dream fragment

NLD, first sleep: Several of us are downstairs in a house at night. The front door is wide open. Through an adjacent window, I see a man sitting on a bench next to the road outside, waiting for the bus. Perhaps he tires of waiting, because after a while he gets up and walks right in the front door. I recognize him as "The Vagrant," a character played by Johnny Depp. He wears white face make-up and an old fashioned suit and hat, resembling a mime from the Charlie Chaplin era. I feel hospitable toward him and offer to let him sleep in the wife's room, as she is not home. (I have no sense of who "the wife" might be; there's something impersonal about all the DCs; they are more like roles than individuals.) Someone standing nearby ("the husband"?) gives me a dirty look for leaving the door open and then telling the vagrant he can stay. I don't openly acknowledge the glance, but gives me a sense of foreboding: I don't know anything about this guy, and I've just offered to let him sleep in one of the upstairs rooms. If he turns out to have ill intent, we'll be leaving ourselves vulnerable when we go to sleep.

Scene change. There are about three of us upstairs now on a sort of balcony, in addition to the vagrant, who is swinging on a rope. He has not said a word since entering the house, and I start to wonder if we should be worried about his intentions. I consult the DM, who is not physically present in the scene: "If I do 'sense alignment', is it blatant?" It feels as though I ask the question aloud, but in a way that does not manifest audibly in the dream scene -- I'm asking OOCly (out of character). The DM confirms that, yes, the effect would be blatant, meaning that I can't cast the spell on the vagrant without him noticing, either because I have to make distinctive invocations and gestures, or because he would be able to subjectively feel the mental intrusion. I don't want to cast the spell if the vagrant will be aware of it, because at this point I already strongly suspect that his alignment is not on the "good" spectrum, and I don't want to alert him to my suspicions. After the vagrant leaves off swinging, one of the other players on the balcony asks the DM if she can use the same effect on the rope that he has just let go of. She's trying to be clever: a rope, obviously, won't notice anything amiss or feel itself being scryed on. However, she seems to be missing the obvious, so before the DM has a chance to respond, I scoff jokingly, "You can't 'sense alignment' on a rope!"

Note: I'm interested in the way dreams can take on aspects of other forms of representation. Mine are often heavily influenced by structural elements from films, video games, and even tabletop gaming, the first and last of which were strongly present here.

NLD, second sleep: The fabric of the dream was very thin and immediately frayed upon waking because I did not keep still enough. There was an elaborate plot that I wasn't able to piece back together. However, I was with a group of people that were playing costumed characters, acting out scenes that were somewhere between a play and a LARP.

Afterwards, an actor who is a dwarf (of the genetic, not the fantasy variety), comments to me about his disinterest in playing out live-action versions of stories he has already filmed or done on stage. "Kid, we want to see it, or we want to hear about it. We don't want to live it. We've already done that."

Note: This dream appears to have been incubated by the thoughts I wrote down after the last dream about the various representational formats that have been an influence on my dreaming. Dream would like to remind me that I left out plays and LARPs. Thanks, Dream, I guess my dreaming is also influenced by plays and LARPs (even if I haven't engaged in either since the '90s). Anything else?

Dream - Lucid

I was at work at the bakery. I was walking by a room where the managers were having a meeting. None of them were in their work clothes. I saw my manager there. Her back was to me and her hair was half pulled up in a short, high ponytail. I thought about how different she looked when she was back here working.

I then had to approach her about something. We were still inside, but I had to wade through this high grass that was flooded with this milky white water. The discoloration of the water was caused by chemicals that were being used on the grass for some reason. I was worried about the chemicals making me sick. I finally got to the other side. I looked down at my leg, and there was this huge bruise that took up my whole kneecap. It then started to move around on my leg. I wondered if I was seeing things, but no, it was clearly moving. I then saw this weird brown streak coming from a healing scab. Someone, a female employee, pointed it out and asked what it was. I thought it was a sign of infection in my blood, as was the moving bruise. I was afraid that it would move to my heart and kill me. I started to panic. I said
"I need to go to the hospital. Call 911. Call an ambulance!"
I then started to overflow with panic, thought about the ambulance fee, and I passed out.

I was feeling like I was buried beneath consciousness; I felt like I was out quite deep. I started to surface, and when I opened my eyes, I saw that I was at work, sitting next to my manager, Shannon, on a grey bench attached to a wall. I guess nothing was wrong with me. I looked down at my knee, and it looked better and less bruised. I looked up and asked Shannon
"What happened? Was I just panicking?"
She responded
"Yes."
She then gave me a copy of the hospital bill. It had a description of everything they did and how much it cost. For instance, the used a strong anti-anxiety of some sort to calm me down, and that cost $321. That's the only figure I remember though. It listed the life flight to a different state's hospital, which was in a jet instead of a helicopter, evaluation, and showed that I was good to go home that day because nothing was wrong with me. I felt bad because I didn't want to waste anyone's time, and I felt like I had.

I then was behind the counter, and I was trying to call my best friend Mk. I got her voicemail. Her voice sounded like she was on the verge of tears. She said the usual, that she wasn't available, and then she started to apologize for something about some chemical company she was apparently working for. Then she went on to say leave a message. I then noticed a customer, a woman, and I quickly hung up the phone and said
"I'm so sorry! I was trying to call my friend!"
She gave me a smile and a stare, as if to say she knew and I shouldn't have been doing that.
"What can I get for you?" I asked with a smile.
She then started to walk to the other side of the case to point out what she wanted, and then I woke up.

~

I was leaving the apartment to go to work or something. Dallas was there, and it was daytime. I opened the door to leave when my cat, Belle, ran out. Ugh, I really didn't want to chase her down. I waited, trying to see where she would go. She paused, and then started to go down the stairs. She got to the bottom, and instead of a parking lot, it was a small grassy field. I finally got to her and grabbed her. I remember grabbing her tail and another part of her and pulling her to me. I picked her up to take her back inside.

Then, it was like she was a child, and asked if she could go out to this different part of the field when I got home. I told her no. I think I told her no because the spot she wanted to play in was muddy.

~

Something about work, about me clocking in late a few times for some reason, like from coming back from lunch and being late getting to work. I was worried about getting fired. The rooms I was in for a lot of this dream were dark. Something about someone calling my current manager by her real name, Sherry.

~

I was working at the bakery, and had been there for only a week. I was sitting in this very large back room at a long table. Across from me sat my old manager, Sherry. She was my manager again now. Also, my friend Courtney S. from my old job was working there now too.

I then was in another part of the back room. As I entered it, I saw racks full of perfectly iced coffee cakes and such. Courtney S. and Patti, a lady I work with currently, were both back there. I knew Courtney had done the racks of perfectly iced coffee cakes, even though she had only been there for a few days. I asked her what I needed to do. She told me that I needed to scrub the doors. I think they were doors to the ovens. I then started to do it. I also had to get on a step ladder to clean on this blue, cylindrical fan-type thing. It was caked with bread dough. It was used to cool it down, or something weird, I'm not sure. At any rate, I had to use this special tool to scrape the dough out. I didn't use it at first, but then I switched to it. It worked much better. I kept thinking about how pissed I was that I had to work under Sherry again, when she was part of the reason I quit my old job in the first place. I "remembered" speaking with the old store manager, a bigger woman resembling one of the customer service managers I work with IWL, at the same place I first saw Sherry working there, in the back at the long table a few days prior.

When I finished that chore, I asked Courtney what I needed to do next. She was telling me how to do the floor. I had to flood it. I asked if I needed to squeegie it, and Patti said yes. I remembered doing that before at a different job (IWL the only job I have done that at is the one I'm at now in the bakery). I started to do it. I saw lots of bread crumbs and such.

Then, I was sitting on my bed in my childhood room. The bed was even in the place it was when we first moved in there. Dallas was sitting on it with me, but...he was a baby. Like, he looked like he does now, the same size and everything, but he was a baby. I had to try to keep him from falling off the bed. I then had to pick him up and carry him, though I wasn't quite sure how to do it correctly. I picked him up with one hand under his butt. He was so heavy, and it felt awkward to carry him. I had to adjust my grip so I wouldn't drop him. I even commented on it, saying I wasn't sure how to do this right. I then remember seeing his hair styled in this weird, curled fashion, with it being curled in on both sides. He liked that hairstyle, but I thought it looked silly. But it was ok since he was a baby.

I didn't really have any DR, actually I did have some DR but the dreams were so boring I didn't bother writing them down.

Hypnagogia, non-lucid

- I hear somebody is writing with a marker on paper while I'm distractedly thinking about dream signs

.../I get to a high place on a hill. I find some pals from the university. We talk about something, then I must go down. I realize I'm on the roof of a two or three floors house. I hang from the ledge and let myself fall doing some acrobatic movements to avoid hurting me/...

.../My wife carefully serves some dishes but she looks upset because she made some mistake putting a piece of flesh with a portion of rice next to it. I don't get what's wrong, but I want to help her to put the rice back to the pot. She gets annoyed because of it cannot be done. She asks me to throw it and get a clean dish because the rice goes on the right and we must respect the formalities.
Her dad (who's not her real dad) is helping her, but I see he's already eating some. I got upset and tell her it's not fair what they are doing because on one hand she asks me to respect the formalities while her dad is doing the opposite. I decide to go out. She asks me to be careful because of a wolf pack has been seen around the place. I see a lone gray wolf on the mountains next to the city, and a group of wolfs of around 10, wandering on the street, when I notice there's a black wolf among them. I tell her, a real wolf pack couldn't have a black wolf. It must be a wolf-dog pack, because of black wolves got extinct long ago I explain. I see a big dark brown dog-wolf licking the stove. Definitively it's a group of dog-wolves I say while I walk between some of them which are lying on the floor to get out of the house which is in the middle of a narrow street/...

2nd Dream

For this dream, starting from where I remember it starting. I think I was in a bad side of town, but I was okay because this guy had kind of adopted me as his daughter or something like that. Anyways we are all sitting there chilling and this car pulls up. About three people get out and they want to rob a store but it's closed and all locked up. So they pull out a knife and decide to come after me, this is when the guy goes after them. But then one of the guys gets this bottle that looks like a huge perfume bottle with one of those squeeze things. So they set this on fire and were kicking it around because it was suppose to explode like a Molotov. I couldn't get away from it and ended up backed into a corner behind the people that were trying to rob the place. I figured they'd make a good shield for when the bottle exploded. Well the bottle turned out to be more like one of those fire crackers that shoots sparks in the air, but the flame was like a torch shooting a few feet up from the bottle. The robbers were standing in front of me cheering as they were burning. I felt a little bit of the heat but I was pretty much safe. Then I kind of woke up and there was a shift.

In the next part I was living with the protector guy and I guess it was a rehabilitation house for teens. I was one of the kids he helped rehabilitate and was now living with him helping with new teens that moved in. Well there was one girl living with us and I guess she had an father in the military or something. She wanted to go home and visit her dad. The protector didn't like this idea and said she was going to come back in sorry shape. I guess she was abused at home, since at this point I had flashbacks of her visiting home and coming back severely depressed. Then there was some kind of meeting and I was told that it was time for me to open my own rehabilitation house. I was saying I couldn't do it on my own.

I had two other fragments. The first one I was in a school I think it was suppose to be my old high school. In the dream it had transformed into a top of the line high school, well at least for science. It had the latest in science lab equipment. The only thing was I was back in school and was trying to enroll. I ran into my old 5th grade teacher and she offered to take me downstairs to enroll as a student. I remember she sat in one of those chair things to take people down a flight of stairs once we got to the bottom I woke up.

In the other fragment, a family member had opened a restaurant. The only thing was all our patrons looked really bored and so we asked them why. They said the food was fine but the atmosphere needed some change. IT was a tiny building with slate grey walls and two windows on the front on either side of the door. I think the windows had bars on them and they had these really tattered and dingy pale yellow curtains (I think the color had faded and that's why they were so pale). So we started talking about what color to paint the walls and at first I said a powder blue, then off I switched to purple. Then I started asking what kind of emotions did the owner want the place to evoke. She was saying she wanted fresh flowers on every table. It was then time to close the restaurant and I was walking home. One of my coworkers from the restaurant pulled up and offered me a ride in classic car. At this point the dream moved back in time so all the cars were "classic". I remember us driving off down the road and then waking up.

Dream - 7:40AM

I'm on range bank's oval playing Aussie Rules Football. I'm standing in the forward line talking to the opposition teams player. I see Brent Macaffer (Professional AFL Player) and he has a word to me about something. I think it may have been something to do with chatting and not playing.

I think I kick two goals for our team.

I run over towards one of the oppositions teams players and man up with him. The ball goes over our heads and we both run after it. I beat him to the ball and side step passed him. I see one of my team mates a little too far away for me to kick, but I try to kick it as far as I could, which ends up just being enough to go over the oppositions players head but not far enough for my team mate. I feel a little bummed considering the shitty distance I was able to kick the ball. I think about strengthening my legs so I can generate more power in my kicks. I relive the moment and this time I kick the ball differently. I kick a torpedo, which makes the balls spinning formations similar to a spinning spin top. The ball goes further this time.

I'm now at my old house, standing in the kitchen. I see Arpie and I explain to him and my Dad about my dream I had. I mention about a female and dating, and that I was playing football where I kicked the ball over the oppositions teams head. I mention to Arpie again that it's just a dream, cause he starts talking about the girl and dating part as if it was real.

Another scene change, I'm at a random house and I see two females fighting in the lounge room. One of the females gets pushed over a chair.

I begin telling Dad about the dream again.

I'm standing up heading towards a door. I think I'm a female, a somewhat famous singer named Joelle, or maybe I'm just promoting her, I dunno. I see my profile open up and I edit it, putting in something about Joelle.


Dream Fragment:

I bite the tip of my finger nail, and bite some off. I'm a little disappointed due to biting them, as I've kicked the habit in real life.

Side Notes:

Felt uneasy last night and couldn't sleep for at least 3-4 hours due to having heart palpitations. Weird. Assume they're water detox symptoms.
Been practicing visualization with great success. I feel it flowing instead of being forced and stressful. It's more of a passive approach.

August 15, 2014

---

Better Beer

All I remembered was something about flying over some beautiful, sprawling fields so I could make better beer. Or better something, I can't quite remember what it was.





Blowing Up Houses

I was with my family, but they lived in a different apartment. I had to go to class but they were not home (they had taken my car somewhere), so I drove their car instead. I first met with my advisor, and he told me I had a new class to take, about German movies. Apparently I was going to be the only one in the class who could speak German.

I got to class late because I had to park the car in a garage further away from the building... I noticed that one of the 3rd graders I taught this summer was in the class as well. We were filling out a worksheet when I walked into the classroom. Then we had a break, and I realized I had to get something from the car. I walked out of the classroom and to where my car was parked, unlocked it, forgot what I was doing there, and locked it back up. When I got back to the class, the teacher was showing an example of one of the worksheet answers; it was mine. I had written something about a clip in Harry Potter where Harry, Ron, and Hermione blowing up Harry's old house so he could move out of it. We had to label the scenes in the movie, and that's the one I'd chosen.

Wednesday, 14 May 2014

The classroom was full of students,at least 30 of them.
I recognized the old brown chairs and wooden fold up desks to be the same ones in my high school,which i haven't visited in 7 years since matriculating.

I sat quietly,2nd row from the back.After uttering something that to a fellow student next to me i felt a painful slap making contact with the left side of my face.The blow came from behind.
Angrily I turned around to see curly haired, olive skinned Casey with a look of menace on his face.
Could he overheard and perceived my comment to be an offensive one?

The statement was soon deciphered as benign and non-malicious,although i received no apology as redress.
This made me boil inside.

We stopped at a Greek take-out restaurant. I saw bags of take-out orders being loaded onto a plane to be shipped all the way to Greece. "Wow, this place is hardcore," I thought.

We had parked right under the nose of the plane, where there was a niche just big enough for the car (a 2006 silver Volkswagen bug) to fit. I was a worried because it looked like the plane was about to take off, but figured it would be okay, since the plane would have to back up first, which would release the car from underneath it, and then the plane would turn ninety degrees to access the runway. The car should be fine. Still, I thought I should check. I called up to a lady in the cockpit, "Hey, is it alright if we park--"

Before I could even finish the sentence, a metal plate slammed down over the nose of the plane, closing up the niche where our car was parked. Meanwhile the plane began to pull backward, flattening the top of the car. There was a white flash and the sound of an explosion, and I knew the car was ruined.

I was annoyed because I had been hoping to inherit this car when my husband was done with it. Still, what was done was done, and there was no point getting bent out of shape now. So I tried to stay calm and figure out if there was anything practical to be done.

Note: 2006, the year of the car, is clearly WLR (waking life residue), as last night I was comparing various editions of a book that included this year. The plane is also WLR as I've been flying a lot recently. Not sure where the Greek restaurant came from.

Last night the first past of the dream that I remember is, being at some kind of game show. I remember a line of high school students waiting to get in and see the show. Somehow I ended up behind the scenes and almost saw the participants’ faces. Some guy yelled at me about not being allowed back there and told them to cover their faces. I then left that area and was just walking around. I ended up with Brandy and her son and some other lady with a son the same age. They were driving this weird van that was huge and had the driving compartment in the back seat with a bunch of cameras. Then there was this huge machine with giant blades going around shredding everything in it's path. It was built to clear tree limbs from growing too low and blocking the view on streets. The machine seemed to be able to rip through anything and if anybody had any additions on the front of the house it would tear through those. I'm pretty sure the machine shredded me and I woke up.

In another dream I was with this group of people one of them was from my chemistry class last year. Well anyways they were doing drugs and invited me to do some with them. This one guy was saying how the girl from my chem class was a freak and all she wanted to do was sleep around. I remember thinking something about innocence and purity. I think my phone woke me up from this dream.

This lucid was short. I was standing on a bridge with a coy fish in my hand and simply thought, I am dreaming, which is my mantra but i hadnt said it before i fell asleep. I did not get much time before i lost my lucidity. I was staring at a brick wall observing the destabilization. I havent been updating my journal lately so sorry about that. Ive been a bit occupied lately.

After forgetting how I became lucid, I did some things then suddenly remembered the adventures of redstar. I went over to a nearby house with a couch and clara wasn't there, figures. I tried to create her so I could actually continue the story but to no avail. I went outside and found I think the doctor and river song, walking together when I went up and stopped the story and was like "wheres clara" and then river song was like "haha, you always have to keep one door open in a house". I went to try that, and sadly, I woke up

Dream 1 - 2:10AM

I can see towards a house. It's located near my estate over the old train lines rump. As I'm observing the house I can hear a man talking to an interviewer. He's telling the interviewer about everything I'm looking at. He house seems to be a spiritual house from what the man is saying. He's talking about meditation. I see a door which has a webbing design going across it.

I see the house from a distance again and the man explains about the Winter Olympics coming here, or had recently been. I think I see the house with snow around it.

Dream 2 - 6:40AM

I'm at my house and I see my brother and someone else. They're talking to Daryl and his Mum on Skype via the computer, which is in the rumpus room. I don't seem to want to chat to Daryl, but I walk up to the screen anyways. I'm shirtless and Daryl spots me, and tells me I'm looking leaner then the last time he saw me.

I make the journey over towards Daryl's house. He doesn't know I'm coming over as it's a bit of a surprise. I'm standing in front of his house and it feels as if I've been here before (in a previous dream). The funny looking boat in the drive way even looks the same if not similar. As I'm walking towards the door I see Daryl's Mum. I greet her and tell her she's lost weight. Her face was a lot thinner and sunken in a tad. She says yes, and puts her head down as if she is thin for the wrong reasons. I have a strong feeling she is unwell and maybe been diagnosed with cancer. I feel bad for telling her she lost weight, just in case that was the reason behind the weight loss. I look across the road and see that 2 men are walking their dogs. One of the guys says to the other, something about the way he walks (dog walks in between his legs), is the reason he finds it difficult. The mans dog which walks it strangely, starts to urinate. It looks as if the man is holding the back legs up, making it do a hand stand while in mid stream. The dogs penis looks massive from the distance. The other man walks in the opposite direction, back over the fence into the grassy area. Daryl comes to the door and we greet each other. A dog comes to the front door. It's looks like a grey hound. Daryl's Mum is holding their dog, which looks like a black Labrador. Jane puts her dogs paw towards the other dog so it can sniff her dog.

Within no time, the Labrador is laying it's head on the grey hound, as if they're best mates.

Dream 3

I'm walking across the road near the ice cream shop, when I can read a mans intentions from the distance. He's intentions were to act as if he is a homeless bum, and to attack me. I can see 2 dogs at the end of the lights where the man is. As I'm walking across the road, I walk at a 10 o'clock angle to try and stay away from the man. He does the same and walks in my direction. (Feels like I have been here before and done a similar thing) I begin to make a run for it and head towards an undercover car park. I see a man inside a little booth and hope he's able to help me, but he locks himself in and doesn't intervene. I throw my wallet down on the ground. Moments later I turn around and punch the man chasing me in the face. It's a good hit, and drops him on his arse. I start to think about the damage I would have done to his eye. I eventually make my way back to towards the wallet. In the process of walking there, I see a picture of a achievement unlock for missing item not acclaimed. It says that I failed to complete finding my wallet, and that it had been taken by the man chasing me. Another picture comes up showing the amount which was left in my wallet. There was around $1000 in it. I can see similar threads to Kayley's, when looking for wallet?

Dream 4

I'm sitting on the ground and Daryl is showing me pictures of his friends son and daughter. The kids look a little odd looking. Daryl seems to favor the son. The photo of the son was of him standing close to the camera, whereas the daughter was amongst other people sitting on a couch.I can see a picture of Daryl receiving a birthday cake off of his friends in Yeppoon. They got him a ice cream cake.

Daryl is standing at a fridge. He's holding up the box which has the cake in it. I catch a glimpse of the brand on the box which doesn't look familiar. Daryl offers me some but I decline. I do eventually try a little just to get the taste. Daryl raves about how good it tastes but i don't seem to rate it as highly as he does. It's good but nothing special. As they're sitting down, his Mum explains that it would be much better if it had some kind of fruit in it, as well as other stuff. I debate what would be good for the cake and show them a cooking article, which looks to be on a kindle looking device. Daryl unfolds his, now looking like paper.

Dream 5

I'm in a bedroom with my brother. He tells me to hide, because a women in red is coming into the room and he wants to play a prank on them. I hide under the bed which doesn't have a mattress on it. The only thing that's making me less visible is the wooden slats connected to the bed. I worry that I'll be seen. The old women walks into the room and we both lock eyes. I'm sure I've been caught hiding but she doesn't see me. As she walks up a few steps to exit the bedroom my brother hits the button which plays a scary sound, hoping to scare the shit out of the people entering. Another victim walks into the bedroom, and this time it's a young black women. She reminds me of my brothers old girlfriend, except she was white. The black women seems very energetic and is acting all excited. She looks to be stealing stuff off the bed and I realize I left my phone on bed. She doesn't grab the phone. She starts dancing and singing, while eating some kind of treat on the bed. It was inside a box. As she leaves my brother hits the button and scares her. A man walks into the room for a moment then leaves. I don't get to see him, but I heard that he threatened to kill whoever scared him. The door that they all exited out of was my dad's bedroom door.

We're in the kitchen. This time Josh is with us. We tell him what we had been up too and I found it hilarious. My brother didn't seem to think it was as funny as I thought. I notice I have an erection and not wearing any pants, just underwear. I see Dale Thomas (AFL Player) in a scene, he's talking about how he wired up the connections for the clubs internet. I can now see another AFL Player kick the ball up into the air next to a goal post. I think they're looking to shorten the posts. Dale notices the player is kicking wrong and he helps him kick correctly.

Dream Fragments:

I'm in my house and I fart a little too hard and at the wrong time. To sum it up, I shat my pants. I can feel the warmth of the poo sitting in my pants and feel it running down towards my feet. I rush myself toward the toilet, looking like a person who just shat themselves. Lol.

Side Notes:

Swapped mattresses. Felt a little soft. Got to sleep quicker then usual. Woke up around 5AM and struggled to get to sleep for an hour.

Not a lot of interesting stuff happened this night, some small fragments of me smoking a cuban cigar and getting in elevators.

Dream - Lucid

There was a girl with glasses that a very deformed neck. It looked like a huge mass of melted skin was on the back of it. She had to have it on this thing with wheels, kind of like a walker, to get around it was so big. She had a tattoo on it. She was showing it to us.

I was in high school marching band again. I remember saying something to someone about it, telling them I couldn't wait until I didn't have to be in it anymore. We were on the asphalt practicing. The sun was setting.

~

I was living in a neighborhood instead of an apartment complex. Two people I know IWL, Meg and Alicia, were moving into these tiny, studio apartment-type houses. Alicia's husband was also moving in with her. The houses were right next door to one another. I saw them moving in, and the apartment was so small, when you opened the front door, you could see the bed right there. Alicia's sister and her husband, Andrew, were somehow involved in this as well.

I knew they both smoked weed, and I knew that now that they lived there, the second we hung out again, I'd be smoking again too. I wasn't worried about it though. I thought that I could control my habits now. In the back of my head, I knew that I wouldn't be able to in reality, but I didn't care. I just didn't want Dallas to find out. I was really excited about smoking and having such easy access to it.

I was then hanging about with Alicia. Her husband wasn't there. I don't remember where we were, but we were just chatting, when she asked if I wanted to smoke. Hell yeah! I really wanted to. She went and grabbed a bong from somewhere inside I think. She then was asking me about having sex while high. High sex is good, but I'd never done it with a girl. I thought about doing it with Dallas, but didn't know if I would be able to get away with it without him knowing I was high.

I think we smoked, but the only thing I remember about that is thinking that my eyes were red. I was hoping we wouldn't get caught smoking since the house was so small. I didn't want to get arrested or in trouble in any way.

Then, I was talking to someone else about weed. She pulled some weed out that was a light green with white on it. She said it was hydroponic. I smelled it. It smelled good, but not like super good weed. She then was talking about putting it on chapstick and rubbing it in your eye to get high. I then thought that if I did that, my eyes would be really red.

~

I was outside of some store at nighttime. I was writing to my first crush/first kiss, Nick. It was nighttime outside. I typed him a letter, and put three fingerprints on it. It told him to email me at a new email address, and also told him to listen to a particular song. I think my mom helped me type it. I read it over to make sure there were no mistakes. Instead of "Dear Nick," it said "Dear D____", with the spaces being something I can't remember, but it looked like the new email address that I gave to him. The fingerprints were below that, shaped like a pyramid, with two on the bottom and one on top.

After it was sent, I wondered whether or not he would even acknowledge my new email, or if he would just write back saying he had already heard the song. The point wasn't whether or not he'd heard the song, it was the lyrics that I wanted him to listen to.

I was then sitting outside of a public bathroom. It felt like I was at Disney. It was still nighttime. There was a little blonde girl of about 5 and her mom also sitting outside the bathroom on a bench attached to the wall. The blonde girl then started to talk to me. She said
"In my country (she said the name of the country but I can't remember), we can play in the bathroom."
She then was asking me if there were things in the bathroom she could play with while she went. At her feet, there were many children's books. I told her she could take a book in the bathroom to read, and she got excited. She went in and forgot the book. I went over to the stall, which was unusually short, and handed it to her over top of the door.