nightmare

First entry, not exactly sure how I should start it off.

A few nights ago, I was able to recall 4 dreams and explain each of them to my boyfriend when I woke up and started a Skype call. Normally, I'm left confused when I wake up because of how vivid my dreams are. I am often left scrambling to the surface, especially if I'm trapped in a nightmare. I can never tell the difference between a dream and reality.

With that being said, however, because my boyfriend is so into dreams (lucid, wild, and just about anything to do with dreams really), I've started to notice things in my dreams that would normally make me think "I'm just dreaming". The stupid part about this though, I'm 90% of the time not even in control of my body, it's like I'm running on autopilot or I'm in a video game or something.

Anyhow, a few nights ago I had a strange dream where I went back in time (I'm not sure how many years, but my neighbors weren't there anymore so I'm assuming more than 10 years ago), which made my surrounding world appear in black and white. In most of my dreams, I'm being chased by something, and in this particular case it was a man with a really messed up face. Trying to recall the dream now is hard, because I didn't really care to hold tightly to the details, but the interesting part was going into the little "Sam's Market" about a half mile from my house. When I walked in, color was retained again and for some odd reason it was more like a 7-11, not like how the actual layout of the store really is. I wandered up and down the isles, picking up a twinkie and then putting it back.

I can't remember much after that, to be honest.

I honestly think the only reason I had a lucid dream (about a month ago) in the first place, was because I was talking about it RIGHT before I went to sleep, I was playing unblock me (which ironically helps me ease into sleep) and I had been waking up every hour (pretty sure I have insomnia of some sort).

I guess I just have to do reality checks every hour for a week until I can try and become lucid in my dreams. I don't really fancy being chased around all the time.

It starts out with me in a strange attic looking down on an L-shaped walkway. As i look through the dust covered window I noticed a lone-person walking away. I turn my attention to my hands where I am holding a facehugger/black rib-cagecovered in flesh and blood. I was snapping away the legs/ribs. I remember looking at this and everything fading to black.
I come back to consciousness in a strange tower with two of my friends, their twins. The stairs were a darkwood, the walls covered in pink wall insulation, and the windows covered in dust and soot. I follow him up the stairs to a door. I warn him not to open it but he goes ahead anyway. As the door creaks open to the right, I see the window I was looking out of earlier, a bed, the flooring was red carpet, an old TV and TV stand to the left, and an outline of a circle on the floor. My friend stepped over the circle and a loud snapping noise rang out. We both made eye contact, he knew what was about to happen, he fell through into the black abyss. I had a strange sense of deja vu about thee same exact dream. After my friend fell through I panned the room. To my right was a grey male body with ripped dark clothing hunched forward. His head had split open and his brain had grown at least 5 times in size. I then proceeded to blackout again.
I came to in a field beside my grandparents house in Damascus, Maryland. In the back yard, under a massive tree, I saw around 10 children my age playing with a jump-rope, dandelions, and possibly a football. I went over to play and found a tire swing hanging from a branch. It was very windy but warm. The sky was clear blue without a single cloud in the sky. I had a strange feeling of nirvana, a somewhat inner peace. But, I again started to fade away to darkness.
I came to walking down a hill between a girl on my left and a boy on my right. The hill was right in front of the old mess hall at Raven Knob Scout reservation in North Carolina. As we walked down the hill onto the gravel road we reunited with the 10 kids fro earlier. I started having the deja vu feeling again. The gravel road somehow morphed into my backyard as we walked. On the left is my house, which has two car-width garage doors with four windows on each of them, and a regular door at the end of the side of my house. The middle is the driveway that leads to the road and the right is my neighbors house with two small trees and a few shrubs. As we walked onto my driveway I looked to the right and saw the grey male body from earlier under a pile of branches. It all came to me at once, I remembered what happens next but I was to late. My friend saw the body and tried to say something when both of his legs broke and he fell to the ground in a violent seizure. I turned around and opened the door to the garage and jumped through, I turned around and in my driveway stood a tall, black, alien like creature staring at me. I looked to my hispanic friend Brandon and tell him to close the door but without any emotion he said nothing and slowly walked to the back of my garage. I ran up, closed the door, and looked through the window. Everything looked normal, no bodies, no aliens. I open the door to find two aliens. Scared, I sprinted up the driveway just to be stopped by another alien. So, I ran back into the garage and ran up the stairs. I somehow teleported to my grandparents kitchen. I was holding a black, wall phone and 911 was asking for my emergency. In front of me was two windows that allowed me to see the rolling fields where I used to play. They were burned, all of it. There was three sets of double digit numbers rapidly changing on the wall to left of the windows. Everything went silent, I looked through the windows and saw a nuclear explosion just barely go off when I woke up.

There was a non-lucid precursor to this dream, but I can hardly remember it now. The lucid dream was so long too, it felt like an hour.

As for classification, I would actually consider this an "epic lucid" with my epic dreams commonly being long non lucid dreams. It fits all of the classifications, and then being lucid.

The non-lucid precursor to the dream involved me getting set to a prison for supposedly murdering someone. The world had become like the book 1984, where you were supposedly monitored by anyone. My sentence was three years.
The prison was on an island, but I met up with this young Asian girl who tried to break me out by leading me across this boardwalk at night. On the first attempt, we were caught, but the second time, we broke out and walked back to my house.
When I got home, I walked in the door casually.
"Dad, I'm home from the death camp, two years early too."
It was around this time that I woke up.

I think that this was a DEILD

I reentered the dream somehow, and became lucid. The first thing that I remember doing was yelling "clarity" and touching things to stabilize the dream.
Every time that I yelled "clarity" the brightness would increase for a second or two, then return to normal. I yelled "permanent clarity" and the dream remained vivid and bright.
At first, I tried to find the girl that had helped me escape the prison. For some reason, I had become very attached to her. I tried conjuring her with the "behind the door trick", but I could no longer find her.
Then, for the longest time, I just walked around the house, feeling the surroundings and stabilizing the dream. I was touching door-frames and counter tops. I was kind of stumped on what to do, and I did not know what to make of my time.
The dream's recreation of my house was stunningly accurate. Once again, as I did in lucid dreams #3 and #7, I went around touching things and experimenting, trying to further stabilize and lengthen the dream time.
I can remember meeting my dad in the dream. He was in the family room, and as typical of lucid dreaming characters, he told me that lucid dreaming was bad and that nobody should ever do it.
Eventually, I went outside. At first I wanted to try flying, but later the reason became that nothing was happening. When I opened the door, there was nothing but a white void, as though the dream had not prepared for me to go outside. But things began to form around me. I could tell it was a city setting, but that It looked colorful and cartoonish.
I was able to minimally direct the creation of the outdoor city, but it was frustratingly hard to control. I frowned upon the cartoonish nature of the area, and decided that it would be fun to destroy the city, being lucid.
I looked around. All of the buildings were prominently labeled with their function. (Police station, Fire station, Post office, etc)
I decided to try the fire station first. I held up my hand, and a white laser beam shot out of my hand. It was not a powerful attack, but it pitted and gouged the outside of the building.
"Make the power level 50!" I'm not entirely certain why I said this. It seems to be that when I say something in a lucid dream, it does not get said in quite the way that I meant.
I tried again, and the laser was much more powerful this time. After I was satisfied with destroying the fire station, I targeted this group of dream characters. They looked like some sort of boy scout troop.
But this large, overweight woman emerged from the chaos. She had a very long nose, like a beak. She also had a purple dress, and she looked almost like some nightmare. (Keep in mind the cartoonish nature of this lucid dream)
Beak woman:"Stop that right now!"
Me:"But this is my dream, I can do anything without consequence!" (Like go on a destructive rampage shooting laser beams out of my hands.)
Beak woman:"You think that you can do anything without consequence?! That is not the case in your dreams!"
I could sense that this dream character was powerful, or at least telling one iota of truth. I wanted someone to back me up.
"Alright, where's Lia Manei?!"
Knowing that Lia is my dream guide, she would resolve the issue. This curtain rose at the end of the street,where there was some kind of stage, and she was wearing this broad red hat, and this facepaint over her mouth that made it look like she had a huge, almost creepy smile on. Though I've known her forever now, and I'm accustomed to these costume changes. She proceeded to teleport next to me.
"Lia Manei, This dream character thinks that there is a consequence to me doing whatever I want in a dream. What should we do?"
I said this confidently, knowing that she would take my side.
Lia Manei didn't reply, but proceeded to conjure a tree trunk and have it collapse onto the beak woman. When it fell, I saw her arms become really long, and her hands turned to black claws. She pushed the log off of her and she had become this nightmare monster.
I flew up into the air. I was ready to lash out and attack with my lasers again, but I remembered what it is better to do with nightmares.
"STOP! Your a nightmare! What do you represent?!"
The monster-woman shrank back down, and became a kitten. I flew back down, where Lia Manei had already picked up the kitten and tried to open the cat's mouth to illicit some sort of response. I woke up at that moment.

So yeah, that's it. I skimped on a lot of detail in the beginning, mainly because the dream was so long, and It would have been too long to actually remember it all. But the ending portion, is in my opinion, more interesting than all else.

I'm in my grandparents' house (my father's parents), yet somehow the house looks messed up and the rooms are bigger and contain strange tools...suddenly, I see my 2 cousins S&K in a trap by Jigsaw..they are hanged from their upper bodies and they have to get their hands in a device that will cut/crush them or in 30 second their legs will be cut....unfortunately, they lose and the device cut their legs...they fall on the floor n start spitting blood and then they die (sorry for being graphical, but it was even worse in the dream)
next scene...I'm in the bedroom (same house) and the furniture is the same as in real life this time..then my cousins are behind me, I say: how come you're alive???!! they say that this is a new episode so everyone lives again..
I was afraid Jigsaw would put me in a trap...but after what they said, I was a little relieved.

Color legend: Non-dream Dream Lucid

Lucid #30: Fire Escape

I'm leading a group of perhaps a dozen small children down a fire escape. We're on the third floor, there's no railing (!), and the kids are wandering everywhere. I'm holding hands with two of them and trying desperately to corral the others with my feet. My anxiety level is out of sight and I don't know how to get them down safely. To my horror, a pair of the kids wander off of the unrailed fire escape, falling to the ground below. One of the fallen kids seems to hurt his ankle and the other gets a huge gash on his arm. I scoop the rest of the kids up under my arms and run down to the bottom, grateful that they're not more badly hurt.

Later, Wife and I are standing on a viewing platform at the top of a skyscraper. It's night and I'm leaning against the railing, recounting to her what happened, still feeling really rotten. I tell her, "It was like some kind of nightmare..." I get suspicious, perform a nose pinch RC and now I have it all figured out.

I'm overjoyed not only to be lucid but also that nobody actually got hurt and none of that earlier stuff even happened. I float up and then fly off into the night, forgetting entirely to say goodbye to Wife. I fly over the city, circling around another skyscraper before banking left. Ahead of me is an empty bridge that crosses a bay. I fly under it, performing a high-speed barrel roll as I go. It feels amazing, but as I emerge from under the bridge, my vision goes completely dark.

I'm still flying, though. I can feel cool air rushing past my body, so I just go with it, flying blind for a while. I don't want to lose my lucidity so I start belting out songs that talk about flying. I think that I may have mostly performed Foo Fighters' "Learn to Fly" but I sometimes suffer from musical confusion in lucid dreams. Whatever song it was, I was really going for it and I became vaguely worried that my sleeping body might be singing too.

I suddenly find myself standing in our master bedroom, no longer in flight. The room's dark and Wife is asleep on her side of the bed, but I'm not fooled. Still dreaming. For some reason, I drag our bookcase out into the middle of the room to see how realistic it feels. (Very.) But then I worry that Wife will get up to go the bathroom and run into it, so I shove it back into place.

I float downstairs and head to the back door. I know that it's deadbolted shut, so I phase through, the glass pane chilling my skin like cool water. I remember that I want to find Purgatory for the Task of the Month. I imagine as Dante described it -- as a terraced mountain located somewhere in the seas of the southern hemisphere. I take flight again and start looking for it. I realize now that I flew north instead of south... oops! Somehow I wind up flying into a huge cavern that takes me downward into a sewer, where I'm soon lost.

Rather than flowing with things, I become alarmed and want to find my way out of this "mess" to get back on track. The ceilings are low so I'm forced to run through the (fortunately quite pristine) sewer water. There's daylight somewhere up ahead and I race through twisting, turning passageways to find it.

I finally spot a hole in the ceiling up ahead with daylight streaming through it (is it daytime now?) Unfortunately, along with the daylight, a steady stream of enormous, squealing rats is pouring in through the hole as well. They come right for me, and I'm not thinking clearly enough to come up with a clever plan. I punch the rats in the head or their potato-like bodies when they draw near, and each time I do the rat flops limply onto its back, not moving.

I'm almost to the hole when Erik Estrada himself steps in front of me, telling me to stop. I've unfortunately gotten swept up into caveman mode and I summon a weapon with which to fight Erik Estrada. Fortunately, I look at my right hand and discover that the "weapon" I summoned is just a modest zucchini squash. As the dream fades, I tell Erik Estrada that I am "really sorry about that", but he doesn't seem to hear.

I ingested a traditional tribal "flood" dose of Iboga, a oneirogen that induces a waking dream state for 12 - 48 hours & has been used for centuries by the people of Gabon as a coming of age shamanic plant. Basically you're Lucid Dreaming while awake. I decided to take the root when I found out about it & how unlike hallucinogens the visions you receive from Iboga are not vague or open to much interpretation. Many people see parts of their life replayed, they feel the pain or joy their actions caused. Some see deities or significant people in their life including people who've passed away. Some people claim it's the tree of knowledge of good & evil from the bible.

It was risky for me to begin with because I have a heart condition & Iboga is very intense on the heart. The idea is to experience complete ego death which is followed by all the visions. Going through hell to get to heaven. Knowing this I decided to take the root right before going into the emergency room so in case if anything happened I would be in good hands.

I was really yearning for a spiritual aspect to my life which had been lost. All my life I was told what to believe mixed with my own beliefs & thoughts about all these different possibilities. I felt as if it would be best for me to experience what is true for me spiritually myself. So I decided ego death & true transcendence along with visions of my life would give me some answers. Needless to say, I was not disappointed.



It started to come on subtlety at first, in the emergency room waiting area things became very dim & dead looking like all the warmth to colors was slowly being sucked out. I started to feel as if I was riding some giant wave of reality in isolation of everything around me. Like the world could swallow me whole at any moment. I started to get worried because the waiting room was full & only 30 minutes into a 2 day experience I could already feel some effects. I kept trying to stress the fact I had ingested something that could send me into a psychotic break, get sick, or kill me. That I needed to be in a bed with a heart monitor & people who could check on me & bring me water while I began to purge.

I eventually get to a room & there's a bed, I'm questioned by doctors nurses & staff constantly as I'm starting to trip. I tell them I ingested it for spiritual purposes & that I should avoid being overstimulated. I purposefully brought a long a sleeping mask & my phone to play music to help move things along. As soon as we made it to the room all this was taken as a precautionary measure to ensure I wouldn't try to hurt myself or someone with it. They kept questioning me for what seemed like an hour. The first part of the trip felt like my body was trying to escape reality, the conscious voice in my head got increasingly paranoid about death, going crazy, saying something wrong to the doctors or nurses. I increasingly was drawing a complete blank as I was being questioned, I kept saying umm more & more as thoughts escaped my mind. My consciousness was becoming consumed with fear as I lost the ability to think & create a coherent sentence. One doctor made me feel guilty saying I ingested a hallucinogen & I was wasting taxpayer money in my "recreational pursuit". This was a search for truth, for meaning. Eventually I asked to be left alone trying to avoid over-stimulation after I answered the same questions about 5 times to 5 different people.

I drank some water which was brought to me & my heart starts pounding like crazy, I hear this intense buzzing in my ears that sounds like I'm near a high voltage transformer or surrounded by beehives. My heart is spiking off the charts on the monitor & I'm told I went into VTAC Ventricular Tachycardia (where your heart beats so fast it could stop). I'm so nauseated & worried at this point I purge into a bucket this green liquid, it looks like I puked up part of the hulk or Nickelodeon slime. I start to feel this energy building at the base of my spine, like hot magma or electricity charging up. At this point my heart is going so fast I'm convinced I won't make it through this & that before I knew it I would be moving onto whatever's next. At this point my ego is just screaming in my head like it wants to murder me, "You're going to wake up insane, you're heart is exploding get ready for the pain, you're dead.. nice job".



Eventually after what seemed like hours of fighting between death & my mind I accept death. With acceptance I slowly start seeing with my eyes closed - red very strongly, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, then violet. As this is happening I feel that magma, that energy, that electricity building at the base of my spine slowly move up as I accept my fate. I kept thinking of mercury moving up a thermometer. With complete acceptance I jolted out into the universe a soul past the purple into an infinite white light. Being a part of it but there was no sense of "I" no me, no body, pure spirit & an overwhelming sense of connectedness & unconditional love overwhelming every ounce of being. Being one with the big bang, forget infinite energy, light, the realest thing you could sense in there was pure joy, bliss, unconditional love, complete peace. No thought, stillness, nothingness, the void.

I wake up sometime later after being moved to what I learn later is the ICU. I'm incredibly lucid & the personal visions are starting to come, I'm so lucid it's like the power of lucidity carried over into waking life. I imagine this medical light on the ceiling that looks like a mushroom cap stretching & changing shape. As I believe it stretches it does so & it really seems to work when I send it unconditional love from my chest. I imagine stretching it so far with love I eventually break through the ceiling into another room.



The first room I broke through into was like a dusty old worn down house with cobwebs all over, wooden floors, a broken window, & it looked like something no one would really appreciate. I notice in the dream I'm wearing clothes that appear to be like Link from Zelda. I'm greeted by two groups of people to my right. One of which is very happy, joyful, they have an inner-childlike sense to them. Curious, compassionate, encouraging, happy to be alive. They're cheering me on & saying great things about the room appreciating everything. I get the sense this is what I must do to move on. Love the room impartially, seeing the good in it. The other group of people seems miserable, they're void of color full of grays & find fault with the room saying things like "Ewww". I decide this is not the direction I want to take & I break down the wall by loving the place I'm at.

I end up in another room & another they're all very similar except each consecutive room is characterized by things of the chakra system. It seemed as though I was breaking down walls to move energy from the 1st chakra (the root) to the 7th chakra (the crown). The root is at the base of the spine & the crown is at the top of the head. A hierarchy of energy from the base of the spine to the top of the head; from the physical aspects of existence to the spiritual. Overall all the same lessons were to be learned. If I hesitated in loving a room, in breaking down a wall I was sent back to the beginning. It seemed like my visions were very influenced by the video games I played growing up. After a lot of tries I made it to the heart chakra (the central 4th & central chakra, the point where the physical aspects of our world become intertwined with the spiritual). Tibetan Buddhists believe the heart is responsible for the white light I saw, the white light people describe seeing before death right before moving onto the next life. Once I got to the heart alot of the questions I wanted answers to started getting answered.



I wanted to know who my soul mate was, what the meaning of life is, why we're here, what is truth for me. The first answer I got was about my soul mate. Right before the trip I was torn between this girl Windy & a girl Samantha I had just met who reminded me of Windy. Then it seems as though Windy had forgotten all about me but she holds such a big place in my heart I wasn't ready to move on. A free spirit, a soul that burns in the night with a deep passion for life, a fire within that you only read about. Her way of living inspired me to begin my spiritual journey which led me to this point. Little did I know there's a reason I dream of her almost every night, why I get Deja Vu around her so much, why when we first met I felt us both gaze into each others souls & I had this incredible sensation like we had met before. Iboga showed me we're soul mates & now I'm left waiting for the right time, for a chance to be her friend. If I ever get that chance I'll make it last until the end. In the vision when I reached the heart chakra I heard my voice boom out loud like I was asking who my soul mate was, it happened automatically like I didn't even have to think of it. It was like because I wrote down all my questions before taking the root the questions were already programmed into my subconscious to be asked later. As soon as that happened Windy appeared on a green lotus flower platform suspended in space & from there she yelled "Kenny! I love you! with such enthusiasm it warmed my soul. I heard her say "We're meant for eternity, our love will stand the test of time". The platform symbolized her heart chakra as I was on mine we communicated our love & our platforms moved together suspended in space until we were together & hugged & kissed with such passion I could feel a beam of love going from my heart to hers with such pure joy & ecstasy it was as if we became one in that moment & our souls were in complete bliss just combining with the others counter part.

Every part of this experience seemed more real than waking life & everyone I saw that I knew personally seemed to be their true self, like the inner child in them was fully out to be them-self, they were so creative & enthusiastic & passionate about everything they did or said. That alone was inspiring to me, passion is a big part of a joyful existence. Enthusiasm, joy, an inner curiosity & appreciation for everything. Every moment. Being true to yourself & not letting your mind convince you to hide or discard aspects of yourself. We have to laugh at the mind, our fears, doubts, insecurities, repression, limiting beliefs. They're all the enemies of progress & reaching our true potential I feel like I got the answers to my other questions through breaking through the walls & becoming one with the clear white light, pure consciousness, connectedness, bliss, joy, I'm a part of everything & everyone as they're a part of me. Unconditional love is the most powerful force in the universe & we have to learn to appreciate everything we do have. I live in America & have a car, a guitar. Do you know how amazing that is? We should all be happy when our basic needs are met because some people don't even have that luxury! Don't wait until you're nearly dead to start being grateful!

This by far was the most beneficial experience I've ever had even though it almost killed me it's like every day is a gift now. When the experience was over I was exhausted & slept for quite a while, when I woke up i saw the most beautiful sunrise I had ever seen from my hospital bed & I was so grateful to be alive, I made sure all the doctors & nurses knew how much I appreciated them taking care of me. I still laugh because when I woke up the kept asking me all these funny questions in case if I had gone crazy.. You did this for spiritual reasons? You said you were selfish before? Do you think eating is selfish?



Beliefs shape our reality, lucidity will show you that so take what you learn with lucidity back to waking life & meet your true potential, that is my foremost goal. Don't be afraid to explore, reintegrate lost parts of yourself, face nightmares with love & see what happens. Lucidity is an invaluable tool. In my second lucid dream ever through belief I was able to experience that ego-less state once again & I woke up feeling great! I highly recommend reading "Lucid Dreaming: Gateway to the Inner Self" by Robert Waggoner if you get the chance. I'm now completely committed to Lucidity for life. I ordered the Remee lucid dreaming mask & I'm so happy, this marks the beginning of my dream journal here & the beginning of my journey to the inner self. To reintegrating every last lost part of me. Healing what I rejected in the past & facing any & all fears. Going on adventures to space, Europe, Australia, Africa, Egypt, the Amazon all with my soul mate Windy who is still in my dreams almost every night (I bought an engagement ring by the way) & I'm saving it until the right time. Thanks for reading! I hope maybe I can inspire someone to strive for lucidity or to just go after their dreams I know my beliefs aren't for everyone. Happy dreaming

7 consecutive nightmares (false awakenings) ...involving me being in the "SAW" movie death games in my aunt's vacation house..
finally realizing I'm dreaming (looking-at-hand reality check)...I run to the nearest balcony...take a look at the fucked up end-of-the world kinda sky and I jump from the balcony as I was mentally exhausted to enjoy the lucidity due to the nightmares (and NO, horror movies don't scare me at all) to end up in false awakening (this time it's not a nightmare)
so...this is the first time I run away from a nightmare upon being lucid (most of my lucid dreams usually involve fun stuff like flying, sex....)
oh well...this is my first entry here planning to write here more often..

10/31/2012

1st Dream
Non Lucid
This is probably the worst dream I have ever recorded. For some reason in this dream I killed my cousin and his new wife because I thought they were evil or something. It turns out my brother had set them up and he was the evil one. There was a long, drawn out horror story like battle with him. He hurts my mom really badly. The dream ends with my dad coming into the room and helping me carry her to the hospital. Pretty shitty dream overall.

2nd Dream
This dream was a Superman themed lucid. I was in some high school and I had to save a guy from falling off of a high dive to his death. This was made difficult because there were a lot of people watching this swim meet or whatever it was and I didn't want them to know my secret identity. I used some flying and telekinesis to save him and burned a hole in the wall with laser vision to escape detection.

3rd Dream
Non Lucid
In this dream I was in some sort of science center on a school field trip. We were supposed to watch a movie but me and my buddy Trevor ended it missing it because instead of filling every seat they made people sit in every other seat and there wasn't enough room for us. So we went out and goofed around in the science center for a while. The teacher found out we missed the movie and got really shitty with us even though it wasn't our fault. Somehow the dream shifts to my grandmas house. I guess the teacher called her and she started giving me shit too. She then kicked over some sort of portable toilet and spilled piss all over the basement floor. Not sure what the hell this whole dream was about. Very surreal

I was sitting in a meadow, surrounded by long, green, sweet-smelling grasses.
I closed my eyes, and let the sun kiss my face, feeling completely at peace.
I don't know how long I sat there, with my long hair billowing in the slight breeze.
A thought crossed my mind. "It is better not to be happy. Because the disappointment of another of life's troubles will hit you with a force that takes every hint of happiness away." Those were the exact words.
My eyes snapped open.
A dark cloud was pulling itself across the sun. The wind picked up to insane speeds. My hair whipped itself against my face suddenly, stinging my cheeks. I felt a little wetness where the stingy feelings were. I put my hand up to my face, and there was a perfect, fine line of blood on my hand.

I looked up, about 500 meters away was a train bridge. The fast approaching train was in grave danger. I knew it, yet, I couldn't spot what the danger was yet.
All of a sudden I knew. The ducts of the bridge were shaking vigorously in the middle.
I wanted to scream as loud as I could. Do anything to attempt to stop the train, with all its' passengers, but I know I could not.
A hollow sound came from my mouth. "Ehhh." I bit my fist, and watched in HORROR as the weakened structure of the bridge gave way, and the train started diving head first in the churning water below.
A lovely little girl flew out, her gaze caught my horror-struck one, as she was flying down towards the water. Her brown braids waved in the breeze. She looked so peaceful. Then there was a big bolt of lightening, and she hit the water with a humongous splash.
The train hit milla-seconds after she did. Right in the same place. Animal-like screams filled the air. A pool of blood surfaced on the water.
My stomach churned.
Cart after cart, plunged into the river, with deformed bodies sliding in after them. Pieces of the bridge crashed in after all of it.
It was HELL.
I realized I was screaming now. My voice matched the others. The helpless ones I could not reach.
The little girl. I caught sight of her again. How could she still be alive??? There was a huge cut on the right side of her face, that was gushing blood.
I didn't hesitate anymore. I dived into the wreckage-filled water, and I was under. I opened my eyes for a split second and saw clouds of blood, and little white pieces, which I assumed were bones. I surfaced, with a gasp, and took in as much air as I could. I looked every which way, trying to catch sight of the little girl. I finally caught sight of her. She was clinging to a piece of the bridge, and I was felt adrenaline rush through me. I swam toward her, with long strokes.
As a piece of train came rushing towards her, threatening to knock into her, and kill her, I made a lunge, and grabbed her arm, and yanked. She cried out in pain, but I pulled her into right arm, as the piece of wreckage came thundering by.
"PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND MY NECK!" I yelled, over the noice. "WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T LET GO!"
She clung to me, and wrapped her legs around my waist, and I started swimming back.
A big, rusty piece of metal with deadly, sharp pieces like swords sticking out of it, was headed straight for me.
I screamed "HOLD ON!!" and I dove under. A piece of metal struck me in the head, and I heard a crack, and an excruciating pain rushed through my upper body.
I felt myself slipping into unconciousness, and was vaguely aware of powerful arms grabbing me around my waist. "Where's the girl????" I remember, screaming in my head.
Then.. Nothing.

I woke up in my dream. Everything was blurry. A handsome face, that has haunted my memory for months, was above me, stroking my hair gently. Angry tears spilled from my eyes. "This can't be real!" I thought. "He's gone. He left. He's not coming back. He drove away."
He pulled his sleeve into his palm, and dabbed at my tears with a feather touch. "Don't cry, honey", he said.
I swallowed. "You left," I whispered.
Confusion came over his face. "But I was always here. I've been here with you for the last four days. I won't leave you."
He took my hand, and kissed it gently. "I promise," he said.
He started to say something else. I was intrigued. Focusing hard.

There were bolts of lightning/electricity, and I woke up with a jolt.
I was sweating, and my heart was pounding like hell.
I didn't know if I was happy or angry to be awoken from the dream.

11.14.2012

The PENIS CUTTER (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Heh, yesterday, I had three blowjobs in a dream, and now this? OH YEAH. *sarcasm*

My dream recall, I'm getting my tulpa to help me recall them whenever I come back home and have time to recall them, considering the time I woke up and went to class was 1-2 hours, and still managed to remember this without writing notes is going pretty well. Tulpaforging, not really so strong at the moment, but I'm trying.



So I'm outside near your typical gas station store, or mini-market area. The atmosphere is gray overall, guess it must be a cold day, or most likely to rain. There's this machine that I'm trying to avoid that apparently cuts the head of your penis off.

It has a mix of colors:

-Blue
-Gray
-Red Eyes
-Black

And its composition, especially for the torso and legs, was fairly basic. It's mostly a rectangular base for the torso, with a few curved ends here and there, and the legs were skinny but extremely durable. It had choppers as well, obviously, so it can cut men's penis heads off.

I'm informed on a screen that shows up like a HUD where I have to mentally synch in the letters that show up, or else the machine/robot cuts my penis off. And what made it more challenging is that I have to at least be 2-5 feet to the machine that's coming at me.

Like WTF.

I had my penis head cut off at least two times, and thank goodness I didn't feel any pain, and the machine can cut the head off REALLY fast. I remember the first time the dream reset where I'm in the same environment with the mini-mart, I was inside the store, and running through the small aisles, trying to make random things fall to slow down the machine.

You know how in a chase where the one being chased pulls down random shit, like a pole or fruits on a fruit stand to distract the chaser? Yeah.

Other than that, the dream was mostly revolved on me trying to avoid the robot until I was ready to synch with the random letters surrounded by a cyan aura.

_________________________

11.14.2012

Princess Zelda collects Dragons? (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I believe I'm in the same environment as I was in the previous dream with the penis cutter, except this time, there's not machine to worry about. I have the assumption that if I go inside the mini-mart, something bad will happen, so I decided to not go in of course.

There's a dream shift where I'm with my father, and he wants to get some rice from one of those to-go areas you see in gas stations (like getting breakfast tacos or something like that). My father asks the man if he can get a specific rice in a specific way, and the employee has a hard time explaining things to him.

I end up coming into the conversation and stating that the rice will be just fine, and that it won't try since it'll have water in it even when it's microwaved. I believe that's the answer the employee was going to state, but couldn't find the words.

The dream shifts again, and I'm back outside the mini-mart. There's this really sexy female. She has dragon armor, similar to this, but more revealing of her skin, and more sluttier:

It was also a mix of this, at least close enough to it, except it was black, and had some red marks near the shoulder areas:

She doesn't seem like she's trying to kill me or anything, she's probably treating me as if I'm another dream character. I could've interacted with her, since she is the most enticing DC in the dream after all. She summons a huge brown dragon, and it comes to her right by her side. It's completely tamed, it moves its head next to her right hand that she has extended for the dragon to touch.

The dragon is at peace, majestic, I could see its scales, this was an awesome dragon, and I was amazed at how much this lady could control the dragon. Then the dream shifts to where I see this same lady near Princess Zelda.

They're both standing near a castle top (like the picture below labeled in red):

The brown dragon is flying above them in a circle, and Princess Zelda (the Twilight Princess version) extends her arms for it to come near her. Zelda then turns to the same lady in the slutty dragon armor, who is probably her dragon tamer assistant or something, and tells her to collect more dragons for her.

She complies, and I guess she goes off to find more dragons to tame.

_________________________

11.14.2012

Las Plagas Victims just can't DIE (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I'm playing as Leon S. Kennedy from Resident Evil 4. I'm trying to shoot all the Las Plagas Victims before they kill him, and I feel as if I'm interchanging in being in Leon's body, and mentally controlling him in spectator mode.

I'm inside of a house, like the type of house made mostly of wood and bricks, like a 1800s type of house. There's a border extending from a wall in the middle of the area, meaning the enemies have to go horizontally from where I'm at before they can get to me.

I'm using basic guns, thinking that they'll be adequate enough to take care of this invasion, but when I shoot their heads off, they are STILL alive. In fact, for some, A white ghost comes out that's still stuck on their body. It's popping out, but not all the way.

Then I thought that I should mentally scroll over to the inventory system, like in Resident Evil 4, and get out the Chicago Typewriter, which has infinite ammo in the actual game, and had the same benefit here in the dream.

I go crazy, I hold on to the trigger, and never released it. These things just won't BLOODY DIE. They're still moving. And the dream shifts where Dr. Salvador (the chainsaw guy) is preparing to come at me, but is waiting for me to come at a reasonable distance to chop my head off or something.

The environment is completely dark, and the only source of lighting for me to distinguish who's there are the occasional flashes of thunder that leaves a brief moment of visualizations. There's also a few fire sources here and there, but they aren't enough to deal with these Las Plagas victims coming at me.

This is my first dream journal entry. Though i've been using a DJ for a couple of years , I think I will start fresh on this site.
Last night I had a couple of disturbing nightmares, 3 which I remember the strongest.

The first one is a dreamscenario which happens now and then when i'm lucid and flying. I start flying as always, you probably know the feeling, everythings perfect and it's really liberating. Though I sometimes fear that this ''Rocket'' scenario is going to take over. So it's simply me flying through the air in the quarters of my old apartment, feeling the wind through my hair , when I suddenly stop and gets paralyzed in mid-air. I no longer have control of my body as I start to soar in a extremely high speed, up to the starry skies. Panic takes control over me and I cannot exit the dream until i'm in dead-air space, choking.

The second one is a new. I was not lucid in this one.
I'm standing on a broad ledge with my mother and uncle, when I look down I see floors scattered around my surroundings on multiple levels, at each floor there's a swimmingpool, and the floors go down maybe 200 meters.
I look across the swimmingpools and I see that this ''compound'' is surrounded by extremely tall and dark trees, almost like a fence. So I get somewhat nervous of what might happen next, as my uncle starts walking toward the edge of the ledge we're standing on.
I try to stop him ,but he jumps down yelling ''Canonball'' and I look down as he approaches a swimmingpool maybe 10 levels down. Of course he misses it and you can hear a wham as his body hits the surface.
Behind me my mother starts screaming this horrible, endless roar, and I jump down the ledge to wake up.

The third was really short and the last nightmare I had that night. I was not lucid in this one.
I'm with two of my friends drinking beer and laughing, when we decides to take a walk. And as we walk out from my friends house and into the street a man comes at us. We get freightened because he's holding a giant machete and is threatening us, we can not run away and he slices me in half, literally..... I can feel myself peel of in half , like i'm suddenly two bodies.. It didn't hurt ,it actually was kind of interesting, but scary yes.

Non-Dream
Dream
Lucid

I was agressively pulled from my bed by an evil force and started to fly down the hallway. I was able to catch the frame of the bathroom door and climb into the mirror. After a couple of seconds in a void I found myself at an industrial looking room. I didn't take time to notice my surrondings as I immediatly focused on stabilizing. As I looked down at my hands to begin the process, the dream faded away, probably because my REM period ended.

Gamzee has gone sober.
And I was there.
He was horrifying. It was sickenly vivid. I saw everything. Everything that he did to those trolls. Like Nepeta.
This was honestly a weird dream. I never really get dreams about homestuck, cartoons, animes, game, and stuff like that.
I ended up with Karkat. We were hiding together, in a cold and dark cave. He was telling me that it was all my fault. My fault then we ended up here. He was clearly stressed out. We hated each other, really. We heard the honking of the horns, and I saw Gamzee's feet. The honking got more aggressive. For a split second, in my view, everything was sketchy and Gamzee was just... terrifying. Blood of all colors were on his face, all over his body. Karkat came closer to me, and tried to use me as a shield. I refused. Gamzee limped closer to use and we backed away. Then it was that moment. Things were eerie and sketchy. Blood was dripping from the walls of the caves. The blood was all over my shirt. It was on my face. It was buried in my nails that made me think, did I claw them, or something?
Then everything was back to normal. But Gamzee was closer to Karkat. Right up to his face. He was about to throw the bat at him. Behind Karkat was a deep pit from my point of view. He was on the edge and almost fell off. Karkat was crying.
Here we go again. The walls and floors, even the ceilings were painted in bright and dark colors. Every single color of the trolls. Of the rainbow. I honestly thought it was pretty. It lasted more than the last few times it happened...
I quickly ran to them, and pushed Gamzee off of the cliff.
Don't know why. Don't know how. Something, someone forced me. I saw grey, transparent arms grasping my arms and leg, pushing me over to him, forcing against my will to push him.
KK curled up in a ball, hugging his knees, and started to cry.
This mode didn't stop.
For the rest of the dream, everything was weird. It was eerie, and sketchy. Everything was scribbled.
Everything looked like it wasn't worth my time.

I could see myself sleeping. I looked peaceful. Everything was dark in fuzzy like how it would usually look when I was going to sleep. I thought, this is going to be okay. I don't know where I am... I don't know how I got here but you know, this is alright.
I wasn't completely sure I was dreaming or not. It seemed so realistically deceiving. I realized it wasn't reality. It was some type of dream. But then I though, maybe my spirit was pulled out of my body, and I could see myself, like in those shows?
I know, it was a ridiculous thought.
I saw a dark, what seemed to be burnt hand. It was just a blank dark figure, in the shape of a deformed hand. It no nails, that I was aware of. But it's fingers were big and sharp. I tried to scream out, to scream out for help. I tried to blink hard to wake myself up. Sometimes, when I'm barley awake, it wakes me up. Like that's going to work in this situation. The hand was coming out from under my bed. It grabbed me and pulled me down. For a quick second, I saw my bed. It was... the same as it was when i was asleep. That's what scared me, because everything was so...real.
I was then brought onto a horrifying, yet fun adventure.
But I think I'm going to say that one for later.

It was a lucid dream gone wrong.
I guess it was about my first lucid dreams I had in months. I turned out fine, and not to mention romantic.
But then, I freaked out and just decided to think about all the scary stories I read before and all the movies I've seen. Then it just screwed with my head and turned the whole, wonderful dream into a terrible nightmare fiesta. I started to think about several things at once. Then it wasn't a lucid dream anymore. It was it's own, uncontrollable nightmare.