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06-26-2014 -- [Almost a sort of fever dream ... very stream of consciousness, with me kind of slipping in and out of sleep, trying to remember the odd bits I was just dreaming, except the moment I slip back into the dreams, everything is different than it was a moment ago ... makes for a very confusing and difficult to remember dream.] Starts where I am Harry Potter, being chased around what mostly seems to be the muggle world, but slowly it is changing to where I am not so much being chased, but fighting off some sort of possession. Usually I am pretty successful at this, but at one point I am riding along on a bus when I start being possessed, and somehow this time I cannot fight it off. I am being taken over and being forced to rape a teenage girl. The problem is, whoever is possessing me is gripping my manhood and kind of stretching it and fluffing it and making it larger and larger. Meanwhile the girl is getting younger and smaller by the moment, and by the time I start to do this horrid thing, I am sticking an organ about two feet long and eight inches thick into a helpless toddler who more or less explodes around me. Then it is just over.

I am sitting somewhere, reading comic books, and I find that somebody has released a superhero comic about the book of Revelations, the rapture, the tribulation, and the mark of the beast. And somehow, in the dream, this is much more moving and hard-hitting because it is written about an absurdly unreal super powered character going through the tribulation period. Then suddenly I am a little kid, standing on a field, playing soccer with a bunch of other little kids, and playing really, really badly. None of us know how to play or have any athletic talent. Just very weird stuff.

Then I am Harry Potter with the comic book again, and I am freaking out a little, because I have been in at least four different Bible studies in the last couple of weeks with four different groups, and all of them have been about the tribulation period and the rapidly approaching end of the world. And I am really getting scared, because I have also recently been bitten by a vampire, and have the two deep, drained puncture wounds in my wrist to prove it. I know about the vampires in the book of Revelations, and combined with all these recent Bible studies and my possession and the horrible thing I was forced to do, I am almost convinced that the tribulation period has already begun, the rapture has already happened, and I have been left behind, along with all the people that I thought were good Christians who I looked up to. Its terrifying.

Which is how I find myself 20 or 30 feet in the air, kind of perched on a telephone wire, dressed as Batman, thinking about everything while staring down at the Celebration Bible study below me, which I am supposed to be attending. I'm just trying to get my mind together, and figure out if I can even still attend the Bible study at this point. But a young punk down in the group (who is now Batman, and I am not) spots me and starts yelling at me. I am holding up the group, and who do I think I am? And if I am so irresponsible, and it means so little to me, maybe I shouldn't be in the group ... so I quit on the spot, and walk away, only to find myself standing in a rehearsal hall with Tom D. He's working on top of a huge (as in 40' diameter) silver balloon. I fly up there and face him, and explain that I have left the group, and how I fear we've missed the rapture, and I suddenly remember having almost the exact same talk with him a couple of weeks ago. But now there is the vampire bite and the comic book, and a couple more Bible studies, and it just keeps getting more serious.

And suddenly I am on a freeway interchange that I have dreamed about before that is part Orlando, part California, part Nebraska. On one side is a very built up city, and on the other is a flat farmland rural area. I am in a car with some lady that I can't put a name to, and we just finished a visit to some out-in-the-middle-of-nowhere amusement park (think Magic Mountain) and are debating what to do next week while making multiple lane changes between at least three freeways on a massive cloverleaf. We then pull off on a shoulder that is covered in overgrown wild flowers as we try to decide where we want to go to eat.

June 21, 2014

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orange text = Lucid


Okay, so this one was really weird and hard to describe. I'll do the best I can. I went with my parents to a property they recently bought in the northern part of the state in which I live. We were camping; I was in my own tent while my parents slept in another tent a few feet away. I couldn't sleep very well because of this super-duper annoying-ass cricket that must have made its life goal to keep me awake.
Anyways. This is the dream(s?) I had:


I was with my parents on the same property we actually were visiting; but it was in the near future, when the house we're planning to build there had just been finished. But it "wasn't open" yet, and we were staying in the same tents were actually were in, out in the yard. I had woken up because of a really annoying cricket (this is why it's so confusing. I think I may have fallen asleep and inserted everything before this point, but not actually dreamed it...? I may have also unintentionally WILDed. I HAD been thinking about it as I tried to fall asleep all night, so I was in the right mindset for it I think?)

Anyways, it was only about 6am (in the dream), and I had just woken up, but I was still tired; I got out of the tent because the cricket was being a bitch, and walked around outside. The sun was nice and warm, and I wandered around a bit. I thought I saw an old friend of mine, whom I met online a loooong time ago. He was walking around the other properties surrounding my family's. But it didn't really look like him. I had the strong impression that it was Alex, though. But I chose not to call out to him, mostly because my parents were there and it would be weird, or something. I walked around for a while, always noting where Maybe-Alex was, and eventually stopped seeing him around. I was so tired still, so I laid down in the grass to try and sleep. Here, it was strange, because I knew I was outside, but at the same time I was also inside and could see a kid I used to babysit peaking out of a crib at me and giggling. It was a bit like when you let your eyes try to battle each other for what you're seeing. Sometimes it's what your right eye sees, and it's sometimes what your left eye sees. It's hard to describe, but if you don't have a dominant eye, like me, you might better know what I'm talking about...

Anyways, then I must have fallen asleep for a bit. The next thing I knew, my parents were waking me up and telling me it was about time to get going. I told them about seeing the kid in the crib, when I thought I saw Maybe-Alex out of the corner of my eye, but when I looked at the spot where I thought he was, he'd vanished.

And then suddenly, there was a hand on my right shoulder, and Maybe-Alex was saying to my parents, "This little SLUT isn't quite so innocent as you think." And then all hell broke loose.
"What the fuck Alex, why are you saying that?!"
My mom yelled at me, "Kestrel, is that true?!"
And they forced me to go to a doctor to have a test done. The Doctor told my parents, "It's true, she's no longer a virgin." And my mom started crying and yelling angrily at me, my Dad turned his back on me and left the room with my mom. (this wouldn't happen IRL. They know I'm not, and don't really care. I mean I'm 22 for crying out loud)

So I'm laying in the hospital bed in the empty room, and the door opens. Maybe-Alex comes in, and I look at him, hurt. "Why did you do that? What did I do to make you call me a little slut?!" He would never do that IRL. Especially not in the tone he'd used. His voice was so malicious, so manipulating and cold.

"I had to be sure the mother of my child is hated by her parents; that way she has no where to turn but to me." He was so fucking calm and cold.

"And you think I'm having your baby?" I rolled my eyes.

"I know you're going to have my baby." And he locked the door. He came toward me with a really wicked grin on his face, and I suddenly felt scared. "There's no way you're Alex..."

"Nope~" He said in a singsongy voice, and I realized I must have been dreaming. I did a Reality Check, and it turned out I was dreaming.

I stared at whoever the guy was, and asked him, "are you The Face?"

"That may have been me. But that's not my name." He'd sat down at the edge of the bed, no longer threatening. He was still grinning a bit maliciously, though. Maybe it was more mischievous.

"Well what is your name?"

"You can call me whatever you want."

"I want to call you by your name."

"Not this time~"

I narrowed my eyes at him and suddenly remember the challenge of the month. I decided to try it, so I repeated, with the same singsongy intonation, "Not this time~"

He just raised his eyebrow and stared at me, silently. I couldn't tell if he was confused or just blank. I waited so long for him to say something else that the dream destabilized and I woke up.

This dream was long and detailed but when I woke up it fragmented and I find it hard to describe some of the things I saw and experienced, even though I can still "see" it in my mind. There were two parts to this dream. (Possible Trigger Warning for some people near the end of these dreams.)

First part:
Hotel on top of the Mountain.
A short, corpulant man with short dark hair, who looks like Danny DeVito (so I will call him Danny though he was unnamed in the dream) invites me to his room in a highly populated hotel on top of a steep mountain for sex. Though it is a large, lavish hotel, people live in the rooms like apartments rather then rent them. I agree but he then insist on taking me to a privacy room, called a Sky Room, so we can get it on in peace without people listening in. The rooms are very close together and very small, all with a light yellow colour scheme (walls, sheets, carpet, all light yellow coloured) and it's easy to hear your neighbours.

From the outside the hotel looks like an ancient European castle of dark grey stone, but inside the layout is not square but cylindrical. In the center of the hotel is a large shaft called the "Elevator" which goes up to individual themed rooms for rent that exist high in the sky and supposedly offer the hotel residence some privacy for a few hours (hence why they are called "Sky Rooms"). To get to the hotel on top of the mountain, people must take a large ski lift (called the "tram" in the dream) from a valley far below. The journey is long and dangerous because sometimes the wind blows the tram right off the wires and people die plummeting hundreds of feet to the ground below. After learning about the dangers of the tram I understand why people decide to stay and live in the hotel rather than risk coming and going on the tram.

Danny and I look around for one for rent but they are all occupied and the next one won't become free for two hours. I see a timer slowly counting down the time. The countdown time 1:31:00 sticks in my mind for some reason, after I see it on Danny's countdown clock. Danny and I sit in silence in his hotel room, occasionally smiling at each other, but our passion for sex quickly fading as the time slowly ticks away. I vaguely recall being in one of the Sky Rooms and hearing people in one below ours having sex and thinking "These are not as private as advertised." Despite remembering thinking that in the dream Danny and I never actually rented a Sky Room because none became free before we both lost interest in each other and went our separate ways.

I woke up and laid awake for a few minutes, contemplating getting on DV to record this, but I was too tired and decided to go back to sleep. I am surprised I remembered as much of the first part upon awakening as I did, but maybe because the second part was similar in some ways.

Second part:
Space Military School
The same circular hotel with the large elevator in the middle still exists, but now it is located in orbit around earth. The hotel rooms are now classrooms or training rooms and not living residences. Some students and faculty members do live there if they are rich and can afford to, but most of the students are poor and live down on the Earth, and have to use the Elevator everyday to get to class. The base of the Elevator is located in a thick, dark temperate forest and it's shaft reaches all the way into space.

I am waiting for the Elevator car to arrive and I wander behind the shaft and see a two-storey log cabin with many windows. Through the windows I can see dozens and dozens of owls and they all seems to be flapping against the windows in an attempt to get out. The owls looks like snowy owls, but most are all different sizes and there are a few color variations other than white and brown. I notice one very small owl that is colored bright red with golden tips on it's wings and tail. I can't see anyone inside the building and I can't stay to help the owls as the elevator car arrives and I have to get on it or I will miss my class.

The school is run with very strict rules and poor students are treated with less regard than wealthy ones. The Principle is a Commander from the Earth based Military and treats all students of all levels and background as soldiers in training. He dislikes being the school master and dreams of the glories of war. The Principle is a handsome man who shows interest in marrying me for some reason and one night he kidnaps me after class and takes me to his quarters. He leaves me in the care of three of his male subordinates with strict instructions that I am not to be harmed. I am imprisoned in a white room and not allowed to leave until I agree to marry the Principle. While I am locked in the room the Principle organizes the students and uses them as soldiers to attack facilities on the earth. The subordinates in charge of watching me hear about the attacks and get drunk to celebrate. The three of them become so inebriated they forget about the command that I am not to be harmed and I am viciously and repeatedly gang raped. When the Principle returns he is furious that I am bruised and bleeding and emotionally detached because of the rape and he violently kills the drunken guards one by one with his own hands. The dream ends with the Principle trying to comfort me but I just gaze out the window looking into space without responding to him.

BLACK: Regular
BLUE: Dream
RED: Notes
PURPLE: Quote (specific words I remember clearly)
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I'm not quite sure how this dream started or ended.
Date: November 30th, 2013
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I was in a hospital [ it looked like one I'd been in before ]. It was quiet, which made me feel very uncomfortable. It didn't seem right. A man [ He appeared to be in his early/mid 20's and had brown hair, young face, was tall, thin, and had dark eyes. He seemed very familiar ] grabbed my arm and pulled me away from where I was. He mentioned something to a woman by me [ I believe she was a nurse like figure, but I'm not sure ] about "finding all the pretty girls in the hospital and raping the f-ck out of them." [ I don't think he thought that I'd heard him. That, or he didn't care if I did or not. ] I began feeling incredibly nervous, but I hid it to the best of my ability. We passed my family [ always female members from my mother's side or my father. None of them ever noticed me, save my father. He glanced at me but said and did nothing ] two times. Some time along the way I mentioned something about "not wanting to be treated this way again." The man looked at me and we sat on some stairs [ the "nurse" woman stood off the the side. The stairs were hard stone ] and he asked me, "You've been raped before?" [ those words rang in my head over and over when I woke up ] I mentioned something about being a virgin but that I'd been sexually abused in the past [ this is true. I have been ]. He raised his eyebrow and almost seemed to feel sorry for me. I thought he'd let me go. Suddenly, he pulled me to my feel and literally dragged me to a room [ more details on the room below ] that looked like both a physical therapy facility and an x-ray/CT scan room. He had the nurse take me to a machine on the far right side of the room. I faced the closed end of it. The man said "We're making sure you won't get pregnant. STAND STILL!" I was shaking violently by this point. I was scared. He had the nurse woman spread my arms out and made me stand holding some bars on either side of me. After this, the man literally growled and tore me away from the machine. He took of my jacket [ it was red ] , leaving me in my tank top [ grey ], jeans, and socks. I noticed my dad outside the room and I told the nurse to shut the door. She did this. The man pushed me onto my back [ I landed on another machine that was on the floor. I hit my back on two bars ] and I crossed my legs over each other and put my arms over my chest. I started pleading with him. "Please, please don't!" I cried over and over [ I was literally crying ]. The man towered over me and he ripped his shirt off and started trying to take my clothes off. I kicked at him and screamed repeatedly. Eventually, I think, I got so afraid that I just woke up. The ending is blurry.
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NOTES:
About the room-
It was on the top floor in the west side of the building. The sun was setting outside the single window which had blinds over it. The room was cold. The colors were desaturated, but there was blue and white all around me -ironically my school colors-. There were various "machines" strewn about. The door that I saw my dad out of was on the right side of the room right next to the machine I stood by. The door was a flimsy plywood sliding door that had no lock. The only light in the room came from that one window. It was dark-ish

Various notes-
I remember that I didn't scream for my dad's help because I didn't want him to see me so vulnerable. I would rather be raped than have him see me like that.

No one seemed to notice what the man was saying. The nurse never spoke or made any noise.

The man was very familiar and was rough, then gentle, then rough.

My dad looked through me when he gazed my way.

All I could think about when I woke up was the mysterious man who'd made me do something sexual (no details because I don't want to say it) when I was 5 years old.

Around the time I started to faze out from the dream, I remember that the man looked animalistic. He also started to "melt." His image literally just began to melt.

I remember my dad (after the whole ordeal, probably) saying something like "Oh I never wanted this to happen again. It's like 10 years ago."


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If you can offer any help here, I'd appreciate it. This dream hits home in too many ways. I've had more and more dreams like this one, lately, It's as though my subconscious is trying to make me see something.

12/08/13

Night Hero
I am walking home late at night. I am again completely non-lucid. My name is Rebecca. I am walking home from my job at a local diner. I am a waitress there. I really hate my job but I won't be able to get anything better until I finish school. I am in college studying Computer Science. I will soon be a Network Administrator. That will be much better. Right now I am tired and anxious to get home to bed. I had to work late because Gracie, the girl who was supposed to take over after my shift at the 24 hour diner, had been late. An hour late. So I am tired, I am pissed. Some people have no consideration for others.

I am passing an alley that could easily serve as a shortcut to get home. It would cut a good 15 minutes off of my walk. But it is a dark and creepy alley... It looks like bad things could happen there. No... I'm just being paranoid. This is a nice neighborhood. Nothing happens here. I decide I'm sure I can take the shortcut just this once and be safe. I'm 27 years old... I can manage to get home on my own! After briefly considering, I go down the alley at a fast walk. If I hurry I can shave even more than 15 minutes off of my time.

I am about halfway through the alley when I get the feeling I am being watched. I try to brush it off, I'm just being paranoid again. Still, I walk a bit faster. I am just passing an alley that branches off to the left when a dark figure emerges. A rather large and dirty man. He smells bad. He speaks as if he is talking to himself, he says, "Look what we have here!" I go to continue on my way. The man cuts me off and asks where I'm going, the fun has just started. I tell him I'm not interested. He moves faster than I thought he could and grabs my arm roughly. He pulls out a large knife and holds it at my neck. He pushes me down beside a dumpster and then the next thing I know he is on top of me. He is laughing and he smells horrible. He holds the knife at my neck again and says if I resist he'll kill me. He is holding both my wrists in one of his huge hands as he undoes his belt and zipper with the other. I fight to get free but he's too strong and he just laughs. I call for help, but there is no one to hear... no one to help me. I feel cold inside, I am about to get raped and there's nothing I can do about it. I scream and he tells me to shut up or he'll see how loud I can scream with a slit throat. He is ripping my shirt open and my skirt off...

And then he is off me. Someone has grabbed him and pulled him right off me. He curses loudly and grabs his knife as he is grabbed. He turns around and stabs the person that grabbed him. NO! This is worse than getting raped! Someone came to help me and now he might get killed for it! I try to scramble to my feet to do anything I can to keep my rescuer from being killed but I slip and fall back on my butt. My attacker is stabbing my rescuer over and over and over again, cursing loudly. "What the FUCK?! Why aren't you DYING?!" Then I realize my attacker is actually being held almost a foot off of the ground by the man who came to help me. He is stabbing violently and desperately but it doesn't seem to be doing anything. Then something skewers the man. Three razor sharp claws cut through my attacker like paper. The man's cursing changes to pained gurgles. The claws cut the man practically in two. Strange tendrils come from the other man and surround my attacker, ripping into him and literally EATING him until there's nothing left. The would-be rapist lets out some gargled screams as he is being eaten and then goes silent.

There is now just one figure standing over me. And he is not human. He is mostly human in appearance, but both of his hands are taloned claws that are still dripping with my attacker's blood. I realize who it is. I have seen news reports about this, warnings to stay away at all costs. The only sightings of this... man, if he can be called a man, was on the opposite side of New York, but here he is. I find I am looking at Alex Mercer himself, he just killed my would-be rapist, and I am next. I scramble backward, away from him, though I'm sure there is no way I can escape. His claws transform back into hands and he takes a step towards me. I am desperate to escape, I am wishing I could fit under the dumpster... but of course that's impossible. He stops and glares down at me. He looks pissed off. Great... I just met the infamous Alex Mercer and he's in a bad mood. He calls me pathetic and then turns and walks away down the alley my attacker had emerged from.

I stare after Alex, at first I am just shocked that he is leaving me alive. He didn't lay a hand... or claw... on me. That doesn't fit what I've heard at all. The news reports, the warnings, all of them describing Alex Mercer as a psychopathic madman who would happily rip apart and consume anyone he comes across... This doesn't fit at all. Then I start feeling bad. Maybe the news reports and warnings aren't true. And if they aren't, that means Alex just showed up in the nick of time and saved me from being raped and possibly murdered, and I respond like he's some kind of monster. No... I won't let that stand. It's just not right. I get up, pulling my skirt back up quickly. I call after Alex, calling his name. I see him in the alley, silhouetted against the distant street lights. He doesn't respond. I feel the need to not let this go that way. I chase after Alex. As I approach him from behind he suddenly turns, probably because he hears me approaching. As he turns he forms his claws again as if he is expecting an attack. I'm almost to him, and he has his claws spread wide away from his body, so I keep going and put my arms around him, hugging him, thanking him, trying to make up for my strange behavior earlier with a show of gratitude now.

At first it seems Alex doesn't know how to respond. Then finally I feel his arms close around me, and it is his hands rather than his claws that I feel on my back. He finally asks if I am ok, am I hurt? I tell him I'm fine, thanks to him. He lets go of me and pushes me away a couple feet. He asks what happened to me being scared of him? He adds sarcastically that I'd better run away quick before the monster kills me. He still looks annoyed. I put my arms around him again and say I'm not worried about any monster. "You killed the monster back there. He won't hurt anyone ever again." I look into Alex's blue eyes. I am overcome with the thought, "Wow... He's hot! None of those news reports said he kills rapists, saves foolish young women, and he is sooooo hot!" I tell him I want to thank him properly... then I kiss him. He doesn't really respond. Ok, now I just feel awkward.

I want to disappear into a wall or the ground again, but for a totally different reason now. Of course I would be rescued by a hot guy and then make a fool of myself in multiple ways. I take a couple steps away from Alex, calling myself stupid under my breath. I stammer that I'm sorry and turn to run back down the alley. This crazy night can't end soon enough for my liking. As I am running away a strange tendril wraps around me just under my arms like a harness. It lifts me off my feet and pulls me back to Alex. My first thought is, "Oh, shit... I pissed him off!" But I know immediately when I look at him that he is not angry. He is smiling pleasantly. Maybe even amused by my awkwardness.

Alex carefully sets me down in front of him. He says there's nothing I have to be sorry for. And then he kisses me. We kiss for a bit and then separate. After a brief silence Alex says he'll walk me home, make sure nothing else happens to me. I am perfectly happy to have Alex walk me the rest of the way home.

We talk on the way home. It turns out that since the viral outbreak was stopped Alex had been using his abilities to help those in danger. But it seemed whenever he helped someone they always acted like I had initially, like he was some kind of monster. I tell him that's because of the news reports, which I am now seeing are full of lies. He says they're no doubt sponsored by Blackwatch. They haven't given up their obsession to track him down and kill him. But without the virus spreading they have lost their excuse to maintain a military presence in the city. They must be using civilians to try to track him. Making sure they would report him and not even consider trying to talk to him and hear his side of what's happened and is still happening.

We reach my house. I am again embarrassed that am living at home with my mother at my age. But I have an agreement with my mother that I can stay there rent free as long as I am attending classes and keeping my grades up. My job at the diner is enough for other expenses. My mother meets me at the door and is shocked by my appearance. I realize I'd forgotten that my shirt was torn in the attack. She asks what happened to me. Am I ok? She looks suspiciously at Alex and asks who he is. I don't want to tell her I almost got raped, she worries enough about me walking home at night. I tell her I'm fine. I just had a little accident on the way home. Alex here stopped to see that I was ok and walked me home. My mother looks at Alex for a bit and I worry that she'll recognize him as Alex Mercer. I silently curse at myself for calling him Alex instead of making a name up. She just thanks him for seeing me safely home. Alex asks me if I work tomorrow. I say yes. He says if I don't mind, maybe he'll see me later. He smiles and walks away. My mother says he seems nice... I am tired, so I excuse myself to go to bed. I undress and lie down, surprisingly falling asleep almost right away. I wake in my own bed.

I...don't feel like proofreading this.

My house is more like a dorm than a duplex, the hall is wider and has more doors, but all the colors are the same. I wander into our room and think it still feels more like his than ours. I can hear my boyfriend talking from the kitchen, he is telling someone that he is going out to pick up food for a party. In our room there is a stranger in the bed with a blonde woman. They aren't really wearing anything. He has coerced her into playing a sex game. I find myself sitting on the bed, strangely intent on their actions.
"What is the point of this game again?" The woman asks.
"Jesus! The point is to see how long I can kiss you without vomiting. You're disgusting. When was the last time you showered?" He's being a huge jackass but she doesn't leave.
He coerces me into 'playing', and eventually I say that I'll only have sex with him if he calls my boyfriend in to help. Some more strangers come into the room, the same ilk as the man in the bed. At least they're wearing clothes. They decide that since I'm not playing his game, I can play theirs. It's called 'See how long you can stay conscious while we beat you'. What, doesn't that sound like fun to you?
I struggle as they pull my legs out straight and begin to strike me. I'm surprised by how much it hurts. The stranger decides he's going to have sex with me whether I want it or not, says that's what I get for being a tease.
Thankfully I fall unconscious.
I 'wake' with the sensation of arms wrapping around me. It is so realistic that I cry out and try to struggle away.
"Hey, are you alright? It's just me." It is just my boyfriend. I relax and lay next to him for a while. Eventually we get out of bed. I want to tell him what I've done before the stranger does it. What will I say? I was curious and it turned out badly? For a minute I thought I wanted to sleep with someone else? Before I can figure it out, he leaves.

Something else happens. I can't remember, but I'm coming back into the dorm/duplex and I am suddenly lucid. As always, I'm amazed by the clarity, how real it feels. I round a corner and find myself in the hall outside our room. Ours is the only one standing open, I go inside but my boyfriend isn't there.
At first I intend to find him, but when I get back into the hallway I start to mentally call for Liam. At the end of the hall is a wide wooden gate that is about my height and 10' wide. I immediately notice that there isn't a handle but I'm curious. The force of my curiosity creates a gap between the corner of the door and the wall. I hook my fingers into it and pull until it creaks open. On the other side is a collapsed tunnel. I hear a distant rumbling and dirt showers down from above. Of course, I think cynically, the one way I want to go is blocked off. It doesn't occur to me that I can clear the way. Instead I close the door and as I'm turning away notice a faded white dumpster filled with sapphire blue dirt. I'm having trouble with my eyes. The right one keeps dragging and skipping images. I think that maybe if I keep it closed I won't wake up, so I gently close my right eye with my finger and cover it with my hand. It seems to work.
"What are you doing, silly? You aren't using your eyes." And once I realize that, I have no further trouble seeing.

There's a breezeway and another sharp corner where there's a bathroom. I hear one of the managers from work talking about me, saying that I was such a whore for sleeping with a stranger, in my boyfriend's bed, while my boyfriend was in the other room. It makes me ridiculously angry, I see them leave out the side door and take the front door which leads out onto a bright pink pathway made of metal grates, that runs parallel to the path below. I suddenly have a bat in my hand. I run, savoring the feeling of the wind on my face and how the metal vibrates under my feet with each running step I take. I run lightly, easily, cutting off the three people below and jumping down in their way.
I land on one person, smack the second with the bat, and when the manager has the audacity to be amused, I throw the bat at his face.
There. Problem solved.
Then I realize the person I landed on is my friend Laura and I have hurt her. Still, she is glad to see me. I pick her up to carry her home, but her body is stretchy like...rubber or taffy. Or maybe a length of fabric. And for some reason there's a cat sitting on her chest. I struggle to pry it off of her and then cast it away so I can lift her more easily.


Um, something about a funeral? I was being disrespectful by riding a bicycle around while a man tried to talk to everyone who had gathered to honor the dead. When he mentions that food will be brought out, and that the caterers are fantastic, two people come outside with the food...carrying a vat of pork in a container shaped like a pig, that's suspended between two poles and is dripping grease everywhere. It smells delicious.

Here I go. =/ Maybe I should have prefaced this with something: This is one of the most awful nightmares I have ever had. The first part seemed normal, and then my subconscious decided to twist it into something disgusting. I'm almost impressed. -.-

We are in a long wide dining hall, the walls and floor are worn wood. There are long tables with plank seating. I'm wearing a billowy

white blouse with khaki riding pants and knee high boots. I am a young women with chin-length dark brown hair. I sit down next to a young man who has short medium brown hair. His features are perfectly shaped, high wide cheek bones, a constantly smiling mouth. I am seventeen, he is eighteen. I am in love with him and sometimes I am certain he knows it, as my best friend he knows me well enough to understand. Sometimes I think that he loves me too but he has always been so careful. A friend of ours named Robert has recently returned home from a long trip comes to sit with us. I don't remember where he went but it had been years since we had last seen him. Adam, the friend I am in love with, gets up to follow Robert. Watching them leave makes me feel a little sad.

"Hey, Deidre, come and look at this." Adam calls. I go to him, smiling. This part is pretty strange. He shows me a man that isn't who he

claims. Adam narrates that it is a golem controlled by magic and enchanted to look like someone we know. Somehow we see straight through it and so we see black eyes set in a bald clay-gray head, slope shouldered, wearing a faded quilted black tunic. As soon as it walks up to us we greet it like it really is the ambassador. It responds with a proper greeting, but follows that with an unintelligible scramble of words.

"See?" Adam says, we all share a secret smile as the golem walks stiffly through the crowd. It was sort of like we were on

stage and that whole scene was an aside to the audience, we ignore It and follow Robert out of the hall like we encountered nothing out of the ordinary.

There is a garden courtyard between wings of the house. It is night and a single wrought iron lamp post stands in the middle over bench on a dais. I find Adam sitting on the bench. He is obviously upset but he won't tell me why. I remind him that we used to play here as children and he nods absently, pretending he is fine.

"Hey, Addy." I say in a consoling tone, "Whatever it is, you can tell me." I drop to my knees next to the bench and slide my arms around his waist, resting my cheek on his thigh.

Here I come back to myself a little and I am no longer Deidre. Holding him is peaceful and familiar. It reminds me of Liam and for a time I put aside the character of Deidre and close my eyes to savor the moment, smiling in contentment. He's wearing a faded black button up and black pants, I notice out of the corner of my eye. I can feel Adam becoming more upset and my understanding of his character overlaps with my interpretation of him as Liam. Adam cannot reciprocate Deidre's feelings for him because he is in love with Robert, and at the same time I can feel Liam as he is trapped in the form of Adam, wanting so badly to reach me but locked in the confines of the dream, so that it is not possible. I want to tell him that it is alright, that I know about Robert, I want to tell him that I know he is not Liam, but that doesn't matter because for now he feels like him.

Adam hesitantly strokes my hair and my dual-nature snaps apart so that I am once again Deidre. I know he is trying to force himself to

feel something for me other than friendship. I sit up and give him a brief hug, I realize then that he's fantastically drunk. I help him stand and we stumble to the far side of the courtyard, by the time we reach the heavy stone threshold he is crying freely. We fall down in a tangle of limbs and he sobs pathetically that I should not help him at all. He ignores my protests to the contrary, telling me that he is in love with someone else.

"Is that someone else Robert?" I ask. That stuns him into silence. It makes me sad that he'll never fall in love with me, but I know he can't help it.

....and then the dream takes an ugly turn.

The dining hall is inside and outside at once, so that the far end has no wall and lacks a ceiling. At the enclosed end in the corner is an

ivory colored couch. We have a female friend over, she's sitting on the back of the couch and I am kneeling on the cushions with the front of my body pressed to the back of the piece. I have something gross on my hands that I get all over the top of the couch, and when I get up I realize I have left a large water stain where my body had previously leaned. A courier arrives with news from our father. ((because, you know, we're siblings, and in case you weren't paying attention that means I'm in love with my brother, who is in love with our older brother...eeeeeee)) It is a letter for us and a small wooden crate filled with nesting fiber. There is a necklace in the envelope, it has two overlapping pendants, a crescent moon and a dagger. Robert hands the necklace to me and I put it on, when I lean over the back of the couch the dagger pricks my chest and I rub at the wound absently.

The courier is not a physical person anymore. Robert is standing nearby reading aloud a letter we have received. The letter explains

what happened to our father, how he went mad then raped and murdered a woman, he says something about the contents of the crate being cursed, and that it will spread to all our family. As he is saying this, I'm holding the necklace away from my skin, looking horrified. Adam though does not believe it. He is to enthralled by the crate to pay attention and neither of us are watching him. He thrusts his hand down into the crate and comes up with a handful of sand and a tiny stone artifact. The effect is immediate. The sclera of his eyes goes black, the irises turn orange/red, like flame. Black growths force their way out his skin along his cheekbones. He holds the artifact up over his head and a mad grin splits his face grotesquely.

"Adam?" I slide off the couch and begin to back away from him. He is too distracted by this new development that he doesn't notice me.

Yet. He stalks around the room, Robert seizes his arm to stop him and becomes cursed just as quickly. I know what they will do to me because of what is in the letter. Never mind that Adam is gay and a day before would not have touched me. It no longer matters because his mind is gone and his body under the control of the rage. I run for the door in the corner that leads out to the deck stairs. He gives my shoulders a shove and I stumble. I feel his fingers slip under a gap in the back of the waist of my pants, he tugs lightly. Almost tentatively. I scramble away but he is still hovering over me.

Spoiler for One of the rape parts, if you would rather skip it.:

Now I have a choice, I have a split second of lucidity and I think "It won't be rape anymore if I stop fighting. I know he isn't Adam anymore, but this is the closest I'll ever be to him, and so what if he beats me to death after? Then I won't care anymore."
I pretend that his hands on my waist don't make me feel sick, the greedy skittering of his fingers on my hips when I unbuckle my belt.
At first it isn't so bad. I don't feel anything one way or another, I just ignore his animal-like grunting and uncomfortable stab as he moves. After a few minutes he becomes wildly violent and I decide I made a mistake, that I really can't endure this, I fight my way to the wall. There is a button there on a touch screen that I can push to stop the simulation. So I do.

I get a do-over. I see Adam pull the figurine from the crate, and his transformation. I immediately dart for the door and make it halfway down the steps before he tackles me straight to the ground. I scream and struggle out from under him, fighting around to the front of the house.
Then there's something about the golem trying to attack us, and me and the others trying to throw flashlights at it, but the things are too heavy and not good for throwing at people. (O.o) The yard we are on is clearly the front yard from the house in MA. Except the grass has a blue tint and the sky looks more like a ceiling painted blue.

Spoiler for Second rape part.:

There's a break. I am out on the yard and the end of it morphs into a wall where there's almost an enclosed pool (I don't know, my dream layouts are weird). The curb is more like the edge to a public pool. We are waiting for help, someone has called the police and fire department. There are people sleeping everywhere, mostly men. They were all naked, and when the curse takes effect they are suddenly all uh...erect. They feel like time bombs to me. That if I wake them they will all be on me and then I will have no hope of surviving. I might get raped, but I am going to live damn it. A chubby young man begins to catch the curse and changes. At first he looks confused and distracted...then he notices me. I make a run for it and he chases me, I vault over the wall at the end of the yard and try to flee to the corner of the pool where the stairs are, but he leaps down with surprising agility and slams me into the wall. My head feels like it is going to split open and and I become disoriented. He flips me over, hands clumsily fumble with my nightgown. He's too heavy to knock off of me. My best bet is to wait until he's...distracted.

I try not to focus on what he's doing, and I try not to laugh at him, because even in the thrall of the curse he is inexperienced and can't

even effectively rape me. His movements are inconsistent, but the slack jawed expression he wears disturbs me. When he shifts his weight for a better angle, briefly freeing my arms, I reach up and slam my palms against his ears. He cries out and falls backward. I stand up and knee him in the face as hard as I can. I can hear people moving around on the other side of the wall, but they are talking so I am certain that they are not cursed men made monsters. I mount the wall and see female police officers everywhere. They are cataloging evidence. The worst part is there are children laying down at the edge of the pool. Some of the more unfortunate ones have lived through the experience. One blond-haired little girl with blood-shot eyes stares at me, too injured to move. The children laying on each side of her are either dead or asleep. Olivia Dunham talks about the signs of assault and rape, pointing to various pieces of evidence before pulling a sheet over piles of battered bodies.

There's a lapse, it is some time in the far future. Because I was one of the first cursed and I am a woman I have lived ages longer than I should have. I'm in a sanctum of sorts, there are priestesses who serve the Cold, they are called Whisper Mothers and Sisters. Their garb is almost like a nuns, except the wimple is shaped differently and their robes are in layers, slashed black over robes with white underneath.
They were responsible for subduing the entity before my father unwittingly unleashed it so many generations ago. It went curiously quiet after the event at the pool, laying in wait for the proper time. Now it has begun again. I hesitate then get the Whisper Mother's attention.

"Mother..."

She continues to pace.

"Mother?"

Distractedly she stops, clutching an elaborate cross that hangs around her neck. It is silver and has a ruby at its center. "Yes, sister?"

"What caused the Emergence?" I ask.
"I don't have time for questions, Lady." She responds.
"Is it true the madness began with a stone artifact?" I ask.

Then she truly looks at me. The servants of the Cold value truth and clarity above all things. They may seem harsh, but they are a product of the world in which they were raised. Her eyes sharpen and she purses her lips in worry.

"Yes. A stone artifact fed by the fire of shame."
"Please, I am only curious if there is a way to stop It from happening again?" I ask.

She paces the width of the sanctum. There is a heavy weathered wood railing and something like a decorative bulkhead bisecting the end of the room. "Truth may be enough to stop it, and the blood of the repentant. So, tell me." Her eyes flick to me, cold with recognition and accusation. "Are you repentant for laying with your brother Adam?"

"I never lay with Adam." I say, dropping my eyes. I suppose that allowing him to rape me counts.
She narrows her eyes at me. "You are a liar, Deidre."
"Yes." I agree, feeling the weight of my shame. "Yes."
"Still, there is something we can accomplish, the others are on their way here."

My view pulls out a little, viewing the scene from overhead. From here I can see the walkway outside, and the great circular stained glass gate where a Whisper Sister waits and an assassin in black and red leather armor is stealthed by the entry way. No one will get by, the Servants of the Cold must be protected.

I see a distortion in the air, a heat wave. A spark and a cruel laughing mouth inside a cooling lava face, horns curling back over its

head. Its flame tongue licks the air. Silent in its passing it steals in through the door, scorches on the wood mark its path across the floor, it slips in like a ghost and alights a touch upon her brow, and when the creature passes she has turned to ashes on the ground. Screams from inside filter out to where I stand, all within have died before they could lift a hand. I can hear the Whisper Mother inside, screaming wild negations and questions, "Why this, why now after all this time?", It has saved her for last.
The sister outside shrieks in a desperate forlorn way when she realizes that all the women inside are dead, the assassin at the door wrestles her away and they flee together.

And so I get a sense of the Flame. A vast, calculating mind that cares for nothing at all, its singular dream is to burn the world to

cinders and scatter the ashes in the wind. It wants only to consume, take, until everything is gone. And it will. It will.

False Awakening: I rise to another layer of sleep and think that I am awake. After all, my boyfriend is playing Skyrim on his computer just like when I fell asleep. He notices I am awake and comes to kneel on the bed. He kisses me but the idea of doing anything like that after a dream about rape is not at all appealing. I tell him to stop and I mention the rape dream, but he keeps touching me anyway not realizing that it is uncomfortable and unpleasant.

Then I really wake up. Thank God.

Captive
This one felt strange because for most of it I was a ghost. In most dreams, obviously, I switch characters seamlessly and hardly notice that it's happening. This time however, I consciously make the decision to become her.

We are in a small basement apartment and is an entirely new construction, which is odd for me. Most houses are, in some way, ones I

have lived in. The walls are dark red, the carpet beige. Immediately to the left of the front door is the bathroom, three steps in there's a couch sitting across from a loveseat. There is a floor lamp with a simple glass bell shade. I'm crouched by the loveseat.

On the couch is a thin woman in an ankle length light brown dress. She has extremely curly hair, it's a wispy pale brown. A man pins

her to the cushions, she is still mostly clothed, so is he, but it's still obvious that he's raping her. She issues soft, breathless sobs and negations, her blood smeared hands push ineffectually at his shoulders and chest.
I want to bash his face in. I urge her to grab the lamp shade and hit him with it, and after a moment she looks at it and considers following my suggestions. As she is reaching for the neck of the lamp, he finishes and stands up. I get a view of his back as he zips up his fly and tucks in his shirt. I glare at him. She watches him with fear and uncertainty. She sits up, lowering her skirt back over her knees.

He says that he has to leave for work, and explicitly outlines what will happen to her sister if she tries to leave. He muses that she can't

possibly expect the police to believe that she was held captive and raped, after all, he is a police officer. He turns to face her, looking out the high narrow windows, buttoning his cuffs. He's about 5'7" with short black hair, a cruel face with black, dead eyes. She can't stand to look at him, and when he begins to walk toward her, she darts for the bathroom and slams the door behind herself.

We can feel him on the other side and how little her flight has affected him, how very little she can do against him. She feels like

screaming or crying. We hear the front door shut and lock, apparently it locks from the outside too. Just in case she became adventurous.

My eyes settle on the single window above the toilet. I urge her to look out. She pauses to wash her hands and then does as I say. She

has to climb up onto the toilet to look outside. The bathroom, like the rest of the house, is painted red. The window is more like a screen on a hinge, and on the other side is a cramped tunnel.
I watch as she stares outside, between the hedges to where he's standing talking to my boyfriend. I hear him say that he has lost his car keys. Which is true, but he's also a police officer ((complete fabrication)) from out of state. Something has made him suspicious, but he can't put his finger on it.

"Sorry buddy, I can't help you. The manager inside might have a phone you can use."

My boyfriend heads inside the apartment building. The woman's captor stands beside the car there, talking on his cell phone.
Her hand falls limp to her side. I press my boyfriend's keys into her hand. She doesn't even question how she got them. I urge her to go, but she's too terrified. I step up and become her. I open the window and squeeze myself into the tunnel. It is a little more than one length of my body, I scrape my elbows wiggling forward. I reach the other side and wait until his back is turned, I separate from her and watch her crawl out. I follow after. We hide behind a solid backed bench on just the other side of the hedges.
She freezes, and she can't anticipate his movements like I can. I join with her again. He pivots and we go to hide behind a black Dodge Avenger. We hear our captor get into a car and drive away. For a moment I'm confused, and think I'm looking for my boyfriend's old car, a teal Sunfire. I hesitantly click the unlock button on the key and the Dodge Avenger bleeps from behind me. I separate from her hand urge her to get away before my boyfriend comes back. She opens the driver side door and slips inside...

Battlestar Galactica

The house we're sitting in feels like my childhood home in MA, except that it is only one level, and beside the front door there is a

raised part of the floor, like a single step. Across from that is a low, dull gray table.
I am Cally, Chief Tyrol and Boomer sit on the raised section of floor, grimly regarding the table. I walk to the Chief on my knees, my eyes are burning and my throat feels thick. Our story has run its course, and yet we find ourselves here all over again. Running from the Cylons. I get a sense of where we are in the story, sometime before the settling on New Caprica.
Chief has his arms cross. I tug one of his arms free and he looks down at me with mild surprise.

"Cally." His voice holds the trace of a warning, but now is not the time to worry about appearances.
"Chief, could I...?"

He lifts his arm and a curl up by his side, he drops his arm across my shoulders.

"Chief, does this mean that we have a chance to do things differently? To make better choices?" I ask, it's difficult to speak.
"Yes, I suppose it does." He replies thoughtfully.

The relief that brings me is amazing, it's such a gift, to start over. The chance to treat people better. Knowing how the story ends, would we make the same choices?
"

She should be here soon." He says softly. We lift our eyes from the table to the darkened doorway on the other side of it.

Starbuck appears, there's something wrong with her face but I can't figure out what it is. She's also pregnant. Just far enough along that it's obvious. She leans heavily on the table then lays down on it, clutching her belly.
I leave Chief's side and go to hers. Hesitantly, I stroke the hair away from her face.

"Are you feeling alright?"
"I think I'm miscarrying." She says. The look on her face, and the fact that she's Starbuck makes me wonder if she's making a joke.
"Are you kidding? Is she kidding?"
"Help me sit up."

I oblige her.

There's a lapse. I'm standing in front of Starbuck who sits with her legs dangling off the side of the table. Another woman has arrived

but I can't look straight at her, even out of the corner of my eye she disturbs me.
Starbuck trembles violently and then her mouth moves of its own accord, speaking words I don't understand.

"Avre ein en Novem-ah."

The disturbing woman laughs at her. "Oh yes, your vast knowledge of forgotten history is astounding. You only speak of the Novem, how can you possibly know what it is to call the Novem friend?"

Starbuck can't seem to look straight at her either. Her eyes shift away uncomfortably. The disturbing woman doesn't speak again but I

get a sense of timelessness from her, wondering at the vastness of her existence that stretches across aeons. Starbuck may know these things too, because of the child she carries, but she has not lived it. Not like the Queen. This knowledge deeply chills me. This is the house of eternity, there are other paths to walk besides this one.

Then I am outside. I am a fit and unpregnant Starbuck. Admiral Adama gathers us to him on the lawn and we walk together to the road which is wider than I remember. There's a 5 foot tall wall where the woods should be. It isn't smooth, it has uneven grooves all along its length.
We walk to where the crew has broken through a 3 foot thick ice road block. We file through the ragged opening.

The oddness of what stand on the other side strikes all of us. The wall curves gently, to the right of the wall is the ocean, to the left is a dusty courtyard with a rickety wooden structure that has a roof and thin support poles, but no walls. At the far end of the enclosure is a leaning ladder of long branches, fastened together.
"What is this, ice?" Adama says, touching the wall as though we have never seen it before.
"Bet your ass it's ice, I like it!" Colonel Tigh exclaims, picking up a handful of slush and throwing it. His reaction doesn't seem child-like or whimsical.
I wonder what they were doing, obviously the wall holds back the ocean. What were they doing, forcing the ocean to recede?

We fan out and walk toward the ladder. We all start to climb it, but the top of the ladder is no longer tied down, so people keep falling off. I'm Starbuck though, and I'm certain I can climb it. So I haul myself up. I can feel the texture of the branches under my hands, and how the ladder sags outward. I reach the top as Admiral Adama and Tigh do, trying to figure out a way to leap the gap from the last rung to the next section of ladder.
I drop down and run a few paces back, where there's a thin twist of rope. I grab it and lift myself up with one arm, it holds my weight but starts to fray.
I had hoped that I could use it to cross the gap.

I wander away and start taking note of other things under the canopy. Maybe there are things that we can take away, supplies. There's a pick-up truck parked in the corner and a chest. They're full of yellow bags of dog food. Who were the people that came before us?
I watch the others, frowning at their behavior.

The next part I can't remember very well. I see flashes of what happened to the last people who found this place. They were a family of three, and a couple of farm hands.
I watch the mother, a tall brunette with short hair, wearing a red shirt, command her eight year old son to find the secret of the letters they found carved in the wall.
The task sounds like a threat. His father has gone missing, and at least one of the hands has died.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

With a group being threatened by armed men. One is about to rape a girl. I don't accept this. I know I risk being killed, but I decide it's one of those defining moments in which one has to risk its own life, so I attack the rapist and get his gun and use it to shoot all the bad guys. I'm wounded, but alive. A wound in my leg is looking bad. Open and with white pus. I squeeze it to drain it, but I feel something alive inside, like a huge white worm. Disgusted, I rip the wound to try to get it out, but what I find is a tiny white wolf, like an embryo inside my flesh. It gets out and grows to normal size. It's actually beautiful and I feel so blessed!

I appear in another dream, I'm at a very familiar place, the place where I grew up. It's very sunny and some families are playing with their children. I'm on one of the more elevated places, in the middle of a patch of grass. I become lucid immediately, and I remain at the place. I think "Okay, I'm dreaming, this is a dream" "What do I feel? Can I feel my body" "What are the 5 senses again.. uhm... "okay, I can feel, can I see? What do I see?" This is when the ground randomly tries to eat me, I attempt to get up but I struggle. The ground has swallowed my legs, but I manage to get up. (this is actually weird for me, I rarely actually see my body)

I walk forward a few meters to tarmac and start spinning while I say "I'm dreaming, this is all just a dream" I stop spinning because I'm afraid if I continue it will collapse the dream.. It's very vivid, but still very far from being close to reality. I don't really hear anything, I can't really feel anything, no sun, no wind. I have absolutely no smell. But the visual part is on the better end, even though it's far from being reality. I can really only "focus" on one thing at a time, but the focused thing looks pretty real.

This is where I get bored and sexually attack a woman running after her child. I was actually questioning my choice at one point "Hmm, maybe I shouldn't, this is an inappropriate place" Then I realize I'm being naive and that this is all just a reality created by my brain. I pin her to the ground stomach down, take of her dress and penetrate her, although only the tip of my penis could get in, it was a lot more vivid than it has been before. At this point her upper body is completely gone. I didn't seem to mind, as I was beginning to lose lucidity and understanding of what was going on. I didn't really feel arousal or pleasure except for the excitement over being lucid. I see a white blurry cast over my vision and I lose the dream.

I just woke up from having a nap, and I vividly remember some parts of the dream I had. The most confusing for me was that I dreamed a man wanted to rape me... but I ended up being willing and enjoying it and lying to my fiance about it by telling him I was raped. The man was very good looking, not violent or sadistic and was quite well endowed. I'm not sure what all of this means in the least, I just wanted to get it down before the memory dissipated.

For now, my only idea is that maybe it is representing the things I am missing in my life?

08.10.2012

Blonde Anime girl and Rei Ayanami (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Spoiler for 18+:

I see a picture of a blonde anime girl that is going to get raped. It was like reading a Doujinshi, and there's a panel where the shirt she's wearing is ripped out, exposing her breasts. They were small and firm, and she had a very petite body structure.

Then there's another panel where she's in the missionary position, but this is seen at a side angle. Someone is on top of her, penetrating her intensely as she has her legs cocked up in the air. She looks like she's going to cry, and it's very hard to see who the person having sex with her looked like.

He was all a blur to me, but he really knew how to have rough sex with a girl of her size.

The dream shifts, and it seems I'm going to head out somewhere. I think I'm inside an apartment. The insides are just a blurry brown color with the wooden chairs, sofa, kitchen, etc.

There are two anime looking females in the room. There's a blonde one to the left of me that's holding my left hand, and the other has light blue hair.

I look at the blonde one first, and she looks like the londe female from "The Story of Little Monica."

She smiles and me asks,

"When will you come back?"

It takes me a while to understand what she meant by that. I shift my focus on the light blue haired girl on the right who is probably 5-8 feed away from us. She looks a lot like Rei Ayanami from Neon Genesis Evangelion.

I think she's wearing the white default outfit from the show, but I'm not too sure on that. I only see the profile view of her face, and it seems she was probably speculating about something, or looking down somewhere.

I keep focusing on her until she turns her head towards me, then she blushes, and quickly turns her head back.

Huh?

I most likely went out to go somewhere, but I don't know where.

I wonder why the Rei counterpart was blushing at me and so shy? And then I realized the same blonde anime girl holding my hand was the one who had sex in those panels I mentioned.

So the question is, was it me who had sex with her? And what about Rei? Why would she be blushing....hmm.....

O.O

_________________________

08.10.2012

Permission Ticket and Bands (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I'm at some kind of ticket booth, but before I go anywhere near the employee, I think I go to some other section where I have to fill out some application. It's basically a form on what you like, hobbies, preferred food, etc., at least that's what I assumed when I saw the question,

"What is your favorite band?" I believe there was a girl next to me who asked me that, and I said,

"Just put None" because I honestly couldn't choose one.

"Okay!" she said, and she draws a line through the answer space, something like that. Then I remember getting near the ticket booth for some kind of Permission ticket, though I don't know what it really is for.

_________________________

08.10.2012

Dark Merlin Bans Me on IRC (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I'm logging on the Dream Views IRC, and I talk for a while with some people. Then after a few seconds, Dark Merlin bans me.

It looked more like a disconnection rather than a ban, and I was wondering what I did to actually get banned. I was using the KVIrc system to check things I've said before getting banned.

There honestly wasn't any reason for me to be banned, and I didn't even spam in there or anything like that. Then I was able to get back on after 30 seconds or so. I double checked to see what I did wrong, and Dark Merlin banned me because I used bold font.

I wonder why that would get me banned, and then I saw some red font somewhere on the chat, so I check and find out it's Matte the mod, but his name is spelled as "Mate" in the dream instead. We were all talking about something, probably on why I got banned for a few seconds, but that's all I remember.

I visited the guest bedrooms in my house and found some young girls in there (cousins?). They had hidden away a good dozen or so friends of theirs who had run away from home. The girls were hiding in storage space. They begged me to not tell anyone. A couple of teenage boys appeared and they began to harm the girls in the room. Suddenly civil war broke out. I stepped outside and fishing hooks were being thrown around. I was pierced by fishing hooks twice while walking.

POV left my body and entered the house again. A lady in my house was told to rape a man. She didn't seem too bothered by it, but while having sex with him, she saw a premonition of her future daughter dying at a young age--the daughter she saw was conceived during the rape. She sobbed and yelled "My daughter is dead" while holding onto the face of the man she was forced to have sex with. The man had already died.

The dream moves on to a caretaker and the child she is raising. These women are starving. The caretaker gave chunks of her own flesh to ants, making the ants grow big and fat. She told her ward to take the ants and flee the house--the ants were to serve as food during the young lady's travels. The young lady does not wish to leave, but the caretaker yells at her, so the young lady escapes.

The dream moves on to a group of men and a woman. They have been assigned the task of hunting down a man who has fled the house. This man has caught the gay disease. One man leads the others, trying to convince everyone and himself that being gay is not contagious. He does a poor job of convincing his group. Once they leave the house, they come across a flooded building with floating corpses. A few floors up, and there are sex/groping vending machines. They encounter the girl in the group, and while she is distracted by the sex machines, another man comes up behind her and has sex with her. The girl looks at the man and exclaims "Wow, you're really big." The man replies in a deep Batman voice, "Don't tell the Japanese." Apparently he did not want the Japanese to be jealous of him.

Old Dream from childhood....1980's (yeah, I'm OLD)

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My mother was driving my twin brothers and me somewhere at night. It was a dark two lane road and late. I felt really scared. All of a sudden the car breaks down and she tells us to stay in the car - she's going for help. She gets out of the car. Houses line the left side of the road. These houses are on a slight hill, but nothing that my mom can't climb. It's an easy grade. She heads toward the only house with a porch light on.

From the corner of my eye, I see dark figures sneaking up to her. I know they are after and stalking her. She starts to run and they chase her. I scream (and it comes out IRL). I open up the door and burst out of the car. I run toward my mother but she is already on the ground and the men are on top of her. They are holding her down and she is screaming. I am calling to her and trying to run. As I run, I pump my arms, willing myself faster. IRL I must have swung my arms too because I scraped my knuckles on my stucco wall and this woke me up. My knuckles were bleeding slightly and my dad was in my room. He apparently heard me scream.

Last Nights Dreams

Dream 1

Thai is just a fragment, I am in my Dad's car and we are going somewhere but I'm not sure where

Dream 2

I am going to a club and I am in a room with lots of other women and we are all trying on all the clothes. Lots of the bigger women are wearing short, tight tops. I have a stupid long one on. I decide I want a short, tight sexy top on so I go and try all the tops on aswell and I end up wearing a short, tight green sparkly one and I really like it, this top showes off my cleveage off well and I love it lol.

Dream 3

I am at the Doctors and I am given one prescription and I say "no, I need more than this, where's my Tramadol etc!!!!!" he says "ok ill check" I'm now standing looking at my prescription and thinking "actually I don't even remember going in to see the doctor" I think "I have to get my other prescription" but I don't and I just then go along with the dream ((shame I didn't realise doh!!!)) some Jamaican man now begins to talk to me and tells me how big he is down below lol I say "Pfffftttt!!" then one of them held me and they tried to rape me and I suddenly woke up ((thank god))

Dream 4

I remember something to do with a ring and leaves, also remember a Woman and someone wanting sex with me but I didn't want to.