All DJ Entries

My first entry in my dream journal i was stuck in some kind of open feild pen with tribal people they call Proto-Humans almost like a zoo i go up to the people they were dressed in colonial America clothing i tried talking to them at the edge of the pen and they were just ignoring me then i start yelling HELLO I SPEAK ENGLISH i have apparently been stuck there for 50 years yet i am 20 then i finally escape gate...and talking to Brenden Frasier dressed up as he was in the Mummy and he walks in and takes me to a stargate that people have apparently not known worked in thousands of years me being a immortal knows how to work it and escapes to my high school everyone there my freind tells me is immortal including me and i go upstairs to meet my girl freind she seems high and starts rubbing up on me and saying IM SO COLD AND YOUR SO WARM and then i wake up after what seems 2 minutes of this happening

I was scuba diving with my instructor on the face of a giant wall covered in coral & plants. A stingray appeared out of no where & was pretty amazing to watch as it undulated on its way up the wall. It attacked my instructor, but not with its tail. It had two big fangs/talons that came out of the top side & really messed him up. Then it attacked me. I tried to whip it with something & caught it on the "nose". Don't remember how this one resolved or if I just woke up.

Second dream I was in the backseat of a car that was parked with the break set. The car started rolling back, then moving forward. I grabbed the wheel & drove the car around the parking lot in a circle. Once I had circled a full revolution, I was back to where I'd been before but the parking lot was different. I realized this was a dream & decided to fly. While flying I remembered I had lost lucidity last time because I closed my eyes, so I tried to make sure my eyes were open WIDE. When I did this, I opened my eyes in bed & I was instantly awake. Bummer.

Missed dream signs:

- Did not remember how I got to the underwater wall/scuba diving site.
- Stingray was not anatomically correct.
- Can't whip things underwater.
- Cars can't move when the break is set.

Had another lucid today so I thought I'd post. Don't remember all the details. Although for parts of the dream I was lucid, I just continued to let the dream guide me.


I was going somewhere in the car with my mom, dad, and sister, not sure where. We stopped at a car wash for some reason to get food.. or wash our car.. or something. I went outside for some reason, and walked past a little girl and her mother in the back of a parking lot. As I approached her, I rubbed my hand on top of my head in a circle so that she knew who I was. They were homeless, and the little girl said she was hungry.This made me feel really bad so I decided to go to the store and buy a little something for her. I tried to fly on the way to the store by jumping in the air, but couldn't seem to stay up, like usual. It was still fun though. At this point I was thinking "Oh, I know I'm dreaming but I don't care. I never want to wake up." Anyway, I went to what I thought was a grocery store but when I went inside, I saw that it was the same car wash place that I was in before. My parents and sister were there again. I picked out a bag of pretzel-like snacks and started tasting them for some reason. I then picked out a bag of cheese filled pretzels for the little girl and put them on the checkout counter, telling my mom and I was hungry even though the food wasn't for me. I realized that she would also have to buy the other pretzel-like snacks that I had tasted because I had opened the bad. Oh well, I thought. More for the little girl and her mom. I went back to them, flying on the way, but I don't think I ever got to give it to them..

Hypnagogic

I was in a hypnagogic state and I asked, "Am I still on schedule to meet the woman the psychic told me about." In the blackness i saw someone walking towards me... He looked like The Fonz! only his face was ugly... He was an ugly Fonz... but he walked up, gave a smile, and gave a thumbs up. I guess the answer is "yes!"



First lucid

FA, Get out of bed and RC. It just feels like a dream. The room is dark and I walk over to the door an open it. I walk into a hallway of a large house.... all the lights are off. I walk around into the living room and see no one is in there. I go through the house opening various doors and stuff but I find the house completely empty. I find one room however where my dad is watching tv. He looks at me and tries to get me to do housework. I tell him to relax this is only a dream... and I don't have to do anything I don't want to in a dream. He seems a bit flustered at that, but then he shrugs and gives up trying. for some reason he can't seem to argue with me about it all being a dream.

I walk back into my room for a bit... then it occurs for me to check for people upstairs. I find the door to upstairs in no time. I open the door and walk up the step. Then I enter the next floor which is.... Completely empty? Did a bunch of my inner world characters move out or something? I am a bit flustered when everything fades.


Second Lucid

FA, get out of bed and RC. Now I'm in the same room upstairs that I was in earlier but now there is furniture around. The room has 3 Televisions. One is a flat screen TV, very wide and it has a movie playing on it. I look at the scene and try to transport myself there. The scene starts to surround me but everything blacks out. I think I am going to wake up or something but then I find myself back in the room.

My attention is now on the other TVs. one is one and the other is shut off. I wonder where Asuka is and think i can use the TV to transport myself there. I touch the black screen and can feel a definite hard surface. I intend to push my fingers through the screen but nothing happens. I try for a few minutes just pressing the glass of the screen. After a few moments i notice a spark where my fingers are trying to push through. I think, "come on! This is a dream. I can do this! Please take me to Asuka!" Finally my fingers begin to push through. I then intent to make it seem like there's no screen at all so i can go through without waking myself. I focus more on my feeling of Asuka and push my arms through with no resistance. However I feel a strong force trying to push me back from to portal now... Like something doesn't want me to cross. I then determine either asuka doesn't want me to find her, or that someone or something else is trying to keep me from finding her. I then try to force myself past the force. I get my head in the TV and suddenly the dream falls apart.



DEILD

I hit SP and don't do anything but intend on going into the next dream looking for Asuka. Now I'm in a dream and falling inside a large warehouse building where there's a mall or something. I walk towards a door with a mirror beside it. I look at myself and see that there's drywall mud all over my hair... But I have a boyish face, unlike my real face that shines through and doesn't make my drywall hairdo look all that bad. I look in the mirror closer and notice that someone is behind me... and looks exactly like me. I look directly behind me where the person is but now the person has changed. Some weird guy with glasses. He starts ranting about light and stuff... but I don't like his intent. i teleport to him and crush his wind pipe with my hand. At frist it seems hard, but then i fully crush it. The guy falls to the floor still trying to rant but then dies when he hits the ground.

I then walk through the door and enter a food court area wondering if Asuka is there. I go by one stand and see a small family. Two kids, and one little girl smiles at me. Chantaral? I walk past and notice an asian woman... Asuka? doesn't seem like her energy so I keep walking. I find nothing in the next area and walk back. I want to make sure that the people i saw wasn't asuka and co. I walk back and they are all gone... But where the little girl was is now a midget woman smiling at me.... weird.

I get distracted by piano music. I look and see two people at a piano playing something like Rachmaninoff. I wonder if I can have epic piano playing skills in a dream so I walk over to the piano but I wake up.

Note: MoSh says he thinks there might be something wrong with Asuka, so he wants to find her to make sure she is ok. He hasn't seen her for a few nights and thinks that might mean something is wrong with her. Going to check on her.

Another plan is to view the dream where Asuka killed Walms, he seems to think there was something going on other than just dark energy infection in Asuka. He would like to know who was responsible, and so would I. I'll do this if I get a chance.

I am in MoSh's inner world, in the usual place in front of his house. I remember my goal is to find Asuka and be sure she is ok, I wonder what might have happened to her this time since it seems someone is always attacking her for one reason or another. That isn't just starting to be annoying, it has become extremely annoying... why can't everyone just leave her alone?! MoSh comes out of the house soon, and he is worried about Asuka, he asks if I can find her, is she ok? I tell him I will track her and we'll see if she is ok, I am hoping it isn't anything serious. I focus on opening a portal to find her, a portal opens, and I go through it with MoSh right behind me.

On the other side of the portal I realize we haven't even left MoSh's inner world, we just went to a different part of it. So who would be after Asuka that was in here? Another intruder? Just have to check it out, so I followed my instinct on where to find Asuka, that lead me to a small glen cleared out in the trees. The glen was the opposite of what I expected, it wasn't dark and creepy like if there was some corrupting entity there, it is actually very beautiful. The trees and grass are greener than I would have though possible, so green that they seem to be glowing with their own inner light. There are flowers, too, and those are also amazingly bright and vibrant, contributing both their aroma and light to the place. The light in the glen makes the rest of MoSh's inner world seem gloomy by comparison even though there is nothing wrong with the rest of it. In the middle of the glen stands Asuka, who is glowing so brightly she appears to be on fire. She has her eyes closed, she seems to be in a trance of some kind, I wonder if she is ok. MoSh has also seen her and now he goes out I to the glen, calling her name and trying to wake her up. She doesn't respond to MoSh directly, but she does wake up, she is looking at me with glowing white eyes, it suddenly occurs to me that there is someone else in there, it's not just Asuka, someone or something else is merged with her. Well, whatever that person was after, it ends here. I use the song "Come Out and Play" by the Offspring to pull the merged entity out of Asuka. The entity let's go very easily as if it was afraid of harming Asuka, I find that to be quite surprising. The entity I pull out is a noncorporeal entity made of pure light, I can't even tell if it's male or female, but the voice sounds ethereal and female when it speaks. Asuka collapses after the entity is forced out, MoSh rushes to her side, leaving me to confront the entity.

The entity is speaking to me, it is actually scolding for forcing it out, saying that could've been very dangerous for Asuka. I ask what it wants with Asuka, why were they merged. It seems the entity is about to answer when a flux flows through its energy. It now announces, in a somewhat less ethereal voice, that I am another one of them, and my evil plans would come to naught. WTF? I ask it what it's talking about... the entity said it can see my true heart and would save me... uh... I don't need saving... I tell the entity that, but it clearly isn't listening to me, as now it releases massive wave of light energy that flows over me like a wave from the ocean. As the wave passes it takes all my
dark energy with it. After that I feel very disoriented like I might pass out or lose the dream or both... My Witchblade goes to work immediately to restore my dark emery with energy from its dark shard, I feel quickly better. I had been about to pass out, but I get up quickly to cover any weakness from this enemy. It speaks ethereally again, saying I took that much better than the other one... then it hesitates... then it says I am stronger than I look, but I will be free or I will perish... that led me to my next WTF... It attacked me again, I heard MoSh yelling at the thing that it would pay for using Asuka like that... I am ready for the attack. I use Whiplash and reflect the attack back at the entity, at the same time I convert the energy to dark energy. The entity is hit with a wave of darkness, it is knocked back a ways and now its energy is much dimmer. I ask it again what it wanted with Asuka, it responds with a hiss like a thousand angry cats and then is gone.

MoSh asks what the fuck that thing was... I tell him it seemed like an extremist healer or something... it had tried to purge out ally dark energy. Asuka was recovering, she said that was what the entity had wanted, it had been telling her that all dark energy must be eliminated, then it had seemed surprised when she had said there needs to be balance. She said she thought it had been trying to brainwash her into agreeing, repeating the same things over and over again, and a couple of times she had found herself inadvertently agreeing with it until she had consciously reminded herself that there must be balance in all things. She apologized for letting that happen, the entity had seemed so convincing as a healer, it had really seemed to have pure motives. I told her that the entity's idea of healing is to completely wipe out whatever doesn't agree with its idea of healing. MoSh was talking to Asuka as I woke.

October 31, 2008

Dreaming Lucid Awake sidenotes

I was in the cafeteria where my school variety show was. We just got finished with the last show. I then became lucid and started to think of the things I could do. I picked up a nearby water bottle and dumped it on one of my friends head. (just because I could!) I laughed and said to her, "Ha, it doesn't even matter because this is my dream!" I then went over to the window to look at the outside and it was dark out with stars. There was smoke coming out of the building so I bragged to my friend Cat that I could make all of that smoke disappear right out of the sky at my own will. Using my power I did it and made all of the stars really visible. Then I made a bunch of butterflies come out of the bushes and I could control them around. Then the dream started to fade. I awake and then I'm laying there thinking, I really want to continue that dream. It all came back to me except my location was different. Hey, I'm still lucid! I thought. I went and looked around and it was as if I was in a big living room with a tall ceiling. There was blue carpeting and a couple vending machines and couches. There were people on the couches but I don't remember their faces. I walked over to a light switch to see if it would actually turn on a light. I flipped the switch and a light shined on my friend. It was weird to me because usually in dreams, this doesn't happen. I remain lucid, and walk over to a vending machine. I waved my hand at it and out came a pop. I gave it to one of my friends and then looked at my hands. I counted five fingers on each but they didn't look right. The last thing I remember thinking is, In reality, I'm really just laying in bed dreaming all of this. Then I woke up. I had fun though!

I realize now that this is not a good method for being lucid. Distorting reality makes the dream bland and blurry. It was not a very clear lucid but it was still good. I also realized later on that I performed a DEILD without even knowing it. If anyone reads this, I'm warning you now not to do this in your LDs because it makes the dream fade, FAST. You should always find an excuse to why you have the powers. i.e. when I controlled the smoke I should have picked up something that gave me that power. Or have someone teach me how to do it. You get the picture... If not PM me and we'll talk!

Real life Dream Lucid Dream sign
For me to remember, dreams are 067300, lucid dreams are the color below blue, #4169e1, and dream signs are the light purple, which is up one and left one from blue, #483d8b.

Rocket screen dream
Interesting dream from a scientific perspective.

I was at a Boy Scout camp. It was the largest Boy Scout event ever in history. It was night time. There was a lake at the camp- Cub Scouts were on the other side. They were cheering very loud, and so were we. I walked around and saw lots of people. Two people I saw had stands set up that had lots of violin bows that looked very badly made. They were really fat, like an inch thick, but had weak points where they was only a centimeter thick. They had no finish. There were no violins there. I asked one stand's owner if she knew how to play. She replied, "No, I only know how to bow." I heard a kid yell something cute really loudly at the other side of the lake and commented about it to someone I don't know very well from school, who was a girl but had a boy scout uniform on. She replied something insignificant.

Then, the fireworks started.

It was the most amazing show I had ever seen, one probably impossible in real life. Huge fireworks went off. By huge, I mean HUGE. I mean a quarter of the entire sky was covered in dazzling orange. I remember popping, sparkling, and vivid colors all across the sky. It was just amazing. It was beautiful. Just awesome in it's huge scale, and amazingly beautiful. But every so often, I'd see a small rocket, maybe a little larger than my thumbnail when I extend my arm all the way. (But they may as well been the size of a house; who knows how far away they were.) They were faintly glowing, and looked a little like this:

They had a weird, faint cyan trail which you can't see in the picture. They had a brighter cyan exhaust, which you can see. They'd dance around very randomly in all directions, even down, and fade away. I was curious as to what they were, since they didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the show. After a while, the show ended. Everyone cheered and clapped very loudly. We all thought it was amazing! But then we all gasped...

The rockets didn't fit in for a reason. They lit up again... All of them. They were arranged in a grid. It was a massive screen, going across a third of the sky, made completely out of floating rockets. They made pictures, with some of them lit up, and others not lit up, showing letters, words and symbols, such as BSA (Boy Scouts of America). It was the coolest thing ever!

Dreamskip.

I was in the control room for the BSA camp. I asked people questions about the rockets.

January 2, 2008

I ran into a store butt-naked because I needed some clothes. I had no money though either so I had to shoplift. Then I saw my basketball coach there and I was thinking to myself, Shit! If he catches me shoplifting I'm gonna be in trouble. Then I casually walked out of the store and he gave me a weird look.

July 4, 2008

I was at a high school that had the theme of Hogwart's (kind of) and I was trying to find my brother to give him a book. The high school was built out of amber colored stone with big pillars and bridges. I then went to a big majestic building that looked like the Taj Mahal. The sky was bright, sunny, and blue. A man with a long white beard then just said out of nowhere, "Spin the Stones." What then happened, was that the big building started rotating very slowly. Just imagine the Taj Mahal on a sunny day and it is tilting slowly like the leaning tower of Pisa. Here is a picture to best describe the scenery. The weird thing is that I had this dream in 2008 and had no idea what the Taj Mahal was at the time. And this picture looks exactly how it did in my dream. Also, just imagine a humongous glass dome above this palace.
Anyways, after the man said, "Spin the stones," it sounded like a bunch of gigantic rotating gears like in a clock were turning. I looked up and there was a boy chained to the top of the dome by his wrists just hanging there. I could not see his face because his long brown hair was covering it. He started to clench and fidget like he was in pain, for he was, and shed one tear. The tear rolled down his face and dropped on the tip of the big building. The tear quickly rolled down the smooth stone and kept going until it slid frictionless on the white stone floor and into the water. (My dream camera angle changed to underwater still watching the droplet at this point.) The droplet turned into a water fish and swam until it went inside a black hole in the wall. Then the water burst out and turned into little tiny colored creatures. They looked like they were made up of little geometric 3-d shapes and they had little faces on them. They formed a stairway with air supporting them. This phenomenon that just happened stuck in my mind as what is called a Mackinaw. I have no idea what it means but that's what it was called in my dream. So yeah. After that its foggy.

October 26, 2005

A dart came flying towards me so in a frantic attempt to not get hit by it I smacked it down to the floor. It was filled with a liquid that was silvery like mercury. I broke the dart open, and touched the silvery liquid. I then decided to taste it for some reason. When it touched my tongue my whole body went numb and limp and dropped to the floor. Might I also mention that when my body went numb, a really strong vibration took over my body. I saw my dad standing there and he was just looking at me. I then proceeded to tell him, "This stuff is cool." Then it faded.

October 19, 2005

I dreamed that I was the new Avatar (The Last Airbender). I was showing off to all of my friends that I could levitate on a ball of air. The technique to it was to jump up in the air and cross your legs and the ball of air would support me. I floated around the rocky ground. Then one of my DCs said they could do it too. He tried but failed epically because all he did was sit there. Then I said, "Watch me," and I crossed my legs and floated around even more having a blast, while kicking up some nearby stones with the wind I floated on. I then stopped and remembered that I could control all four elements, so I tried fire. It shot out of my hands in a red flame. I tried to propel myself upward but it didn't work very well.

October 4, 2005

I was in a school, not the one I go to but I was supposedly writing insults about the principal. I didn't even know him or what he looked like. So everyone was after me. I quickly ran to the nearest elevator, and usually when you get off an elevator in real life it leads to a hallway. This one went smack-dab right in the middle of the library. It was a pretty big library with a ton of computers. There were people at the desk of every computer there and the principal was after me now. (I don't even know how I knew that) So I crawled under all the desks of the computer until someone spotted me and shouted, "Hey! You're the one who was writing insults about the principal!" Then everyone's head turned and looked at me. I ran to the door to get out but it was locked. Then I woke up.

(Backdating this entry because this is a dream that's been on my mind for several weeks now. Originally posted in my private blog November 13, 2010.)

Okay, this sucker is way too weird not to journal about. And I've just awoken from it, so retention should be pretty good - although it was too detailed and involved to easily forget. I'll follow the usual practice of dream recall and work backwards.

The dream ends with me losing my temper at Aidan right after he finds me hiding in his apartment. I'm yelling at him about everything. In fact, true to Clonazepam's side effects, I'm still yelling at him in my head as I'm getting up from my bed after waking up, or rather hearing him yell that this is all a dream now and I'm awake anyway....

He has just discovered me hiding there in a closet in an empty room that he obviously never uses, sitting on a portable potty he's got in there. (Marker of my dreams: there are lots of these fake potties not connected to any plumbing.) I've managed to evade discovery up to now because Aidan's been in the next room (which has a slightly ajar door connecting to this one) writing/singing a song about how much hate is in him bursting to get free, and a variation on the usual bait line about longing for the right woman, this one about how he'll know her because she will see and discover that hate and know what to do with it.

This is after I've just left some other girl, part of Aidan's circle, sleeping in his spare room - we'd been there because Aidan had given me a key and we were stopping there to get ready to go to the party. I'd left her, found a little alcove with a bed, and found this closet and pulled my laptop into it to blog, with the AC cord plugged in around the corner. I was reading a book that the other girl had written. She said she was from Madison, Wisconsin and four of her five sisters were nurses, while the other was a lawyer and she named the firm (I can't remember, but I think one of the names sounded like Blast). I had read a book that was chronicling what had happened in my life five minutes ago. I was making notes all over it. It was fine when I confronted Aidan and R, a well-known Canadian actor, playwright and activist, together and said, "Obviously I'm well known among your friends. How am I known?" (A waking-life concern for several years now.) Whereupon both of them sort of hem and haw and Aidan finally takes it: "Well, the usual comment is when they see you walk into a place, 'That's your stalker? Wow - I'll take her off your hands, man!'"

(In real life, not to be obnoxious about this, but everyone tells me how beautiful I am and how I don't look my age, and I have to say bluntly that I generally agree. But not once - not once - has it meant my romantic feelings for a specific person have ever been returned in kind. So it's a great compliment, and I always appreciate it because I usually forget it as real-life experience doesn't support it, but I do wish it would lead to better results.)

So I'm reading further into this manuscript - which has an advising professors's name on the front page - and it goes on to describe how other girls at the party say things like, "We've all been taken in by crocodile scrips like Colm." (???) I've finished the book and finished arguing with the girl about how non-roadworthy my car is, and obviously the party's over by this time so she goes to bed. I look for a bathroom to use and notice noises indicating that Aidan's home. It'll look like I'm stalking him if I've stayed there.

Cut to before the apartment: It's 4:00 in the morning, and a wafer-thin African-descent hooker named Lola (word in a crossword puzzle three days ago), with blonded Afro hair and a skin-tight micromini sheath, is following me, saying no one cares about her. The other girl with me from the party is getting exasperated, and she turns into Bree from Desperate Housewives. Cut to a moment before: Lola has been eyeing me as if I'm encroaching on her turf, but then she just says, "You done for the night?" "Yeah." "Good night!" "You're beautiful!" Then she follows me, saying no one ever calls her beautiful. My Bree-like friend looks exasperated. "This is Melissa," I say, "and she already knows she's beautiful!" Melissa gives Lola a strained smile. We get to Aidan's building and I say, "This isn't my apartment, so I can't invite you in - but I'll help you find a homeless shelter for the night." Then the details get lost in how I'm using my iPhone to look up hostels online, but that turns out to be a bad idea because they'll ask for a credit card from Lola.

Cut to: My old parking lot in a suburb of Toronto. The Lada is there that my parents gave me in 1989. That thing was ten years old and never worked properly. It was broken into once just for the radio I'd put into it. It doesn't stop on snow unless you press the brake at least five car lengths ahead of time - the brakes are ground almost to nothing. I'm nearly out of gas. Repeatedly, I impress upon Melissa that perhaps driving this thing to a party in North Hollywood, where I would almost certainly be drinking, wouldn't be the sharpest move. She just goes, "Uh-huh," and does up her seatbelt. I sigh and continue to drive, making a mental note to stop at the store near my parents' house, 1500 miles away, for gas before going on the half-hour drive from Toronto to North Hollywood for this geographical confusion of a party.

Cut to R's (said Canadian famous person) estate in LA. I've met a bunch of girls from various parts of the US that are there for a fan convention. Most of Aidan's crowd has left, but some are straggling around passing around the address where the party will be. I don't have it, so I hook up with a bunch of girls who know the address and have GPS in their cars.

Cut to previously mentioned conversation in which R and Aidan reassure me that I'm okay. But this time it's about stalking R!! We also talk about the fact that I'm usually unaware of sex, but when confronted by R's full-frontal naked body, I feel a strange, oddly familiar, and unbidden full-body sensation of pleasure. It's commented, I think by R himself, that this is natural and biological. It occurs to me that pure, plain sex is something I rarely, if ever, think about these days. (And it's true. If I'm ever turned on - and I don't think I am - I don't know it. I'm not certain, but I think it's a side effect of my antidepressants. Possibly when Jeff claps me on the shoulder the way he usually does. What I think of as a "rush of endorphins" when he hugs me might actually be a rush of reproductive hormones, for all I'm aware. I just know I enjoy it.) R is very nice and logical about it, kind of as if he's trying to explain this to a 12-year-old kid entering puberty. (And I think I noticed him favourably in a movie when I was about 16.) But by the end of this conversation, I somehow just want to be around Aidan some more - as if he's raw masculine sexuality, without the complication of actually liking or having any feelings of friendship for him. It's an intriguing feeling.

Prior to this, R is smiling at me and telling me he's sorry he didn't tell me that the pool was a self-contained pool, not a pond connected to the earth. I in turn tell him I was about to apologize for peeing in his pool. And then I'm inside the main house where everyone is drying off, and I'm looking for a place to get to a bathroom and change. The only place avaliable is off R's bedroom, where I walk in to discover him lying naked - only he looks like a giant burnt squid. I still avert my eyes and stick my hand out to block my vision, and I manage to get past him and get to the stall. Meanwhile he wakes up and discovers me there. There's a definite you-are-a-disgusting-stalker colour to being discovered uninvited in a room where an attractive and sought-out man is lying naked.

Before this, I go down to a pond. It's just after dawn, calm and idyllic. I strip down. I'm in the pond, and I decide to relieve my bladder. Then others arrive - all people from Aidan's crowd. It's a closed-off pool. I'm certain the yellow cloud of social-ostracism flag surrounding me is obvious to everyone.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, R and I are doing a scene from MacBeth in which we have to kiss. I'm trying my best not to be obviously attracted to him. He is attracted to me as his character, but when the scene ends, he's an acting teacher. He's even coldly analyzing my kissing technique.

That's pretty much the bulk of what I remember. A few things are obvious in writing this dream down. 1) I must have had to go to the bathroom pretty badly. 2) It's all about my fear of being considered a stalker if I get too familiar and informal around celebrities. 3) There's a slight possibility that I may be feeling the lack of a current boyfriend who is actually in the same city with me.

And 4) It's probably these drugs I'm on that are making my dreams this detailed, complex, convoluted and weird.

Regardless, I know for sure that I'm not an obsessed fan of R in real life, though I do have a good deal of respect for him as an actor and as an activist and teacher. I'm just not the obsessed-fan/stalker type. Getting into that would be just plain dumb. Perhaps he is an attractive man, but that has no relevance to me in waking life and I simply never think about it. I guess I must have seen him on a rerun recently and thought about the romance between his character, a painfully shy scientist, and one of the main characters on the show, and I must have thought of a painfully shy man to whom I've found myself involuntarily attracted lately. Plus, Aidan is still normally not at all attractive to me or even someone I'd normally hang out with. What are either of these two gentlemen doing in my dreams?

Dreams have been pretty repetitive for the past couple of days. MSN conversations, and fragmented sexual escapades. Last night, I had a dream about being on a school bus again. We went to another school, and we were walking through it in a single file line. On that note, it's time to get back into it.

I'm walking into a mall with my girlfriends,we see a bunch of stores that we're excited to shop at. One gf wants to go to one store, but me and another girlfriend want to go in the opposite direction.

We walk into a store that has thousands of boxes of shoes on sale...Nike, Adidas..all the popular brands. The shoes are all white,they range from $11 to $39. I try on a really ugly pair of crock-type runners. They are pink and purple.

We walk into a huge church-like building, there are columns all around and there is some sort of meeting going on. There is mention of something vegan at some point.

I think one of my cats was part of my dreams last night, but I can't remember what happened....

My old boss (my boyfriend's current boss), was my boss in my dream, and told me that they were getting their employees to explore their true passions. She was going to tell my boyfriend on Monday that he is allowed to by a record. She wants me to go home and watch movies and she'll ask for my critique on some stuff tomorrow.