memorable

24.10.2014

Holding a Chick (Chirp Kind of Chick) (DILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Too lazy to go into detail.

Riding a vehicle, or something like that. I see chicks walking in a neighborhood, and I look at ones near perfectly green grass. I grab one, and I get a first person view of the chick in an ultra 4k type of resolution, and then some, and even that would be an understatement of the visual quality.

I take the chick home, and wanted to take care of it by cleaning it.

At some point between this experiences, there were a few 3d cartoonish chickens and chicks wearing police outfits, trying to grab the chick away from me, but not being able to do so at all.

I apply some green dishwashing soap, and just as I was about to rinse it, their eyes are gone, and their whole body and eyes turn into glass.

_________________________

24.10.2014

Naked Female Outside By the Door Wants to Play (DILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I’m only wearing a towel that consists of a variety of colors with a base color of a light swamp green, and subtle shades of yellow. I have a body completely abnormal from one I have in waking life, and the whole dream has an atmospheric overlay of an overly-realistic lighting setting of sunset, or early morning.

I can sense two people are in the house, I presume they are a few of my relatives, and the whole house in general by deducing the environment just through peripheral vision alone was akin to the one I’m residing currently IRL. It seemed too idealistic, and the sensations and emotions I was exhibiting seemed a bit beyond my cognitive grasp.

It must be a feeling of just taking a nice shower in a dream. The doorbell rings, and I somehow was the first person to get to it. I open it slowly while forgetting that I’m basically half-naked, and in front of me is a naked female. She has her right leg bent slightly, as if she’s raising her right foot up to where it’s just the tip of her toes that are on the ground.

Her left leg is mostly straight, and she’s bending her back slightly, but not too much. Her right hand is placed firmly on her love handles, kind of like those facebook pictures you see girls mostly posing as.

She has her left hand near her mouth, with her index finger sticking out that’s the closest to her lips. I shift around perspectives, and look at myself from her point of view, and noticed how my mind is rendering out ideal proportions of a male’s body, I guess.

I’m not so sure on my reaction in seeing this female, and all I can really pay attention to was her facial expressions, and how she was able to indirectly tell me that she wanted to be sexually playful with me. She resembled the anime style below, albeit with blue hair and eyes, and maybe a red collar with a yellow orb attached to her neck:

I hear one dream character state,

“Put some clothes on.”


I’m not sure who they were directing that to, but I had a feeling they meant me since I’m sure they couldn’t see anyone outside seeing how the female was standing by a point where anyone standing to the left, and even in the middle of my location would be completely unaware of what’s going on.

_________________________

24.10.2014

One Piece and GTA: San Andreas (DILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I’m watching a dream character that looks like the main character from GTA: San Andreas in a white vest, and baggy blue jeans. He’s coming out of prison, and somehow, the One Piece crew mates are appearing one by one as he’s walking, running, and/or driving his way out of prison.

_________________________

24.10.2014

Joker Tries To Scare Me (DILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

The Joker tries to scare me by setting up flying and rotating saw blades with chains linked to them. I can hear the swooshing sound, and after realizing this is a dream a long time ago, I just don’t care Joker.

I just can't, your existence is transient anyway.


Also, Batman shows up, or maybe it was Owlman:

But I hardly think that really matters.....HAAAAAAA

Spoiler for what do you mean by that:

If you got that, then you get a pat on a back filled with meaningless while being offered a free cookie that strips you of all your predispositions.

When you’re not afraid of what’s going on in front of you when you’re looking at someone that’s supposed to be the epitomized totality of chaos and hell-bent insanity……………


I should get that checked.

Morning of October 23, 2014. Thursday.



My dream becomes more vivid with each stage but never lucid. In the first part, I have a smaller rectangular mirror of which is a little bigger than that of a medicine cabinet’s. My family and I are living at an unknown location. I have a confident awareness that mirrors and photographs (and ultimately any plane’s surface) can be “entered” depending on the extent of focus and will. I hold up my mirror which later seems to be a photograph or print, though the image seems to change from my perspective depending on the angle I hold it. It seems to mostly show features of an empty room, though I sometimes perceive that it is reflecting the ceiling or walls of the room I am in. I attempt to put my right hand into (and beyond) its surface to see if my hand will move through it as an implied glass “portal” but it seems solid as my fingers press against the surface. My two youngest sons watch at times.

At one point, as I am holding up my mirror, a small dog sticks its head a short distance from out of the two-dimensional plane from “inside” it (becoming three-dimensional past the threshold, just past its neck) and barks a bit as if it is confused or perhaps feels threatened. It soon vanishes and I get the impression that it may have somehow gotten out and is inside the sofa or in the room somewhere, though I do not see it again.

Later, I seem to be rescuing people at some sort of unrealistically dangerous workplace in a commercial building. However, one person dies from a fall over a mezzanine as I am saving someone else from a fall down an elevator shaft. It seems that people are continuously accident-prone at the location, but the manager thanks me for the people I do save.

I eventually find myself in another unknown location, though I get the sense I live in the area with my family. I am at the house of an unfamiliar neighbor; an older black woman who is talking about other people in the neighborhood, which seems to be adjacent to a long wide road. I am unsure of the implied city or country, though the house seems to be partly modeled after my older brother Earl’s previous home on Saint Cloud Street in America. A few other unfamiliar people show up. An unfamiliar Caucasian woman thinks I have special abilities, which is related to the first scenario, where plane surfaces can supposedly be “entered” and “explored”. She has a mirror and asks me if I am able to put my hand into it. I attempt it a couple times but it does not work, as my fingers merely press hard against the surface. However, I relax and notice that the mirror is somehow reflecting silverware and dishes as if I am looking down at them. Perhaps the image is somehow reflected from another area of the house. It seems to be like a rectangular silver serving tray at this point.

I am able to feel my way into the “mirror” and pull out a large silver fork and hold it up. I start to reshape it into a three-dimensional Picasso-like figure. I mentally stretch it in a semi-circular motion as it floats in midair. At one point, small silver “threads” seem to be pulled out, to create additional detail when swept back over the piece. I give the silver figure to a random person in the house and the woman with the “mirror” faints from being astounded, falling near my right, near the end of the sofa.

Another person has a van Gogh self-portrait print, which is about the same size as the previous “mirror”. I let my hands move into the surface and I start to pull out a small human figure made of various small pieces of felt, which have intricate detail, including the blue clothes and yellow hat. It is somewhat like a miniature rag doll or unstrung marionette, but more like a work of real art, with the “same” essence as the painting, yet also more “complete”. I know that I will give this to another person in the room. My dream starts to fade, though it is very vivid at this point (though I am still not lucid). The potential for creating three-dimensional art from pulling it out of two-dimensional “realms” seems endless.

---

This dream is all about subliminal control of the dream state and because of that obvious factor, is unrelated to my waking life other than aspects being borrowed for the autosymbolic sequences. For example, the fainting woman is a known dynamic of signifying Zsuzsanna waking up and getting out of bed, thus leaving the realm of dreams (and it is similar to the common presence of The Sleeper as a first-level dream state indicator). She sleeps on my left and appears on my left in dreams when she is sleeping, but on my right if she is awake (which validates that a part of myself is always subliminally aware of being in the dream state, lucid or not). This is based on waking symbolism being oriented to the right, as my left side is less exposed to the environment in sleep (though people who do not understand dreams or the dream state will typically try to attribute it to a myth or what left or right “means”).

The association with the mirror as a portal as well as the ambiguous association with it being as a serving tray reveals my intent of using the essence of liminal space (the transpersonal dynamics between dreaming and waking) to serve my intent in having full control of the dream state. As with a wall, a doorway, a fence, curtains, and other features, a mirror is a specific kind of liminal space divider that represents the division between the limited fictitious essence of the dream self and the conscious self identity. (However, a mirror will usually present a false view of the dream self when looked into, because it will typically display the illusory dream self, not the true conscious self identity. The only exceptions for me includes one dream in which I perceived my reflection as Zsuzsanna, though this was just before we met in real life, and another dream where I seemed to be seeing a much older Zsuzsanna as my reflection more recently.)

The rest of this dream is based on other common factors of the dream state itself. The scene with me rescuing people from falling is based on the waking start itself and developing control of the preconscious state, of which validates the other segments of my dream as such, with the same overall intent of mastering liminal space (unrelated to waking life as it is wholly based on the nature of exploring dreams, both lucidly and non-lucidly). This includes the dog coming out from liminal space, as a dog represents obedience to the dream self as sustaining and controlling my dream and is why dog attack dreams were more common during my development of apex lucidity before I began to have control even in non-lucid dreams.

My dream had a very positive presence and even seemed to increase my well-being.

---

Dream - Lucid

I just recalled a bit of something...another dream about not attending a class that I was enrolled in. I think it was math again. I only remember this detail, all others are very vague pictures. Some kind of ceremony, I think? Maybe graduation? Not entirely sure.

~

I'm not sure where I was, but it was daytime. Dallas was texting me. He was in Oregon. He was saying he may fall down this huge hill. I guess he was hiking and close to a steep hill/ledge. I was worried for him; I hoped he didn't fall. For awhile, I was then not getting any responses from him, and when I'd text him, it would have trouble going through. He must be in a bad reception area. I then tried to call, and it wouldn't go through. I was really starting to get concerned.

I was then in the car, sitting on the passenger's side. Dallas was in the driver's seat, but there was no wheel on his side. I guess I was driving. Anyway, Dallas was sitting there completely naked. He had fallen down the steep hill/ledge. His body was turned in a way where I couldn't see any of his junk. I looked at him, and he looked relatively normal, aside from his front teeth looking like they got banged up, his lip was half normal colored and half a little dark. I was talking to him about us taking him to the hospital, letting his mom know, etc. I also commented on how quickly he got from Oregon to here (it's literally across the country!); I said something about it taking him an hour.

He then told me he didn't think I could handle seeing his injuries. I was talking to him about something when he said this. He turned his body all the way around and...his penis and testicles were completely gone. I tried to keep talking and ignore it, but I couldn't. I was then thinking about some IWL conversations we had about penectomies and how Dallas would fall into a huge depression if that happened. He was telling me it got cut off in the fall, but he couldn't go back and get it. He seemed to be in shock about the whole thing right now, like it wasn't affecting him that badly. I was wondering what they could do for him at the hospital.

I then saw him again at some point, a side view, and it looked like his penis was there after all. It was a very brief view though. I think we were in the hospital.

~

I was going down through the floor, down, down, down into darkness. I realized this wasn't waking life, but it didn't feel like a lucid dream, it honestly felt more like an OBE (for convenience purposes, I'm going to use the color code for my LDs, even though I genuinely do not believe it was a regular LD). I decided that I wanted to see what Hell looked like (I do not believe that heaven and hell are real places, but states of mind and being). In a previous experience some years ago, I was going down into the ground in a similar fashion in an LD, but I was too afraid to see hell, so I went back up. This time, I said to myself that I could handle it; I was ready to see it. I was concerned about waking myself up, but I held it together very well. I then looked down at my body and saw I was naked in the darkness as I descended. Interesting.

I then was in hell. I was in a room where there were these long tables all around the perimeter of the room. There were children who were supposed to be getting their faces painted by adults, but the adults were cutting their faces and painting them with blood. The children were scared and upset. There was a doorway leading into another room. I went into that one. I don't remember what was specifically going on in there, but there were more scared and upset children.

I then was in blackness again, and this feeling of fear and despair came over me. I knew they were not my own feelings, but the feelings pervading this hell. I saw vague shapes in the blackness.

~

I woke up from that last dream and fell asleep again, fully aware that I was going to enter a dream. I was out of my body again. I was in the house I grew up in. I don't remember many details about being in the house, but I then went outside and floated into the air. It was a bright and sunny day. I decided since I had seen hell, it was time to see heaven. I went up, up, up into the air. I then was in this tube that was very vivid. It was covered in light blue squares that had some Disney character's face on them. I went further into the tube and the color changed to yellow with more characters. It kept changing like this until I emerged on the other side.

I was in what looked like the exact same face painting room from hell, except for this time, the kids were really getting their faces painted. They were not scared or sad, but it was a much more calm atmosphere.

Unfortunately, I don't remember any more from this experience. I don't think much happened after that.

I then was back on Earth, outside in the daytime. I was floating, working on the effortless method of just letting it happen, but then I started to go down towards the Earth. I started to make myself float up again, and started to "swim" through the air. I knew that this was not what I had been working on, and it felt like I had more resistance, but it was working. I was swimming upwards and to the left towards the house.

There was a point where I looked in a mirror slightly above me and at an angle, and wanted to make angel wings appear on my back (something I tried to do in a previous LD not long ago), and lo and behold, there they were on my back. They were white and feathered. I smiled; they were beautiful.

~

I was again entering a dream. I felt like I was leaving my body, but appeared in a different room. I saw my sleeping body laying on the bed. It was naked, but in the same position that I fell asleep in. I seemed to be in what looked like a hotel room. Someone else was in there too, though I'm not sure who. They could see me though, which was kind of surprising. I went into the bathroom and floated. Someone else came in, my CS assistant manager, C. She could see me floating in the air! I was surprised that she could see me! I started to do these flips between the walls by the toilet, and she was laughing. I loved it!

~

Caved and took a whole Ambien again last night. -_-; I'm going to take a half tonight, otherwise I'll never get off this stuff. Though the experiences I had were very cool. I never felt like I was lucid dreaming; I felt out of body. It really did feel different. It was quite fascinating!

I remember a few things from tonight's dream; the first was a scene in which I was the Master Chief, upon a grey-green ship out in the cosmos; I remember a battle earlier, in a long, trapeze-shaped corridor with grooved rails to either side; it seemed to be some kind of hangar. From a first person perspective I was engaged with small metal satellites that fired lasers; everything was a blaze of action; there was a comrade to my left whose features I can't recall, but I myself seemed to be piloting a very small ship or maybe mechanical suit, firing out purple quasar blasts at every opportunity. It was quite intense, but indistinct. After I had gotten clear of the hangar, I flew out into the empty void of space; something was odd about it, as if it seemed more cluttered than space ought to be; I few past a perfectly spherical rock that looked like a little planet or moon. I was bigger than it. I continued on, the stars tiny white dots against a sheet of blackness. Just after the moon, I saw a great churning void of purple light, like a ball of energy tangled and knotted around itself, shifting constantly to try and disentangle itself; it was so bright, a whitenes burning at the heart of it. I received an order from Cortana to go into it, and I saw that there were three enemies I must be assassinate; one of was a leader of the typical "Arbiter" type Covenant; he had a golden orb in his skull, much like the "Metalheads" in the Jak and Daxter series. I then saw a panning view of a brute leader in a space-station with a similar orb in its skull, and then finally, floating meditatively by a great arched window with a view to the void of space, slightly cloaked in darkness from one side, and turned away, looking left, away from the window, floating in his hover-chair. Something was threatening about him, and I heard Cortana say something along the lines of "God knows how we'll fight a prophet" or words to that effect.

The dream scene shifted, and this time I was looking through my collection of PSP games. For some reason "Daxter" seemed most prominent (maybe something to do with Metalhead reference from earlier). Something was unusual about my room; it seemed mostly devoid of furniture except for my bed and a wooden, two-tier shelf made of the same material as my desk, which was not present. The desk was supported by two small wheels on either side, and held a vast collection of video games that were all mixed up and had no particular order. PS2 games were placed next to little PSP cases, other cases were simply placed on top of the row of cases (I remember seeing Tekken 3 there); I felt slightly annoyed at how disorganised the desk was, and went downstairs. The porch door and front door were both open. The notable thing about outside was that it had been snowing; a light dusting by the looks of it, but enough to cover the ground (We never get much snow in my part of the country). A bald man with pale eyes and an expressive face seemed to be standing guard. He wore a black fleece with some indiscernible company name on, black trousers, and had a walkie-talkie clipped onto his jumper; I asked him how long it had been snowing, and he told be it hadn't been snowing for very long, using that phrase "Just a dusting." My friends Lauren and Lee were getting into a taxi, and I waved goodbye to them. This part had me in a third-person perspective, and I looked oddly hunched, my legs in an odd position, as if they were giving me bother; they drove off, and the dream scene shifted again.

This time, the scene took place in a toy store with pinewood floors and pinewood shelves; although it was a toy-store, all of the shelves seemed to hold indistinguishable black CD cases rather than toys, but that's what I had the feeling the place was. In this scene, I was wearing a black jacket and sunglasses, and occaionally saw myself from a third person perspective, but for the most part it was first-person. I was in the left-hand corner of the shop; the only one of my companions that I can recall was a fat farmer-looking fellow with a grey yard-brush moustache, great bushy eyebrows, no chin, and face that would likely quiver and turn purple when enraged. He looked a little like the late Richard Griffiths. He wore a typical farmer's cap, khaki trousers, a dark red V-neck jumper and carried a double-barrel shotgun. This scene was particularly scary, as it contained a doll. A gigantic, towering, glassy-eyed doll with slow, shuffling movements. It had pigtails, a creepy, dainty face, black glassy eyes, and turn-of-the-century children's attire.

I yelled at, as we'll call him, Vernon, and he shot at the doll as it shuffled towards us soundlessly from the opposite corner; the bullets did not seem to have any effect. We ran to the other end of the shop, and it followed, then ran back to the other side when it got there. It bent down next to the CD rack on the right-hand-side of the store, exposing its rump, and I had the overwhelming urge to kick it. I did, laying a shoe right in there. It rose, turned around soundlessly, and grabbed me. With that, it opened its terrifyingly huge mouth to reveal human teeth, and bit into my hand; I screamed even though it wasn't painful; I felt only a slight pressure, as one cannot feel pain in dreams, I've noted. Next, it bit off my little finger, and then finally began to claw at my shirt, ripping it open, and bit into my stomach to consume my insides. It was at this moment I realised, if you are bitten by it, you become like it; everything went black and white as the room swirled around me, and I saw a brief glimpse of myself shambling towards the others like a zombie, still in black and white. The primary emotions of the dream, as I must record them, were of course annoyance, anxiety and outright fear, and at one point a sense of empowerment that came fro kicking the giant doll, but that was very quickly replaced again with fear. I would rate its vividness at a 6/10, and I did not become aware, perhaps only slightly just before waking up, I would my awareness at a 2/10. That's all I recall of tonight's dreams.

I had a dream where I was in some sort of event that involved fitting through extremely and increasingly small spaces. I just remember I would pass through one of these spaces and it would sometimes scrape my skin, and sometimes I could somehow make myself smaller and pass through easily. Eventually I reached the final "doorway". There was a small hole in the wall smaller than a dime. A girl walked up to it, put her eye to it, and got sucked through. I was a little bit apprehensive about doing it at this point. It may sound silly, but have you ever actually been confronted with a situation where you have to squeeze your body through a dime-sized hole? It was intimidating. Anyways, I put my eye to the hole and my body and vision started twisting and swirling as I went through the hole. At that point the dream ended. It was extremely weird though because my vision got distorted the same way my eyes got swirled, and I actually felt my body but it was all swirly. I felt my swirly body.

Non-Dream Dream

Dream 1:

I am at a fancy dinner or wedding with my wife. The food and service sucks but I still leave a huge tip.

Dream 2:

I am in lab with TA and DM working on new methods. DM has a primitive dilution machine. We put concentrated sample in A1 of a 96-well plate and the machine serial diluted the sample into all of the other wells. MM is also there and it is the morning of the layoffs. I left my blot at room temp on the shaker overnight by mistake. I am interviewing for jobs remotely. DM has some of his friends vouch for me - one of them in Jonathan Schoop from the Orioles.

Dream 3:

I am watching a baseball game. Trout hits a lazy fly ball to right field. The right fielder goes back to the wall, times his jump well but still drops the ball. Trout wasn't running hard but gets a triple out of it.

Dream 4:

I am watching a commercial on tv. There is a guy driving a Prius. You think he is very good for the environment. He pulls over to the side of the road and takes out a big hose and puts it in the sewer. He dumps all of the crap he used to do into the sewer. Clouds gather and a corvette explodes out from the hose. Not sure why but this was hilarious in my dream and right when I woke up.

Dream 5:

I am taking a cat to see a doctor. I go through an old, run down building with lots of bums. There is fire/lava around. I get to the room with the doctor at the end of the hallway. It is a very large and dark room with an uncomfortable table in the middle. The doctor is Einstein. (I think he shows me the commercial I describe in dream 4) There is a screen above the table showing streaming stock tickers and prices. DOW is up and EBAY is down for the day. I have a very strong bond with the cat. She (the cat is female) is getting molars pulled. After getting them pulled she says that her leg hurts now. I fear for the cats life because I have realized that I love her deeply. I look at her leg and am relieved to find that it is just a growth. I communicate to the cat that everything will be ok and I was shocked when the cat understood me and communicated back somehow. The cat now turns into a beautiful woman who I have apparently always been in love with (in past lives too). The feeling of love is indescribable. The woman looks like a girl I knew from way back named Emily. We go outside of the doctors room onto a dock next to a huge lake. I playfully push her into the water and jump in after her. We hug for what seems like an eternity.

Dream 1:
My biology and drama classes were combined. I went up to the biology classroom with all of the kids in my drama class. A frog was strapped down to the table. My biology teacher told us that we had to scare the frog. If we scared the frog, it would scream in a froggy-like way and we would get an A. But if the frog just stared and didn't scream, that meant that it wasn't scared and we got an F. One of the girls in my drama class named Annaka screamed at the top of her lungs; the frog screamed as well. Next, it was my turn. I took a deep breath, and- AAAHHHH!!!!!!! I screamed at the frog. It just stared at me. I tried again, even louder. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I screamed so loud and I woke up to realize that I was actually screaming in real life. Then, I just started cracking up.

Dream 2: Once, I had a dream that I was in the Hunger Games at my high school (I'm a freshman) and my evil swim coach was Clove and she was killing me with a knife.

Dream 3: I dreamt that I was on a boat with my marching band. We were out in the middle of the ocean and I kept telling this drumline captain named Gene Hayes that a storm was coming but he didn't listen to me and we all had to ride on these baby sharks even though we were on the boat.

Dream 4: Once, I had a dream that my swim team was riding in an old-fashioned wooden train and we were watching Catching Fire (my favorite movie) on a flat-screen TV. My coach kept whacking the train conductor with a baseball bat until he was knocked out, and she drove our train off of a cliff and this guy on my swim team named Reed was singing "Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani and a giant floating carrot showed up in the middle of the tracks, so another guy named Drew got out and ate it right out of the air

10/22/14 Multiple FA's caught and a-ha moments but not sure how many LD's to count, so just count 2.

*Ironing, water pooling on stairs, Son gets out of bed and starts frantically brushing teeth-weird...wait he's not home.

Started 3rd person, Threesome negotiated between husband, wife and another woman, I come into the scene as the husband, 1st person.

Memory of a first a-ha moment in this last series of lucidity in the late morning but not able to retrace the memory back far enough to recall, probably due to a series of FA's. Parts remembered:

FA: laying in bed holding a large round stick about waist level and twirling it around in the air realizing I am dreaming and how real it feels. Like guitar the other night.

FA to WILD like transition with various HH's, one scene forms with a little boy who I think looks maybe like a girl and I try to morph her into Girl Friday.

FA Apartment/Motel-like - I "wake up" and at first think something along the lines of ok this is my apartment, this is normal/IWL (even though I don't live in an apartment...FA's can be tricky!) I hear water the sound of a shower running and walk that way. Door to shower room is closed. Sink outside is running/filling, water is orangish. Weird...hmm I'm dreaming again, look at mirror and confirmed by feeling sleep mask but not showing in mirror image. Decide Girl Friday will be in shower but dream fades when opening door.

Spin out of fading dream into outdoor courtyard and restaurant and waiter that looks familiar before fading to bed for good. 218 & 219 Night time intention seems more important than ever.

Using memory list tool to remember dreams during night. Did not list them all here. Daniel Love's peg system.

(okay that took too long, need to find quicker way to document LD's. Maybe one picture images.)

10/21/14 FA thinking about previous dream, caught, stunning Angelina Jolie look-alike, romance, sex, nice butt, most awesome dream breasts ever!(nice size, awesome shape, the size and color of areola, vivid), vivid close up of her"ahem". Wowzers! 217


10/18/14 lucid at seeing a baby or toddlers arm in a position in which it would be propping up his head, but only the arm is visible. Aha. <memory gap> Find a dream guitar and start playing it like I am an awesome guitarist. Three notes using lower strings, three notes using upper strings and then slide my other finger up the guitar (sorry I don't know the terminology...no musician...yet!). Was able to remember the basic sound/rhythm IWL. Feel myself back in bed with my fingers grasping the edge of the bed and I can still almost feel the guitar but it is fading. 216

<gap in lucid nights: late nights, travelling, even a 0 recall night in here with only a memory that I was just dreaming something but can't remember what on that night; other nights varying degrees of recall but most notably low during late late to bed nights and during travel>

10/8/14 Seeing a ghost sitting at the foot of my bed with his head bowed down in shame. I think about my big goal question mentally: "What is the biggest thing holding me back in life?" and start verbalizing by asking the ghost/dc what his name is several times. The name Eric pops into my head. This brings up conflict which I assume is pointing to an inner conflict within myself and this comes in the form of a struggle with the "ghost." This struggle claws at my lucidity until I wake into an FA not caught. Same house, my grandmother's or somewhere visiting her. 215

10/6/14 ja han ska liva; In car and decide with turmoil around the best place to park is just above the ground - okay...I'm dreaming. Get out girl named Becky, about 15, keep going and get onto a bus, mooning people as they get on and go to a dark haired Hispanic? woman and she gives me a bj. I even think for a moment, what if she were to take a bite but I suppressed it well and went on in pleasure! 214

I haven't been paying attention to dreaming much lately. Life has been getting busier. But last night I thought, "I'm going to lucid dream." And I did! It was a little different from other LDs I've had; there was no point at which I consciously thought, "I'm dreaming!" I just gradually became more aware. It was a very long dream.

I was part of a group of people who had to recapture some kind of relic from an underground place. It was being held by enemies of some kind, maybe orcs. I see it--a small glowing thing--on a ledge about 50 feet away. We manage to sneak by the orcs and capture the relic. Suddenly Sarek of Vulcan appears. I say something like, "Sarek, it's an honor to have your here." He replies, "Your name is no less esteemed." (Seems like a very Sarek thing to say.) I get the impression that we are doing a good job on our missions vs. the bad guys.

We casually walk out of the place without anyone stopping us. We might've had disguises; I don't remember. Just as we're going through some large double doors, there's an uproar behind us. One of the group, a white woman, shoots up in the air and starts flying. I think for a second that, "Whoa, she just did that. Maybe I can too." So we leave all our bags behind and just shoot up in the air. It was around this time that I became lucid. I was thinking that my dream-flying was different from any other time I've done it, that I was more "floaty". I was really enjoying myself. I thought about how I was really lying in bed, and I knew I was starting to wake up. I focused on the face of the woman beside me, in an attempt to stabilize the dream. I don't know her face. The stabilization works, and I stay asleep!

Later we are in a shopping area, a cute strip mall or something. I think, "I want my backpack." (The one I left behind.) I hold out my hand and make it appear beneath me! This is another 'first' for me. I felt like Q from Star Trek, making something appear just by willing it to happen! Later we are in a different shopping area. I remember the pumpkin challenge for October. There's one pumpkin right in front of me, but it's already broken open and there is trash inside. I go looking for another pumpkin. There's a nice orange one. I plan on using my hand to cut it open, but then I think, "This isn't my pumpkin.. maybe I should ask if I can cut it open." I smile at this person, a black woman. I ask if I can open the pumpkin and she says yes. But at that time the dream abruptly ends.

I have some funny dream logic. What do I need with bags in a dream, anyway? And do I really need permission to open a pumpkin in my own dream? Silly brain.

18th October 2014:

Note: These entries are ripped straight from my personal dream journal, so if any descriptions seem odd, it's usually something to help me personally remember what I'm referring to, not to easily describe it to others

Tonight's was a very intense and unusual dream. Though some of the first details are (at current) a little fuzzy, I will do my best to record them. The first thing that happened was a panoramic view of a large stone cliff, like a massive slab of rock layered with green lichen, against a blue sky with soft, fragmented clouds. My Dad was there, and was, I think helping me around; the old red Polo may have been there too, perhaps with Dad driving towards the cliff edge (with me inside it, in the back seat).

Next I saw a brief scene of Raziel running with his energy-sword attached to his arm, through a grey-tiled kitchen with wooden doors that reminded me much of the crudely rendered doors from Soul Reaver; he was running through a kitchen with massive old metal ovens, which filled much of the room to either side of him, and seemed to be of a 19th Century design. A few apples rolled off the counters of the ovens and onto the floor as he ran, making his way to the door to the right at the opposite end of the room.

In the next scene, I was in a dimly torch-lit chamber in a castle, standing, the dream camera focused on my face, against the wall with my hands in shackles; I was still Tyrion Lannister, and I knew Peter Dinklage's character to be "me". Cersei Lannister screamed something at me, her eyes squinted in fury and her red dress, flowing as she moved, was embroided with gold, the Lannister colours. An official, male stentorian voice asked me (or words to this effect) if I pleaded guilty, and I believe told me that I had a chance to escape my fate. However, I pleaded guilty to whatever the charges were that were placed against me, and looked to the other end of the square chamber, where an identical dwarf to myself was standing in ragged linen robes, and I admitted to being the same person as that dwarf, a dwarf called "Scar"; some instinct told me that he was me from the future or something, and that we were one and the same person, as identifiable by the fact that we were both Peter Dinklage. The guard by the door, a noble looking sort with white stubble dressed in extravagant armour of gold and crimson with a crested, arching helm (he looked a little like Barristan Selmy beneath the armour) banged the tip of spear on the ground and said something along the lines of "Tyrion Lannister; you had the chance to free yourself from this fate, however you have pleaded guilty, and you are sentenced to death."

The next scene was by far the most memorable. This scene (as it seemed to be part of a continuous story, so I'll call it that), took place in a massive, lava filled circular arena; in the middle was a raised circular platform with a mesh-floor border, and then, in the centre of the circle, wood. A shaped slab of rock serving as a table sat in the centre, which I can only describe as "Christmas-Pudding shaped"; it reminded me of the larger slab of rock at the beginning of tonight's dreams. I was sat on (I think) a smaller slab, and next to me was Renly Baratheon, though for whatever reason, I thought that my name was Tyrion Baratheon , and that he was my brother. He sat resplendent in his green and gold battle armour, a great helmet with curved horns sat above his head; technically it should have been antlers, but the dream didn't seem to get this detail correct. Set before us were two plates with biscuits on them: A couple of cookies and a shortbread. A wavery-voiced announcer, Pycelle, I think, said over some kind of loudspeaker system (there's no other way his voice could have been as loud as was) announced that the convicted had been given meals to reflect where they had come from, I, from the Dornish Marches apparently, (perhaps I had been helping out in Dorne or something), which I for whatever reason agreed with. Apparently light, crumbly biscuits also passed for Dornish cuisine. As for Renly, I don't remember where the dream said he was from, so I'll just assume it said Storm's End.

We had a frank chat before our impending deaths; I offered Renly one of my biscuits (three light, crumbly biscuits were to be my last meal) but he refused. I only remember a few actual snippets of the conversation, but I'll record them as best I can. The scene gradually shifted to my bedroom, but we were still sat on the stone chairs before the stone table. I said "You know, we Baratheons have Targaryen Blood." Renly had looked astonished, and asked how far back that was. There was a tiny wise-woman on my bed (Tiny; she was probably about the size of a rat), wearing a frayed blue-grey robe and walking with a gnarled stick (or should I say twig). She seemed to be portrayed by Rosemary Harris. She told us that our ancestry stretched all the way back to "Fingers Targaryen"; I asked her how many children he had had (I presume to get an idea of how much the family line could have branched out between Targaryen and Baratheon), and she told me that he had a great many sons. I grinned and replied "He must have had his fingers in all the pies." This provoked a great laugh from Relny, and I smiled; we felt close as our impending deaths approached. The wise woman disappeared, and I finished my biscuits. I think I then asked Renly something along the lines of "Didn't you already die in 2010? What was it like?" however, I don't remember the answer. Eventually, as the hour of doom approached, I found myself hugging him, weeping, and crying. "I love you, man!" I had said. He then slumped backwards, his legs bending back behind him below the knees. I ran to him and shook him, pleading with him not to leave the mortal coil, and picked up from next to his corpse a small black-bordered console with two knobs, its main body coloured like fire. It had a small, dim display with red lettering on it showing the amount of time I had left to live: It was not long. I pleaded with him "What's it like?! What was it like?! Will I see you there?! What do you see?!" but there was no response.

It was then that I remembered I had to tell everyone of my impending death; during this time I saw a brief image of me scrabbling for my phone in the dim back section of the caravan, the light of day streaming through the open door, but a moment later, I was back to the feeling of scrabbling for my phone in the world I had been in previously with Renly; I had to tell everyone that I was going to be dead in the morning, and began to write the lines, something along the lines of "When you all wake up tomorrow, I will not be here...", however I did not finish, and snapped awaked, shouting "No!" as I realised my death was approaching. It took me a while to shake the feeling of the dream, and it was one of the more vivid ones I've had since restarting this journal. That was everything I can recall of tonight's dreams.

Non-Dream Dream Lucid

Dream 1:

I am at a Target store buying gear for a home run derby. I have a bat and a Mike Trout ball that is oddly shaped. Trout is there too. Now I am at the home run derby in the stands. The crowd has to pay per pitch. Therefore the popular / well-liked players get more pitches because the crowd is willing to pay.

Dream 2:

I am at a restaurant with my friend/coworker GM. I am teaching him how to play a video game and the subject of lucid dreaming comes up. I become lucid. Not too sure how it happened - I guess the just talking about it made me become aware. I tell GM about all of the different things that I like to do when I am lucid like flying and eating. I cook some hamburgers and we both eat one - it tastes amazing. I am bored so I decide to trash the back of the restaurant where the cooks are. After this I go outside and decide to do something constructive with my lucid opportunity. There is nobody outside of the restaurant - which now looks like one of the outside eating areas at UCLA (above the bookstore). I yell out "why am I so anxious all the time." No answer and nothing happens. Then I yell out "show me something I am afraid of" so maybe I can conquer some of my fears. Still nothing so I yell it out again. Suddenly a man appears from behind one of the buildings and walks toward me aggressively. I know he wants to fight me. Apparently I am afraid of confrontations. He starts punching and kicking and I block all of it. Not just normal blocks though - I actually catch his fists and feet with my hands. Then I proceed to thoroughly kick his ass.

After the ass beating I do my favorite lucid activity - flying. I fly over the football field at UCLA. There are people playing so I join the game. I make several great catches while flying and I shout out that I am the greatest football player ever at UCLA.

Dream 3:

I am having amazing sex with a very petite woman. At times during the sex I can see us from 3rd person view.

Spoiler for Sex details:

We are having sex with me standing and holding her by her ass. She is riding me for about 5 minutes. Just as I am about to cum, I pull out and spray allover her face and in her mouth. I feel like I am finished ejaculating and I put my dick in her mouth. Apparently I am not done and I keep going in her mouth. It starts pouring out and covers her entire body. Once I am finished we start making out like crazy.

I stay the night and we have sex again the following morning in the shower. We head out to the backyard to do some gardening and I think her parents are there with us. It is very awkward. I am trying to stake some pepper plants but I am out of string / tape. I try to find an Ace or Home Depot store driving through the Culver City / Inglewood area on Sepulveda. The area looks like one giant mall towering over the street. I step into a Home Depot store and find the string - the store is very ghetto. I go to the outside section of the store and find myself in the army doing drills.

I found myself in a situation similar to that of high school, only it was about wizardry and had collars involved. I and the other students where all wearing collars and I got the general feeling that the collars where a symbol of us being owned and dominated by something.

I felt right at home considering that my mental and bodily integrity remained intact. I was sitting next to this boy in one of the classes, I don't remember what the subject was, when he started to rub his foot on my lower leg. Considering how lonely I am, I decided to put my attention onto him. It was awkward nonverbal conversation for the most part. Then that reality faded into the recesses of my brain.

Black: Non-dream
Blue: Non-lucid
Red: Lucid

Didn't really attempt a proper SSILD last night, turned off all my alarms so I could try and get a good sleep, which I did . Recalled 3 dreams but the last dream I had was forgotten while writing them into my DJ.

Dream 1 - Obstacle course race (~4am)
Me and a lot of other people are involved in some kind of race. The scenery is typical New Zealand green bush, the track we were running along mazed around with streams on both sides. The first part of the race involved everyone running along this track, it branched off in a few directions, I decided I could try the direct route by just jumping into the shallow stream. I didn't anticipate it slowing me down so much, and eventually I climbed back up onto the track. Shortly after I reached the second part of the race, where there were rails stretching left to right along the ground, spaced about half a metre apart with tall grass and puddles between them. Everyone had to jump from rail to rail, the alternative was that you'd just trip over them trying to run across to the end of this obstacle (I seem to remember a few people breaking their ankles when they missed a rail). I leaped from rail to rail, building momentum until I had a good stride going, I became quite focused on this and nearly fell over when I bumped into a woman. We both hurried onwards, some sense of urgency kept us going in the race. I reached the end of this obstacle, and there stretched an expansive short-grass field. At the end was a playground which I identified as the finish line, to left of it I could see the corner of a fenced off tennis court (I didn't seem to really look at it, hence the corner being in my peripheral vision). Everyone that had made it to this point was sprinting off, giving it everything they had to reach the end. For some reason my running was a bit 'weird', I seemed to be skipping and flailing my arms back and forth (I believe I was trying to create a swinging momentum with each skip to propel myself further). In the dream I thought this was the best way to maximize my speed, everyone else seemed to be running normally though. I had a feeling that everyone else was worn out by now, and I managed to spot my friend M and A (I haven't seen A for a long time, he was a childhood friend who moved overseas). M was running pretty damn fast, he shouldn't have been able to since he has asthma and is pretty against exercise. To my right I noticed that it seemed like a nice sunset was happened, and the hill sloped upwards in its direction, in retrospect I wish I had gone up and seen it. I seemed to come in the top 10 or the racers, and it resets to the start of the race. I'm now standing with a bunch of others in orange overalls on the top of a hill, at the bottom of which are a bunch of police setting up the race. We're convicts. A friend is next to me and starts saying he's going to make a run for it and jump onto the race track and escape that way. He bolts off down the road and I follow, knowing that if he was to succeed he'd need a good distraction, I think my plan was to yell out I saw something in the opposite direction he was going to go.

Dream 2 - Looking after my daughter
I'm in my parents house, my mother and wife have gone out shopping and have left me and my daughter to play. It was a really nice dream, she and I were playing with her toys and I was talking to her good feels, not a particularly long or eventful dream though, but definitely memorable.

Dream - Lucid

I was going to get married to my high school boyfriend, Brett. His mom was talking to me about it; she was really excited. I kept thinking that I would rather be with Dallas, but for some reason, I agreed to marry Brett.

We were then in the building we were getting married in. It was a tower. The room we were in was very large and had tall ceilings. There was a very large, almost floor-to-ceiling window to the right. There were very few people there, only immediate family. We were up at the front, about to get married. All the sudden, we heard thunder. We went to look out the window. It was nighttime, and you could see many other towers outside the window, as if we were in a city. There was then a very large bolt of lightning. The thunder coincided with it, however, it struck a tower that was in front of us, and the thunder just...stopped. It was like it hitting the building muted it. I think it had something to do with the sound barrier. The tower that was hit started to crumble. It then started to collapse. It was hitting a tower directly beside it as well, which was making it fall too. One of the towers then started to lean towards our window! I thought for sure we were done for; this was the end. My mom started to yell
"We're gonna die! We're gonna die!"
The top of the tower then came crashing through the large window we were observing from. I noticed my brother was in the path of it, and I tackled him out of the way. The tower crashed down inside the building, crushing Brett and his family, but my mom, brother, a random guy, and I were all safe.

I then replayed this scene over again for some reason. I already knew what was going to happen the second time around. Nothing changed except for the fact that I already knew what was going to happen.

This dream was very intense and vivid. The feeling of being scared, about to die and accepting it is really powerful. As soon as I woke up, I had the urge to wake my husband up and tell him about it, but I let him sleep.

~

I was in this area that was just a lot of rooms. It's like the rooms were many room-sized stalls lined up. They didn't have a ceiling. In my room, I was getting provocative pictures taken of me by a young, blonde female photographer. I believe it was nighttime. We took a break from it, and I left my room and saw that next door, Ceejay, this girl I used to work with at Kohl's, was also getting provocative pictures taken of her. She was naked and sitting on the floor. There was a huge glob of yellow-tinted (I assumed it was used) lube sitting on a pillow next to her. She was talking to me, and I kept looking at the gross lube.

Then, this tall, sturdily built blonde woman who was supposed to be my mom, looked into my room and saw the photographer and all the equipment. She was a very conservative woman, so I knew she'd be pissed. After a few minutes, I ran into her, and she told me that she told the photographer to go home. She said other things, but I can't remember. She was stern about it. I'm sure at some point she told me not to do that, blah blah blah whatever.

So anyway, she left, and I saw my photographer walking by. I wanted to stop her and tell her to stay. I don't think I did. I then was thinking about how I didn't normally like to get my picture taken, but if it was a provocative photo, I enjoyed it.

~

Dallas and I had just gotten back from being out all day. It was my day off. I was playing some game though I don't remember much about it. I was then thinking about how I had picked up a shift at work that night. Why had I agreed to do that? I then couldn't remember what time I had agreed to. Was it 5? 6? 7? I then saw it written down on a piece of paper. I still couldn't tell if it was 5, 6, or 7. I looked at the clock and it was past 5, but I was then pretty sure it was 6. Boo that.

I then was in this hospital room with Dallas. It was a very large hospital room with many beds lined up. The lights were half off and no one was in the room but us. I walked down to the 4th bed down and started telling Dallas about how I was in that bed one night when I was having very bad stomach pains. The doctors checked me out and I was fine, so they sent me home. I "remembered" a guy being in the bed to my right.

I then was at the bakery with Dallas. I wasn't on the clock; I was honestly hoping that they would forget that I agreed to come in that night. The manager, Shannon, was there by herself. We got to talking. She was being very nice to me. I then made a comment about her being there all the time. She then said something about me being there all the time.
"The kids would like it if you were here all the time," she said.
It made me really happy to hear her say that. I must be good at talking to the kids who come up wanting free cookies.

.../Once again I'm in my grandparents house, it's dusk and there's a strong electric storm out there. I'm on my room, looking to the front side of the house when a lightning hits the hanging cables of the power supply of the city. There's a lot of sparks and a roaring noise until everything goes dark. The following scene, reminds me a WL night, when I was learning to use a semi-automatic photographic camera taking pictures of candles in front of an arrangement of mirrors. It was midnight under a clean full moon sky, when the energy supply of the city was cut for a few minutes. There's an old stadium in front of the house which looked amazing under the moonlight. For some reason, I go downstairs and find my old bike which looked something like this one here:

although it was another brand name. This time I find a dynamo to put in the wheel. I'm happy with this finding because it's something I was wishing for long time ago. I try to see if it works, when I decide to go out. I see my old comrade

is coming with me to take over the streets! He runs next to me, although sometimes I let him behind because of he finds something interesting to smell before turning back to run again. It's a known uphill wide street from my old days that I have to pedal standing on the pedals. I see him getting to nose into a passage when it automatically triggers my lucidity, I don't need to confirm because everything seems clear to me. I'm back in the days! I feel amazed how real I can feel my bike once again, and see my buddy boy once again running free on the streets. I want to do some tricks with my bike. I just get to run on a wall for a while. Not bad, but I don't remember any other I use to do when I dream here. Then I remember about there's the TotM, but anything else comes to my mind. I'm too focused on the bike to think about it. I turn to wait my pal. I got to jump with the bike high enough to turn it in the air. If it could talk it'd say something like: asd&ti§o3/?*83hihfj$ I'm laughing of my sketched move when I see my buddy running again, then I turn again still trying to unsuccessfully remember some task to do. I feel my legs are starting to get tired. I sit pedaling for a while, but I don't find it funny to ride my bike that way. I stand up again, when I see my dog running somewhere else. I decide it's time to leave him go. I turn in the opposite direction to get into a cross section. I have to brake some before getting into the traffic and realize I'm going towards the cemetery of the city. That's it, now I remember. I put some flowers on the graves, now I have to change the color of the flowers, of course, that's the task of the month!! () I'm getting closer to the main gate when the dream starts fading away/...

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