All DJ Entries

Morning of July 4, 2016. Monday.



I am visiting my brother Earl (May 23, 1940-November 29, 2007; half-brother on my mother’s side) and his family mostly as they were in the late 1980s. It seems to be the Saint Cloud Street house except that there is another house adjoined to it on the west side of it with an unlikely unlocked door in the middle of the living room wall, that one can actually go into the other house through.

A dog is heard whining, the sound of which carries through the walls and closed door. It turns out to be my brother’s former dog that he had given to his neighbors previously, perhaps months earlier. My sister-in-law seems annoyed. (This dog was a black Labrador named Gypsy. He had it in Florida when I was a boy and had kept it indoors at my sister Marilyn’s house for a time in late 1978 when he was living in a place for a time that did not allow dogs. For some reason, it would bark furiously at my brother-in-law when he came home from work though did not actually attack. He had a different dog at the Saint Cloud Street address though, which had seizures and would start shaking and just fall over at times though quickly recovered each time, thus this dream confuses the two.)

My brother opens the door to go directly into his neighbor’s house and he leaves the door open. This makes me feel a bit strange, as it seems like a severe imposition. His neighbors are apparently not home, though I consider that one of them, an older male, may still be in bed, but this is only a vague possibility in the back of my mind - no evidence manifests. My brother goes in and gets the dog and makes comments about its nature and how his neighbors may not have been looking after it properly or feeding it enough. He carries it in an impossible way. It sits across his upheld hands somewhat like a statue, only about the size of a large cat, in lying position, and it whines and shakes very oddly. He takes it into another room of his house in the back. The door to the adjoined neighbor’s house remains open and I continue to reflect on what an imposition this is on my brother’s part. I feel a bit wary with possible upcoming embarrassment should these people return home and see the door open as such.

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Updated on Thursday, 10 August 2017. The doorway waking symbolism here is oddly sustained. My emergent consciousness is not rendered as a dog very often, especially a nervous dog. However, this dream predicted certain aspects of my physical body a year later (related to unexplainable anxiety, which I only had at one other point in my life in my twenties). It is also an interesting marker because July 4th (the date of this dream) also relates to pets such as dogs and cats being spooked by fireworks and sometimes running off and remaining lost for a time.

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I was working on [something?]My mother wanted me to help some woman clean houses in WA state.
I could see a field near the ocean, with a series of identical 2 story brick homes facing the beach.
My right shoulder hurt. Someone suggested selling my shoulder muscles as implants, because people did that apparently. I looked at my hand and my fingers were dirty.

I woke up sleeping on my right side in a weird position and my shoulder hurt. Fell back to sleep after reading for a while.

I was traveling with my mom, dad and little brother- my brother was only 5-6 years old and my parents were young. We stopped at a brick apartment/hotel. We were only supposed to be traveling for 1-2 nights so I didn’t bring a change of clothes, only a couple of different shirts. We had dropped off our things at the hotel and I was trying to barricade my dog inside so she could see out of the window but not get out or destroy anything. My dad wondered if the lady managing the apartment was trustworthy. She looked like an old boss of mine. I was at the car but decided to go back inside to grab a sweater or something. I encountered the manager opening the door to our room or the house as I was trying to, and I wondered briefly if my dad was right to suspect her, but she seemed nice so I didn’t worry too much. I think I decided to grab my dog and bring her with us.

I briefly remember being in a car with an old schoolmate, someone I haven’t thought about much at all in many years. Weird.

My dad was driving, it was very dark out, and he didn’t have the headlights on. I was in the backset with my brother, mom was in the passenger seat. I screamed, ‘I can’t see!’ and my dad turned on the headlights just in time for us to see he was veering off a bridge/cliff. He almost corrected it, but the back end of the car had fallen off and dangled for a moment before tipping. We were falling but we couldn’t see what was below us. I had hope it wouldn’t be far, but the longer we fell, I realized we would all probably die. I held my mom’s hand with my right hand but I could only see the hint of her blonde hair in the darkness, and I held my little brother’s with my left hand, I told them I loved them and tried to stay calm. I woke up.

Another fragment—
I asked my dad where my dog was. Then I saw a car parked in the middle of the road ahead of us.
It was daylight, sunny. I saw my dog jump out of the car, wearing a red harness-type device. It was mesh and covered much of her abdomen, and one of her hind legs were stuck in it, so she couldn’t run or walk properly. I ran to save her, but she kept running from me. I finally grabbed her and my dad intervened and was rough with her, pushing her in the face. She bit in in defense, and it was bad. I felt very angry with my dad for treating my dog so violently. I yelled that she had never bitten anyone before and it was his fault. I worried he would tell and she would be quarantined or taken away from me. My dad looked upset, but stoic too. I eventually asked him he was ok. The bite was on his thumb and it looked deep.

Thoughts:
This all seems pretty straightforward, I didn’t feel safe with my dad. He also treated animals rather callously, although he did love them. As far as the first dream of my mom wanting me to clean houses—maybe I feel like my mom wishes I were more conventional and responsible.

With my brother and telling him about my friend’s band, listening to them. I tell my friend that they should (re?)name their band Weirguild. I thought about how I had a new apartment to unpack. I wondered if I should go there now, or if it would be better to wait until later.
Suddenly I remembered that I had left my dog at daycare, which was an old apartment I used to live in (#4). I grabbed money but I realize I never saw her enter apartment I just dropped her off in yard. I felt panic rising.

With an old friend (JM) on a bus. She runs thru open bus doors to get out at stop- this seems like a strange thing at the time, like a feat she accomplished. The people on the bus are looking at her in astonishment. It was like she somehow jumped from our bus to the street through another bus into the street again.
We are walking to ? My dog’s vet? We get there and there is a dog that looks like just a head and no legs. He has a tan retro military shirt or hat on. A face that looks almost human. I say he looks like a [military] vet. I know someone who works here.*

Thoughts:
My brother loves music, he also plays some instruments. This particular friend is in a band, and I haven’t talked to him in a long time. Last time we talked he asked me if I had listened to his band yet. (He sent me some links to their music) I felt guilty because I hadn’t. I’ve been phasing this friend out of my life, not because I don’t care for him, but because we had a FWB situation before I met my husband, and my friend admitted feelings for me when I became unavailable. We’ve parted ways in an amiable way, but I don’t think he understands why Ive been ghosting him, even though I have tried to explain it in the past. I said it wouldn’t be fair to my husband, but in reality I felt it would be unfair to my friend to continue being a part of his life if he had feelings he needed to get over.

Just remembered another dream fragment as I was scrolling through dream journals.

Dream 3 (fragment):
My childhood dog Stormy is in the house, playing with me, energetic as can be. Then I realize it's weird that I'm seeing her, I haven't seen her in a long time. Then I look over and my parent's current dog, Reilly, is laying on the floor. Stormy goes over to him and they start playing. It's good they can get along, I think.

This could have been an obvious dreamsign, since Stormy died 5 years ago IRL, but I was too into the dream to realize. It was nice to see her, though.

I was on a dark street with my dog (I seriously must have nothing else going on in my life) and she suddenly ran off toward the river. I was shocked because she has never done this, and she was ignoring my calls. I finally caught up with her but I didn’t have a leash. I thought it would be a good idea to put her in my car (I can’t remember what I was doing at the time, but I was going somewhere that wasn’t home.) I held onto my dog’s collar as we walked back and I encountered a drunk man that I apparently knew as a regular in a restaurant I worked at. He made some random comments that I don’t remember and I felt slightly uncomfortable. I went into a theater/pub where two of my friends were. One of them had my car keys. The first one I encountered, Amy, was announcing someone to the crowd. I tried to get her attention but couldn’t. I saw my other friend, Angi, and she gave me my keys. My dog morphed between my current dog and my last dog, who passed away almost a decade ago. This is not uncommon. I also remember driving by an outdoor laundromat during the day, and thinking that I could work there, that it didn’t seem so bad. The place was basically a parking lot with one or two washing machines/dryers and a stand with a bunch of hot pink and bright blue flowers for sale.

I had dreams of trying to solve graphic design problems too, in fact I thin this is what the bilk of my night was spent doing. I'm currently taking some courses, and I guess my brain is working overtime.

Thoughts: I took Valerian Root before bed last night, probably falling asleep around 12:15am, which is late for me. I read some design books in bed before sleeping. My thoughts seemed to be racing again—not very stressful thoughts, but my brain struggled to relax. Again, visualization practices seemed difficult and uninteresting. Woke up at 3am and read for an hour or two, fell back asleep around 5ish. I'm taking my dog to the vet today for vaccines. Looking for part time work.

1. I went into a basement level shop to check on the alteration of a bra/corset. It was metallic grey. The shop couldn’t find it.

2. My dog was recovering from a surgery of some kind, (injury on one of her hips/hind legs?) and I decided to stay with Jane, a woman who used to work at the dog training facility we attended. In my dream I only lived a block or so away from Jane, and it was total dream logic as to why I needed to stay at her place. I remember her asking me, and I told her that I knew she was trained in case something happened while my dog was recovering. She seemed to disagree that she was qualified, but I justified it in my mind. Later though, I remember thinking I should gather up my things and go home so I started to do that. Just then, some people came to Jane’s front door- a group of meshy-looking adults that seemed to want to sing for us. They had 2 dogs and I held my dog back and said she wasn’t good with other dogs (partial lie). They came inside anyway, and stood around us and seemed intimidating. It was a mixture of men and women, specifically I only remember the pockmarked face of a man with a mustache. I decided to continue gathering my things and bolt. I had an old long blue car, maybe something like circa 1970s. It barely ran, and some people in the group made fun of me as I drove off. I said, ‘This isn’t my only car!’ The way in which I was driving was more like me on a toy car (sitting on top of a small car) which is common in my dreams.

3. Ordering dog food online. This felt like a longish session of me being unable to make a decision on what type and size food to order. ???



Thoughts: I went to bed after a full day of work and exercise. I took a melatonin because my mind wasn't feeling very tired. I read for a while and then slept like a dead person until @3am, when I woke up and remembered just a small portion of the corset dream. Read for about an hour and a half, tossed and turned until I fell back asleep. Thoughts more active than usual, had trouble quieting my mind, and visualization did not come easily. I'm not sure what these dreams mean if they mean anything. My dog has an upcoming vet visit for a vaccination. She was a little sick the other day but otherwise very healthy and happy.

Bedtime: 11:00 pm
WBTB: 3:30 am
Technique: mantra (Is this a dream?), counting
Notes: This dream occurred between 7 and 7:30 am, after multiple wake-ups throughout the morning

I am working at Blumac's (a bar I worked at years ago). I committed to one night just for fun, but I realize the owner put me back on the schedule 4-5 days a week. I am worried I can't handle that kind of schedule anymore since I'm out of shape, and really might be too old for this now. I greet Michelle in the dressing room and realize she is older than me and looks amazing, so maybe I can do this for a little while to earn some extra money. I decide to stay, but I don't want to work Friday or Saturday nights, or double shifts. I ask one of the other girls if she would like my Friday shift and she agrees.

I return for my second shift. I overhear the other girls talking about money, and realize that I handled my tips incorrectly the night before. I put my money in my makeup bag instead of giving it to the DJ, so I didn't pay the DJ or bouncer last night. I feel bad. I start digging through my bag to count my money and notice there is a lot more than I thought. Suddenly I realize in horror that I am looking through the wrong bag. I feel horribly embarrassed and worry that someone might think I'm trying to rob her. Thankfully no one sees me, so I sit down to relax again and sort through my clothes. I contemplate getting a trunk for my clothes again instead of dealing with this messy gym bag.

I suddenly remember to look at the RC tattoo on my arm. I fully expect to see the word "Dream" written there, but when I look I see only a P and another partial letter. I stare at it, dumbfounded for a minute, then become fully lucid. I stand up, excited, and look around the room to see how stable the dream is. Everything is solid, and I move easily. I realize this is the highest level of lucidity I've had in over a year! I decide to glide instead of walk. I glide easily across the room and out the door. As I enter the next room, I notice things are hazy, like I am not wearing my contacts. I decide to keep moving, hoping things will clear up because I'm concerned about waking myself if I try to adjust the light. I decide to go outside, hoping the light will clear up naturally out there. I see a door to the patio and decide to walk right through the solid wood. It works! The dream is much clearer outside. The sky is blue and the weather is pleasant. I see a large brown dog across the yard. When it sees me it gets up and runs my direction. It appears to be very friendly and curious. I notice there is something odd about it's jaw, so I try to look closer.....then BEEEEEP! Damn alarm work me up!

Dream
I remember being in a house, it was night time and snowing outside. There was a lot that happened earlier in the dream but I've forgotten. The context is that now I'm experiencing a prologue story for the npc's, a backstory I guess.
There was a newly born babe and his mother had passed away.. His older brother wanted him to stop crying so he strangled the baby, I couldn't intervene since it was a memory but it was really sad :/. I then watched the years flick by, the dad was a werewolf and was almost never around, leaving the two brothers alone in the house. Whenever the younger brother cried he would get strangled, he soon learned not to cry. They're a bit older now, maybe the youngest is 5. It's night time and snowing still, I see a scene where there's a werewolf flailing its arms at someone.. The person stumbles through a doorway out of sight. I think it was the dad attacking the older brother. Then I see the 3 of them, dad and two sons side by side. Except the brothers are vampire dogs. The dogs had pitch black fur with a brown underbelly and bright red eyes. I'm in the house for real this time, they hound after me and run me up the stairs. I slam a door shut but it's only closed long enough for me to clamber out of an open window onto the roof. It's completely covered in snow, I see trees around the house in the dark of the night, evergreens. There's a light at the base of the stairs leading down from the roof, but one of the vampires is going to come from that way.. I just remember its eyes, so red and evil. They glowed and seemed to not really 'see' you, like they weren't in control.

An environmental catastrophe was about to happen to the Earth. Humans were aware of this, and there was a system installed in which we all had to wait for our name to be called (sometimes in groups, sometimes alone) and step aboard a small asteroid-like rock that floated nearby a cliff. The asteroid was like a disposable mini-rocket, and as it launched off with each group, it begin slowly disintegrating until the people aboard would fall to the ground and die, or be injured and die later. It was terrible, but not very real-feeling. I watched a friend die, then came my turn, and I woke up before I died.

I fell back asleep and entered a similar scenario, only this time it felt more real. I was living in a 'Fall-Out' type village, with very few amenities and maybe 50 people at most. We were under the control of another group of humans, like a military or militia. We had a local stand where a guy sold things like cigarettes, food, drink, drugs, etc. There was a man who delivered small amounts of rations regularly. I saw some soldiers going into some of the other homes on the compound and I knew the end was coming soon, they were going to take us away, and some [vague] bad thing was going to happen. During one moment I seemed to be playing the role of a child, although I also had my current dog, Cayna. I heard that the soldiers weren't allowing animals to come along and I began to panic. I knew I couldn't leave Cayna behind. She would starve. I knew she had been abandoned before and I dreaded the idea of putting her through that again, at my hands. I was leaving the home I shared with other people and I think I told a woman and her 2 kids that I had a dog and I was so sad to be made to leave it. I asked her if she was ready to leave too, and she said they were staying, because they have a cat, and if you sleep outside with your pet you can stay. I was thrilled and went to get my mother [random woman in dream, not real mom]. I saw her in the back of a car being driven away. I cried for her and she looked back and seemed to be crying out in pain of leaving me behind.

I had Cayna though, and now I seemed to be back to my regular age because my husband was with me. I knew sooner or later we would be forced to commit mass suicide. I felt an enormous amount of dread. I thought, 'This is the worst possible ways things could end.' I wondered about Cayna again, and how she would survive without us. I thought she would have plenty to eat for a while—the left behind food and corpses...but then something convinced me that her death would be horrible if I let her live and I began to wonder if the safest thing to do for her was also poison her when we had to poison ourselves. My heart hurt; how could this be happening? I thought wouldn't it be wonderful if somehow, right before the and that someone said we didn't have to die after all? We could go on living! I felt a sting of hope rise and die quickly. I looked at my husband who was teary-eyed as well and told him that maybe the best thing for Cayna in the end would be to take her with us. He cringed and seemed to emote that he didn't want to talk about it. I said, 'I understand but I just wanted to say it now so when the time comes we had talked about it.'

Some time went by. We were outside this entire conversation, my husband and I. He suddenly told me to hold still and he began plucking at something on top of my head. He plucked off a ladybug -still attached to some of my hair- that he said had burrowed itself into my head/hair.

Thoughts:
I had some allergy issues right before bed, and my throat felt tight, felt itchy, and it felt a little hard to breathe. I've had allergy induced asthma before and it wasn't that bad, but I decided to take a Benedryl to relieve my symptoms. My husband spends lots of time playing Fall Out 4 lately, and I think the post-apocalyptic town was designed with that in mind. I have been a little worried about my dog. She is aging, and I wonder if I am giving her the absolute best care that I could be. Do I exercise her too hardly when we run? Do I feed her too much? etc. I found it interesting as I typed it out that my worries about abandoning my dog turned into me playing a child being 'abandoned' by my [dream]mother. I'm not sure what that means though.

I was floating in an ocean in mostly darkness, although I could see below the surface of the water. I could see my legs moving to keep me afloat, and a long rope attached to me, via my waist I believe. On the other end was a camera. I was part of some experiment for me or an unknown identity to explore depths of this water.

Later:
I reunited with an ex from my distant past. I'll call him Jake. My first memory of the dream is Jake and I laying in bed in the morning, sitting up with our backs propped on pillows against the wall. We were talking, and Jake said, 'Don't go falling in love right away.' I was not in fact feeling happy I was there, and felt like perhaps I had made a mistake. I said, 'I'm not, don't worry.' Jake looked hurt, and I realized he had actually seemed very happy we had re-connected, and maybe I had hurt his feelings. We were on some kind of trip, and we were leaving this day. I packed up, and Jake didn't talk to me much. Randomly my mom was there, as well as my step-dad, accompanying us on our journey home. Next we were in a car with a young version of my bio-dad driving. I was in the back, Jake in the front. He said, "We need to talk later, and I hope you remember what you promised me back [at the bleachers? football field? I have a vague image in my mind of what he meant, but I don't remember what he said]. I also didn't remember what I had promised him and I felt a little nervous, and a little like a jackass and I thought I was probably ending things once again with Jake and he would hate me.

Next Jake and I (and maybe my family?) are in a grocery. I have an old, ragged roller suitcase. I stand next to a store employee and notice a crow at his feet. The crow is eating tiny crumbs of debris from the floor. I laugh to the store employee and we both agree the crow is a great little helper (keeping the floors clean). The crow begins to peck and tug at my suitcase, but I don't care because it's old. Then without my direct recognition of this in the dream, the crow is a dog, like an Australian Shepherd, and we are playing tug of war with my suitcase.

We stopped at a small Bed and Breakfast, my mom and her husband resurfaced. They showed us the rooms we would be staying in. The entire Bed and Breakfast shared one kitchen. I didn't like this idea but I wasn't too bothered because I knew we were only staying one night. It was a cozy place, like a grandmother's home. Jake, an older man [replacement for my Dad and Stepdad?] and I sat around the kitchen table. Jake was talking about how many horrible people there are in the world. I said, 'But there are lots of great people too,' I start to mention how I also think about how everyone was once an innocent child, but Jake seems not to care what I have to say. A baby crawls into the room and spills a small amount of soda on the rug. I laugh and the baby giggles, and I teach it how to clean up the spill. The baby, clad in a diaper, seems to only be around 8 months - 1 year old. I ask Jake and the man if they have seen that funny new Hitler movie. 'You know, the German one, where Hitler time travels to present day after he thought he killed himself? It's really pretty funny in some spots."


Thoughts:
The ocean beginning seems very obviously symbolic of me looking deep into my emotional past or sub-conscious. I can also see how it is a well-executed prelude to the following dream. As far as the 2nd dream, I have been dreaming rather frequently about various exes, and finding myself stuck in relationships with them again. I'm afraid this says something about my latent insecurities about my marriage; aspects of it that remind me of things in past relationships I didn't like, or things about myself that I don't like. In waking life I am very happily married, and although my husband and I are working to better ourselves, I suppose I am looking forward to a time in the future where these things have changed.

I was in my house. It was a cold and grim rainy day. I was in my house, in a kitchen. Our dog gave birth to many puppies. She was lying with them in a cardboard box.

Dream - Lucid

I was in the house I grew up in. Everything had a Walking Dead/apocalyptic feel to it. I was watching my old friend Tori's dog, in the dream I believe her name was Jasmine. I had her in the play room. My old cat Pounce was inside of a "baby jail" (those fenced in areas you buy for babies so they don't escape an area IWL). I later moved the dog to the baby jail too.

I noticed that the floors were starting to bulge, even though we were on the 3rd floor (a nod to my 3rd floor apartment IWL). I knew it meant there was an impending earthquake.

Later, I saw Tori and I told her that Jasmine and Pounce got along. I then started thinking about needing to pack and condense items to only necessities for the apocalypse. I pictured my family and I in a restaurant sitting and me having to condense some items I had into my daughter's diaper bag.

~

I was about to go somewhere with my husband. We were doing something online. I'm not sure where we were. It wasn't anywhere that I know, but what seemed to be a completely different place. I remember seeing houses everywhere, like it was a neighborhood. My husband and I were going to go on a date, and he started to mention something about some other woman being there. I didn't know why that mattered since we are married. I asked him about how pretty she was, expecting him to tell me that she wasn't as pretty as me, but instead, he said she was prettier than me even though I was pretty still. o_o Really?! Of course this pissed me off. I stayed mad at him for the entirety of the dream. I don't think he quite understood why I was so mad.

There were other parts involving going places and talking to other people, but I can't remember any specifics right now.

Preface:
A lot of exercise lately. Allergy problems prevail, so I took benadryl last night again. My body is sore today.

Fragment
I am rubbing my arms and forearms.

DR 1

I'm with my sister, and we've been arrested. I've done something terrible (killed or hurt someone) and I am in a lineup on a platform. There are odd characters in the lineup and nobody looks like me. A few minutes later my sister is released and she tells me not to worry. She leaves for a while, and I can see her- talking with her children and my mom. I start to wonder if things will be okay, and if I will make it out. I am still standing on the platform, waiting for someone to tell me what my fate will be.

The next thing you know, the lighting changes and the whole platform moves to a mall. We are in the middle of the mall, and I am still on the platform. I climb down. We are very close to a McDonald's and my sister has bought the kids some food. They are running around excitedly, and then she tells me she has a surprise. Its a little dog- tiny puppy that is brown and black. I pick him up and hug him and tell them that he is so cute. I am really happy but I keep wondering if I am going to be arrested or taken away for my wrongdoings.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

... On a trip to Paris, taking amazing pictures of the sights. Then strange things start happening. but not sure exactly what. I reunite with a couple of friends I had separated previously and they tell me there had been some situations with animals turning violent in the city centre and to be aware of it. We encounter a few dog owners whose dogs seem having rabies, but people try to go on with their lives normally. Then we're attacked by a bird and I see a lot of other angry birds gathering in the sky. I remember Hitchcock's movie and look around for shelter. I tell my friends to follow me to the nearest shop. We ask the owners if we can shut the doors and explain why. They find strange but don't say no. Meanwhile the birds start descending on people. At that same moment we see a mob rushing over to all places where they can take cover, including this little shop, but we do a quick math and realize we'll be crushed if everybody comes inside, so we decide to shut the door, because if we try to save a few, we won't be able to close the door later on. People and birds smash against the door and after some time of struggle, they can even open a hole in the door. A lady with blood on her forehead manages to push through her torso and she is crazy violent, grabbing one of my friends and attacking her with anger. To help her, we need to hurt her back. I feel disturbed with all this mess and violence, but I don't feel bad with the decision made.

First dream

I was on a crowded street, in front of a bar. Just as I wanted to enter, a car accident happened. I ran to help people and tried to enter that bar, bit whenever I did - car accidents happened and I had to save people. This happened six times, and then I was able to enter. I told barkeep that story and ordered some vodka. After I drank, I went to suburbs to house, and told that story to father and his pal. That pal, a dark haired, stocky man, said that I should still look to find what I want.

Second dream

I was in my backyard, there were lots of people from school gathered in my garden. There was some kind of grand academy, but I didn't watched it. Instead I was wandering around the house, experimenting with bugs that were some kind of a project that teacher told me to do. He was doing some parts of it on his own, while the rest was left to me. The academy took to late night hours. I decided to take the dog out for a walk, and people were still coming back. I noticed a strange old man wearing a robe. He looked at my dog and said "By the light of Lord!" And ran away in panic. I looked at my dog, confused. Lights gathered around the dog and burst wildly as she turned into a gigantic dragon and flown away, into some ruins.

Third dream

I was in some ruins. Strange gargoyles composed of rotten flesh and bones tried to kill me. I was shooting them down with some kind of wands.