memorable

I have yet to figure out my true dream signs so I have been randomly doing my RCs throughout waking life. I look at my hands, ask if I'm dreaming and try to read a clock. So when I found myself in a high-class RV of sorts with two characters from a show Ive been Netflixing called Californication, Hank and Karen, I decided to do a reality check by looking at my hands. I remember thinking there is no way this is a dream but just for shits n giggles, Ill do it anyways. Sure enough, my hands which looked normal started to shake like an overloaded washing machine and I suddenly realized: Wow, I'm dreaming.

The dream started to crumble but I remembered my training; to focus on one object until it stabilizes but not focus too long on said object. So I noticed this very nice kitchen wall which was made of naturally finished teak that had fish aquariums and lcd screens built in. I made the wall itself my central focus for about 4 seconds and the dream stabilized. I then was so excited...I almost felt drunk of sorts. So then, Hank took me on this adventure as my dream guide. I randomly had my way with these willing women I don't know, maybe they were tv characters but I can't quite remember. I was then walking through a hallway when i decided to see if I could use telekenisis and it worked as I tossed a blanket back onto the bed and launched a couch cushion clear across the room. I also called out for an ex girlfriend just to see if I had the ability and wow...it worked! I talked to her a bit just like we are friends today and I remember feeling comforted knowing I could summon something or someone if my dream went awry.

So I was sitting with Hank and Karen when a house keeper/babysitter walked in. I asked her "What do you represent?" she looked at me funny and was like, "Uhh, I don't know what you mean." I told her "Well you are a dream character so what do you represent?" and she says something like "inner inadequacies i guess, I don't know?" I shook my head in agreement and said okay as Hank also kind of understood what she meant. I will have to look further into that!

So anyways the dreams last scene was me again doin the deed with one of my ex's best friends which was completely subconsciously summoned. I noticed outside while being somewhat pre occupied with her that we were floating in the RV about 200 feet above a sunny day Los Angeles and I believe that was what made the dream finally dissolve as I awoke in my bed with a big stupid grin on my face.

Obviously this was a very exciting experience and with only my second experience being lucid I am glad I was able to use what I learned to stabilize this dream and do what I pleased. I'd say this lucid was at least 5 times move vivid than my first.

Wow...back on board!

Night creatures

*A nightmare in dark, overnight scenery. I recall that it's not the first nightmare placed there. I become lucid near the end.*

I am walking on foot in the pine forest at night. I was afraid of being surrounded by paranormal. I could sense the presence of something unspeakably evil. I thought I saw something behind the trees, but it was some kind of shrine made of white marble. I sensed something behind me, so I tried to run away. I found myself in the churchyard, but everything except cemetery was closed. I ran through the graveyard, on the road avoiding dead ends, and somehow entering the church. I walked upstairs, and saw someone praying to the elder werewolf god. I was surrounded by possessed dogs. I thought to myself Godmode! I grabbed two of them and threw them away. I grabbed the other two, but they bitten me really hard. I could feel the pain, but I wasn't even hurt. Eventually I threw them away, and woke up having enough of it.

Stopping the thieves

I was in a big seaside city with my classmates. We saw someone breaking into the jeweler's shop. We entered the car. I was the driver, and we drove through the wall, stopping them, but destroying the building. Police came quickly, they were mad at us for all the destruction, but since we helped them, they didn't punished us. We were invited to a party made by the jeweler, but I said I have to go, I have something to do. While going away, I heard my classmates saying Something about that one... I didn't wanted to hear it, and entered another shop. After a while went out, and met someone from school. We went on the
shore, and talked about our lives.

Dying for love

It was in post apocalyptic world. Germans won the World War Two, by using nuclear weaponry. It happened during the evening and night. I was trying to save a girl attempting to suicide, I felt that I love her. She wanted to enter the hazardous environment, where one of nuclear rockets striked. I persuaded her to stop. She wanted to jump onto the train, but I stopped her in the last moment. Then she accused me of stalking her. I entered the truck, trying to escape from a group of german officers. They shot me in the heart. I died in that cold, dark foggy night.

Fallout

The cold war ended with nuclear war. Humanity lived in the cavernous bunkers made by germans during the world war. Everyone was scavenging for food and other resources. One of my friends told me to go for resources into the western chamber 1/a. I told my group to look elsewhere, and I'll go there alone. I entered it, but suddenly the automatic doors closed, and toxic gas was going out of a pipe. I tried to open the doors, only finding another set of doors behind them. I finally got to the last one, but they were too hard to open. Then a dog put his paw through the door, stopping them from closing, and saving me. I came back to my group, with a new friend.

Temporary opinion:

Even though I have sporadic results, skewed interests, and spotty motivations in my dreams, I feel it’s a source to keep trying to find ways to connect those experiences together. Or in other words, even if some moments may not hold much value in the life I’m living right now, I feel the more I recall them, and start seeing patterns, and hear certain things that validate why these things are happening in my dreams, it sort of gradually removes my doubting on dreams holding any learning potential.

I had a few dreams today that were blatantly obvious in how I could associate it with the present. Before, I would be left questioning why things are occurring, and it’ll probably be an up and down kind of adventure with meaning and no meaning, but that’s what makes it fun; whatever dream character I interact with, non-lucidly or lucidly, is a chance for me to test my means of apperception, i.e., taking new ideas/knowledge/experiences, and assimilating it to whatever is already in my mental repository.

It seems like the conquest to know more about myself, and how I assess myself in my life will never stop. It seems to be my source of inspiration, reflecting on things, finding ways to rise to the challenge; finding ways where I can’t control something and overcome adversities, but knowing that it’s okay; it’ll all be alright in the end, because the more I keep my center in any circumstance, dream or this reality, I can persevere and find new outlooks on things. Whether it’s finding meaning in life (e.g. existentially, psychologically), how to interact with others, how to appreciate and care about other people’s lives, it’s always there for me to tap into.

And even if those moments in my dreams are transient, and imaginary, there’s a sense of liberation when realizing that even if there’s potential irrelevance and meaningless in my dreams, and even in life, it’s alright; just keep going.

Tonight I'm in a hotel and had gone to bed at 12:30am, early for me, after a big meal with lots of wine. I slept for a few hours and it was probably around 3–4am (an estimation, I didn't check) that I started water-cycling. I've found it the best way to avoid a hangover: I wake up at intervals to drink as much water as I can comfortably consume, which inevitably means also having to use the bathroom frequently once the rehydration sets in.

I had already woken a few times in the night and this waking seemed no different at first, because dream logic prevented me from realizing how odd it was that I was walking down a long hall to use the bathroom rather than just using the one in the room. Yet from the start, something made me wonder if I was dreaming. I tried jumping and levitating but it was inconclusive. It didn't occur to me to try other checks. I went in the bathroom and noticed it looked just like one I had just been dreaming about before I woke up, which also seemed suspicious, but I still felt very embodied and awake. I even noticed how clean and inviting this bathroom felt, in contrast to the unpleasant aspect they often present in dreams. I felt awake enough and had to pee urgently enough that I was tempted to just go ahead and use the facilities, reasoning that if I was actually dreaming then with careful intention I should be able limit this activity to the dream state and not accidentally release my bladder in waking life. But uncertainty made me hesitate—I couldn't afford to be wrong about this! Something still made me sense that I was dreaming, even if I couldn't seem to prove it.

I noticed a woman sitting nearby, which did not strike me as odd, but opportune. I approached her and asked, "Am I dreaming?"

"Yes." I was struck by the simple decisiveness of her answer. It was also uncharacteristically straightforward, given the usual evasiveness of my DCs.

"Thanks for being honest. Usually when I ask people in dreams—" (I used this phrase instead of "DC" because I was afraid she might it insulting to be reduced to an acronym) "—they say 'no'. Why do they do that?"

She shrugged slightly. "They're probably just nervous."

I wondered what they might have to be nervous about, but wanted to understand what made her different. "Then why were you so honest?"

"I represent your higher functions." I'm pretty sure this is what she said, or very nearly. It struck me as an oddly technical response.

This DC really intrigued me. She seemed so smart and self-aware, in contrast to the typical dullness and blandness of those I try to interact with. I looked at her closely. She was a slim young woman who appeared to be in her twenties, pretty, with glossy shoulder-length black hair and an Asian cast to her features. Her demeanor was calm, precise, and assured. I wanted a name to remember her by, so I asked: "What's your name?"

She promptly uttered a string of numbers, something like "2166309."

Perplexed by this response, I pressed, "I mean in letters." If she couldn't answer, I decided that I would name her "Murasaki." I had just been reading about the names of Japanese colors so the word was fresh on my mind; I knew it meant purple, and the woman was wearing a bright purple shirt and looked like she might be Japanese. I also recalled that "Murasaki" was a name of ancient pedigree, being the heroine of The Tale of Genji as well as the pseudonym of its courtly author. But my deliberations were unnecessary, it turned out.

"Meonarra," she said. At least that's what it sounded like.

I pressed for clarification: "Can you spell that?"

She might have started with an "M," but what followed was not a series of normal alphabetical letters. She specified particular accent marks and chemical symbols that I wasn't even familiar with. Her explanation of the spelling sounded far longer than the actual name, and at least half of it seemed to be special characters. Even listening closely, I couldn't follow it at all. I wished I had a way to record it other than my own weak memory. I reflected how people in many pre-modern cultures had developed their memories to an extraordinary degree, but we, who can almost always rely on other means of recording information, have very little ability in that regard. I wished I had a notepad to write down what she was saying, but there would be no point: I couldn't keep it with me when I woke up. So instead I just asked her to repeat herself: "Can you say that again?"

She obliged, but it sounded completely different this time, and I could swear the new spelling ended with a "D." That wasn't anything like the name I thought I'd heard. I figured if I couldn't spell it, I should at least make sure I had the pronunciation right. "Meonarra?" I asked, pronouncing the first syllables as "mee-oh." She corrected me; the first vowel was more like the "a" in "after," so it sounded like "mae-oh."

I realized that I was falling into a rut by obsessing over the name, and the dream was not going to last much longer. "Can I see you again?" I asked Meonarra. "I'd like to have a conversation sometime."

She shrank back with a stricken look, as if I'd suggested something completely inappropriate. "No! That's _____'s territory." I didn't quite catch the name, but I think it was two syllables, might have started with an "I," and sounded male. Similar to "Isaac"? But it wasn't exactly that; I don't think it was a waking-world name.

I wasn't sure what was wrong with my request, but I tried to reassure her. "I just mean to chat, like we're doing now. I'd like to see you." I realized that I was drawn to her. I couldn't tell if it was the stirrings of a romantic attraction or if it was just that I found her so interesting. But the thought awakened a sensuous impulse and I put my arms around her. I recognized that it was the dream state itself that made it so easy to slip toward this sensation, and I asked her why dreams had this quality. I can't remember how I worded the question, and can't remember her reply, if she had time to make one before I woke up.

Writing this up it perhaps sounds more bland than it felt at the time. It was one of those dreams that felt really significant, even if nothing much happened. I regret that I got so pre-occupied with her name. Although my waking mind really likes to have names for things, a tendency that bleeds over pedantically into lucidity, I'm not sure if naming things is especially useful or meaningful within dream itself. It is becoming clear, at least, that the kinds of names things have in dream are not always as clear and straightforward as our ordinary linguistic appellations of waking life. Instead they appear to operate much like written text in dreams, characterized by the shifting instability of dream logic. So it might have been better if I could have thought of more substantial questions to ask her, instead of wasting the whole dream just trying to pin down her name. I do like having something to remember her by, but what else might she have told me if I had been able to come up with a more introspective line of questioning?

It is now 6:43am (it was a few minutes before 5:12 when I started so I've spent over 90 minutes writing!) and the sky outside has blossomed into an unbelievably beautiful pink sunrise. I'm going back to bed.

I'm sitting in mrs.hadaways class and she's teaching about dyslexia. Let me remind you she's originally a business teacher.
I remember her saying something along the lines of: dyslexia is a dangerous disease. it consumes everything you eat.
I raise my hand and she calls me: Isn't it weird that a micro-organism can affect our body with great precentage? I recall myself saying. And she just looks at me dumbfoundedly and I look around the class and it's silent. Then she says, "Uhm. Yes."
I begin to walk out of the class. Then all goes black and at first i think i'm blind/ someone turns them back on and my vision becomes blurry. I fall to the floor in mid-panic until someone comes and gives me their glasses. I look up and see a girl in my view. Her name is Sarah. She takes my hand and lifts me and we start to walk out of the school.
We're in a room, on a bed. She's lying on top of my with her head on my chest and her arms resting under my back, as though hugging me.
She starts to kiss on me from my head to my legs. She then pulls off my pants and starts to give me a blow-job.
After sucking for some time she stops for an unexpected reason-- the tip of my penis comes off. I blink and swallow the spit lodge in my throat. Then I croak: did the tip of my penis just come off? She says Yes. "Well put it back on", I say
And she does.
She climbs over me and says: I'm going to bed
I reach over to give her a kiss goodnight, BUT she only pushes out her foot and tells me to go away.
Sarah leaves from my dream.

Soon comes another girl. She's naked, trying to take a picture of herself in this irregular pose. She is on her knees with one hand holding her up with her ass high up in the air with her loose hand trying to capture an image. I remember thinking to myself that her ass looked like the ears of a stuffed teddy bear, then I snicker and ask: what are you doing?
I don't recall her answering. Then I say something else, like: "I bet you get all the guys."
She has really long hair and caramel skin. She's lying on her back now with her legs half-way apart. She's gorgeous.
"why dont you have a boyfriend?"
She says curtly: "I do. In New York."
I remember one time she and I made-out but she wouldn't fuck me. It all makes sense. Long-distance relationships get lonesome time to time. I don't blame her.
" Oh" Is all I can think to say.
And that's all I can think to remember.

I was false awakened because my stereo was blaring. I crawled out of bed, and almost tripped on my son who was lying on the floor, and then I proceeded to turn the stereo volume down. I couldn’t believe my son would come and crank the stereo up in my room on a Saturday morning, but I was too tired to complain. I went back to bed.

I was false awakened again because the music was blaring. Without getting out of bed, I first yelled at my son to turn the music down, with no avail; followed by yelling at my wife to turn the music down. They both didn’t answer. I crawled out of bed and went to the stereo, my son was no longer in my room, the volume was turned down, but the music was still blaring! I went behind the stereo cabinet, and yanked the power bar out, and unplugged everything. The music stopped, ah peace and quiet, I can get back to lucid dreaming. I crawled back into bed and went to sleep.

I was false awakened again because the music was blaring! What the heck is going on? I crawled out of bed for the 3rd time, and the volume knob was turned up on the stereo (again). I decided to turn the volume down again, but still leave it playing, so then maybe somebody wouldn’t crank it back up. I crawled back into bed and went to sleep.

This time something different happened. My body was asleep, but my mind was still awake because of all the false awakenings. I was lying in bed with my eyes closed in total darkness, but I could hear the music blaring for the fourth time. I slowly realized these must have been false awakenings. I decide to get up and go have some lucid dream fun, but I couldn’t move, and my eyes wouldn’t open. I then decided to do my OBE exit technique where I jump out of my body and land beside my bed. This worked! My vision was very blurry, and it wasn’t very bright in my bedroom, but I could see a woman standing right beside me, with long, dirty blonde hair, wearing a long, blue gown or nighty. I immediately hugged her, naturally, and realized it was my daughter! I said her name in surprise, and then I woke from the excitement.

DEILD. Transition but am still lying on mat. Body feels incredibly heavy; I RC, but almost just "go back to sleep" because it is so hard to move. I reason that that would be pointless, however, because I am already asleep. I decide to get up, and as I do, my body becomes lighter and lighter, and until I just fly out of bed. I run out of the room on all fours.

Cats are out in the living room. My father's cat is here, which is odd, and he eyes me suspiciously as I come charging out. He seems scared, and then attacks and bites me. I hit him in face with a pillow. Then try to make friends. He seems pissed. My wife then comes out of the bedroom. I suddenly realize that this dream is scary, and things could go wrong if I let my emotions get worked up. So I still my mind and focus on people liking me

My wife seems happy to see me. She tells me to go get ready for bed, because she wants "quality time." I consider telling her this is a dream, but I do not I wake up.

I am reading a secret/restricted Jehovah's Witnesses' text called "Watchtower" In it, a discussion about a certain river where initiations and enlightenment have occurred. I go to the river. I am swimming up it, into a cave. I have a vision/flashback (?) of Gurdjieff trying to bring someone to enlightenment. He gives this man a baby. The man is at the river for the purpose of enlightenment, and is displeased to have to take care of a child. Then he becomes attached to the child. He fears for its safety. Gurdjieff comes back, and turns the child into dust. It sinks into the river. The man is devastated. Gurdjieff explains:

"At first you did not want the child. You were blown by the winds of karma one way. Then you wanted the child. You were blown the other way. Now I have taken the child, and you suffer for it." The man asks if he is close to enlightenment. Gurdjieff laughs and says there are many stages.

I swim back toward the mouth of the cave and down a small waterfall. The river has become a water park, and I accidentally bump someone coming up the waterfall (?). Segue into a FA: "wake up" at a pool. I am wondering if this is a dream when my wife asks the same question. I nose pinch and can breathe. We walk around the pool together; not super lucid, as I think my wife is real. We see a girl DC. I start fooling around with her, and she starts to rub my wife's breasts. My wife pulls away, and says it feels uncomfortable. I think to show off my dream control, and order the DC to run across the street. She does, and a path appears for her to run on. I urge her onward. Finally awake into a FA; my wife is awake, and I question her about the dream, but she says was not there. I assume it was a just a "normal" LD and return to sleep. I then wake up.

Dream WILD: Talking to my aunt on the phone; we decide to LD together. We enter the dream, and try to help some man find his daughter. More of a semi-lucid, although I was aware I was dreaming. Tough call She tells me about using LDing to contact my dead grandfather. She keeps calling it "remedying" though (like REMedying . . . .)Another FA with my wife. She has her nightlight on. We talk about something, and then I go "back" to sleep.

A dream about not being able to fall asleep. I finally take Sageous's advice to get up and do something else. I decide to make some tea. I use AnotherDreamer's recipe, made out of sunflower leaves and apple chips. I start eating the apple chips. I check my watch twice as an RC, and the numbers do change, but this is not enough to trigger me. In fact, I think I ignore it altogether.

WILD at bedtime. Lots of body vibrations (not normal for me) and then transition in NREM. The sensation is similar to diving under water, and all of a sudden the world is quiet. I wait for a bit to see if something will happen. A helicopter appears. We are flying. I imagine that it's snowing, and begin to hear jingle bells in my head. I silence them, though, because this seems like a military dream, and those are out of place. Once the scene sets, it is snowing

I am set down on a watch tower. A man on a tower across from me yells, "Let's move it, rookie!" This seems to me like a Call of Duty dream. I tell him to extend the drawbridge to me. He drops a ladder to the ground. "No, John," I say, "the button underneath." He fumbles for a minute, and seems like he is having trouble. I remain calm. Can't remember what happened, but think he extended the bridge, because I remember being very pleased with my dream control

I somehow make it across; while I am running over, I try to recall the other tasks besides the snowball. On the other tower, inside a room, there are some dogs lying on a bed--two pit bulls, black and white spotted. I recognize this as my "doubles" dream sign, but of course don't RC because this is already a dream. I go down the ladder, looking for snow. It seems it has all dried up, but I think that if I run around the corner of the building, there will be some left. There is. I run over and pack a snowball. Cold! My feet are cold too, but I remind myself that it's a dream and that it isn't real cold. I start climbing the ladder with the big snowball and wake up.

Late to meet someone, I am walking quickly down the road. I reach a train crossing just as a train does and have to wait. I walk right up to it, standing a few feet away as it rushes by. Looking down, I see two golden vajras protruding up from the platform. I think that maybe this is a bad idea in case it derails so I step back a bit. As soon as I do, I see one of the train cars sway, and hit a bump, jumping off the track. All the cars behind it are pulled off the tracks as well, and it jack-knifes off the tracks, one of the train cars slides off right where I was standing.

I see another train approaching, but on a parallel track as the first one. It hasn't derailed, but I don't know what it will do when it reaches the first one. It's coming in fast. I don't know if it will be safer to run away the direction it is traveling, or against its direction of travel. If I go against the direction of travel, I'll run into it sooner, but also I'll be upstream of the trouble sooner.

I decide on upstream and quickly run. The second train going 90 mph hits the side of the first derailed train that spilled over to its track, and it is pushed off the tracks as well. Pushed off the opposite side as me, I feel relief from danger. But only until the car that is pushed off the tracks forces the one behind it to bend the other way, where it hits the back of the first train and stops, sending the rest of the train flying off my side of the tracks.

In mid-sprint, I duck, and feel the train fly just inches away from me before it smashes into the ground, dirt flying everywhere like an explosion. I feel a strong continual blast of air as the train continues to rush by, totally filling the entire area I would have been if I ran the opposite direction!

I walk down the tracks to see if anyone got injured or trapped that I might be able to help, but it seems to have just been a freight train and no one else was in its path. Walking down the tracks, I notice a bunch of stairs leading up to the tracks - the only remains from some old industrial buildings that have been dismantled. I don't see much of the foundation, just the inner stairs following the nap of the earth.

I walk up one of the stairs, and notice a few sets of golden 4 pronged vajras built into the tops of the stairs, and in other places of the foundation that just now becomes visible. I feel like there were forces and beings beyond my comprehension that helped me survive this.

One of my friends comes at me, totally distraught over the loss of her friend in the crash. Which is odd, because no one else was there, but I try to find her friend anyway. We find a man who has a 3D map of the entire Ft. C. city, and he gives it to me. Quite a nice map really. My friend realizes that her friend is okay, and we continue on our way. I walk into a building and try to spit out a huge wad of gum. So massive, I don't even know how I got it in my mouth. Other people come in right as I'm trying to do this to brush their teeth. I have my tooth brush with me as well, and they comment that "we're brushing our teeth too!" I get the gum out and throw it away.

*It was lengthy, non lucid recurring dream. Only the first part with playing games and presence of my classmates is new.*

I was playing Baldur's Gate on my PC, but I get bored after a while and turned it off. Then my friend appeared, and wanted to see the mod for Half-Life I'm working on. First, I looked at textures first, and they were quite good. Next I turned the mod on. I saw everything from the mods hero point of view, and felt everything he felt. I started underwater, and swam up to the surface. It was cold and dark. I got out in some kind of lab, the alarm was turned on. I went to the corridor, turned around and frightened escaped from zombie. I ran until I found myself at the edge of enormous pit, filled with water. Without hesitation I jumped in, diving into water. I turned the game off, and looked into the level editor. I saw lots of errors. I thought that I'll finish the mod later.
I turned the PC off and went through the door. I found myself in some kind of research facility. One of its rooms was placed in the outer space. I saw a man opening the gate to the space, and women in the astronaut suit. She was afraid to go out there, so I tried to push her inside. For a while I was her. I was afraid of going into the void. I felt that the siut is slightly bigger, I was really slim. I went back to my perspective. I wasn't forcing her to go there anymore. I stepped back, but the void started to suck her inside. I tried to help her a few times, and I made it. The man closed the gate, while another one wanted to go into the space. He was wearing the astronaut suit, and went outside. Next I saw a woman, who is working in the labs. Tall, slim brunette with slightly dark carnation. She entered her room, and showed me a sign to come with her. Suddenly I felt that I love her. I went inside. There were lots of laboratory equipment. She called also another man, and I escaped, feeling that she will dump me for another. I was running away from that room, and chosen the doors to warehouse. I saw a few classmates there, but didn't wanted to talk with anyone. I wandered the warehouse area for a while, then one of them wanted to talk with me. She was a little higher than me, brunette with dark carnation. I know her a bit in reality. I ran towards the stairs again, and went through the doors.
Suddenly I found myself at the rooftop in some kind of city. It was late afternoon. Everything was dusty, like there was lots of air pollution. I couldn't smell anything. Everything i saw was a little distorted, and had a film grain like in old movie. There was a man with a rifle on the nearby rooftop. He was wearing dark green t-shirt, and jeans. His hair were dark brown. Two more men joined him. One was a policeman. The police officer took the rifle, but he couldn't resist and shot. Another policeman from the city shouted at him, he was mad. Suddenly, the bullet ricochet and hit the policeman in the torso, but nothing happened to him. All of them went somewhere, out of my sight. I grabbed the cables to slide to another rooftops. I felt the heat, my hands hurt. Eventually I found myself on the road. Whole city was empty. Then I found myself in my room, lying in bed. I changed the TV channel, and saw some kind of a movie for childs. Without any additional thought, I changed the channel again. But before I could see anything, the dream ended.

Morning of December 20, 2014. Saturday.



I find myself firstly on my own at my (deceased) sister Marilyn’s house. It does not come to mind that my sister had not lived there that long after I moved to Australia or yet that she had died in February of this year. However, I do begin to remember that many of my relatives had died fairly recently. In my dream, though, I soon but incorrectly “remember” that my sister Marilyn had died a couple years before my mother.

I seem to have died as well and am presently in a transitory state prior to where I will then be “living”. My sister actually appears (as she was when about thirty) and sits down next to me in the living room. I ask her how I died and she tells me about seeing atomic bombs in various parts of the world on the television news. In the back of my mind, I wonder if I will be seeing my wife and children. I ask her where her husband is. Apparently he is still alive somewhere.

Eventually, the setting becomes surreal, but not directly threatening or nightmarish. I find myself in a different region that is apparently some sort of long-term “limbo” or type of purgatory. The supposed “leader” or main authority of this place is the god Pan, who seems quite narcissistic and somewhat sadistic. All of the other “people” remind me somewhat of “Grimm’s” (the television series) Wesen characters, but not specific ones. One girl in particular is being “punished” over time to the point of appearing ill and weak. However, as this is a form of limbo where people have already died, she cannot die again (at least at this point).

She is apparently being tortured (in a supposed religious sense) for her prior lascivious nature. However, being physically “punished” for lasciviousness or consensual pleasure with someone else’s righteous sadism sounds insane, as if this limbo universe has become corrupt at the liminal stage after one dies. In the back of my mind, this causes me to question the entire nature of religion and the concept of righteousness itself. How I had not “automatically” reached this understanding as a child causes me to dwell on the “Land of the Living” also being corrupted somehow, to where falsehood is religiously impressed from a very early age, and which may actually be relative to why death itself exists.

In the back of my mind, I am trying to “remember” who Pan really is in this scenario, though I am not yet lucid. Some of the other people who have supposedly died recently are smaller animals now, which has something to do with their lack of willpower. Although Pan is still technically Pan, he now has a few subtle squirrel-like features, including the ears. It begins to dawn on me that he may actually be a “disturbed” person I have only ever read the journal of in reality; an older male who is against sexuality, against having a family and especially against having children, while at the same time elevating animals to the level of human sentience, including squirrels. This would explain the “Grimm” Wesen presence in-dream. I am not looking forward to being tortured and mindlessly “judged” by someone else’s skewed idea of religion or spirituality, and even though I am not yet fully lucid, I begin to take full control of this other dimension. I believe that continuous mental alchemy and “truth incarnate” will “fix” this limbo universe.

I start by healing the girl Wesen closest to me. It may be a younger version of my wife, but her persona is not fully defined. I place my hand on her chest and I remember that she also needs to reestablish her strength and awareness from the inside to take full control of her own physical presence in this dimension. My fingers merge into and below her skin to interface with her arrhythmic heart and I tell her to focus on and affirm “I am restored to my healthiest state” although this slightly corrupts into “I restore myself to my healthiest state” (which I can hear her saying a few times) implying omniscience over the passive “thank you for restoring me to my healthiest state” implying that others exist in this universe (other than the unified “I am”). It is however, important that she recognizes her omniscience to be fully protected against Pan. Eventually, she seems to be healthier and steadier on her feet and I feel her growing stronger and more “complete”.

When Pan approaches me and assumes an authoritative pose, I easily pull his heart from his chest and it eventually crumbles in my hand, flowing like sand from my fist as his body falls apart into small pieces. At this point, the scene shifts…

Pan and the Wesen girl and several others, now all fully human, are lying on their sides unclothed on the deck of a large ship moving through waters near Antarctica, seemingly back on Earth - and we are all in living bodies again. “What the f—?” shouts the former Pan, now shivering and appearing very vulnerable in contrast to his former faux “glory”.

I mentally create a thick jacket and outfit for the girl so that she is not cold (as she no longer has the fur of a Wesen). It is “painted” onto her as she stands up. The former Pan says something about religion, sin, and dreams and I say “Oh shut up you narcissistic fake - you know nothing about dreams” and the scene immediately shifts to distant outer space. It is as if I mentally lift and “throw” the entire ship we are on into outer space, even with pieces of ice and globs of water following us in the momentum for a time. However, we are now millions of miles from Earth on the other side of the galaxy. The immediate setting still seems the same but it is now like an imperial cruiser from “Star Wars”, though that is not what it actually is. It is a spaceship, though, being piloted by aliens that have never seen people from Earth even though they are exactly like human beings themselves (except more intelligent, it seems).

We all go inside and walk around. It is very spacious. I ask one of the males if his planet is called “Earth” and he says no. He says that they had only studied Earth at times and watch the television and radio transmissions of humans as well as the nearly endless “false” dimensions and religious realms humans create. One male says “It looks like Pan’s realm is gone”, watching the distorted horizontal bars and static on the monitor where that realm had existed prior to my dissolution of it. “It was him,” says another male, pointing to me, and I am seen as a “hero” in a sense and am given an extensive tour of the ship that seems to last a long time. The ship seems to be powered by the ice of comets being slowly exposed to plasma from stars or the manipulation of Bose-Einstein condensates and perhaps a form of magnetism - I see pieces of a recently taken comet in a large room. Another tells me that they will take me (and the others) back to Earth. They are all extremely friendly and accommodating in every way and not at all condescending regardless of their superiority.

I feel extraordinarily happy; comfortable in their presence, and secure. I stand on the deck of the ship and assume there is an additional oxygen layer (in spherical form) around the ship, which allows one to freely see all of space and still be able to breathe. I am correct in this assumption, and I also notice that the aliens have set up a holographic section in front of the ship that seems to be showing the ending credits of a movie (perhaps to make the former Pan feel more at home). It seems silly to be watching the closing credits of a movie superimposed against the backdrop of “real” outer space while standing on the external deck of a huge alien spacecraft, but it does not concern me that much. I feel subtle movements inside my head (which I have had in dreams before but which are not possible in reality) and “harmonic” sensations as I seem fully open to the aliens and the universe itself “reading my mind” completely. I welcome this. I am fully open. In fact, the more open I am, the more the dream (and the universe itself) is fully and solely “mine”.

I admire the beauty of Earth as we approach…still feeling fully open to any telepathic force that chooses to “read” me. Because, above all, I have endless faith in who I am and any imposition would only validate me further. I can feel the energies in my head shift to a more defined harmonic resonance. It feels fantastic.

I am a floating awareness, following a young buy as he runs from a man and woman. They are chasing him through the exterior stairways on a large ship. As he runs from them, he turns a corner and gets the attention of an officer on the ship who hides him underneath his coat. Quite well hidden actually. His pursuers catch up to the officer, who directs them on their way up the stairs.

I float up to the top, and see through the man's eyes as he looks through thermal imaging goggles at the officer, and sees the boy underneath the coat. They yell out, and begin to run down to get him. The officer quickly puts the boy down and tells him to run.

Now I am in physical form again and there has been a large conflict started between an apparent good force against an apparent evil force. They are using telekinetic weapons, superhuman strength, and guns to kill one another. I don't feel nearly powerful enough to do anything but die in this fight, so I run for my life as I hear some people approaching, and bullets ricochet off a nearby wall.

The ship is now an old Victorian house as I sprint down the hallways and down to the main entrance. Seeing an older woman standing there, I tell her it's not safe - that there are people chasing me and they will probably ask her questions under duress if they find her. I turn to run out the front door, but see many thousands of police officers with guns out front, all standing in a massive array facing the door.

I open the door, and drop my sweater I'm holding onto the ground and immediately put my hands up. They seem uninterested in me, as if they know I'm not a threat to anyone. So I pick up my sweater and walk through their formation to the back, where I look for a spot to sit down and get my bearings. There is not much room with so many police, but I manage to find a small spot up against the fence behind a hill.

As I sit down, my sweater turns into a giant inflatable boat / mattress with 3x 20 ft long air chambers. Other people lean up against it and rummage through my supplies. The closest one to me hold up several boxes of cereal and asks me where my things are. I only have a single box of life cereal and I show it to him.

Behind us is a large hill, and we watch as large Mac trucks drive up and down it, going off jumps, doing flips and 360s. A jeep is with them, and they crash into each other, sending the jeep flying through the air, doing stunts, and landing back on its wheels - neither of the vehicles are damaged at all. I think it's really strange how that can be, and am suddenly driving the jeep!

I am low on gas, so I pull up next to the Mac truck and get out. I have a few spare gas tanks, and think that other guy is probably low on gas too, his bigger truck surely uses more gas than my jeep does. So I begin fueling his truck instead of mine. Then I consider that it might take diesel instead of gas, so I stop. Walking back to my jeep, it is now parked further away, at a gas station pump. Some friends walk with me through the crowd of tall gas station attendants - all dancing and looking very intimidating, but acting harmless. There are 4 of us, so I get into the back of the jeep.

The back of the jeep transforms completely and I am floating above a field. My friend Rob has created a type of emblem for himself out of 4 cubes, and I am told to create my own emblem. It is described to me how the system works, and how by changing the adjacent cubes, others change to match it on the edges. It already makes sense to me, but through their explanations of how to use the system, and what to watch out for, I am confused and end up making a lame little unicorn pony.

Everyone watching me do this starts laughing. No one is even sure how I made a unicorn pony, but that aside, it's the lamest thing they've ever heard of. A little frustrated, I poke at it, making random finger gestures, and manage to add armor to it, and laser cannons, rocket launchers, and a disposable tail like a lizard. I continue to poke at it, and the armor gets upgraded each time until it is quite a badass unicorn pony. A pony even Satan himself would think twice before messing with him. That silenced the critics!

The pony stands there, covered in thick spiky armor - charred black, and with no gaps between it. Most parts of the armor are actually on fire, and give the pony a frightening aura of flames and smoke. Protruding from each of the shoulders are some sort of laser cannon that looks like its from 3000 years in the future. The unicorn horn has been modified into a serrated spike of death, coated in metal and adorned with extra spikes. On its back is some sort of rocket launcher or mortar with a laser guidance system.

As a ten (or thereabouts) year old kid (In 2001) I had dreams.

I had been thinking of the movie Home Alone prior to bed. So I went to sleep, and then was in a house. I was talking to someone dressed as Santa Claus (The same guy who was the Santa in the movie whose car stalled out) who was on a bed, and a fire (like from the fire swamp in "The Princess Bride") came up from beneath the bed and roasted him. There were more fires in the house but I do believe I escaped them all.

___

Another time around the same year give or take one or two, perhaps was another nightmare. I do believe this shows what hell is like! So there were some people there, and torture devices were there too. One man wasn't looking where he was going and was then sawed in half (he yelled once he hit the saw and put his arms out but didn't back off) as he was on a conveyor belt going straight into a band-saw.

_______


Notes:

OUCH. These are some vivid revelations, are they not? You really should be careful; that one guy was on a conveyor belt not paying attention and just standing, though he was facing imminent destruction and he yelled only once he hit the saw. It's crazy and insane to not jump off the conveyor belt!

LOOK FIRST! If it's safe (IF IT'S SAFE OR IF YOU'LL BE HURT IF YOU WON'T LEAP!) THEN LEAP!

... They dissolve. And that's deadly.

Back in 2001-2004 as those years are called by many, I had dreams.

One was similar to The Sims: One Sim, A Light-Skinned Female with brown hair and blue jeans and a grey short-sleeve shirt knocked two others into an acid pit with a rod before jumping in herself. Then there was a part where I told another person, A girl about three years younger than I am, something about Acid not being good.

Another was within a large building (made of stone?) and it had very large doors more then three times the height of the people who went through them. There were seats for many people on either side of the door (the path was only in-between the seats, to my recollection though I wonder if I'm missing something) and at one point there was a guy who abhorred (or at least it looked that way) what his lords/masters/bosses were doing so he announced his departure. He walked out and was thence dissolved in a pit of acid that his ex-boss or bosses made appear between the seats. The lord then walked and I think talked, then (while he was not paying attention) walked into the acid pit himself and died. Very dead.

Wish I had more time to type all this.
I've been having sleep paralysis more frequently now, so for the first time I didn't try to make myself wake up and I didn't just lie there during it. But, that's because I was just in a lucid dream that kind of propelled me from it.
(The order of these dreams kind of confuse me, so they might be a little off. I woke up in some way (into SP or into another dream) at least three times.

1st lucid: - realized I was lucid because I had the memory of literally just going to sleep. I made the place I was in (wooden, barrels, huge and cylinder-shaped with lots of bars across) expand upwards infinitely to test that I was lucid. Sometime later, thought I heard my alarm clock go off, heard a persistent beeping noise (and just realized now my alarm clock is a song anyway...I guess my conscious self didn't even realize that). I kind of woke up then, but then I looked around and realized...wow, i'm still in a dream. okay? This dream was in a worse setting. I could tell right off the bat that there weren't pleasant vibes. A guy with a gun, darkish room, don't recall other things rn...I was like oh shit what do I do? (throughout all these dreams this night everything seemed to move VERY quickly, it was so weird. it felt like it was moving much faster than earth events) so I tried to fly away in this quick-paced state, realized, oh whoop, can't do that, so I messed with the plot somehow, kinda hazy with details. I just thought to myself, okay "GOOD VIBES" all around and light started shining and I started gaining power/light? to somehow "defeat the bad guy." I don't really know.

SP: - Right when I did that is when my dream body seemed to rocket up into my physical body and enter an *intense* sleep paralysis mode. Time was still kind of moving quickly, although definitely slower than in the dream and in "normal" real-time, since SP always seems very real like you're wide awake. (maybe you are? idk, anyway)
So I didn't have thAT much time to think. I know once I entered SP and my body started shaking, my dream body propelled upwards out of my bed, toward the ceiling. Then the acceleration declined significantly and I had to "fight" with physical strength, it seemed, to keep moving up. I felt very uncomfortable during this state. I could feel my tongue pushing against the top of my retainer to try to "keep going up" or whatever happened. (During this i was aware that i didn't know exactly what to do, so i just went with that and didn't think much about it. it was pretty exciting!! which i guess is why the discomfort wasn't too bad) Then, I reached it! I went "high" enough so that I reached a dream!

2nd dream - fucking shit i wrote for 11 minutes, i only wanted to write for 5. fucking college essay. okay. -walked outside, bright sunny day green grass - thought to self "i need people" (i think, maybe not. it's hazy) - 2 tables - my age v. adults - torn between where to go/sit -black man glasses some type of atypical accent, leaning over speaking intensely to the table, saying, "ember was on a website, she was talking to a man with a (motions to his face) long beard... " -heard my name and that stuff, freaked the fuck out, woke up, was 4:20-ish (not long after i went to sleep), wrote down on phone

omg....wow i wrote some of it down already. could have just looked at that

okay, and initial thoughts after that were
woww so that's what it's like to LD from SP?? never thought it would happen that way! felt like my actual body left my bed! that was intense, etc. (although now that i've had more out of SP i know it doesn't always happen that way)