2017, 08-10 Game of Dreams – Innocence Saved, Innocence Lost Eddard: I am in what looks like a living area in a castle. I am pacing, worried. My daughter is missing. A man tells me my daughter has been found. I ask where she is then. The man says she is in the throne room seeing the king and queen. This pisses me off. She’s been missing for four days and that’s the first place they take her?! I go out the door, heading for the throne room. I know where to go and I get there to find my daughter surrounded by a bunch of hostile faces, I see them as assholes. The king and the queen are there with the prince. I go over and put my arms around my little girl, asking if she is ok. She says she’s hungry and tired, but not hurt. I am pissed, I demand to know why my daughter wasn’t brought straight to me and been given a chance to rest and have something to eat before being dragged in here. The king, a fat man I know to be named Robert, says he thought it was best to get this business over with. I am still annoyed, but I let things go on. The Queen claims Arya and her friend attacked Prince Joffrey and then her wolf bit him. Arya and Joffrey both tell different accounts of the event. I ask how serious Joffrey’s injury was. They seem hesitant to discuss the injury. A man comes into the room with Sansa, she claims she doesn’t remember what happened. Arya calls Sansa a liar and attacks her. I hold Arya back and tell her that is not productive. The Queen wants Arya punished, but Robert says sometimes children will fight. He says I should take care of disciplining Arya and he will take care of Joffrey. He gets up to leave, he has clearly had enough of this whole affair. The Queen isn’t done yet. She says there is still the matter of the wolf. I say I have yet to see any evidence that Nymeria has done anything. The Queen holds up a shirt with a shredded and bloody sleeve. Nymeria chewed Joffrey’s shirt? She said Joffrey’s arm was in it. Joffrey says his arm was almost chewed off but there’s no injury because Sansa is a sorceress and healed it. I ask if I’m seriously expected to entertain that notion. If Sansa has healing powers then we’d better get her back to Winterfell to heal her injured brother! The Queen says she will not have a vicious beast in her castle. I tell her it wouldn’t be right to throw Joffrey out, he’s only 12. She gets red with anger and says she meant the wolf! Robert reminds her that the wolf got away. She said she wants both wolves put down. I tell her no one is going to hurt those wolves. I am thinking to keep protesting until the wolves can stay with Sansa and Arya but then I am thinking the Queen might arrange something to happen to them just out of spite… so I think better of it and say fine, I’ll have Lady, and Nymeria if we can find her, taken back to Winterfell. The Queen says she wants them dead. I tell her that’s not going to happen. I’ll send them back to Winterfell… for their protection, not hers. I take my daughters from the room before the Queen can protest any further. Once outside Sansa is saying it isn’t fair to have to send Lady away, she didn’t do anything. I tell her I agree, but the only way to keep Lady safe from the Queen is to send her away. If Lady stays, then the Queen could fabricate another attack or just order her guards to get rid of Lady and I might not be in a position to stop her. Sansa looks sad about it but finally agrees. I tell her that Lady will be waiting for her at Winterfell when she comes to visit or if circumstances in Kings Landing changes enough that we can safely bring her back. Arya asks what about Nymeria. I tell her I’ll get some people to look for the wolf, and if we can find her, she will go north with Lady to be safe, too. I tell Sansa we should go say our farewells to Lady and get the wolf beyond the reach of the Queen as soon as we can. Lady is tied up outside and I leave Sansa to have time to say goodbye to her wolf before she is escorted back home. Some soldiers on horses ride into the area. They have a bloody sack on one of the horses. A man, the name Sandor Clegane, The Hound, comes to mind, comes over and looks pleased with himself. He says they haven’t found Arya but they got her little pet. I think they already killed Nymeria and I am pissed. The Hound dumps the bloody sack on the ground and laughs. He opens the bag and I react quickly, turning Arya away from the horror. It’s not Nymeria, it’s a boy, no doubt Arya’s friend, practically cut in two. I want to kick The Hound’s ass. I ask if he really had to cut down a child?! He smiles and says the kid ran. I ask if he’s trying to tell me he’s so incompetent that he can’t capture an unarmed fleeing child without cutting him in two?! We’d better hope Joffrey never gets distraught and runs away! You’ll come back to the King and Queen saying, “I have good news and bad news, your Graces. The good news is we brought the Prince back. The bad news is he’s in two pieces.” Sandor says no one dares say that to him! I ask him then which is it? Is he too incompetent to capture an unarmed child without cutting him in half, or is he a sick and pathetic fuck who takes pleasure in murdering defenseless children?! I notice Arya is holding on to me and crying. I immediately feel bad about making that scene in front of her, making a painful moment even worse. I put my arms around her and tell her how sorry I am about what happened to her friend. Sansa comes back with Lady, she is also crying. I want someone to pay for making my daughters cry. Sansa wants Lady in her bed with her just one more night. I am walking with them back to our quarters when I wake.
Key: Side Notes (Side Notes) Title Dream Lucid RupertI was at School, the day was almost over. I saw Rupert sitting on a ledge, I shrugged it off. Walking up the hallway which was hard because it was like climbing a hill, three kids in front of me had no problem at this. It was really slippery. They were talking about something, I moved to the right side of the hallway it had a railing which I grabbed. A kid asked something to his friends but they didn't respond so I said "Yeah." The kid looked at me weirdly. I move to the left side of the hallway, they turned the corner. After getting outside the School I was looking for my Bus #45, I saw it but the bus in front of it on the bus window was Rupert sitting there. That bus starts to move so I run after it, it went to the front of the lane. I caught up and went in front of the bus, there's a few kids and no bus driver. I touch the button on the steering wheel gently but it honked the horn. I look back and a few people look annoyed and the bus driver who's in the back looks cranky. I say "I think that's my cat." The bus driver replies "It could be a cat that looks like yours." I turn back and I see a Blonde-Teen Girl driving the Bus, the Bus driver seems not to care so this is supposed to happen. The bus pulls up and gets real close to the other buses and then does a U-Turn. Kingdom Hearts 3 I was Playing Kingdom Hearts 3 in the Living Room, I don't know what world I was on but when I opened a door there was a character from Atlantis the Lost Empire and I was surprised, they're going to mix two worlds in one! I got off the game and was sad that I can't play it now but, I could play it later I remembered. College I was at a College and it really looked like a hospital but had some educational posters on the walls. After awhile I went home (old house) , I believe that Adnan called and had to be picked up from the college I was just at. I went there and tried to find the college area, there was a cooking area but then I found the college area and went to find Adnan. Back home, Adnan tells my Dad that he's getting a ride to go home from his Father. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My Cat, School and my Friend Adnan are definitely dream signs. August 11th, 2017
1. It seems like I'm a ghost following someone that's carrying stuff. I feel the person I'm following is going to do something bad. 2. I'm cuddling with a girl and I'm not sure if it's my girlfriend or someone else. I feel loved. First peaceful dream I've had in a long time.
My recall isn't so good now. Ive been waking up forgetting most of the dream because im distracted by other things but I do remember a part of my dream last night. Mario was going to give a orange book with a red turtle shell on it to a blonde woman covered in Asian/Indian garment. She kind of looked like a mix of shiek and zelda but her bangs made her look more like shiek form while her garments were more of zelda style.The shell was apparently a baby so he hesitated to hand over the infant. However, when the woman took hold of the book and shell her eyes lit up a green color and he pulled the book with the red shell back after punching her with a fist full of fire. I thought I was watching a game as I saw them fight back to back and I felt it was cute how it was a game about mario protecting a baby who was supposed to be his enemy.
6am-10am: Current home, not exactly morning but it's dark like clouded sky and mom and C are leaving. So I'd guess around 8am? just with massive clouds. Mom is the last one out the door and she sees D eatibg cookies, I specifically put some in a two bags to be saved for mom and C but D was being a jerk and eating them. So after mom lightly scolds him and I make a remark of how he eats everything, I then go and put the remaining cookies in mom's pack and suggest she take them with her. Then mom leaves and D and I are alone, eventually we hear something outside so I go to check on it and find nothing. We hear more noises and find it strange, pretty much the entire time before mom comes home is feeled with weird noises. Then when she comes home I see message written in sand on our porch, mom denies they say anything and I pretty much am the opposite. Yet when I tried to read them I couldn't, it just seemed like a jumble of letters. So I ruled that out, but then a new neighbor came over and said hi. He gave off a weird vibe, not much happened after that and I woke up.
First dream-(just remembered this dream)this whole dream takes place in the game)I'm pretty sure this game is based off of don't starve now that I think about it) Fragment- Look (insert name here) this is that one game we played it is now fully released. I start playing the game I don't remember if I played this game In real life or if I've only played it in a dream. I must say now this is a survival game that I feel I've played it in real life. I am in the game, I am the character that is in the game. I am stranded in the middle of a the plains There is quite a lot of life around me and there are materials sticking out of the ground. Next scene and I already have a house and there is another person but right now we are in a food crisis But we have one food I collected and that is these insanity mushrooms (yep) now we put these in the ground to grow them. Next scene and they are grown and now I eat one. Ok I'm fine I eat another and I black out. (pretty boring dream to be honest) I am at my grandmas house It looks quite the same as my real house but there is one different part and that is the kitchen. I'm in the kitchen, Siting on the chair and I am crying cause I am starting think about how my grandma is close to death and remember someone enters the kitchen, But I don't remember who. The next scene I am sneaking into a Manson I don't know why and I don't know where I am now I am just sneaking in. Now I am in the Mansion from climb through the window, and there is a cat and It hisses and just simply transforms now it is a girl, (any of you know what no game no life is)well she looked like that one cat kid from it just s darn cute I just wish I could pet her) but she runs at me and throws me her claws, but luckily I dodge and (I don't remember what happens next) In this next scene I am in the kitchen of my grandmas house but she is not here so I have the "cat" with me and I let "It" get use to "It's" surroundings It transforms again and I ask her why she says "being a cat is weird" me "Isn't that your normal form" her "it is" and we leave it at that (I bet something happens between this huge transition but I've tried but just can't remember) Now I am in my grandmothers yard Looks completely normal Except for me and the cat girl and on the other side has a huge side of animal people, and me and the cat girl charge to battle (now this freaking sucks, the dream ends here, not the scene, the whole dream. It would of been so much fun to see the battle and not be left with a cliffhanger but oh well)
August 9th 1. 9am-12Pm Acting, movie, finished and then red bike and the body change and then now guy on red bike is dad. The other actors leave and I stay, old home, outside they left two animals to drown so I get them out. Mom, not mom comes and says I shouldn't be riding them. See something moving, run with animals and it's a bomb. Animals die, we're in the middle of a war on front current home running from russians and she tosses me a gun. I say aim high so we do a good job of picking them off from a building on our front lot. They guys behind us are like, viva la whatever cause we need their help and they shoots back. Then all is quiet for a while and then I die and then body changes to his brother, who narroration says supports everything and refuses to say he's one gender but we assume he's male. He has a fuck ton of musical instruments, lots of flutes in rainbow colours. So then he's like, don't touch that flute! Grabs it, and tosses it. I don't really need it anyway. Shoot down copter with bombs, they make a huge hole in the earth and then we steal a van and drive to a home. We check the refrigerator and in the cheese drawer are four solid blocks of different stones, Gold, Silver, a purple one, and a blue one. Then others that look like erasers but I say they're currency. These purple ones are for witches, this blue one with a trident id for Poseidon and then a green and pink and blue one. We only take the real ones. End. 2. One day turned on heel in the middle street and dissapeared into a circle, flames lit around it. Then back in bed coughing and with a disease. Mom pays witch lady to help, I get brought back but not as myself. Phone helps me remember. Eating at grandmas kitchen, in bed at old home. Painting a thing gold, cooking up family meal at someone elses house.
i have been feeling pretty motivated the past few weeks and recently got into reality checks and awareness and all that stuff again, im gonna have a lucid dream one of these nights and i cant wait
1st dream-(pretty uneventful) I was in my house, I didn't just wake up I was in my parents bedroom. I am watching YouTube, but this video was weird. The YouTuber's girlfriends had her breast bare. (could of become lucid because they were completely family friendly they don't even cuss at all) They're playing a game it was like black opps zombie mode, cause the map was weird and it had weapons to buy on the wall, has zombies, but it had a some things non black opps related. For one, it had a left for dead zombie called the tank and had a poison head crab from Garys mod. They were just talking and talking but I don't remember them saying anything except for hey (forgot the name) girlfriend why don't you have a shirt on. The dream ends after a while of gameplay. 2nd dream- yall should comment cause what is in this dream is illegal. I would put it down but It is to embarrassing. (seriously what if I put it in my old dream journal and a family member reads it? I would be in trouble. but of course if no one cares I'll put down even the most disgusting stories.
Updated 08-11-2017 at 11:57 PM by 93766
On a street with a group. People dressed as police start shooting at us. We fight back, I get a shotgun from one of the terrorists and aim at another one. A guy is targeted by a laser sight, I follow it to find the shooter, but it's a sniper high in the air, obscured by clouds, on something that looks like a helicopter. We win the fight, I look back if we collected all their weapons and we get away. Now we are in a building and I remotely see a part of it that's all white. It has all kinds of emergency items stacked against a wall. Plastic sheets, things that you use to protect yourself from radiation or chemical agents. As my view is leaving that area, white door is closing and I'm thinking that that's where we would be confined if we get attacked, and that it looks pretty safe, but isolated. A sign above door says FOG, and I know that's an acronym for that safety place. And I say in english, that it sure is not Free Online Games. We are sitting, laying all huddled and talking. I look at my phone and there are 4 messages. One is from Ophelia and I'm surprised but happy.
A Weeping Angel suddenly appeared in my younger sister R's room, so we ran out and shut the door. It didn’t mind the door being there. In fact, it disregarded the door completely. Then, R put an ice cube in a laundry basket. As the angel got closer, we stepped back as the 11th Doctor’s voiceover said, “You’ll know if it kills you.” Apparently, R got out, since she was no longer there. Anyway, the weeping angel had me backed up to the kitchen. Opening the deck door, I led Blizzard out, and tried to lead Snickers out, but he kinda didn’t care. (They're both cats) What I did next to ultimately run away was get on to the second-floor deck and jump off the rails. Now, with me on the ground and backing up to the north there were suddenly two people being followed by the weeping angel, one of which of which being R. There was also a minivan on the deck. Moments later, I found out that the weeping angel was actually a trolling guy. How I found him out was his own doing, since he had failed to remain quantum locked—he slowly walked towards the two people when I said, “Hey, I can still see you!”With that, he turned and looked at me with an annoyed look on his face. A few moments later, the two got away, and I was now way down the street. Several people spawned, just standing around and watching the trolling guy cross the street, walk into a neighbor's house, and drive his amphibious super car into the nearby lake. I was like, “That guy has a HOVERCAR!?”Next, the guy that was standing next to me also ran into the same neighbor's house. He deployed his blue amphibious supercar(the troll’s was black) and crushed the troll’s secondary vehicle.
This was the end of a dream, a lot of people were being questioned. Lots of people in rooms with big windows in them. I was part of it somehow, but I wasn't doing the questioning. Some kind of interrogations, but not torture or anything nasty, just trying to find something out. As I was going back to sleep I was having a lot of really shallow daydreams or something like them. There was kind of a narrative that was supposed to be going on in them, and I could go with the flow or kind of stop and not do what I was supposed to be doing. Most of them were in an office setting, similar to the dream I had finished above. Walking out of a building following a kid, his mom and someone else. We were in a parking lot and there was bark dust around. His mom was asking if he needed someone to go with him and he said that that he did. We cut across through some little shrubs into another parking lot. I forgot the main point of the dream.
I was applying for a job at a restaurant and was coming in on my first day. My to-be boss was telling me about the job I would have to do. It had something to do with waiting tables but wasn't very hard he told me. I said something about not liking the fact that I had to drive so far to get to work. He then gave me a uniform and told me to go change in the closet. I went to go change in a utility closet and heard someone shouting on the other side of the wall. I moved a lose brick and saw my friends brother tied to a chair in a closed off room getting tortured and cut with knives by two people that looked exactly like the boss. They were cutting off pieces of his belly and his fingers and putting them into a bucket to later be put into the food served at the restaurant I saw the boss behind me with a syringe full of what I presumed to be a tranquilizer. I should have been really scared but I must have been semi lucid, to the point where I recognized that there was no real threat, but didn't recognize that I was dreaming. I ran under his legs and got out of the restaurant. I later heard from someone that the manager was interested in me because I was one of the only people who got away. ... The dream flashed back to when I was a kid who was (I think 11) and I had been to the same restaurant with my parents. I found a strange object in my food that was rubbery and looked like a chunk of human skin with some meat underneath it. I thought it was something weird and threw it away. -+- The dream was extremely cinematic. Some kind of opera/choir woman was singing in the background and the dream scenes looked to be shot like movie frames. There were two little girls and a boy with long white hair who looked like a young version of dreamcafe's guide Dawn playing in a meadow surrounded by flowers and trees while a group of four of five older adults sat on a picnic blanket. The sun went dark as though it were being eclipsed and everyone stopped playing. It then showed a guy with a chin-strap beard and a lot of tattoos making out with a girl on the beach somewhere and the sun went dark from their point of view. The sun was still in the sky but was just a small point of light, like a bright star and the rest was surrounded by something. My vision moved up and I saw the alien spacecraft and the singing lady got louder. It looked like a huge wheel with a hole in the middle. The entire spacecraft was made up of thin black supports that sometimes were connected and other times floated independently of the main structure. From far away the supports looked homogenous and straight, but close examination showed they were made of gnarled and twisted roots that looked like blood vessels. A black goo blob materialized in the center of the spaceship. It took on a blocky humanoid form then returned to being a goo blob, then went back and became a human skeleton. It then became a number of organs and muscles which fitted themselves to the skeleton. I think it had two brains though, one in the head and a smaller one where the heart should have been. Skin appeared over it and the whole thing turned from black into a normal human being. I became that person and the dream ended.
Morning of August 9, 2017. Wednesday. I become aware that I am babysitting an unfamiliar boy of about four years of age in the northeast area of the Cubitis living room. I perceive myself as being about twenty-five years old. It feels like it might be late morning. I have no associations with whomever the boy’s parents might be. The dreamer does not realize that he has not lived in Cubitis since 1978, leaving when he was seventeen. He also does not recall that he lived in Wisconsin when he was twenty-five, not Florida. The memory of his three sons (and two daughters) does not seem extant, though the presence of the unfamiliar boy, who does not resemble any of his sons, may be a subliminal clue, though he otherwise has no memory of who he presently really is. There is a huge Raggedy Ann doll sitting against the north wall near the northeast corner of the living room. I have a notion that the giant stuffed doll is somehow a mother figure for the boy. It almost reaches the ceiling. The head is unrealistically large in proportion to the rest of the doll. Time passes, and the head seems flatter (front to back) than it should be. The doll begins to sag and lean forward and the boy and I are annoyed that this oversized pie-like head may cover us. I have to push it back a few times, but when I do, the whole doll, especially the head, seems slightly thinner. The dreamer still does not have viable memory. He does not question why a giant doll would be perceived as a “real” mother by the boy or comfort him as such. He does not even consider simply moving out of the way of the doll when it leans forward at times. He does not consider why the doll’s head gets vertically flatter when there is no discernible reason for the change. Perhaps he is subliminally aware of the weight of the blanket on his real physical body as he sleeps, and perhaps through the veil of sleep, he indirectly recalls that his youngest daughter has stuffed toys near her as she sleeps. Could this hodgepodge of current neural energy while sleeping be why such a scene is rendered? He also did have concern that his youngest son had enough blankets prior to sleeping. As a doll symbolizes the physical inactivity of someone while in the dream state, it likely is a very distorted thread of memory of his beautiful wife Zsuzsanna, combined with thoughts of his pillow that sometimes seems too flat. Eventually, I notice that much of the oversized ragdoll is now more like a collection of blankets that fall forward at times, a couple that cover me, though I think the doll is still sitting there. It seems ambiguous, and the round face itself seems more and more like a large flat pillow I push back several times. It does not seem cold. I do not think that the boy will be harmed, only perhaps annoyed by being covered like this. After a few minutes, I am aware that Dennis (half-brother on my mother’s side) is coming into the house. He seems about thirty years old and is dressed like a biker. He wants to show me something. It seems the boy will be okay on his own, though I somehow perceive that Dennis has no interest in the boy’s well-being. I go with him for a short distance after leaving the house. I then decide to fly. Coming out from the house, it is now the King Street boarding house. I effortlessness fly north over Tenth Street South, leaving Dennis behind for now. The dreamer’s brother had not been to Florida since 1970. Like every other dream feature, it is erroneous, completely removed from any correct timeline. Even more curiously, he walked out from the north end of the open carport in Florida yet simultaneously from the closed porch of the King Street boarding house, not regarded in real life much since 1990 and over 1,500 miles away from the original setting. There is no measure of distance in thought, but that is moot, as the two buildings were somehow perceived as being the same. The dreamer often flies in his dreams as if it was a perfectly natural thing to do. To take to the air to get somewhere else is what he has done often for many years in both lucid and non-lucid dreams, without considering physics or gravity. There is no doubt, but the dream self is not the conscious self, and the rules that dictate that flying cannot be as such do not apply, even if there was some subliminal memory that it was not possible. I end up in some sort of forest on the other side of La Crosse, which I perceive may be several blocks west of Loomis Street. After walking around and entering a denser area of forest by way of a footpath, I notice that Dennis is already here. He talks to a seemingly homeless person in dark apparel. The unfamiliar scruffy male is sitting at the side of the path, facing outwards from the dense trees. Dennis seems annoyed and may be impatient about something. It has something to do with the other male not owning a motorcycle as he is expected to. There is no fighting, just a conversation. It seems the other male may have sold or lost his motorcycle and is now living in the woods. I walk around and see another clear footpath that leads straight through the densest part of the forest. It seems to be afternoon and the imagery is very clear and beautiful. The path leads east and seems to continue for quite a distance. I can see an open area at the very end that indicates an urban area. Still, after walking around, I decide to fly again. The dreamer does not question this fictional area of land. The area in real life would be within the same area as the Northside Elementary School (though the area looks much different now than when he last lived there in February 1994). He does not ask himself how Dennis apparently walked there and got there before him. As I am flying, my focus changes somewhat. I see below me, something that is almost like a life-sized map, showing how the area originally appeared. It was mostly a marshy expanse with no trees for a long time. This changes, as Dennis had planted a number of saplings over time, until it was a dense forest. Curiously, I am aware that no one else, including members of the city council, ever noticed this change other than Dennis and a few biker friends of his. I watch the changes in the map as I turn and fly south. Looking down on a slowly animated life-sized map superimposed over the bird’s-eye view of the land below does not seem unusual to the dreamer. It is like a visual historical view displaying the changes over time, not following the rules of real-life perception. He does not fly back down to investigate or consider that if he did, he might be in the original treeless marsh as it supposedly was years previously. I am now aware that it is nighttime even though it had been afternoon moments before. I do not find the change unusual. I am aware of a missile lighting up a small area of the sky to the north, over what I perceive may be a small island, but I still consider it as a threat even though it seems far away. My wife Zsuzsanna now joins me as we run southward. The buildings around us start to shake. They seem to wobble and waver unrealistically, somewhat like exaggerated jelly motions. I think we can escape. We run over the tops of buildings, over the roofs of commercial buildings of various heights, no attention to how tall they are. It seems effortless but annoying. I get the idea to take cover in a boiler room of a commercial building. I sense the ceiling may collapse, but it does not, though there is still shaking. We end up near a breaker panel. I have a fading idea about possibly resetting the main breaker, as if that might somehow make the building more suitable to hide in. The dreamer’s memory seems more viable now as he recalls Zsuzsanna. There is even a thread of recent memory about North Korea’s missile launches, but little else. His focus on the breaker panel reveals a subliminal awareness of the neural energy within his mind, yet not fully realizing why this thought emerges in the last seconds of his dream or whether it symbolizes “deactivating” his dream, increasing his neural energy and expansion into whole consciousness, or both.
Yesterdays “opening of the lion's gate” in astrological terms had me set some intentions throughout the day. These were primarily poised in the directions of letting go of limiting fears and beliefs, while also opening up to the power deep within me, centred around my heart and solar plexus area. I accepted to work with energy, light energy, accepted whatever life needed of me I would oblige, despite fearing what this might be. In practical terms it involves committing deeper to the energetic and spiritual work in contributing to the world and its beings. This is fear provoking for me since it involves disclosing publicly to the world that I have strong spiritual and shamanic experiences. Ha! In a way this forum is golden as it is a sort of cheating platform to disclose secrets and try it all out. As of late – maybe the past 1-2 weeks I have experienced a tremendous kind of release. A release in limiting beliefs, physical fear sensations as well as attachments to concepts – particularly in the area of relationships and romanticism. I feel stronger, a resurgence in my confidence levels and a readiness to start giving more of myself to the world. It feels good saying “more” as I have also started recognising more and more that some of the voluntary conversations and modes of operating in the world for me are valuable contributions. Well that is enough context, on with the dreams: Dream (and waking visualisations) 1: “Sexual exploration” I find myself in a large living room. I am sleeping on the sofa, it is my father's brother and wife's house. It is in the middle of the night and I look up on the wall towards the massive television on the wall. I know that if I turn it on there will be porn on pretty much all the channels. I decide to turn it on, though before the image appears after having turned on the telly I turn down the volume all the way to minimum. I am a little surprised to find that there is still sound coming through, yet the sound isn't horrible so I allow the porn scene to keep running. It is an orgy of sorts. In particular I find my attention dwelling on a guy wearing a leather hood, while he is fucking a woman lying below him as he is standing up. I get aroused and go to the toilet to make preparations. While there I decide to try and observe how my arousal and dick respond to simply watching the porn without stimulating myself. I wake up As I am awake I find myself aroused and hard. I don't masturbate, but massage my perineum and find it interesting and somewhat easier than normal to circulate the sexual energy around my body. In particular I notice that I am extremely connected down the front, where I am in touch with my body. I then start focusing on Cille. I think of her “hole in the back” and I see how there are shadowy finger marks around the hole. So I visualise and start clearing the hole with fire, ask Raphael for help to seal the hole, which I do with the opposing triangles that compose the visual representation of the heart chakra. I further start healing Felix, if he wants to accept it of course, and ask for assistance in burning out the things he doesn't wish to see or that are preventing him from being happy and present in this life. Dream 2: “The magical island, climbing surface and an elven bridge” I am standing in a cave, which opens out over a big lagoon where in the middle is a small island. This island is composed mainly of steep cliff sides and a forest in the middle. Just before the main island there is a long, narrow rocky cliff side coming out of the water. The weather is bright and sunny, there seems to be a clear blue sky above the water. An arrow appears above us, and a small humanoid figure jumps up and catches it and slaps it in the cliff side above us, there are transparent fishing lines attached to the arrow. Following an elven figure swings across the gap between the cave and the water, maybe a mile or two. The elven figure is wearing green and orange and is like a ferryman, there to swings us one by one across the water. There is some talk about the attractiveness of the climbing cliff side – 700 metres facing the water of the island. There is some discussion that the journey has taken too long, about 4 hours and that it could be due to the elven “swinging ferry man” can only take on one passenger at a time. Dream ends. Dream 3: “Lost at sea, coming home” I am at sea in a dingy boat, lost and at the mercy of the sea. I am there with Mikkel L and we have been there for some time. It is mid day and we are drifting along the waves. We sail past a boat, which we initially hope can rescue us, but find that it is full of refugees and for some reason it doesn't even become relevant to be rescued here. I sarcastically remark that it would be a good opportunity to practice broadsiding this ship, opening up with all four canons on one side of our ship. Out in the horizon, far away, I see a sail ship – looking from the silhouette like an ancient Viking ship – and a small blotch of a ship. I hope that this is ships that can assist us. From a far distance the ship that started out as a small blotch shoots its cannons. One on one side of our boat and another on the other. I feel them as being warning shots, but I also feel afraid. As we approach the ship I realise it is the largest one I have ever seen. It is black and probably around 30-50 metres tall from the water. I wave my arms in surrender and declare an interest in wanting to be saved, all the while I think about how nice it would be if I had access to white clothing. Luckily the ship understands our gestures and predicaments and they start throwing down ladders we can grab onto. I find however that the ship is practically racing across the surface of the water in the opposite direction to our boat, but I nevertheless jump into the water and swim for the boat. I can't latch on to any of the ladders, but a door just above the waterline is opened, and a wooden entry plank is pushed out and I prostrate as I enter the ship in deep gratitude. I am met by the captain – Tim Smith – who asks me if it was Mikkel on the boat with me. I acknowledge the affirmative and Mr Smith continues to ask: “Is it true that he has a blog running about his journeys across the sea?”, to which I reply “yes” and then Tim asks “Has he written a book about it?”, “No” I reply. Then I see pages lifted up before me in a completely different scenario, sort of a beach bar with trees and sunshine in the background. On the pages a story is being written in bright red, it seems to be a draft from the blog to the book. Dream ends. There are a few interesting themes at play here. The first dream is highly sexual in nature, and incorporates both the animalistic nature – as displayed in the orgy – but also the renunciation of traditional friction based sex, as I attain pleasure through massaging my perineum and working with circulating energy. It is interesting that the man is hooded, representing a hidden aspect of myself that I have been trying to neglect – a yearning for the sexual exploration of the animalistic that I have particularly not mentioned to Cille, where I have emphasised the tantric, energetic unity aspect of sex. This aspect of a hidden yearning to explore is also symbolised in wanting to keep the volume down, so I am not noticed as I go on with my explorations. I have an instinctive feeling that this pertains to wanting this phase of my life to remain hidden from Cille. From an astrological point of view, this aspect of the dream seems to be an encouragement. There is an opportunity now to explore my sexual nature – again not being with Cille here being significant – in particular the more playful and kinky aspect of it. This is further symbolised by my approach towards it “wanting to observe what it does to me” rather than starting to masturbate straight away. It would seem like there is a gentle reminder to continue working towards embracing my sexuality and that it is coming up as a point of focus (which is also symbolised in the Elven figure, who acts like a bridge, dressed in Orange and Green – bridging the sexual/sensual chakra with the heart chakra. The second dream I see a lot of myself in the elven figure. A bridge between this and that world – symbolising my shamanic aspirations. The number 4 appear, which to me could be a pointer towards the four elements – accepting the spiritual – but also 4 quadrants of the mandala, and thus the complete and fully realised self. The fact that the number 4 appears as an irritation, that the journey is taking too long, point towards a disturbing element in my current workings. This I intuitively feel is related to how I worry about financial stability – which isn't to say that it doesn't matter, but that I am spending too much energy thinking about this instead of following my heart. There is a slightly greedy element to how the elven figure charges for the ferrying, which is an affirmative of this. I believe it points towards the fact that I want to open up more towards group oriented practices in my vocational life, as opposed to individual style therapeutics. I do find myself comfortable in the role as a bridge between worlds, serving as a guide between the somewhat disturbing emotions that can arise on the spiritual path (Orange) and in accepting and coming to grips with newer senses of identity in a loving manner (Green). Dream 3: This pertains to my acceptance of a more spiritual and energetic mode of operating and giving to the world. I have long been caught in the emotional flux caused by wanting to adhere to both a strict scientific and fluid spiritual identity – I have been lost at sea (emotionality) and seeing refugees (fleeing my call) can no longer serve me. Again I see the number 4 – as in broadsiding the refugees with 4 canons, which again points to the 4 quadrants of the mandala – here symbolising that I am no longer in the process of fleeing or escaping my true nature or my purpose with being here on the planet. There is an interesting theme in converting the blog/notes to a book, with the text being red as this could symbolise that financial security could come about through writing about the journey. The fact that it isn't me the journey is about could point towards the opportunities lying in writing about others, where both Cille and Nils are on the table. This session turned somewhat long, and I would like to cut it off by at least and hour. However it is the first time in a while that I write down my dreams and adding an interpretation didn't actually take as long as I recall. For the future group processes setting the context isn't going to be as extensive, as that will be done in process groups and dealt with through ongoing communication. Honestly 45-60 minutes of the time spent on this entry probably goes for procrastination on Facebook.
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