lucid

Morning of February 9, 2018. Friday.



Today marks my 24th year in Australia and in being with the girl of my dreams, Zsuzsanna.

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I am going to try something new here. As I still have tens of thousands of dreams I have never posted online, including thousands from before I was even a teenager, I might try entries that include sequences of specific types in a series of no more than 12 for a specific part of the sleep cycle. Although I usually recall at least six longer dreams per normal sleeping time, there are many more of different but basic types that are mostly autosymbolic of the transitions between different times during sleep and of which I usually just pass through without drama. I am going to try this to see how it goes, randomly selecting dates, after this one, from over the last fifty years to see how the autosymbolic content has remained unchanged for the most part and perhaps note influences when I can. In some cases, I might include a very short summary of a dream I had already posted if it falls into the sequence of a certain dream type and time. The dreams are listed in reverse order, last one first. (Missing numbers are either related to private sections, abstract stages that cannot be described in words, or too long to post online.) (To quote the Yo-Yo man, “Try to remember everything you passed. But when you go back, make the first thing the last.”)

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12th There is one farmer working in a rice paddy. The water is lower when I look again later. (My dream self vaguely recognizes this as autosymbolism for the cessation of the dream state, water lowering waking symbolism, which has been as such since early childhood, having occurred as such through thousands of my dreams.) I do not speak to him but recognize the essence as RAS (personified preconscious). I eventually become aware that RAS has transmuted from a Filipino rice farmer into a Caucasian cowboy. He stands before a fence (my side), which is the division between dream self identity and conscious self identity, and I walk past him through an open part of the fence to wake. I do not speak to him, he nods, and I nod back. RAS mediation as utilizing a fence is less common than porches and doorways, or even parking lots, but does occur on a regular basis. RAS is typically more dominant or even aggressive when a porch is rendered as the waking space, probably because it implies that my dream self wants to remain “inside” for longer (that is, not wanting to wake yet).

11th I am walking over a large high truss bridge (unknown location) over water. I do not see any traffic. A bridge is autosymbolism for a transition in unconsciousness and the water lowers to become the rice paddy scene of the next segment.

08th I am walking through a circular tunnel, which I first consider, with a level of wariness, that it is the Large Hadron Collider. Still, it is mostly a featureless silver tunnel. I eventually consider it as just a transition between different levels of unconsciousness after briefly wondering if it is the inside of an airplane with no contents (including no seats or flat floor). There is sometimes a very vague sense of wariness when walking or sliding down through tunnels, not exactly claustrophobia (as I do not have this in waking life), just some sort of unusual level of awareness triggered by semi-lucidity. This is not usually the case with hallways of which are the same basic autosymbolism (dream state transition), though less transpersonal.

05th I usually have one dream per sleeping period that is either prescient or of another inexplicable factor. I am in the backyard of our present home and there is some sort of distorted event related to five cats in a large rectangular container full of dirt of which may be a plant pot. I get the impression they are not alive, being half-buried in the dirt, but the feature seems unusual. The cats are not fully grown. There is an odd impression that they might not be “real” cats, for example, a perception of thread instead of cat hair, and an odd sort of composition, and even separated “parts” of cats (though still five in total). After waking, Zsuzsanna had shown me an older cross-stitch she had done (of which she had taken out of a rectangular plastic box this morning, with no way of me knowing that she would be doing this). There were five cats on the item, with different coats, but each of the same appearance and sequence as each from my dream, though she had related the cross-stitch as being prescient of our final number of children and the ratio of girls to boys (based on the appearance of the cat’s coat as certain coats are only common to certain sexes, such as most gingers being male and most tortoiseshells being female). This does not mean there is any symbolic connection to my dream (that is, of the cats being linked to our children), as prescience and shared dreaming is often mixed in with other factors. The symbolism still validates the prescient connection, the cats being in a rectangular box, not being “alive”, and of an unusual appearance of thread (cross-stitch thread) mixed with hair.

02nd I mentally light a candle to see where I am (unrelated to the apnea events I experience very rarely, which is like mentally trying to will a candle flame back into existence with the fear it has gone out) and it is a small copper-walled room without much space. There is a focus on having recently taken the vocal out of David Essex’s “For Emily, Wherever I may find her”. “What a dream I had. Pressed in organdie. Clothed in crinoline…of smoky Burgundy. Softer than the rain.” Solely the isolated vocal plays from a gramophone, with an eerie echo. Sometimes when I strip the vocal out of a track in real life, it takes on a very unique quality, especially when I add certain kinds of reverb. I was thinking of using the isolated vocal in a new dub track I had already started (not for commercial purposes of course).

00 Induction stage. I walk down steps with the intention of going deeper into the dream state. They are outdoor concrete stairs in an area near buildings of which are covered with vines. When I was very young, I learned to manipulate levels of unconsciousness by going up or down stairs in dreams (in both lucid and non-lucid situations, as I have recognized dream symbolism for so long, I was manipulating it at six years of age - which eventually became non-lucid habit), which is autosymbolism for traversing the specific level of unconsciousness (and is used the same way in hypnosis and meditation). Outdoor stairs are sometimes modeled after the ones in Veterans Memorial Campground in West Salem (Wisconsin), where I sometimes spent time as a young boy.

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I am in my apartment when I ask myself why my vision is blurry it looks like a dream, this is when I realize I’m dreaming. I jump on the roof and I look at the sunset, then I start jumping from roof to roof when I remember that I have two personal questions to ask, I remember the first question and ask it, I wait and try to see what happen, when I see a French custom fast-food logo on a building. So I jump to roof to roof to go to the building. While jumping, I try to remember my second question but it took me a while but I get it and ask. I arrive on the roof of the building and enter in. I’m now in front of a bathroom sink and after I decide to get out. Through the window of the restaurant I see two cars park, I decide why not drive them. So I get outside and I see a new sport generation sport cops car color white. I open the door(it wasn’t even lock) and enter, I smell the new smell of a new car. I push the acceleration and immediately accelerate. I go through a tunnel then I’m on a highway. The seat of the car is too low so I upper the seat to see the road well. I say to myself I don’t want this dream to end. I decide to do another thing, so I stop the car on the opposite way of the road and get out, but a bus come right into my car and try to slow down but barely touch the car. I woke up after.

I am in some kind of park walking down a walkway. It's night time and I can see other people walking in the woods. I suddenly realize I'm dreaming and recall the basic task, to wander through a museum. I teleport to the museum. It's inside someone's house and I'm in the basement. There's low light but I can see dozens of paintings on the walls. They're all abstract and I can't figure out what any of them are supposed to be. Some are just blobs of colors. I go to the stairs to go to the ground level and see an older woman. She tells me this is her museum. She says that it used to be her house, but she converted it. I go up to the second level and see more paintings. These all have white backgrounds with a single streak of one other color. The dream ends.

I can’t remember how the dream began, which means that I can’t be sure whether I had realized I was dreaming and decided to fly around for a while or whether I had somehow realized that I could fly and stabilize my surroundings but not the full implications of it. But either way, that’s what I ended up doing.

It seems to be early evening, and I’m on a street where all the buildings are lit up with small, multicolored lights. The street is steep and winding—a little reminiscent of Nerudova Street in its topography and architecture—and it has a vibrant and exciting atmosphere, as if it’s a Saturday night and this is the place to go on a Saturday night.


(Click to enlarge (because I can't figure out how to make it bigger here))

I fly all the way up the street and then turn around and fly back down again. But it doesn’t feel quite as real as I know it could be. I focus harder, and I imagine hearing music as I fly along, and that seems to help—this time, it feels as if I’m actually there. I fly back again, and this time I try it while spinning around—something I’ve never done before. It turns out to be a lot of fun, seeing the ground change places with the sky.

Sometime later—in another dream, probably—I'm on a bus on some kind of a trip. I’m with a large group—many young children, some teenagers and a couple adults. There are also some children and teens there who are exchange students from another country. I have the impression this is a trip for the kids, and the teens and I—not sure of my age in the dream—are there to help out with it.

At some point, we make a stop at a large grocery store—the sort that’s often still open in the middle of the night, which it seems to be now. A group of us, including me, goes in. But a woman—maybe the person in charge—asks me if I could take the dog outside for a bit so she can have a chance to burn off some energy before we’re back on the bus. She has the dog there—a big, black dog, female, I think. I agree to it.

Once in front of the store, the dog goes sprinting off in a big loop, eventually coming back around to me. She immediately runs off again, and this time she returns carrying a stick in her mouth. Looks like we’re going to be playing fetch. But just then, I hear barking coming off from to my left. Two smaller dogs are there—neither one on a leash, I note—and the one that looks like a half-size pit bull is barking up a storm. I am instantly on alert: I have seen scenarios like this one end with furniture being toppled. But the black dog is not acting threatened or aggressive, and so it seems unlikely that a fight’s going to break out. I have a vague impression of the dogs’ owner nearby—but just then, my alarm wakes me.

8.2.18

Attached Thumbnails

 

Here are the dreams from last night. The non lucid parts are written in black. I highlighted the lucid parts in lime green this time. There were also some parts that were really pre lucid but not exactly lucid, so I only highlighted the ones I was certain were lucid.


Round 1 and 2 of dreams
Here are dreams. This is the second time I have woken up. Unfortunately, the first time I woke up, I did not write down the dream fragments I remembered. I thought to myself that they were so few, that I would definitely rmemeber them next time I woke uo. This was not the case, and now I am kind of sad that they are gone.

I had difficulty falling asleep the first time of the night, but the second time I went back to sleep (after needing the bathroom) I fell asleep easier.

From this second round of dreams, the first thing I remember is having to go somewhere with my Dad. I didn't want to go. It had to do with where I went to college.

Then, there was a part at AB's house where it was around 6 A M. I wanted to ask my cousin something but AC said it was too early for her. she wasn't really up yet.

There was something about my sister arranging a daily spanking routine with my Dad. I was horrified by this. I am against the spanking of children. The concept of spanking came up in my life recently and so I see that this has some carryover to day time.

This dream was very vivid and eventful, but I remembered only a little. The next part was that I was sitting near some water and there were two girls to my right. It was like the shore of an ocean or big body of salt water. there was some surf washing up. One girl to my right had no shirt on the second time I looked at her. I didn't get too engaged in that aspect of the dream. But I forgot what we were all doing by the water. Maybe eating ice cream? I was going to go out to the water at first but then I saw those two sitting there and decided to sit with them.

There was a part where I had this foldable griddle and was cooking eggs or other food for people. there was a lot of food in this dream. I was cooking a big rectangular pizza and I considered slicing open the crust and turning the whole thing into a breakfast pizza with bacon, maple syrup and eggs, and i guess cheese. I thought everyone would really enjoy this.

There was a family there that was like my previous neighbors. There was a girl from there who I was seeming to get to know better. We were sitting together by ourselves. I did not get along well with these neighbors. I remember seeing a guy who looked like her brother but wasn't quite her brother, so I figured he was her cousin or something. Then another guy came over and seemed to draw her back over to their family table. I felt kind of bad about this because I liked her. In waking life, I did not get along well with her.

Then there was a thing about this plant or ornament thing that could be designed to stay in a certain shape. So I put one of the limbs into a square and I did this to impress people or win the girl back. There was a whole concept of how the plant or ornament could be programmed to go in a certain shape, without changing it manually. I was then looking through the shelves beneath it for a manual of some sort. Instead, I found a questionnaire packet about some different topics, one of which was kind of surprising.(Note to self #1*)

I felt like I was supposed to fill it out, but didn't want to. There might have been something to do with math homework. Then, A B walked by and sung that I was a beautiful helper. I felt good about that.

So then I was walking back through and there were all these kids. Someone said something about how we all have to get these kids on the bus before 10 A M so we don't get billed for having kids at this location. The floors were all slippery and it was a big mess. Then I walked further one way and a latin american fellow was eating raw chicken. i thought, man, he must be hungry, but I didn't think that was good for you. Oh, well, maybe he can digest it. Then, a woman's voice was asking if the kids have trouble being on benefits or people pick on them because of being on benefits. Then, I walked by this huge pile of cooked sweet potatoes. but they were moldy. I got excited because I love roasted yams. But I opened one and it had lots of green and white mold.

So, that was all of these dreams. Unfortunately, I forgot a lot of parts that were interesting. What happened was, once I woke up from that second round of dreams and sleep, I stayed perfectly still and attempted to think of what I dreamed about. But, for some reason, it took a minute or two for anything to come to mind. That seems weird because it was such a vivid dream. I guess I was just groggier or in a deeper phase of sleep and hopefully, the next rounds of sleep and dreams gives me more dream recall.










Round 3 of dreams


I didn't have too much trouble falling asleep. These dreams turned out to be a dream chain kind of thing with two fairly long lucid dreams back to back after the first dream. I forgot a lot of the dreams unfortunately, even though I stayed perfectly still and immediately thought of what i had dreamed upon awakening physically in my bed. Well, here is what I remember.

There was a scene where I was on the phone with my friend Lesa. I forgot what we were talking about. One part was that I have healed a lot from circumcision trauma because I am not as angry, even though I still oppose it. I just oppose it more calmly, which is healthier for me at the time. I was pouring soap from a body soap bottle into something else. It was like a blue tube of gel, unlike the real body soap, which isn't as solid. My Mom had taken the toilet down stairs for cleaning it, which made perfect sense to me at the time. There was some dream context that I could have cleaned the walls behind the toilet and the floor while she was down there but I didn't really want to. I didn't know I was dreaming yet. In the bath tub to the left of the toilet place, there were all of these blue fish tank pebble types of things. I figured they were some kind of cleaning salts and would dissolve.

I forgot the rest of this dream, but there was more to it. What happened was, I woke up and thought about it. I remember remembering a good deal of it, but the next thing I knew, I was asleep again, and in another dream.

In this dream, I had woken up in a car. I was in a parking lot and it was daylight. I didn't know I was dreaming right away, but I started to have the notion that it could be a dream. A girl pulled up in a car next to me. It was Victoria from high school and I got out of my car, to not be anti social. At the time, i was trying to dream journal in my car, which often happens as this is kind of a false awakening I get from thinking I have woken up to dream journal when i was intending to last time I was awake. I was worried about forgetting my dreams. Then, I was on the passenger side of my car, trying to write my dream journal in blue gel on the windshield. I realized this wouldn't work the best, and tried to get my phone to work as a dream journal. Then, another guy was there talking to Victoria, and I had the sense they both wanted me to go away. I looked in some compartment on the side of my car. As I was standing with Victoria and the guy, I was still stressing about writing my dream journal. then I realized i was in another dream. I was like seventy five percent sure of it, but didn't do any dream state checks yet.

Next, in this dream, I was in some kind of a school hallway or building. I remember it being bright with lots of white tiles and white walls and stuff like that. There was some kind of class going on or something. There were some women around. I decided to check if it was indeed a dream. I tried a finger palm test a few times, hoping to be discreet. It didn't go through, but the hunch that I was dreaming still didn't go away. I was thinking, I know this is a dream, I just need to prove it to myself. I remember looking out some window perhaps into a field. I also remember there was some rectangle in the wall that I pulled myself up to look into and it was this crawl space thing, with upside down cieling tiles as the floor. This seemed unusual to me. I don't know if this counts as a totally lucid dream or if I was just pre lucid the whole time. More happened in this dream, but I don't remember it now, and you will see why in the next dream. I am not sure if I had more lucidity later in this part of the dream chain or not. But I did wake up and try to remember as much as possible of this part of the dream chain before the next began. As far as dream chains go, this one had 3 long segments, instead of my usual 6 to 12 short segments when I have dream chains.

Another dream began after a while of thinking through the previous two. This time, I knew it was a dream sooner, almost immediately. I forgot the first parts of this dream. I remember some kind of underground rock concert, a scene I feel I have dreamed of before. I felt somewhat excluded perhaps. Then I was in this parking garage walking perhaps to my car. There was a thought in my mind about how a certain belief system (Note to self #2*) seems dark but is more about integration than actually becoming evil. There were cars parked to my right, and I walked or flew alongside them. I sensed someone coming and I hid behind them. I had the feeling I was in a part of the dream I wasn't allowed. As I hid behind one car, I saw a car pull out of one of the spaces ahead and to my left, from between other cars. the unusual thing was, it was a limosine, but it pulled out of a car space just the size of a regular sedan, which had nothing past it but a wall. Well, I already knew it was a dream.

Then, I was flying around this lobby a bit. I had a sense I should really lay low around here. I saw someone working in a glass booth and flew through the glass both, but I think I was also invisible. I tried going down through the floor to see the underground concert thing again, but the dream told me I couldn't go through the floor this time. So, I let go of needing to do that.

Next thing I knew, I was in some class. Then, a girl I know, either Lauren or Julia, was walking down the steps ahead of me. She dropped a bunch of mini reeses cups on the steps and I made sure to step over them. She told me it didn't matter if I stepped on them, they had already hit the floor, so she couldn't eat them. I said, well, that may be so, but I don't want them on my shoe. I figured she would go buy some new ones in wrappers, but she had taken them from some bulk pack. I don't know how they kept in her pocket. I might have temporarily forgot it was a dream around this part, or faded in and out of awareness of that. The dream was really long, much longer than my memory of it shows. I was thinking to myself that I didn't know that girl had an eating problem.

Then, a guy I never met was shaking my hand and giving me some kind of compliment or advice. In the context of the dream, I thought of him as a guy from my fraternity, but now that I look back, I didn't actually know him. he was somewhat big of a guy with grey hair.

Then there was a part with two young girls in a cage, holding burgers on strings. A guy about 20 years old walked by and oogled at the burgers, then kept walking. As he did this, I felt tremendous fear, like he was a dinosaur and going to eat the girls.



Then there was a part with two teenage boys bringing a slightly younger teenage girl somewhere. They were outdoors and there was a fence nearby. It was still daytime. I felt fear that they were going to molest the girl. At this point, I felt like I was following along invisibly, and I knew I was dreaming again, if I had lose awareness at one point. Now, I had a sense that I was more passively being shown this scene, like a T V show, as opposed to actively engaged in it. As in, I didn't really have a dream body. I was just a floating awareness, unable even to control my own floating. but I was aware of my actual condition being a dream. So, I just followed the kids, thinking that I might at some point materialize with a dream body and rescue the girl if need be.

I remember somewhere along the course of these dreams, thinking to myself, well, this is just pointless. This is such a long dream, I will never remember all of it. I don't even see the point of this dream, anyway. I should just wake myself up. but then I remembered a rule I made with myself, that I was sort of honor bound to stay in the dream as long as I could. Even if I didn't want to stay, I had to do my best to stay in the dream as long as I could. So, I decided I wouldn't wake myself up.

Next thing I knew, I was seeing a young teenage boy saying something. Then, credits rolled. The scene zoomed out and showed I had been watching this all on a T V. Suddenly, I knew I was in the living room of a cabin that it felt like I had been in earlier in the dream. I wish I remembered this all more clearly. A guy walked by with a dog and out a door to my right. The door had mainly glass, but then some wooden slat kind of things. I can't think of the name for this kind of door but it is a pretty normal door. With brown wood. There was a couch to the right of that door. As the guy left, I tried to tell him I thought my life purpose was to materialize and save that girl, but now I found out it was just a T V show. The guy didn't seem to care. I felt all alone for a moment. I wondered if I was supposed to commit suicide within this dream because I felt so empty and useless all of a sudden. I thought if there would be a dream gun somewhere. I knew that suicide within a dream would not kill me because I have read about how dying in dreams doesn't actually kill the person. So it was more symbolic or something. I couldn't think of anything else to do.

Then, I felt empowered by the thought that I could just turn off the T V. All along, I could have just realized it was a T V show, grabbed the remote, and turned the power off. then, i could have done something else. So, the remote was right to the left of the T V and I picked it up. I forgot what hand. The power button was very clearly on the top right of the remote, and I pressed it. The T V went off for a split second, but popped back on. I was not surprised. That happens in dreams a lot, I turn off electronics or radios and they pop back on and I have to keep unplugging them from here or there. so I was expecting that. I pressed power off again and it went off again.

Just then, someone came in with two dogs. They looked dark at first, and I felt scared. But then I saw that she was a beautiful dark skinned woman in a dark coat and hat with dark hair. She was 4 and a half to 5 feet tall if I could guess. One of her dogs had these shiny black spots of fur on an otherwise not shiny brown coat of fur. That was the dog to my right. The other dog was to my left. She started to comment on how we needed to have sex immediately. I was like, woah, cool. I was totally aware it was a dream. She began to undress very slowly. I wanted to rush her to undress, but I tried to just breathe. I could see her body and she was just getting her pants off. She was saying something about how she should have just stayed with a guy like me (Note to self #3*) all along and not gone for those other guys. Now, she was back, and she wasn't going to leave again, she said. I started to be aware for the first time in this dream that I was losing stability. This is part of why I wanted her to hurry up. I was getting anxious or too excited, but I was able to keep some level of cool, enough to extend the dream the amount I did. I started to tell her that I was losing stability and I needed her help to stay in the dream, and my level of panic about waking up kind of rose. At first, I felt like I might be able to stay in the dream and enjoy the next scene which might have ensued, but then, i felt myself waking up physically in my bed. (Note to self #4*)

Then I was awake physically in my bed. Because I woke up straight from that scene, I was able to begin remembering the dreams right away. I couldn't remember as much as I would have wanted to. I wrote the dream out in full though and now I can go back to bed.






Round 4 of dreams. .

I fell back asleep without much trouble, on my left side. I had a dream and woke up, unable to remember even a little of it. I was still very groggy, and felt myself soon drifting to sleep again, so I just let it happen.

I was in another dream that I don't remember a lot of the beginning of. My sister was there. Two other girls were there. I think I remember having a bad feeling but I am not quite sure. There may have been something with my college fraternity.

Then I was having a conflict with a guy, I think. Maybe a conflict with my Dad. I think he wanted help carrying something to the back yard or something like that. Maybe he had some kind of a vacuum.

Oh, snap, now I remember what happened. Someone else was up in my room with me and we had a drug like D M T. It was either actual D M T or I was just pretending it was. I haven't smoked weed or drank in over 4 years in waking life, by the grace of the goodness gracious. But i took this test tube or lab beaker kind of thing and put the drug in there and somehow vaporized it from that. I remember inhaling every last bit of vapor and feeling like, oh, crap, why did I do that? Even if I am only pretending, I really shouldn't be dabbling with drugs. I kind of started to feel funny. I think I looked in the mirror but I don't remember what I saw. Now that I remember that, it makes sense why I was so relieved when I found out next that it was just a dream.

When I was downstairs, I got the idea to try putting my finger through my palm. It was a vivid dream already and it felt like waking life. But, I gave it a try and to my surprise, it poked through a little. I felt more like I was in waking life, and nothing would happen. So it was interesting for it to really go through to the other side. I wanted to show someone but then I didn't. I still didn't quite understand what it meant that it was a dream. I felt like I was still in waking life, but that something was just a little different. I went to look out the front door, which looked like it does in waking life. Then, I realized it was a dream, so that meant I could do more fun stuff or something. I saw a sugar cookie shaped like an easter bunny chocolate bar thing and grabbed that and started to eat it. it was delicious. My Mom was there and she was being really nurturing. Then, I wanted more food, but it felt like the other food was still stuck in my mouth, and I couldn't fully swallow it. Anyway, I went in the fridge, and there was a pile of food boxes. On top was a really well made birthday cake that said Mommy on it. this makes sense because my sister was just telling me how she decorated a cake for my Mom for her birthday, which was a few days ago. I thought of digging right into the cake, but decided not to, because even though it was a dream, it seemed too important to mess with. So I put the cake to the side. The next box was a circle of turkey and cheese sandwiches on whole wheat bread, and I dug right into those. I still felt like I should leave some for everyone else, even if I was in a dream. As I ate, I felt like I couldn't eat fast enough. The food in the dream tasted so delicious. Then, there was a jar of Mustard to my right. I gobbed some of that on the sandwiches and ate that, and it was delicious, too. My Mom came by and asked me if I was going to put some Kevin on my food. I knew that Kevin was the word for Mayo but I don't know how those words got criss crossed. There was a small jar of Mayo near the mustard that I didn't have any of yet. Then, my Mom was saying more nice things to me as I ate. That was a really nice wish fulfilling dream. I told my Mom that I want to eat something I really want to eat! She said, I know, me too. (Note to self #5*) Then, I noticed my Mom's art was everywhere. I thought that I would really like to compliment her on her wonderful art. I could see shadows cast by her easels. I wanted to have the chance to tell her how great her art was, before the dream ended, but my mouth was so full. (Note to self #6*) I thought I would be able to enjoy some more food, and then I would get the chance to compliment my Mom on her art, which would probably be very fulfilling in a dream. Then, I woke up physically in my bed, with my mouth still moving, still tasting the sandwiches from the dream.

It took me a moment to even think of the dreams. I don't know why my dream recall isn't the best tonight. I feel I dreamed a lot, but remembered so little. I hope I can sleep and dream once more, because I feel a bit like I had less dreams than usual. But it might be the case that I have had all the sleep my body will take, and it is morning. Usually I can't sleep past sun rise. But I will try to sleep again and see what happens.

I am definitely happy about this L D because I like dream food. From the moment I thought of food, I was thinking of the food in our cabinets in waking life. Also, I eat very strict in waking life, never any cookies or even bread, for years straight now, and so eating things like this in a dream is a real treat. I eat this way in waking life more due to food allergies than anything else, and because I have a history with certain types of food triggering binges. Which, in the dream, I did feel like I was on a food binge, but because I knew it was a dream, I just enjoyed it. In waking life, being on a food binge like that would be pretty scary. So, I am grateful I am not on a food binge in waking life.

Well, I didn't get back to sleep. I tried, but could tell the sun had risen without even looking, and I got up. So, now its time for the day.

Another EMDR session and two lucid dreams last night.

I was with a patient at home looking at the computer screen and was looking at something that was a bit like my screen at work. I said that's strange I seem to be logged into work. I couldn't read what was on the screen and realised I was dreaming. It didn't feel stable so I reached for the patients leg to feel it (strange!). That didn't work so I jumped straight through the window to go outside where it was dark. I could see the outside of my house which was realistic, the dream still wasn't very stable so I lay down in the grass to feel it, said my name and started to hear a very loud rumbling noise which rapidly became very uncomfortable and I didn't like it and woke myself up, it took a minute after waking for the noise to settle.

I fell asleep again and was fixing a washing machine, walked outside, I don't know how I became lucid but I think I was reading a menu to someone to prove that I could read in a dream. Then I walked into an underground room but there was a solid door in front of me, I wasn't very lucid at this point. I decided to go upwards to ground level but found myself in blackness- I though this is cool and just enjoyed floating in it, then got out a bag and started throwing things around, they started to make my surroundings appear again. I was in a garden with several cats walking around, I stroked one of them, then decided to look around and improve the lucidity - it started to get very real! I went to a tree to look at the bark and could see incredible detail, I flew up to flowers in a another tree and looked at them and there was so much vibrant colour! I then remembered that I wanted to fly to the sun and said that was what I wanted to do, but changed my mind and decided to look for my father in law (who died 7 years ago) because I wanted to talk to him again. I walked over to where some old people were sitting and was told he was in the village hall. I walked to the village hall (I think I was there just by thinking about it). I asked for more lucidity as things were slipping a bit and things lit up. I found my father in law but it didn't look like him, I couldn't remember exactly what he looked like, so I said it was nice to see you and moved on. I then tried to use my hands to throw fireballs - got some smoke to start with then some fireballs which hit the walls an lit them up. I walked outside ans saw a woman standing on a grassy bank, she started throwing fireballs and said I know what you wanted to show me.

The longest and most vivid lucid to date. My control is improving.

the first dream i remember is one in which i became lucid. i dont remember how i became lucid and i dont remember the dream before i became lucid. i was wandering through a parking lot trying to figure out what i should do now that i was lucid.
i decided to try to meet the buddha Padmasambhava. i started chanting his mantra (om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum) and asking for him to appear. a truck soon pulled up in front of me and stopped. an old man was driving the truck, he didnt look anything like depictions i had seen of padmasambhava but i asked if he was and he said yes. he let me in the truck and we started driving down a highway. we talked a lot. i cant remember a lot of what we talked about. i remember something about him saying that energy come up through the right nostril into the brain and down the spine, while energy comes in the left nostril and goes directly down before it come up to the brain or something. i asked him for a dzogchen empowerment and he put his hand on my head and i went into a state of nonconceptual bliss. he was saying stuff as this went on but i couldnt make out his words. when it was over i asked him what the empowerment granted me (as in what practices i could do now because of it) and he said it was a beginning dzogchen empowerment. after this i just remember getting of the highway and us driving around back alleys in neighborhoods. i remember waking up in the night and being excited about this dream.

the other dreams i remember were not lucid.

i remember i went to my local library where there was an old refurbished subway car on display from an old subway system my city tried to start years ago (which was all made up my city never tried to do that). i was looking at the subway car and i went inside. a security guard came up and i asked him where in the city the subway had intended to go to and from, but he said he didnt know. there were little holes in the front that said somthing about north korea on them? i remember telling the security gaurd that years ago my friends brother discovered an abandoned subay station under our city. ( i think this was a rumor i actually heard when i was a little kid) i went to the second level of the library and there was a display of a bunch of canoes of all different colors set up on a fake grass stage thing. a little black dog was running around in them so i got the dogs attention and petted him and looked at his collar. it had a name and phone number on it. i saw a girl walking around the display so i went up to her to ask to use her phone to call the owner but it tunrs out she was the owner. she told me her name was ashlyd or somthing weird like that, and she worked at honda. i went back downstairs and it was a grocery store. me and my wife were now shopping for groceries. i remember looking for coffee, and seeing it one minute but upon closer inspection i could never find bags of coffee. end of dream

the next dream i remember me, my wife and some other friends were pulling up to a house in one of my friends van. we went inside and i saw a cool painting of a palm tree, but it had a psychedelic style to it with little dots in the background. i said it was cool and one friend goes, yea paige painted that. theres more in heree we can see if she will show them to us.
all i rmember next was my wife playing with the little kid in the house and me and my friend shane lounging on the couch. and one of my friends forgot ther jacket in the van so she went out to get it.

Here are my dreams from last night. I had a long nap that afternoon so I think I went right to REM sleep or something because I had more dreams than usual.






Dreams 2/6-2/7/18



If you want to skip to the lucid parts, just CTRL + F "Reflection in the dark" and "Jimmy B" and those parts are high lit in green.






Round 1 of Dreams


There was a lot to these dreams but I feel I forgot some. This might be 50% of it.

First thing I remember was going into this computer lab and seeing Josh P from school sitting with someone else. His face was really pimply and I said something like, so, have you been here a few days straight? The idea was that he hadn't showered in a few days straight and had just been staying in that computer lab. There was stuff before this. I was with some people before getting to that computer lab. but I fell back asleep before I could think of it.

I think there was something with dogs. Like a dog going accross the road for a snack. Or digging something up or burying something.

There may also have been something with bees. Like a bee landing on me but not stinging me. But I was scared it would sting me.

After that, I had these plastic tubes of some kind of nuts. There was something with Animals, maybe horses. The nuts cost about a dollar 38 each. We were in a bigger field type of place. It was day time. There was this guy saying how the nuts cost money. I had a few packs, and figured 5 dollars wasn't much to share a few packs, so I was going to pass them around for people to sample, instead of having to buy their own. The guy then took handfuls of un shelled nuts, kind of like wal nuts, and started to throw them into the air. Once he threw them, he would shoot them with a shot gun and the nuts would be shelled in mid air. Then people would catch the shelled nuts in their mouths. There was a bit more to this but he basically one upped me. I woke up from this dream around here, I think, and thought about it some. I must have fallen back to sleep before I could fully remember it all.

So then I laid there and thought of those dreams as much as I could, before these next ones began.

For what I remember of these, they started in my old neighborhood. Someone was mowing their lawn really late, and I was going to go ask them to stop. I got this thought that the law said that they could mow their lawn until 10 or 11 P M. I was mad about that, but it was what it was. I turned around and needed to pee. I think that some guy picked me up in his car or something who lived on first avenue. I had just moved from 16th street to 14th, in the context of this dream. There was some talk about keeping his property safe or something. I think I went pee somewhere.

I was in a bathroom and it was showing how there was a xylophone thing with keys with colors in this order. Blue, Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Aqua Green. Something like that. It had to do with archery. There was a view of a muscular guy shooting a bow and arrow and aiming for a target. And the colored xylophone thing had to do with some scale of something. I remember thinking to myself that the blue should be after or around aqua green, not after the color red.

Then there was something about going to this concert. There was some music I liked. Maybe music guys lined up to play music. Afterwards, I was on my phone, in the music store. It was not like the regular music store, just one my dream had designed. I was sampling songs in the music store and found I could listen to the song without paying but I had to keep the app open. So I did that.

Then I was walking backwards down some stairs. The set of stairs had some steps that fit my foot and some that didn't. I was getting internet from the stores I was passing by to keep listening to my songs.

I passed by this diner, and this african american fellow comes out and says, can you please help us? We need to sell this car. So I went up some black plastic kind of steps which were a bit longer than my foot each. And when I got inside, the car was like this small moving truck type of thing with a big logo of a candy bar on it. Apparently it was a vintage delivery car for that candy bar and it was selling for 800 to 1000 dollars. I thought to myself, I can't afford that. But they were putting it out front.

There was some piece of plastic covering a piece of paper that I put in my mouth for some reason. Then there were 3 girls who were like, did you wash that before you put it in your mouth? I was like, actually, no, I should go wash it, and spit out all of my spit before I swallow my spit again, since it is dirty. So I went in to the next room to do that. Around then, my friend Mike was around and talking about how he was worried about his mother who he had to take care of. I was trying to reassure him. I felt kind of embarassed when really I wanted to impress them.

Then, there was something about my friend Carl, who was very into a religious text. So, there was something where we were all lined up and waiting for this show. Then, from the room behind us, I could hear Carl reading from this religious text, and it said, "The people who are the characters in this world will be shown in that world" or something like that. The 3 girls turned to me and said, are you all friends or something like that? And I told them I wasn't really involved with their group. But if they wanted to meet Carl, they could just go introduce themselves. They really thought Carls religious text was cool.

I was using my phone and Phi Write app. But Phi Write had 3 columns. I had to kind of right click and look for something that said wide view. Then I rotated the phone to land scape and it was a full screen one column view, but the back ground was pink. It had little guiding lines to write on that were like kid paper. So part of that was from waking up, thinking through the previous dreams, and then intending to dream journal. but I fell back asleep so i was trying to dream journal in the dream. That happens often.

Then, a guy to their right said something like, will Mike go to school? There was this guy Mike who I knew who was having a hard time with life in some ways. The kid was saying how Mike was talking to him one day and really bringing him down with all the talk about how he is down. When I looked closer, the kid was wearing a big fake nose and funny glasses. He had a funny black wig thing on and a white shirt. He looked like a funny cartoon character. I was thinking of how the kids these days are so hard on each other and they should really be more supportive. The guy went on to say that Mike was telling him how he was with a girl but had a cold penis in the flacid position. And the guy was saying how he was with a girl with puffy nipples and could get an erection. So Mike should just go to the gym.

That was the part I woke up from, and thought through the dreams. Luckily, I needed to use the bathroom too much to fall back asleep. I felt mentally kind of groggy thinking through these, and some of the ways I wrote things don't feel as clear. But I thought the dreams were very cool.
















Round 2 of Dreams



I fell asleep for this round of dreams in some time but somewhat mindfully.

I had some dream fragments before the main round of dreams began. They were just little moments when I was suddenly in a dream for like a split second, and then I was in my bed again.

I had a few different dreams that seemed vague. One was of being in some kind of flight. Something to do with flying. I wish I could remember more about this. It seems like it was an interesting part but I just can't remember anything more about it.

Another was that I was preparing my food, and saying that my sister could watch me prepare my food. I was preparing it in a small circular dish.

The last thing I remember is being in some wrestling room. I was fighting in the wrestling room. There was an idea that I could wrestle someone and then one of us would slam the other into the padded walls and no one would get hurt. There was some intensity heating up in the dream and although I wasn't lucid, I remembered to relax. This helped and the whole conflict sort of ended, which felt healthy.

Now that I write about it, I feel there was more to this dream, but I can't remember. Hopefully I will get better dream recall next round.













Round 3 of Dreams



This was an interesting dream with a lot of layers.

First thing I remember is that I was on a football team. I think it was a college football team. And we were supposed to play at 10 A M, but it snowed. So the game got delayed.

I think a bunch of stuff happened that day, which I don't remember much of.

Then, I think we were on a bus to play the game at night. But it was around 7 P M and I was getting tired.

So I think it was dark when we got to the game and I just went to sleep on an air mattress. Even in my dreams, I would rather go to sleep and have my night of dreams than to pull an all nighter!

I remember when we got there there was something about closing up the gates. It seemed like some sort of religious thing almost. Or we were at a religious location.

Now the memories get a little clearer. Within that dream, I was sleeping on this air mattress on the side of the game. So I woke up from sleeping on that air mattress within the dream, actually remembering some dreams from within the dream, that I don't remember now. I asked someone what time it was, and they said it was 3 to 4 A M. I was thinking to myself, no way am I playing football at 3 to 4 A M. I guess that could cause cycle readjustment induced Lucid Dreams, but I would rather just dream and sleep now. No one really bothered me, and I think I fell back to sleep a little.

I think one of my dreams from this time around involved floating up around one of the walls at that place. It was kind of vivid at the time, but I felt I was watching a TV, not in a dream. Kind of weird to explain.

I woke up again, thinking it must be about 5 A M. All the guys from both teams were wearing pink shirts and black shorts. They had some water bottle things. They were all in line to use the shower, which was just the coach squirting soap on them (with clothes on) and then them standing in a beach shower type thing (with clothes on). I got up and I wanted to know what time it was. I also remember trying to journal my dreams in a sequential fashion, but thinking that i should really just let it all flow like I used to, without worrying about what order it all goes in. So I think I was seeing words on my phone screen appear that related to previous parts of this dream, maybe even parts I forgot upon physically awakening.

There were a lot of old school clocks around that said it was a little past seven A M, but I figured they must be an hour fast, or set wrong. I went to find my cell phone, which was a few feet from my air mattress. i realized how easy it would be for someone to have stepped on that. my phone said it was seven O seven A M, so, I figured somehow that was what time it was, and morning had come.

I thought of playing in the end of the game. I expected if I slept again, the coach would come and shake me, wake me up, and make me forget my dream anyway. So I felt angry about that if it were to happen.

This was when I collected that I must have somehow made the college football team. I also realized that I didn't have any pads to wear, or I couldn't remember where my pads were.

it was still kind of dark at this point, but getting light. I laid back down. I was thinking of hiding my mattress under the bleachers so the coach wouldn't see me sleeping. Then, since everyone had left the field to go to the showers, I was afraid that some hungry person would come along and mug me in my sleep, but i tried to relax anyway. Then, i felt hands on me, but it was my friend, Jeff T, although I am not sure why he touched me. He said he was looking for his friend and I rubbed his back before he moved on. No hard feelings. I rubbed the very middle of his back.

then, I got up and saw that the gates around the place were only made of bars, and someone could easily reach through and mug me through those gates. There were different kinds of gates and some that people could easily climb over, too. I hoped that there were more gates further out that were more secure.

I got up and in the middle of this one field kind of place, saw the janitor from my high school. He was very involved with the high school football team. He looked like him from a distance, but when he got closer, he looked like someone else. He had two dogs, a white one and a grey one, that came towards me. Their leashes kept extending and didn't stop them. They were nice dogs. The guy said something like, oh, and the name of a religion I grew up with. Like, oh, those people, kind of whimsically.

Next, I was walking to get some water or maybe brush my teeth. I had a cup of water that I was pouring into my mouth so as not to back wash. I heard some guys from the foot ball team getting pumped up by doing a rap. The guy said his position was called the height. I thought me meant guard or tackle, probably tackle. Then, he said a line about you better make good decisions, hedge 'em. I thought he was making a word play on hedge fund people, which seemed clever in some ways. There was a rap instrumental playing while he rapped.

Then, I was drinking my water, pouring it into my wide open mouth. A girl walked by and said something like, that was so not what I needed to see. I got angry because I felt insulted or embarrassed.

I walked out of the corridor I had been in and saw her walking by, so i went up to her. I had a change of heart and said, I am sorry if it bothered you to see my drink my water. And tried to make amends.

She said that if I had family troubles, I need to roast a lot of garlic. Suddenly, I had a big plate of garlic in front of me. It was all chopped and looked roasted, but I usually steam my garlic, so it was steamed. It varied between yellow and light golden brown in color. I said, yeah, I usually steam mine, but roasted is great, too. It was on a white cutting board. I offered her some. She kind of looked weirded out and walked further on.

Now it was indoors and it was a class room setting. That girl was sitting further up in the class and I was sitting around some other people. I remember there was some cool design to some of the buildings in this dream, but I forgot exactly what it was. But in this part, there was one red curtain, one green curtain, and in between them, a curtain that transitioned from green to red. I thought it looked really cool and was impressed by the color choices.

I think that was when I physically woke up for a moment, and thought I had woken up in the football field again. It took me a moment to realize I was in my physical bed, and piece it all together, but once I did, it made alot of sense. I am lucky I didn't move right away, thinking I hadn't dreamed. Within the dream, I remember waking up from one sleep feeling like I didn't dream. But this time, I definitely woke up with a big load of dreams.

I drifted back to sleep a little and saw a dream where I was laying inside this square thing. And there were kids looking in from above it. And then one of them kind of floated up into the sky.

I woke up and laid there, remembering as much as I could of it all. I stayed still a long time, thinking back through them, but I wondered if I stayed still even longer, if I would have remembered more. because I continued to remember even after I adjusted a little. And there was definitely plenty more to remember.

Just a note, from dream 1, there was a scene in which my town wanted to make it so that there was a fair or holiday in town on a Sunday. I didn't want this because it would make noise.

From this dream, I remember thinking that if the coach called on me to play football, I might be able to do well. Then, I realized I was scared to play because I was never good at hitting in high school. I was thinking of myself as more of a mascot on the side of the team, just sleeping. But if I slept through this game, the coach definitely wouldn't ask me to play in future games. So I was weighing it all in my head.















Round 4 of dreams.



Before I write these dreams, I also want to write that in my last round of dreams, there was this moment where I was walking around. And I saw the sky. And there was a huge light orange moon in the light bluish grey sky. And I thought to myslelf, oh, it is a full moon. No wonder my dreams have been so vivid. That image came to mind after a while of laying back down. I tried to visualize the bright moon to see if any other memories came up, but nothing did.

For this next round of dreams, I tried to do S S I L D. Basically I tried to focus on sense perceptions as I was falling asleep, sort of like a body scan. It helped me stay calm too I think.

I will try to get the dreams in the right order, even though I think I forgot a lot. I had all these packs of Pokemon cards. Actually, they were more like starter decks. Some of them said left and some said right. I took this to mean that some cards were left oriented and some were right oriented. I was looking for the ones that said left. One deck, a very cool Hydreigon and Water deck, had no such distinction. I went to open it, even though I hadn't bought it. I hoped the plastic would go back together like new, but it didn't. As I looked through the cards, I saw these different proxy card print outs that were two sided. And then the main cards. So there were two sided cards now. There were lots of other decks, too. I think I had stolen the box or was thinking of stealing it.

Then I was in this city place that transitioned from the Pokemon part. I was in some type of building and there was a stray cat running around. It ran all around and meowed a lot. I wanted to put out some milk for it. I was wearing my grey Pokemon shirt my sister got me in the dream. The cat came near me, so I wanted to play with him, or her. So I held out a part of my shirt, or a shoe or a hat or something, and the cat bit it ferociously. I got kind of scared, but then took my shirt off, to hold it out to the cat. I think it liked the attention. I think there was someone else who didn't want me entertaining the cat. This reminds me of waking life because we have stray cats around here. I always wan to help the stray cats and be nice to them but my Dad wants to keep them from feeling at home on our property. There might have been something to do with a janitor guy at this point. The stray cat was grey and white, like the stray cat I mainly see in the yard. It might be a house cat that just roams.

This next part was cool. I was checking out at the local convinience store and complaining about smoke. Then, the next time I was there, I was at the check out, buying some things. I gave the guy money because the register said 30 to 40 dollars. He said, sorry it is taking so long for you to get here, but a bunch of people just won the lottery. I was like, oh, great, good for them, I am not in a big rush. I usually try to take the pressure off people rushing because everyone always seems to be rushing. So then, he was saying I had won 80 dollars. And then I looked and saw that he had given me two 100 dollars bills and a 20. So I had gotten 220 dollars and I was afraid he over paid me. He said he was glad I won the lottery because I was complaining about the smoke and now that will give me something to be happy about. There were a lot of people on line behind me. They were asking me what lottery tickets I had bought, but I had no clue. I realized that I had no memory of buying any lottery. There was a long line of people behind me and I wanted to tell them all not to smoke.

The guy at the convinience store referred to me having been there earlier. Maybe that was where the Pokemon cards came from, or maybe it was just implanted context.

I am glad to remember what I remembered from these dreams. They were pretty cool. I like the S S I L D attempt because even if it doesn't work, it helps me relax until I actually fall asleep. I might go on to have a fifth dream tonight. I need to set the intention not to move after I physically awaken, because staying perfectly still gives me the best chance to think back through the dreams. But sometimes I have an urge to stretch immediately and I worry that it made me forget some dreams. This time I had to move my arm for some reason and I wonder if it affected anything.





















Round 5 of Dreams. .




Before I write dream 5 I want to mention that I had a dream flash last time which was of seeing my reflection in the dark. I saw my reflection in the dark and then realized it was a dream flash. My face kind of changed. It was my face with normal lighting only a black back ground. So there was my first moment of lucidity on this night.

Also, in the last round of dreams, there was something with my Mom and my Sister living with me.

This next round of dreams was interesting. I just kept laying in bed and having another dream. As I fell asleep, I tried to focus on body sensations like the feeling of my shoulder on the bed or the pillow on my head. I also had to try not to fidget so that I would fall asleep and not just keep fidgeting, which keeps me awake. I am surprised I slept so much since I had a 3 hour nap the day before, and I slept from like 8 P M to 6 A M except for being up to write dreams. But I am definitely awake a lot between laying there upon awakening to think through the dreams, writing them out, and then falling back a sleep.

I will try to put them in order as best I can.

First may have been there was an image of a continent of America. there was the little part where florida sticks off the bottom right, only it had to be rotated to be on the bottom left, or vice versa. As I did this, my blue tupperware lid had to be rotated.

There was another part where I was on the beach near my house cleaning some litter. This is something I have done in the past. This time there were a lot of workers from the town helping. There is this tall grey cement wall at the end of the beach that is where some houses are. A big truck from the town came to help pick up the garbage and I was looking at a big pile of plastic lids in the branches of the bushes, but didn't think i needed to clean them now that the truck was here. My Dads friend Jimmy B turned out to be there. It was kind of a big dumpster truck. Jimmy shook my hand, but i felt a pin prick in my hand when he did. I looked, and he had put some sort of vial in my hand with a little poker thing at the top. I thought he had injected me with drugs and I was going to be hooked now. I started to panic and wonder why he had done it. But then, I realized it was a dream. I don't think I really got to do much within the dream, but I did get a moment of realizing it was a dream, which is always good. I think I woke up shortly after for whatever reason.

There was an interesting part where I was with my Dad, but he was a funny cartoon villian like the Grinch or Plankton. The idea was that we were going to put a sign on someone's door that said, back in 15 minutes. This was going to trick them into thinking that it wasn't their house, or that they had to leave for 15 minutes. And then we could go in their house or something and eat cookies. So we teleported in and out of some houses doing this.

Then, we were in our old house on the numbered streets, and the front door was open. There were people coming to the door for something, and then going. We were having milk and cookies. I looked down the steps and saw a rabbit and a squirrel, one directly behind the other. It seemed a bit unusual to me, but I did not become lucid. There was some warning about the squirrel. I didn't heed it, and indeed, it bit me in the lower leg. I think my left leg. It bit me and then ran. I felt scared, like I would get infected, and need to go to the hospital. But I thought of how I didn' trust doctors, and so I would just keep quiet about it, and try to heal it with metaphysics. I thought of putting some milk out for the squirrel. I started to worry that the people who were visiting would be bit by the squirrel, and sue us. So then a court case kind of played out in my mind and I didn't want to go to court. I didn't know what to do. I was pacing around the kitchen with my feet in the tiles, which I sometimes do when I am nervous.

I woke up between each of these, so maybe they are separate dreams. But I just stored them in my mind and let myself drift to sleep again. I was surprised I built up so many dreams doing this.

There was another part of the dreams in which two kids were getting power ranger outfits. One kid had pink panks with a stripe down the side with white, black and gold. The other kid, I forgot what color pants he got, maybe black. They were both sweat pants. Then, they bought this shirt thing that connected their upper bodies side to side, so that they had four legs, two arms and two heads. And they were pretending to be a two headed power ranger and going around the parking lot. This took place near the Rite Aid parking lot off of Forest Avenue. They didn't attack anyone, but just walked around the parking lot playing like a two headed power ranger. I think they also had masks. This part may have been connected to the part with the continent I mentioned earlier.

There was another part at my house where I live now. Something in the hallway or the bathroom. Maybe someone in the bathroom behind a closed door. I think there was something with voices coming from the bathrooms, like there was someone in all of them. There was an interesting part with my Sister that I wonder if I will remember. But in this one part, I had to keep doing a lot of laundry. I think I had a girlfriend in the dream who was visiting, and we both needed clothes cleaned constantly. I didn't like doing so much laundry due to the water bill, but i had to gather the clothes and go do it. For some reason I was washing my gym shorts for the both of us that we had just worn, then washing gym shorts for us to have for when those got dirty.

This part with my sister was cool. She was drawing something on some paper. It was like a person or something, I forget exactly what. Actually, now that I think about it, there was a lot more to this scene, but it seems vague. I drew some additional stuff on her picture, or made my own. It was something about her drawing a girl, because she liked to draw girls, and then me adding a huge monstrous bicep, which we joked about. I would always say, you know what she needs? A giant bicep. But there was a lot more to this scene that I just can't put my finger on. There was something about the paper folded into quadrants. Something tells me I got lucid in this dream, but tried to act like I didn't know it was a dream, but it is all vague. This was one that didn't even come to mind as I laid down. Maybe when I lay back down, more will be revealed.

The last dream I had in this series involved going into the same Rite Aid from before and looking for some kind of soap. I discovered that I had a mouse pointer that super imposed on the physical world and I could click objects and copy paste them. I was not aware I was dreaming, but I was able to do this. So what I did was I went up to some of the soap I needed and tried to copy paste it. At first, it didn't work. We had gone back from the register to the store once I found out about this ability because I thought it would be easier to multiply the physical items than to buy new ones. I had some trouble copy pasting my bottle of soap I wanted at first, and thought I had lost the ability. But then, I was suddenly able to do it again. I had to right click and then scroll on the menu to copy, then paste. It can't be this easy, I thought to myself. I pasted it twice, and two new ones appeared, but each had a ripped message paper on it saying that it didn't have a bar code in the store. I figured this meant I either had to walk out with it concealed or tell them it didn't correspond to any bar code in the store so they could put it in the system and charge me. But now, there was another affect of using this ability. Effect. Affect. Offect. Uffect. Whichever one. When i used my copy paste ability, a guy would come in on the other side of the shelf. He showed me a pad full of really cool graphic letter designs. They were on a little 3 by 5 memo pad. he had outlined some in black and colored them with some sparkly red and blue colored pencils. I remember the last one he showed my sister and I said THERE D going down the page. I turned the page and expected it to say THERE DEAD but instead the next page said the word unemployed. Those were more just drawn in pencil. I saw on the next page there was a 20 dollar bill stuck to the page as if it had been used for a collage. I think the guy was there to monitor my use of the ability. I was complimenting him on his art. The dream ended around there. He had darker skin than me.

I am also getting this idea that I had a dream about some caves, similar to the goonies. But i can't remember much about if specifically. That's okay, I got a lot more than I expected. I did my best to stay perfectly still, and my mind was not that groggy any more since it was around sun rise that I was doing these chain of dreams. So I could think about them pretty clearly once I woke up from them. But I didn't get a lot of lucidity.

The sun is pretty much up now. I doubt I would fall back asleep if I tried, but I always hope I would sleep again, and have more dreams.

Created Tuesday 06 February 2018

This sickness is my new enemy. Whatever the case, I somehow managed a short DILD along with various other snippets.

Scrap Group 1
Wandering around town.

Playing a roguelike. An NPC demanded that I kill the game world's gods.

Dream 1 - Juice and Corruption

Scene 1 - Failed Malfeasance Exposure
The visuals were slightly blurred. I was walking around town during a grey, cloudy day. When returning home from the east, I noticed that one of the local plazas wasn't there. In its place was a mansion, the building itself barely visible past a wide, arborous perimeter. It's perhaps because of such concealment that a vehicle nearly ran me down as it swerved out of the structure's side gate.

I turn the corner north and past the mansion's front entrance. Something there caught my eye, so I backtrack for a better view. Many other people quickly gathered, making it difficult to see. Among those around were a female reporter and a mailman, only notable because the former contracted the latter as a cameraman on the spot. Anyway, as I looked further, I discerned SWAT vehicles surrounding the building. False memory affirmed of recent allegations of shady activities on the part of the place's owners. I suspected they were a scapegoat to an unknown, far more unscrupulous party.

As I continued north, I spotted the very owners themselves in plain sight. They were a stout, older Native American couple, the man wearing a fancy brown fringe leather jacket and pants ensemble, and the woman in a simple floral dress. Following them was an austere woman with very short red hair and a black suit. They spoke of previously trying to expose malfeasance on the part of others on the upper crust. But now, the group settled on cutting their losses and laying low.

Things get unclear. Something about taking a bus to a mall. In a vending machine, I noticed a drink called "Buu Juice", which looked like a bottle of pink Gatorade with Kid Buu from Dragon Ball Z on the label. Then, I'd random thoughts and made Google searches on commercial cactus fruit juices. Warp.

Scene 2 - Buu Juice
The visuals were dim and slightly blurred. I was wandering inside a vast, poorly lit condominium. I unwittingly walked into a suite. Bags of groceries were inside the kitchen. On a table, I spotted a two-liter bottle of the above-mentioned Buu Juice. This somehow sparks lucidity. Things started hazing up. Instinctive finger rubbing slowly corrected that. I then drank of that juice, though it took my chugging the whole thing before I could taste anything. It was watermelon flavored, suitably enough.

Just then, I heard someone arriving. So I hid under the table. For extra discretion, I also shrunk myself to the size of an action figure. I peeked out, and found a woman with short dark-blonde hair entering the area. She soon noticed the empty bottle. Outraged and flustered, she darted around to search for the culprit responsible.

Things collapsed soon afterwards.

I am running from a bull in the night and find a cabin and decided to enter inside it. Once I did, the cabin change in to a white room to where I could see soda stock up on a cart. I turn around and think about what all this means. The idea that I must be dreaming occur and I became lucid. I check my hands and rubbed them together as I can see my bendy fingers. Once I rubbed them and attempt to control my breathing. I could feel myself getting much more grounded with in the dream.

I then decide to leave the back room by opening the door. I look behind me and through the top latch I could see the outside. It look to be either morning or late afternoon. As I am trying to leave all the soda bottles started cluttering around my body. I could feel it all sticking inside and for a bit this hurt. But I remained calm and the items all disappeared. I make it through the door to where I was greeted with a bunch of clothes.

After that I see that I am in an apartment or house judging from the near by bathroom next to a room. I open pass the bathroom in to the room. I could see one person sleeping as I open their door. I couldn't tell who they were as the orange beige blanket's cover his or her face entirely. But I could I feel I was disturbing their sleep and that they would wake up soon. So I decided to leave and woke up soon after.

It is dark, I am sleeping on my bed in my old house when I realize that this is just a dream. I wake up and stand up. I look at the window and I tell myself: "do I explore the dark house or do I go outside". I decide to go outside. So I run through the window but the wall crush me by the two side, I say to myself: “come on it's just a lucid dream you can get out of it". I manage to get out. When I jump from the window I feel butterfly in my stomach. Now I'm in the garden and all of a second it's daytime. So I run and jump over the gate but I didn't jump high enough, so i just climb. Now I'm on the street and it's dark again, I start screaming. I notice that the wall isn't the same as in real life. I watch the house and I notice that the light in the kitchen and the living room is on. I decide to get back in, I jump and land on the gate, I try to balance then I jump in the garden. I go in the kitchen and say:” What was that hand I saw when I was little in that room"? but I'm scare to go in that room because it is too dark. So I decide to go out and start practicing my flying skill: every time I jump high I fall down with the butterfly sensation in my stomach.

Morning of February 6, 2018. Tuesday.



In this dream, I sustain the water induction stage and create the concept of a world flood, but I am mainly focused on how many different ways the dream state can render it wrongly while remaining vivid and while I remain at least partly lucid.

The setting seems to be a large city. I have a lot of fun walking and running on the surface of the ocean and riding the tidal waves toward the city, which is mostly already covered by floodwaters. I also go underwater at times (though my dream self can always breathe underwater, as it is just the dream state and the dream self’s “physical body” is just an illusion anyway).

There are some obvious errors in rendering which I focus on with amusement.

At one point, I am swimming, but the water’s surface seems solid, though soft. Still, I slide over it on my stomach, somewhat unrealistically. In the distance, I see the tops of skyscrapers, though barely visible, emerge from the water and then sink again. This is based partly on the slope of the water’s surface changing at times.

At another point, I realize that the skyscrapers are miniature buildings. Some of them are not even as wide as my computer desk but imply a number of windows on each side. Still, I see them as normal buildings. Lesser waves, caused by my swimming, the water dynamics being far more realistic at this point, hit the buildings and I hear glass breaking, with the illogical impression that the small pieces of glass are going down to the bottom (inside) floors of the skyscrapers. I find interest and enjoyment in this situation for several minutes (mainly because it is the semi-lucid dream state and I can create and destroy whatever I want, the breaking glass sometimes sounding more like wind chimes).

At another point, I find amusement in how there is a dry area between a number of miniature buildings (again, still implied to be a real and normal-sized city) with the water somehow kept back by an invisible wall in this particular area (at least one city block implied), though it is not perceived as an invisible wall by my dream self, only an erroneous dream rendering, which I actually start to make fun of in my dream. That is, I am making fun of the dream state and its inability to be consistent or render the setting realistically in this particular case, actually speaking aloud (my dream self’s voice that is) to the dream itself.

I play around with the setting and various dynamics for a long time before waking. I mentally will new buildings to appear at times, and then bring the floodwaters to them. There is no evidence that the city is inhabited by miniature people. I am the only one present in my dream manipulation. There is not even any indication of RAS mediation, dominant or otherwise (though this is mainly because it is not the last dream of the sleeping period, where things like needing to wake and go to the bathroom are not yet dominant factors).

---

-1-The first thing I remember is hearing Todd Howard say, “This…is Fallout 5.” I was at a friend's old house facing the main TV, playing this game with a Wiimote. The HUD had a larger circle and a small circle(for aiming). I thought about the “fact” that the developers had to find the center of the screen using debugging tools, and suddenly, I found myself doing just that, but without any tools.
“Ok…where’s the center of the screen?”
I pointed the wiimote at it. Next, I decided to just move up, because I was under the impression that the 2 people standing and watching to the left of me didn’t care about the center. I somehow pressed the run button and my character sprinted. Shortly after, an event took place and I grabbed a nunchuck after I tapped my pocket for one. Then, Lakitu showed up in the game. It appeared to take place in a sandy area by a sizeable body of water. I was always facing in the direction of the water. The apparent corridor was surrounded to the left and right by hills of sand that I could not see over. I ran towards the water. The weather was sunny.
-2(L)-It was a false awakening. A lot of things didn’t look right, so I did a reality check and became lucid. Next, I looked up, threw a piece of sand or gravel at the fan, and caused it to fall on my bed and break. Instead of going for lucidity first like I should have done, I decided to break the fan some more. (This included using a long, skinny object (comparable to a bat) to break the wings off, as well as to destroy the lightbulb.) Unfortunately, this meant forfeiting the LD, because I spent too much time on the fan without stabilizing nor increasing lucidity.
-3-I was in a large store with white floors, walls, ceiling. It probably had aliens in it. One of them was disguised as old Bill Nye. When he showed up, a DC and I followed him out of curiosity. Eventually, he stopped by explosive materials and lit a match. The instant we saw this, we sprinted away. Well, the DC sprinted. It was hard to run normally for me, so I was using objects to boost my speed. However, I kept coming across more of the same flammable/explosive material, which was labeled “ACME.” I continued to run for about 30 seconds. Nothing ever caught fire or exploded.
Lucid Time: 20-40 seconds

Yay I'm back!

My dreams this week focused on my old job that I had in Lakewood. I think this stems from almost having an interview for a job there last week.

Times I went lucid - 1/2


Monday January 29th - Had a couple of different dreams. I was laying on the coach of the house I grew up in. There was some sort of event going on. I had a weird cyst on my leg. I was trying to pop it. Eventually I was able to get it open by scratching it. When it opened this tiny white spider came out. After that I ended up tearing the whole cyst, and these white stringy things that looked like a bundle of nerves came out. I pulled it all out, and I ended up with this huge tear in my leg. I had to go to the hospital and get it sewn up.

In another dream I was at my grandma's house. People from work were there, along with Bill Skarsgard and Alexander Skarsgard. We were all sitting at the kitchen table. We were talking about stuff, and I remember being attracted to Bill. I did talk to Alex and flirted with him a little. My head was on his shoulder. I went to the bathroom, and at this point I went a little lucid, and I didn't have much control. Initially, I wanted to summon Bill into the room with me, but I just ended up making out with a piece of paper. I do remember at other points in the dream Bill had his arm around me, and vice versa.

In another part of the dream, there were these girls that were making fun of other girls, treating them badly and harassing them. A girl that I used to work with (We'll call her Janine) was one of those mean girls. She was trying to get into the bathroom I was in, but I ended up beating her up and throwing pizza that she had onto the floor. I felt really bad after.

Tuesday January 30th -

I dreamed about my old job. I went to visit there. The area looked like a combination of what it looks like in the real world, and what it looked like in my dream past. Mostly everybody that was there when I left was there in the dream. One girl, we'll call her Jenna, was present in the dream and still working there, although in real life she's no longer there. She came up from behind me and gave me a hug. We talked about some stuff, which was weird because I was never close to her in real life. Then Janine was in the dream as well. I saw her, and I did not say anything to her. She had blonde poofy hair in the dream, when in real life she has brown hair.

There was a part where this couple came into the office. I knew them in dream world, and they both worked there. They were taking pictures around the office. The man had to use a band-aid for his hand. I was going to go to the back of the office to grab a band-aid, but Janine followed me saying "No, no, no you can't get one," and she was quite bitchy about it. I told her that this was why I didn't work for the company anymore. We started going back and forth, telling her that even though the place I work at now is more hard-core with employee relations, the guys there were still better then the group there. I told her about how great my office counterparts were, and that there were men that actually work in the building, including a cute one who is now a lawyer.

Thursday, February 1st

Couple of random dreams. One that I remember is that I was at the Laurel Mall, and this was where my current job was located. Rhonda (Not real name) and another girl were working there. The other girl only worked there in dream world. She was a light skinned young black woman, and she was an HR admin. We were all sitting near the old pizza area. Loretta (Not real name) was there as well, and talked to us about having to speak to someone about a change of rate in pay. Rhonda asked her to have the conversation about the pay with people. The admin got really upset and started crying because she didn't want to do it. She then asked me if she really had to, since she was an admin and maybe should not be privy to that information. I told her that since Loretta brought it up to all of us, that yes she would be able to do that. She started crying again. Her mom and dad then showed up to try to comfort her. Her mom was actually a woman that work there.Her dad tried to comfort her.

In another dream, Bill Skarsgard was around, and had his shirt off.

Got lucid and spent some time doing mind control. This evidently shows I feel really powerless in RL as I do this so much.

Next there was some guy in a rice bowl hat, who I felt really fear and then hatred towards. Some other of my comrades were distracting him. So I shot up into the air super high then plummeted down at supersonic speed, crashing down onto his head.
He was smacked down into the earth, so only his head and neck stuck out of the ground. I then proceeded to try and kill him by using a giant scissor style sword to cut his head off. Then fire etc but none of these worked and I had a growing fear of his escape and retribution.