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I was supposed to get a message from God, but to get it I had to climb up and down these steep hills. It was dark, and I tried twice to get to the end, to climb the last hill to the top, but each time something went wrong. On the third try, I could feel myself getting somewhere. I just knew in my gut that I would make it to the top. I got excited, and at this point I knew I was dreaming but I didn't care at all. I tried very hard not to lose the dream by being in the moment and not thinking about anything else. I made it to the top! There was a box with a letter in it and the letter was addressed to me. This is it! Finally! I'm going to get a message from God!!!! I pick it up and start to open the letter...

MY FUCK DAMN PHONE GOES OFF

FUCKING PISSES ME OFF

fuckmylife. (this is not the first time something like this has happened)

This was yesterday morning. I woke up around 4 am from a lucid nightmare. In it, my husband Adam and me were at a place getting the car fixed, but the mechanic shop was not a 'shop' it was a huge dumping site, excavated land, recently emptied of trash, people were walking around scrounging for the last usable pieces of trash they could find, they were wearing zipped up haz-mat suits and wearing goggled facial masks as if they were walking in a place unsuitable to breathe in, but the air was fine. I remember 4 people dressed like that. They were spraying something on the ground. I was near the car and talking to Rosa, an internet friend of mine, and Adam was outside. Rosa touched my arm and told me "Adam is dead, I think he's been killed." I fly to the dump site, land and i'm next to his body, hes laying on his back, looking asleep and peaceful, but clearly dead, hes got no pulse and hes not breathing. The 4 masked/suited people look at me and i look at them, no words are exchanged but they know that i know they had sprayed toxic fumes and Adam breathed it in.

Dream changes and I am transporting adams body in a casket, by hearse-bus (a huge bus built just to haul a funeral casket in reality this does not exist im sure), to somewhere up north for burial. im meeting his dad. im at some school building, sitting on the steps just outside of the building, and then Adam (who is dead in the casket on the bus which is parked near by) walks up to me and sits down beside me, and we talk, as we normally would if he were alive and well. we talk about what needs to be done, our happiness and thankfulness for life together, how we wanted more time, and how he hopes i am ready to live life without him, but he also says that he is still there, and always will be. suddenly i run to the casket inside the bus and open it and there on adams chest are 3 black feathers, like from a raven/blackbird. i pick them up and run back to where adam is still waiting for me at the steps, and show them to him, and say 'Look. These are the gifts you gave me.' he said 'yes. i hope you keep them.'

backs story - Adam is in reality, struggling to stay alive. he's been deathly ill for months, and has had multiple strokes since February of this year, which have left him partially blind, unable to use the left side of his body, agoraphobic, and unable to track time/think clearly. he was saved and baptised in may of this year, so i wonder if the death in the dream was of his old life before Christ.

the blackbird feathers.... 'Blackbird' was the first song he taught me to sing, the first one we performed live as a duet, and the first one he taught me how to play on the guitar.

i also have to wonder about the 4 suited hazmat people who 'killed him'. see, back in may, right after he was baptized, i dreamed of 4 demons who had been cast out of Adam, i posted this in my journal its titled "Will never forget this one!". i wonder if they attacked him, or this was simply to make us aware that they are still close by. in the first dream, they were all highly charismatic, enchanting musicians, just like Adam. they were trying to get MY attention, to get adam to come back, because adam was either unable to sense them/ignoring them. in this dream, they were hidden behind masks, in essence, attacking him unseen.

after his stroke, adam could no longer play or sing - after a lifetime of being a musical genius, songwriter, stage performer and recording artist. he mourned the loss of that more than anything else. i remember the woman who did the baptising (another musician, bless her), praying over him asking God to heal him of his afflictions, release him from his addictions, and if God saw it fit for adam to ever be able to pick up his guitar and play again and sing, that God would use him for His work in whatever way God deemed fit. its taken 4 months, but adam is finally able to use his left hand well enough to chord the guitar for a few minutes each day before the pain of using that hand becomes too much,and the strength in his voice is coming back slowly as well. he had another small stroke a few days ago, and since then his right hand (the good one) wont stop shaking, and the left one feels numb. its another healing process, another reminder of why he and i both need to be strong, together and as individuals. he blew me away two days ago when he asked me to google the lyrics to Amazing Grace, a song that until he came to know Jesus just 6 weeks ago he never thought much about. and he belted that song out, with all his strength. his voice that was left withered and cracked after the stroke, sounded like crystal, resounding such healing energy.

I spoke to Rosa about the dream, and she said that she believes that north is the direction in which healing comes from. She also said she believes the blackbird feathers are healing, as is any combination of the number 3. She's Metis (NA).

Last night, I had what was probably the most real looking lucid dream I've ever had. This was pretty much the only time where I couldn't control things very easily though, so that was kind of disappointing.

Still, the dream itself was pretty cool. I'll explain it to you:

The setting was my house, but it was facing the opposite direction that it normally does. It was also in a different area... it was on an enormous grassy field with a few trees here and there. It was actually pretty beautiful.

Off in the distance, there was a huge pyramid. It looked like an Egyptian pyramid, though it was different because the top of it was rectangular, and it had strange symbols written on it. It was weird that I could see the symbols, because it was probably several miles away.

Closer to where I was, there were dinosaurs grazing. I saw some triceratops, hadrosaurs, and a tyrannosaurus came charging towards them. I wish I would have ran over and interacted with them, I don't know why I didn't. I also should have went to the pyramid.

I decided to run, and I got to where I was doing 50 mph or more, so I decided to try and jump and fly. I tried several times to fly but I couldn't get it (weird because I've actually flown before in dreams and didn't have much trouble).

In this dream, I couldn't control much of anything. The only thing I did was pull the ground apart and then close it back up.

Also, I don't remember seeing any people in the dream, but I did hear some murmuring about how I was an "Aztec God".

This dream ended after a few minutes, and I was in another dream (though I thought I was awake), and I was actually telling my DCs about the lucid dream I just had. I forget what they said, but I think one of them said that lucid dreaming was stupid or something like that, lol.

And also, I'm getting a lot better at initiating lucid dreams!

May 26, 2013
Lucid Dream 506: The Baller Who Stopped Time
Series: Friends, Episode 14
DILD
Technique: ADA



I was riding in the car with Diddy and Mike. Diddy was driving, Mike was in the passenger seat, and I was in the "chauffered seat" (back seat). We were talking about something and Mike said, "Yeah, but you can't just do stuff like that." I suddenly became lucid for no apparent reason. I said, "Yeah, but I can do this because we are in a dream right now!" I made the back windshield disappear, and proceeded to superman grab the back of the car as it pulled me along. My body was flapping in the wind as I held on to the back of the car. I then hopped back in the car and told Diddy and Mike that we were lucid. As we drove down the road, I focus on the car and gradually lifted it into the air. I flew the car from the back seat for a while. Mike and Diddy commented on how awesome it felt. I landed the car and we pulled into a nearby parking lot.

It was the parking lot to a gymnasium. Me, Mike and Diddy got out of the car and Diddy started acting like he wanted to "UFC me." I said, "Dude what are you doing?" He replied, "What? You think you can beat me?" I laughed and said, "This is my world. I could throw you over that mountain right there if I wanted to." He had the "touche" look and didn't press the matter. Mike suggested we play some basketball. The environment had to changed to within the gym. I didn't really feel like playing basketball, but Mike convinced me to play and just not using any obvious powers.

We got the ball first and I immediately shot a deep 3 and guided the ball into the basket with my eyes/mind. I looked around at everyone and said, "I'm just too good. I'll never miss." I pretty much just acted as a body and nothing more on defense. I let the DCs duke it out until we got the ball back. We were just playing a half court game, btw. I continued to drain 3s until i got bored of that, so I stole the ball, at will, on defense and started dunking like crazy. A few times I stopped paying attention to the actual basketball and I actually turned it over. That is when I had sort of an "epiphany." I thought to myself, "Maybe my dream control is so good because of all my ADA practice. I'm able to control everything in my environment because I am constantly in-tune and aware of everything. Whenever I forgot about the ball it bounced away from." I decided to ramp up the ADA at this time. I wanted to drive to the basket and I knew the guy in front of me was fast and playing tight defense. I kept my ADA up as I focused on making the guy in front of me react slowly. The result? Everything went into slow motion. My movements were also slowed, but not as slow as everyone else's. I was able to pull off some crazy dribble moves and weave through traffic. I then went to dunk, but at the last second, did a crazy/fancy reverse lay-up. As soon as I made it, time was back to normal again. I proceeded to slow down time, steal the ball, and then score over and over and over again. I had just noticed the scoreboard and it said 44-20 in our favor, of course. The guy I was guarding said, "I'm done with this. I think its time to quit." I replied, "No, no. Its not over yet." I then stole it from him, cleared it, drove to the lane, and threw it down as hard as I could. I hung from the rim for a second and with quick and powerful pull, I shattered the glass backboard. The glass broke into thousands of little pieces and I turned to that kid and said, "Now we are done." All but a couple players left the gym. I talked to the ones who stayed. There was a hoop way up in the rafters and I told them I could dunk on it. They looked "defeated" and started walking toward the exit. I could tell they believed I could do it, but they couldn't handle it. Diddy and Mike had disappeared part way through the game and Cliff made a brief appearance during the game as one of my teammates, but he was no longer there. I decided to just exit the building. I flew over to the door and just before reaching it, I supersonic burst flew into it and blew the doors off the hinges.

I landed and began walking down the hallway. A proper looking, nerdy man in a sweater vest and glasses passed me in the hallway. After passing him, I used my hand to slap the air as I imagined his face. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and I saw his head jerk. He started rubbing his face and said, "Ouch," sort of under his breath. I stopped, turned around and said, "Are you ok?" He looked so confused and replied with a simple "Yeah." I turned away from him and did it again, this time with a little more force. He stumbled off balance as his glasses hit the floor. I couldn't hold in the laughter. I didn't bother saying anything I just waked further down the hallway. As he bent over to pick up his glasses, I swift-kicked the air, resulting in the man being kicked in the ass, knocking him to the floor. Laughing, I exited the hall and entered another hallway. Two professional looking business women passed me in this hallway. They looked like the "super smug" type, so I naturally wanted to mess with them. I made one of the women reach up under the other ones skirt and pleasure her. Soon enough, I had them both "disc jockey'n" each other and stripping naked. Further down the hall, a group of "hard" gangsters pass me. They were decked out in rags, gang colors, guns in their belts and everything. As I passed them I had one unzip his pants and another started blowing him. After a brief period, I snapped my fingers and they turned back to how they were. All I heard was panicked voices saying, "WTF! WTF! He sucked yo d***! WTF!" They all looked terrified as I lost it. I laughed so hard the dream began to become unstable. I quickly stabilized and attempted to exit the building.

The next room I entered was full of so many people, I could barely move. I knew the next door, which was at the top of a set of stairs, would get me out of the building. I tried to simply make everyone in the room disappear all at once. I did a hand motion, but nothing happened. So, I shouted, "Disappear!!" Instead of everyone disappearing, they all jumped in shock and then toppled over like the fainting goats. I mean, everyone in the room (100 people or more). I chuckled at this bizarre turn of events. I proceeded to step over people to get to the exit, but they all stood up and got in my way again. I did the fainting goats trick a few more times, but they kept getting back up and in my way again. I had made it half way up the steps before I finally got mad, picked up the person in front of me, and violently hurled them down the long, steep steps. It was a pretty brutal fall and they did not move after they got to the bottom. The whole place was quiet and everyone had stopped moving. I said, "Now, GET THE F*** OUT OF MY WAY!!" They all panicked and ran around like chicken with their heads cut off. It finally got them out of my way and I exited the building.

The parking lot was full of people. I walked over to the nearest hot chick I saw and started kissing her. She pulled away, but held onto my shirt and said in a sexy voice, "So, do you want me to struggle?" I pulled out of her grasp and said, "What? Hell no!" I thought to myself, "That is the first time I ever got that response. Talk about a turn off." I had now lost all desire for a sexcapade. I felt myself waking up, so I prepared to DEILD.

Series Details
In the dream series, "Friends," I join the DC counterparts of my waking life friends and tackle the dream world. You never know what we will be up to next, but I guarantee it will be one hell of a time. Stay tuned for more entries to the series!



May 26, 2013
Lucid Dream 507: Karuta at Grand Manor
Series: Land of Dreams, Episode 13
DEILD



I transitioned pretty smoothly back into the dream state. I stood up and I was in the same parking lot as before. It was pretty dark, much darker than the previous dream. I remembered a technique that another DV Member had tried, so I figured I'd give it a shot. I found the moon in the sky, held out my hand, and attempted to turn it until it became the sun. I could see the moon turning, and after a few turns, it completely blacked out, lol. After my unsuccessful attempt to change the environment to daylight, I did notice that everything was much clearer. Still night time, but less darker. I figured the darkness was just a stability issue and the dream had now settled. With nothing interesting around me, I took flight. I flew straight up into the air and got above the surrounding trees. I could see city lights all around me in the distance, so I took off toward them. I flew for a while and my memory here is a bit fuzzy. One way or another, I ended up in front of a mansion.

I entered the mansion and was greeted by a butler at the door. He said, "Welcome back, Master Yoshi." I went along with it. I responded, "Thompson, so good to see you again. I see you have kept the mansion clean in my absence." This thing was huge. There was a super long hallway (I'd estimate at 100 yards) that was easily 20 yards wide. It was like the size of a shopping mall except it looked like a super pretentious house. The floor was shiny marble and a plethora of art work and sculptures could be found in every direction. All the doors in the hallway were the Japanese style sliding doors, except super fancy. Most doors were opened as I just explored the mansion. Rooms were on my left and right side of the hallway. One room had people fencing one end of the room and kendo on the other, another was some sort of office, one looked like a green house, and another resembled a dining room. I got to the end of the hall and there was a room full of tatami mats. I immediately thought of the anime, "Chihayafuru."

I was excited that I had found a Karuta room. I went in and kneeled down ready to play some Karuta. There were several people in the room. A man in traditional japanese garb walked over and handed Karuta Cards to me and my random opponent. I can't read japanese in the first place, not to mention the symbols on the cards kept changing every time I looked at them, lol. I just placed the cards in the same way I have saw them placed in Chihayafuru. My opponent did the same. We were ready to play. My opponent looked at me and said, "Itadakimasu." I chuckled and thought, "Yeah, that was used incorrectly." We both hunched over in the ready position and the reader began reading. He was kind of quiet, but the reading sounded very accurate to hundred poets reading that happens in actual Karuta matches. He began reading the first verse and I swiftly swung to my opponents side and knocked away the card. I retrieved the card, showed it to the reader and said, "This is the correct card, yes?" He looked at it and said, "Hai." I set it aside, put one hand/arm into the air, and sent my opponent a card from my side. It was so awesome. I felt like I actually knew what I was doing . I got too excited though and felt the dream slipping. I prepared for another DEILD.

Series Details
In the dream series, "The Land of Dreams," I explore the depths of my subconscious. With no real goals in mind, I explore the creative lands and characters that come before me. Who will I meet? Where will I go? What will I do? These are the dreams that fit into no particular category. Stay tuned for more entries to the series!



May 26, 2013
Lucid Dream 508: The Most Interesting God in the World
Series: Is that you God? Its me, Yoshi, Episode 1
DEILD



I transitioned very smoothly once again and was in the same room I ended the last dream in. However, it was now empty. A little disappointed that my Karuta game was over, I exited the room. I entered back into the same hallway and started walking back toward the entrance. There was now even more art than before. Some of the pictures were moving and portraits were smiling/winking at me as I looked at them. Some were portraits of strange people I had never saw before. Others were very abstract pieces. I greatly enjoyed looking around at all the different sculptures, paintings, drawings, etc. It was like I had visited the art museum of my mind. The drawings ranged from dark and sinister to kindergarten crayon sketches. The variety was amazing. I remember noticing one painting of colonial wig wearing men with glowing alien-like eyes and fingers. It was a pretty trippy painting. Eventually, I stumbled upon a rather interesting room.

It was an entire room based on religion. Christianity, in particular. The walls were painted with angels, holy light, baptism, etc. The art was really beautiful. There were pictures of various religious things and a small alter at the top of the room. There was a kneeling mat right in front of the alter. I figured, "Might as well try something new." I kneeled on the mat and decided to try and talk to "God." I noticed there was a ridiculously large picture of Jesus on the wall right in front of me. It was a bit distracting, so I closed my eyes. I said, "God, I come here to ask for guidance." I felt a rush of energy go through my body. It was a little euphoric. Not quite on the level of XTC, but still pretty nice. Suddenly, my body bent over and bowed to the floor on its own. It was a pretty neat experience. I sat up and the portrait of Jesus was now a portrait of the the Dos Equis, "Most Interesting Man in the World," guy. He spoke in a super deep voice and spoke in some nonsense language that I couldn't understand. I had kind of a puzzled expression and thought, "Umm....huh?" He then spoke in his normal commercial voice and sounded a bit annoyed, as if I was supposed to understand his made-up language. He said, "Just get up and move around every once in a while. Just be on the look-out for opportunities to do the right thing." I was pretty satisfied with this experience. It had comedy and basics of humanity. Seems about right coming from my subconscious when it comes to religion . Anyway, as I continued to explore, I felt myself waking up, so I immediately prepared to DEILD once again.

Series Details
In the dream series, "Is that you God? Its me, Yoshi," I dive into one of the more controversial topics, religion (in particularly, christianity). I'll explore everything from basic praying/confession to boarding Noah's Arc. Stay tuned for more entries to the series!


May 26, 2013
Lucid Dream 509: Care for a Bite?
Series: 108 Stars of Destiny, Episode 10
DEILD



Smooth transition and back into the mansion. It had changed now and looked less like a classy mansion and more like a huge fancy sports bar. There were people drinking at small tables everywhere you looked. There was also TVs, bars, and other "sports bar" accessories scattered throughout. I tried to think of some things I could do to get points for the DVA Competition. All I could think of was phasing through walls. I started walking through wall after wall after wall. With each phase, it became smoother and smoother. It got to the point where I was passing through them like they weren't even there. I decided to take flight. I started flying through wall after wall as if they were only holograms. I picked up the speed and soon flying through rooms was happening almost instantaneously. All I could really see was flashes of walls coming at me in rapid succession. I thought, "I bet it would hurt if I just slammed into one of these." Right on que, I slammed hard into a wall that I couldn't pass through. It didn't hurt, but I definitely felt the force of hitting the wall at high speed. I laughed and thought to myself, "Yup, that is what I get for thinking that." I looked around and I was now definitely in a sports bar. Nothing fancy about it.

I saw the redhead chick from True Blood, Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll). She was sitting at a table with a guy. I walked over and saw her pout in a cute manner and say, "But, I'm hungry." The dude looked at her and said, "No, not here." I held out my arm, flicked my wrist, and sent that dude flying across the bar. I took his seat, stretched out my neck and said, "You can feed on me anytime of the night!" She smiled rather seductively, grabbed my head and jerked it up to her mouth. I felt her fangs sink into my neck and then got a rush of pleasure. She drank for a few seconds and then pulled away. I looked at her and said, "Yeah, you are doing that again." She responded, "I just drank a lot. You are going to lose too much blood and I'm not going to drain my King." I was turned on already (Is it strange to be turned on during this sequence? Lol). I said, "Then I command you as your King to feed." She smiled and sank her teeth into me again. It didn't feel quite like the first time, so I told her to bite down harder. It felt amazing. She pulled away and I said, "I need you in my army! Will you join me in my quest to fulfill the ultimate destiny?" She playfully acted as if she might not join. I told her she could be completely free in the Dream World with no fear or limitations. I told her my power in here surpasses anything she could imagine. Then I said, "Plus, me and you will be spending plenty of alone time together." Said, "Of course, I'll join." Excited, I told her to get back to the feeding. As she was draining me, I felt myself waking up. Not wanting to lose details, I decided it was time to end the DEILD chain.

Series Details
Welcome to the epic dream series known as, "The 108 Stars of Destiny." Follow me as I build the most powerful army the dream world has ever seen. Along with the help of 108 key recruits, I take on the dream world and elevate to god-like status! Will anyone stand in my way? Stay tuned for more entries to the series!

108 Stars of Destiny
NEW 15 - Jessica - The Blood Star

Its been at least a month since I last logged in. I've been busy taking care of my husband Adam. Its been 3 months since his stroke, and he is healing in every way! Starting from the spirit and working down to his toes!!

9 days ago Adam was baptized right here in the campground where we live, just outside our door. it was 2 days after that, that I had the dream I will remember til my last breath.

I was driving my car, me and Adam were going to the bank. I parked outside our bank and we both got out. Outside the entrance to the bank were 4 street musicians, each playing an instrument (I think 2 were stringed, 2 were flutes). They looked well dressed and normal, like you would see performing on a street corner,except these men all had red skin. Adam ignored them and walked straight into the bank (he would never in real life ignore a musician, because he is one). But it was like he didn't even register that they were there. I walked up to them, stood close to them. Up close I could see that their red skin was covered in rolls of wrinkles, boils, and blisters. I knew what they were, but I wasn't afraid. The one closest to me leaned forward, still playing the stringed instrument he was holding, and began to speak to me. Deafness washed over me. I didn't hear the music or what it said to me. This was a band of demons, expelled out of Adam when he was baptised. I calmly but firmly said "Get back - Jesus has him."

Instantly it was pushed back from me, and I was 30+ feet from the entrance of the bank with an angel on each side of me. I was surrounded by their light and I could hear the lights warmth (I know that sounds weird, hearing warmth, but I cant describe it any other way). I wanted to be with Adam,so I was instantly in the bank. No walking required. The inside was simply a white room. People were walking around, some with their head down, some talking to their self, others interacting. Very few were talking to other people. Some people were in line, some were at the front of the line. I found Adam in line and joined him,and from there, he wrapped his arm around me and we talked about what we needed to do while we were in town.

The white room I think, represented people who love God. Some of them were quiet and not talking to others, instead keeping counsel with their own self, refusing to let go of the self....walking head down,ashamed to be known for their love for God. Others in line were waiting for direction, listening and following in obedience, living in tune with God, they knew their old self was dead. It was sad to see how many Christians were wandering with their head down, hiding, hoping not to be seen.

This was the most powerful dream I've ever had. It was lucid, and at the same time simple and clear. I'll never forget coming face to face with the demon that once inhabited my husband. it wanted him back....it spoke to me because Adam wouldn't acknowledge it - which is because Adam COULDN'T see it after he was baptized. I know when the deafness washed over me,it was pleading with me -- so it could get Adam to make him fall, make him doubt....

WE'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU, SATAN.... YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM OR ME ANYMORE!!!! God's building Adam up from scratch since his stroke, and building me up as well - and what ever comes of it will be for Gods glory,so BACK UP!!!!!

Last night I had my second Lucid experience!

It was a really unique dream... I had full control, however I didn't realize I was dreaming - I just accepted I was all powerful. I was a private investigator in a huge city, and a bit through my dream I developed God-Like powers. I could do anything.

I used these powers and became a super hero, hunting down my nemesis for the length of my quite-long dream. It was great. The dream was populated with thousands of DC, just like a real city, and it was incredibly vibrant. I found myself on a rooftop bar after my nemesis had narrowly escaped, and something about the place made me think... Wait... Am I in a dream? I realized that I was dreaming, and I got incredibly excited because I had all these wonderful powers. I looked at a table where my friend was sitting and did a Darth Vader force choke at it, and it began to shake. I still had my powers! I remembered a quote from Sageous that said I should forget entirely about stablizing because it actually more often than not led to destabalization. So instead I jumped off the huge Sky Scraper I was on and landed softly on the ground. My friend followed me, with Frozone type powers from the Incredibles. I began to sprint as fast as I could down the street, cars and headlights blurred into a single line as I broke the sound barrier. Suddenly, my friend pointed out our nemesis running a bit ahead of us and I was sucked back into the dream, consumed by the chase. I was still vaguely aware that this was a dream, but I didn't take control again, probably because it was so fun!

What a great time!

I meditated for a half an hour an hour before bed, and took one 5mg Melatonin. Then before bed I did an in-depth MILD, by stating my intentions. Very cool!

WARNING! THIS DJ DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!

Non-lucid, incomplete:
I dreamed about a webseries called EverymanHYBRID, some of you might have seen it. Anyway, so we were sitting in a circle and Evan whispers something in Vince' ear about having been to elementary school with me. He tells him that he once dumped a hand full of caterpillars in the hood of my coat (this actually once happened to me in elementary school). I got really angry and planned on killing him. For some reason halfway through we became a couple though. And I met his dad, and he was really not so nice, I talked to him about God, though. And he lived with his dad and shared a room with a little brother and sister, and had a very dangerous set of stairs somewhere in his house. It was really fucked up.

Analysis:
Maybe it was because I haven't exercised, or had a very long LD last night, but last night was a bit fucked up. The reason I dreamed about the web series is because I had been working on a script for my own web series, and my brother came over, and we are both big fans of SlenderARGs. The first part seems to symbolise my own agression and antagonistic attitude towards anyone who gets close to me. I find it rather typical that I had such a relationship to THIS character, as he, himself would already be sufficient for symbolising the agression, in a way, he would almost symbolise myself (I relate very strongly with this character to begin with). So it is peculiar thar I had this kind of relationship with him in my dream, especially since by the end of it, it was turned around completely. The second part seems very symbolic for my relationship with my sort-of-kind-of-complicated-partner. Again I see similarities between the characters, though less strong. It was very much like our relationship, the feeling was very similar too. The father talking about God could be my own search for faith. The younger siblings reflect both my "complicated's" younger sister, and also my own desire to have a real sibling (my half brother never lived with us and is 12 years older), this desire is especially strong around the holidays.

I was outside the church I went to as a kid. I was inside my car, when someone came in. Apparently it wasn't my car, and I realized this when I looked at the dashboard and it was different than mine. So, I got out. I started walking around and saw a group of very attractive girls in the back seat of a car. Over the last several months I have come across attractive women in my dreams, tried to kiss them, only to wake up. In one dream I tried to talk to one, and she said, "I actually really don't want to talk to you right now." So I said, "Okay, you don't have to."

So I walk up to the group of girls in the back seat of the car, and ask if I can kiss the one I was talking to. She said sweetly, "No, but you can have a hug" I had become confused by the rejections I had been having recently, and just blurted out, "Are you angels?" They all exclaimed with excitement "YES!!" and threw their hands up and looking at each other. It was as if they were not allowed to tell me unless I asked them. I asked, "Does God love me?" They all became a bit somber and looked sad. One replied, "God always wants to provide you opportunities. He just needs you to be stable." They took off and I sat on the curb in the parking lot looking at the trees. It instantly went from night to day and I noticed the beautiful coloring of the fall-time tree leaves. A large tour bus with the number "12" on the side drove past me. A man then walked up to me, tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a box of some kind of bread. It appeared to be fried, but wasn't. It was very pleasurable to eat it. It felt good to chew it, the texture of it, the whole experience was very pleasurable. I woke myself up when I swallowed in real life and my throat was dry.

I was in a large church walking around with my ex-girlfriend. We made our way around the hallways, catching up with some people I know. We tried to keep up with them but they just made their way further and further in front of us, I didn't really feel like catching-up with them and turned to my ex and said, "You know, I don't really like most of the people I know." She said sweetly, "I know." Continued through a doorway, and made our way down another hall when I said to her, "The biggest trick the devil came up with is to convince people he doesn't exist." She winked at me and pointed her finger at me in confirmation. She replied, "You know, I want to get baptized again." To which I responded, "No, I'm talking about an absolute total change in living life."

We ended up at the end of the hallway, and up some stairs to a pavilion above the track that encircled the massive gym we were in. On the bottom level to the right of the basketball court, was a buffet serving many varieties of foods. Ashley was smoking a cigarette, and I asked her to lay beside me. She ashed her cigeratte above our heads and the ashes fell on me. I said sarcastically, "Right on my face?" I began wondering how much longer our trip would be, and when my brother would be ready to go. I then started thinking about when we left, and how long we had been there. I thought to myself, "Trip? Where am I going? I'm not on a trip right now." I became lucid.

I ran to the left and jumped over a balcony, purposefully choosing to climb over it as apposed to flying over it because I wanted to enjoy feeling the ledge and the act of climbing over it. I glided down to the ground and made my out of the sliding doors. I saw a building by a lake with the sun above it, and light was coming out of the building. I ran along the roadway, noticing distinctly how the cars were passing by me and how crisp their tires on the pavement sounded. As I was making my way up to the building, and the opening in the front was coming into viewpoint, the vision started skipping and wouldn't let me get into viewing range. When it finally did it opened up to a building with no front wall, it was totally exposed. There was a large wooden carving of some sort of flower. There were wind chimes attached to string making their sounds in the wind. On the right wall were a bunch of glass plagues that had different things written on them. I looked over each one and picked one off of the wall and said aloud "I can't read these" because they were written in English, but didn't form actual words. Then I saw on a red plague "Psalms 13: 3". After walking around the lake in the back and began being chased by a log monster I woke myself up.

I walked over to my computer and looked up Psalms 13: 3 "Look and answer me, Lord Jehovah, my God, and enlighten my eyes, lest I sleep unto death." While as a child I am certain I read through the Psalms, but I haven't made a point of doing so as an adult. I was struck when I read that verse. There were many implications to that verse. The whole of Psalms 13 is absolutely relevant to my state.

1 How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.

As I continue to ask the people in my dreams about God, I found myself outside a very nice, old Victorian style house. The sun was coming through one of the windows, and the grounds around the home was full with beautiful trees. It certainly seemed to be a local that of somewhere in the Southern American states, given the rolling hills and lush trees. I peered through the glass panes on the white front-door and looked around. It was an open living room with a vast area, a black leather couch and two chairs around a coffee table were to the right. The opening to the smaller sized kitchen behind the seating area. I was afraid to enter, and said before starting to open the door, "Is God here? Do you know where God is." At this point I feel it very necessary to state the fact to any readers out there that about 3 and 1/2 or so years ago, following a particular instance, I...lost my emotions? I, lost my connection, my real and deep connection to God. I started having lucid dreams nightly, and saw demons, hell and even Satan several times. The demons suggested I kill myself, and sleeping nightly ALWAYS included vast amounts of vodka. Even with which, I had to sleep on the bathroom floor with the fan on to get any kind of sleep. Following an actual excorcism, the nightly demons were gone (though they are still there, they do not "torment" me as directly), yet the lucid dreams are still a constant. Over time, I have learned how lucid dreaming works. Not asking specifics (at first anyway, though now I'm able to stop myself from waking up when asking specific questions like names, locations, ages and such), how to literally fall into lucidity by testing speaking and moving my limbs while dreaming, and things like this. I should have started writing these things down long ago, but at least I've started now.

Back to the dream. I slowly opened the door and saw four men (late 20's/early 30's) sitting at the couch and chairs. I asked again, "Do you know where I can find God?" And the black guy said, "I saw how fearfully you came in here. I would have done it fearfully as well." with a smile. Another white guy said, "You mean the big baby? Why would you want to go see the big baby?" I said, "Do you know how I can find God?" "I know of about 3 people who can get you there without getting zapped. You get 2 hotdogs if you go see God!" I asked how I can be with God. He lost the snarkiness and said, "Just love Him. Out of your free-will." I told him that I can't feel emotions anymore, that I only feel afflicted. He didn't respond. I started walking around the house, and looking out the windows. The trees were very large, green and the sun looked very beautiful through the window. I sat down next to what looked like a demon/dead person, but he wasn't scary really. His eyes were recessed and around his eyes were blood-colored rings, and the flesh on the tip of his nose was beginning to fall away. Below his neck was a split, almost as though he was split in half. He had a 1930's style gangster hat, and we started talking. He said, "If you are seeking wisdom, learn to get the pieces one at a time. Realize that you have natural responses to things that make you angry. Like even if a puppy poops on your shoe you're going to get upset." I told him that "I never seek revenge (which has been a life-long truth)" and he responded, "Revenge? Like when you're sitting at a red-light and someone hits you and kills you and all the thousands of strands of your existence are pulled apart?" I thought he was getting angry so I started to get out of the chair but doing so woke me up.

dream : comments : lucid

Tuesday, 18th of October 2012

Enooooooormous lot of dreams last night. There was one about being chased by a Terminator-like entity which was shooting at me with a minigun and I decided I needed to get out of town.

The main one was me being in space. Except 'space' was a giant room that slowly gradient-ed into being darker and darker, until the walls and floor disappeared and turned into empty space.
I walked out onto it (there was apparently an invisible floor) and was scared but excited, knowing that at any moment I could lose the ability to breathe and could freeze. I actually reckoned that the air and temperature from the rest of the room was probably seeping a little way out and making it possible to breathe a bit.

While out in the space-ness, I came across a tiny (golf ball sized) version of Mars and its two moons floating around. I began playing with the little planet and pushing it around, changing its orbit, moving the moons, and sending it across the vastness.
Eventually I looked up and saw that in front of me, the blackness had become a thin band and was being replaced by exactly what was behind me. I decided that it was space-time bending around itself and being all wormholeish.

TLDR; I basically played God for a while and was surprisingly sensible about the whole thing. It was awesome.

09-14-2012 -- I'm in my room setting up some sort of computer link that will allow me to broadcast some sort of video from my computer to others in the same room. People or making fun of me and insulting me, but I carry on. Soon I find I am not doing this is my room somewhere, but in the street right by Peter Marshall Elementary. In my dream I think I am on La Reina, but actually I am at the corner where Glencrest turns into Nancita.

It is dark, late in the evening, and I am just about to start the 'broadcast' when a young teen comes out of the house next to the school. He is very slim, but athletic, and seems to look like a cross between Kevin B. and Steve K. He has a bit of an attitude, but I ignore it, and peacefully invite him to join us. He is unsure, but does so.

Turns out what I am about to show is a documentary I made about a mean old guy (who turns out to have been the teen's grandpa) who lived in the house until he died. Though everybody in the neighborhood hated him (and he seemed to hate everybody) I tried to get to know him and understand him, and then documented the odd things that happened when he died.

Problem is, Hollywood came in at the same time and made a horror film 'based on a true story' that was truly horrifying. My documentary was very, very different. Because of all the attention Hollywood directed their way, the family just wants to be left alone to forget, but the neighbors remain up in arms. Which is why I am going to broadcast the thing here in the neighborhood on this night, to hopefully help everybody understand and quit freaking out.

As the documentary plays, you see little kids from the neighborhood talking about how mean and crazy and scary the old guy is. I try to approach the teen when he is several years younger, as he is walking from the house to the gate of the school. I am being very gentle as I ask if he will talk to me for a few minutes and answer some questions.

Where Hollywood produced a dark horror film, I recorded a tale of redemption and understand. I got to know the old guy, learned his history and why he got to be so mean, and slowly helped to reason him back to where he was willing to start being a nice guy again. As he was just starting to turn around, though, he died. And either God or an angel came for him, though Hollywood portrayed it as the Devil.

We're about halfway through the film when there is a brilliant flash of light, and a somewhat younger looking version of the old guy appears in the yard and walks into the house. The teen tells me he's got to go, and starts walking toward the house. I tell him we'll pause the film for a minute, and he glares at me. I wasn't trying to rush him, it was just an expression. I tell him we'll pause the film for as long as we need to.

As I stand there, a voice in my head suddenly tells me I need to enter the house, too. I'm kind of nervous, but I fold up my laptop and carry it to the house. I enter the house (where the family is having a family reunion) and kind of shrug my shoulders at the mother, who shrugs back.

There is a brilliant white figure standing there who is God. He looks like a cross between George Burns (hence the title of this dream) and Henry Fonda in Gideon's Trumpet. Most of the family doesn't want me around getting into their business, but they do appreciate that I took the trouble to learn the truth, and then tried to tell others that truth. God makes it clear that he called me in to witness his visit, so they pretty much have to accept me.

He is here to help them heal, and put the whole situation behind them. While he is too mild and 'understanding' to be the real God (who is an awesome and scary presence), he is very impressive. This is his second visit to this house. The first was right after the guy died, when he brought his spirit back to say goodbye. Tonight he is going to bring another spirit back for a few minutes, this time Tom D., who died a week or two ago. [To the best of my knowledge Tom is still alive and well.]

Tom appears before us, and seems to know the people and situations (how that is when he has spent most his life in Florida and this is in California I don't know) but he's calming people and soothing nerves and helping everyone to relax. I am very embarrassed and shy when he reminds me that I can't shut myself away, and I need friends and family, too. Wish they'd leave me out of it, but I am not going to argue with Tom or God, so I just kind of nod.

1:03 a.m. Candle, reverse day, subliminal audio 1.0 by ninja.

Incubation: How to lucid dream?

Around 7:30 a.m. Dream:

Bathroom. Me. A towel. A woman. A guy with a mask. He asks her where his parents/fiance are/is. She said something. She only has one parent?

An enemy falls. A futuristic place. I'm standing on a platform of sorts. Did I push him? Gods wagering. A demon god with a sword. My subordinate (female) attacked the demon god and stole the sword. She then passed it to me. The demon god attacked me. I blocked with the sword, holding it with two hands. The demon god used a spear, and with only one hand. He's strong/I'm weak.

Tiny Lights
A few nights ago I dreamed I saw lights in the sand the size of a grain of sand. They were blue and green and maybe yellow. I scooped up some sand and got several in my hand. I tried to sift the sand out of my hand leaving just the lights.

This is residue from my fiber optic interests.

Eating

Over that last few days I had a dream where I was eating fish and one where I was eating a snow cone being very mindful of the texture.

The fish leathery on one side, but tender on the other. I wanted the tender, flaky part. The one where I was eating the snow cone was residue of doing a lot of research on shaved ice machines for a snow cone trailer I'm thinking about buying.
________________

Two giant horse-like creatures were moving towards eachother sideways. I was between them. A girl helped me get up one to avoid being smooshed. It was buff colored.

I was on my stomach over the horses back trying to get over it more so I would be positioned more evenly.

The horse then started walking around a center structure. I thought when it came full circle, I might be able to get off.

Dream Skip

I was in a room trying to sleep. I looked outside and there were 4 guys playing base guitar. I remember all of them had bases with different shapes and color. I kept looking for a guy with a white bass, but he wasn't there.

Dream Skip

Then I heard God talking to me (I'm not a God person). I was so happy that God finally indicated he wanted a "relationship" with me. In my belief system, invisible things have to some how make themselves perceived, or I must some how discover them, to believe in them.

So there I was. God was talking to me. He told me I needed to start talking to my Mom again. This bothered me, but I thought that if God wanted me to do it, that was easy enough to achieve.

I decided to make amends with my Mom, but then it was my Dad that I was going to make up with. I used to fight with my dad all the time.

I found myself up on a hill looking down at my Dad's house (it was different than in waking life). My brother was coming out, fighting with my dad. I needed to figure out how to get in the house without being notice so I could get some stuff and get out.

Dream skip to some other location. I asked a woman if God had ever spoken to her. She said "Yes." I told her God just spoke to me, but I mean SPOKE to me for real. I heard it!

She said, yea, he's Irish. I said, "YEAH! HE'S IRISH!"...and then I remembered his voice as being Irish, which it wasn't when I heard him.

I don't believe in God any more after that dream, but it was awesome having such a dream. This was the second intense dream about God that I've had.

After having (or remembering) four dreams that night, I thought I could take advantage of the following, longer REM periods and try out the WILD technique. But eventually I got scared by the thought of sleep paralysis and directed my thoughts to something else – the film “The Avengers” – to calm down. And this affected my next dream.

#005 | Meeting Thor | In the city | Day | Long

“MOVE! Everyone, get out of my way!”
A loud voice brought me back from my daydream. I was sitting alone in a lively street café and just finishing my sundae, as Thor (or rather: Chris Hemsworth dressed as Thor and acting like him, too), passed by – looking rather displeased. A bunch of noisy people followed him, and they got more as the people from the café noticed this special guest, got excited or curious and approached him, too. Thor, being visibly annoyed by that and feeling very uncomfortable with the situation, pushed them out of his way harshly. For a second there, I smirked because I’ve had to admit I was slightly amused by that - but also very angry at this man for threatening these people so roughly. I stood up from my seat as Thor was coming near and at the moment he glared at me I gathered my courade to confront him.
“HEY!”
He stopped (as well as the crowd) and looked kind of puzzled for the source of this call. “I’m here.” I remarked. Thor gave me a confused look, followed by a displeased one. “What?! I don’t have time for your-“ - “You’re threatening these folks pretty gruffly.” You could hear some whispers in the crowd. I didn’t really know what to say and felt incredibly stupid, but I just had to do something. “What?” – “See… I get it, you’re some sort of celebrity, but that doesn’t give you the right of being rude.” He came near, and seeing his huge guise I tried to back away from him, but my curiosity held me fixed at the point I was standing. He lowered his voice. “Look, all I want is some peace and quiet. But now I can’t go anywhere… since even more people seem to recognize me every day.” He sounded frustrated. So he didn’t want any harm, he was just feeling uncomfortable, I thought. My precious little thing. I internally shook my head. Did I just call this enormous creature “my precious little thing”? Geez, being a fangirl and a normal person at the same time is hard. “Okay… I’ll count to three.” He didn’t seem to understand me. “One…” But I couldn’t explain it in front of the crowd. “Two…” He and the people looked tense, because no one knew what was going on with this weird girl starting to count loudly. “Three!”
I grabbed his hand and began to dash towards a sideway, which was located right next to the main street. The people must’ve thought we’re heading towards the latter and went that way as we escaped from them. After a short chase scene I stopped and waited quietly to see if anyone was still following us. No one did and I finally was able to relax, leaning on the wall and gasping for air. Thor seemed to be completely fine and asked me if I was okay. “Me? Yeah, I’m fine. I’m fine…” He smiled and thanked me. After catching my breath I asked him what he was doing here (on earth). He replied that he wanted to look after the humans and the earth, but eventually got caught up in a whirlwind of activity, since a lot of people started to recognize and pursue him. I chuckled and told him that it’s because of a new piece of art called movie which tells the people a bit of the story surrounding him and Loki, his brother. “People enjoy this piece of art and talk about it, so they recognize you right away and want to talk to you out of admiration, I think.” – “Ah, I see…” He looked somewhat gloomy. “You were right. I was really inconsiderate.” I snickered and told him that it’s alright, and that they’ve probably already forgiven him. Then I invited him to go for a stroll down a more tranquil road.

Aaand~ I forgot what happened after that, again. In my DJ notes I speak of “classmates who are standing on the pavement and making fun of Thor”, an “adventure”, “Thor cleaning his hands with my sleeves”, the number “105” and “me and [one of my best IRL friends] gaining a lot of EXP”. If I can eventually make out what happened, I will edit this DJ entry.

Oh! I just remembered another scene. My classmates thanked me, my clothes were quite dirty and one of my friends (whom I look up to) dragged me to the side and praised me. She told me I proved to be a really great person and that everyone should be proud of me for doing what I did.
That was, or still is, such a nice dream memory! (Especially since I don’t have a lot of self-confidence and this boosted it. Kind of.) Plus, it gave me an example for how dreams can affect the attitude and thoughts of a person positively.
(But now I really want to know what I've done...)