non-lucid

23rd November 2021

Fragment:

(recall left too long) In one bit I'm trying out some of H's clamp meters (not waking life ones) and I pick up one that has a Bosch blue colour to it; the clamp is flat on the inside, and grippy.

I try it on a few different things and get nothing. Then I realise I'm in the wrong mode and change it to read amps. Then, I try one of our kitchen forks with it. Somehow it reads 4A and I feel a tingle and buzz through my arm (which is holding the fork?); I check the voltage and it's quite high and I decide to go tell H and see what he thinks. I feel like there's some insulation missing or something on the meter, for this to be happening.

20th November 2021

Fragment:

Somewhat adventure-like dream. (left recall too long) Something about turning some huge metal wheels in a couple of buildings at a sea side quay. This makes the clocks of a large nearby church work again.
(I have vague recall even now of the dream, visually. I think at one point I was on some rafters in the church, but I also recall it was a bit of an overcast and yellow-ish day outside.)


21st November 2021

Dream:

I'm with mom in a kitchen of sorts. There's a weird gas oven of some kind that mom is using. I'm just doing some cutlery things with a cupboard. I had just been talking to H and asking if he wasn't going to eat his egg soup thing. Also something about "chef John".

Mom is trying to get the gas thing going and has some rice and sausages which will be getting cooked. I tell her some wicks (?) have gone out. She increases the flow, nothing happens at first and then big flames from those wicks. I tell her she should back it down and she does. Then the food she was cooking seems to have become overdone for her liking. The sausages have supposedly gone sour, and the rice stodgy. I taste a slice of sausage and it tastes bland but not sour, although I did smell something sour.

Then I'm checking my phone. Something weird is going on and I conclude it's a virus on my phone. Messages I'd received are FUBAR on a UI-level and I can't dismiss anything. Pressing home just takes me to some sort of gallery, which has pictures of beaches and of naked female porn stars or something to that effect.


22nd November 2021

Fragment:

(recall left too late) Something about being on a highway or the like. Traffic direction orientation is not as I would expect for where I live. At one point I do not perceive myself as being in a vehicle and am somehow pulling myself along fast enough to at speed, but it feels like I'm struggling a bit. There's a T-junction that's more like a corner and I want to go left where the road curves more naturally.

15th November 2021

Fragment:

Outside on our street. I am coming to see H, who's arriving in the van. He's parked on the opposite side of the road. It's dark outside, but doesn't seem like it's either night or day? I pick up a delivery that was left for us on the pavement, rather than through the door. I open the van passenger door and talk to H about the package and how I find what they did to be annoying. Someone's on the passenger seat, maybe H's sister, A?

Just before this, I'm in the front room doing something and the light is on. I think the curtains are open?

Earlier, some bit on Diablo II where I'm checking how different armour plates look on the barbarian (looks more realistic than he should?).

Not much these past couple weeks. Most memorable, was I was in LA somewhere in some room. Rupert Grint was there (The actor who plays Ron from Harry potter), He had a t shirt on that was just a picture of himself. He seemed kind of full of himself in the dream. It was suggested I was going to get a ride around in LA. Arnold Schwarzenegger was the guy who offered the tour. He wasn't very talkative and seemed to brush alot of my conversation attempts off. It was night time. We visited Universal Studios, went on the JAWS ride. Then we were driving back to where we were before and i woke up.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP


Working at a restaurant. One day we have to close early because there is some problem with vampires going on. Not really sure.
But then we go back to business as usual. I am also doing a side hustle receiving farmers and agri-business clients at the restaurant, to do consultancy and certification for them. One day my parents come visit me there and some client asks me for free information and I refuse to give it a way. My father just doesn't get it and he starts shaming me and trying to tell the person what he wants to know. I have to intervene and clarify that he is providing wrong data. Then my dad gets really upset and says he has been listening to me and he has heard me making such recommendations to other customers before. I explain to him that I am doing consultancy to different types of farmers, and he isn't qualified to understand the differences. I also explain that I don't just provide info for free or I ruin my source of income. Normally, he should understand the idea and even defend it, but this time he is just disappointed and lectures me about principles and I just can't take anymore. He shifts positions so that nothing that I do is ever ok. I just want to leave and to get away faster I fly away and I become lucid. I just enjoy flying and then walking through the city, which is a giant maze of buildings, streets, gardens, stairs, never ending and with so much complexity and detail. I marvel at the complex design of this city, then I stop at some street vendors and also marvel at the feeling of textures of fabrics and foods they are selling. I smell some food items and I chose a biscuit to taste. All senses are incredibly detailed and I am simply enjoying it, no other goals.
Then I see some tanks on a road from a perpendicular street and I go check it out. People on the sidewalks are nervous and they are being handed some device similar to a pager which shows them instructions. It says it will be activated on a certain date and will provide info that people should follow. Seems a bit authoritarian to me and I am concerned, so I go around trying to get more info from other people. But soldiers come down from the tanks and tell us to line up and look at their parade or else they'll consider it disrespecful. Then I spot a suspicious dude driving a bus after them, with what seems a bomb ready to explode. And indeed he jumps out of the bus, which then smashes into a tank and explodes. The guy disappears in the crowd and the military are too numb from the explosion to go after him, but I do. I spot him and he notices that I am chasing him. He tries to lose me, but eventually I grab him. He doesn't struggle much, because he doesn't want to bring attention to us, but he asks what I want from him in an agressive tone. I tell him I just want to know who he is and what he stands for. I tell him that I dislike any authoritarian military government, but I do not support anyone putting bombs unless their cause is worthy and I want to know if his cause his worthy, so I can help. He doesn't want to say anything, keeps shaking me away and I keep folowing him and asking questions. Then I spot my dad, pretend not to see him, but he sees me and calls for me. I lose sight of the guy I was chasing and my dad catches up with me. I keep walking away, because I really don't wanna talk. I enter the back gate of my university (not my university in real life) and continure to a path on the right, trying to go inside a building and lose him. But I enter the wrong door and it takes me down some spiral staircase that keeps going down and down and has closed doors on each floor, so I decide to turn back up and I bump into him, as he kept following me. I just wanna get rid of him, so I try to break into one of the doors along the staircase and it opens to the backrooms of a kitchen. From there I try to find a way into the main halls of the building, while avoiding being spotted by the staff because I don't want to upset them. I do find a door with glass windows on top, which opens to the canteen and I see lots of familiar faces on the line. People like Jigme K. and his brother, L. Vicente and some of my friends. My dad is still behind me, but now I get lost in the crowd and surrounded by my friends and acquaintances I feel relaxed.

This was a good one. I slept a ton and that helped a LOT. I’m gonna have to list everything out. This journal is also going to be a bit censored compared to my private one.

1) Shortly after descending into hypnagogia, I started getting some sleep paralysis vibrations and a feeling of rising into the air. I saw a flash of cool-looking patterns, but my eyes were shut, so I saw them internally. Lots of colors and swirls and dots, very technicolor, very cool. I saw a flash of a video game character's face for a moment, which I somewhat willed to be there. It really felt like I was opening another pair of eyes. I then woke up and had to get a drink of water. I had only been asleep for a few minutes. I was essentially lucid, but at a low level of awareness.

2) nsfw and censored.

3) I woke up and went into vibrations again! I had a creepy sleep paralysis dream where all these huge eyes were floating above me. But a white tiger showed up, a character from my fantasy world, and he rescued me with a mighty roar. Everything frightening disappeared. Unfortunately, I either woke up or fell completely asleep after that.

4) I had a brief non-lucid dream which was also nsfw. Man. xD

5) I heard a faint scream in the middle of the night. Was definitely from sleep paralysis and not real.

6) I might’ve had a dream of taking a freezing cold shower, or it might’ve actually happened a few days ago when I was showering during a laundry cycle. Can’t remember. Maybe both.

7) This one is going to be fun. It started with a dream that I was on a tropical island. I was running with some middle aged dudes and one of their wives who was pretty, flirty, tan with dark hair and thin, and was (nsfw and censored actions are here lol). At some point she was (nsfw actions again, holy CRAP subconscious what is WITH you lmao). Lots of moms with strollers at the beach etc. We then were at a high point somehow, just me and her at first, looking down at the whole island at the height of a descending plane. I could see rainforest, rivers, white sand, the ocean and waves, and super fancy resort huts. I then realized that my tulpa was there as well, holding my right hand while the dream character woman held my left. We engaged our hovershoes which we suddenly had, and DROPPED! Then we engaged the fuel and stopped just before hitting the ocean! I believe I thought “I’m in my fantasy world right now!” which is why I thought to engage my hovershoes. The feeling of freefall was amazing. So was it lucid -- no, but it wasn't normal either. I didn't believe I was on earth. I believed I was in a real fantasy/magical world, which allowed me to summon hovershoes at will, so there was probably some faint degree of awareness there.

8) Next: Straight out of dream 7, I woke up, but I was sleep-paralyzed. It was powerful enough that I tried to move my dream hand separate from my physical hand. Believe it or not, it worked. I wanted to open my eyes and lift my whole dream body out of my main one for an OBE but a) I had the feeling that I’d wake up if I tried, and b) I could tell that I was gonna project myself directly into my room instead of the universe I wanted to go to. I tried to see the white tiger again and he was definitely there, but then my hand started to feel weird and uncomfortable (it was curled funny when I fell asleep). Then I woke up fully.

9) I tried to AP again one more time, at like 8:15 AM when I should’ve been awake. I was trying this method where my tiger friend was going to yank me out of my physical body and ascend straight into another universe. Well I felt him biting me on my neck, not hard or painful at all, just like a mom picking up her baby kitten. Unfortunately, the sensation was strong enough that I woke up. It was really cool though. Actually my neck still kind of feels it which is weird because I've been awake for around 90 minutes now. :O

1-I find myself in this elevator with 2 other people i don't know , i have this feeling that they want to harm me or that they are no good . I have the sensation of levitation , i see myself as floating like 2 feet above the floor.+
2-I am on Austin street by 112th police precinct , there is what it looks like a street fair going on , there are lots of people on the street. I want to go inside the police station to report something and i find myself puling out a shopping bag(green cloth) to use a a mask to cover my face , which i find kind of strange causes ain't nobody wear a shopping bag as a mask but my dream tells me that everyone does it and i just go with it . 2 police are outside the precinct talking to a lady , i wait my turn to show them this paper/rapport i have , all of a sudden the lady transformers herself into a policeman and starts asking me question about the paper , at this point i can't seem to remember or i am confused about what the paper was about/the meaning of the paper changes every time i want to ask something about it .

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

I know from a safe source that the world is ending soon and a friend has one seat available to take me on a ship that his leaving earth with a few selected people. She had a plus one that isn't joining her anymore and she can chose any one as a substitute. I agree to join and I make plans with my parents, who will take me to the departure place and all. But she comes suddenly one day very early and says we gotta go now, that there has been some change and they have to depart sooner. We are even leaving from a new location. I ask if I can go see my parents but there is no time for absolutely nothing, not even picking any stuff to take with me, we just run to the car as she talks on the phone with some other friend who is providing her the new instructions. Soon after, I manage to call my mom and explain the situation and she says she'll be at the location we are going to. It's possible, because it's closer to them than for me. We meet at the destination and it is a dock. We are going on a boat. I say goodbye, hug my mom and tell we'll do this and that when I return, and then it hits me that I won't ever see them again. Then I panic and cry and I don't want to go.

On holiday at some island with lots of resorts amd some famous hipppie dwellings. I am kinda lost for a while in some street, but then find a grocery store and feel like getting some things from it. Then I recognize some other street on the back of the grocery and find my way to my hotel.
I am sharing a room with another girl, we take turns using the shower. I shower after her and while I am getting dressed she goes check on something. Then she comes back to say that lunch is being served only until 3 o'clock. I ask the time now and it is 2 something. I thank her. Then I go lunch at the dining room. We are with a large group, all people in their 30s-40s, we don't know each other from before, not sure what's the connection between us.
At some point some of us start feeling weird, our pupils start forming spikes, like affected by a vibration or magnetism and we sense something weird and undefined. Someone says "Guys, have you heard of that thing that could happen nearby and there would be a megatsunami? I think this is it. We are sensing it coming, we must run to higher ground!" and we immediately agree with him. Some of us grab some food from the table, others go to their rooms to pick up some stuff. My room is too far away, so I go with the ones that are closer by and pick up someone else's bag and essentials, like warm blankets, warm coats, utensils. Then we gather in the lobby and I find that they have been contacted by a foundation (maybe the one that brought us here in the first place?) and they were told to wait for them to pick us up. They are taking us to a safe place and we will be among the few humans left to repopulate Earth. I envision them dropping us up in the mountains somewhere, so I keep telling others to take as much useful things or we will starve and die of cold. But some of them are just waiting peacefully, because they are sure the foundation has everything prepared for us in some safe bunkers. Anyway, I go to the first aid office of the hotel, by the reception and I start grabbing pain killers, medicine for diarrhea, and anything else I deem useful. Meamwhile, some older lady joins us and she is smiling a lot. She explains that 24 years ago she knew that this would happen and to prove it, she hid a small paper with a message on the medicine cabinet I am looking at. Someone looks for it and it is indeed there. On her note, she mentions us and what would happen today and she claims she was meant to join us. We are fine with it. She has a little kid, a girl, and I play with her while we wait for the foundation. She has a doll car that opens up into a caravan. I tell her I had one very similar when I was a kid. Then I reminisce trying to remember what happened to it.

On a road trip with Riverstone and three of our cats (Ginga, Buda and Yéti) on the back of a van. He knows all the gas stations and pensions where we can stop, from his former job travels. We stop at some gas station with a shop and I check the shop while he checks the gas. But then he also goes elsewhere and doesn't lock the van. It's all fine, until we're back on the road and I scroll through my instagram and see pics on some random dude account of my cats sleeping inside the van. I feel invaded but ok, he took the pics through the glass. But then he also shares a video in which he opened the back door and is calling for the cats. Two were sleeping under a blanket and hid, but Ginga stands up, looking at the person. I feel my blood boiling. The cats could have gotten out, get scared and get lost. I tell Riverstone what happened and we shout all kinds of insults to the person on the video. He wants to find the guy in person. I say that if any of the cats had disappeared, I would beat that person with a bat until they were a meat soup on the ground. But luckily none of that happened. Then I am totally pissed at Riverstone for having moved away from the van and not lock it.
We keep going on our travel and we arrive at a mansion which is going to be a movie set of a film we are working on. We get a tour inside the mansion by Tyler Perry. I find funny that I recognize the house from another movie, but I keep it to myself. They've redecorated and put different furniture but it is clearly the same house. I go check the landscape outside and it's vyneards. Tyler Perry points out that the house is supplied with energy from a bunch of solar panels on the backyard.

I live in a strange habitational complex which functions a bit like a community. The houses are all ground floor only and everybody knows each other. We are attacked by some assassin, who ambushes and attacks people without ever being seen and one by one people turn up dead in the community. We try to barricade and gather in the same house together, but the construction is weird, with many windows and blind spots we can't control. I almost get sneaked upon by the killer, but I turn around on time and I escape at the very last second. I fight the killer, we chase each other, he manages to hurt me and then he escapes. But he promises to never give up until I am dead.
Then Kenshin comes along and promises to protect me. He lives with me and we have times of almost peace. But the killer taunts us regularly. We sometimes can feel his presence and his eyes on us. Then he disappears for a while. I get involved with Kenshin romantically. One day I just can't keep my feelings to myself anymore and I caress his face and his hair and I tell him that I lust for him. He feels the same and he grabs me and kisses me. We undress each other, he's got a hard on in his pants, but then we hear something suspicious and we jump up immediately. We just can never be totally at ease.
But nothing happens and life goes on. One day we go for a walk in the city and we look odd in our kimonos in the middle of a modern western city. He takes me to a restaurant that has an exterior patio that is very posh and romantic, but it is absurdly full of people. I feel uncomfortable and tell him we should leave. I keep feeling uncomfortable all the time and can't adjust to this normal life. I still feel the killer's eyes on me all the time, real or imagined.
I get to know two other ladies who live in the same situation, they are also taunted by him, never knowing when he'll attack. So they want to go underground and cook up a plan to finish him so they can be at peace.
One day I am visiting my parents at our old apartment and I can't take it anymore. The stress of normal life is consuming me. I arrange for the two ladies to come meet me. But I can't even face my parents, must leave right away in secret. So I close the door in my old bedroom and go to the balcony. I climb over the balcony and I fly away. My mom barges in, in distress, thinking I am jumping. I just want to get as far away from them as possible.
The other two ladies meet me mid air somewhere over my hometown. They can also fly like me, so we fly away until it is night. We stop at some house they use as hideout and we make it our HQ while we design our mission. I write letters to Kenshin, telling him why I must end this mission. At some point I get very sick in bed but I don't want him to know. The killer keeps eluding us and we keep cleaning up the underworld of criminals, but we never get to him. The world finds out about our vigilantism and we are even on the news, but no matter how hard we try, the guy keeps eluding us and we keep feeling his eyes on us sometimes.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At home, but it looks like my paternal grandma's house. I hear suspicious noises, I go check the backdoor, see if it is locked. It is not even closing properly, but I manage to shut it. Then my mom says she hears the elevator stopping at every floor, so that means we are actually at her house, not grandma's.
Someone knocks, they say it's delivery of a package, but sounds suspicious. My mom says "Ah, ok" and goes open the door. I yell "no!", but it is too late. Some dude hands over a package and she thanks him. But then he steps in and I know he ain't no good, so I tell him to leave immediately and push him over. Outside are more guys. At first I manage push the first guy back, but the door ain't closing well and they barge in. I panic, but they don't actually resort to violence or seem intent to rob or rape. It's a gang of 3 dudes and a couple girls. They are basically tricksters and just want to fool around, for now. They go around checking our things and I think about what could be valuable and important to me and I try to hide those things. But they spread around to cover more area and I can't keep up. The house is magically very big and has half a dozen halls, each one dedicated to a specific thing, almost like a supermarket with aisles. First area is a library, then there is one for sports, one for entertainment, with a dj and vj set (which attracts the gang leader in particular), then there is an armory, which I try to reach first. But they get there ahead of me and grab some riffles. Fortunately the bullets are all elsewhere and they want to know where. I keep quiet and the leader guy gives up and goes for a different strategy. Goes to the entertainment area and grabs some equipment and starts singing. Then he becomes Pedro A., a musician I loved as a teen. He goes all charming and tries to seduce me. I say his charm won't work on me. So then they decide to go violent and I kick one of them, tell them I am a purple belt in Kenpo and can defend myself. They seem mildly scared but that quickly fades. They know I am very outnumbered. I am also not confident at all in my skills, I don't practice for years. But I find a stick and I attack them with it, knocking them all unconscious, except for a girl. I ask my mom - which I didn't see until now - to help me tie them up. When they regain consciousness, I tell them I am calling the cops and I ask for their names so I can tell the cops. They get very pissed.

I meet Kylo Ren. He drives a small car. I start flirting with him. He misunderstands and thinks I am harassing him. He gets upset and chases me. I fly away to escape. I fly along the path of the road until I spot some people taking a shortcut through some field and I decide to folllow them and maybe lose Kylo who is after me. The shortcut takes me to a football field where kids are playing. Then just to the side is a neighborhood, which has a familiar vibe to it. I recognize my mom's building among other buildings inthis neighnorhood. I lift off to the 4th floor, to enter the house through the window. But then I spot there is a wood storage at ground floor and I go back to get some as I recall we need wood for the fireplace (which doesn't really exist at my mom's, but anyway...). When collecting some wood, I get caught in the middle of some actors filming a novela. They don't stop because of my presence and so I become accidentally part of it. I leave the wood for later, now I suddenly feel like baking a cake in the novela's kitchen. I grab some eggs and flour and I temporarily put them down on top of the washing machine because they are blocking my passage to the counter. The actors are playing a very rich family who is fighting over properties and possesions and I guess I am their cook. The flour bag is leaking and the machine dirty with flour. The family also sees it and scolds me for it. The head of the family says that shit might damage the machine which is expensive and it will be on me any repairs or replacement needed. And I am like "Damn, they can afford all the machines they want and are seriously making me pay for it. How petty."

I remember being in North Miami and having an extremely low body temperature, about 91 degrees Fahrenheit. It was odd because I only had a sore throat and a very mild cough. No hypothermia or anything.

I went to the cinema for the viewing of my old AV classmates, I order a coffee, but this guy working there wants me to play a game of pretend with his candyfloss machine. I tell him it's a very rare vinyl player I bought from the Warp Records Bandcamp. The coffee machine was broken and he refused to give me coffee. As this was happening, I was actually drinking a cup of coffee to go from the train station, but I realise that right at that moment.

This kid called Chris, who is allegedly the ex of my classmate, tells me how cool I am. I later see him in the room during the viewing. We're watching films from the class. Even mine apparently as it it were the community college internship presentations all over again. When my film started playing, Chris walks to open the window that blocks the CRT my video was playing on. Chris sits in the bleachers loudly talking about how he just noticed he has 30k on his bank account. His ex tells him to shut up, he then flashes his phone at us showing us his savings account called "interesting facts" with even more money.

In my video, I talk about festivals I apparently have been to. I mention some like Burning Man, and I keep hearing cheering people in the background.

A kid entered my room and placed a box of tissues with a printed NFT token on my bookshelf, he goes downstairs where he gets picked up by his mom and dad, I asked them if they broke into my house and they just laugh and say no before they leave. I ask Ross Geller from Friends, who was reading the newspaper on my couch, if he noticed someone breaking in and he also laughed saying no.

That's when I woke up. That actually happened at this exact moment and felt so real that I'm afraid to sleep now.

5th November 2021

Dream:

Later bit, disjointed. JC discovered he's suffering from macaquism (made-up dream thing?) after he was "enlightened", in his words, about my condition. Then, we get to start on drawing class, it's like at college/high school but different room and layout.

Earlier. In a city, L? Cobbled and semi-narrow pavements. I'm going to the bank. There's been some disaster and the building across the way from the bank looks like it's partly exploded and I want to take photos. It's night time and I fiddle on with my camera and the poor lighting. People are gathered nearby and I sort of make my way through and past them, having apparently forgotten my goal. I go far enough to find firefighters and such who are now off duty.

The sky/light is getting brighter? Not as dark now, early day. There's some kind of secondary blast and it makes me jump a little. At the end of the way there are some school kids fighting amongst themselves, blaming each other for something. I turn back after I get a small hit of flying vomit from the kids, although I did not have line of sight to what was actually going on. I go past the bank again now, noticing that it has been damaged too. At this point I remember about wanting to go to the bank but realise I can't so I carry on. I have thoughts about my family, maybe if they're wondering about what's taking me so long.

At one point, there's some villain. I get into a situation where I'm now inside the bank building and I get herded around with other people, wrong place wrong time. I mostly find all of this to be annoying more than anything else. We're made to get off the building by something like a fire escape stair but it doesn't go down far enough. A young woman just jumps down and injures herself, knocked out. I understand that would be foolish to repeat and so instead I climb down more carefully by holding the railings and effectively dropping a much shorter distance, and safely.

Then something about a hero being needed (some narration?), and sure enough a single one answers the call. It's a middle-aged man, not confident in his role as a hero. He doesn't trust that his devices will be enough. (Intrusion, partly related to my thoughts over the years about Batman) Equally, I am not very confident in this hero's ability myself. He seems willing to try, regardless.

(Recall gap?)

Some bit later on, sort of at the old home. Something in the balcony of my old room. There are weird bugs, leaf bugs, I think I tell dad. And other weird black skittering centipede things, but kind of fat. They are having a war of some kind between some spiders, big and small. I think to myself that the only answer to this will be mass destruction. I think of what chemical would both be at hand and also appropriate in terms of effectiveness.

Notes:

- I remember carrying my replica gladius around in the dream, for a large portion of it.

- The last bit with the bugs fighting the arachnids at first glance seems to relate to thoughts that more developed species or cultures may have at any point about less developed ones, say if some highly advanced species visited us or vice versa. Like many other things though, I am noticing that this is a pattern (of thought in this case) that is abstract and can be applied in a multitude of different but similar contexts; in a sense relating to concepts of macrocosmos vs. microcosmos and how they mirror each other.

- Although I didn't make note of it in my initial notes, I get the impression I was lucid for some of this dream, but I don't recall thinking of this as a lucid on waking. There were certain pre-lucid elements and it may have just been a case of higher awareness closer to the required threshold for lucidity.

- I don't know what the supposed illness JC had might have been in terms of symptoms, as I didn't notice anything specifically. Thematically, it all seemed to be a bit about the ability for someone else to understand the difficulties of some illnesses based on having their own experiences with an illness.

- Despite my low level of confidence in him and his own low level, the middle-aged hero persisted in his role. Heroism is not necessarily about bravery but sometimes maybe about the lack of freedom of choice? Plus, the role of a hero is not necessarily easy or by choice anyway? Many "heroes" the world have seen have been posthumously awarded the honour and in life were often not recognised. This dream as a whole had more themes about death (and life) than I realised or noticed at first: My friend's illness, implied to be lifelong; the exploded building with a subsequent explosion; the woman who jumped off trying to get away, knocking herself out; the hero who may face his doom, seemingly left with no choice; the bugs fighting their own wars, ignorant to a higher intelligence intent on destroying them all.
-- I feel that in the last few months I've had a lot of dreams relating to death and the state of post-death, sometimes very much in a "what if" way, all of it seemingly relating to my questions to myself about legacy (framed as: "should I die today, then...?").

30th October 2021

Scraps (DFLN):

Game-like world, lots of yellow sulphur colours. Some kind of secret level with giant spiders. I don't feel afraid but possibly a little anxious because of the overall situation; I feel pressured to get to the bottom quickly, there may be a timer or score. The spiders look like alternate versions of regular garden spiders (orb weavers, I think).

Some other bit, T is at a computer playing a game and I stab him from behind at the top of his back with two black steel arrows and then I quickly pull them back out. He doesn't seem to be in pain and has very little reaction to this. I'm doing this for his own good, not to kill him. I put pressure over the bleeding. This seems to take place at some kind of open but sheltered guard tower, in a castle or something?

Possibly still from that bit, some kind of trade hub town. It's blown up by a nuke thing at one point, and using time travel I find out it was bound to happen at 7PM. I find out circumstances are different from what I had expected, something about an army general.

24th October 2021

Scraps: Something about a planet and an RTS-like view. Before that, with a group of people.


27th October 2021

Scraps: I'm in a supermarket or such like and I am talking to someone about Guinness (the drink).


28th October 2021

Some in-line bracketed notes.

Fragment:

I'm outside, a green area, possibly a field in a rural area, sunny, bright, clear. (The location is realistic but the player characters are mostly as in-game, maybe perceived as slightly more realistic) There's a fairly large group of Horde players staging something over by slightly hilly corner of the field. I have an NPC forsaken rogue bodyguard, being a rogue myself, seeing in the usual third-person view.

The AI for my bodyguard isn't especially clever, but when I come out of stealth the NPC does support me a fair bit in a logical way. Most of the Horde players don't react to my ambushes; I repeatedly target priests and mages, focusing each one down. Most of my targets are forsaken themselves and are wearing T1 gear. I employ the usual rogue tactics, stealth, ambush, cloak of shadows, vanish. During the dream, I presume part of the reason they don't get at me in full force is some shock or surprise factor, with some awareness that their collective looked a bit too passive for that to be the reason. (Possibly an intrusion from some classic videos I remember from way back when, where people sometimes ignored fights or were AFK standing around etc.)

The last target is an enemy rogue who I have a small chase with and then end up using cheap shot and stun locking him to death in the dark cover of some bushes. (Think he was forsaken too)

An earlier bit; something in space. It's a mix of Master of Orion II and other space games which are 3D. Something about starting a new game and not being able to pick previous locations in the galaxy. I remember being able to see one of my previous ships or avatars travelling through space, in a distant system while in some kind of strategy view.