memorable

My partner was out for the night and I fell asleep on the sofa.
I'd done something wrong, although I don't recall what, I was on a boat of some sorts, maybe even a submarine, all of the doors where the rounded type and the walls and floors were metal studded in design. As I walked up a flight of stairs, I noticed a room in front of me with the door open, inside I could see a girl getting ready, she was naked though she made no attempt to cover herself and was completely at ease with her nakedness. As she began talking to me, a guy I hadn't noticed lying on the bed made himself known and it was apparent that he did take offence at her nakedness, what with me being there and all, an argument ensued. At some point during the argument, Martin Ribey, Bri Newby and a group of younger lads from around town came along and took hold of me, apparently I was to be punished for what I'd done - even though I still didn't know what - and they proceeded to hold me down. They put me in a seated position on the floor with one of them holding my arms behind my back from behind. Martin had gone off to gain more evidence and proof of what I'd done and we sat there and waited. By the time he returned, the rest of the group were getting impatient and wanted to give me a kicking. One of the younger lads was getting in my face and preparing to hit me, I was still being restrained and so I said "You're not even going to let me fight like a man then.?" There were like 6 - 8 of them in total, so I guess they figured I had no chance and decided to let me fight. As I was released and stood up, I grabbed the angry lads hair and started to kick him in the face, I had steelies on and so it wasn't pretty, seeing this Martin made a move towards me and so I kicked him in the balls, he doubled over, as he did so I grabbed his hair also and then started to smash both of their faces of each others. Seeing this feat of amazing self defence, the rest of the group turned their tails and beat a swift retreat. I let go of the younger lad as I knew Martin was the one I needed to worry about. We continued to fight until I had him on the floor and was sat on his chest. At this point, he turned into a praying mantis - I know right - and so I started to punch him in one of his eyes until it exploded at which point my partner returned home and woke me.

We had a cup of tea and a fag, then went to bed around 4.30, she got in at around 3am and so I figured an attempt at WBTB wouldn't be a bad idea apart from the fact I'd interacted with her quite a bit, although I was still tired and sleepy, anyhoo, I dreamt about Diesel and Dutchess, I was out walking with them and we went to the shops. For some reason there were a lot of people there from a circus and all had different animals with them, there was a guy with tigers, I saw a rhino and an elephant, the types you'd expect to see, Dutchess was in her element and all of a sudden she ran off barking after a stoat. It jumped into the water and Dutchess wont go in deep water, at this point I noticed a man swimming with dolphins and I knew that if I slapped the water or knocked on the bank, they might come over to me, so I started to slap the water, it felt awkward and so I began knocking on the bank instead, as I'd thought, one of the dolphins came over, the weirdest thing is, it was like I was blind and I couldn't see the dolphin, no matter how I tried, I could feel the texture of it's skin and even felt it's tongue, but try as I might, I couldn't see it. I tied the dogs up with a kindly old man who said he's be happy to watch them for me and I went into the shops. I woke up proper at 8am.

lovely, lovely dreams tonight. nothing particularly unpleasant has been going on in waking life as of late, but these dreams showed up anyhow. slept from about 9 to about 6.

i have spoilered the more graphic parts of the molestation dream for those of you who might be disturbed by it.

in the first dream i am driving around my city at twilight. i remember the exact area where i was -- near the intersection of R-----d & R----n.

Spoiler for click to read:

suddenly i feel invisible hands touching me. it is as if i am sitting on someone's lap but there is nobody there. i am greatly disconcerted. suddenly i am in the passenger seat and a teenaged asian boy is driving, while still touching me occasionally. he pulls into my school's parking lot (it is night now). there are 3 other boys waiting for us as well as an old man. i am nervous. the asian boy introduces me to the old man and tells me that he was the one who was touching me. a girl adds that he is 63 years old and a banker, and gives me his full name. she urges me to tell the police.

later i am in a room with blue walls. there are my little pony posters and merchandise everywhere. i am talking to a woman in her 30s about my experience. i want to tell her the man's name, but i cannot remember it. i get frustrated at this and also about the fact that i am discussing my sexual abuse in a my little pony fanclub.

in the second dream i am in an unfamiliar house. i am sitting on the couch and i am shocked to discover that my ex is sitting right beside me. for a moment i consider that this could be a dream, but the vivid and detailed imagery convinces me otherwise. i get extremely angry. i start yelling at him, asking "how did you get here?" "why are you here?" i don't get a straight answer. i begin punching and slapping him. he barely fights back.
i go do something else for a while and i come back to find my ex sitting on a bed crying. i thought he had left and now i get even angrier. i scream at him and throw heavy objects at him. i tell him that i'm going to bed, and if he isn't gone by the time i wake up "something bad will happen".
i go into my bedroom for a while and then come back. my ex is still there, playing a SNES game on a blue tv. again, i physically attack him and threaten that bad things will happen. i'm furious. the tv says "error, zero zero, error" and then i wake up.

Hi. I had a very disturbing dream which made me want to understand and interpret it. As I have no knowledge of dream interpretation, I was hoping someone might shed a light on what they think this may mean.

I Saw (from a small distance) 4 or 5 black crows moving along in the waves of a very dark sea/ocean. They were (what looked like) riding the waves. Wings spread right out but keeping on top of the water whilst being pushed by it. They didn't look scared and looked straight ahead, but as I was looking at them I was terrified. Then I saw myself being lifted out of the same water, (although this time there was light everywhere) I was on a cross and rushed upwards from the depths up to a few metres over the water. I was terrified and I woke up feeling very scared, stressed, sweaty/hot and with my arms by my side almost like being on a cross.

If anybody has any suggestions on what this may mean I would really appreciate your input as this dream has left me very edgy. Thank you :-)

So I decided I was going to try a WILD, I got on my back on my bed and just started to do what I usually do before I fall asleep, which is day dream. (I'm guessing at some point around here I fell asleep), I guess I stayed lucid, but I didn't even know I entered a dream so I just kept trying to lucid. I remember during this that every time I closed my eyes I could still see my room and everywhere I looked through my eye lids. I also noticed my blanket wasn't on my body, and I contemplated putting it on me but I didn't want to ruin my efforts so I just though oh whatever. Finally something began to happen as I lay there, my body had these massive waves of vibration that would start from my feet and go all the way up my body, and i heard the vibration and each time this happened I tried to enter a dream by imagining places people or situations, and it would begin to work, I would almost enter a lucid dream within my lucid dream, but then the waves of vibration would end to soon for me to fully like transcend into one so I tried and tried through about 20 vibration waves. After what seemed like about an hour of this I woke up confused because I thought I was already awake, but in this awake my blanket was covering my body so I then realized I was freaking lucid dreaming and I wasted my l;lucid dream trying to lucid dream. It was so real.

-First dream I had involved me meeting what I assumed was a photography group outside my school, until I noticed how in their area there were various video games, which looked like incredibly large golden GBA cartridges. I started talking to the leader of the group, and found out that me and him actually shared names! He let me know that this is actually a comedy troope, and asked if I wanted to join. Next thing I remember I'm looking outside the groups building, which had this painting on the side, with two out the three floors of the building dedicated to gaming. I walked in with my dad, and my dad got into a conversation with both the leader and Bill Clinton, as if they were old friends. My dad then dropped the fact that when I was a kid, he bought me the original Half-Life.

-Next I found myself in my science classroom with various people I know. Some video was playing on the smartboard when a dude on his laptop said that a person I know, Mitch, challenged him to a game online. The substitute teacher told everybody to pull out their laptops and accept, saying that Mitch "doesn't stand a chance."

-The last dream I had three characters, Cole Phelps from L.A Noire, a young boy and an older gentleman. It followed their attempts to stop a bunch of nuclear missiles from firing off. Cole had a Mass Effect style "choice"-wheel where one could choose what he said, and depending on what he said, it would determine whether the nukes would go off or not. The wheel actually like the circles in a Looney Toons cartoon where it says "That's all Folks." In fact, the wheel actually said that at one point. At various points Cole would talk with the boy, and it would give off the feeling that Cole was actually a young boy in an older mans body. The whole deal played out like an episode of Billy and Mandy, and repeated several times, often ending with the missiles going off.

Galantamine Dreams

I just had a series of false awakenings/Dreams that took me deeper than anything ive experienced before. I've recently been trying out the Galantamine/Choline combo from Dreamamins over the past week, and while I haven't become lucid while on them yet I always have false awakenings and intense Dreams anyway. What follows is the most intense series of Dreams and false awakenings I've had to date. What I've written is only what I could remember because by the time the last one was over, the first had already begun to fade from memory. I must admit that I felt a little trapped, like I was unable to wake from these Dreams but I kept trying, hence the amount of false awakenings. I liked it, It felt like separate lives...

In the first, I Dreamt that I was following Jeremy Renner around because he was some kind of secret agent. I don't remember exactly what happened anymore but I do remember that at one point he was being hunted by the Russian government, and at some point we walked into a room that had several people strapped to gurneys, all of them bled out and dead. There were two Russians in the room, I was given the impression that one was a doctor and the other was simply a killer. When I first walked in, i saw a larger man twitching on the gurney closest to me as though he weren't quite dead, but dying, and about six others who were dead. I also saw the killer Russian bent over a last victim slicing open their neck. As soon as they saw us, I became Jeremy Renner, or I should say, the secret agent. The Russian had two scalpels, but they were larger than they should've been and he came at me yelling and extremely intimidating. I found that at that moment I had two knives as well and we began to fight. He sliced and jabbed at me and I managed to deflect and protect myself rather expertly. This went on for a good minute and I began to think about the fight too much, and he sliced one of my hands forcing me to drop the knife. Then he tackled me and bit a chunk of my ear off, and the Dream went black, but I didn't wake up.

The next thing I remember is being in some kind of basement where people were working on something I'm still not sure of, but I remember there being farm animals there. I remember washing my hands with bloody plastic gloves on, and I remember seeing the smallest giraffe and gorilla ever. I mean tiny, just about a foot and a half tall, and they looked like they were made out of arts and crafts decorations but they were moving. I thought to myself how cute they were and that my girlfriend would want to see them so I tried to take a pic, but the other people there said that pics weren't allowed so I didn't take any, I just pet them. I was also warned that the giraffe bites, so I was trying to be careful with it, but every time I tried to pet his head he tried to take a piece of my finger off. Little bastard. Then I "woke" from this Dream.

I awoke to our bedroom and was a little disappointed that my Galantamine hadn't helped me to become lucid, again. I remember that I turned on the radio and started blasting P.O.D.'s here comes the boom out the window in response to our new neighbors being noisy jackasses. Then I remember my girl being in the next room and coming in to talk to me. Now, when I fell asleep before all these Dreams, my girls mom was supposed to come home for lunch while my girl is at work, this confused me because her mom wasn't home and she was, so I asked her what was up with that. She said she didn't know where her mom was and was carrying a pair of scissors in her hand. She was walking away from me and reached for something on the dresser, which I snatched from her fearing that she had done away with her mom and I was next. Tis isn't something I actually fear in real life but somehow was a concern in the Dream. When I grabbed it, it was the size of one of those poppers kids get that they throw at stuff, and it said TNT on it. The Dream faded and I was laying in bed.

The next Dream I remember was odd too but not so much. I had a false awakening and thought I woke up from the last Dream and that I was in bed. I even remember looking at the clock and seeing the time correctly, it was about where it should have been. The next thing I remember I was on the balcony of our apartment with the iPad, writing like I do, and our new neighbors were being jackasses again and he was messing with his truck for whatever reason. They like to do doughnuts in the middle of the night, but this time he did something else, he just peeled out and tried to take off but something, probably me, made his truck flip over. It landed on its top and was smashed to shit, I loved it. I loudly proclaimed YES! when this happened. I remember him getting out of the truck and he started yelling at me and I told him that's what he got for being a stupid jackass and that the next time it happened it hoped he didn't walk away from it. At this point he went into his apartment and I realized that I wasn't alone, there were people everywhere inside my own apartment. It was like our two apartments weren't separated anymore and every annoying jackass he hung out with was now sitting at my dining table, watching my tv, and standing on my balcony! My balcony was also smaller all of a sudden and I had to magically work my way around the other fools there to get inside. I even remember wanting to tell some dude to get out of my chair, but I didn't. When I made it to the kitchen, I saw my neighbor sitting there, crying. I went to go talk to him and I put my hand on his back and asked him why he was so upset, just to be nice, and he ended up asking me if I wanted to go outside and play racquetball with him to make him feel better. I said yes but that I would have to go put my IPad away and get my racquet. I stepped into the room that I thought was mine to discover a couple in there, under the covers, doing things.... I immediately told them to get out because I was certain I was in the right place and this was just too much. Then I took a look around and realized that it wasn't my room after all! I apologized profusely to them and grabbed my IPad before heading out. I was incredibly confused by this, I had no idea what was going on anymore, so i left the apartment completely to see if I was even in the right one. Turns out I really was next door, but the outside of the doors were decorated for Christmas... I knocked on our apartment and my girls mom answered in her robe. I asked her what month it was, and she told me it was November. She told me this as I walked into the apartment, and my neck was scratched by the wreath we had on the door. All at once I began to have trouble breathing, couldn't fathom that I had lost six months time, and dropped to my knees in disbelief at everything that had happened. This is when I finally awoke and realized that everything that had just happened, all four or five Dreams, had been just that. In less than 90 minutes.

I should mention that absolutely none of the reality checks that I tried worked, I did ask myself several times during the course of these Dreams if I was Dreaming. I was fooled every time. I think that since perhaps the Galantamine makes me more aware, my Dreams respond in kind. They are made more believable, to a point. If I was a master at ADA, then I would've had no problem becoming lucid, but for the level I'm currently at it was enough to trick me.

Somehow managed my first ever WILD when I wasn't even trying to. I was trying to nap during a really hot day and my face was sweating so I rolled onto my back and in what seemed like seconds my vision started to get fuzzy/blurry and my jaw locked tightly. I honestly thought I was going to break my own teeth so I took the chance and moved my jaw open slightly, which felt like forcing open a rusted hinge. Then stuff started to happen really fast. I started to hear really loud, clear music, and felt like I was being pulled upwards by a bunch of strings attached to my body. I started floating fast over waves or something, like i was a crowd-surfing plank of wood. I knew exactly what was happening at this point and was not scared or confused at all, I even tried(with some success) changing the sensations I felt as I floated. The transition into the dream was pretty smooth, as though the hands that were carrying me just dropped me off right outside the gym of my high school. right as i was being dropped off i considered stabilizing or calling for Radical Larry the Wizard(my favorite DC), but i was so excited that i just didn't. I ran and ran, flying through walls and throwing chunks of metal at groups of passing cheerleaders. The lucidity and the dream both ended pretty quick, as you would expect under those conditions. So the dream sucked, but getting there was HELLA TIGHT!

It's weird. After I started writing in this, I began to forget my dreams, rather than remembering them.

Part I: The Sinking Ship

I was at some sort of dock with a bunch of my friends and classmates I had met in previous years. I didn't really remember why we were there, but I could only assume it was a field trip or something of the sort. Still, as we waited at the docks, we soon saw a ship come in to port. It was a yacht, essentially, though it was still a bit small. Nonetheless, it could fit all the students as well as a few chaperons.

It was night, a lot of stars out as I idly chatted with some of the boat goers. It seemed almost peaceful, and we had no destination. We were doing just fine, until suddenly, the ship hit something. Something... invisible. Yes, we were now going to sink right into the dark, cold ocean.

The boat was beginning to submerge, I was near my brother, sliding down the sloped surface of the wooden floor, and as the ship peaked upwards, I look to my brother and said "Now we have submerged." and right after that, the ship fell under the water, which woke me up.

Part II: The Blood-Thirsty Doctor

After the whole ship incident, it seemed as though we never hit anything, and the ship was not only fully repaired and functional, but also even bigger than it was before. Now, the ship had about three floors. I went up to the captain's deck with a few other people, and we idly talked again, though out of complete nowhere, a girl with a white t-shirt and black underwear came in with a shotgun, shooting for no reason.

I pulled up a table and flipped it over, hiding behind it and dodging most of the shots, though eventually a few bullets got into my leg. The pain that came from that felt like a really bad cramp, which was more just uncomfortable than it was painful, but it was strange how it worked like that. The shooter disappeared, and I was soon in a hospital-like room, laying on a bed as a nurse came by. She gave me a few shots, which coincidentally numbed the pain a bit. The pain didn't just go away, I literally couldn't feel my legs! After that though, she just went crazy, stabbing me with the same syringe like she was brutally stabbing me with a knife. I didn't feel any of it, but I could hear the beeping from the Heart-Rate Monitor starting to beep faster and faster, my vitals dropping rather quickly, and the pain starting to come back. As I began to flat-line, I slowly woke up, until I was fully awake, as if my death had awoken me.

Notes:

I knew a lot of my classmates on the ship.
The water didn't feel like anything when we fell in it.
That pain was truly a bit of a shocker when I woke up, because I really did have bad leg-cramps in the morning.

Interpretation:

I've been rather social as of late. Perhaps, I'm being warned that I should expect the unexpected from people.

4/3/13

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[Alright. I'll try to keep this to the point. Forgive my confusing scattered words. It's taken me my whole life to master this level of communication... and I'm still very far from being the Master.

I'm assuming this topic is alright for DreamViews because it ties heavily into my dreams and general life.
And I'm assuming people here will talk to me as if I'm not "psycho". And be quite loving and understanding.
BLESS the ones who aren't offended at my words.

If anyone has read Charles Fort's works, they'll understand what I mean when I say:

In every truth lies the hint of what can be called fantasy, and
in everyone's yarn there lurks something of what can be called the truth.

Please keep this in mind. This is an experience that is a little "off".
It's an experience- incompleted by the knowledge of what it was I experienced.
I'm missing the right way to relate this to you.
I know what I felt, and I know what I thought I understood about it.
That is all. And nothing more. Like many humans, I am filled with pride and vanity.
But I acknowledge that I TRULY know nothing.
I am not claiming to know anything on these subjects.]

All times are approximate.

Please keep an open mind.

This is my experience with Lucy.

================================================== =
__________________________________________________ ____________________________
[Background]

My name is Austin.

4 days ago, I experienced Lucy, aka "Acid" aka "LSD" with my "perfect-for-me" girlfriend.

Her name is Alex.

I love this tragic girl bottomlessly, so much it hurts. But this trip was different than with shrooms.
This time, I caught a glimpse of one of those most peculiar facets of reality.
I caught a glimpse beyond the veil. I felt something else's presence among the two of us.
I think it was what the Alchemists and the Shamans and the Wizards and Philosophers
and Dreamers and Scientists and more... would understand as "Lucifer".

Not many people will understand what I'm about to say.
That is because what I'm going to say CANNOT be put into these helpless words. Not in these hopeless worlds.
Hopefully, someone on these forums who has experimented with altered consciousness-
Will understand these metaphors and will relate. I hope someone knows what I'm talking about.
I will do my BEST to explain them to the others who don't get it yet.
This is why people who are actually on to something- are soon discredited as incoherent or such.
What we seek cannot be put into words. The words will escape you like sand through fingers.
Reminiscent of deja vu. If someone demands you explain these secrets, it won't happen. It can't.
Experience is the only way. First-hand.

Now.

I believe Lucifer can appear as and through different things to different people.
But to me it was or was through the gentle and mysterious lover.
The fiery serpentine chasing me up the spiral staircase.
Lucy was the image in between the mirror. Behind the lights.
She was there- but not in a physical sense. The lights would glow brightly when she was close.

My experience with this "entity" was gentle. Loving. Harshly beautiful. With a tinge of dark.
A hint of mystery. He/she told me things through my girlfriend. Beautiful things.
The problem is- my girlfriend claims that I was lost in a trip the entire time.
Conversations I thought I had between us, were just conversations with myself...
Through my girlfriend. But I'll have to ask for more faith from YOU
that I know that I was talking with "someone" whether it was my girlfriend
or an "entity" of less-than-physical existence. It may very well all have been in my head.
But I'm implying that perhaps that's how this thing works.
It IS all in your head. But at the same time it's not JUST in your head.

Oh man, it makes you double take on schizophrenia and general insanity in the world.
What if one of these people screaming on the street are screaming the truth?

Lately, I've been having these reoccurring thoughts in my head that I'm somehow Lucifer.
I just notice all these similarities to me and the angel they call "Lucifer".
My cardinal sin is Pride. I'm a dreamer, a musician, a lover, a woman and a man.
I don't belong here and I feel out of place. I equate myself to a Lion.
I seek knowledge. It reminds me of the story of the Apple of Eden.

I have a STRONG intuition that I'll meet Lucifer on Lucy.
__________________________________________________ ______________
[Austin]

I was one of those "weird kids" you find in school... That never did and never will fit in.
The quiet, smart, awkward kid. The outlandish kind. But I've held on to my innocence.
Longer than most could- I still have real good in my heart. I still have that light inside.
I feel like I have a perfect blend of female and male inside. I feel almost superhuman inside.
But broken at the same time. Like something is missing. My heart is full, but my roots are dry.
But I have a love for horror. An amorous pulling to the mysterious. Everyone has these things.

But I'm uncontrollably thirsty for knowledge. Wisdom. The way the Universe works, in all her wonder.
I've procrastinated the ignition of my life. I've waited to begin my life-
Just to bury myself in books. Drowned myself in watery facts and ideas.
Pondered for hours on "reality" breaking ideas. Ideas that would make sheep panic.
Ideas that only excite ME. "Maybe the world isn't as boring as I thought," I thought.

My life works in symbols. Archetypes.
The boundless ocean. The mother. The Lion. The female. Green. Autumn.
The King. Duality. Trinity. Clocks, and Stuffed Bears. Dreams. It doesn't matter.
But it does.

I know about the connection between you and I. Through reading, experience with dreams,
books of esotericism, books of all sorts!, and simple observation. It doesn't take a genius to see
That there is someone pulling strings in reality. Watch those coincidences.
Try to find connections. It used to be impossible- Then it became improbable.
Now it's highly probable. I know most of you will take me as insane.
There will be one who takes these words just right.

Lately I've been noticing the insane improbable-almost-to-the-point-of-impossible amount of coincidences.
The Universe was talking to me all the time. I just needed to tune in.
__________________________________________________ _____________________________
[Alex]

She's the most interesting human I've met so far.

She has reason behind everything she does!

If she were an element, she'd be fire. She's a white Tiger she says.
Her taste is deliciously refined. She knows what she likes.
During Shrooms, I noticed something very peculiar.
While everyone else in the room tripped blindly.
She unscrewed light bulbs, turned things upside down.
I saw it. It resonated with me.
It was her act of defiance I think that caught my eye.
Her rebellion against the collection of rules we call society.
Mischievous girl. I understand she'll break my heart one day.
...
She grew up so fast. She's had a miserable life so far.
It beat the shit out of her. Her Mother is a monster. (Broke my damn side-view mirror that bitch.)
She never had a father. (He left before Alex was born.)

I've noticed that she does NOT attract happy karmic events.
If there ever was an unlucky human, it was her.
Her life hands her more shit than most humans would be able to handle.
She is hardened to this cruel world. The pessimist out of us.
But she knows things. She knows how it really is.
I'm wary of her. But just as wary as someone can be
of someone you love more than anything.

Our relationship is confusing.
At times we're like best friends.
Sometimes we're enemies.
Sometimes we're just animals using each other.
But when it's all said and done...
All I want to do is hold her hand and keep her safe through this lifetime.
That is what I'm here to do.
If there's anything that's real in this goddamned life, it's that I TRULY love that girl.
__________________________________________________ ____________________________________
[0:00]
We walked into my bedroom and placed two blotters each (piece of paper with LSD dropped on) under our tongues.
We sat around for a moment and began to feel excited and restless. Hence our decision to go to the local convenience store to grab a drink for the trip.
We smoked a bowl and headed down the hallway to go outside.
"Do you want to drive?" I dangle my Miku anime-keychain.
"Mmm... Yes!" I barely offer it, but she barely ever accepts. I become aware of the symbolism in that.

(throughout that day, I had seen the theme of "Lucifer"
sowing itself in and out of the tapestry of reality. Through coincidence. Shit happens, you know, but you'll start to notice that a great deal of that "shit"'s probability doesn't match up with the general idea of probability that society has built. Too many coincidences to be without an explanation. Too much smoke to be without a fire. I'd see pictures on Tumblr of serpents and horns- I'd see references to the Bible and things like that- but there was just so much of it today, more so than usual.)


Pulling up, I asked my girlfriend, "Do you know the story of The Garden of Eden?" ...
"Yeah, I know about that story." She humors me.
"Well... sh-should I trust him? I know I'll have to meet him eventually..."
"I don't know..." She knows.
"Huh." I drop it.

I know she doesn't understand my curiosity. I accept it's just one of our differences.

We grab our drinks- 2 thirst busters, and a pink powerade for me and a blood red powerade for her.

When we get back to the house, giddy and excited, we metaphorically "stumble" through the door.
I mean by that- that we were a little "off" by now. It had been 30min. We were walking perfectly fine.
Talking a little strangely... but perfectly functional. Just a little "different" and "strange".

__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
[0:35]
As we walked back in the room and shut the door, she unloaded a pocketful of things and change.
I pointed it out to her that she was becoming a little more like me.
"It's because I love you." It made sense. I picked up a lot of her traits at times too.

We sat on my bed and loved on each other a little. Tickles, talking, touching, pictures, videos.
It was about an hour through, that we started to feel a little more than just "stoned."
The first stage was the breaking of the shell. The realization that there's more to "you" than just "you."
I watched the clock and became the clock. My awareness controlled how I existed.
Visuals were normal. If a little more relaxed. "Diffused" is a good word. "Unfocused".

I stayed consciously aware of what I was feeling constantly. It was creeping up pretty slowly- but it wasn't anything like I had felt before.
I could "feel" it coming on, as I could with other things. It felt like... a drop-off. A cliff.
It felt like I was hanging off the side of a great cliff, dangling over the abyss from a rope.
Alex told me several times throughout the trip that that's how I "felt", as if she could feel what I felt too.

We immediately went to work with our music playlists that we had planned out. I'm usually the one who spends time thinking about the future (making playlists for acid trips is a good example of this), but Alex surprised me this time by being prepared. Notice this coincidence.

She listened to her music first. Of Monsters and Men. The Head and the Heart. Modest Mouse. Bright Eyes.
Amazing music. But it left me wanting something more familiar.

On to my music. I felt around with my ears the following: Gorillaz, The Beatles, Vampire Weekend, Arcade Fire, Radiohead, Panic! At The Disco...

Oh, such beautiful things tucked away neatly in these songs. A word to the wise:
Alot of these bands know what they're talking about. They know what I'M talking about.
It's all in the music that we listen to- secrets. But remember that words can't describe what I've seen.
But music is a better language for something like this.

Take note that "Lucifer" is constantly associated with things such as "light, music, beauty, etc".

Well back to the trip. By this point, another hour has passed. I had been on the brink of tears countless times now from what I'd seen
and momentarily forgotten.
(Amnesia sucks. I have reason to believe my human is plagued with holey memory. I hope to one day find out why. Probably heavy fluoride in the pineal gland.)

__________________________________________________ __________________________________
[1:15]
Now, me and Alex just wanted to talk again.

She told me about what laughter was for.
She told me that:
"Love is strange- If you get too filled up with that wonderfulness [love], it'll make you sad. You need to let it out every once in awhile.
It's meant to be shared."

My god! Right in front of our eyes. Laughter was the human mechanism for sharing love with the world. The letting out of steam.
It was biological as much as it was just... oddly metaphysically organic. I mean by that... ... no. I'll have to leave that one for you. It's a mechanism of my higher-self as much as it is my human.

"If you start to feel sad... it's because you need to let it out. Share it." If there's one thing I held on to throughout my trip, it was this.

Countless times I felt that well of sadness rising up. I pushed it down by laughing at how wonderful everything was. I just looked around.
I laughed at how crazy I was for thinking I was talking to the devil. I laughed at how impossibly-obviously it presented itself to me.
I laughed at how all of my favorite bands had all of the answers to my questions- but in code.
I laughed at how awkward my soul piloted my human. I would lean into kiss my lover, and land somewhere else and just laugh.
I laughed at how perfect she was. How she always found the perfect thing to say to me. It was like a storybook. Like a dream.
Like I had always wished and wished for. She completed me, like a puzzle piece. How curious.



My soul wasn't very good at integrating me into society, in general, I observed.
I just have never understood the importance of fitting in. Never in my life.
If I had a finger to point... it would be at my soul.
From what I understand...
He should be the one who deals with matters spanning over the 4th dimension... over and outside of time.

But...
I am him. I just sometimes forget.

__________________________________________________ __________________________
[1:45]
Alex.

She was different now. She was still her. But now with a mischievous grin. Cheshire was smiling through my love's face.
She walked like a Goddess, like a perfect little hipster indie kid. (I think that's what I would incarnate as if I were Lucy.) [I'll call her Lucy.]
She pointed to my antique clock and told me the face was the surface of a pond. She was pointing at my symbols. She knew what it meant to me. She knew I had always equated myself with the element water. She knew my personality was watery in itself.
"It's like a dirty pond with scattered numbers."
She knew about my shaky relationship with time.
The pond represented me.

She got up and stretched. "Man, all this damn water." ...again, referring to ME.
As if she had finally seen the real me.
She said it as if just arriving there to that moment in time, before flashing me a grin.
Again, I got the impression of being in the presence of a Goddess- in the flesh. She knew I knew.

She analyzed my life so far and hit every nail on the head. With such grace and the perfect hint of mystery to keep me there. She talked about my innocence and my attachment to my inner child.
I have a stuffed animal, a tattered old bear- she told me that my child was beaten up.
My innocence was hurt.

I think I feel the need to use the word "her" because I was still clinging on to egos. I was afraid to be one with this. All the warnings.
All the damn warnings from humanity. Avoid the one they call the devil. I struggled within myself against it.

"It's like a bunch dolls in a dollhouse." She referred to the bodies we inhabited.

At this point- my mind was so far in the "strange". My nerves and senses were totally "not-normal".
I didn't think of it as, "Sight" or "Hearing" or "Feeling"... it was more of a five-pronged color wheel of general sensation manifesting itself as a big picture. I mean... My senses began to blur into one sense.

And the trails. Oh my... There was a mesmerizing soft blur behind any sort of movement.

I also began to notice catching weird alien thoughts in my own head. I felt like I was tuning in on Alex's thoughts.
I STILL can't figure out who it really was that first wanted that cigarette. Also...
I would look at Alex with a question and she would verbally respond.
Me and Alex began to slowly realize something. Not that we were melding consciousness. But that we already were one consciousness.
I was getting my first understanding of what "Duality" and "Unity" truly meant.

I spoke incoherently, akin to Jack Sparrow. I was trying to grasp an idea.
It was being relayed to me from outside of my head, that's for sure.

But here's a metaphor to help you understand what I mean.
Sometimes, if you stare directly at something...
It vanishes.
But if you learn to look with the corner of your eye.
You might get a better glimpse.

If I thought too hard at an idea, it would run away.
Same with Lucy/Lucifer. If we chased after her, she would vanish.
She would stop amusing us. She had a tendency to sneak in and out of our trip.

And then something happened... she tried to get me to kiss her. She had that devilish look in her eye.
I... recoiled. I subconsciously knew that what I was dealing with was indeed very heavy. It meant something.
And I needed to be perfectly conscious so I could make a decision. These cautious thoughts were definitely mine.

I know what LSD can do to you. You have to keep your mind clear and empty or else you'll convince yourself of something.
I decided that this vision or feeling of dancing with the devil was TOO persistent to be a simple delusion.
I might be an odd human, but I know that these was DEFINITELY something more to this than delusion.
Truly, there's some truth in my yarn. But I kept a clear head so that I would feel the feelings as they came.

I was forced to make a decision of a life time. If I went through with this, I had a feeling my life would never be the same. But my life was always so boring... I kind of ached for it, you know?

Vampire Weekend summed it up perfectly:

"It’s not right but it’s now or never
And if I wait could I ever forgive myself? "

I finally kissed her back, pushing through my hesitation. It WAS just my girlfriend.
I kiss her all the time. But this time it was mixed-up, fearful, and hesitant.
We lost ourselves in our slow kisses for awhile. And suddenly...
for JUST a moment, I woke up from the Matrix that we live in.
I realized in that moment that I was NOT my body... or even my mind, for that matter.
Whatever I really was, it was "green" and "bright" and "vibrant" and "full of love".
She was more "grey" and "scarred" and "hopeless" but "wise" and "full of texture"
The best way I can describe what it felt like... I was an amorphous living "thing".
A giant changing organism of "light". I felt MYSELF (I'll capitalize when I refer to our higher self.)
brushing up against my lover... in an alien landscape, in alien bodies. It was more beautiful than anything you've ever experienced.
It was scarring to someone who wants to remain ignorant. I now knew.

She knew I had finally seen the true HER. SHE was disfigured and bruised from the horrors and disappointments of her lives.
I held her body close and radiated an infinite love that she had never felt before. She knew I knew. She knew I loved her regardless.
I didn't get to see any specifics, but I know that we've known each other intimately besides this life. Same with all the people in my life.

We cuddled for a little and loved each other. I accepted every little part of her, and she accepted every little part of me.

__________________________________________________ ____________________________________
[2:00]
We laid in my bed and stared around my room. It was as if I was my soul, checking up on my human. My room was a wreck.
Disorganized and messy. I scolded myself. My eyes caught all these symbols that I would have never caught.
I looked at my long hair and saw my female trying to claw her way out. She was desperate to be seen and pet.
It was tragic. I felt a little drunk- by that I mean that drunken feeling of trying to walk. A great happy cheerfulness filled me
despite my slight lack of coordination.

I had to go to the bathroom though... I was afraid to be away from Alex, so I hesitated...
"I REAAAALLY need to goooo."
"Okay, I'm going now."
"Alright baby, here I go."
"I NEED TO PEEEE."
(I said all of those... probably 20 seconds apart. Stalling.)

I worked up the courage to break away. I drifted like a ghost down the hall.
Once in the bathroom, I got on my knees and peed close to the toilet (a strange habit I'd picked up years ago).
I got up, and checked myself out in the mirror. My pupils were huge. I could see my soul showing through my eyes.
It was beautiful. I always thought that was beautiful. Enlarged pupils are subconsciously attractive to me.
Then I returned to Alex. We were both thinking about the same thing now. Ourselves.

We both stared at our vessels with self-love. She began to talk again,
"You know... I never really got why people are so against this." I knew she was referring to our self-love.
"If you have what you have, what's the point in Not loving it?" -She continued while eyeing herself with love and a hint of lust.
I did the same.

Sometime throughout the trip, I stripped naked and watched my body closely.
It was so... gorgeous. My male and female energies were so balanced.
I marveled at my body's hips and legs, and my shoulders and eyes.


(I'd always had a deeply ingrained disgust with egoists.
Egotistical people had always disgusted me. They were never going to grow, because they were so weighed down by their own empty weight. My religious Dad pointed out that I had pride in my eyes, countless times through my childhood. He made sure I knew it was wrong.)

(But... I couldn't find an argument to this one. I had always thought myself and Alex to be extremely attractive.
In a different kind of way than what society could see. I would walk by a group of girls, flicking on a switch inside.
I would think confident feelings, I would KNOW that I was sexy... and the girls would always look my direction and blush.
I had that power. Everyone does. And if it's already there... It's just a matter of turning it on.)

__________________________________________________ __________________________________
[2:30]
Alex had to go pee next. It had been 2 1/2 hours now. She left to go to the bathroom...
But I found myself following close behind, as if I were going to the bathroom as well.
As if we were going to share that experience. I paused and realized that I couldn't follow her in there.
She chuckled at me and left.

I realized I still needed to pee! I normally was very "good" at holding my bladder.
But this time felt different. Seconds had passed since Alex left the room.
"I don't think I can wait." I said to myself, alone in my room.
I panicked when I thought that perhaps Lucy had something to do with my bladder un-control.

Then I realized it. I wasn't feeling MY need to pee. I was feeling Alex's need to pee.
I had already pissed. Now it was her turn.
Only catch.
I was going to experience her turn.

When it finally dawned on me what was going on...
I began to squirm and struggle to hold in my bladder-
While I was experienced pee-ing.
I could feel it so clearly. It felt good~
But I was unable to enjoy the relieving feeling due to my panic.
It reminds me slightly of orgasm, but just a hint.
I'm proud to say, that I LSD didn't make me piss

I continued to squirm, until she was done.
Then I walked out of my room and met her at the door to explain.
She grinned at me.

__________________________________________________ _________________________________
[3:30]
At about 3 1/2 hours.
We fell into the bed again, and fell entranced by my ceiling light.
It broke my popcorn ceiling into a crystal kaleidoscope.
It began to glow intensely. We lied there in that room staring at that light forever.
It was so fucking beautiful. I could tell that there was something "more" to the light.
There was something "behind" the light. "Inside" it. "Outside" of it...
Wait no... There's no word for it. "Within" would be the best fit.

Lucy was close-by. The light vibrated. The ceiling crawled.
The room came to life. We were coming to a peak of the trip.
Alex snapped me out of it.
"Don't let it take you away."
What a strange thing to say, I thought.
I'm sure she knew what I felt.
But I looked away and broke the spell.

Our gazes returned shortly after.
She gasped- "I can see your heartbeat in the ceiling."
Both of our jaws dropped. It was true. The light was pulsating to my heart.
We were pushed back against the wall and the bed... HARD.
But it was because of how incredibly beautiful and powerful it was.
The entity.
... ...
She joked for the third time, "If this is the peak, I'd still be disappointed."
I laughed at that challenge to Lucy.

We sat up from our bed, feeling like we had lived an eternity in moments.

The green curtains had crawling vines. If you relaxed your eyes on them, they would move like crazy.
I could also see aura around Alex. Her's was red.
She told me mine was a bright green.

By now, we had abandoned words for the most part. We both realized how much easier it was
to communicate in "soul-speak", in thought, and in feeling.

__________________________________________________ __________________________
[4:30]
We walked outside. Oh. My. God.

"There's a world out here..." We both gasped. We were coming down fast.

But that one moment when I first experienced nature... our SUN, the neighborhood.
I will never forget it. It made me gasp in my female's voice. It was THAT powerful.
I was powerfully aware of our position in the solar system. That big glowing thing in the sky...
It's in a very basic sense: "Alive".

Fire is... "Alive." Plants and animals... they're "alive and conscious".

My only metaphor for this... would be...
There's these Mexican candies... I forget their name...
But it's a plastic container, with this spicy/sour chile mango
Squishy candy inside.
You squeeze it out through the top and it comes out in strands.
Like squishy red grass.
The inside of the container is primal life. Life in it's most basic form. Before it's manifested in this world.
When it's squeezed out, it seperates into egos and distinctions. Each little blade is a different manifestation of the same thing.

(Matter is alive too, just vibrating at a different level. But I digress- back to the trip.)

My lover and I sat beautifully in our bodies. I followed her to a spot in the shade, out of the morning sun where we found our perch. Watching the school children and other humans waking up, and going to school and work.
We sat there and watched, understanding that they may never know the things we know.
They may go their whole lives and never see the truth.
I began to grow nervous that people were walking about as, well, we were tripping balls in my front driveway.

I shook it off, "Ah fuck it. A school bus of children could pass by for all I care."
A school bus passed 6 seconds later. Me and Alex eyed each other and knew that Lucy was still with us.

We had a conversation between a human God and Goddess in my front yard about the tops of trees.
She pointed to the top of the pine tree before us.
"You know, the tops of trees are my favorite parts of trees." She spoke softly.
I thought to myself of whether there was symbolism in what she said.
She paused before saying, "It matters."

She reminded me of plants. I had always wanted to communicate with one. I cupped in my hands a yellow flowered weed next to me, and I closed my eyes. I felt something. But not very strongly. I felt impatient.

"You want to go inside, don't you?" I had a feeling.
"Yeah..."
"Well... can we wait out here for just a second?"
"Yeah, as long as you want."
But I couldn't fully enjoy it, now that I knew she wanted to go inside.
I asked one more question... It was aimed at Lucy AND Alex.
"You aren't going leave me... are you?" The insecure little girl I had once been was asking.
I began to tear up and almost cry at the thought of being disconnected from this in the future.
I don't remember her answer. But it was good. I remembered to laugh, so I wouldn't be sad.
So we got up and walked inside.

__________________________________________________ _____________________________________
[6:00]
It was approximately 6 hours into our trip, more or less.
Lucy was still here, but in a less HERE way.

(INTERJECTION: The overwhelming clarity of LSD is so strange to experience, in stark contrast to the drug propaganda out there. Do not listen to your government on matters like this. You have to trust your heart on this to know if you're ready for something like this. I was ready. I've been waiting for this day my entire life.)

Now I wasn't talking directly to Lucy. I was talking to just my Alex.
She noted that I had been talking "past her" for the past few hours.
That I had, in reality, been lost in a sort of trip. But I know what I experienced.
I have faith in it. And I will not let the world shake it out of me like they do to the rest of us.

Back to the experience. I confronted another demon of mine.
My occasional lack of passion. My lack of red and orange and yellow.
My lack of masculine energies.

Alex was calling me to her. She stretched her beautiful body in my bed, like a cat.
I knew her body wanted mine. I knew her animal ached for mine.
But I am not the normal male. Not the normal man.
I didn't feel like a wolf ready to take control.
I was unsure and awkward. I felt wrong every time I tried to force a passionate kiss.
I couldn't fake passion. So I sat there awkward.

I don't know how many Panic! At The Disco songs I heard before it happened.
(Panic! was playing on shuffle the first time we made love.)

She took control. She pushed me against the bed. She has what I don't have.
I tried to fight back... but she was too strong for me.
I quivered and moaned like the female I felt.
She touched my body and made me feel powerless.
I began to tear up in fear and quiet submission.
Oh, it was then I felt real passion.
This is one reason why we're like puzzle pieces. We match.


Sometimes I curse myself for being born in a male body, when I'm so obviously not.
But I understand that things happen for reasons. Perhaps I chose this existence to make amends
with my masculinity.


I'll skip out some pretty details.
But there was passionate kisses.
"I can see why humans do that." She smirked along with me.
It was a physical means to elicit a reaction in our souls. It was a way to communicate.
We were trading delicate feelings through lips.
Two aliens; two children of the stars-
experiencing what it was like to love as humans.
Oh the impossibly mad love.

Once I felt that passion in my bones...
The man in me awoke. The wolf.
I grabbed her and forced her down like I wished she would to me all those times.

!@#$%^&

I came earlier than I wanted to and I sat in shame for a minute.
Alex knew what my look meant, and she told me that she had felt amazing regardless.
"So why worry?"

__________________________________________________ _________________
[7:00]


Alex eventually fell asleep.
We cuddled together and held each other close until then.

Then I was alone.
I moved to my computer.
I was compelled to listen to "Colorblind" by Counting Crows.
It was an anthem of my human and soul, specific to me.
It touched my hurt that I had accumulated as this specific human.
My awkward un-belonging. My prison of skin. My lack of color.
(Books, the only thing I had found solace in before... can only show you black and white.)

I cried my eyes out. I couldn't fight the sadness back.
It all poured out. I was terrified of how deep the feeling was.
I went to Alex and was about to shake her, when
"I'm fine." was sung.

I knew this was a sign from the Universe to let her sleep.
I was fine.

(The Universe or Lucy or whatever it was... sometimes sends me winks.
"Coffee black and eggwhite." is a line in that song."
My best friend's Dad just poured me black coffee and handed me an egg sandwich while I've been up all night typing this.)

It's truly a humbling thing to know that your entire life is a part to a play.
It's just a dance. It's put together very delicately, with lots of love and care.
But sometimes if you REALLY look closely, it's like a movie.
We all have a part to play. Dolls in a dollhouse.

__________________________________________________ _______________________________
[End?]

So that's my story so far. At the same time, it's all of our stories. We've all met Lucifer in one way or another. It lives inside of all us, whether we like it or not. It's all a matter of becoming aware of it.

I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything. Just sending a message out in a bottle.
For most of you, you most likely will categorize me as delusional. That is fine.
This is just an oddly fascinating and fantastic story to you. But I have faith in the dreamers.
I know who I'm talking to. They know who they are. The right people will answer me.

It's all just simple math. What I'm talking about sounds magical... but it is very real.
Perhaps, one day it will be considered common knowledge. Accepted science.
But until then- we need explorers who are willing to chart this new frontier.

__________________________________________________ _______________
[Some of the other things Lucy told me through Alex...]

"You don't belong here. You feel it too, don't you?" I had always felt that.

"You're a very very VERRRY special, human, Austin. I don't think you realize how special you are." I knew this was truth, but it felt like a dirty truth. It felt wrong to say and obsess with. I know I'm meant for something big. But it's not all about me.

"You're INCREDIBLY beautiful." She stared at me sometimes... just as I had stared at the beautiful light.

"You've been waiting here, an anomaly in this world. Waiting for something alien to return you to your home."

[I also "realized" a few things by myself.]

I saw that most the people I called friends, were actually entities I knew outside of this human life.
A few of them I was "tied up to" or "chained to" with karmic debt.
My best friend is VERY pushy, and if I don't listen to what he says, I feel a backlash of negative energy.
I'm starting to realize that I actually am VERY far in debt to ALOT of people.

I also found that I was meant to go to a certain concert in California called Coachella in the middle of April.

I realized on my own that I'm destined to be a famous musician. That sounds horribly egotistical.
But you'll understand if you're ever in shoes like mine.


And lastly... I started the apocalypse. Maybe it was me individually, or me in the general sense of humans.
But when I came out of my trip, instantly I saw new signs of chaos.

This whole Korea business became frontline news. I've seen and heard ambulances every day here since.
People have been talking about the upcoming war in America. People have started making plans.
I think I might move to Seattle eventually. I have a feeling it might be safe for me.
Since me and Alex are both extremely drawn to this city.


__________________________________________________ ______________________________________
Please... if you're curious or have questions, please ask.
If you have something to add to my experience, I would certainly appreciate it!

It's a wonderful world out there, dreamers. Get out there and feel it for yourself!
For all you wisdom-seekers, may you find what you're looking for.

Dream recall from today's nap, pretty long dream but i couldn't recall first part in detail, also became lucid near the end but didn't recalled waking life memories, like, at all, so ended up just wandering aimlessly...

I was on some kind of huge island and i was in some kind of organization. There was a city and we had out base in bunker that was located in one of basements. We had some storage with various weapons, and we were also discussing various things. A few times we were going on missions which were happening in various locations on the island, i recall one of them was happening in some natural area, other in the city, another was happening in some arabian town and another somewhere underground(can't recall mission details though sadly). Between missions we were discussing more things and i was also visiting some classes that were built below the bunker. Also at some point i found some guns in the storage and was curious why we weren't using them earlier, considering we were using melee weapons.
Later our bunker-base got attacked by some enemies but we successfully defended it. Then we had a discussion and there was mention about some famous warrior-invader that was capturing land for himself all over the world, and that he was coming for this island. We were worried, but the day was over and we went to get some rest.
Next day, the island was captured by that dude and we couldn't do anything, and later his helper arrived at your base and said that he was taking one item of value from every person on this island for some kind of sacrifice. That helper looked surprisingly like one of my classmates from when i was at school ages ago. Then he left and we had discussion about this, we weren't sure what was the minimal value, so i decided to use pen as item that was randomly in my pocket. We also decided not to fight him, because we didn't wanted problems at the moment but we were planning to bring him down later after finishing some other important thing. We went to the underground classrooms, and apparently the warrior dude was there and everyone was bringing items there. That dude looked really strong and warrior-like, we got items but helper said that pen is not enough of value, but that we still had time to get another item. I went to search for other item in storage, we found some gold bars, but we don't wanted to use them, so we stopped on another item that was some kind of mechanism.
We got it to the dude but before i could leave someone in the room shouted my name, i heard warrior dude and his helper were talking about that he apparently had grudge on someone with that name, but he could not realize that people can have same names. He shouted that i should come, the exit was blocked so i pretended that i didn't heard his discussion and just came, on the way i silently grabbed a couple of random items, that were apparently rulers. When i got closer, he suddenly attacked me with... some kind of triangle rulers that had blade on one side, rulerblades? I blocked attack with the rulers i got, but they broke almost immediately, i dodged towards one of tables and there luckily was another pair of those rulerblades. I picked them up and started attacking too. We were blocking each others attacks, but soon i missed some attacks and i was hit, but it seemed like my body was like made of stone and i didn't took much damage. I started to be more offensive in my attacks and soon i managed to land a few hits too, but he was not damaged much as well. We fought for a while but in the end i managed to defeat him and then i fell unconscious because was too tired.
While 'dreaming' while unconscious, i was watching some kind anime named 'S3E3' about some futuristic city, can't recall much about it though.
Then i woke up, i was in the same room where fight was, but there were alot of people and apparently some historians were talking about the past events and about S3E3 apparently too.I spontaneously realized that i was dreaming, but for whatever reason i decided not to do reality check. There also was weird ink on my clothes. According to what historians were talking about, apparently that battle was literally years ago and that the land remained under control of that dude anyway because he apparently won? I told them that it's not true and they were annoyed. I ignored them as they started tantrum and left the room, someone shouted that i 'ruined all the classes' and i was wandering around bunker hall not sure what to do, soon dream faded out.
I woke up in some large room, it was dark and i couldn't move. There was huge balcony on the second floor of the room and at the balcony there was weird anime girl. She looked at me and then i woke up properly.

06.04.2013

Fix Yourself Instead of Fixing Others (WILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

We're in a room, the fancy hotels that would have a large glass window that let's you see the city and beyond. I'm wearing a blue polo shirt and black jeans, I tried not looking at her for a while and decided to focus on something rather than her.

I don't know why, things felt awkward, so I continued to look at the darkness over the window. The room we were in was at least 200 feet or so above the ground. I didn't focus on the city itself, just the darkness. The moon is beautiful just using peripheral vision, it illuminates the bland structure of this simulated city.

Eva: You know looking at the city is not really real.

Me: I just wanted to enjoy the view, even if it's just simulation.

Eva: You didn't come all this way just to look at a city, or the sky, or the moon. You came to see me right?

Me: .............


Eva: Don't be shy, there's nothing wrong with you wanting to see me. Wait, are you afraid of what people will think about you just because of me? Remember what happened to those people who mocked you right?

They were just distractions, they prevented you from having fun, even though you knew it was all a dream, and not reality.


I turned around, ignored the city view and decided to sit at the edge of the bed Eva was resting on. The bed is kind of hard to describe, all I know is that there was a bed, and that it consisted of a dark maroon color with different shades of red. The bed was comfortable, but I just wanted to sit at the edge before things get too comfortable in this room.

Me: They were my friends Eva.


Eva: Sure they were your friends, but they didn't really take your behavior too kindly. You let them drain all the kinds of fun you could've had.


I slowly turned around to her, slightly irritated, but she was clearly right. Instead of trying to argue, I decided to let her give her own opinions on how I reacted towards these people. I felt a complete sense of privacy within this dream, only one person to really focus on. There was a brown desk to the right of her, and it had a lamp shining with a hue of yellow. The base of the lamp was a laminated brown marble texture with mixes of white, gray, and milky yellow.


Eva: Come a little closer.


I decided to just freeze and not make a move. She takes the dark maroon bedsheet and gets closer to me.


Eva: I'm just kidding silly, come on, lighten up.


I still didn't know what to do, I decided to just let her take action.


She's just wearing a black bra and underwear, and she gets closer to the left side of my shoulder. She wraps her arms around me and we stayed like this for a few minutes. I started to phase out, slowly feeling her presence around me. The feelings were mixed, and I decided it was best to let whatever happen, happen.

She broke the silence and went back to the topic on my experiences with friends overall.


Eva: You spent more time satisfying these people more than being pleased with yourself. As long as you had an emotional bond with them, you respected them no matter how they looked like. You even allowed yourself to almost fail college just so you can help another friend out.


Me: But she really had a difficult time...


Eva: Yes, but you're not responsible for her life.


Me: But she was my friend.


Eva: Do friends almost make you fail college?



Me: Tch.....you really are honest aren't you?


Eva: Isn't that what you wanted me to be?


I closed my eyes and thought things over, it was the first time in a long time since I talked with someone in my dreams where they struck a nerve on me a few times. I realized I shifted my perspective back to myself near the glass window, except this time, I was bracing my back against it.

I had my left leg up forming an "A" and had my right leg completely stretched out. I decided to look at the bottom of the bed with the dark maroon sheets hanging all the way, almost touching the floor. I still didn't want to look at her directly, but at least have her in my peripheral vision.

I did it so that I would have more focus on her because I would be forced to see her presence. She gets off the bed and slowly walks towards me. I looked down on the dark red carpet with random circular designs. I get a bit anxious, but I quickly realized that I'm being a wimp for nothing since this is just a dream.


Eva: Come on, she wanted you to have some fun for yourself, there's no point feeling depressed about her, she has her own life to worry about.


I'm back at the edge of the bed again, focusing on her with my peripheral vision once more, and she sits to the back of me, spreads her legs and locks them around my waist. She moves her arms under mine, wraps them on my stomach and places her head on my back.

Eva: Instead of trying to fix others, try fixing yourself. You shouldn't feel awkward around me, I'm just trying to help you. You're thinking about the worst case scenarios, and you wonder why it's so difficult for you to find me.

You're already aware that this whole experience is within the confines of your mind, and you shouldn't let other people's opinions affect what you want to do with your life, both in waking and dreaming.

Those same people who tried to change you ended up leaving you and forgetting about you, they focused on their own lives, and you should do the same. You realized that no matter how much you wanted to help people, that virtue has its limits. There's no point in trying to cleanse a person of their doubts and guilt, there are just some things people want to hold on to because of the memories behind them.

I'm sure most people have at least one experience that they regret, and they let it drag them down. You shouldn't try to help them fix their problems if they're consistently showing that they don't want to forgive themselves. What hope is there for a person who doesn't want to help themselves? The only thing you can do is to simply have faith that they will make the right decision.

You have to try your best and keep pushing forward, and I'm more than happy to help you. If you really want to live your dreams, you have to be willing to make difficult choices, even if it means forgetting your friends. It also means allowing yourself to change in order to accomplish those goals, there's no point letting other people drag you down; don't become too fixated with their lives that you forget about your own responsibilities.

Do you even know what you want to do in the future?


Me: [*editing that part out*]
I just want to continue pursuing knowledge and developing myself, is that so wrong?

Eva: No, I didn't say it was, but I..............


editing that part out >_>

I am visiting a large multi-story sound stage where the next Hobbit movie is being filmed. Today, OpheliaBlue and I are visiting with Andy Serkis to find out how he plays Gollum and what is involved with making his character come to life.

[img]http://www3.northern.edu/wild/th100/soldier3.jpg[/img]

My view shifts to the upper-most reaches of the stage area some four or five stories above the ground. The scenery is so intricate that the design team has to make props and paint this high up to convey a real feeling of the fictional location. I'm rather impressed but I want to go back down to stage-level where all the people are. My will brings me on a twisty descent back to the ground, an action I know I should be doing while lucid yet somehow I don't think I am.

(This is as close to lucidity as I get in this dream)

Andy is letting us know about the makeup and shows us the cameras used to film the movie and I find it surprising that instead of the normal practice of using a combination of motion and facial capture devices he is in full prosthetic makeup. This makes it odd talking to him because we can see him as Gollum but his voice comes out in normal speaking tones and he seems quite happy, an unusual expression to see on Gollum's face.

[img]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_93GEpQfly2k/TSwYUMUwG_I/AAAAAAAAAAo/tFOn06i4UFg/s1600/gollum.jpg[/img]

Some more details happened but I've lost them.

The road that leads up the hill from my current home is actually the same road I used to walk up to get home from school when I was young. For some reason the Neighborhood Association has seen fit to flood this area with water that is almost waist deep. In my mind I'm questioning the wisdom and reason for this decision and can't come up with any rational explanation for it.

[img]http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3466/5762890756_227f5e558e_z.jpg[/img]

I do recall that when I was young the intersection by the corner of the school property would get some standing water in it, maybe enough to splash a little while riding a bike through it. It never seemed deep. Now...the water is deep enough to require wading and it seems to be at least knee-deep for a couple-hundred feet. I don't get it. I know the water hasn't always been there because I can even remember how it looked when the road was given fresh asphalt when I was still in school.
Sadly I never solve this mystery but the water seems to no longer hinder my movements after a few minutes of pondering. I'm still standing at the corner and I see a game-disc for one of the Playstations in the house. I pick it up and start to put it on the shelf which appeared next to me but I realize that if I do my son will come and take it to his room. I put it on the shelf anyway but I push it further back so that he may not notice it immediately. I don't really have time to deal with its placement at the moment.
I get in my SUV and look back to see a police officer approaching the intersection and he seems a little inattentive to his driving. To prove this he turns onto the side road I am on, just a little over from the flooded intersection, and sideswipes my SUV. WTF! I keep watching as he passes me without stopping and proceeds to a house a short way ahead of me. He gets out of his Bronco-style vehicle with a large bouquet of roses that he clearly intends to give to some lady he is enamored with. I suspect his love has blinded him to anything else in life, yet I find no joy in this. I'm still left with a damaged vehicle.

[img]http://policecarwebsite.net/rwcar4photo/bronco405.jpg[/img]

I get out and begin examining the Lego constructions that my son has left on the shelf across the street (which still looks like the neighborhood but is somehow part of his room). Some are larger than others and represent different times of his life but all are complicated and intricate.
Coming to my senses I literally ask myself out loud, "What am I doing?! My vehicle just got hit!" I put the Legos down and start examining a piece of sheet metal about 3 feet on a side. It's bumped and damaged from where the police officer's vehicle struck it though I can push out the dents by hand. I wonder if I can do the same for my vehicle and I only briefly wonder why I'm looking at a piece of sheet metal from my son's toy box.
As if on cue my son shows up to ask me what's wrong. We get in my vehicle which seems to be a combination of my SUV and a house I've never been in but apparently share with my family and anderj101, among others unnamed. I really feel the need to make a report about the police office that struck my SUV and I turn to see his license plate. The numbers seem to change and at one point I even think it starts with an exclamation point.
Staring at it long enough helps resolve some of the numbers just before he drives away though I know it will be easy to identify him to the police. He not only had damage on his vehicle, his vanity plate indicated he was from California, a little far from his normal jurisdiction.
To communicate this I decide to use my vehicle's console to send a text-style message to the police. I want to start typing but the text-box is filled with characters clearly put there when anderj101 was visiting some other website filled with hundreds of chat room names. These room names take me forever to delete as I have to push a button to remove text and the screen only shows one text-line at a time. I've got to tell anderj101 not to use my vehicle for surfing chats in the future!

[img]http://i01.i.aliimg.com/photo/v0/205708301/led_text_moving_sign_moving_message_display.jpg[/img]

To type this message, which I decide I should post on DreamViews, I have to push two buttons on the dashboard until the proper character is displayed and then move the cursor one space over. It's a frustrating process and I know it will take forever yet I plod on, slowly working out my message about the terrible officer.

And that's all I remember clearly. I know there was also some strange demon-like person wearing a hooded robe that I took for an obscure forum member who advised me on my memories of the flooded intersection but I can't quite put it into the context of the dream.

[img]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3MpA255bLdU/UIDCKTFKePI/AAAAAAAAF7Q/lOTeVF7AE24/s1600/hooded_man%5B1%5D.jpg[/img]

So I'm there, chilling with my friends in an English class. It's the first day of actual classes during our senior year. We have a new teacher, so the bitch made us do those stupid "about you" type things. Thankfully, the fire alarm goes off, and we all get out of a waste of a class. Some skeets are throwing around firecrackers all over the parking lot by the time we get out, and eventually start throwing them to each other in some sort of hot potato game. They're spread out all over the parking lot by now, and I seriously hope one of them gets hurt. One of them comes very close to hitting our little circle, and I tell off the idiot who threw it. In my little fury of profanities and insults, I hear someone yell about something happening on the roof of the school. I can't really see from my position, so I assume it's smoke rising from the building, indicating a real fire, rather than the drill we all assumed it was. I walk further out away from the school to see what the ruckus is, and as I look up, I see a fighter plane fly by. Then something I can't quite make out falls from the sky and crashes into the little grass area next to the parking lot. How I didn't figure out this was a dream by now is beyond me. Anyways, I, being the dumbass that I am, run to the wreckage at the other end of the parking lot. It's the remains of a helicopter. Everybody's panicking now, and I see a gold coloured jeep pull up to the exit of the parking lot. I recognize the driver somewhat, and immediately hop in, wanting to get as far away from that fuckery as possible. The driver turns out to be the quiet artsy girl in a few of my classes, a friend of a friend. We never really talked much, but here we are, speeding away from that clusterfuck. Despite the panic and fear I'm sure the both of us are feeling right now, she asks a very calm and casual question. Can't quite remember, it was something about income taxes or something. I say I have no idea, and the dream ends as we begin driving towards a pizza place. Before the dream ended, though, I tasted something. I didn't actually physically tried to taste anything, I just felt a taste in my mouth. It tasted of art. Like, imagine licking a painting in an art gallery, or eating crayons, only it tasted beautiful. It tasted like good art. I don't care, I'm going to consider this a task of the month, I tasted something. I wasn't lucid, nor did I try to taste anything, but there was a taste in my mouth so that's close enough.

After waking up, (this part is IRL, it wasn't a false awakening) I try to move my arm to check the time on my phone. I had trouble moving my arm, so I try seeing what I can do with my arm. I could move my arm at the shoulder, and my hand at the wrist, but I couldn't bend my arm. Trying to bend it, I end up just moving my arm back and forth, its weight pulling it down so I could only really have it in a few positions, I couldn't stop it in between. I had to hold my arm with my other hand (which thankfully was fully functioning) so I could properly move it without its weight dropping it much further than I want. I tried to bend my arm with assistance from my other, but that didn't work, either. However, this entire ordeal only lasted a short time, maybe 15-20 seconds, and I was very soon able to move my arm however I wanted, with no problems with gravity.

This one was really cool. It started out in front of a run-down looking house. I was sitting in a car. Kinda felt like I was Dean from Supernatural. Anyway, there was some other guy beside me in the car, but it wasn't Sam. We both went inside and explored it. Apparently we were supposed to obtain a password for a certain door in the house. Some guy was inside and I guess we had to fight it out of him. There was a relatively big chamber before the door. "Sam" and I went behind a big piece of concrete (Probably a fallen wall) to wait for the man so we could jump out and fight him. "Sam" was noticed before me though, and the man threw something at Sam's neck and he fell on the ground. I remember them as being... Well, you know wind up toys? It was a handle to wind something up, only it had a really sharp point. Then I stood up to fight the man. He was wearing ragged clothes and he looked kind of old... Maybe in his 30's to 40's. The man threw a wind up handle at me but I dodged it. I don't really remember parts of the fight here though. But all I know is that I was doing kinda bad until I learned how to avoid the wind up handles entirely. He threw another one at me and got it in my neck, but I pulled it out and punched him in the face. He stumbled and fell onto the ground. Another wind up handle was thrown but I blocked my neck and it didn't hit me. Then I started punching him over and over and over. Left, right, left, right left, right left, right left, right left, right left, right... Until finally he looked dead, and I picked him up and threw him out a window. "Sam" woke up and pulled the wind up handle from his neck. Then he asked me if I got the password from the guy. Of course I didn't though, because I just punched the crap out of him and threw him out a window. I felt kind of guilty at that too. But yeah that's what I remember. It was pretty neat, especially the part where I kicked ass.

I rate this dream 4/5 awesome dances.