Morning of November 13, 2019. Wednesday. Dream #: 19,322-02. Reading time (optimized): 2 min 30 sec. The gradual emergence of my instinctual self from slow-wave sleep into REM sleep carries the subliminal goal to achieve consciousness to get up to use the bathroom. My real-life identity is absent. The urge is not that pressing, so my dream self remains distracted within an imaginary realm, requiring considerable preconscious effort to arouse me from sleep due to warm weather. I had been swimming underwater in an unknown resort hotel to find a bathroom. During this time, an unfamiliar male is also in the underwater hall, swimming several feet behind me. Soon, a big catfish (though not much bigger than me) appears and eats the other male after bumping into him several times. I manage to get into the underwater bathroom and close the door behind me. I consider it might be better to use a different bathroom as I am uncertain if the toilet works. My dream self passively integrates with the precursory form of wall mediation (that modulates dream sleep into the waking process). The catfish is still outside the bathroom. It tries to eat me and keeps bumping into the door when I have it halfway open as well as striking my body. After a few minutes of battling the catfish, I swim out into the hall, and the catfish simultaneously swims into the bathroom, signifying escaping illusion to achieve wakefulness. I trap it inside by closing the door. My emerging proprioception (and vestibular system correlation) atypically decreases in the next scene (again, due to the warm weather), similar to the dynamics of a false awakening, where I typically tell someone about my previous dreaming experience, though it is part of the same dream in this case. While upstairs, I see several members of the public present in the lobby that is not underwater. I tell a male tourist (who is sitting on a couch) about the incident, as I do not see a hotel employee, though one soon arrives. He is unfamiliar and about thirty. I tell him in detail about the big catfish eating the other man. However, there is some uncertainty if the body would still be whole or if he would be in pieces, as I recall the catfish was not much bigger than me. I become aware of the existence of my youngest son as a thread of my real identity emerges as I grow closer to wakefulness. My dream’s fictitious backstory now includes my son being at the resort with me, and we both need to find a bathroom. However, I start to lose my sense of self by falling back into passive dream meandering, which results in the preconscious pulling me back into the waking process by creating a post-Naiad simulacrum to increase proprioception again. I realize, as the room grows darker and with decreasing detail with my dulling senses, I had been holding onto something with my right hand and cannot go any farther (or return to slow-wave sleep). It turns out to be the yellow elastic belt of an unfamiliar girl standing at the bottom of a staircase. (Yellow is the color that correlates with emerging consciousness because of its brightness and association with sunrise.) I walk back several feet as my dream vivifies as I once again grow closer to wakefulness. I look at the coil (vestibular system autosymbolism, specifically the cochlea) that covers the palm of my hand, though this is illogical as it implies her belt had an unrealistic amount of slack near the buckle. I apologize to her, making an unlikely excuse that I thought it was the baluster of the staircase I had been holding yet while continuing to walk. She remains cheerful. The stairs are my instinctual cue to wake (though I often use stairs to vivify a dream).
From a couple of days ago Had some lucid moments. But I wasn't fully inside the dream. Right before entering a dream. It was not long after I went to bed so could be early and short/unstable rem that stopped it from being an ld. Electronics, cooking class I was inside an electronics class that kinda felt like best buy. Met acquaintances. There was some arguing going on, I forget about what. I eventually leave. I arrive at a cooking class and we're learning to make cold soup. I was learning it with a girl I met from the previous store. My mom was also there. Maybe the dream came up because I drank soup. Leviathan - belief It looked like the outside of an warehouse building, I think it was near a sea port. I was inside some battle. I forget how it began though. I summoned a familiar whose name was apparently Leviathan. I remember that we were infiltrating this building because it belonged to some evil organization or something. Anyways Leviathan stays outside to stop the enemy forces from approaching us. While me and this guy heads inside the warehouse. Inside was a gigantic thing. I guess the closest word to describe it is sort of a golem-machine thing. Yellow kind of stone or metal. It carried a hammer in its left hand I think. The hammer was made of something similair to the golem. The hitting cylindrical part of the hammer was about the size of a truck. So how big exactly was the giant? It was big enough to hold that ruck so maybe it was like 100 meters, 150? Anyways it was sort of an automaton; robot or something, but it had more of magical power source rather than electric or machinery. It began to attack us with the hammer and I summoned some more summoning things. I suppose familiars. There were about 7 of them but, they were regular sized and the hammer just 'poofed' them. I... was running out of options. It was just me and the guy from earlier. He had a wavy dark Mediterranean hair yes, and he was completely useless. There was still Leviathan, but she was still outside and I wasn't sure if she could get here on time. The golem began to unleash a hammer strike from above us. Doubts.... doubts welled up from within me. Not much we can do really; We were going to die. And the hammer, it's coming down at us, and it feels all slowed down; time slowing down: as if the monstrosity, time, in this moment, savored ever so sweetly- that each and every drip of our anguish and despair quenched its insatiable and endless thirst ever so briefly. Bam! Shock-waves from the strike echoed across the building. Facing towards us, she was squatting in the air. A maiden in white and yellow. She had a bobbed hair I think, with a white beret. Her arms raised right above her, holding up the hammer, as if she was Atlas holding up the weight of the earth, with much strain. I understood, I felt it. Her strength... Her power was fully proportional to the amount of belief I had at that moment. So I believed with all my heart. She said, "Pavilion strike!" Wake Felt like the dream was training my belief
non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening At a department store. Going through different sections, checking clothes, then latest electronics and end up in the music and film area. Not looking for anything specific, but remember to take a look for Björk albums, since I don't buy cds for years. I find a cd which I didn't know, and check the inlay booklet. Looks nice, but I think it is one of those Björk albums which I don't particularly like and I wonder if I am willing to pay whatever it costs. But there is no price tag, so I need to go to the check-out with it. Then I have a FA and think I am in my bedroom. It is very dark, but once again I see this little purplish orb moving around the room. It is beautiful, but it also makes me feel uneasy. Since last time my teacher told me to swallow it, my first instinct was to do so again. So when it got near the bed, I opened my mouth widely and swallowed it. It went totally dark and then I woke up or entered a dream, I am not sure.
There is a falcon´s eye stone in my hand throwing shiny reflection. Was adoring it´s beauty moving it from side to side when I started to see reflection of some place in it. I moved with it and saw a different place, then next and after that I saw a water and a boat in it. I looked really closely and suddenly found myself underwater. It teleported me!
Not much to report this week. Only Jamie dream I had was when I was dosing off.. There were voices telling me to not give up on her and to wait for her. Because you should always trust voices. I miss the dreams with her. Work hell A new guy at my Job kept being mean and harassing me. He kept getting in my face and was causing trouble. The store manager was staring at us as if it was an okay thing for him to do. I left work with Victoria, and we were walking on some streets like I was in Chilliwack. We decided to go to Tim Horton's or something and she was saying how she goes there every morning at 9:30. There was a mcdonald's worker suddenly working there as we went into the lobby.
First dream was lucid again. When I awoke I decided to not dj though. I had the fear of maybe having trouble getting back to sleep if I got up. So can't remember it much. I remember pleasant feelings though. A house or cozy mansion. *should have resolved fear here Had a couple of non lucid after. They kind of overwhelmed the memory of previous dream. I remember dodging bullets from pistol whip. *I was worried earlier in day that this might influence my dream. The belief did I think. Awoke Diablo. Gaming pc. Moving out the apartment. Saw this apartment before in a dream. Next dream Psychic Ambush I was inside a house. Some ppl there. We were attacked by something. The house was similar to house #34. But different.either way I was in this house before inside a dream. *there was an earthquake here in this house before in another dram. now another calamity here again. We were espers or something, a group of us.attacked by another group or entity. They seemed familiar. ... Tartar Eventually I am some kind of demon king or something. There was also a typical hero- reminded me of goku. We (my evil gang not really evil though) got away and we were going to meet up at a restaurant to the west, maybe north. I walked or ran for a while, 2km or so. I met my right hand there. She was stunningly elegant as always. 2 plates of raw meat that looked like tartar was in front of us. I think other crew member shows up. The hero shows up. I decided to teleport far away and just watch them have fun. The hero and I didn't get along so I wanted the others to enjoy the get together at least. I watched them over with magical sights from a building far away. Could be related to a previous dream. Maybe I should have joined them. Who knows maybe the hero would have welcomed me. Perhaps should face that fear next time.
Updated 11-10-2019 at 04:24 AM by 96162
Morning of November 9, 2019. Saturday. Dream #: 19,318-01. Reading time: 45 sec. Bushfires are coming closer to our home, though my dream self does not attain the correct recall of where we live in reality. The location at times resembles a 3rd Street area of La Crosse (rather than anywhere in Australia). I walk through an unfamiliar alley where there are cylindrical metal garbage cans instead of the modern plastic wheelie bins. There are areas where I see only gray ash and smoke. For some reason, dump trucks are carrying big loads of ashes from different locations. (I see this instead of any firefighting.) I am not in danger at any point, but Coelophysis appear at times, running in random directions. The fire is so extensive that it is burning areas never seen by humans. It is from where these dinosaurs are coming (nonsensical dream “logic,” though it is similar to other dreams where deeper in a forest meant longer ago in history). A panda climbs out of the reach of one small fire. Lassie and his owner (a young boy) are looking around for people to help. A fishing boat is sitting in the mud, as the water had lowered.
Morning of November 9, 2019. Saturday. Dream #: 19,318-02. Reading time (optimized): 2 min 30 sec. In this dream, my waking-life identity is partly present. I recall the appearance of the rooms in our present house in Australia and remember the current status of Zsuzsanna and our children, but the rooms erroneously appear on the second floor of the King Street mansion in America (where I have not been since 1994). Zsuzsanna and I are moving a bed and couch back to make more space in the lounge room. I look east out the window over 10th Street and recall my landlady had died, so I consider we will not need to pay the rent we owe. Still, I am uncertain of the status of the house and who else lives here at this time. I falsely recall Leonard S is now living west of the house, about five blocks away. I go out into the hall, wondering if a college student “still” lives across from us. I accidentally bump a switch that turns a radio on. It is attached to the wall that faces the kitchen entrance and is somewhat like a thermostat. I hear static and part of a news announcement, but it is unclear. I try turning it off, but it remains on, so I try again, as I might have moved the wrong slide switch. I look out through a front window and see there is no porch downstairs, which I consider unusual and wonder when they removed it. I walk down the staircase and see the foyer area is different. It is all open now. Walking outside, I see Leonard S standing on a walkway between two deep culverts (a fictitious feature). There is a small tree with an unusual, curved trunk in each of them. They lean towards each other and resemble normal-sized bonsai trees. Their height matches the depth of the culverts. I wave at Leonard with my left hand. “How are ya?” I cheerfully ask. I consider it would be pleasant for him to meet my family for the first time. “What happened here?” I ask him as I point at the culverts. He does not replay. I look around and notice most of the first floor of the house is missing on the left side. It is held up by only a few timbers. I can see the underside of the floor of where I live with my family when I look up and become concerned. I did not expect this. “Looks like this will be my last day here,” I tell Leonard. He does not speak the whole time. I turn and walk back up the stairs. (It is fictitiously direct from the front entrance, without a landing.) I now notice most of the risers are missing, and other parts look splintered and broken. I consider we will have to move soon and wonder how we will get all the furniture out. I wake while halfway up the steps, even though my dream is vivifying (due to vestibular system correlation). I have written this many times, but after over 50 years, I continue to be fascinated by the incredible ways dreams scramble memory while simultaneously creating a false narrative yet while also correlating with dreaming and waking processes, often, as here, structured around vestibular system correlation and imaginary proprioception as a result of emerging awareness of physicality in waking, the main factor of dream content. Leonard is this dream’s vestibular witness. As well as my use of the staircase for proprioception and vestibular system correlation (the most common way I instinctually modulate this process), the culverts are also a factor. The two unusual trees in the culverts represent Zsuzsanna and me sleeping, so there is also evidence Leonard signifies transpersonal communication between Zsuzsanna and me as we sleep, especially as I consider them meeting.
I thought "Oh I'm dreaming" as I saw scenes of dreams pass by. Warm meadows that had the feelings of just... sheer pleasantness. Thanks papa mountain. Had a stronger awakening once. Noticed doubts crop up, about whether I could stay lucid in next dream. Should have resolved the doubt then. Had a nld because I doubted myself
Morning of November 8, 2019. Friday. Dream #: 19,317-02. Reading time (optimized): 1 min. I am sitting at a big counter in an unknown room. There is a mix of technology and ambiguous features. For example, a web page full of thumbnail images covers the left side as if it is a normal rendering, but I soon realize it is a set of small pockets on a sheet of thin plastic, each containing many slides. Each top slide represents a thumbnail image as is currently present on the real web page as on the Internet. The ones underneath are of images that no longer exist on the web page as on the Internet. I am happy to realize this. Beyond the front of my counter, an unknown woman walks by to my right. I tell her not to walk so close to my work area. She remains cheerful and moves away. At this point, it seems I am in a public building, but I know everything on the big counter is mine. I pick up a black-and-white sketch of Swamp Thing’s face (a DC comic book character). I walk into a room where Zsuzsanna is sitting at a desk. Also present, seated a few feet apart in chairs facing the desk, are two people. I hold up the drawing of Swamp Thing’s face, saying how weird it is. I now notice both “people” look like Swamp Thing. I hope I have not angered them. One is male, and one is female, the female on the left, closest to where I am standing. They do not seem angry.
Thoughts & Stuff Slept without pillow. I guess I'm getting better. Let go of trying. Letting go of need to meditate or doing it in a specific way. Instead just be meditating. The question is whether if it's better to push through things even if they are boring. Or to vary it a little to keep it fresh. I'm just pondering the difference between two conflicting mindsets: one view is based on consistent practice daily, while the other belief is that taking breaks gives you time for self reflection and refill motivation. I think maybe it's somewhere in the middle, but also just being instead of thinking. If you have fun doing it, does it really matter? Wondering... Pondering... meandering. Is it MILD? Being aware? Also a little pot. Recall was about the same. Honestly could be why I felt so stupid in my dream, but i also could have been more aware than the last couple of days. However it did help me process my thoughts and stopped me from over thinking for a little. It helped with self reflection. It helped me remember... Deeper states of mediation. In moderation perhaps it is a good tool. ***While I was in the deep state, it made me remember. It's the exact same feeling of complete lucidity in dreams. Or very close to it- And I suppose I had easier time in the summer, because I was this state more often while meditating outdoors, greeted by the honest rays of the warm summer sun; brilliantly illuminating- it was clearing the clouds both within and without. I remember it was easy. Even though it's cold now, it can still be easy. And it is easy... right? Everything I've said, or wondered is perhaps all useless. Completely useless thoughts masquerading as useful, distracting me from practice. Am I aware enough to realize? I guess in short, it's... Living it, instead of practicing it. Dreams and stuff Did not DJ every dream. Heading to sleep, was close to wild as the HI was getting clear and real, decided to move though to get comfortable. This stopped it. Bananas I was in the kitchen and saw bananas. And a lot more ripe ones in the next room. A lot of bananas. *ate bananas Parking Was in a house. Drove to supermarket. Parked there. When I was out had uneasy feeling. Realized I parked diagonally and on handicap spot. People berating. .. FA I was glad I didn't drive anymore. In high rise apartment. There was vr hologram. I knew something was amiss but I couldn't figure it out. I felt tortured. I felt stupid. Felt like I wanted to die. Awareness present, but not enough to be lucid, semi, perhaps. Actions, died a little. This caused me to wake. Wake *this dream was close to lucid nightmare. Not lucid but I know the feeling of lucid nightmares. I guess it didn't turn into one because I ended the dream. could be a good sign? * I remembered the exact feeling was that of a need. The wanting of things to end. It's the exact feeling of the lucid nightmare where the dream ended into another dream into another. The feeling was there but not as lucid.
Updated 11-08-2019 at 04:14 AM by 96162
I was downtown at the VCU campus and I drove up to an empty parking lot to park the car. I got out of the car and started walking up to a building. There was a fenced in area that I didn't notice until someone called my name. Behind the fence were people and dogs, like it was my doggie daycare that I drop Elle off at a few times a week. I think Elle might have been there but I remember thinking that Ryan is going to pick her up later. I say hello to the people and keep walking. I end up at a 7-11 and there is a display with Valentine's day candy that's on sale. There are chocolate roses in boxes and other small chocolates. I grab a ton of it and put it up on the counter and check out. I pay for it, then look at the receipt and see that it was $90!! I told the cashier that she didn't discount the candy and she said that it was shift change and she couldn't help me. Also there was a rush of people suddenly standing in line to check out. I'm patient, so I walk around waiting my turn to get my money back. I walk to the back of the store and look down and see that it's wood floors and one of the floor boards is loose. I pick it up and it's all loose and some of the floor turns into little blocks of pine wood and I keep pulling them out and finally I uncover a secret underground stairway. I think "nope, nope, nope! lord knows what's down there!" so I cover everything up, put the floor back and go back to the register where the lady says that the mayor has left to do his mayoring job and I won't be able to get my money back. I guess the mayor owns the 7-11? I leave 7-11 and somehow I end up at a fast food place trying to get some food, obvi. No idea what was going on in this part of the dream, but then I end up at someone's house and there is weed buds on the floor in front of the couch. I think that's weird and hazardous to any dogs that might be around, but I realize that we're not in any danger of any dogs eating the weed bc there's no dogs where I'm at. Then my alarm went off and I start thinking about everything I just dreamed and "Ms. New Booty" by Bubba Sparxx came into my head. I told it to go away because I'm trying to concentrate on remembering my dream! Every morning lately I've been waking up with a song in my head! Yesterday it was "Love it if We Made It" by The 1975 and the day before it was "Social Cues" by Cage the Elephant. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS??? So I went back to sleep for a couple minutes and then "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter was in my head!
2019, 11-06 Skyrim: Unknown Challenger Part 2 Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes I am back in the dream and lucid now. Hiei says he’s glad I got back before he had to kill Ulfric. I look and see Ulfric is still bound to the throne, but clearly alive. Now Hiei and I start fighting for real. I can hear Disturbed playing… “Need to get psycho, wanna hear you scream! Tell me to take you, scare you, fuck you, after we finish the show! It's not enough, you hunger for more? You're one twisted little fuck, and now you wanna get psycho with me!” I use Battery to call a bolt of lightning, Hiei teleports just before getting hit. He appears behind me and uses more of those tendrils, I cut through them with my blade. I use Enter Sandman by Metallica to create a vortex of light and dark energy that explode around Hiei… Hiei is gone and behind me just before it goes off. Hiei uses a dark energy blade to attack me, I block with my Alex Mercer blade. There is a dark energy explosion between us that forces both of us apart. Hiei looks like he’s having fun. He teleports again then I find the dark energy tendrils closing from all directions. I form my Alex Mercer blade into a ring around me with edges still as sharp as the blade. The circle cuts through all the tendrils before they reach me. Hiei is just too fast to hit! Then I remember I am in Skyrim VR, so I use a different shout… the Slow Time shout. “TIID-KLO-UL!” Everything around me slows down, which just means Hiei is moving at a more normal speed. “Hear me now! Feel my blade! There is no more time for apologies. Malevolent emotions take hold of me! Are you ready to begin your trip to the other side? Death is an old friend of mine!” Just because Hiei is moving a normal speed doesn’t make him easy to hit. We trade attacks for a bit longer until I send my Alex Mercer tendrils down into the stone floor to have them erupt behind Hiei. As that is happening, I attack head on with my blade to keep him focused on me. He dodges my blade attack but gets hit with the tendrils as they erupt from the floor. It looks like the tendrils tear him apart, but then he reforms right in front of me with a big grin on his face. He says it’s been fun, but he’s got to go. Don’t worry, Ulfric can live. He calls the bindings off of Ulfric and absorbs them. He then says he wasn’t using his full power, but he knows I wasn’t, either. He disappears from sight. Ulfric has come down to me and wants to know who that was. I tell him I’m not certain. Ulfric wants to know what’s to keep him from coming back. I say if he is who he looks like, he will honor his word. Ulfric seems to be trying to hide the fact he is worried that Hiei might come back to kill him. I tell Ulfric I don’t think Hiei will be back. Just to prove me wrong, Hiei appears. Ulfric backs away before he can stop himself, then holds his ground. Hiei laughs and tells Ulfric to relax, he’ll keep his word. He looks at me and says he just wanted to say I was right, killing Thalmor is loads of fun! Elven supremacy, such arrogance! And they are pathetic when they beg for mercy! He says they have scattered into the forest and now he’s going hunting. He disappears. Ulfric doesn’t seem convinced Hiei won’t be back. I give Ulfric a Witchblade with a light and dark energy shard. I say it can form armor, weapons, the energy crystals mean it can protect him from Hiei’s energy. He puts the Witchblade on and starts trying out the weapons and armor. The dark energy crystal absorbs the dark force fields, allowing everyone in. Everyone wants to know what happened, I wake before having to deal with any of them.
2019, 11-06 Skyrim: Unknown Challenger Part 1 Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes I am at my home. It looks like it is Thanksgiving. My mom is preparing a big meal and there are a bunch of people around that I don’t know. I also see my brother and my grandmother, who are both dead. There is not much to be done to prepare dinner, so I go outside to wait. There are numerous vehicles parked in our yard. As I am standing there a really old Cadillac enters and parks carelessly behind another car. The door opens and my ex-boyfriend James steps out. Who invited him? I am thinking my mom invited him, though I can’t imagine why. James gets out of the car and heads towards the house without seeming to notice me. I decide that’s fine and I also go inside. My mom now says dinner is not almost ready and we will have to wait a couple more hours. I don’t want to talk to anyone around me so I go put on my VR headset and start up Skyrim VR. When the game starts I find I’m in the Palace of the Kings standing near Ulfric Stormcloak. Ulfric is sitting on his throne looking at me. I can’t remember why I came in here. Ulfric says he’s glad I’m here. I think he’s going to say something else when I see someone behind me. The visitor smiles. He looks like Hiei from the YuYu Hakusho anime. He looks at Ulfric, then back at me. He asks if I’m here to kill Ulfric or should he go ahead and do it? Ulfric asks who in Oblivion Hiei thinks he is. I sense dark energy in Hiei, so I get between Ulfric and Hiei. I tell Hiei no one is going to kill Ulfric… now what does he want here? He says that sounds good. He will try to kill Ulfric and I will defend him. I see Ulfric looking more annoyed. Hiei says he hates escort missions, so let’s make it a straight fight instead. He and I will fight. If he wins, he will kill Ulfric. If I win, he will leave Ulfric alone. So will I accept that challenge? I say ok, Hiei against me, one on one. Ulfric asks Hiei what makes him think he can walk in here and… I interrupt and tell Ulfric to stay out of it. Ulfric starts to object again, but Hiei fires black tendrils from his hand and they effectively bind Ulfric to the throne. He says he agrees, Ulfric should stay out of it. Galmar tries to come into the room but Hiei blocks all of the doors into the room with a dark energy force field. He says now no one will interrupt us. There is a sound like thunder as Ulfric lets off a fus in Hiei’s general direction. Hiei holds his nose and says he should kill the idiot for raising such a stink. He throws a blob of black stuff that covers Ulfric’s mouth. He tells Ulfric to shut up, then he tells me let’s get on with it! Since I’m playing Skyrim VR, the first thing I try to do is fus Hiei. That does nothing at all. Hiei makes fun of it, he says I’d better be able to do something better than send my bad breath his way or he’s going to have to level this whole city to make the trip here worthwhile. He sends out a bunch of tendrils like spears that actually punch right through my body, but I feel nothing but slight irritation as I look at the holes he made in my Assassin’s Creed robes. In an irritated way I tell Hiei that he ruined my robes… that’s just rude. And I decide to go full Alex Mercer on his ass. I form my right arm into an Alex Mercer blade and cut his tendrils off. I absorb the part that has penetrated my body like Alex Mercer would in order to get a sampling of Hiei’s energy. The wounds heal instantly. I am about to make another move but instead I wake up. I don’t like how I left the dream so I roll over and focus on getting back into the dream, I manage a DEILD!
Not sure if I should go into dreams in detail. I met a girl at a music competition. We sang together. Almost won. She was leaving on bus and told me we will meet again in the same place.
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