memorable

Ritual: It was a great night for dreaming, probably because I went to bed so much earlier than usual, though I've also been especially attentive to my RCs for the last couple days. I went to bed a little before midnight, and I'm also currently on the East Coast, so the clock was three hours ahead of my usual time zone. My sleep was punctuated with the usual half-dozen wakings, though I didn't do any specific night practices other than try to pay attention to the transitions between sleeping and waking, and in this I was not persistant or prompt enough to pull off a WILD or a DEILD. But by around 6am I woke up from the first DILD, spent until 7:30am writing it down, then went back to bed and lucked into a second one.

NLD, "Drones": I'm standing by a floor-to-ceiling, wall-length window in a big hotel suite, looking out over the curve of a bay. From the height we must be somewhere between the 20th and 30th floor, and to the right I can see another tall building, or perhaps an extension of the same hotel, following the curve of the beach. Ahead and to the left is the flat horizon of the sea. It would be a pleasant view if it weren't for all the drones hovering in our field of vision, each one carrying a sign with a single word on it, white block letters on a black background. The words seem to be completely random.

"It's like some dystopian future," I comment to Peter Dinklage, who is standing to my left. I muse about what it would be like if the drones were weaponized, and turned on us like machines tend to do in science fiction. Though a chilling thought, they are awkwardly constructed without any armoring, and look like they would be easy to shoot down.

Then I notice that although they are not armed with guns, each drone is fitted with a camera, which is just as bad in some ways. Are they conducting mass surveillance on us? The cameras are all pointed directly at us. As I watch, a see a few drones of a different type fly in very close. They are not carrying signs, and they are disk-shaped, topped with a transparent dome through which we can see tiny people inside operating them. The pilots can't be human: even though I am standing next to a dwarf, they are much smaller than him, the size of babies, but with adult features and pointed ears. One of them waves at us, and Peter Dinklage says something like, "This is really disturbing."

FA-DILD, "Smallpox": Shortly after this I have the sense of waking up, though it is not a typical FA; I do not find myself in bed. I feel like I am standing in the same spot, in the same room, only awake now. Everyone else who was in the room a moment ago is gone, and there is no longer any impression of a view. The light has changed, becoming greyer and dimmer: it felt like late afternoon a moment ago, now it feels like early morning.

At once I notice that something is wrong with my body: a dense network of small patchy blisters is completely covering my skin. I look at myself in third person, as though in a mirror, and see them everywhere: covering my face, my chest, my arms, every patch of visible skin is mottled with these raised lesions. I know exactly what they are, too, I've seen them before in historical pictures: these are smallpox pustules, apparently in an early stage, since they are slightly lighter than my natural skin color and haven't scabbed or opened yet.

Immediately my rational mind rejects the scenario: didn't I get vaccinated for this? I realize I don't specifically remember getting a smallpox vaccine, but... isn't that because smallpox is extinct? I can't recall the details but I'm sure I remembered hearing that. Surely it's not making a comeback, like measles, because of all these anti-vaccers? But that can't be right—if smallpox were coming back then vaccinations for it would have become available, and I'd have been first in line.

This can't be happening. I try to will away the pustules but nothing changes. I remain unconvinced. This can't be happening, it must be a dream. If I can levitate, I will know it is a dream: I put my mind to it and though I do not levitate properly, I can feel that gravity is definitely different from waking life. So it is a dream! Okay, that's what I thought. Thank goodness I don't really have smallpox. Now I just need to fix my appearance.

I go into the bathroom and look in the mirror, trying to will my skin smooth again. The pustules are stubbornly persistant, but a lock of hair turns white and I decide to transform the rest of it for fun. It instantly turns stark white, but the texture remains smooth and silky. This gives me the idea to turn my skin jet black, like that of a drow elf. I concentrate and most of it transforms, but there are still pale patches on my forehead and upper cheeks, and when I look down at my legs, they are a streaky grey that is fading out toward the ankles, more like body paint than skin pigment.

On the bright side, changing the color of my skin finally got rid of the pustules, leaving it smooth again. Now I just want to even out the color, but the pale patches resist my initial attempts to darken them through will alone. I try to use my hands, as though spreading pigment over the resistant areas, and this helps a bit, but it is not an easy fix. As I peer closer into the mirror during this process, I notice that my eyes are solid black. I can't remember if this was the correct color for drow eyes, but I really like the effect. By the time I complete the skin transformation, my hair has faded from snow white to a yellower bone white, and this looks better and more natural with the jet black eyes and skin.

During this process my hair has been going through stylistic variations, always long and straight, but hanging down in different ways, and smeared with substances like blood or oil. I figure this makes sense for drow fashion, since living underground they probably don't bathe all that often, making hair treatments like oil very practical, whereas the bloody streaks look impressively gruesome. Although my skin won't stay pure black, it doesn't fully revert to its natural shade either, but retains traces of color, like streaky orange-browns on a muted blue base, while the hair stays yellowish-white.

WBTB: I woke up and spent over an hour writing the report of the last dream, but afterwards it was still early enough to go back to bed. Although I was not sleepy, it was a pleasantly lazy morning, and I enjoyed drifting in hypnagogic imagery. There was a period of ambiguity where it became increasingly difficulty to tell if I was having waking or dreaming experiences, and then I slipped again into full dream.

DILD, "Bed Monsters": I was wandering through the large house belonging to my in-laws where I am currently staying, and I had lost count of the number of bedrooms... there had to be more than twenty. Just how big was this place? At that moment I realized, no, of course it is not so big in waking life, it is because I am dreaming that the size has been exaggerated. Dreaming, eh? Wasn't there something I had meant to do, if I found myself dreaming in a bedroom? Suddenly I recalled this month's TOTM, to make friends with the monster under your bed. Oh! I should get back to the room where I'd been sleeping! I dashed back so quickly I was afraid I would destabilize the dream, but luckily it stayed intact.

I peered under the bed but it was a pleasant open space. It looked like there were a few banal things stored under there, but nothing looked sinister or monstrous. I felt around for something to work with, and my hand closed around a small plush object, which I withdrew and examined closely. It was a small brown teddy bear, only five inches long, with a plump, pear-shaped body and tiny beady eyes. There was a lighter brown oval around the bit of stiching that served as a nose. I was impressed with the detail with which I could perceive it, but had no idea how was I supposed to "make friends" with it. It seemed totally inert, a harmless stuffed animal. I set it on the thick folds of the comforter piled on the bed. "Dance!" I commanded. It just sat there. "Dance!" I tried a few more times, but it remained inaminate.

I walked around to the other side of the bed, setting down the teddy bear on a dresser. I turned away for a moment, and when I looked again it had changed: now it was a sort of bell-shaped plastic structure hanging from the ceiling by a string. I couldn't tell what its purpose was, but it still appeared to be an inert object.

It occurred to me that I had been walking around and standing right next to the bed completely heedless of the space underneath. If there really were monsters under there, I'd have to watch out for my ankles! I wondered if this was the problem, that I didn't really have any lingering childhood fear of monsters under the bed. Perhaps I should try again with more intent.

I bent down and looked under the bed from this side, trying to keep the idea of monsters in mind. I still didn't see much under there: it was a light and airy space, just like in waking life, completely different from the overstuffed space under my bed at home. But I did see a scrap of cloth within arm's reach, so pulled it out. It turned out to be a little crocheted cat, only about three inches long, white with some orange spots. I guessed it must have been made by a total amateur. The body seemed floppy like it was unstuffed, and as I turned it over in my hands, I discovered that it was actually crocheted in a single flat piece with the four little legs sticking out horizontally, so only when it was folded in half along the back did it look plausibly like a cat. The head was the only piece that appeared to have been crocheted with any semblance of three-dimensionality. As I studied it closely, I saw tiny points of bright green contrasting with the dominant the white and orange: there was a little green tuft on the trip of the tail, and projecting from the head was a narrow appendange like the antenna of a cartoon alien, also topped with a green point.

However, this object also showed no sign of motion or life, so it would be hard to say I was "making friends" with it. But then my eye caught a glimpse of orange fur near my feet: my cat had appeared! I wasn't surprised that she had turned up: when thinking about the task in waking life, I had reasoned that she really was the monster under my bed. Though I adopted her when she was about five months old (the best guess of the shelter) she had been living in a feral state before that, and even after five years of comfortable indoor living she still has the edgy instincts of a street cat: she hisses at the slightest provocation, and holes up under the bed for hours whenever a stranger is in the house.

I knelt down to ruffle her long, soft fur, which felt totally life-like, but I noticed the color was off. In the dream she was calico, with big orange patches, but I remembered that she was a tabby in waking life. I wondered if she could qualify as my dream bed monster—though right now she was acting very pleasant and relaxed, and I figured it probably wouldn't count because I had already made friends with her in WL.

Yet again I peeked under the bed, and this time at last I found the perfect candidate for my experiment. I felt that it was connected somehow with the tame cat at my feet, as though all her feral qualities had separated into a different animal. This one had a tortoise-shell coat, all the same colors as a calico but in smaller, more mingled patches. Although the fur resembled that of a cat, the body suggested another animal entirely, with a narrower head and tapering snout. I was pretty sure it was a fox. Best of all, it was already hissing and snarling at me! This was the monster I had been looking for!

Now all I had to do was make friends with it. I began calling to it in the cooing, overly affectionate voice I might use with my cat. "Come here... lovely sweetie... lovely sweetie. I have treats for you my love... treats for you my love." The animal reacted as any feral creature would, holding its ground and continuing to hiss and snarl. I could see the tension locked into its body, poised for fight or flight. I reasoned that since it was a dream monster, the best approach would be to hug it, but that wasn't obviously wasn't going to be possible while it was still under the bed. I needed to draw it out first.

I reached under the bed and the animal snapped at the air and threatened to bite me. I considered drawing my hand back for a different approach but decided to let it go ahead and bite, inspired by that wonderful scene in Miyazaki's Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind where Nausicaa tames the fox-squirrel by remaining calm and patient when it bites her finger. Plus, since it was a dream I didn't have to worry about physical harm. So I kept reaching toward the animal until it bit down on the middle of my left index finger. The pain was surprisingly clear and sharp, but easily manageable. I kept thinking of that scene from Nausicaa and projecting similar expectations on this situation. I felt the animal relax enough to take a few steps closer to me, but it had not yet emerged from under the bed when the dream abruptly faded. Intriguingly, even after I had fully transitioned to wakefulness, I could still feel a distinct itch in the second joint of my left index finger where the animal had bitten me.

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night of 5/7/15

#1
There is an arsonist who has been burning buildings and homes down in my area. I am working with a DC to identify him/her. We go to our "dream lab" to work on the problem. The lab is accessed by falling asleep and then in the dream going to our lab? While in the lab at work a man appears to us and asks if we know where a certain person is at. We tell the stranger the location of the person he is looking for and he promptly disappears. After he leaves we realize that he must be the arsonist as there is no other way that he could know about our lab and how to get there. We also realize we know where he will strike next as we just provided him with the information. We leave the lab and instantly appear outside of a house. It is nighttime. I call up to an open window and my nephew appears. The arsonist has not yet struck and I feel relief.

#2
I am in my living room, it is dark, the only light is ambient light coming from the streetlights outside. I instantly realize that I am dreaming. I say "I am dreaming, I am going to walk over to the door and go outside." I find it very difficult to move, as if I am in water or surrounded by gel or something. I struggle against this for a few seconds and the dream starts to fade. I wake up and mentally review the dream. As I fall back asleep I catch some beautiful psychedelic HI.

#3
I am being carried to a beach on the back of a co-worker. We pass an old blue car. My oldest friend is seated in the driver's seat. I call out to him and he gets out of the car and joins us in our walk to the beach. Next we are outside of a blue wooden building. We all have large, strangely designed shotguns with rotating magazines? My friend says "watch this" and shoots an electrical wire protruding from the building. It emits some sparks and leaves a hole. I turn to my right and see a kite tethered to the beach, blowing in the wind. A large eagle swoops down and becomes entangled in the kite string. It falls to the ground, wrapped tightly in the string. I immediately feel that I must help the large bird. I walk over and pick it up, cradling it in my arms. I walk down to the beach, looking clearly into the birds eyes. I dip it in the ocean, baptism style to clean it off. I exit the water and my friend cuts the string that has been binding the bird.

Busy week. Posting a super short summary for reference.

02 May

# 1: With Rumplestiltskin again, this time lucid. We talk and explore around.

# 2: aggression induced ld, dodging bullets by slowing time and phasing. Later went after the attackers using super strength.

05 May

# 3: distractions . Later recalled the basic smell task - found an aromatic candle, which unfortunately didn't smell at all. Then smelled a little bottle of shampoo next to it, smelled like one of those aroma essential oil extracts.

07 May

# 4 (++): Wild + deild and unidentified ld fragment: remembered the basic task again, smelled the air - cold and fresh with a gentle tree scent. Met a friend - actually imposter DC, talked a bit, listened to dream music in the distance. Memories of a cave scene.

At a Bar/Halloween Monster Attack!

I am at a bar with my father and wife. I get in line for drinks, and comment how amazing long the line is. My wife goes off to mingle, and repeatedly brings me drinks, despite the fact that I am waiting in line for drinks. I warn her that I will be drunk if she brings me many more, and jokingly act intoxicated. This makes the woman in front of me laugh and we start talking, she is a very attractive brunette with shoulder length hair and green eyes, mid 30's by appearance. She asks me "What do you do?" I explain my job to her and ask her what she does. She tells me about some outdoor adventure camp she works at. My wife comes back and we all leave the bar, but now my father has become a generic dude and the woman just kind of vanishes. We step outside into the parking lot, it is nighttime and there are various people in what appear to be halloween costumes walking around. I see our truck, it is a white silverado, and we start to walk towards it, the generic dude with us gets in first. I look off to the right and see a guy jokingly lay down on what appears to be a prop grave. He says "hey, look at this!" and laughs to his friends. Zombie like hands pop out of the piled dirt and start to drag him down, he screams and I realize all of the monsters wandering around are real! I open the door to the truck and in the driver seat is an ugly woman, she has eaten the generic dude and all that remains is a purple bag of goo. I yell at her and push her out of the truck and slide over into the driver's seat. I lean out of the door and yell to my wife "get the fuck into the car....now!!! we have to get out of here!!"

LD #37 Party Time!

I am at a party, and walking into the kitchen I pass a man leaning against the doorway, I pass him and turn around, and instantly know I am dreaming. I say aloud "I am dreaming, this is a dream!" I walk out into the other room and see a young man standing in the middle of the room, I narrate "I am going to slap his face." My narration comes out a beautiful, perfect pitch falsetto singing. I approach the man and slap his face 3 times, he just stares at me blankly. I look around the room and marvel at the perfect, crisp detail. I look at some beautifully carved chairs, there is a full set of 4 around a dark wood table. I think how amazing and realistic they look. I remember "this is a perfect rendition of my aunt's living room" (this is a false memory, although there is some resemblance) I turn around and continue to sing "I am going to walk through this wall and appear in another place!" I confidently push through the wall on my right and cleanly pass right through. I appear in a galley kitchen. The floor is white tile and the ceiling is low and there are fluorescent lights in the middle of the ceiling. The walls are light blue with white trim near the floor. I walk through this room and into another living room type area. I decide I am going to take a psychedelic substance (Harvard dream researcher Alan Hobson mentions this in his book and I thought it interesting) I find a candy dish and intend it to be psychedelic candy. I pick up a piece, knocking several on the floor in the process. The candy is white and red peppermint. I unwrap it and it turns blue in my hands. I put it in my mouth and swallow it, no taste. I walk around singing "the visuals will start soon, I have taken psychedelic candy", again in a beautiful, perfect voice. I walk out into another room and marvel at the perfectly detailed rock wall, thinking again "this is so vivid and realistic!!" I look and see a group of guys sitting and playing cards at a round white table. I decide that I will roundhouse kick the man nearest me. He is wearing all black, with a black "mugger hat", and impossibly dark stubble on this face. As I get ready to kick him he stands up and walks away. I notice the environment has faded and is "shaky" I start to rub my hands together, but the dream fades and I wake up.

This was my longest and most vivid LD yet, surprising in light of my recent slump.

I am zooming along at a good pace and there is a fork in a covered retail and food area like an outdoor mall with mostly covered sections. I veer to the fork at the left and something about the decision or the way I made the action cues me in…wait a minute, I am dreaming right now! I go around the shops looking for something interesting to check out. I see a few DC's here and there, including a couple in some kind of dessert shop.

I fade into a false awakening of being in a laying position in bed but I feel like I am still in a dream and in my dream body with no visuals at first. I start to see a view of a wall next to the bed mostly obstructed by a sleep mask. I am doubtful that this is my actual sleep mask and is in fact a dream sleep mask and I am in our old bedroom at M Blvd so obviously this is a false awakening.

I go for the TOTM to do an in dream WILD. I pull down the sleep mask and search in the darkness of my closed eyes. It still feels like I am laying in bed but I can see the room again and it seems like the same room. I decide to float up out of bed just in case I start moving my waking body. After a few seconds of nothing I start to float up in the laying position

and I immediately jump down onto the bed up and down joyful that I held onto the dream realm. My wife is in the bed

Spoiler for sexual content:

and I plop down and offer my ahem for some oral. It is very enjoyable and I take some other sexual actions on her at the same time. After a few minutes of that she begins to perform the oral a little too aggressively for my liking and

I move on out of the bedroom door. There are two females in the living room area, one particularly petite and the other average sized. I thought about some things that I had read from some who want to put some moral taboo on dream sexuality and I decided that such thoughts were BS. I reminded myself of that decision and held each of their hands and led them into the bedroom on the other side of the living room.

Spoiler for sexual content:

I started on the petite one while telling the other one, who had sat on a nearby bed watching, to start undressing. I enjoyed watching her undress while pulling off the other ones clothes. I started intercourse and her breast were also petite but just as sumptuous on my tongue. To ramp up the eroticism for me personally, as I am inserting I give her a look to indicate that she should let me know if I need to be careful with my size. The DC responds as intended asking me to be gentle, saying that I might hurt her with my large "ahem."

Spoiler for sexual content:

We ended up on the floor somehow and it has become a little awkward so I turn her over doggie-style and continue. I see a mirror on the other side of the room and we sort of easily zoom-scoot over next to the mirror and I am able to get another view of our "interaction." Inspired by the mirror, I mount the other female and grab her more sizable breasts, sort of comparing the overall experience and it doesn't seem any more exciting but definitely very enjoyable. Her position was already in line with the tall mirror just to the right of where I was previously positioned on the floor. I was able to watch her breasts dangle from the mirror view while also going at her doggie style.

After a while the visuals started to fade but I just danced my way through the void until the visuals came back up and I found myself in a very different house.

I decided it was time to go outside and headed toward what felt like the front of the house. I came to a door and reached for the handle but all I could see was a dead-bolt lock with the key side facing me and no key in hand. Instead of summoning a key I decided that the door would be unlocked and would open with a simple push and it did. I look out to a huge field with many large trees and brush hiding what may lay below.

I fly up and out over the landscape at a leisurely pace a little ways and start to get some declining visuals and decide to fly back towards the house that I came out of. As I approached it, it was a large stately house with several large balconies on the left side of the house.

It looked like either the sun had just set or that it was just before sunrise, a little darker than when the sun is fully out, but with that special lighting at those times. I see several windows with lights on and think about peeking into them to see what I might come across but instead go to a door on the left side of what looks like the back of the house.

As I enter there are a few DC's in the large room and they are introducing me to two blonde women that are coming down large and wide wooden staircase.

This is obviously a mansion house of a wealthy family that has many craftsman features, the kind of features that you don't often see any more except in restored homes. The home didn't feel old at all however. I wasn't looking for any more DC interaction and decided to explore the house instead.

I went up the stairs sort of float walking my way up and turned back towards the back of the house and into a great study.

I was planning on looking out the window to the field I flew over earlier to see what it looked like but got interested in the various intriguing items on display. One was a little statuette that looked like it was made of stone with faded paint. It was fairly simple, not intricate, figure with what looked like a crown on their head, not unlike a chess piece that was made to resemble a person. I decided I would try to morph it and it shortened and curved into the shape of a figurine of a small girl leaning over something…interesting. I see a figurine of a polar bear and without really thinking it morphs briefly into a deer with large antlers before becoming a brown bear.

I look around to my left and there are what look like a lot of nicer antique souvenirs. One is a wooden stick looking item stained darker and with some decoupage design on it that looked like something you might find in a nice tiki bar. The dream started fading again but this time I eventually could feel that I was truly back in bed. I tried for a while to see if I could drift back to sleep without moving but eventually had to a adjust my position and was too awake. #319

Took 8mg G + 500mg C around 620am after going to bed late at 2am (started G experiments one time per week after LD#300). I estimate that I woke from the above series around 8:40 first trying to get back to sleep and tossing and turning a little before eventually looking at the time on my phone showing 8:58am. Continuing "this could really be a dream right now" daytime practice with RRCIS but slacking a little too much.

Backlog

A lenghty ld though some parts are completely impossible to recall due chaining, continued sleep and overall dream idleness.

Me and grandma plus some other DC are headed up this building with really weird stairs. It turns out that there is some workshop taking place. My awareness goes up for a moment and I realize this a dream and that I am about to visit a sort self-defence workshop. This sounds pretty cool and I wonder if I would be able to learn something. I get inside but lose lucidity as we are instructed to sit there and watch funny presentations about other people.

My awareness finally goes up and stays that way. I waste a lot of time just walking and looking around, the surroundings change to this partially outdoors quite spacey area. Also, I make a little affirmation that will ld for as long as possible (not going to wake up). There is one very awesome thing that happens by itself. As I am looking around, it seems that it is raining, so while I am gently turning to the side and at that point either time or the water freezes in time /slows significantly. I am able to see each and every single raindrop suspended in the air in a sort of super slow (or suspended) motion and all of these raindrops are little round spheres of water that I can see in detail. It's so unexpected and amazing, I can't believe it. I think I need to take a second to look to the side and contemplate on what I have just seen. I make a big mental note about this.

After some more exploring, I become concerned about me actually having to perform some tasks rather than doing nothing (good point, especially since I recall very little from that part). I remember I wanted to do the Toty drinking contest with Hercules and Dionysus. My ideal representative DC for Hercules would be the Rock, I try to summon him here and there but he doesn't show up. I am disappointed and continue with my general summon idea - guys in ancient type of clothes or topless muscular guys. A number of DCs appear and there is an older man with some ragged clothes that could look like Dionysus after he has been having too much fun. With some more effort, a topless DC with reasonable appearance and muscle comes near Dionysus and it's time for the drinking contest to begin.

I go to the side of this house (in front of which we currently are) and get in the kitchen where there are a number of ancient jugs hopefully full of wine. I take quite a bit of time looking for the one that is large enough and also full, take a very ancient looking one and bring it to the guys. Dionysus drinks a bit of the liquid but he spits it out (I later think how my DCs are always trying to cheat), anyways I take the turn and drink a great deal of this weirdly tasting strong alcohol, even have some worries about dream swallowing waking me up. I manage to keep my concentration but as I pass the jug to Hercules, the dream thins out.

Not really sure if I chained, the scene reappeared etc. It was a similar overall construct to the previous place but the guys and the wine are gone. I give it another try, summoning some more topless muscular guys. A few such DCs appear though with not as much muscle as desired and I mentally try to add more muscle. As these guys are now approaching me, I have a moment of apprehension about them actually turning hostile and what am I going to do in such case, but I manage to calm myself down before this manifests, thinking these guys are fine etc. The scene is pretty difficult to organize this time and I give it up, also being distracted by bf in one of the nearby rooms of the area. I go back to look for him but he is not there anymore. My memory is pretty bad but at some point the dream interrupts again.

While I expect the dream to be over, I am surpised to find myself in the dream again. Somewhat similar overall long open area with transitioning parts. I contemplate whether I should wake myself as not to forget the details so far. But then I am still dreaming, so why wake up. I try to make a review of what has happened so far so I that I don't forget. Ok, what else could I do here, I try to recall some more tasks. The problem is I didn't consider more tasks for today and it is difficult to recall any from DV. Still I am convinced that if I think about it will be able to recall one more from the totys - the nemean lion. I recall the steps.

There is a window separating the area where I am and the outside and as I try to phase through it I end up peel lifting the glass which turns into other light material. I end up in a place like a back yard where I try to summon the lion. Some really cool music shortly plays at this point (and also different music in prior parts of the dream, really good quality), it really fits the mood. I have some doubts about my summon working (it feels like one of those dreams), but tell myself not to give up and try to think about a lion instead of the casual summon technique.

This works and soon a smaller than expected (large dog sized) male lion comes near. He is not too aggressive, but definitely wild. I grab him at the back of his neck (no lifting) and take him along with me, looking for the exibition place. I make mental notes about his size, how convenient the place is. We enter a large hall where it seems the contest will be taking place, though the participangs have not arrived yet. To save time, I summon a cat and take it along as well. It's a really stubborn cat so I have to constantly hold it too. I position the animals on small pillows? for the contestants that have self summoned here.

The referees are here, a DC referee woman takes a look at the cat and a few more cats that have appeared on nearby pillows. She then proceeds to do an examination of my lion, saying something about his paws and posture and in approval finally hands us the price - a roll of paper with the winner certificate. I run out of attention, the dream thins out and I wake up.

April 28, 2015

---

I was back home, at my parents' house. Zukin was with me, visiting, or something. She may have lived there with me. It was a strange conglomeration of all the places I've lived, but it felt like home-home. I was in the basement, when I found a trap-door in the floor in the laundry room. I went down here and found a really interesting computer lab with state-of the art computers and private rooms and whatnot... I went upstairs to tell Zukin about it, and she followed me down the hole to the secret rooms. We were both so impressed and excited that we went back upstairs and got a bunch of junk food and pop to take back down with us. We spent hours playing Minecraft down there, in one of the private rooms. I was almost worried about bothering people by being here so long, but then remembered this was a secret room in my basement. There were no other people there!

We played for a long time, and then went upstairs for some air. Later, I went back to the trap door. I remember very clearly how I lowered myself through the small hole (it was small, just big enough for me to fit through) and hung from the ceiling a bit until I dropped myself to the floor in the first room. It was dank and dusty, but through a door were the computer rooms. I noticed another sort of hole through some rags, and explored this new area... to find a whole fucking store! It was an abandoned store, but all of the merchandise was still on the shelves, there was no dust, the lights were still on. It was rather beautiful. I explored this store and wondered if I could use all of the beautiful things in the store. It was an open, golden space. The lights were warm-colored, and the shelves were all about hip-height, the highest was at chest height, so I could see the whole store clearly. Things glittered and sparkled, it was so beautiful.

And then I found the old online orders. Or something. There was a binder with the records, and it said they were all online orders. They were packages that were supposed to have been sent out like 40 years ago. I sifted through them, opening some of them. I was worried at first about opening what wasn't mine, but these packages were so old... I thought about trying to find the people they were for.

I opened one of them, and it had a calendar/planner inside it. But like, it had already been used. It had belonged to a college students, and she had written so many notes and doodled all over all the pages. It was gorgeous and I had this huge sense of "omg HISTORY" rush through me. Each page had a little furry creature printed on it, and this woman had doodled the creatures doing things like catching pokemon and karate.

Also in this pile of never-sent-out packages was a pile of all the things I've ever lost. It was amazing. I found dresses I thought were long-gone, that I grew out of ages ago, and some many little things I'd lost over the years. I was so happy, and felt disappointed when I woke up because it was such a cool reality in that dream, and I missed it.

I'm really only posting this because I found it interesting.

I don't recall ever having a more gentle transition from waking to dreaming than what I experienced during my nap yesterday. I was drifting between fragments, constantly shifting, but not restless. I turned over and closed my eyes. In closing my eyes, a new scene became visible on the back of my eyelids. I knew at once I was staring at a wall, and that I was laying on a floor. My hold seemed tenuous like I was at risk of losing lucidity, but the dream was odd that way too. I had many lapses in which I found myself back in bed, and when I closed my eyes the dream reappeared in the same gentle way, but my dream self was confused and worried that I was 'blacking out again' and that if I was blacking out I wouldn't be able to hunt packs of fury when they raged through town. We called zombies Fury. O.o

I don't remember much, I remember quite a few lapses. I know the room I woke in had three fireplaces and there were many small indicators that would have allowed me to become lucid, but I never pursued them. Like, thinking that this house had two kitchens just like my grandparent's house when I was a kid. I realized that wasn't true and experienced a panicked moment of vertigo and a fading to the clarity of the dream, which my dream self took as the edge of a blackout, so I backed off. Or thinking that the man in the room with three fireplaces was my grandfather, and then wondering how he could be my grandfather since both of mine are dead.
And the fact that there were bears hanging out on the deck.

Anyway, many times when I began to lose focus and 'black out' someone would offer me their hand and it would ground me in the dream. I also remember a disturbing conversation with a childhood friend, who I shared the house with in which she points out that I've been suicidal for a while, and she noticed because when I would go out to hunt Fury, if I stepped into the pack I would look left, then look right, and then look right again. She explained that I did this so that if an attack came from the left, I would not be forced to defend myself and I could die.
"Would that be so terrible though? Maybe I shouldn't come back." I reply.


Sometimes, when I am in a dark mental space, my subconscious will save me from it by giving me a soothing dream. I have talked about them before. They instill in me a sense of well being, and even if they don't make me feel good, I no longer feel as bad as I did before I slept.
This one was lovely but very short.
I found myself running along a familiar road, like I was coming off the highway. It was crowded with trees. At the start of the bend, there is a guard rail and a sign marking the merging of the lanes from two on the left side, to one. So it will be a regular two-lane road. I'm confused when I see a car coming at me in the lane that should be going the other way. I jump off the road into the brush and it is only three quick hops before I take to the sky. I rarely have big lucid epiphanies they are subtle realizations. I will notice something is off, or I will look at the sky and think that I want to be there, and then I am.
Anyway. I take to the sky, which is a sweet, green-tinged blue. Many feet of the ground I find rain that is waiting to fall. There are hundreds of individual droplets. I rise, softly turning through the suspended rain. I can feel a cool breeze on my skin, easing the stitch from my brow, and the kiss of rain on my face and arms. I take a deep, slow breath. It's so beautiful here.

I would like to know why I have so many false awakenings. I've grown used to it but it seems...unusual.

This must be the longest and most stable lucid I ever had! Not just that, it's the 3rd lucid in a row! I'm really hyped and pumped up about that as I really seem to be getting my old strengths back.

I'm not quite sure where and how exactly it started but the first thing I remember was in the desert.
I lucidly observed a guy meeting his father in some kind of shop and the father looked in utter surprise, and that surprise was utterly and ridiculously emphasized by the fathers face and eyes constantly expanding and morphing. The guy was called something like Abbot I think, and the father was called Akbarra or Akharra I think. Not really sure but all the names start with an A at least. The village I was in was called Aldiba, I'm a bit more sure about that at least.
(The names were likely inspired by the system names of Space Rangers HD)

Then I was outside, still observing in 3rd person. The story now revolved about a man and his wife, who were sentenced to death by starvation. They both were bound to small walls, and the were covered by a rugged piece of cloth, like half a tent, preventing anyone in the village to see them and vice versa. However the man had his brain and with that his essence/soul/whatever implanted into another person, that was also visibly shown by the person at one of the walls having an opened head and no brain inside.
(Mind you the scene was not gory, the art style was... unique, hard to describe. There was no blood and a much more purple color to the bodies.)
His wife however died without being rescued, and he only managed to extract her brain and took it with him. The dream did not state whether it was possible to revive her from that, so for all I know maybe it would've been possible in that dream land.

At this point I took on the perspective of that dude, albeit the actual plot the dream followed so far was pretty much dismissed. The new body was behind the wall the man was chained to, and I had to get away from the village (Aldiba). Behind the walls the desert started, so getting away was only a matter of 200m or so without being seen. The village seemed mostly empty, however there was a wandering merchant entering the village from the left but I managed to get away unseen. At this point I jumped my way through the desert, with the jumps almost being equal to flying. There were a bunch of annoying black dogs all around who intended to attack me when I came close. The first one followed me but I jumped down a steep cliff, being rather sure that the dog would very much dislike the impact, unlike me who didn't care in the dream. Not completely sure if it followed me but I think it tried, and then stopped following for obvious reasons. I think at this point a saw a forest bordering the desert to my left.
The next dog that tried to attack my felt my annoyance through a sand fountain propelling it very high in the air, for a certainly more than just unpleasant impact. The 2 or 3 next ones got the same treatment, albeit the fountains I called then were not as strong.
Then there was a lost dog trying to attack me. I jumped up and raised the sand along a bit, essentially burying the dog. Now I was standing on the border to a new territory. There was fertile earth and a few plants here and there. I felt the dream fading but stabilized by taking in all the details of my surroundings, mainly by moving further, watching the plants and loudly wording the details I saw. Eventually I think a reached a point where the earth kind of was on the roofs of buildings, a rather weird but interesting sight.

I went into a building at some point and here a lot of stuff happened of which I'm not completely certain in which order it happened.

I was in a staircase, and there was an elevator door, it was a normal single metal door which a big piece of glass allowing to look through. It looked somewhat dark and sinister. I considered breaking in and using the elevator or the shaft to get around but decided against it.
I'll describe the staircase structure from the point standing in front of the door. In front of me is the elevator, directly left to that were stairs leading down, directly right of the elevator were stairs leading up. 90° right and left from me were hallways to the rest of the building I think.

I was on a in between level and there were a bunch of dream characters. For some weird reason I thought about turning that place into a living space which... didn't make very much sense.

Eventually on that level I decided trying to summon my wife for shared dreaming. The dream actually gave me an interface, listing her artist name. The interface obstructed like 80% of my view. I looked at it and eventually found a summon button on the far left. After clicking it a piece of color was gone from the button, stuck to my finger as a small piece of paper. I consciously took notice that the dream basically giving me an interface made out of paper, which I found funny and interesting. As nothing happened yet I clicked the button again. Eventually she was summoned in a very fiery and somewhat flaming form, albeit the dream/my subconscious/something realized that it was not possible to actuall drag her into the dream and the avatar was replaced with... Samus Aran in her Varia Suit, albeit a somewhat more gray variant. I followed her, instinctively knowing though that I didn't manage to summon my wife. We ran past a bunch of people and my mother, or at least her voice asked me about the severe injuries of someone. That someone had his butt injured (butthurt pun? I wasn't butthurt myself though so no clue what or who...) but I didn't particularly care and responded that I knew about it, but didn't care, not intend on getting dragged into the pace of the dream characters and their weird antics. Eventually though the dream faded and this time I couldn't stabilize it again.

However it felt like a good 30-40 minutes of lucidity all in all, which is amazingly awesome.



3 days in a row I sleep with Chakra aligned minerals beside my bed, and 3 days in a row do I get lucid. Did the minerals help? I have a healthy amount of skepticism, but the results really speak for them self and the speak is more than just a bit statistically significant. Whether they 'purify my energy' or just cause a positive psychological reaction, I'll believe in the positive results.

Some years ago, when he was still very young, Bolt entered a rocket contest. Not long after launch, one of the engines failed causing the ship to fall from the sky, but the emergency parachute deployed at the last minute, saving his life. In the rocket with him at the time was a romantic interest of his, who was badly injured, and the man who designed the rocket, Bolt’s good friend Heinrich. Heinrich, unfortunately, perished in the accident.
After the incident, Bolt went underground for a while. A few years later, we’re hanging out at his mansion by the ocean:
We sit outside, Bolt and I lying on our bellies side by side in the long, manicured grass of his back lawn. Sitting criss-cross next to us is his little sister and one of Bolt’s friends. Bolt is young, yet, maybe 24, his disasterly rocket failing having occurred when he was not but 19. He’s always been a genius for rockets. His sister is younger yet, 14 or so. His friend also a bit younger, 19 or 20. Sitting in front of the four of us is Bolt and his sister’s private tutor. Tutor is trying unsuccessfully to give a lecture to the 4 of us. Bolt’s friend and little sister are dutifully paying attention, but Bolt and I keep getting distracted and giggling. At one point we even run off for about a half hour so he can fly me around in one of his smaller rockets. It’s an absolute blast. Pun completely intentional.
Coming back from our rocket foray, Bolt and I are giddy with laughter and adrenaline.
“That was crazy! I can’t believe you get paid to do that!” I say, panting from the exhilaration.
“Yeah, a butt ton too.” He says, still laughing.
“What do you do with all that money? You get paid—what—a million or so every time you go up in a rocket?”
“1.7 million, actually. And I honestly don’t know what to do with it all so I give most of it away to charities.” He says, shrugging as we settle back down before the Tutor.
Tutor snorts, “You don’t donate most of your money, you invest it.”
Bolt rolls his eyes, “fine, I do invest it, but a lot of those investments are into trust funds for charities. By the way, how are the investments doing?”
“All doing very well. You’ll be significantly richer before the day is out.”
Bolt nods, obviously pleased by this.
“Now,” says Tutor, “back to the lesson.”
The four of us nod and he continues talking, but I’m completely lost to Bolt, Beautiful Bolt. In the warm breeze his silken blond locks slip softly across his forehead. His strong jaw and supple skin beg to be caressed. His brown eyes are kind, and his body slim and shaped as though he were Adonis himself.
I interrupt the tutor. “Bolt, what’s your ideal kind of gal?”
He pauses to think a moment. “Hmm, I can’t say I have an ideal. I just want to find a girl who sees me for who I am. A girl who knows me and loves me anyway. A girl whom I could love and be happy with.”
I smile. “I could love you, Bolt. Could you love me?”
He looks at me then. Really looks at me. Then he smiles too. “Yeah, Ambrielle, I could love you.”
“I want to marry you.” I say, breathless at the thought that this beautiful, wonderful man might actually be mine.
“I would like that,” He says, still smiling. “I would like that very much.”
I’m totally overjoyed. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Bolt, the handsome, rich, kind, loving Bolt wants to marry me. Me!
“…Someday.” He says.
“What?” I say, not really sure I heard him right.
“I would like to marry you someday. But not yet. Right now I have a craving for something, so I think we should wait a while to get married. …You know,” He adds, almost as an afterthought, “if I were to give you a piece of advice it would be to become Mormon.”
I think my eyes are going to fall out of my head they’ve gone so wide. “What?”
“Yeah, I mean, Mormons have it figured out. They’re such nice people and girls should protect their virtue. That’s really important. It’s not right for a girl to have sex with a lot of different guys. She should just be with the one she loves.”
I honestly can’t believe what’s coming out of his mouth right now. Here, all this time, I thought he was the perfect man for me. And yet, it seems he has a craving for virgins. Well, there’s nothing I can do about that now. My virginity is long gone and I’m not planning to convert anytime soon. I could become a born again virgin, but somehow I get the feeling that’s not good enough for him.
Standing abruptly, I walk away from him. There’s no reason for me to ever come back to this place, come back to Bolt. He’s no different than any other, shallow man.
Making my way inside the mansion, I find myself in a huge, bustling building. I guess I hadn’t realized how popular Bolt really was. As I step into the middle of the four story glass structure and peer up to the balconies of the stories above, all also packed with young adults, it hits me just how famous Bolt might be.
I sense a presence behind me and turn to find Bolt’s friend standing there, looking sheepish.
“If you like, I can show you where to get a really good drink in here.” He keeps his eyes low as he talks to me, and fidgets with his hands. I get the feeling he’s used to being over looked in the shadow of Bolt.
“I don’t have any money,” I say.
“Don’t worry,” he says, “it’s free.”
He looks up at me then and it’s as though I’m seeing him for the first time. His shaggy, black hair shines brilliantly under the florescent lights. His eyes are the clearest blue I’ve ever seen. He’s not much taller than I am, maybe 5’10 or 6 foot. Not like Bolt who’s a towering 6’5. And he wears glasses, slim ones, but as I notice this he takes them off and slips them into his pocket. Reading glasses, evidently. Cute.
I smile and nod my head, “I would like that then, please, lead the way.”
His eyes meet mine and he smiles genuinely, something I don’t think I’ve ever seen him do before. My heart skips a beat.

Sometime later Bolt announces his return from retirement and enters another rocket contest. He wants to fly Heinrich’s rocket again, convinced they’ve been able to fix it since the accident. On the day of the competition, the rocket fails again, and this time when the rocket falls from the sky the parachute doesn’t deploy. Of the 50 or so people who went up with him, most of them are dead and the rest are significantly injured. Again, Bolt is the only one to make it out alive and unharmed.
His competitor in the challenge turns out to be the girl he almost killed in the last rocket crash, his old romantic interest. She’s risen in the ranks to seek vengeance. In the end, I wake up before I get to see her fly. But I have a feeling she would have won.

I took 3 mg of melatonin before bed, then had a ~1 hour WBTB after 4 hours of sleep. Dreamer had told me at some point before these dreams that she had just had two lucid dreams, so I was determined to have some of my own!

I don't remember how I became lucid, I remember standing next to dream characters from a story line that I had been participating in and I was trying to remember tasks. I thought of the bonus task, manipulate 4 elements or something. I looked off into the distance at these hills and made them stretch and grow to colossal sized mountains. I then imagined that they were volcanic and I made them explode with fiery boulders that I made fall down all around me and they set this forest on fire. I walked past the forest as it burned. Molten lava was still raining from the sky but I wasn't worried about getting hurt by it.

I walked out of an orangish-yellow haze and into a city. I started flying at this point. I saw a large skyscraper and made wind blow up against it so hard that it fell over. I didn't watch any of the destruction that ensued from that, I just kept flying. I then noticed a large pond beneath me and I raised my hands so that my palms were facing it and all of the water drained from it almost immediately. I made a bit of the water fly around in the air for fun.

I then went to hang out with dream characters in a new storyline, I don't remember what it was about though. In the next part that I can remember, I was noticing the dream was ending and thinking to myself, "Shit, I should have done something more interesting because I'm totally going to forget what I just did", and I did.

The dream ended and I waited for another one to begin. I started to see what looked like my room and I opened my eyes and looked around. I was excited because the dream started next to Dreamer. I smiled at her and she said to me, "Your eyes were open for a while, it was weird." I was convinced that I had actually woken up at that point and I told her about my dream and she gave me a huge smile, that made me happy. I rolled over to fall back asleep.


In the next dream, I had been playing out a loop. It started as me being an actor in some kind of film or play, then I had to go to a high school with a friend. I remember one of the classes was an exercise/weight lifting class. I also remember that there were spider webs when I would end the day and move back to the start of the dream location so that it could begin again. At the end of each cycle there were more spider webs. At the end of what I would guess was the third cycle, there were too many spider webs and I couldn't move past this tiny passage that I needed to go through to get back to the start of the loop. Being trapped/surrounded by spider webs is a dream sign of mine, and that made me realize it was a dream. I lit the spider webs on fire by touching them with my finger, then blew on them to make the flames get huge. I could feel the heat from the fire, it felt extremely realistic. When the spider webs were all gone, I jumped through the opening and ended up in what looked like an ancient temple. There was no roof overhead, just a magnificent sky that was filled with stars. I flew up into the sky and noticed a galaxy off in the distance. It was next to this truly beautiful looking town that was composed of bright, vivid, brilliant colours. I thought that the sight of the galaxy and the town was so gorgeous that I started to cry in the dream. I wished that I could bring the sight with me out of the dream, I wished that I could paint it.

I flew towards the town and the dream started to get really weird, I don't remember what happened though. I woke up soon after that anyways.

Woohoo I had a few dreams I could remember last night and one sort of lucid/OBE that was pretty cool.

1: I was watching a football match and I noticed that 3 of the opposition players were samurai, and one of them, presumably the best, carried a sword as well. Those three started dominating the other team and everyone was getting scared by just how good they were.

2: My brother Aidan and I went to an ice cream place and got some nice gelati. We went inside and there was a sort of sports club where Johnno(Brad Johnson, football player from my childhood) was there as part of a tv show, I think he was interviewing Jason and Gordon and maybe someone else. I got in the way a bit trying to find a place to pay for the ice cream so I went to a bar in a different part of the place to pay. I gave the 50 dollar note and she said it was fake and to come with me. She led me into a small cupboard place and she told me that the note wasn’t actually fake, locking the door with us inside. Some strange fun time ensued.

3: [LUCID] From the dream before it sort of dissolved into blackness and became a FA. I genuinely thought I had just woken up but I did an RC and pushed my finger through my palm. I got lucid and remembered I had read about the Phase by Michael Raduga a few days before, so I thought that this was an OBE rather than a lucid lol(but who knows). Because of that I tried to get ou of my bed and it was difficult, but I managed to sit up eventually and started to walk out of my room. It was almost pitch black and my body felt really heavy for some reason. I headed to the bathroom as I remembered the first thing raduga said was to look in a mirror, so I flicked on the light switch (it worked, unusual for a dream lol) and looked at the mirror, and i wasn't there initially. At various stages through the rest of the dream though my reflection sort of flickered into the mirror. I started feeling even heavier and in the mind as well so I tried to exert some control over the dream to not much success. I tried to eleport but even fer reminding myself that I was in full control of the dream it didn't work. Instead I decided to throw some fire at the mirror and I managed to get a little stream of fire from my hands. After this I started getting sucked out of the dream and woke up.

4: After going back to sleep I had a dream that I was in a Harry Potter(or something similar) movie. My friend and I went to this woman's house where we went downstairs and used her portal to sort of travel to the ministry of magic, where we were waging an underground war of sorts. We were sort of fighting against apitalism a bit (lol) and eventually my got captured and I gt captured after that. I was carried through in a box/stretcher thing, and it was very cinematic like. Several times throughout the dream I had moments where my vision was still/I wasn't moving and my vision slowly blurred and faded into blackness, similar to in Anamneis when he wakes from the coma (forgot his name doh). I can't remember any other details too well.

A very vivid dream with high continuity. My dreaming personality is a little more extravagant and dramatic than my waking personality. I also have a nice little freak-out when I forget that in a dream, people communicate telepathically/empathically. Weirdly enough, it is only when I type this entry up six months later that I realise that the family at the end are very familiar.

--- --- --- --- ---

I was in a large, detailed town. The landscape was shaped like a bubble, with the edges of the town curving up towards the sky as though it were situated within a basin. The town proper was quite dense and centralised, comprised of public buildings and several private homes. Apartment complexes stretched up the far side of the basin on the outskirts of the town. I had a home here, several levels tall. I shared it with room mates. Behind my home were several statelier buildings and quiet winding streets.

My recall begins in my bedroom on the top floor. The town is sunny and pleasant, but I am routinely aware of a presence observing me through one of the windows. When I look out, my vision zooms to a location on the other side of the town. I see a shadow shift on a ledge as someone leaves the area, but I am not fast enough to catch a glimpse of my observer.

I walk out onto my balcony. It overlooks a public sports oval. There is a crowd gathered there, some of their number are wearing costumes. They are rehearsing for an event the next day where many would come to revel in their self-pity and cling to their vices. They were a harmless lot, ultimately likeable, but foolish. For many years I had known them well, and counted myself as one of them, but no longer.

I return inside. I am with a small group of my friends, none of whom I know in the waking world. They are all male and dressed in Victorian-era clothing. They seem taken aback when I announce that I will not be joining the festivities this year.
"Tomorrow, I will be out on my balcony, smoking. If anyone should care to join me, then they would be most welcome," I say, taking a puff from my cigar. One of the younger gentlemen piped up in response.
"Smoking? Whatever for?"
"For grandeur." I declare. They chuckle. My closest friend is sitting beside me. He shakes his head at me, but laughs all the same.

I go outside onto a lower balcony with him. The evening air is enlivening. I get a better look at him now that we are alone. He is a spritely, middle-aged man with a grand moustache and a quick wit. He is always impeccable dressed, but never too extravagant. He sits in silence, drawing from a large, glowing cigar.
"I'm going to miss these, you know," I say to him, fondly lighting a cigar of my own.
I look out across the town. The lights are off in the apartments across the basin, but the town below is still full of life.

I find myself down in the town proper. Three single-levelled buildings are arranged around a common square. The left-most structure is the workshop of a local artist and jewellery designer. She has wicked red hair, and a strong but gentle presence. I notice a young girl smoking cigarettes and dawdling around her building. When the girl finished smoking, the artist burst from her workshop and berated the girl for the lingering smell.

I had known better, but it struck me as odd that I had already known without being told. I walk around the side of the building. One of my teachers approaches, a wise woman, well-revered by the town. I addressed my concern to her in regards to my own foresight. I was so shocked that I could know what somebody had been thinking without interacting with them. The artist was passing by as I was speaking, and stopped out of curiosity. I had asked the wise woman many questions in the past, but this one surprised her. They exchanged a curious glance, and then looked back at me, puzzled. I felt that it wasn't my experience that they found bizarre, but why now I should fail to understand it.

I was going somewhere. I would lose something.

"We should sit over there and have a smoke," a youthful friend suggested to me. I had been deep in thought. We were in a large hall with others, waiting for the rain to pass. Night had fallen and I had been gazing out the great, vast windows before me. This was a familiar place.
"They're covered in water," a female friend replied. She was right. A few benches were situated on the wooden verandah outside. It artistically swept around the extended wings of the house. But for all its clever design, the walkway did not extend far enough and the eaves were too shallow; rain water dripped down onto the benches.

I returned home, sharing a few friendly words with my house mates. I proceeded upstairs to my hammock. I was uneasy about the open window through which I could be viewed, but was relieved to find it had already been closed and the blind pulled down.

The dream shifts, and I am on the rear-most carriage of a speeding train, right where I expected to be. I had caught this train many times before, and even had a good rapport with the rear guard. I rushed to the back of the train. Below the raised platform where the guard would sit, there was a thick, steel archway with a blue, metal door. It served little purpose other than my own.

I was reaching my end, somehow content with my own undoing. I had known this was coming for a while, and now the time had come to the face the music. I began to speak, a conversation I can hardly remember.
"We all come to our end eventually, don't we?" I say.
"What do you mean?" the guard replied from above. I rushed behind the door and fastened it behind me. The train was picking up speed, but I wanted to delay my moment of passing for just a few minutes longer.
"We degrade, don't we? It's a natural process. Why should we fight it? Would it not be more logical to embrace this demise?" I continued my rhetoric. I had already resolved that it would be this way, and chosen this place because it would quicken the process. Despite my verbose monologuing, my stomach still sank when I began to see the effects unfolding before me.

I held out my left arm and rolled back the sleeve. It was fading away, turning bony and pale, but also ethereal; shrinking and vanishing before my eyes. I tried to remove my watch, but it too was disappearing and hanging limply around my skeletal wrist.
"Surely it would be better not to fight it, don't you think?" I asked to my final witness, captivated by the sight before me.
"I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear what you said," the guard replied. I was snapped from my self-indulgent trance. The wind was roaring, but the guard's ears were keen. They heard every one of my final words, knew in their heart that I was misguided, and would feign deafness now rather than extend advice. My ego was inflamed.

We were slowing past a station. I deftly rolled from the train and skidded for some metres before coming to a stop near a family of three waiting patiently with their luggage. The train slowed to a halt beside me, the guard and driver both now in the engine. The guard, while distinctly the same person, was now a young female with straight brown hair. I stood up and marched over to them in rage.
"Fuck you, you piece of shit!" I screamed. They seemed rather unfazed.
Though still angry, the next few moments were filled with remorse for my behaviour. I felt compelled to apologise to the mundane folk - a rotund man and his wife - for shouting obscenities in front of their son.

April 25, 2015

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My New Mommy
I was in class with the kids but we were in this weird room. I sat in the corner with my computer, and I greeted the kids as they came in because the door was right in my corner. I remember that the room was made with light wooden floors and walls, and was very open to the outside; there were big windows. We all had on headphones with microphones that were all connected, so all we could hear was each other. I was checking kids' papers (we did research papers) and sources. M and T had the same source for their paper about women's suffrage. I walked around a little more and then sat down and turned on my headphones. K said "if i loose my mom and I'm all tragic will you be my new mommy Ms. Kestrel?" And I pretended I didn't hear it, because I wasn't sure what an appropriate response would be...

I was with K, T and M later at recess or something and we walked around the back of the school. There were interesting stairs and weird structures so I climbed the stairs and came to a pretty hill overlooking an orchard of sorts with some forested areas surrounding it. It was sunset and very pretty. It reminded me a lot of the space Zukin and I found in Germany while biking one day.



The Next Level Cult

I was in some kind of survival game, or a spiritual/intuition test. A bunch of people were let into a big room with about 7 holes in the ceiling and ladders hanging down from them. We had to pick one of the ladders to go through. N (one of my students) was there but I don think I recognized anyone else. He was trying to reach one of the ladders but couldn't because he was too small. I lifted him up to it and then went to a spot where two ladders were in the far left corner. Almost everyone was choosing the ladder that had a platform to reach it, but something drew me to the other one. It wasn't a lot harder to get to or anything, so I didn't know why everyone was going up the other one. I had to fenangle just a little bit to reach it, and climbed up...

I came up into another room with a really tall ceiling. There was also some ledges. It was as if the room before had a huge box over it, if that makes sense. There was a very short (maybe a foot tall) fence down the middle of the room, which was made of spaghetti, or something else that wasn't all that strong. There were about 15-20 people on my side and lots of people on the other side. There was a voice through a speaker somewhere. It told us that anyone who tried to cross the fence in the middle would be thrown off the edge, into something deadly... The voice also told everyone on the other side of the room to go back home. Then the guy in charge of this event came up the ladder on our side, and greeted us as people who had good intuition. The ladder test was to weed out the people whose intuition wasn't good enough for the following tests and trials.

We all sat in a circle and he explained the point of this all to us. He said we would be feasting tonight... he was sitting between me and a guy I had met and been chatting to, and he seemed to be favoring us, like talking mostly to us, or at least looking at us more. Anyway, he said we'd be feasting and then looked right at me, ran his hand down my back to my waist. "Feasting," he repeated and I was just like "No." Very firmly.

He seemed put off but in a good way, as if I had impressed him, and moved to the girl sitting next to me and said "feasting?" She said hesitantly no. He tried a few more girls and then said something about us "not liking vampires too, I guess." I rolled my eyes and we were all thinking, ugh, Twilight. The Master said, "well, I mean, I read the first books." I had to confess that I had as well in high school. Then he talked about Bella birthing Renesme and this is where it got even weirder... He got on the floor and spread his legs, pretending to be giving birth, scooting around on the floor on his butt and making weird faces. "You'd pay to see that, right?!" We were all a little disconcerted. "Right?!" He was a little crazed here, and then he zeroed in on me again which made me feel super uncomfortable. It was as if he was targeting me more now, and planned to get me pregnant, then keep everyone here for 9 months to watch me have his baby... That or like he knew I was already pregnant or something. I was starting to think this guy was an insane creep... But this test was somehow important to complete.

We moved on to a new conversation though I can't remember the topic. I know that we broke off to do a series of tests but that whenever the Master stood up and held out his hands we were to create a linked circle. It got more and more cultish. Eventually we ended up at my house; we were competing in my driveway. One of us had a little chocolate-ish blob and the other was supposed to try to squish it. I was partnered with H (one of my students) who had just appeared there. H's blob started going down the driveway hill and I was able to pretty easily squish it, so I won and started up the driveway again. It had been all nice and warm and spring-like, but once I got to the top of the driveway, in front of the garage, there was snow on the ground. I was walking through it barefoot (we were all wearing barely anything by now; short shorts and tank tops with hair pulled up) and then the Master threw snow at me and it got in my left ear. He started throwing snow at all of us, and we weren't quite sure what to do about it. None of us were sure whether this guy was a mad creep or a genius.

I went into the porch but noticed a circle gathering in the garage, so I dropped my stuff and went to join the circle. We were all standing. The Master was standing opposite me and said, "everyone sit down." But even though i heard him clearly, at the same time there was a crystal clear, loud, strong voice in my left ear that said "Don't. Move." So I stayed standing. 3 or 4 other people stayed standing and the rest were sitting. All the sitting people closed their eyes and seemed to be asleep. The Master looked at each of us (one of them was the guy I met at the beginning and had a slight crush on) and was about to give further instructions (I knew now that I had passed some sort of spiritual or other-worldly test... I had been chosen, but I don't know what for) but I woke up.

It's strange, because I think I was in and out of waking throughout this whole dream. Like, I knew I was awake in bed even as I was in the dream. Two places at once, almost. It was strange.

#433 - DILD - 5:18AM

I am traveling with a group of people. An old pastor from a very long time ago was leading us. He kept saying something about getting to Atlantic City. My wife's cousin is talking about winning a lot of cash at the casino and wanted to go his own way and meet up with us later. I interrupt, "Atlantic City? Is that in Georgia?" The pastor said it's actually in another galaxy. I get excited about this idea.

The next thing I recall is I need to change my clothes. My wife is in the room with me and as I grab a pair of jeans she tells me this is all a dream. I pause feeling unsure about it, but noticing how wavy and blurry my jeans look. She goes on, "Yeah. You should totally try changing your clothes in a dream. It would make a cool task." I look up and see myself in a mirror on a dresser and my face is highly distorted. Ok I believe her. Wow, that really cool my wife told I was dreaming! I decide I may as well try her lucid task suggestion and slowly and meticulously put my jeans on. I think about cheating with dream control, but I really want to get this. I pull my shirt off and put on a new one with some difficulty but manage to get it done.

I follow my wife around checking out the dream environment and talking to people for what feel like a very long time. However, nothing super interesting happens here and I forget most of it.

I see my plant manager at some point and decide to show off some dream control to him. I tell him I can levitate, but he gives me an uncharacteristically animated look of disgust when I cant do it. I see some dice on a wire rack next to us. I say, "OK then watch me juggle." I get the same look when my dice float of in various directions not matching my hand movements. I try again, "OK FINE. TK!" There are some boxes of cereal now in the wire rack. With great effort I get them to fall over. Just then, I hear a loud siren and my wife yelling at me, "It's time to go!" Startled and without thinking, I turn around and run toward her.

We are outside now with other people, my wife is standing to my right. I am told we are about to board the space ship, but as I look at the sky I see a very bright and colorful sunset behind large fluffy clouds. I look at in it awe and the clouds fade away reveling a wormhole. I see now that It's not a sunset at all but the light emanating from the anomaly itself. My wife is saying something about entering it to Atlantic City, but I don't pay her attention. I am way to transfixed by the beauty of the thing in the sky. I ask myself why I don't just fly in there right now as I begin to levitate. I put my hands in front of me expecting to fly, but I can't move. Instead I focus on being close and I teleport to the wormhole up close. I sort of get the image of look at a digital picture up close and can almost see pixelation. I ignore this and fall in head first.

I drift silently in a void and hope that I'm not actually waking up. I feel myself weightless and slowly flipping end over end in a fetal position. I enjoy the feeling and stay frosty like it's just another OBE episode. I keep thinking of when Cooper entered the black-hole in Interstellar, hoping for a similar experience. I really hadn't thought of a destination and now I just rely on my subC to bring me out anyplace I can. I get a brief visual of some man looking down. I don't notice now, but later I'll realize it was Cooper himself. The visual returns in flashes alternating to dark void. I focus on seeing intensely and quickly find myself laying on a floor next to a crying baby. Cooper is there tending to another identical baby. I just want the baby to quiet down so I can think and find a bottle. The baby doesn't want the bottle at first so I try it myself. The milk tastes good. My father instincts kick in and I cuddle the baby close to me and try the bottle once more. The baby seems content now. I wake up.