All DJ Entries

I'm in a big room looking like a library with two other people. They are decrypting some evil books. They try to open a gate of some sort. They find some notes that teach them how to do some kind of spell. I already know it is avada kedavra but it's like I'm more of a spectator to the dream. One of them do the avada kedavra spell against a shelf but fails. I think to myself that it is because he doesn't hate enoughly to do the evil spell. Voldemort teleports into the room and kills the person who tried to do the evil spell with his own avada kedavra. He does some kind of magic and the books in the shelves become green and red and change positions with each other. I know that he is doing some kind of clue to us that we are supposed to figure out. I think to myself that we don't need to solve his riddle. It would take a very long time judging how many books he swapped positions on. He teleports away and the "good persons" come in just to see him vanish.

I'm defending against zombies with some other humans. We don't take it seriously and some people get bitten while everyone just kinda laughs at it. They who are bitten doesn't care either. We reach a shelter with other humans. I try to lay comfortable at some pillows but another person pushes me away and takes my seat.

I'm in a big basketball room. I'm a member of a team and we are just about to play. My team consists of some nerdy characters and the other team has some good looking sportsmen. I look at some of my teammates who have some special characters. One of them can only focus on the ball so he doesn't hear while another teammates run next to him and scream "pass the ball!" with some kind of panic in the voice caused by his disorder. He has to focus on the ball because he is really bad at bouncing and he almost drops it even though no one disturbs him. He tries to jump up and dunk the ball into goal. He has the right height but goes to the left and misses. The one who screamd "pass the ball!" is kind of disappointed but still impressed by the jump. I'm now actively in the dream and am able to bounce the ball on my own. I try to pass my teammates but the ball always flies of to the right or left so someone from the enemy team takes it instead. Their team is about to throw out the ball and I am pushing a smaller blonde a little bit with my shoulder. He becomes really disturbed and even though he is small he is able to push me away effectively. No one of us gets the ball. Suddenly the basketball is two big lego pieces in a plastic bag. I hold in the bag and am about to shoot it away. I try to do it over my head like a basketball throw but because of the wind friction it just drops to the ground really fast. The other team throws the ball with all their power and I think that it is cheating. When I see my team throwing the "ball" too I join them. I'm able to run next to their hoop and try to make a goal. I throw it but miss. I'm about to throw out the "ball" but nets are being rolled down in the middle of the plan. I see Magnus (math teacher) walking against me as if he was the one who ordered the nets to be rolled down. I walk away and meet a small woman that starts to talk to me. Filippa comes and interrupts her mid scentence and I tell her to be quiet so that the other girl can finish what she would say. After she is finished Filippa tells me that she has to go away because of some kind of friendly party. She hugs me and I hug her back. As she walks away the other girl also hugs me and we say good bye.

Notes: When I play sports in my dreams I always suck. I can't kick or shoot the ball without it doing some kind of weird detour.

20th November 2020

Fragment:

In a place like a restaurant or something. Someone was talking to me and they were telling me how "mussels are the tastiest thing there is" or something. I remember thinking of, or seeing some clams and thinking that besides the meat within, there would be pearls of value or something.

---

Notes:

- I remembered this fragment much later in the day while in a church. A stained glass I was looking towards for a while had pearls as a small detail in places and this triggered some vague visual recall of the dream.

- I remember after the dream and also after recalling this fragment, I did feel some sort of craving for the food in question; there was some sort of taste in the dream, it was meaty but I can't recall any more detail than that. I have never found this type food appealing before, but I have been curious about it, having possibly thought about it again recently.
-- My family, and most people where I'm from, do enjoy this type of food, but I have never wanted to taste it. Part of me thinks it can't be that different from snails and so I wonder now about similarities.

- It's possible that in the dream I thought about the pearls being a metaphor of some sort; when the recall came to me, this was my first feeling about them. I don't remember the pearls visually. Later on in the day I had disassociated thoughts about how it might be possible to modify the clams to create different pearls, or objects.

- Can't recall my reaction to being told that mussels are supposedly so tasty.

Goals/Lucidity/self analysis
Just gonna be a laid back DJ. I noticed plateau in terms of my awareness training. It's peaking at 33% and 20% for the 2 activities I've been practicing it on. It's still very good progress nonetheless. Hard exhaustion. I was so dead tired I didn't want to do anything. It's working though. It took me to the edge of my limit. But I need a break. I know I need to give my mind a break otherwise I'd be doing it a disservice and also it needs times to process and grow the new neural pathways to make this whole process more efficient. So I'll skip the awareness scoring thing for today.

My goal is to rest up and if I'm 100% tomorrow again, I'll get right back on track. To get to 40% and 30% awareness on the activities I have been working on.

I also had a day dream, a passing thought about writing a sort of a story. Since I'm just typing away large amounts of texts and I seem to be enjoying it, why not try writing a sort of a story? A fiction but it would contain bits of techniques that could be used to learn lucid dreaming. It may not be about lucid dreaming but it could be a fun way to expose myself to lucid dreaming. And I could also reshape bits of my dream and turn it into a plot. Reshaping dream objects in my mind, sort of like a dream control training Just an idea though.

Recall
Breaking Bar

I was inside a small bar. I'm recalling why I was there. I was trying to take over this bar in a way, sort of like a villian in this specific dream episode. I was one of the patrons there, or disguised as one. The bar was made of mostly wood, so it looked sort of like a wooden cabin but extremely large. Perhaps 10000-20000sq ft overall. On one side of the bar was a really nice pool as well. That reminds me, perhaps I've been in this bar before. It feels sort of familiar, it may be the one that I dreamt of before with the one with the dying monk and him transferring his energy to me before dying.

But back to where I am, there were many patrons there and I was busy scheming of a way to make the patrons fight eachother so that I could take it over. I believe that this was influenced by a specific video game. I was curious so watched a brief youtube video of it, and it was basically this theme. A sort of a demon trying to take over a village, and he did so by using his magic to cause internal strife and also taking it over with sheer force is possible. So that's basically the theme of it or atleast of what I recall of the theme of the dream was based upon.

I was a youth patron but I had trouble making anything happen. But I came across an old man, who looked like Mike from Breaking Bad. He was an old time customer or maybe he was the manager here. What I feel is that he aws like a manager or he kept the storage... he was responsible for the storage. I saw him walk under into the basement floor and check out what was left in the storehouse. I took over his body and now I was Mike in first person. I forget how but I fell on my nose and people around me were worried. I kept going with my plans and my memory is sort of foggy now.
...

Recalling scribbles: quest, lactation/location, blood
poison/prison research work/monk

...
I was inside a mall and there were many TV screens hanged up in front of me. There was a tournament for a game. I did not feel like participating but one of the teams invited me to join them to fill their team. An and NT. There was soem time before it was going to start, about 30-50 minutes. So they left the room to browse around the mall. I followed them. As we were walking over the kiosks and checking out snacks, I think An comes onto me. He was just rubbing my butt and really reaching down there for some time. But he stopped after a bit.

We checked out another store. I think it was like a sunglasses store? I had some glasses on and noticed that my vision was better without glasses on. There were about 3 pairs of glasses that I tried and stacked and things.

So we headed back towards the tournament room but I think we were too late and it already started.

I'm semi lucid and know that I am a woman. I'm in a grey room. There is another girl in the room next to me. I want to get some massage but the dream becomes unstable. I get a FA and sleep in my dream.

Goals

Keep doing what I'm doing right now. With the awareness score thing. It's really working out well. Perhaps try to consistently reach over 40-50% awareness.

1

Lucidity

The first thing I noticed when I was doing the awareness rating, outside of doing it on DJ of course, is that it's really similar to keeping lucidity inside a dream. Forgetting, then getting it back, forgetting then getting it back, then maintaining it then doing it for longer.

1

I've created a sort of a constant rating that I'd give myself moment to moment. It's still getting refined but the idea is working very well for me. It may be similar to other people's own unique take on all day awareness or self awareness or whatever they call it. For now it's something like this

1 - just got lucid, aware after forgetting
2 - forgot that you were lucid but you got it back
3 - repeated 2 couple of times and it's more constant
4 - more of 3, it's chunked together and majority 50%+ of the duration is lucid
5 - aware in all or almost entirety - but it lacks control or emotional aspect
6 - shallow control, identifying emotional aspect while maintaining 5, perhaps you call it mindfulness
7 - identifying the source of emotion that keeps you from full awareness
8 - releasing or sort of imploding, or evolving... by simply noticing it and giving it time to resolve it self
9 - sense of joy and awareness
10 -

(4)

So I feel that this may apply to lucid dreaming as well. With the initial stage 1 being the act of getting lucid. 2 would be the part where you learn to get it more constantly. 3 would be getting either better at DEILDs, or just maintaining the lucidity for longer and so on. 5 is where you'd know you're dreaming, and the dream's clear and stable and so on... but you simply lack control. That's what I mean by lack of emotional aspect of it. Since the dream control is affected by emotions, if the emotion is unstable, the manifestations are unstable. 6 is shallow control. It's where you might have control over your dream and you are lucid, but you get trouble doing the goals you really wanted to achieve; it's only the shallow momentary self satisfactions (ie. dream sex). And so on. Perhaps the my ideal, or the ideal lucid dreams that people really want to have is actually achieved at somewhere around 8.

4

Recall

I had a sort of aha moment upon awakening. There was no dream but it gave me some sort of insight. It was like the idea of... message or meaning of buddha? I think it's just residue of just doing the practice of staying away during activities and it really struck some kind of chord within me...

1

It's the remembering, forgetting, maintaining awareness. The process of it. It's... I can't even fully describe it now. It's a cycle, a cycle of up and down. You gain awareness, you lose awareness. You gain deeper understanding, yet you face more challenges. You face attachment, you lose attachment. You forget and you remember. The wheel, or karma, or the struggle of cycle of discord and success. To become aware of it, and to free yourself from it, Buddha? But I'm getting off tangent here.

3

Dreams

I got lucid several times in a dream. It was somewhere outside and quite a bright and dry place like dessert but not that dry. More like the backyard but a drier version of that. I remember being there with someone else. And during the entirety of this dream, I was practicing what I'd done earlier in the day. Of remembering to be lucid and staying lucid. I didn't do anything else really. I awoke tired and didn't bother DJing it. So this is all I can remember.

1
...
I was inside a house, on the firs floor. It was very dim inside and I found my mother inside one of the smaller room that was on the second floor I think. She talked about wanting to have another child and I was mad by this for some reason and protested against it.

1

I FA or leave the house and I am in a business highrise. It was about 10 story tall glass building, slightly taller than it is wide. I was riding up the elevator on the left side and walking down to the right. I saw one punch man there. Foggy at the moment... recalling... There were about 4 events here. I recall one right now. There was a girl there who I suppose was the villain of the story, I forget even what she was doing now. I became chaseed by something likea monster and ran towards the direction I was in. And eventually I ended up at the exit on the second floor. There was a girl there and OP man. The girl was the one causing trouble to everyone and she looked like a teen or tween, but her actual age was more like 5. Perhaps this was because she wasn't human. He punched her face multiple times and her face scarred and formed weird things but she was alright mostly. People seeing this noticed she might have been the villian and began to attack her too.

-I'd say recall is about 4/10. I should also rate my recall at the end nice idea!
3
...

I was inside a school. Bright atmosphere mostly white colored floor and walls, lockers and etc. It was a school of magic now that I recall it. More moderny feel where the students were dressed more normal. It was either me in this story or I saw it through the eyes of a girl who was our protagonist. I'll just call her Mia for the sake of convenience. Walking down the hall, first day of the school. From the left wing of the entrance of the school and walking straight to the back of the school to find my locker. The lockers were strange. It wasn't like the ones you'd find anywhere. They were transparent and you could see the inside. I suppose half of them weren't even lockers. Half it were just public resources that you can just take out and use for yourself. A sort of a open library or cache of items that had magical properties imbued within them.

1

I'm recalling more now. It was around the 5th row to the back of these invisible lockers. Actually invisible rather than transparent. They were just stuff hanging on the wall but not actually hanging. Walking down the locker to the right, there's some chaotic event going on. Stuff are going missing. And they're looking at me...

1

Gotta cut it short now... Girl at the very end, villian behind all this. A guy with some morphing ability, fight. Re-run of the dream. With events playing differently.

2

Overall DJ awareness score

23/110
20.90 %

I'm at home but everything is not alright. There is a big monster in the jacuzzi. The monster is like a big pile of slime but more structure and an outer layer of skin too. There is a body part that is going out and there is a big eye on it. There is slime leaking next to the eye. The monster's gang is called the spider gang. The monster is having upsight over us so we don't take the secret thing on the upper floor. Me and dad are going to take it anyways. Dad gives me a key that is able to unlock the door to the next floor. I try to but the key hole is very deep so I have to put the key in to it's maximum length. It doesn't work at first because it is reverted too. After I have turned the key to the other way it works. I look on the jacuzzi and notice that the monster is aware what I am doing. I quickly walk to the lower floor instead. I talk with dad and he says that there are other openings with a voice that tells me that we are being eavesdropped by the monster and he looks in the direction of the windows on the lower floor. I try to climb out through the first window but he says that he meant another one. I walk to the window next to the kitchen and open it. There are many details and a vase that I have to move before I am able to enter. I climb on the gutter and reach the roof. I keep on climbing on the roof until I reach the front of the house. There is a ladder and the roof is getting unstable. Dad, who is already inside tells me to jump to the ladder. There are some tense moments where I don't think that I am going to make it. Everything I grab is unstable. I grab the ladder and it starts to move in another direction. I grab the roof on the other side of the house and I am able to drag myself up. New fragment. Dad and I am running from an angry mob. I think Rick (from Rick and Morty) is the leader of the mob. New fragment. There is a spider and a fly on a wall. Dad says that the spider is tougher than the fly. He pinches the spider and squishes it. He puts back the broken spider on the fly. The spider is given life again, or it was never dead and hunts the fly as it runs away.

Notes: That was eventful. I watched a video of a spider eating a fly some days ago.

I'm driving car with William from middle school. I know that he is annoying but I think to myself that if I am nice to him we can be friends. We go faster than the allowed speed. William tells how I drive wrong when I make a mistake on the road. I have to put my hand on the road in order to increase the friction so that I don't go off in the sharp curves (I don't know how I was able to do that in a car). William and I come to some kind of park where families are. Another friend of William is there and we talk with him.

Notes: I don't think I have ever dreamt about this William. Some days ago I talked about him with mom.

I'm in a barn with hay, other humans and dogs in it. I go down on my knees and cuddle with a golden retriever. It is trying to use me as a height so it can jump over the obstacle that is holding it in the barn. I go away to the other dogs and cuddle with them instead.

Notes: Dogs have been a theme in my last dreams.

Finally. After a week and a half of nothingburger, I got another LD.

Spoiler for Kinda long; Some NSFW content:

Scrap Group 1
On an island just off a city's bay during twilight. Mom and other family members were around. Much of this space was a nursery for palm trees and other types of trees. Most of said trees were still quite small, and unnaturally uniform in appearance.

In an unknown room. Numerous people were there, though besides my bro Samuel, everyone else were strangers. Several of the folk were playing old 16-bit games. Later on, my friend Manny appears. I'm exasperated to talk with him.

At a plains during late afternoon. Several family members were around. A lake was in the distance, located behind a crude framework of a wooden fence. I start flying, then shooting energy blasts at the grass below. Some of the shots caused explosions, while others only were to create light displays.

Dream 1 - Mars Flight Attempt WILD Loop

Scene 1 - When In Doubt, Grab a Snack
No visuals upon entry. WILD transition from bed. I had to re-enter the dream a few times before it was stable enough for me to move. I make several unsuccessful attempts at conjuring people and warping elsewhere. I did, unwittingly, summon bags of food. Although I couldn't see, I could certainly taste and feel that I was eating cereal. Specifically, Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Fruity Pebbles.

I kinda lost focus. The dream collapses, though I re-enter quickly.

Scene 2 - When One Thing Leads To Another Yet Again...
The visuals were quite dim. Another transition in bed.

I quickly set my mind to speaking with my guide, E. Just then, a wide grin and pair of eyes flashed in the darkness above me. The figure drew in closer, revealing that it was indeed my guide. She was nude, made much more apparent due to her being significantly larger than normal (at least a head taller than I). Seeing her this way, well... One thing leads to another. The situation quickly got out of hand. Gonna spare you decent folks all the details.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

This went on for a time, before I lost consciousness.

Scene 3 - Just Miles Away From Mars
The visuals were dim again, but they improved over time. Yet another re-entry in bed.

It took a moment to gain the strength (or rather, wits, a fact I acknowledged) to move. I removed my (in-dream) sleeping mask, clarifying much of the murkiness from the scene.

Next, I rolled off bed, intending to warp elsewhere, though I only ended up landing softly on the floor. I walked out to the lounge, where i had to adjust my vision from the glare of sunlight. I then phased sideways through the window. I struggled momentarily, but eventually, I was shunted to the other side.

Looking up, the sky suddenly dimmed into a starry twilight. I flew straight up. But then, my eyes began closing against my will. So too did my levitation falter. I calmed down, and allowed both my vision and flight to wane. Soon, I crashed back first through the ground.

As expected, I ended up warping into outer space, with vision restored no less. I rocketed straight ahead at warp speeds. Space debris twisted past me, some of which appeared as sparks, even tiny stars. Moments later, a symphonic funk soundtrack was sounding in the background. It wasn't anything I ever heard. Whatever it was, I couldn't get enough of it.

I then thought of tasks to do. This month's bonus task seemed most appropriate. I look around to find Mars. After a minute of travel, I spotted the red planet directly ahead of me. At the rate I was going, it would only take seconds to arrive. I got close enough, that it encompassed much of the view in front.

But suddenly, the scene started blacking out. I couldn't react quickly enough to stop if from collapsing. I tried re-entering, without success.

Scrap Group 2
Dreamlet. I was floating through an asteroid field. Similar music to above was playing.

A 2D scene taking place on a highway. Off Da Wall from Cool Spot sounded in the background.

In a hospital. I look for a room, where my niece was staying. Supposedly, she was getting heart surgery. It wasn't for any medical reason. Instead, it was part of a process to give her an above-human vascular system. For some ludicrous reason, I wanted to do this surgery myself. But, by the time I got there, the
operation had long since concluded.

Using my computer downstairs at home during daytime. My nephew Isiah and niece Lada were around. Somehow, the cat had gotten my headphones on its own head. My niece and nephew chased it around to retrieve it. Lada ended up pulling recklessly on the headphone's plug. I yelled at her to stop, but she was too engrossed. In panic, I smacked the back of her head. She got startled enough to cry. I tried consoling her, though I didn't help by blaming her for her actions. I realized how scummy this was. Feeling bad, I gave a true apologize for overreacting.

Going to take a break from DJ today. Just overall very tired and sleepy. I think I may have caught a cold yesterday or the day before. Giving myself a rest is part of the training. I'm going to love myself and my body by giving it proper rest.

5

Notes: I've been doing more RCs in the past days which has led to more lucids.

I'm at Håkansson's and I'm talking with Therese in a room I've never been at before. My cousins are also there. We walk up to the room where David sleeps and I have painted an abstract picture of two faces. It's hard to see one face at first. When you find the first face you can see the next face upside down under the first face. It's all done with lead pencils and it creates a monotonic plain surface. The eyes on the first face are like the windows on a submarine. Therese accuses me of having done evil things to my mom and I know that I have done them and I feel guilty.

Notes: When I woke up I remembered that I never did the things I got accused of doing.

I'm home with Eni and dad. I notice it's a dream. I fly by the house for some time and I have good control. I fly to the left of the outer door and see a window. It is half open and I open it up and peak my head inside. I scream hello and wonder if I maybe am rude. A young mans voice says hi. I walk in and wake up.

Notes: It was a long time since I had two lucids over two days. Let's keep it this way!

17th November 2020

Fragment:

(Lost most of recall I woke up early in the morning because I was too hot, around 6am?, unknown)

Raid groups or something like them? There were some dream characters that were kind of like combat medics. This didn't make me RC even though it should have been a prominent cue to do so. I think it did raise my level of dream awareness but not enough. I remember specifically noticing that these dream characters were glitching visually, their limbs clipped through their clothing in weird ways, as poorly animated models might do.

Fragment:

Something with C from school and T. There was a general context around the old home.

---

18th November 2020

Fragment:

I was talking via Steam to Sh from the PTFG. It didn't quite sound like him though. He was asking me how I was and we discussed something about my well-being at length; the conversation was heavily focused on me but mostly because he kept asking questions in that direction.

---

Notes (for 18th only):

- Last night I spend some time speaking with F from BL and we caught up a bit and he was asking me how we'd been.

- Dream recall had vanished by the time I got up from bed and when the recall first came through, I mistook it for a real memory, taking me a couple of minutes to go through it and realising it was simply vague recall of a dream.

- I slept poorly last night and the last few days have been very difficult for me, physically. I have also been feeling completely demotivated from my creative activity.

- Last night I continued reading the book from the LD Book Club and I had been thinking about the four-step process for dream-work. After my initial recall of this dream this morning, I have been considering trying them on this, since it's a fairly short dream and seemingly quite specifically directed towards how I've been feeling.

- All I can visually recall from the dream is the chat window and Sh's icon.
-- Typing the above note, I have just realised that my abbreviation for the person in the chat has a secondary and much more specific significance to me.

Goals

Goals first today. Because I noticed I lacked a clear goal each time I DJ. To have a clear purpose for each and every DJ session would be wonderful. Rather than just having goals for dream goals, or goals for awareness. I decided I wanted a way to test my lucidity. Not just in dreams. Because how could I realistically train and test it while I am dreaming and not lucid? I can only review my lucidity upon awakening. So instead I want to use my DJ as a part of a training, or a test. A way to measure how lucid I can stray while DJ. Because I noticed I lost lucidity during it and it's an activity that may put you in touch with your thoughts and feelings and really place them into a physical medium long term. I could feel a feeling or a thought and notice it on my body, but that sensation could disappear in mere moments. So this will be a test. A way to gauge myself, as well as all the other benefits of a DJ.

6

I decided that for each paragraph, or at the end of it I would give myself a score. Between 1 and 10, I would rate how aware I could stay while typing away my thoughts and feelings and recall of dreams. At the end of the DJ, I would tally them up and give myself a final score. This would be a great way to measure and practice my lucidity and learning to stay aware while typing away at non-DJ stuff too.

5

This would be sort of like the thought I had yesterday, a continuation of it. The analogy of how I said learning a song, syllable by syllable. In that specific example you'd need a way to record yourself and this specific thing I will do would serve as a way to record my progress. Just a metaphor.

4

Do I have other goals? Yes but first, I want to perfect my art of awareness. The ability to stay aware. Not only in gaining it during meditation, but to get aware one activity at a time. So instead of "doing" things to get lucid. Like meditating or doing reality check to induce a state of lucidity. The goal here would be to bring lucidity to whatever activity I do.

4

So what other goals, or things do I want to experiment after I compete this one?

I want to experiment more with WBTB - or polyphasic - separation of sleep segments. Because I noticed today, and with several days ago that I felt really bad. Tired and my body ached when I slept more than 7 hours in one single segment. Overall bodily discomfort. So the solution would be to divide them in shorter segments like with WBTB and it would give better rest and better lucids as a bonus. Another key aspect of this is figuring out what the perfect mount of sleep segment duration would be for me. Is it 3 hours or 5 hours or maybe 90 minutes? I want to experiment on it so badly, but I need to try it one at a time. I need to do this current awareness practice to my satisfaction so I don't overload myself. Also remember that there's also the number, or frequency of sleep cycles and the bst times that makes you most refreshed.

3

I can't think of or remember other goals at the moment so I'll skip it for now.

Lucidity

I noticed yesterday that the activities that I was more unaware - or the 3 of them that I was most unaware of them in were:

DJing
Learning something new
Talking to someone

So as a result I decided to work on the first one. I noticed that I'm improving @ keeping awareness when talking to someone, not perfect but it's getting better. But what would be the best way to maintain awareness during the process of learning?

2

Maybe this would be something I could keep on the back of my head. Ask yourself what would be a good way to maintain it. How would you maintain awareness during the process of learning? Maybe by counting?

2

I also noticed that during my meditation last night before bed, I saw just images playing around behind my eyelids. They were very vivid, as if I was watching a TV show. The images I saw were similar to old school disney cartoons but the characters were different. They were so smooth, smooth animations playing before me and I noticed them popping up as I noticed my awareness. Catching it and getting lost. I also noticed that I could easily control the images and manipulate them. I could change them if I willed and edit it. I could clear it and instead summon something else into my vision if I wanted. At the later bits it was more chaotic and the scenes were less and less... understandable? It was just things happening, morphing it was like... it implied to me that it was hell? Or was it heaven from a different perspective? Instant manifestation of thoughts.

2

If one was to have all their wishes come true instantly, would that be heaven? Or would that be hell? Perhaps it depends on the stability and ability of one's own control of their mind. If you knew what you were doing, it would b heaven. But if your mind was chaotic it would be hell. Then would the world that we live in, be heaven since there is delay in change?

2

Much like when having a lucid dream. The most realistic and vivid lucid dreams. If we didn't have control over it and all of our fears manifested instantly. Lucid nightmares - would that be horrible? Or would it be an opportunity to face our fears if we were strong enough?

2

Recall

Had dreams today. I'm going to do my best to recall them without looking at my jotted notes of them.

Dreams:

I'll start with the very last one. It was about an Indian Guru in India. He kind of looked like Sadhguru. It was ourdoors on a dry field and he was holding a sort of lecture for others. And he was showcasing a large reusable whiteboard where the ink was permanent, until it was heated. He grabbed a hold of a very large hose. About the size of his waist. From it flowed hot air and that erased the large red ink on the board, that sort of looked like a calender with the red ink marking bits of the calender. But this hose was a glorified hairdryer basically and he erased the ink by blwoing hot air on it.

- I think the reason I dreamt this part was because I watched some of hite speech recently. And the ink stuff was becaus I thought I wanted more notepads or a better way to write things down right as I wake up. So I did buy one of these disappearing ink stuff before and the thought I had about saving paper lead to it at that time.

1

During his hosing down the red ink, one of the students there, an indian man with glasses and a gelled up hair. We'll call him Anand. He went to grab the hose to help the guru erase the board. I was watching this at the back, maybe as an observer or a participant. During this we learn a bit more about our guru. He attended some US school during his 20s and did some big project in the States. Something about 10 million, and he was robbed of part of it and came back to India and that was one of his stories.

3

As he went on, my vision changed. I was in that very school or business building he was in the past. I remember him saying he had some sort of secret research documentation and it was stolen. I walked down the

I'm just gonna stop my DJ here today. It's only maybe 1/5th of the thing but I should take a break and not overdo it, heeding the advice of someone very wise.

4

Total DJ Lucidity Score

40/140 = 28.57%

Get better!

I woke up by myself 8 am and thought about going up because I've gotten my 8 hours sleep. I wanted to get a lucid and know that I easily get lucids when I resleep in the morning.

I'm in church and go sit on a chair 2 meters fromt the main entrance. I'm playing nonogram and there are some people playing a game and running in front of me. Linda from my class approaches me and wonders where I got my socks from. I notice that I have a pair of my Happy Socks on me. I tell her that Elina (?) gave me them. She says that she got her's from Elina too. She walks away awkwardly and I think it is weird of me to have my phone and playing nonogram.

Notes: I had a dream earlier about Elina but don't quite remember it.

I'm by Hemköp and walking home. I see a chair on the ground with wheels on it. I take it and keep on walking home. By the slope I sit on the chair and ride on. The chair is spinning counter clockwise. I meet Albin and say hi to him. I start wondering if this is a dream but I wake up.

I lie in bed and decide to walk up. I just woke up and I'm in church. My pants are dirty and I wonder how I'm supposed to get home to school, I don't remember how I got here . My arms and hands are white and I know it's a dream. I do my RC. Yep I can breathe even though I pinch my nose. I start to fly away and notice how I don't have full control. I see a man walking the street and I want to test something. I imagine that I have a rope and pull him in. He starts to do weird motions but not accordingly to how I do it. I fly away in search for something fun. I find a house and walk in through the window. I meet a man and I ask him where his family is. He says that they are in the dark room upstairs. I walk up and open the door. It is pitch black and my vision is gone. I think about how I am going to wake up if I don't do anything. I imagine how I grab the wall and walk down the stairs again. My vision is still gone but I have a small sense on my hands against the wall. I try to open my eyes gradually and it is a success. I walk to the outer door. The man from before greets me and the sheriff enters. They talk a while about how everyone has guns and the houseowner jokes to the sheriff that it is because he is so bad with guns that everyone else needs guns by themselves. The house owner talks about how much the clock is and I tell him that he doesn't need to worry. The clock is 10 am in the waking world I tell him. He doesn't reply to this. I fly on and look into different houses. There are dogs in all the houses. The dogs have some sort of bad aura over them. I walk into different houses and see some families. I keep on flying and come to a spooky house. I fly through a window and notice that there are many children there. They are having some kind of spooky party. I fly to the back of the house and exit through a window. There is a flying witch there. I show of how good I am at flying and think that she is only using a thread or something fake. I fly back to the house and see some kids again. They jump over a hinder to come to the next floor. A boy, about 6 years old, throws a big wooden wheel at a small girl and she starts to cry. She runs to me and hold my hand. She drags my hand as if she wants me to carry her and so I do. I carry her and feel a bit stressed out at first because I haven't done anything really fun in my lucid but feel comfort in comforting this little girl.

Notes: I didn't have that much control over the dream but it's okay. I haven't had a lucid in a long time. I read How to Kill a Mockingbird and studied the chapter with the sheriff yesterday. I woke up 08.55 am so I was actually wrong when I told him the clock was 10 am.

summary:
no dreams
further questions
planning



Pretty tired. Probably typos, probably lots of things I've missed. Probably even ideas that I'm not conveying properly, or it may even offensive for some reason to some people but it's just a typo or miscommunication; I hope you with your glowing heart of gold can understand my linguistic shortcomings with sleep totaling less than 8 hours in the past 3 days and with English being my third language. You don't have to read it you know? You really don't if you dislike me, or the way I write. But we're all just doing our best to get better at lucid dreaming aren't we? Can't we all just be friends? Allies and compadres working towards our each individual goals? I don't know why. Some people get mad, just because of the way I write. Is it just the excess use of commas or something?
Maybe I'm asking too much. I'm sorry if I am. I love you, and thanks for giving the time of your day to read my thoughts, my struggles, and realization of my lucidity.



Recall
I slept much like the previous 2 days. I planned to do a WBTB after 5 hours of sleep since I didn't do WBTB (intentionally) for a couple of days now. I set the alarm but I awoke probably after about 3 hours or so. I wanted to go back to sleep but I noticed. I noticed that I was having that laziness of becoming unaware. So I fought that urge. Not exactly sure how long. Maybe 5-20 min. So I decided to get up. Might as well get a glass of water and become aware, then go back to bed. I proceeded to grab water, then went back. When I came back I wanted to meditate a little to refresh my mind. Did it my legs felt a bit numb and I let go of tension and attachment. Not much tension but more attachment. I went back to bed to sleep. But I had thoughts. I was thoughts about what I'd written the previous day. About “how would I do it?” I thought to my self how would I do things differently. I also had a tiny thought that maybe I would just get no dreams again tonight. Some thoughts came up. I was trying to sleep but I just decided to write them down. I really believed they were good ideas. Because something felt like it clicked in me. I just jotted a bit and went back to bed. I laid there and the wbtb alarm went off. I really didn't feel sleepy so I thought I might as well complete my ideas and so I did that. I thought that this was more important. More important than just ensuring a lucid dream today. Because thinking as the version of me that's super at lucid dreaming, would I care if I missed one? I wouldn't right? If I had a great idea that made me better at it long term, I'd totally go for that. And besides, if I took a short nap or two later on, I'd have a pretty good chance to get lucid anyways right?



In the end I didn't go back to bed, didn't really feel that sleepy. Maybe it's because I'm getting better at meditation. No dreams. And I never, almost never have such little dreams. Except for before on two different cases:
1 if I meditated too hard the day before or
2 if I was trying out a polyphasic (like multiple wbtb) schedule with 2 hour sleep total a day.
I guess #1 did happen
I feel like this thought is beginning to trail for too long. I'll try to wrap it up.



Could try to recall a dream from few days ago again. Maybe just 1 since I'm a little tired.



Dream from few days ago:
I was on the second floor of a hotel building. Maybe it's like a motel. Somewhere in between. Could be like a hotel/condo/apartment/motel. But let's just say it was a hotel. It had 2 floors and the whole building was rectangular and the middle of it was hollow with a garden of ornamental plants and grass. So imagine a wall build around a garden, but the area that would be a the wall, the inside parts of it would be where the doors to the rooms were. Styled like tropical asian country sort of feel. The plants were tropical. The top floor had ledge around it that you could look at the garden by looking over it. I looked down at the garden form the entrance of my room which was at the very end of the building. The first floor was reserved for VIP for some reason. I think it was because it had the garden.



Looking down, I began to see gators, many alligators just chomp plants there for some reason. One of the plants were unknown and the dream told me that, or it asserted non-verbally to me, that the plants sort of mind controlled the alligators. It was a short shrub around the height of my wrist and hand, not as wide. About the wrist length wide. It was light green and very leafy, looked very soft. It was then that I noticed that the residents of the first floor were also sort of mesmerized by these plants. It was like they were mind controlled by them. Couple of us went down there to drive them away, but it wasn't easy. There were so many of them and the grassheads (people that were controlled by the plant), were just resisting us in a very united manner. Fought our way through, I'm not sure how. Memory foggy here. I know stuff happened just this part is unclear now.
But I ended up near the room right under mine, or the one next door to mine. We were huddled up in a sorft of a corner that was near the room like this “ [: “ where the colon would be about the 4-6 of us with a bit of a deeper caved in area for us to huddle.
To my immediate left was Samuel Jackson there. He was telling me something important. Telling me something in the tone of “Be what you want to be” or “go for what you want”, something like that. But I told him “but I failed, and failed so many times... I wasn't sure if I could do it.” He just looked at me in silence. I began crying. His eyes. They said they believed in me. His strong piercing eyes – he didn't need to say a thing to tell me exactly what he wanted to say. He gave me time to let it sink in. He gave me time so that I could release, to let my emotions out.



I woke up feeling really released.






Lucidity
*Thoughts I had after wbtb, I feel like it's related to lucidity.



Maybe what I wrote is too long. I'll shorten it to get the basic idea of it down here.
If I was lucid dreaming at the highest level, how would I deal with non-lucidity? Instead of looking at what I did right to get lucid, I'd look at what I did wrong. Assuming that I'd be pretty much always lucid, then the cause of unawareness would be easy to identify. Maybe Something in that dream made me unaware. And if it's related to a specific object or a person, then I could identify that and improve on that. But what if I didn't have dreams to recall of today or could not find the answer in the dreams? I'd look at the day's event before and check at what moment I was more unaware and try to improve on that. Focus on that one thing, perhaps a specific task or when conversing with a specific person or something like that. Then I'd single mindedly improve only one that thing until I perfect it. Instead of trying to get everything, I'd focus on only one. Yet on that one thing I'd practice it over and over till perfection.
For instance, if I wanted to learn a new song, I'd learn it syllable by syllable, each word and letter and sound. Work on one tiny spot at a time. And it wouldn't take very long to reach that specific perfection – my own perfection that I seek. But If I were to try to sing all of the song at once, and just repeat it over and over and over again. I'd never improve. While former may take only a day, the latter, I could take weeks and months and it could still suck then, progress might just plateau just because I'd be so bored of listening to that same darn song so many time over and over again.
And isn't that the same with All Day Awareness? Trying to do it all, all of it perfectly at once? Wouldn't it be the same? ADA could be achieved in very short time. But without a plan it wouldn't make a dent on progress.
And maybe that's “how” hukif did what he did. Because from what I've read of his statements on how he achieved what he did, it would mirror what I've just written. Maybe if he was to read this, maybe he could answer it since I can only guess. But I recall him saying, he was pretty lazy with his GRC and just practiced when he felt like it. But he practiced just that one thing. He didn't try to do it all day long. He just focused on that tiny piece of thing until he reached his own perfection.



But on second thought, no , that probably isn't the same thing. Because it's easy to just learn a song from someone else because you have something to reference. But this is more like writing your own song from scratch. You not only have to have inspirations, but also so many more things. It take time. Emulating another might work though, if we had a way to know exactly how someone who's really good at ADA or lucid dreaming go about their thought process in a very thorough detail. Obviously you can't go about recording their dream experience or their though process in real time, so instead perhaps their day to day thought process. For instance, if we were able to have a record of say, someone who's mastered the stuff, their entire thought process for the day, or maybe even them having a go pro, let's say for one day if they were to commentate their whole day as they go through. It'd be like this:

LD'er: “Oh, we just walked by a tree didn't we? I was thinking... blah blah blah and I decided to reality check here because, blahb blah blah... and that's why I know I'm not dreaming”
It'd be kind of like a stream of just regular “life of LD'er”
or like a hourly report of their thought processes.
It's probably asking for too much but an interesting idea nonetheless. I wouldn't mind paying to watch that though honestly.









Goals:
Follow my own advice from earlier statements. Find that one thing. Or actually ask yourself what that one thing you should focus on becoming aware of is. And don't rush. Just take your sweet declicious time to decide what you want to focus on. Because I always rushed to try to improve something. Without really feeling it, thinking it through. If it takes a day to figure it out then so be it. And if a week that's fine too. Take however much time you want.
It'd be like just painting the walls without really having a plan or a vision. I could paint every color I find and it would look horrible. It would take a while go through each color by trial and error. when I could have just imagined how it would look like in my head, or even just photo shop the color on.


Again, just take some time and ask yourself how you'd do it.

**STICK with what you're doing though. I think it's working. It doesn't matter if last few days resulted in no dreams. It doesn't matter. You can always go back to what you were doing before and go back to your regular mediocre amounts of lucidity. But follow through this thing you're doing until the 23rd. I can't explain it. It's like within me, something is just telling me that it's working. I'm not getting any negative feelings or thoughts like "this isn't working" from this. That none of these temporary shortcoming actually mean anything. Am I actually doing exactly the right thing? You'll succeed, and even if you fail, you learn something and only get better.

So what's left there to say? Stop thinking. Do that which you do in full confidence, ease and grace in your own divine perfection.

Faded into another dream this morning after a WBTB. It started with the sensation of motion; of moving forward. Ran around inside a building from an assailant. Exited through two doors to find the building was 30,000 feet in the air. I knew I was dreaming; yet, the feeling of being so high in the air and the gravity was enough to dissuade me from jumping out the building and attempting to fly. I knew that if I jumped, the feeling of falling would wake me up immediately. Kind of like Inception, no?

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Turns out I am a lost daughter of Trump. Because of that, I am spending some time with his lunatic family and entourage. He has gone full bananas and now wears some hippy tunics and is all "peace on earth". He says he learned from me how to become more like a human being and loving animals and so on. Tells me a story about some horses he saw being mistreated and how he felt compassion for them and suddenly became a better person, but as always, he is just inflating his ego even more with the fake notion he now has empathy. I later tell this story to my group of friends and we laugh and laugh of his lack of notion.
He later brings me 3 pairs of used shoes he got second hand somewhere, thinks I might like them and wants to impress me with his low waste, humble attitude. I do like the shoes, but then he also says if I am going to be part of his family and get my part of his inheritance, I need to go through a makeover and become more fancy. I wonder what inheritance, as he is broke and full of debts. He says more hilarious things that I share with my friends again, but they are too busy to keep paying attention to what I say. They are trying to get us inside a studio where some children show with karaoke singing is being taped. Since they can't get us officially in, we break in and literally mingle with the kids that are dancing in front of camera. No one seems to notice or care and they just keep taping. Then one of my friends joins a group of kids singing the opening music on and she messes up. That's when they decide to kick us out but she complains they had the notes all wrong and isn't her fault. They start getting pissed. But what takes them over the top is when I acidentally spill ans ashtray full of ashes over the director's snacks that are on a table.

I'm going back home and a neighbor and friend of mine is kicking out her boyfriend from her house, who happens to be the son of a Mayor or something, so he has a bunch of heavily armed bodyguards all the time around him. She not only is throwing out all his clothes and stuff, but the most hilarious is how she also throws away the security dudes out of the window as if they are pieces of trash.

Some friend of mine, who works on trains, finds out a secret hideout where they keep money during commutes. It is a cabinet somehow embedded in a wall behind the door mechanism. It is only acessible when train stops and the doors open, and to access it, one has to hve very slender arms. He somehow convinces me to steal the money so I try and reach the money, but then notice a camera pointed at that spot. I then see a chance to access it from as opposite (much harder) position, where only my arm will be on camera. I retrieve the money, it is a very nice pile of 20€ bills, þut I put it back, because if we steal it now and they go check the secutiry footage, they'll see my face. I tell my friend we have to do it some other time, on a different train and schedule, so when the money goes missing, they don't eventually identify us when checking older videos.

At some event, I don't know what it i,s but aome of my friends and old colleagues from school are there. At the end of it, Melania Trump grabs a mic and starts singing a Whitney Houston song with an angel voice. Everybody gets up in ovation and even those who dislike her comment how amazing it is that she had this hidden talent. But I don't buy it. I clap unenthusiastically and I am sure there is some guy hiding and playing a recording. She is a liar all the way, she can only be scamming us all to buy some admiration. But I fail to prove it. When leaving this party I get stranded from my friends and end up watching a kid playing a videogame. It is about a fantasy world and characters are a couple amphibian elf-like beings who live in undergroung caves. They live away from humans, in caves filled with water, but they enconter a small group of humans also inhabiting an underground world that can only be acessed through an underground river, so they are very much isolated from the world. I become one of those elvish beings and start living the story in their own skin. We encounter these humans when we reach a cave that is semi empty of water and has a stairway carved in the rocks where we spot some humans. We engage with each other. They welcome us to their world, they show us their caves. We ask if they ever go outside and they show us an access they have to a greenhouse on the surface, that is inside what looks like a zoo. The greenhouse is inside an enclosure where aupposedly should be animals but there are none. The place also seems abandoned so they go there to see sunlight and some outdoor greenery but they never venture outside, and they avoid being seen by outside humans, I don't know why.
Then I start understanding they are some kind of fascist group with some weird flags that look very similar to nazi flags and I meet their leader and realize they are hiding because the rest of humanity thinks they went extinct and doesn't know of their existence and hideout. I feel very uncomfortable and tell my partner we should go.

I go back to the outside world and Donald Trump won election after recount with about 6000 votes. I say it is not possible as he was losing by 5 million, but networks are all confirming it and I say in despair that I want to get out of this horror alternative universe.