if they are going to report it to the owners of the house inside which is
my in laws house. I have enough waking life memory to realize as we're going into the house there is a party that my father in law will not be in there since he has passed away but I do see family friend of ours S close friend of M. One of my dream sign mantras was to lookout for my father in law because that usually makes me lucid funny how I thought of him but did not become lucid, of course I did not see him though. Afterwards they are nice to me and I go with him to a food truck where they are getting some kind of fish sandwich made out of a fish patty I believe. I woke up again around 6 and this was either a second WBTB or an early morning nap. I do my dreams son mattress again and then SSILD cycles and I start to get a lot of interesting HI's. I'm noticing early on that by doing the cycles it helps me tonight focus on the HI's as recommended. Two different times this night I had them featuring a newborn baby and also lots of them with various
women most of them sexy but clothed. They start to come more and more close together and I start to get the idea that I can enter a dream from one of these. So I was attempting to wild but I lost consciousness at some point but I eventually was in a dream that was related to one of the images but I did not realize that until later. I was standing in a hallway and was admiring a couple of different beautiful women 1 and then later another one that made eye contact with and I tried to make eye contact with her again but as I was following her with my head and eyes my father was standing there...my initial thought was he saw me checking out a woman but then I realized wait a minute he is hundreds of miles away right now so I am dreaming. I walked away from my father (though I wish I talked to him first now as recalling the dream I could have asked him some interesting things just to see what his dream character would say.) I walk down the hall
rubbing my hands to stabilize but I lose patience and start flying down the hall to the women's restroom. I imagine the kind of woman I want to be in there and I go in and start making out with her. We go into a stall though not my normal chosen venue and we're going at it feverishly and she starts to give me a BJ it feels really good and then another woman comes in and they are both going at me. I finish off and I think about how it feels so realistic and exhilarating and I start to wonder if it also happened in waking life and at first I think that it did but later realize it was a false awakening where I "woke up" excited and in this false awakening I thought to myself that I did something that Laberge says doesn't happen in a lucid dream, that I had a wet dream and even get up to clean up the evidence thinking that this has to be something quite unusual to do before later waking up for real and realizing that was a false awakening. I'm quite happy
with what just happened but a little disappointed but a little relieved that the false awakening was false. I start making some notes then lay back down close my eyes and then turn over and start making some more notes in waking life. One of them involves the different images I was seeing before the dream started and also a reminder for me to look up some other great motionless reality checks. I also think about how I've woken up quite a few times with my lips feeling very wet to the point that I have to wipe them and I wonder if this is happening during false awakenings because my lips are normally quite dry. Possibly another way to catch false awakenings. I also make a note that I should have a decent size drink of water when I get up from my normal first awakening that is usually 4 hours after going to sleep so that I can wake up in what seems to be my sweet spot close to 5:30-6a.m. And be able to do it on weekdays possibly but have to be ready for
false awakenings involving my wife getting up to get ready for her day. I also made a note that I seem to be able to relax real well while laying on my back if I bend my knees up with my feet flat on the bed and then slowly lower my knees back to the bed.

Previous night below...

111613*
1130 300 5:05 **Almost lost recall of this lucid dream because it lead into a false awakening and I have two non lucid dreams after the lucid dream before getting up and recording anything...may have lost it if I didn't take the time to record the dream I woke up from and start tracking back the previous scenarios and dreams. The furthest back I can go I remember looking up at the sky and seeing the moon and being reminded of my goal to fly to the moon. I actually thought about this and several other potential dreams signs as I was going to sleep. Without thinking first I took off to start flying but then I quickly land back down realizing that I should stabilize first and I begin rubbing my hands and telling myself I'm dreaming. After I feel stable in the dream I look up to the sky for the moon pick it out and start flying again towards the moon. It gets blurry as I approach the moon and it has a grayish brown color to it and I land. I start doing the bounding around because I thought it would be fun and it was fun but the dream lost vividness during the flight and also on the moon and I was not
happy with the way the moon looked...the color of the Moon I was hoping would look more realistic. (I plan to go back and re-do it) The next thing I know I find myself back in bed with vibrations and I plan to reenter the dream or any dream lucid . But I ended up in a false awakening but I did not catch it unfortunately and I was in a room looking down at a blanket with a moon pattern on it which should have reminded me right there I don't understand how that did not remind me! Someone was asking me if I can send the blanket to them, to ship it to them. Perhaps I laid in the bed for a while trying to get back to sleep and eventually just dozed off which led to that false awakening . The next dream, before getting up and writing this in my paper journal, I was in a warehouse & it almost seems like I was there for work but it becomes more like a party setting. A guy walks up with a billy club and hits some guy and I say to him really with a billy club? Then the guy starts coming towards
me and can't remember if he hit me but I remember walking up to I guess my boss and saying that I will need to leave early. I get confused trying to find the way out to my car there are lots of big bay doors and it seems like my old friend B from childhood was there with me. Someone was leaving with me. At some point the dream transitions to a party or get together in a house and I see roxana and she gives me a big hug and oddly kind of rubs her face against mine like she misses me so much. I also see G who I know from the same place and she is looking at my phone had a picture of the other G that I know admiring the guy that is in the picture with G. Perhaps she has Facebook up on my phone and I told her well you should see her husband, he's a model. A baby walks up to me maybe about 1 year old and I pick it up I think it is a girl she starts to fuss so I put her back down and it looks like she has a twin because the mother is breastfeeding and put
down the other twin who walks up to me and I pick her up and she does not fuss; perhaps the other one was hungry. The baby has strange high brows and I look at the mom and she does also and she looks more like an alien lizzard woman or something as the features become more and more noticeable. Audio information is playing in the background explaining that children with this condition have flower shaped hands as in fingers around in a circle like petals on a flower and they have trouble gripping things.

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I’ll start in the middle, since I don’t quite know where this story began. Aislinge is not merely my name; it is the word I have chosen to describe what I am. A Gaelic word for “of dream”, though the root word aisling is also used as a female name -that is me, the girl of dreams. That is to say, I was not born female; I’ve had to learn how to conjure the experience through the magic of mind. There were other options, though I am not interested in merely changing my mortal body, instead I am working on a solution much greater. My mortal body will eventually grow old and die, but a fully realized being of the dream world can free themselves of this suffering. That is why I wish to begin a second life in that world and permanently become a part of the inner realities. Many would tell me this is impossible with current science, and they may be right, though I’ve decided long ago that if no one is going to give me the freedom then I will have to make it on my own. Even if it means evolving beyond the constraints of a human body and rewriting the apparent laws of physics, it is my dream, and I’m going to make it happen.

I lean back against the cold metal door of my house, lost in thought. My digital typewriter sits on my lap, the screen glowing ghostly green, eerily complimenting the bright light of a full moon. While wind on the lake roars in the distance, chills slither down my spine from the crisp air of winters eve. I pause to light my last cigarette, and have a sip of an ice cold cup of coffee. Their bitter earthy flavours shock my mind awake from that moment of surreal bliss. Soaking in the night with a deep breath of the serene country air, I drop the barely smoked butt in a makeshift flowerpot ashtray, and head inside to the guest room of the quiet old house. After silently opening the door, I step inside and slide my shoes off. Our large tomcat curiously watches the open door as I close it, looking for a way out, then trots off defiantly in a flash of black and white to his food dish like a spoiled teenager. I begin to tip-toe through the foreboding hallway towards my temporary bedroom, and pull the handle wincing as the hinges creak like a shrieking banshee. I shrug it off then stroll in to softly lay down on the royal blue futon and continue writing.

I have acquired some unique skills on my quest; one such ability allows me to dream while awake. I often use it to create hallucinations at will, either to simulate fantasies, or project my mind into the environment like a living ghost. I taught myself this so I would be able to emulate this female body into my perception, and it has worked exceptionally well. Although as of yet anyone watching will usually only see me go into a trance like state while I am focused on the fantasy. I wish to make myself perceivable, though so far I have only managed to learn how to describe the experience through language or illustration. That’s the main reason for writing this journal, so I can record these things in detail for further study.

It is getting late, though before I leave to go home for the night I’ll give an example of this phenomenon of mine. I’m still on the bed, lying in the dark room, with only the soft glowing display of the typewriter and the dim celestial bodies shimmering through the window. I close my eyes and feel my body changing shape. My jeans are growing loose as I shrink, tickling my smooth tender skin. While my hands become slender and slight I have to reach further to find the right keys. My shirt is now tighter around my gently curving breasts, and my underwear much more empty. I open my Inner eyes and see myself transformed, feeling my heartbeat rush and my cheeks blush. While lifting myself up to the edge of the bed, I notice the fabric weave of the futon vividly pushing into my soft palm. When I stand up my pants fall down, the boxers only held up by an elastic waistband. I walk to the door in floppy socks, and my hands are nearly covered by the long sleeves of my shirt. I open the door reaching a bit higher than usual, and head to the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror.

The reflection shows me with long flowing black hair, ghostly pale skin, and bright green eyes. My chin is rounder, and lips fuller, grinning beneath a slightly crooked nose. Above my socks, my slender legs blend into wide hips, and although my shirt billows around my torso it curves over the top of my breasts. With slimmer shoulders the shirt puffs loosely to the sides, and my thinner neck allows the collar to rest lopsided. I begin to prepare myself for bed; polishing my pearly white teeth and washing my cute face, then return to my room exited for the journey home. I walk in through the open door and climb onto the bed, sitting cross-legged in front of the keyboard to catch up where I left off.

The home I refer to is the world I enter in sleep, as that is where I am in my element. The world outside my thoughts is not yet ready for me to fully exist, so I have learned how to live in my mind. After all, it is in the womb of dreams where fantasies come alive and so it is there I will nurture mine until I can be reborn as an Aislinge.

I will continue using this journal for detailing my nightly practice in dream magic, with the main goal being my feminine alter ego. My study will take the form of incubating a vivid dream life by fantasizing regularly before falling asleep. This is to focus my mind on the goal, and trigger dreams with related subject matter. When I wake I will record the nights experiences here, and the more I do my mind will get better at remembering other life.

The next step I am taking in this journey is to develop the skill of lucidity, which is the ability to realize the differences between the inner and outer world, and so know which I am in at a given time. To do this I will study the records of my alternative life and look for things that signify I am in the other world. When I realize that I am in a dream, and my physical body is asleep, I will use my abilities to take my true form. For in that world I can explore my fantasies freely, practicing the technique to perfection to prepare to take it further.

I fall back onto my pillow and stretch out my legs, then pull the down blanket over me. Sliding my hands beneath the cushion under my head I start to fantasize about the adventures the night may have waiting for me. I wonder if I have been already living this life in my dreams, and have been calling to myself to remember. In many of my occasional lucid dreams, I remember meeting my alter ego as though we are two souls in a single body. In fact she was the one who taught me how to dream while awake, appearing as a hallucination and beckoning me to join her. Perhaps she is my subconscious I reason, living in the world of my mind all this time, and coming forth to guide me into her world...

Don't remember much since I didn't get very much sleep and had to get up quickly..

But at some point I was playing Age of Mythology (with Isis, on an Egyptian map) and the enemy just kept sending many troops (I remember the anubits especially) again and again, and it was kind of stressful, and I was barely holding them back with my meager forces. I knew that they would win the game.

Yesterday, I also took a nap and had a dream that there were turkeys in my backyard (a few days ago there were deer there, irl). Then, I found that somehow some of them had gotten inside, and they were in the kitchen. I think about picking one up, but I thought it would be kind of gross. Then there's a scene change and it's a third-person view of me standing behind the kitchen bar looking at a turkey that I had picked up, and put on the bar. I'm making a slightly-grossed-out face at it, and my mom is standing about five or six feet behind me by the garage door, looking at it as well. The turkey has a beak that is long, thick, and sort of like a lumpy toucan's.

Before going to bed, I practiced MILD -- I noticed that the color red is a recurring theme, especially when it is on a person, like clothing or hair color -- and practiced making that a cue. As you'll see, I dropped the ball.

Dream one had me in a Baldur's Gate-esque world, but the "graphics" are updated to at least 2010 standards, a la Dragon's Age -- which, by the way, I'd throw gobs of money at an updated Baldur's Gate. Anyways, my party and I are settling into a wooden house in the city, and we are turning in for the night. The house we are in had two rooms (which I never saw) to the left and right of the entrance in the "main" room, which sinks a foot lower and features a hearth in the middle middle (so it actually has a bit of a Warring States-era Japanese design). Straight across the entrance is a ladder that leads up to a loft area (which I'll get into detail later).

Our party seems to be pretty big, as Dream Knowledge tells me that others in our group have settled into other houses nearby, and that I'm sharing a house, hostel style. Of note, two of the people I'm teamed with are a married couple in their late 20's-early 30's, and they are both pleasant spellcasters wearing robes. The wife is in a red robe with green trims (missed MILD cue alert), while the husband is in a navy robe with yellow trim. I think the husband resembles a classmate as well from middle school, who I want to say is K, that I never really was friends with, but hey, whatever you say, Dream Logic. It also appears that the town/city we are in is a little bit hostile, because there was an exchange where we are strategically planning how we should assign rooms (i.e. if we are ambushed in the middle of the night, where should we sleep so we are best prepared), and I say something like "don't worry, I'll sleep anywhere and decide what class I'll be based on that."

I'm now suddenly climbing up the stairs to the loft -- I'm staying there, apparently. The loft area is surprisingly modern looking, including working electrical lights and a sliding-pane window. There is also a private bathroom in the corner. It's also a little messy, with a ton of clothes hanging on hangers all around the wall, and some piles of clothes strewn here and there. There's a giant bed in the middle (bigger than a King-sized bed) that takes up 75% of the available space, and there are some heavy-looking covers. In short, I would absolutely live in a place like this in real life.

I also notice an adorable kitten in the loft, so I reach down to pet it. It's an orange calico kitten, and is really affectionate and playful. After playing with it a little, it lays on its back for me to rub its tummy. It's a trap. The second I do, the kitten snaps like a bear trap to love-bite/claw my forearm. I find it even more adorable at how cat-like this cat is, and after freeing my arm, I call out to the others to come see. I demonstrate by placing my hand on the kitten's tummy again, who reacts exactly like I expected. It's visibly trying to gnaw my arm (and it's soooo cute while it does), but it's just so small and tiny that it barely managed to draw blood (Red blood on my arm. Missed MILD cue alert).

It still "hurt" though, so let that be a lesson: Cats are pure evil, no matter how cute they are.

ANYWAYS, the scene changes, and now I'm alone in another house in the same town. I'm in the kitchen area, because there's a modern looking stove and fridge to my left. There's a small wooden table and two chairs against the wall, and the entrance is in the wall to my right. Straight across, by the fridge, is another doorway to a darkened room, and I emerge from what appears to be the storage/stable. It's dawn, and I'm aware that I'm in red plate armor (missed MILD cue alert), and my weapon of choice is a grey-white claymore. I'm pretty happy with my gear. I'm also alert, and as expected, I'm ambushed by assassins posing as villagers. I dispose of the first attacker, who is dressed like a villager from Might and Magic VI. I think I cleaved her, but she "disappears" with no blood, like I'm in a PG-13 movie. Another attacker runs in from the side, and I turn around and backhand him. Bloodless murder is the most morally-cleanest murder.

At this point, I get agitated at all these assassins and yell out "I know what's going on. Just show yourselves." To which, maybe 8-9 people dressed as villagers meekly come out. I pan, "What am I, Abraham Lincoln?" (lol at my own brain). It's at this point that Dream Knowledge reveals that these villagers need my help. The dream fades at this point.

Dream two posits me at my high school during an assembly in the gym. The dance club(?) is putting on a swing dance routine. For whatever reason, I think something like, "I can do the Charleston," and just like that, I'm suddenly part of the dance routine. I wasn't sure what the Charleston is before I Googled it, by the way; but apparently I'm rocking whatever swing routine my dream calls the Charleston on the dance floor. The "dance" evolved into a 50's rockabilly concert, and I'm now dressed like the band during the Enchantment Under the Sea dance. I'm also playing a red Epiphone Riviera (which I theorize I was able to identify so vividly because it's an actual guitar I have. Also, missed MILD cue alert) on a pretty modern looking stage. Everyone is doing the Twist. The dream fades.

The dream picks up again with a snow theme. The following happens, but I lost track of the order of which came first:
-I'm outside in the snow (pretty sizable amounts -- the snow blankets the field), and Garfield (from the comics) is laying down in the snow next to a snowman (snowcat?) of himself. He's saying/thought bubbling/captioning something like "perfection is the origin of stress." I don't know if those are wise words or dream gibberish.

-I'm upstairs in a room (it resembles a room in my brother's house, actually), overlooking the driveway. I'm worried that the snow is going to make it hard for my mom to drive, even though she hasn't driven in years. But when I look out the window, I see that the roads are cleared up, and there's only about half-a-foot of snow (a snowplow is seen leaving my vision frame). The driveway isn't cleared yet, but I see tire tracks on it, which leads me to believe that the roads are accessible.

I wake up, and I was really expecting it to be snowing in real life.

23:43 bedtime

23:47 ate WAY too much too late for dinner, arg, stupid! Getting up to do some reading.

00:00 Sunday 2013-11-17

02:45
F1) In a group of people their attention is focused on something, something was trying to get in between them from the steps above.

I get wild/wacky/random dreams a lot but this one takes the cake I think:

1) In a huge open field late at night, I'm standing under a tower, I'm concerned that if I climb it I'll be hit by lightning, I start climbing up its stairway, I get blown off the stairs by wind, I'm barely hanging on by one hand to the railing over the edge, I imagine if I fall someone will come across my dead body. I get back up and climb to the top, I step on a certain place and the entire tower collapses and falls to the ground, I'm falling with the tower, I'm trying to find temporary footholds to lessen my fall on the parts of the structure that are still together, there's a brief vision (1/2 a second) of Dwight Schrute from the Office's face looking up at me from below with a scared expression, shouting "NOOO!"
When I reach the ground I start running for my house. Still on giant wide open farmland. I have to reach my home before something reaches me. A voice says the mushroom bloodhounds are going to come from miles around. They're drawn to whatever happened. I'm running, I have a set of keys in my hand, there's a number written there, ("9988?"), I look around, during flashes of lightning I see that the entire horizon is filled with little creatures running towards me. The creatures are at my ankles, I reach a door with a number matching the key, I rush inside, some of these creatures (like cabbage-sized mushrooms with big bulging Mr. Potatohead huge bulging white eyes with big black pupils, the creatures are are squishy and juicy) are coming in through the door I try to pull the door closed, and get in through another door (the first door was to an internal porch).

There's a woman there who's coming to visit, she's the one bringing all these creatures. I tell her I don't want these things, she says they're a gift, I say I don't want them get them out of here (I don't like their juiciness), she says ok she's taking them back. I look at her and she's absolutely beautiful young woman, shining and beaming and smiling at me. Very bummed to have missed lucidity that moment, she was a right proper "dream girl."

2) in a group outside, a restaurant there's a big surprise coming. (famous actor?) coming up from behind he comes up behind the guy at the head fo the table and squeezes his shoulders, it's a big shock. There's a procession (DO), there's one very odd character / thing which has empty eye sockets the eyes are bobbing around outside of the face fo the thing, which is some kind of construct, built from wires/sticks. Its attention is moving around, kind of spooky.

F2) Getting in to some kind of office, a woman says: "Will it be Asian, or Asian delight?"

05:34 FA #1 LD #7!!!!!
3) Wake up in my old bedroom in my parent's house, I'm in bed with my wife. Something's not right here, something about the sound (in WL there's a fan on in the room), I suspect a LD, nose pinch, I can breathe, YES, I am dreaming, this is a FA! I see a few things from my childhood room, it's dark, a Snoopy spelling trophy, went out into the hallway (always lit), down the stairs, as I pass the front door I think I should perhaps go outside and change to daytime. Instead I go into the living room, it's dark, just can barely see the outlines of the room, there is no furniture there! Did another nose pinch, I can breathe, my nose feels flimsy, like it's not even connected to my breathing apparatus. "OK," I think, "time to get down to business." I say "BE LIGHT!" to lighten the room. A weak light hovers around my face. I will it to be more light, and the room becomes about half-lit. I think nough of this 'no female entaglements stuff,' so I summon my first highschool girlfriend, I say, "K.S., BE *THERE*!" and point at the couch (which appeared at some point). And she is there! I move on the couch with her, straddling her, now the couch has reoriented so that it's back faces the room, and I can see the stairs. I think to myself, "this is a solid lucid dream, and it is going to last a long time" (WL intent). I felt like I could stay in for a long time. I initiate sex, the feeling is more like ND sex, kind of flimsy and things don't quite fit. My wife comes down stairs, I pull KS down lengthwise across the couch, kind of squishing her against the back of the couch, trying to hide her under me, cover her with a blanket. Wife comes right up to the back of the couch and looks down at me, "what are you doing here?" I say, "sleeping..." she moves away, back to the bottom of the stairs, then she turns towards me, and annoyed, says "I don't have time for this! I have to do (all kinds of things...)" I get mad, and command her to go upstairs: "BE UP THERE!" and I point upstairs, and ZOOM she disappears becomes a brown blur zipping up the stairs, like the cartoon character The Flash. I start kissing KS, but her face is dark, I say, "K, why can't I see you?", then she is lit well again. I see her, study her face, it's not a perfect version of K.S. but she is *totally realistic*, the color and pattern of her shirt, her hair, her face, all very life like. We kiss a few more times. I feel the beginnings of a climax, I will it to happen now, and I fade to awake in bed with a fast heartbeat. Try to DEILD back in but too awake.

I think this was my longest LD to date, 3-4 minutes. Lucidity about the same as my other LDs, not very high, but succesful summon and environment control (half lit room), and DC control.

Having no earplugs in may have helped: I think I noticed the difference in sound between the fan in my room in WL and in the dream room.

11:02

4) battle with a guy on a bed it has grates with water in them, he's trying to lure me close to the grates to that his weapons will work, I'm trying to get him close to the grates and squirt water down into the grate because that will cause his weapons to explode onto him. Water grenades of some sort with different effects. There is an explosion.

5) in an internal room, with lots of little sub-rooms off to the side with poles in them, it's like a porn store, there are little cone shaped (like trumpet mutes) devices which you're supposed to roll around with on the ground especially in a special powder which will greatly enhance the pleasure. I see big sweaty black guys pumping away with prostitutes in these little side rooms, really going at it, I think I don't want to go into these rooms, there's sweat and other stuff all over the floor and they're disgusting.

F3) MR, childhood friend. Something about owing him money or getting money from him

F4) Finding a teacher so that my kids will learn how to get into medical shcool.

6) (earlier awakening). In a room below ground level in a house (I think my old house in CP). I open up a ground level window, it's painted white, there's a wooden set of bars/lattice on the window, in the lower left hand corner there's a white/pink sponge jammed into the lattice, at first I think this is a motion detector but then I think it's to prevent the rats from coming in. Look past the right side of the lattice at ground level in the backyard, there's a small wooden grating just past the window, in between this grating and the lattice hidden in some plants is a rat's nest with 3 or so rats jumping around, a mama and some babies.

At the other end of the house. Standing right outside a window, looking down to the ground, there is a fairly large and deep hole that goes under the house, there is a family of ground owls (I see them, about 3) that live there. I'm showing this to a bunch of Chinese people. A teenage girl shrieks in fear at something up in a tree, I'm annoyed because it's just a white flower. There's an attractive woman and an annoying guy, the guy says "let's go off (somewhere),", I say "yeah, let's do that!" and he goes off and we ditch him, I"m pleased with myself. I take her hand and lead her behind me to show her the rats nest I found earlier. Her hand is a bit sweaty. The nest has been cleaned up it's not there any more. We're back in the room where I saw the nest to begin with, there's a big party going on, lots of tables are set all throughout the different rooms, all the tables have glasses of champagne and wine on them. I ask if she'd like a drink, she says yes, so I sit her down at a table and go off to find 2 fresh glasses of champagne. I find one but can't find another where the glass hasn't been used (I see lipstick markings), I'm walking all around to find a glass, I eventually enter a large area where a caterer is working preparing food, I ask the caterer for a clean glass, they say "no there are no clean glasses left." I think about getting a bowl and pouring a drink into the bowl, but I think "nooo, she doesn't want to drink from a bowl." I think about pouring a drink from one glass to another one, fooling her. I don't make it back to her.

One of my worst sleep nights ever, probably was awake at least half the time from 00:00 to 11:00, but I don't care since I had a fun LD (first FA!), and lots of interesting NDs.

After my Nickelodeon Land dream I went back to sleep. This dream started out non-lucid. I cant remember what happened before but this but I was in this white room with nothing but white. There was a white table and an empty glass. There was a man and he was saying things to me but I cant remember what it was but he was thirsty. I remembered that it was a dream so I gave him some water and then I woke up. That is all I can remember...

After my Princess Twilight Sparkle dream I went back to sleep normally without trying to be lucid. I dreamed that me and my Mom, Niece and Nephew were in Nickelodeon Land. My Dad was not there because he was at work. The next dream day Me and Mom went to Pleasure Beach Blackpool. We went on a few rides. 1 that I remember quite well was a water slide 1. I went on it but my Mom did not because that she does not like water slides. We then went in this tent looking thing and there was a sign that said "band" on it. We went in and we saw a lot of people who look like they are in a band playing Guitar Hero. They were all boys and they were really old and had long white hair and long white beards. There was another game of Guitar Hero at the bottom of the tent. We went to see what it was and we began to play a song. Mom was good at it but I was not. That is wired because I am really good at drumming. I then woke up again because of my Mom snoring. This is kind of a normal dream for me. We go somewhere things happen the next dream day we go back different DC slightly different things happen.

During nap dreamed that we were going to drop our boys at our former daycare provider's who is still a close family friend and also babysits our kids at times.

As we were coming to drop kids off, we met up with another father who was coming to drop off his kids, except he needed to establish the price first because he doubted whether he could afford as many hours as he needed.

I remember that even though it was clearly our daycare provider, but in the dream her home was different and she lived upstairs, but I did not notice this.

I woke up confused thinking it was morning not remembering this has been an afternoon nap.

I went to sleep while consenting so that I would be lucid from when I first entered the dream. After a while I was in the dream. I was a princess riding a bike through the forest. I got really excited and I almost lost the dream. I got off the bike and began spinning around with my eyes shut and concentrating to stay inside the dream. When I stopped spinning I found myself in a castle. After a few moments I realized that I was Twilight Sparkle! I exploded the castle and it was not very big. It only had 1 other room and a staircase. Then I realized that because I had wings I could fly and because I had a horn I could do magic! I then gotten excited again and had to spin. I had gone to the forest that I was in before. I was still Twilight Sparkle. I saw some rocks on the ground so I used my magic to make them all fly around. After that I was walking around and suddenly Flutter Shy appeared. I said hi to her and asked her if she wanted to fly with me. She said yes and then I flew up into the sky using my wings. Flutter Shy was behind me. I suddenly saw Rainbow Dash and she started flying with me. We flew up into the clouds. I was really excited and because I was flying I could not spin around to stay in the dream. I woke up. It was a really cool dream and I was lucid throughout all of it which I have never ever done before! It was wired for me to dream of my little pony because I have not been watching it recently since I have seen all of series 3 now. I have also never dreamed of my little pony before. I am still not complaining it was an awesome dream and I really enjoyed it! Could not believe it when I had woken up!