lucid

I was non lucid, shopping around with my mom, and Brian from work. He sold 2 of his lamps that I wanted to a member on DV in the dream, on a side note. Anyway, in the car on the way back from the store, a dream sign that I can't freaking recall, was kinda tickling my mind. I remember looking out the car window thinking about it, wondering if I was lucid. The dream was so boring and uninteresting at this point, that first I convinced myself that it was real life. Then something snapped in my brain and I realized I WAS in fact dreaming. Wish I could remember what it was.

Anyway, I asked mom to slow down the car. It took a while for her to stop, which annoyed me. I even closed my eyes for some reason. I felt the car stop, then I opened my eyes and we were parked in a garage of some house. I got out and went inside, and mom and Brian followed me. All 3 of us were in the livingroom, which only had a large mirror and curtains, and wasn't very well lit. Told you I wanted those lamps BRIAN. I was frantically trying to remember the basic tasks, but I couldn't. I asked mom and Brian, they shrugged. I even pondered for a moment if I would have luck getting on DV on my phone in a lucid lol. But no use, the only task I could remember was the one I didn't really want to do: take out my heart and give it to a DC. I stood in front of the mirror, and I was wearing a red, lowcut shirt. I just stuck my thumb and first 2 fingers into the flesh just above my heart, and pushed. I didn't actually break the skin, just my fingers were phasing through the layers of skin, fat, muscle and bone, just above my left boob. It didn't hurt and there was no blood (which is customary in these types of LDs for me). After a few inches, I felt a medium sized organ, which felt appropriately shaped like a human heart. It was warm, and gooey, and suspended in warm goo. I gently wrapped my thumb and fingers around it, and slowly pulled it out of my chest. There was a long slit in my chest left behind, but again, no blood. I went to hand it to my mom, but only Brian was still there. When I went to hand it to him, he didn't want to have anything to do with it lol. He actually looked panicked. I just said "Hey man, this is just for a task. Just hold it for a second and then give it back if you want." I thought I would just spend the rest of the lucid trying to put it back in my chest. So he held it for one second and gave it right back. I don't think he even looked at it. I looked back to the mirror, and pushed my heart back into the crevice that was left behind. And that was about it. I remember feeling accomplished after that, then I woke up maybe 2 seconds later.

Later on I had a non lucid where I explained to my son what I had done. I went through the whole thing again, but with him instead of Brian. Even took my heart out again, to demonstrate. It didn't occur to me once that this might be a dream. It was a very well made retelling of the story haha.

Will be another quick entry. "Possible" WILD because I am not sure that I maintained awareness all of the way to the entry. Mostly data for myself...so those easily bored, beware. Go to bathroom after 4 hours, hmm...usually 90 minute increments (though 120 minute increments seem more common if less sleep the night before, but not enough data recorded to support that yet...previous night didn't sleep great though). Woke up recalling a dream about lucid dreaming and relaying them in two different ways. Back to bed quickly. Woke up from the actual LD about 25 minutes after laying back down so also supports the idea that I might have woken up to go to the bathroom in the middle of REM since I got back to REM so quickly...or REM rebound...Anyway no big plans tonight but did the old mantra that never seemed to be consistent: "The next time I am dreaming, I will realize I am dreaming" maybe 5 times but I think this was not the key. I think it was a combination of nightmarish SP-like HH's raising my awareness just before the vibrations hit. I don't remember the "villain" but I remember thinking it was based off of a paranormal movie. Regardless, I recognized it as not being a real threat, felt the vibrations and nudged them on. I felt myself being carried into the air but I flew back to the floor and happened upon a sexy DC woman. I removed her pants to reveal white cotton underwear bunched up in places as if it wasn't the right size. I removed those and was awe-struck once again at how realistic a DC's skin could feel. I removed her bra and for was surprised that the breasts were not larger but they were just right and so realistic to the touch. At some point during all of this sensuality I heard a DC of my wife waking up across the room and I went over to her and she said that she was dreaming of silk purses and silk dresses. I wondered if this was some form of a false awakening for me but clearly still a dream since I was in a studio apartment nothing like my house with a kitchen and bedroom adjoined with no wall between. I had been getting busy with the sexy DC woman in between the futon(?) where my wife was and the kitchen but she had disappeared. Thinking about FAs I started actually waking up and I attempted my idea of what I think BB's awakening test/teleport technique must be or at least what I think an effective one would be for me but apparently I was too awake to go back in despite staying calm and still...probably finished up that REM cycle..? 104

Color legend: Non-dream Dream Lucid

Lucid #184: Be Still My Beating Heart

I’m walking through a parking lot into a mall, recalling an earlier dream where Dad had brawled with some pellet gun-wielding high school kid in a parking lot just like this one. As I enter the mall, I recall my intent to have a lucid dream, and one begins.

I walk past a set of red metallic benches, taking in the detail and comparing it to waking life. I marvel at how completely realistic it looks. As I continue down the walkway, I turn toward a woman walking with her two young daughters and half-shout, “Can you believe this is all a dream?” They smile politely and scurry away.

I take a brief detour through a clothing store, walk past a few more places, and then exit onto some kind of outdoor boardwalk area. There’s a tattoo parlor to my left with a wood-carved sign overhead which depicts two attractive, dark-haired, pale-skinned women with intricate sleeve tattoos. The place is called “Nutjob”. I think how cool it’d be to get tatted up in a dream and start to head inside. It looks a bit more like a boutique when I get closer and I suddenly get this irrational fear that things will turn sexy in this place and that I’d better avoid it.

I head back through a door into the mall and encounter a grinning, friendly-looking British woman in her late 20s. I remember Task of the Month and ask her, “Who is my true love?” She says some stream of hilarious nonsense about waffles, and we both start laughing. I think she is super cool. “I’m not going to be able to remember that. Can you answer again?”

She laughs even harder and then starts singing “Polly Wolly Doodle” in a British Donald Duck voice. (The kids have an Easter toy that does this, but not with a British accent.) I can’t stop laughing and I try not to think about whether you can laugh yourself awake from a lucid dream.

I start thinking about what the other tasks were and she wanders off as I do so. I remember something about your heart, and then spy Wife walking in the mall about twenty feet in front of me. Still in an incredibly good mood, I run up to her, get her attention, and after she says, “Hey!” I make out with her for a little bit. This is fun, but okay, back to tasks! I’m supposed to pull my still-beating heart from my chest and give it to a loved one.

“Here, watch this!” Wife keeps looking at the nearby stores instead of me. “You really need to watch. I’m only going to do this once.” She looks back and I reach my hand inside my body. I feel something about the size of a softball pulsing very softly. The movement is a bit too weak for a heart muscle, but whatever. I pull it from my chest and when I present it to her… my hand is empty!

“What are you trying to do?” asks Wife. I explain the task and she furrows her brow. “You really don't need to do that for me,” she says before wandering away into a nearby store.

I wander through the mall some more, baffled by how long and stable this LD is. I pass through a busy arcade area where I see a mom busily taking care of 10-12 girls shouting demands during a birthday party. There’s cake being passed around which I sort of want to try but I feel like I am at enough kid birthday parties in waking life.

As I’m heading back into the hallway, an attractive Asian woman with waist-length hair passes by. We look at one another and the guy she’s with, some generic dude in his late 40s with thinning hair, seems to jealously take notice. He kind of freaks out, storming around and I say, “You want to go to the parking lot.” He obediently leaves. But when I turn back to the woman, blood’s pouring out of her nose like he just hit her. I’m confused because I didn’t notice him do this. I worry that my confusion means the dream is ending.

I pass my hand in front of her face and she’s healed. When I glance over my shoulder, the guy is back, glaring at us. “You’re not coming back here again,” I say, and again he leaves. I say something to the woman about how this is a dream and she agrees. The dream is definitely fading now but we still manage a bit of sexytime before the dream ends.

My recall is quite okay - I start analysing the stuff a bit for my personal reference - and that is not for here.
It's a bit of a balance - makes sense to journal for myself only, and not censor myself - but then again I know, that posting here keeps getting necessary again, because I let that slip otherwise.

Enough excuses - I had two unfortunately short LD sequences last night.
Instead of pondering the implications of lucidity as planned - both times I simply took flight and lost it in the process somewhere and dreamt on.
I wanted to get somewhere - and both times it somehow came to me, that since this is a dream - I can simply fly.
So I did - and that was it..

So before this one I had another non lucid dream that I got up and took notes on around 4. Went back to bed, had this and woke up 3 minutes before my alarm at 5.

It started as me watching a gun fight out side, there was green grass around and it was a little hilly. Somehow it morphed into me in a gun fight and the background was now a convenience store. I had a hand gun and was taking people out left and right. I wound up getting an uzi from one of them and took some more out. Again I had a hand gun and there was a guy with a plastic badge hanging from his pocket with glasses. He was suspicious so I took him out. It didn't seem like my bullets were doing much to him but they took him down regardless. I got a box of ammunition off of him and was going to reload my gun. I ejected the clip and looked at it. It was a strange clip that went from small to big and back to small to big again. I wasn't sure how to get the bigger bullets past the smaller opening. I realized that if I put the clip back in my gun and pulled it out again that I could will it to the size of the bullet that I had in the box. I had to find out what size the bullet was in the box so I looked at the box to read the size. As I was focusing on the letters on the box (which were very out of focus), instantly I was in a bed reading a tag on a pillow I believe. This was a sort of false awakening but I already knew it was a dream at this point. I did a RC (hand check) here and realized it was a dream. LUCID: It was very dark in the room and trying to stabilize on my hand was pretty hard. I felt kind of stable in the dream. I got up out of bed after some fighting with the darn covers. To the right was a small window and I contemplated going out that but decided to explore the house to see what house I was in. I went toward the door and opened it. I looked at my hand again to try to get more stable but it was still really dark. There was a hallway to my right and a banister in front of me. I tried to go right but was frozen in place, I couldn't move. After a little stress I woke up. This has happened to me before while I was flying in the dark I couldn't control where I was going. I think that I wasn't stable enough. I totally spaced out on using vocal commands and tactile stabilization techniques. Pretty sucky for my first lucid in about 10 days.

I was with S and H. We were at a theme park and were going to ride some roller coaster. Supposedly it was a roller coaster that H had designed. Because... my high school friend can design a roller coaster I guess.
Anyways, the thing is, I don't really like roller coasters, not because I am scared of them, but because I tend to get sick on them. and usually after just one ride, I am a crabby, headache ridden motion sick wreck or a person. But S and H talked me into it and we get on the coaster.
Anyways we are the only ones riding, S and H are together in the front car, and I am in the second car. The roller coaster starts pulling us uphill and I notice that the roller coaster goes up quite a ways into the air, at least a few hundred feet. It has a red and orange metal track. But other than that doesn't have any design features that are that spectacular. I start to have second thoughts when I notice that I cannot even see the top because it is obscured by some fog. (The dream was overcast.-ish.)
We peak the hill and drop off. But I get none of the uncomfortable feelings that I usually associate with roller coasters, but instead a thrilling free fall followed by an exhilarating turn. (The way a roller coaster should feel.)
I then thought about how I should try to "absorb" the experience and replicate it in a lucid dream. Little did I realize that I was already in a dream, so having that sort of thinking was actually somewhat funny.
I decided to simulate flying in a lucid dream. I tried to imagine what this location would look like without the roller coaster and I put my hands out in front of me in the form of fists, trying to pretend that I was flying like Superman. But, because I was already in a dream, the roller coaster track faded from existence, along with the other cars and my friends. The only thing that didn't fade was the second roller coaster car. Also, the fog cleared and it became sunny out.
I was flying, but I was still strapped in. I was the one keeping the car aloft. And sure, the thing was practically weightless. But I still felt cumbersome. So I broke the latch that was keeping me strapped into my seat, and dropped the coaster car into a nearby lake.
Then the man who built the coaster/ran the theme park came over and started complaining to me. I was just floating there over the lake. He said that he wanted the coaster car recovered from the lake. So I kindly hovered down into the water, and lifted the car up with one arm. I deposited the car on the shore of the lake and the man thanked me.
Something was up, I had to reality check. Even though I was pretty much full lucid. So I decided to land. Next to [where the coaster was] was an open parkland area with some trees. I landed and did a nose pinch RC for a really long time, like ten seconds. It failed, but I was still thoroughly convinced that I was dreaming.
Now I'm going to skip what happened in the dream after this because a.) it's personal. b.) some could find it offensive. c.) it's BORING AS HECK!
So I had a false awakening in my own bedroom. Lost lucidity and woke up not long after that.

Before this experience I had lucid dreamed 7 times and my main goal was to fly in at least one of them. It happened randomly on a night that i wasn't planning to lucid dream, about half a year ago. It was a natural LD. It started out as a normal dream and for some reason i was being trapped inside a house by a group of men. They were all in the living room with me but i wasn't allowed to go outside and leave. I had this emotion that I had to get out as soon as possible so I tried to escape by fighting all these men at once. When there was only one left standing I ran outside the front door. The last guy ran after me. I remember my heart beating rapidly and then it just hit me. I asked myself the question, why am i running when i can just fly?! In that split second I became lucid and tried to fly. I knew it was my first attempt at flying so to me it seemed a bit difficult. I told myself just do it and believe. I started to float above the concrete. I got about 5 or 6 ft high. Then I seen the guy catching up to me. I said to myself hurry up before he comes. I would levitate a little higher but then drop lower again. He grabbed one of my legs and started to pull be back down. I knew the only way to fly was to get him away so that I could concentrate. I punched him in the head while floating until he let go of my leg. He released me and I started to fly up in the sky. I remember the view was beautiful and then it all started getting blurry and faded black. Then I woke up. I woke up with such a good feeling. That I had finally flew in one of my lucid dreams and that If I did it once, I could do it again.

"The greatest illusion is that mankind has limitations " - Robert Monroe

i went to bed at 8 so there was a series of dreams between my wake up of 7:30

first dream was after i had already woke up once. I kinda remember falling asleep and like melting into the dream. immediatley i recognized that i was in a dream and checked my hands just to make sure. sure enough i had the extra finger on each hand. it was pretty dark though and having been lucid for some time i started trying to do stuff. i saw my cat tucker for example, two versions of him, one as himself an orange cat and another as a white cat. i ponted my finger in a gun shape at the white cat cause i knew that was an imposter and trie to go bang bang, but i dont think i believed in that enough so it didnt work. the only cool lucid thing i really did was like morph through a wall. then i believe afterwards i had a false awakening because it was really dark and i was in my bedroom only to soon after find myself at the beach but sadly non lucid.

I don't remember the very beginning of this dream, but the first thing I know, I'm lucid. The area I'm in is kind of strange. I'm in my living room, but the roof is blown clear off and it was night (it also must have been spring since it wasn't freezing). In the area that normally leads to my kitchen, there was a cobblestone-lined path. Rather than turn back to where my room or the front door would have been, since those areas looked dark and uninviting despite the moonlight, I decided to follow the path. To the right was a solid concrete wall. After a few feet, the path abruptly turned left. The path continued on into the darkness (which shrouded the land only a few meters away), but on the right of the path there was some kind of witch hut with its lights on. At least, that's what I think the thing was, as I never went inside.

Deciding to test out my lucid dreaming skills, I went back into the living room. The house no longer looked uninviting and was now lit with moonlight, so I went towards my room and closed the door. I imagined one of my friends being behind the door and opened it again; nothing. Then, I painstakingly imagined every detail of what would happen when I opened the door and opened it again; still, my friend didn't appear. This friend in particular never seemed to show up on command, only appearing in a dream by chance, something she did rarely. I gave up quickly and attempted to do something else.

I returned to the concrete wall and decided to try to draw the outline of a portal on the wall with my fingers. After all, most of my lucid dreams start in the dark, and my main goal for some is to find light so I can practice without fear of anything attacking me; I could just use the portal to teleport me to the place I was in, but during the day. For a while, nothing happened, but eventually my finger started leaving a glowing trail behind (I guess it just needed ink?). I drew a square in the wall with this glowing trail, but nothing immediately happened. I tried pushing on the square, and suddenly it rotated on the spot, revealing some kind of a pink/lavender void behind it. Before I could think I lunged into the void.

Briefly, my vision turned black and some words popped up in the middle of my vision. I don't remember what they were, sadly, but I do know it was only one or two. My vision quickly cleared, and I was in some sort of floating building. The sky was a cross between blue and lavender, and there were gaps in some parts of the floor; looking down, I could see clouds the same color as the void. The building itself was golden in color and seemed to be emitting a gold aura of sorts, and the walls were highly detailed. Either way, this was apparently a mini-dungeon of sorts I had to complete to progress. It was very sort, too: all I had to do was turn left, jump across a gap, run to the end of the room, turn right, jump across a second gap, and I was at the end. The wall here was concrete, like the one I drew on to get inside. Logically, I was supposed to draw another portal on the concrete.

This took me to a second minidungeon. My vision turned black again and words came up again, this time several. Aesthetically, it was identical to the previous minidungeon, yet this one was much simpler. There was a long hallway, the right side lined with pillars and a large hole in the floor to the right. At the end of the hallway, you had to jump right across another gap, which was where the concrete wall was. In the middle of the hallway, there was some sort of zombie thing. I easily slew the zombie by shoving him into the void, and I easily got through the rest of the minidungeon. I drew a portal and stepped through.

Annoyingly, it led back to where I started, still during the night. There was also someone at my side, a guy who I didn't know but reminded me of one of my old friends. We decided to travel along the cobble-lined path further. After half a minute of walking, an inexplicable strike of lightning struck the earth, a horrible sound booming across the world. The lightning illuminated the place, revealing that we were in a somewhat hilly (yet clear) area surrounded by a forest, with the cobblestone path branching in two, one split leading to the forest and the other staying in the clear area. A large bone was sticking out of the ground up ahead on the left, and a dead tree was on the opposite side of the path. For whatever reason, the dead tree was covered in human skulls.

Then, the eyes of the skulls started glowing. They erupted in purple flame and became animate and began to fly at me (slowly).

Then, the large bone began to move, and a humongous skeletal dragon head burst out of the ground. Paralyzed in fear, I could only watch as it completely tore out of the ground and looked me dead in my eyes. They too, glowed, and the dragon erupted into purple flame. It let loose a horrible roar.

At this point, I probably could have reasoned with the dragon. It WAS a dream, after all, and you can usually get an assailant to stop attacking fairly easy. However, assailants in my dreams tend to be more vicious and committed, and there was also a GIANT BURNING BONE DRAGON roaring at me. The thoughts of "NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE" drowned out reason, so I high-tailed it out of there. Fortunately, the concrete wall wasn't far away. I heard the bone dragon sprinting after me, its steps causing miniature earthquakes. I drew a portal and felt the dragon's presence right behind me as I pushed the portal open and leapt into the void. (In some ways I consider this an accomplishment; if I were less experienced and I had the same dream, chances are I would have woken up at the skulls or even the zombie-thing).

I entered yet another minidungeon. I can finally remember the words that pop up on my vision for one of these things; this one happened to say "Heaven". I guess they were names. Anyway, this minidungeon had the exact same loadout as the first one I went into, except it was mirrored. The dungeon itself was somewhat different aesthetically. Unlike the previous one, the walls were made of silver, and they were covered in small red, blue, and green dots, all of which glowed. Have you ever wanted a wall made out of christmas lights? This was that wall. Either way, the minidungeon was laughably easy to complete since I had done it before.

Upon drawing a portal on the wall, I woke up. Damnit.

So this was from a few nights ago so I don't even remember when I got lucid, only that it was a DILD. I only recall thinking about the bonus task from January and not really wanting to do it. So I SOMEHOW came to the conclusion that the basic task was to "look at myself in a mirror or reflective surface, see my reflection, then cause the mirror to crack." Lol WHERE did I get that???

Anyway, I was in something resembling the Plaza of the Americas in Downtown Dallas, and I thought, "Hey! I can use the ice rink as a reflective surface!" I was up way too high to get to the ice, and thought about jumping over the rail, but didn't want to feel pain if I cracked on the ice. I was feeling incredibly lucid, despite my TOTM memory blunder, and saw a way to round the corner of the rink that would put me level with the ice, and an opening to the rink was there. So I ran to it, and entered the rink.

I noticed that there were ice hockey players practicing at the time, and they were so rough on the ice, that somehow the ice cracked in sheets and sunk mere inches below freezing water, right when I was trying to get to it to see my reflection. I had a moment of doubt about seeing my reflection on ice rink ice since it's opaque, plus the fact that it was now a bit under water. I plowed forward. I crouched down on the slowly submerging ice, looked down, and sure enough, I saw my reflection on a chunk of ice a few inches below the water. I looked at my face, willing the ice to crack, and it immediately split down the center with a crack!

Today, I recall nothing after that moment.

Super quick entry. Last weekend I had an regular dream involving my grandmother in which something else made me lucid and then the next day one where seeing her triggered lucidity. Last night my grandfather triggered lucidity!

I had a romantic NLD early in the night...felt like puppy love...she was so beautiful and I was reassuring her...a little shy. Red head with faint, fading freckles. We moved our way to bed and sexual feelings and she changed to my wife. I then had a lucid triggered by my deceased grandfather...so strange! Grandmother last week: first, and now him and he's been gone over 20 years...woke up a little teary eyed and almost deild with a dream forming or possibly just HHs a little threatening at first so I laugh it off and feel myself waking up again. I kept my eyes closed and reflected on deceased relatives and interesting unexpected memories flowed in. 103

Date: 24 Jan

Pre bed: 200mg val, 50mg B6

Wbtb: 1/4 latte

Wasn't very wakeful even though repeated mantras a few times, fell asleep rather fast, had a few non-lds I can't recall

DILD: I am having a tense conversation with this female DC I know. She starts criticizing me. I reply that as a revenge I will then do something to make her feel the same way she makes me feel with all her comments. While this is a rather habitual mental reaction, I notice that contrary to other times I don't feel anything at that very moment. Still, as part of my revenge scheme I take her and turn her upside down in front of all the DCs in the room to publicly humiliate her.

As I stare at her, I notice that she just stays there, like a motionless puppet and become lucid. We're in a very large meeting room with a long table in the middle and lots of DCs participating in some corporate event. I'm in a daring mood and decide it's time to defy social rules by getting on the table in the middle of this meeting. Then I almost lose lucidity being carried away by thoughts of how all of the world's problems may be solved by by issuing unlimited credit cards to the entire population.

I keep thinking about this issue as I leave the place and continue towards an unknown city center. There to help me focus more I shout out loud "I am dreaming". There was a slight instability so this helps me ground as well.

Then I remember the invisibility task and go in the middle of the road pretending to be invisible.There are cars coming from all directions but as soon as I pay attention to them, they hit the breaks and spin a bit. I turn around and the same thing happens again. Then I see this huge truck coming in my direction. I start waving hands, checking if the driver can see me. He doesn't hit the brake or slow down and the truck is quickly coming closer. I step to the side to avoid the impact. There's little space between me and the truck, my uncontrolled expectations cause it to fall sideways on top of me, where I feel this huge weight on me. I try to move and free my head, but this results in a physical feeling, which gives me the impression I have just moved in my bed. I expect to wake up any moment but get an FA instead.

I believe that I have woken up for real and the first thing I notice is this piano music coming from the outside. I'm actually in the neighbors where we used to live some time ago and look to find where the music is coming from. I see this girl that I remember (possibly from another dream but could be false memory) who got that piano there and something about her. As if that isn't enough, the balcony is crowded - many people in their 20s and 30s dressed with business attire as if attending some sort of event. I'm think this is just too much when I am trying to fall asleep and decide this can only be a dream, reminding myself that I was trying to ld. Can't member how, but it seems I lose consciousness after that and have another FA.

I think in the beginning, I'm looking from the window to see what's down but then the scene changes and we move to this wooden porch. I initially see this strange big animal that looks suspiciously like a DS, I can't tell what kind of animal it is. Then there is a smaller one and I'm still trying to identify the large one. I'm starting to have some real doubts about this and begin to count the animals, one now looks like a bear and can't remember the rest but there's four of them. I conclude this is a dream and go to interact with one of the animals. It looks like a very large black boar/tapir and as I place my hand on its snout, it bites me and it even hurts.

I move slightly to the left and examine the rest of the area, where I notice a number of elephant-like creatures. I think they are separated from the porch, but no cage, it looks much like in a zoo. At some point the elephants begin to distort in features, open mounts and start roaring very louldy in a generally unpleasant manner. I try to stop them by thinking I want them to stop, but nothing happens and more join the roaring event. I remain there staring at them as they do so, kind of calm, but there's also this deeper inner response to their roaring, which surely is what is affecting them. I think that the problem is exactly this feedback loop - I am thinking that they are roaring, therefore they continue roaring. Then conveniently, I recall the inivible task and think it can be applied quite nicely here. I think that I am invisible. To my genuine surprise, at this very moment all the roaring stops for good.

I'm curisous to how far I can take this with my supposed invisibility and turn around and try to sneak out, while carefully listening for any reaction. The dream fades.

Notes: I have reduced B6 dosage to 50mg as previously it made me too wakeful. Recent valerian series - characterized by difficult recall, lower lucidity levels and more bizarre occurrences, in particular animals.

02.01.2014

To Be A Wolf (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I am sitting in the floor beside my roommate's bed. We have both performed some sort of ritual to transform ourselves into otherworldly creatures. Alex is about to become some sort of undead dark lord, while I am going to be a werewolf. We know that the process will be very painful, but we are prepared.

Her transformation begins first. She clutches her arm and screams in agony as a green-gray bruise-like sheen begins to overtake her skin. I sit in the floor and awkwardly watch, knowing that people in the hallway are going to think she's being murdered. After a few minutes, her screams stop and the transformation is complete. "Look!" she says excitedly. "I've completely transformed."

She notices that my canine teeth are beginning to protrude much farther than normal. "Oh, your transformation is starting now, too." I go to the mirror and watch in fascination as my teeth grow sharper and more wolf-like. However, my interest is cut short when the pain in my gut begins. It feels like someone is grabbing my organs and squeezing hard. I fall to the floor, convulsing, shrieking with each stab of pain in my stomach. After what feels like an eternity, the pain fades and I black out.

*time lapse*

A month has passed. It is the full moon once more, and I am excited to experience being the Wolf for the first time, since I was unconscious for the duration of the last full moon. It will be much easier for me the second time around, I know. The only problem is, people know a werewolf is living nearby and they have formed a mob to kill it. I will have to be extremely careful not to get caught.

Unfortunately for me, it is summer, which means that the moon's power hits me early in the evening. I'm attending an outdoor dinner party with my mother when the feeling begins. I know I will turn soon. "I'm going to step out in the woods for a minute," I tell my mother. She doesn't know that I'm the werewolf everyone is concerned about.

"I'll go with you," she says.

"No. I'm going alone." I tell her firmly.

"Then you're not going at all!" she snaps.

I'm beginning to grow angry and a bit desperate. "I'm 20 years old. You can't run my life anymore!" I storm out into the woods before she can stop me. I take my wolf form almost as soon as I'm out of sight from the party. It feels wonderful! A sense of power and freedom so powerful is coursing through my veins, that I throw my head back and howl. The sound echoes eerily through the forest, sounding more dangerous than any wolf. Damn. I'd forgotten about the mob.

Someone comes crashing through the woods towards me--- it was my mother. She has a shotgun, pointed directly at me. I desperately try to signal for her to not shoot, but she can't understand me! It is too late. She fires the gun.

The bullet pierces through my stomach, knocking me to the ground. I'm too weak to feel the pain. As I begin to involuntarily shift back to my human form, my mother's look of realization and scream of horror at what she's done are the last things I experience before everything goes black.

02.01.2014

To Be The Prey (DILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

My brother and I are standing in our back yard when we notice a chicken and a rooster down the hill. "Let's chase them!" I say excitedly. He agrees, so we take off after the birds. Using what little flying ability they have, the birds easily flutter out of our reach. Suddenly becoming lucid, I fly off after them. Flying, it's much easier to keep up with the chickens, but we still manage to lose them after a while. I also lose lucidity.

My mother has read a task in her scouting handbook that requires the participant to mark their favorite pages in a book and then leave the book outside to show the dogs. I think this is completely stupid and want no part in it. However, my mother is trying to make me complete this task. She is SO annoying that I finally concede, but when I walk outside with the book it occurs to me that the dogs will just chew it up rather than try to read the pages I've marked.

Irritated, I walk to the back of the yard where my dad and brother are sitting. I'm complaining to them about how irritating my mom is being when suddenly coyotes begin howling nearby. The dogs go crazy, and I decide to stir them up even more by howling along with the coyotes.

However, just before I start howling I notice that the "coyotes" are walking directly into our yard. "Woah, are you sure those are coyotes?" I ask my dad. They look more like large wolves.

There are two of them, and they both lay eyes on me at the same moment. They drop to a hunting crouch, growling furiously and stalking closer to me. One of them lunges. I manage to jump at the same instant, kicking the beast so hard in the head that he falls limp to the ground. My timing isn't so great with the other one. He barrels into me, knocking me over. However, I still have my grip on the book, which happens to be a pretty heavy hard back. I begin beating the wolf over the head with my book. It is a long a bloody process with such a terrible weapon, but I somehow manage to beat him to death. My book is now sticky with his blood.

I am irrationally furious that my book has been ruined despite not following through with my mom's asinine task, so I stomp off toward the hill to bury it. But as I approach the edge of the forest, I am at first horrified to see more wolves. However, it seems they are impressed with my fighting skills. They have come to make me an honorary member of their Pack.

The biggest, toughest wolf does not agree with this decision. He attacks me without warning, intending to kill me. His attack knocks me off balance, but I use the momentum to roll on top of him. There are no real weapons nearby. I somehow manage to get a hold of a deer's leg bone, which I promptly shove into the wolf's mouth when he tries to bite me. I shove the bone deep into his throat until he chokes to death. Upon dying, he finally accepts me as an equal.

Well I did a WILD so I was lucid through the whole thing, I tried to make a house with some trees around it but for some reason I reached my limit and was only able to maintain the outside of the objects and they were all black but still caught light on the surface so you could see the outline and everything.
I couldn't really tell if it was in my dream yet though because I've been trying Advanced Vision Control and it looked like how it would look if I made it there instead of in the dream.

I asked the DC's around me if they say it and one answered "I can see it, it's wonderful. Now all you have to do is just build it"

I guess building it meant adding color and an actual interior but the dream was too unstable for me to find out much more.

01/16/14
Out of the Shadows
I am in a strange place. I look around to see where I am. I am immediately lucid and I am just wondering where I am and what I might be doing there. I survey the area. It is a very unpleasant place, it looks like a dark and backwards version of a normal forest. Trees are large and leafless, they look dead. The sky is a dreary gray that casts the landscape into a permanent state of twilight. The land is also shrouded in a thin mist. I start walking through the trees, not really sure where I'm going, but I need to figure out why I am here. There are strange things moving in the misty shadows that I can't quite see. I look behind me and I realize I am not alone. There is a man there with me. I have to get a bit closer to him before I can see who he is, but I recognize him as soon as I'm close enough to see. Alex Mercer follows me through the bleak landscape. He asks if I have seen any sign of Dana. I tell him he is the first one I have seen here. I didn't even know I was there looking for Dana. I ask if I am looking for Dana then why has he come, I thought he wasn't speaking to her. He says no, he's not speaking to her. But there's a big difference between not speaking to her and letting some freak from a parallel dimension kill her. He says we should find her.

I turn to head off in the direction that feels right. Alex follows me and then he pauses. He says he thinks it will be easier if Dana doesn't even realize it is him. He changes form into Dante from the Devil May Cry series of video games. He says he is ready now. So the two of us continue searching through the mysterious place. After a bit longer of a search I hear a commotion in the distance. Alex has clearly heard it, too. A scream… and some cursing. A woman is screaming and yelling expletives at someone. Alex says that sounds like Dana. We both follow the sound. We find that between two particularly large trees there is an even larger spider web. About the center of the spider web there is a woman tangled up in it. She is struggling to get free, but her attempts just seem to be getting her even more hopelessly entangled. She drops some more loud expletives before calling to no one in particular to help her get loose. I can recognize from here that it is Dana Mercer, Alex's sister. She doesn't seem to have noticed that Alex and I are there, and of course she wouldn't recognize Alex even if she had noticed us. She struggles some more and then finally seems to give up on that at least for now. She looks down and sees Alex and me. She says she is so glad to see friendly faces… please help her get free. Alex gives her a dirty look and says no one has said we are friendly… maybe he's not friendly at all. I elbow Alex and tell him to cut it out, calling him Dante. I tell her we'll have her free in just a bit.

While Dana's struggles haven't attracted any of the local inhabitants to help her they have attracted the owner of the web. A large spider crawls out onto the web from a tree. The spider has the tail of a scorpion and is about the size of a Great Dane dog. When the spider gets closer to Dana she screams again. The spider is about to drive its stinger tail right into Dana's abdomen when Alex reacts. He yells at the spider thing to get the fuck away from her and calls it a few creative things. He may look like Dante, but he is using Alex Mercer abilities as he jumps up into the air and forms his arms into a claws, cutting through the web between the spider thing and Dana. The spider turns to attack Alex. Alex grabs the thing's stinger as it is about to impale him with it. He rips the stinger right off of the spider creature and then consumes the spider thing. I am thinking if he was trying to keep her from knowing who he is then he hasn't done a very good job hiding it. I climb up into the trees in a more normal manner and cut her free from the webs, lowering both of us safely to the ground. It turns out she has a number of injuries on her that I go ahead and use healing energy on. Dana is soon fully healed.

Dana doesn't seem to be paying much attention to me, however, she is looking at Alex. When he comes over near us she addresses him as Alex, though she does so in a questioning way. "Alex?" Alex gives her a bit of a dirty look and says no, it's Dante. Dante Sparda. As if it's an afterthought he transforms his claw arms back to normal human arms. Dana seems puzzled and says he's clearly infected. Alex says he's not infected with anything. He just happens to be part demon. His father was a demon… so if she has a problem with that, then fuck her. Dana points out the obvious and says Alex is clearly still upset. Alex says so he's tired of people assuming the worst about him just because he's a demon. It seems that Dana doesn't really have any doubt that she is speaking to Alex. She asks how she was supposed to know there was a fake running around. It seems Alex, on the other hand, has gotten a bit better at faking being Dante. He asks a fake what? A fake demon? She says a fake him, calling him Alex. "A fake YOU, Alex!" He repeats his name is Dante. She says she knows he's Alex, so cut the crap. He is annoyed, maybe at her for seeing it or maybe at himself for not hiding it better. He says forget it. He can't be Alex… Alex is dead. And then before anything else can be said he disappears through a portal.

Damn it! Dana looks around and curses loudly. It seems she's forgotten I'm even here because she calls after Alex asking how she's supposed to get out of this nightmare. I ask if I'm a pile of chopped liver… I can open portals, too, you know. She looks over at me as if noticing me for the first time and says sorry, she was a bit distracted. Thanks for helping her out. She adds that she has no idea what is wrong with Alex… or maybe he really told me his name is Dante? No… I knew it's Alex, though he could definitely use work on his undercover skills… She asks me if I know what his problem is. I find I'm not happy about the way she has behaved, either… it seems to me that she abandoned Alex in the second game, so I find myself quoting song lyrics… "And I watched as you turned away, you don't remember, but I do… you never even tried." Dana thinks I am being weird, but finally asks tried what. I say to figure out what was going on when she thought Alex had gone completely around the bend. I comment that I guess I can't speak for anyone else, but if someone I care about goes bat-shit crazy for no apparent reason I'm going to do whatever I can to find out what happened and get that person back. She asks who says she didn't try. I tell her Alex. And the clone, too… because when Alex consumed the clone he got all those memories, as well. So I remember when she said, "I understand that I had a brother once; a boy named Alex, a boy who used to play games with me and go skating with me and watch scary movies with me. I understand that Alex is dead now." The only problem with that was he wasn't dead… he was right there just wanting her to hear him out, but no… Now even I have that memory etched in my mind and it never even happened to me, but after being consumed by Alex repeatedly all of his memories are mine… and mine are his… Dana looks at me strangely when I say I have been consumed by Alex repeatedly, that no doubt sounds pretty crazy.

Ok, well I figure I will be waking up soon so I open a portal leading back to Dana's home world. I tell her that is the way home, so she might want to consider not taking any more unplanned excursions into parallel dimensions in the future. She looks at the portal and says no. I say that's good, because unless you know what you're doing you can end up a lot of places that make this place… which I have determined to be some part of the Shadow Realm… seem like a fantastic vacation opportunity. So take care. Dana says no again. No what? She says she isn't going home. She wants to see Alex. I tell her it's pretty obvious to me that Alex doesn't want to see her, so the answer to that one would be no. She asks if I know where Alex is. I say I don't specifically know where he is at this very second, but I know where to find him, where he will eventually come back to, or at least I hope he doesn't decide not to come back… She says she doesn't see why he should be mad at her, she's the one who thought he had turned against everyone he cared about! I tell her that there is part of the problem. Until he knows that you get the gravity of what you did when you told him he is dead, he will never, ever, ever be anything but the picture of pain you saw before. Sorry, but there's no way he will be able to heal until you get it. My Penticon chip projects a hologram of a Simpsons clip… the one where Laura Powers, a girl Bart had a crush, on rips out his heart and throws it in the trash. "You won't be needing this!" It's a short clip and it plays on a loop. Well, look at that… because that's what you did! I find myself getting upset at Dana, and I force myself to calm down… after all, it wasn't me that she did it to… but still, betraying someone I care for is the same as betraying me and I want to call her a backstabbing bitch… But I say nothing. I finally tell her if she ever gave a shit about Alex, leave him alone now. If he gets to a point where he is ready to talk to her, he will find her. I transform the portal to Dana's home world from a regular portal to a vortex portal. The portal creates a vacuum and pulls Dana through it and into her home dimension. As Dana is pulled through the portal I hear her saying she never meant to… but then her voice is cut off as the portal closes. It doesn't really matter what she said, I still plan on continuing to heal Alex… he needs to let go of the past not for Dana, but for himself. One does not forgive others for them, one needs to forgive others for themselves. That is the thought in my mind when I wake.