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I was in a dark corridor. A hospital? I felt afraid. I was becoming lucid but it's hard to maintain. I thought of a recently deceased person, a priest, and I saw an old man along the corridor. I think he was sitting down or standing by a door. He looked mild but I "rushed" (slowly) towards him and jumped-kicked. We both fell down. I lost lucidity.

I was in a school. USLS. I was walking down the corridors. I was looking for something. I was with a few people. They keep changing. I was looking for the library. I checked the map. There's one nearby, but then I had to go elsewhere.

I went up a small hill. I tried to slide through the roots of a tree but I got scared and went up the hill and walked down.

First dream

I was in my room. I was coding something in C++, and playing some roguelike games during the work of compiler.

Second dream

I was an old man. I had troubles with heart, and my family drove me to hospital. A few days later they have come to visit me. We were talking about my time in hospital. Apparently I had irritating room mates. They were also old. A nurse was coming through the room, and I quickly hidden something behind my back. It was a hip-flask. The room mates were laughing from me. Next day I was taken to another room. I got out of my bed in search of the toilet. It was evening by then. The hospital was dimly lit and corridors were buzzing with activity albeit the late hour. I looked at the labels showing the way, but couldn't find the toilet.

Dream - Lucid

I was going to get married to my high school boyfriend, Brett. His mom was talking to me about it; she was really excited. I kept thinking that I would rather be with Dallas, but for some reason, I agreed to marry Brett.

We were then in the building we were getting married in. It was a tower. The room we were in was very large and had tall ceilings. There was a very large, almost floor-to-ceiling window to the right. There were very few people there, only immediate family. We were up at the front, about to get married. All the sudden, we heard thunder. We went to look out the window. It was nighttime, and you could see many other towers outside the window, as if we were in a city. There was then a very large bolt of lightning. The thunder coincided with it, however, it struck a tower that was in front of us, and the thunder just...stopped. It was like it hitting the building muted it. I think it had something to do with the sound barrier. The tower that was hit started to crumble. It then started to collapse. It was hitting a tower directly beside it as well, which was making it fall too. One of the towers then started to lean towards our window! I thought for sure we were done for; this was the end. My mom started to yell
"We're gonna die! We're gonna die!"
The top of the tower then came crashing through the large window we were observing from. I noticed my brother was in the path of it, and I tackled him out of the way. The tower crashed down inside the building, crushing Brett and his family, but my mom, brother, a random guy, and I were all safe.

I then replayed this scene over again for some reason. I already knew what was going to happen the second time around. Nothing changed except for the fact that I already knew what was going to happen.

This dream was very intense and vivid. The feeling of being scared, about to die and accepting it is really powerful. As soon as I woke up, I had the urge to wake my husband up and tell him about it, but I let him sleep.

~

I was in this area that was just a lot of rooms. It's like the rooms were many room-sized stalls lined up. They didn't have a ceiling. In my room, I was getting provocative pictures taken of me by a young, blonde female photographer. I believe it was nighttime. We took a break from it, and I left my room and saw that next door, Ceejay, this girl I used to work with at Kohl's, was also getting provocative pictures taken of her. She was naked and sitting on the floor. There was a huge glob of yellow-tinted (I assumed it was used) lube sitting on a pillow next to her. She was talking to me, and I kept looking at the gross lube.

Then, this tall, sturdily built blonde woman who was supposed to be my mom, looked into my room and saw the photographer and all the equipment. She was a very conservative woman, so I knew she'd be pissed. After a few minutes, I ran into her, and she told me that she told the photographer to go home. She said other things, but I can't remember. She was stern about it. I'm sure at some point she told me not to do that, blah blah blah whatever.

So anyway, she left, and I saw my photographer walking by. I wanted to stop her and tell her to stay. I don't think I did. I then was thinking about how I didn't normally like to get my picture taken, but if it was a provocative photo, I enjoyed it.

~

Dallas and I had just gotten back from being out all day. It was my day off. I was playing some game though I don't remember much about it. I was then thinking about how I had picked up a shift at work that night. Why had I agreed to do that? I then couldn't remember what time I had agreed to. Was it 5? 6? 7? I then saw it written down on a piece of paper. I still couldn't tell if it was 5, 6, or 7. I looked at the clock and it was past 5, but I was then pretty sure it was 6. Boo that.

I then was in this hospital room with Dallas. It was a very large hospital room with many beds lined up. The lights were half off and no one was in the room but us. I walked down to the 4th bed down and started telling Dallas about how I was in that bed one night when I was having very bad stomach pains. The doctors checked me out and I was fine, so they sent me home. I "remembered" a guy being in the bed to my right.

I then was at the bakery with Dallas. I wasn't on the clock; I was honestly hoping that they would forget that I agreed to come in that night. The manager, Shannon, was there by herself. We got to talking. She was being very nice to me. I then made a comment about her being there all the time. She then said something about me being there all the time.
"The kids would like it if you were here all the time," she said.
It made me really happy to hear her say that. I must be good at talking to the kids who come up wanting free cookies.

04.10.2014

Meeting the professor after fighting hordes of monsters (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I came from some sort of fight with a lot of monsters. The monsters came to me like in hordes and I was able to blast them off like with energy waves:







I remember I had a partner that I needed to help, but he ended up dying in the fight so I had to proceed alone. I called a professor that was going to help me in this quest for some reason and he told me to just go ahead and visit him to enter the reports of what just happened. I had not much idea how to get there, but I remember I needed to use the crystal elevator from Willie Wonka's Factory:







I had no idea how did it work, but I knew I had to make it fly, so I pushed a big red button and it started to fly high. I recall I needed to keep pushing a couple buttons in order to make some retrorockets work, otherwise I would crash. The professor was calling me, but I could not pick up the phone as I was driving the elevator.

Suddenly, the dream went into third person and I was controlling the whole dream from the distance. I started to play silly trying to avoid someone grabbing me. I believe that Darunia, King Goron was trying to grab the elevator:







I avoided him a few times and played silly until I decided to land. It was cloudy, maybe even a little rainy and I was near an old school hospital. The hospital looked like almost in ruins, as it was in a very bad shape.

I got inside the hospital and it looked futuristic on the inside, with a lot of machinery that does not exist in waking life. There were a few research rooms that were locked, as there were experimental stuff behind them. As I started to share with the professor what was going on, the lights went off. Everybody freaked out and ran away. It seemed that one of the rooms contained both Ebola and hepatitis viruses, but they were an altered version, extreme airborne courageous. I was afraid I would catch either or both illnesses and started feeling bad, but the professor told me I did not catch it.

I was in a hospital. Bed ridden. Then it was sis who was bed ridden. I think it's a ward. There are many people, but at least the place seems clean. There's sunlight going through the windows.

Friday ,22nd August 2014

Moon Cycle: 10% illuminated Waning cresent moving from Cancer to Leo (27) Days Old

Tarot Card of the Day: 6 of Wands

Mayan Calender: Yellow Planetary Wind

Right nostril more open upon awakening(Masculine,logical,analytical left brain)

Dream

I find myself in a long,wide,sterile and empty corridor.
I somehow instinctively know that its a hospital, after passing a parallel corridor that is more populated with people that appear to be patients.
The walls are purple and the windows are encased in a grey concrete frame.e i
Standing in the empty corridor i become lucid. I figure i must have just completed a habitual reality check,as nothing seemed seemed to extra-ordinary for me to come to this realization otherwise.

The usual rush of butterflies and excitement floods my system and i managed to hold on as the initial incline lucidity high passes.
I look at my hands and rub them to stabilize the lucidity,shouting out "I am aware" to anchor.

Having no DC's around to test the task of the month on (asking them to tell you a word in another language and its meaning),I begin to run to the more populated corridor that I was in before my lucidity struck.

Suddenly I seel that everything is fading. I get a strange sensation that my astral body is being pried and pulled out of my dream body.

I decide to surrender to the peculiar phenomenon, thinking I may get another task if a False Awakening occurs.
I experience some vertigo/ washing machine effect and boom...I end up in my bed.

I figured that I may have lost lucidity in the surrender as i didn't bother to RC,and had no recollection thereafter.

August 20, 2014

---

I was going to the university hospital for an ophthalmologist appointment, but the stairs I *apparently* usually took to the obscure basement room where they had the eye specialists were blocked off. The ceiling above the stairs was lower than it was supposed to be, and the door at the bottom, leading to the office, was only about hip-height. I thought I would be able to fit now problem, but then the door wouldn't open, and I realized there was just a doorknob in the wall, which was painted to look like a door was there.

I went back up to the main floor, confused and a bit annoyed, because I had made the appointment just a few days ago. I went to a man at the front desk, and asked what had happened to the Eye offices. He didn't seem to know what the heck I was talking about. I tried to describe how the old offices were blocked off, and he was still confused. I simply asked where the ophthalmology offices were, and light sparked in his eyes. "Oh, them. You take the elevator behind you down a floor and go through some halls and then you'll be there."

I rolled my eyes as I approached the elevator and pressed the button to call it. Apparently the offices were exactly where they had always been, it was just that the way to get there was different now. I think they were doing some construction on the building, so some of the stairs were out of service.

The elevator got there, and I stepped in, pressed the B button (not knowing that I was actually on the 2nd floor and needed to get to the 1st floor. The building must have been on a hill)

The elevator started descending, but the doors didn't close. I watched the floor I needed pass above me, and then the elevator stopped at the basement. It was dark and damp and I had a HORRIBLE feeling about that place, so I quickly tried to press the 1st floor button.

But the elevator started going all the way up, and then went through a hole in the roof, and I held on for dear life as I watched the hospital below me. I got about 100 feet up, and then the elevator started spiraling violently downwards, around the whole building. There was still no door, so I thought I was going to fall to my death. It was terrifying.

When the elevator finally landed, I was no longer at the university hospital, but at a construction site somewhere in the middle of nowhere. It was dry, desert-like. I walked up to a group of people and asked if anyone knew where my PJs were. They had my shorts, but not the shirt. I looked around, and saw my PJ shirt on a counter in an outdoor kitchen-like area. It was under a makeshift roof and everything seemed very ramshackle. I headed that direction, but before I got there, a monster-truck (or hummer, or something large) drove past, somehow splashing everything with water. I was soaked, but because it was so hot, I didn't mind too much. I reached the counter and noticed a large cooking device over a fire. It was like a big metal drum cut in half, and with a griddle pattern embossed on it. I wrung my shorts out into a different pot, because the cook, a youngish rugged-looking man needed water to cook with. I told him to "cook something nice up for the truck driver who'd splashed us all." We both grinned evilly.

I looked back at the grill drum again, and noticed some veggies cooking on the edges of it. I picked one up with some tongs I found on the counter, and ate it. I kept picking more food off the grill drum thing, and others started joining me.

Dream - Lucid

I was at my old apartment, and a younger guy was living there. He looked to be about 20 or so, and had long, very curly dirty blonde hair. He was talking about how small the beds were at the apartment, and I agreed with him, telling him that I had to sleep on a pull-out couch, and Courtney C. had to scoot two beds together. I also told him that I got my own room to sleep in, while she had to sleep elsewhere in the apartment, even though she had her own room.

I then remember having to work. It was supposed to be at where I'm currently working, but I was having to greet people as they were entering this bungee jump ride. It was kind of like a video game at this point; it makes me think of Animal Crossing. Some of the people looked like they were made in that art style. Anyway, to greet them, I had to "click"on them, and they would say "Thank you!" in a little voice. It took me awhile to figure out how to greet them. Being greeted made them happy, and gave me points.

I then went back to my old apartment to sleep. I had to get up again in 4 hours to go back to work and work another 4 hours doing something else. When I walked in, the curly guy was in the living room fixing something. I thought that he was lucky that he didn't have to work a split shift. I went and took my Ambien to go to sleep, and laid down in the bed.

Then, I woke up for work again. I couldn't remember what my task that night was. I was thinking customer service, but that didn't seem right. I got there, and then remembered: I needed to go to the hospital. It was my due date for my baby. So I went there, which it just so happened to be where work was, and went into this room that had a hospital exam table, a hospital bed, a TV that had the news turned on, and 3 or so other pregnant women sitting in it. It was a kind of holding area for pregnant women who may go into labor. My mom was there with me. Apparently, I wasn't actually due for another two weeks and was having signs of early labor, so they wanted to monitor me. If I showed signs of labor, they would have to do an emergency C-section.

Then, it was just me and the pregnant women in the room. I was wondering if it would be alright for them to give me pain medicine even though I'd already had an ambien 4 hours prior. I laid down on the bed and watched the TV a little bit. I also remember seeing my reflection in something at some point, and thinking to myself that I didn't look pregnant, and I hadn't looked it when I had my daughter a few years ago either. I wondered what happened to her; my mom had adopted her, but I hadn't heard about her in awhile. I figured my mom had adopted her out to another family. I thought to myself that I should remember what happened to my daughter.

Then, I started to feel something dripping down my leg. I looked and saw a bit of blood. I then had the urge to lay down on my back and start pushing; I felt a twinge in my belly urging me to do so. So I started to lay on my back, and thought to myself
I was so glad that she shared her pain pills with me.
It sounded like I was narrating what was happening to me. I'm not sure who gave me pain pills or when, I just know it was one of the expectant mothers in the room.
I then felt the pain pills; I felt woozy and high, but no pain. The nurses rushed in and said they were going to put me under for the C-section. I said something back, but I don't remember what. They said it wouldn't matter because I wouldn't remember. They put the mask to my face to put me out, and I breathed it in a few times. I was then out like a light.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up in the room again, but things had calmed down. I got up out of the bed, even though I knew I probably wasn't supposed to. I was careful not to exert myself too much since I had just had a C-section. I held the area on my tummy where the stitches were. The room was empty now; I was alone in it. I wanted to know where my baby was, if it was a boy or girl, if it was even alive...

The doctor eventually came in to talk to me. They said that the baby was alive, it was a boy, but they had to amputate one of his legs.
"Was the cord wrapped around it?" I asked, thinking for sure that was what it had to be.
"No, it was because of a birth factor," said the doctor.
He then explained birth factors to me, and they run on a sliding scale back and forth, and whatever the factor is on when the birth happens determines if the baby has anything wrong with them or not. My birth factor had been high, while a low one would have also been bad. It was ideally supposed to be in the middle.

The fact that my child had a severed leg made me remember all the dreams I've had about having to get a leg or foot amputated, or about seeing people with prosthetic limbs (IWL this actually is a very common dream theme for me, though it hasn't been lately until last night). I then wondered if it was the Ambien that I had taken all throughout my pregnancy that caused this.

Anyway, I was so glad that my baby was alive, despite the leg. I knew I would love him just the same, and raise him like he did not have a defect. I walked into the nursery to see him. He was in a chamber at the very end of the room that had caution tape taped around the inside of it. Below the chamber was a bucket with two severed legs in it, although my child had only had one amputated. They almost looked like baby doll legs. There was a little blood. I wondered if that was just the holding chamber for severed legs.

I then was back in the holding area, and my husband came in. He was excited that I had had the baby! He asked if it was a boy or girl, and I said boy. His face lit up, and he got really excited. I had never seen him so excited about anything! I then told him about the leg. It seemed to slightly temper his excitement, but he was, like me, just glad the baby was ok. I imagined holding the baby, and putting him on my shoulders to play with him. I wondered if it would be different to do so because he had one leg.

I was then shopping with my mom at Kohl's for some baby supplies. I knew I needed bottles, so I went and found a package of three colored bottles that had Disney character head cut-outs at the nipple. I saw Mickey and Donald, but noticed that the third bottle was missing. I then picked up the package, and noticed that the Donald bottle had water in it. I told my mom that I had wanted to get those, but not if they had been used and were missing a bottle. I didn't see any more, either; it appeared to be the last one.

Wow, this dream was so vivid. Again, barely any sleep, but when I did sleep, holy crap. Definitely a memorable dream.

The dream begins inside my house, by the front door. I am scared to go outside, slightly apprehensive, but i long to feel the fresh cool air on my skin.

My blonde hair frames the scene, and i notice my sleeves and arms more than any other part of me, i appear to be wearing my turquoise H&M top. Eventually i slowly open the door and take a step outside into the cool early morning air. The door opens up to a sideroad very close by*, and i slowly begin to walk out into the twilight morning, slightly covered in mist, with a pale blue hue everywhere.



I move away from the house, never looking back, but i can feel water in my eyes welling up for some reason, so i search myself for some tissue, noticing that now i am wearing a completely different top but thinking to myself It's warmer than my other top. I am now wearing a black pvc blouse which i bought a while back for a photoshoot.

I forget the tissue and my eyes seem normal now, and i continue walking down that side road, looking to my right all the time, and noticing a nearby compost heap, which for some reason has smoke billowing from it, but the smoke never reaching very far up in the sky, it appears to fade mere feet above the compost heap, which now has flames and a few bits of wood as expected.

Suddenly i am behind some garages nearby, and i head to my garage where i keep my car and I find several garage doors open, as well as my own, but my car is in there, my old Nova**. Its doors are open and my clothing has been ransacked***!

I then notice a door which i had never seen before, at the back of the garage, through it i can see the inside of someones house.

Suddenly i am inside this house, looking out of the window at a scene unfamiliar to me, and it is night time, and there is someone standing under a street lamp with a bag in their hand. My perspective shifts and i am now viewing this from the other direction, and outside, and the house i was once in now appears to be a hospital, with a multi story carpark next to it. I know this place, it was the hospital i spent much time in as a child.

Now i am that person standing outside, and with me is a small tan coloured dog, not the dog from my childhood, but one very familiar, and sympathetic, as the dog looks up at me and wags his tail as his face forms that of a smile, reassuring and honest.

Nothing much after this aside from hazy memories of shopping, seeing my friend Stephen briefly, and being back home.

* In the dream the front of my house seemingly flipped 45 degrees facing west, and 100 feet down the road.

** The Nova was my first car and i locked it in these secure garages at night time, never once got broken into.

*** Before i came out, i kept female clothing in my car to change into and i was eternally worried that someone might break in and find them.

This dream occured about two weeks ago, worth mentioning if only for the personal insight it offers me of myself. Everything ties up here, though the compost heap thing is weird, its my second dream in as many weeks to feature a compost heap.

I thought i would create an image of the dream, crafted in photoshop of 3 seperate images, one i borrowed from the internets, and 2 of my own, the scene itself and me. I cannot possibly say if i wore high heels when outside, or inside, but i usually do in reality so i assume i do in dreamland.

Had a dream that i was in a hospital and i had to get a cat scan thing done. but it was my whole body that had to go through and when i went through, i went legs first and it was as if i could fell the radiation coming into me and right through me. When it got to my head thats when the dream tripped me out. one the scanner got to my head, my head rushed with all sorts of horrible images. Like spiders and other dark images i cannot explain. the images changed with the sound of a static tv changing channels. Definitly tripped me out though. i wonder what this means. feel free to comment your opinions.

2.19.14

Last night, bec 11:20pm-5am

Alarm woke me up at 5am from this dream:

Something is broke on the house. Somehow we damaged the roof. So mom goes outside to talk to the handyman that works accross the street. He has a red pickup truck, that has a roof built to make it a box car. He is kinda wondering how the heck did we manage to damage the roof support, but he agrees to fixing it. It will cost a lot and we don't have that kind of money, this soon after some previos repairs.

Now I'm in doctors office. They sat me in exam chair. I'm wondering wtf I'm doing there, since I don't go to doctors. There is a small desk with medical tray on my right, and another chair next to it. My dad is sitting there. He is not getting anything done, so I'm not sure why is he there.

Female doctor wipes my left knee with desinfectant and she is holding a 5 inch needle. I ask her what is she going to do. She kinda reluctantly says, that she will extract from my knee to see, if the medicine she had been giving me is working. She tells me that she ahd already given me morphine and some sedative.

I have a feeling she is not a very good doctor and I get worried. The needle with syringe is now held by a mechanical arm that's bend over me. I'm looking away, waiting for some excruciating pain to start. Then I look at my right knee and needle is touching it and is about to start going through the skin.

My dad says my name and I ask him what he wants. He says "I'm just gonna quietly cry here". I debate, wheather to tell the doctor that he is family, and he should not be there, coz the confidentiality issues. I get mad at dad, thinking that I don't need anybody to fell sorry for me.

I look and needle is now all the way in. I'm waiting for the pain but there is none. All I can do is sit slightly slumped over in the chair, high on morphine and sedatives. Needle is out, and another doctor comes to me and makes me spit to clear my mouth. She is telling the other doctor, that she needs to be faster helping patients after the procedure is done, for their safety and comfort.

I hear my alram going off and I have time to think, that it's good timing, because I just finished the dream.

2.06.14 Thursday

Last night bed 11pm - 8am

The magic hour 11pm came through huge, with some best recall in ages and epic dreams. Also, meditated second time in a day 1 of Anapana Sati (breathing awareness), for 15 min, 10:45-11pm, just before bed.

DR 1:
I'm on top of a not so gently sloping hill, covered in grass. Sun is setting. We were doing something, now, people are walking/running down the hill and I want to shock them with me flying down head first. I look at them sideways if they can see me.

DR 2: 3:30am
I going with my mom to the hospital where she used to work. She is going to ask, if they need her help. I'm sitting in the waiting room, but she is not coming out. There are other patients in beds nearby. A man comes out playing harmonica. I figure he is a doctor.

I'm sitting on right side of a blood drawing tray. Another doctor in lab coat is asking me my name. I tell him I'm Kate's daugter. They know me, since I used to visit my mom ther while she worked there (IWL as well).

I get a funny feeling and I ask a nurse about my mom. She says they took her.

Me and two others steal long knives, and hide them in sleves. We are walking down a long escalator, towards a security station on the bottom. I don't know how, but we get through without beeping. A female security guard comes out after us and now we know, we have an ally in there. She drops a button on the ground and I pick it up. It's a microfilm evidence how the hospital "took" secretary of "something", same as my mom, and many others.

DR 3: 6am
I'm back at the same place from dream before. Only now I'm not alone. There is bunch of people with me and we are storming the place, to liberate all the patients that are held there against their will.

I'm throwing vases and ashtrays at people in the waiting room so they leave, because there is gonna be a firefight and I didn't want them to get hurt. A young black boy throws down from this balcony 3 bracelets. I go down, pick them up and put 2 of them on. He wants them back, but I'm just laughing.

I'm running with a girl in a tow, holding her hand. I peek out from behind a corner and see a shadow of a guy with heat seeking missile. I wait for it, then we ran opposit direction, hiding behind the corner. He shoots one more time, but we make it to safety.

I'm hiding in a small alcove in a wall. One of the bad guy's leaders slides into my view on his knees. I take aim and shoot. I hear my machine gun turn on empty twice. I'm out of ammo. Another bad guy comes from behind the corner and I'm taken captive.

Now I'm laying on the floor, face down, my elbows tucked under me. This rooms seems to be after the fight, where we all gathered to regroup and recoup. Doctor is kneeling next to me. Pulling right arm out to check on it. It's ok. Now the left arm, but this one is not moving. I say maybe the muscles had locked. So he gives me 2 shots in my right shoulder. Somebody comes to talk to me and I realize I'm their leader. Doc treats some wounds I have on left shoulder.

DR4: 8am
I'm waiting for a bus with kate and her kids. Bus comes, she gets on, the door closes, and I'm struggling to open the door with 2 bags in my hand. So I get pissed at her not holding the door open and i stay behind. Then I look at the bags and they are both hers. Crap. Now I have to take the bags to her. I check if her phone is there, but it's not. Good, so I can call her to tell her when I'm bringing her bags.

Now for good 10 min, I'm trying to punch in her numbers. This is crazy and so frustrating. In order to get to each individual right numeral, I need to scroll through what seems like dozens of characters. I'm going out of my mind. I'm sitting inside, then I move outside, but there is a busy street with tour buses going by and bunch of people talking, including a group of foreigners sitting at a large table.

I see a small white fluffy dog wondering around. Seems like his leash is broken, but when I get closer, I see that he is on a very long leash that winds all over the place. So i let him be.

DR5:
I just walked to the top of a tall, rocky mountain. Like in Himalayas. Sharp peak, all snowy. We are inside of a glass lookout place. I look out, and there is a walkway around the mountain, with a simple guard rail. The wind is howling, we can hear it all the way inside. The snow is coming down like crazy, being whipped by strong winds. It's -110 degrees.

Dream 1 : [COLOR="#800080"]I am in my room and I keep seeing shadows. I get really scared and I yell. Mom comes from the other room, hugs me and asks me what's wrong. I can't talk or move so she takes me to her room. I sit there and I see more shadows and I keep yelling a lot.[/COLOR]
Dream 2 : [COLOR="#800080"]I wake up and I feel the vibrations from the transition and I try to move to get rid of them so I stand up and start to dance.[/COLOR]
Dream 3(fragment) : [COLOR="#800080"]I'm in my classroom and a celebrity is teaching us biology. A girl in my class tries to copy all of her poses and she is somehow angry.[/COLOR]
Dream 4(fragment) : [COLOR="#800080"]I'm in my classroom(yes, again) with my english teacher and she asks me at what hospital I went(wut).[/COLOR]

12/11/13

A Father's Death
I wake up lying in a comfortable bed that I know right away is not my own. I am Amelia. The first thought that returns to my mind is my father turning his back on me, not caring if I live or die. I bury my head in the pillow wishing I could just fall back asleep and maybe next time I wake up all of this will be just a bad dream. I am getting close to falling asleep when I hear someone enter the room with me. A man beside the bed whispers my name quietly. "Amelia? Amelia, wake up… we have to go." Go? Go where? And who was in my room? I open my eyes and look at the man beside my bed. It's Alex Mercer. Alex Mercer! For just an instant I am alarmed and I sit up quickly, wondering if there is any quick path to escape. But then the sleep clears out of my mind. I have nothing to fear from Alex. He has made it very clear he has no interest in hurting me. And he certainly wouldn't hurt me after I helped him get the formula for the serum he needed to cure his sister Dana. He steps back a bit and says he's sorry he startled me. He says Dana is awake, so he wants to go to the hospital and see her. He says it's not safe for me to stay here alone, there has been too much activity among the infected here recently. So he wants to take me with him. For some reason his show of concern for my safety makes me want to go give him a big hug. It's not really something I am accustomed to… my sorry excuse for a father sure hadn't showed any concern for my safety…

I get out of bed and follow Alex back into the room with the computers. I ask if the infected would really come into the apartment. He points at the hole and says that's where a supreme hunter grabbed Dana right out of her computer chair and took her to Elizabeth Greene for who-knows-what malevolent purpose. He'd gotten Dana back before Greene had finished what she was doing, but that was why Dana had needed the serum. He crouches down so I can get on his back and ride piggy-back again. This time I hold on as tight as I can without him saying anything. And then he is off like a flash, into the air, over buildings, up walls, then he glides in for a landing in an alley behind a hospital. He sets me down and motions for me to follow him inside. I look around. I don't see any sign of infected around there, but I follow Alex anyway. I follow him through several halls and we finally get to a room. The room looks disturbingly like a morgue… I see a sign on the door that says that's exactly what it is. For an instant I am afraid Dana died after all, but no… Alex had said she is awake. I follow Alex into the room and close the door behind me.

In the morgue I see there are a couple dead bodies on tables. I make a point of ignoring those. Alex is with two other people talking. One of the two people is a black man in doctor's garb, and the other is a red-haired woman dressed casually, though her clothes are a bit dirty and ripped. That must be Dana. Alex motions to me to come over where he introduces me to the other two. The doctor is Dr. Ragland, one of the few people Alex feels he can trust, and the woman is Dana Mercer, which I had already guessed. Alex introduces me to them as Amelia, and says I'm the one that managed to get the formula for the serum. Dr. Ragland tells me I did a great thing, that formula saved Dana's life. I force a smile at them, though I don't feel like smiling. I can still hear my father's voice in my mind saying I am of no use to him. Kill her, eat her, fuck her… I don't care… I try to push the voice from my mind before I start crying. Alex asks if I am ok. I lie to him and say I am fine. I'm sure he doesn't want to hear about my problems.

As Alex, Dana, and Dr. Ragland are talking I just kind of move away from them. I feel uncomfortable and out of place. I feel like I don't belong there. So since no one has noticed me move away from the group I continue and leave the morgue. I find my way to the front of the hospital and look outside. There are people out there, regular people, uninfected people. None of them seem alarmed about anything, so I reason it must be relatively safe here. I go outside into the sun. It feels nice. I look around at the people walking and talking and I realize I have never felt so alone. I just walk to the stairs that lead to the front door of the hospital where I sit down, not sure where to go, not sure what to do. I spend a short time crying silently, which no one seems to notice. Or maybe just no one cares. My tears finally dry up but I still don't know where to go so I stay there.

I am still sitting there when a uniformed soldier approaches me, looking at me like he is seeing a ghost. He asks if I am Amelia. I say yes. He is stunned beyond belief. He says everyone at the base is certain I must be dead. He helps me to my feet. He continues talking. He asks how I managed to get away from Mercer. He says that ever since Mercer broke his end of the deal by refusing to release me, everyone had assumed he had probably consumed me to see if I knew anything about… I interrupt him. I ask him exactly what he thinks happened that night. He says an arrangement was made to trade some serum to Mercer for my safe return. The serum had been delivered, but Mercer had refused to let me go, and had instead taken me with him when he left. He said people had searched… I interrupt him again. The serum was delivered? No way! That bastard that calls himself my father had flat out refused to hand over the serum, he'd flat out refused to even consider it! I am so upset that I am on the verge of tears again, but this time there is a fair amount of anger mixed with my grief. That bastard is making himself out to be a victim! I tell the soldier that Alex never did anything to hurt me, in fact he had let me go. My story is not quite true, rather I snuck away while Alex had been talking to Dana and Dr. Ragland, but I have no doubt in my mind he would have let me go even if he had seen me leaving. The soldier doesn't seem to know what to say. He asks if Mercer really let me go, but doesn't wait for an answer. He said we should get back to the base, then leads me to his vehicle and we leave.

I actually have thoughts that I don't want to go back to the base. There's nothing there for me. But I don't say anything, and we drive in through the heavy gates that protect the entrance. I get out of the vehicle and walk towards the residence section. And there he is. The bastard that claims to be my father. The bastard that refused to trade a failed experiment for my safe return. That bastard… He comes over to me with his arms spread wide, saying over and over how happy he is to see that I am ok. He says he's been afraid he would never see me again. He keeps talking and I walk right over to him. Without a moment's hesitation I pull my right fist back and punch him in the face as hard as I can. SMACK! I hurt my hand when I do that. I also feel my father's nose bend unnaturally to the side. Blood spurts from the nose and all over my hand. I start yelling at him, letting the anger out. "A failed experiment? You were willing to give me up for a FAILED EXPERIMENT?! YOU ASSHOLE! YOU ROTTEN PIECE OF SHIT!"

My father takes a towel from a man who hands it to him. He holds the towel to his nose to stem the bleeding. He has the nerve to be getting mad at me. He says I shouldn't talk about what I don't understand. He says he had everything under control until Mercer grabbed me and left. I ask what part of his plan involved riddling my body with bullets as his thugs tried to shoot Alex. He says they are good enough with their weapons, they weren't going to hit me. He hesitates, then asks me how I know what serum Mercer had been after. I tell him Alex pointed out which one he needed… when I hacked into his computer. I speak plenty loud enough so anyone in the area can hear that he has what is no doubt an unauthorized copy of classified information on his personal computer. He asks if I want to get him in trouble. I say the answer is the same as his answer to, "Do you want to watch your daughter die?" He repeats that he had everything under control. He asks how I could hand classified information over to Mercer. I ask him how he was so willing to turn ME over to Alex? He says I shouldn't talk to my father like that. I tell him I'm not. My father is dead. He hesitates, not seeming to know what to say. Neither does anyone else. The room is dead silent. I tell the man who once was my father that he is nothing to me now. He is shit.

I turn and walk away from the asshole. He grabs my arm. I feel like kicking him in the balls. He says I can't just walk away, I aided and abetted the enemy. He wants to know where Mercer is right now, what he is up to, where he took me, how I managed to escape. I tell him I have no idea where Alex is right now, I can't say where he took me because it was not through a route I am used to traveling, and I didn't escape… he let me go. He asks where I last saw Mercer. I tell him I wouldn't tell him where Alex was if Alex was sneaking up right behind him! He glares at me and then speaks to a man beside him. He says I was picked up by the hospital, and that is too far away for me to have gotten on foot. So Mercer must have taken me there. Go there and make sure Mercer doesn't leave there alive! Level the entire area if you have to, but don't let Mercer escape! Someone asks what about the civilians seeking medical help there. The asshole says they don't matter, all of them are infected and just haven't shown symptoms yet. They're already dead! I tell the thing that claims to be my father that he is the absolute lowest form of life I have ever seen. The reports are all right… there is a monster running around the city. But it's not Alex, it's him. He tells one of the soldiers to escort me to my quarters and make sure I stay there. In my current state of mind I might run off and warn Mercer.

One of the soldiers takes my arm gently and uncertainly. He is clearly not comfortable with the situation. He leads me from the room. He stops once we're out of sight. His name is Steve. He says I know my father better than he does… would he really kill everyone in that hospital just on the slim chance they might be able to take Mercer with it? I tell him I would have said 'no' just last week, but now I would have to say 'yes' definitely. He says someone has to warn the hospital so they can evacuate the patients. We go into a room with some computers. He tries to open communications to the hospital but all communications are shut down. He curses, then says all the computers are on lock down since a hacker was detected… He says he will have to go to the hospital. He says I should go to my quarters where it's safe. I tell him I don't think that's safe considering how crazy my father is acting and that he seems to think I have teamed up with Alex.

Steve hesitates, then says I can go with him. We hurry to the area where the vehicles are parked and get into a Jeep and take off out the door. Speeding down the empty streets makes the trip go pretty fast, but it still seems to take forever. Questions go through my mind. How long will it take to organize a massive attack on the hospital? Is Alex still there? How about Dana? Dr. Ragland is surely still there… We finally arrive at the hospital and Steve jumps right out and runs inside. I am right behind him. While he heads for security, however, I head for the morgue. I run all the way there and I am rather winded when I get there. I go inside and find it is empty. No one is there. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I go into the next room, which is a lab. Dana is in there sleeping on a couch. Dr. Ragland and Alex are facing the other way and talking. I am trying to catch my breath. Alex looks over and sees me there. He asks where I went off to. I tell him that's a long story, but Blackwatch is attacking the hospital any minute now, so he'll want to get Dana and Dr. Ragland out of there. Alex changes form into a soldier and leaves the room.

I follow Alex back to the front of the hospital. I can already hear helicopters in the distance approaching. And the engines of tanks. It's too late to evacuate… Alex asks Steve what is going on. Steve says the commander has gone mad… he's going to bomb the shit out of the hospital. He said we need to get as many people out as possible. Alex says there isn't time. He runs out towards the approaching enemies. I see several helicopters in the air, but I can't see the ground forces yet. Then I see Alex launch into the sky right in the middle of the group of helicopters. He explodes in a huge mass of what look like tendrils (tendril barrage devastator) that punch right through the choppers as if they are paper. The choppers explode and Alex drops back to the ground. Steve looks at me in shock… he says that other soldier was Alex Mercer! He looks around and exclaims that he was face-to-face with Alex Mercer and he's still alive! I am too far away to see any details, but I hear a lot of explosions and I can tell there is a big fight going on out there. That goes on for a while longer and then everything goes silent. Smoke is rising out there, everyone waits to see if anyone emerges.

A single soldier finally emerges from the smoke and destruction. A single soldier that does not even look injured. He gets a bit closer and looks around the area. Everyone has stopped whatever they were doing to watch what was happening. Some civilians are coming from the general direction of the smoke. They all have different descriptions of what they saw. There is only one thing that everyone agrees on. A huge Blackwatch attack force had been closing in on the hospital for unknown reasons when Alex Mercer had single handedly put a stop to the attack. The single soldier comes over near me. Steve backs away from the single soldier, who I have no doubt is Alex. The conversations around me are all about Blackwatch attacking a civilian hospital and Alex Mercer defending it, it seems a lot of people are expressing disbelief about that happening but none are really denying it. The conversation shifts to Blackwatch lying and Blackwatch cover-ups. Alex asks if I am ok. I say I am fine.

A jeep drives up to the front of the hospital. I see the asshole who was once my father in it. He gets out and glares right at me. He says he should have known. He looks at Steve and says he is in a lot of trouble. Because of him I got out and warned Mercer, and now Mercer has disappeared again. Steve glances over at Alex but says nothing. My former father turns to me and says even Steve isn't in as much trouble as I am. He says he has never been so ashamed of his own daughter. I remind him that my father is dead, I am no daughter of his. He says I am under arrest. Alex comes over beside me and tells my former father to leave me alone. My former father looks at Alex's name tag and refers to him as Brandon, telling him to mind his own business. Steve asks if my former father really ordered an attack on a civilian hospital. He says this was a rare chance to eliminate Alex Mercer, but thanks to me, the bastard got away. Steve glances at Alex again but still says nothing. Alex walks right up to my former father and says again to leave me alone. My former father says maybe he should take "Brandon" in with me, and Steve, too, if we all insist on siding with Mercer. Steve says he's not siding with anyone. Alex says my former father won't be ordering any more attacks on civilian targets. The asshole tells Alex he'll order whatever attacks he wants whenever he… Alex interrupts him by consuming him right on the spot.

Alex takes the form of my former father. Steve moves farther away, he pretends to have not noticed anything out of the ordinary. It seems no one else noticed at all, everyone is too occupied by talking amongst themselves. I am just staring. I was so very angry at that asshole who called himself my father… but I'm still not sure what to think of the fact Alex just killed him. In fact, I feel rather light headed. Maybe too much has happened just recently. Too much stress. The world is spinning. There are now three Steves and three Alexes looking at me. I feel like I am falling over. Alex gets closer and catches me before I can fall to the ground. Steve is just watching as Alex catches me before I can fall. He also seems unsure of what to say or do, and he ends up saying and doing nothing. Alex looks around, then back at me… all five of him. Alex says he will get me someplace safe. He says he won't let anything happen to me. He lies me on the back seat of the Jeep and drives away from the hospital, probably to avoid attracting any attention. We are driving along when everything fades to black and I wake up in my own bed.

Original journal entry dated July 20, 2002:

I had a nightmare that I was in the hospital because I was going to have a baby, only it was actually twins. (this may be because back in reality, I had a stomach ache). Anyway it pretty much resulted in the doctors have to make a few strategic incisions, which I was not happy about. On the other hand one of the little boys was adorable. Or would have been, had he not born an incredible resemblance to a prune.
So I had to go to the bathroom really bad, but the bathrooms in this hospital were absolutely DISGUSTING. They were old and even sort of old-fashioned, and very rusty and cracked, and disgustingly unclean. Most of them didn't even work. And none of the working ones were free, either. And the place really stunk. So I had to wait for someone to get done so I could go, but even then I didn't want to touch the toilet seat because I was afraid I'd get an infection because those incisions were still healing. And there wasn't enough space in the bathroom stall, either.

Anyway, then my dream cut to an alternate reality where I was blessedly not having a kid and instead my dog had puppies. So everybody was eating in the hospital cafeteria even though I don't know why we took a dog to a human hospital and then I needed to find a way home. I knew I could take this one public transport, if I wanted to. But before I did that I had to do work, and for some reason we ("we" meaning my fellow patients and I) were treated like criminals and forced to do heavy cleaning duties and stuff. So then I found a combination grandfather's clock/guillotine, and it had a secret panel in it which led to a very old wrought-iron elevator, but the elevator didn't work so I couldn't escape. Then I had to go back to the person in charge and get on the transport. Then the woman driving the transport wouldn't let me on without payment, so I gave her some chicken soup.

And then there was this riverboat cruise thing, and alligators and stuff. And the guide kept yelling at me to get out of the water but I couldn't because there wasn't enough room in the boat, since he had taken too many people with him. And the water was very murky and dirty. For some reason we were in the Rock River, which runs through Rockford, IL, but it's only fitting that I'd have a nightmare about Rockford.

So then my dream changed and I was playing Virtual Reality duckhunt with some guy, only we had lifepoints too, and we wound up having a shootout because I was cheating.