non-lucid

9th April 2022

9:30-9:45
Dream (disjointed):

I'm in a little town-ish area. Flat with a few green spaces. It seems clear or sunny but dim too somehow, like nearing the end of the day, though not colour-wise? I go towards a small building thing. It's supposed to be like a little kiosk but for McDonald's, these two things don't really seem related, almost. I pick up some order from a young woman, reminds me of A, H's sister. My order is in a big but strong brown paper bag and I check it over quickly.

It all seems fine and I have awareness of having ordered a few happy meals menus. I walk away from the building with the bag, towards some stone stairs bit. Here, there's some dream-generated or popular character, and sibling T. They're sitting and we are about to start getting things out of the bag so we can eat here, but I suggest we should go up the steps instead and eat at one of the white tables up there. We go to the tables and they sit down. I open the bag now and get everything out. However, there's only 1 menu, which T takes.

I feel confused, and then annoyed, asking him why he didn't order menus for everyone (implied to have been the point) and as he eats a bagel from his menu, he looks at me and does that smug shrug. I feel annoyed and go back down the steps and to that kiosk building. I get annoyed once more, as the woman has shut the shutters to the shop and is probably gone by now too. In my head, I think something about it being 3PM. I open the door to the building, and inside it looks like old home, the downstairs kitchen. There's a pressure cooker on top of the hob and I open it, finding nothing inside despite some expectation otherwise.

I feel generally disappointed and annoyed. (Rest of recall for this part was lost)

(recall gap, a late part of the dream?)

I'm in a street and sitting down, talking to an unshaven Irish man (strong accent). He's a train conductor, and I'm being informally interviewed to determine whether I'm a suitable passenger for the city train he drives. I see the train in the background, we're sort of on a platform for it and there are people waiting inside the train. The Irish man is Catholic and as he's smoking a cigarette, he remarks something like "... thank God I don't follow it all to the letter."

I mention my own Catholic upbringing and he seems to quietly appreciate this. When he asks about my general behaviour, I also tell him I won't be misbehaving or loud or anything like that, and that I tend to be quiet and out of the way in general. After a bit more talking and some other questions I can't recall, he then seems satisfied with me and I can now be a passenger on his trains. I get in and there's something about seat assignment that should be happening, but because I'm new there is no seat assigned to me yet. Then, I have some discussion with the driver about this, while the train goes into a subterranean area.

He says something about refitting or remodelling the train in a few stops/minutes. Some man gets annoyed with the driver as he overhears this. The man says that he's late as is and can't wait that long. Then, something about disembarking with most other passengers. The conductor is down on the floor?

(recall gap, unknown chronology)

Something about a cyber man and cyber woman. They have a discussion about some memory. A third and younger cyber man checks his own memory for the event in question and confirms witnessing the details as relayed by the older man. The woman was lying, apparently. It was something about a loom of wires, part of an arm, and how it had been lifted. (?)

(recall gap, unknown time again)

Walking in a town, overcast. My hands feel very noticeably calloused and/or rough and I think to myself that it's the tenth day or something. I think that they're almost done forming the needed callus.

(This dream is particularly unremarkable but I want to start off this online journal at my most recent dream.)

Now for some reason, in this dream I had to see a doctor just about everyday (it lasted for multiple dream days) and this doctor was only accessible in a sort of a plain white food truck. Probably what my mind thinks an ambulance is supposed to look like, but looking at it it's just one of those places you'd get really good 5 dollar burritos from without any nice designs on the sides. So anyway it was vital for me to go here everyday, and what was also vital is them giving me a bottle of water and I have to drink it halfway and bring it back the next day. That's weird. I never actually saw what the doctor looked like, but they did multiple different things like taking vitals and stuff. Later on the style of visualization flipped from a realistic world set in some rotting concrete city to a cartoon in the perspective of me watching it or something. It was the same setting actually, just cartoon-like y'know. There was really only one person in this show and it was me with some faceless side characters. It was just me crying a lot while flashes of side characters abusing me would pop up every once in a while. It ended off on those side characters coming to try and console me before I pit a knife against them. Didn't see what happened next because I woke up.

I’m in an unfamiliar house with my mother, showing her some pieces of music I’ve written using a playback program on a computer. As the dream goes on, the physical setting apparently vanishes in favor of the scores scrolling before my eyes. Unfortunately, I can no longer remember any of the music except for the clarinet part in one. The clarinet is holding a single note, and as several measures go by without it stopping, I make a mental note to modify the part as soon as we’re done listening. The computer may be able to play it back as written, but a clarinettist does actually have to take a breath at some point.

-27.4.22

I'm in the sea, there are big waves, people have fun with surfboards and jet skis, I also swim, when I see big waves approaching I let them pass over me, I dive in and I'm not afraid, after I take advantage of the fact that there are fewer waves (here it seems that I make an effort of will to control the situation and that the waves are smaller and allow me to get out) and I get out of the water, I think that I have to look for my phone to call home, they will be worried.

I was with my mother, visiting my grandfather in a large retirement home. The place was massive and remind me more of a shopping mall than a retirement home. Grandfather couldn't talk. The dead can't speak because they are possessed (or their souls held hostage) by some kind of spirit/demon. This demon revealed itself to us in the form of three snakes that came out of his mouth and attacked us. They were slimy like eels. We fought these snakes and killed them. I recall crushing one under my shoe. The snakes dead, my grandfather became himself again, taking control of his body. We were done, and got ready to leave. My grandfather, disappointed, asked if we were leaving already. I realized that from his perspective, we'd only just arrived, and he was probably lonely in the retirement home. I felt guilty. I told my mom we could afford to stay, and have another coffee.

Fun fact: my mom is also dead. I didn't seem to know this.

It was about 200 years in the future. We had made it. We'd survived every obstacle in our way. We'd survived the wars, the societal collapse and everything else. The world was a sunny and beautiful place. Cities were full of greenery and people were happy. But I wasn't. Sitting on a grassy hill overlooking a shining utopian city, I felt a mix of hope for our future, and utter misery. Everyone I'd ever known was dead, and I was completely, totally alone.

This is more a fragment and I wouldn't bother writing it down except for two memorable things. I was at an outdoor park and found a display with little figurines on it. I picked one up, a figurine of a tower that was intricate and pretty. I turned it over and found a sticker on the bottom.

The first thing I was able to do was read the label. It told the name of the tower, though I forget it. O'toole, O'hoole, O'xoole. Something. And it had a description of the metals in the figurine. It was pewter with other metals, but contained a small amount of mercury. I set it down quickly and thought that I should wash my hands.

So then, I looked at my hand. It was normal aside from silvery residue on my fingertips. I went to go find a bathroom with a sink to wash my hands.

I am in the sea, swimming, there is someone on the shore, he warns me that there may be a big shark, I think I see it, I am a little scared, but I control myself and swim gently towards the shore so as not to stir up the water and call the attention of the shark, it seems that I control the situation, when I am reaching the shore I see something in the water that looks like the shark but later it turns out that it is a kind of cylinder that floats in the water, it looks like a bomb, and I don't know if it is active or dangerous, I get out of the water and walk through a rocky area, I look around me to observe the details, they are an interesting color, I have the feeling that I am in control and I know that I am in a special place, I think I am semi -lucid and about to realize it's a dream.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Living in my mom's apartment and I still have stuff left in the apartment in front of her where I lived, namely some dishes and cups. I still have the key to the place, although it was already sold, but I think it's still empty so I go in. Turns out the new owner is having lunch with friends and when they see me coming in, they all come to the door looking concerned. Then they get really upset when they see me. I explain the situation and say I am sorry. They agree to hand me my stuff but they are angry that I just barged in. I notice one of the guy's at the lunch table is Vladimir Putin. I want to say something angry at him, but I swallow my own anger. I try to make peace with the new owners by saying I have some fruit I'd like to offer them. They are not interested and walk me to the door. Then Putin also gets up, hooks up with some girl and they are also leaving. He is followed by a bodyguard. But the bodyguard passes in front of me and goes out the door, leaving Putin right beside me. He seems drunk and he gropes my ass. So I lose my shit and I grab his hand, twist his arm and I make a choke hold. He can't move. I call all his shit to his face and pull his arm higher to hurt him. At first he was laughing like "what are you doing, girl?" but when he starts feeling the pain and he calls for his bodyguard. I choke him fither to shut him up. He doesn't die, I just hurt him a bit while I tell him what I think of him.

I go with a group of people, I think some of them are family, we have been to a bar terrace and we return for a walk by the sea, at one point I see a spaceship in the sky it has a strange shape and it is huge, I know it is a UFO, someone tells us and I feel scared, I want to take out my mobile to take pictures, but I only have a transparent plastic cover with the drawings of the keys of an old telephone, I think I have dropped my mobile or I have lost it and I return which way we came to look for him, but everything is closed and there are very few people left, I see someone I also knew as a relative but has already passed away, then I see a very thin young girl, she is dancing, she looks strange, with very short hair, she is wearing pants short and stares at me, at that moment a dog appears similar to my own dog, caressed it and comes with me.

Note:
It is a type of dream that is repeated at times and that tries to attract my attention with images, objects, situations and people that are striking. It happened in the first REM cycle, it was a long and interesting dream because of the number of symbols that were presented.

I remember walking a wide, open street on a dark and rainy night, having just collected my takeout. There were a fair few people around. I considered getting on the bus to do some other chore I had to do, but changed my mind when I realized my food would get cold. I felt a tinge of despair as I'm always postponing things.

In the next scene, I'm walking through a suspiciously clean and dry-looking back alley behind a local Burger King. I enter the place, only to find it's an absolute maze of weird-looking, narrow corridors. I somehow know there are multiple women in here, all of them vampires. Suddenly, I'm confronted by one of them. A nice-looking brunette, about my height. I had a false memory of having met her before, a week or so prior. We talked as if we were already acquainted. The conversation went well. She told me she'd always been in love with me, which surprised me. I was feeling a noticeably low amount of social anxiety. Anyway... before you know it, we were kissing. She told me she worked two jobs and this was her day/night off. Then we had sex, which was nice (despite my inexperience). I was having conflicting thoughts. She was nice and reasonably attractive, but I wasn't fully "feeling it" yet.

I woke up with a new understanding of how new relationships work for "normal people". Love often doesn't just appear fully-formed, you have to give things a chance and hope it grows from there.

I had a dream where humanity found an underwater portion of mars underground and dug a large hole into it that resided in the center lobby of a tall, square shaped hotel complex in the middle of nowhere. The government required everyone interested in travelling down there to take a pill to improve respiration underwater and give the body a natural capacity for filtering toxins, thehe side effect being suicidal ideation. I remember being ignored in the dream and then taking the elevator to the top of the hotel where some people coaxed me down. a little bit afterwards there were reports of increasing radiation in Earth's pocket of mars due to human activity and I became horribly depressed to see us as a species ruin another pretty cool thing. On a separate occasion I remember almost taking too much estrogen. The worst part about this dream is that I have felt feelings that are kind of a precursor to how I felt suicidal in the dream, especially last night when I was too invested in drama between friends and was too stoned to emotionally handle it properly.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At some party with coworkers and their kids (I think). My boss, who is some random dude in his 30s, good looking but not my type, starts seducing me. I don't show interest, but I try not to antagonize him too much, afraid of his reaction. At some point I fall asleep in a couch and I wake up with him leaning over me, shirtless and I am afraid of what may have happened. I am fully clothed and there are still other people in the next room with the kids making noise, so I guess not much happened, but I don't know. Back to the other room, one of the persons is actually his wife and she is giving me a side look. I decide to leave as I feel uncomfortable. But I can't find my bag. I start looking for it and the kids basically mixed everyone's phones and other personal belongings and spread them on a couch. I find my phone but I still want the rest of my bag. Instead I find a plastic bag with my stuff in it. I am upset and say that the kids stole my bag. Their parents feel offended and don't like my accusation. They tell me I should just take the plastic bag because it's the contents that count, not the bag. I am pissed at all of them, but I accept and leave.
Some days later, at work, I have a meeting with my boss and Zilla, who also works with me. Our boss was recently promoted and I am actually happy it was him and not me, because I didn't want that level of responsibility. I feel less stressed and feel this could work well. Then he makes a stupid proposal that he wants to change everybody's schedule and make us all have two hours lunch breaks and leave later, because I need that time at lunch break to dedicate myself to some artistic project I am working on and which he wishes to support. I panic and say "Please don't! People want to leave early, they have families". Zilla is clearly very upset with the idea. Then the idiot says he doesn't care, he is full on in our relationship and wants the others to know about it and his support to me. And I am like "WTF are you talking about? We have no relationship!!!" And I am freaking out, because everyone will hate me and believe we are lovers instead that he is delusional..

I go on a desert trip with friends: three ladies and a guy. We stop our jeep at some dunes to take some pics. The ladies have their hair wrapped up in shawls.

I convince mom to go with me to a local shelter, which also works as a dog hotel, to get our dog Lady who is there for some reason. Mom doesn't want to go, she is afraid to fall in love for some other dog at the shelter, but i explain we will only go to the reception and get Lady and she won't see any other animals. We get Lady but they want mom to register as a client (dog is hers, but I registered as the client). They ask her lots of stupid questions and even subject her to some sort of skills test. She draws an amazing picture, then they want to analize its meaning. I'm like "WTF?" but she is sort of enjoying it. Then we hear a large plane flying over us, someone shouting at us and the sound of what seems like a bomb dropping, so we duck under the desk. Then something heavy breaks the ceiling and falls close to my feet. It's a bomb and is about to explode. I know there is nothing we can do and we're about to die. I wake up in panic.

I'm with my wife, it's a strange house and she has a husband I don't know, but she wants to be with me.

Vaguely recall a FNaF game with the following mechanics

• Security Breach's Exploration, mixed with the classic confinement to a certain locale
• The whole location was themed around hot-dogs, and was an in-universe knock off.
• Multiple phases/waves where the player had to do different things, some phases were triggered by not attending to/activating certain animations.
• Music Man's activation depended on your physical microphone levels, something absolutely perfect in retrospect for LPs
• There was a segment with hand puppets of the animatronics, and one of them resembled withered bonnie, in that it had a ring with painted teeth at the bottom and eats on the top.
• each of the anamatronics were voice acted, and sounded similar to those from showbiz pizza.
• eventually, the game ended with a jump rope minigame where the voice clip that played telegraphed the dodging position. it got stuck on a loop with a voice clip of "doubledoor doorslam" playing over and over.