All DJ Entries

I decided that it was a bit much for me to go back and highlight everything in color that was lucid. So it is all non lucid until otherwise noted. And then if you wanted to read the lucid parts just do a search and skip ahead to those.


I know I should probably be interested enough in my own dreams to go back through them but some nights like last night, where I had some amazing dreams, I just am so frustrated with having forgotten so much that I don't even want to think about my dreams.


I was able to fall asleep probably around 9. I felt tired around 6:30 or 7 but couldn’t sleep. I napped two hours during the day but I was still tired. I just couldn’t sleep for some weird reason. Reading some of my older dream journal entries seemed to be helpful.



Round 1 of Dreams
Something about driving to my sister, on a road near a local hospital. There was more that happened before this but this was all I got. I had been telling her something that may have been too much for her to know. We were coming from some kind of meeting or class setting. Maybe she had gotten some kind of special coffee. It was like we were driving, and I needed to go fast with certain intense kind of metal music on, I am not exactly sure why. Something about a way I coped. But that wasn’t good for her. There was something to do with time? Maybe some kind of meeting. There was some kind of design she drew in the sand or dirt on the ground, with a stick. I drew a similar design but at different angles.
At another point, it was like she was pulling some stones out of the ground. They left triangle shaped marks in the ground where they had been pulled from. This seemed not okay to do at first but it was fine.
Dad was saying how she should eat something like eleven to twelve fresh strawberries every day, referring to a nearby wild garden. I got the sense that he was sacrificing his strawberries for her to be able to have more. It might have also meant for me to eat strawberries or for her to feed the bird strawberries. Dad wouldn’t get any strawberries. I was wondering how he would do that when he should really “put on his own oxygen mask first”.
Then my sister was holding up a small stick from a tree that had some sap dripping from it. We were both saying and thinking how she should be careful not to get pregnant from all that tree sap.
We had a bird. I think it was a yellow bird. It seemed to like walking on a tread mill, and if we let it walk on a tread mill, it would just completely lose track of time for days. There was a woman showing one of those new fangled hamster wheels that have the disc they can run on, its like a diagonal disc instead of a wheel thing. The woman was spinning it in her hand and saying how we can’t give treadmills to birds any more. Then she showed us to a part of the wall that disappeared and had a hallway behind it.
The idea was to make the bird use its mind and meditate, not just become a “mindless cardio bunny”.
I would have remembered these dreams much better, but I woke up on my left side, with a nerve being pinched. Before I even knew I had woken up, I must have felt the nerve pinch and rotated onto my front. Then, I was on my front, and my neck was twisted badly, so I thought I should really go to my back. So I had to do all this moving before I could think of the dreams. I’m sure if I had been able to stay still, or move less, I would have got what it was I was telling my sister. I was frustrated because there was a lot lost.



Round 2 of Dreams.

It took me a while to fall back asleep. My shoulders were having a pinched nerve on both sides so I couldn't sleep on my side. Between that and the frustration of forgetting the previous dream, and other factors, I had trouble sleeping. I eventually found that I could slide a pillow underneath my side to take pressure off my shoulder and fell asleep on my right side.

First, in this dream, I was in some kind of a class setting. I think there was some negative feeling, maybe conflict or fear. I have a vague sense of it but nothing I can put into words. This frustrates me very much because I don't remember how I got to the lucid part.

Once I became lucid, I was in this office type of thing. Then I was in this hospital type of room and there was a kid on the bed. He had brown hair in a bowl type of haircut like I had growing up. Not sure exactly the age but young. He had his front two teeth and his lateral incizors, but the teeth outside those were missing. I noticed this discrepancy (I am missing my front lateral incizors) but I figured this was a version of myself as a child. It took me a moment. What it felt like was that I was dreaming from the viewpoint of that child for a while, and the next thing I knew, I was my adult self looking at the child. I said hello or something like that and we talked. Again, I can only remember this vaguely, which really frustrates me. It is so devastating to lose dreams like this.

There was this tablet with a blue light filter on it that kept falling. It was his tablet. I was able to telekinetically keep picking it up for him before it fell. I think as the dream went on, he became younger, closer to a baby. I think he fell at one point, but I used telekinesis to get him into my arms.

There was a little torch lighter, with the bendable hose part, that he was playing with. This didn't seem safe.

At one point, we were towards the end of the room and there was some kind of female nurse there. I thought of trying to talk to her but realized I was with the child now.

I had the child in my right arm, and noticed the fingers of my left hand were really crazy. I had a thumb, two fingers, then two missing stubs of fingers, then three more fingers. I showed the child, look, my hand has a lot of fingers. I already knew it was a dream.

The torch lighter kept falling and I wanted to put it away. I had the thought that I might be in my subconscious, so maybe I should put the torch lighter in a safe cabinet, where the child can't get it and burn up the place when I am not there. There were all these silver cabinets and I found one to put it in. This whole part of the room seemed to be stainless steel. I found a cabinet on the right hand side that I wanted to put it in, but couldn't get the latch to open for me to put it in there. I guess I let that go after that.

Then, I had the baby child in my left arm. I wish I had thought to talk more to the baby child. Instead, I was sort of acting as if I were in my own dream by myself, with no one there, just that I was holding this object for some reason. So I kind of missed out on that chance, but maybe I wasn't ready.

I was near these sinks. To my right I opened a door to a stainless steel bathroom with a toilet hole in the floor. It was pretty dirty all over the place in here. There were two pretty grimy sponges near the sink, and all this grimy, gooey water. With the child in my arm, I decided that instead of flying away, I should clean the bathroom. Since I was thinking this was my inner mind, I figured cleaning the bathroom would be symbolic in some way. And a smart thing to do. I couldn't think of anything else to do, so I grabbed the less grimy sponge, and started to scrub the stainless steel of the bathroom. I guess I thought I was going to clean the whole thing.

Next, I noticed there was no ceiling in this place. Just walls that went up. So I flew up above the walls a little. When I looked down, I saw this big office space with people in cubicles. I knew I had seen this earlier in the dream. I was amazed at how my dream location was so solid, that a location from before was in the exact same place, looking just as it did the last time. I was a few floors up from them somehow.

I got the idea to fly down and fly around the office space. Then I kind of got the idea that I shouldn't do that, for whatever reason. It might get me in trouble or something. Well, I sort of ignored that instinct, and jumped down. Then, I woke up.

I definitely hope that next time I have the chance, I remember to just stop trying to be so busy doing things, and actually talk to the child. There was so much more I forgot that happened with the child. He was crying for something at some point and I got it for him with telekinesis.

It is so frustrating that I forgot so much of this dream. I stayed perfectly still upon awakening and thought through it. But, nothing else. No clue how I became lucid. No memory of at least half the stuff that happened when I was with the child. Sometimes dream recall can be torture for me because I find out how much I forgot.

I had a very short dream flash after I started to think through that lucid dream where it was a dark sky. There were two light-up letters, maybe H, U, or, H, A, or A, H, I am not sure any more. I could see it clearly when I was in the dream flash but I had forgotten moments later. The letters faded into a black cloud on the bottom of the dream "screen". Then there was a white light in the middle. I knew it was a dream flash all along, so it was kind of like the beginning of a wake initiated lucid dream, but I couldn't figure out how to extend it into a new dream.

After that I was awake, thinking through the dream. I had some sleep paralysis begin to set in and hoped another dream would begin, but it wasn't coming. I got up to write this one and now I will go back to sleep.





Round 3 of dreams. .

I remember there was some part with someone talking about something to do with safety? Not quite sure.

One part where I was in my high school. Maybe flying, but not lucid. Starting to think I might be dreaming.

There was another part when I was in the water. I forgot a lot of this, too. I remembered it at first but must have been tired.

This last part was very interesting. There was a woman who had sort of kidnapped me in the back seat of her car. She had a gun pointed towards me. Actually, she even shot me at one point, and I died. It didn't hurt, but I had the feeling that I died. i think I experienced something, but I am not sure. That was actually really cool.

Then, I was in that dream again, and she was driving me still. I was trying to play dead so that she wouldn't think she had to shoot me again, but I couldn't stay still. She started to aim the gun at me, and I realized I was dreaming. I had one of these moments where I said, you can't shoot me again, this is my dream. Then, I remembered the last time I did that in a dream, and the other dreamer didn't like that. So I said, well, it is both of our dreams. But I just don't want you to shoot me. And I both grabbed the gun with my dream hand and used some mental will to get the gun in my possession.

Then, instead of wanting revenge on her for putting me through this, I realized she must be in trouble if she had to hold me hostage. So, I decided, knowing it was a dream, to help her. I asked her more about why she had kid napped me, but I don't remember that much. She said she had some other salts in the car. I asked if they were for punishing me, and she said, yes. I didn't really get mad at her, though.

So I was sort of helping her find her way. We were 3 hours away from home. It was a silver or light gray mini van.

At one point, I thought she might have had the gun again. I had to double check that it was in my right hand pocket of my north face jacket. She had some stuff laid out on the floor. I think we had got to some sort of hotel.

Then there was a thing about how even if she didn't kill or torture me, other people would still come after me. So, we had to make it look like she had succeeded somehow. Then, all of these ransom note type things appeared on the screen. Maybe I had lost lucidity at some point, but becoming lucid and getting the gun from her might have been all I needed to consciously do.

She seemed to have dark hair. I think she was Italian. I think I almost asked her if she was Italian but didn't want to seem to be stereotyping her?

There was a lot more stuff in these dreams but I guess I slept on it more as I was laying there trying to remember it. I had difficulty sleeping tonight, so I can accept that I was just too groggy. But still, it hurts to forget, because the parts were definitely cool.

Oh, right, here is one part. Painfully vague, but I've got it. There was something about squatting over a squat toilet. My friend from High School Rich M was saying something. He was saying how it was hard to squat there for a while, so I said to eat some chicken while he does it. Then, he said that it would cause him to poop more from eating the chicken. But I thought, the chicken won't digest immediately and make new poop that has to go out until later.

I think there was a part with a girl I liked from high school. All of this is now painfully vague and I am somewhat upset about the memory loss.

I should have got myself up, but I didn't because I was still remembering details from the dream in my mind. I thought I should stay still to try to remember more of it, but then I guess as I was doing that, i fell asleep some number of times. That just means I was tired, and reasonably so. A lot of times, when I am not too tired, I think through the dream until i know I am done, then get right up to write it, without any risk of falling back to sleep.

There might have been something with my sister and a bird, unless that was an earlier dream. It could have been both this dream and an earlier dream.

Well, I will go back to bed now. i will try to see if I can recall any other parts.

When I was at the high school there may have been something about the A V club.









Round 4 of dreams.

These were cool but again I am very dissappointed with my dream recall.

So, there was something with my sister. We were in this room that had all white and dark brown stuff. It was like a bathroom or a mix of different rooms including a bathroom. There was something also mixed in about these people chanting some incantations around a ring to summon a fairy. The ring said Zelda on it. They were going to summon a fairy called Zelda, but I was thinking Zelda is a princess in the video game, but I didn't think she was a fairy. Anyway, it didn't have to be video game zelda. So then I saw two people, I think my sister on the right hand side, and myself on the left hand side, sitting on toilets in this white and brown room. I got the sense that my sister would be sucked through the toilet when the people summoned the fairy, but I was going to go with her. I was also eating something in the room. I had my multivitamins and chicklets. I was going to offer my sister some gum. I was afraid that it was too dirty of a room to eat in, because of there being a bathroom right near it.

In an earlier dream, there was a guy saying how something most people think is non violent might not actually be non violent. I forgot what it was but it seemed so insightful. It was something I never would have thought of.

Yeah, quite dissappointed with my dream recall tonight. I am pretty much always dissappointed with my dream recall right after the dream, because I am still aware of how much I forgot. Once I forget how much I forgot, and I am just left with the dream journal entries themselves, I don't have such bad feelings about it. Also, I think nights with better dream recall mean I am getting less deep sleep, so there will be a balancing effect where I get deeper sleep the other nights at the expense of dream recall.

I woke up from these dreams laying there for a few solid minutes (it felt like) before any dream details came to mind. I remember I was eating something, but it was so much food that I would have to put on an m p 3 to distract me from how much I had to eat. Also, I felt like I was laying there thinking of the dreams at times, but when I woke up physically, I couldn't remember a thing. Maybe I dreamed that I was thinking of it. I don't know.

Hopefully I can sleep one more time and have a dream I can actually remember well enough to be happy. But I will probably never be happy!



Round 5 of dreams. .

I slept again, and I know I had some dreams. My dreams over this last night were a lot harder to remember than usual, for whatever reason. I regret this but I guess it just means my body and mind needed some deeper and more restorative sleep. I kind of overdid it on some things lately and too much exhaustion seems to not be good for dream recall.

The one part of the dream I remembered was I was hearing this song. Maybe there was something on a table. I remembered the words to the song at first, but then forgot them. There was this rubber ball swinging around on a string. Then I heard a loud "thud!" either from waking life or from the dream, like an auditory hallucination. The "thud!" woke me up in a startle and my memory of dreams was completely wiped out. It might have been a thud from outside. I tried to stay still and think about the dreams, but couldn't get any.





Other Notes
Here is some other writing about my dream recall frustrations I did:

There may have also been some kind of creepy monsters in the earlier parts but that might have been something i was thinking about before I fell asleep. I was thinking about being nice to snakes I see when I am in the woods and how it would be cool to be able to befriend snakes even when most people would say it is dangerous, just by being very loving towards them on a deep level.


Forgetting so much of a dream like this really kills me. I am totally exasperated over this, because I feel I am doing everything I possibly can to maximize my dream recall. I don't know if anyone else has this level of pain over forgetting parts of their dreams, but I do. I just want to remember what happened in my dream, but all i get is like 25 to 50 percent. And I am stuck with that, no matter how much I try to visualize it or focus on it. The memories just seem to be gone.

Also I don't think I had any false awakenings.

Idk why my daughter is always, always about four or five in my dreams???

Panic dream about making the water too hot.
We are in a church, but of course! The pews are lined up to make avenues for the water, for a bath. There are of course great gaps but this doesn't matter as I turn on a gigantic tap which gushes loads of water. The whole church starts to fill up with water.
I realise that the water is getting to hot and try to turn it off. It will not turn off at the facet.
Running around everywhere to find how to turn off the tap, i am breathless. I run outside and down the street. Then back in a loop totally panicked through a overhead gallery in the church, where people are using laptops at desks. I jump down from on high this a thwunk onto one of the desks. The kiddo with glasses doesn't bat an eyelid and I land back down into the church.
My daughter is not boiled, fortunately but I am so freaked in the dream that this cycles a few times.

[comment]
In most dreams where I am to worried I have zero lucidity hence I think I need to concentrate more on relaxing before sleepy time??

Preface:
Bed at 10pm to catch up on sleep! Unfortunately, exercise had me worn out last night. No echinacea or vitamins before bed; I was too tired and I forgot.

DR 1
I am at a university or school event of some sort. I am with a friend, her boyfriend, and a child. Most times, this child appears to be a boy.
My friend and her boyfriend separate for some reason, and I am supposed to go with the boyfriend to get something or find something (papers from the school). I let him do his thing, because there is a small photography gallery showing that we (all of us, mainly the child) have been invited to. The child is very excited to see this, so we are rushing along to get to the room. When I get there, a man is handing out small booklets (prints of the show) for sale. The guy opens the book and its pictures of "cookies". All kinds of elaborately decorated Christmas gingerbread cookies. The one that I most remember is the one that appears to be strangled. Half of his head is coming off. Anyway, the child is so excited and wants to buy one of the books. He/she has given me his wallet, so its in my purse. I go into my purse to get the wallet and he tells me that the book is four dollars. I find four dollars in silver coins and I give it to him to pay for the book. The wallet is a long checkbook type wallet and has a rose pattern (black and pink). When I go to put the wallet back inside my purse. The child gets upset and says that its his/her wallet. At this time I cannot distinguish the sex of the child, because his/her face is so beautiful, dark brown curly hair (big ringlets), fair skin, rosy pursed lips and big brown eyes- a heart shaped face. He/she is so adorable. I say, "I have it right here! You gave it to me, remember? Do you want to hold it?" The child is okay with me holding it. We hang around a bit and then we leave.

As we are leaving, I meet up with my friend's boyfriend again. We receive news that half the world has fallen into the sea. This is huge news, and it seems that the world is going to be over.

Immediately, I become a third person, and I am looking down at the earth from the sky. In satellite view, I can see Spain and France flip over and fold into the water, as if someone has folded a piece of paper. The same happens to Africa. The rest of Europe, gets completely folded into Russia- and then everything goes under the water. I get freaked out and return to first person.

People are crying and there is a lot of commotion. We are oddly calm and begin to make our way out to find the car. We find my friend. She looks kind of upset. I can feel its because her boyfriend and I have been hanging out and we had a good time. She is not happy that she left her boyfriend with me (?). She's not even upset about the earth.
The university/school is huge! Its takes us awhile to get back to the car. I get into the driver's seat. Its a small sedan. The boyfriend gets into the front seat (?), and my friend and the child get into the back. Everything looks that dimly lit color again (golden brown sepia tones), only there are no torches or streetlights. I don't know where I am going but there is a lot of craziness about the earth on the radio. It seems that only the North American continent has survived.


Side notes:

Colors- Mostly the dimly lit orange/gold tones. This is a change from the normal white/grey color scheme.

Child- This child appeared so handsome and beautiful at the same time. This is new for me in a dream; I can usually tell the sex of people in dreams, if not by appearance then by feeling.

Coins- There were lots of quarters in my purse. In the dream, I had many of them in a plastic bag, which I took out to retrieve the coins. That is odd, but I do hate how change rumbles around and gets dirty in purses.

Cookies- These cookies looked alot like the gingerbread cookies that my small nieces and I made last Christmas. They kept putting too much icing and making them look so different, so I started naming them.

Earth-Probably the biggest calamity I have had in a dream lately. I didn't think I was capable of imagining that the world could just fold over into the sea. Interesting bit about Russia.

I was with a mutated-dream-version of friend and their family. In my dream, their oldest son, who was still a child, had recently passed away. They still had one other young son, and I was talking to him in a mall that we were all shopping in for a new bed for the little boy. He asked me if the bed was going to be for [dead son]. I felt sad and confused on how to answer this.

I was working in a restaurant setting and a co-worker told me that I had forgotten to bring a mat over when I brought the flatware. I recalled seeing this blue mat (maybe something that you would lay dishes on to dry?) so I went back to the area I thought it was and grabbed it. I felt a sense of satisfaction because I suspected my co-worker wanted to get me into trouble.

dream fragment- Two newborn lion cubs, maybe more. Not in a wild setting. Another human present and we were commenting on the cubs but I don’t remember what we said.

Thoughts:
This friend of mine and family are in town right now and I probably won’t see them before they leave. The restaurant dream is a common theme for me. The co-worker in the dream was in waking life a girl I went to high school with that I haven’t talked to in many many years. Finally not a dog-centric dream!

Programmed myself to wake after every dream, which I did but I find it very much like coming up for air then plunging back under the murky waters, quite disorientating. So lots of chaining.
Also I tried FILD a lot.

D1 - Escaping from my father I travel across europe. I am being traced by a chip sticking out of my iphone.

D2 - Staying in Ireland, in a farm house. Waking up early in a bedroom, with double windoes overlooking the farm courtyard. I am a child but do not want to go visiting the farmyard animals with the other children.

D3 - I am a child again and I am unable to stop the bathroom tap running (a phobia of mine when I was younger). I am yelling for my My mum to sort it out.

oooo I don't really remember having dreams where i'm a child before Oo, must be deeper.

I had about four false awakenings LOL

Dream
I remember being in a really low paying job by the shore. There's a lot of people around doing various jobs, but fishing is the more risky and better paying job. I'm not a fisherman, I'm doing some other job which isn't enough to feed my family (I have a wife and child somewhere in the background). While I'm on the beach I hear someone nearby shout out that they're looking for a new fisherman, I jump at this opportunity.. I really needed it. No matter what the risk is.

I've joined the fishermen out in the water, I can't remember if I'm on the boat at first, but at some point I make a small catch and I'm quite pleased. I hop out into the water, it's close enough to the shore to be belly-deep. The fish we catch have a mechanical part to them it seems, and we sell these to make good money. But they're usually quite dangerous which is why the job is so high risk :/. I see off to my side about 2 metres away this huge red crocodile-like beast. It must be 3-4 metres long and covered in thick red spiky skin. Shit... I hope it doesn't notice me, I'm walking in pace with it as it wades towards the shore. It doesn't seem to be hostile, odd. I wade out of the way behind a boat I think, then when I come out on the other side I spot a HUGE hagfish. Its mouth opening and closing, displaying multiple rings of teeth descending into its gullet. I backtrack as it swims slowly past. It also seems oddly non-hostile... I head towards the shore, the red crocodile beast has swam off in the direction of the hagfish. I then see another huge crocodile beast, this one with grey-silvery skin and much bigger. It seems like a more ferocious and dangerous breed, it heads off towards the other beast. They creatures duke it out, I can't remember clearly what happened but they all died and I swam over to reap the materials from their corpses. I'm amazed that I got such a good haul for a one-off fisherman job .
I'm back on the shore now, I've got a few small pieces of mechanical bearing-like things in my hand. I'm fiddling around with them while sitting down, trying to get comfortable on the slope. I keep sliding down, how did I used to do this? I put my foot on a wooden wall and stop sliding, I think this is how I used to do it?

Lucid
I JUST remembered that I had this, I can't remember a lot though. I realized I was in a dream and decided to stabilize, I remembered talking to my dream buddy about advancing my abilities with stabilization and wish I had finished reading the article he'd sent. I started by pressing my finger through the palm of my hand, it briefly stabilized but it wasn't enough. I then span on my axis a bit and felt the world begin slipping away. Aw shit. I willed the world to stay materialized which worked in my favor for a bit, but it still wasn't enough. I felt the world around me zoom in and out as I wrestled with stability, until eventually it faded and I awoke.

I think this is my 60th lucid

5.20
Game, set and match
I'm standing on ...... (it looks like a treadmill like you see in a gym). I'm looking in front of me because I have to watch something that is going on there, I'm playing some kind of game. ML is with me. He is standing very close behind me, wants my attention. I don't want to give him any because I have to focus on the game. He talks to me, flirts, puts his hands on my hips and tries to pull me close. I'm not interested but don't want to bluntly reject him. There is a little blond girl (between one and two years old) that I do want to give attention to. I smile at her and she smiles back and puts her arms out towards me. I pick her up and hug her. I love her so much, I feel the love flowing through me and it makes me so happy to hold her on my arm, see how she enjoys being with me. I won the game, and think: Game, set and match!

D1 - Large dark tarot cards are laying side by side,vertically. They transform into animated scenes, CGI . Then they become youtube channels.
There are some very unseemly guys on a youtube channel, doing very unseemly things, totally fake.

D2 - A dark boat boat is in very dark waters, the wood old and chared. In the boat is the body of a dead man, dressed in victorian clothes. The mans widdow, dressed in a dark grey cloak, is standing on a narrow wooden jetty, looking down over the man. She holds a large grail in her hand filled with dark cold water.
She is protective of her dead husband, and says I am unworthy even though I am alive and he is dead. She is a woman of ill repute.

D3 - I am making a large amount of outfits from stencils , pining them on manikins and laying out large rolls of red and white fabric, with writing on it.
I am working out how much I can make and how much it will cost. I do not want to give these away as it will cost many thousands but feel it is my duty, begrudgingly I continue.

D4 - My daughter is a toddler and it is her birthday in the dream. I am putting together some kind of animation from a game she likes, it becomes I am not sure what. I feel she will be disappointed but try to get things read. I display it on a large projector screen, infront of a table filled with party food.
there is some time before her guest's arrive. I go out. I am on a track riding a small bike. I have no idea when the party will begin and after passing a small boy on a green tracktor that blocked my path, I turn back.
I am physically unable to go back, no matter how I grag the bike. I then find I am also lost and desperation and dread fill me.
Trying to get back I walk dragging the bike, past a sea front amusement, it is empty apart from some teenagers standing together on the rain strewn concrete floor. I try to sneak past them feeling very ashamed. They see me and jeer at me. I struggle on.

I don't remember any of my dreams last night, beyond waking up and reminding myself to remember what I'd just dreamed about.

d'oh.

However, while trying to remember at least a few fragments of it, I somehow dredged up an ancient dream from when I was like... 4 or 5 years old.

I was in a store in the mall with my aunt S. It was a clothing store, think of like Ross's but a much older one... the name escapes me... the chain has mostly faded away. I don't think I've seen one in a long time.

Anyway, I lost my aunt somehow. I'm wandering around through the aisles looking for her, when I see a yellow Mylar balloon with a smiley face on it floating in the middle of the aisle I'm looking down. A balloon is interesting, but I'm looking for my aunt. I continue looking down the aisles. When I turn around again, the balloon is behind me, a few feet away.

As I go through the store looking for my aunt, every time I turn around or look down the aisle, the balloon is there. I start to feel like it's following me. It goes from interesting to weird to unsettling.

I finally find my aunt and complain about the balloon. I can't really articulate what's going on or why it's upsetting me, though. Either way, she either doesn't believe me or doesn't care. Little kids say weird shit all the time, after all.

I follow her out of the store and we meet up with my grandmother and my cousin outside in the main area of the mall. There is a giant yacht in the middle of the mall, just sitting there. It's huge. Not quite the size of an ocean liner, but definitely way too big to just be sitting there in a mall. I recall that the lighting in the mall was very dim, and the ground was very... kind of fake brown marbly. Very "generic mall". The yacht was very white.

I wouldn't quite classify it as a nightmare, but I remember that it was an upsetting dream. At the time that I had it, I still didn't have a firm grasp on the idea that dreams are different from reality, so I spent a while believing that a balloon had really chased me around a store. I didn't like Mylar balloons for quite a while after that.

Dream - Lucid

Something to do with packaging out donuts. When they were all packaged (there were quite a few boxes), I was looking at them, and there were some glazed and chocolate iced french cruellers, which those aren't supposed to be chocolate iced, only glazed. They also looked really wilted and small. I remember seeing one that was small and had just a little chocolate icing on it.

Then, I was designing this roller coaster with my dad in the garage. We were picking out different kinds of track. I remember the train on it also looked very sleek, silver and thin with only one person being able to fit in each car. I was thinking about the fact that we had a roller coaster in our garage. We must be rich. The roller coaster was starting and I got in the front car.

~

I was with Dallas at the house I grew up in. We lived there. It was nighttime. His mom called. She was actually this guy I dated in the 8th's grade mom IWL, but she was Dallas's mom in the dream. I didn't really want to talk to her. She was asking Dallas if we had any mayo or mustard that we could let her borrow for something she was making. I thought that maybe we did. He put the phone down for a bit. I then went to check the fridge. We had a little bit of mayo, maybe half of a jar. I didn't see any mustard. I guess I was going to have to talk to her after all. I went to go pick up the phone to tell her. It was sitting on the counter, but was a spoon instead of a phone? I started to speak.
"Hello?" I said.
She said hello or hey or something.
"We have less than half a jar of mayo and no mustard. I'm sorry, I thought we had some! I guess we used it all!"
She said something else, like that's ok or something. We hung up.

We then, for some reason, were standing at the open front door. Before we could shut it, a blonde little boy, a toddler, ran out. He was running fucking fast, too! Dallas and I went after him. I was running as hard as I possibly could and he was just booking it. I was nowhere near him. He started to go around the house next door. I saw a little alcove with bushes next to the house with a path/shortcut leading to the other side of the house. I could cut him off! I started to run down the path. I was very close to the end, and I saw the little boy stop. I was about to get to the end and get him when this big, tall guy I work with, TJ, stepped in front of me and picked me up. He was talking to me I think, but I don't remember what he was saying. The way his hand was positioned was jabbing into one of my left ribs. It hurt! I tried to get him to move his hand, and I did for a second, but he moved it back, as if he was purposefully pressing on my rib. It really hurt!

~

I dreamed something about Kohl's, though I can't quite recall the details.

~

I was at my grandma's house, though it didn't look like it at all. I was in the guest room getting ready for the day. I was putting on my bra and underwear. My hair was also pulled back. I had a q-tip that I was sticking in my nose? I guess my nose was a little runny or something (still doesn't make sense but whatever). I had to go out into the living room for something. I walked out and saw the back of my grandma's head. She was sitting on the couch watching TV with some coffee in hand. She had on a hat as well. She turned around and said good morning to me. I then looked to my right and saw two little blonde toddlers, a boy and a girl, standing there looking at me. I wasn't sure if I should be out in my underwear, but at least I wasn't naked. I also felt silly with the q-tip, which I had left sticking out of my nose. I pulled it out.

I was then going to put these pastries, an elephant ear and a pecan crispy, on this table that had lots of pecan pastries on it. It had some white and yellow iced donuts as well. As I was looking at them, I was "remembering" what my grandma had said about how she gave birth to donuts before she gave birth to babies (like months before, very early on in the pregnancy). Apparently, this was normal. I was also "remembering" that Sarah, a girl I worked with at Kohl's, had also done that; I was "remembering" her working with me at the bakery too. I was staring at the donuts wondering how the hell your body could make donuts. What kind would they be?

I then figured I needed to put the elephant ear and the crispy into a plastic bag so they didn't go stale. I went and got one and put them in. My grandma was then telling me about how she was sorry she didn't have any plastic tupperware containers because they were all at the old house (which they moved out of 8 years ago IWL). Something about how some doctor lived there temporarily.

My mom was then there, and she asked me if grandma had told me about the donuts. I told her yes.

Dream - Lucid

I was living in a house with Dallas, Rachel, and her husband, Chad (who looked nothing like his IWL counterpart). Also, I was married to both Rachel and Dallas. I was trying to explain this to someone in the dream how that worked. It was like I wasn't married to Chad, but Chad was married to Rachel. It was interesting. Also, dream Chad had a little above shoulder length curly brown hair, and he really annoyed me. I remember talking to him while he was sitting down. I don't remember what we talked about, but I was annoyed (IWL Chad doesn't annoy me at all).

Someone then came over with a little boy. He was probably about 4 or 5. I was talking to him. When I first started to talk to him, I felt apprehensive, because I never know what to say to children. However, I discovered that it wasn't so bad after all. I don't remember much else about this part.

Then, something about us all going on a trip to Japan, or maybe it was just me going on the trip, I'm not sure. I didn't actually go in the dream, but it was a plan. I was thinking about if I had enough money, or how I had saved the money up in the first place.

~

I was helping to decorate this huge vanilla cake. It was carved to be someone's head/torso with some cake bordered around it, carved to be circles that I was decorating however I wanted. It was for someone's birthday, though I wasn't sure if it was a child's or adult's birthday. I don't remember how I decorated the circles; I do remember on one that I sketched a person, however.

Then, C, the customer service assistant manager, came up and started to take over the decorating. It kind of irritated me, but it wasn't that much. She sketched a woman holding a young boy in her arms. I now really couldn't figure out if this cake was for a child or an adult.

~

I was working in the bakery, but, of course, it looked different. I'm not sure how long I was there, but it felt like awhile. My manager wasn't there either; I'm not sure where she was.

I went over to a file folder and stuck my two week's notice in with some of her other papers. I tried to keep everything in order, making sure that my notice was the last thing in the stack. I "remembered" that she really liked everything to be in order. I had put on the notice that my last day was October 1st.

I then got a call from Shannon asking me about my work schedule the next couple of weeks. She named off some shifts and asked if it was ok. I said it was, and hung up. I then was thinking about what day it was that day. Today was actually the 1st, and I just agreed to shifts beyond my two week's notice.

I then went to go get my notice to change the date to the 10th instead so I could work the shifts that she wanted me to. I couldn't find it in her stack of papers anymore.

I then started to gather up some of my things. I started cleaning out my locker. I had some stuffed owl in there among other things. Someone saw me carrying all my things. I don't think they said anything to me.

I then remembered again that I had agreed to those shifts, and today wasn't my last day after all. I felt so hazy and confused (this feeling permeated the entire dream). Oh well, at least I was getting some things out now.

I then was walking around, looking at my feet, somewhere completely different. The floors were purple. I realized I was dreaming, and thought to myself how much lucidity I'd had lately. I was thinking I had had some every night. I then started to make this little noise, and I could feel my waking life body breathing out and making the noise also. Oops, making noises in my sleep. I kept on doing it.

I then had an FA in a different bed. I was back in the two week's notice dream. I don't think much else happened.

Dream - Lucid

I was holding a guitar. Dallas was teaching me how to play it. I had my fingers on the strings, which were going both vertical and horitzontal, like a tic-tac-toe board. He was teaching me how to put my hands on the strings and only strum one at a time, not hitting any others at the same time. I wasn't sure how that was possible, but I did it. I moved my other hand on the neck to produce different notes. It actually sounded good! I played a couple of scales, making the end of the last legato on the last few notes.

I then was approached by a little boy. He was this girl I knew in high school's son, John. He gave me a hug, then, very articulately and adult-like, started to tell me about this video game he played called "Kingdom Health"; I assumed it was more of a Christian version of Kingdom Hearts. He then was telling me how much he loved my recording of Moonlight Sonata Movement III. He said he really liked the one that I had that played backwards. I was thinking about the recordings, and how they weren't that good since I'm not really that good at playing that song all together, only certain sections of it. I was thinking about how the backwards recording sounded, however, and it was quite smooth.

~

I was pushing around these three infants in a shopping cart. I was in a building, though I'm not sure what it was. They were wrapped in blankets. One was a boy and two were girls. I kept thinking about how I needed to change their diapers, particularly the boy's, but I hadn't yet. I reached down to touch the boy's face to make sure he was even still alive. His eyes opened so I knew he was. The weird thing about the babies was they were like "training" babies; it was like a sim game of taking care of babies. I knew they weren't "real", but at the same time, they were.

I kept thinking about this the whole dream, but never doing it. Someone else, a girl, was with me at some point. Also at some point, I was in an arcade.

There was then a point where I didn't know where the babies were anymore. They were gone. I figured they had gotten taken away from me.

~

I was at Dallas and I's wedding, though it was taking place in a beautiful church rather than the place we really did get married. There were many people there. I remember the atmosphere being fun.

At one point, I heard my old friend Josh on speaker phone with my friend Caitlin. He sounded like the Josh I remember (haven't spoken to or seen him in ages IWL). The phone looked more like a small radio than a phone. I then announced to him
"You know you're on speaker phone, right?"
His voice was then replaced with another guy's voice. I don't remember what he said, but he was talking directly to me. I do know it was because Josh didn't want anything to do with me anymore.

A bit later, I thought I spotted Josh at the wedding, but upon further examination, it was an older man. Of course Josh hadn't come for the wedding.

I then was having a good time in the sanctuary of the church with my family and friends, and I became lucid. I started to walk to the side of a table, like the gravity was switched and I was standing up sideways, but I quickly woke up right after. -_-;

~

I was with my friends Rachel and Chad, a married couple. They were playing piano duets, Chad playing the left hand part and Rachel playing the right. I didn't even know they knew how to play piano! I saw the music going by as they were playing. The right hand looked complicated. The song was in a minor key. I think I wanted Dallas and I to be able to do it too.

Then it was like I was controlling a Sims game. I made my character have this glitched black doberman looking dog. He kept getting bigger and bigger. I then put my character in fish net tights, a shirt, and I think a skirt? And my character was a middle-aged balding guy. I made his thighs get bigger too. He looked ridiculous.

I was making my character walk around at night outside. The viewpoint was not a traditional Sims overhead view, but a closer view similar to that of many FPS games. There was an NPC at the backdoor of a building trying to deliver a package. I made my character go up to him to tell him he had to go around front. He did just that.

I then wanted to take my character downtown to go party all night. I looked at his needs bars, and saw that all but one were completely full and green, with the one not being completely full just a tad bit drained. I just had wanted to make sure his energy was up, but since I had just created him he was full. I then made him start to run through some grass towards downtown. The character was taking huge steps because he had long legs. I then was the character, and I felt myself running and taking these giant steps.

~

I was at work at the bakery. A girl I used to work with at the coffee shop, Virginia, was working on the decorator's side. She was helping a customer with something. I was feeling very lightheaded and tired. I walked around to the back. I think I was eating something and trying not to get seen. I then was trying to exit the dish washing area, and I started to feel so tired and lightheaded I fell to the floor. Wow, why was I feeling so off?

I then realized that I was dreaming. The tiles on the floor instantly became more vivid, being a light olive green color and a light pink color. Almost as quickly as it came, however, I felt it fading. I rubbed my hand across the tiles to stabalize the dream. They felt quite real. I then started to run my hand over the wall, and it felt like only pressure on my hand. I got up off of the floor and started touching everything I came across. There was some black metal grating over this small electronic thing that looked like a digital thermostat or something. I ran my hands over it and felt how realistic it was. I then reached into the grating and pushed a button on the thing. It was locked with a code, and the small screen said something like "Cal9". I thought about how dream text constantly changes.

Spoiler for Explicit content:

I then walked out of the bakery and into a new area. I was in some restaurant-type place now where many people were sitting in booths. I decided that I wanted to have some dream sex, so I approached a tall bald black man with a mustache who was sitting at the booth. He had a child of about 4 with him, a little boy. I straddled the guy, and he said
"Do you think gay people ever come here?"
I understood that to mean that he was gay and uninterested, so I moved on to the person sitting behind him in a booth, a girl probably around my age or a little younger with long black hair. She looked up at me and I went and straddled her. I lifted my shirt up and exposed myself. I then couldn't hold it in anymore and had an orgasm, which, of course, woke me up.

~

My sleep was fragmented last night, so I don't feel like I remember as much as I could have. I know there was more to all of these dreams except the last one, but I can't recall too many details, only generalities. I have been quite stressed lately, so I'm guessing that has something to do with it.

Dream - Lucid

This dream is an absolute jumbled mess, but I'll try to order it the best that I can.

I was sitting on the couch in our living room. I had taken my medicine already and was struggling to keep my eyes open. I was messing with something on my phone, and apparently, I fell asleep while doing so. I then was dreaming (within the dream) about what looked like a SimCity view of, well, a city. It was a place I wanted us to move to, and moving was as simple as clicking a button. I remember placing buildings or something.

I then woke up in the first dream. I had fallen asleep on the couch. I heard my husband's voice from the other room calling me.
"You spend too much time on the internet," he said.
I mean, he's absolutely right, but I wonder what would prompt him to say that? I then asked
"Did I post a status in my sleep?"
"Yes," he said.
I had been fearing that I had done that. I "remembered" posting a status in my dream about the move. I then looked at my phone on what was supposed to be Facebook, but it didn't really resemble it at all. I had posted a status That said something like this:

Hey! We decided to move to Nokia, Oregon! ________________________________
__________________________________________________ __________________
__________________________________________________ __________________

The lines are text that I can't recall at all.

Holy crap! I posted a status in my sleep. I had a lot of comments on it that appeared like old message board responses (hard to explain what I mean...I guess kind of like how Reddit is set up). All the text was colored and the background was a dark color. I want to say the text was bright orange. I knew that didn't look right for Facebook even in the dream. I thought maybe the site just wasn't loading properly on my phone. I decided to get on the computer, which was located in the opposite corner of the room than it is IWL. I kept trying to get on Facebook, but I kept getting distracted and not doing it. I think I talked to Dallas a little, which was one of the distractions. I did eventually get on there, but it looked the same as it had on my phone. I also noticed that I had initially been posting a status saying

I just found Snake on my phone! (link with the name of the game here; it was a Snake-like game that started with a T)

but I had fallen asleep while doing so. There was also a string of one word statuses, some that were just text, one I remember saying "Sceeea" or something like that. At the end of the string was the long status about moving to Nokia, Oregon. I was so embarrassed, but I guess everyone else on Facebook found it funny judging by some of the comments (can't recall exactly what the comments said).

Then, my daughter was there in the living room, standing by the door (I don't have any kids IWL). She was tall, skinny, and had very tan skin and medium length black hair. She had some acne on her face and had black, bushy eyebrows. She looked to be about 11 or 12 years old. I knew she was my daughter and that she'd been living with us, but I couldn't remember anything about her. I had been a terrible parent. I wasn't even sure who her biological father was. Judging by her tan skin, dark hair, and acne, it was either A or E.

I decided it was time to start making an effort to know my daughter, and to really parent her and be there for her. She was about to go to school, but she was then over by a chair where the computer desk is IWL. She had her backpack, and took out a 12-count of cream cheese-iced cupcakes, ones that we sell at the bakery. Many of them had toppled over. I also noticed that there were two jumbo cupcakes from the bakery that were on the floor, toppled over. It must be her birthday, and she was going to bring cupcakes to school. I asked her
"Do you want me to get you some more?"
I don't remember if she answered me or not, but I was going to do it anyway. I had had no idea that her birthday was that day, but now I knew. I also had no idea what school she went to, and was afraid to ask. She pulled out a small, light muted green purse, and it had something written on it. I was hoping that it was the name of her school so I wouldn't have to ask, but it was just the brand of the purse, "Paulina". Well shit.

She was then standing next to me, and I noticed that she was actually a bit taller than me (not hard to do).

She was then gone, and I was "remembering" her as a baby, and how I wasn't active with her even then. I also "remembered" that my body made an awesome comeback from the pregnancy; I hadn't even looked like I had been pregnant. I then "remembered" miscarrying another pregnancy late in the pregnancy. I was laying in a hospital bed thinking I was in labor. I had a belly and everything. They had me doped up on pain medication, and told me that I lost the baby. I was so numb from the meds though, I didn't feel any emotion when they told me. I was trying to remember any pains I had had before the medicine, but I couldn't. I also remembered telling people, my husband included, that I didn't have any children, but I had just not remembered my daughter. I hadn't been trying to lie, I had just forgotten.

~

I have had many dreams about having a daughter whom I had forgotten about, the earliest one I remember being in 2011 or so. They are in this DJ, but I don't really want to search for them right now. I even had a meditation a month or so ago where I heard this voice say
"I'm afraid my child will come home."
I don't quite no what to make of it yet. I'm starting to get some ideas though.

Also, I know I had a dream before this one, but I can't recall it anymore. I could in the middle of the night, but then I had this dream.

Dream - Lucid

There was a girl with glasses that a very deformed neck. It looked like a huge mass of melted skin was on the back of it. She had to have it on this thing with wheels, kind of like a walker, to get around it was so big. She had a tattoo on it. She was showing it to us.

I was in high school marching band again. I remember saying something to someone about it, telling them I couldn't wait until I didn't have to be in it anymore. We were on the asphalt practicing. The sun was setting.

~

I was living in a neighborhood instead of an apartment complex. Two people I know IWL, Meg and Alicia, were moving into these tiny, studio apartment-type houses. Alicia's husband was also moving in with her. The houses were right next door to one another. I saw them moving in, and the apartment was so small, when you opened the front door, you could see the bed right there. Alicia's sister and her husband, Andrew, were somehow involved in this as well.

I knew they both smoked weed, and I knew that now that they lived there, the second we hung out again, I'd be smoking again too. I wasn't worried about it though. I thought that I could control my habits now. In the back of my head, I knew that I wouldn't be able to in reality, but I didn't care. I just didn't want Dallas to find out. I was really excited about smoking and having such easy access to it.

I was then hanging about with Alicia. Her husband wasn't there. I don't remember where we were, but we were just chatting, when she asked if I wanted to smoke. Hell yeah! I really wanted to. She went and grabbed a bong from somewhere inside I think. She then was asking me about having sex while high. High sex is good, but I'd never done it with a girl. I thought about doing it with Dallas, but didn't know if I would be able to get away with it without him knowing I was high.

I think we smoked, but the only thing I remember about that is thinking that my eyes were red. I was hoping we wouldn't get caught smoking since the house was so small. I didn't want to get arrested or in trouble in any way.

Then, I was talking to someone else about weed. She pulled some weed out that was a light green with white on it. She said it was hydroponic. I smelled it. It smelled good, but not like super good weed. She then was talking about putting it on chapstick and rubbing it in your eye to get high. I then thought that if I did that, my eyes would be really red.

~

I was outside of some store at nighttime. I was writing to my first crush/first kiss, Nick. It was nighttime outside. I typed him a letter, and put three fingerprints on it. It told him to email me at a new email address, and also told him to listen to a particular song. I think my mom helped me type it. I read it over to make sure there were no mistakes. Instead of "Dear Nick," it said "Dear D____", with the spaces being something I can't remember, but it looked like the new email address that I gave to him. The fingerprints were below that, shaped like a pyramid, with two on the bottom and one on top.

After it was sent, I wondered whether or not he would even acknowledge my new email, or if he would just write back saying he had already heard the song. The point wasn't whether or not he'd heard the song, it was the lyrics that I wanted him to listen to.

I was then sitting outside of a public bathroom. It felt like I was at Disney. It was still nighttime. There was a little blonde girl of about 5 and her mom also sitting outside the bathroom on a bench attached to the wall. The blonde girl then started to talk to me. She said
"In my country (she said the name of the country but I can't remember), we can play in the bathroom."
She then was asking me if there were things in the bathroom she could play with while she went. At her feet, there were many children's books. I told her she could take a book in the bathroom to read, and she got excited. She went in and forgot the book. I went over to the stall, which was unusually short, and handed it to her over top of the door.

Dream - Lucid

I was going into Dallas and I's bathroom. It was very dark. I had to get up out of bed to poop. I started to sit on the toilet, when Dallas came into the doorway and started coming towards the toilet.
"What are you doing? I have to poop!" I said. He kept coming. I got up. I assumed he had to poop too.
"Are you really gonna make me use the other bathroom?" I said. He didn't say anything. I took that as a yes. I started to head towards the doorway to our bedroom to go to the guest bathroom. Dallas started to shut the door to our bathroom. I then started to hear noises coming from the living room area, and started to panic a little. Someone was in our apartment. Before Dallas could shut the door all the way, I caught it with my hand. I said something like
"Dallas, someone's in our apartment!"
I started to panic, and all my vision went black. I tried to scream for Dallas, but nothing came out. I then realized that I had been dreaming, and decided to calmly wait for myself to awaken instead of panicking.

I then woke up on Dallas's chest. Phew, just a dream. I was so glad. I then started to hear noises again. I was really confused. Was I not awake? I started trying to wake Dallas up, but he was dead asleep. I pinched him, I tried to yell his name but again, it wouldn't come out. Really? Is this really a dream again?I thought to myself. Vision went black again, and then I woke up for real.

Another 10 minute nightmare. I wasn't asleep long at all.

~

I was at a bowling alley bowling with Dallas, but it was more like ski-ball; we were throwing smaller balls at the pins down the lane instead of an actual bowling ball. There was almost no one there; we were the only ones playing. Dallas then said something about how the bowling alley was closing for good soon; it was going out of business. I looked around and I could see why. It was so dead in there. I then went to throw my ski ball, but it slipped out of my hand and I accidentally threw it behind me.

I then saw a very small child, a male toddler, carrying what looked like a six pack of beer up to the lanes, but it was actually a six pack of ski balls.

~

I had these two cakes made for me. I was at work I believe. Both were big and delicious looking with cream cheese icing on them (freakin yum). One had off-white cream cheese icing with red decorations. I had to do something with them to keep them safe or something, I can't quite recall.

Then, I saw the outside of my apartment. Someone was coming up the stairs. It was daytime outside. Then, something happened; a roll in a bag of rolls died? And it seemed so inconsequential, but I couldn't proceed with anything at all now. It was like playing a Sierra adventure game, where you don't do something in the beginning of the game and you get to the end and you have to start all over. I had to "start over" from a point before that to see if there was anything I missed, anything I could do to prevent the death of the roll.

~

Yay insomnia! Again! Woohoo. Also these 10-minute nightmares are very puzzling to me. It has happened to me quite often in the past few months. I guess what I don't get it how am I dreaming without being in REM? I thought REM sleep came later in the sleep cycle? Like, I will literally be asleep for 10-15 minutes for these nightmares. There was one that I was asleep for about an hour. Anyone have any thoughts?