side notes

No recall. Actually, I woke up once and I knew I was dreaming but it faded so fast that I couldn't remember anything.

I thought this was worth noting. I had a dream about Colm last night. We were, at one point, in the midst of the physical act. It was very vivid; I physically felt every sensation. And that was strange, because in real life, the sexual act is usually physically extremely painful to me. Here there was no pain, only love and an indescribable, beautiful connection. The one I felt with him when I was with him in Mexico. He is one of only two people with whom I have felt that kind of connection.

It's nice to be able to see what the big deal about the penetration phase of sexual intercourse is all about, even if it's only a dream. It's also nice to have a break from my nightmares. I suppose my mind needed the respite. I am also at the onset of menopause, and have likely had that in the back of my mind as well.

a
Journalizing has helped me make my dream world much more active and helped me get closer to a reoccurring short haired girl but with an unintended consequence, the power of intention. I have been thinking of the short haired girl a lot in order to pull her into me dreams more but this has also brought girls like her into my life. Usually I see maybe one short haired girl a month today I saw 4 and they were in my face too and that's not counting the blond with short hair that kept walking in front of me!


Dream 1: Telekinesis
Nonlucid
We were sitting at tables like those in a high school classroom and this guy, a table away, wanted me to pass a folded piece of paper to the girl between us. She was facing away from him. He held it up for me to reach way over and get but I realized this was not the waking world and focused to use my telekinesis (TK) and raised my hand to better focus my TK for the small movements that would be needed. Then he looked at me like “Well? Take it!” I used the TK to lift it out of his hand and into hers. He was shocked and his hand just stayed like he still had the paper note in it while he hung his mouth open in awe. The girl was like “what’s this?”

Dream 2: Remember this?
nonlucid
I was in my old job hating it.
Upon waking I realized that all the things in the dream I had forgotten while I am transitioning between careers. Now I remember all of the things that lead me to change careers in the first place! Thanks dream world!

Drank a fair amount last night so poor recall. I had some vague recollection of a dream at the very end of the night. I'm straining now to bring up just one detail but alas I just can't.

I predict a good weekend.

Marijuana Horde

LUCID

Two of my roommates had a storage unit that contained giant burlap sacks which were full of stalks of marijuana plants, uncured and untrimmed. These were huge, massive amounts of weed that I KNEW would remain unused and wasted by my two roommates, because they never smoked pot a day in their lives. I don't know WHY they had it, but they did, and they were currently 'out of town.' I decided the best idea would be to go to the storage unit, prune the weed and steal it all for myself. I managed to steal a little, but perceived time constraints I was unable to get the rest of the horde so I went home.

At home I ran into my roommates, who decided to come home early for the rest of the summer. I got worried and paranoid that they were going to go back to the storage unit... but I tried to play it cool because I would be 'found out' and busted, and end up not having 'fun,'

weirdly it was this massive paranoia that pulled me into lucidity, when I said to myself "fuck this," and took matters into my own hands.

So my roommates were driving to the storage unit, and asked me to go with them. (This is where the weird stuff starts) I sat in the backseat of the car as they drove... and I immediately shifted my awareness and perspective into the body of a police officer sitting in a cruiser off the side of the highway.

I was simultaneously in the car with my roommates AND acting as the Policeman in his own car. I took it upon myself as the policeman to follow my roommates and me to the storage unit, and 'BUSTED' the roommates and confiscated the rest of the drugs as the policeman, so that the 'me' wouldn't get in trouble with the others.

Since it was 'illegal' I managed to confiscate the marijuana and gave it to 'myself' as the police-me pushed my busted roommates into the back of the cruiser, I shifted my awareness back into the 'real me' and left with the weed.

I guess the weird thing is that I didn't smoke ANY of the marijuana at all, but I was just enjoying the company of my 'Bud'

So in the dream i was with the girl i liked and we were going places and having fun and laughing. -Dream End-

-Real Life Begin- So today I, out of no where asked the girl i like out and she said YES! so was that a vision of me and my girlfriend eventually being together?

I think I had a hypnagogic hallucination last night. It was kind of like when you think you're almost asleep and then jump 'cause it feels like you're falling, except way more extreme. It felt like my hand touched a pot of boiling water. I jerked my hand back, but I'm not sure if I did it physically or just mentally. That was the first time I tried to go lucid on purpose, and i don't remember any dreams, but that was pretty cool. I'm pretty sure I have lucids all the time, but i only remember going fully lucid once (or maybe twice?) in my whole life.

Non-lucid, 'Video-game-controller mode' [see side notes], Lucid, [Commentary made while awake]

My dad and I are on a bicycle ride together. I've just checked out a thick paperback book from the library, and it's in the rack on the back of my bicycle.

I'm outside a movie theater in Florida, with my mom. Directly across from the entrance to the theater is a small kiosk where you can get drinks in plastic cups. She and I get some drinks from it for the whole family.

False awakening in my current real room. I hear the sounds of people shouting something about a surfer dude, and decide to follow the shouting out to the creek, but decide not to wake my parents. As I'm walking out of the house, I see that there's a bunch of writing in thick, black letters on the back wall of the dining room, as well as several papers with more writing on them taped to that wall.

I'm entering an upstairs apartment. My uncle is there.

I'm walking past a junior high school. I see a large group of kids in PE uniforms setting off on a run around the perimeter of the school.

I continue walking, and my route takes me along the street in my old neighborhood that goes around the edge of the park. I'm going in the direction of House #2. I turn around and see a tiny, cartoon kid with a BB gun standing behind me on the sidewalk. I'm a little worried that he's going to shoot me with the BB gun, but in the end, I ignore him and continue walking.

I reach House #2. In the garage, floating vertically in midair, is a menu of choices, like on a DVD. They say something like 'imaginary ideal' and 'reality' [I think; I don't really remember.] I select the former first, and find myself standing in my bedroom at House #2. The room is arranged the way it was in reality, but everything in it is completely white. [I really wouldn't call that design choice 'ideal.' However, when I lived there in reality, almost everything in that room really was white, and I was pretty happy living there.] I return to the menu, and this time, I select 'reality.' After making this selection, I find myself back in the same bedroom. It's still arranged the way it was in reality, only now the bed has a green bedspread with flowers, kind of like the one I have right now in reality [which I bought when we moved to House #3], except that the pattern is bigger and bolder.

I look out the window of my room and see a wide view of rolling grassland, with a lot of people walking around all over the place. There's only sunlight shining on one small, roughly circular section of the scene, though; the rest is in shadow. I speak aloud to the scene, saying something to the effect of, “It should be sunny all over the whole scene!” The sunlight spreads to cover the whole scene.

The scene shifts without my noticing it. The window of my room is now a doorway that opens onto a scene of an arctic landscape, with a wide, shallow pool of water in it. [An aside: After all those times I complained last month about the lack of snow in my dreamworld, I finally had a dream with snow in it, and not only did I completely fail to remember that I was supposed to make a snowball and hit somebody with it, but that Task of the Month is over now, anyway! Argh.] I walk out into the scene. From the far side of the pool, I step into the water, trying to walk on it, but I quickly give up the attempt because I get scared away by an orca and a walrus approaching me through the water. I walk back out. I then get the impression that they weren't really threatening me, after all. I go back toward the house. My mom is standing outside the doorway, and I tell her she can watch me do this if she wants to. I start walking back toward the pool of water again, concentrating on continuing to walk forward, straight into the pool, while believing that the surface of it will be just as solid to me as the ground is. It doesn't work; I end up standing ankle-deep in the shallow water again. [That's all I remember.]

-------------------
Side notes:
I'm really not sure for how much of the above sequence of events I was actually asleep and dreaming, and for how much of it I was awake and actively using my regular old imagination. I felt like I was doing the latter for at least part of it, hence the green text, which I always use to indicate a sort of half-awake, half-dream state where I know that I'm using my imagination like a video-game controller to control what happens. The division between green and purple text (indicating a lucid dream) is mostly an arbitrary guess. Then again, I was definitely aware that I was dreaming by the end, so it's entirely possible that I really was dreaming the entire time, and that's what dream control feels like. If so, that's really cool! I really advanced a lot in the area of dream control last night. I will have to experiment with this further.

I'm mildly annoyed, but not at all surprised, to discover that verbal commands work really well to control my dreams. As much as I love Inception and would love to be able to alter the dreamscape just by thinking about what I want to happen, that idea is relatively new to me. I've been a Star Trek fan for years, so it's not surprising that the older and better-entrenched idea that one can change one's surrounding environment by giving verbal commands, like they do when using the holodeck on Star Trek: TNG and later series, would take precedence over the newer idea that one can change one's surrounding environment just by thinking about it. Now that I know what works for me, though, I guess I'll go along with it.

Awake, Non-lucid, Lucid, [Commentary made while awake]

[This is a catch-up post. This dream is from the night of December 21-22, 2010.]

I'm at a ticket booth in a train station, trying to buy a round-trip train ticket from home to L.A., where I plan to spend the day. The train ticket costs $35 and change; when I receive my ticket, it's a plastic card with my picture on it.

I'm at a desk at a music studio, explaining that I'm there because I want to record a demo. The lady at the desk doesn't want to accept a demo from me, until I mention that it's for a contest. She takes out the CD she has of demos for the contest, puts it in her computer to see how much space is left, and sees that there's enough space on it for one more song: six minutes. She tells me I'm lucky, because I'll be the last person to enter a song in the contest.

I'm standing outside some building [the music studio? I'm not sure; I get the impression this may have been a different scene], near the side door, waiting to get in to do something. I realize I'm dreaming and turn away from the door, looking at the other buildings on the street around it. Again, the scene looks just as sharp and vivid as reality. I hesitate for a moment, deciding whether to go along with the dream plot or go off and do my own thing. I choose the latter and take off, flying away. All it takes is an act of thought and willpower and a very slight push off the ground with my legs and feet. I have no problem taking off, but I immediately find myself being pushed backward again, unable to fly forward. Then I realize that it's only the wind pushing me in a particular direction, and if I let it carry me instead of trying to fight it, I'll have an easier time of flying. So I let the wind push me along, and it is, indeed, much easier.

I'm flying over a town. I remark aloud, “And, of course, it's another beautiful, perfect, sunny day here in the dreamverse!” I'm complaining again about the lack of snow.

While flying, I happen to pass over the backyard of a gray building that might be an older apartment building, and I spot two duplicates of myself there. I land in the backyard to get a closer look, but I don't want them to see me, so I try to will myself to be invisible to them. I can't tell whether or not it works.

I wake up in my bed. I'm a little disappointed to be waking up so soon from a lucid dream. I can clearly see a single eyelash moving back and forth in front of one of my eyes as I open and close them. I'm lying on my right side. Looking across the room from this position, I can see my closet. I think, I can't see the closet when I'm lying on my right side in bed in the room I have now. This is my room in House #1. I'm still dreaming! This is just a false awakening!

So I walk out into the living room of House #1. I look around to see if there's anyone else around, but there isn't; I'm all alone in the house. Since there's no one around to see me do it, I decide to try to walk through a wall. The wall I choose this time is the one directly to the right of the front door (as I'm facing the front door from inside the house). This wall separates the living room from the kitchen. [This is exactly how that house is laid out in reality, too.] I say to myself, “I'm going to walk through this wall,” and start walking through it. It's not completely solid to me, but I do feel a slight resistance at first. I continue pressing forward, and feel something hard, but thin (like a very thin sheet of balsa wood) break under the pressure my body is exerting. I continue walking, and end up on the other side of the wall, standing in the kitchen. Looking back, I see that on this side, the section of wall I've just walked through is blank except for a couple of metal panels with doors in them, like the kind that cover circuit-breaker boxes. [In the real-life House #1, there are kitchen counters and cabinets attached to that section of wall. Go figure.] Said metal panels are on a flap of drywall that is now sticking out from the wall at an angle, like a door. My passage through the wall has left a big, rough-edged rectangular hole in the drywall, the same height as I am. I can see the inside of the wall, and how thick it is, because the hole goes all the way through. This wasn't what I had been expecting to happen, but nonetheless, I say aloud, “Hell yeah! I did it! I just walked through a wall!” I'm pretty proud of myself. [Actually, that does make sense. I've had enough experience helping to build houses and doing home improvement projects in real life that I have a very detailed and complete schema for what the inside of a wall is like. I'm not surprised that when I said, “I want to walk through a wall!”, my mind answered, “okay, but you know that means breaking a hole in the drywall.” Interestingly, though, there were no studs to be seen in the dream.]

After that, I go out onto the street that House #1 is on. I climb up on top of a car that is parked on the street in front of my house, just because I can do so with almost no effort (unlike in reality,) but I don't start flying again. I just climb down the other side and walk along the streets of my neighborhood, which are also laid out just like they are in reality. The dream starts to fade, but I focus my vision and attention on the environment around me, and successfully bring it back into focus. Then, off in the distance, I see several tall, scary-looking metal structures rising up above the houses. They're as tall and narrow as construction cranes, but they aren't construction cranes. I'm frightened, so I run off and hide in a nearby public restroom.

[At this point, the dream transitioned from a lucid dream to a long, elaborate non-lucid dream that I don't remember much of now, so I'll summarize:] I'm watching a sci-fi story unfold from third-person perspective, like watching a movie. In it, people are punished for using long words. My dad is one of the people being punished.

When I woke up, I discovered that I actually had managed to fall asleep while lying on my right side in reality, corresponding to my position in my false awakening. I also realized: It's my dream. I don't have to be scared of anything I see in a dream - I can make it go away, by ignoring it, if nothing else. I can also transition to new scenes at will, and could find some snow that way. I just need to learn that these things are true.

----------
Side notes:

I had this dream the night after I had had a small, private celebration of lucid dreaming, as I'd announced in this thread. I was so proud of myself that I'd not only had a lucid dream that night, but had accomplished one of my lucid goals in it!

Wow... Five months. It really doesn't seem like it's been that long. But the worst of the issues have passed, and I finally feel free to resume this dream journal. Over the next few days (unless it takes less time than I expect) I will be filling in the most interesting dreams of those five months of inactivity.

I've reeaally missed everyone, it feels so good to be back! :')

Entry #2.
Sleeping period: 11.5 hours
[ ] Lucid [ ] Nearly-Lucid [X] Non-Lucid [ ] Nightmare [ ] Controlled
Comments: I can only remember little bits and pieces from last night... :[ Hopefully I'll remember more tomorrow. These fragments probably wont be in the correct order.

I was in our bathroom with Dave, asking him to help me open the secret door into the back-room that doesn't exist in reality. As we finally unlock the door, he makes a comment about how "it's impossible to have a shower back there with this piping!"

I was in the secret back-room. It was sort of like a miniature library. Old, old books and papers filled the shelves around me. Possibly "English Council" property? I remember hearing Stephanie Meyer at this point. Then I got a shower. The lighting was very yellowy-orange right then.

I was just leaving school, but I couldn't find my bus anywhere. Finally all of the buses left, I think I saw mine last minute but it was too late to catch it. There was a tent at the traffic circle, Harry was there. We made gifts of some sort for Lin, I think...I called mom to pick me up. A few minutes later I got a text from her, some variation of "I'll be there in 1 minute. The roads are empty, no traffic at all!"

I remember being in a store of some kind. It was like one in Animal Kingdom in Disney World, sort of a canopy in the jungle. Maybe more like my dance patio at CRR? There were little boys there, I think. They were playing with little toys and trinkets. I sadly can't remember anything else except for these fragments, but I think it was one of my most vivid dreams, so that's sort of sad that I can't recall it all

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Good morning! I intended to become lucid the last day of the year, but sadly I didn't. I still had alot of dreams which will have to do.

03.00: Bedtime

6.31: Fragments
*I'm having sex with Monica. It feels great, but neither one of us gets to climax before the dream fades.

*Akono is talking on the DV chat. He lists me and a few other DG's and tells us something about "building it up"

*My family's got a tiger as a pet apparently. It's as big as their current dog which is a rotweiler. "Something will go wrong one day" I say and watch the tiger jump around and play like a normal cat.

10.45: Plane crash
I'm standing close to the centre of my hometown with a few people, including my brother Martin. We're not doing anything in particular when suddenly we can hear a plane. It sounds as if it's about to crash nearby, the sound is deafening. A second later we can hear the crash and me and Martin starts running up the street. Going downhill now we arrive at an intersection. A huge jet engine flies past us. "Hide!" I yell at him as I hide behind a few bushes. The military starts running past us and I can hear people yelling all over the place. The wind picks up and it's gotten dark all of a sudden. Martin tells me to follow him as he heads for some bushes.

We start crawling in this very claustrophobic tunnel. All around me is thorny bushes, underneath is fresh dirt. We crawl in the tunnel for a long time, always switching the tiny, weak flashlight and a camera of some kind. Martin tells me to stop screwing around and focus. I spot a single piece of grass in the bushes, glowing light blue. I eat it up and it gives me strength. After some time we are finally out of the tunnel. We're on a backyard driveway. Getting into a van we try to escape. The road is very narrow because a truck is parked right there. I can hear the bushes getting torn up on my side. Martin drives the car out of the lot and away. I look in the mirror and I notice we've ripped off a large branch off of a currant bush and dropped it infront of the house. I start worrying we'll get caught.

10.45: Fragment
*I'm with my uncle in a boat. There's another one following us as we just go around aimlessly. I throw a net in and an orange ball.

12.00: Weird...
I'm watching a movie with a few whales swimming around. They are visiting different places and jump over rocks and stuff. I recognise one place all of a sudden and I tell Monica it's our place. On land I can see several small mining shafts, and the rock around them has been cut and shaped into rectangles. Like pyramids or something. Suddenly I'm there. I walk around and inspect them all. I spot a few blocks of gold and I wonder why they don't build a goldmine there. "It wouldn't be profitable" I hear. I spot the remainings of an old cut down tree. Embedded in it is alot of gold. I touch the decaying tree stump. Two people appear on benches nearby.

They're writing some kind of test and I go up to them and look at it. It's the math B test. It looks very hard. I start walking down a corridor that appeared just like that. One of the girls starts walking with me, I recognise her as an old classmate I had when I was a kid. "Was the test hard?" I ask her, then immediatedly "Oh that's right, it depends on how you are as a person". We enter a classroom and I spot a coffee machine. The filter is fucked up so I correct it and grab a cup of coffee. I get a mouthful of ground coffee beans and I almost puke.

I gag on the coffee and spit it out in the paper bin. It takes me a while to clear my entire mouth. Suddenly I spot a guy sitting on a table, he looks frightened. I start reading on some kind of bucket. I don't remember what I read but the text was disturbing. "They will come for us" he tells me. A doctor enters the room. I fall down and try to crawl away from him on my back. He jumps up and puts his first foot on my knee, then his other on the other one. He does the same when I move back the first knee. "Okay, okay! I give up" I say. I realise I have no chance against a Kung-Fu master anyways. He wants to give me a shot and I pull up my sleeve.

Holding my other hand around my bicep, I pump blood into the arm. He positions the needle just below my hand on the vein. With a quick motion he pierces my skin. I think all is well, it barely hurt at all. He pulls the needle out again and tells me he has to redo it. This time he jabs it in the vein at an angle, and this time it hurt alot. I can tell the needle went too far and he pulls it out again. Again I am stabbed in the vein and I can see the sadistic look in his eyes. I am too scared to complain. With a pulling motion he rips the vein completely open. There is no blood. A last stab right down in my arm and I wake up.

12.00: Cutting in line
I'm in a queue with alot of other people. It takes forever for it to move, but after a while I am inside a room. Some guy with short hair starts pushing his way through the crowd, cutting in line. I let him go past and I can do nothing but shake my head. Three more people do the same, his friends obviously and I get pissed off. When we finally enter the room I turn to my friend Felix. "Isn't it ironic how someone as intelligent as me gets pushed around by a monkey?" he laughs at it all. We're all positioned at different rows with computers. I end up in the row furthest away from the door.

12.00: Mean relatives
I'm with my relatives in a room. All the grown ups are having a discussion about intelligence and maturity. They start slandering me and telling me I am a kid in a man's body. I get pissed off and is about to leave when I accidentaly break their staircase. I grab the piece that flew off and try to fix it. One of them starts talking to me and I have a long discussion with her about how I have matured since school. "You guys have this imagine of me, from like seven years back" I say.

14.00: Acrobats
I'm with my brother Martin once again and we're climbing on a large tree trunk scaffold thingy out in the water. At every intersection we do acrobatics. There are two more guys behind us, doing the exact same thing. After a while I hear a splash. I look behind me and the guy who fell in the water is already up climbing again. "Hurry up before the cops show up!" I yell at them. We get off the thing and jump in the water. I get up on the dock and can see something huge move around under the water. "Hey! There's something under you" I say and everyone gets up on the dock.

The creature moving around never reaches the surface though, and I decide to chase it. I grab a tree branch and jump down in the water. Holding the branch under me, I start jumping up and down. The momentum makes me splash around and gain speed. I am soon riding around on the surface with the branch under me. Fish starts jumping and I grab one. I get up on the dock again and inspect it. It looks very weird with an oval mouth, and only one crooked tooth in there. "It's a Bellyfish" a guy tells me. He squeezes it and roe starts coming out of its mouth. "See?" I start thinking. "That roe has probably already been fertilized, as it's autumn" They all agree.

14.00: Dressing room at work
I'm in the dressing room at work. A guy is standing next to the sink and I walk up to it to rinse my face with water. He grabs my head and starts talking about fingers and shit. He tries to put soap in my eye. I refuse to take his shit and grab his finger. Bending it I watch him squirm. "Okay okay! I give!" he tells me. He won't fuck with me anymore. Alot more people show up, girls and guys. No one is naked though. My boss comments on my weak figure. I flex a bit and show him I still got some muscles. Another guy comes up to me. "I can tell you've been at the gym this morning, working on your back are you?" he asks me smile. Asshole.

Amount of sleep: 11 hours

Supplements before bed: 200 ml applejuice, 2 x Omega-3

That's it! I've recorded all my dreams so far this year, and this is what I came up with in the end:

Dreams: 639
Lucids: 44

Next year I aim for 1000 dreams and 70 lucids. I know I can do it as I took a few months break this year. I will try not to slack off next year though.

Happy New Year! Keep on dreaming, HARE BRA!

Dream about having lucid dreams… so someone in my dream challenged me to have a lucid dream at beach and to see what happens when you have 11 towels. So I walk to this area and there is a hot tub and a sand box so I’m guessing this is the beach where I’m supposed to have 11 towels so I lay down in this chair that is also part of the hot tub to fall asleep… But I can’t fall asleep. People I don’t know start showing up and distracting me. Before the people make it over by me I realize I’m wearing boxers, so I put on my bathing suit that happened to be floating in the water. Of the people that showed up I only recognized my mom, and she asks me how the hot tub is.

Side Note: Missed 25 Doors

12/30/10 - Bizzare Jungle, Remote Control
Dream Non-dream Lucid

Not really sure what happened exactly. I was in this weird jungle/forest, where my dream self thought to have spent the previous summer. There were some weird and exotic animals there; the one I remember most is a leopard, but it's almost like I was the leopard...

I remember another bit. I was with some animals I don't quite remember, but am pretty sure included a monkey and bird. We were running across something like a long tree, fallen sideways across water... The tree went on as far as I could see, as did the water. We were running to retreave a remote control from some other, less friendly animals.

I wish I could remember more.
Now that I think about it, I vaguely remember a dream or two from that same jungle. Something about fairies, and another involving ancient cursed runes.

At a bar some guy goes to the hospital, there was suspicion of why he had to go, maybe he a was poisoned
Something about getting a job, reading something about planning school

Hmm I feel like I didn't really get into a deep sleep last night my room was really bright and the phone kept ringing, I'm gonna see if a sleep mask might help out.

Side Note: Missed 31 doors