side notes

Sunday night dream: It was Christmas time. I'm working an emergency party line. I'm familiar w/ this reoccurring dream. I become lucid. I can teleport easily in this dream when I get a msg on my board. It looks like a map with schematics of sorts. There is an old yellow phone on the wall of a hallway. I jump in & out of Christmas parties letting them know there is an upcoming catastrophic event about to happen. Tornado's is the event all night. Mike appears by a phone in one of the parties & I tell him about how I do this in my dream. I explain that this is a reoccurring dream & he thinks this whole thing is really cool of course, lol. I am calm & take him w/ me on a call. Each place I go to also has a phone there to relay my msg there & recieve msgs. His second ex-wife is there. She's still batshit crazy as in real life. I tell her what I'm doing & then realize, wtf am I doing & I make her not crazy & then just make her disappear to not deal w/ her in my dream. Meesha Cat wakes me up.

D2: Chained. Back into the dream again. I see a tornado this time & go through protocol again. This time I remember that last time it was Halloween the last time & it's Christmas in these last 2 dreams which is different. I then wake up & need to go feed Meesha who is staring at me IRL of course, lol.

Saturday night Dream 1: I was somewhere in the early 1800's in an outside market of some kind. Some creepy guy took one of my grand daughters. He was doing unspeakable things to her. I was outraged of course which turned me all lucid & angry. Then an evil man tried to say it was my fault that I let this happen yet he wouldn't give her back to me. I woke up, thx Meesha Cat .

Saturday D2: Chained right back into the dream angry & hell bent on revenge & very lucid! I went back to sleep & went back into the dream. I then had to sneak in to where she was being helped & took her back. Everything was made of weathered wood. I ran at superspeed & had great strength so I sent the men flying like rag dolls. It was very detailed for the era. We then escaped & I then woke myself up.

My other daughters kids were staying with me this weekend & her 2 yr old was acting strange. (These are not my grand kids I normally refer to. These are my other daughters kids.) She lives with her dad's father & her father who have made her afraid of other ppl so when she stays the night she always wants her father. He's a manipulative prick. Some how I ended up with this horrific nightmare. I don't necessarily think this kind of thing is happening yet it does represent my concerns as a whole. I went back into this dream to rid myself of anger which was therapeutic..... I was able to help my grand daughter to not feel scared to be at my house which made me feel better also. Her & her brother have never been okay sleeping in the kids room w/o me before until now. He fell asleep & I stayed w/in earshot & went in periodically to soothe her & to reassure her that I will always be just a few feet away & can hear her. They went to sleep the next night w/o incident at all! I told my daughter about all of this when she came by. Hopefully soon she will get her new job schedule & daycare fixed to get my grand kids back w/ her, her new baby & new baby daddy soon! What a mess.

I've had a long standing goal I have been trying to achieve since beginning LDing so long ago. Well I made it one step closer. Just wanted to put this journal up as a marker. It started out okay, but it kind of went down hill as the DC kept changing randomly, and try as I might, I could not bring it to who I wanted it to be. I only say that since I was trying to work with what I had. The "what" was out of place, should have been something different. I thought about the what but I didnt think I could bring it so I didnt try, maybe that was my mistake. The concept is quite physically impossible outside of the dream world. keyword "AV"!

I haven't had good luck w/ recall for the last few days. I finally had to shut my door again to keep Meesha Cat from abruptly waking me up & messing up my recall. She's all kinds of needy lately, even w/ Mike. Sorry to disappoint.

#1: I was dead. I was looking down @ my partial body body laying in a marsh along a river. I see my legs & feet. It's disturbing. Locals are saying they accidentally killed me. I'm watching all of this unfold. I see a cop handling the investigation. I feel like he has got this & there will be answers. He says she'd been thrown off of the bridge & ended up in a marsh. I rarely see any part of myself in a dream & I don't remember ever looking at myself like this, especially in this context.Meesha Cat woke me up.

D2: I was w/ my parents & we were @ some kind of reception area. It's circular & you walk down to a row of tables & down again for the next row & down one more time for the bottom row. It reminds me of "The Love Boat" tv show on the cruise ship for some reason, lol. It was really elegant. It was just normal family conversations that I would've had as a child going somewhere w/ my parents but we are all adults here. My mom is worried about what ppl will think & are told not to embarrass her, lol. Thank God she is more relaxed & enjoying life now & not all uptight. Meesha Cat woke me up again.

D3: I was @ this restaurant by the beach kind of place. It looke like a version of an old clam bake except men were diving in to catch fresh fish w/ some odd looking sieve bucket or something. They were catching things like squid & yucky stuff. No seafood that tastes good like lobster or something. A man sitting at my table was going to get to try his hand at it. He finally gets to go in & I get to come closer. It looks like a cement wall is barely flowing water over it. It was really interesting how they utilized the sea/ocean in such a way to make an entertaining dining experience. Meesha Cat is waking me up a 3rd time tonight. I'm not happy with her.

I didn't have a lucid tonight but lately I have been picking up speed again with them after my break. I just finished my second journal over this past year since March but most of it looks like gibberish until I put it on here.

Couldn't recall anything again.

Nothing recalled this night.

These are some rough notes I threw together. I may try to clean it up later and add some pictures.

Finish 30 minute WBTB and BTB around 430am *Several times I think I woke but didn't look at phone/time in order to give me best chance to keep going back in. Finally do look at phone at 637am and am dumbfounded at amount of lucidity and scenes and time lucid! Some waning of lucidity but often quickly recovered and seems like at least 90% of the time and experiences that I remember were lucid.

Letter tags: HMS HM_? House mall stars hands 2nd m? 6th letter tag? May be one of the scenes below.

Seems not more than 10 minutes of SSILD and I start with, what I told myself during one of the FA's, must have been an NREM lucid. It was short maybe 1 minute and very basic mostly dark but interacting with a woman. It leads to multiple FA's each one different. Several were in a busy house with lots of kids and a few adults. Hands clasp from IWL in bed become hands in bind by girl trying to free my hands. House party like. Outdoor patio girl, wife voice, both can have me! Later indoor house gathering (one of several house scenes) with an older lady still beautiful and I tell her I'll make her young again and morph massage her face and it works in the end with odd results along the way. When I finish I see a female, her niece it seems, with her back to us. She has long curly black hair and I gently take her and lead them both to a bedroom. Mall ladies sex and after a while of that I say I need to do the TOTY, car one sounds good. I try to form a car inside the mall main way but it never becomes solid enough so I look toward an exit and see a whole street of cars parked parallel, not the typical big parking lot you'd see outside of a surburban mall. I see a maybe late 80's Honda that has seen better days but it was the first car I really focused on. I open hood just from front of car but do reach my finger in for the typical final release lever under hood and open hood, it stays open and I reach in and grab the whole engine block and all and rip it out easily like picking up an empty cardboard box. I think about breaking the window with my elbow but I am able to just open the door. I decide keys will be under the visor and yes one key on small key chain tab. I stick the key into the on position and start driving like a maniac. Very quickly transitions from asphalt to dirt trail on a hillside area that brings back memories of bmx trails. I get to a top look out point and see 8-10 guys in bathing trunks just below me maybe 20 feet. Maybe they're heading to a hidden beach below. At first I guess a couple of them near the back of group look gay but as they gather it doesn't seem like anything sexual, just a bunch of guys who may even want a lone guy to beat up on. No worries though, this is my dream. I call down to them to look up at me and shoot off into the sky quickly. It becomes night and I float in the sky and marvelling at the stars. They look fairly normal but a beautiful experience none the less. Visuals fade after a minute or so and I spin in the air, still a black void, so spin few more and a FA. / some busy outdoor area at night sexual with several girls. Also at Mall and at house scenes. Unbelievable! I just keep going from scene fade to scene fade after early part where it was from FA to FA. Also Vegas casino hotel with wife she found which hotel, nice but great deal, lucidity fading, maybe gone for this final scene before waking. I am forgetting so many details. I was setting reminders in the new scenes and I have whispy memories of what those reminders were but still trying to grab them fully - I'm sure I haven't caught them all. Lots of solid, vivid dreamlets including snow falling on a couple in dark brown or black winter long coats.

Sunday: I was in my home town I lived in when I was a kid but I was there for a job interview where I had to wear roller skates & work w/ this male friend I know IRL but he also reminded me of (JJ) someone else that I won't mention. I had others there to lean on & to give me good references. But I now had a boss who was flirty when other ppl weren't around. Mostly it was good though as the dream progressed. It was about how I'm okay now & have moved on. Reminding me that I'm a very different person now.

Wednesday: On some weird reality tv show w/ 5 yr olds. We take a train on the way to a store & I see a familiar scene & mention it. It was a moment of lucidity but it fled after that. We had to go to a toy store & the girls were to pick out things to use to survive but they had to be in this weird Christmas section that only had toys. I remember this same scene from around Christmas time. We went back to these stables & each girl was in a stall. It was pouring rain. They had to make a fire & were using doll legs for logs. This dream was just weird as shit.

Saturday D1: This was quite a new sensation where dreams are concerned for me where smells from my real life carried over into my dream. I was asleep in a dark house. I don't remember being asleep in a dream before either. I could smell this God awful smell that I recently have been smelling every day in waking life which will make sense in a moment. It was a cat but not Meesha who always smell lovely. She is always exceptional clean for a cat because she is constantly grooming herself, lol. For a person w/ allergies that is quite a bonus! I get up from my own bed in the dream & go after it & I see a silhouette of a man step out from behind a doorway. I was lucid from the get go because of the smell. 2 cats, one black & one gray & white have been coming into my house IRL through Meesha's cat door & have been eating her food. They both smell like this smell & I can tell they are actually in my house while I'm asleep. It's overwhelming that this smell is is triggering lucidity in my dream. I open my eyes IRL & I'm in fucking sleep paralysis. The smell is way worse now because my fan is on in my room. Meesha's cat tree is right outside of my bedroom door where her food dishes are & my fan in across from her tree aiming in my room. I need lots of air when I sleep. We actually have 2 of these oscillating fans on at night. I'm pissed off that the cats have come in & I can't move. I want to wake up Mike but he doesn't get much sleep as it is & I can't move anyway. I can see a cat from my bed & I decide to just relax & wait it out. As soon as I did this I was able to get up & ran like the house was on fire. I start screaming at the cat & my voice was low & guttural like I was possessed. I chase it out the back door. I can't believe Meesha didn't see this cat cuz she was on the top of her tree. She looked at me like I was crazy & Mike didn't even stir at all.

D2: I fell back into that damn dream w/ the stupid dark house again! I'm of course lucid again cuz that ominous smell is still in my house & in my dream. Now the house is occupied by an old woman who has a crazy amount of cats! That smell is dominating the dream because it's so pungent so everything that's going on is like white noise or back ground noise. I just know that one of those stupid cats has come in again! I need to wake up so I just do. And then like in a movie everything happens very fast. I sit up & Meesha is jumping down off her cat tree & is giving chase so I jump out of bed & cheer her on! I don't know how Mike could sleep through all of this. I remembered what time it was the first time which around 6 & this second male came at 7. The first was the black & the second was the gray in white. Both males. I don't know where they live but this smell was unlike anything I've ever encountered. I'm guessing they are holed up somewhere that isn't a house occupied by people. I now have a pattern of time to work w/ which is good. I haven't had them come back since though except Mike said he ran one off when he got up after all of this a couple of hrs later & had run one off. Hopefully we have made a strong impression or else I'm going to save up to buy a motion detector light for the back porch to deter them.

D3: For fuck sake I'm back in this stupid house again! So now I get to be lucid again whether I like or not. But the world has gone to total shit & Mike & I need to get our shit & get out of this house & to safety so in some weird way I'm just happy I don't smell nasty cats! I'm welcoming whatever difference this dream has in store for me & I can't think of another scenario right now because I've had a rough night already. I do get to change the stupid house by making it more a residential house though which was nice it though it was temporary. I tell Mike we should put Meesha cat in her carrier cuz it has a shoulder strap. Best one I ever bought! She goes right in which is actually funny because IRL we are contemplating how to trick her into getting in it to go to the vet, lol. I know why I'm having this dream so it's almost a practice run since my country (US) is going to shit. It doesn't look like in the movies that's for sure. I think, oh fuck I forgot my fixodent which is now in my real life "go bag". We are outside & someone hands me a set of dentures that feels weird but then is okay. That was weird. We are walking along & there are all kinds of ppl now including witches & vampires which I chuckle at cuz the book I'm reading has them in it. We are all being hearded onto a ship. It's really big! It's a spacecraft of some kind. I'm in awe because I'm thinking I understand all of this. Recently IRL Mike & I saw one & have been talking w/ ppl from MUFON. How crazy is that?! We are scrambling to find our quarters & the ship is under fire. This dream all happened at a very fast pace! Protocols are being yelled at everyone & the whole dream just starts spinning out of control & I wake up.

These are the dreams I could make some sense out over the last week but the last few days I have been so busy & those dreams reflected that with things that were hard to explain.

D1: Aliens took away our air on this planet & made us unable to reproduce. Somehow I was chosen the be the breeder for the human race which was odd. I told them I couldn't be because I no longer have the anatomy to do such a thing. This is a dream sign trigger for lucidity since this is something that is very personal to me. They also chose some other women that I would be in charge of that were also to me a baby maker for them. I was informed that the typical human reproduction won't matter in this case. Then handed us these green wand like stick which was about 7 inches long. They had these bumps on it & the whole thing glowed. I had the feeling that these were eggs of some form because we were to insert them in ourselves during a process where they would be fertilized. We were angry about the whole thing but then they gave us pure oxygen around our bodies to breathe. Unfortunately it was what seemed to be stale air. Meesha woke me up.

D2: I chained right back into the dream. Now we were being led through the streets & up a hill through masses of ppl. Tubes were waiting for us at the top that look like water slides. We were to impregnate our selves & as we slid down the slide an alien that looked human would fertilize us in the tube some how. Our strategy was to kill the alien some how as we went down the slide. One woman failed & I had to kill the alien in her tube.

Next day: Every race of ppl are immediately in my line of sight. I notice all are represented. The world is over as we know it & ppl are living in this burnt out city of rubble. I found that I was happy that the initial race war accompanied w/ crazy ppl had not exceeded in wiping out whole races of ppl yet there weren't many families intact where I was. Mostly they were ppl who took in a child here & there. I walk through to see what my surroundings are. I can't help but become lucid at the sadness of it all but I just want to see more. I now know I can't be hurt but it feels like a cautionary message to me. I can see a child here or there running through the streets playing near the rubble in their clothes which are basically tattered rags and I see a lone child sitting on a front stoop of a burnt out brownstone on the stairs. A particular group of children are playing near this woman who is making me very nervous. She has something that looks like a M80 firework with a thick yet rather short green fuse that is about 2 1\2 inches long. She is showing customer after customer how her fuse is special & slow. She would light & the person was always trying to not look leery & I'm just kind of in shock looking at this woman do this repeatedly. It seems insane because I know this is no typical M80 in this scenario. She lights it & we wait, it takes a while for it to even get to the M80 but right before it gets there she pinches the fuse with her finger & snuffs it out & then pulls the fuse out of it. The person then buys it from her. This happens over & over. I don't remember ever being lucid like this looking at someone repeat a process like this. It seemed strange on so many levels. The more she does it the more I start to get nervous. I just know one of those kids are going to get hurt running around her kicking up dust. Finally a man walks up & she does her thing & it blows up. She is now gone & so is the man. A child is laying on the ground all mangled but alive. I pick him up & no one is helping me. I go into a nearby apt building & finally a man takes him from me all panicked like he may be the one who was caring for this child in this new world. I realize I had gotten up in my own lucid dream & that this of course was not real but I just can't shake that moral duty of mine even in a dream. I then turn to my right & I see my first husband & run to him because he's the only familiar face in this dream & hug him. Even though in real life I don't want anything to do w/ him but I know if the world went to shit & I came across him he would take care of me so seeing him wasn't that odd. I thought maybe he was there to help make sense of this dream but I no sooner see him than I look to my left & see this man w/ what looks like a popcorn machine. But the front looks like a giant gumball machine chute. Kids are getting cotton candy out of it. I know what my dream means now & I choose to just wake up.

I'll continue another day in a separate journal entry.

Feb 10, 2017

Notes: Multiple dreams, escaping lava, psychopath killing friends, semi-lucid battle. Dreamed I psychically projected myself to explore HEB, and then it discussed with the IOSDP members. Brody story references

Lava and Death!
I'm standing outside in the back of my apartment building (I dont actually live here) and I'm horrified because the front of the building is surrounded by lava. Dream friends are outside with me and they seem to feel that I am the one in imminent danger, which is weird because this lava should effect everyone.

Near where I am standing a drainage ditch glows hot orange, its lava slowly coming my way. My friends tell me that I need to quickly get in the car and save myself. How? There is no where to go, the lava is surrounding us. We instead try to escape on foot, climbing over weird abstract dream constructions and through them. Strangely, theres no more lava in sight but we still feel our lives are in mortal danger.

The number of my friends grows thin, people are dying but I don't know how. There's just few of us now. We can't move ahead because of some electrical problem. One of the boys splits off from our group and vows to personally fix the problem even if it costs him his life. For whatever reason it requires him to inside a faraday cage?

We don't see him again. Finally we reach a new area of town and were safe. But what about my friend who went into the faraday cage? A psychotic manish looking woman finds us, she says that he's dead. How can you be so sure? He should have been safe inside his faraday cage. What she says next disturbs me.

"I'm pretty sure he's dead. When he saw me he called me by some other name, Pete? Then I was angry that he thought I was a man. That's right. He is dead. Because I killed him"

I knew by the look in her eyes that she was being serious, she murdered him! And all of my closest friends are dead!

The dream scene transitions, now we are battling enemies at this apartment complex, which is in the middle of no where. (Brody story element?) My enemy was outside a window. With my chameleon skin I camaflouge to the wall and get between them and the building. I push them off and grab their weapons. I take their weapons far away into the open field.

Psychically Scouting HEB (OBE dream?)
I'm in bad thinking about grabbing a snack from HEB, but I don't wanna get out of bed or drive anywhere! I know, I decide to send a psychic projection to HEB and grab myself a snack that way. I lay down to sleep, within the dream, and off I fly out of my body!

I soar through the night and over the houses. I'm flying fairly efficient and fast, and I feel like my body is like Mewtwo (another Brody reference). I embrace my Mewtwo body and fly even faster to the ugly HEB building just up ahead. Like in real life, the supermarket is along the highway.

Inside HEB I continue to fly and zip around, as 100's of people just go about their business with grocery shopping. I tell myself that logically I must be invisible and they can't see me - (usually though DCs can always see me). I try to fly even higher, noting that the cieling is very high. Flying above the ailes, I then swoop down and grab random snacks.

Job done, I simply poof back to my sleeping body. Except now the stolen snacks are in my head. I'm super excited this actually worked, completely oblivious that I'm still dreaming! I get up and post about my HEB OBE exploration to the IOSDP gang.

Suddenly, the whole IOSDP group should manifested in front of me. They were standing in a circle and they were in the middle of a conversation. I missed the beginning of the conversation so I was a bit lost. Some people were upset. Others were discussing new ways to get to Ardem Glade and others were trying to set a specific date for a sincere SD attempt.

I woke up after

Couldn't recall a thing this night.

Not enough time to do what I want to do during the day it seems, so my lucid life is about to get more serious. I'm going to try to be lucid more often and do art and music in my dreams and try to produce what I do in waking reality.

Had a short lucid dream this morning. It was via SSILD. I was jumping around this room housing three engines. They were more like 3 super fans or whatever. Crazy, I know. Dreams are going to do dream things. Woke up and tried to get back into the dream world. Reached sleep paralysis but I screwed myself by expecting some weird monster to attack me. A result of me reading Sleep Paralysis horror stories on this site. Since the dream world heavily relies on expectations, I felt something hug me. I turned my head to see this red creature thing hugging me. It resembled Him from Powerpuff Girls. That girly demon dude. Snapped me right awake again.

Important take away here is that once the WBTB ritual is completed and/or a quiet mindful state is achieved, it is imperative to FOCUS ON FALLING ASLEEP. That is how I got my lucid dream morning. I must absolutely keep this mind because I have a bad habit of wanting to lucid dream so bad in short time I have for a morning nap, that I try too hard to stay aware and thus stay awake. WRONG.

Do SSILD. Get into a quiet mindful state via meditation. RELAX AND FOCUS ON FALLING ASLEEP. Trust in the technique to do its job.