nightmare

My memory is pretty sketchy because I had to go to work as soon as I woke up, so this is about eight hours later..

I'm in a shop and I buy a frozen coke, I have to fill it from the machine. (all I can remember)

I'm in a dark room, pitch black. I'm bound to a chair. I'm lucid. I try to free myself, but I just can't. I imagine in my mind (my dream mind) that I'm doing the sequence to an energy charge. I feel a VERY strong vibration around me, but the chair and the ropes restraining me don't move. I wake up.

I am 24 years old now. I used to live in a mobile home when I was about 3. I ended up accidentally burning that trailer to the ground. Around the time I was 5 years old, I had a dream where I was in the mobile home that I burnt down. The interior walls of the mobile home looked like they had been burnt out. Part of the time I was looking at the mobile home from the air and there was NOTHING but the trailer. Jason, from the horror movies Friday the 13th, was chasing me around the house with a chainsaw in his hands while I ran away. That is all that I remember.

Last night's recall... Meh, at least I took notes. Still not much stuff. Let's go back to the past again - it's always funny to notice how your dreams haven't really changed that much and finding connecting themes between your current and three years ago dreamed dreams. Still, I'm so tired that I'm going to do a super short one.

Voice in the Darkness
Date: August 28th, 2009
Lucid: No

I was going outside. It was a winter night and it was very dark outside. Weird that the seasons are so often not consistent in dreams - I mean that this was dreamed in August, yet it was the darkest time of the winter in the dream.

Only light-source outside was the light that came from the inside. As the door closed before me, darkness engulfed me. I was alone in the darkness. I felt distressed. Voice from the dark said: "Well well, Jakro came out." It had an evil tone and I got terrified.

Something grabbed me and started dragging me away. I started screaming as hard as I can, hoping that someone would hear me and come to help. The voice just told me to shut up. I still didn't see anything.

My own screams woke me up in the bed. I wrote to my dream journal that "I had planned to try a FILD if I wake up in the night, but I was too terrified to do it."

Simple, yet intense dream. I had some serious emotional problems back then. Well, I guess I still have.

I know there was more to this dream but its rather faded. The part I remember most is i was in a dim room, in a bed, and there was a hooded woman with her hands on my head. At first it was supposedly pleasant but as time went on i could tell that she was a witch or satanist, and when i began to say the name of Jesus over and over, her hands began to burn and smoke. I can't remember exactly what she said but it was about how Satan had power and was strong. With each time i said Jesus it became harder for me to say it again. Even as i type this i'm feeling a pressure against my head, and i know it isn't just some 'nightmare' that it could be more...but im grasping at straws on what it means exactly, that im under attack? or that someone is trying to manipulate me?

It is now 7:28am and I am too afraid 2 go back 2 sleep

I did my 1st WILD/Lucid Dream last nite so I was TOTALLY AWAKE but u know the rest...anyway, @ 1st it was taking 4ever 4 me 2 get my soul 2 leave my body...so then I turned on my back and I kept patting my hands which I saw in a vid 2 enhance my soul to leave my body....this was going on for quite some time but I was determined NOT 2 give up.

Finally, after what seemed like forever...suddenly I actually felt my soul starting to rise out of my body...I was so geeked as I could actually feel this happening....it was such a very-very-very slow process & movement but again...I was not about 2 give up.

Finally, my body I believe got all the way right to the very tipy-tip of my body & then it just STOPPED and would not go any further...at 1st I kept doing various techniques 2 enhance my body floating up (climbing up a rope, elevator...) but @ this junction I could no longer concentrate...So, this is bothering me greatly because my body just hung there dormit like & would not 'ascend'....so then I felt my right hand floating upwards...so @ 1st i thought again it was my sould going upwards but then I realized no, it definitely was my right arm extending up in the air but not @ full extension...not my left arm because it was underneath my covers.

So now I'm like oh #### my hand is just hanging in the air....which felt like forever....and then its as though something was in the room with me...It's so weird 2 try 2 explain but its as though something was taking each one of my fingers and placing it on something?? @ this junction I'm scared-I mean really scared & my heart starts racing....so now I'm trying to calm my self & whatever happened my main focus was NOT 2 try 2 move anything more than I'm suppose 2 because remember, I'm suppose 2 be sleeping...

I wanted 2 open my eyes but I was too scared...then I felt like trying 2 grab whatever was moving my fingers but again I was too scared....so then naturally tears started streaming down the right side of my eye...just on the left side...so now i'm thinking I have 2 control my emotions....I tried as smoothly as I could 2 move my finges a bit 2 see what I could FEEL....I felt my fingers go over something?? can't explain really...and then its as though each finger was laid on something?? because my fingers weren't tired from just hanging in the air...and the object felt like a metal plate?? but was very solid 2 the touch....I was not worried one bit my fingers would slide off...

I'm not sure if its because of my tears which now I cried about 3x's or something was looking directly over me and could tell my eyelids were not moving in REM but whatever it was knew something....it left my soul was hanging @ the point it was at and would not go any further...I was a bit scared that I would get tired & move but I never got tired...

the next thing I knew my fingers were being put back in its original position but it was done with such care and very-very slowly as not to awaken?? me....and then my soul started to go right back in my body....I started to shed more tears because @ that point I felt like I failed somehow??? and my soul never fully ascended....and I wasn't sure if whatever was with me was still in my room so for some time I didn't move but then finally, I played it off and I turned over and grabbed my stuff bunny rabbit & hugges it very tightly...

My body @ that point when I went to turn over felt so heavy and then my body felt really-really weird...like my soul didn't go back all the way yet and so it felt strange within my normal body....and I kept crying more & more now so I knew this wasn't any good...so again I played it off....yawn and opened my eyes and went to the bathroom....when finish I looked in my small make-up mirror I have on the wall...and there was this white line from my eyes all the way to my ear....like my tears were made from salt...I wet my shirt and had to rub hard to get it off.

In another recent dream I had I heard someone in my bedroom give 2 command words which I cannot remember now & then PUFF just like that I saw this portal open up in the sky and thinking my soul?? came out of it and jumped back in my body....I know this because my body jumped up a bit....so i am wondering why wouldn't my body ascend all the way??? just it waiting for the command words again?? I tried everything possible to make it float all the way up and it just wouldn't go up any further....this was the 1st time I ever experienced this and words truly cannot express how it felt but something was over my bed with me and I WAS NOT ASLEEP...that I am 100% certain of....

I'm too shaken up to talk about it right now....can anyone help me with some answers please.

Ok so were were like in a platform in california and i was with this girl telling her "Hey this is pretty tall i bet i could jump it, i just dont have my rig with me ill do it in 20 years" and she replied "yeah this is pretty tall", i asked her were we were and she said california so then there was a lot of people on this like platform so i go up one floor and it gets taller of course and then i feel a boat moving sensation so i guess it was a boat, then i go up another floor and find this pool that when i went in it , it started moving and moving and moving like i was in a toilet, so then i go one more floor up and we were so high up that i had like no gravity at all and was skimming the ground then the captain told me,"You shouldnt be here! get off!" so i go back down and get on the pool and keep whirling around. Then this guy comes picks me up and throws me in this room and says "Thats what you get youll stay here untill you starve to death" so it was the apartment were i live in, so i struggle with him to open the door but it wont budge so i get an idea and i go to my bathroom without the guy noticing so he opens the door to look for me then i rush out of the bathroom and go for the door and lock the door and lock him out hes like "maybe we can work something out" so i open the door punch him and knock him out then i decide to create a false room for him so he has to break through that if he wants to get out, so the fat guy from pawn stars the son of the bald guy comes, and hands me cardboard boxes so i start boxing him in with green tape and then i shut the door. Then im in like china town and then i see this guy and hes pissed and he has an ultra boss that kinda looks like forceez, so he comes running at me like in rage mode and i start running like a pussy and then his face turn like into a demon face hes red has tusks and shit so i keep running running through chinatown and at one point he grabs my shoulder so i reach back and bitchslap the shit out of him, so everyone gasps cause hes like an allmighty boss so he gets even pissed and then im in a alley and hes there and as hes getting closer the dream ends.

January 2012

Synopsis: Two tornado dreams, and a vampire I kill

Note: watched too many episodes of storm chasers

Storm Chase Me
Im on a country winding road. At first Im on a bus with a group of friends, until the twister shows up behind us and now were in a pick up on the run. The twister follows us, surrounds us. The two in the back were supposed to be keeping track of its movement, but when I looked behind me they had fallen asleep.

Who falls asleep while running away from a twister?

The driver is screaming at me, he can't see where the tornado is. I'm looking at the gps on the phone, but instead of showing me the tornado, theres a spider symbol on the screen. Whats up with this spider? Its, its saying its right in front of me. I look up at the drivers head, theres on a spider on it.

"stay still theres a spider on your head!"

I try to flick it off and as I do I feel something bite my left shoulder, waking me up. I fall back asleep and continue to dream of tornados.

This time I'm outside my apartment, but the neighborhood is completely wrong. Im talking to mom on the cell about my tornado dream, but then I see something on the main road. Its whispy and transparent, but its a tornado.

I get off the phone and run to sis. I don't feel safe staying in this wimpy apartment, we've gotta move. Sis agrees so we get in the car and try to outrun the tornado growing every moment. But the tornado seems to follow us and leaves us on a mad chase all over the city. At one point we tried to hide in a closet - but it was the janitors closet in the mall and they shoo'd us away.

We made a giant circle around the city and finally decided to stay in our apartment. We dont actually make it to the apartment, we simply parked and took refuge in the car.

I waited for the tornado to come, instead it simply fades away.

Like the spider, a new enemy appeared, a female vampire. The city was dark, and she threatened to kill my sister. After some time I confront her, and told her to stop threatening my sister or I will kill her. But she continues to say shes going to kill my sister.

Upset, I grab a pair of scizzors, and I warn her again that the only whos going to die is her. She threatens my sister again. So I slash her eye hoping that if I blinded her she can't kill my sister.

She doesn't even feel any pain. She threatens to kill my sister still. So I chop off her head and her brain oozes out. She's an undead vampire, I've only weakened her. I put her head and oozy brain in a jar. What do I do with it?

Ive got to bury it far far away from her body so it cant unite. Not my closet, I dont want to think about her head being in there. Finally I find a pool of water and bury it under the mud. I woke up soon after. That was pretty gross.

I wouldn't call it much of a nightmare, but it wasn't the nicest setting. I was at an old school, but I've never gone to this school, all I know is that my friends are there. Friends from a longer time ago, like middle school, there isn't much going on. I wander the halls, seeing people I know. Not talking to them, and not being talked too. The greatest memory/high point of this dream is I was standing in a hall way. Looking down, I was at a door, much like an office in the main office itself. The hall leading to the reception desk maybe, and to my right an open door. That's about all I can remember. But it is a fragment, for I've had several other dreams like this, all in different settings, but I have no idea what they mean.

I had the craziest dream the other day, I can't find out what it means. All i know is it was so real. This had to be when i was in a deep sleep to about the time i was going to wake up. I remember waking up and turning my alarm clock off, and i went straight back to sleep. I was on a hard surface- pitch black, couldn't see anything, i couldn't move, and i heard a fan on the ceiling. not just a normal fan- but a rather heavy duty one, one made of a nice hard metal suited to last for a long time. I also heard my heart, beating very fast and loud. I also felt it- it hurt a bit, a sharper pain not a heart attack or nothing, but was simply too fast.I don't want to make the dream stop- but to find out what it means. Also- after waking up I didn't have any pain or anything, it just scares me. Is this a good thing, or bad? I'm no professional so i don't know how exactly to translate my dreams into meaning. As for my reasons behind not wanting to make them stop- maybe it means something and by getting further and further I'll find my answer.

I was across the street from my house in the neighborhood where Chris lives. However, the houses were far from normal. Most of them were one story homes with two windows in the front as well as a door. They each had a small yard split by the driveway coming down the middle. I was at Yusuf's house, it was beige in color. The one to the left was blue, and the one to the right was red. I began driving down the street on my dirtbike after dropping off something at Yusuf's home. The street was connected the the main street. I crossed the road and continued to my home. When I arrived, I noticed a fat man with a round head and grey hair turn around. He had on a blue sweater. He then walked away on the sidewalk to the left. I went up to my right garage door and was afraid when I forgot the combo. For some reason, I decided I would try my phone's voicemail entry code. I typed in 0117 and it worked. I drove past the BMW and parked next to it. When I approached the door, I noticed that we had our old brass door handle instead of our silver numeric keypad door handle. I closed the left garage door and I looked for my keys in my pocket. When I looked back to see if it was closed, it was closed however the other door was opened. I tried to close that one too and watched it go down. At the very end, I saw a man's hand go under the door to reopen it. I began to get a little scared. Once again, the other garage door was open. I tried once more to close it when the man's foot stopped it from closing. I then awoke.

This dream is a very personal dream to me... It has a lot to do with my past as well as all of my siblings past too. Might take me awhile to get through writing this one all down but i will just take my time.

At this time of my life i had just had my daughter, she was only a few months old and i had an allergic reaction to an anti-depressant that i was prescribed for depression. This depression stemmed from my childhood.

When the ambulance arrived to take me to the ER for dizziness, numb fingertips, spinning room and blackness from the allergic reaction they informed me that 2 hospitals were full and they were taking me to St. Francis and while in the ER they asked if i could be "Pregnant" since they were drawing some blood they wanted to check. Sure enough i was pregnant with our youngest and my daughter was only 6 months old. So not only was i having an allergic reaction, thinking i was depressed but i was pregnant. I wasn't depressed i was hormonal and didn't need these meds anyway.

So i still agreed to go to a hospital for Psychiatric treatment. Still thinking there was something wrong with me because that is what the doctors kept telling me so i wanted to make sure so i went. Ended up staying in a mental hospital 10 days. They couldn't give me any meds because i was pregnant and had to get in touch with my OBGYN so i was completely sober, drug free and able to remember my dreams.

2 nights straight I had the same dream. I was asleep in my bedroom, I was the same age as i was then in 2005. Age 35. While i was asleep a stranger had come to my bedroom door but all i could see was a mans shadow. This shadow kept pulling my body towards it and i was frightened in this dream. I jumped out of bed and held onto the bathroom door, my feet all a sudden floated up and my body was being forced towards this shadow, i held on for dear life until i realized who the shadow was. My oldest brother.

I awoke the next morning in fear of him. I just knew something was wrong and i was determined to figure it all out. I started by calling my other 3 siblings, All of them are older than me. They were 20 (My oldest brother), 18 (sister), 16 (brother) and 14 (sister) when i was born in 1971. I started with the youngest sister because we are the closest and i asked her if she ever had any problems with this older brother sexually assaulting her or acting odd around her, she couldn't remember anything bad. I then moved onto my oldest sister who had some things to tell me. She had informed me that when she was in High school my brothers best friend kept asking her out. She didn't like him but our brother kept telling her to go out with him that he was a nice guy and that she would like him too so she decided to give him a chance, that same guy that begged my sister to go out with him and my brother begged her to do it too ended up raping my sister, come to find out my brother knew all along what this creep was doing which is why he told Kay to go out with him so basically he set up his own sister to get raped.

Well it doesn't end there, next i talked with my other brother. At first when i asked him he said he couldn't remember anything odd or wrong. Then 3 months later his wife called me and said she needed to talk to me and was I sitting down? She proceeded to tell me that my brother who at the time was 50 years old curled up on his couch into a fetal position and confessed that our oldest brother raped and molested him throughout his whole childhood which is why he quit high school to join the army at 16 years old to get away from our oldest brother. I also found out that a cousin and an Uncle of ours also molested him when he was a child. My heart dropped i knew right then and there that God was allowing me to remember not only to help me but to help my brother through a terrible time in his life too. It was then i realized my brother had also raped and molested me I can even figure out what day it happened I just cannot remember the details of the incident which i am very grateful for.

So whether i want to say this was a "Vison from God" or just a "dream" either way it has been able to heal some and hurt others. After some careful consideration i ended up sending this "older" brother an email telling him i figured out everything he had done to us when we were children and that i told our parents and that everyone knew who he was and what he did. I however never received a reply back or a message that the email was "undeliverable" so i have no idea if he really knows that we know what happened but i can tell you this, He sure doesn't act like we know anything.

For those of you wondering.....My father was on what we thought was his deathbed when he had a brain tumor removed. During his visit in the hospital this brother called him. For my father's sake as well as my Mother's i decided to talk to him for the 1st time in over 6 years and allow a "distant" relationship to start, i still have not come eye to eye with this sibling and i am not sure yet how i will react towards him all i know is my heart towards him is not as evil now as it was when i first figured this all out.

I was in an abandoned house with some children. They were all walking around aimlessly like zombies. It began raining and my friend who was with me at the time began to get burns from the rain. I guess it was acidic. She turned into a skeleton and left me standing there. A little boy with pink hair walked over to me and said something about youth while he picked up a broken cross. He looked and me, smiled, and walked away. I looked out the window and saw a man coming down the driveway. All the children began to scream and tried to fix up the house. He walked in and picked one boy out of the group and began beating him until his head was a terribly misshaped. He was about to do the same to a girl about 5 years old when I told him it was my fault. He smiled and took me to the front of the room. He was about to hit me when I began to run. When I left the house I realized I couldn't touch anything or interact with the environment at all. I was a spirit of some sort and I knew my body was left at the abandoned house. The man had run after me and when he saw how helpless I was he laughed. And then I woke up.

Same old story with the recall, only fragments. I guess being biphasic at the moment is capping the limit of my recall. I'm staying asleep so short times that proper long dreams can't form. According to my Zeo Sleep Monitor my longest REM-periods happen a little bit after five hours, so it's no wonder that I'm not reaching my best with 3-4 hours at a time. I'll still keep this up, we'll see if it improves once I get more used to it.

In the meanwhile let's check back to one fucked up dream I had a while back. One that proves that being lucid and having a nightmare are not exclusive.

Killing My Mom
Date: July 27th, 2009
Lucid: Yes
Method: DILD

I don't remember what triggered the lucidity, but after confirming it with reality check I was semi-excited. I had read bunch of stuff back then about grounding the lucidity using touch, so I tried licking a screw that I found. I didn't notice any change in the quality of the dream.

Next I tried to put the living room's light's on as the dream seemed a bit dark. Obviously the lights wouldn't work. I called out my mom to put them on. I mean surely the dream character would manage to put them on? I don't remember what we exactly said to each other, but she didn't do it in the end. So I did the next best alternative. I started fucking smashing the lamps into pieces. I guess I am more random when lucid than normally in dreams. Surprisingly that was such a strong stimulation that it strengthened the dream. I think it also got brighter, ironically.

My mom got upset about the broken lamps though. This sent the dream into a downward spiral. Her negative emotions (that were actually mine, since this is my dream after all), made me angrier and I started venting it on the furniture, as I knew it was a dream. I don't usually smash the TV like I did then when I'm mad. No, really, I don't do that shit. So anyway mom started screaming at me for such behavior and I didn't want to hear that shit.

I went to my brother's room. There's a big window there. I jumped through the glass to get out. Yeah, I sure like destruction. Why take the door, when you can smash yourself through two layers of glass? I ran to the woods next to our house to get away. The atmosphere of the dream had turned into really dark and depressing. I was frightened and conscious of it. I knew that I had to get rid of the fear because I knew that it would affect the dream. Besides, what's there to fear, I knew it was a dream after all!

I tried joking around with my mom. I said to her that she is surprisingly agile for such considering how big she is (she is overweight). I guess that's not the best joke to say someone to calm him down in reality, but as it amused me and my mom was just a manifestation of my mind, that could have worked. But it didn't.

Confrontation was inevitable. The fight was short and I killed my mom with a simple hit on the head. I was relieved, but still thought how fucked up that whole thing was. Relief was only temporary though, as my sis came after me next and she wasn't happy. I was like "you gotta be kidding me?" Do I have to kill my family members one by one in a lucid? That's some fucked up shit right there. I tried to convince her to calm down, but I said the last words aloud in my bed, as I had woken up. Thank Lord.

No dream recall last night as I was fairly intoxicated, so I thought I'd share a recurring dream I used to have when I was very young.

The dream would always start differently, in various places that were at least 1 floor above the ground. It would feel exactly like a normal dream (and probably would have continued normally, if left uninterrupted), and there's one occurrence that I remember more vividly than any dream I've experienced:

I am in my parents bedroom with some friends from school, jumping on the bed (remember, I must have been 7 or 8 years old). Suddenly, I hear the sign that I hear in every instance of this recurring dream: footsteps up the stairs. [No doubt the sound of my parents going up to bed in the real world]
I know exactly what to do at this point, as I've had years of practice: lie as flat as you can, hands by your sides, head tilted sideways. I tell my friends to do the same and they follow, apart from one. He stays standing up on the bed, and as I close my eyes I hear the door open and my friend scream as this monster throws him into a nightmare - the price to pay for not lying on the ground and therefore being invisible to him.

I think I was caught by the monster a few times in the early instances of the dream, and thrown into a nightmare, and though I never remember the top half of its body, I know that the bottom half consists of the pair of 'wrong trousers' from the Wallace and Gromit animation. I can't watch it now without being reminded of those nightmares.

dream : comments : lucid

31st of December, 2011

Final dreams of the year, and they were doozies! Not quite nightmares, but pretty dodgy.

I was at work trying to organise the best possible proposal for Nooks. I spent hours trying to organise a horse and carriage with a nice message printed on its numberplate. For some reason I chose to make a portion of the writing red which, when I finally got it all printed off looked crap. When I tried to change it, they told me they didn't have any spares and couldn't make any more. I wept my little heart out on the stairs for ages, screaming and hitting the pavement. Then I realised I hadn't even organised the carriage yet and decided to postpone the whole endeavour until tomorrow.

Later on, I was at a party where a whole bunch of nerdy guys got into a hilarious, dweeby fight. At the party, this one guy had a "vomit maker" on, which was basically a bunch of leather straps tied around his body that looked like they'd been there for years. He said it was to help him be a better Satanist as it always kept him feeling sick and angry. Of course.
I left the party and was approached by some guys who doused me in a flammable liquid and set me alight. I ran onto the grass but they had a whole field of sprinklers that kept shooting his stuff all over me and keeping me on fire. I dug down into the dirt to extinguish myself and eventually broke through into an awesome underground Minecraft area. It was huge and like a parallel world under the ground with blocky T-Rexes and stuff.
I remember just looking around in awe before the dream faded.

-----

Walking near the road where some firemen were giving a hands on demonstration of their truck. When he was opening a valve, one really badly cut his hand open and put a wrench on it to pinch the skin back together. I walked across the road where this guy on a moped was driving madly in the wrong direction, he skidded in front of this guy driving his tractor down the road and then hit the kerb and bailed off. He stood up and stared and me with crazy-ass ice addict eyes then charged at me as fast as he could and stabbed me in the stomach.