lucid

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

Looking to attend my guru's teachings. Not sure if I will see him, because I just dropped by and was not invited, so I decide to explore the place a little bit and see if I encounter him by chance. I risk going through an area I am not supposed to enter. I come across a few monks and lamas on a hallway and before they see me, I go down a flight of stairs that lead me to a sort of chamber where some people are seated waiting for an audience with my teacher. Nobody sees me as I hide under a table covered in a cloth. At the opposite side of this room there is an opening to outside and I spot my teacher arriving with a group of people. I am watching through a gap in the cloth and I notice that although he is talking with the people on his group, his eyes are looking in my direction and I know that he knows that I am hiding there. I feel there is no need to keep hiding, so I come out and join the other people in sitting on the floor in front of a low wooden stage. My teacher comes to talk to people but he chooses to sit on directly on the floor of the stage, right in front of me. Since his eyes locked with mine, he hasn't let go and I feel as if he is inside me. I feel dizzier as he comes closer, so close I stop feeling there's a separation between us. I become sort of lucid, not exactly, it is more like a small enlightenment. I feel so light that a breeze pushes me through the ground and slowly it elevates me in the air, seated in half-lotus position. I just go with the wind, I cross walls and tree trunks and rise up in the air. I rise and rise until I am in outer space, surrounded by darkness with the dim lights of the stars shining far away. Then I go across the fabric of the universe itself, until all shapes and forms start to disappear one by one. All of my memories fade like 2D pictures dissolving in a black background. I let go all of them. But then I panic. I don't want to lose my teacher's memory. I hold on to his memory. And as I do it, a faint vision of a table and a chair become stronger in front of me and I grab the chair and sit, to stabilize this reference. I grab the table and try to recall familiar things. Then from the table, embedded in it, a dark male figure rises, kinda demonic, but I feel it is also the help I need to go back. He wants to know what I want. I state clearly that I have to go back to my teacher, no matter the time or place, just meeting him again.
He says no way, that's gone, now I am stuck here forever in this limbo. But I insist on coming back to my teacher. I recall the time I last saw him, but any other time and space will do. He gets mad and disappears. Around me a scenario of an office starts to take shape. I get up and walk around until I find a couple ladies at a booth, like a ticket booth at a train station and they ask me my destination. They ask date and exact hour. I don't know. I feel a bit confused. They yell there is no time for hesitations. Only a few seconds for the time to be set. I could see in a screen random numbers starting to form a date and I shout my actual birth date and as I am saying the hours, I am already feeling a pull and I am thrown back on planet earth. As I approach I see the clouds, rocks, majestic ocean waves, buildings and people and I feel an intense happiness that I will be meeting my teacher again.

Morning of November 19, 2018. Monday.

Dream #: 18,963-04 and # 18,963-05. Reading time: 42 sec. Readability score: 52.



Having fallen asleep briefly while sitting on our couch, there is the usual natural melatonin trope of the illusory sound of splashing water. Someone unknown had thrown a hardcover book, and it breaks the surface of a pond. This autosymbolic event is a lifelong recurring process that encodes my liminal acknowledgment that the wakefulness required for the reading of a book is usually no longer present when sleeping.

Later, while lying in our bed, an additional melatonin trope is present, this time as an upside-down surface of a water body about three feet above me (atypical). A whirlpool (vestibular nexus) forms. At the same time, I hear the sound of a helicopter rotor, though it is very soft and pleasant. It is as if a whirlpool and a helicopter rotor (without the helicopter present in this case) are the same. A hummingbird flies down from out of the “whirlpool” and cheerfully says “hi” in a young feminine voice (water nymph as shapeshifter) but as if the formant is a band higher. I am very amused by this brief encounter.

---

Ok.... So it's been a week or two since I wrote my last lucid dream on here. Since then I have been focusing on dream awareness, recall and vividness. I have been keeping a physical dream journal where I write notes about my dreams. And ONLY notes. Maybe only 2 sentences per dream. However I think my dreams through in detail after each dream. My dreams have gotten more vivid these last couple of weeks, so that's a good thing, since I think vividness will lead to better awareness, which then will lead to one self easier recognizing the dream state.
On to the dreams!!! And by the way, I'm not gonna write then content of the dreams, only the details on how I got lucid and stabilized and so on.

Well first dream was weird. I was watching something on my I pad in bed. I got emmersed in the content of the thing I was watching, and suddenly the content of the film was my reality. I couldn't feel the body I was just in. This weird feeling made me reality check, and I got lucid. I don't know how I reality checked, since I didn't have a body... Well I got lucid, and tried to control one of the characters in the movie I was watching. THE INSTANT a thought popped into my mind, the male character in the dream acted out the thought. Weird feeling, but I kept going. I got too emersed in the dream content and lost lucidity.... The second I lost lucidity I woke up...
Interesting dream. I have never never NOT had a body while still being lucid. Well I need figure out how to stay in the dream and keep lucidity. In the past I kinda madenit a habit to just flow with the dream, however now it seems I lose lucidity when doing so, because I tend to get too emersed in the dream content. I went back to sleep with the intention of forcing a false awakening when I feel like I'm about to wake up. This has, in the past, helped me stay in the dream instead of waking up.


Next dream!!!
I can't remember the dream it self, however I remember the feeling of being just about to wake up. The second I felt that feeling, I forced a false awakening!!! (The way I do this is as following. Just before waking up from the dream, I tend to get one certain feeling. It kinda feels like I'm in the dream world, but I can vaguely feel my real body in my bed. Normally this indicates that the dream in unstable, and I'm about to wake up. In the past I have ALWAYS woken up after this feeling, so I wanted to figure out a solution to this. I came up with forcing a FA!! And for me, it works wonders!! When getting the feeling of waking up , I instantly sit up in my bed. I see it like forcing my self to instantly wake up. This night I kinda joltet myself awake) I woke up in my bed. RCed, and as always I was still in a dream!!! Success!!!!! The content of the dream is irrelevant. But they say I woke up was not. Yet again I got too emersed in the dream content, and lost lucidity and instantly woke up.

SUCCESS!!!! The most important thing for me was that I got my old technique of forcing an FA to work!!!! I'll keep working on that technique and I'll keep notes of how I'm doing.

Notes.
The lucid dreams where in the timeframe 04:00-07:00.
I drank applecider a couple hours before going to sleep.

Tuesday 11/21/17
I was at some Mall walking around. There was a long line of people waiting for something. It seems to be the train station. I became a little lucid. I decided to go on the train. I decided I didn't want to wait in the line and tried to get through the gate just by trying to go through the gate. It worked, I passed through the chain-link fencing like a ghost would! I was waiting for the train but there was almost no one on the platform with me. It seems the people who were waiting for the train in line we're just waiting in line, they were just dreaming of waiting in line. This is typical of dreaming areas.
I got on the train and took a seat and the train started to go through a place a lot like Brooklyn.

I looked out of the window and saw apartment buildings and backyards and street at one point I started to see red flowers in a tree. It was amazing to me that all of this could both exist outside physical reality and be looking so amazing!
As I looked out at the flowers in peoples backyards I thought, where is the blue, and I started to see blue flowers in the trees. I next saw these huge blue flowers is that looked at least is big as a man's head! I couldn't figure out what kind of flower they could possibly be, they looked a lot like morning Glory but they were tremendous in size! I knew it was a dream and was amazed by the fact that this looks so much like physical reality. I was also happy to take this little vacation outside of physical reality and life. Then thinking about physical life I woke up.

I never rode this train but at least I rode it while sleeping!

Date of Dream: SAT 17 NOV - 2018



Dream No. 485 - Separated Sections

Dream 485 A - Groundhog Graduation
I don’t remember how the dream started. From where I do remember, it was year twelve event again. It was the last day of school and so the year level were going to be having their graduation celebrations. The morning was spent in the library and while everyone had to read sort sort of long script and remember the entirety of it. I was given a book by SD'M and it had suggestions of cool stuff to do and hobbies to get up to over the Christmas Holidays… I think I got the better end of the deal. At the end of the session, Ms L told everyone that they would only have a 10 minute break and had to be back in the library on time.

During the break, I went into to one of the classrooms to attempt to say farewell to a few of the teachers. Ms Ta. noticed me and started yelling at me. I then pointed to the back of the room and said “What about everyone else that came in?! You’re not getting angry at them!”. She then answered, “I know but you just barged in through the door without knocking and you’ve been running around everywhere in here”… I clearly don’t remember any fast-paced movement.

I then went to the toilets and I found myself mistakenly to be in the men’s toilets. I tried to get out as quick as possible but just I was outside the doorway, I was really badly verbally bullied by a large group of boys and some girls. Within the group was an old granny that started yelling at everyone in defence. The granny and I actually got along with each other and spoke well.

Then dream then went back into the library and now the year level of girls was doing further celebration preparation. Everyone was seated at the main side of the library in a big circle and the guest speaker was CW, supported by her mum RW. CW was telling us what her graduation celebrations were like a few years ago. That’s all I can remember for this dream.

Dream 485 B - Mulgrave's Special Gust (Lucid Dream 29)
In the first scene, I was on the oval which was next to the local primary school, just on the other side of the linking footpath. It seemed to be dusk when this scene was playing. I was coaching 18-Volt’s fourth grade teacher on how to provide effective and meaningful discipline to her students. She wasn’t physically in the scene though, rather I seemed to be shouting to the sky, also figuring that she could see any movement I did on the oval.

I seemed to act somewhat like Jo Frost in this scene. I also spoke a lot but I have forgotten everything I said, I’ll recap what I can. The first thing I told this teacher was that a 15 minute timeout was the most ideal length. I then said, “If the timeout is too short and the student doesn’t have enough time to think, then how on Earth does the student know what they did wrong?”. I also stated to the teacher that she needed to tell the student what they did wrong.

The next bit reminds me of a combination of the Supernanny naughty corner and stay in bed technique. I said to her, “For the first time the student exits timeout, say to them, you’re in timeout, the second time, say to them, timeout, and when you take them back the third time, you say nothing”. The next I said was “And whatever you do, don’t make them stay back after school for one and a half hours just to waste their time, that’s the worst thing you could do”.

After that, I now saw a very feint hologram of all the school students floating around the oval (in-fact you almost couldn’t see them at all). After looking at them for a while, I yelled out “Now if I can demonstrate on one of your students, anyone…?”, hoping that someone would voluntarily come to me. Indeed, a hologram of 18-Volt came up to me in his Game and Wario cover art appearance and he was slightly more visible then everyone else although he was still fairly feint. I then spoke to him as if I was placing him into timeout but he kept a straight face as he knew I was only demonstrating. This marked the end of the first scene.

For the second scene, I was still in the local area but was lower down, closer to the shopping centre, walking up the footpath beside the main road. I was constantly think about 18-Volt and I said to myself “Herr, I wanna see if I can become lucid in this dream”. My eyes were now darting everywhere as I headed up the street, trying to read every single piece of writing I came across. Eventually, a bus came up the road and I was reading the advertisements on the back of it… This text is what made me become lucid. I then decided I wanted to do another reality check to confirm my lucidity and it was confirmed when I read another piece of text, I forgot what the text was though.

I was then at my house, in the front room with a roll of laminated paper. At the end of the roll was a picture of 18-Volt as he would appear in WarioWare Gold. I got onto the floor, lay down next to the roll and cuddled with it. My mum then walked in and giving me a strange look while she points to the roll, asks me “who’s that?”. For a moment I felt like panicking but I immediately sat myself up, pointed to his picture on the roll and said “That’s my dream guide, 18-Volt, would you like to meet him?”. My mum was actually alright in this dream and she said yes. She then went to sit on the couch while waiting for me to get him.

I went to stand just outside the front room and then I seemed to call for 18-Volt very quietly. At some points, I almost couldn’t hear myself and so I called slightly louder. It worked this time, as I was looking across the whole main part of the house, I saw 18-Volt emerging from my bedroom. He was of the same appearance as on the roll of laminated paper. Compared to the real life game, he was slightly darker, including the tone of green on his clothing, his teeth were more gritted than they were in-game and he had more of a frown as his natural disposition.

His graphics were the same as in-game though, completely cartoony… Although he looked real enough to my lucid awareness. Once again, I actually found the fact scary that he was slowly coming towards me, avoiding all the furniture in his path as if he actually knew the route of the house. I stood there paralysed, feeling nervous but at the same time excited, my heart racing as I thought, “I can’t believe this is actually happening”. I managed to ease up when he was right in front of me though. As 18-Volt stood in-front of me, he spread his arms out and when I got right up to him, he gave me a ginormous hug. He also now had a more accurate facial expression, precisely matching all facial features and their positions in WarioWare Gold, he wasn’t frowning as much.

Once he released me, I followed behind him into the front room. He then walked over to my mum on the couch and bent down to shake her hand. My mum was on the left side of the couch and 18-Volt seated himself right side of it, closest to the door. I then came and sat in-between them, feeling really happy and at peace that my mum was actually getting along with a dream guide this time. After a while of enjoying both my mum’s and 18-Volt’s company, my mum said “I’ll leave you two to it” as she then got up and left.

I then thought about what I wanted to do while I had 18-Volt and so got up off the couch. He then got up off the couch as well and followed me back out the door and into the dining room. At first, I thought I would ask him to help me with elevator exposure again but then I said, “There actually aren’t any elevators in the house...”, so then I asked him to help me with the bathroom fan. As we walked over, we held each other in a hugging position, moving our legs in a certain sequence so we wouldn’t trip over.

I ended up opening the door to the toilet room, with 18-Volt standing and watching in the background as I flicked one of the switches. It was extremely loud and the wrong sound, so I took no hesitation in switching it off again immediately. After summoning multiple switches and none doing the right thing, being too loud or too quiet, 18-Volt came up to me and told me to try the bathroom instead. He then said he was going to leave me to fiddle around in there for a while and then he completely walked off.

It felt like almost half an hour when 18-Volt came back and he asked me how I went with whatever I was doing before. I told him and described what had happened. We kept having a friendly chat for a while, then he gave me a quick pat on the back. He then went a step further and gave me another hug. As 18-Volt was gently embracing me, I proceeded to wake up, being satisfied with the outcome of this dream.



Dream 485 A
Dream Guide: None
Lucid?: No

Dream 485 B
Dream Guide: 18-Volt
Lucid?: Yes

11-15
Dream: F and I are somewhere, she's acting very strange -- she was told that she's going to die? We go to a circular hole in the ground that goes deep down and has catacomb-like levels in its sides. In the top layers, I can see birds. There was a lot more to this dream but it's gone now.
(...) I didn't write anything down for a few hours so I lost most of my dreams, initially I thought I remembered 2 other lucids/semi-lucids. It's a shame what a couple of hours can do to your dream recall.
Dream: HS friend R and I are in house, become lucid, go upstairs and look at his computer in his bedroom, wake up.

Notes: Attempted WILD a few times throughout the night, I don't think any of my lucids were achieved this way though. Will keep trying to WILD at least once a week for this new "WILD Wednesdays" habit I'm trying to make.

Morning of November 14, 2018. Wednesday.

Dream #: 18,958-02. Reading time (optimized): 3 min. Readability score: 58.



In a previous dream including my conscious self’s identity and to some extent in real life, I had been building a more extensive paradigm understructure for my online dream journal as a way to make it more idiot-proof, despite there being virtually no evidence that mainstream humanity has any understanding of the induction, dreaming, and waking processes. I had been focusing on “personifications of” while branching into more specific factors of vestibular system correlation, nexus simulacrums, and melatonin mediation. During this time, my dream self loses most of its present waking life identity while still holding a subliminal awareness of concurrent physicality and a minimal degree of lucid dream state awareness to where only a sliver of my conscious self’s identity remains extant; just enough to deliberately enter the role of another denizen to experiment with the dream space.

The backstory of an upcoming wedding comes to the forefront. It is a transpersonal thread adjacent to the virtual foreshore. There is the sighting of an unknown groom of about twenty-five in my incorporeal glimpse. I possess the body of a man who is about eighty years old to sustain his role in attaining a sacred stick from a secret area for the unknown young groom (who remains in another part of town), maintaining faith that any other sentient presence in the dream space will not detect me as an imposter. The interconsciousness borrows pieces of a setting that I had not lived in real life for years, making sure it is incorrect in design so that it is not mistaken for having waking life relevance or the fallacy of symbolism that the unintelligent pursue. I am at an erroneous version of the Stadcor Street house in Brisbane. This version of the house has an enclosed wooden back porch, which expands over the area that the utility room was in real life (though the utility room was at ground level). Another male, unknown, about the age of the man whose body I possess, is with me, remaining on my left (dream attention orientation, as I sleep on my left side). I do not see the house as a place of significance, and my dream self only vaguely realizes that it is an illusory model of a place I had once lived. There is little of my conscious self identity that remains extant.

We are to meet with a man who is over a hundred years old, known only as General. Another man who is about a hundred years old arrives first. The four of us briefly appraise each other. I marvel at how wrinkled their faces are. I nod to General, addressing him solely and lightly with “General.” He does not seem to suspect I am not the old man. I feel comfortable in my fictitious role. He had stepped from a back room of the house, perhaps the kitchen in assuming that this fake house was somewhat like the original. The other man had come in from outside. My dream self’s attention does not focus on the porch setting as the nexus within liminal space; that virtual bridge which I had entered thousands of times in previous dreams since early childhood. Despite “General” being a military association with the preconscious and interconsciousness simulacra, I do not anticipate dominance by their presence. We go out into the backyard. It seems to be late morning. I am holding a large irregular stick in my left hand.

We all have walking sticks, but the groom’s sacred stick is just beyond the backyard in a cluster of trees. In reality, this would have been our neighbor’s backyard, which was divided from ours by a small fence.

As I am walking, the other end of my stick, still being used with my left hand, somehow gets stuck between two small cages (the bottom of one and the top of the other). I am not sure if they contain any animals. A big cloth is covering them. It takes me a few minutes to pull it out. The man who had been with me, the first one, seems slightly annoyed and moves to help me, but the stick is already out.

Liminal awareness had established that I was sleeping on my left arm in an uncomfortable position, which became a factor of my dream’s scenario, altering its potential. My dream self absentmindedly points this out, with the stick, where my essence is, beneath the cloth (bed sheet) and asleep, my waking self “caged” within the virtual lattice of physicality.

---

Created Monday 12 November 2018

Got a DILD and some near-WILD REM Atonia states to note.

Scrap Group 1
Repeated states of REM Atonia, so noted by the sensation and sound of violent winds bearing down on me. I tried imagining the cause. This increased windpower dramatically, but otherwise did nothing else. I tried rubbing my hands, but could feel nothing of the sort. I barely nudged myself off my bed, only for an unrelated interruption to awake me.

Dream 1 - Sky-dal Wave

The visuals were a bit blurred, but clarified over time. I was riding in a van or SUV during a bright day. Several family members were there, though I couldn't distinguish either of them. Noticed we were by a local plaza, where we then turned towards one of the nearby condo complexes. Suddenly, I was shunted to the front seat, facing back. While figuring out what was going on, I began imagining random things. Seeing images of such floating ahead of me finally convinced me of the dream.

I climbed out the sunroof, then launched myself skyward. As I was some nearing clouds, I remembered to conjure a tidal wave as part of the TOTMs. A single stroke was all it took to do as much, the wave rising all the way to the heavens before it dropped out of view. I continued onwards, but noticed there wasn't any noise. Voicing sound effects fixed that in time. Just for the sake of thoroughness, I decided to repeat the task. So, after swooping down towards an ocean, I called for another wave. The tides violently took such a form, if smaller than I intended. I leaped over it, only to find a truly colossal wave was charging towards me, its roars deafening. I barely corkscrewed over its crescent to safety.

Next in mind was the world-splitting task. I blasted off out of Earth's atmosphere in an instant. Unfortunately, before I had time to notice, the dream destabilized, then collapsed.

11-12
Note: These are out of order and I'm missing a few, I didn't have amazing recall last night because of my dog moving me into strange positions and almost kicking me off the bed as the night went on. Another strange thing I noticed was no mention of 9 in any of the dreams I remembered, and instead the almost constant presence of this mountaintop room.
Dream: FA in dark room, extended version of my own, but it should have been obvious it wasn't. I was thinking about dreaming and even about what I wanted to do in my lucid dreams, but I was convinced I was awake and was trying to shut my eyes. I could see through them though (I convinced myself I was seeing through my eyelashes). Really should have caught this one
Dream: Longer dream in warmly lit orangish-yellow room, with windows all around the north and east walls. At first I'm sitting with my back against the south wall, sitting at a folding table. I see Gillum, he smiles and walks away -- feels malicious. Some time later I'm over at the east wall facing the corner, in a desk which I've "moved into" -- there's some weird system of school assigned seats + work + real estate going on here. Out of the window I can see a beautiful but vague mountain view all around -- blue skies and white snowcaps. I see the two younger indians from work (who were in the walking on water dream). They say that they're moving into a desk three away from mine. One of them has a broken arm. Later, the older indian man comes and says he wants to take that desk. I inform him they want it. He seems distressed and a negotiator (played by an actor whose name I can't think of -- but he always plays the shifty salesman/negotiator in movies). He says he'll offer them 300,000, or break their legs.
Frag: A woman is driving a car in an old-fashioned holiday movie version of NY at night. I know her from a previous dream or earlier scene in this dream, but I'm a camera, not a character. She crashes into another car or people off-screen, and the camera pans to an oddly dressed doorman/paperboy/announcer standing on a grate balcony over an inviting bar with flashing lights. He makes an announcement/proclamation in a grandiose but silly way.
Dream: In Walmart, I'm waiting in a line for self-checkout, but the lines are oriented in a strange way that I've never seen in any Walmart -- they're perpendicular to how they normally would be. I'm with F, but I see a few people passing, and casually examine them. Then I see one woman who eyes me suggestively, and I make a point of looking away and talking to F. I don't know what this dream means.
Dream: I enter the warmly lit mountaintop room from before, but from a darker hallway in the southwest corner. F is at a table facing away from me. I approach her and become lucid. [Censored for DV]
Dream: I'm not sure where I was looking back at it, it's highly probable I was in the warmly lit mountaintop room. I see an attractive girl and become lucid. [Censored for DV]
Frag: Vague memory about a house?

Note: For Privacy reasons, I will leave out the dates and some of the details.

I find myself in an unusual world, it felt surreal, but I'm not a stranger to this kind of experiences. I didn't have a body. I was a floating point of consciousness. It seemed everything was made up of pieces of reflections. It's hard to explain. I ask my guide where I was and I hear her voice in my mind - "The Fractal World" and she explains it interconnects different realities. I was fully lucid all this time. I decide to go into the past and try to save Kana. I didn't focus on a time, I just wanted to be taken to a time that will ideally help me save her. One of the fractals pulsates. I go towards it and all of a sudden the world collapses and I wake up in my bed.



I was groggy. I do a reality check half-heartedly and confirm it's not a dream. I look around sleepily and was surprised to see I was in my old bedroom, the one I shared with Kana. I look to my side and she was lying there awake looking at me curiously. I become wide awake. She looked so frail. I grab the phone and look the day, it was the day she was taken to Casualty (ER)! I try all possible reality checks multiple times and none of it shows I'm dreaming. I have had time-dilated dreams that are so realistic that reality checks become unreliable.

Kana says weakly that it's not a dream. She says that when she finds me doing reality checks repeatedly. I feel her temperature and she was chillingly cold as if there was no life left in her... exactly like it was that day. I didn't care if it was a dream or not at this point. I am not going to let it happen again. I insist we go to ER right away and this time we go to another hospital. The hospital we were going didn't have our best interests. Something I didn't know back then. I had my own health problems leaving me sort of crippled, but I fought through it despite the pain.

The hospital we were going to were unprepared to treat her from day 1, so instead of letting her survive and seek treatment elsewhere, they kept making her go for tests day after day without telling us what's up. It only became clear after she passed away that they were unprepared to treat her condition. So, essentially they were milking us of any money we had until she died instead of letting us go get treated elsewhere. They even refused to admit her in a room saying they were full. It came up later that they didn't admit her because they couldn't treat her. It was easier for them to have her die outside their hospital. So, long story short, not only did they not save her, they made her suffer a lot by having her do the same expensive tests over and over. However, what actually killed her was not her condition... it was septic shock from a procedure they did without anesthesia in ICU without consulting anyone or asking for Kana's own consent. Not only it was traumatic for her to endure the pain with no sedatives, the area got infected from contaminated equipment leading to all her organs shutting down. They didn't even do resuscitation when she flatlined a day later the proedure saying there was little they could do even if they revived her. She managed to hang on for around 1 day after the procedure saying she doesn't think she's going to make it but didn't want to leave without talking to me. That night, they didn't let me stay beside her holding her hand as she wanted. They said they don't allow "visitors" after visiting hours. Next time I was called in it was to let me know she has passed away. During her last moments, we had given her tests and scans to another bigger hospital which was quite a bit farther away. They said they were well-equipped to treat her, but now it's too dangerous to move her because her body was shutting down from septic shock. They were furious why we didn't bring her there before the procedure with contaminated equipment. It was still safe to move her before they did that precedure which pretty much sealed her fate.

So, in this dream reality, I wanted to make a difference. I knew how it'll play out if we go into the same hospital. There is still a chance to save her if she doesn't get contaminated. I try to get Kana up from bed, she had no energy. She says she was too weak to go anywhere. I ask her to do it for me and she gives in. I manage to take her to the big hospital. I'll skip over the details. Few days pass. The flow of time was realistic. She was under treatment. She was in ICU for a day but got her own room when she was ready. She had some surgical procedures to treat her actual condition. The day she passed away comes and goes and she was still alive! I did reality checks every chance I got... it was still not a dream. I was happy, was I stuck in a reality where Kana survives? I was overjoyed. I go back to her room and tell her about this other reality where she doesn't make it. I give her a long hug and sit down beside her. She holds my hand tightly.

Kana: "I'm sorry..."

I look at her confused as tears fill up her eyes. The world around me distorts into fractals and I "wake up" in this reality, 3 years in the future, back in a world without Kana. I don't know what to make of it. Was it just a "dream" or did I experience a parellel reality where she survives?

Created Saturday 10 November 2018

Got a FA/WILD/DEILD loop to note, along with some scraps.

Scrap Group 1
Various false awakenings, most in unfamiliar settings. One had a little girl huddling to me, like a scared daughter running to her parents' bedroom. I had no idea what to do. Another included a room with a small window behind me, the light of early dawn peeking in.

Several brief DEILD transitions and lucid FA, each of which collapsed when I tried to move, and transitioned with one or two minutes of waking between them.

Blind DEILD transition in bed. I rub my hands. In fact, I rubbed them so vigorously, that my palms burst into flames. The conflagration spread quickly, bright orange light flickering through my eyelids. Hurt like hell, but I somehow remained calm. Even so, I woke up a minute later.

DEILD transition in bed. After some concentration, I summon my guide, E beside me. Fun ensued... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) The dream eventually collapsed. DEILD transition two minutes after.

Dream 1 - Moody Underground Run

Blind LD transition in bed. I reach beside me, and, as expected, felt that my guide was already there, if completely nude. I seized her, then pulled us both through the mattress and into the Void. With the visuals now faint, I noted the startled expression on her face. I tried imagining a more scenic view, a forest under an aurora, but that didn't seem to happen.

After seating E on my shoulders, I opted to simply run off to find such a destination. In time, an underground environment formed around me, a structure made of ruined concrete. My guide suddenly began panting heavily. Reckoned she was tired, despite me doing all the running for her. But as I looked up from the floor, I noticed rows figures around me, all females in bed robes, each suspended lifelessly in the air. Whether they were floating, or hanging from a noose, I did not know, nor did I want to find out. Despite the macabre view, I never stopped running, dodging below and between the stiff figures.

In time, the structure narrowed into winding tunnels of dirt and loose stone, twisting to curved slopes. More women were huddled silently by the walls ahead of me, each alive, but gaunt and made helpless from despair. Perhaps to suit the mood, the World 4 theme from Eversion began sounding in the background. In any case, I continued more or less undaunted.

Steadily, the environment began becoming clearer and brighter. So too, in a sense, did the structure. Dirt and rocks were slowly replaced with grated steel and smooth concrete, until eventually, the surroundings resembled an urban transit area (well, minus the actual trains and tracks, but I digress). What's more, the women around me appeared much healthier and were much more lively overall. Curiously, they each were also only dressed in less concealing bedclothes. Concurrently, the music subsided. Much of this view somewhat reminded me of one of my earliest recorded dreams. I glanced up expectingly at my guide, who only simpered back at me.

It was only then that I noticed my strength slipping away. Each step now strained me greatly, and E's weight was finally bearing down on me. I could barely haul us both towards an emergency exit. But, the second I tried opening it, I immediately collapsed. So too did the dream.

Scrap Group 2
Something about being on a black haired giantess' head. I rope down a strand of her hair to get at eye level.

Something about stopping a giantess from rampaging in a city.

Morning of November 10, 2018. Saturday.

Dream #: 18,954-02. Reading time: 2 min 26 sec. Readability score: 66.



I am looking at a map of the island of Sulawesi (Celebes) with its very unusual shape. I notice an isolated fictitious town with the name of “Core” that is otherwise where Central, West, and South Sulawesi meet. There are mostly only native inhabitants there. I project my dream self into the map to create the foundation of my dream. I decide I will play the role of introducing new opportunities and resources to the region.

At one point, I mentally create diced pineapples in a bowl and the tribal leader enjoys them. I reassure him that I will only allow a few tourists to come to the area only during certain time periods and that I will have my team clean the region on a regular basis.

At another point, several soldiers, all in black, come to occupy the area. I mentally create an army that comes in from a ship and wipes them all out.

I decide to go on a journey to Los Angeles. An unfamiliar backpacker asks if he can go with us, and I say yes. I enjoy the idea of a random dream denizen (almost as if I see him as “real” or having perception) being on my ship in my dream. Although the trip is supposed to last several days, we arrive there within minutes. I try to make the ocean waves more interesting. In the distance, there seem to be huge “curtains.”

I alter the nature and progression of my dream with the intent of increasing my dream state awareness. I create rain to sustain and vivify my dream to astounding levels (as water and its specific dynamics has always been a natural melatonin factor of the dream state). The weight and coolness of the water is incredibly realistic. I slowly fly in standing position above an unknown town in semidarkness. I marvel at the pleasurable sensations of the rain that falls upon my skin and the realistic, vivid sound of rain all around me. I fly slowly over a small canal with culverts on each end.

I eventually land and bring out the sun. I walk down a wooden sidewalk and notice the nexus simulacrum (personified preconscious) going through a doorway built adjacent to the building on my right but of which goes to the intersection, but I mentally force him to turn around. I ask him, “What is your name?” He looks puzzled and in a hurry. “What is your name?” I ask him two more times, in case there is an interconsciousness thread present.

I maintain the expectation that the nexus simulacrum may have a level of transpersonal intelligence that may not originate from my dream self.

He answers with “Dennis Sunimun.” I let him leave, as he seems late for a business meeting. Still, “Dennis” is the name of my brother and “Sunimun” is an obvious distortion of “sunny man.” I was hoping for something more, evidence of intelligence beyond my own, which has been present in certain previous dreams.

I reset my dream, with the possibility I will wake myself, but I end up in an offset dream of lesser vividness. Still, I make my way to a library to write down the event. I walk through midair, about ten feet above the street, with a few random people.

In the library, I read handwritten details in a notebook. I write “Dennis Sunimun” several times, but when I look each time, I am not sure if it is clear enough to carry over into my conscious memory and I try writing it again. Finally, I go into another area of the library and walk out with my family.

---

The dream starts at my high school. I can't remember what happens there, but me and a group of friends eventually headed to our middle school. I saw my current art teacher working as a janitor, and the entire building was different. "Hey, this is almost in the same place as it is when I'm AWAKE!" I said, despite the fact this was horribly wrong. Everyone was impressed that I had achieved lucidity. We went inside the building and it was dark. we were in this large room that was poorly lit. To the back of us there was a white wall with a wooden horizontal rack meant for hanging clothes towards the ceiling. While everyone was checking out a room, I told my friend (who will be called E for the rest of the entry) to follow me into somewhere more private. We tried a compartment above the clothes rack, but that was too small. I mentioned the closet, but E said that she didn't like small spaces (I am unsure of this in real life.) We decided to go into the bathroom. What happened next I was still lucid for and will refuse to disclose. I feel partially ashamed for it, as this person was one of my crushes. Nothing that constituted a wet dream. I was sure of this when I woke up this morning and checked my pants. It's just odd for two friends to do. Hint: The bath water turned to red gelatin. There was calming 1950's music in the background. halfway into this moment my dream sort of "ejected" itself from my mind. I still heard the dream, but most of the visuals were lost. I was completely free to open my eyes at that point, and I did.

this is dream I got my soul posses and I was stuck in a mental contraption and enslaved in a dream where it took me 4 months to wake up for a 15 min sleep paralysis time didn't exist I could only move around my house or go to the stores nothing more or nothing less yet I thought it was reality yet I couldn't control non of the outcome no matter how hard I try to attain lucidity when I gain consciousness in the dream state to jolt myself back to waking up I would wake in a false awakening where I can only get up from the bed and lay back on the bed so this took place for 24 hours I could only move from left to right

10-28
Fragment: I remember two men's faces, one of them being Jerry Seinfeld.
Dream: I'm at 9, some new neighbors have moved in to a house I used to petsit at; it's an odd couple, a young asian man and an older white lady. Someone is having their wedding there and F and I are attending. As we enter there's a "good" bottle of wine in a blue bottle which someone takes out of a lit china cabinet. I'm in a room with F and we're having dessert, I do some kind of unconscious dream control and transform a wine glass (like glassblowing, but just with fingertip gestures). My grandpa is calling me from the other room. He says something loudly and brashly which is confusing/embarrassing. Tony Soprano is there. Maybe it was Meadow's wedding.
Fragment: View of a street corner at my old college. It's morning, the light is tinted blue, there aren't many cars on the road.
Fragment: Brothers (that's all I wrote).

10-29
Dream: Long two-part dream with a painting/cooking competition (influenced by watching S1 of Skin Wars with F - I was competing against Mythica). I'm outside, in a grassy space near some bleachers, crowded with trees and some other metal/cinderblock structures. My painting is very saturated in its colors, it's of several columns with a vibrant sky behind them. The sky/weather around me is morning with tinted blue light -- from now on I'll just denote this as MB since it happens so often. I go to/under the bleachers to get a black plastic or metal barrel and start cooking, it's some kind of jambalaya or gumbo with sausage and potatoes. Later I'm in a bus with F's younger cousin, we're searching for ingredients. The bus is more like a warehouse, with a long table going down the length of it (maybe 2-3 times as long as a regular bus); I find what I need: potatoes and my pot of soup, which is smaller now than the barrel. I pull it from under the table, and notice some bugs crawling around some of the bags of ingredients. Transitions again and I'm at 9 having a crawfish boil and cooking hogs whole.
Dream: An old HS classmate who was a bit ditzy is asking for my work ID (the environment is a mix of HS and work) so that we can go on a date. I make an excuse that I have to go to my locker to find it.

10-30
Dream: I'm yelling angrily to my dad about my grandpa's medications. It starts in the backyard with my grandpa in a wheelchair near us, my dad is being to lax and not getting the prescriptions filled on time. I'm really yelling and beating on him, he's unfazed. We end up in the front yard, and a lot of family members and family friends are across the street in my neighbor P's driveway/front yard. They're all watching on as I yell and beat my dad. Eventually I walk over there and talk with them to calm down. Transitions and I'm in our driveway in our old van. My aunt is in the front with a baby, and she's holding it out so I can see it. It has a weird mouth -- it extends too far like a proboscis.
Notes: br stall; swing, flying bound?

Nothing down for 10-31 or 11-01

11-02
Dream: I'm standing next to a pool. Several of my indian coworkers are walking on water, and I ask them how to do it. An older one who sits near me explains about prana and breathing; a younger one who was on my first team makes an analogy that goes something like "A young man ...(insert foolish attempt); An old man ...(wiser, more effective method)". It was actually really good advice but I didn't write it down.
Fragment: Off of a country road, there's a suburban house with a staircase to a small loft right off the front door.
Dream: In 9, at night on the back porch. I'm with F and my dad, there are some ice chests lying around and a tablecloth on the table. It seems like a party is planned soon or just finished. F or I inquire about drinks and my dad says "MImosas" with an emphasis on the first part, making it sound like "My" -- this ties in with an in-joke F and I have about him and the way he says "My TV" or "My truck" in a specific way. There are also tall cans of bud light with weird plastic caps on them. I understand them to be bud light but they look like miller high life; strange. We're on our way to the pool, and I am trying to decide on shoes or flip flops.
Fragment: Something happened here but it's lost now.
Dream: F is in a room next to the bed. She stands up and walks to a door in the far left corner, and when she opens the door, a hand reaches out and grabs her. I can't move but I force the perpetrator to let go of her and approach me instead with dream control. I intrinsically understand that I have a certain energy or "light" that will dispel his darkness. I make him touch my arm and he goes blank-faced; this is similar to a past dream where I would reality check and engage with DCs, at which point they would go blank-faced and sort of become broken robots. He was kneeling down near the bed and had an Optimus Prime toy on his head.
The interesting part is how it started -- I wouldn't call it a WILD, I guess it was more like a DEILD but without the L. I had just gotten up for a bit and I lie down and immediately sort of popped into this one, I just didn't catch it and make it lucid.
Lucid: I decide to really try and get lucid after being teased by the last dream with awareness. I focus my efforts on it and very soon I'm hearing a radio drama in my head, although I still have full awareness of my body. It reminded me of HS and college when I was staying up late or close to sleep due to a project or homework I was working on, and I would get auditory hallucinations of voices/conversations with friends or family members, and or a loud bang or gunshot. Anyway, the radio drama sounded like It's a Wonderful Life, and one of the key characters was Uncle Billy, who was being forgetful about the night before of course. He remembered that he keyed a tree, scratched his name into it. Soon I can feel a sensation of moving back and forth, and I realize I'm on a swing. Once I realize it, the visualizations follow. I see myself in a wooden swing in a small yellowish room, with darkish blue light coming in from a window to the right. I say "I'm dreaming" as I swing, and imagine myself feeling the armrest, and I pop into the dream and lose most awareness of my physical body. I'm able to use pyromancy, and use my fingertip-flame-laser to carve shapes into the wood of the swing. I jump/get up from the swing and start interacting with a wooden desk with loose objects on its surface. I sweep them them off onto the floor, some wooden items, some glass beakers or bottles. I pick up a wooden item -- I forget what it was now -- and inscribe its surface. I remember the words "left" and "sou". The smoke effect from the pyromancy was vivid.