lucid

30-03-22

1) WBTB As I float off to sleep I try to create a dialogue to myself, a bit of self hypnotism and a bit of describing where I am.

Now I am writing it all down next to my bed, this story I telling or possibly the dream I just had? As I try to read it back I realise it is not really here, it keeps changing, changing what I wrote. I sleeping already, but not fully asleep enough. So I continue writing.

After a while I have written myself into this dream, I am in my house helping Fabi looking for something in a large wardrobe. There is a big secret we are trying to hide from the police. I've had enough, so I decide to leave the house. Fabi is calling after me - but it's my dream, my story so I continue out of the house. I need to look for V
As I open the front door it's just a void outside, avoid and awakening is my guess. Fuck, I've written myself out and into a dead end.

SO I continue narrating: I have to go to a train station, to travel into the city for important business. Now the dream forms around me and I am just outside a quant train station in the countryside. It's sunny, the train station is made of a beige colored stone and I appear to be in a kind of garden area for it. (this is interesting because I thought I would end up in the city) Dream is still washy though, not strong enough to leave and search for V yet. SO I look around, stare at the flowers and the courtyard area around me. It's starting to solidify a bit. A dream character tells me to smell the flowers - great idea! I go to each flower and take a strong sniff, beautiful scents enter my nose. The first is like a rose, the second is more of an exotic type flower. I do a few flowers, each has it's own particular scent. (I'm impressed at how well I can smell in a dream!) then I smell the last flower, and it stings my nose a little because it has a kind of gingery peppery type of scent (I mention this to the DC) and then try to get another flower and grab at it's stem, but I get a bunch of small thorns stuck into my palm so I pul back my hand immediatley

'ouch!' I say. Then I look at my hand more closely - wow - I just felt pain! I'm impressed again! But... just as I am about to search for V I awake. grrrr

AWAKE: Now there is only 30 minutes before getting up, so I figure try to continue focus, meditate, self hynotise and observe V from this vantage point. SO I spend 10 - 15 minutes feeling myself go deeper and deeper and when I feel like I am relaxed enough I instruct myself to see a screen in front of me - a blank tv like screen, and that screen is broadcasting a direct image from 'V's mind. I use a kind of tuner to get a signal (searching) and then I start seeing images. Now I feel I am inside the mind, I am drifting through images left and right, swiping left and right to look for anything interesting or relevant. I see people's faces, woman, men, older and younger. I see objects I can't quite understand what they are and objects that are simple everyday things. I see some furniture in a house, and UI grab it and pull toward me to inspect it and this causes more things to appear. I see a man outside with a spotlight on him like a UFO - hmm - interested in UFO's? I put aside as a maybe. (each time I feel like I am associating and putting my own thoughts in I put aside, I am only interested in what is in her head) some more images, a large guy, tall and quite big, I overlay Keven from the Office (series) onto his face because he reminds me of him. (ack, doing it again, stay out!) I see another UFO, this time it's flynig through the sky... interesting. I then see V, she's behind an old wooden framed 4 panel window. Looks like it belongs in a garden out house. she looks .. trapped? There are paints around the window, a bunch of paint brushes I think. She looks at me and simply says 'this sucks' I cna't quite recall if the brushes are outside or inside with her. But as she says this I am pulled out a little, because it's a delicate balance, and not reacting I would simply forget, but reacting too much I pull myself out of the scene and now she is gone

I'm visiting Puerto Rico with Manei. We have traveled there by way of a chrome propeller plane, it looked like a world war 2 bomber. The San Juan area also looked notably more compact and less developed than I ever remember it being. The largest roads in the city are two lane asphalt and there is almost a complete lack of high rises with most buildings still looking fairly traditional. The airport was a single runway and a couple of hangars, no proper terminal.

She seemed to have handled most of the travel arrangements. She has us in a teal and red vintage car (all of the cars looked vintage to be honest). We drive for awhile and experience some pretty ragged time dilation. But at some point while driving she asks for the map and I bring it up on my phone. Barring the tech level and general tone of the dream my "phone" is an obelisk of pure glass able to project advanced holograms, and near instantly load our navigation with voice commands. It projects a hologram onto the windshield that helps us navigate. But when we get close to the house she tells me to put it away and not let anyone see it, as other people cant know we have advanced technology.

The dream properly begins when we arrive at an orange stucco building with white slatted windows built along the beach. It is nighttime now but I can still see the building clearly as there is a streetlight built into a palm tree that illuminates the dream. The building is built into a hillside and we enter through like a utility door which takes us through a basement like space. There is a storeroom full of lumber, metal, bags of cement, piping, and boxes and boxes of raw materials, fittings and other construction materials. This then transitions into a robust workshop with several benches, shelves upon shelves of tools and some larger machining equipment like drill presses. Everything has a heavily worn appearance to it; well loved and well used. We then pass through into a large utility room with a generator, water heaters, electrical boxes, and a big gear shaped door. It looks like a fallout vault. Eventually we go up a fire escape into a laundry room.

Manei then meets an older woman with graying hair who upon seeing her runs up and hugs her. They have a long dialogue which was in really minced-up rapidfire spanish that I can't recreate having not studied the language since high school. All I remember was that Manei referenced the woman as her "Abuela" in one instance and then her great aunt. I think Abuela was actually supposed to be her name. But at the same time the general gyst of the conversation was "Translated"

Abuela: "Manei! Welcome back!"

Manei: "High great aunt Abuela"

Abuela: "Jesus maria jose you've gotten tall... look at you."

Manei: "Can we stay here for free or do we have to pay to use the resort?"

Abuela: "You and your friend are always welcome here. Provided you eat my brown rice and shrimp."

Manei: "That sounds delicious, maybe tomorrow night. Can we use Marcus here."

Abuela: "Bah, I dont care. Just don't let the other guests see you. They're all sleeping right now."

I took Marcus out from a leather briefcase. He's been a little metal robot ball for years now. When I turn him on he seems pretty unhappy about the smell of the clothes in the suitcase. Abuela offers to do our laundry for free. She takes a lot of pride in doing laundry and actually enjoys it. I take the crystal smartphone too. Manei and I head down to the beach and the immersion in the dream is really cranked to 11. The sound of the waves, the warmth of the breeze and the hiss it makes as it passes through the palms, the moonlight reflecting on the ocean. Its all so detailed and realistic. I goof around with the dream for a few moments, picking up a large seashell and running my fingers through the sand. I feel the ocean water and wiggle my toes in the sand. I just become so enamored in the detail of the dream and thinking about how weird it is that its all a construct of the mind.

"Theres more interesting things here than sand and saltwater." Manei said, squeezing my shoulder. We sat down and looked at the milky way.

This was where the discussion happened.

"I just want to meditate, none of this tomfoolery."

She seemed disappointed. This was there the dream transitioned. I was still very much asleep but everything seemed to melt away. The clarity very quickly degraded. I was still very much asleep, but any visual of the dream was gone and the audio was more of a mishmash of inner voices. I could sense Manei was disappointed. She wanted to do something fun.

Me: "Theres no sense in goofing around anymore. Our meetings are so few, so far between and so fleeting. Regardless of whether I practice or not the results seem the same. It's been over a decade now since I started this journey. Im going to get old by the time we make real progress. I want to get to know you but when its only for a few moments here and there... seemingly only often enough to just tease and tantalize me with another reality. One so immensely better than the one I spend so much time inhabiting. Its maddening, I would have preferred to never know this peace at all rather than see it only to have it so consistently ripped away."

Marcus: "So you would rather spend what little dream you have lamenting this fact rather than enjoying it? Illogical."

Manei: "Then tell me what would be enough for you? To become lucid every night? To spend hours here. You would always greedily desire more. You run the risk of becoming lost, losing sight of the reality you truly inhabit. This is merely a vision, perhaps what you might experience in your afterlife. Your next life. However you want to view it."

Marcus' tone was cold and robotic. Manei started out with a stern anger but relapsed into understanding.

Me: "So you mean to tell me this is out of my control? Even my own mind is not mine to command. There is no architecture or technique with which to circumvent this limitation, and I am so assured in that fact that I am now telling it to myself. It is so ingrained into my mind that I will never be able to convince myself otherwise."

Marcus: "Would you prefer to wind up like me? A mind that has done away with emotion. Something approximating regret still plagues me for doing so."

Manei: "I'm sorry to say this but your discipline lacks in that regard. I cant trust that you wouldn't neglect the waking world."

Me: "I'm going to neglect the waking world either way. I've told you many stories of how cruel the people of wakingworld are. Wars, greed, disease-"

Manei: "And yet you come here so often bringing violence."

Me: "True. A Majority of my tenure in these dreams has been as an agent of violence. Regrettably so. I must confess I have developed a disdain for many of my human vices. The marching of time on my body, emotions and feelings that surge through me uncontrollably, and my insatiable desire to desire some things that I will never have. Through those countless acts of violence I have expressed my frustration with this worlds' many predicaments."

Manei: "But those feelings and experiences are part of the human experience."

Me: "You say that like the human experience is good because it is the default. Nobody said being a soul trapped in a prison of flesh and bone was some fundamentally amazing thing."

Manei: "But I'm a human. And I choose to enjoy living, every moment of it. Even the difficult parts."

Me: "But are you? Many times you have proven yourself supernatural... your physical avatar within the dreamworld. Do I count you as human as some component of me? Do I count you as human because you as you claimed were once a girl who lived in California, in some parallel earth. A parallel earth that seemed more free from the vices and failings of the one I inhabit, but still one in which you passed from terrible degenerative disease scarcely after reaching adulthood? Are you an avatar of God? Are you an angel? I can never know because there are so many lies and illusions and my experience of this universe so linear and fleeting."

Manei: "I can't make you believe anything either way. It's kind of complicated."

Me: "I'm not a fan of "its complicated" as a way of dodging the question."

Manei was visibly annoyed. I can see why she doesn't like putting up with me. "You see your reality is how you view it. If you think I am a real spiritual entity then thats what I am. if you think Im just a part of your brain, then thats what I am."

Marcus: "I can make him believe. From the wheel to the spinning wheel to the printing press. To the mushroom bomb, the figure-eight DNA and the three-two-two hyperdrive; humanity will march on. But we will always search for purpose and answers. You are but one speck in that. You have lived after four of the six milestones were met. If you live long enough to see the fifth then you will live long enough to see the sixth because you will be able to live forever then. Each of these milestones is not just the humans technology but alters their perspective on the universe. Then come the time of great questioning, when we go to the center of the galaxy and do the final test, and ask what the point of it all is and get all the answers from god or the universe or whatever you want to call it. So if you see the matrix be made and the events play out come contact me and tell me that you believe, because it is coming. if it does not get made soon your timeline is doomed and it doesn't matter anyways."

Manei: "Are you only a cynic because of what you think other people believe and think they will judge you? There are so many people on your earth believing in undercooked religions that are all only half-right. A real sign of your maturity, that one. At least you take my lessons to heart and ask questions even if they are sometimes annoying ones that I dont want to hear."

I lost the dream at this point either had a nighttime awakening, NREM or just forgot the rest of the conversation.

Date: 25/03/2022
Bedtime: 4am
Awakening: 7am
Return to bed: 7.30am
Method of entry: dream consciousness
Attempt: successful
Awakening: 12pm
Phase experience: The Full Stomach Experiment

DREAM STATE

Taking Daisy (my former neighbour's daughter) to school. We are both on bicycles but suddenly I am on a skateboard without wheels and struggle to keep up with her in a playground full of grassy knolls, sand dunes and rough terrain in general. I pick up the skateboard and run after the girl, fearing I might lose her as she goes into a train station and down a flight of stairs leading to a platform on foot (her bicycle disappears). A tanned commuter is coming down the steps right behind me and speaks to me but I can't remember what was said. Daisy finally halts and speaks to the stranger briefly as though he's familiar.

Me, my wife, our kids and my mother get inside a black vintage Citroen and ride to the city for sightseeing and perhaps do some shopping. My mum is driving (she doesn't own this type of car in real life) and turns on the radio, causing Limp Bizkit's song 'Rollin' (Air Raid Vehicle)' to blast from the speakers. We all start singing along to the chorus and swaying to the rap-rock beat, but I soon find myself unable to sing properly as my voice becomes muffled.

Me and my wife take turns in playing a virtual reality game where we have to control a space probe and make it crash on a particular planet of our choice. I'm trying to avoid the red planet Mars and then aim for Jupiter in a bid to make the spacecraft enter its Great Red Spot. I enter the Jovian atmosphere by heading for the stormy bullseye which grows in size to become a gigantic, warm-coloured cyclone. The centre of the storm is like a peaceful vortex and soon it is just me descending into the cloudy funnel like a solitary astronaut. The deeper I go, the less realistic the atmospheric surroundings become and the more I feel like I'm traveling through a simulated tunnel, the end of which is dark and the swirling patterns leading to it increasingly display white tendrils and blue wisps among the dominant fiery colours. Soon, my hands touch the whirling clouds, leading to my death in the game and suddenly I'm no longer a participant as I find myself looking at a screaming avatar on a screen, perishing in Jupiter's storm with a red caption that reads 'Game Over' and I laugh it off with my wife.

WAKING STATE

I wake up to the sound of my alarm and make sure the kids get up for school. I feel quite tired after experiencing a bout of insomnia and return to bed having used the loo with no intention to enter the phase state. I fall asleep almost immediately.

DREAM STATE

Me and my family decorate and change the layout of the living room, which looks different. There is a lot going on: walls being painted, furniture being moved and oddly, cement being applied to the floor. My wife, my mother and my oldest sister (estranged in waking life) block me into a corner of the room with a sofa and decide to go shopping. I can't move but I am busy doing something where I am. My youngest son Alfie is about to enter the room and I tell him to stop as it is a hazardous environment. He reaches for the light switch and I start panicking, thinking he might get an electric shock. Then, I notice the switch has been cemented over but don't find it odd—instead I tell my son, 'Alfie, you can't turn the light on because mum's gone over the switch with cement!' He teases me about threatening to touch it with his finger and I get slightly annoyed.

Scene shift: Me, my wife, my mum, my sister and someone else are walking together outdoors on a pavement when I notice a social contradiction—me and my estranged sister haven't spoken in years and yet she is walking next to me! Am I dreaming? I check my right arm tattoo to find the simplistic picture of a woman resembling the Virgin Mary instead of a dagger going through a skull with a ribbon displaying my wife and kids' names spiralling around them as is the case in real life. I rub the erroneous tattoo with one finger to see if I can smudge it and find that it looks surprisingly permanent, but at this point I already have enough evidence to convince me that the world around me is an illusion. 'I'm definitely dreaming!'

PHASE STATE

I look at my oneiric, make-believe family members and none of them look right. Their faces are strange and somewhat vacant. The fourth person is a complete stranger and all of them stand before me like slightly animated mannequins. I laugh and tell them they look fake. To the one resembling my sister I say: 'What the hell are you doing here?' and to the strange bald and chubby Latino man, 'And who the hell are you?' I deliberately pick a fight with the random with the intent to practise martial arts. We fight over and around stationary vehicles and he's giving me the right resistance: good at sparring and blocking! Feeling satisfied with the training, I fly away and pass through the wall of a house nearby to encounter an interior similar to my living room in the real world. As I explore the environment, it takes me a few seconds to recall my plan of action, and I remember the experiment of 'eating to feel full' as I go through the ceiling, which feels treacly around my torso. Half way up the loft, I think of ceiling as edible and find that the wooden floor near my mouth tastes like crispy, condensed candyfloss. I continue to pull myself upwards as I chew part of the floor above the ceiling.

I find a metal tube akin to an elongated thermos flask on the floor of the loft and start pulling proper pink candyfloss out of it, immediately stuffing my face with the woolly edible. I spot a bed in the middle of the loft and sit on it, continuing to eat lots of candyfloss from the long, metallic flask—amounts that I would not be able to cope with in waking life. At this point, I treat the source of the fluffy, sugary substance as capable of providing limitlessly—a magical bottomless pit! I jump to the middle of the bed to crouch as I swallow as much candyfloss as I can in fast succession. My knees come to rest on the mattress as I gobble up what's on my left hand whist pulling more candyfloss out of the flask with my right hand. As I stuff my face, I notice two freestanding, full-length mirrors—one in front of me about three feet away from the bed, and the other to my left; but none of them display my reflection initially, they only appear to convincingly reflect the loft environment without my presence.

I wish to see myself eating, so I look at the flask for a moment then back at mirrors—according to the frontal and profile reflections, I am a huge, bald, chubby and cute baby greedily eating a lot of candyfloss. My reflections' movements match my own, giving me the impression that I have really turned into an oversized baby. The profile reflection begins to reveal blonde tufts of hair on an enlarged head. I gaze at the frontal reflection as I continue to munch and, as I savour the fluffy sugar, I tell the baby I see: 'You look ridiculous!' I start wondering what the reflection would look like if it got mad at me. The baby inside the mirror continues to mimic my movements but morphs into a frowning Gollum-like creature, gradually becoming slender and his tufts of hair grow longer and darker. I've been chomping on limitless candyfloss since I arrived in this loft and I still don't feel full. I would be feeling sick by now if I had consumed this much candyfloss in the real world! Try as I might, I cannot reach that feeling of being stuffed. It's not normal.

WAKING STATE

I wake up on an empty stomach and don't feel full in the real world either. I feel no different. I jot down my sleep experiences and go about my day.

Date: 17/03/2022
Bedtime: 2.30am
Awakening: 7.40am
Return to bed: 8am
Method of entry: dream consciousness
Attempt: successful
Awakening: 10am
DILD: The Body Check Experiment

DREAMING

At a shopping centre, me and a number of people are trying to evade and hide from a pride of lions. I experience intense fear as the big cats seem to be all over the place and almost impossible to avoid. We start climbing decorated walls in order to reach large shelves as the environment starts to resemble a museum interior. It's only a matter of time before someone dies in front of me. We reach a high shelf but a poor woman on its edge is pulled and devoured by a giant feline beast. I am terrified as I find this situation to be an absolute nightmare.

WAKING

I record the nightmare and make sure the kids get ready for school before using the loo. I return to bed and put my sleep mask on with the intension to enter the phase directly. I experience some fleeting hypnagogic imagery but eventually have to move from a supine to a side position and uncover myself as my body temperature rises to an uncomfortable level. I fall asleep.

DREAMING

I'm part of the Mafia and my gangster pals are with me at a hideout. We are listening to our butler who is trying to give us good advice about evading our enemies and doesn't seem to stop talking. He is a grey gentleman with a very English accent. Somehow, the old man ends up getting shot by an enemy so we carry him and flee the hideout before getting in a mini and driving off. Covered in blood and not looking good, the butler is dying in the backseat of the car. We need to get away and bury the body somewhere.

HYPNOPOMPIA

Scene shift: I'm lying in bed experiencing hissing in my head with accompanying hypnopompic imagery that seems to last a couple of minutes before I lose consciousness.

DREAMING

I'm in the backseat of a speeding car with my wife. The situation is a hot pursuit where the gangsters are driving away from their rivals. I tell them to be careful as they nearly crash into a truck and reassure Stacey that everything will be alright. It dawns on me that the situation is extremely unusual and I ask, 'Am I dreaming?'

LUCID DREAMING

My wife is still panicking next to me about the precarious driving and I grab her hand and tell her that she should no longer worry because it is all a dream. (Realism: 90%) I open the car door and I'm ready to jump out but I'm suddenly back in bed with a pulsating hiss in my head.

The experience is fully tactile. (Realism: 15%) Suddenly, my legs begin to float and fall on what feels like my sleeping wife lying next to me. My body rests on the bed only from the waist up and I find this odd. I decide the experience cannot be real and push against the phantom bed, causing me to start hovering over it. A dimly lit bedroom environment comes into view. (Realism: 65%) As I float 5ft above the bed, I can see my sleeping wife on her side and next to her the hint of a second body completely covered and lying dormant. I'm having an out-of-body experience.

I remember Project Elijah's task and begin palpating my body all over and counting fifteen seconds in my head. This causes the environment to become sharper immediately. (Realism: 95%) As I rub my arms, I land next to the bed with my bare feet on a highly defined carpeted floor. With one hand I part the curtains to bring more light into the room while the other hand rubs my neck and head. (Realism: 100%) The bedroom door is open and I'm about to exit into the hallway but my sleeping wife kicks me in the real world and I wake up.

WAKING

I realise I can't re-enter the dream world because time is getting on and I must get up for other commitments. I'm a bit annoyed with myself because I had said to myself a few days ago that the next time I tried to induce a lucid dream after waking in the morning, I would return to a different bed to prevent being disturbed during the experience. As a result of neglecting that preparation, I didn't get to fulfill what would have been the next step after the task: to time-travel to the future (subconscious futuristic concept for artistic purposes).

Date: 18/03/2022
Bedtime: 3.30am
Awakening: 8am
Return to bed: 8.05am
Method of entry: dream consciousness
Attempt: successful
Awakening: 11.15am
DILD: Time Travel

DREAMING

The environment is fraught with food stalls and cakes galore. The marketplace is packed with people and there are a few excited children running around. I'm eating a delicious slice of sponge cake with blue icing sugar on top. I search for more slices of cake with my mum but all we find is half-eaten ones with no icing.

I'm racing with Danny Dyer, Richard Blackwood and others along a train station platform. I'm a great runner and it is a draw with Danny Dyer after we beat everyone else. I tell Richard about my waking life memory of winning the dads' race at my kids' primary school once. He replies, 'That's right, I remember!' like he had been there (no celebrity attended that particular school sports day as far as I know). There is another race taking place with some participants who are partially naked. A little Halle Berry lookalike jumps on me like a crazed fan and wraps herself around my torso as I run. She weighs nothing apart from feeling her grip and I start to show off by running even faster whilst carrying a person.

Scene shift: On the opposite platform, the race is over but Halle Berry lookalike won't let go of me. A long-haired guy wearing a dark trenchcoat challenges me to compare the size of our private parts; we are about to expose ourselves at the same time to everybody until at the last minute he aborts by making a joke of it with a gesture and we both laugh it off having avoided considerable embarrassment despite our initial bravado. I tell little Halle that we need to part ways and she becomes visibly upset. I start flying away from her as I hear her sobbing and move speedily over the railway and through a tunnel; the flying, as far as I'm concerned, is completely natural for a race champion to do. Once I reach the end of the tunnel I come upon an urban setting. I still hear the woman crying and feel extremely sorry for her so I wish to see her face one last time for another goodbye. Suddenly, a green hologram resembling her face comes floating out of the tunnel before disappearing. 'I'm dreaming!'

LUCID DREAMING

I fly over the hustle and bustle of the city under a daytime atmosphere, gradually gaining altitude, viewing rooftops and soon going beyond the urban confines to a more idyllically rustic landscape composed of beautifully sun-kissed greenery and lakes. I remember my plan to find out what happens in a lucid dream if I wish to time-travel to the future, but instead of using a wormhole to get there as previously imagined during a dream incubation rehearsal in the waking state, I decide to close my eyes and spin in darkness to subsequently glide through the void which gradually fills with dim light.

I land on a hard floor made of several fluorescent hexagons which I explore with my hands and feet. I look up and it's nighttime in an urban environment illumed by a myriad multicoloured lights. It feels like a tourist zone reminiscent of Trafalgar Square in London, only somewhat richer. I'm approached by a hooded man who asks me, 'Where did you come from?' I reply, 'I'm a time traveller!' He laughs in my face and starts gathering others to surround and taunt me. I start forcing people to sit down, literally picking them up and collecting them at a bus station to form an audience that will hear me out. I lose lucidity ...

DREAMING

Some people from the crowd start to grab me but I am too strong to allow myself to be overwhelmed and in my determination, I jibber-jabber at the crowd of doubting Thomases until I turn into Ben Shapiro. I can literally hear my Shapiro voice explaining to them, like a motormouth, that I can prove I'm a time traveller. Managing to get enough space, I start spinning like a dervish until the urban dreamscape fades and I wake up.

WAKING

It seems that my dream incubation worked to a degree. A few days ago I had imagined a slightly different time-travelling narrative but I am glad that it was enough to recall the plan and the theme when I became lucid.

The dream scene changes to my old townhouse home and I could tell from the outside light piercing through the window. That it was either morning time or late afternoon. All of a sudden I was startled behind me and notice the bathroom door close by itself. I focus my sight towards it questioning if it I had really moved on its own or not. Then it did it again in front of my eyes and I question what's going on.

I came to the door and inspect it and look to see if anyone was behind it. No one was there, I became lucid and realize this has to be dream. It felt solid and real but I knew this must be a true. I continue walking and once I felt fully lucid I attempted to phase through the window. Both times failed so I simply open the front door and left myself out. I began walking up the road and notice a store with a bunch of people hanging around it.

They were observing me and I went up to it and interact with the locals. I could feel a pain in my leg as this feeling grew stronger, I realize it was coming from waking life and figure oh well I'll wake up to see if I'm sleeping improperly as last time I had a sore neck for sleeping in a bad position. I wake myself up.

I don't remember any Feb dreams. So I will go into the very memorable nightmare I had last night

I dreamed I was back in my high school. I was in a science classroom. But I wasn't in a science class I was in a math class. Well anyway the teacher put the math on the blackboard at the front of the classroom (something like 0.3x0.3) and for some reason the classroom was dark-like no lights were on? I had turn my laptop on to write the said math and the EA (Educational Assistant) I had in the dream was insisting I "turned the laptop off" and I kept repeating over and over, that "I had an exception and I needed the laptop to write my notes including math." I tried to get the teacher's help (EA was male, which is weird, I never had a male EA and I believe the teacher was a woman) and the teacher refused to listen either and I kept telling her to "Call the Educational Room" to learn I had an expectation.

And then somehow it turned into a something like a bar fight from out of a movie but at a school- but I was still sitting in my seat, and it was one student maybe? fighting with the teacher and I think I *might* have heard another student fighting behind me, but I never got a chance to look behind me since I look up after being shocked by the "school bar fight"

Sorry I haven't been posting. I been having some weird dreams. Here are two of January's dreams.


In a dream I think before the following dream.
I was in a vertical school. I have no idea what I was doing in there. Anyway for some reason I went into the staff room. I have no idea what happened but I think either a porucipine or a hedgehog came into the staff room via an open window and for some reason started to bite me. I just remember dream-screaming and then I woke up to use the washroom


In one dream I had in January. I was something like a captive. Nope, not captive, but a slave? But I wasn't the only captive/slave . All but one of the group of people all looked like the adult versions of kids I went to elementary school with from JK-Gr.8. And we're tasked by our unseen "Master" to paint some murals (murals, that if I remember looked much like famous paintings.. I think something like Birth of Venus? We were up all night and all previous day and I somehow started to fall asleep on the shoulder another captive/slave (I can't remember what he looked like but he wasn't one of the adults version of kids I grew up with) But I do know that I knew it was a bad idea if i slept sleep was bad.


The third dream was even werid. But I don't remember much about that dream except, for it involved two women and their heads somehow turned into whatever help people see in submarines. And it also involved a boy whom was wet and a white staircase. And also a festival and I think some kind of doll. I think it had something to do about a flood? At the end of the dream the boy at least "disappeared" into the water

Over the past week I have had a lot of dream fragments that I hadn't journaled. Some of them were even lucid. Two of them stand out as worth sharing.

Going witht the Flow (Non-Lucid)

I am at the beach with my girlfriend. I go out in the water to were the waves begin to break. A big wave comes up and I body surf it to the shore. There is an overweight man standing in the water and the wave carries me close to him. I shout out sorry. Just then a horizontal current pushes me around and past him. I find such a wave improbable but I continue to body surf with the current. Now I am back out in the deeper section and another horizontal wave comes going the opposite direction. I end up in a circular current that takes me around in one big surf for several cycles. It's really fun!

---

Graduation Break Dance (DEILD)

I have several short dreams about various topics and then wake up. When I fall back to sleep, visuals of being in a line in a corridor appears. At the end of the corridor there are stage lights so I assume there is also a stage and audience. I remember I just woke up so I do a nose pinch reality check. I hear an announcer reading off names and I'm wearing a cap and gown so I know this is a graduation ceremony. When I get out on stage I do another nose pinch rc just to be sure I am not going to embarrass myself in a real life situation. With that out of the way I decide to have some fun.

First I purposefully trip to the surprise of the audience! Then I start break dancing. (poorly) After a little while of this, two men escort me off stage and the dream transitions back into more non lucid fragments.

I am adventuring with some DCs through the dreamworld, which in this instance had a very backrooms aesthetic. Walking through a lot of empty liminal spaces like abandoned malls, empty industrial lots, unfurnished homes etc. Eventually we come across this DC who reminds me of A living in this abandoned warehouse by a fishing dock. There is a small office attached to the warehouse where he has a bed and some supplies. He explains that he has been stranded in this dreamworld for forty years (he has drawn many, many tally marks on the side of the warehouse). Proceeding to explain that it obeys video game logic. There is loot that spawns periodically in some nearby crates, its always the same few items every time like some canned fish and whatnot. Enemies in certain areas. He has never found a weapon or way to fight them off and thus is stuck in this small peaceful area away from any enemies.

He leads us around the inside of the warehouse where small fishing boats are stored and maintained in drydock. He explains that one of the loot that spawns is a spare parts kit that can be used to repair the boat but its a small one so each time it spawns he's only able to restore the boat by a little bit. I then notice that I've been separated from the other dream characters. He picks up a big pipe wrench and starts swinging at me. I become lucid and block the wrench with my arm. The metal becomes brittle and the wrench cracks in half. I then push him in the chest hard enough to send him through the corrugated metal wall of the warehouse. He's winded but still alive.

I find the other DCs that I was adventuring with are all dead except for Manei (who may or may not have been with us originally) was hiding underneath the couch in one of the boats. She explains that we're stuck here and cant apparate/teleport out, and I can sense the danger in her voice. I tell her that I'm going to fly around to explore and she should climb up onto the roof so I can see that she's doing okay.

I take off and begin flying around. I inspect my fire jets and they seem low resolution (like the fire is just a 2d image how its rendered in some low poly games). But they work fine that's all that really matters. Sadly this is video game logic and I bump into a lot of invisible walls trying to fly onto different rooftops etc.

I then point out there is a sailboat we could escape on but its way out on the end of the dock. I land and we begin running there, however we both see something moving under the water. It lunges out at us. The nightmare is black with red eyes. Its mostly humanoid in size and body shape with long pointy ears and oversize arms with huge webbed hands tipped in long claws. It has a sort of scaly texture like an alligator, and geeze this guy was fast. I flew up in the air the first time he lunged out of the water and he got Manei. His jaw unhinged and he bit off her head in one bite before cutting her stomach open and eating her guts like spaghetti. I wont describe too many of the details here but it was pretty vivid and grotesque, but also sort of comical in a way.

I threw a firebolt at him but all that did was make him angry. He then charged after me. I ducked out of the way, flying under the dock and up into the air once more. I summoned my amethyst bow, and though I didn't have a lot of faith it was going to put down one this troublesome, I decided to try. When he lunged up at me I fired, getting him through the shoulder. He did not take kindly to the magical amethyst arrow as he instantly dropped limp into the back of a row boat and then began writhing around in pain trying to get the arrow out. I transformed the bow into a spear and dropped down to stab him through the mouth. This seemed to be the killshot as the creature turned into a pile of black ash.

"That was weird. Haven't seen one of these things in years."

It is true. That particular form of nightmare was really common when I first got into lucid dreaming. Black and dark gray with red eyes, but they haven't showed up since I got into college. I saw that other areas had been unlocked and I was able to teleport. I was at Manei's house (though it didn't look like any previous depiction of her house, this time it was a big mansion in a tropical locale with a pool.) It was cloudy and raining a little but she was throwing a pool party. This big buff guy with a baseball cap brought several coolers of beer.

"I have an announcement to make. Everyone know that big black monster with the long claw arms?"

Most of the people in the party started chattering.

"I killed it."

Everyone gave an applause. I started getting in the pool to enjoy myself but woke up.

Finally (without making any special effort) had a brief lucid episode. It was early in the morning and I was struggling to fall asleep again after a period of insomnia.
I was daydreaming with my eyes closed, which turned into real dreams. Don't remember what happened, but at some point I was lying down (as if in bed, sleeping) in the middle of a street. I looked to a crossroad with another street, which was blocked off. There was a guy wearing a "Heroes" (TV-show) T-shirt. I remembered looking at some behind the scenes pictures of that show earlier that day (this really happened), and I figured the odds of that happening + a guy wearing a shirt of a show from 16-12 years ago were astronomically low. I decided to do a nose pinch reality check, and it was negative! My vision was very dark, though. I felt like it was all very fragile and unstable and trying to get up would probably wake me up. I tried to detect my real hands but couldn't. As the seconds ticked by the stability reduced further to the point where I just decided to open my eyes and return to reality.

Lucid with Jamie but not sure.

I was walking outside of my house? Became lucid randomly. It was night out. I realized I wanted to find Jamie. I had passed a car previously. I turned around to find it but it was gone. I went to the driveway a bit past where the car was parked. A Really old red VW Beetle was parked there (Days later in waking life on the face book swap/n/buy for my are an old red VW beetle was listed. precog dream???). I checked my pocket and had a key. The key looked like an old house key. I acted as if it as the car key. I sat down in the car found a place for the key to turn and went through the motions of starting the car and it worked. I drove downtown in a generic dream city that was like calgary or parts of Toronto. I started saying Jamie's full name out loud.

Came to a basket ball court. Saw a Woman standing there with pink dyed hair and brown eyes. Didn't quite look like Jamie but the feeling was that it was her. I pulled up and said Hop in. Jamie looked at me with recognition, and got in the car. Initiated a casual greeting kiss. She acted natural with it. i was very lucid and started with questions. I asked, "Do you read my dreams?" She said "no." and i was shocked at the answer. But it wasn't her anymore. I was talking to a little yappy dog. and it was speaking a different language. I kept asking the same question. It said something like :Yes, and then : no. i was pretty flustered and woke up.


Putin

Yes, because of the war I started having these dreams while falling asleep. First is a black area and I just see Putin's face. He is angry and says, "I will push with this war into World war 3." Then i can see an explosion reflected in his eyes and then his face.

Second dream he had barbed wire around his neck and is choking. From sanctions no doubt?

22nd January 2022

Fragment:

WoW, playing with MV at one point. Something about doing duo raids and so on. Some weapon racks with axes?


23rd January 2022

Fragment:

Some segment about being in a shop looking for a labcoat. Someone suggests one to me and I ask them to hold it out but I find that it doesn't really suit me and that it actually looks more like an undersized blouse.

(gap)

At a service station.


27th January 2022

Dream:

I'm with H, we're going somewhere in a car. I think we've been at home but we're at a service station or something now. I think I need my wallet to get something to eat but I left it at home. Then, someone gets in our car after I've loaded some bags, including a bag like my laptop bag but bigger and red instead of black.

The other person is a guy, a bit younger than either me or H. He wants to hang around with us and seems innocent enough. Something about finding a BL chest.

(recall gap?)

At some place like a school, before the guy appears. The place feels familiar. I go through some hidden and darker halls. At some point I need to wash my hands. I go through a creche and starting washing my hands there but stop when I remember there's a room next door with a normal (and not lower) sink.

Some bit later. In a car with H at first. Driving up a road through or into a town. Other drivers are a bit erratic and swervy. Then eventually we're on foot. It smells like urine. We walk up to a dilapidated building. False memory of being here before. H or someone else unlocks the front door. We go in and up some stairs? Then H stays behind a little. I worry a bit and there are two hooded figures slowly moving towards him and I don't understand what he's looking at and feel worried and impatient for him to follow me.

Not a dream, visualisation:

I vaguely see my alter ego at some stone steps. He's climbing and turned towards the point of view, beckoning. There's a heavenly feel to the place. This all fades quickly.

I see my alter ego with a rifle or similar sized gun, doing some kind of heist, presumably on a bank with a vault. I see this in a series of images showing different viewpoints with extreme perspective distortion, like they're CCTV footage and with few frames per second.

I get out of bed and realize I'm dreaming. At first I start to narrate my experience to myself to help me focus but I begin to worry about waking my girlfriend irl (I realize this is irrational now) I begin walking through the house and enter a living room. I start trying to open a portal, Dr Strange style by moving my hands in a circle, nothing happens. Then I decide I'll try to summon a sling ring to aid me in opening the portal. I reach for it on the couch beside me but I feel nothing but the couch. I think for a second and look around. I see this lamp on the table with a bunch of small lights that are all different colors. I hold my hand up so that it blocks my view of a few of the small lights. When I move my hand several of the lights have changed color and shape. I experiment with this a few times and each time the lights are different. I'm able to change the colors of the lights at will. This gives me an idea. I look at a far wall and hold my hand up blocking my view of a large portion of the wall. I imagine that behind my hand on the wall is a portal that leads to the beach. I lower my hand and there is a black portal with a shimmering iridescent surface. I run at full speed and lunge through it.

I plunge through into darkness and immediately begin looking for and feeling around for sand. After a couple moments I feel it and it begins to appear. I'm on the ground looking straight down at the sand. I now look for water to begin rushing in with the tide and it does. I look up to find myself in a beach scene! (This is a huge success, I've been attempting this for the last couple months) I'm super excited and laughing with joy at my success. However I maintain my attention on my surroundings to keep from losing track of the dream. I leap in the air and begin bouncing along this giant pipeline that is running into the ocean. It seems the longer I'm on it the bigger it gets. As I follow it out into the ocean I reach some kind of machine that is connected to it that is around 3 to 5 stories tall. I fly over it to the other side and there is grass instead of ocean. I fly up the side of a brick wall and lose lucidity at this point. This last part is a little hazy but I remember cooking a bunch of fish. I start to tell my GF and a friend about my dream. My GF asks me before I begin telling it if I was lucid and I say yes. She says she could tell because she could hear me! Anyways I tell them the dream and wake

My friend Chris has his own local tabletop RPG going from within our friend group irl called space D&D, which as of writing this I have made a character for and have been excited to play, but it's kept getting delayed for whatever reason. In this dream, I was at my old house waiting for him to be online for it, working on my Scottish accent for the character I intended to play. I asked my fiance what he thought and he jokingly said it was a 5 or 6/10 accent. I was in the kitchen when I saw chris and a few other people on a call, so I excitedly bolted upstairs and got on the call while shouting "YEEEAAAAHHHH!!!". I joined as people were talking about their families, but I could tell something was off in their intonation, along with the fact that I didn't recognize a lot of the voices in the call. With this realization, I started to feel defeated and frustrated, because by this point I could tell none of this was real. I then woke up.

I was in my living room in till I heard a knock on my door. I look through the peep hole and saw two kids that I didn't know. I decided to not answer and figure the situation will sort itself out. In a few more seconds I heard the door knob twisting back and forth. I looked again and saw them going back and forth through the hallway as if they were lost.

I had no idea but somehow I had a roommate who decided to open the door without me noticing in time. He gets shot one time and falls to the floor. Because of how random it all seem to me seeing him on the ground. I became lucid and change the dream scene to another house. Once I change the dream scene I made the two kids in to flowers and scatter it in the air. I then phase through the house and discover it was night outside. I tried to fly out in the night but would only stay floating in mid air for minute. Not too long after that I lose lucidity after the dream scene change.