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All I remember is that I was playing Minecraft with Tobias. I think I was wondering how to get snow.

Holy fuck. I just remembered the main thing that happened.
I was studying in the physics computer labs (technically I'm not meant to be there because I don't study physics anymore, but it's kinda a cool place to be. I went to use the Macs for fun, because I haven't used a Mac for ages. There was some guy there. He was trying to help me somehow and he was being really nice about it. I thought that was pretty cool, but for some reason I was wary of him.
I can't remember what happened for a while here.
Somehow we were in his car which was a 4WD, driving home to my place in Australind. We parked at the top of the driveway before the gate when he started making moves on me. I won't go into the details but psychologically for me, it was pretty scary and messed up. I got away fine though; he still had his pants on when I managed to break free of his grip and make it through the door of my house where my family was. I was in (or was close to) a state of tears as I stumbled through the door, and so shaken up. My mum didn't react as immediately or as strongly as I thought she would. She seemed only slightly concerned. I think I was going to cuddle up to mum but I didn't. I think my sister attended to me first, but even then no one seemed that concerned about what had just happened to me.
I couldn't seem to do much after that. I tried to hug some dream character but it was pretty hard to do and I would start crying and getting frantic and try to back away.
I don't know what happened to the dude. I was talking to my parents about reporting him to the police, but they were like (and I also thought) "no you probably shouldn't because you will get into trouble too because you weren't meant to be in those physics labs" (plus there was something else involving him that I did that I wasn't meant to do I think)
I recall going over who I should tell about what happened. I think I thought that I shouldn't tell some people so that I didn't worry them.
Crazy shit
Note that nothing like this has ever happened to me IRL. But I guess this dream kinda served as a reminder for what stuff DOES so unfortunately happen all the time and to be wary of that.

On another note,
I entered some competition with Sarah and Maria where we had to make something really creative in a short amount of time. The woman that was timing us said "ready, set, go!", and that's when I found out that we were given a bowl of ice cream and we had to decorate it as creatively as we could.
All the decorations were weird lol. Like, sparkles and fur and stuff like that xD suddenly we weren't decorating an ice cream as such, because the ice cream had melted down into some mat. I tried to make this cat thing but it wasn't working out. Maria was also making a cat and it looked really good. I don't know who the winner was.

There was another part where there was a wealthy man and his children thought he should die so that they could take his money, and this they did.
Lol, why are my dreams so dark and malign?
Oh yeah, the place that the wealthy man lived in had something to do with Minecraft as well, haha. I think it was made of blocks.

I was in the kitchen, and I got a phone call from an old friend named Bree. She told me that she was having a party tonight and that I was welcome to come. I said that I would, but remembered that finals were tomorrow (in the dream, not rl) so I told her that I wouldn't stay too late.

I arrived at the party and there were tons of cars parked on the grass and around the house. That's the last thing I remember for awhile.

I wake up again, screaming. There are two 'men' on me, but one is actually a giant red octopus. I'm being violently raped by these two men, and still screaming at the top of my lungs. There is blood all over the sheets and I can't see my attackers well because it's dark in the room. I tried to escape but passed out again.

I woke up alone in the same room, which I recognized to be my old bedroom. Blood had stained the sheets and next to me in the bed are hundreds of dead ladybugs. Across the room is the electric piano, which has split itself down the middle (when I was a child I used to have recurring nightmares about being attacked by an electric piano). I scooted the chair back into place and put the two halves of the piano together again.

I left the house and stumbled down the driveway. There was a girl throwing up chocolate cake near the edge of the driveway. Cars were still parked outside the house even though it was pretty dark and empty now. In my head I heard a whispering "Wake up, wake up, wake up!". I woke up IRL, it was 9am which was the time that I had aimed to wake up at...

that dream was so disturbing

Note: Tonight I fell asleep with some very ambitious goals including checking to see if L will leave Asuka alone if she goes out, dream view a dream MoSh had quite a while ago where he was speaking with don Juan, sharing a DDO dream with Tigress, finding and doing another healing spell on Xildron, tasks of the year… the list of my goals just seems to go on and on… I fell asleep with my light / sound machine and successfully slipped into a WILD…

I found myself in a very familiar setting standing in the front yard of MoSh's house in his inner world. I went right up to the door without any hesitation, I wanted to get going on my goals. I knocked on the door and MoSh answered it. He was smiling when he saw me and he opened the door to let me in. When I looked around the room I saw Asuka sitting in the living room watching something on television. I walked over to Asuka and looked to see what she was watching, there was nothing actually on the television and I wondered why Asuka was staring at a blank screen. As if on cue, Asuka got up and came over to me, she said she was ready to go out and see that L had gotten the picture that he needs to leave her alone. I asked her where she wanted to go this time, it really should be somewhere she would be likely to go on her own. She said she knew of a mountain spring that was very relaxing. She said it was a place where she hoped to take MoSh someday so they could relax there and have some time to themselves. She said she was waiting until he started remembering her more consistently, though. After fusing with Asuka by using the fusion amulet she opened a portal and we went through it as one person.

The other side of the portal was a beautiful place. There was a crystal clear pool of water with colorful flowers growing on the surface of the water, numerous lily pads dotted the surface of the water as well. Colorful butterflies were flitting around near the shores of the pool, and there were even some butterflies out on the lily pads farther out in the pool.

It really was a very peaceful scene. I could see why Asuka would want to spend some time alone there with MoSh. I just let Asuka go where she wanted to go since she knew this place and liked it, and she waded into the water a bit. The water was very pleasant, and there were small fish tickling my feet. We spent quite a bit of time there wandering around the place, exploring all the hidden areas to find what wonders might be found there. We spent so much time there that I was beginning to wonder if the dream was going to end without L showing up… that would be a good sign that he had learned something from the last time he had kidnapped Asuka. After spending a bit longer there, Asuka said she was ready to go home… but first she wanted to go into the water in her own body, because the water here is so wonderfully refreshing and she couldn't feel it as well when fused with someone else. So we separated right there. Asuka swam out into the water still in her kimono which floated out beside her in an ethereal way. She sank beneath the surface of the water.

I had turned away from Asuka for only a short time to take a closer look at some of the beautiful flowers, to go over to them and smell them. The flowers were beautifully fragrant, and their fragrance was also very relaxing. I was smelling the flower when I heard some sounds from behind me. I turned around just in time to see there was a pair of tendrils were reaching through a portal and wrapped around Asuka, pulling her towards the portal. Wtf? I chased after her as she disappeared through the portal, jumping out over the pool of water and reaching to grab hold of Asuka's leg as she was disappearing through the portal. Then the portal was gone. I was yelling at an empty sky to give Asuka back right now, you yellow bellied bastard. My first thought was that L had come after Asuka again, well he would pay for that… I focused on opening a portal to follow Asuka to wherever she had been taken, then I flew through the portal ready to kick the ass of whoever I found on the other side.

I emerged from the portal in a world that looked like it was entirely made up of crystal formations. There was a sun shining brightly in the sky and rainbows were reflecting off of many of the crystal formations that made up the landscape. It was really a very beautiful place that I wouldn't have minded visiting if I hadn't been following after Asuka… Things being as they were, however, I didn't take time to notice the beauty of the place. I looked around for any sign of Asuka having had been through there recently. The fact was that I didn't see any sign of human life anywhere let alone Asuka… some very shiny butterflies were flitting around the crystal formations just as the ones near the mountain spring had been flitting around the flowers there. I called out to Asuka a couple of times, scanned for any trace of her, and I found nothing. I was in the wrong place! I wasn't sure how I had managed to get to the wrong place, but I tried the portal again.

I exited this portal to find myself about five feet in the air over a pool of rancid water. I wasn't ready to be in the air, so I fell right into the disgusting water which reminded me of sewer water. It was disgusting! It smelled bad, it was covered with a thick layer of slime, although the area around it didn't look contaminated or anything. It was just a typical stagnant pool of water. I paid about as much attention to the foul water as I had to the beautiful crystals, I flew back out of the pool and scanned the area for Asuka, for any trace of Asuka. Once again I could not find any sign that Asuka was there or that she had ever been there, at least not recently. Whoever had taken Asuka, I was on a wild goose chase, somehow they were making it so my portals weren't getting me to her! I was getting pissed at ending in the wrong places. I landed on dry land, felt like I was going to wake up when I didn't want to, so I dilated time. Something was keeping me from tracking down Asuka, and the first person on my list of suspects was still L, so instead of focusing my portal to follow Asuka I focused it on going to L's inner world. There was a bit of resistance when I tried opening the portal but it was nothing I couldn't easily overcome.

This time when I exited the portal I was in L's inner world, near his pool where I usually appear. I scanned the area for Asuka again, and I knew right away I had found the place she had been taken. I approached the house to see if they were in there, Asuka's energy frequency was still around the place from her last visit so it was a bit harder to tell which signals were more recent. When I headed for the house, however, Kanmuri came from around the corner of the house and pointed towards a building I hadn't noticed before. She said if I was looking for Asuka, L had taken her in there and insisted on being left alone, and when she had just peeked in out of curiosity L had gotten so pissed off at her… she said she didn't know what was going on in there. That was clearly where I had to go next, though.

I followed a path to the building which appeared to be a guest house, and though the path was very pleasant and beautiful with trees and flowers around it, now it seemed like a path descending into a nightmare. I didn't want anyone to see my approach so I used the song Of Wolf and Man by Metallica to change my form into a small blue bird since there were many similar birds around the area. I flew over to the guest house and landed on a window sill. I looked in through the window and I saw both Asuka and L, and I immediately wanted to kill L slowly and painfully. Asuka was sitting on a couch with no restraints or anything to keep her from leaving, but she was staring off into space with a blank expression on her face. She was also quite bruised and she was crying.

L was sitting beside her with his arm around her, had he been the one who had beaten her? He had wanted to take Asuka with him so he could beat her? Or had he done that out of anger over the torturing she (I) had given him last night? An unforeseen backlash of that tactic, making L want to get revenge for the pain she (I) had put him through.

I no longer cared about being unnoticed, instead I changed back to my normal form, my Assassin form, and kicked the front door of the guest house open, it slammed open with a loud crash that made L jump about three feet in surprise. Asuka didn't respond. I used telekinesis to slam L against the wall hard enough to put cracks in it, I asked him what the fuck he had done to Asuka, why was she like that, what had happened. He sniffed the air and said someone sure stank… I said it was him who stank even though I was pretty sure he was referring to the stink of the rancid water that was still on me. I demanded again to know what he had done to Asuka. He said he had just been playing games with her, those games that she seemed to like so well, it seemed she didn't like them anymore. He was laughing the whole time he said that, so I pounded the laughter out of him by slamming him around the room some more using telekinesis and I ended up slamming him right through one of the interior walls into the bathroom where I made sure his face landed in the toilet, actually he hit the toilet hard enough to crack the bowl… the icing on the cake was when raw sewage backed up from the pipe below and washed over L…

I looked over at Asuka, who had still not responded to anything that had happened. She seemed to have not noticed L getting thrown around the room, she hadn't noticed me yelling at him, she hadn't noticed him going through the wall or getting covered with sewage… I went over to Asuka, who didn't respond to my presence, but when I went to help her stand up she was very compliant to that. I focused on healing her injuries, I would do more healing on her once I had her somewhere safe. If she would snap out of this strange trance for anyone, that person would be MoSh. I opened a portal to get to MoSh's inner world and led Asuka through it.

I carefully helped Asuka out of the portal into the front yard of MoSh's house. I led her up to the front door with ease, she was offering no resistance, but she was also not reacting to the change in location. What the fuck had that asshole done to her to make her this unresponsive? We reached the front door and I opened it to find MoSh was right inside, he had been about to open the door. He asked what had happened, what was wrong with Asuka, who had done that to her, what had they done to her… I said I didn't know what had been done to her, but it was L who had done it. I told MoSh that L had shown up and kidnapped Asuka to take her… MoSh interrupted, asking how could I just let L have Asuka? I continued to tell MoSh that she had been taken, I had tracked her down to L's inner world and when I got to her she had been like this, worse in fact, it looked like L had been beating her. MoSh said something about a picture being real, and it had happened because I had let L take Asuka… what picture? He took Asuka into his arms and said something about so many men… so many men? I had only seen L… I told MoSh that Asuka needed healing, and he said any fool could see that. I said I would help him heal her, but he just glared over at me, he said Asuka didn't need any more of my help, I had clearly 'helped' her more than enough. He said they didn't need that kind of help. He slammed the door before I could say anything else.

I paused, I wanted to go inside and try to explain things to MoSh, but he was right… I was supposed to have been protecting Asuka, not just letting L walk off with her to do whatever he wanted to her… if I'd just been more careful she wouldn't have gotten taken, L wouldn't have done whatever it was he did to her… Maybe I should send Basara back over to do some healing on Asuka, who clearly needed it. How was she doing now that she was with MoSh? I walked around to the side of the house and peeked in through a window to see if I could find the two of them. First I saw Asuka's clothes tossed carelessly aside in the room. Then I saw Asuka was sitting naked in a corner of the room and I could see MoSh trying to get her to come out. Asuka wasn't responding to him, she had her knees pulled up to her chest, making herself as small as possible, and she was crying. That was because of what L had done to her, whatever he had done it must have been pretty awful to leave her in such a state. Seeing her like that made me want to hurt L, and hurt him bad, really bad.

So now it was time for L to pay, and the price was high. I opened a portal back to L's inner world and went through it looking to draw some blood. Kanmuri was standing near my portal when I got there, I asked her where L was, where was that foul piece of shit hiding, because I had some business to discuss with him… Kanmuri asked what was going on, she asked what had been wrong with Asuka when I had brought her out from the guest house? She had figured L was in there trying to coax Asuka into bed with him and probably epic failing at that, he wouldn't have hurt her, would he? I scanned the area for L and found him in the main house, I headed straight for him with Kanmuri following after me. She wouldn't shut up. L didn't hurt Asuka, did he? She said she knows he can be an ass sometimes, but she couldn't see him actually doing anything to hurt Asuka… he's too crazy about her… I told Kanmuri, focusing a bit too much of my anger on her, that I didn't know what L had done to Asuka, but he had definitely hurt her, and he'd hurt her bad. Kanmuri stopped and had a shocked look on her face as she watched me go into the house.

I found L in the living room kicked back on the couch as if nothing was wrong in the world, and that just pissed me off more. He looked up at me and smiled, he said it was so nice to see me again. He said if I wanted him all to myself, he could have said so instead of coming in and stealing Asuka. That was it, I was much too pissed off for words. All I could feel inside was unstable dark energy, but I didn't make any effort to control it, I just let it do what it wanted. The shadows in one corner of the room came to life as a swarm of scarab beetles each the size of a golf ball.

I used telekinesis to hold L still long enough for the bugs to get on him. The scarabs didn't stay still long enough for L to get them off, they immediately burrowed their way into L's skin, tunneling through his flesh as he was screaming in pain. I could see the moving bumps of the scarabs underneath L's skin, and he was apparently desparate to get rid of them as he tore through his own skin to get to one of the scarabs and pull it out. He threw the bug on the floor and stomped on it. So he had gotten rid of one of about ten bugs that were now tunneling through his flesh… several of which were in places he could not hope to reach. He was yelling at me or someone else to get those things out of him, get them OUT! While L was writhing on the floor in pain I was kicking him as hard as I could, anything to make him pay for what he had done… I'm not sure how long he was writhing and trying to reach the scarabs under his skin, how long I was kicking him before he was finally still, there was blood coming out of his mouth… and finally I woke, not really wanting to remember the events of this dream…

(There is a "trigger warning" on the content of this dream.)

I am standing at the four way intersection that leads to the dead end street I grew up on. It is night time and must be spring or autumn beccause I am wearing my warm, blue zip-up sweater, jeans, and black baseball cap. The corner of the intersection I am standing appears as it did over ten years ago when one of my old neighbour's (Mrs. Jolleff) lived there, on a quarter acre of land, in a small white house surrounded by maple trees. Not long after she died her land was sold and redeveloped into a townhouse complex. Because the area looks different than it does today I immediately become lucid.

There is no one around and not much to do so I recall learning to fly and want to give it a try. I spread my arms out and bend my knees and jump into the air. At first I am afraid of being to heavy and not being able to defy gravity (problems with flying in dreams that I have had before) but remembering this is my dream I just think of myself as weightless and I am able to float about fourty feet in the air. I then leisurely glide over the houses and tree tops towards my parent's house. As I get closer I notice that the house I grew up in and some of the houses on either side seem to exist in a void of grey fog and some facades are different that they appear in waking life and indeed when I enter the fog the outside world disappears and while it is no longer visible I can sense that it is still there, though it seems far away. I cannot make the fog go away but I can make myself invisible and see through the walls of the houses with my dream control.

My partent's house is empty of people but all of the houses to the left of their's have many people living in them, all of them people I do not know as they are not the neighbours who lived there when I was a kid. The first house to the left is empty of people but by the boxes and furniture scattered around the floors I can tell that someone has just moved in. The next house is two storeys high and each level has been split into a seperate appartment. As I slowly fly towards that house I can see a blond woman looking out the window towards me talking on the phone, but I know she cannot see me as I previously made myself invisible. I plan to make no effort to control the thoughts or actions of any character I meet in the dream because I believe they are creations straight out of my subconscious and hope they might have something interesting to say and that I might learn about myself.

I fly up to the window where blond woman is talking on the phone and childishly revel in that fact that she can't see me by making faces at her. I then fly around to the back of the house and notice through a window a dark haired man and woman dressed in stylish business clothes preparing food on the second floor. I plan to eavesdrop on them next. I fly through the wall and listen in on the blond woman's conversation. She wearing jeans and a heavy light brown sweater and her hair is shoulder length. Her apartment is sparsley decorated with things that look secondhand or very simple and homey. I cannot remember what was said now but I do recall that I found her conversation terribly uninteresting and I let myself float down through the floor to where the dair haired man and woman are. Their appartment is furnished with much nicer stuff and their is a circular glass table with wine glasses and setting for two and it looks as if they are planning a romantic dinner.

The dark haired woman is wearing a white blouse, black skirt and black high heels and her hair is pulled back into a pony tail. The man seems to have disappeared into another room for a moment while the woman is washing and cutting green and red peppers by the sink. Despite the nice surroundings and stuff the woman has a miserable look on her face and seems very unhappy. I cannot read her mind to figure out why which I find very frustrating. The man reenters the kitchen from another room and he is wearing a white shirt with black buisness pants and black tie. The woman puts down her knife and turns around to embrace him but he grabs her by the wrists, spins her around and roughly pulls up her skirt and forces her to lean over the sink. After undoing his pants he starts having sex with her from behind and demands that she continue washing and cutting the peppers while in that position. She doesn't respond verbally but I can sense that she is even more upset then before and she struggles but is not strong enough to escape the man's grip. Even though I try, my dream control won't allow me to force the man to stop or let the woman escape.

I become kind of upset myself and start to dissociate, even start to think that I want the dream to end but I hear a phone ringing in another room and go towards it. The ringing stops before I get to the phone (in an office on the other side of the appartment) and I can see a red light flashing on the display to indicate that a message has been left. I pick up the phone because I want to listen to the message (hoping that this will be something important or interesting from my unconsious - and I want to forget about the rape happening in the kitchen that I cannot stop).

The phone has so many buttons and many of them have symbols that I have no idea what they mean. I am frustrated that the phone is super complicated and has so many extra buttons that seem to do nothing. The woman in the kitchen starts screaming and I drop the phone and fly as fast as I can out of there. I am very dissociated now and cannot end the dream even though I try.

The foggy void outside has gotten thicker and darker but I can see a row of SUVs in the distance, some of which of have police lights on top but the cars are empty and seem abandoned. I notice that the home to the immediate left of my parent's house has a few lights on so I fly over there to see what's going on. While I cannot end the dream or affect that thoughs and actions of characters in the dream, I can still control my actions and inanimate objects around me. I fly into the living room of the house and see a man sitting on a recliner trying to figure out his newly hooked up cable box on his large widescreen television. Or at least that is what I think he is doing until he figures it out and violent pornography appears on the screen. The man starts masturbating and I lose interest and start flying outside but before I pass the walls of the house I hear a child crying in the basement.

I go down there and the floor is covered in discarded furniture and various basement junk but I cannot see any child even though the crying has gotten louder. I notice a set of metal grates on the cement floor, half hidden underneath a dirty mattress and some boxes. I telepathically move the junk and open the grates and discover a shallow well which contains the decaying body of a little boy. The boy is obviously dead but the crying gets louder and I use my dream control to undo the decay on the body and return the boy to life. He is surprised as first but then very scared because the man who murdered him is still upstairs. He is unable to talk but communicates telepathically and asks if I will help him sneak out of the house. I pick him up and we float up through the ceiling into the front hall of the house. Several of the SUVs I saw before have entered the foggy void and are either parked infront of the house or are driving back and forth in front of the house on a small section of road that exists within the void.

A man in dark clothing is at the front door and the word SWAT is printed on the back of this jacket. I tell the little boy that he is probably going to storm the house and arrest the man who murdered him. Instead the SWAT man knocks on the door and waits patiently for someone to answer. Because I am inpatient I use telekinesis to both swing the front door open and grab the man watching porn and force him to the front hall. I make myself (but not the little boy) visible and rat out the man for the murder. The SWAT man looks confused and says that he is there to arrest the other man for pirating cable signals with illegal cable hookups.

I use my dream control to project everything I have seen into the mind of the SWAT man and tell him that this is my dream and I want him to do something about the crimes taking place. The SWAT man responds: "There are no crimes taking place because this is only a dream." I do not know how to respond to that at first but realize that I have finally met a figure from my subconscious that might be able to give me some answers, so I then ask him: "Why do images like these appear in my dreams? What am I supposed to learn from them?" SWAT man responds: "You cannot learn on the subconscious level that which you have not learned on the conscious level."

I ask him to clairfy but the dream suddenly... I don't know how to describe this, um, explodes or rips apart. I am still aware that I am in a dream but have lost my control and it feels like some outside force has grabbed the foggy void and is tearing it to peices. The characters arround me are violently pulled into dark holes and tears that have suddenly appeared and the structures and setting disintegrate and are sucked into invisible voids. Everything is pulverized and disappears and a horrible feeling of dread overcomes me and I feel like there is an army of demons standing on my chest, though I am able to end the dream and wake up before anything more freaky happens.

(There is a "trigger warning" on the content of this dream.)

I am in a ruined and abandoned building that looks like it used to be an office or conference center of some sort. I am hiding on the inside from "bad people" on the outside who I fear will try and force their way in if they see me. I scavenge materials from around the building to create a shelter for myself in the front of the building in a room that looks as if it was once a lobby. Most of the material is an old ripped up tent or peice of canvas that is coloured yellow, which I throw over a table that is leaning to one side.

I hide myself inside my makeshift shelter to get away from three stray dogs that have suddenly appeared and are sniffing around and will not leave me alone. The biggest of the dogs, a black lab, forces its way into the tent and starts ripping it to shreads. The dog does not attack or threaten me in anyway but I grab it by the scruff of the neck and force it into a submissive position laying on its side. The dogs leave me alone after that and soon disappear.

Now that the tent is completely destroyed I gather together chairs and small tables to hide under even though I am aware that if anyone looks inside the building through the lobby windows that why will be able to see me. I notice shadows and shapes of people moving near or past the windows and freeze in terror. Then it happens. A man in a blue military uniform passes by a window and looks in. I try to hide myself behind a pile of furniture but he sees me and starts trying to bust the front door down, which I tried to barracade with a few chairs.

The man marches in and beelines to where I am hiding. He grabs me and ties me to a support pillar in the middle of the room. He uses a large bowie knife to cut off my shirt. He then foddles my breasts before raping me. A line of similarily dressed military men file into the building and do the same, one after another. They all ignore my screams of protest and terror.

A lone soldier dressed in green suddenly appears in the door way, weilding two handguns, and with lightning speed shoots all of the blue military men before they have a chance to retailiate. He then gently removes my shackles and carries me out of there. I do not know how long or how far we walked but he takes me into a lavish suite in a ritzy hotel and lays me on the bed. The hotel apparently has its own hospital and the soldier summons the hotel doctors to come and care for me. He dutifully waits outside my door on guard and carefully scrutinizes everyone who comes to the room. The soldier does not hesitate to kill anyone who he thinks is suspicious and the people he does kill happen to have blue military uniforms hidden under their doctor coats.

After a while the medical staff leaves and the soldier and I are alone. Despite being horribly brutalized I feel extremely grateful towards him and I lead him to the bed and we make passionate love to each other. The next day he is gone and I cannot find him even though I search every floor of the hotel. Indeed the hotel iteself is now devoid of all people and staff, even though all the lights are on and it looks as if it should be full of activity. I am alone and feel confused and abandoned.

(There is a "trigger warning" on the content of this dream.)

It is the mid or late eighteen hundreds. I live on the edge of a crowded city in grey brick house at the end of an small street or alleyway where there is a laundry pool, beyond which is a forest. In the dream I am an only child and live with my mother and a few of her friends. We are not wealthy but have enough to live comfortably.

There are several men courting me. The first man is someone I have never met, which was set up by my mother and her friends. I am not comfortable with the arrangement, even though he is an established doctor, because I will not be able to meet him until the wedding. I know nothing of what he is like, let alone what he looks like. I have not said no to the proposal, but I have not said yes either, and I try to stall my answer as long as possible. The second man is homeless and in rags with scraggly hair and beard and unkept hair, but I talk with him by the laundry pool and he is very kind. Everyone opposes interaction with him and "polite society" all but shuns him.

The third man appears on day when I am in the forest on the otherside of the laundry pool, sitting on a tree stump, reading my tarot cards. He comes and sits on a tree stump behind me and strikes up a conversation. He is handsome though I thought he had a kind of shifty look to him. The man's manner of speaking is very well, he is suave and magnetic and I find myself beoming drawn to him. While we are sitting and talking I pull either the Six of Cups or Six of Swords from my tarot deck (I cannot remember which) and say that is the card which represents him. The man scoffs dismissively, not believing in such trivalities as tarot cards, but also not disturbed that I do.

The man asks me to marry him and I say yes. I take him home to meet my mother, who is not enthralled at first but is quickly charmed by my new fiance. There is something about him that makes me uneasy, but I figure that I can't do much better with anyone else so I ignore my nagging doubts. He is eager to move in with mother and I. He has little in the way of worly possessions and it is clear to me from the onset that he is the one to benefit from this union financially much more than I. I am overcome with the dreadful thought that he is interested in me only for my money.

A week passes and the day of the wedding comes and takes place in a clearing in the forest beyond the laundry pool. The other residents of our household vacate for the night so that my new husband and I will have the place to ourselves. Almost immediately he takes me into his room and strips off my wedding dress. I am afraid and trembling because I have no idea what is about to happen. He roughly pushes me onto the bed and climbs on top of me, not bothering to remove any of this clothes, not even his shoes. He begins having sex with me but I am uncomfortable and in pain but he ignores my protests and continues until he is completely spent. As soon as he is done he climbs off of me, pulls up his pants and demands that I return to my own room. His tone is cold and flat and he does not even look at me as I leave his room, very unlike the warm, magnetic man who initially drew me in.

I am in my room on the second floor of the house, laying on the bed and looking up at a dream catcher in the window that is made with pink beads and white feathers onto which I have apparently stuck a tarot card. I cannot identify the card but I stare at it for a while. I don't know how much time passes but my feelings of being used and violated prevent me from falling asleep. I am just drifting off to sleep when I hear a door slam downstairs. Putting on a robe and going downstairs I find all of my valuables gone. I rush to the window and see my husband climbing into a horse-drawn wagon which has all of my possessions in the back. He sees my shocked and horrified face in the window and arrogantly laughs and waves as he drives away. His mocking is the last I can bear it and I collapse to the floor admist tears and despair.

My mother and her friends return and learned what happened and we are all infuriated but can do nothing, since we do not know where my husband has gone and cannot do anything anyway, since all of my worldly possessions become the property of the man upon marriage (an actual 19th century law). To avoid utter poverty I am now forced to accept the first man my mother arranged for me, the established doctor who I have not yet met. It turns out that he is more than twice my age and has children from a previous marriage, some of whom are actually older than I. We do not tell him that I was just married and robbed of all my possessions.

The marriage date is set and while everyone else scurries around making preperations or caught up in the excitement of the coming union, I feel shamed, betrayed and depressed. I resolve to drown myself in the laundry pool so one morning I sneak out of the house just after dawn. I am surprised to discover some of my stolen possessions sitting on a wooden deck next to the laundry pool. The objects where peices of pottery and soapstone carvings, some of which I have actually made in in real life, though in the dream I merely recognized them as possessions and not peices of art that I made. One particular peice that stood out was a small White Tara carved in soapstone and placed on a tree stump in the middle of the laundry pool. There were also some roughly carved faces and my pack of tarot cards wrapped in green silk.

My mother comes up behind me as I am looking at these things and is just as perplexed as I as to why some of my things have been returned. I tell her that I believe that my con-man first husband is mocking me from afar and only returned the things that he could not sell and would thus be worthless to him. I also believe though that it is an ironic twist of fate that the things he considered worthless are the things most treasured by me because of their sentimental value. The dream ends there.

(There is a "trigger warning" on the content of this dream.)

This dream is so long and detailed that I cannot believe that I have remembered so much of it. It takes place in a large castle that sit in the middle of a huge field. The landscape is mostly flat plains with a few hilly areas and small forests scattered about. There is a shallow river that runs behind the castle and a dirt road that runs almost parallel to the river, but in front of the castle instead of behind. The castle is also surround by huge stone walls (which in turn sorround a small moat) and has some areas within the yard that are "forbidden" and closed off for some reason.


When the dream starts I am the King's youngest child and only daughter. I have long flaxen colored hair and wear a white and blue dress and a dark blue cape. I am betrothed to be married to a prince and he short with medium length black hair and a fierce temperment. Prince Rolgan, as I think he was called, was living with us in the castle until we marry, but he all but ignores me and kisses ass to my father. As the princess I was not allowed to venture outside the castle walls alone (as it is "dangerous" in the outside world) so I spent a portion of my time trying to figure out ways to break into the sealed off "forbidden" areas, as I was curious to see what they contain before I have to leave when I marry.

As I am crossing the main bridge that goes over the moat in the front of the castle when I run into some children from a nearby village. They beg me to teach them how to paint. They each give me a small bundle of fine-quality paint brushes and I accept these modest gifts happily. I spend a few hours with the children teaching brushstroke techniques (something I have been practicing myslef in waking life), until the sun hangs low in the sky. Before it starts to get dark I call for my personal carriage and tell the driver to take the children home. As the carriage leaves there is a window of opportunity for me to climb over the fence of one of the forbidden areas. The guards were busy seeing the carriage out the front gate and did not notice me jump onto a vine and climb over.

The small closed off area on the inside was strewn with garbage and debris. Part of the moat went through the area but there was no bridge leading to the other side where I could see some sort of fort or hut made out of sticks and peices of fabric. The water was very cold and dirty, but shallow enough for me to walk across. As I walked through the water my dress caught on something. At first I though was a caught on a stick but when I yanked hard enough to free my dress, a long white bone floated to surface. I stared at it in shock for a moment, before I quickly ran to the other side. It was only then that I noticed there were bones and skulls all over the place as well as garbage. The inside of the little hut had skeletons piled upon each other and most of them were skewered with weapons that the King's soldiers used.

I had seen enough and wanted to leave, but I could not get back over by way of the vine as it seemed to have disappeared. It was getting dark now and the only way out was by slipping under the fence where it went over the moat - but first I had to move garbage and bones out of the way. On the other side the water was warm and clean and dipped down a little in a mini waterfall sort of thing. I was almost directly underneath the main castle bridge that went over the moat. At the edge of the small waterwall, standing waist deep in the moat was a young girl who seemed to be looking for something.

As I approached the young girl she looked up at me. It was then that I saw a man with a long flowing cloak standing against the side of the main bridge, looking in my direction. I ignored him and asked the young girl who she was. She said her name was "Galia" (or something like that) and I asked if she had a sister, as the named seemed somewhat familiar to me. The young girl said yes, that her sister's name was "Egalia" (or something like that. I am not sure if I am remembering the exact names but I do know that they rhymed) and that she had been at the castle earlier. Galia then lifted something out of the water and offered it to me. It was a bundle of paint brushes, but unlike the brushes the other children gave me they were not fine-quality. Instead they seemed very old and worn, but I accepted them anyway as the young girl had a very hopeful look on her face. The man leaning against the bridge called out that the brushes were not any good, but I just ignored him because I was annoyed that he was eavedropping. Galia said that she knew the brushes were not good but they were the only things she had to offer. I tell her that I can reuse the handles and make new brushes from them, which seems to make her happy.

I take Galia by the hand and we wade to the shore. The man with the cloak approaches and helps us out of the water. Even though it is almost dark I can see his face now and he is very handsome. He has long blond hair, deep blue eyes and elf ears. (He looks exactly like Legolas as protrayed by Orlando Bloom from Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings films.) He tells me that every guard in the castle is looking for me. I blush and hurriedly thank him for his help and take off towards the main castle gate, with poor Galia in bewildered tow. I am rushed to the throne room where my father, the King, lectures me about going off on my own and how worried he was about me, all the while I am still holding onto Galia for some reason. My fiance, Prince Rolgan, and my brothers all stand beside the throne and glare at me disapprovingly, but I am unnaffected because I do not care what they think. Just then a guard comes in and announces the arrival of an elf prince. While the king and princes recieve the Legolas clone I stalk off to my private chamber, promising Galia that I would take her home tomorrow and that she could sleep in my room for the night.

Later that night there is some sort of dinner reception going on and I have to attend, which would not bother me except that I have to face the elf-prince again. I try to ignore him and fawn over my fiance but as usual he is ignoring me and kissing ass to the king. I do care for Rolgan at this point in the dream, but only because it seems so far that I have no choice because marrying him is my only option for the future. At some point during the socializing, the elf prince corners me and asks me what I was doing in the moat and what I think of my future husband. Before I can answer (but not before I blush again) Prince Rolgan comes over and says that we are retiring for the night, before leading me to my chamber. He doesn't say a word to me (or even look at me), drops me off at my chamber door and heads to his own.

When he dissapears I hear a smash from down the hall. I run towards the sound and I find that a servant has broken something in the dinning room. There is broken glass all over the floor underneath a small table with a yellow tablecloth. I kneel down to assist the servant cleaning up the mess, but something I cannot see pushes me from behind and I fall forward onto the pile of broken glass. I put my arms out in front of me to break my fall but I cut my hands severely. I panic and run to Prince Rolgan's chamber, crying and covered in blood, but when he opens the door he just scoffs at me and calls for the castle doctor. He lets it be known that his is not pleased that I have interupted him and shows no concern what-so-ever for my well-being. When he is speaking with a guard I glance into his room and see a woman I do not know laying naked on his bed. She just sneers at me and stretches out, flaunting how confortable she is on my future husbands bed.

The doctors come and take me to the windowless medical room where they remove the glass and bandage my hands. Rolgan just goes back into his room, not knowing that I have seen his secret lover. No one comes to visit me in the room and I am told to stay there even when the doctors leave. Overwhelmed by everything that has happened that day (finding the skeletons in the forbidden place, cutting up my hands, and realizing that Rolgan doesn't care for me) I start sobbing uncontrollably. I hear the door open and someone wraps there arms around me. At first I though it was Galia or the King but when I open my eyes in turns out to be the elf prince. He doesn't say anything but just lets me cry on his shoulder. At some point I fall asleep on the lone, small cot in the medical room.

I have a dream (a dream within a dream!) of sneaking out of the castle and riding a horse along the river that runs behind the castle. It's a beautiful clear blue day and I run into the elf prince. He finds my "escape" amusing and calls me daring and brave. There is a bit more to this dream-within-a-dream but I cannot recall anymore at this time.

The next day I find out that the elf prince has gone home. I tell the King about Rolgan's apathy towards me and the woman I saw in his room and, to my surprise, the King breaks off the engagement and throws Rolgan out of the castle. I am somewhat relieved that I do not have to marry anymore, but new anxieties about my future arise. I pass the day trying to show Galia how to reuse paint brush handles and make new brushes, but it is all but impossible with my bandaged hands. Later in the day I call for my personal carriage and go with Galia to take her home. I am hoping that getting off of the castle grounds will help alleviate some of my anxieties.

After seeing Galia home my carriage is surround by heavily armoured men on black horses on the road back to the castle. They kill the driver and my guards and drag me to a black carriage that has stopped just behind mine. I get thrown in and land at the feet of Rolgan, who sexually abuses me while on route back to his castle. I get thrown into a tower cell that is empty except for a small narrow window and an old dirty matress on the floor. Left without food and water for what seemed like a forever I was crying when Prince Rolgan returned and raped me and I cannot defend myself at all because of my disabled hands. He eventually leaves and drops a small morsel of food on the floor.

I don't eat, I just cry and give into despair. I do not know how long I am trapped in the tower when I feel someone lift me up and begin to carry me. In my half-unconscious, half-starved daze I cannot tell who it is. There are the bodies of the heavily amoured men laying all about and I snap to full consciousness when whoever is carrying me passes the bloodied body of Prince Rolgan. He is so freshly dead that his blood is still steaming. When we finally exist the castle I can get a clear look at my rescuer - it's the elf prince! Woo hoo! He just smiles softly at me.

The dream becomes fuzzy here as I struggle against consciousness but alas I fail and awaken. And I was hoping for some steamy elven sexual healing, dammit.