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The Road to myself
- Vague

I am stood on the main road in my village at night. It’s eerily quiet and completely deserted. I stand in the middle of the road and feel excited I have the whole space all to myself and want to do or act something out and can’t wait to have fun. Just then a van pulls up with headlights on. I get nervous and think he may be here to cause me harm. Feeling vulnerable I hurry home, dashing a little as I do to get away faster. As I walk up my street I see a hospital worker heading to his car and know it must be early morning.

Analysis: The very first moment I felt a hint of lucidity. I couldn’t recall what I wanted to do on that road but I’m sure this was me wanting to experiment with a lucid dream though I hadn’t fully become lucid at that moment. It soon turned into a scary scenario though with the threatening and mysterious van showing up.

Light recall, probably too much wine, too late bed-time, too much sugar before bed....oof!
Moderately upsetting tiff with g/f really threw off my whole attitude before bed time, colored the whole night negatively.

earlier:

+ I'm hanging out (lying on something?) with a little mini-vampire girl. She is doll-sized (cat-sized?), I feel a lot of affection towards her. I let her bit my finger. The pain is sharp, her teeth are REALLY sharp. She has a cat's teeth: two prominent fangs, and a row of tiny sharp little short teeth between them. I look at my finger, and there is a prominent spot of blood welling up from the bite. I let her drink. We're not supposed to do this, feeding our vampires is not allowed I recall. I think this means I will become a vampire. The scene changes and 3-4 guys who are all wearing black and white mime-style makeup on their faces are walking about outside.

+ (continuation?) we're entering/infiltrating a school. It's a multi-story building, fairly tall, lockers are on the walls, and we're climbing up scaffolding (which is falling as we climb?) to get to the classrooms on the top floors.

+ In an apartment, multi-level layout, I get into a fairly large tile bathtub full of hot water and sink down in until just my head is left above the water. I feel myself floating in the water and it is a luxurious feeling. A guy who's there (Larry from high school) also gets in the tub?

later:

+ (dozing dream) we're infiltrating a mob spot, the entrance is in a building down a flight of stairs below street level. There is a watch guy inside? A mob guy on the stairs (muscle-y) sees us and goes up the stairs to notify the rest of the gangsters that we're there.

Some of these dreams are very old May 2017 it says. But I don't know why they've never been published. I'm lopping them in with some more recent stuff.

I was at a rave. Infected Mushroom is on stage but we're also supposed to be seeing Shpongle and some other group that I know was a group that was original to the dream and not one that actually exists in waking life. They are playing part of the track Dancing with Kadafi but with a more modernized sound to it for a bit but then go into this portion that sounds more breakbeat and then onto what I think was a led Zepplin song.

Manei and S were there. The song stopped and Amit said that it would be a ten minute intermission. I turned to Manei and S and said "That means there will be another hour and a half set, so let's stay here even if that means we'll be up until one in the morning." S said he was bored and that he would take the car home by himself and I didn't care in my semi lucid state. Amit then started taking questions from the audience and some girl in goth makeup and a black tank top raised her hand and asked something about the drums. This ended in her going onto stage attempting to demonstrate something and playing a really poor drum solo.

Erez said that it was good but just needed a few refinements, but the girl was really embarrassed and started crying causing her makeup to bleed. I got bored and we walked back into the front room of the music theatre we were in. They were selling merchandise and food out of a store that was like a small convenience store. Manei wanted to buy something but I told her not to because it would cost too much.

-+-

I had a false awakening. My mom explained to me about how she read one of those creepypastas about how to preform a ritual. She said that his one allowed you to summon the grim reaper and you had a small chance to learn about the cause or the date of your death, and an even more slim chance to alter the date and cause of death by greeting the grim reaper as a friend.

The ritual was easy. You wake up at midnight and light a candle and stare into it repeating a mantra about death. You have to feel for how many times you think is right to repeat your mantra and not lose track. Then you blow out the candle and get into bed and the grim reaper should walk into your room. I told my mom she was full of bologna and told her I would prove it to her by trying the ritual.

I did. I got into bed and heard something outside the door and saw this big black boar walk into my room. It was so large that it broke the doorframe as it squeezed its belly through. It had a car engine or some type of machinery very similar to one imbedded into its body and there were mechanical cylinders moving in and out of metal-framed holes along its spine and belching clouds of black toxic smoke. It emanated fear as some people describe monsters and nightmares but I could tell that it was not the grim reaper. The ritual advised that if something other than the grim reaper is summoned, you should keep a religious artifact handy to banish it. I was semi lucid to the point where I recognized it was not a demon, but a nightmare. I reached under my covers and felt around until I found a dreamcatcher and held it up to the boar like a crucifix. It made a squealing sound and turned and ran out of my room.

I pondered how I would explain the damaged door frame to my parents and lost the dream.

-+-

Manei was trapped in an underground compound and working to escape. The situation was something like that of a video game and it required that she spend days navigating labyrinthine underground passages making her way towards the surface and outrunning her captors. In the dream she is wearing an indiana jones costume, and using my variation of my bow.

At one point she enters a portion of the passages that looks like my house. I am able to alert her that an enemy is approaching and she shoots him in the knee with an arrow to keep him from moving.

-+-

I am in my Art History professor's office to talk about my grades. I see that I have gotten an 83% on my exam and realize I don't have to.

-+-

I am involved in an absolutely massive space battle taking place above a cratered planet. The scene seems somewhat reminiscent of the first scene from Revenge of the Sith. I am flying alongside two other dream characters in small fighters. We weave our way through the battle, but our squad gets shot at by a dagger-shaped enemy warship and of the person on my left gets shot down.

The scene ends with us landing in the hangar of the enemy flagship and the dream scene changes to a farm field. Some enemy troops still exist even though the hangar scene is phasing out. The other person who was in my squad who was still alive gets out; he is the Scotsman from Samurai Jack. He used his machinegun leg to kill the guards and the scene completed its transition to a farm.

I asked him how he came to exist in the real world and he said that he was actually just the voice actor of the character; but that wasn't what I was expecting to hear. I was more curious as to how a 2D animated character became superimposed on a realistic 3D world. He turned sideways and was paper thin and I thought it was funny.

He then said something about "that damn rabbit" and I turned to see a trap he had set up on the farm with an old rifle pointing at a rabbit eating some crops in the field. He said that he thought the trap had not worked because the gun was too old but I suggested that it might be because he left the trap out in the rain and the gunpowder got wet.

More Recent Stuff

I'm driving in an OTD town. There is a gas station next to an old fashioned abandoned brick building and I am trying to put gas into my car. The gas nozzle is like a hexagon shape rather than a round pipe and so is the port/gas cap on my car and its annoying because I have to fit the hexagonal nozzle into the hexagonal pipe on my car. In the dream I am very tired and don't want to fuss around with unnecessary inconveniences like this. I then notice that the gas I am about to put in my car is diesel, e85 or something that my car won't take and get really frustrated. Without pumping anything I go to another gas station across the road. I get lucid and then get even more frustrated when I feel tired and lethargic in my dream, since the dream was happening during a nap and I was frustrated with the fact that I was napping to feel better and then just having a dream where I felt tired.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

A hurricane hits my hometown. I am sure it won't affect my mom's but I come to see how the town is doing. There is water everywhere, some neighbors adjacent to her are struggling to leave. My mom is ok but she is now isolated. My house is even more inaccessible but I am also not very concerned about it and I think it is far enough to be out of danger. In any case, I have some sort of another life underground and I am not deeply worried with what happens on my house at the surface.

I am with a couple of girlfriends in a car. One of them has a new boyfriend who is african and very short, almost like a pigmee. We know it's not ok to make jokes about him so we crack jokes about each other instead and he has a blast. They make a really cute couple.

I am a football genius like Ronaldo and I want to help a small team of transgenders in Brazil so I pretend to be a transwoman (while being a man) to be able to play for them. They are not good and they are about to play with an all male team. Everybody expects them to suck, so people can make fun of them. But with me as a captain they play quite well and everybody is blown away.

I watch as a gay priest, who looks like Ten Danson, gets a deacon who is also gay and feelings between the two start to emerge. One day they are coming from some mission together and there is a lot of complicity going, some touches, happy smiles. The deacon is from a very rich and noble family and the priest walks him to his family mansion. He wants to go in but resist at first. Then he comes back with something to say or do as an excuse. He is invited in and they go the the large living room and get cozy in a couch talking. They drink a little bit and start making out. The sister of the deacon, who is a bit insane and looks like a young Michele Pfeiffer, comes down from the upper floor, all naked. to go open the door to someone. They don't even notice her, but she did see them and couldn't care less. She opens the door and it is a lady she knows, who by the way is secretly a lesbian and lives as a respectable prude housewife. She is shocked to see the young girl like that. But as they walk further inside the house she also can't help herself and grabs the younger lady and licks her breasts. Apparently she intended to provoke that. That's when the other gay couple notices them. Embarrassment at first, but they end up making out in the same room together. Then a neighbor girl, friends with the naked lady, sneaks in to meet her and finds that scenario at the same time as the daughter of the butler. They aren't gay but the daughter of the butler is a nymphomaniac and seeing that scene, she immediately joins in and starts masturbating. The other girl has some serious nervous disorder that makes her horny when in stress. After a while trying to figure out what to do, she screams that they are making her horny as hell and also starts masturbating. Then someone else from this family who is not fond of the priest, comes in and sees this orgy going on. He films it secretly to later use it against him.

In an unrelated dream later on, a lady trying to make it as a filmmaker, shows her film to a guy she is in love with, but he gives the tape back to her and says he hated it and doesn't understand what she was trying to accomplish. She is puzzled. She then goes project it for a room full of people in the movie industry, to get their opinions. The film starts normally with a woman parking her car in a basement and going to some house but then the movie cuts to the film of the real orgy of the priest that somehow the other guy edited into her film.

Emotion fragment
I did something, maybe having to do with character selection in a video game. I felt some sort of emotion, and acted in the dream as what was happening was real.

Caught up on sleep.

Bedtime -- 00:00, out of bed: 09:30, most of that I think was spent sleeping!

+ .... I've given my car keys to somebody, and now how am I going to use my car?

+ ... speaking with the construction foreman about lack of progress, asking him why things are going so slowly

I'm playing some kind of Wii similar game. I'm throwing a frisbee in the game and Jonathan is complaining that I'm really slow. I do it as fast as I can but he is still not content. I have finished the game after some time and now it's Jonathan's turn. He is so fast it's ridiculous. Everything he does in the game is amazing. After some time there is a voice that is commentating on what Jonathan is doing. My vision is now in the game and I see Jonathan's game character swim in the ocean. The commentator is going crazy and is screaming that Jonathan is about to do something even harder than the impossible. there is a great big whale fish that bites Jonathan's character. The character grabs a hot air balloon that is just about to rise from the ground. The air ballon lifts Jonathan. The very big fish is still biting Jonathan and is going up into the air with the hot air balloon. The commentator screams that Jonathan succeeded in fishing a big fish by using himself as bait. The very big fish suddenly stops biting Jonathan and falls into the water. The commentator says that Jonathan unfortunately failed.

Accidental house demolishing
Apparently I seem to have accidentally ordered a house demolishing. A very small (human size) crane appeared in the corner a sort of room where apparently I and my father live and started hitting the walls and the walls slowly crumbled. I told my father what I had done and he got really angry and I ran to the crane and tried holding it off, and, apparently, it worked. Then, later, another one appeared and started hitting the walls, but this time they didn't crumble which apparently meant it was there for a different purpose.

---

Strange that I remembered a dream on a school day. But I'm not complaining.

terrible sleep, didn't sleep most of the night. shocking event at 3.5 hrs waking kept me up. didn't get back to bed/sleep until 7.5 hours.

+ can't find my car, I'm with (g/f L?), it's dark outside, in the driveway of some place like a hotel where the car can't be left, maybe it's been towed and that's why I can't fine it? I'm looking at the cars and none of them are right. Some are very small, size of child's toy car that they can sit and ride in. The color I'm looking for is wine/brown (saw a WL car that color yesterday), the one that keeps presenting itself is partly silver? Keep walking around, looking for my car. Get in one eventually, but it's so small, go-cart sized, no roof, and is moved about by rolling your hands over rollers on each side of the door, the "car" is just one person wide.

+ indoors, in a store, my g/f L has put on an old-time colorful summer dress that is really beautiful, bright blues, some reds, but it makes her 1-2 feet shorter, and I notice this and mention it

+ I discover a hive of wasps in my CH bathroom, and I'm swatting at them with a towel (knowing this is probably a bad idea), back out of the room closing the door, continue to swat at the ones that made it out with me, get a good look at one, it's like a long thing wax pepper, a weak yellowy color with a long dark stinger, I see its head and I think I'll just squish it's head and quickly kill it, but it flies at my neck, lands, and proceeds to sting me, I anticipate the pain and jerk away, and this jerks me awake in bed

+ (f) around a table people are sitting, and someone says "jui jitsu is for <xxxx>"

Awake|Dreaming|Lucid

I have not been trying to become lucid these three past nights and what happens? I became lucid two times this night.

I'm walking outside with Signe, we discuss and I realize it is a dream. She is mid sentence and I don't want to interrupt her but then I think that it is a dream and I fly away. I fly for the rest of the dream just trying to enjoy.

Notes: I usually do not have conversations in my dreams when I'm not lucid.

This is a Highlight real of my Dream Journal. I’ve selected the dreams both NLD and lucid that I have found the most fascinating, exciting and even terrifying! It’s a journey into the universe inside my head. I hope to update regularly as I progress on my Lucid journey.

I was in my gym from primary school. A male gym teacher was there and I was doing normal exercises with some other kids. Everyone else left but for some reason I stayed and Marcus arrived and said one thing.

"When aliens arrive they will be so different to us that we will not even understand them as beings."

Then, floating in the middle of the gym appears a large sphere, about five meters around. It is made of mercury or a metallic silvery material that is highly reflective; almost mirror like and his hollow with holes allowing me to see inside. The mirror layer has fluid properties and is constantly shifting with new holes opening and old ones closing as the liquid flows around but always maintaining a perfect sphere. Inside the mercury layer is a cluster of crystals; which had a distinct milky pink color and were constantly growing and shrinking, and glowed slightly with pink light. They mostly stayed inside of the sphere but every so often the crystals would briefly spike outside of the sphere before shrinking back in again. The being also had a bluish white aura of light surrounding it; somehow not conflicting with the pink glow of the crystals or the sliver mirror component.

In retrospect the level of detail and actual appearance were really good... better than I think I could ever perceive with my IRL eyes. I can't really describe it lets just say it looked really good.

The alien (who for the remainder of this entry I will be naming Mirrorball) opens a dialogue with me, communicating in dreamspeak with simple thoughts and no distinct words. Mirrorball tells me it wants to show me something. I become Lucid as it invites me to fly with them. They deconstruct the gymnasium, exploding it outward; each seperate brick, wooden floor panel, roofing panel, screw and support beam floating separately like an exploded view. The both of us take off through the middle, flying up through the clouds and into space. Accelerating exponentially faster with each second we quickly hit relativistic speeds and are flying past stars and eventually break out of the milky way.

We continue flying, seeing the huge sponge-like structure depicted in extremely large scale depictions of the universe. Mirrorball informs me we are going well beyond the current sphere of earth can observe of the universe due to the speed of light and expansion of spacetime. More filaments come into view as the universe seems to becoming more densely packed with galaxies and stars. We start to slow down, flying into a vast galaxy. I'm intuitively aware that its at least a billion lightyears across; countless 'smaller' galaxies wrapped into it into it. We fly in near the center to a vast star cluster in a dense nebula impermeable to vision but glowing with the activity of hundreds blue giant stars. These stars are ringed in vast constructs, rings and spheres drawing off matter and energy and surrounded in countless planets much larger than earth covered in the lights of cities. Some of the planets look odd, like sections of the surface have been detached or removed intentionally and are on low orbits nearby. Taking a low trajectory we fly very low over the photosphere of a blue giant star, beneath a huge arc of plasma. It was during this time that I felt the burning heat of the star, and a strange prickle of radiation permeating me.

We arrive at the center of this hub of activity; an immense symmetric mandala-like structure built around the largest of the stars at the apex of the cluster, partially shrouded in a cloud of glowing gas which fades from blue to purple to red to a muddy brown as it goes out. I'm positively awe struck, not necessarily by the sense of scale or what I'm seeing but in what great detail and color I am able to see it. I try to hide the fact that I think I am not ready for whatever this is.

Mirrorball senses this thought and reassures me that he would not have come had I not been ready. Seven other members of his race/civilization then appear in front of me seeming to slowly expand into existence. Six are in a hexagonal constellation with the seventh in the middle. Though the seventh is larger and has more variation in his crystals and aura which rather than just pink are pink, blue, cyan and green. His metallic layer is also tinted slightly blue, like liquid osmium. I immediately assume that he is some leader or authority figure for this civilization and am informed that this is correct. I can also sense that while the six surrounding him and the og mirrorball who is still next to and slightly behind me are separate entities each with slightly varied temperaments and personalities.

Leader Mirrorball informs me that his civilization has technically existed since before the big bang and when the universe was created his civilization "impregnated" the universe through a sexual metaphor. Explaining that their father civilization created a "sperm" which impregnated the universe and was now inserting its genetic material. He explains that humans are the genetic material of the egg and that once we have sufficiently advanced and our civilizations have made contact we will grow into a singular greater being. He goes on to explain a little bit about his civilization explaining how they are 0-dimensional beings of pure will folding the fabric of spacetime through consciousness and the constructs I see surrounding them are just perturbations caused by their immensely powerful souls altering spacetime.

I begin to wake up. OG Mirrorball informs me it is time to return home with this information in hand.

Long days and earlier than usual mornings with quite a strict routine have made it difficult to keep recall consistent. Possibly better next week.

21st September 2020

Scraps:

Several dreams, recall faded as I tried to make note after an abrupt awakening because of having to go answer the door.

22nd September 2020

Fragment:

At a version of school. I'm either a teen or younger. Sitting a desk with my friend D. We're putting away some A4 sheets but together they are an A3 size. (not sure how I meant this, since that's simply a fact...)

23rd September 2020

Fragment:

Dream based on BL? Something about item stacks going up to infinity? Also something about some cylinders or tubes of glass that had something to do with game world generation; the tubes or whatever had to be filled with materials/items in order to work.

---

Notes:

- About the second dream. Strictly-speaking, the dream wasn't all that significant or unusual in terms of themes, but it's the only dream to date where I can remember actually feeling/being younger. This is in itself unusual for me, but I'm also not sure how I knew I was younger, my height I think? My friend was also the same relative age.
- I haven't spoken to that friend in years and he had become distant by the time we were in high school, I think in part because of the groups he hung out with but also because we were simply not having the same lessons at all.
- The general theme of the dream probably came about as some kind of reminiscence or nostalgia of the past.

+ in bed with [deceased] wife E, she sits up, facing me, I tell her in her native language "I miss you ... I missed you" over and over. I'm rubbing her left leg with my right hand while I say this She sits up, I look at her, she is young and beautiful, really radiant, her black hair super deep shiny black. I examine her face closely, her eyes, it seems to be her, I get a close up on one of her eyes, then we're lying in bed togther I'm holding her close, I'm on my right side, she's shaking uncontrollably and very strongly, she calls (or she just comes in) her mom who comes in to try to calm her down

+ talk to wife E's [deceased] parents in their room through a screen door on a porch [I'm outside], they're lying on the bed, father B asks me where I've been all day (in foreigng lang?) I answer [in foreign lang] I've been doing my "doings". he's lying on his stomach [watching a TV?] with his head on the foot of the bed and his feet back towards the head. He's closer to the door to me. Then there's suddenly a young woman sitting in a chair close to me betweed bed and outer wall of room, her name is something like Nina, she says something, and pulls up her shirt with two hands cross-wise revealing her tan colored bra and her light skin, holding it up for a second then putting it back down and I say "Well, NOW you have my attention!"

+ picking up son S2 (young) at kindergarten, ask how was his day, he answers "really great!" and crawls on the floor, has no shirt(?) and has water dripping from an armpit(?), he tells me how he's been playing (shooting spit wads?) all day with this friend, I think what kind of school is this, and how I need to be reading to my kids at night, this will teach them to read

+ riding on back of car facing backwards driving through city streets inflating a very long (red or blue) balloon, I'm using my breath and blowing hard to do it [first breath awareness!]. It's getting longer and longer, there 's a guy following me who's also blowing a balloon (the other color, blue or red) that's getting longer, but mine is longer. I'm blowing up mine towards him, and he's blowing up his towards me. Then the balloon turns to the side (perpendicular to the direction of travel) and pops and I'm thinking about how the material might get inbetween the cars [of the train?] and gum up the machinery.

+ walk into neighbor's yard, observe differences [false], they've paved it to remove sand/gravel. The paving paths are made up of paving stones and bricks of different colors, mostly brick red/brown. It looks neat in the yard, I look close up and see that they have nonetheless not removed all of the sand, there is sand in between gaps in the paved areas.
but I see they didn't get it all, it's very ruffled and textured and I think this means it will be nearly impossible to sweep or keep clean, new people move in, someone's (new lady owner?) on the 2nd floor, then on the ground floor are a lot of young women, one of them is in her room, which is openly visible (no walls?) getting undressed, they are taking showers, a view into a kitchen with more young women, lots of nudity upper and lower body, I'm looking on with interest as I walk through the scene.

+ thinking how I'm going to meet my wife E at the airport, the intl flights from [country] usually arrive around 12pm or 1pm, and I left my [local make La. Lar.] car at the long-term parking lot at the airport. I look through several keychains and the piles of keys there, look closely at one of them, and stuff them all into my pocket

+ playing a chess position, thinking about possible pawn push discovered attacks on my king, think my king is much less safe, and that king safety is all about whether the opponent's pieces can successfully mount an attack. I see the pieces on an overhead representation of the board, then I see letters instead of piece figures on the board, then I'm at an outdoor professional chess tournament, one player makes a move, then going to examine a huge computer screen showing the analysis for the move he just made, lots of moving video on the screen of pieces shuffling while he's watching it, and I'm wondering how he could be looking at the analysis while the game is still in play because it will give him a good next move. One player loses, there is a close - up of his solumn face (beard?), he gathers his things and goes without congratulating his opponent. [just like a scene at the end of a tennis match in a stadium]

later after WBTB

+ [DO] overhead view of toy-scale race-track, a testing ground for medium sized (trucks / toy trains?). Sound effects of racing engines. After one train makes a circuit, the engineers get busy making modifications to the track course and they start runing a different trian/truck

+ with two guys, we want to (test out?) some sort of large vehicle (train, tractor?) in some sort of testing/maintenance station, but a locamotive whch is right in front of us pulls in to the station right in front of us, and puts on its right turn signal to indicate that it will be staying a while. we go talk to the station attendants and we determine the price of getting out vehicle outfitted to use the station, like $400. My companions indicate they want to come back tomorrow. Go out into street and I try to blow to inflate a (bicycle?) tire? with my mouth.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

Heading to a swimming pool, I never get past the locker room. I want to pee but the toilets are all occupied with kids. Find one available, but it is really dirty. I get my clothes dirty from the toilet dirt and I have to wash it on the sinks. The sinks are weird, really tall and made out of a slab of stone with water falling to a drainage, like a waterfall. I have to climb on top of the slab of stone to reach the faucets. As I wash my clothes, I notice two people sitting nearby watching what I am doing. One of them is a priest.
Afterward I go to an office. There is a guy there who is seen as a hero, because he did something brave and reckless, like skydiving or something. But he is now completely afraid of something totally harmless, but I don't know the whole story.
There is a lady in a table at the back of this office who is serving delicatessens and also teaching culinary arts to those interested. I am totally amazed at her dumplings. She makes them very artistically. In fact she is also an artist and she paints everyday objects with beautiful drawings. She also has some of those pieces on display. I tell her her paintings look like Lolita Lempicka style. (Something sounded off about my comment, so I did some research and Tamara de Lempicka is the artist I meant, Lolita Lempicka is the name of a perfume, but I was close enough )