non-lucid

had dreams about supply and demand

3.10.14 Monday

Last night, bed at 9pm - 4:50am

DR 11:30pm
My boss is resigning. I'm sad and freeked out, because he is so cool. I'm thinking who will replace him. Then I'm reading an email from him telling me same thing.

DR 4:50am
I'm counting money. I have a lot. Tens of thousands. Taking a private jet home to europe. Sitting in a comfy chair, someone else is with me on the plane.

At home in europe, we are counting another money with my mom. We are in a nice big bright house. She tells me to close the shades so people don't see. Money are in bundles of thousands. And mom is bringing them from other places too.

I'm thinking which route of commercial airliner I'll take back to US, so I go through some place I have not been through yet.

3/10/2014 – 3:45 am: Dream 1 I am in a school. I am in a classroom with a group of people. I know 2 of the people: one is Kevin Bacon (the actor) the other is a Jim G. guy I went to high school with but he actually looks like Matthew Lillard (the actor). At one point the teacher (an attractive older woman) asks me to come up to the board to solve a math problem. On the board is a rectangle, there are 3 numbers on the left side and 3 on the right. I have no idea how to solve the problem and I state this to the teacher. I feel angry and embarrassed. At this point I remember that Kevin Bacon and the teacher are having an affair. I recall seeing them sneaking out of a warehouse together. Kevin walks up to me and asks me if I have a gun. I reply, “Yes. A 38 caliber hand gun.” He then tells me to “Have the principal run my phone.” I wake up.

Dream 2 Fragment: I am outside, standing on the side of a road. There are natural stone steps near me. There are memorial flowers and candles on the steps. I am with some old men who I know are war veterans, some have been wounded. An old fashion car pulls up and more older guys get out. I don’t remember any more.

Dream 3 Fragment: I am in a school with a pretty Indian girl. We are trying to get to class. Her 4 brothers walk up to us. The oldest, and largest of the 3, is yelling at her because she is walking with me. The brothers leave and we walk to a classroom which is full of large stuffed chairs. I don’t remember any more.

I’m having the same issue I’ve always had with recording my dreams. I have issues falling back to sleep after taking notes. This leaves me feeling very tired during the day. Plus, last night I woke my wife up by scribbling in my notebook. I’m going to do my best to record my normal dreams, but just don’t know if I can lose too much sleep.

00:00 Monday 2014-03-010 Competition #17 night #3 insomnia sucks and the paradox of intent

04:22

F1 entered and followed a snowy path
F2 at a drive through window with Arnold Schwarzenegger
F3 in a very tall steep roller derby with son and our cat kept falling down to the middle of the rink.
F4 pressing buttons and flipping switches on a bottle of shampoo with women around to enable something with a cat
F5 outdoor picnic with the D family.

Couldn't get back to sleep

06:00 up to kitchen for snack and reviewing why I'm not sleeping.
Held purring cat for a while, scratched its head.
Sit in rocking chair for a while.

06:30-ish back to bed.

Decide to hell with it, I had basically no problems sleeping in this bright noisy room before lucid dreaming practice. I take out the earplugs, take off the sleep mask, and decide to let whatever will happen, happen, including just lying there for another couple of hours, not trying to do anything at all.

And of course I fall asleep in about 5 minutes . The paradox of intent.


08:14

1) I'm trying to control a squirming annoyed infant in my arms. It's dark. I bring its face to mine and sort of kiss/suck its tiny (sort of doll-sized) nose and it calms down and it looks into my eyes and gives a cute little baby laugh. I do this a few more times. Face actually sort of creepy and doll-like.

2) A group of people are gathering around in a living room to start a reading, they ask what we've been reading, my wife jumps in and answers for me, we start reading out loud but there's a lot of noise coming from somewhere, I walk into the room to follow the noise and find it and it turns out it's coming from a two-way baby monitor. I walk back into the house as I "know" the parent with the baby is in a bedroom somewhere, I think the parent is annoyed at the noise of our reading and is making noise to annoy us in return, I find the bedroom where there is sound but I do not go in. I return back and am walking by doors, one is cracked open a bit with light and I think that is my friend MR's room, he seems to be stirring / getting up. I'm walking in a narrow aisle between a bunch of single / cot beds.

3) Documentary: The Man Who First Discovered Gold in Alaska. A grizzled distinguished older man with a grey and black streaked beard is standing outside his restaurant talking to the camera crew. He's telling the story of how he was the first person to find gold in Alaska. (At this point: I was then seeing his memories through his eyes). The very first time he panned for gold he found enough right away to buy himself dinner. I see gold flakes under flowing water, and some coins. He wrote messages on paper and folded them up and put them under a stone. I watch as hands fold up a paper and put several like it underneath a stone. It's easy to see the paper I think it's not very secure there.

09:00 up for the day.
09:45 at gym, light weights, some bike, light quick swim, sauna

I was in an elevator. The elevator could take you to places as long as you put in the correct number codes. I was holding a piece of scrap paper and there were numbers at the right bottom corner. I entered the code somehow. The elevator started moving left and right like it's not sure where it's going. I ended up on a floor with people in business suits. They went in as I got out. I asked the person in charge there if I'm at the right place as I pointed at my number code. She said not if I want to end up in hell or something I forgot.

I was walking around in an amusement park with my friends. I stopped in front of a glass window. Behind it was a display of somethings vintage. There was a trunk cut off from a car, a make up storage extracted from the trunk, and something else. There was an explanation displayed but I couldn't remember what it said. I walked further along and ended up at a beach. There was a huge sign on two poles that said "Beach" or something. I was with PW and wanted to kiss her. I was thinking up of ways to do it. I could hold her hands and reach up. I could reach for her face. I then realized that she was impossibly tall and I couldn't reach her.

My friends (3) and I were high up on the outside of a building. We were right by the fence. One of my friend got her phone out and wanted to take a picture of us. They all got their faces in the frame but I couldn't. So I pushed myself off the fence a little to get myself in the frame. I can't believe that I didn't care about the height.

I was looking through sport bras. I wanted to try them on. There were no indicated sizes so I put the bras over chest to see if they could fit.

3.9.14 Sunday

last night early bed till 4:50am

DR 3 am
Earth is preparing for a fight. We have 16 hours to prepare. I get an image of a slowly spinning asteroid. One side has some uneven terrain. As the other side slowly spins into my view, before I see it, I know there are zombies on it. When I see them, they are all standing still on a flat top of the asteroid.

Now I'm at home. It's at night. I hear a dog yelp from the yard and I know zombies have arrived early. I run to tell someone, when I wake up sensing a nightmare starting the moment of yelp.

I woke up at 4:50, but fell back asleep.
DR 5:30
I'm getting some kids ready for school. Girl is getting ready, but boys is being a pain. I yell at him to turn down the radio and get dressed. I'm making a bologna sandwich and piece of bologna falls into the trashcan. Damn.

I notice my uncle Tibi standing there and watching us.

I friend is visiting. We went to 2 schools together. We hug and I'm happy to see her. A girl is sitting in a armchair. She is purring. I comment on that and she gets upset, thinkiing I'm insulting her. When in fact, I like it and I think it's cute.

Today was a really weird day and the time change messed me up, plus I have to go get a bunch of groceries tomorrow morning after I exercise! And the hot weather is getting to me. My mind is all muddled. @_@ Must...perservere...

1. All I remember is a fluffy dark brown colored cat sitting beside a car(?) looking up at me.

2. I woke up to my voice announcing something in my head then remembered the dream.

Apparently there was some kind of competition going on. I’m sitting in the audience talking about it to someone.

A girl had somehow accidentally gotten off the stands into the middle of it. It was Greece vs. Turkey. She was Greek. She was looking panicked but trying to follow along, although it was obvious she just wanted out.

It came to the final moment. She was standing against a wall and her opponent was a few paces away against the wall as well. Another opponent lands next to her, blocking her move out. The only thing she can do now to win is flip around him to the empty spot between them.

Later, she’s talking to someone about how she doesn’t care if they think she should be happy to have been put in the position to win for her country, she didn’t ask for it, didn’t train for it, etc. She wanted an acknowledgement of what they put her through by not stopping it.

Inspiration: I don’t know if it was the inspiration, but Greece vs Turkey reminds me of Axis Powers Hetalia. I can’t think of why else those countries would be in it.

3/8/14

9:20 am non-lucid

Part 2

Something about to be revealed. Dramatic music with string quartet. I keep myself turned around because I don't want to see. First, girl from daycare (who was on the train in that other dream) peers out of the curtain (and someone harmless before her) and we're relieved. But the daycare kid says to us that someone else is there, implying someone tall and scary. Then I wake up.

Before the revealing, we are expecting something menacing and evil. But I (or my husband? or us combined?) remember the last time we faced it and how the creature wasn't too bad. I'm imagining the creature as よつば. My husband (or me?) says to sit in a bathtub so that we won't wake up (?) when we face her.

Part 1

Before this, we're all on vacation. We were forced to leave the nice timeshare (?) to go to a cabin in the woods with a lake. My husband and I were very upset and wish we had asked to stay behind.

More than just my family was there. At one point, I went to eat lunch when it was the Japanese lunch time. I remember there being very authentic food made by this nice lady (a mentor) and thinking perhaps I shouldn't complain about being here. My husband was there, and other Japanese ladies. One asked why I was at this table and another replied because I'm married to my husband.

At some point I go off further into the woods, past these signs in various languages except English and Japanese. I find a shallow source of water and drink from it. I don't recall exactly, but throughout this part of the forest there are things abandoned. I wonder if this area has radiation and regret drinking from it. I leave the area and look at the sign. There's English but I don't understand what it says. This was the most interesting part of my dream. I would like to revisit this area in another dream again.

Transitioning to the evil presence coming, something about going to a shopping complex with my husband.

Now for the most interesting and intense dream I've had in awhile!

I dream I'm sitting with my friend Matt in his blue Mazda 3 in a random parking lot. We are watching a girl having a verbal fight with her mother outside of a house about one hundred feet or so away. The house is on a small cliff overlooking some train tracks. The fight eventually ends up getting physical, and the two start throwing things at each other. Matt and I are laughing at the scene, finding it comedic for some reason. The daughter now gets hit with a shoe and tumbles backward. Matt and I lose our shit now, but the girl then trips and falls off of the ledge down to the train tracks.
"Oh shit!" I exclaim.
Matt and I now get out and rush down a hillside to the train tracks to help out. The mother is already there crying over her bleeding out body.
"Should I call 911?" I ask.
"No." The mother replies. "She'll be fine."
I'm not sure how much I trust the woman's statement, but I decide to leave now. I go and grab my own car and drive off. I'm driving down a main road, and I am surprised to see how accurate the dream has depicted my city. As I'm driving towards the BP gas station I notice something is very out of place. People are running around, cars are crashed, fires have broken out, and riots have started. My phone now rings and I pick it up.
"Dude! I just heard the government shut down!" Matt says over the phone.
"What does that mean?" I ask.
"It means there is no more government!" Matt answers. "People can do whatever they want now! There are no more rules!"
"Dude this is just like the purge!" I exclaim(I've never seen that movie), before we both hang up.
I am about to pass BP now, and two men come walking out into the street with AK-47s! My eyes widen as they see my car coming and aim at me. I run one of them over and kill him on impact and keep going. The second guy shoots at my car, forcing me to pull over into the Family Video parking lot for cover. I get out and see that Matt's car is in the lot too. He must be inside of the store, so I go the door. A crazy looking woman now comes out with a fat yellow whiffle ball bat and tries hitting me. I push her back inside and lock the door. I turn around and see a kid named Chase whom I know holding a shopping cart high above his head. He throws it at me and I once out of the way of it. I pick the cart up and throw it back, hitting Chase.
"Really man?" I say. "What the fuck did I do to deserve that?"
My friend Phil now comes out of nowhere and pins Chase down.
"Phil what the fuck are you doing?" I ask.
"I'm gonna kill him!" Phil replies.
"Phil you can't kill him!" I scold. "Think about what God will say!"(What a hypocritical statement, I killed that guy with AK a minute ago ).
Phil now gets up and stops trying to kill Chase.
"Can we not bring Christianity into this?" Chase asks.
I ignore Chase and start looking around the intersection, which looks like a war zone. I have Phil follow me on foot now and we begin running uphill towards my house. This is the part of the dream where my city starts looking completely different than real life.
As we run uphill more of our friends join up and follow behind me. We soon run into another group of people who seem to be friendly. We join up and continue going up the miles of stretch that this hill is. The houses all around look beaten up or abandoned. I mention to the group that we're going to my house, because my Dad owns a Ruger 9mm and a Ruger .357 Magnum(and he actually does IRL).
As we continue up what seems to be an endless hill, we run into another group of people. They have weapons and are pointing them at a bunch of women in tight yellow clothing. They tell us the girls(all around my age) are tribute for anyone who can touch their chests. ...what?... So all of the men in my group rush towards them, including myself, and begin trying to claim our wives. My friend Michael might have been there, but I don't remember completely. But if he was that's funny because he has a girlfriend.
I am beaten to the punch now(or grab I guess ), and all of the girls are claimed. I missed the last one by mere seconds. It ended awkwardly with myself and another man both grabbing the girl, but he got there a split second earlier. I awkwardly let go and continue to lead my group now.
We reach my apartment complex soon, which actually looks like it should in real life. I tell everyone to wait outside and I go into the house. For extra safety I lock the door behind myself. The apartment is dead-on what it looks IRL which I think is pretty cool. It shows how much the ADA method can affect your dreams' detail. Not to mention it was cool that I could hear a warning siren wailing off in the distance. It made the situation seem much more realistic.
I now run upstairs and reach into my pocket for my iPhone, but I feel now bulge. I feel my other pocket, which is also empty. Fuck! I realize I must've dropped when I was assaulted at the Family Video! I needed to call my Dad and ask him what the combination in his .357's case is(it actually has no combo IRL). I continue upstairs and go into his room anyway. If I can at least find the case I can get it open with something laying around the house. If not, I still have the 9mm which is in a zip-up case.
I begin searching all of the drawers desperately for the grey case, but I'm having trouble finding the gun. However as my search continues I unfortunately awake. Damn! Such an awesome dream too!

Closest picture to compare my Dad's .357 to:

This dream is little more dark than the last two, but I figured I'd entry it anyways.

I dream I am exploring the backyard of my old house(which I did IRL that night, the house is condemned and locked off). I have my bull mastiff dog Dracula with me and we are walking around the yard just to see the state of everything. We go up to the back door and look inside of the house. Despite the fact that it is filled with mold, I enter the house and walk through the kitchen. Looking around, everything is how I suspect it would be, water damaged and torn apart. It's a pretty upsetting scene. As my dog is walking around I make my way down the hallway to my old bedroom. I walk in and the dream actually has depicted the bedroom to look very similar to what it looks like in real life. There are a few hiccups on accuracy, but that's how dreams work. I'm just surprised how accurate the house looks all together. But anyway, I continue searching around the room looking at all of my old things I left behind. Two AH-6J Little Bird helicopter toys(I never owned in real life), and my older brother's airsoft gun collection(much larger than it was IRL). I pick one of the guns up, a replica of an AK-47. My brother also has some tactical vests the military uses too, which I take. I unload the AK and look in the magazine, which is actually filled with nerf gun bullets. I turn now and see my older brother standing in the doorway. He tells me to out the gun down and leave. I do as he says and I follow him to the front door where my Dad is waiting. I now follow them outside to the front porch and then I awake.

Now something a little more interesting, which is actually kind of funny because this wasn't a lucid dream.

Anywhore...

So I dream I am in some sort of Hunger Games/Battle Royale kind of competition. Myself and several other people are all closed off in some sort of environment, and there are supplies all around the area for our survival. Most of the weapons scattered around the area are automatic weapons of all sorts.
I happen to pick up a small PDW of some sort. It is a machine pistol of some type, which a high fire rate. It will be perfect for engaging other survivors in close quarters. I now take the weapon and run up some sort of scaffolding that leads up to a dome tower. I notice that there are multiple survivors running around and shooting each other up in the building floors below the dome. I reach the first floor and sneak my way past all of them and enter into a room. However, someone spots me as I enter and chases after me. I turn around and three people run into the room with guns. I pull the trigger and mow all three of them down with my only magazine of ammo. One of them tumbles back into a closet, another to the floor, and the third one hits the walls and falls back. My blood is pumping adrenaline rapidly now. I now walk outside and look around for a new weapon. I look down and spot an AK-47 sitting by the railing surrounding the building. I pick it up and run back into the building. I notice several more survivors coming up the scaffolding. I wait in the building, and I do so, I awake.

It's been quite a while, since I've updated here, so there we go.

Date: 13 Feb

Pre bed: 3 mel

Wbtb: 1/3 latte

I have a non-ld at my grandma's, then another one at an unidentified place that resembles our old place, where I'm trying to ld while family members are walking around.

Mini-LD: I have a short ld that feels like a dream from scratch where I suddenly find myself in this dream scene. I examine myself in the mirror. Memory gap.

LD:Now I am at our old place and remember to do breathing exercises. This goes on for a while until the dream collapses.

LD: I'm on the street now facing this mexican looking DC, he seems quite lively and says something that's in line with what I was thinking/saying. This leads me to initially believe that he's a smart DC. I start a conversation with him, asking him about stuff of interest.

As I talk to the DC, I start noticing that the background kind of flickers (the light in the entire scene), it gradually becomes thicker with this additional layer of light. In the meantime, it seems there is nothing to be learned from this DC as he keeps on coming up with random words.

I start paying less attention to him, continue expressing my thoughts and desires. I pay more attention to what's going on, don't analyze the situation, just witness and feel this energy. The dream layer of energy and light becomes brighter and more dense, it's like I can feel the entire field of dense energy that is over everything and there's a slight hue towards the very light blue to it. It's somewhat pleasant but I totally get the feel and worry that the dream might be coming to an end, while this is happening.

I then recall my restaurant task and look around. The street is rather deserted, just warehouses and no restaurant nearby. The energy effect gradually diminishes as I concentrate on my task. I get the feeling that it might be difficult to change things in this dream, it seems realistically stable when I look at the warehouses, but then get an idea to think about McD. I think about finding a McD around and sure enough, I see the familiar M (or something close to it) over one of the places at the warehouse.

It's closed though, I can see that it's empty and the lights are off. But no problem, I instinctively cover the place with my hand and think about it being open and working/full of people. I move my hand away and it is! I head in its direction, happy about the summon. There are large pictures of burgers all over. But wait, do I really want to eat McD in a dream? I continue inside the store, which feels like some part of mall now. There's this undetermined place that kind of looks like a supermarket section or a convenience store, whatever, it is adjusting to my thoughts/expectations as I come closer.

In the end as I reach the shelves, wondering what to pick up to eat, it becomes a sushi place. I examine the food, wondering what my subcon will come up with, trying not to influence it too much. There's delicious looking sushi with red caviar and also another box that I can't recall in detail. I grab those two and head towards the cashier. Here, I want to play around some more.

There are two female DCs working there and a number of DCs queueing to pay. I go to the counter and expect to be immediately served. They direct their attention towards me and take the boxes, giving me a slight look of discontent. I feel like I don't have any money with me, but instead of summoning them, I decide it will be more fun to pretend that I am paying and everything is fine. This is exactly what what I do - after the old Chinese lady tells me the price, I make a movement to hand her some invisible banknotes which she takes and gives me back a receipt and semi-existing sort of change (a coin or so). She also hurts me a bit with her finger nail and gives me a somewhat angry look (as if she knows what I'm doing). I take the stuff and get ready to leave but the dream fades and I find myself in bed. I briefly wait to resume, but it doesn't immediately happen, and possibly better for journaling.

Hey, I won't say many details about this dream because I was going to write the entry a few days ago when it happened but a bunch came up and I came back today and it didn't auto save anything, so I'm not gonna write a detailed DJ, especially because I have several others I'd like to type up tonight that were much more interesting, but ironically not lucid.

Anyway, I dreamt I bought some soup at a Chinese restaurant and I had no money, so I ran off with it. I became lucid in the process and threw the soup aside. I then spawned in an orange Dodge Charger and get in it to drive. That's about all I remember.

Don't worry, much more interesting dream journals to come in the next hour or so.

I start off in a massive, dome room (the ceiling is like the top half of a sphere). The atmosphere is precisely that of Twilight Princess from The Legend of Zelda series (amazing game... if you haven't played it, you should). The room resembles a cathedral The floor is made up of large, stone bricks. Some of the bricks are cracked and crumbly, while others are perfectly intact. The bricks are about two feet by four feet. There are dark red colored bricks and light grey bricks. They make up a target symbol with a red circle in the middle, then a grey ring, then a red ring, and the outermost area is grey. Each ring is about six bricks across. The walls are curved to line up with the ceiling and they are concrete. They're also cracking in some areas. There are pillars attached to the walls. They look like Greek pillars. I am unsure of how many there were, but there were many. On some of the pillars there are torches for lighting the room. I walk forward toward the center of the room. A large, scaly sphere bursts through the wall I'm facing. The sphere is covered in very dark red scales. The scales are fairly large, about a foot in length and ½ foot wide at their greatest width. I have to dive to get out of the way. It hits the wall opposite from where it came. I notice that the wall was is severely cracked where it hit. The scaly sphere sits there and I see its eyes. They're nearly perfectly hidden under two scales. When I make eye contact with it, it lets out a growl of hysterical anger. It starts off very low pitched (like a lion's growl), but the pitch slowly rises - as does the volume. As it growls, it begins to vibrate. The growl becomes so loud and at such a high pitch that it is almost unbearable. The higher the pitch and the louder the growl gets, the more it vibrates. I feel the vibrations in my feet and shins. It finally reaches the highest and loudest point and rolls towards me once more. I dodge once more, but this time it doesn't hit the other side or stop to get all mad and changes its aim to me once more. I know it will hit me and it does. I feel the scales grinding against me, but it does not hurt. They mostly feel like small pulses of pressure running down my skin. It is as if I am made of a squishy, latex material. The sphere and I propel through the wall. The area the sphere and I broke through leads down an underground tunnel slide. It is too small for the sphere creature to fit through, but I am sliding down the tunnel. I come to a harsh, sudden stop when I hit the ground. It causes an intense vibration from my hips down. The sensation quickly fades, and there is a shift to

a very sunny, bright area. I am in the center of a slim pathway made of very dry soil. On both sides of the path is grass. It is more luscious and green than any grass I have ever seen. In the distance I see many buildings, but they are distorted. It just looks like they're blurry and swaying back and forth... similar to the way heat makes something look. I walk forward and pass a white picket fence. I think of it as pointless because it isn't on the path, and it only goes a couple feet on either side of the path. Anyhow, I pass it. There are small trees on the left side that still need posts for support because they aren't big enough to stand on their own, and there are a couple brown, wooden benches on the right side. I eventually get to a round-about sort of thing. It's a larger path in a circle, and it has a small median in the middle filled with little pink/red/purple/green flowers, and another small tree in the middle. It's just as big as a normal round-about. I go to the right side. There's a very old-looking pickup truck that's pretty much all rusted. It is approaching me, but the closer it gets, the slower it moves. The driver yells at me and tells me that I should pick up a flower from the ground and give it to a girl. I pick it up. When I see it the first time, it's purple. I walk further into the area and notice that I am just outside of a small, country town. There is an arch in front of me to signify the entrance to the town. There are two buildings; one on each side of the arch with their sides facing me, and their entrances facing in towards the path that continued on into the town. The path is straight and seems to go on indefinitely, as do the buildings... just one after another. The buildings are mostly old-school brick houses, but there are a few that are made of wood instead. I look for a girl to give the flower to around the outskirts of the town, but all the girls I see are with their boyfriends, husbands, or kids. I turn around and see a girl sitting on a bench beside the path facing the town. She is dressed in a black, long-sleeved shirt, and black pants. She's not sitting with anyone, so I approach her. The flower I picked up is now green. I sit next to her and give her the flower, but she wants a dandelion instead. I look down and there is, conveniently, a dandelion. I pick it and give it to her. After I look up from picking the dandelion, she isn't in all black anymore; she's wearing blue jeans and a white shirt. We stand up and begin to walk towards the city. I almost get through the arch, but then the girl starts to walk backwards away from me. Her movements aren't like normal backwards walking, they're forwards walking, reversed. The next thing I see is the rusty truck passing me, but it's going backwards to where it came from. Its backside was facing the town, and the dirt was dropping from the backside instead of coming up from the ground from its front side. The people were also moving in reverse. I could still move freely, though. I, again, almost got through the arch, but that's when I woke up.

A fragment about a castle where there's a bottle containing the souls of witches, kept as a historical item for tourists to look at.

Based on Legend, I'm visiting Darkness. He's going on and on about his plans to marry Lili, have her kill the unicorn and so on, gloating. I say to him, no. Her human boy, Jack, he's on his way here, and she's going to have to make a choice. She might have sided with darkness for the moment, but my side's going to win her in the long run. Darkness grants me that point - but "we don't have years." The choice she makes in the moment is the one that matters, not whatever regrets she'll have afterwards.